#truly don’t let me in the kitchen bro I’ve forgotten how to cook

[ninja-go-to-therapy]

I’m cooking but I probably shouldn’t be allowed in the kitchen

[everybodyscupoftea]

rockin around the christmas tree

pike jj x reader

you and jj decorate your first apartment together

this is in the future when you and jj are in nashville :)

(warnings: cursing, implied drinking, very very little editing)

At the words, “I’ve never really decorated a tree before,” you knew immediately that you were going to go all out for JJ. You knew his childhood wasn’t great and that he didn’t really experience it in college either with living in the dorm and then the frat house, but you didn’t consider that meant he’d never really done the tree and lights shebang.

Over the month of November you started gathering up random decorations, here and there, that you thought could fit in your apartment without being a nuisance. One afternoon you convinced your mom to drive over from your hometown with some of your favorite ornaments and decorations from childhood.

She loved JJ and was plenty happy to part with them for his sake. You made sure all the bags and boxes were put away in the second bedroom and made a promise with yourself to not tell him until after Thanksgiving.

Then you got slammed with paper after paper and quiz after quiz which led you to truly forget about everything until you went in there to make sure things were all clean for guests and tripped over a box full of lights.

“Ow, fuck!” you yelped, looking down to see what you’d hit, stomach dropping when you saw it all and heard JJ coming to see what was wrong. Before he could quite get to the door, you waved him away, “All good, just stubbed my toe.”

He backed away, hesitantly, toward the kitchen where he’d been cutting the turkey for dinner. Cody and Tyler were coming into town, and you were doubly excited that they were staying the night so that you could rope them into putting up the once forgotten decorations.

Just as you finished pushing everything out of the way and clearing off the bed, there was a knock at the door. JJ called from the kitchen, “Can you grab that, sweetheart, I’m almost done with the turkey?”

“Got it,” you yelled back, practically skipping to throw the door open for your friends you hadn’t seen outside of FaceTime in months. As soon as you threw the door open, Cody, who was closest, was pulling you into a tight hug, face pressed firmly into your hair. He sighed, “Damn, smell the same, kinda nice.”

You snorted, squeezing back, “That was soft.” 

“Forgive me,” he answered sarcastically, “I just missed you is all.”

“Move,” Tyler interrupted before you could respond, elbowing Cody out of the way to hug you. You hugged back just as tight before grabbing both of them by the arms to pull them inside.

“JJ is finishing up the food, so I’ll give you guys a tour real quick and you can drop your stuff in the guest bedroom.”

“Sweet,” Cody nodded, “though I’m not sure how I feel about JJ being in control of the food.”

“Let him have it, I need to tell you guys something.”

They followed you around the whole place and ended in the second bedroom where you shut the door, Tyler smirked, “Getting us alone to pitch a foursome?”

You blinked, not prepared at all, “I-” after a few seconds gathered your thoughts, “no, I just wanted to know if you guys needed to be anywhere early tomorrow or if you could help us decorate for Christmas. JJ never has before, so I thought it could be a fun family activity.”

Before you even finished, Cody, who loved Christmas and decorating for it was nodding eagerly, “Oh fuck yeah. I’m so down. Is that why this room is so messy? Christmas decorations.”

You snorted, ��Please, I haven’t forgotten how messy y’all are, I spent so much time in that disaster of a dorm room.”

Tyler waved you off, “We’re much better now.”

“I’m sure,” you answered sarcastically.

“I am, my girlfriend whipped me into shape,” Cody told you, “our apartment looks so dope.”

“Yeah, because your girlfriend has her shit together and a Pinterest board.”

Tyler snorted, “True, you have no eye for interior design.”

Cody rolled his eyes as JJ yelled for everyone to come eat. The four of you sat around the small table you and JJ found on sale with plates heaped full of food. Before anyone could take a bite, you cleared your throat, “Okay, everyone share their lists.”

A tradition the four of you started in college was to share at least three things each person was thankful for before eating whatever you’d managed to put together for dinner, usually takeout because no one was thankful for cafeteria food and the shitty dorm kitchen.

“I’ll go first,” Tyler started, “I’m thankful for the Sixers finally playing well, my girlfriend for getting me a new job, and for you guys having a nice enough apartment to play host.”

“Wait wait wait,” JJ held his hand up, “your girlfriend got you a job?”

