#toucan���s gay shit

[suburban-satan]

shit my friends say

So I made a list of all the wild shit my friends say, started in January 2018 and still going. It's one year old I guess? Well, enjoy what I have so far!

2018 -d a d d y w i s e -well there’s chains on the ground so that must mean this was a kinky sex dungeon -GORSH MICKEY NOT MY G SPOT -I can wait until I turn 40 so I can troll Japanese Girls on roblox -what if we all looked like mike wizowski but our heads were the same size as they are now -I wanna give pot to a bird -I take pills without water -daddies cummie wummies are the best cummie wummies -enjoy your nonexistent stomach acid -cum glaze -I hope you choke on MY meat -who hasn’t been on pornhub -(wipes tears away and starts belting despacito) -MY GAY IS BEING TRIGGERED -that omelet looks delouse -is semen a liquid or solid -iTs nOt aQuaNauTs yOu uNculTurEd fOoK -vaginas are scary -what is menstruation -you should change your name to pussy something -my gay has been activated -“have you ever owned a vibrator?” “No” “would you like to rent one” -“do you like glazed or cream filled” -wHaT dOeS cUm sOuNd LiKe -he is on too much fertilizer -sometimes cum is hot I know from experience -if you jerked off at the speed of sound would your dick be on fire -I don’t have a sonic fetish -can your dick ignite because of the heat of your cock -aren’t dicks like cannons -who the fuck draws a glowing peepee on a skeleton -honey Freddy freaker is dancing in the living room -does penis smell like garlic -she don’t swallow in this household -*downloading garrison nudes* -don’t you realize that tentacle porn is just using octopus arms as a dildo -frickle my nipples -Minecraft porn consists of the male genitalia replaced with a stick -OOPSIE WOOPSIE!! Uwu We make a fucky wucky!! A wittle fucko boingo! The code monkeys at our headquarters are working VEWY HAWD to fix this! -“I’m big for an asian” -cockilicous -“His anal glands need milking” -fready flipper -FREADY FAPPER -daddy better make me choke -does Freddy freaker have a mutated alien dick -sonic breaks the sound barrier by beating his meat -the sun looks like it’s gon vore you -bootyhole exploration -is megalovania sex music -i like to drink cock -cum is just genital snot -penis musk -Shid piz and farbt -Bull + shit = sis it don’t add up -Hey don’t tell me at least once in your life you haven’t thought about being gently caressed across the genitalia by the kraken -I swallow boba like i swallow cum -I wuv fungus kun, the way he waps a awond my tosie wosies so tight! He’s gibing me a huggie!!!! Fungus kun gibes my tosies a new color too!!!! Wat a good fungus kun make my doki doki go “ UAU” heeheehee -eating banana with the banana peel -orang juce -father I want cheddar -don’t you just look at someone and think about how long their neck is -breathing is just boneless vaping -get outta here juuling criminal -yall ever succ a dick for juul pods -unironically drawing miss piggy -“Jack don’t let go 😱🤭🤭, jack sweetie 😐👀 if you let go 🙊🙈 you’re weave 🙀🙀 gone 😇😘💅” -I've been watching spooky movies for 5 hour -omg it’s daddy sans undertaker!!! -bröther -I ate my sister -are you'd's't've kidding me? -oh youtube please don't show me the shrek movies rn -My brother is calling me out on the family group chat for eating a bowl of peanut butter -Hamilton is best girl -get outta here you fuckin loyalist -what doesn’t cum have -drink flex seal and you won’t have to worry about a marriage -I feel water. -“Superfood or supergross? Is Sperm good?” -coochie hands gucci bands -just imagine trying to cast a spell and then you get disturbed by a banjo -toto africa is sex music now and everytime they say rain it’s just cum -y'all ever burp in your mouth and exhale it through your nose like a vaper -how dare them make my green senpai an honorable member of society -If you didn’t search big boobs video on google at least once are you really a Gen Z kid????? -laugh pussies -i’m watching the history of japan on pornhub -we have the same name because we are secretly the same person -what if you eat your phone and it’s all in your tummy -why would you ever think i’m not serious all the time you silly dragon but we’re both (my name) so we can be the silly dragon together -why would you wash your face before you go to bed when your tears wash it off for you *wooshing noises* -I want to drive a bus because I like busses -my shoe broke -why does everyone talk about the drugs i’m eating -i’m going to break her because she’s talking about smoking cocaine and I don’t like drugs -(stage whisper) metal heads live among us but we don’t know because they look like normal people -oh bye mr music teacher -the pussy? designer. cucci, if you will. -DID I HEAR S A N S P O R N -"i'm about to nay nay on your dead fucking corpse" -alert alert the toes are coming -you got a fucking problem with my 𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐬? -imagine using an oven for something designed for a microwave this post was made by the doesnt have much motivation gang -Please take my Minnesotan snow Wait that sounds like Minnesotan cocaine -when you funny scream -"dating the Bill of Rights for fun" is now exactly how I'm going to describe my hyperfixations -the penguin  from fruit loops is a twink (bitch its a toucan) -if white cheese exists is there black cheese -What’s rosum opossum -whale cum -dicko mode -(GETTIN SOME CHRISTMAS SPIRIT UP IN THAT PUSS) -pennies more like penis amirite -It’s Sunday don’t forget to squeeze cheese on the cat -the grinch is dr seuss’s fursona -everyone is gangster until the trees start speaking vietnamese -big chungus is my dad -“if the apocalypse happened what would you do” “eat bees” -I'm tired as fuck but I gotta wait until it's 4:20 to go to bed -mom: you need to be reasonable and wait two hours before having another brownie me, stuffing my mouth full of brownie: br o w n y s -This honey in whole foods is in fucking comic sans -it's more likely that I'll guess someone is gay before I remember the existence of women -im gonna say it again for the people in the back:

