#tried to get some out of context pictures but alas lol

[onceuponaladye]

Hmm...

You feel the immense pressure of always having to do something good. You want to do good, but of course there are tons of trials ahead of you keeping you from accomplishing your goals. Idk XD

I know a lot of people won't recognize 3/4s of this lineup, but if you recognize all of them congratulations we are now besties XD

No pressure tags! @rosehipandroots @anicomicqueen @phoenix-arts7 really, anyone who would like to take a guess I'm curious to know XD

Making a tag game cause I can

Rules: post 4 fictional characters you relate to and assume something about the person you reblogged from based on their characters

No pressure tag! @sidneyoftheblackwoods @mqstermindswift @stars-and-birds @zenilvar @forever-chained-to-myself @themidnightarcher @skeelly @thepencilsnameissteve @thislove-taylorsversion @thislifeissweeterthanfiction @swiftieannah @a-pessimistic-swiftie @catastrxblues @jellycanon @what-about-wendy and anyone else who wants to join<3

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent imageys

[upsidedowninmyworld]

All of them 😈

1. What tends to feel better for you, sex or masturbation? Sex feels better with the right person

2. Your 5 favorite spots to be stimulated: hmm…neck, shoulders, nips, clit, and booty

3. Have you ever had your prostate stimulated? I do not have one

4. Have you ever had an orgasm from anywhere other than your genitals? No, I haven’t

5. Are you well-acquainted with your G-spot? Hm I think so..? My partner is good at finding it

6. Are handjobs boring, or underrated? If it’s enthusiastic, yes.

7. Do you like having your balls touched? I do not have any

8. Do you like having your nipples touched? YES. So much so

9. Do you like having your anus touched? Yeah, it’s fun hehe

10. Have you ever been fisted? It has been tried but alas, not stretched enough

11. Do you like mild roughness (scratching, spanking, hair-pulling, etc.)? Why yes, I do

12. Do you have any kinks? Quite a few

13. Are you into anything under the BDSM umbrella? Very much so, yes

14. Do you pee in the shower? I think everyone does

15. Do you ever masturbate in the shower? Of course

16. Have you had sex in the shower? Yes I have

17. Do you like being naked? I do

18. Do you sleep partially/fully naked? It depends how cold it is

19. Have you ever to a nude beach, naked party, or other situation involving casual nudity? No but I think it’d be fun!

20. Are you comfortable with partners seeing you nude in non-sexual contexts? Of course

21. Have you ever showered with someone (non-sexually)? Yes I have

22. Do you care if a partner sees you going to the bathroom? Nope, I don’t

23. Do you have naked pictures/videos of yourself? If yes, have you sent them to anyone? Are they online? I have some, I have sent to some people, some are online

24. How many sexual partners have you had? 6

25. How often do you masturbate? Hmm not as often as I would like

26. What position do you typically masturbate in (laying on back, on stomach, sitting up, etc.)? Laying back or sitting up

27. Describe your masturbation routine, technique, etc: currently, my sucker has been fun to use. I don’t really have a routine

28. What do you masturbate to (porn, smut, imagination, etc.)? All of the above, porn, smut, imagination, talking to my partner, etc

29. Have you ever masturbated to the point you got sore? I don’t think so

30. Your thoughts the first time you got up close and personal with the opposite set of genitals? “How is it hard and soft at the same time?”

31. What kind of underwear do you normally wear? Bikinis or thongs or nothing

32. Do you ever go commando? Yes I do

33. Have you ever had a wet dream/orgasmed in your sleep? Oh yes, those are fun

34. How big is your penis? Don’t have one

35. Does your penis curve at all? Don’t have one

36. Are you circumcised or no? Are you happy with it? Again, no penis here

37. Are you turned on or off by foreskin, or don’t care? I don’t really care

38. Do you find genitals physically attractive, or weird/gross, or not feel strongly either way? I think their attractive

39. Do you like the way your genitals look? Yes, I do

40. Would you be able to pick out your genitals from a lineup? Hahaha, I hope so

41. Do you like your butt? I love m’y butt

42. What do you do with your pubic hair (shave, trim, wax, nothing, etc.)? I don’t really do anything to it

43. Do you care/have a preference what partners do with their pubic hair? I like what they do with it :)

44. Do you tuck your penis a certain way (i.e. left or right) when you get dressed? I have no penis to tuck

45. Do you have or want any genital piercings? Do you like any on other people? Hm I think nipple piercings are hot but I don’t want to lose how sensitive mine are

46. What is the quickest you’ve ever brought yourself (or been brought) to orgasm? Hmm with myself? Like 1 minute lol. With someone else? Like 30 seconds

47. Do you ever “edge” (repeatedly stop and start) when masturbating? Ughh it’s so hard for me to do this but I try

48. What’s the longest masturbation session you’ve had? Longest sex session? Hmm masturbation I think like an hour? Sex a few hours?

49. What’s the most orgasms you’ve had in one session (of anything)? 30 lol for my birthday

50. Do your orgasms tend to be full-body, or crotch-centric? Usually full body

51. Spit or swallow? Swallow allll day

52. When you ejaculate, do you more shoot or dribble? I do not cum like that

53. Is it hot or gross to get ejaculated on? I think it’s hot

54. Have you ever had sex in a public place? Car sex count? My partner got me to cum once outside when we went on a picnic

55. Have you ever had sex/masturbated while somebody was sleeping near you? They were in another room

56. Strangest/most unique place you’ve had sex? How about masturbated? Hmm mostly car stuff

57. Have you had any sexual experiences that were downright gross? Uh yeah, someone went down on me and they didn’t brush their teeth and gave me the worst UTI of my life

58. Are you particularly “vocal” when masturbating/having sex? Yes, I think?

59. Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex? No lol

60. Have you had or do you want to have a threesome (or foursome, or more)? Hm it depends on who it is

61. Have you ever used a homemade sex toy, or a regular object as a sex toy? Hehe yeah

62. Can a dildo feel as good as a penis? I prefer the real thing

63. What are your favorite positions? Doggy is my favorite

64. Your most embarrassing sexual experience? I kicked someone off of me because they burped in my face

65. Have you ever had any genital injuries? Nope

66. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection? No I have not

67. Do you think you’re “good” at sex, or your performance/skill could use improvement? I think there’s always room for improvement

68. If you had the opposite set of genitals for a day, name 5 things you would do. Play with it, swing it, poke it, masturbate, and peg my partner hehehe

69. What’s something you like about your body? My butt and hair

70. What’s something you dislike about your body? My arms

71. What body parts do you find the sexiest? Hands, jaw lines, butt, smile

72. What was your most recent sexual thought? “I wanna make out with Cody for hours when I’m not sick”

73. Do you ever just play with your balls, penis, hole? Hole, yes

74. When was the last time you touched your genitals? Like sexually, last night

75. Do you often imagine people naked? Not too often actually

[albatris]

Hello I have two things 1) can I see a picture of your cat and 2) I was thinking about ATDAO and the very little stuff I know about it via stalking a while ago and uhhhh I remember something about Kai having long hair but it being burnt/cut off and being shorter at the end? Can I ask if that's a thing that happens, what happens what the heck who would do that and can I fight them? Also take your time replying lol no rush

HELLO hi yes how are you!! thank you for the ask!! I hope you’re having a nice day!!

