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satoruvt · 3 years ago

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fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

#wah these things r so fun. cries #tag games #adi speaks

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thesunnyshow · 4 years ago

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Name: hi, i am nyx Age: 20 years old Writing Blog URL(s): jungcity.tumblr.com | v-asl.tumblr.com

Nationality: filipino Languages: english, filipino Star Sign: pisces! MBTI: infp-t Favorite color: white accentuated by silver Favorite food: it’s sweet and spicy chicken garlic!! Favorite movie: hmmm, it’s prolly flipped because that movie was so cute :,) Favorite ice cream flavor: rocky road!! Favorite animal: it’s gonna be cats!! although i love lions so much because of narnia :,( Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? coffee :,) Go-to karaoke song: i don’t sing agskh the world would end if i would

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i think it’s me writing about jaehyun??? since he’s the king of fanfiction, especially in ncity nowadays.

What fandom(s) do you write for? nct + wayv

When did you post your first piece? three days ago!! that would be august 4 i guess???

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i don’t really much write fluff since i don’t have any idea how to write a good fluff!! :( this has been an issue every time i write some au’s. so im always ending up writing and focusing more on angst. it’s the genre i know best. well, crack… it’s hard to make the readers laugh when you can’t even make their tooth ache from sweetness with your fluffy writings. :( smut… i don’t write smut explicitly any more. i’m more on the suggestive side rn.

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc i write OC’s especially when im writing a series!! to diversify my writing. but i usually am on the x reader side. ships? not that much.

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? uhm, back in 2017, i was searching for some website where i could publish my works. ive always been a tumblr-girl since i am that wanna-be-aesthetic kinda person :D then i had found that i could write and publish on tumblr so yeah that’s pretty much why i am on this app rn

What inspires you to write? ooh, music has been a great help for sure!! whenever i don’t feel like writing something, i always listen to music and the idea would flow like a river. classic poems helps, too. :)

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? supernatural!au’s, fantasy!au, medieval!au. i feel like it’s easier to write something out of pure fantasy. i have a hard time writing modern!au’s since i lack the humor and the knowledge for modern slangs.

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? ooh, i always always always am careful with the way that i craft all my works. i try to feel what my characters feel to give them a certain validation. i put my shoes on the scenarios i have in mind even though i haven’t yet experienced everything ive written. and i do love writing strong female characters, whether it’s oc’s or female readers. that’s my main priority whenever i write. and i want them to know that girls could do just as much everything boys could. women are powerful.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? i read a lot to get back on my foot. i also try to re-read my past works so i’d be inspired to better my writing on my current draft.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? my favorite work is the one i’m still writing rn, which is entitled 505. it’s a hendery fic in which he is a bandit and the female reader is a sacristan. it’s my fave since i relate myself so much to the female reader. :) my most successful one is the childhood best friends!au taeyong x female reader. it’s about to reach 600+ notes i guess? and im so grateful of all the feedbacks i got from it.

Who is your favorite person to write about? it’s jaehyun and hendery :)

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? character wise, perhaps. since you already have a face value in fanfiction, but in an original prose, you would have to craft everything from 0.

What do you think makes a good story? a good story is something that doesn’t romanticize the bad things going on in the world. a good story is something that is emphatic to the hardships of others. a good story is something that gives comfort to those who are in the dark. a good story is something that boosts the hearts of the readers and makes them feel things!!

What is your writing process like? first, i think of a plot! (this happens oftentimes when im washing the dishes) when i have the plot, i think of the ending. when i have the ending, it’s time for me to device a fitting title. and the plot would develop from then on.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? i don’t think so… this is scary. since some people think of fanfics as delusional works from delusional authors. it’s kinda sad.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? i love love love enemies-to-lovers trope!! one that i couldn’t stand and do my best to not read is probably… hmm… no, i love all tropes!! i just love e-t-l most!

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? it means a ton. since it could really boosts me up. heavy sigh. it’s the best thing when you write something— the feedbacks. even though it’s a simple reblog with the ‘#ATKSHSKSHSKAHAKSGAHGEGSJA’ or ‘#myfave’. i would smile like an idiot whenever i read it.

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)? i want to be a successful writer someday!

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? teleportation!!

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? ancient greek + victorian era

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? yes!! im so hell deep in indecision right now so i want to restart to make everything right

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? 100 chicken-sized horses!!

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? enemies-to-lovers trope agsksj LOL

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? YES!!! perhaps they are lurking somewhere here on earth and we don’t know it yet ;)

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? oh… i don’t really know what to write. i don’t give much attention to my personal details agsksj

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? yes!! ugh, there’s this recent issue wherein stan twt called fanfic writers as freaks. and it broke my heart. i mean, most fanfic writers get inspirations from their idols and that shouldn’t be a bad thing. we aren’t delusionals as one might think. we are simply doing our craft.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? yes!! our country’s hero ‘jose rizal’ had somehow stirred the nationality of the people back in the old days because of his writings. i do believe that art changes things!! it has the ability to pierce the heart of the people.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? yes. i feel this whenever im writing smut. i mean, let’s be real, your works would do better once you’ve included some steamy smut scenes in it. when i was writing my first fanfic after three years, i didn’t think that i’d ever include smut. but the fear of not getting feedbacks crept up in me, so i forced myself to write some sexy scenes. i know that’s like… weird. but i’m trying not to dwell on feedbacks any longer. and i also have decided not to write explicit smut anymore. honestly, i feel better now that i don’t force myself to do something that i think would please others rather than me.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? uhm, as far as i can remember, nope— still hasn’t felt that way. :)

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? yes!! my best friends irl knows about it. my sister knows. my parents are also aware of my passion in writing, and they do know that i write. but where and what, that remains obscured from them :D

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? that it’s okay to be vulnerable. it’s okay to make mistakes. it’s okay to fail sometimes. it’s okay to feel things. because like a good book, there is always a character development and you have the pen to write your own version of happy endings.

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? i’ve been there: the scared and conscious part. but one thing i would say is, you have to dare yourself!! you won’t know how your writing would have impacted so many lives and touch the hearts of people if you won’t grab your pen or your gadget and start your draft.

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? nope, there aren’t. the community has been lovely to me ever since i started writing. :,)

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? yes!! oh my god. i’d like to take this opportunity to thank my mutuals who’s done me nothing but kindness— @legendnct (hannah), whoo!! you know how much i love you, right? thank you for always being there to listen to me. :) @cloudysuh des, since day one you’ve supported me. i couldn’t ask for more. thank you for the never-ending praises, keyboard smashes, for the tags, and for always boosting me up. @bohoes georgie, you know i love you. since 2017 you’ve been with me— praising my works and supporting me. thank you. @cherr-e cherry!! thank you!! for teaching me how to better my writing. i hope endless happiness for u and please take care. @writermoon hello my babe!! thank you so much for reading my works with such vivid imaginations. i love you. @jaeyongf amy!! the bestest person :,) thank you for always leaving me feedbacks!! thank you for being kind to me. thank you for always supporting me. i love you guys so much and let’s be mutuals for a long time!!

Pick a quote to end your interview with:

“If the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.” — Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

#@jungcity #@v-asl #thesunnyshow #featuredauthor #episode 22 #nct #wayv

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pinkykitten · 5 years ago

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I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive?

