#took me awhile to get a roll from this spring processed and my friend LOST HIS MIND when I showed him now its like his pfp on 3 platforms

[davemustaine]

makes me so happy when i take photos of my friends n when I share the scans with them they immediately use one as a profile photo :)

[gagmebucky]

hiiii i wrote this awhile ago but took it down because i was 👉🏼👈🏼 embarrassed about it (because i do not have the skill to pull off peter parker) and sorta still am but everyone’s been so nice to me about it i thought the best way to repay the kindness by posting it for those who did like it 😅 (originally inspired by spider man 2 with andrew garfield but loosely set in the 2018 issue of the amazing spider-man.)

in which the guys are making fun of peter and accidentally see a video of him fucking you. (includes avenger!peter x girlfriend!you, peter’s pov, voyeur!steve and voyeur!bucky, a sex tape featuring d/s dynamics, bondage, praise kink, exhibitionism, unprotected sex.) 

do not repost.

—

Despite being twenty-one years old; a proper adult who lives with his high school sweetheart, a photographer doubling as a seven-year veteran vigilante in the dangers of New York, Peter Parker is still considered as a super-powered amateur to his seasoned peers. 

Nonetheless, given his success in countless battles in the state, country, world and even galaxy-wide, he more than qualifies to hold the title of Avenger; it’s official now. A laid-back induction ceremony and his very own identity card: a sturdy rectangle, shiny with full clearance and all. Yet, as an official member, his teammates still treat him like he’s that same goofy, out-of-his-depths sixteen year old.

To be fair, yes, his style of heroism isn’t the most serious. He favors levity in the face of danger, a cheeky flare with smart quips and an infuriating grin. Even after taking a beating from the worst of foes, his demeanor never wavers because in the end, he wins. The villains are slayed and the people are saved, even comforted by the boyishly confident way he works. 

But beyond that persona, he has grown into a skilled warrior. On that note, he wants to be regarded as such—at least, to a certain extent. The jokes and teasing, poking fun at his age or the shenanigans he gets himself into, don’t bother him. No, his playful wit handles it with relative ease, and he’s a good sport about it. The only thing that he’d want to see change is some recognition that he isn’t a naïve kid anymore and is fully capable of taking charge when needed.

With his recent acceptance into the gifted pantheon, he’s intent on making that known. The jesting can continue but he wants it to be with an understanding of his capabilities. Luckily, a perfect opportunity has presented itself to showcase his abilities: a training session. 

He’s late. And yes, he knows that’s probably not a good impression to make.

In his own defense, it isn’t technically his fault. He forgot that you, his personal alarm clock (amongst other things), left early this morning because you volunteered to help his aunt move. Four years of mornings and nights, he’s gotten used to—and prefers—your languorous wake-up call.

Without your reminder, he regains consciousness fifteen minutes after the scheduled time and ends up scrambling to the compound. In a flurry, he throws on his suit—unknowingly backwards, he realizes later—trips at least three times over his own footing before he finally springs out of the balcony with webbed bursts.

When he reaches his destination, Captain America and the Winter Soldier are unimpressed; mid-simulation, it powers down. Both super-soldiers whirl around to face him, fixing raised eyebrows at his disheveled arrival.

He adjusts his now front-facing suit and shuffles forward into the space with as much confidence as an interrupter can have. “H - hey, guys,” Peter greets sheepishly and manages what he hopes is a charming smile, absentmindedly fidgeting with his phone. “Lookin’ good for a couple of geezers.” 

Unfortunately, Steve Rogers is not charmed or disillusioned from the tardiness. “You’re late, Parker.” His arms fold, and he shakes his head when punctuating his disapproval with an echoing, “Again.” 

Thankfully, to his right, more relaxed and cool, Bucky Barnes steps up. “C’mon, Stevie. Y’can’t be that surprised,” he chimes in matter of factly, contrasting against his friend with amusement sparkling in his blue eyes. “What’d you expect with Parker?” He gestures at the younger superhero. “Kid’s gonna be late to his own wedding.”

(Beside the point, but worth noting, he will not be late to meeting you at the altar. That is, of course, if you accept when he pops the question. Which is going to happen relatively soon, considering he has the ring in his nightstand drawer.)

The consult seems to relax him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right and—Peter, you—seriously, man?!” Steve sputters the last bit when he glanced over to see him blatantly check the notification that’s vibrated in his hand (on the device that is ruled to be stowed away during training). “Now the phone?!” 

Even though he shouldn’t, being on thin ice with Cap and all (pun not intended), Peter’s gaze flickers down to see your contact name appear on the screen, and he can’t resist. While Bucky guffaws a laugh at his audacity, he’s swiping up to pull up your text thread. 

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:37AM: spider boyyyyy you’ll never guess what i found in a box labeled ‘peter’s junk’ ;;;)

peter, 10:37AM: those magazines are NOT mine and i don’t know how they got there.

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: not quite but close, naughty boy

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: for a man who depends on keeping secrets and a penchant for home movies, you might ought to keep a lock on your phone unless you want someone to see me like this...

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: (video attached)

Immediately, he recognizes the pornographic thumbnail. One glance, and he’s remembering the first couple of times you guys explored the exhibitionism side of things. It was at the end of his freshman year of college and taped on a phone he thought he had lost. But he must've forgotten it at his aunt’s house, and she tossed it in the box until you came along. 

Although there’s been plenty more made, he recalls that one being a shared favorite, his especially. When long-distance duty calls, it was his go-to media. The angles, your face and body beneath the lights, the sounds it caught, you once asked if he considered switching to cinematography instead of photographer

Subconsciously, his teeth run over his bottom lip, feeling that blazing spark of desire igniting in the pit of his gut, partially at the memory and partially at what’ll happen once you guys can re-watch it together; his thumbs start typing away with that message.

“Peter!” Steve’s exasperated voice snaps, but to no avail—the real gall of the youngster, or the effect of you. His weight shifts toward his best friend, and he nudges him with his elbow. “Kids these days!” The hundred-something year old’s gaze cocks a brow back over. “Is that why you were late? Blowing off training to text your girlfriend?”

The text delivers with an audible bloop. Finally, his concentration gives, and he can look up, though his expression is clueless from the last minute. “Huh?” His brain registers what he missed, and he winces. “Sorry, Cap. My bad.”

Bucky chuckles. “Give him a break, Steve,” he faux comes to his defense, a teasing quality underlying his tone. “He’s young and in love. It’s not his fault he’s pussy-whipped.” He cracks him an antagonizing grin as Peter rolls his eyes. “He can’t go an hour without sending those little weird pictures with heart eyes, or she might not know he’s thinking about her.”

“As if you know anything about romance, old man,” he fires back and presses past them with squared shoulders, correcting him quite seriously: “And they’re called emojis, by the way. But that’s not what I was doing, if you want to know so bad.”

The brunette tilts his head thoughtfully, and small hackles arise for reasons he doesn’t understand, or pay attention to. “You know, I do want to know really badly,” Bucky decides and poses a question to his left, “Wouldn’t you, too, Steve? Aren’t you curious what his girlfriend sent that was so much more important than training?”

The blond mimics his actions and clicks his tongue. “Yeah, I am.” 

Peter’s eyebrows pinch while his skin tingles and the hair on the back of his neck stands straight up. “What—” Before his senses process it, one of the super-soldiers plucks his phone out of his hands and darts back beside his best friend. His jaw drops as he tries to follow after him. “Bucky, you asshole—”

“Some spidey senses, huh?” The Winter Soldier lifts it high over his head, utilizing his six-foot stature against his five-ten like elementary school bullies do and older siblings to their juniors. “Haven’t ‘cha heard about sharing with the class?” He laughs and practically stiff-arms him to squint up at the screen. “Aw, he can’t wait to see her. What’s it been, more than two hours since you two saw each other last?” 

Conceding to the height difference, Peter stops his physical efforts and diverts it to someone reasonable. “Cap, you gonna help me out here?” he addresses the entertained onlooker in the most friendly voice he can manage. 

“The kid’s got separate anxiety not just from his girlfriend but phone too, Buck,” Steve drawls with a lopsided curve of his lips. He side-steps Peter to stand next to Bucky, and for a second, he thinks he’s on his side despite the tease, but he simply adds a stern, “So be careful. You don’t want to break it, or Parker will have a fit.”

Peter crosses his arms and scowls. “Ha, ha,” he retorts dryly, only somewhat amused by their banter. He tilts his head up at them, and the duo look thoroughly pleased with themselves. “You know, you guys are kind of dicks.”

“No, we’re your mentors, kid,” Steve corrects with a wink and rests his arm on his friend’s shoulder. “This is a lesson. No phones—” He jabs his thumb back in reference to the device’s unlocked screen: “—when you’re supposed to be training.” 

“Yeah,” Bucky chimes in upon glancing up from his phone. “And a little advice, women don’t like clinginess. Try being a little more stern and see how that works for you. If you’re able to manage that. But I won’t hold it against ya if you can’t.”

“Uh-huh,” Peter patronizes with a bob of his head, biting back a response pointing out the hundred-something year old’s inexperience. Instead, he focuses on the electronic readily loaded up with some private content. With that, he decides to do the rational and mature thing and ask nicely. “Noted. So, uh, can I have my phone back now?” 

To his shock, Bucky merely flashes a smirk and his thumb scrolls half-heartedly over the thread. Thereafter, he leans toward Steve and raises his cell for him to see. “Oh, look, it’s a video,” he teases. “What could Y/N send that would take priority of training?” 

