#touficandrita

[theripertoire]

Our Wedding - A Night filled with Happiness, Magic, Positivity & Above All, Love 

On December 30, 2016, I married the love of my life. We were surrounded by 300 of our dearest family members, closest friends, and coolest acquaintances. It was the most fun, most unforgettable, and most magical night I’ve ever had. Looking back, I can’t believe that over a month has gone by, and I still can’t get over how fast it ended. It’s something I had heard so many married couples say: you plan it for months and it goes by in a second. So, I decided to make the most out of that second, no matter what.

Many of my followers and readers have been asking me for tips, based on my experience, and this long, overdue post is to do just that!

Here goes!

Lesson #1: Invest in a wedding planner, and more specifically, in the right wedding planner for you. I don’t care how many people say wedding planners are overrated, they definitely aren’t. on your big day, you want to be as carefree as possible, and you need someone (in fact, a team of someones) to make sure every detail is accounted for and that all is moving according to plan. After extensive research, I decided to work with Robert Hykl. I realized his work is different, simple, chic, and tasteful. He didn’t just throw flowers and jewels around and call it “décor”. He didn’t set ridiculous conditions like “Sorry, I can’t do a wedding under 700,000 USD.” That is something I’m fortunately not wasteful enough to do. I wanted to work with someone who was able to translate my ideas into something timeless and consistent, without ripping us off. He did just that. He also made sure we worked with the best suppliers so that I would never have to worry about being robbed or ending up with bad results. I literally bow down to all the hard work Robert and his team did. Without them, I would have had 1,000 mistakes happen that night. For instance, Robert made sure to measure the aisle according to the width of my dress, and the entrance according to the height of the cake. If he hadn’t thought of that, my cape would have caught fire, and the cake would have collapsed. These are only some of the few reasons you need a wedding planner.

Lesson #2: Meet with every designer you can and try on every single dress silhouette you find before choosing your dress. You want to end up wearing something that you will love 30 years from now when you and your daughter are looking at your photos. I wanted a wedding cape instead of a veil and a fuss-free evening gown instead of a massive dress (not that it’s wrong – we each have our preferences). In my case, I simply don’t believe in being uncomfortable during an already stressful day. I didn’t want my fragile hair being tugged by meters and meters of tulle. I also wanted a dress that weighed way under 5 kilos. That meant: no layers, no petticoat, no heavy beading, and no meringue effect. I’m pretty sure my dress was difficult for many to digest – heck I was even shocked when I saw it for the first few times. But, I felt it was my responsibility to wear something new and different, even if it were at risk of some people not liking it. After all, isn’t that what fashion is all about? Jean Louis Sabaji, a very whimsical and creative designer, who also happens to be a friend of mine, felt like the perfect choice to me. I wanted people to see what he can do with bridal gowns, and show the world a new angle to Lebanese designers. I wish I could have worked with so many other extremely talented Lebanese designers as well, and wear 7 different dresses, but it all comes down to one dress. Point is: stay true to yourself. Don’t follow the crowd. Wear something with your fingerprints on it. You should be the one wearing the dress, not the other way around.

Lesson #3: People will piss you off. Get ready for it. Basically, you will expect so much from certain people and so little from others. At the end, the opposite could/will happen. Those you didn’t expect much from will end up being the superstars of the night, while those you expected much more from will have done so little. Don’t let it get to you. Accept that not all friends make it to the next chapter of your life, and understand that this behavior has nothing to do with you personally. Focus on what truly matters and on how blessed you are to be embarking on this journey. Good riddance to those who don’t make the effort to be a part of it. They will soon be replaced by many others.

