#trauma that is undisputedly traumatic- I assumed those colors or patterns must have been involved
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#sorenhoots#I have an idea roaming around in my brain#it feels like an overreaction because society reserves the word ‘trauma’ for visible stuff#like a physical injury or a traumatic event so bad that even society’s pressure to not show symptoms isn’t enough to cover it up#but like…. I am slowly allowing myself to expand my definition of trauma to include things that non-autistic people would scoff at#such as being exposed to a bad texture or trying a food that my autism doesn’t like or stuff like that#on one hand it’s like ‘oh my god don’t be dramatic. eating a chicken strip with a really chewy spot isn’t trauma’ which sounds like a#reasonable thing to say but like. as a young kid that happened to me and I still can’t eat chicken strips without being *significantly*#stressed about encountering the bad texture again.#i take COMFORT in the fact that- when I had shingles- the shingles pain was HORRIBLE and yet the texture of my bedsheet was WORSE#and I’m realizing I have some Things I’ve always been like… ‘triggered’ by. colors or patterns. I assumed they must be related to my#trauma that is undisputedly traumatic- I assumed those colors or patterns must have been involved#the same way I can’t stand a couple of flavors because they remind me of it#but maybe it’s just that checkered patterns bother my autism. maybe I don’t like blue because it just hurts my eyes.#have I unnecessarily tied Autism Sensory Pain to separate traumatic events as a way to explain them?#I don’t know. but I think the first step in digesting all of that is to allow myself to categories Bad Sensory Events as Traumatic#like I’m allowed to say shingles was traumatic. I panic anytime I think I feel the tingly sensation it started as#but I’m way more repulsed by certain textures. so why not describe them as trauma?#idk. one thing I don’t like is showers? and I started applying some of my PTSD work to them#such as getting familiar with smaller steps that are less sensory overwhelming#or changing the circumstances enough that my brain doesn’t go ‘wait this is a ShowerTM which has traumatized me in the past from sensory’#and it absolutely helps. which is something to mull over at least
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