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head.

2. Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby. 4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts?

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different.

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again.

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it.

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer.

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot.

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible.

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys.

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much.

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho.

3. What is the last song that inspired you?

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making.

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical.

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH

#ask #@writing-with-melon #rambles #writing #tips on writing #unus annus #david dobrik #netflix #buzzfeed unsolved #peaky blinders oc #kobe bryant #mac miller #tony stark #peter parker #the greatest showman #tom thumb #troy bolton #zac efron

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enbyboiwonder · 5 years ago

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Tagged by @frozenmemories1987

So I don’t really understand how this one works, so I’m just gonna answer all the questions and number them consecutively. Upfront I’m gonna say that I’m not tagging anyone, but as always, if you wish to do it, consider yourself tagged. Also, this is going under a read more. Save the thumbs of any mobile users

01. What was the last movie you watched in theaters?

It’s been months, so I can’t remember, sorry

02. What’s your favorite game to play?

Currently it’s Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker 2. I hadn’t played it since I got it (and beat it all in one go), and I forgot just how much I love this game. It’s like Pokémon meets Dragon Quest, and it’s amazing. On the one hand, making a team entirely of dragons might be a bad idea, but on the other hand, I freaking love dragons. I should probably synth one with a healing skillset if I’m gonna do that - possibly Cure-all since that’s got Multiheal. My current party is a Lv 20 great argon lizard named Rory, a Lv 24 slime stack with Cure-all named Sticker, and a Lv 19 aquestrian gladiator with Huntsman named Mizuno. When I leave them to their own devices, Mizuno really loves using Penny Pincher, which tbh I cannot fault him for - normal damage plus the chance to pinch a few gold coins? Heck yes. At least he’s got 44 MP, so I haven’t had to change his tactics to “Don’t Use Magic” yet (the skill costs 2 MP)

03. Chocolate or vanilla?

Chocolate

04. What’s the last show you binge-watched?

NUMB3RS (though I’m still working on that one)

05. Do you have any pets?

06. What’s your favorite fairy tale?

I dunno. I don’t actually read very many fairy tales

07. Who’s your favorite superhero?

Superhero stuff doesn’t normally appeal to me, but I do like Cisco Ramon/Vibe and Ray Palmer/The Atom from CW’s Arrowverse

08. Who’s your favorite Disney princess?

Erm, Rapunzel, I guess?

09. Where’s the first place you’re going to go after social distancing is over?

I know I’m gonna hang out with my friend like we were planning to before this started, but as for where... probably Barnes & Noble since that’s where we usually go, but who knows (I say, knowing full well that neither of us know where to go, and we go to HPB when we’re specifically looking for a book but default to B&N bc of the café and seating area)

10. Cookies or cake?

11. What show could you watch over and over?

Monk, CSI, and Psych, to name a few

12. Favorite song lyric?

See, I have to believe that there’s more than this seems More than a soul in a boat in a sea of sinking dreams And I have to be sure that there’s gonna be a cure ‘Cause, somewhere down the line, I lost that part of me that’s pure

- Where We Belong by Thriving Ivory

13. Favorite season of your favorite TV show?

S14 of CSI, probably

14. What never fails to make you smile/happy?

Seeing I’ve got a comment on AO3

15. How are you doing with all that’s going on in the world (coronavirus, having to do social distancing, etc.)?

My lifestyle hasn’t changed at all, though for some reason I’ve actually been getting way more crocheting and video-gaming done than usual (at the expense, of course, of less reading and writing and TV-watching. Unfortunately). But we have lost business at the doughnut shop so I haven’t been working as many days - usually I work Monday and Friday - which, on the one hand, less money, but on the other hand, I’ve gotten more rest so my bruised ribs (from coughing; I had strep about a month and a half ago, and that always leaves me with a cough for a while, though it’s never been this bad before) are mostly healed now

16. We all love new music to listen to. Name an artist that is underrated/you think people should check out:

Thriving Ivory/Midnight Cinema (same band, different songwriters; Thriving Ivory is more piano-driven and leans more toward alt/alt-rock, while Midnight Cinema is more pop)

17. TV shows or movies?

TV shows

18. Favorite holiday?

Halloween

19. A song that describes you:

I’ve always related to Some Kind of Home by Thriving Ivory

20. Describe your tumblr in three words:

“hella queer animal-lover” idk

21. What’s your favorite hobby?

It depends on my mood, but rn it’s crocheting!

22. What’s your favorite book and/or a really good book you’ve read recently?

CSI: Miami: Cut and Run by Donn Cortez is amazing. I read it back in January and then reread it this month. Probably will be rereading it again before long tbh

Another really good one I’ve read recently is How Rory Thorne Destroyed the Multiverse by K. Eason. It just came out like six months ago, so the second one won’t be out any time soon, but I am ready for it when it does (more than ready, actually; I can’t wait)

23. What’s your favorite ship that will never happen (or hasn’t happened yet)?

I really wish they had done something with Greg/Hodges. I mean, they had the perfect setup for it in 11.07 Bump and Grind, what with their “man-dates” (that never get mentioned again)!! Their man-dates become a regular thing that they do like every week or whatever, eventually they realize that they’re actual dates and have been for a while and they start consciously dating. Maybe Greg already knows he’s bi and is totally cool with it, maybe David’s been repressed and realizes that, oh, that’s why something’s always seemed like it was missing when he tried dating before: he’s gay.

Unsurprisingly, I have a few 11.07 fics in my WIPs

(But also, considering CSI’s track record with respecting queer people [poor], I’m kinda glad they didn’t. Woulda been nice, though, long as they'da done it right)

A ship that I’m really hoping will happen is Penelope and Schneider from One Day at a Time. I love them so much

24. If you could spend the day with any living celebrity, who would it be?

I would rather meet a celebrity in passing than spend a day with them. I am far too awkward and anxious, and I’m afraid it would not be an enjoyable experience for either of us

25. The best worst movie you’ve ever seen - a movie that you know objectively is trash but you can’t help but really enjoy it:

I don’t think I have any like this

26. When you read, do you prefer an eReader or an actual, physical book?

Paper books all the way, baby

27. Favorite movie?

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, probably

28. What does a normal day look like for you?

I stay in bed reading or playing games on my phone (or, more recently, on my DS) for as long as possible, dick around on here for a while whilst also trying to get at least some SwagBucks in another window, try not to forget to eat lunch, play the free money apps I have on my phone while either listening to music on my laptop or watching shows either on my laptop or the TV, try not to forget to eat dinner, watch some more TV or get some reading or gaming in, try not to stay up too late, take over an hour to fall asleep, maybe if I’m lucky get some writing done at some point during any of this (and if I’m really lucky it won’t be while I’m trying to sleep, but usually it is, damn brain)

29. Have you ever watched a show/movie for one character? If so, who?

Normally when I watch something specifically for someone, it’s for an actor I like, but I started watching CW’s The Flash specifically for Cisco Ramon (well, and Harry Wells and their relationship, but mostly Cisco) and Legends of Tomorrow specifically for Ray Palmer, whom I fell in love with in his ep on The Flash lol

30. What is your ultimate concert (musicians/bands from any period, alive or dead)?

I don’t go to concerts (they seem like they’d be very overwhelming), so, none, I guess

31. Book that you were forced to read in school that you hated the most:

God, I fucking hated To Kill a Mockingbird. Actually, I think the only one I actually liked was The Importance of Being Earnest

#mine #thx for tagging me!

