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offbrandhange · 4 years ago

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hi! are you accepting requests? if so can i request a fic where levi and the reader are secretly seeing each other and their little interactions spark up the interest of hange, so hange tells the rest of the levi squad and they all try to find out whether theyre dating or not? thank you!!

Yes, I am!!! Tysm for this idea I had so much fun writing it!!!

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: ~1.4K

a/n -- I really hope this isn’t bad HHHHHHH

The mess hall was rowdy as always for a Friday night; all different regiments and ranks joined together—just to drunkenly blow off steam.

At the higher-ups’ table, a loud thud was heard; Hange had slammed down their beer-filled mug, laughing as they slightly splashed it on the man in front of them.

“Sorry,” They hummed cheerfully, despite knowing it was likely they would get berated for getting beer on him; He scolded them every chance he got.

Hange smiled stupidly while waiting for harsh words, but there were none. The man said nothing, his eyes completely elsewhere. He had no idea there was an ale stain on his white cravat.

“Levi?” Hange blurted in confusion, hiccuping while they did so.

It was beyond uncommon for Levi to be spaced out and uncaring about a mess. He hated anything he deemed unclean—and he was picky about it, too.

Hange was knowingly alarmed by their colleague’s strange behavior, and so, they curiously turned their head to see what he was staring at.

His eyes were locked on a cadet belonging to the Scout regiment—one that Hange scarcely recognized as someone often around the Titan shifter, Eren Jaeger.

“That’s odd,” Hange murmured to themself, lifting the beer to their mouth to sip.“Wonder if this’ll work.”

Mischievously, Hange ran their hand on the underside of the wooden table, getting a good heap of dust and dirt to stick to their palm. Afterward, Hange lifted themselves from their seat, leaned over the table, and softly flattened their hand on the top of Levi’s head; he didn’t move an inch.

A booming “Woah,” escaped their lips, and in the typical Hange way, it caught everyone at the table’s attention—everyone except for Levi.

“Hange,” their co-worker called, a member of Levi’s squad; it was Petra. “What’s wrong?”

“He didn’t even flinch—I touched him with dusty hands!” Hange exclaimed, making dramatic gestures in disbelief.

Petra raised an eyebrow and turned to look at Levi, who was now not only wearing a stained cravat; but also dust particles covering his usually impeccably shiny raven hair.

Hange let out another scream in amazement; once again catching everyone’s attention—but not just those at the table. This time, the cadet noticed as well.

You began your strides over towards Levi—leaving behind your other members of the scouts. The closer you came towards him, the more his face began to change from pale to pink.

Hange watched in disbelief as you smiled at the short man, who now met your eyes with a softened gaze.

You reached to his cravat; pinching the corner lightly to look at the stain Hange’s beer left. “Oh,” you scrunched your eyebrow. You weren’t sure why he hadn’t been freaking out over the stain. “Do you want me to wash this for you? It’s dirty.” You asked, pulling your hand back.

Levi’s gaze diverted from yours as his face changed from blushing pink to cherry red, practically ripping off his cravat to hand to you. “Sure.” He quickly replied.

Both Petra and Hange stared in shock. The usually strict, grumpy, short-tempered Levi was completely gone. Instead, he was now a wide-eyed, innocent virgin—who seemed to have not known what a woman was.

As you walked out of the mess hall with Levi’s cravat—to presumably wash—his focus was finally back to normal.

“What?” He growled, meeting Hange and Petra’s bewildered eyes with his violent ones.

They paused for a moment, saying nothing, until Hange deftly answered, “You got dust on your head.”

Levi’s eyes widened, and he immediately started swatting at his head, disgusted by all the particles surrounding him.

“I need a shower.” He stated, rising from his seat, speed walking awkwardly out of the mess hall. It was clear he was very close to freaking out--grime was one of the only tame things in life that scared him.

After he left, Petra and Hange both silently sat, trying to comprehend what just happened.

“Is Captain....dating?” Petra questioned, turning to look at Hange.

“Levi? Dating? No way.” Hange answered, not completely convinced of their own conviction.

There was another long silence between Petra and Hange—and then Hange opened their mouth to speak.

“We’re definitely investigating, right?”

“What? Isn’t that an invasion of his privacy? I don’t think he would like it—“ Petra pleaded, but it was to no avail—Hange had already risen from their seat.

“Get the rest of Levi squad, then meet me outside of his office.”

Petra sighed as she watched Hange leave the room; She was not too keen on snooping in on Levi’s personal life—mostly because she valued his opinion of her—and did not want to lose his trust.

Hange, however, was giggling to themselves, bouncing as they walked to Levi’s office.

The walk didn’t take long, since his room was relatively close to the mess hall; but picking the lock certainly would. Once they arrived at Levi’s door, Hange pulled a hairpin from the bird’s nest that rested atop their head—poking and prodding at the lock best as they could.

When the lock had broken, Hange turned to see that Petra and the rest of the Levi squad were standing beside them.

“Good, you’re here.”

“Is Captain Levi really dating? He doesn’t seem like the type to get involved with others.” Eld questioned.

Oluo scoffed before he replied. “Of course not—he’s way too busy.”

Petra rolled her eyes. “Like you’d know.”

“Of course I would—are you implying I don’t know what it’s like to be busy? My kill count—“ Oluo stopped, accidentally biting his tongue.

Gunther just sighed and made his way into the room; the rest following along.

Hange and the Levi squad searched for what seemed like forever; they looked for anything they could find—a love letter, gifts, anything out of the ordinary that their Captain would not normally have—but they found nothing.

Eventually, Gunther sighed and slammed the desk drawer shut. “This is pointless.”

“And an invasion of privacy,” Petra added, sounding slightly annoyed.

Hange was starting to tire themselves—pushing up their glasses and rubbing their eyes, they spoke. “Fine, let’s call it a night; we can try and pair them up tomorrow during training and see then.”

Everyone left the room, dragging their feet. Their mission failed, and everyone was beyond tired; They certainly weren’t going to stay up any later than they already had.

Goodbyes were exchanged, and they headed their separate ways; Hange specifically towards their dorm.

And that’s when they turned the corner—and saw Levi talking with you in the deserted hall.

Hange hid, pushing their glasses back down to see clearer. Excited, they screamed internally.

Levi stood with the straightest posture possible; you could tell he was nervous. His hair was pushed back out of his face, still wet from his shower, with a towel draped around his neck.

You handed him his cravat, teasing him for getting it dirty. It was exactly what you expected to see from two lovers.

Once you leaned in to kiss Levi on the cheek, Hange jumped out from the corner, revealing themselves.

“HOLY SHIT! YOU ARE DATING!” Hange screamed, standing strangely, pointing at you and Levi.

The short man went flying as he threw himself away from you—he was now flat against the wall, with an expression that mimicked a frightened cat.

Slightly spooked yourself, you turned to look at Hange. “Oh. Squad Leader Hange.”

“ARE YOU DATING?” Hange screamed down the hall—you could hear an angry cadet in their room yell back, “shut up.”

Levi peeled himself off the wall, walking down towards Hange angrily—you followed.

“What is this.” He sneered, glaring at his colleague.

“ARE. YOU. DATING.” Hange repeated, putting a lengthy amount of space between their words.

Levi turned bright pink again—and said nothing. Annoyed, you sighed and spoke for him. “Yes, we are.”

“HOLY SHIT!” Hange yelled, dragging out the o.

“Keep your mouth shut, four eyes.” Levi spat, returning to his typical grumpy demeanor.

You pat him on the shoulder, resting your hand there to represent a small, “be nice.” His face grew even more in color; instantly melting at your touch.

“Don’t go around telling people,” you said, trying to clarify what he meant. “I don’t want others to think I’m getting special privileges.”

Hange sucked in a long breath, trying to calm themselves. “Sure, sure, yep, yep, yep. I got you.” They smiled politely, beginning to walk off.

You and Levi watched as they turned to corner—and all of a sudden you heard them scream.

“PETRA!”

Levi charged after Hange—and you muttered to yourself, “oh my god” before following along.

It was going to be a long night.

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momtaku · 3 years ago

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i feel like one of the biggest issues in the levi fandom in general all comes down to superbowl. i know you're convinced you're right which is cool. but i've read many different metas and takes and i have to say all of them are pretty well supported too. in my honest opinion, i truly think it could go either way. the way u view the super bowl really defines how you view eruris relationship. i just wish people could accept that. we have peoples on both side claiming theyre 100% right and there’s no other way to view it, both using parts of interviews and smartpasses that appeal to them. i wonder why it’s so hard to understand that isym left it so vague that it could go either way. eruris devotion is not as “obvious” as you claim. before stumbling across your blog i didn’t even think it was that significant a relationship. i cant deny it now but i wonder why it’s so hard for you or tsuki to get that not everyone is going to agree with your takes just because you think it’s textually supported. there’s soo many fans who watch the show and have no idea eruri is a thing until they join the fandom. it doesn’t make them stupid it just means we took different things from the manga. for some the devotion was plain obvious, for others it wasn’t. for some the devotion is interesting, for others it isn’t. why not just accept that?

Oh god please don’t lump Tsuki in with the likes of me 😂 What I am about to say about Tsuki has a Disclaimer for mistakes and misinterpretation because what follows are my thoughts about her--but I’d say her bias is best summed up as “the intricacies and possibilities of language”. If you’ve perceived a ship bias on her blog, I think it’s more that she sometimes pushes back on mistranslations she sees. She takes translation more seriously than anyone I’ve met. She’d rather lose an arm than contribute to a false narrative running loose in the wild. She realizes translation is a powerful weapon and wants it wielded fairly. For instance, one thing she’s expressed to me is that the Japanese ship fandoms are usually careful to preface “this is one way you can read this”, but when those thoughts come over to tumblr it becomes “this is the only way to read this.” I think that bothers Tsuki both because it’s unfair to the language she loves and to those who don’t speak it. And argh... let me just toss heart eyes all over tsuki. I really appreciate what she does. Helpful fandom translators are a gift. I appreciate that she’s open to eruri and levihan. I respect that she enjoys both ships and can see both sides. She’s not the enemy here. She’s helped me be more balanced and fair.

But otherwise this is such a good ask and I agree with much of what you're saying. I want to be clear that I don’t see it as my job to convince people. I'm not writing for that reason. I'm offering a viewpoint, so I'm not pressed or bothered by the existence of other viewpoints. I'm happy they exist because thinking about things from various angles has benefitted me and is a great way to consume media.

I make it clear on my about page that I write my opinions and not the canon thoughts of Hajime Isayama. My blog description plainly states my shipping bias. With me you can say the ingredients are clearly on the tin. I don’t try to hide that. There's not a lot that ruffles my feathers in fandom but I will say that when I happen upon "unbiased" meta writers I do sigh deeply. We all have biases and like it or not it’s obvious to anyone reading.

I will say at this point though in the manga there are topics where I'm done looking at all the angles. I've followed the snk meta community for 7 years. I've been open minded. I've read everything there is to read and spent my time examining my ideas to see how they hold up. I've changed my mind on plenty of topics because of this. My shipping preference being one of those actually. My words probably have a level of confidence that they didn't in my early meta writing days. So yeah, there are topics where I think I am 100% right, but the important point is I don’t call anyone else 100% wrong. I don’t take potshots at other shipping communities.

I think the main thing I’d push back on from your ask is that I’d say the way people define serum bowl is less about how you view Eruri and more how you view Erwin himself. At least that's what I've seen. Erwin’s negative qualities are a starting point for many. In sports terms I’d say it’s like some people automatically handicap him at -20 and he has to pull out from there. Part of that may be the anime’s harsher portrayal. I’ve heard some say his trope is one they don’t like. Others admit to an inherent bias against strong male authority figures. As you say, we all see things differently. We all bring baggage and bias into what we read. Cultural bias is there as well. Some themes go down better with certain audiences. Erwin being viewed as a cold emotionless leader who wrongly hid his motivations is a largely Western read. Some of Tsuki’s writings have touched on this. I’ll link to a few if you want to read more: cultural consideration about Erwin in general, chapter 72 from a cultural lens and a Japanese article on Erwin’s charms.

