#transference bolts amirite

[grineerios]

(for the ask game) Kaine - his greatest failure

Log of the R.I.V.V. Avisto, serial number ZRJ-628443. Entry logged by Kine Dax, Captain. Recorded by Ship's Cephalon Lark.

I do not know why they've given me this data tablet. Perhaps to get an admission of guilt. Perhaps to keep me busy, keep me distracted.

I'm not supposed to be communicating, I don't think. After all, I'm not a Cephalon, I'm Tenno. A simple war machine, made to serve the golden empire. To obey orders. To crush the Sentient enemy.

Kine has come over to me, and sat down. She's giving me a little smile, and nodding. I must be doing something right.

She asks me to describe what happened earlier.

... It has been a struggle to not think about it. I am surprised that words haven't filled the screen yet, repeating over and over how I should be subsumed for what I did, how I'm a waste of the Golden Masters' time and resources, how I bring shame to the names of Executor Ballas and the rest of the Seven-

She's touching me.

Kine has her hand on my arm- not in a restrictive way, but- with a certain... gentleness? She's the captain, she should be angry with me, be furious- but... she's not.

I can feel her sorrow through her touch. I don't need to look at her to tell that. It leeches through my skin like Void through metal, hooking into me. She is upset, but not enraged.

Kine tells me to focus. She can only be away from the helm for so long.

I will.. try. I turn away from her, hiding this tablet from her helmeted gaze with my metal body. She need not read my heretical thoughts. I should not have thoughts. I am a machine. I'm not the enemy. I am not Sentient.

... am I? No, focus-

We are- were- returning from a raid on a small Sentient outpost, close to the empyrean proxima of Ceres. It was a success. The ground crew, consisting of Gunner Amos Dax and I, were able to clear the satellite with relative ease. There were some minor problems, but I have been experiencing... faults, as of late. Hence, why Amos accompanied me on what would otherwise be a Tenno-only mission.

She asks me to go into more detail about the mission. I feel the somatic bolt in the back of my neck heat in humiliation. She knows I can't outright lie, only skirt around the truth. I feel compelled to comply.

When aboard the outpost, I scouted ahead as Amos inspected a data bank. Things were silent, we hadn't seen any Sentients thus far. We.. should have been more careful. Our crew was battle-fatigued, in need of a break from sprinting in and out of the Void, attacking small groups of Sentients like an angered hornet.

Around a corner, I was taken aback briefly when I saw Amos standing in the organic halls. His back was turned to me, his syandana, in retrospect, unnaturally still. My mind was hazy, a fog of exhaustion and static. I made the faulty assumption that he'd managed to pass me, and approached him, ready to continue our mission-

It was only when I felt the burn of laser cannons pierce my chassis, I realized I was wrong. Very wrong. The outpost was crawling with Sentient Mimics, and we'd walked right into their trap.

By the grace of the Golden Lords, the actual Amos and I managed to flee the complex, returning to the Avisto with no injuries other than my own- and even those were healed rapidly. There isn't much in this System that could give a Tenno a serious injury, and a single, lousy Sentient isn't one of them.

I show her the tablet- Kine seems satisfied with this response.

I will continue.

Not long ago, no more than a few hours, likely, we were ambushed by Sentient fighters. A living ramsled pierced our hull, and we were set upon by a flood of conculysts, battalysts, and brachiolysts. At the time of impact, I was with our Engineer, Paxal Dax, working the Ordinance Forges in the hold.

... Perhaps this really is an admission of guilt. Perhaps I am signing my own execution document by thinking this. My actions make me a traitor to the Orokin Empire. I am a broken Warframe. What I did makes me too flawed to function. I am Tenno. I should've been better. I am not a traitor, I am not a traitor, I am not a traitor, I am not-

Kine has taken the tablet from me. Her head turns quickly from looking at the tablet to looking at me. My somatic bolt is still connected, transference of thought is still happening. My mind is being spilled into flowing, digital letters before her very eyes. I want to turn my vision off, I want to be anywhere but here, I want the normally soothing hum of the reactor to stop. Everything is too loud, too bright, my syandana and armor are suddenly overwhelming. I wish I was a Saryn, so I could shed my skin and run away, or a Limbo- to hide in another place, even if just for a moment-

I realize I've gotten caught up in my thoughts. I look at myself, discovering that I, a Tenno, am curled up into a pathetic metal ball, like a scared child. I am shaking, my arms wrapped around my knees and head in a fearful fetal position. I feel a hot, wet pressure in my chest, coming from a place immaterial. From the corner of my eye, I see Kine on her knees, reaching towards me, tablet on the ground.