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hermannsthumb · 5 years ago

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HORNY NEWT/HERMANN ASKS IVE GOTTEN since october PART TWO (there are like 50 here)

part one found here

18+ below cut

SECTION A: BIG DICK HERMANN

Anonymous said: (in ref to this fic) As ;) revenge ;) for Hermann lovingly teasing Newt about Newt's nature show as a child, Newt finds a safari hat and pretends to film a segment on The Rare and Lovely Hermann Mathematician. Stuff like "Much of the Hermann's appearance is used to attract a mate: his elegantly angular bone structure, his soft and brown doe eyes, his beautifully pale complexion, his impossibly long limbs, his thin frame perfect for cuddling and carrying, his enormous cock..." "NEWTON!" "You started this!"

Anonymous said: Okay but the first time Newt saw Hermann's dick, Newt came in his pants a little because Newt is a damn size queen and Hermann is hung asf. Newt just can't stop imagining pinning Hermann to the bed and riding that giant cock. Hermann doesn't even know that his dick is huge until Newt tells him it is. "Jeez, no wonder you wear those baggy grandpa pants. It must be a fucking hassle to find pants that fit comfortably over this behemoth."

Anonymous said: Newt convinces Hermann to wear short shorts while Hermann does yoga. Newt's shorts are a little baggy on Hermann, but Newt is still getting quite an eyeful (the shorts can't contain Hermann's massive dick. It's true and we both know it. Also Hermann has to wear extra soft tank tops when he does yoga, because of his extremely sensitive nipples)

SECTION B: roleplay.........

Anonymous said: (re: any number of herm centric sickfic/hospital fic ive written LOL i cant remember which) As soon as Hermann's all better, Newt still insists that Hermann take it easy. Newt puts on a slutty little nurse uniform and orders Hermann to "Please just lie back, Dr. Gottlieb. I believe a ~very thorough~ examination is in order. Just to be safe, of course." "Of course." "Poor dear! Are you nervous? Do you need to hold my hand?"

Anonymous said: Newmann and roleplay. Newt loves how passionate Hermann is about space. So Newt dresses up as a sexy alien (because of course Newt would) and asks Hermann (the very handsome human space explorer) to please undress. "My race is very curious to about human anatomy, Dr. Gottlieb. And with such an aesthetically pleasing specimen! Oh, how can I resist? Please? It's for science."

Anonymous said: One of the nicest surprises after they're married is that they both still have wet dreams about each other. Newt grinds up against Hermann's cute flat ass like "Oh, Professor Gottlieb, I'm so sorry! Please, I'll do anything to earn your forgiveness!"; and Hermann rubs his big dick against Newt's lovely bubble butt like "Oh, thank you, Doctor Geiszler, you're so kind to me! Please use me however you wish!" (Newt has a sexy professor kink and Hermann has a Newt controlling him kink.)

Anonymous said: Newt (greaser au or otherwise) SO has a thing for Hermann as a librarian. “Hermann, can I please dress you up as a slutty librarian? And then I’ll fuck you as hard as you like, as an apology. You know, because I’m a terrible patron. I’ve never returned a book on time, and I have a nasty habit of dog earrings pages.” “Is that so?” “Honestly, I don’t know WHY you put up with me. Don’t you want to give me a chance to make it up to you? I’m the ;)best;) at apologies.”

Anonymous said: I read your most recent newmann Halloween fic, and I *LOVE* the idea of them roleplaying with Hermann as the slutty little lab aid who needs Dr. Geiszler's firm hand to guide him. I can just imagine! "Mr. Gottlieb, would you like to explain why I caught you in the lab with your hand down your pants?" "Dr. Geizsler, I'm so sorry! *Please* don't report me!"

Anonymous said: I love that Newt says he loves dressing slutty for Hermann. That's such a Newt thing to say. Also, please consider Newt dressing as a slutty schoolgirl for Hermann. "Professor Gottlieb, PLEASE! I'll do anything to pass this class! I'm sorry for being so disruptive! I just wanted to get your attention. It's not my fault, Professor! I get all these naughty thoughts about you and then I can't concentrate!"

Anonymous said: Another anons have mentioned Newt having a professor kink, but you know what else Newt has? An ego. So sometimes, NEWT is the professor. So sometimes Hermann will come to Newt. & Hermann's dressed like a proper British schoolboy. & Hermann's like "Professor Geiszler, *PLEASE* dont fail me! I'll earn extra credit ~however~ I can!" & Hermann bats his long beautiful eyelashes. & Newt's like "Well, come here and prove your eagerness to learn, Mr. Gottlieb." And Hermann is a good, obedient schoolboy.

Anonymous said: omg. that ask that referenced phantom of the opera. newt donning a mask and cape and entering the bedroom like "my dearest hermann...i have come to steal you away" "have you now?" "yes! you shall be mine and mine alone forever!" "oh, how positively dreadful" "you will come with me now! come with me and let me ravish you as you deserve to be ravished!" and hermann is so fondly amused. "oh dear, i suppose i have no choice. i'll do whatever you ask of me, mr. phantom, sir."

SECTION C: Newt’s Butt

Anonymous said: Newton using his adorable bubble butt to his advantage. Bending over in from of Hermann. Asking Hermann to get something from his (Newt's) back pocket (because "sorry, my hands are full"). Newt's favorite way to tease Hermann is to ask "Can you check my butt for panty lines? My jeans are really tight, and I wore those panties you really like, and I just wanna make sure they aren't visible. *bends over to display his butt* Make sure you're REAL thorough when you check."

Anonymous said: NEWTON: Imma get "Property of Hermann" tattooed on my ass. // HERMANN: Please don't. // NEWTON: I'm not gonna, lol. I just wanted to see your reaction. But seriously - this? *smacks his own ass* Is totally your property, babe.

vitamine-dude said: Chalk anon is good.... Also... Hermann slapping Newt's ass with the palm of his hand covered in chalk... 👀 😂

Anonymous said: Hermann has a love-hate relationship with Newt's skinny jeans. He loves them because his Newty got a booty, but also? How is poor Hermann supposed to get any work done with such a lovely distraction? "Aw, poor Herms! Is my ass keeping you from your work? Maybe my butt need to be taught a lesson. You could always use your big sexy hands." "You could at least TRY to be subtle!"

SECTION D: HERMANN’S butt

Anonymous said: Hermann can never wear his skinny jeans out in public because Hermann in skinny jeans renders Newt incapable of keeping his grabby little hands off Hermann's cute little butt.

Anonymous said: Hermann can't get over how gorgeous and adorable Newt looks in his sexy-slutty little Oktoberfest dirndl. "Newton, your skirts just BARELY cover your rear!" "How's that a problem? Yesterday you said my ass was, and I quote, 'plump and perfectly round'." "You are still being indecent!" "Aww, what are you gonna do? Put me over your knee? By the way, is that something I can do to you? Will your leg be okay if I put you over my knee? Because I'd *LOVE* to spank your adorable little flat butt."