i eat bees -Thanos penis, it's actually called a thenis -yort -uwu its the mowst thorstiewst time of the yeaw uwu -It is I Teh gromc -The gronk is here to say eat all the dish soap in the house -the grinch but he's wearing crocs the entire time -answer my question or else i will establish sans porn -You make him doki doki uwaaaaa!!!! -birdbox but all the bird sounds are replaced by cardi b noises -THE GROMPK IS TOO POWERFUL -consume ocean sauce -square up in judge judys court -half consumes ocean sauce -ice juce -frick stick -you guys wanna read undertale fanfiction     -2019- -it might be 2019 but thats not gonna stop me from terrorizing my family's groupchat -(pineapple voice) first date idea: digest eachother -Wait dennys will arrest you for doing illegal things?? -pls purify me -my toes are very succulent today -two succs having flex two succs having sex my muscles my muscles involuntarily checks -f u r r y , N a s h . -Perfect for all occasions! Spill something on your nice shirt, give a messy blowjob, and sphagetti!!! -Do you want cum on your nice shirt??? -it would be nice if i had cum on my shirt -cocc succ machine -I KNOW TONGUE JUTSU -I feel like i’m in a meat prison -hi you obese elephant -plant porn is just flowey porn -We all love the out of the box 4am messages we get -YOU LIKE SNAS PEEPEE

[sleepybrowngay]

even numbers ✨

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

is your room messy or clean?- generally pretty messy. I’ve gotten a little better though. 

what color are your eyes?

do you like your name? why?- I do, I really enjoy making people learn how to say my name 

what is your relationship status?

describe your personality in 3 words or less- ball of anxiety 

what color hair do you have?

what kind of car do you drive? color?- charcoal toyota corolla 

where do you shop?

how would you describe your style?- lazy gay 

favorite social media account

what size bed do you have? - full 

any siblings?

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?- right now, the bay area. in the future I’ll probably stay in california or maybe move around to portland or central/south america. 

favorite snapchat filter?

favorite makeup brand(s)- colourpop! 

how many times a week do you shower?

favorite tv show?- shameless, sense8, stranger things....I like a lot of S shows apparently

shoe size?

how tall are you?- 5′5″ I think

sandals or sneakers?

do you go to the gym? - nope. I think I went twice during all of 2016

describe your dream date

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?- 0 in cash 

what color socks are you wearing?

how many pillows do you sleep with?- usually just two. and maybe a stuffed animal 

do you have a job? what do you do?

how many friends do you have? - close friends....4 or 5. 

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

whats your favorite candle scent? - hmm something subtle and woodsy that reminds me of fall 

3 favorite boy names

3 favorite girl names- sophia is all I can think of right now

favorite actor?

favorite actress? - hmm laverne cox, ellen page, emmy rossum 

who is your celebrity crush?

favorite movie? - all I can think of is zootopia? wtf 

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

money or brains? - brainsssss

do you have a nickname? what is it?

how many times have you been to the hospital?- for myself maybe twice. for others countless times

top 10 favorite songs

do you take any medications daily? - nope

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

what is your biggest fear? - regret, I think

how many kids do you want?

whats your go to hair style?- lazily swiping some pomade on and leaving it to do what it wants 

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

who is your role model? - my mama

what was the last compliment you received?

what was the last text you sent?- “can I call you tonight?” 

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

what is your dream car? - literally just one with a bluetooth system so I don’t have to keep struggling with the god damn aux cord

opinion on smoking?

do you go to college?- I did, graduated from chico state last year 

what is your dream job?

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? - suburbs 

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

do you have freckles? - not really. just a few odd spots and things

do you smile for pictures?

how many pictures do you have on your phone? - 1200

have you ever peed in the woods?

do you still watch cartoons? - sometimes, usually bob’s burgers/rick and morty/steven universe

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Favorite dipping sauce? - ranch or bbq 

what do you wear to bed?

have you ever won a spelling bee?- yeahhhhh 

what are your hobbies?

can you draw? - noooooo but I draw lil toucans sometimes 

do you play an instrument?

what was the last concert you saw? - kehlani ahhhhhh so good 

tea or coffee?

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?- neither but if I have to choose, starbucks 

do you want to get married?

what is your crush’s first and last initial?- K.F.

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

what color looks best on you? - I really like wearing shades of teal, but red also looks good on me

do you miss anyone right now?

do you sleep with your door open or closed?- closed. privacy is key

do you believe in ghosts?

what is your biggest pet peeve? - myself and my habits???? lol I also hate bent paper 

last person you called`

favorite ice cream flavor? - cookie dough

regular oreos or golden oreos?

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? - ehhhh chocolate

what shirt are you wearing?

what is your phone background?- generic ocean wave thing

are you outgoing or shy?

do you like it when people play with your hair?- yessss good shit right there

do you like your neighbors?

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?- in the morning, I’m really bad at remembering at night

have you ever been high?

have you ever been drunk? - too much lately I need to chill

last thing you ate?

favorite lyrics right now- “to love another person is to see the face of god” just because I just watched les mis 

summer or winter?

day or night? - night usually

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

favorite month? - july! 

what is your zodiac sign

who was the last person you cried in front of? - katie