Regarding your last sentence, I don’t know what you want me to accept here. As I said initially, I’m not interested in convincing anyone. I don’t think anyone is stupid for thinking differently. I’m writing for me. I’m writing for anyone who wants to read my thoughts. The anons I get have asked for my opinion so I share that with them. I’m sorry if this frustrates you.

One thing I’ve been told is unique to the AoT community is the prevalence of meta writers and the authority they wield. Basically the criticism is that meta writers are the BNFs and not the artists and fic writers. I haven’t been in many communities so I can’t say if that’s true, but the idea has always bothered me. My meta is opinion and bias spoken in a (hopefully) coherent and entertaining way. It’s to be read, weighed and then discarded as a reader forms their own opinions. If I haven’t made that clear enough, I am now.

Thanks for the ask and the discussion it opened up.

#chatting with friends #meta writers #sorry this is so long #just wow that was a lot #tsuki I hope you're ok with my thoughts regarding you #it's how I see you #meta writer discussion #fandom things

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anarchistsuggestion · 6 years ago

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hey, vaccinate your kids you jerks!!!

thanks for coming to my essay! now that i have your attention, i think we should stop talking about anti-vaxxers like theyre all backwards hyper-religious dumbasses. like, im frustrated too, and i agree that "personal/religious reasons" should not allow someone to keep their kids unvaccinated. furthermore, as an autistic person, i despise the myth that vaccines cause autism. i especially hate that it scares people into avoiding vaccines, because theres nothing wrong with me.

but ridiculing these people will only make the problem worse, and here's why: i think that a lot of anti-vaxxers and their communities are used to feeling like the most important aspects of their cultural identities are universally mocked or demonised (im not qualified to say whether these feelings reflect reality in every case, but either way im just talking about feelings, ie, what people think we believe about their culture). for instance, my only knowledge of amish people comes from jokes ive seen others make about them. yes, none of these jokes were very serious, and its easy for me to laugh at them because im not amish, but despite my low empathy i can understand that it just feels bad to hear a whole bunch of jokes about something important to you. i'll get back to this point in a moment.

anyway, i bring up the amish because in 2014, there were measles outbreaks in some amish communities in Ohio. and i think that a lot of the people who dont vaccinate their kids are used to being ridiculed for their "weird" or "new age" or "hyper-religious" or "unchristian" lifestyles, so they just see our concern as more of that mockery. we all sound the same to them, and cant you see why?

"ughh all these people ignoring science and being stubborn about vaccines because their church said--" you sound like one of those atheists. if you cant say anything productive, please stay out of the discussion. why do you act like ridiculing people will change their minds? we should be reaching out, instead.

we need to make the effort to approach anti-vaxxers in a way that distinguishes us from those who only converse with them to mock them.

i want more people to understand that the best way to change someone's mind when they're defensive is by listening. you need to be willing to accept whatever they might rant about, and respect that, even if their fears seem ridiculous, even if their fears are rooted in ableism, their fears still terrify them. thats why theyre called fears. you can validate someone's feelings of anxiety and confusion without validating their bigotry, and you must be willing to accept that this is work. this is difficult. it's much, much harder than yelling your opinions. it's exhausting, and sometimes it doesn't even pay off. sometimes you just can't convince somebody, and you have to be able to accept that.

if this seems too hard for you, i have good news: you do not have to do it. this kind of thing is not for everyone, and it's okay if you just don't want to. this doesn't have to be your responsibility.

i only ask that you stop making things worse by (performatively, in the case of yall who arent in danger of dying/losing a loved one to a preventable disease) mocking anti-vaxxers, because we are the ones who need something from them. we are asking them to face their fears (which were sometimes instilled in them very early in their childhood) for the good of humanity. i don't know about all of you, but i'd be hesitant at best to face even my third worst fear (spiders) for the sake of strangers who regularly mock my culture and heritage, and i know for a fact that most spiders cannot harm me!

this is natural. this is human. it is easy to dismiss things you dont understand, and it's even easier to dismiss them when all the scientific evidence agrees with you. however, your evidence does not make these people's experiences and fears less real for them. it does not lessen the effect their fear has on their choices. knowing that a tarantula won't hurt me if i follow certain guidelines will not stop me from shaking and having a breakdown if i think too hard about touching one. knowing that nothing bad would happen doesn't motivate me to go over to the science building at my college and ask to hold their fucking tarantula.

there are no shortcuts here. if we want anti-vaxxers to accept vaccines and stop putting so much effort towards keeping their children unvaccinated, we have to convince them that they don't need to be afraid of vaccines. we need to actually address their concerns. telling them their fears are ridiculous is just not convincing no matter how much scientific evidence you have. this discussion has become too performative. people just tell anti-vaxxers to vaccinate their kids, and they dont bother to address the fear that motivates their opponents. they don't care that they're asking people to trust a yelling internet stranger with their child's health.

it is inconsiderate to demand things from people without stopping to think about what you're asking for. please think about it from their point of view. if vaccines were dangerous, and they vaccinated their kids, then anything bad that happened to their kids due to the vaccines would be their responsibility. and remember, these people have not been given a convincing reason to believe vaccines are harmless. okay? they do not want to be at fault for their children getting hurt. yes, they are wrong. yes, they are frustrating. yes, they are endangering immunocompromised people like my dad, but there is a huge difference between being malicious and being misguided. please do not treat them like they set out to hurt you.

also? stop telling them to care about other people when you don't care enough about them to respect that they're doing their best with the resources they have. stop saying "i dont know how to explain to you that you should care about other people" when you really just want them to magically stop being scared. maybe you say it out of genuine frustration and bewilderment, but when everyone is saying it, it comes across like a smug 'gotcha!' phrase that excuses you from spending more energy on the debate. you can just say youre tired and stop.

i am trying to explain to you that you should care that these people have felt scammed/hurt by the medical industry enough times that they feel justified in risking the health of their whole family (assuming they even think vaccines work). you should care that theyve never been given a convincing reason to trust remedies promoted by rich strangers who make claims that sound too good to be true. the government has promoted harmful things to underprivileged people before, like milk (it took me a half hour to sift through unrelated stuff about soy milk to confirm this, so i'll go ahead and link my source). it is logical to mistrust an industry that operates for the profit of people youve never met. not everyone trusts the FDA to keep the pharmaceutical industry in check, and it's actually pretty smart to rely on direct accounts from people you know personally when you aren't sure how well something actually works, and you dont trust the ones selling it to you.

with that in mind, talking to people is probably the best way to tackle this issue, but many of you haven't bothered to compile introductory information about vaccines. you havent bothered to present these resources in a way that doesn't ridicule people who are scared. i am trying to explain to you that you shouldn't debate with people if you won't treat them like humans. i am trying to explain to you that "you dont actually care about others" is a hurtful and manipulative sentiment, and when you say it to people who are trying their best, you become part of the problem. you reinforce their mistrust. i am trying to explain to you that trusting doctors doesnt make you morally superior.

put yourself in their shoes for a moment. imagine that someone comes up to you and makes it clear that they think the choices you've made as a parent are ridiculous. they make claims about your child without offering proof, or the only proof they offer also mocks you and people like you (or they just tell you to "google it"). furthermore, they tell you that unless you give in, something bad will happen to their own children, and it will be your fault.

this is manipulative. even if you are correct, it is manipulative. demanding that someone treat their child in a way that they consider harmful is just ridiculous and i don't know why you expect people to listen to you. do you expect this to be easy? do you honestly believe that if someone isn't converted within minutes, they're just being stubborn? do you think these people know the truth, and only persist out of spite?

these questions are necessary, because many of you talk about anti-vaxxers as though the answer is 'yes.' there is a difference between being correct and treating people right. please be more aware of that line in the future, and do your best not to cross it.

oh, and by the way, if i see any of you using this year's measles outbreaks as an excuse to be hateful towards jewish people, i will block and report you. antivaxxers usually arent malicious, and if you perceive orthodox jewish antivaxxers as being worse than other antivaxxers, you need to rethink your beliefs. they arent rejecting vaccines just to hurt you. maybe theyre tired of being demonised and blamed for everything from climate change to unemployment to dead kids*, and theyre unwilling to trust random people with something as important as the health of their children when a lot of us have never bothered to listen to their struggles. (* ive seen a whole lot of people saying things that border on blood libel without quite involving blood during these discussions, so can we all agree to be careful not to do anything that resembles that shit now that ive provided a handy link about what it is? thanks)

lastly, all of this criticism of anti-anti-vaxxers is very easy for me to say because i have less of a personal stake in the issue. i know it must hurt in a way i can't currently understand to lose someone to a preventable disease. if i have made anyone feel dismissed or invalidated in this essay post, i'm sorry for doing so, and i want to make it clear that it is okay if you hate anti-vaxxers. i know their fear has hurt you, and i wouldn't ask you to pretend otherwise. i dont want to make any of you feel like you shouldn't talk about your experiences and fears. i'm just asking that, before you hit the post button, you read through your post and edit out anything manipulative or guilt-trippy. your contributions to this conversation are valuable, and i want the people youre trying to convince to be able to read them without feeling like they have to defend themselves instead of listening to you. the culture around this debate has become almost hostile, and while we dont all need to work directly with anti-vaxxers to make it better, we do all need to agree to stop making it worse.

#vaccinate your kids #vaccines #anti vax memes #anti vaxxers #measles #this is almost 2000 words long jfhf #im exhausted #how did it come to this

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creion · 7 years ago

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gen z/millennial fma headcanons courtesy of me.

greed:

greed is friends with everyone in this au. everyone. he knows everyone.

no one knows greeds real name. he’s just greed. in this au thomas halbert doesnt have the url greed. greed does. hes not even that greedy and he most definitely blocks everyone who calls him out on it.

he’s mysterious in general. his youtube channel goes between him doing backflips off of things he shouldnt be doing back flips off of to a podcast about [some obscure political thing]? who is he?

greeds probably low key homeless like idk in an au where hes human i can imagine him showing up at one of his friends houses every night with like his one backpack of belongings like “hey im sleeping on ur couch and using ur shower” and no one really questions him because hes charming enough to get away with it yknow

except edward questions him. “ling isnt even here. wyd.” “please. if i dont shower i might die.” “fucking fine I GUESS”

greeds favorite place to go is ed and lings apartment because theyre nice and ling always feeds him and also eds funny and greed appreciates humor

this is just a general greed headcanon but god is he poly :3c i can and will fight about this.

ling:

GAY! TANA! MONGEAU! hes wild and a lot of people hate him even though hes really a giant sweetie. he’s best friends with greed and sometimes ling goes on greeds podcast so they can talk about their exercise regimen

hes dating edward of course. theres not more to this other than theyre dating and they love each other and Would kill for each other. also a lot of people probably dont think they have a deep relationship but im telling you. theyre star crossed lovers. its total romcom bullshit.

ling probably gets paid to go to parties. like thats his job and he makes good money doing it even though he has a masters in psychology. he just. goes to parties. pays off his student loans.

he does a lot of prank videos on youtube. think tgfbro but american and less edgy.

ling probably also models on occasion. like hes pretty enough that he just does it.

he shaves his head at some point or like maybe gets an undercut and no one can look at him for a month because its just weird. lings hair is like his identity.

he gets up to a lot of hijinks with greed. theyre probably a little gay together. edward doesnt care because its 2018 time 2 start normalizing polyamory ok.

ling spends actual money on new clothes for greed but the man always wears the same two outfits and although ling rarely gets angry this gets him a little riled

edward:

his youtube channel is just a mess kind of like greeds except with him its unintentional he just... does what he wants. theres videos of him showing off his physical prowess. like hes small but he WILL kick your fuckin ass. hes probably a black belt and is the physical embodiment of the navy seals rant.

sometimes he does vsauce style videos on youtube and everyone hates when he does it because hes memelord 69 but at the same time hes wicked smart

hes a physicist in this world and im serious it throws anyone who meets him for a loop.