There’s an unspoken let’s see then a metal finger taps the play button. Before Peter can think, much less react, Captain American and the Winter Soldier are watching how he effortlessly renders his pretty little girlfriend into a cute nonsensical yet eager mess— 

In his point-of-view shot, the ratio holds in portrait view in a bid to capture every bit of you. Above you, the camera focuses on you and your beautifully debauched state beneath warm lighting where it’s unalienable that the camera was made for you. 

Your eyes are dilated brightly, desperate with desire as your lashes flutter up at him. A sheen coats your features and glistens like glitter at the highest points of your face while the shape of your face is framed by your stretched arms. 

Your wrists are bound over your head, splotched with expertly sprayed strong, white webs. The mesh sticks them together in a criss-cross, comfortable but nearly impossible to break out of, fixed in place atop his headboard. The tautness tugs a mild strain on your figure so your breasts are jutting out like an offering, and it’s obvious he’s taken advantage of it. Darkened marks adorn your glowing complexion, peppered across your décolletage with imprints of his teeth; including your nipples, sucked swollen and tender. 

The angle trails down until it reveals the sight of him mercilessly pounding inside of you. His better-than-average girth is sliding in and out of your tight channel; slicked in shared translucent essence, creaming around the base, your inner walls visibly clinging to his cock with every backward stroke. His hand splays on your mound, using his thumb to abuse your engorged clit. He easily keeps the sensitive nub pinned under his control despite your wildly twisting hips. 

Like the display, the soundtrack is equally obscene. Loud, your stuffed depths gush and squelch as skin slaps rhythmically. Your breathy, wanton moans overshadow both, drawn out whimpers, almost nonsensical other than the syllable of his name. A melody of neediness, you sound so fucking pretty, (depraved, like a whore, you once told him during your little film marathon with a sly smile), and for him specifically.

The frame pans upward and confirms you look just as good. A perfect mess, unhinged by the skilled ministrations of your boyfriend. Passion beads on your forehead like reflections off of a diamond. Panting, your lips are plumped from kissing parted with mewls of pleasure. 

“P - please—I need to—can I - I please—” You’re begging like the sweet little thing you are, incoherent babbling the result of his excessive edging. Of course, you know better than to give into the sensations ravaging you; instead you ignore your visceral desire and ask him for your release. “Peter, please!” 

A deep chuckle vibrates behind the camera as his big hand slides into view, trailing over your jiggling tits to the slope of your throat. “Maybe,” he says breathily and grasps the line of your jaw between his fingers. “Open your mouth first, babe.” 

No more preamble necessary, you follow his direction, your pink tongue flat over your Cupid’s bow. Immediately, a long string of his saliva drips into view and onto your taste buds; the vulgar act is accepted with a swallow and a quivering moan of, “T - thank you.” 

“Good girl,” he praises huskily, and the voiced approval has you visibly shivering. “Alright, then, pretty girl. Make it good for me, and c’mon—”

Before your otherworldly reckoning washes over you and his teammates can watch your bliss immortalized in film, Peter snatches his property back. 

Not much force is necessary as Bucky’s grip has been stunned loose. A dark expression permeates on young hero’s face but not because of embarrassment; if he was still nineteen or eighteen, he would’ve been mortified that his titular superiors caught a depraved glimpse of his sex life, on both his and your behalf. Rather than, there’s just a flit of annoyance when he folds his arms.

“Shit,” Bucky is the first to speak, exhaling the swear raggedly. His blue pupils have widened in obvious attraction, dilated dark, blinking rapidly as if it’ll help calm him down from the clip of you, his innocent seeming girlfriend, all ruined and begging. “Parker, fuck, I - I didn’t know you got down like that.” 

There’s a swell in his chest, pride beating steadily while he remains reticent-faced. He prefers you keep your bedroom activities secluded there. Yeah, he likes to be in control and you like to be controlled but it’s only in a sexual nature. Yet, their reactions—stunned, embarrassed and viscerally affected—surges smug satisfaction he’s never known before through his veins. 

Even the prestigious Captain America is bothered, though he may try to hide it. He clears his throat, a flustered pink coloring his cheeks. “Peter, uh,” he says, barely maintaining the confidence to look him in the eye after witnessing his girlfriend like that. “We - we shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like that.” 

“Uh-huh,” is Peter’s response, a hint of a smirk curling on one side of his lips. “Why don’t you guys call me after you’re finished with your cold showers, and we can actually train. Until then, I’m gonna go to my girl who’s more than eager to handle mine.” He pauses. “Maybe if you guys ask nice enough, I might let her show you how well I’ve trained her.”

[n0wornever]

Feelings Change Like Seasons - Luke/Reggie x Reader

I have an idea...the reader likes Luke but Reggie likes the reader but then the reader one day realizes that she only sees Luke as a brother and truly likes Reggie.

I tweaked it a little bit so the brother part might more vague, but yeah!

He watched as she looked at the brown-haired boy as he strummed on his guitar, his teeth gripping on his bottom lip as he concentrated on the melody. She let her cheek rest in her hand and let a small smile begin to appear across her face. 

“Hey ‘heart eyes’ have a second to talk to me?” Reggie said, waving a hand in her face and smirking down at her, a piece of notebook paper in his hand. She shook her head, not responding. Reggie took the silence as an invitation and sat down next to her. He placed the piece of paper on her lap for her to look over. 

“Jules and I roughly sketched out an idea for a band gig poster to put up on social and in coffeeshops around town.” He started, pointing down at the drawing.

“It’s not great, but that’s what we have you for,” He nudged her arm, she rolled her eyes in response “Do you think you could take a look and sketch a more polished copy for us to look at?”

She nodded “Of course Reg, you know I got you guys.” 

A hand fell onto her shoulder and she turned to meet Luke’s smile. “Hey, Y/N, can you listen to something I just thought of. I want your opinion!” 

She jumped up right away “Sure,” she said, following him over to the couch. Reggie watched her move across the room, analyzing her smile and giggles as his bandmate played his new solo for her. He watched her eyes swell as he began to sing and sighed. 

“You know, you could just tell her. Creepily watching her interact with Luke is going to get you nowhere.” 

Reggie jumps at the sudden noise, looking over to see Julie staring at him with a sympathetic smile. Reggie rolled his eyes at the girl, shaking his head. 

“It’s not like that...”

“Reg...” 

He sighed again, throwing his hands up in defeat “Okay, it’s like that. How can I compete with Luke? I mean, you see the way she looks at him...”

She watched as Y/N pushed her hand against Luke’s chiseled chest, head falling back with laughter. Reggie placed his elbows on his knees, leaning his head against his open palm. He felt Julie’s hand touch his shoulder, patting it softly.

“She just hasn’t seen you show any interest! You need to wedge yourself in there.” Reggie met Julie’s gaze and she smiled “You can be smooth Reg, I’ve seen it. You just need to test the waters.” 

He stood up, slinging his guitar over his shoulder before moving to his band position. Luke, Julie and Alex soon joined him. Y/N kicked out her legs and started her sketching process as the band moved forward with practice. 

As the music started to die down, Y/N started to pick up her stuff. She looked up when she heard a familiar female voice enter the room. She sighed as she watched Carrie gravitate toward Luke, her arm sliding through his. Ever since Julie and Carrie became friends again, the girl had been slowly inching her way toward him.

Reggie was startled by Y/N’s abrupt movements as she stood and swung her backpack around her shoulders. “Guys, I’m heading out” she said, throwing up a peace sign and avoiding Carrie’s gaze. As she moved toward the door, Reggie found himself reaching out to grab onto her forearm. 

She turned around fully, facing him. He rubbed his hands together as he began to talk to her. 

“Hey, Y/N, before you go...I was just curious what you were doing tomorrow?”

She cocked her head in confusion before answering “Nothing, why? What’s up?”

His smile grew a bit wider, taking a step closer to her. “I was hoping that you and I could hang out? We haven’t really done anything, just the two of us, in awhile....we could also go over your sketches maybe?”

She gave him a small grin “That sounds great Reg, meet me at my place at like 11?” 

“Cool,” He responded, feeling his anxieties melt away. 

She looked at her arm, still stuck in his grip and back up to his eyes. “So...could you let me go so I can get home before then?” 

He let go immediately, lowering his head to hide the growing pink cascading over his face. “Sorry.” 

She giggled “No worries, see you tomorrow?”

The next day

Reggie knocked on her front door. He heard a dog bark and some loud hushing before she appeared, smiling at him. She was dressed down, her glasses on and hair up with a Phantoms t-shirt she designed and some joggers. She moved to invite him in.

“The sketches are at the table if you want to look at them!” She called from the staircase “I just have to grab my phone real quick.” 

He walked over to the kitchen and looked through the scattered papers. He was always so impressed with her art. She took details to the next level, and always made the band look more professional than they really were. He touched the line work of her logo drawing as she appeared next to him, cheek leaning against his arm.

“They aren’t too bad, are they?” 

He peered over in her direction with furrowed brows “Too bad?! Y/N these are next level!” 

She bit down on her lip, smiling at him “You mean it?”

He nodded enthusiastically, his fingers grazing a few other drawings “The hardest part will be narrowing it down to just a few options!” 

She giggled at his wide eyes, taking a seat at the table. She opened her phone, clicking on the Instagram app and snapping a photo of him while he wasn’t looking for her story. She captioned it “hanging out with my biggest fan @RegTheMan.” She scrolled through her timeline a bit, eyes widening at a particular photo. It was a candid of Luke and Carrie, her kissing his cheek and his eyes squeezed shut with a big smile on his face. She sighed loudly, turning off the screen.

“What’s up?” He asked, looking over the table at her pursed lips. 

“Nothing....”

His look pressed her and she finally continued “I just don’t see what Luke sees in Carrie, that’s all.”