Tyler shrugged, “I figure if I play my cards right and don’t fuck anything up, when she finishes law school and has a nice job, I can become a trophy husband. I’ll be supportive as fuck and the  best arm candy on the planet.”

You snorted and said, “Okay, poor Emma first of all. It’s my turn though. I’m thankful for my therapist, she’s really done a lot of heavy lifting this fall, I’m thankful for JJ not burning the building down while cooking, and I’m thankful for you guys driving to see us because my separation anxiety was getting pretty bad and my poor therapist needs a break.”

Cody gave you a thumbs up, “Live to serve. My turn, I’m thankful for Liverpool sucking ass this season, I’m thankful that my girlfriend is good at everything I’m bad at because I’m pretty sure I’d have died by this point, and I’m thankful that you guys live somewhere interesting enough that I want to come visit.”

“Okay, me last,” JJ started, “I’m thankful for you guys being here even though it was kind of an inconvenient trip, I’m thankful for my boss for giving me a holiday bonus, and I’m thankful to finally get to spend a holiday in my own space. A safe space.”

Cody and Tyler, both great with emotion, held out fists for him to bump and then started eating.

-

“Okay,” you clapped your hands, startling JJ awake the next morning, ��it’s noon, we’ve slept off most of the hangover, and now we have shit to do.”

“What?” he asked, voice cracking, as he rubbed his eyes.

“It’s Christmas season, we have to decorate.”

JJ groaned, “Shopping? While I feel like this? No.”

“No need to shop, I have it all. Now get up, get dressed, and let’s do this.”

Tyler was already up when you walked out of the bedroom, and he waved, “I ordered breakfast but couldn’t find your coffee pot. Cody is sorting through the decorations, did you have a tree?”

“Yeah, I have one in the closet, we always did a real tree at home, but I figured we should start small and see how it goes.”

“Good plan. I think Cody has a Christmas playlist ready. He’s so excited, could barely sleep.”

He followed you to the kitchen and leaned against the door frame while you made coffee. You chuckled, “Yeah, I know how much he loves Christmas. I’m honestly kind of surprised we never did a group decorating thing like this before.”

“Well,” Tyler crossed his arms, “we did the small trees in the dorm, but JJ didn’t want to buy one for himself so it didn’t really count. And then decorating the frat house was just not worth the effort.”

You passed him a mug and he took a sip while you answered, “JJ never really seemed super interested either. I mean I was going to keep it chill this year too but he brought it up.”

“Cody said you had a whole bunch of homemade stuff.”

“Yeah, my mom brought it to me. I was thinking of making JJ do some of the ornaments to make it even but I’m not sure he’d go for that.”

Tyler snorted, “Man’s a simp, he’d do it for you.”

“Who’s a simp?” Cody asked, walking into the kitchen to take the second mug.

“All three of you,” you told him, grabbing the creamer out of the fridge for him.

He took a sip and shrugged, “Yeah, true. But who are we discussing in particular now?”

“JJ. Whether he’d made homemade ornaments,” Tyler responded.

“He definitely would,” Cody nodded, “I would too. Is that on today’s agenda?”

“It is not. But I mean, if you guys want to make us some in the future and mail them, I’ll gladly hang them on the tree.”

“Deal.”

 “What’s the deal?” JJ asked, finally joining the rest of you.

“Nothing, drink some coffee and we’ll decorate.”

-

After the food arrived and everyone ate, Cody did in fact have a Christmas playlist queued, and he hooked it up to the speaker to blast in the living room. Tyler strung lights around, and JJ told you, “We should just keep these up after Christmas.”

By the time the two of you had struggled to get the tree put together and in a good spot, you added, “Maybe we don’t take the tree down either. We can just decorate it for every holiday.”

Tyler laughed, “Don’t be those guys.”

“We will,” JJ vowed, “we will absolutely be those guys. I just broke a sweat.”

“I will come back for New Years and start a riot if the tree is still up. You laugh like I’m joking, but I will,” Tyler told the two of you.

Cody was barely paying attention, reaching up to put an ornament on the tree when you stopped him, “JJ has to put the first one up.”

JJ gave you a weird look, “What? Why?”

“Bro,” Tyler told you, “lowkey this is a foursome.”

“No, it’s so not.”