1) ABSOLUTELY OF COURSE YOU CAN I tried to find a nice pic of them both together that I haven’t already uploaded but alas I came up with nothing so today I present to you just the one cat

behold: buttercup, who is asleep

and

2) lmao yeah ATDAO is a mystery, there are people who have been following me for months and months who still have no idea what the plot is…………….. I don’t remember if I even have a proper introduction for it, honestly, I just post snippets here and there and vaguely reference plot points without context and everyone is just sort of dragged along for the ride hahahaha

BUT yes you’re absolutely right! Kai does start the story with super super long hair which they tie back with a bow and that’s like………. the Iconic Kai Look, the classic Kai, the original

but as the story stands at the moment, they do end up losing a whole big chunk out of it in an incident in the unreality? Unfortunately there’s not really anyone you can specifically fight about this except for perhaps the universe itself if you’re down for that :’D No one intentionally came at Kai’s beautiful hair with the intention of wreaking havoc with it, it was just a matter of otherworldly energies being their usual glitchy self

and honestly wreaking havoc with Kai’s beautiful hair is perhaps the least distressing thing the unreality does to Kai

so Kai’s long hair ends up getting pretty messed up and Kai gets real mopey and in denial about it and spends an amount of time wondering if they can plausibly make “one huge charred off missing chunk of hair” a new fashion trend, and eventually their younger brother Kieran is just like “screw it we’re making this wreck into a bob cut whether you want it or not trust me it’ll look fine” and Kai may have attempted to throw a chair at him

he was right though, but like, change is scary

…..

also like hey so the unreality itself is a whole ‘nother post and a half (I really haven’t explained anything about this story, have I?) but essentially it’s a bizarre whacked-out dimension where multiple universes overlap, basically you’ve got multiple systems of reality trying to work in sync with each other and multiple physical planes trying to exist in the same space which just gets………………….. real buggy real quick. a delightful malfunction of a specific patch of reality

you’ve got roads that don’t exist and houses glitched through other houses and cities made up entirely of sound, like, you can walk in them, you can touch them, but they’re just sound, all your senses are flipping out and getting confused, time is freaky about it, human bodies get all tangled up in weird weird energies

so that’s some words for ya. that’s some words! cool. some of those words were not relevant to your ask but I got carried away and I apologise

[fair-fae]

I may be late on asking this, but do you mind relaying what happened with Dragon's Crown/Fairwind Ventures? I can't seem to find anything about it.

Hi, anon! I’m gonna dump a lot of links/logs here because I’m tired of answering questions about it haha (that’s not a complaint against you, just trying to compile something for convenience)! Here is my take on things and my experiences.Logs, links, and screenshots for any further info anyone needs below.

Abuser Enabled 1#: BradBack in the day, Alrik Dotharl/Alrik Azimcrest/Vhalken/Zack Leingod/Julian hung around with and defended someone pretty notorious now for being a serial sexual harasser across various MMO’s named Brad. Many of his friends both past and current took it to the level of mocking the victims who had spoken out. Alrik stuck by this dude’s side for years and only seemed to stop when iirc they had some kind of personal falling out. All it takes is a Google or tumblr search of any of Brad’s more well known monikers to see some of the things he’s done but for kicks, here’s my personal experience with him, which is how I met Alrik. I don’t have any logs of Alrik defending Annexious because that was in WoW which I didn’t play and before my time in MMO’s in general, but if anyone has receipts, feel free to get at me.Abuser Enabled #2: Jon

Here’s a fun graphic to break up the monotony of all this text!