ed gets asked a lot how roy is his dad if hes only 12 years older than him. eds answers are either “he found me and my brother as infants and has mothered us since” or “idk man”

ed accidentally starts a meme. he posts a bunch of pictures of ling either sleeping or passed out and idk the specifics of the meme but he starts a meme and it pains him. he consumes he does not create.

ed likes greed but he doesnt express it. “i dont like you” “[eyeroll] and???? im still eating ur leftovers”

ed actually does kick russel tringham in the head for a skit for one of lings vlogs. ed and russel are best friends even if russel genuinely did try to steal eds identity at some point and may or may not have put ed in debt for a few months

roy:

hes one of ed’s professors much to eds dismay since roy is, technically, his adoptive father.

he probably argues with ed a lot in the middle of lectures (”hey dumbass thats not how it works” “im literally teaching you what you’re majoring in.” “yeah and im telling you that you’re wrong.”)

he’s like 35 in this au and technically a millennial. ed’s 21.

roy has an instagram and its literally just pictures of hughes and elicia and nina and ed and al

roy and hughes are most definitely a foster family and am i pulling this from my own fic yes i am can you stop me no you cant

hughes:

HES FINE. HES ALIVE.

all of the gen z kids in this au think hes awful bc of all the dad jokes and slightly outdated humor. hes not awful. hes perfect. hes doing his best.

he loves all four of his children.

he and gracia are best friends even if their marriage didnt work out for unknown reasons. they along with roy are GOOD PARENTS to elicia. you can pry this from my cold dead hands. canon can suck my chode.

lust:

shes not like greed she doesnt try to be mysterious. shes probably a beauty guru (SolarisCosmetics) and does a lot of tutorials like “Low Commitment Goth Makeup Tutorial”

shes unintentionally mysterious because for her first like 50 videos or so theres no commentary its just subtitles

her first video with commentary is like “i... apologize. i was not intending to be so... mysterious.” and shes actually very sweet and nice and you can fight me on this ok

greed is her adoptive brother and greed makes her bleep out his name and blur her mouth whenever she calls him by his name bc he likes to lurk in the background of her videos because hes an asshole

winry:

shes a mechanic in this au and i mean shes a mechanic in canon but she prob specializes in like. idk. cars. this is a headcanon list im not looking up specifics of mechanics point is she can rebuild an engine in an afternoon and everyone in this au is in love with her

BIG LESBIAN

she probably tries getting ed to go on double dates (him and ling with her and lan fan) but every single time he shoots her down and its to the point shes almost convinced that hes not even dating ling in the first place

greed is probably her biggest client. no one knows how he does it but his car is constantly breaking and winry is the only mechanic in his general vicinity who knows how to do her job worth a shit and also her repair shop has cool music and he probably finds excuses just to chill for the music

“[greed] please. if your fat ass is going to be taking up counter space AT LEAST help clean up” “excuse you my ass is FIRM AND PERKY.”

its probably a joke among ed’s following that winry DOES NOT put up with his shit and when winry gets asked out it shes just like “hes an asshole why the fuck do you think im gonna let him walk around all half cocked like that”

riza:

i like to think shes in the military in this au too. not like military military but maybe air force idk. imagine pilot riza. wow.

shes not on active duty or w/e but you KNOW shes in a foreign country going to college paid for by the government.

everyone in this au is at least bi and riza is no exception. she is dating olivier armstrong. they are in love u can pry this from my cold dead hands you fucking gremlins

edward is probably platonically in love with her. like when he gets to see her (which isnt often) he has to occasionally stop, put a hand on her shoulder, do the ‘boi’ hand (idk how else to describe it) and say, “i love you dont ever change” “thank you, edward.” “[hug]”

envy:

a troll. like you know those troll blogs that are pretending to be otherkin or some really obscure gender w neopronouns (u do u but we all kno theres trolls). envy has one of those blogs.

envy is actually nonbinary irl but theyre very critical of “special snowflakes” (again u do u these headcanons dont necessarily reflect my opinions and as long as u aint hurting no one i support u) and they probably cyberbully ppl

envy is garbage in this fic

“god i hate you” “actually eat my ass, greed”

see greed is the opposite of ed w riza. he looks at envy and occasionally has to say “i fucking hate you”

theyre secrety buds but like... they annoy the shit out of each other. u kno they do.

ENVY STARTS A LOT OF DISCOURSE. THEY PROBABLY START A LOT OF HOMESTUCK DISCOURSE. GOD. here i am in 2018 writing about envy starting fucking homestuck discourse. its probably like davekat discourse too tbh

i know im forgetting alphonse, may/mei (i spell it mei), and lan fan but its like 4:19 am

please send me asks if u have any feedback. or reply to this post. its up to u. i trust u to make the right decision. (there is no reight decision and honestly i need to go to bed)

#fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fma #fmab #edling #edward elric #ling yao #greed the avaricious #lust the lascivious #roy mustang #maes hughes #riza hawkeye #envy the jealous #winry rockbell

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scarletrebel · 7 years ago

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of madness and truth: the dark future details

i was going to do this in two sections cause i do wanna go through the present parts of the fic as well. mainly exactly why avia is torturing herself by wanting to see the simulation, why she decides to tell grier, and why osiris helps her. also, why osiris saw the simulation and what my perception of his opinions on toland are.

but im too excited to share all the dark future ideas i have so uhh here you go @mrpinstripesuit if you have anything to add please please go for it!!

man why do we like torturing our kids aha

(also i broke it down like, a lot a lot not to be patronising but because i didnt wanna overwhelm people with bullet points aha)

“I guess I’ll have to explain it to you, like usual,” Grier says. “Since we killed Oryx? Three years. Since you snuck into my throne world and tried to kill me? Two and a half years. Since you killed Toland and trapped yourself in the Hive Overworld? Two years.”

three years: back in ttk days, grier chose to become the taken king after they killed oryx, so the rest of the clan had to get out of dodge and leave him.

two and a half years: avia was very, very lost after that happened, and sought grier out by herself (and against the advice of literally everyone) just to talk to him. but, toland being the piece of shit he is, intercepted her and wouldn’t let them meet. then he convinced grier that she’d come to kill him and toland stopped her. avia then convinces herself that if she figures out how to kill toland, grier will be okay.

two years: in the split second after avia killed toland, in a complete panic grier trapped her in the overworld. he was the one who scratched the runes into the wall, theyre basically a strong but hurried version of the hive traps.

the scene itself, the timeline that present avia sees is set just after the events of d2, around the time the savathuns song strike would have been undertaken. it’s the first time they’ve spoken since avia killed toland, but avia knows grier was responsible for trapping her. him telling her that shes there because she killed toland is the first notion that he’s there to lie to her to get her on his side, because he’s in denial and needs to know if savathun is actually coming to the system. hes not sure he’s strong enough to take her on, so he needs avia to take on the role of toland (or something advantageous to him at least) to give him an advantage. so he lies through his teeth.

“Yes – no,” Avia retches. “The singing,” she spits. “All she does is sing and sing and I can’t take it anymore!”

“Who?” Grier asks, sharp. “Who sings, Avia?”

Avia’s mouth opens around a name, but then she stops, and lets out a dry laugh. She drops her hands and pulls her head up to look at Grier. “Oh. Oh, are you telling me you don’t know?”

“It’s nor Ir Yut,” Grier ruffles, but shakes himself and addresses her with all the manner of a teacher dealing with an uncooperative student. “She’s gone. It’s not his daughters either, and no ordinary Deathsinger on account of how far it stretches across the system. I have my suspicions but you, are the only one who knows.”

Avia pierces him with her eyes, unrelenting and patronising.

“You know,” she says. “You know who it is.”

grier is…….. fucked up. he had toland whispering in his ear that he was doing everything right and he was getting oh so powerful, whilst withholding information about whether either of the sisters would come and kill him bc its toland, all he cares about is the sword logic. if he was actually alive when they came he’d probably just watch grier die with a smile on his face.

then avia kills toland, and grier is so, so alone. all he has are the tablets of ruin, which explain the sword logic with such clarity, all the info that toland withheld from him, and he starts to get Worried. and then he hears savathuns song.

avia hears savathuns song, too. she actually started to gain control of herself in the hive overworld after she heard it. until then she was having all this information shoved into her head against her will. she knows a lot about the hive similarly to toland, because shes heard all these other songs and all this knowledge. she doesnt want to know, its far too much for her to handle, but she doesnt really have a choice.

but then savathuns song made her realise the best way to get griers attention, so she just started screaming. every now and then, the screams would affect griers throne world. and that’s when he decided to go to her, to try and manipulate her with all the tools toland had given him. he had a feeling she was transforming into something, but went into the conversation just trying to convince her that she needed to help him.

“If you’re right, if I’m a liar just like Toland was, then even if I told you how they all died on my doorstep, you wouldn’t even think I was telling the truth.” A tilt of his head, the white matted fringe dangles slightly, helplessly. “Would you?”

none of the clan are dead. the eos’s did try and get avia out after rook was patrolling the dreadnaught and heard her voice, screaming. he couldn’t convince the vanguard to deploy a mission cause there was just no proof that avia was alive after sneaking to the dreadnaught to kill toland.

carver used his Hidden talents to track her down, got as far as the room where she was but the hive were about to overrun them. carver knew that avia wouldn’t want them to die in a rescue attempt, so he gets himself and his wife and child out of there and regroups with the others. carina is mad about it, but her mum and dad aren’t giving up.

the only other member of the clan who’s seen grier is rook. after the eos’s got back, he figured fuck it and went to get avia, his heart too broken to have the same clarity that they did regarding if he died.

that part grier wasnt 100% lying about -- rook actually finds the room, and grier is waiting for him. it’s a close fight, grier gets the chance to kill rook in the end, take his ghost and crush it under his heel but. he cant. so he tells rook to run, and if he ever comes back he wont just kill him, but he’ll make avia do it. (more lies about avia not remembering who he is probably idk)

grier lying to avia about their clan mates dying isn’t something he went into the conversation knowing he’d do. he was getting pissed at her holding back info out of spite, and thanks to this little comic by pin I wanted to play with him bitterly making her more and more upset by lashing out in such a vile way. grier is a hard character to find faults for aha but his quick anger and bitterness were interesting to play with when I dialed them up to eleven.

avia’s biggest fear is getting the people she loves and cares about killed, and grier still retains enough of himself to know that. so he just kinda, finds that vein and twists and pulls at it until avia breaks down and believes that she’s all alone -- that it really is just them two now.

“I, I wouldn’t – no!” Avia yells, and the room shakes once more. Grier takes stock of it this time, his face twisting in amused curiosity as she rages on.

avia is turning into a deathsinger.

in my head her ahamkara claws loose their silver plates over time and eventually, some time after her and grier talk she hears the ahamkara/worm gods/whatever with a scary amount of clarity, amplified by the fact that shes trapped in the overworld. they just convince her that shes not a guardian anymore, that shes something better, something more powerful. she spent so long being a soldier, a fighter for a dying cause, wouldnt this be better? to forge her own path, to listen to the songs and become something greater?

eventually she’ll decide (or think that she decided) that grier’s the only person she can protect anymore, and begins to accept the transformation. she adopts the same powers, I guess, as oryxs daughters. being able to weave reality and bend it to her/griers will. she’s basically ‘griers deathsinger’. her grief and anger fuel how powerful she is.

(i love...... corruption tropes so yeah this is basically whats happening to her aha.)

its an ironic parallel also because as i said before, grier is alone with the tablets, and avia is alone with the ahamkara. but grier said it was just them. theyre both transforming and changing at the same time into things they dont necesarily want to be because they couldnt see the consequences of their actions after one decision was made. but, they do eventually come together, just them, as grier makes avia believe -- as its meant to be.

