#trying to cut back on weed esp in terms of ive been using it as an avoidance tactic a lot
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Nfjdjdjdjjsjsjsjsjsjjakakaka lots of personal rambling in the tags
#this is dumb I know but I'm proud of myself#trying to cut back on weed esp in terms of ive been using it as an avoidance tactic a lot#so like I'll be anxious about stuff i have to do so ill get high for 'just a bit' before i do the thing and suddenly its hours later#and ill talk myself out of it#so instead im hitting a 1:1 cbd to thc that still helps immensely but since its not all thc im functional#tho like.....im pretty functional stoned another reason i need to cut back#but also i do use it for self medicating its not just recreational hence the 1:1#its how i did school last year without losing my mind tbh i did most homework hitting a 1:1#anyway yeah this vape cart rocks and I'm genuinely trying to do things today#gonna try really really hard to contact some therapists cause i probably only have one more 'emergency' session with my old therapist#and tbh im super lucky she's been able to do one of those already for me since its like an exception to cross state teletherapy laws#getting a therapist again and going back to weekly should hopefully help with all the other shit#anyway this is rambly and the bar is so low but giving myself a gold star for not doing a dab yet#also trying to actually start using my planner app again i fell out of using it#but like ok A school starts in less than a month and i need to be organized by then but also B i really really need to be doing things#and C i actually have more than like 2 things going on this week and im in danger of losing track of shit#one of those is getting coffee with a good friend who i havent seen since i moved back im super excited ive missed them :-)#theyre one of the few people i knew in pdx from last time who A doesnt have ties to my ex and B ive stayed vaguely in touch with#i love them known them for years and despite not always talking regularly we've stayed friends which is really nice#i really really dont have many people like that#anyway yeah :-) trying to have a /relatively/ sober morning where i do things like i had coffee#took my meds and now im hitting my cbd cart listening to the moldy peaches working on my planner#so far having a really good morning mental health wise i /might/ try and use my weird AI therapy app i have#its actually a great app its run by actual mental health professionals somewhere in the Midwest i think#its a little ai that basically walks you through basic coping strategies/mindfullness and allows you to track thoughts/moods#im mad its fantastic but it costs money for most people i just got it free cause i downloaded the beta in HS and so get it for free#but yeah anyway....ugh i should use it i just know the ai is gonna be all like 'oh wow!! its been a while!' and that just makes me feel bad#rjjdjfjfjdjdjdjdkskksjdjsjsjsjjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjjsjsjsjs this is all over the place hey as always like if you read#personal
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vine system asks: when there’s too much drama at school, all you gotta do is walk awayeyeyey & Chris, is that a weed?? I’m calling the police! // candid system asks: 5, 16, 22
finally doing these! oof sorry for taking so long, under cut!
vine system asks
when there’s too much drama at school, all you gotta do is walk awayeyeyey: have any of your alters ever gotten you in trouble at school? how so?
honestly i cant think of anything major that got us in trouble? i know that weve skipped class before/skipped school in general (which i advocate against doing, dont do it). we werent really a rowdy kid growing up esp at school bc it was like. the one escape we had. maybe one thing that i constantly did that got us in trouble was not handing in schoolwork on time or at all. teachers Really didnt like that i didnt use an agenda
Chris, is that a weed?? I’m calling the police!: do any of your alters smoke/do drugs? how do the others feel about it?
fun fact! i was the first person in the sys to ever try drugs when the body was 18 (at the time i was in heavy denial abt having a system/being a part of one). the only stuff ive done is smoked and tried sh.rooms once. cecile smokes cigarettes in the inner world sometimes but weve vowed not to smoke cigs at all bc were already messing with our lungs with the other smoking habits i have. james has psuedo memories of doing much harder drugs than weed/cigs when he was a teenager/in college but he recovered and doesnt do anything now. since late 2018 though cecile and dye occasionally smoke too. no one else has real interest in it besides sammie. theo didnt like the amount i used to smoke though so ive cut back for his sake
candid system asks
5. who would each of you like to impress and why?
i (lee) want to impress the teachers that worked with me in high school with just keeping me engaged and looking out for me? and same with the counselors. i know a lot of ppl go through hs with little to no help or aid from the people on staff and it Really needs to change in terms of that. im just really thankful they were just willing to help me when no one in the family really gave a damn. dye wants to impress Specifically her photo editing teacher from freshman year with how far shes come. no one else really feels like they have to impress anyone though? i guess id want to impress our late grandfather too, just in honor of the first host who was very close with him.
16. weirdest thing youve found out you did, that you dont remember doing?
the only example of a weird thing that i dont remember doing (but ive been told the story countless times) was when we were younger someone had caught frogs from the creek in our grandfathers backyard, one in each hand and tried to walk inside his house with them both grasped in our palms. besides that though, i really wouldnt know anything else that was weird
22. have you ever hurt someone on purpose? did they deserve it, or do you feel guilty?
i have never physically hurt someone before from what i know of, but theres some ways friendships had ended that i definitely regret and feel guilty about. however theres a certain situation that i was in that i Do Not feel guilty about because the other party was continuously just not listening to me and disregarding my boundaries. sucks that it happened but ive moved on from it
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