Tiddygate started when I made a post about not understanding the appeal of giant anime tiddies. R’khan/Hiko Mitsunari/Rhymor/Jon immediately jumped onto my case with some passive aggressive replies that ended with him cherry-picking a gif of the most boobyrific of Tifa’s inconsistent character models over the years which was still pretty tame-looking, which has been lost to the void since I didn’t bother replying and Jon has since deactivated his tumblr.Several members of Dragon’s Crown began to jump onto my case about it, apparently believing it was about their FC leader Aelorelle Vallancourt/Rosie (you can see one example from Miss-Dae in the first link in this section). People began to send Aelorelle anons about the situation insinuating I was talking about her which she posted openly and with no quarrels. I also received an anon insinuating there were claims that Aelorelle or I had copied the other with our characters, which was… strange because I had never seen that or mentioned it on my blog, which leads me to wonder if those were also rumors started by Dragon’s Crown. Others received and posted anons and their own insistence about how I was going after Aelorelle because my RP partner reblogged some artwork of her character–something easily disputed by looking at his blog (which I can assure you has plenty of saucy pictures/artwork of sexy ladies that I don’t bother to harass lol) and the notes on the image post that was never liked or reblogged by him.I got fed up and made another post on the subject, which Jon assumed was about him and once more responded aggressively. Here’s more of his responses and some other’s claims about him. And for fun, here he is pulling the “ummm do you even know Final Fantasy games lol???” again with someone who said they personally don’t believe in IC limit breaks despite him repeatedly whining about other’s character’s being OP or illogical which you can see he tried to spin to me as someone telling him he’s not lore abiding for not RPing an “average joe.”Here is Alrik’s conversation with me about the situation, in which he denies his claims about telling others I wanted to ERP with him (which by now a third person with no knowledge the other two had told me this has come forward to tell me Alrik made these claims about me), tries to get me to talk to someone I want no contact with to try to turn me against my RP partner Val, and then after finding out I’d had issues with her conveniently shirks the blame onto her after admitting there was no other basis for the rumor he’d spread, but asks me not to do anything about it so she won’t find out he tried to throw her under the bus despite someone close to her later vouching she’d had nothing to do with this and insisting Aelorelle had made up that rumor herself.You can also see where he mentions something about being told Val claimed he was RPing with some chick Alrik wanted to ERP with, an out of context snippet of conversation that happened in Teagen’s Discord after we were coaxed to vent about Alrik and Jon which we assumed would be semi-confidential and Val mentioned something along the lines that Alrik was acting bitter that he was “RPing with the girl he wants to ERP with,” alluding to Alrik repeatedly lying that I wanted to ERP with him.Lost in the depths of Skype being an awful program is Val letting me know Alrik had contacted him to warn him that he had information on him via Tex, which are the threats I mention Julian making to Val.Here is my conversation with Teagan/Shiloh Artorian, with more of Alrik spreading the baseless claims that my post was about Aelorelle and fueled by jealousy, and a lot of talk about the dynamic among how this group of “friends” act toward each other.But alas, in the end, sweet vindication! Or is it? We’ll get back to that later…Abuser Enabled #3: AustinAlistaire Dietrich/Reiji Inazuma/Raiden Hayabusa/Batuhan Dotharl/Austin are where most people became aware of the problems.Teagan contacted me about the issue. She then made this post. And later contacted me again in regards to this post against her, made by one of Alrik’s friends/Dragon’s Crown’s members and supported by a few others in the notes. With all the heat and scrutiny from the community, Austin was eventually removed from Dragon’s Crown.Here Austin made a public apology a couple months later that gave no specific details despite making no personal apologies to Shiloh. His apology was applauded and immediately reblogged around in support by Alrik and many of Dragon’s Crown’s members praising his bravery. But what could have prompted this public apology? Oh, gee… the fact they were trying work him back into the FC as measly 2 - 3 months after his offense as seen here with additional claims about how Alrik had remained in contact with Austin in the notes, letting him remain in the Discord and playing WoW with him as well as here.Dragon’s Crown soon made an apology giving excuses for their behavior and calling Austin’s sexual harassment “very poor decisions of a sexual nature.” Despite some of Dragon’s Crown’s more loyal members again patting the leadership on the back and proudly passing around the apology, it was not well-received by the community. People who were upset with the leadership’s decisions left. Some who stayed sadly were harassed by those in the community who thought their FC tag meant they’d been complicit in everything. The leadership bailed to go lay low in WoW and leave the few who were willing to stick around and give them another chance to deal with all the fall out in a crumbling FC.Here’s Shiloh contacting me again, with some more insight into this social circle’s dynamics, and some logs from her conversation with Alrik in which he admits he’s going to continue being Austin’s friend and doesn’t care what the community thinks because he doesn’t care what Austin did.As seen in one of the links above, one of Crown’s officers, Sigrid, also contacted me trying to gaslight me and blame my reblogs to bring awareness to the situation for the harassment some of Crown’s members were receiving despite no reason to believe they had aaaany relation to me (rather than blame the people sending the hate anons, or Crown’s leadership for their poor handling of the situation, or Austin for causing the situation in the first place by sexually harassing someone) with some trusty passive aggression and misinformation thrown in for good measure in a ploy to get me to pipe down and delete my posts so they could try to slip everything under the rug as usual.With Dragon’s Crown slow death, things calmed down… until patch 4.4 came around and a few of the characters left in Dragon’s Crown began to become active again and suddenly another vapid and suspiciously timed apology, this one just happening to coincide with new content and Julian and Aelorelle resubbing to transfer to Mateus and start a new FC with Shiloh of all people.This apology was, like the last, not received well, but this time people were no longer afraid to speak out about their own experiences. In the notes of the previous link to the apology, you can find numerous people recounting their experiences (I’ve received some from anons, as well), but perhaps the most telling is Najikat’s story. Please note the discrepancies when comparing Naji’s experience and Alrik’s new apology to Dragon’s Crown’s original apology to see just how much lying and downplaying was going on.You can also look in the notes of that post and see that despite me being pestered by people close to Julian trying to defend him and insist that he is cutting the toxic people out of his life, Jon is back in Julian’s new FC on Mateus! Way to cut out the toxic people and not repeat the same mistakes for the… well, I don’t know what time this is now. A big number. I’ve lost count.In my dealings with Julian and the people around him, they had this almost mantra they seemed to repeat anytime that any drama (usually caused by themselves) happened. “I just want to play video games and have fun” (or Aelorelle’s version as seen earlier–”just want to be sweet and run a tavern”). And that’s probably the only thing any of them have said that I know to be 100% true.They want to play video games and have fun. They don’t want anything to get in the way of that or hinder that. Being unknown isn’t fun? Use people as tools for popularity. Your bro getting called out for being a creep isn’t fun? Ignore it, keep being his friend, who cares how he treats other people as long as those people aren’t you or your girlfriend. Getting heat for sticking by your dudebro’s side isn’t fun? Pretend to distance yourself from him but don’t actually do it and make him write some faux apology so you can visibly be friends again once the community moves on. Getting caught still subjecting everyone around you to your creeper friend isn’t fun? Write up some faux apology and when that fails fuck off to some other game where you and your creep friends are unknown and your vidya game fun will be unhindered.Because that’s all it is. It’s all about their enjoyment and fuck anyone who gets hurt because of it. It’s all just fun video games. Your feelings and your justice aren’t fun.

[shirtlesssammy]

13x16: Scoobynatural

We now return to The Killer Stuffed Dinosaur in Love:

Remember when we were all speculating that there were going to be dinosaurs on Supernatural this season? Well, here you go.

Sam and Dean quickly dispatch the evil plushie with holy oil and fire. Jay, the shop owner next door pops in to see what all the ruckus is. “Defective product,” Sam admits dismissively. The shop proprietor, Alan, is so thankful that he offers the brothers “anything” they want in return. Dean nabs a sweet -but delicate- flat screen TV.

Later at the bunker, Sam’s busy doing research when Dean shows up to show him “something important.” Very Important! Sidenote: Dean Winchester has now admitted to watching (and liking!) Finding Nemo (and most certainly it’s sequel) and Frozen.

Dean takes Sam to his new “Dean Cave” or “Fortress of Dean-a-tude.” He’s still working on the name.

I am thoroughly enjoying the analysis of what the names mean —Dean thinks of himself as Batman and thinks of Cas as Superman. It’s their Man Cave together! How did Dean get all this stuff together without Sam’s help? Cas! It’s their Man Cave! Who has canonically watched movies together? Dean and Cas! It’s their Man Cave!

Dean shows Sam around and finally turns on his new TV. It flashes purple and zaps the boys into cartoon-land! As is the usual with these two, Sam is confused, concerned, and wants to solve the situation right away. Dean’s just ready to roll with it. After some truly amazing speculation about whether it is the work of the Trickster, they jump in Baby and drive.

They arrive at a malt shop, and see the Mystery Machine, quickly realizing that they’re in a Scooby-Doo cartoon!

They go inside and Dean sees the Scooby gang immediately.

Sam continues to be skeptical of the situation, but Dean defends his favorite childhood character. All those years on the road, no matter what motel their dad dragged them to, Dean was sure to find Scooby and the gang waiting on the TV. Dean asks to join them, and Fred enthusiastically agrees. (Pure. Good.)