SECTION E: you guys are ALSO really horny for hermann’s nips (no judgement whatsoever...very *chefs kiss*

Anonymous said: The moment Newt discovers how sensitive Hermann's nipples are, Newt is merciless. Newt will just spend his sweet time nosing at and nuzzling and licking and kissing and nibbling at Hermann's nipples. Meanwhile, poor Hermann is a panting, writhing mess, just begging Newt to please touch him where he needs to be touched. "Oh, Hermann! All this just from me playing with your cute little nipples? You're adorable. Oh, such a sweet, needy boy, aren't you?"

Anonymous said: Hermann wear baggy shirts and sweaters because he has sensitive nipples. If his shirts are too tight, then he can't concentrate on anything besides the feel of the fabric against his nipples. Once he and Newt get together, and Newt figures this out, Newt is always trying to get Hermann to wear tight shirts, at least in their quarters/apartment/house. Also, Newt likes to tease Hermann by tying him to the bed and running a feather over Hermann's nipples.

Anonymous said: Once newmann get together, it doesn't take long for Newt to figure out how sensitive Hermann's nipples are, a fact that Newt very happily exploits. Newt's such a little shit about it too. He'll run his tongue of Hermann's nipples until Hermann is writhing uncontrollably and begging Newt to please PLEASE fuck him already. "I dunno, babe, you seem awfully worked up. Maybe I should wait until you've calmed down a little." "Newton, PLEASE!" (1/2) (2/2) Also Newt loves to tease Hermann about this. "Alright, whatever you say, baby. Such a sensitive boy, aren't you? Seriously, all I have to do is LOOK at your cute little nipples and you start begging me to please fuck your cute little ass." "Newton!" "No need to blush, we both know it's true. Now come on, legs over my shoulders, that's it, that's a good boy."

SECTION F: more dominant/possessive (like in a sexy way) newt

Anonymous said: Hermann really really loves bottoming/submitting from time to time. Just letting Newt pick him up and move him so Newt can have his way with Hermann. Especially when it comes to roleplaying scenes where Newt says things like "You're too pretty to be such a naughty slut." and "You're being so good, taking me so well, you're such a good boy." and "You're always wound so tight, let's see if we can't fuck some of that stress out of you, handsome."

Anonymous said: One of Hermann's biggest kinks? Having Newt fuck him good and hard, while Newt says things like " 'Dr. Gottlieb', ha! Anyone with any observational skills at all knows you by your more appropriate title: Dr. Geiszler's precious, pretty little sweetheart. You're a brilliant scientist and mathematician, obviously, but you're also obviously MINE. Do you hear me, Hermann? You're my pretty boy. Just mine. I don't share my beautiful, brilliant boy with anyone. You're all mine."

Anonymous said: Hermann doesn't actually WANT to be caught, but he loves the idea, the sexy little fantasy, of someone seeing him being fucked hard by Newt, because he loves being Newt's and having everyone know that he's Newt's. Newt teases him about it sometimes. "Aw, you big softie! You just want everyone to know that you're mine, that's so sweet. Maybe I'll start writing 'Property of Newt' on the back of all your pants. Then everyone will know that the world's prettiest mathematician is mine and mine alone"

Anonymous said: Whenever they have to get a hotel room or make a reservation at a restaurant, Hermann always puts the reservation under the name "Hermann Geiszler", because he knows it's the easiest way to get Newt to fuck him good and hard. Newt loves it. "You may still be Hermann Gottlieb legally, but in reality? You're absolutely Hermann Geiszler. You're my man, my husband, my pretty boy. Only mine, right?" "Yes, of course, only yours." "Good boy, Hermann. Now let's get you undressed."

SECTION G: miscellaneous

Anonymous said: Precursor Hermann, but Newt does believe for a second that Hermann would leave him without so much as a goodbye. Newt's all "Look, whatever forces are possessing the love of my life! Hermann is a gentleman! He might be a cranky, irritable, bitchy old dude, but he would NEVER leave me without saying so! Hermann just doesn't operate like that! So! Y'all wanna get out of my man, or do I need to fuck you outta him? I mean, he's getting fucked by me anyway; I just wanna know the order of events here"

Anonymous said: omg if hermann ever said the word "dude", newt would just immediately drop to his knees and ask hermann if he could pretty please unzip his pants and let newt suck his dick pretty pretty please

Anonymous said: (re: this comic) That comic reminded me of one of my fave newmann headcanons: after their first time having sex together, Hermann is utterly MORTIFIED because he was so damn loud. Honestly, Hermann always thought screaming during sex was an exaggeration. Then he had sex with Newt. And he learned that it is NOT an exaggeration. "Newton, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" "Sorry?! Baby, are you sorry? That was so hot. Imma work to make you scream again and again and again and again forever."

Anonymous said: Hermann USED to wear boxers, but Newt insists on Hermann wearing tighty-whiteys because "I don't want your underwear covering any more of your sexy legs than is necessary. I gotta have those hot supermodel legs exposed, baby. They demand to be groped."

Anonymous said: (re: this fic i think....) Newt-on-painkillers asks a nurse "Hey, where's the hottie with the sexy sharp cheekbones?" & the nurse is like "He stepped out to get you a snack. I didn't understand everything he said, but he definitely mentioned some kind of German pastry." "Holy shit, he's the perfect man." (When Hermann finally gets to take Newt home, Newt's in the passenger seat all "As soon as we're in our bedroom, I'm gonna ride your dick so good, baby. No amount of painkillers could make me forget how to fuck you good."

Anonymous said: Ur fic abt newmann making a porn reminded me of 1 of my fav newmann headcanons: Newt loves to tease Hermann abt what a successful porn star he (H) would be. "Oh, just think of how much money I could make frm recording u: sexy physicist fingers himself! Adorable scientist begs to be fucked! Pretty lil mathematician begs for permission to come! Willowy scientist gets his nipples played with&wakes up the entire country with his slutty lil screams! Scientist presents his ass for a thorough fucking!"

Anonymous said: (no additonal commentary required) Newt: I'm young, dumb, and full of cum!

Anonymous said: Hermann managing to fuck the Precursors out of Newton, who tries to have Hermann awarded some sort of medal of valor.

Anonymous said: One time Newmann tried switching it up, having Newt ignore Hermann while Hermann pleasured Newt. It didn't work because Newt has no self control and he wouldn't stop petting Hermann's hair and moaning and hollering about how good and pretty and perfect Hermann is.

Anonymous said: (re i think this fic? i write so much hospital bedside fic...) The first time they have sex after Newt's finally been released from medical, Hermann is just all kinds of sweet and gentle with him. "Is this too much, darling?" and "Calm yourself, liebling. Let me do the work." and "Slow down, sweet boy. You're going to hurt yourself." Eventually Newt's like "I'm not gonna break, babe! Lemme just..." "Shh, next time you can be as rough as you want with me." "Promise?" "I promise." "Next time I'm gonna fuck you so hard, baby."

Anonymous said: Newton making it his new job to make sure that Hermann has ALL of his needs seen to is my new jam. Like, he's still objectively obnoxious but now with a side order of willingness to fuck his math husband raw whenever he asks for it.