Afterwards

i like to think eventually the clan decides to take grier on together to try and save avia, but they just get taken one by one instead, basically becoming different members of griers court and only making him stronger. they’re all far, far too attached and know that theres most likely no coming back if they do this. but after the city falls, theres no better time. no vanguard to stop them, no mission protocol. they regather after ghaul attacks and all decide to strike out by themselves. but it goes horribly wrong.

avia’s full deathsinger transformation makes all of her armour look like the silver plated ahamkaras (because thats just her, in d1 they were my fave exotic and they’re very much a part of her character in that era for me) minus a helmet, and the silver is definitely more rusted. her eyes blacken over entirely and her cloak is massive and swishy and the hood almost covers her eyes, and thats in place of the skirt a deathsinger would normally have (a skirt just doesnt seem right for her aha)

avia becomes a very loyal, very cutthroat deathsinger. she’s literally at griers beck and call. like omnigul for crota, or as it said in the fic ir yut.

#jadeisadork.txt #dark future au #my ocs: avia #other ocs: grier #also ft #other ocs: carver #other ocs: rook #other ocs: cornelia #other ocs: carina #ALSO PIN I WAS LISTENING TO YOUR PLAYLIST WHILST FINISHING THIS UP #AND ITS PERFECT #THE DEATHSINGER DIRGE AT THE END MADE ME YELL IN JOY

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cutenessinanutshell · 7 years ago

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A lot of the time I’m happy I got to be with Teej and that I got to experience what he’s like to love. I think if I hadn’t I would’ve never known anything and I probably would’ve always wondered... if he was the one that got away. And he would’ve been.

But sometimes I’m sad because of how unfulfilling our relationship can sometimes be. The ghost of someone telling me “you’re never going to be fully happy with him” has rung through my head since the day it was first said to me in 2013. I think about that a lot. I try and keep myself busy so I’m not thinking about it but it’s something that’s just at the back of my head.

I kind of wonder if there’s ever going on be a day when I can trust him again. I’ve made the conscious decision not to go through his phone or his computer anymore which is a massive step forward in my opinion. Because without trust you can’t have a relationship. But at the back of my head I think “but the only way I found out about anything, ever has been through one of those. I always had to find out. On my own.” So part of me thinks, what if I never know because I’m blindly trusting him? And what if he HAS gone back to that stuff and I’m staying with the wrong person? What if I end up ten years down the road, married to him and then I find out? Is it too late at that point to be angry? Am I just stuck with a liar for the rest of my life?

The sex thing is killing me. I know it shouldn’t because it’s just sex but it’s become such a problem for me now. At first i didn’t care, it was almost funny. We didn’t do it before he went back to the country for Christmas... So let’s say December 19th. I guess if you wanna count boxing day... where we had all clothes on, we moved an inch per minute while there was someone in the other room, then that’s once. And then two weeks ago, when I was at his house, and he stopped because he was tired. So twice. And nothing since then. It’s now January 26th. You can’t tell me that’s normal. You can’t tell me that for two people in their early 20s, that’s normal.

I just feel like.. unloved. Or like there’s a secret that’s being kept from me. And then when he makes a comment like “have you not shaved in a while” it’s like.. no because I haven’t been getting any action, why would I try for no reason? And it makes me feel like it’s my fault. Like he won’t have sex with me because I don’t take care of myself or something. But then when I do like I did this week, I still don’t get any love. And it’s like, well there must be something wrong with me.

I feel like.. what if he won’t have sex with me because he was seeing someone behind my back. And now they’ve made themselves available to each other and he only wants to have sex with her? What if he goes away to her and he does that? What if he’s in love with someone else?

I think about these things and the things that have made me paranoid lately and I wonder... am I really still happy? Or am I convincing myself that I’m happy? Or am I just like this because I’m sad right now?

And then he calls me. And he tells me he knows I’m upset, he knows things have been hard for me, and that things have been strssful for him but that’s no excuse for him. He tells me he wants to make it up to me, that he wants to take me to dinner and give me a romantic night. And I almost want to. But honestly, I’m just a pessimist. And i think that he might just give me that good night. And then things will go back to the way they are. He’s like that. He always comes out when he senses things are wrong. And I just wish he didn’t. I wish he would just always treat me good all the time. I just wish he would do things out of consideration for me, that he would go out of his way to make me feel loved. I hate flowers and think theyre a waste of money but I’d be straight up lying if I told you I’m not dying for flowers. I don’t know what it’s like to be sent flowers just because he was thinking of me. I don’t know what it’s like to be treated out of nowhere because he just wanted to and not because he had to. And that’s his problem. He somehow always knows when something is wrong, but he only ever fixes it when there is something wrong. The rest of the time he cares more about himself than caring about my feelings in the relationship. Like there is literally anybody he would rather touch than me or something. Until it matters.

And he tells me that he doesn’t like when we’re angry or upset or frustrated with each other, and he’ll do whatever he can to make things better when theyre wrong. But I just wish he could treat me like I’m loved all the time rather than just when things are wrong. I just want more than the bare minimum. I just need that touch to feel loved.

I think about what it would be like to see other people and to see who is willing to treat me that way. Today I wasn’t afraid of the thought of leaving him. I was sad, but the thought of it felt more like relief. Maybe I’m just at the height of me being upset.

He’s just... always one step forward and two steps back.

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pldubrahs · 7 years ago

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THIS IS THE BEST QUESTION IVE EVER BEEN ASKED

okay so yall dont know this but i have 766 bookmarks on ao3, and thats AFTER i spent all of last summer going through them/deleting things from them (of course i added a ton over this year so i need to do another cleanse now but regardless), so i am literally Hella prepared for this. so here we go: my TOP SPRING AWAKENING FICS in no particular order

1. What The Cat Dragged In by grrcookierawr / @nastyinkhakis; hernst, 6.7k words

basically, you literally cannot go wrong with a fic by kelsey. two of her fics made this list but everything she writes or has ever written? iconic but this fic in particular is about a headcanon that ernst calls hanschen ‘kitten’ as a nickname and hanschen just,,, melts into a sappy mushy puddle, but also hanschen is Ridiculously embarrassed by his own vulnerabilities. this fic is Old (pre dwsa!) and Beautiful--so beautiful that i got distracted from writing this list because i started to reread it--and, tbh, it was really a catalyst for the turning of the tide of public opinion on hanschen (along with all the other beautiful hanschen content kelsey created). basically, 12/10, quite possibly my favorite spring awakening fic ever written

2. roses by flowernst (asphodelgrimoire) / @transaaronburr; hernst, 7.4k

very high school, VERY german (which is shockingly lacking in many sa fics despite the fact that its literally set in germany). features: well written deaf and hard of hearing characters!!!!!!!! hanschen rilow who pretends to be a stone cold bitch but is just a soft teenage boy. overall its Super cute and very funny and i love it

3. breathing for this moment in time by intertwiningwords / softhernst on twitter ; melchiotto, 1.8k

if you follow me on twitter youll know i Love melchiotto bc its a crack ship that i created out of spite and grew to love. but do you know who Really spurred on my love for it? JESS jessica has always supported my weird ships and has allowed me to corrupt her with them, and this fic is a Perfect example of that. basically, i said “pls dont write a sad fic” and jess said “lmao fuck you im writing fwb melchiotto with a sad ending.” feat. internalized homophobia and “Straight Guy” otto the most painful part is “ ‘Just stay in this moment,’ Melchior thought. ‘It might be the last time you ever get to touch him like this.’ “ and the best part is the part where melchior and otto have a cute conversation about bike riding

4. This Tongue of Mine by howveryzoe / @queerrevisionist ; ernst/many but endgame hernst, 9.9k

FUCKING HELL okay so i was dreading/looking forward to this fic for MONTHS and BASICALLY its experienced ernst: the fanfic. ernst figures out that hes gay and has a lot of sexual relationships with varying levels of emotional connection before meeting hanschen at a party and im dumbing it down here but GOD its so good and its such a beautiful look at how the gay male hookup culture can affect a teen boys life when hes just coming into himself and wants to learn more. if you arent yet convinced, it also features these lines: Then at age twelve he watched Spartacus in history class and realized he was gay “Christ to think I’ve known you my whole life and we’re both too ashamed to see each other naked. Bizarre.” Ernst doesn’t find it bizarre. Ernst finds it a fact of life. Ernst wants to get his clothes on and get back to his good Catholic house and his last period class. “I’m into you Georg.” Ernst tells him slowly and deliberately, caught between a blush and a laugh. Georg chokes. “Like in what way?” “Like in a sexual way.” “Oh.”

5. One More Season by hulklinging / @hulklinging ; hernst, 2.3k

SCREAMS I LOVE THIS FIC i just found it again but BASICALLY this fic is what Could Have Been and it’s not one of those where ernst and hanschen run off together as literal teens (tho i rly dont have anything against fics like that) its more of a beautiful fate thing??? they break up bc hanschen is trying to be practical and whatever and then they find each other as adults??? and stay together until theyre old (and there are whispers of ww1 but shhh ignore that focus only on the happiness) and its beautiful and historical and based around birthdays. i love p much everything ziggy writes so its no surprise that this ended up on the list but just its so beautiful please read it

6. Ginsberg and Cigarettes by cannibananalism ; hernst, 2.1k

give! me! more! pretentious! hanschen! he skips class to read poetry and fuck a boy in the bathroom like how much more pretentious can you get??? nsfw--features hjs by 2 underage kids and the implication of sex if that squicks you out--but its v cute, v good, generally an enjoyable fic

7. The Murder of Mr. Maler by grrcookierawr yet again ; multi, 8.6k

AAAAAAA OKAY SO first of all this fic was made at the Height of the “fuck bobby maler” movement. second of all its literally the Best murder mystery ive ever read like move over agatha christine. third of all ITS SO SO SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN like i gush about kelsey and her writing but goddamn this is a good fic. basically bobby maler has been found dead in miami in the study at the hotel he owns and all the kids are suspects in his murder. it such an interesting fic and it really keeps you guessing actually? i remember gasping aloud at the twist the first time i read this. but yeah its good as h*ck and yall should all read this

honorable mentions

Sink Back In The Ocean by howveryzoe, which was written as Self-Indulgent Catharsis for zoe and i. in which ernst just fuck,,, beats melchior up. i love this fic. it saved my life

don't call it love by ShippingEverything, which didnt make the list because its obviously one of my own fics. its melchiotto (unrequited sort of? melchior eventually moves on), its sad, it features our good friend “Straight Guy” otto, and straight up if i could only have one of my fics be read ever again, i’d choose this one. probably the best thing ive ever written

#spring awakening #hernst #fic recs #asks #anonymous #lydia talks about stuff #it took So Much Effort to not put more of kelseys fics on there #there was also this fucking fantastic modern au but it got deleted :( i was so emo when i saw #thank u for this ask i love ranting about things i love #aka fics and spring awakening

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survivormarmoreal · 6 years ago

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Episode #13: "im so EMO (TION)" - Bryce

I cant believe that im still here. And we have majority. 3 vs 2. Matt is coming to me know saying that he wants to work with me but like. Bruh. But that could be good tho having him. I have to see what happens with immunity first.

OKOKOKOK CAN WE JUST DISCUSS HOW AM I A FUCKING GOAT. FIRST OF ALL Jock destroyers was a pretty dominant alliance i played a SNITCH RAT GAME with exposing plans and i was lied to but like can i get some credit here like first of all it was my fucking ideal to even force a tie, bryce wanted sharky out he didn't want rocks i wanted rocks when my ass was literally on the line here and i was still willing to go to rocks because i don't want to be a fucking goat and do what bryce or sharky wants this is the only way i could get brian SHARKYS #1 ALLY out of the game so that you know who sharky's #1 ALLY IS NOW FUCKING ME. so you know what yeah i'm a goat, greatest of all time actually and i at least deserve some level of credit or respect here to pull some shit off like this. only person on the fucking tribe with the balls to do this shit and i don't even have balls. OK BYE.

i literally dont have words. i keep having meltdowns and like its so not like me i usually just treat games as fun but im just so upset bc brian went home when we could have prevented it and now im in a spot where annabelle and sharky control things and im basically going to get 5th. i really thought i was doing something and life came at me real quick and said learn ur place KJFSHKJDFHSKJ. like the play anna made was smart so go her i just hate that i got played and that brian left with the vote steal and that my game is ruined and i came so far and i thought i was playing alright also i hate how everyone and their mother keeps calling me out for playing the middle KJSFHFKS like grow up and shade me in ur confessionals not to my face im SENSITIVE AUBRY. basically the point is: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/506665419092918273/541697763788980225/image0.jpg

I'm SHOCKED. I swore to Annabelle I wouldn't right her name down. And yet she writes my name down! And just as I was thinking I could trust Bryce HE RALLIES VOTES AGAINST ME! I'm so pissed off, and scared, and hurt, and now I have to scramble to figure something out.