The gang tells Sam and Dean that Scooby was recently named heir by an southern colonel. Scooby saved his life once. They all agree to head to the mansion together. Before heading out, Dean fulfills a dream 8 years in the making: he finally got a bigger mouth. And before reaching the mansion, Dean has a confusing Rebel Without a Cause moment with Fred over how much of a crush Dean has on him who’s car is faster. Fred wins.

Once at the mansion, Dean realizes they’re in the episode, “A Night of Fright is No Delight”!

Inside, the colonel’s attorney, Cosgood Creeps, explains why they’re all there and plays a vinyl record(!) from the deceased Colonel Sanders (Sam’s bitchface and grunt WAS AMAZING. Also, did the showrunners just decide to dress Asmodeus like that for a throwaway joke that would have worked even without it?)

The colonel’s last will and testament stipulates that everyone must spend one night in this haunted house to get their inheritance. Sam calls bullshit. LOL-- he is just the best. Velma assures Sam that the house isn’t really haunted, and Dean stops Sam from telling her that she’s in a “c-word”. “They are pure, and innocent, and good.” --Man, how Dean lands that line kind of breaks me a little inside. I just can’t imagine how many times he watched this show as a kid wishing he was in their world --where the monsters all were men in masks. They gave him an escape and hope when he had none of that in his world. Then Sam asks why they can’t just skip to the end of the episode if Dean’s seen it already. “Because sometimes it’s about the journey and not the destination.” Boy do hyperfans (Boris included) feel called out right about now

Everyone turns in for the evening. Dean tries bunking with Daphne, but things take a turn for the gay when Daphne bunks with Velma and Fred tells Dean, “Guess you’re with me slugger.”

They all head to bed. Dean finds some more than suitable sleepwear.

Once everyone else is asleep, Dean gets to eating, and Sam wonders if there’s more to be done. Dean assures him of the play-by-play. Soon enough there’s a commotion and they all head out to investigate. They find Cousin Simple dead.

*Classic Dialog Alert*

Velma: Jinkies!

Daphne: Jeepers!

Scaggy: Zoinks!

Scooby: Ruh-roh!

Dean: Son of a bitch!

Commercial break, and when we return all the characters are back in their regular clothes. Heehee. Fred is flippantly joyful about having a new mystery to solve. Sam is understandably upset. Dean acts upset to impress Daphne (eye roll, Dean.) They head out to investigate.

Dean and Sam come to some hard truths about their situation --things are real, people can really die, --and for Dean-- Scooby-Doo can die, and that’s not happening on his watch.

Back in the drawing room, the team tries to figure out the bigger picture of what’s going on. Velma logics them through the situation, all the while lightning flashes and the lights flicker out --and a mysterious figure approaches the window!

It’s Cas!

He meets the Scooby gang and explains to the brothers how he came back to the bunker, with fruit from the tree of life and technically married to some djinns’ queen. Lol. He quickly finds Dean’s new playroom (because he already knew about it!) and gets zapped into Scooby-land.

The room suddenly gets cold so the team heads out to investigate (again). A ghost appears and Fred tries saving the day but the spirit disappears. They enter the room from where the ghost came to find Cosgood Creeps horrifically dismembered. Dean wants to barf. Fred and the gang wander off indifferent. Sam calls bullshit.

Fred suggests everyone split up to search for clues. Dean pairs with Daphne (and Fred!), and Velma picks Sam, so poor Castiel is left with “a scruffy philistine and a talking dog.”

Velma and Sam head upstairs to investigate the attic while Velma very, very awkwardly flirts. “Why do you keep talking about my shoulders?” Sam asks. Sam. Please.

Sam gets scared by a mannequin, then brushes himself off and tells Velma that ghosts and all other kinds of supernatural things are real. Velma laughs at that foolish, foolish, broad shouldered man. Usually ghosts just turn out to be unscrupulous real estate developers. They find the fluids Velma was looking for, which Sam identifies as ectoplasm. Suddenly toys start levitating and attacking the two. “It's probably just Christmas lights and fishing line,” she protests while getting pelted with glowing blocks.

Speaking of awkward flirting, Dean asks Daphne about her taste in men while Fred investigates the library. “Strong, sincere, and an ascot wouldn't hurt.” LOL so specific. Dean pulls himself together long enough to notice a book that stands out because it isn't “painted into the background.” He pulls it and nothing happens at first. Then a trapdoor suddenly opens and they all plummet down three divergent slides into the...dungeon of the mansion? There, Dean forgets about consent (ew Dean) and tries to feel up Daphne. When the lights turn on, he finds that he's been sliding his hand up the thigh of...the ghost! Serves him right, I guess? With the rest of this episode in context just don’t...think about this moment too much, okay?

They run off.

Meanwhile, Cas, Shaggy, and Scooby are creeping through the house when the ghost confronts them. Cas raises his eyebrow, ready to study the ghost intently when it chases after him. And then we get something perfect and pure. We get a Scooby chase montage. Over the sweet strains of the Scooby Doo theme song, everyone runs around and wacky hijinks ensue.

They run to and fro, the ghost appears here and there, and we even see Scrappy Doo (which shouldn't make me happy but it DOES).

They end up barricading themselves in a grand bedroom. The room grows cold. The lights flicker. And the ghost bursts into the room. Fred charges the ghost and gets bashed into the wall. Velma and Daphne get magically pinned to a wall. Shaggy gets tossed from the room. Dean and Sam grab a pair of iron candlesticks to chase off the ghost. Fred awakens to...mortality.

Shaggy plunges off the balcony, falling towards his doom when Scooby launches himself after him. Scooby grabs onto Shaggy but now they're just both falling towards their horrible, cartoon death. Cas leaps into action. He jumps from the balcony and shoots through the air. When he catches hold of Scooby he uses the cartoon aerodynamic properties of his coat to give them lift and a gentler landing. Guys, this was seriously...sexy?

Uh. Anyway.

Shaggy broke his arm and this makes him extremely indignant. “I have jumped out of a biplane in a museum and was fine! How did this happen?” Sam and Dean decide to reveal the truth. The Scooby gang learns that the ghost is real, the supernatural is real... The gang then goes into a total breakdown.

Velma: “I thought I was blind without my glasses. But I was just blind.”

Fred: “We've been stopping real estate developers when we could have been hunting dracula?!”

Daphne: “AM I GOING TO HELL?”

Shaggy: “We told you every freaking time, but did you ever listen to me?”

Scooby: “We're doomed.”

Dean rallies the troops. They've fought monsters – even if they were human monsters. “You're heroes, and together we're gonna take down this phantom.”