Lesson #4: Enjoy your night, no matter what! You worked so hard for it and waited so long for it, you owe it to yourself to enjoy it! I can’t stand seeing a prissy bride; her stiffness ends up ruining the mood for everyone else. I decided not to care about my hair and makeup, and have a blast. I wanted my guests to feel at home and drink and dance the night away. In order for that to happen, I had to help set the mood for them by showing them it’s okay to jump around and act silly. Some of us were still dancing till 3:30 AM, and most of our guests were totally wasted by the time they left. Now that’s what a good party is all about. Yes, the décor has to be nice, and the food has to be good, but the mood is everything. We worked with 8e art and Jad Jazzy Jay for the entertainment, and if we had to do it all again, I would work them every single time. (PS. We did play Arabic music, and I even danced to it. It was so cool.)

Lesson #5: Don’t worry about the little things. Many brides told me that no one notices the little mistakes except me, so I should focus on them. To my luck, Robert had literally taken care of every last detail – so nothing actually turned out differently than what we agreed on. BUT, one of the rhinestones on my cape got wedged in the door during my entrance. I was stuck there for a good 10 seconds trying to get it out until my mom came and helped. It was the longest 10 seconds of my life. Looking back, I don’t care for that at all. I made sure to continue dancing, smiling, and having a good time … well, until my heel broke. I had forgotten my spare shoes at home, so I decided to continue wearing them until we cut the cake. For a good 45 minutes, I was dancing with a broken heel, but it’s something I laugh about with my friends now. When I look back, I remember the happiness. I don’t even think of the mishaps.

Lesson #6: Micro manage EVERYTHING during the wedding planning phase, even if you’re working with a wedding planner. I literally followed up on every detail and we saw samples of everything. I wanted every aspect of the wedding to go through Toufic and I for approval. Trust issues? Maybe – but this is the one piece of advice I would give any bride to be. The more you micro manage during the months leading up to the wedding, the less you have to worry about anything during your big day. Put yourself in your guests’ shoes. What would you like? What wouldn’t you like? What would make the night memorable for you? And take it from there.

Lesson #7: Don’t worry about the weight you gained, you will lose it all and more in the couple of weeks leading up to the wedding. I don’t understand why some girls go on bridal diets a whole year in advance – just for one day! It’s really not that big of a deal. I gained three kilos before my wedding then lost six. At first I was freaking out, then I realized that it’s part of the process. My designer had to get my dress refitted twice. Then, a few days before the wedding, I gained a kilo. I was supposed to wear a belt with my dress, but it could barely buckle around my waist. So, I got rid of it. No big deal! If a bride is too prissy and melodramatic about these things, she could create unnecessary stress for herself and end up having a terrible time. This sort of anxiety attracts disasters. So, do what needs to be done, but try to be cool about it and have faith that things will end up going great.

Lesson #8: Don’t worry too much about the next steps or cry too much about what you’re leaving behind. You will soon realize that being a newlywed comes with a long list of perks … as well as disadvantages. Nothing you do will ever prepare you for what’s next. You have to have faith in yourself, your partner and in the universe, and remind yourself that you will adapt no matter what. I won’t elaborate more on this, because I’m preparing a separate blog post for it. Anyway, I had a very emotional month leading up to the wedding. I cried a lot and felt I was bidding farewell to an entire era. In fact, when I think about it, I still feel a lump in my throat. I was leaving my family, job, friends, and so much of my life in Lebanon, to move to a new country. It didn’t really sink in till a couple of weeks before the wedding. I fought back my tears so much that I gave myself a tear duct infection, which I’m still treating till now. There were days where I couldn’t breathe, and times where I loathed Toufic because I felt he was ripping me away from all that I loved. I fought with him countless times and romanticized my life as the single, career-oriented Rita Dahdah. With time, I realized that I needed to accept the beautiful change that was coming my way. If I fought it, I would end up bringing bad things my way. If I embraced it, amazing new doors would open for me. This is life. After weeks of crying, I was surprisingly as calm as a cucumber on the day of my wedding. I ate a manoushi. I wasted time on Snapchat. I goofed around. I shouted at a few people because I felt it was the only day I could get away with being a diva. At the end of the night, I cried, a lot. I think it was the alcohol. But, I remember crying and hugging my mom. I realized I was all grown up now. I think she realized that too. We both also realized that we were losing a little piece of what held us together, but at the same time, gaining something new that would hold us together even tighter, despite the distance.