Reggie nods, walking across the table to her. He sits down in the seat next to her, taking in her side profile as he forms the next statement. “Honestly, I don’t know what you see in Luke!” He joked, giving her a small smile

She giggles at that, pushing back his shoulder “I don’t know...” She chews on her lip “It’s honestly a long overdue crush, but I can’t help but think about him sometimes.” 

His smile drops as he takes in her tense features. He feels a knot begin to form in his throat as forms the next sentence. “Yeah, I totally get what you mean.” 

His double-meaning was lost on her as she leaned forward into her hands. He kept his focus on her as she continued.

“But how do you compare with Carrie?” 

He scoffed at this statement, putting his hand on her shoulder. “You’re kidding me, right.” 

She sat up straight, finally meeting his gaze. “What do you mean?”

He shook his head at the girl, retreating his hand to his side. “Carrie has nothing on you, Y/N. You’re so talented, and artistic and kind....”

She gave him a brief smile, rubbing her hand up and down his arm. He felt a shiver at her touch, but tried to avoid being obvious about his racing anxiety. 

“You have to say that, you’re my friend...” 

He rolled his eyes at her “I don’t have to say anything. I mean that.” 

The room went silent for a moment before she whispered a thank you over in his direction. He saw her shoulders begin to shake and sprung forward, when he met her eyes they were welling with tears. 

He started wiping her tears away with his thumbs “See, even beautiful when she’s crying.” 

His statement made her laugh through her heavy breathing. He let his hands fall to her thighs as she composed herself. 

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess, I must have been holding that in for awhile.”

“Never apologize for feeling.” He tapped her legs with his hands. 

She let her gaze fall onto his again as they sat in the quiet. His eyes fell to her lips quickly before springing back up to her face. Her soft cheeks had splotched with red and her eyes were bloodshot, but he still couldn’t help but smile at her. 

“What?” She said, bringing her hands to her cheeks 

“....Nothing, just looking at you.” 

Her cheeks burned pink again as he held her glance. She moved forward and kissed his cheek quickly before looking back to her work, holding up pieces for him to evaluate. He sighed to himself as he realized how long of a journey this would really be. 

Reggie showed up at the next rehearsal early, helping Julie set up the space. Julie went right for the kill as she moved the mics to their spots. 

“So how did it go?”

“What?”

Julie pursed her lips, rolling her eyes at him. “You know what I’m talking about.” 

Reggie laughed to himself, picking up his guitar and wrapping it around his torso. He strummed for a second before responding. 

“It was fine. We went over artwork and she...well...she kind of confided in me about Luke.”

Julie’s mouth opened “Oh? And what happened with that.”

“She basically said that she liked him, but knew she had to get over him because obviously he and Carrie are a ‘thing.’

Julie clasped her hands together, bringing them up to graze her cheek. “And you were there to comfort her. Oh how sweet.” 

Reggie rolled his eyes at her “stop Jules, it wasn’t like that..” He diverted his eyes, focusing on his strings.��

Y/N entered the room and he brightened up immediately. She smiled as she met his eyes, coming in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her and they stood there for a moment. She looked up at him, chin grazing his stomach. “Thanks again for yesterday.” she said before breaking apart and moving toward the couch. 

Julie looked at him with a raised eyebrow, but he shooed her eyes away from his quickly. Luke walked in with Carrie on his arm and Alex trailing behind them. Reggie looked between Carrie and Luke before asking the question everyone was thinking. 

“So....is this...an official thing now?” 

Luke’s whole face went red as Carrie moved quickly to kiss his cheek. They both nodded, Luke hugging her closer to his side before placing a kiss on her head. 

“I’ll see you after practice?” Carrie said, looking up at him with her hands on his chest.

“Of course,” He leaned down to place a kiss on her lips before she ran out of the garage, the bandmates howling after her. 

Reggie’s eyes immediately went to Y/N, her eyes was focused on her sketchbook. Luke walked over to her, placing his bag next to her and ruffling her hair. “Hey kid.” He said, Y/N slowly shrinking as he walked away. 

Luke rejoined the group and the band started rehearsing. As the evening ended, Reggie moved over to the couch, sitting down next to her as she packed her bag. 

“You okay?”

She looked up with puffy eyes. “Yeah, I’m alright.” 

He gave her a questioning look, standing and holding his hand out to her. He grabbed it and he brought her up to meet him.

“Let’s go on a walk?”

She nodded, placing her backpack around her shoulders and trailing behind him out the door. He ignored Luke and Julie’s wandering gazes as the pair walked past them. 

When they were finally in the cold, crisp air he let go of her hand, staying close enough for their shoulders to brush as they walked down the street. They stayed quiet for a few blocks before Reggie spoke.

“You deserve better.” He said, exhaling sharply after the words left his mouth.

“What?” She said, inching closer to him, hooking her arm around his. 

He cleared his throat before continuing “You are such a catch, Y/N, Luke is just too vapid to notice it. You deserve someone who sees how incredible you are.”

Her giggle vibrated against his arm “Let me know when you find him, I’d like to talk.”

“I think I know a guy actually...” 

She went quiet for a moment before she halted her movements. His heart began to race as he wondered if he went too far. However, his intrusive thinking was stopped by Y/N grabbing his hand and pulling him to the left.

“Where are we going,” He breathed heavily, trying to match her pace.

She didn’t respond, pulling him forward until they made it to the school’s open field. She led his hand to the middle before dropping it and laying on her back in the grass. 

“Didn’t they just water this-” 

“Reggie don’t be a baby, get down here,” She patted the section of grass near her and he gave in and laid next to her. 

They sat in the quiet for a moment. Reggie moved his gaze from the stars to her, watching as she beamed at the open air. She eventually must have felt his gaze, because she turned to the side and met his eyes with hers widened.

“WHAT?!” 

He laughed at her aggression “I told you, I just like looking at you.”

She shook her head, holding back a grin as she took in his dark eyes in the dim light. “Why do you like looking at me?” She finally said, fully leaning on her side to face him.

“I’m not sure if I could fully tell you that, all I know is that I’m afraid if I don’t, I won’t get the chance again....and I don’t like those odds.”

He smirked as he watched her face overcome with blush. She bit on her bottom lip. “You’re too sweet.” 

“You deserve it.”

She exhaled heavily, letting out a short laugh “You just have an answer for everything.”

“Maybe so.” 

She looked at him again, taking in everything from the crinkles near his eyes, to the slight freckles on his nose. She was overcome with how soft his eyes looked at her. She let her eyes fall toward his lips and back up to his eyes. She leaned forward and heard him gasp before she connected their lips for a split second. As she pulled back, she smiled at his dumbfounded response.

“Well...” He started, heat racing to his face “Maybe I don’t have an answer for everything...because....wow.”

She laughed again, snuggling into his side as they watched the moon. 

.

.

.

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Tag list: @marinettepotterandplagg​, @lukeys-giggle​, @joshy-obx, @epikskool, @daisiesforlacey, @bestdressedandstressed, @txrii, @musicconversedance, @dasexydevitt13, @bathtimejish, @xplrreylo, @lovesanimals, @kiss-themoongoodbye

[yourfavewriteress]

chance for something more (part 2) | tyler seguin

part 1

Teaser: “I wish on everything that I could take it back.”

I sighed, dropping myself in the booth across from Tyler. He had invited me to a small, quiet restaurant in Dallas a few days after the party.

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Hello to you, too.”

“I’m an idiot,” I said.

He laughed, “I know this, but why this time?”

“Shut up,” I rolled my eyes. “I was doing my laundry before this and let’s just say I now have a shitload of pink clothing.”

“And, you hate pink,” He said.

“Bingo,” I nodded. “What are you drinking?”

He slid his glass over to me, “Beer.”

I took a sip, crinkling my nose, “You’re sick.”

We both laughed just as the waiter appeared. “Hi, can I get you a drink? Or another one?”

“Yes, I’ll just have a screwdriver,” I said.

“Another beer, please,” Tyler said. The waiter nodded, disappearing.

“So,” Tyler breathed, taking off his hat and placing it on the booth next to him. “I’m sorry for springing this on you at a party, first of all.”

I shrugged, “It’s fine. I’m just happy you told me, since you said you’ve been holding this for awhile.”

He smiled sheepishly, “Yeah, I have.”

“Are you seriously not going to tell me how long?” I raised my eyebrows.

“I never stopped,” He said. “Thinking about you, I mean. And, us. No matter who I was with, I can’t act like I didn’t think about you.”

“How do you want this conversation to go, Tyler?” I asked, looking around the restaurant. I could feel my chest tightening at his words, and I knew this was just the beginning of a very long and trying conversation. “Do you want me to just listen or…?”

“I have a lot of shit I want to get off my chest,” He let out a laugh. “And, I dunno, maybe you do, too. I just want to explain myself because we haven't talked about it in almost a decade and thinking back, I know I didn’t give you the explanation you deserved. To be honest, there’s no explanation for what I did, I know that. I’ve been racking my brain this past week, and even these past years to understand what happened, and why I fucked up so bad, but it’s like everything was amazing. And, then it wasn’t.”

“Because you cheated, Tyler.”

“I know, fuck,” He paused, his eyes dropping to the table. “Cheating on you is by far one my my biggest regrets in my life. And, I wish I could tell you what I was thinking, or why I did it, but I just can’t. We had just won that game, and we got all these bottles to celebrate. All of us were so fucked up and high off the win. The house was packed, and there were girls everywhere. They wanted us to sign this, and sign that. Take this picture. Answer that question. It was fucking hectic.”

“Sounds like most of your nights after a game.”