Okay let recap everything that has gone down in this 24 hours since I was betrayed. So I talked to Annabelle A LOT. Basically we've talked to each other a ton. I discover that Anna made the plan for the tie and then Bryce was only willing to flip if the vote was for me. SHADY. I knew I should have never trusted him. So basically either I convince Annabelle to save me, everyone goes to rocks, or Matt and Brian flip on me and I go home. I would have said the last one was super unlikely. So I start busting my ass to sway Annabelle. We have really opened up to each other about our games, she is feeling like she has to make a big move. I talked to her about how I feel hurt because I've busted my ass all game to save Anna and Matt and now they both seem unwilling to save me. I tell the guys we just have to be nice but imply to her she stands no shot of making the end without me and how Bryce is going to win. She has no idea we have the vote steal so Brian/Matt would definitely get Bryce out next. So I go to sleep thinking we are making progress. I wake up an Anna is like "Matt was rude to me so I'm definitely not flipping" so I'm starting to feel really hopeless. And then Matt and Brian both started to dodge the idea of rocks. And Anna is telling me Bryce thinks Matt is probably going to flip. So i'm thinking it's over. And in the FB Bois chat Matt and Brian both keep being like "I'm so conflicted" "we'd be guaranteed f4" "blah blah blah" So now I'm realizing these two aren't willing to go to rocks for me. I've spent this whole season trying to save our alliance at any cost. And now that I'm the one in danger...they aren't willing to take the risk. SO now I get it. I've been too nice. If they are going to put their games above mine and aren't willing to risk it so all 3 of us can make F5...I'm going to have to make sure we take that risk because it's my only shot. So I pitch to Anna a way she can get her rocks and I can be safe. We tell them that Anna agrees to save me. That way they think were set and it'll all work out and then it'll go to rocks and I'll be safe. It's super risky and I'm putting all my faith in Annabelle and I feel so scared and guilty and idk but this is the only way I survive and there is a chance Anna goes and it all works out. But...it's also not lost on me that Anna is willing to risk her own game to save me...but my own alliance isn't. I'm feeling...weird.

Brian went home. I...honestly am just feeling horrible. And he was so mad at me. Like mad to the point that I'm worried I ruined a real life friendship over this game. And Matt is furious too and he's going off on me in our group chat which fucking sucks. Like that was the worst case scenario for me. And it sucks. But I shouldn't have to feel bad about this. Like both Brian and Matt were willing to vote me out so they didn't have to go to rocks. They put their game first so why am I a villain for doing the same thing? And they want to be like "we were up front with you about not being sure" like that's supposed to make me feel better. Yeah of course you were honest you weren't the ones in danger. It's easy for y'all to be honest when you're just going to vote me out. I couldn't have been honest with them or they would have flipped and I would have gone home. How do they not see that? Was I supposed to just give up? How is that fair? And how is it that they can vote me out and I just have to accept that but they can't accept that I saved myself. I'm feeling super alone, like I can't trust anybody, and like my best friends won't even take a second to look at it from my point of view. Of course I feel terrible. I just hope this doesn't come between genuine friendships.

ANNA REALLY JUST CLOCKS ME AND SHE KNOW SHE CAN BC WHAT ELSE AM I GOING TO DO. me matt maynor better be this f3 matt might win tbh but idc! anna has CROSSED ME and like laughs in my face FKJADSHFKAJ like yes ur iconic yes u did #that but im in this game with u and its a lil rude to flaunt ur success at me FKJADSHFAKJ when i do sth good i would never constantly bring it up (btw i won immunity once and got that cute blue color so everyone is jealous prob...) also im so emo i miss dennis and i miss brian they were the 2 ppl who i felt close to in the game and theyre both gone i literally am so upset i feel like if i wasnt so busy before tribal i could have talked to brian more and convinced him he had to vote sharky bc i KNEW anna was voting sharky but he bought her lies and i was convincing enough so i just feel its my fault i lost my closest ally (and his vote steal) although maybe he would have beat me in the end so this is good thing? nope! like i think i played alright in the middle but ppl prob wont respect it and idk if i would bc clearly im biased and maybe i am just a goat and thats why im still in like i rly tried to do sth this round but didnt i just ugh so demotivated hehe but maybe ill snap or sth insert positive uplifting quote here i just hope that i can turn this around and defeat anna and her pet shark. ALTHOUGH ITS LIKE WHERE THE BIG DOG PULLS ITS OWNER AND WALKS IT INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND. im so EMO (TION)

yesterday i was feeling a LOT of emotions and now that i have distanced myself i realize that my emotions were VALID and i am perfect and had the RIGHT to be upset that everything went wrong. i am speaking my immunity win into existence it WILL happen. i HAVE done the homework and even if i flop it (which i wont) i will still NOT GO HOME bc matt and maynor are hopefully on my side. OK BUT LIKE IM JUST SO JKAFSHKAJDSFHADSKFJA

This immunity is very important. We cant let Matt or Sharky win it. We need to have the opinion for them available to be voted out.

So like.... I am upset and feel very alone now in this game. Brian got rocked out and i was lied to again. I am just like so over it. I feel manipulated when I did have all the power and could've got a big threat out. but NO sharky and anna the fucking dynamic duo they are decided it would be fun to go to rocks! I am just so over it. Im getting fucking 5th place and I am MAD.

OR AM I? I decided to lie last night and say i gave my idol to brian last night. Why? It would paint an even bigger target on my back so i can go idoling. Cause of course I am not dumb enough to go and give my idol away hell naw. Instead, I need to knock sharky out of the immunity comp tonight but then get everyone on my case so they vote me. then boom idol. i know that this should get me to f3. I hope. If sharky goes next, and anna/maynor win FIC. then i know i can get at least maynor with me cause Bryce will then be the clear winner out of us 4. then maybe i will have a shot at the win but eh, need to get there first. I hope to god this can work and if not, final juror here i come!

I woke up feeling TERRIBLE. I feel so bad about the Brian situation. Matt won't respond because he probably hates me. I feel like a trash person. And tbh I'm questioning if I even deserve to be here.

I feel sick. Literally this is the worst case scenario. If anybody else had won everything would be fine. And now Matt has like given up which makes me even sadder. I'm honestly considering asking everybody to vote me out. So that Matt at least has a shot of making FTC. This sucks.

I WON IMMUNITY WOOOH IM SO ICONIC IM LITERALLY A LOSING FINALIST AND EVERYONE WANTS ME OUT I FEEL LIKE ILL LOSE IN THE END BUT THAT WONT STOP THESE PPL FROM GIVING ME 4TH WHEN I LOSE THE NEXT IMMUNITY AJKFDSHKFAJ THEYRE ALL LIKE SO VISIBLY DISAPPOINTED I WON IM SO SAD NNNN I WOULD BE HAPPY FOR THEM! i really hope they vote out sharky now bc its literally the smart move but im willing to bet theyll keep him to spite me annas gonna be like sharky needs to stay we get him out NEXT round and maynor might be convinced or sth idk and matt idk askdjfhdkjf i thought we were good but he ghosted me all day today so hm. club 96 nina and tina really falling apart

Matt is literally shutting down. Like I'm trying to talk with him and mend things and try to rally him so we can figure out how to keep us both safe and honestly he's just not interested. He seems disinterested and honestly he's being kind of a brat. Stop pouting! Sack up and help me fight. Because yes I was selfish last round and that put us in a tough spot but It was never my idea to trust Bryce or my idea to ignore that we had a vote steal to secure our vote at F6. I'm not the only one who made mistakes. So come on and let's freaking recover! Or are we just supposed to lay down and award Bryce the win? UGH

I was really on the brink of asking everybody to vote me out. But Matt is being so useless right now. If he's going to act like that he'll just get picked off at F4. He has no fight. So I'm over it. I really do love him but at this point I'm going to have to just try my best to get Annabelle and Maynor to believe that they stand the best chance at FTC against me, instead of Bryce or Matt. I've already ruined my reputation so I might as well at least try to fight. I feel over everything but I have to get it together.

The vote hopefully is between Matt and Sharky. I know Bryce really wants Sharky gone. Annabelle and I are talking and seeing which route is the best for us to make it to the end.

Like wow. My brain is so big. Im pretending that I threw away my idol to brian at the last second, and that I am leaving this round. Whereas in actually reality I still have my idol and sure as heck im playing it tonight and making final 4 YEET. like woe is me, woe is me, lol no bitch im here to stay. Sharky like, needs to leave as well. I love him but 2 big if a threat and I would quite like to well, win.

Oh and as I write this annabelle needs me huh. Well listen here, you lied to my fucking face and got brian out. Thus, you also need to leave bish. I am fed up of being lied 2 constantly by these fuckers called my tribemates and I am NOT here for it anymore. Time to play the lies and deceit game myself huh

This round is so weird for me. I felt like I was in such a tough place and feeling really defeated. But now Anna is getting paranoid and there is a very slim chance I could get her to to vote Maynor and then Matt and I both make F4. But my issues is I can't trust anybody. Because I don't think anybody trusts me. Like Maynor is being very noncommittal. Anna keeps flip flopping and maybe she'll flip onto me. Matt seems on board but honestly maybe he deeply deeply hates me and is just lying and will vote me out.

There is a little over an hour left before tribal. I'm convinced that it's me going home. Everyone seems to be too easy to agree to vote with me. It's not looking good.

Literally wtf. The Biggest plot twist of the century is occurring. I'M THE SWING VOTE?? Like since when in hell was I going to be the deciding factor. I mean I like it, I have the power for once and I am safe but still omg i LOVE IT! I am bunsen the Berner in this image, deciding between 2 fates: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DzD8lXwUwAAgTlp?format=jpg&name=900x900

Having a panic attack. Im really nervous. Like i know its between Matt and Sharky. But there is still a chance that somehow me or annabell could still go. I hope it doesnt and its clear cut with Sharky and Matt. Fingers cross. Or imma die.

i had a good talk with anna today and i kind of love her (as long as she votes sharky) i think maynor might go now which is sad bc anna says matt/sharky are doing that but like matt says that he wants me maynor him f3 so who knows! anna like was honest with me about not knowing who to vote and seems to be voting sharky but literally anything can happen so whomst knows.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okokok i feel so fucking badly about this move like so badly ughhhhhhhhhh but i feel like it has to happen i'm so so soooo sorry sharky like you have no idea i've been torn all day on what i should do and idk i feel like i lose no matter what this fucking blows

Sharky is voted out 4-1.

#episode #allmadhere

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fadingpersoncollectorstuff-blog · 6 years ago

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My husband and I just found out that his company is raising our medical insurance rates from $212 a month to $400 a month, so we are trying to shop around for the best rates. We have found some, but hardly any include maternity benefits, and we want that parachute just in case any accidents happen. Is there any plans out there cheaper than $400 with maternity, or should we just hope we don't get pregnant for a couple of years? (We plan to switch insurance in 2 years when I get a teaching job)""

Get medical insurance or pay out of pocket ???

currently live in Southern California and work part-time with no medical coverage. I was recently accepted to NYU College of Dentistry and will be moving there in July. Before that though, I need to get physical & immunizations. I will definitely get medical insurance once I move out there, but my concern is before that time. Things I need for sure: Physical, TB skin test, Hep. B, and Meningitis immunizations. My question is: Should I purchase a short-term insurance coverage to get the necessary physical/immuzations done or should I just do it out-of-pocket. Also, if it is worth getting insurance for this period, would you guys please recommend couple of plans for me. ( I am 24, Male, non-smoker). THnaks in advance.""