Anonymous said: Newt riding Hermann's dick and, between sighs & moans & gasps, saying all the sappy lovey-dovey things he wants with Hermann. "We're gonna have a cute little cottage somewhere secluded with lots of cats! And I'll chop plenty of firewood to keep you warm! I'll be your personal lumberjack! All I'll provide you with all the beautiful dresses and warm clothes you could ever need! And we'll have a huge library! And you'll want for nothing!" And Hermann's just like "Yes, that sounds perfect, darling."

Anonymous said: Newt bending Hermann over a desk/their bed. Gently petting Hermann's hair and softly kissing Hermann's shoulderblades. All while he (Newt) pounds into Hermann's sexy flat ass. "Hermann baby you feel so good I love you so much I love all your little gasps and moans and how you can't keep your hips still and you're always so beautiful but this is the beauty that only I get to see when you're a wild moaning mess oh god you're gonna get the nicest bath after this get you all cleaned up for bedtime."

Anonymous said: (re: this ask) Oh man imagine how absolutely slutty Newton would get on Snapchat if he thought that Hermann wasn't picking up what he was laying down (meanwhile Hermann is going through multiple boxes of tissues because of the constant blood nose, he's constantly in a state of arousal, everything reminds him of Newton, just hearing the Snapchat notification is enough to turn him on).

Anonymous said: Newt usually loves parties, but once he and Hermann get together, he always passes on new year's parties. Like, why go to a new year's party when he could instead ring in the new year by fucking Hermann senseless? And of course spoiling him in all kinds of soft sweet ways as well.

Anonymous said: NEWT: "Hermann, babe, I know you're not as into Halloween as I am, but do I still get my Halloween ;)treat;) from you?" HERMANN: "...You might, if I had any idea what you're referring to." NEWT: "Ugh, how can you be so smart, and still so clueless? I want to blow you!" HERMANN: "Oh! Well, far be it from me to object..." NEWT: "But I wanna dress you up first! Because it's in the Halloween spirit, and also I found an extra lacy corset that I really REALLY wanna see you in!" Also, Newt's biggest weakness in regards to Hermann in corsets, is Hermann in corsets with big bows on the lower back. Newt loves anything that draws attention to Hermann's precious, perfect flat butt.

Anonymous said: A while ago you said something about Newt having both a praise kink AND a shame kink, and I think Hermann would be perfect at fulfilling Newt's needs there. "Newton, you're such a sweet and pretty boy. Why do you insist on acting like such a little tart?" and "There we are, darling. Can you come for me like the sweet, filthy boy you are?" and "You're such a darling little slut."

Anonymous said: Newt totally gets panties that say "Property of Doctor Hermann Gottlieb"

#ill probably do one more big one and then....all done #newmann #not sfw /////

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xellzios · 7 years ago

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World

Part I || Part II

Here is the continuation of the 6-part series, and the last. I might write some interconnected one-shots or mini fics that are related to this fic eventually. Any prompts and hc are welcome, but I can only write one per week.

As I said, this was a request by @thaislovekanetou. A big thanks to you and @mamasaiko for reading. I had fun (especially when the fluffy became angsty, lol). Also thank you for @kingkishou for making the wonderful artwork I used in the story. :)

PREVIEW:

Hope. Was this the life that they were fighting for?

If so, then it finally put a meaning to the word king.

IV.

Darkness.

She felt nothing at the moment, devoid of any thoughts or feelings.

Was she dead? She wondered, her mind hazy.

She couldn’t recognize where she was, nor could she remember much of what happened. She remembered blood and doves, the way Hinami fell and how she held her, and lastly, the feeling of blacking out. There was no pain.

It did not matter now.

She was dead, right? What else could be the possible explanation for all the darkness that had currently wrapped her? It was darker than the night, with no possible source or form of light near. She felt cold as she tried to stir her hands into motion.

If this is the underworld, she had hoped she could at least move or speak.

Warmth?

The hand that she tried to move suddenly felt warm to touch. It was good and relieving, a good contrast to the darkness and cold she was feeling.

Touka-chan?

The voice, was it Ken’s? Was he calling her back? Strange, his voice did not sound pained at all, it sounded worried. Did he follow her here? Please no.

Slowly, she opened her eyes. She squinted in the darkness, her eyes not yet used to the intensity of the light from her surroundings. With how little light there was, she guessed that it was already night time, as there was only a faint yellow light in the corner.

And there, stood before her, was Ken.

He looked so tired and worn out, with bandages littered all over him. There was worry written all over his face as he held her hand with both of his.

She made it? But what was the cost?

Eyes wide in realization, she suddenly tried to sit down, gasping for air she didn’t know she had been breathing. Her whole body shook and screamed at her for her effort, and her throat felt so dry and raw. She could hear how her heart roared inside her chest at the realization. “Hi.. nami!”

“Calm down.” Ken reassured her, placing both of his hands on her shoulders to anchor her back into the bed. “Hinami’s safe. We’re ok, the child is too.”

She looked at him, wide-eyed and gaping like a fish. Slowly, her hands went into her stomach, as if she wanted to confirm and reassure herself that it was there, that it was safe. Tears trickled unknowingly from her eyes, and before she knew it, she was already crying her heart out. She was relieved, so very relieved, that she thought all of this wasn’t real.

And yet, the warmth that radiated from Ken’s body as he held her close was enough for her to feel safe, to feel that she too, was alive.

They made it.

The following weeks had been rough for the one-eyed king. Not only did he feel like he failed his people, he felt like he had failed his loved ones. Nightmares haunted him regularly, all fueled by the fact that he almost lost Touka, almost lost everyone.

As if to add salt to the wound, Touka herself hadn’t been feeling really well. Her recovery had been slow, and it pained him every time she threw out whatever food they tried to feed her. It had been three months since the CCG attacked GOAT and yet she was still weak and famished, with her form growing thin in each passing day. The only consolation that he thought of was that she had completely recovered from her wounds. She had also reverted back to her usual self, as if the events of the 24th ward didn’t happen.

A charade? It made him think, because he didn’t know if his decision to keep it was right.

He felt like soon enough, he had to intervene and make her realize that this wasn’t worth it. Not only was she growing weak from the pregnancy, he felt like the child too, was not getting the necessary nutrients it needed in order to grow. It was evident with the fact that the bulge in her stomach was barely even noticeable.

It didn’t feel right anymore.

As he wandered back to the small cottage after the meeting that had just concluded, he kept thinking on how he could tell Touka that he felt like the pregnancy was futile. He was sure she would protest, but that did not stop him from trying.

He couldn’t lose her. Not again, not after the disastrous fight that happened in the 24th ward.

He steeled himself and sighed, because he already knew how this would go. And when he felt that he was strong enough, he opened the door. “Touka-chan?”

The room was eerily quiet that if he hadn’t seen her figure he would have thought she wasn’t home. But as he stood by the pillar of their room, what greeted her was a sight he never imagined.

Her eyes were wide and curious, as she stared down at the slight bulge that emanated from her stomach. One of her hand was splayed curiously in the protrusion, as if she felt something she shouldn’t, while the other supported her frame. He would’ve panicked, except for the fact that the look in her face was that of disbelief, that she herself couldn’t fathom to think that whatever was happening wasn’t real.