“But, it kinda is. We’re taking JJ’s Christmas tree decorating virginity.”

“That’s so-” JJ paused, “okay the logic works a little but I don’t like it.”

“I hate you all,” you groaned, handing JJ an ornament and gently shoving him toward the tree.

“You don’t,” Cody singsonged from his spot across the room.

When everything  was done, Cody turned all the lights off in the room and JJ plugged the tree in. Tyler flipped all the lights he’d put out on and the four of you stood in the doorway to take it all in. 

JJ sighed, “Kinda love it. It’s going to be such a pain to take down, but it feels good.”

“A good family decorating day,” Cody added, “next year we’ll make ornaments.”

You laughed, “Sure.”

Wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, JJ hummed, “Gonna miss our Christmas this year.”

Tyler looked a little teary eyed, “Yeah, we can FaceTime though.”

“Are you crying?” Cody asked incredulously.

“It’s the hangover,” Tyler denied, wiping his eyes.

Cody rolled his eyes, “Sure it is. I’m gonna miss you guys too.”

“Group hug,” you said, holding your arms out. For the first time in a while and the last time for an even longer while, you hugged your boys close. You sniffled, pulling back, “Bring your girlfriends next time. They’re always welcome too.”

They nodded and left after one more hug. JJ and you sat on the couch, soaking in the sudden silence. You leaned into his side and he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, “Movie, sweetheart?”

“Please,” you answered, “Home Alone.”

~

day four of @obxmermaid​‘s holiday challenge: decorating the tree

[twosidesofthesameidiot]

You Had Me At Cupcake

Characters : Gwen; Lancelot

Warnings: none 

Word count : 1325

Summary : Gwen has a paper due in two days, and the really distracting new barista is the only one on duty today. Gwencelot Coffee Shop AU

A/N: Well, there is my first attempt at a coffee shop AU. Ngl, it was difficult at times. The biggest thank you to @rangerofthesouth for helping me through this, and for the name! ILY, bro. 

This falls under the meet-cute, i think

Gwen shook the snow from her hair and shoes as she pushed open the door of The Cryptic Dragon. 

The warmth was nearly too much after the biting winds outside and she hurried to take off her thick coat. 

Coat removed, Gwen felt comfortably warm, with sensation returning to her toes, fingers and nose. 

She dropped her coat on the back of her chair and her bag on the table. 

Today was very obviously a slow day for the - place. 

Gwen had never found a word that quite described The Cryptic Dragon. Some, like Merlin's friend Gwaine, might call it a pub. Others, like Elena, might call it a café. Disreputable, Fine Dining Establishment, a front for an elaborate pyramid scheme, and a waste of space are among the other categories she has encountered in relation to the place. 

To Gwen it was a perfect place to work. As long as she ordered a drink every now and then she was left to work through her never-ending mountain of assignments. 

It helped that one of her best friends worked here and was the owner's nephew. 

What did not help, however, was the newest barista/waiter. He was very unhelpful in that he was distracting. Not that he was actively being so, just his presence was enough. 

He was Merlin's friend. Best friend, probably, from the way they went on. From what Gwen had seen, Merlin was actually open with him. The smiles were genuine in a way that Gwen rarely saw around other people. 

That was the first thing Gwen had noticed about the distracting new addition to the team. 

The second thing she had noticed was his smile, it was a real smile which reached his eyes. And his eyes were really very pretty. 

His voice was amazing too. 

Gwen had almost forgotten that she was meant to be giving him her order, that first time, and was truly grateful that Merlin had not been there to witness the scene. 

And he was coming out from the kitchen now with a tray of fresh cinnamon rolls. 

His emergence roused the three other people who were there and they immediately lined up at the counter as Gwen made her way slowly to join them, praying that Merlin would magically appear and save her from this situation. 

Merlin, the traitor, did not appear and Gwen was left to manage the interaction as best she could. 

"Hi," his voice was every bit as musical as she remembered, "Gwen, right?" 

He knew her name? 

"Uhh, yeah, that's me." Gwen twisted her rings trying to think of what to say next, "I, uh, I don't think we've met?" 

"Oh, no we haven't," his eyes widened and he grimaced, "sorry! That sounded really creepy. I'm Lance, Merlin's friend." 

Gwen took the extended hand, he - Lance - had a good grip, and his hand was warm, "I'm Gwen, but you already know that. How do you know Merlin?" 