How much would insurance cost for a motorcycle?

I'm 16 and I live in va. I was wondering how much insurance would cost for a 600cc and a 250cc. A sportbike. Like the ninja 250. But I'm trying for a 600cc, either yamaha r6 or a ninja 650r. Thanks""

Examples of how auto insurance helped you?

Do you have any personal experience where auto insurance is benificial to you? please also list the pros and cons. thanks so much <3

Health insurance bills?

I asked a question about if health insurance companys bill you but I want to make this clear....so if I meat my deductible the only thing I have to do is pay the copay and I don't get anything in the mail from the insurance company but I can get a bill from the Dr or hospital that my insurance Didnt pay for?

Health Insurance question?

Do any one know a insurance in California that cover pre-existing condition? I am eighteen year old with no insurance still living with my parent which have no health insurance. We had medical but it expired. I have heart problem the doctor said i need to get insurance that cover pre-existing condition. I have try getting quotes online. Or know any good insurance i should try giving a call to.

What is a cheap insurance agency for auto insurance?

I've got a used car, and just need a cheap insurance. Any suggestions are great!""

Which is the best insurance company in Kenya?

Citroen c2 1.4 insurance why so expensive how to get smaller quote?

I just bought a C2 1.4 04 plate less than 30000 on clock semi auto and when I came to insure it nearly died! More than I paid for car! I am 30 and have been driving for 5 years, the first year I had my own car then I have driven hire cars or been a named driver on relatives cars. No claims, points, accidents or offences. WHY SO EXPENSIVE??? Please help me I feel in so annoyed as can't drive without insurance and at this rate can't afford to insure! Any info greatly received :)""

Does anyone have a Pontiac G6 GTP?? i need to know how much car insurance are on the them?? please let me know

Auto insurance quotes?

If someone comes to your door and asks if you want to do a free auto insurance quote over the phone with a major insurance company. Is that considered selling even if its a free quote? They also needed information from me so they could put the quote together...

Iininsurance on celica or rx 8?

Heres my situation at the moment currently i have celica,supra and skyline in my drive way and have rx8 and rx7 comming this summer Now i know i wont be able to afford insurance on rx7 supra or skyline But im wondering rx8 evolve (231ps) or celica How much would insurance cost Info on me No ncb Got driver license for few months 18year old University student living away Live in uk midlands""

full coverage car insurance quotes

How much more does motorcycle insurance cost than car insurance?

Don't give me links or tell me to visit websites please!

Can i list my vehicle at another adress for insurance?

hi, i own a 2006 acura RSX-s and i live in the philadelphia suburbs. my insurance is quite PRICEY! any how, my father owns property in northern PA which is primarily farm land, and insurance would be alot cheaper if listed there. tho i dont live there, can i list my insurance there? is there anything illegal or could it hurt me? i see alot of people with New Jersey tags who live in PA to get cheaper Insurance. what do you suggest, and what would i have to do, change adress on D/L etc?""

Buying car insurance?

Do you have to buy car insurance before you get a car from a dealership? Can you drive home and then get the insurance when you're home? Does the dealer provides temporary insurance?

How Much Would My Nissan Figaro Insurance Be?

Hello Everyone, I'm looking to get a Nissan Figaro for my first car, the car price isn't a problem but I can't find insurance anywhere! Figaro Insurance comes under classic car insurance, I am 18 years old, just passed no NCB can anyone tell me how much it would cost me please??""

Is health insurance portable from state to state ?

If I purchase health insurence from a company like Coventry One of Kansas and move to Florida, can I take the Coverage with me ?""

2010 Camaro LT 16 year old insurance?

I am a 16 year old and I want a 2010 Camaro. I'm not being ridiculous and getting a brand new Camaro 2ss. I am getting a used Camaro LT. I'm really responsible with straight A's and I was wondering how much the average insurance company would charge for a car look this and a guy like me.

Car insurance costs for a newly qualified 18 year old?

Because of where I live I am getting a Land Rover for my first car and I was looking at either a Land Rover Defender 90 2.4 diesel or a 2nd generation Range Rover (the Range Rover P38) 2.5 diesel and i was wondering on average mow much it would cost me to insure one of these?? thanks :-)

Car insurance for a 16 year old?

Hey, I turn 16 in a month and ive had my permit for a year then and its time to get my license. How much (an estimate) would it cost to insure a 1999 Honda Civic LX with geico?""

What is the cheapest insurance group?

I'm 17, girl, doing my driving lessons and am planning to get a car soon. Not bothered which car, i just want a cheap, affordable one. I've been hearing about insurance groups recently which is confusing me because no one around me can adequately explain it. So, i just would like to know what the cheeapest insurance group is and if you could also please explain a little more on insurance groups so that i'm a bit more informed.. thank you""

Car insurance question?

i am 18 years old and taking driving lessons.after i pass can i get insured for two weeks.if i can please give me websites.thanks

Insurance Jobs?

What kind of jobs are there at insurance companies and what is the salary for those jobs?

How much would auto insurance cost?

I am going to be driving soon (I am 15) and I'm looking into buying a car/truck. I would like to know how much it would cost for me to get insurance so that i can drive soon. Thank you!

How much is my car insurance?

Im 17 i want a vw golf mk4 tdi, it will cost me for the car 800-1600, i wanna no how much is the car insurance""

How do doctors actually pay for liability insurance?

On studentdoc.com, the salary survey stated that the average OB/GYN made roughly $238000 a year, but some sites I have looked at show that they also pay $50000 a year (in florida, that rises to $100000) for malpractice insurance. Even for other practices, such as pediatrics and internal medicine, the rate is usually $30000+. This is a huge amount of money and really, after paying student loans, mortgages, taxes, and etc, how much money do doctors actually take home? Surely not all doctors actually pay for their premiums. Specifically, how much would a pediatric surgeon pay in malpractice insurance in California or Illinois? Just some food for thought.""

Malpractice Insurance?

How much do Cardiothoracic surgeons have to pay in malpractice insurance. Are there certain rates for different specialties?

What type of insurance i need for a driving test does it have to be a full coverage?

do i need to bring a vehicle with full coverage insurance or could my car that only has a cheap insurance plan work for the DMV's driving test

""How greatly does color impact the cost of insurance (Geico, if that helps.)?""

I'm car shopping (Even though I still don't have enough money. I'm still in the research stage). I was originally thinking dark blue (Thankfully, I want to stick to that on most of the sportier ones.), but I've found certain models that I really like in red. I was told that it's really hard to afford insurance on red cars. (Even if they aren't exactly party vehicles... The Buick Lacrosse is in my top 5.) How true is this?""

Average cost of auto insurance for 21 year old male?

i know it changes with companies but i just wanting to kno a ball park estimate so i can budget accordingly

Where do I go to find public liability insurance?

I am starting to run workshops, teaching creative recycling crafts and require public liability insurance. Could you point me in the right direction please?""

Does anyone knows of a good Health Insurance in Florida?

HMO, PPO or whatever... I need to know asap. The work insurance is horrible!""

Insurance Problems for my Teenage Self?(;?

So I found out that insurance for the car I was going to get (Honda Civic EX-L 2010) was way too much since I'm only 16. So I'm planning on getting a cheaper car, around $5,000. 1. Will insurance be much cheaper? They told me $1,500 for the Civic. 2. When I do turn 18 and purchase my dream car, will the insurance drop? If so how muh?""

125 motorbike insurance 19 year old?

hi, im 19 and have had a car driving licence for 2 years and clean. As my car insurance renewal is ?n a few months and because its a 2.3litre and all that talk of premiums of increasing, its my option to sell my car for a motorbike and a riding experience, so typically how much would insurance be for a 19 year old, With a new bike licence but been driving a car for 2 years (if that matters) 1000 pound 125cc motorbike stored in a garage, immobiliser, not for any sort of business and miles of maximum 2000 a year. im just asking because insurance webpages don't open on my computer today, but i roughly remember whats asked for insurance. thanks in advance""

How is the government going to make insurance premiums more affordable?

I keep hearing how Americans need more affordable health insurance, but I have yet to hear how they are planning to do this or what results we can expect. Does anyone know how they are going to achieve this for us? How much can we expect our premiums to go down as a result of the reform? Do you think it will be more than what we will pay in increased taxes?""

I'm a teenager in need of cheap reliable car insurance.?

I work for myself and I don't want my parents to pay for insurance anymore. I want to know any cheaper insurance companies that will on minimal basis (pay for damage of other driver) of needed. I'm a student studying to become an esthetician and work part time. Thank you.

Obtaining health insurance policy number?

I need my health insurance policy number for a school trip I'm taking. I don't have my Insurance card and I am wondering how to get my policy number thanks.

full coverage car insurance quotes

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/marlborough-connecticut-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-varnado/"

0 notes

somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years ago

Text

i did not need his negativity yesterday nor did i have the mental strength to not be affected by it.

he seems to have a rose colored view on his past friends who have lived even more passively than i have while doing hard drugs, drinking and having sex with so many partners that diseases are spread among them. but yet i’m told i’m just a welfare case, that i should just get over it, try harder etc. but there is never ever an admission that perhaps the troubles ive had in life directly relate to the struggles i still have now.

“well her mother was crazy so she had to leave at 15 and take care of herself”

??? my mother was crazy and my father was sick and i had to take care of myself and him. without giving into the temptation of an easy escape through literal hallucinations. i am better than everyone who did give into the temptation. my will is stronger. sorry. that might bother him because he is a drug user. and he wans to convince me that my weed smoking is comparable to people shooting drugs. and it simply is not in any way. i am a functioning member of society in so much that i do not have a drug den, i do not have needles around, i do not have any long term physial effects of drug use im just a fucking stoner. just like people who HAVE to buy starbucks everyday. theyre just basic bitches. theyre not coffee addicts. and he trappe the conversation - all addicts say this. but i am making a choice and it would be incredibly easy for me to make other choices if i felt they were worth it in my depression. i am ADDICTED to DEPRESSION. i do not control that addiction and it is harmful to people around me and myself.

me smoking a joint is not. me smoking a joint is only beneifical to not only myself but the people around me. i am alive today right now because i smoke weed. THAT is how i am “strong”.

it didnt matter though. i was already spiraling and wanted to go home but knew i couldnt because it was cold and almost midnight and i didnt even have proper boots and the weight of my entire life and being began crushing me.

these are panic attacks. these are not attacks which can be seen as the typical display of it but not everyone will hyperventilate into a paper bag. my parents called it an asthma attack because i wasnt breathing right. i wasnt allowed to act out. if i acted out my mother attacked me in such severe ways that i trained myself not to react to anything. but you cant do hthis you cant just be a robot forever your emotions will operate whether you acknowlege them or not.

so it builds. and during the build up which always happens the same way my thoughts are spiraling. if someone latches on to a brief idea of the issues im battling inside, it now solidified the thought and i start to panic. it wasnt being called a drug addict. it was the fact that im constantly put on the bottom of the list for like existing human beings. no one ever goes, ‘well you had to take care of your father’. i dont get that. why? am i not blonde and cute enough? did i not suck enough dick? should i have done drugs and been more pathetic? why is it that everyone else gets a ‘well this and this happened tot hem so is understandable’. for me it’s literally well you cant focus on your past you just gotta move on. it’s not fair, it’s frustrating and when it comes from the only person even giving you any sort of love at that moment in time, it feels trapping. deal with this or have nothing.

i cannot explain this though. it starts here and by the time i’ve freaked out so hard i cant even communicate the intricacies of these thoughts. i’m now totally overwhelmed and i want to scratch out my eyes and tear out my hair and i’m sobbing so hard i cannot breathe.