But what made him the most surprised was the way the tears fell from her eyes.

They were not tears of pain, nor of sadness. And he couldn’t help but wonder what happened that enabled her to feel this way. She seemed not to have heard him, because her gaze was still glazed.

“Touka?” He repeated her name. This time she turned to look at him, eyes still wide with surprise. He didn’t know if he should be worried or not.

So instead, he went beside her, his heart in turmoil while he tried to mouth the words he wanted to say. Yet his throat felt tight and painful, as if it was burned.

It was Touka who broke the uncomfortable silence when she produced a half sob, taking his hand and putting it in a specific area near her belly.

Movement?

It was faint, almost fleeting that at first, he thought it was a fragment of his own imagination. A few moments later, he felt it again and his eyes widened in surprise at the gesture. He looked at Touka and he realized how much his eyes mirrored her own. “Is that..?”

Touka nodded, her own eyes gracious, brimming with unshed tears of hope. Her eyes were drawn to his face, and Touka finally found a light that spread across his features despite his exhaustion. Her smile grew and the warmth of the scene mesmerized her, her hands moving to lightly trace patterns against the skin of his that rested in her abdomen.

She knew it was overwhelming for both of them. For Ken, it was strange and at the same time, it felt frighteningly beautiful to feel a life fighting to survive and earn its rightful place in this world. He gently stroked the exposed skin in her belly, trying to find comfort in the small movements of the child. How did he ever think of letting go of this?

It was the first time he felt such movement from an expectant mother, and it suddenly filled him with a swell of emotions he never realized existed. He felt butterflies in his stomach and he felt like his heart was full. He could only imagine how Touka must have been feeling at the moment, as the scene he unveiled finally caught up with him. And then he realized, it was the first time he finally came to terms that he was about to become a father.

Hope. Was this the life that they were fighting for?

If so, then it finally put a meaning to the word king.

The quiver in her belly made her flinch as something turned and twisted. She let her hand fall down to rest over the swell until the child under her palms stilled. The baby didn’t seem to care for being stationary any more than the mother did, and Touka found herself pacing back and forth in the room just to calm it. When she stopped, she traced the glass on the window as she looked outside, only to find Ayato and Hinami playing with the children. It warmed her heart how peaceful they looked, and she hoped that her child would be able to experience the same.

“Are you both okay?” Once Touka heard the familiar husky voice in her ear, she leaned back into the pair of arms that she knew would already be waiting for her. In a way, she was surprised it took him long enough to even come back, given that he almost spent every waking moment by her side the last few months.

“We’re fine.” Her cheeks were flushed. Up until now, she still wasn’t quite used to this gesture and his everyday fussing. Sometimes it felt like he was the real mother hen in their relationship, save for the fact that she was the one carrying their child.

She could think about all the things Ken Kaneki was good at, including fighting, and yet the very first thing that could come into her mind recently with the mention of his name was how he took care of her, Hinami, and even the Zero Squad kids.

Shio practically clung to him like a younger brother did. When he knew that Ken was home, he’d pop up and then to visit with the other children, sometimes even requesting home-cooked meals or books to borrow. And as quiet as Yusa and Li were, she knew they shared the same sentiments as Shio.

Ken took her hands into his, practically ignoring what she said as his fingers curled around hers. In turn, she turned into his arms and curled into his chest, appreciating the warmth that radiated from him. “You don’t have to ask four times in a day.”

She appreciated it, a lot in fact. But it got into her nerves sometimes how repetitive it was.

“I… I know,” he responded, hesitant. She didn’t miss the tension in his voice. “But I worry anyway. I just –” He cut off, shaking his head into her hair as he held her as tight as he could. The months had been rough for him, Touka knew. Not only did they have to move deeper within the 24th ward, the security and rebuilding he had to do as one-eyed king took a lot of his time, especially after the events of the raid that happened a few months back.

She knew he wasn’t over that, for during the evening when everything was at peace, it was his soul that couldn’t escape from the nightmares of that day. Even in the best of times that the recent months had dared to provide, the pain and guilt still lingered with him, and left him on an overprotective streak with her. The warmth from their bodies must have helped him, as the tightness in his grip slowly eased.

After a few moments of peace between them, Touka moved away and reached behind herself as she pressed against a spot at the small of her back.

“Touka-chan, you’re not pushing yourself now, are you?” His eyes looked worried and she let out a sigh.

“Kaneki!” She put as much indignation as she could into her voice and pouted. “I keep telling you, I’m fine. It’s driving me mad that you keep repeating this.” She sighed the last out. “This is just a backache, I’ve been having it on and off recently.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” He inhaled, pondering on her words. “I can get you something from the outside, maybe another set of pillows for you to rest against.”

“No, what we have is fine. Besides, it feels more comfortable to sleep next to you than to drown in pillows.”

He chuckled lightly from her comment, and yet it did not quite reach his eyes. “Would you like a massage instead?”

Touka paused, pondering on the suggestion. “I can take the last suggestion.”

Carefully, she turned and sat on their bed, leaving enough room so that Ken had access to her back. She really appreciated his presence during this pregnancy, being as hands-on as he could be. Briefly she wondered if she would have survived this far if he wasn’t around. He was there with every morning sickness, going as far as holding her together when she became too sick or too weak to move. He also gave in to her every craving, even going back to the city just to buy the things that she would only try to retch later on. And now that the child has grown big enough in her belly, he was the one who made sure she was always comfortable, not that he ever failed to do so in the first place.

He paused, Touka noticed, probably trying to figure out what to do to make sure he was actually helping in some way. When he felt comfortable enough, he settled his hands on her shoulders and began to slowly move them, easing the tension in her muscles. Touka let out a breath at the touch, feeling a sensation of relief with his every stroke.

“Touka-chan, your shoulders are so tense,” Ken commented from behind her. Touka let out a hum, closing her eyes as she fell under her husband’s touch. The gesture continued for some time, as well as the silence that enveloped both of them.

After a while, Touka felt like something was amiss. It was evident in the tension of his strokes. Briefly she considered letting it pass, but her heart had another plan it seemed, as it bothered her a lot more than she could ever think. “Kaneki,” she started, breaking the uncomfortable silence between them. “Are you overthinking again?”

His actions halted with the question that she had to turn around and face him. He turned away from her and hid his face as he attempted a lie. “N-no.”

She put the palm of her hand in her forehead as she sighed. “Don’t do that with me.” Gently, she reached over to him to turn his face towards her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong Touka-chan.” The false cheeriness in Ken’s voice would have fooled anyone, but not her. She fixed him a glare that could have pierced through him; and she held that gaze for a few good minutes until he sighed in defeat.

“Alright. I was just thinking,” he started, hesitating on how he would continue. She could see how much he struggled to find the words to speak, as his eyes moved around to see anything but hers. When he finally spoke again, it was too quiet for Touka to hear.

She frowned and leaned in. “What did you say?”

Conflicted, Ken closed his eyes and breathed in a large gulp of air. In one swift motion he suddenly blurted, “I don’t know if I’m cut out to be a father.”

Silence settled between them as Touka blinked at him owlishly. She felt it was absurd for him to think like that, given how much of a mother hen he was. But while she knew her husband appreciated her honesty, this sort of subject seemed like another one where tact was appreciated more. “What makes you say that?”