"We met in high school," Lance looked at her for a moment, "I don't know how much you know about that, um, and you? How long have you known him?" 

"We met first year uni, I watched him get into and almost win a fight against Arthur Pendragon," Gwen smiled, "I helped him with the minor injuries sustained because his uncle would kill him if he found out." 

"Gauis might have," Lance shrugged, "But then, where would he get staff on short notice?"

There was now a tray with a cinnamon roll and a mug of hot chocolate on it sitting atop the counter. 

Noticing Gwen's look of surprise Lance grinned, "Merlin left very specific instructions, said you have a paper due in two days." 

He was on the other side of the counter now, picking up the tray. 

Falling into step with him, Gwen frowned, "Where is he? He's usually working today." 

"Terribly sorry m'lady, but that is information I cannot divulge at the present time," He shrugged apologetically although his tone was anything but. 

Realising that she was back at her table, with sustenance Gwen shook her head, "Thank you, Lance." 

"My pleasure, just call if you need anything." 

Gwen watched him disappear back into the kitchen before she sat down.

The hours slipped away and the next time Gwen took stock of her surroundings there were a few more people filling up the tables that were haphazardly strewn about the room. 

Her paper was nearly done. All that was left was to go over it a few times and fine tune it, and that could wait until tomorrow. 

When she returned from the washroom, she found Freya waiting at the counter and joined her, deciding today was not the day to go home and cook something. 

Lance appeared with a bowl of stew which he handed to Freya, nested in a dishtowel. 

"What kind of stew is that? I don't think I've ever seen it here before?" Gwen shot a questioning look at Lance who smiled. 

"It's special, off the menu if you like. What can I get for you Gwen? Merlin didn't leave instructions for lunch." 

"I'm still surprised he left instructions at all." 

Gwen looked at Freya in surprise, "You knew he left instructions?" 

"Lance told me, before he went to get my stew." she shrugged, "You should get today's special." 

"Uh, okay, I'll meet you back at my table." 

"I'll bring it to you, you don't have to wait here." 

"Thanks!" Gwen had barely finished the word before Lance disappeared into the kitchen. 

"You know Lance?" Gwen couldn't keep the curiosity out of her voice. 

"Mm, yeah," Freya nodded, "we've known each other for a long time now." 

"You have?" Having reached the table, Gwen collected her papers and pens that lay on top of it. 

"Yeah," Freya smiled as she sat down, "We met Merlin separately though, none of us connected the dots for a while. How's your paper?" 

Gwen shook her head. For as long as she'd known Merlin and Freya, they  both had remained so vague about anything that happened in their pasts. "It's almost ready, and for now it's tomorrow's problem." 

"Your meal, m'lady," Lance placed a plate of spaghetti bolognaise in front of Gwen, and a coffee. 

"Thank you," Gwen smiled at him. 

"As before, my pleasure." 

"Huh, Merlin was right," Freya watched Lance weaving his way around the tables as he checked on the customers. 

"About what?" Gwen asked. 

Freya smiled at her, "Don't worry about that. What are you doing this weekend?" 

Lunch passed comfortably and Gwen felt decidedly more relaxed than she had that morning. 

Eventually she and Freya made their way to the counter to pay. When they had finished Lance tossed a securely wrapped takeaway box to Freya who immediately put it in her bag. 

"This one is on the house," Lance smiled as he handed Gwen a box with a bow on it, "Let me know if you like it?" 

"It's for Húan," Freya said as they stepped out of The Cryptic Dragon, "Gauis disproves of him getting human food, but burnt biscuits don't seem to negatively affect him, so Lance and Merlin smuggle him stuff." 

"You feed your dog Merlin's experiments too ?" Gwen asked. 

Freya laughed, "No, that could actually be dangerous." 

Now safely ensconced in Gwen's car, Freya turned to her, "What's yours?" 

"I don't know," Gwen gently pulled on the ribbon forming the bow on top of the box, "Let's find out." 

She lifted the lid off the small box. There was writing on the inside of the lid, but the cupcake was what caught her attention. 

The icing was a deep red and there were golden letters on it. 

Freya somehow read the word before Gwen did and let out a giggle. 

"Well, what do you think?" 