They fret about their lack of weapons. To the Impala! But Dean refuses to give them weapons. (Because they are childhood and innocence and I’m just going to cry in this corner here.) Instead Fred builds a trap. It's an elaborate rube-goldberg style trap involving salt, iron chains, a soap-slicked slide, and a giant net of coconuts. It's DELIGHTFUL. Alas, Fred's trap fails, sending Cas, Scooby, and Shaggy into a washing machine. “I told you it wasn't going to work,” Sam complains. Dean tells him Fred's traps never work (LOL) and calls on Daphne to commence plan B. They lure the ghost down to the library and then pull the special book, dropping the ghost into the dungeon and directly into a salt circle.

How badass is this salt circle? So badass.

Anyway, Dean demands that the ghost reveal itself and it turns into a small child. The little boy curls up in a ball and tells them that Jay, the creepy real estate mogul at the pawn shop, has been using him to scare away business owners. Dean promises to set him free and the little ghost boy literally glows with happiness. I didn’t come here for FEELINGS!!! (That’s a lie. I did.) The Scooby gang continues to unravel and Dean asks the little boy for a favor.

Cut to the Scooby gang bursting in to find the Winchesters and Cas with a trussed up...something. The Winchesters tell them that there isn't a real ghost. Instead, it's Cosgood! Of course, it all makes sense now. Wires. Lights. Etcetera. Velma and the rest rationalize their experience with a little help from the Winchesters. With the Scoobies mentally set to rights again, everyone takes their leave.

Velma kisses Sam goodbye. “Always the quiet ones,” Dean notes. When the Scoobies leave, the little ghost boy zaps them all out of the TV again. Back in the real world, Dean smashes the TV and fishes the pocket knife out of the wreckage. The little boy appears, this time as a real ghost boy. They burn the knife with reverence and the boy dissolves into light.

This was beautiful and sad. Well done.

Later, Jay is in front of the pawn shop owner about to get him to sign over his shop when the Winchesters burst in. Dean's wearing...an ascot. They confront Jay who finally owns up to his nefarious deeds. They can't nail him on “ghost terrorism” but they do get him for tax fraud. “I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids,” he grouses.

Yaaay! With the case wrapped up, Dean cements his nerdiness by saying “Scooby dooby doo!” into the camera, despite the side eye from Cas and Sam.

What. A. Delight.

Boris: I have watched this episode 4 times already, and I even made my sister, who’s not a Supernatural fan, watch it with me. She knows enough about Supernatural to blurt out, “It’s Cas!” when Cas showed up. It warmed my heart she said that --and that he was included in this episode. Sidenote: Does Sam have some of his own performing that he needs to let go? His practical resistance to the whole situation was humorous, but what if he had just admitted to remembering and liking Scooby enough to enjoy the ride? Oh, Sam.

Quotey Snacks:

Be like Elsa. Let it go.

When it's important you make time, Sammy.

Cas is kinda like a talking dog.

There are no words in this newspaper, Dean.

Oh, Dean. Boys and girls don't sleep in the same room, silly.

Well, gang. It looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

We should look for evidence. Like fingerprints. Or fluids!

Killer stuffed dinosaur in love.

G-g-g-g-g-g-ghost!

I will miss your wise words and your gentle spirits.

Except Fred, he’s a wad.

“How do I look?” “Two dimensional.”

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[alterlifes-a]

✿ ✍ ⌨ IM MCFREAKIN LATE TO THE PARTY BUt those ones yes

[ hc. // @hertheory​ ]

 ✿ – laugh

         like pretty much everyone else, tooru’s laugh comes in many different forms, dependant on the mood. as discussed briefly in this answer, tooru tends to hide his chuckles behind a closed fist / hand. if that’s the case, there’s a large chance that it’s a genuine laugh. while he may hide his laughter because he’s embarrassed of it ( as stated in said other answer ), there are also times when he knows he shouldn’t be laughing, but does it anyway ( such as if something unfortunate happens to a friend and it’s really funny; like, not a super bad event, of course, just something like them going to get napkins but then accidentally spilling something when they get back, so they have to go and get more napkins… you know, little ironic scenarios that anyone could laugh at ). these kinds of chuckles are also usually prefixed with a snort or a stifled noise made in the back of his throat, since he tries really hard not to laugh. when it’s something like this, his laugh sounds similar to the one here !

         there’s also the little awkward laugh– you know, the “ i don’t want you to feel bad so i’m going to laugh at the joke you made even though it’s terrible ”, or even the uncomfortable “ haha this is a casual setting and i did not expect you to say something so weird / messed up, what the actual heck ” laugh. in that case, it just sounds more like a grimace disguised as a laugh, than anything ( which, admittedly, it is ). nonetheless, considering tooru’s superb acting skills, he can still make it sound like an actual laugh. though if you’re one to scrutinize, or you know him / his laughter well enough, you can pinpoint the little bit of pain in there. it sounds a lil like this !

         tooru’s also got the lil cheeky laugh, which is just a regular “ hehe ”; short, quick, a little breathy. he also tends to add little intonations depending on what emotion he wants to convey. a low and quick “ hehe ” conveys deviance; a low and monotone one signifies rebellious amusement, or acceptance / the ending of a conversation; one that rises from medium to high, or stays medium, is probably a short laugh at something; a high-pitched chuckle, particularly behind his fingers, is indicative of genuine enjoyment. there’s also the quick laugh that sounds more like a huff and is really breathy, followed by a snipped and whispered “ heh ” that denotes the same feeling. though you could also perceive it as an “ i am so done with you ” / resigned noise. 

         i guess i should also talk about his more boisterous laughs ? but tooru also isn’t a loud laugher in general, to be honest… i feel like he’d just do it to piss people off because his obnoxious laughter is really hecking annoying he just escalates in volume AND pitch as it goes on. there’s also his signature “ nyahaha ” which can be seen as something mocking / joyful / what have you, dependent on, again, the context.

         the list goes on and on, really, and i think it’s kind of hard to tell from voice alone whether the laughter he emits is genuine or not. you have to take into consideration the context in which he’s laughing– who he’s with, what he’s talking about, what he said beforehand or what he says afterwards… and it does mostly depend on what actions he takes while or prior to laughing.