His lips thinned into an unhappy line, as he avoided looking at her still. He did not respond to her question at all, which frustrated her.

The answer came to Touka in a sudden flash of insight and she sighed. The world was still tainted with blood, so the dangers and the possibilities of conflicts were still ever present, not to mention his own painful childhood.

“I don’t know anything about being a father,” he said quietly, his eyes contemplative and downcast. “I don’t know how – how to comfort a child, how to care for them when they are sick,” he sighed in frustration, passing a hand over his hair. “I don’t even know how to make them happy. I never had a father, so no matter how much I wished I had a good example to follow, I can’t think of anything.”

As if the child felt his father’s frustrations, she got a sharp kick on the side of her abdomen, which caused her to gasp. The movements had been varying in intensity lately, but she felt like the child itself was doing acrobatics in her womb. Gently, she put her palm in his cheeks, urging him to look at her as he put a hand over hers. “Kaneki, no one is a perfect parent.”

Her words seemed to have a direct effect on him, as his eyes widened. She knew this wasn’t enough to solve this, as he had always thought he wasn’t enough for anyone. So instead, she told him about her own fears. “I’m also scared. No actually, I am absolutely terrified,” she opened up, her eyes downcast. “I grew up trying to raise Ayato, but as you know, I felt like my efforts weren’t enough,” she smiled painfully, remembering when her brother left her. There devastating emptiness and desperation she felt as he slipped within her grasp, and it hurt a lot back then. “My mother… she died before I even really knew her. And as you know, it destroyed the kind father that I had.”

At this time, she was already holding him in her arms, his face resting in the crook of her neck. Her heart ached at the thought of her parents, whom she still longed to see after all these years. “But you know, this is our chance to make our child see that it’s our hope and dreams. We will make mistakes, but I am confident that the child would grow well and loved – because it has you for a father.”

Touka put his hand where the child was actively kicking, as if to remind him that the fruit of their love was alive and could feel its parents’ plight. She could sense warm liquid seeping into her dress, and yet she made no mention of it. Instead, she opted for the comfortable silence that settled between them, as if nodding at their understanding.

She never told Ken that she sometimes woke up when he touched her belly. On nights that he felt insecure and flooded by nightmares, she knew that he found comfort in her presence, and yet it was the child where he drew the source of his strength. Sometimes she would catch him as he murmured whispers, kissing the growing bulge. On other days, she would find his hands protectively splayed across her stomach, as if he was shielding the child, as if to tell it that its father was there. “Some things you just learn by doing, and parenthood is one of them,” she whispered wistfully.

Ken was silent, and for a heartbeat she was terrified that her words hadn’t reached him. But then a wry smile suddenly graced his lips, chuckling. “What would I do without you?”

“Wallow in guilt and self-hatred whenever you messed up,” she responded, unamused as she pinched his face.

As if it had sensed the apprehension that had started to dissipate from both of them, the child decided to kick Touka hard in the ribs, causing her to double over. “Ugh, I can’t wait for this brat to come out. My womb had become its punching bag.”

Ken laughed, any lingering tension fading away. He kissed her forehead and Touka closed her eyes at the gesture, as one of his hands comfortably settled in the curve of her stomach.

‘You already are a great father.’

VI.

‘A boy.’ Ken told himself as he looked down at their child.

It was the first time that held him, and he looked so fragile and tiny at his touch. He brushed a thumb over his forehead and through those first wisps of black hair, only to find that the child had opened his eyes for the first time.

‘Touka’s eyes.’

‘Hello little one.’ He was still reeling from the fact that the child was actually here, born from Touka’s insurmountable strength and will. He couldn’t believe it, and if someone asked, he would tell them that maybe he was just dreaming. Bright and curious eyes interrupted his train of thought as they looked at him. Ken felt like his son could see through his soul at that moment, and it surprised him when the child suddenly gripped his finger.

His son.

There was a certain warmth in knowing that this was the product of their union. He felt like his heart was ready to burst at the moment, overwhelmed by emotion and happiness. Gently, he kissed his son’s forehead, with the resolve that could shatter a million tragedies.

A gift, a gift that he never thought the heavens were capable of giving. It was too much, and all he could ask for.

So, this was how it felt like to hope for a future. If this was the reason why he fought, he could fight anything.

When Touka woke up, the scene was quite different from what she remembered it to be. It was more peaceful and quiet, and it did not take her long to figure out and remember what happened yesterday.

As soon as the thought of the baby fully hit her, Touka’s eyes grew wide. With what strength she could muster from her tired body, she tried to sit up slightly as she examined her stomach. When she felt the empty bulge that protruded, her gaze began to scan around the bedroom in a small panic. She came into a quick realization that she wasn’t alone, as her eyes darted on a figure who stood near the window, seemingly engrossed with the little bundle that he was holding in his arms.

For a moment, she just sat there to simply watch as the new father gently rocked the small bundle to sleep. She couldn’t help but to give a small, tired little smile at the sight she met, noticing the serene and peaceful look on his face. She didn’t really want to make any noise, but she had guessed that Ken noticed her anyway because he suddenly approached her, his eyes shining with warmth.

It was the first time she saw him look like this, as if he was holding the world in his hands.

“How long was I asleep?” her voice was raspy, her throat felt rough from misuse.

“A few hours, give or take,” he responded, settling down in the side of the bed to show her the new addition to their little family.

‘A beautiful, baby boy.’

Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest as she took in the incredible sight before her, emotions running on a tumultuous pace. Ken gently and carefully handled the bundle into her care, so that their son could finally get to meet his mother.

“He takes after his father,” Touka murmured as she cradled the sleeping child close against her. Her hands fought between shaking and staying steady, which may have been partly why she kept him rested against her arm and body. Even though she’d been with child for so long, actually holding her son in her arms was a new and unexpected sensation, one that she never thought could even happen.

Ken could feel his wife’s sides fluttering against his, fighting between crying and laughing from relief. A glimpse of her eyes also showed him that they were gleaming with unshed tears, while her mouth kept tugging into a grin. He himself had been reeling from the fact that their child was finally, finally here, amidst the severity of the situation and the complications that came along with it. It was heartwarming to witness this scene, despite how tired he was. At that moment, his own world had been narrowed to the wife and son that lay in front of him, as his mind spun in euphoric circles. In a hushed tone, Touka finally spoke, “He has your hair, and your nose.”

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, marveling at the peaceful sight who was oblivious of his parents. With a tug, Ken drew his wife and son against his chest. “And your eyes. I hope he inherits your strength,”

“And your kindness,” she finished for him.

Hope.

The word was a melody to her ears. In that moment, it was as if dawn has finally broken in the world that was filled with darkness, as she marveled at the sight before her. She gave her son a small peck in the forehead, and as if he sensed his mother’s presence, he put one tiny hand forward to lightly grasp her cheek.

‘So, this is what it felt like? To have your world suddenly light up at the sight of your child.’

Everything felt right. It felt strange, and yet it was unsurprisingly the most beautiful moment in her life. At that point in time, all the pain and suffering she had experienced to bring him into a world seemingly fleeted out of her system.

And like Ken, it felt like she was holding the world in her arms.