"I think, if you hold this for a moment," Gwen handed the box to Freya and opened her phone, grinning, "I have a date this weekend." 

[janedrakey131]

zukka hp au part 5

I’m so flattered people like this au. I didn’t think I’d be posting again so soon, but I had some more ideas last night. If you’d like to catch up:

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13

If you would like to join the tag list

My brief, very long, not at all fleshed out plan based roughly on what year Sokka is in and other associated events:

First year

Sokka’s first year is boring 

He meets Zuko, makes some friends in his house, probably a bunch of OCs

He finds the kitchens on day 2

Hogwarts just hires people who like to cook, who cares whether they’re magical beings or humans or whatever, there’s all sorts of really cool kitchen magic though

He’s always asking questions in class and you can tell why he’s a Ravenclaw

He wants to learn about everything

And once he knows how to do more than shoot a few sparks, he’s going to start inventing

He’s going to do some truly awesome things with transfiguration and potions

And I can’t wait for him to start arithmancy

Like let me tell you, Sokka is a genius, and he’s probably going to be the only one who understands magical theory 

This just ended up being a rant about Sokka, so moving on

Second year

The fun starts

Katara and Aang are finally here

Sokka doesn’t know Aang is the avatar

I’m very tempted to have both Katara and Aang be in Hufflepuff

And they run into Sokka in the kitchens

He does a double take, like who is this boy with my sister??

But Aang’s a sweet kid

So Sokka is immediately like we’re bros now, I don’t make the rules

Iroh starts working at Hogwarts (sorry, I changed my mind from herbology) as the potions professor

He comes in on the train with Zuko who just got banished (I actually...might change the specifics)

Sokka doesn’t know what to make of that

Azula is also skulking around annoying Zuzu 

But I think she secretly cares a bit and threatens anyone that looks at his scar wrong, because Zuko helped her a lot with some stuff

I think she’s going to be in the same year as Katara and Aang? I’m not sure

I have plans for Azula

I think Mai and Ty Lee are going to be in Zuko’s year, but closer to Azula

Mai and Zuko will date at some point

I think Mai will end up with Ty Lee

But she and Zuko had a short relationship

I think it was more expected of them by their families that they date

But they’re good friends now

I’m not doing this betraying and cheating and hurting other characters to find out who you are thing

Everyone is having wholesome relationships that just don’t work out

(Sidenote, I’m changing things, and characters might end up a bit OOC for atla, and I’m really sorry, but this is just wish fulfillment for me)

Anyway, there’s a plot to find the avatar 

The mini gaang (toph isn’t here yet) learn the prophecy (still working on it)

Third year

They find out about Sokka and Katara’s mom

I don’t think Hakoda really knows what happened either. I don’t think he was in the country at the time

I also have some ideas for the water tribe/fire nation beef, but I just made the realization that if I spell everything out in these posts, what’s the point of writing for Ao3 XD

But spoilers, it’s going to be pretty angsty

But I like happy endings, so I may find a way to fix it

Ish

I have this whole idea that if Suki or the Kyoshi are also werewolves, they have really cool rituals to respect and honor the moon spirit and that allows them the ability to turn into wolves whenever they want and not just the full moon

So other people can also be born as werewolves, but different groups have different ways of being a werewolf

Also, I believe I said Zuko starts following Suki around thinking she’s the avatar

And then Sokka decides to fake being the avatar (I completely forgot when I said this would happen, so I’m assuming it’s this year or the next)

This is about when Sokka’s letters to Hakoda start going on about Zuko’s everything even more

Fourth year

Zuko (Zuko’s fifth year) witnesses something unspeakable

Sokka is kidnapped

Zuko saves Sokka

That’s all the detail I have on this XD

But the unspeakable thing and the kidnapping are going to be this year’s mystery

Zuko, the idiot, still thinks Sokka is the avatar at this point

Aang is like no

But doesn’t bother to say he is

So Zuko thinks Katara is the avatar for a hot sec

But has some nonsense logic that there’s no need to stop following Sokka, because if he or his sister are the avatar, of the two, Sokka’s more likely to give something away

Which okay, Zuko, not actually terrible reasoning, except Sokka’s been leading you around by the nose for ages