“No, no, this night was different. We just clenched a spot in the championships, we thought we were big shit. All the guys had at least three girls hanging off of them, that’s just how it was. And. when she came in-”

“-Please,” I whispered. “Minimal details.”

He nodded, pausing for a moment before continuing. “I let my guard down for a second, but I was drunk and too far gone to even realize what was really happening. I know this hurts, but I have to be honest. I know that’s what you want and what you deserve. It felt good, I’ll never lie about that. But realizing what it meant for us? I wish on everything that I could take it back. It was a stupid, stupid decision that hurt you. I was a fucking idiot, Y/N, and you did not deserve that. You didn’t deserve your boyfriend and your best friend to do that to you. You didn’t deserve me treating you like that and for that, I am so sorry. I’m sorry for everything. For the cheating, for breaking your heart, for not realizing how truly fucking incredible you are, for not prioritizing us and you, for disrespecting you and our relationship. I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N. For it all.”

Silence took over the table as I processed his words.

This was a very different conversation than we had a while ago. Eighteen-year-old Tyler apologized for cheating, and probably meant it, but also did not understand the gravity of his actions. He was still a kid. We were still kids. But, it didn’t hurt any less.

This Tyler sitting in front of me was not a kid. He stopped being a kid the second reality caught up to him in Boston. I’ve seen him grow into the man he is today. If it wasn’t for the growth of both of us, we would never have been able to reconnect as friends and even have this conversation today. 

“I didn’t cheat on you because I didn’t love you, or there was anything wrong with us. You didn’t do anything to deserve this, this was all me. I was selfish and I didn’t think about you or your feelings. I should have been fucking thinking about you,” He said, running his hands through his hair. “I promised not to hurt you and I did. I know this all just words, but I’m sorry.”

“Did you see her again?” I whispered, looking down at the table. I almost thought Tyler didn’t hear me but he shook his head immediately.

“No, absolutely not,” He said. “That night was the only time I saw her.”

“What do you want me to say?” I asked.

“Anything,” He said, softly.

I paused, “You know, even though we were only teenagers, I wholeheartedly believed that you were going to be the one for me. I was certain that I had met my match and that was it. We were best friends, who also really fucking liked each other and everyone could see it. Even my mom said she wouldn’t be surprised if we stayed together.”

Tyler smiled softly, “I think your mom liked me more than you did at one point.”

“Trust me, she did,” I rolled my eyes. “But, I did love you with everything in me, Tyler. And, when you told me what happened, I felt like my entire world just collapsed. I always told myself that I would never be that girl that would give a guy the power to shake her world up like that, but to me, you weren’t just some guy. You were my best friend, someone that I had cried to hundreds of times with no shame. Someone who I could tell anything to and never feel judged. And that night, all of that went out the window.”

“I know,” Tyler nodded. 

“I didn't think I was ever going to be able to look at you again,” I admitted. “But, my mom reminded me that we were friends first. And, I never thought that I would be able to say that you were one of my best friends again, but you are.”

“You’re my best friend,” He leaned over the table, his eyes staring into mine. “You always have been and I’m pretty sure you always will be if I have any say.”

“I know, Tyler.”

“I’m happy that we were able to be friends again, and still laugh and talk,” He said. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, just like you didn’t deserve what I did. But, I was stupid back then, I fucked up. I’m older now, and I cannot act like you’re not the person I want to be with. I want to try, Y/N, even if that means starting over completely. I love you, and I’ve never stopped. If you’ll let me, please, can I try?”

I searched his face for a few moments, and as someone who has seen Tyler speak directly from his heart, whether it be pleading his agent to work on clearing his name in the media or begging his sisters to come see him after a while, I could tell that he meant every word. But, that wasn’t enough.

“Did you love me when you were having sex with her?”

He paused, reaching up to scratch his beard, a mechanism he used when slightly uncomfortable. “I never stopped loving you, and I don’t know if that makes it worse or better, but it just is. It was a fucked up situation that I put us in, and as much as I wish I could give you clear answers to get us out of it, I can’t. And, I’ve been pissed at myself for the past 10 years for it.”

I downed the rest of my drink quickly, avoiding his eyes. 

“I’ve been nothing but lucky to have you in my life after what happened,” Tyler reached over to squeeze my hand. “And, I know it’s stupid of me to risk that by bringing up old feelings, but I can’t just be your friend if there was ever a chance for something more.”

“So, what do you want to do, Tyler?”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” He responded. “I lost the right to dictate anything the second I stepped out on you.”

“There’s always been the chance for something more,” I admitted. “I’ve grown. I’ve seen your growth. We were 17 back then and my feelings for you were real. I know that because I still feel them today.”

He smiled, “I like the sound of that.”

I rolled my eyes, “Relax yourself. You still have to prove to me that I can trust you. The jury is still out on that.”

“I will do everything,” He said. “I told you ten years ago that you were one of the most important people in my life, and that’s still true today.”

“You can start by driving me home because I need another drink.”

He smiled, waving over the waiter. “Anything you want.”

[yunhostinyuyu]

broken and fixed - part 04

pairing: roommate!doyoung vs friend!taeil x original female character (ft. haechan & taeyong)

genre: roommate!au, work!au, social media!au-ish, fluff, angst, eventual smut

wc: 2.4k

synopsis: kang haneul is desperately looking for a way out of her home. as one of her best friends suggests a friend who is currently looking for a new roommate, a new and better chapter in her life begins. or so she thought...

warning: suggestive, mentions of abuse, panic attack, weed (for medical reasons)

Early Monday morning back at work, Haneul and Donghyuck are standing in thier office, next to each other and starring at the brewing coffee machine in front of them. The two friends are wearing dark circles under their eyes, but not for the same reasons. While the tanned boy was busy spending his time with someone he met while partying on friday, Haneul was unable to fall asleep. She thought nothing of it, because she was still excited, still the first few days in her new space, and she was used to feeling her nerves in situations like that. It would take some time adjusting and getting used to things. And she thought she was doing better, working on herself and trying to be the best version of herself. Most importantly, working through her trauma, which by now she agreed on calling it that, even if she denied it to herself for so long. But this was all part of the process; finding out where her weaknesses lie, even if it meant that she might loose a bit of sleep during that phase. But every now and then, she had to hold back her bad memories from dragging her down and drowning her in negativity and halting her development from growing further.

“at least someone looks like they had a good weekend”, she sighed as she brought her cup filled with hot, black coffee to her lips. The younger man did the same, mimicking her gesture and grinning to himself. “I wouldn't mind telling you the details but i figure you are not interested”. Haneul just rolled her eyes, scanning thier shared office. “Please spare me, you can tell Mark or someone about it. But on another note: you know where the others are? They are never this late for the meeting. Not to meantion Jinyoung always starts working at 6 am...” Haneul questioned as she grabbed her notebook, paper work and a pen from her desk, clearly concerned. Donghyuck just shrugged “maybe he took a day off last minute? And Yeri is just hungover like every Monday.” He explained, clearly just guessing instead of stating facts, because he honestly didn’t know either. While they walked down the corridor, towards the meeting room where they are expected to show up at as soon as possible. “Just wanna get this day done so i can go back to sleep.”

“You’re always tired, quit whining big baby. You already got your coffee!” he bickered, but Haneul just slapped his arm half heartedly. “Watch your mouth or I’ll pour it over your head.” she daunted him and he let it go as they got to thier designated spot.

“Donghyuck, Haneul, late as always.” their boss joked, but with a stern look on his face as the two entered the meeting room. Scanning the surroundings, there were new faces around, which could only mean that either someone got fired, or that a new project was about the get started.

As they sat down in their usual seats, Haneul already started going through her papers she prepared in advance, waiting for her boss to start speaking. Then, Hyuck nudged her shoulder to get her attention away from the documents and onto something - or someone - else:

“Look, isn’t that..?” he whispered and she tried to look around as casually as possible. Scanning every face of her colleagues she has already worked with before, and the handful of unknown ones. It took her awhile to get to the person Hyuck was hinting at, but as soon as she did, the stranger was already eyeing Haneul expectingly. The two locked eyes for a brief second, until-

“So, now that we are all present, I wanna get started with the important things. We are starting preparations for a new sales promotion that is planned to launch in spring of 2021. Since our Sales Team here at the HQ was cut short due to personal changes, and also because it is for our biggest customer, we had to ask one of our subsidiaries for backup. Mr. Moon and his Team will support Mr. Lee and Ms. Kang for the project. All the hard facts and details the customer wants have been emailed to you all just as we speak. Roughly, we have to do a new assortment, which the design and product management team have started working on today. To end up, we plan on a small fair at the end of April to round things up and hopefully gain a great margin in turnover.”

Haneul looks at Donghyuck, then at her boss, then back at Donghyuck. Taeil, that Taeil, friend of her brand new roommate, who just happened to have the deepest, most beautiful eyes she has ever looked at, was going to work with her. Actually, not just her, but she was still stunned. Before she could continue her train of thought into a wrong directly, she mentally slapped herself to get back to business. Not now Haneul, don’t fucking fall for this guy you just met a few days ago, she said to herself. But in addition to that, it felt like something was off though. Her Team usually consisted of four people, not only her and Donghyuck, and they have handled projects of this size before.

She clears her throat before speaking at first “What happened with Jinyoung and Yeri? Aren’t they counted into this project?” looking at her boss for clarification. He looked down at his notebook for a second before giving a well formulated answer: “Mr. Park and Ms. Kim have left the company. Just as of today”. Haneul’s and Donghyuck’s mouths turned into an ‘o’ shape at the news. At least now I know why they didn't come to work today, she thought to herself. Her bosses hand motioned towards Taeil and his colleagues, “That being said, i am deeply thankful for Mr. Moon to come in last minute and agreeing on putting his other projects on hold in order to help out here. He has worked in Sales and Marketing for the past six years, and knows what he’s talking about.”