Lesson #9: Don’t ever follow a wedding standard. There is right or wrong way to get married. Whether you want to have a small, country chic wedding somewhere in a vineyard, or a bohemian wedding somewhere by the beach, or a glamorous, old Hollywood even filled with champagne and live jazz music – it’s entirely up to you. Forget what you’re seeing on Instagram and in magazines. Forget what people tell you. It’s your night and you get to do it once, so do it your way. If it ends up being a mistake, at least it was your mistake. What matters after it’s all over is the happiness you and everyone felt. For that reason, be selective with your invitees. We had a glamorous wedding, but only invited 370 people – 320 of which attended. On Lebanese standards, that is a small wedding. On western standards, that’s a big wedding. On our standards, that was just about right.  

Notable Mentions

In an upcoming post, I will be discussing our wedding in detail, how we worked on it, and how it all came together. Meanwhile, here’s a list of cool people I worked with that I would definitely recommend to others:

Wedding Planner: Robert Haykal (IG handle: @roberthykl)

Venue: Chateau Rweiss (IG handle: @chateaurweiss)

Photographer: Pulse Production (IG handle: @pulseproduction)

Hairdresser: Tony El Mendelek (IG handle: @tonyelmendelek)

Dress: Jean Louis Sabaji (IG handle: @jeanlouissabaji)

Makeup Artist: Bassam Fattouh (IG handle: @bassamfattouh)

Jewelry: Mouawad Jewelry (IG handle: @mouawadjewelry)

Shoes: Oscar Tiye (IG handle: @oscartiye)

Cake: Nazira Catering (IG handle: @naziracatering)

Catering: Faqra Catering (IG handle: @faqracatering)

Chocolates: Elsa Chocolate (IG handle: @elsa_chocolate)

Entertainment: 8eme Art (IG handle: @8eart)

DJ: Jad Jazzy Jay (IG handle: @jadjazzyjay)

Wall of Fame Paper Flowers: Blooms by Yara (IG handle: @blooms_by_yara)

And above all, there’s love… just love..

XX -R

[padanijewelers]

#Repost @lebaneseweddings ・・・ Beautiful moment captured from yesterday's wedding 💕 HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE 🎉💕! ••••••••••••••••••••••••• ▪Wedding planner : Robert hykl @roberthykl . ▪Photographer: Pulse @pulseproduction . ▪Makeup artist: Bassam fattouh @bassamfattouh . ▪Hair dresser: Tony el mendelek @tonyelmendelek . ▪Floral decoration: Arome L'atelier @arome_atelier . ▪Wedding venue : Chateau Rweiss @chateaurweiss ▪Wedding dress : Jean louis sabaji @jeanlouissabaji ▪Cake : Nazira @naziracatering ••••••••••••••••••••••• #lebaneseweddings @riri_dada #touficandrita

[theripertoire]

My Wedding DiaRi – Chapter I – It’s OKAY to not be Okay  

I have less than a month to go till my big day, and let me tell you this – emotions are running high!

I’ve come to realize some things about myself that I never thought would be possible, like:

-       crying for absolutely no reason

-       crying when I sleep

-       crying in traffic

-       crying when I think of just about anything

I have basically turned into an over-emotional mess, and I now accept that it is completely normal. Before getting to this point, I may have tried running some people over, calling off the wedding, wrestling with a stray cat, sitting in the mall for hours – alone – on a bench, calling the police because I thought my friend’s janitor is a rapist. I now accept that this, as crazy as it sounds, is normal. I’ve gone to new levels of crazy, like calling my wedding planner and dress designer at 4 AM panicking, and second-guessing all my choices.

This wedding stuff is stressful, and when another bride tells you to “ENJOY IT” because it’s the “MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF YOUR LIFE”, ask her to give you some of whatever she’s having (Xanax, morphine, recreational drugs…) then clap your hands twice to wake her up from her dream.