i told him he outright had to help me because he did not listen to my warnings that what he was saying was bothering me. because i told him i didn need that negativity right now and i didn’t nee him focusing on being a “drug addict” because i dont spend my rent money on shooting drugs. i dontand thats not part of my problem. it’s just a matter of opinion regarding marijuana. period. my opinion differs greatly and i advocate for the VERY PROVEN medical benefits of it. not just “its been shown K helps depression”. so does lsd. so did lsd. so much so that people dosed other people unknowingly to try and “help” them becuase they thought lsd “helped them” and “opened their mind”. but shold you do LSD everyday? no. i really dont think you should. can you ingest something that has minimal effects on a normally healthy person with no pre desposition to mental health issues everday? yes. cancer patients smoke weed because of its legitimate medical benefits. they should not be k-holing. thats not the appropriate way to deal with cancer. nor does it help any of the issues of cancer except moderate pain relief and slight alleviaton of mental pain if you dont put yourself into a k-hole.

i can smoke 4 grams of weed and not die. i can smoke 4 grams of weed everyday for the next week and have no side effects except not even getting stoned anymore. i wont have to go to the hospital for “exhaustion”. i wont have spent my time at clubs or raves. i probably spent a lot of money on food. i will have no track marks or prolems with my nasal cavity and depending on how i smoke the weed, if i vape it - i may not even have lung problems. and in those days of smoking 4 grams i will STILL DO PRODUCTIVE ACTIVITIES and not just lay around wondering when i’ll get high again.

so to put me with heroin users is wrong and a surprisingly antiquated view. but i cannot explain all of this and maybe he’ll still disagree but now i’m just in a position where a person who is supposd to love me is telling me im as bad as a heroin addict. i am not and that is not an excuse to not change - i can still change my habits but you have no idea what i wold be for someone like me to do that. he made an “effort” to help but he doesnt have the tools in him to actually help. he told me to think of skating because he wanted to take me skating.

this morning as i was dropped off he asked if we were going skating. i said i guess and he said no more “i guess” i had to make a solid decision for what iiii wanted to do. and i guess i appreciate that - acknowledging that his personality is not okay for someone like me in the state i am in. i explained to him that our mutual friend came to my place and spoke to the roommate for me and was very like... it was as good as having a medical therapist come and advocate on my behalf. it wasnt like a “you shouldnt do this this is bad” it was “the person you live with suffers from very serious mental issues which affects her daily life and there are reasons as to why she is avoiding confrontation or choosing to live with things that others consider unreasonable” and it was really very good. like not only did i feel like it helped bridge a gap but that someone legitimately felt like they wanted to advocate for me. i didnt ask her to do it. i just explained this is my life and she was like no this is not okay and you need assistance to overcome this hurdle so you can continue on to the next one. i really really appreciate that. no one advocates for me.

i also made a doctors appt next week and that kind of alleviates some of he pressure i feel about dealing. i know i can now go talk to this person. and if i need to, i have a drive really to see him more often. our mutual friend also came in and casually asked for my razors. and that is something i also appreciate. i made avery large step by freely admitting a relapse. it wasnt like omg cry for help it was this is what occurred. period no discussion because you are not the person trained to deal with such maters of the psyche however as a human being you can acknowledge a crisis and offer assistance to he best of your own abilities. if you have the ability to say ‘hey do you mind if i take your razors with me to get them out of the house’ that is perfectly fine and good and helpful.

he does not know i relapsed. he has continually said he has no judgement on what i choose to do but does not support it and will only ever advocate for stopping outright. which is totally fair but it compounds the severity.

hes still trying though? last night he took time to have a moment of private affection and when i tol him about the door knob lock situation he immediately said he would buy one and just let him know. he then said we would “drink sake” tomorrow and added on the skating activity and these things were nice because there is rarely time put aside for just me in the “us”. i follow what he wants to do when he wants to do. i rarely ever ask to go somewhere and when i do i may be able to go but ill have to put up with mock fighting about it. but its not terrible. its not like im dragged to bars or baseball games. he decides we will go hiking and we do. we’ll go to this random thing an hour away and look at i and we do. and i get to exprience sooooo many things i would have never otherwise experienced if i was not with him. and this is why i remain with him. no one else has ever shown me this much of the actual world beyond the bubble i was trapped in. my ex did a decent job but we rarely did anything. like any activities at all. it would be a big deal to take a walk in the woods by our house.

i’ve gotten to canoe and climb beautiful ontario landscapes. i’ve gotten to eat food from all over the world. ive been given nothing but useful or beautiful and sentimental and meaningful gifts. i have never been given something frivolous ust for the sake of gifts. i’ve been given flowers on more than one occasion.

it’s really hard to come up with a complaint when i still get to do these wonderful things? like how can i be upset about hiking different parks? i think i’d want to do that anyways. so it’s nice i guess to have it acknowledged this morning that i had the freedom to choose. we did not have to skate and i didnt have to do it because he offered.

i kind of wanted to though. i think he knew also last night’s dinner with his family friends was just super awkward for me and woul be for literally anyone not related to them. it’s amazing how well they can make someone feel like an outsider while simultaneously telling them they’re “apart of the family”. that wasnt really his fault though. or maybe it s. i dont know. those people sucked and it took forever to eat and i did not even say goodbye to them because literally two sentences were said to me during the night which were, “so you do work in x city or do you commute to another?” and “are you flying out to see him when hes living out west?” both of which are questions that should never be asked. just period. i mean theyre reasonable questions but to ask them to me results in really awkward answers. like “~ im an artist.” to which she asked, “where” - bitch everywhere. i am a fucking artist of life. and of course its not within my parameters to explain - well you know i’m fucking pretty mentally ill so i’m generally unemployed and collect social assistance hbu. its not like i can outright lie either as the two people who do know my life are sitting there too. and its shitty in some ways that these eople are close tot hem and i am at their house everyday and never once has it been explained that this is in fact his girlfriend, this is what she does and why she is the way she is etc. lie most people would get a “this is ashley, she works at shoppers drug mart and shes a great mom”. but since i have none of this i am nothing to them

i am also very open about my struggles and where i came from in most situations. this is going to define my interaction with you and you should know that i’m aware of it an am working on it everyday. i am a very self aware empathetic person and i know that becaue of my unusual life i may cause unintentional offense or harm or burden someone in a way that i would not mean to if i understood differently or had a different journey. and everyone has their own journey but it’s a bit like a soldier coming back from war and it’s not on us to judge the severity of harm their journey caused them because we dont know. if theyre so encumbered by the thoughts of death they saw and were apart of it while others are not - we still need to respect the severity ad toll it tok on those individuals. and in no way do they want to be affected by this. theyre not choosing to take it home with them. but it now shapes everything they ever do and being a military person now defines you. it is apart of your definition and character.

it woul not be appropriate to xplain this to the wasps who think theyre daughter had it rough because she coudnt talk of her prividledge life to stuggling immigrants working to survive while she worked for 2 weeks for extra spending money when she went on her vacation to australia. and it’s ironic of course - i’m now offended by him and i was concerned for offending them; well i was. but then i gave up because i didnt give a shit about them and i didnt think they were actually good members of society. i thought maybe they were “good” fathers or mothers. maybe decent employees. but like a real active good member of society who is bringing a positive vibe to the world? no. i really dont think so. and i have mt people i believe do this. people who i also see really negative traits in as well. theyre not perfect but “good people of society” like working an seeing the whole of society - every part of it as an equal and good thing. maybe theyre bad mothers or fathers though. or maybe not great. i wouldnt say bad. but maybe not great, definitely could be better parents. but they atleast will instill their values, hopefully, into their children who will also be good people of society. i am currently in daily contact with atleast three people who were raised by shitty people of society. people who cared only for heir own exprience and saw everything else as an outside. they now gave that quality to their children. “good mother”. shitty person.

its up to the people in my support system to advocate for me. honestly.

0 notes

survivorwonderland · 8 years ago

Text

Roxy/Julia’s Jury Questions & Response

Roxy:

hello good game to the both of you!

ty hosts for hosting <3 i know how hard hosting is I’ve just started hosting my own org and I’m struggling loloolo so gj you were great!!!

I will admit that i didn’t play the best game! pre merge i was fine but merge i let the numbers and tribal lines get to my head and was unable to mesh into any alliances and my only true ally ned was gone and w/e i tried to gain an ally everything i said got leaked ^^” i was gonna go on an immunity run during f6 but i was in 11 orgs and i really struggled when in this org i knew i was so much on the bottom that even if i won immunities i wouldntve won the game.

ok hi Nic you first

at first i was never going to vote for you to win. You didn’t seem to have a game. you seemed like a sheep and saving all your friends. But now I’m feeling diff. i want you to go into more detail. eviction one by one. telling me what YOU did and explaining what happened.

Jordan:

at first i thought id vote you above everyone else. but your speech proved to me you might not be the guy i thought you were. all you’ve said and talked about is “voting in majority and won most immunities” like…who the fuck cares? a good player doesn’t NEED immunity to survive. a BAD player DEPENDS on immunities to not get voted out! you have yet to mention your social game… if you had one? all i saw was you try boss ppl around making them vote what you want. question is how much of that was you and how much of that was nic? tell me about your social basically. cause thats whats important in survivor.

to both:

I want you all to do that thing you do how you give mssg to each of the past players. only on top of writing them things, add a gif and a drawing for each. if you don’t do this i will not consider voting for you. I’m being serious here!

for bonus points: compliment the hosts. at least 3 lines for each.

Ty that is al from me

Nic:

Rhea- For this vote, I changed the tides a bit. When it seemed like my majority alliance wanted Ricky to go, I knew I could not have that happen. So I changed the vote to Rhea. I wanted Ricky to stay cause I knew we had a bond and I could use that.

Ned- When I heard you were trying to form a coalition against me, I had to act on it. I heard from Isaiah/Jordan/Ricky that you were targeting me along with Ned. I decided to gather my troops and target Ned. I decided to make Ned the target instead of you because I was closer to you than him. I knew there was more potential with you then there was with him. Adam- For this vote Adam didn’t do much, so I decided tovote him out. We weren’t super close. Carson- In terms of big threats, Carson was definitely up there. He was smart and possibility had some advantages. This is a vote Jordan and I schemed together on. I gathered some numbers for this vote and we made it happen. Zorri- This round, I heard people were targeting Ricky.. and I was not gonna let Ricky go home. I switched the target onto Zorri, who I pinned as a possible number for Isaiah to use and blindside me or Jordan later down the road. My plan went through, and she was sent home. Isaiah- Isaiah was someone who I wanted to blindside for a while. I knew he was eager to blindside someone and I wasn’t gonna let it be me. Once again, people were targeting Ricky.. and they had majority! I was informed by Jordan that Ricky had an idol, and eventually told by Ricky himself. I told Ricky about the plan to blindside him and told him to play his idol and work his magic. I went ahead and voted Ricky too, so that the next round I could pretend I was still with Julia/Jordan. ALSO I lied to Jordan about having the idol, so I knew he couldn’t try and pull some funny business and try and blindside me at final 5. Julia- Since Jordan had his idol, I knew voting him out wasn’t an option. Ricky and I decided to go with Julia, who at that point I was the least connected with and decided was the best candidate to go home. Hunter- I knew, coming into final 4, the vote would tie if I wanted it to. No way would Ricky/Hunter turn on eachother, and I knew that for the majority of the game. Out of everyone left, Hunter was the biggest goat and smallest threat. However, I knew going into final 3 with Ricky and Jordan would be my best bet. They viewed eachother as the biggest threat and wouldn’t take eachother to final 2 if they won immunity/ (Kinda like how Natalie A convinced Keith/Missy that the other one was the bigger threat to win). Also, I knew I could claim responsibility for the fact that they were both there in the final 3 in some form. So I decided to tie the vote, and it worked and I got what I wanted. Ricky- I didn’t win final immunity, but I did set myself up in a position where I knew this would happen by taking Jordan to final 3. --So I KNOW it looked like I was being a total sheep and just taking my friends to the end, but it was all part of my master plan while influencing and manipulating everyone

Host Compliments: Katie. I played my first ever ORG with Katie. We weren't on the same tribe till merge, where she was the first merge boot. I don't think we got along TBH and she called me Evil Nic. Now though, I know she's an awesome person. Truly the queen of tumblr survivor and if anyone thinks otherwise they're wrong