“So, when are we starting with this, Mr. Song? And what about the current project, Haneul and I were about to finish...” Donghyuck asked, clearly curious and concerned at the work load that might be expecting them all.

“This project has top priority from now on. As far as I’m concerned Mr. Lee, only the final calculation is missing for the current project, so you should be able to get that done nonetheless. Since now at the start it’s going to move relatively slow for the first few weeks. The most work will be for and about the fair anyways. I need you both to give your all, this could make or break the following summer fairs and orders they are gonna place.”

Taeil pulls his phone out of his pocket, takes a quick glance at it before he sets it on the meeting desk right infront of him. “We should schedule a meeting for today afternoon. I already discussed with Mr. Song that me and my assistants will have our desks set out in your office. I’m already looking forward to working with everyone here at the HQ.” He smiles around the room, but his eyes stay on Haneul’s for a second longer than intended. 

She just smiled and returned the look. “Likewise, welcome to HQ” she spoke confidently, before returning the word back to her boss, who was giving a brief overview of the things we need for this project so far, and later discussing other topics that are not as important for the sales department. The older one taking her phone out quietly under the table to text the man who was seated just beside her.

She got lost quickly in the conversation over text, getting startled as a unknown number send her a text out of the blue. As soon as she saw the message, she knew who was on the other end of the line

“Are there any questions?” Mr. Song asks, targeting his question at everyone present in the room, and Haneul quickly shuts off her phone and turns her head to look forward. Nobody says anything, a short silence of people nodding their heads in unison. “Also be sure to ask me when things are unclear later on, my door is always open. Everyone back to work now.” he dismissed and the two young co-workers are the first to get out of their seats to head back to their work space. Before leaving the room, the shorter one risked a quick glance back over her shoulder, to find Taeil and his two assistants talking with your boss. She looked away before he could notice her starring and headed out, steps in sync with the taller one.

“Those two assistants look dumb as fuck, not gonna lie” Hyuck says silently as they entered the office again. Haneul let herself fall into her chair just after she slammed her things on the desk which was placed visa vie of Hyuck‘s, right next to the windows.

“Honestly, my biggest concern isn't the assistants or Taeil or the new project but the fact they kicked Jinyoung out. I’m fucking furious about it.” she complained, her blood boiling and her mood being lower than when she got up this morning. “I know it sucks, he was my co-worker as well. He taught me a lot too. But now you are the one who has been here the longest!” he tried to cheer her up while typing away at his keyboard.

Haneul dropped her face down, her forehead making contact with the wooden desk top as she tried to calm down. “Great. More responsibility, love it”

Only managing a quick eye roll and a death glare from Donghyuck before the door swung open and the three faces looking around curiously, Taeil being the first one to take a step into their direction.

“Stop being hungover on your former colleagues being caught fucking. There are worse things and it’s their fault for being so careless and horny. Let’s focus on the important things, shall we?” The short man said, his words being directed at Haneul, since her head was still pressed onto the desk. Oh, he was on thin ice. But she was able to contain her anger, which was surprising, since she is pretty much a loose canon when some talks badly about people she cares for. Hyuck even looking over his screen to check on her.

She said nothing, just lifting her head up and not taking her eyes of the screen while the newcomers where getting their PCs set up. But it didn't take Taeil more than five minutes to speak again:

“I suppose we can hold our meeting now, or are you two busy?”

As the two finished their typing and clicking, they faced the man with the curly brown hair once again.

“I want to say something for myself first. I’m not here to boss you around, we are one team and in this project together. This is new territory for me as well. Both of you have a advantage since you know the customer already, so all I'm asking you is to help me out in order to support you to my best abilities. Mr. Song puts a lot of faith in me and I hope you don't see me as an intruder, replacing the others... even if it’s the case, kind of. Just bare with me, or with us until we get into the flow.” he explained, softly and understanding, looking for a good cooperation no matter the circumstances. The tone of his voice almost made Haneul forget about his stupid words from just a few minutes ago. Again, she caught herself daydreaming and not paying attention to the words he said.

She stoop up from her chair, almost at the same moment when the younger man did the same, walking towards him and holds out her hand to shake his, like they did before in the corridor of her home.

“Welcome to the Sales department then. And lets the this project done, Taeil.”

—

“Hey, are you hungry?” a soft voice asked from outside of Haneul’s room. Doyoungs face peaked through the door, which he pushed open only a few inches to check if she was there. A sigh falls from her lips as she puts her notebook to the side and faces her roommate.

“Yeah I am pretty much starving.” she yawned and the dark haired man took a step into the room, silently watching over the decor of her room. “You’re in luck i just made Tteokbokki.” That was all it took to get the exhausted girl to her feet in an instant. “No need to tell me twice, I’m coming” and he huffed a laugh out of his nose.

Even if the two knew each other for a week max, they felt really comfortable being around each other. They kept out of each others business most times, but when it came to food or grocery shopping, they looked out for each other already, Haneul felt like Doyoung was the model roommate and couldn't imagine living with someone else. Everything flowed so naturally.

“Whats that look on your face for? Long day?” he asked, curiously as the two started to eat the freshly cooked meal.

“I just couldn't sleep properly last night, and half of my department was fired this morning with a new project has been started. I’m just tired.” she explained while shoving the rice cakes into her mouth. “Also, your friend from the other day, Taeil, is working with me and Hyuckie for the project.”

Doyoung choked on his food, Haneul patting his back until he stopped and got enough air into his system again. “Sorry what?”

She just chuckled quietly, but having suspicions about the sudden reaction. “Yeah, he was sent from one of your subsidiaries since he has quite the experience, so I just hope everything goes well until then.”

“No, uhm, please don't take this the wrong way, but Taeil can be a bit... much?”

Haneul furred her eyebrows in confusion, tilting her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

He took a deep breath before he continued talking. “Just, he’s a natural flirt. But if he get too flirty, don't be afraid to shut him down, he’s just... yeah, that’s just Taeil...”

“Don’t worry”, she spoke, almost with too much confidence “I’m not one to shut my mouth. If he gives me a reason to call him out, I will certainly do so.”

[910roses]

Reunion (13xOC)

**Please let me know what you think**

Note: I've only ever written stuff for Doctor Who on fanfiction net but it's never been one-shots and I've only done like a tiny chapter for 13. So, hopefully this comes out okay and whoever reads this likes it. I completely adore 13 and would follow her in a heartbeat.

Summary: Set after right "Ghost Monument", having already mourned the possibility of losing her wife (y/n), 13 is immensely relieved to find y/n safe in the Tardis.

Includes fluff because I love me some fluffy stories. Also, Y/S means "your sexuality". The reader for me is written as pan, but you don't have to read it that way.

Everything was extremely cold. Your face, your limbs, your clothes, absolutely everything was beyond freezing. That's why the feeling of two warm hands on both sides of your face had you jolting awake.

Your mind woke up faster than your eyes. Sluggish thoughts plagued you as you couldn't even remember falling asleep, where you were, or why you were so damn cold. Sluggish actions followed suit with you cracking your eyes open to be face to face with one of the loveliest ladies you'd ever seen.

Concern and relief was apparent in her expression and you wondered what happened to you that warranted that look, but then you looked into her eyes. Her eyes were a gorgeous hazel that you liked instantly, but oh her eyes! So old and endless- timeless, and then you knew.

"Doctor?" You managed to cough out. Your throat felt completely dry and scratchy after a possible long time of no use. She gave small smile and nodded and in an instant you felt overwhelmed by the Doctor in a way you hadn't felt since your wedding. You managed to give her a small smile back after coughing once more. "What the heck happened love?"

A tenseness that was in the Doctor's shoulds left and she grinned. "Well, it appear the Tardis had in a sort of frozen stasis. Y/N, you must be absolutely freezing!" She said, rubbing her thumbs against your cheeks before standing up to go grab you some water. She knelt back in front of you as sat up a bit to drink the water. You smiled at her after finishing the water, taking in her enthusiastic energy and a newfound affection that differed slightly from her previous regeneration with ease.

A teasing frown graced your face as you took in her words. "The Tardis froze me basically, without asking me?"

"She wanted to keep you safe as I, er, regenerated," her smile turned sheepish and she glanced down at herself.

You grabbed one of her hands and held it, a warmth flooding your stomach and veins- only a reaction the Doctor was able to give you. "I'm only teasing. I don't mind it. Well, I'd like a bit of warning next time," you said, looking pointedly at the ceiling knowing the Tardis could hear you. The Doctor squeezed your hand and you looked back to her and smiled. "Are you okay though? I was there the last few regenerations and I know it's not an easy process."

She started nodding enthusiastically. "Oh yeah I'm great! My friends helped take care of me- there here by the way! On board," she paused and gestured toward the door of the room you were in and that's when it hit you.

"You knew you were going to regenerate right then! I mean we both knew it was coming, but I was going to make you tea! I can't believe the Tarid froze me in the kitchen!" You ranted a little, finally sitting up all the way on the tile floor, groaning as your body complained at the movement.

The Doctor gently helped you sit up, wearing a worried expression. "Are you okay? You're not in pain are you? Maybe we should take a trip to the med bay. I don't even know how long you've been frozen-"

"-Doc-"

"And then I completely missed the location of where the Tardis was. Okay, so I didn't really miss it. You were both just misplaced and I had to go find you. And then I didn't know if you even survived th crash!-"

"Doctor!" You exclaimed, grabbing her face and planting a soft kiss to her forehead. She stopped her worried rambling and relaxed even further as she sat next to you. "I'm okay, just sore and all my joints are stiff."