There’s none of this the avatar rotates which element they can use

Because that’s predictable

And half the fun is that Zuko is trying his best, but has zero clues

Fifth year

This is the big question

I’m not sure what to do with this year

I hope Sokka can start inventing

I want him to make some cool shit

There won’t be an equivalent of the DA as far as I can see :( I can’t figure out how I’d structure that

I think it would be really cool to see them all learning how to use their elemental magic though

Toph and Zuko don’t really need the help

Katara and Aang have always had to deal with all the crap going on, so they haven’t had much time for it

I’m wondering if I should bring in Paku

Aang has it rough, because air magic users are really rare now

So I think he might work with Iroh, because he’s studied other styles of magic extensively

Sixth year

I think Mai had to figure out she was bi

I truly think Zuko doesn’t have time for gender

For like five years, he’s like DO YOU KNOW WHO THE AVATAR IS and if you don’t, he’s already forgotten who you are

So my headcanon is that he’s pan and when he and Sokka eventually get together, Sokka doesn’t know anything about his orientation and just knows he dated Mai, so he’s like “are you cool with me being a dude? Sorry, I just know you’ve dated Mai, so just checking haha?”

And Zuko’s so done with all the random crap he’s dealt with that he’s like “wow, you have a dick? Congratulations”

But then realizes Sokka’s actually concerned and talks it out

Anyway, everyone’s leveled up now, we’re all masters at elemental and non-elemental magic (seriously, Sokka could’ve sat for his NEWTs last year if he wanted to. He’s that far ahead and magic is that intuitive for him)

I have no idea what will happen this year lol

I kind of want an invasion of Hogwarts, I know I’ve been trying not to just blindly follow the books completely :/ So I guess we’ll see?

I’ll have to work on that

I’m such a sucker for the villain waits until the end of the school year to attack

Because it’s so dumb

Like I will find the avatar! *shakes fist* But education is important, kids

Like okay, Sozin

Maybe I can have Roku finally escape that mirror

I kind of want the past avatars to be spirits that anyone can interact with

But most people don’t know how

So the Kyoshi can interact with Avatar Kyoshi as well as other relevant spirits

Seventh year

????

The plot?? Who knows yet

I do know that Zuko’s graduated

And they’re all crying and like wtf do we do now

Because Sozin’s still around and they’ll miss him

And finally Zuko leaves

And he shows up as the assistant DADA professor and he’s like “Hi, Zuko here” and then he’s like “I mean, fuck, Professor Zuko, I mean, fuck...just call me Zuko. You guys all know me”

And the gaang is all like wtf Zuko, we thought we would only see you for breaks

And he’s like you really thought I’d leave you

The plan is that he’ll be an apprentice for a year or so and then take over as professor

Toph punches him so hard, Katara has to heal the bruise

I can guarantee a happy ending

I’ll do whatever angst on the way, but they’ll all be happy

I’m like 89% sure they’re all going to end up working at or around Hogwarts (why work for the government, when you can invest in teaching all these talented kids)

One more thing, there is going to be rep in this au. I know there’s at least one aro ace character. Multiple bi characters. One gay character. One pan character. One trans character that I know of, but I need to plan that out a bit more. Some of these orientations and identities, I can’t speak to personally. For instance, while I know a decent amount about the medical aspects of transitioning, I don’t think I’d be able to write the experience of gender dysphoria and give that its due right now. So unless it’s something I have first hand experience with, most of the individual emotions as part of figuring things out might happen off screen. That doesn’t mean I won’t bring up issues the characters may have had in the past, but any that I talk about, I’d have to do more research into first. Also, partly because this is mostly from Sokka and Zuko’s perspectives, we’re mostly going to be present for what other characters tell them about their experiences

I hope you continue to enjoy this au! Sorry, this got so insanely long. The next couple weeks are going to be a bit crazy for me, so I thought I’d write this up while I had the chance. I’ll be back soon though! If anyone has any suggestions or questions, please let me know :)

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13

If you would like to join the tag list

[bakingbrowes-blog]

Hey. It’s me. I know you haven’t heard from me in awhile, but I just needed you to know something. I’m sorry. I’ve been gone, and maybe you’ve been waiting, or maybe you’ve forgotten, but I’m sorry. I’m here now, and it’s all gonna be okay, I promise.