                                                                                     ✍ - writing style

         given tooru’s perfectionist tendencies, it goes without saying that he has really neat handwriting. almost resembling calligraphy, i think the best equation to what he most likely writes like would be this font here ! ( also pictured below: )

         obviously, this is his chirography for shared notes, exam / essay papers, and the like. this is for when he really needs to exude a formal and neat disposition; especially towards elders, and people who might be grading him on things, whether that be for school, or extracurriculars. he wants people to see him as someone who is organized, intelligent, and perfect, and this goes hand-in-hand with good writing.

          contrarily, if he’s writing something to close friends ( such as a letter ), or just making notes on things ( doesn’t necessarily have to be school related but often is ), he’ll use a more “ cutesy ” font, adorned with a bunch of drawings ( they’re not good drawings, mind you– tooru is an awful artist, and he knows it. still tries, though ! ) in that case, his handwriting will look a little something like this.

         now, regarding tooru’s actual writing style ( aka his use of diction, metaphor, etc. )… he’s a pretty good writer, truth be told ! he’s part of his school’s literature club ( and, admittedly, one of its only members because… let’s be real, sports are where it’s all at, especially in japan ), so it goes without saying that his writing is better than the average student’s. he loves writing poetry most of all, though that doesn’t stop at just haikus. he has the ability to articulate what he wants to write very well, and the ink which flows from his pen when he does write is honestly a magic of its own, as it seems to move of its own volition. indeed, tooru practically sees the action of writing as the words in his heart creating art of their own on the page.         it is rather ironic, then, that tooru is not all that good at actual articulation, particularly in real life and via text. his texting style is VERY casual, and since i write him in english ( i know like, one word in japanese, and that’s it, lbr ), it’ll be presented in the form of him writing in “ internet slang ” aka using “ u ” for “ you ”, “ coo ” for “ cool ”, “ lol ”, “ LMAOOOOO ”, and what have you. i guess in terms of comparing it to japanese, it’d come as him cutting out a lot of preposition kanji ( he probably drops the の a lot, even by accident, so at times, you have の no idea what he’s talking about ), as well as using “ www ” to the point of it being ridiculous… seriously, he treats www like it’s an actual form of punctuation in of itself. oh, and emojis. don’t get me started on those. similar to his “ cutesy / casual ” handwriting style, tooru LOVES to illustrate what he’s saying. this kid probably wishes the kaomoji on his hiragana keyboard became an actual keyboard. i think he’d be a really annoying texter, depending on who you are, since he also tends to send 4 things for just one thought, as opposed to typing it out in one long message. ( example: txt. hey / txt. www / txt. how r u ? / txt. www / txt. pls reply when u can ! / txt. ♡ฅ(ᐤˊ꒳ฅˋᐤ♪) )

                                                                   ⌨ - time-wasting habits

          he literally has none. almost all of tooru’s time, whether or not he’s doing any actual schoolwork, is part of a schedule. like, i’m not kidding, it is very rare that you’ll see him set it aside for anything having to do with him. the only time you’re ever going to see him even come close to wasting time is if he shoves his schedule aside for friends. and, quite frankly, he kinda doesn’t have any. and even then he doesn’t see it as a waste of time, since he raelly loves hanging out with friends. thus, sufficed to say, anything one may deem as a “ time waster ” is, in actuality, something slotted within his own schedule. therefore, i will probably be tackling this under the guise of that narrative, since you’d be hard-pressed to find him doing an activity past his scheduled time to be doing so. ( note: for reference, i’ve also posted what his schedule basically looks like. this is something from a huge docs i’m working on that contains a bunch of headcanons for tooru. )

         okay, so as you can see, tooru really only gives himself breaks in between studying– these ranging from 30 minutes to almost an hour ( and even then, the small breaks he gives himself don’t actually last the duration from when they begin to when his bedtime is; they’re often way shorter than that, and i doubt he’d ever adjudicate more than an hour between study sessions for free time activities ). he often does a lot to pass by the time… playing video games ( he has a 3DS and a switch; his favourite games are pokemon and animal crossing ), going on his phone, posting on social media, looking at chat forums, talking to his plants ( he’s really lonely, ok ), making tea, baking, cooking, etc… he also may go on a quiet walk around his garden or the neighbourhood. since weekends are generally more relaxed in terms of what he has to do ( albeit exceptions such as going to juku and kyudo practice ), he might also go shopping, and even then, he’s probably just planning to buy something for a friend and not himself, or even just school supplies because… he’s literally just a loser… who does nothing but study all day long… hkfj SOMEONE LET THIS KID HAVE A DAY TO HIMSELF…

         i think this honestly just ties back into the not having friends thing, because if he did have people to hang out with, his schedule wouldn’t be so packed / sad… tooru is by no means an idiot, but he also isn’t very naturally gifted in terms of academics. thus, he has to pour a LOT more time into learning and studying than the average person. nonetheless, i think he’s more starved for social interaction of some kind. while he may have to work around his schedule, if you asked him to go and spend time with you, 9 times out of 10 he’d say yes. but alas, since he has no one to really do that with, almost all of his time is spent at home, working on one thing or another.         i also think that him not wanting to waste much time ties into the above; he doesn’t like to acknowledge his loneliness, so he just throws himself into the works of a super busy schedule so that he has no time to even think about the fact that he is not living the life of a teenager. he has no friends to hang out with, no place to really call his own, and no hobbies to keep him entertained. it’s kind of bleak and depressing, but what else can you do when no one tries to be friends with you ? you kind of just learn how to make the best of it, even if you hate being by yourself.         piggybacking on that notion as well, tooru probably spends so much time at home because he also wants to believe that his parents are going to come back from whatever trip they’re on. his mom and dad are practically never home, and his brother moved out years ago, so he really is all by himself in that huge estate ( and i’m not exaggerating; his family is loaded, and he lives in a traditional home in kyoto that was originally built during the heian era. it’s REALLY big but also REALLY empty, especially since no one but him is there most of the time ). part of his fear is that he’s going to miss them coming home one day, and even though they ignore him even when they arrive, he still tries to keep that hope that they’ll at least acknowledge his existence before leaving again. one of tooru’s biggest fears is people leaving without saying anything, so i think the notion of him not being home when his parents come and go is a really scary thought. again, this is an almost unfounded fear because his parents just. never talk to him, irregardless of their presence in the house, but tooru also has a tendency to make believe that they really love him and thus hopes a little too much in terms of how they react to his company.

[dollofdeath]

Military Men -- A Rewatch of JG Ep 1

Originally for this Joker Game rewatch, I was going to just redraw scenes I liked because I thought I didn’t have anything to add meta-wise or analytical-wise. But as I was reading JGfiles’ rewatch (which is super interesting! Do read it if you have the chance), I remembered the one thing that always stood out to me -- and it’s not necessarily confined to this episode -- is the dynamic between Sakuma and Odagiri. I don’t think it’s quite strong enough to call “parallelism,” but I think there’s something intriguing about having Sakuma, a soldier overseeing the spies, within the same space as Odagiri, a former soldier turned spy.