“Welcome to our world, Kazuki.”

Note: Kazuki is from Japanese 一 (kazu) meaning “one” or 和 (kazu) meaning “harmony, peace” combined with 輝 (ki) meaning “brightness”, 希 (ki) meaning “hope” or 樹 (ki) meaning “tree”, as well as other combinations of kanji characters. I’d like to think that the Kazuki in this story will mean “one hope“ or “harmony and hope”

That’s it for this short piece. I recommend that you guys read it from the start. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it! Feedback is appreciated. :)

World || Hope || Life || Strength || Will || Closure

#touken #kaneki x touka #kaneki ken #touka kirishima #kanetou #tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul:re #tokyo ghoul re #my fic #my fanfiction #touken fanfiction #shar.writes

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roses-and-oceans · 8 years ago

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So I'm kinda debating writing this out but I decided to anyway. On and off, I've been writing posts about how I'm feeling and then deleting them. Its become sorta cathartic but I just don't seem to do it that often anymore i keep things inside. I wish I can put things under cuts on mobile because gosh darn it I don't want you all to go through a wall of text and it not be a fic. I mean I know every one's going to ignore this and no one cares but hey, I'll give it a go before I fall asleep. Hopefully I feel better after writing this. EDIT:I feel miles better! Honestly I would have never gotten this off my chest if I did not write this. I feel... Undeserving. Undeserving of many things and people. It was an apparent issue, I realized, when I wanted to write fics. I thought I was selfish of me to indulge in something so pleasurable. Just reading fics made me happy but if I also wrote things, then I'd just muck it up and be hunted down like, "hOE DARE YOU. YOU ARE SO SELFISH.WHY" And its not that fic writing is a bad thing!! Its just I'm not allowed. Like everyone can have fun except me because I'm not worth it, I'm not allowed. Why? Goodness knows. I still feel like that sometimes. Like no one will read it, but then there'll be this witch hunt for me, asking for my severed head on a stick. And that's the case for most things. I try to make myself small, quiet. For the sake of not disturbing others, not getting in the way, not ruining things. So that way I don't have anyone hate me. And I guess that's why I'm the way I am. I don't want to be hated. I don't want to be disliked. I mean this modern age its not possible LOL but still I try my best. I make myself moldable and flexible for the sake of others. I try not to breathe around them as much so as to not disturb them. Also another reason why I am the way I am is because I was actually hated when I was younger. I know, "get over it" lmao, and in some cases I am. But being hated by so many people, kids and adults alike... And no one did anything to stop, to see me, to wonder why. Ehh. C'est la vie. I guess the "lessons" forced upon me had stayed. I was taught that I ruin everything, that I was useless, stupid, fat and ugly. And honestly back then I just shrugged and continued reading my books. But I guess I didn't block everything out haha! And so I've always thought I was insignificant. That I was merely here. I've never actually thought about my future, so Ive never gone to college, not really sure what to do career-wise. A lot of friends in high school were like, "yeah everyone had to do this thing for college we went to councilors and and now we're all set! :)" and I was like WAIT WHAT LOL WAS I ABSENT THAT DAY WAS I NOT PAYING ATTENTION WE HAVE THE SAME CLASSES BRUH But I guess I just thought I wasn't worth the extra effort so I really didn't pursue anything I didn't ask questions. Because I thought I wasn't worth it. Thinking about it, its really stupid. Like hello!!! I'm supposed to go out there and get what I want right?? But then I think why? And no answer comes because I don't see myself succeeding. I graduated high school, and right when I left, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I've never thought I'd live a long life. I just don't see it. Like what am I going to be doing??? Not much probs lol. I see myself as a background character, a stepping stone to another ledge. I don't see myself as particularly special. Kinda don't mind it. Like really I'm just here to enjoy food and music and video games until I can't anymore lol. I guess you can say I don't see myself. Also, another reason why I don't think of myself is because I feel I'll get too greedy. I don't want that I am so terrified. I do not want to be entitled and snobby. I'd rather go without so some one else can have things and it's just... Ahhhhhh. I don't want to be greedy. Its a really big fear of mine. I guess I don't talk to anyone about it is because its just so... Frequent. I already have one person who just is sick and tired of hearing it, bless his soul. He has a saint's patience and lord knows its been tested. But I see it getting shorter and shorter and I just revert to making myself seem better, like hi hello yes I am function ing quite well today. I don't think I'm worth the stress. And its not that im talking his ear off and stuff like I'm not like DROP EVERYTHING AND FOCUS ON ME I NEED U TO MAKE ME FEEL BETER. Because I don't think I am he says I don't talk enough. But its whenever I bring up the topic the convo gets shorter and shorter. He's lthe loveliest person he is amazing. He is such a good person!! Just I drive him mad sometimes lol. Im afraid of being manipulative. I don't want that either. I don't want to harm anyone like that but I'm afraid I am. I don't want people or things to cater to me. I think one of the thing that got to me more recently was my birthday. I know, lmao, bitch it was like two months ago get ooovr ittt. Its just. I'm grateful for the good times in between the bad, but it was the most miserable birthday of my life. Things were so chaotic, so heart wrenchingly sad, that I felt I wasn't going to be able to celebrate. Like I felt I was going to be erased. Friends were there, which was really good! Family... Not so much. I guess it comes with being the oldest. Haha I don't think I even had a cake or anything lmao. Honestly I don't care but I had loads of fun with my friends. But i guess its just the fact with everything going on, I was placed in the way way way back. Haha how selfish of me; things come up!!! And its okay!!! Just my birthdays have always been like that and if even the universe is like "nah is just a regular day" then it kinda just sticks to me that my bday isn't really worth it. I also feel like I'm doing everything wrong. Like even though I'm doing everything right, every single thing written down I'm following it to the T, but I'm still failing, still doing things wrong, still not getting any where while everyone is succeeding. And so I will be labeled as an idiot, stupid, useless and hated for it and banished, like I was so long ago. I feel like after reading this, people will actually hate me lol. Like people are like OMG U ARE SO STUPID WTF and just walk away. Like I'll be alone. And I guess?? If that were to happen?? Idk... I have a list of things to remember. Number one is "be kind too myself". HA. I wrote it so I won't feel like this haha, but oh well. Its not working so much anymore. I feel like I'm creating a sob story, like Boohoo bitch you think too much. Eh. Well its getting late and I should sleep. I'm so sorry if anyone has read this mess. Im not looking for pity or anything. Ijust wanted to get this out without disturbing anyone. Well I guess by posting I'll be disturbing... And I promise: I AM OKAY!!!!!!! SRSLY!!!!! if anything its just hormonal, I've been on my period for a few weeks now haha. But if any friends do stubble across this, I'm okay. Just sad and tired. I just need a nap and I'm good. Writnf this was really helpful and I was able to get what I wanted out and if I were to actually talk to someone,I'd probs stop myself and not talk about everything I just did. I wouldn't have gotten this weight lifted off me. If you stuck around haha thank you if not I hope you all have a lovely day. If I don't have a very good day, I hope yours is infinitely better!

#god please don't hate me #about me #hhhhh #I might delete later #idk maybe when I wake up #good night tumblr #not ffxv #I feel like I'm forgetting something but idk what #ahh I'm afraid to post this

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