"So, you're okay?" She asked and before you could say yes, she added "with me?"

Your brow furrowed in confusion before you understood. "Doctor, of course I am."

She bumped shoulders with you and you knew she was happy, but still concerned. "So, you're a," you glanced at her, hesitating, and she stared right back, slight worry in her beautiful eyes and you smirked. "Blonde, again. I saw a picture of when you were blonde before and I must say, it's quite nice. Oh, and you're completely gorgeous again, if you were wondering."

She gave you a look. "Y/N, I'm serious."

"So am I. If you're really concerned, don't be. I've told you before that I'm (y/s). You should remember my first girlfriend, the one I had before we started dating. Unless, ya know, you're just that old," you teased and she scrunched up her nose while rolling her eyes.

"Of course I remember!" She said, but paused as a crease appeared between her brows. "What was her name again?"

"Beats me, that was a long time ago and I've ever really only been in love with one person. This is just another chapter in our lives. I absolutely adore you and you being a woman now isn't going to change that." You told her, meaning every word. You knew you loved her before, when she was a man, and you know with one hundred percent certainty that you love her now.

Her grin slowly came back and she clapped her hands before springing up. She helped you stand and you laughed at her energetic movements. While standing you got to take a better look at your wife. She was shorter, closer to your height now and her blonde hair framed her face. She was beautiful and cute and you knew in your core you were going to adore every piece of her, every single part of her and you looked forward to it.

The Doctor looped her arm through yours and was about to lead you out of the kitchen when three people walked hesitantly inside. You figured these were the friends who helped your wife and you smiled in greeting.

"Ryan! Yaz! Graham! I found my wife!" The doctor explained while gesturing to you excitedly in an almost boisterous manner. The young man, Ryan, looked between the two of us nodding. "We're not interrupting, are we? Yaz mentioned that you'd been gone awhile and we just thought it'd be cool to explore a bit to find you."

"Actually," the Doctor started and you interrupted, giving her a look.

"She had been telling me that she had some friends that were on board! It's so nice to meet you! I'm Y/N," you started and released the Doctor's arm to go hug them individually. The Doctor took your hand when you were done and grinned at them. "Thank you for taking care of my wife. It's always a relief when she has friends as she can tend to be quite reckless."

Yaz laughed and Graham agreed. You looked closer at them and noticed how worn out they looked and thought of how they must be hungry crossed your mind, making you realize you were hungry as well.

"Well! You three must be famished. Or tired! Or both!"

Yaz nodded, Ryan said he was "proper hungry," and Graham agreed. "Okay, well since I am hungry as well, how about I make something? I'm thinking muffins and tea. How's that sound?"

"You don't have to," Yaz started and you smiled.

"Nonsense! I love baking and well, sometimes we forget to properly feed our friends on adventures," you looked at the Doctor who gave her friends a sheepish grin. They all smiled at settled at the table, Yaz offering to help you bake while Ryan and Graham offered to start the tea and set the table.

The Doctor followed you while you went to get ingredients. "Could we make blueberry? With chocolate chips? And possibly bananas?" She whisper asked by your shoulder and you hummed in response.

"Do you want all those inside the muffins? Do you want some as toppings? Do you want the bananas in the batter, like mashed in? Will your friends like the combo?"

She pursed her lips while grabbing the blueberries out of the fridge. "Maybe just blueberries and chocolate chips inside." She said and you nodded, asking Yaz to grab the dry ingredients along with the chocolate chips while you grabbed the mixing bowl and muffin tins. You glanced at the Doctor who had grabbed the blueberries, the milk, eggs, and she also took out strawberries and whipped cream and you smirked at her. "Feeling peckish?"

She grinned right back with her arms full before setting all of it on the counter. "Strawberries sounded good and I know you like them with whipped cream. She took out, dabbed it in the whipped cream and fed it to you while you started measuring and stirring the muffin mix. You grinned in thanks and kissed her on the cheek. She settled next you, eating strawberries and watching you.

"It's been a while since we've had an almost family-like atmosphere," you started, sending at glance at the trio of friends who now sat at the table talking and laughing over tea, Yaz having joined them after telling her you could handle the rest. The Doctor hummed and popped another strawberry in her mouth. "You should invite them to stay, if you haven't already."

She swallowed and looked down. "I don't know. It's dangerous and they're good people. Graham already lost his wife, who was Ryan's Nan."

A sadness gripped your heart as you felt for Ryan and Graham. You paused, thinking of how to phrase your next words right. "Even more reason I suppose, to ask them I mean. It could give them more space and time to heal. Just explain what comes with traveling with us- give them option."

The Doctor nodded, popping in another strawberry and hugging you from behind. "I will, just not right now. We all need time."

You grinned, loving the embrace as you finished up mixing the muffin batter which was now filled with blueberries and chocolate chips. "Speaking of needing time, we're going to have to get used to this."

You felt the Doctor stiffen a little while she hugged you. "What do you mean?"

Turning to face her a little more, both of your noses almost touched. "Well, you're so much closer to my height now, I won't have to pull you down to my level anymore," you whispered. You could feel her grip tighten around you and you turned to face her even more, loving the reaction you were getting.

Looking at her outfit, you tugged a bit at one of her suspenders. "Hmm, suspenders again?" You asked before looking into her eyes. Her cheeks was slightly red, but she was smiling with her mouth and eyes.

"Yeah, what do you think?" She asked and you grinned even wider, tugging a bit again at the one strap you were holding.

"I like it," you said and before either of you got any ideas in the presence of the Doctor's friends, you kissed her softly and turned back toward the muffins.

You pulled out of her embrace to put the muffins in the oven. Once they were in and a timer was set, you turned back to a very red Doctor and grabbed her hand. "Come on, I'm sure your friends made a lovely pot of tea and I want to get to know them more."

So, the both of you joined Ryan, Yaz, and Graham at the table and started sharing stories and drinking tea while you waited for the muffins. The atmosphere was light and happy and you knew that you and the Doctor were going to enjoy every second with your wife and her friends.

[spoonfulofsexy]

Jealous

Shawn Mendes x Reader

Summary: You and Shawn have been friends for years.  All you have ever wanted was to be the one he called his, but he keeps pushing you away.  You try to move on by flirting with other guys but is tonight finally the night he let’s his jealousy get to him?

Warnings: cursing, and SMUT!!!!

AN: hey guys so I finally wrote that Shawn smut that I promised!! this is my first Shawn fic so I hope I did well!!! let me know if you want me to write more Shawn stuff!!

Music echoed throughout your friend’s apartment as you got ready to go out.  You hummed along to the lyrics of “The Only Exception”, as you slid your earrings on.  You tucked your hair behind your ears and smiled to yourself in the mirror. Just as you finished you heard a light knock on the door and it creaked open.

“Are you almost ready?”, Shawn asked as he peaked his head into the room.  He sucked in a deep breath of air as he took in your beauty.  It was like he was seeing you again for the first time. His eyes trailed up every curve of your body and he couldn’t help but stare at your exposed skin.  

You watched Shawn’s eyes and blushed when they finally met yours. “Yeah I’m ready to go.”  You tugged down your tight skirt and gave yourself one last look in the mirror.  

Shawn could see your hesitation as he watched you analyze yourself in the mirror. He could see how your eyes changed as you looked at yourself. “You look beautiful, (Y/N)”, Shawn reassured you.

A small smile spread across your face at his compliment.  You would never let Shawn know, but he never failed to make your heart race when he looked at you like that.  He looked at you like you were the first flower of spring, or the first ray of sunshine after a rainy day.  It made it difficult to keep your feelings for him as just friends.  

Like he has told you many times before, “Can we just stay friends?”  Of course, you agreed without a thought.  He was one of the most amazing people that has ever came into your life, and you weren’t about to lose it all because of some dumb infatuation.  You hoped, prayed that the butterflies in your stomach would go away, and the way he made your heart skip a beat when he got close to you.

It was like he knew what he was doing to you.  He knew how you blushed when he would rest a hand on you, or the way your eyes averted when he wore a tight shirt that accentuated all his muscles.  Shawn continued to tease your heart, like he enjoyed seeing you flustered.  Maybe he was just clueless of your feelings, and genuinely enjoyed touching you and wearing tight shirts.

No, he definitely knew, he always wore a smug smile on his face every time he did something that got your heart racing.  

“Jerk”, you thought as Shawn came up behind you and looked at the both of you in the mirror.  He rested his chin on the top of your head and gave you a goofy smile.  “Your head is the perfect chin rest for me.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes, “You’re lucky you’re a tree or I’d give you a knuckle sandwich right about now.”

Shawn let out a little laugh and ruffled your perfectly curled hair. “Too cute”, he snickered and walked out of the room.  

Your eyebrows furrowed as your eyes burned into the back of his head.  As you watched his tall figure walk out, you let out a large sigh.  You survived another episode of “Shawn tearing your heart in half while obviously flirting with you.”  

“C’mon (Y/N)!”, Shawn shouted from the living room.

“Well if you hadn’t ruined my hair, I would be ready by now!”, you grumbled as you flattened the out of place hairs.  

“You mean you didn’t like the makeover I gave you?”, he raised an eyebrow at you as he rolled his sleeves up his forearms.  

Your eyes were fixed on the way his muscles flexed with every little movement.  After a few seconds you broke out of the embarrassing stare and cleared your throat. “Can’t say I’d recommend you to anyone looking for a stylist.”

He snorted at your shot at him, “Whatever, I bet a lot of girls would love for me to be their stylist.”