A bit of a disclaimer here but I’m not too well versed in regards to the historical context of the setting which may lead to shortcomings in my analysis. Anyways, without further ado, here I go! (•̀ᴗ•́)و

Right from the beginning, we know that Sakuma isn’t like the spies at all. Unlike them, he’s a trained soldier -- taught to follow Imperial ideologies with unwavering belief. As portrayed through his dynamic with Miyoshi, his beliefs clash with the spies’ and lead to the predicament Sakuma finds himself in later in the episode. One would think that these men have no common ground with Sakuma, that there’s no understanding between him and them. But as learned from the character biographies, Odagiri was once part of the military. Already, this sets Odagiri apart from the other spies and draws a similarity to Sakuma.

If the spies are considered anomalies of society, Odagiri can be considered an anomaly of an anomaly. While he’s an independent thinker honed by his spy training, he isn’t quite inhuman as the other spies are (as shown in episode 12). I’m probably treading on headcanon territory here, but I think that he’s a bit more sympathetic to Sakuma due to this.

Let’s start with the first (and only) scene Sakuma and Odagiri interact, which is the Joker Game -- or the poker game as Sakuma is initially led to believe.

I love imagining everyone in D-Agency and Sakuma as one big happy family as much as everyone else does, but I’m sure the reality is that they toyed with Sakuma to amuse themselves (perhaps saying that they bullied him is a better way to phrase it) and the Joker Game was one way they did it. Even Odagiri is in on it, though I think he may feel a bit bad about it.

Because, after all, it’s Odagiri who tells Sakuma that his loss wasn’t due to the way he played, but the way he and the others worked against him.

I believe it was never the spies’ intention to let Sakuma know about the Joker Game. Maybe they wanted him to figure it out himself, maybe they just wanted to be dicks towards him, maybe some kind of mix of the two. Regardless of the reasoning, I think Odagiri telling Sakuma about the Joker Game was something he did out of his own volition and was never part of the plan. Sakuma was about to leave and it felt like a last minute choice to tell him. And maybe it’s just the way the shot is angled combined with Odagiri’s typically stoic expression, but he almost (just almost) looks concerned. 

And to me, it seemed that the other spies were... annoyed about having to explain things to Sakuma and don’t even take him that seriously, treating him like he’s some sort of dense child.

(miyoshi’s face screams “oh my god this dumbass” while hatano is judging sakuma lololol)

(kaminaga and amari: lmao ok bye)

So back to the point: what did Odagiri have to gain from telling Sakuma about the Joker Game besides advancing the plot? Nothing really. Had he not done that, the status quo would’ve remained and Sakuma would’ve gone back to bed in ignorance. But perhaps he wanted an easier conscience and maybe in a roundabout way, he wanted Sakuma to learn a lesson he needed. 

As an aside, something I find interesting is that when Yuuki is talking about how the spies will live in solitude doing their jobs, we’re given shots of all the spies. Odagiri is the only one by himself, which I suppose can symbolize him not being like the others. Not only that, but the way that he’s seated is different.

Odagiri is facing towards the spies, away from Yuuki as Sakuma was just a few moments ago from this particular shot. In fact, in this shot, he’s the only one facing completely towards the audience (Amari is kinda too but like he can still easily look at Yuuki and Sakuma) and I wish I had some deep analysis to give you guys about this, but all I can come up with is “yeah, he’s different” haha yeah orz. Or maybe none of these don’t mean anything at all lol they were just something that caught my attention.

Anyhow, from thereon, Odagiri’s interactions with Sakuma are more indirect, if not nonexistent (which is a shame, but I digress).

The next time Sakuma and Odagiri are together is during the search of John Gordon’s house. While there’s no interaction between them, we see that Odagiri is standing directly behind Sakuma. It might not mean much overall, but this just really strikes me. They could’ve chosen literally anyone else to be behind Sakuma and they went with Odagiri. I’m not quite sure how to put my thoughts about this except that I think it’s rather poetic how the former soldier is standing behind the military man (literally and possibly figuratively).

(Presenting my super crappy editing skills haha anyways)

The next interaction isn’t much of an interaction, but more of how Odagiri reacts to Sakuma as opposed to the other spies. As Sakuma faces the prospect of actually committing harakiri, we get a very quick pan of all the spies sans Miyoshi. The fact that this shot happens so quickly gives us the impression that every single one of the spies is smirking at Sakuma, mocking him and his beliefs that lead him up to this point, which is probably how Sakuma himself feels no doubt. 

However, if one looks closer, Odagiri has a different reaction than the others.

It’s rather difficult to see this on tumblr so here’s a link to the bigger picture. Since we’re focusing on Odagiri, I’ll just share the closeup on him.

I won’t say that he definitely isn’t smirking because I think it can be argued that he is in his own way given his stoic nature. But the point is that the other spies have a pronounced smirk, whereas Odagiri’s lips are closer to a flat line like he’s not as amused at this spectacle as the others are. Even Fukumoto, who is also portrayed as serious, has a more noticeable smirk than Odagiri.

Just to further illustrate my point because the more I look at this screencap the more I feel like I’m deluding myself into seeing a smirk, I placed a straight line across each of the spies’ mouths from corner to corner. Odagiri’s lips resemble -- if not perfectly fit -- the line while the other spies have a noticeable curve.

Here’s a link to the bigger picture and here’s a closeup of Odagiri:

this is probably the most extra thing i’ve ever done i apologize

Perhaps this doesn’t mean much as well, but I think it’s Odagiri’s sympathy towards Sakuma showing up once more. Due to the circumstances of the situation, he can’t do anything to stop Sakuma without raising suspicions (not only from Gordon, but his fellow spies as well). All that he can do now is watch as Sakuma tries to find a way out of this situation or die trying. Unlike the others, he doesn’t seem too interested in seeing the latter play out.

And that... is about it -- for both episodes 1 and 2. I don’t think we ever see Odagiri and Sakuma interact ever again after this (which is unfortunate, but alas).

Admittedly, this is a one-sided dynamic given the little interaction that they have and when they do it's Odagiri towards Sakuma and never vice versa. It's probably due to story reasons as there wouldn't be much conflict if the focus was on Odagiri and Sakuma as opposed to Miyoshi and Sakuma and that's fair. As much as I wish Sakuma and Odagiri’s dynamic was explored more, I appreciate subtle relationships like this and know they have their place within the story and for what it is, I think it plays its role well. 