So, here is what I’m going to tell you: the pre-wedding phase is very fun indeed, but it is also one of the most stressful, tiring and challenging experiences you’ll ever have to deal with. That being said, there are some things that could, and, most likely, will happen – and it’s okay!

It’s okay to:

Cry (like me) a lot: Don’t fight your tears. It sure as heck beats screaming and shouting. It’s also the most effective way to release the oodles of stress you’ll be experiencing.

Kinda hate your (and your partner’s) parents sometimes: They will irritate you, no matter what. Just remember, these are probably the only people that will still be in your lives 50 years from now. Find a compromise that makes everyone happy. IF you find yourself unable to compromise and be mature, remind yourself that these are the people that gave you and your partner life. They raised you, nurtured you, and loved you. It won’t kill you to give a little back (keyword being “little” – because this is your day, not theirs or anyone else’s).

Fight with annoying relatives: These are the most obnoxious people you may have to deal with. They will suddenly feel entitled to be overbearing, give their opinion on everything, and re-open old issues they had with you – just to make your life even more stressful. Believe me, it’s OKAY to scratch them right off that guest list and right out of your life. If there are certain morons that don’t understand how to put their pettiness aside during special occasions, now is not the time to educate them.

Realize that some friends aren’t really your friends: You know, those friends whose weddings you went to – probably kids’ baptisms too; or those friends who always seem to be there when they need something, then vanish when it’s your turn. Or, those friends who you felt obligated to invite because you’re either in the same circles or you’ve known each other for a long time. Well … don’t expect them to call, answer your calls, RSVP, get you a gift, ask about you, be happy for you, or attend your wedding. Even if you’ve initially invited them, it’s okay to scratch them right off that list and out of your life (as I mentioned above). Part of growing means not being able to fit in with certain people anymore. And my loves, that’s perfectly okay. Don’t waste your time, energy, money, love, care or attention on these types of “friends”.

Invite new people that you’ve known for only a month: You would be surprised that after you’ve distributed all the invites, you may accidentally meet a couple of new people with beautiful energies and souls. You may click instantaneously and have tons of fun together. If you really want to, put them right on that guest list, because they will probably spend the entire evening on that dance floor, genuinely celebrating your big day with you.  

Gain weight: Everyone told me I would lose SO much weight. Instead, I ended up gaining three kilos of pure fat. I’ve been a relatively calm and cool bride-to-be. Up until now. As a result, I may have been a little too jolly and comfortable in my own skin, eating away at cake and crepes after midnight. I also call that, “eating my feelings”. Once the tears started flowing, the sugar cravings went away (this takes me back to my first point: it’s okay to cry – a lot). And anyway, you will lose all that extra weight you gained in the days leading up to the wedding. I’ve already lost half of it – and half of my mind. LOL FAIL

Second-guess just about everything: I have had doubts about almost everything so far: my dress, the venue, the décor, being a good wife, being a good mother, having children, growing up, leaving my home, quitting my day job, and just about everything on God’s green earth. If this happens to you, have a little more faith in yourself and in the universe’s plan for you. Let things come when they come. Accept change. I now firmly believe that no matter what happens, when it happens, I’ll somehow be ready for it – be it good or bad. Meanwhile, I won’t taint my present with worry.

Miss your freedom: There are times when you will feel nostalgic, miss the “free, young and care-free you”. When that happens, remind yourself that marriage isn’t a prison. In fact, there’s nothing more liberating than marrying the right person. A real partner supports your dreams and life goals, and vice versa; and at some point, you will have common dreams and goals. Focus on the future instead of reminiscing about the past. The problem with nostalgia is that we tend to look at days gone by through rose-colored glasses. We romanticize our memories and tend to forget about the many bad things that were also there. Many tend to forget the lonely nights they spent wishing for someone half as amazing as the person they are marrying – and this is something I remind myself of everyday. I wished my whole life for a person like Toufic, and now that I have him, I won’t let him go – no matter how much I miss acting irresponsibly!