Your eyes narrowed as he brought up the idea of all the girls in love with him. “Yeah? Not if they knew how much you fart”, you gave him a mischievous smile and walked past him to the elevator.

“Hey! I get gassy, okay! It’s a natural bodily function!”, Shawn got defensive and huffed as he stood next to you in the elevator.

“Mhmm okay”, you brushed him off.  As you descended floors, your phone buzzed with a notification.  You pulled your phone out of your clutch, and you could feel Shawn peering over your shoulder.

“Who is that?”, Shawn asked at the unfamiliar name on your phone.  It was a guy from work that you’ve been talking to for awhile.  

“A guy from work”, you said nonchalantly.

“Why did he send you heart eyes?”, you could hear the concern in Shawn’s voice.

“Oh I just sent him this selfie, isn’t it a good one?”  You held your phone in front of Shawn’s face showing the promiscuous photo you had taken before leaving.

Shawn’s jaw dropped, he was completely lost for words.  “You-you just”, he stuttered.

“He wanted to see what I was wearing to the party so I showed him”, the corner of your mouth curled up.

“He’s not allowed to see you like that!!”, Shawn whined.  

You loved how jealous Shawn got, he was finally getting a taste of his own medicine.  You pinched his cheek, “Don’t worry, we’re just friends.”  With that the elevator doors opened and you left Shawn there to think about what you had just said.

Shawn ran between the elevator doors before they closed and caught up with you. “Is he nice?”, he asked out of breath.

With your head held high you answered back. “Yeah he’s nice.”

“Has he asked you on a date?”, he asked again.

“No”, you continued to walk down the sidewalk.

“Oh well, he clearly isn’t good enough for you then”, Shawn lectured.  

“We’re just friends, Shawn”, you rolled your eyes.

“Guys and girls can’t just be friends, he probably has alternative motives.”

You stopped dead in your tracks at Shawn’s hypocrisy. “Then what are we, Shawn?”  

Shawn walked a few more steps until he processed your question.  He knew you had a point and turned around with guilt.  He could see the frustration in your face, and he took a deep breath before he could even answer you. “Friends”, he said softly.

You shook your head with gritted teeth. “Of course”, you exhaled and walked past him.

Shawn didn’t want to admit he had feelings for you.  He wanted to put his career first, he knew he would be traveling a lot and he couldn’t bare to start something with you just to leave.  Shawn knew how stupid this was, but it was the easiest thing for him to do.  Yes, he was being selfish, but it would be better then holding you back from finding someone better for you.  

He groaned and ran a hand over his face before following after you.  The rest of the walk was filled with silence and the sound of Toronto traffic.  Shawn opened the door to the club for you and placed a gentle hand onto your lower back. It was kind of his way to apologize to you without saying anything. You turned your head and looked at him with hurt eyes before removing his hand from you.  

You needed to get Shawn out of your head, he clearly didn’t want anything to do with you romantically.  After talking with the friends you were meeting there, you went to the bar to get drinks.  A few shots in and you were feeling great.  Your chest was warm and you felt more carefree, meaning you didn’t care who you were dancing with as long as it wasn’t Shawn.

Your eyes would meet with his every once in awhile as you grind against a stranger.  You could see the jealousy in his eyes grow every time your hips rocked against a new mystery man.  You loved seeing him like this, because he is the one who let you down everytime you tried for something with him.  This was his fault, he was the only reason why you two weren’t together.  For once, you didn’t care about how your actions made him feel, because he clearly didn’t care about how his did.  

Jealous by Nick Jonas boomed through the club and you were getting very close with a particular man.  Shawn couldn’t do it anymore.  He was about to swallow all his pride and eat what he has been saying to you for years. This was the last straw, he wanted to be the guy you were dancing with, the one who was touching you.  

His chest rose in anger and his fists were clenched at his side as he stomped through the crowd towards you.  His eyes never left you, and he completely ignored the guy you were with. “(Y/N), we need to talk”, he said through gritted teeth.  

You just shrugged him off, “Why? Do you want to tell me how we are just friends again?  Because if so, I don’t need you to tell me for the hundredth time.”

Shawn put a hand around your arm, “C’mon, I’m not playing games right now.”

“Hey, man, back off”, the guy confidently shouted at Shawn over the music.

“Fuck off, dude”, Shawn growled and ripped you from the creep.

“Shawn!”, you whined as he dragged you from the dance floor. “What’s your problem”, you pulled his hand off of you.

“I need to talk to you”, Shawn towered over you, backing you into the wall.  You were about to say something sassy back but your words got caught in your throat as Shawn kept moving closer to you.  You could feel the heat coming off his body as he stood two inches away from you. “I can’t stand watching you dance with other guys anymore.”

You were speechless at his confession, so he continued to explain himself.  “I like you so much, I was just too stupid to admit it”, he shook his head in embarrassment.

“Why-why didn’t you just tell me”, you said with frustration.

“Because I was always leaving, (Y/N)! I was just doing what I thought was right for you!”

You pushed Shawn away from you, “You don’t know what is right for me, if you did you wouldn’t have put me through this for years.”  You went to walk away but he pulled you back, pressing you against the wall.  

“I know I’m an idiot”, he rested his forehead against yours.  “But, fuck, I think I love you.  More than a friend.”

Your brain was trying to process everything that he had just confessed, was this really happening or is this your imagination?  “I don’t understand”, you choked out.

“All those songs”, he paused and took your face into his hands. “They were about you.  You are like my muse, everytime I sing I think about you.”

“Shawn”, you gasped.

He leaned his lips closer to yours, “Please, will you be mine?”

“Shawn, I-”, you wanted to say yes.  You wanted to scream it at the top of you lungs, but did he really mean this?

“Please, I’m so sorry.  It killed me every time I let you go, but I didn’t want to hold you back from a guy who could treat you better.”

You ran a hand through his hair. “Shawn, you’re my best friend.  There’s nobody better for me than you.”

Shawn let out a sigh of relief, “So will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes”, you whispered against his lips.  All the times you have daydreamed about kissing him, never prepared you how amazing it would feel.  Butterflies rose from your stomach to your chest, it was like you were completely breathless.  You pulled away gasping for air, only to attack his lips with yours seconds later.  

You were starving for his affection, all the teasing, all the little touches have built up over the years.  You needed his calloused hands running up your body.  Your body yearned for his gentle but needy touch.

“Wanna go back to my place”, he gasped as he separated his lips from yours.  You shook your head eagerly and he guided you out of the crowded club.  The cool Toronto air felt nice on your heated skin.  

Both you and him ran down the streets holding hands with intertwined fingers.  You couldn’t help but giggle at Shawn’s goofy run.  Your hair danced in the wind as Shawn’s curls bounced with every step.  Once at the apartment you couldn’t get your hands off of each other.  

Shawn picked you up, and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you to his bed.  He gently placed you down on his mattress and kissed you as he stood between your legs.  In between kisses Shawn wrapped his fingers under the hem of your shirt and pulled it off of you. Your bra covered breasts were exposed to Shawn’s hungry eyes.  He instantly went down to your neck and began leaving kisses and marks as he tried to unclip your bra.

You gasped at the feeling of the cool air coming in contact with your bare nipples.  Shawn hummed at the sight of you, and kissed his way to your breasts.  He kneeled between your thighs and took a breast in one hand.  He massaged it and put his mouth on your other nipple.  Swirling his warm tongue around it and sucking little marks on your cleavage.  Your head fell back at the sensation of his mouth against you.  

Suddenly you felt his hand cupping your core through your thong. You could feel yourself getting wetter by the second as you thought about what he was about to do to you.  Your hand ran through his soft brown hair as his hand pushed the material of your underwear to the side.

“Shawn”, you gasped his name as he ran a finger up your slit.

He moaned just at the sound of you saying his name like that.  It only made him want to hear it more, so he slowly pushed a finger into you.  You leaned back into the bed at the pleasure and he kissed the inside of your thighs while thrusting his finger into you.  His lips made their way up your thighs till they were at your clit.  

You could feel his breath against you, making you anxious as you waited in anticipation.  He placed a gentle kiss on the bud before running his tongue over it.  You grabbed the sheets under you as he pleasured you.  All you could do was moan his name over and over again.  You’ve never experienced anything that felt this good before.  

You could feel his hair tickling the inside of your thighs as your legs began to close at the sensation.  Shawn pulled open your thighs with his free arm and moved his mouth faster against you, knowing how it would affect you.  

As your breathing picked up Shawn moved his mouth away from you.  He pulled your skirt and underwear off in one swift movement.  You pulled him down by his shirt till he was hovering over you.  You hand behind his neck pulled his face to you so you could kiss him again.  As his lips moved against yours, you unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off of him.  You could see his sculpted body with the moonlight and city lights that shined through the windows.  

Shawn got off of you and quickly pulled off his pants and grabbed a condom from his dresser.  He walked back over to you and pulled his boxers off revealing his length.  Your eyes widened at how big and thick he was, but you were up for the challenge.

“I knew you were big!”, you snickered as he opened the condom and slid it on himself.

He raised his eyebrows at you, “Oh yeah? How?”

Your mouth tugged to the side as you thought how you should word this.  “Well I mean, have you seen the size of your hands and feet? They speak for themselves.”

Shawn laughed as he hovered himself over you again. “I knew you were staring at me”, he smiled against your lips.

“How could I not”, you giggled.

After a few more minutes of kissing Shawn pulled away, “Are you ready?”

“I have been”, you smiled. Shawn kissed you one last time before thrusting into you.  He moaned at how good you felt around him.  He gave you a few seconds to adjust to him before thrusting into you.  Your hands gripped at his hair with each deep thrust into you.  You tried to muffle your moans by kissing him but your mouth ended up falling open anyway.  