To conclude, I guess I’ll just throw my bits of headcanon. I can see Odagiri keeping his distance from Sakuma as a way to distance himself from his past (which we'll see doesn't work out for him in episode 12) but he allows himself moments of sympathy to support Sakuma in a way. He understands where Sakuma is coming from, so he’s easier on him than the others are. Of course, maybe things really Aren’t That Deep and I care too much about fictional characters, but ah well hehe

(Also if anyone is interested, I wrote a fic some time ago exploring some of the events of episodes 1 and 2 through Odagiri’s perspective, focusing on his thoughts on Sakuma (basically this analysis in fic form haha). You can find it here! ehehe shameless advertising)

Thank you guys for taking the time to read all this!! And thank you JGfiles for giving me the opportunity to put all of my thoughts about this into one coherent post hehe╰(*´︶`*)╯

[brady-personal]

1-10 reflections

these posts are so funny to read in hindsight. i want to respond to the previous posts, as if i’m answering questions from the future. which i suppose i am.

1

there’s a lot of pain in this post, likely because this was the year i really started forcing myself to analyze my sexuality. 

i still find it so fascinating how clear it was to me. while i might argue i still don’t understand my sexuality (and likely never will), there was no period where i really thought i was straight, at least once i hit the age of fifteen, three years before this post. i remember getting off to porn, watching the guy, falling in love with his grunts and his machismo, wanting nothing more than to be held by him and be looked at like how he was looking at the girl. like a meal ready to be devoured. but there was nothing i was ready to do at that time, so i told myself to “wait until i was in college to figure it out” and consequently wasting a ton of time in high school

although i suppose we never truly “waste time” as sometimes things aren’t ready to happen and we have little control over that

i think this is about allison. i’m unsure (and maybe a later post would clarify this), but this beautiful theater girl was interested in me, and i think, if anything, this was a confusing confidence booster for me. this was the first year where multiple people were pining for me, mostly bc i exuded asexuality (bc of my confused sexuality) and this was when i became a little flirty, a characteristic i hold to this day. 

this is evident from my reaction to people online thinking i’m cute. now, i know i am attractive, but that also comes from me growing out of an awkward stage and developing a style of my own, something very few high school seniors have. but there is so much hatred in these words, looking at how shocked i was that people could be attracted to me. 

i started learning that i could be a sexual creature, but was not ready to actualize that and feel whole about it. something i still struggle with to this day.

tbh, this is pretty self aware though. i’ve always been pretty self aware, maybe because i have generalized anxiety and look at every angle of every situation. i want to understand the full picture. either way, reading

“but i have interest in being with this girl and i can’t tell if it is because she’s so interested in me or because it is truly what i want“

is remarkable, because i was right. while i was a little sexually curious, i think it was more that she liked me and that felt good. 

this is an exciting post, because i had SO much in the future i had no idea about that would provide some clarity. but wow, the confusion is real

2

little did i know how marijuana would fuck up my mental health. i’m happy i didn’t have a joint in this post, and it’s funny to see how drinking black tea made me feel “so zen” when i struggle to feel that way now without weed.

i remember so much about the timing of this post--this is right when i met lincoln, the first boy who ever expressed interest in me (that i was aware of). he was from tumblr. not sure if i discuss this later, but we eventually met. 

i remember being locked in my house bc it was so cold outside, and spending so much time talking to this boy online to pass the time.

also, no one is reading this blog as it is password protected, so i’m unsure who i thought i was talking to in the last paragraph. but here’s where the ego started :)

5

ok brady you do this to people all the time. sometimes people just don’t want to talk!

like i get so annoyed at people expecting my attention all the time, especially with how connected we’re forced to be with the internet. if i could go back i’d tell brady to chill out and stop personalizing everything bc, while i don’t remember the exact context of this post, it’s very likely that someone is just sleepy and doesn’t want to keep up a conversation

but also lol this is kind of cute

7

i’m so curious who this is about??? 

to my understanding, i came out to ria first in the sonic parking lot and then came out to sonia in her living room. but i wouldn’t describe either of them as “not one of my best friends but someone i love very much.” i really don’t know who this is about........!!! gonna keep thinking about it

but i think what i was feeling was acceptance, and that’s a beautiful thing.

omg i remember lincoln answering those questions. in hindsight, it’s so perfectly timed that i cannot believe that just serendipitously happened. that boy totally asked himself those questions and hoped i would see it. i cannot believe that worked HAHA (of course i could be wrong but i’ll never know so it doesn’t really matter)

lol @ “this is all happening really fast” like for seventeen year old brady probably but in reality nothing had really happened. but i miss this romantic excitement--i rarely feel this anymore

also i didn’t end up taking ap macro so CRISIS AVERTED

“happy someone of each gender likes me” (no probably about it) shows i was kind of just ego tripping here, collecting these experiences to choose what path to take, ultimately taking neither really. but that all comes out later :)

8

i don’t remember him meaning that much to me. but this is kind of nice to read. i never had that experience of waiting by my phone for texts, which should have said something about my feelings for him versus the girls.

“see him and kiss him” aw that’s so cute

“or if he’s just a horny guy” is where this all began, putting criticism towards that horniness as if it’s a bad thing, thinking it’s bad that a guy could maybe just wanna fuck me and that being a bad thing. but we have so many types of human connections, and sometimes all we’re meant to do with someone is fuck. not that i would know..........

9

ROSENDO! ugh this was one of the best nights of my high school life. it was easter i remember, and i felt so unholy and that was exciting to me

feeling like a “bad boy”

(i’m going to read this in five more years and cringe at that term but i guess i mean it tongue in cheek. not “bad boy” like jesse katsopolis but allowing myself to do things that are pleasure focused)

an older mexican man. seemed like perfection, right? to think that i thought of him as so mature, when i’m now almost 23 and he was only 20! i can’t believe rosendo was only 20. wow. such a baby, and the fact that i thought of him as such an expert in this world. sure, he was more experienced than i was at 20, but he was such a baby. i remember him turning 21 and thinking it was so crazy that he could buy us alcohol.

he was a really good kisser

10 

there’s a lot to unpack with this one

kyle was incredible, unfortunately he moved and i was kind of a dick about it and he cut me out and hasn’t talked to me since. i think we texted once about a year ago but he has pretty actively tried to get some distance. he lives in LA now and is super into video games. his mental health is still not great i think. i wonder about him sometimes and i hope he’s doing well-- he really was a sweetheart.

i didn’t get into UROP

and that friend group was super dangerous for me, so learning that it’s ok that they didn’t want to hang out with me was super substantial. cutting the cord was great. now sean lives in vancouver and i’ve tried relentlessly to see him but alas he’s distant and hard to reach. even my own mother told me to stop caring about him haha. so i guess mom knows best, as usual

and, to this day, flamboyant men still make me uncomfortable, even though i am one of the now. mostly because they are so confident and sure of themselves, and i am not. i look it though, and i know many people would be surprised to hear me say that i am anything but confident. but it’s a facade we all put on one way or another, and one day i hope to be one of those flamboyant out-and-proud gay men who i secretly looked up to, even five years ago