I haven’t put anything up in some time because I suck. I don’t really have an excuse or anything, I’m just lazy and forgetful. Also, Absolver came out, and I’m very much about being a kung fu master. So that’s where a lot of time has gone. I’m here now though! So let’s talk about some stuff. Specifically, this bread http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/no-knead-crusty-white-bread-recipe and The National’s new singles. I’ve been listening to them almost nonstop.

I finally got my hands on a dutch oven. Like an actual dutch oven, that you cook things in. For people trying to make crusty, delicious, gorgeous loaves at home, this is a godsend. In order to get that beautiful golden brown exterior, a dutch oven is crucial. It traps the steam from the dough in, and that’s how magic happens.

This is a pretty basic recipe, with a lot of room to adlib I think. I could try it with a different flour, or let it ferment for longer, or barely at all, and it’ll turn out different every time. Since there’s not a lot of work involved for this recipe I didn’t pick a whole album, but rather the four singles the National has put out over the past bit, Carin at the Liquor Store, Guilty Party, The System Only Dreams In Darkness, and Day I Die. They’re monstrously good.

Starting out, as always, I lay out my materials. The flour, the yeast, the bowl, a spoon, some towels, and a little bit of salt. Like I said, super simple recipe. As I’m moving about my kitchen, positioning everything just so, I put on the System Only Dreams In Darkness. It gives me a feeling of preparing for some oncoming event. Good or bad, it braces you almost. It stops frequently, cutting out the horn or the drums, just leaving a few bare elements of the song to float on, waiting to be caught once the other jump back in. It felt perfect to start with for this bread.

There really isn’t much too this, I mixed up all the ingredients until it came to be a dough, I covered it up with plastic wrap in its big old bowl, and let it take a nap for two hours. This really gives you a chance to take care of the most important part of baking, or just cooking in general. Them damn dirty dishes. And The National is perfect for doing the dishes to. It’s slow and somber and gentle and you can really reflect on everything. For instance, I reflected on how amped I was about this bread. Dave’s first dutch oven bread. DUDES. I’M HYPED. AMPED. PUMPED. All those things and more.

After our little doughboi rises for two hours, we shove him into the fridge so he can ferment, alone, in the cold darkness while he ponders what it means to be alive. Also, doughboi is what they called me in highschool.

Okay, that’s not true, but part of me wishes they did. Instead I got called Bro, Brow-e, Browie, you with the hair, and the worst of them all, David.

The longer I let the dough sit in the fridge the more it ferments, and takes on a more tangy flavor, similar to sourdough, which is truly God’s gift to man. It makes around three loaves, I made one of those after 30 hours in the fridge, and I made the other two after three days.

Once you’re ready to make them you pull out your dough onto a floured surface, and gently, GENTLY DAMN IT, form them into balls and sprinkle the tops with flour to apparently help retain their moisture as they come to room temperature, and you get your oven up to temp. All the while the National is urging me on, or rather pulling me. Day I Die gives me a feeling like it’s pulling me along by the wrist with a consistent and steady drumbeat with a high guitar almost screeching softly in the distance, occasionally stopping to tell me where we’re going.

The time has come. My dough is ready. The necessary rites have been conducted. A lot of speed and coordination is required here as you want your oven to lose as little heat as possible as you open it and plop your dough into the dutch oven and also not burn yourself. Very important. Burning yourself is not fun. Then after 15 minutes, long enough to allow enough steam to be made to give your bread that artisan crust you know you love baby, you take the lid off and give it some more time.

The end result of all this, is true beauty. It’s like seeing the sunrise on the east coast, maybe. I don’t think I’ve done that actually, but I would imagine it’s a similar feeling. Take in the majesty of your creation, your baby. It’s yours. Now go tell everyone you know about it and hold your chin high until someone tells you to shut up about your stupid bread Dave, seriously.

This recipe is a really good introduction into artisan bread making, an informative stepping stone. All in all, I would do this again. It’s delicious and makes an awesome addition to dinner with a friend or family or as a nice heartfelt gift. I think food is always a heartfelt gift, a piece of me goes into anything I make; care, love, attention and time, and I always hope that it’s received with that in mind.

That’s what I got for now, I hope you liked it. I’ll be better about updating the blog, hopefully. Until then, peace out nerds.

P.S.- Shoutout to Doughboi https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35es-h6xF-0

P.S.S.- Thanks to Eli Pinkerman for the header image! Check out his photos and stuff on instagram, @elipinkerman