Be late on deliverables: If you work, don’t take on more than you can handle. Don’t make too many plans, and don’t be hard on yourself if you’re unable to get EVERYTHING done on time. You are human – not robot. Remember, there’s time for lots of things after the wedding.

Want/Have a small (or strange) wedding: According to Lebanese standards, I’m having a small wedding. It’s almost 350 people, and to me, that’s a lot! Ideally, I would have invited 100 max, and done it far, far away – barefoot, on a cliff, somewhere a few flights away from Lebanon. If you want to do that, and can get away with it, then it’s more than okay to do it. You don’t need a big, fat, Lebanese wedding to “do it right” – it’s okay to create your own rules, your own new traditions, and your own trends. Focus on what you and your partner love, and give little importance to people’s expectations and demands. There are no rules – and that’s okay!

Not have time to take proper care of yourself: I haven’t been able to hit the gym in two months. My butt disappeared, my thighs and arms are jiggly, and I lost most of my upper body strength. I also have the worst sleep patterns lately, and most irregular regimen. Instead of trying to apply a strict routine, which you wont be able to do unless you have an assistant or bionic powers, try to exercise as often as you can – even if it’s irregular. Try to do sit-ups and planks in bed; walk up the stairs instead of taking the elevator; squat while standing; meditate. Make sure you drink at least three liters of water per day, and take these vitamin supplements: magnesium, A, C, E, biotin, hair and nail vitamin complex, D (if needed), Zinc and folic acid (if needed), and probiotics. Believe me, these will improve your life, your energy, and the way you feel and look. As long as you can squeeze in two decent meals a day, you’re good. You will have enough time after the wedding to get your entire life back on track.

Fight with your partner about everything and nothing: For a couple of months, Toufic and I argued A LOT. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times our arguments escalated from literally nothing. Thank GOD this awful phase came to an end. When this happens, remember that you’re both stressed, and that you’re in this together. Remember why you fell in love, why you started, and why you’re taking this step TOGETHER. Focus on your next chapter together, and remind yourselves that you’re each other’s hope, support, best friend and rock. Remember, whatever it is you’re going through, your partner is going through it with you. Build together, and start from now. Many couples let this trivial crap get the best of them, and they forget what all this is about. They end up breaking up because they’re unable to see eye to eye, alleviate one another, and see the big picture.

End the relationship: In some cases, though (not mine, thank God), it’s okay to realize you’re not meant for each other and end it in a civilized way – before it’s too late. You will both meet other people who are better suited for you. Don’t let family or society pressure you into marrying the wrong person. If you have that aching feeling in your gut that something just isn’t right, it’s better to end it before you’re married with kids.

It all comes down to this: your wedding is merely one day out of the rest of your lives. Don’t dwell on it too much. Instead, focus on what really matters: everything that comes after that big day; your life together. I have come to realize that so little matters in this life. Worrying gets you nowhere. Having too many unnecessary friends is: unnecessary. You don’t need more than a very few true friends. People come and go, even those who were once the closest to you. And family, truly is everything.

With three weeks to go till my big day, I discovered just how much I love my family … just how much I’m going to miss them. Things I once took for granted, I now hold onto so tightly. I cry a lot now, but not over stupid people and things. I cry because my heart is open for the first time in 31 years, and I guess it took me getting married to realize just how much my parents and siblings mean to me. I dedicate this post to them – because without them, not a single one of my 31 years would have meant anything. Dad, Mom, Rose, Albert, (especially you, mom), I love you with all my heart (yes, it turns out I have one) – and every time I feel all the emotions it has inside, I feel it’s going to explode – but it never does :-) so that’s okay … I’m now okay with missing you. It’s part of growing up.

For years, I always ended my old blog posts with a quote, so here’s one for you:

“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.” – Rumi

XX –Ri