I dig my heels into the deck, leaving a deep gash in the metal. Cephalon Lark will be upset, but I do not care, I cannot care enough to be afraid of those consequences right now. I try to pull myself away from my Captain, like a kuaka fleeing a kavat-

Captain Kine stops in her tracks, pausing, before pulling back. She settles into a kneeling position.

There is silence. I can feel my chest heaving in what I assume is traitorous panic. I have been discovered. She is trying to trick me.

Kine opens her mouth to speak. "I am sorry, Raze."

She uses the nickname the crew has given me- a shortened form of "Railjack- Zetki". My assignment. To have a unprimed warframe on a Zetki ship is a bit of a rarity- almost an affront to the name of esteemed House.

I pause. I cannot tell she's continuing to trick me, or if she's being genuine. She would never use my nickname on any official records- I'm a machine. You're not supposed to get attached-

She's interrupted my train of thought.

"Lark, I'll finish the report later."

I feel the fear rise in my chest again. She turns to look at me once more.

"Raze, you have nothing to be scared of. You think this looks bad, you think you're unforgivable-"

I do. I really do.

"-but, this is nothing to be ashamed of."

I feel sleepy. My mind begins to haze over as I brace for a lecture.

"When Paxal came up behind you during the battle with his Quellor, you thought he was another Mimic, didn't you? What with the light from the shots, and the other Sentients fighting us-"

I cannot focus on her words. Perhaps I am a Limbo instead of a Volt. My mind feels trapped in the Rift. Everything isn't real.

Kine pauses.

"I have seen Dax who react similarly. Those who have fought enemies real and not, who- away from the prying eyes of our Golden Lords, flinch at the shots of guns, who are troubled by twisted nightmares and visions of the past-"

She doesn't move, but cocks her helmeted head.

"Who don't mean to, but lash out when startled. Like you did, when you overcharged your systems and sent out that electric shockwave- paralyzing the Sentients, but also putting Paxal into a coma."

The wet feeling returns to my chest.

"You didn't mean to. Any one of us could've done the same thing in your position."

...

I don't know how to react properly, if at all.

Kine rises to her feet, brushing off her greaves.

"We may not have a healer, but the ship's medical systems has him stabilized. Lark thinks he'll be fine, once we dock."

She faintly smiles, "We Dax might not be quite as resilient as you Tenno, but we can take a beating and a half. I promise Paxal will be no worse for wear. You two will be back to doing Void-knows-what in the hold in no time."

I know this should soothe me, but it doesn't.

"In the mean time, we'll need to shift some responsibilities around. Being down a man in a five-person crew means we're taking quite the hit-"

She turns her back to me, the gold details on her syandana catching faintly in the dim light.

"Amos will be replacing Paxal for the time being, and I will be joining Dahlia on the turrets."

But.. what about the helm? Who will pilot the ship?

"You seem like the type to feel the need to earn forgiveness, Raze. Join me at the helm, and Lark and I will teach you the basics. When you feel grounded again, at least."

She chuckles to herself, "Pun unintended. I apologize if that was insensitive, Tenno."

I feel my mind and body start to relax. I don't feel entirely there, but I don't feel like I'm drifting any further away from my body.

"Enjoy your break. Maybe go sit with Paxal for a bit. He might not be conscious, but I'm sure he would appreciate your company if he were."

I stare at her as she leaves.

End Log

--------

"Lark-" Kine's normal authoritative tone returned the moment she's out of earshot of the Volt.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Delete the most recent log, and scrub your data banks of anything relating to this incident. Overwrite Paxal Dax's medical records to indicate a run-in with an electric-adapted Battalyst."

"Ma'am, are you sure? If this is discovered-"

"Screw the consequences. We're a crew- a team, a family. We leave no one, Dax or otherwise, behind."

"This is borderline traitorous. Punishment could be severe, Kine."

"I know, Lark. Do it anyway- and if they come for you, or anyone else for this- let it be known that I, as your Captain, ordered you to do this."

"... Right away, Kine."