Lauren. Icon.. a super nice person who also isn't afraid to speak her mind. I first met her in IHOS2 I think?? But I could tell she was an awesome person and I still hold that opinion of her till this day. Katie and Lauren are tumblr survivor's best power couple.. because name a more iconic one? -- Cast Messages: Nic: Pippa - https://media.giphy.com/media/LHiaX8RLGp3vW/giphy.gif Pippa and I have played a few games together but we’ve never really worked together. Which is weird. She’s cool though and I’m glad she won IHOS3. http://prntscr.com/e22epd I think she’s into theatre or something so here is her gold star on her dressing room. I think that’s how that works. - Rhea – I’ve seen her play a lot of games and also host a lot of games… She’s that person who can do it all. https://68.media.tumblr.com/1b3d9c10f208f2746dbe7c28cb3716d8/tumblr_o3ynvalzLE1r7nv9ao1_540.jpg http://prntscr.com/e22fpg an interpretive piece -

Danny – idk him that MUCH but why was he a fan if he played before? https://68.media.tumblr.com/6811546e27d428c6d84c69074cc9f8c8/tumblr_n98spv44YT1sq7sjjo9_250.gif

http://prntscr.com/e22hio aapple

Jay & Seamus – A duo. They quit. Icons? Perhaps. see yall on the other side https://68.media.tumblr.com/7560b08c098fd09f905c4eed917d807e/tumblr_n98spv44YT1sq7sjjo4_250.gif

Well theyre hosting TIBET so heres a map of where I think Tibet is http://prntscr.com/e22hxc

Jenna – Whom? Never heard of her. https://68.media.tumblr.com/5c2b0b3c509f7951d6906229fc25d5d6/tumblr_n98spv44YT1sq7sjjo10_250.gif

Anyway here’s a house http://prntscr.com/e22i9t

Shea. I hosted him and you played with him and I actually wanted to work with him at merge with yall but.. it never happen! https://68.media.tumblr.com/56025679c405b44b596b56e88ac00866/tumblr_n98spv44YT1sq7sjjo3_250.gif

This is lipstick http://prntscr.com/e22in3

Karen – RIP …. Robbed in Sweden. How’s secret redemption island? Can’t wait to see u there. U know how it is https://68.media.tumblr.com/32640f52dc18ed5fbabe04477b91c341/tumblr_n98spv44YT1sq7sjjo2_250.gif

Here’s a map of Sweden http://prntscr.com/e22iz3

Ned – We never spoke much. But we’re in Sweden together now so maybe that can change https://68.media.tumblr.com/65c29877f03ca6a5450ce7b02289c8c4/tumblr_n98spv44YT1sq7sjjo6_250.gif

A taco http://prntscr.com/e22jbp

Adam – We were never on the same side. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa https://68.media.tumblr.com/56025679c405b44b596b56e88ac00866/tumblr_n98spv44YT1sq7sjjo3_250.gif

Her’es a drawing of the place I call home http://prntscr.com/e22jmm

Isaiah – We were in the same alliance the whole game but he had to goo so I’m sorry https://68.media.tumblr.com/80a4ea58f07dd64ed207c0b7eeef8549/tumblr_n98spv44YT1sq7sjjo5_250.gif

He has a youtube channel right? So bone apple tea http://prntscr.com/e22k7y

Julia – queen of CONSTANTLY coming for me.. https://68.media.tumblr.com/7b548927629cc996daf9dfa07bb966ce/tumblr_n98spv44YT1sq7sjjo1_250.gif

A flower http://prntscr.com/e22k3e

Zorri – We weren’t ever that close. She roasted me during that one challenge. https://68.media.tumblr.com/2bc52d067ad5f6d989a7217b45b748f8/tumblr_n98spv44YT1sq7sjjo8_250.gif

Heres a map of the world. RIP asia http://prntscr.com/e22knf

Carson – He was another person who I was always aligned with but had to go eventually. https://68.media.tumblr.com/38e28dc4333adefcd919f09db4c35355/tumblr_inline_okknp3CGR21srwt8s_500.gif

He made a comment about watching TV to me once. So here’s a drawing of it http://prntscr.com/e22l2e sorry for making ur posture bad I’m tired

Hunter: Ricky’s dynamic duo…… I played an org with him a while ago and when I saw him here I was? Shook. https://68.media.tumblr.com/d6e25c0f857f3e7952a73f538e71ad21/tumblr_inline_ok7gkoJmPo1txslph_500.gif

His name is hunter and hunters hunt with what? http://prntscr.com/e22lfh

Ricky: King. I’m sorry u had to get 3rd again idk why that happens. I hope u don’t hate me https://68.media.tumblr.com/5f5b212971fc6b22f927c3a7bf3f58ed/tumblr_ok5n0rKq0b1u25dr1o3_540.jpg

http://prntscr.com/e22m5f

ANYWAY SORRY THESE ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOO SLOPPPY WHEW!

Jordan:

Aight so I’m not going to lie, I bossed people around a lot, I am a big narcissist and a bit of a control freak, anyone who knows me can justify that. However I think I had quite a strong game. Socially, I was always talking to people, who I needed. There are certain jury members who I had almost no relationship with because I devoted my time to people who I needed in the future, whether I was voting with them now or not, I needed people on my side and I believe my social game is one of the reason’s I always had options. yes maybe at certain points I was a bit controlling, but the fact is people had no obligation to do what I said, but they did anyways. And while I did mention that I won challenges, I didn’t need them to survive. I was never target whether I had immunity or not, and I think that it wasn’t that I needed the challenges but that I was able to use them to further my resume for the final 2. The only times I ever needed to win a challenge was at final 4 fire making and final immunity and both times I pulled through. Maybe I was a bit controlling, but I feel the fact that I was able to control the game and not be targeted speaks for the social game, as I was not targeted despite it being obvious my controlling nature. You asked what was me and what was Nic, but I can honestly say it was mostly me. When I had a plan I went to Nic and told him this is what I wanted to do and 99% of the time all he said was okay and then he did it. I knew when Nic was with me and I knew when he wasn’t. Even at Isaiah’s vote off when Nic told Ricky to play the idol I knew it was happening because he was being very obvious about it and when at final 5 you went home and he didn’t vote with me I knew it was happening because he was being very half assed with me. I refused to call him out however because I knew in the end he was supremely loyal to me and would vote with me 100% at final 4 because in the end despite how he was trying to play both sides I was always the controlling force in our relationship and I believe that is why I deserve to win over him.

Now onto your messages I decided that instead of doing gifs because I am not good at finding gifs I hope you don’t mind but I wanted to do something a bit different. So I decided to find a photo from the guide to troubled birds series that I felt represented each person’s experience in the game from my point of view. For the drawing I realized that for most of you i have no idea what you look like so I thought it be fun to do a drawing of what I imagine you all look like. Bonus points if I’m accurate.

Karen - Karen AKA MinionFuckers. The love of my life. We have our ups and downs but it is always a pleasure playing with you I hope the next time we play together we can work together and go to the end together even. Anyways I hope you don’t hold your boot against me, you know I love you. Bird Photo: http://40.media.tumblr.com/d1f925ed9888ee28e06eade096282155/tumblr_n7nbl5XQH61qzfsnio3_1280.jpg - Needs no explanation Karen’s Drawing: http://prntscr.com/e2vylv

Ned: As this was our first game together it was truly a fun experience. Idk if you remember, but i remember talking to you right after you got out of canary islands and thinking you remind me of myself a lot when I first join the community and seeing you from then to now, you are a good player and it was fun playing with you and butting heads. Had a few things went differently I think me and you could have been amazing allies. Bird Photo: http://68.media.tumblr.com/327a88ae229b5e17876a61bdba9735c5/tumblr_n7nbl5XQH61qzfsnio6_1280.jpg - You when you thought you were blindsiding Nic and then ended up getting taken out. Ned’s Drawing: http://prntscr.com/e2w09o

Adam - So adam, we’ve known each other for a while just like through mutual friends but we didn’t really like meet meet till RRNBB which was fun for, well you know :) Anyways I like to think despite our record together in games we’re friends? I enjoy playing with you, I enjoy stealing your HOH and I enjoy voting you out. I think it’s the same for you too. Sorry we didn’t talk this game.

Bird Photo: http://68.media.tumblr.com/e5a51fe8097996ee04a17b9374858586/tumblr_nv40bnxH4t1rgrutto4_250.jpg - You deciding to play your fake idol. Adam’s Drawing: http://prnt.sc/e2w2f2

Carson - When we met in TAR4 you had one of what I call the classic meeting Jordan Pines reactions. AKA the standard Fuck you Jordan Pines. A reasonable reaction, very fair considering the circumstances, however I like to think that this game repaired that relationship as I consider us on good terms as of now. Also very sorry about blindsiding you like that but at that point very few people were submitting for challenges and the fact that you submitted for everything made you a threat and I wanted the least amount of competition for challenges. I hope you understand <3

Bird Photo: http://i.imgur.com/wTM9rLE.jpg - You coming online before tribal and realizing you were being voted out. Carson’s Drawing: http://prntscr.com/e2w3rp

Zorri - One of the few people I didn’t talk to a lot in this game, barely at all tbh. I am sorry our games never really seemed to mesh and we never really established a strong relationship together. I don’t think we had talked since B2B Pearl Islands which was a million years ago. I don’t really have a lot to say on this one cause we exchanged maybe 2 sentences together all game. It was a fun 2 sentences thought :)

Bird Photo: http://68.media.tumblr.com/b8615abdede895e51a3e4b75f09acdc0/tumblr_no9seuDq8x1rns8w5o7_500.jpg - Like I said we didn’t talk much but this reminded me of you Zorri’s Drawing: http://prntscr.com/e2w5im

Isaiah - One of my best allies all game, I am really glad the vote you went I was not one of the people to vote you so I never had to betray someone I appreciated a lot. I enjoyed our strategy calls as you were a good partner. In the end Nic was always my number 1 but I did enjoy workign with you as long as we did.

Bird Photo - http://i.imgur.com/9MdLOV5.jpg - You seeing Ricky whip out that idol Isaiah’s Drawing - http://prntscr.com/e2w70r

Julia - Hey so as our first game it was a interesting experience. Our games didn’t always align but when we got together it was always an interesting experience. Sometimes we worked together sometimes we didn’t. Hopefully you can value my game for what it is and you are mean for doing so much for these questions :P

Bird Photo - http://i.imgur.com/3FPNme2.jpg - I say this with love but low key most of your game decisions :) Julia’s Drawing - http://prntscr.com/e2w7uq

Hunter - Damn Hunty, you know I love you. We played together (well not together but same game) in my first game I ever played so you always hold a special place in my heart as one of the few people to be there for original Jordan Pines before I actually got good at games and was legit a giant mess 24/7 instead of now where I am just a mess 12/4. It was fun working with you in this game, I really enjoyed it. Sorry about final 4, it was the only way to save myself I hope you understand.

Bird Photo - http://www.joiedevivre.net/joieweb/sell/imagessell/mincingmockingbird/magnet_WTH200.jpg - what I like to refer to as the 5 minute daily hunter visits in the alliance chat of me you and Ricky Hunter’s Drawing - http://prntscr.com/e2w93a

Ricky - Rip-ky truly. Once again I can only proclaim how sorry i am for doing that to you and I hope you understand you are an amazing player and it was an honour to play this game as close to you as I did. I hope you understand and please add me back to the easter island chat, I am sorry.

You get two bird photos you cool kitten Bird Photo 1 - http://www.anniesannuals.com/signs/d%20-%20g/images/gift_mincing_mockingbird_warning_signs.jpg - You aligning with me Bird Photo 2 - http://68.media.tumblr.com/ffe00d107a3277682e9b5cd3223f8aec/tumblr_n7bqvjf6yw1qga9r1o1_500.jpg - You making your pitch at final 3 and giving it your all Ricky’s Drawing - http://prntscr.com/e2wa0z

bonus points compliment the hosts: I love Katie and Lauren so much that I can barely put it in words. Let me try my best though. Imagine there was this moon. And this guy was like I love this moon so much. Like thats me with Katie and Lauren

#wereallmadhere

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