“God you’re beautiful”, he moaned against your neck.  “Say you’re mine”, he breathed.

“I’m yours, Shawn. I’m all yours”, you whispered as Shawn’s moan filled the room as he climaxed.  His thrusts became irregular and he breathed heavily.

Shawn rested his forehead against yours and pulled out of you.  He flopped himself onto the bed next to you and tried to get his heart rate back to normal. “I think I could write six new songs about this moment”, Shawn sighed.

You curled up against him. “I can help you think of six more in the shower”, you whispered against his ear.

Shawn’s eye jolted open and he picked himself up. “Alright I’ll get the shower started then!”, he said eagerly making you laugh as you watched his little butt run to the bathroom.

[violecentstrs]

Memories of Us - Chapter 19

A/N: Please enjoy and let me know! Thank you so much for reading! <3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warning(s): None Word Count: 3,919

<< Previous Chapter  ☀

★ ★ ★

• • •

The pills were as bitter as I remembered. I force it down and immediately drown the taste with water. But it didn’t work out as well. I let out a sigh before slumping back onto my couch. I look at the time, watching it ticking away the seconds. I turn the TV on, having no other plans to go on with my day. Except for the chores.

“Honey, I’m leaving. Where’s my lunch?” Brian’s voice startles me. I look over at him before getting up to take the box I packed up for him. I give him a weak smile before handing over it to him.

“Here you go. Have a good day at work.” I say.

“Thanks, hon. Take your meds and get some rest. I’ll see you tonight.” He pecks my lips before making his way out towards the car. I watch his car pull out of the driveway before disappearing down the street. I stare at the empty roads. The sun had just risen from the horizon, illuminating the streets with its yellow glow.

I close the door and sit myself back down on the couch. I stare at the TV blankly, watching the news they covered about recovering old treasures from a sunken ship. Technologies have advanced quite far now.

The war had ended about five years ago, but it was still very much present in our minds. Still playing on and on again, like a broken record player. Granted I wasn’t there on the battlefield, but I had treated so many terrible wounds while telling so many lies. Telling the dying sol     diers with half of their legs blown off, or the large hole in their stomach, or even the one with his face ripped off, that everything will be okay. That they will live another day.

They died soon after right in my arms. And I could do nothing.

Brian is coping well with his PTSD. Better than I can. And he was the one that was running on the field with guns. He was the one that got bullets in his body. But he was managing well.

As soon as the war ended, we were married. I came to terms with it and accepted my fate. It has been fine as of lately between us. Nothing wrong. But, a few weeks ago, my dreams turned into nightmares when the memories of my time with Bucky started replaying in my dreams.

And it triggered my depression yet again. Now I’m taking medications for it, but they do little to help me cope with this ever present grief.

I get off from the couch to walk upstairs. I pull out a small locked chest from the top of the closet. The small metal chest creaks open, containing all of my important memories from the past.

The very first picture on top was one during the war. Bucky, Steve, Peggy and I together, smiling at the camera. I carefully take it out, fearing that it might crumble into ashes if I do. When in reality, the photo was in better shape than any other photos in the house. But that’s how long ago the war felt for me.

I turn it around and brush my fingers over the markings on the back.

“July 18th, 1944. Milan, Italy.” I say under my breath. It was when and where the photo was taken. I feel the tears coming to me, but I blink them away. I set the photo aside and stared into the box.

I reach in for the photo resting next in the line. And this time, I did end up crying. It was Bucky’s enlistment photo that I took out on the day he was leaving the base. The photo still kept his perfect expression, eyes, lips, nose, everything. And it was too real for me.

I start to cry once again when the memory of Steve delivering me the bad news. He was broken more than anyone else. And I understood his pain. I walked away and never talked to anyone for days. Not even to my own father.

I didn’t cry. Couldn’t even shed a tear. It wasn’t until Steve pulled me aside and talked to me when I cried for days. I was in denial that he had died, believing with all of my heart he was still alive and that this was all a lie.

But Steve came and pulled back my senses, reminding me that he actually is gone. He was the only one I could go to. And was the only one who understood my pain as well. We understand each other because of how important Bucky was for us.

Then, the news of Steve’s death came. That’s when I lost it. I couldn’t even grasp the very idea. That’s when my depression started. Took me awhile, but after counselling, I manage to overcome it for a while. When the war ended, I didn’t even celebrate. Felt like we lost more than we won in this whole affair.

And I couldn’t feel happy about that.

I set the box back after putting the photos back. I wanted to see them so that it reminds me of the life I used to have. And that I’m still alive and have the chance to live my life as I want now. I don’t want to hang onto old ghosts.

No matter how many times they come haunting me back.

~

The paper rustle violently within my shaking grip as I read the headlines. My aching body and bones suddenly springing back to life. My cup of tea spilled out and shattered on the floor as I stood up, still holding that paper in disbelief. My daughter, Patricia, looks over at me with concern.

“Mother? Is everything all right?” She asks, approaching me and picking up the broken porcelain. She peeks over to see what I was reading until she noticed the pouring tears. She was really concerned then.

“Mother! What’s wrong?? Honey! Honey come help!” She calls her husband over urgently.

“S…Steve.” I say shakily, watching the photo of that familiar shield in the ice. There’s no mistaking that it belonged to him.

CAPTAIN AMERICA FOUND FROZEN IN ICE

I wanted to cry with joy. I was so surprised yet so happy to read that headline. I never thought that such thing was possible. To be frozen away in time. I read down the article. It seems like he was frozen and are in the process of defrosting in a SHIELD base.

It didn’t disclose where exactly, but I knew where he would be.

“Patricia, we need to get to New York!” I claim desperately to her. She looks at me as though I had just gone mad.

“M…Mother?” She looks at me confused. I show her the paper.

“I knew him! Captain America! He was my friend!” I say happily. Patricia gives me a smile before nodding. But it was a smile I know so well. She doesn’t believe me.

“Of course, Mother. He was a very good friend.”

“Patricia, I’m telling you! Steve is back from the dead! He really is.” She gives me another of that smile. When her husband comes out worried, he exchanges looks between us.

“Honey, where is her medicine? It’s acting up once again.” She says worriedly. I look at her in disbelief before back at the paper. I know I may have said things in the past before, but this was something I was more than sure about.

I need to see him again. I need to see him with my own eyes. But no matter how many times I pleaded to Patricia, she only ignored my requests. Thinking that I was being delusional. But I know that I’m not.

Steve is alive and he is out there.

• • •

Snow crumbles down as my fingers gently brush it off the top of the gravestone. I clean his name off carefully before placing a small red rose just against it. I smile down at his grave. It snowed all of last night, burying his gravestone a little. By the looks of the area, I was the first one to visit this graveyard.

Who would though? It is 8 at night. But I needed to see him before I go for this mission. It is completely dark, with only the nearby lamp post illuminating the pathway.

I breathe out a small cloud of air, looking around the peaceful yet solemn area.

“Can you believe it, Mike? It’s been a year already.” I sigh out, biting away the tears. My mind rolls back to that day. The gunshots, explosions and screams still very much clear in my mind. I look down at his gravestone again, looking at the date of his death.

“No matter how many graves I’ve visited. Or tears I’ve shed before. Yours is the one I can never seem to get used to.” I look down at my gloved fingers, twirling them around as a small tear escapes my eyes. I take a sharp cold breath and let it all out before wiping away the tear.

“I saw Hanna and Darius last week. They seem to be doing well. They had just returned back from a rescue mission in Jerusalem. They got awarded for it too. I’m so proud of them.” I say to the air, hoping that Mike might be listening beyond the grave. I would have never done this before, but after the whole shenanigan with Linda, my belief’s been turned around a smidge.

“Jeremy’s doing well. Finally proposed to his girlfriend. Elvis is still the player we all know him to be.” I chuckle to myself. I take another look around in the area. The snow is biting every inch of my skin despite the layers of clothes I have on.

“Then me. Well… I’ve had a couple of more episodes with Bucky and Steve, but they haven’t rendered me unconscious like before. We’ll see. I have a mission to go with them in the Alps. Even with the Commander. So that they can really decide if we are worthy to be of the Higher Rank.”

I stay silent for a moment.

“I don’t have doubt for my team. But I am sceptical of myself. I wonder if I’m able to lead my team well enough in this mission.” I say, hesitating. I’m talking to myself in the dark. If someone happens to pass by, they might wonder if I had just escaped a mental asylum. But, it gives me comfort to at least speak these things out loud, even if there is no one there to hear me.

“I know you’d tell me ‘Remember what you are, Y/N! Confidence, compassion and courage! Triple C! You will be fine!’ like last time when I doubted myself about being the captain of our little team.” I smile to myself.

My memory of Mike’s bright smile and childish grin helped pour the hope within me again. Because of him, I even pursued the leadership position at all. If only he was here to show me that dorky smile of his. Maybe then I would have the confidence returned within me once again.

But, only within my memories will I ever see it again. I look down at the grave once more before smiling. I plant a kiss on my finger before placing it on his gravestone.

“Thanks for everything, Mike. You had been the best brother anyone could ever have.”

~

The stars are spread across the horizon as far as the eyes can see. Out here in the mountains, the skies are untouched by man-made light. There’s nothing but pure nature surrounding us outside of this plane.

Shame that I could only see it through the small window. I would love to fly across this star soaked sky every night. The beauty is indescribable.

“For God’s sake’s Horace! Hurl in the other helmet! Not mine!” Bella shouts angrily, snatching away her helmet from him. Horace immediately grabs his helmet and attempts to throw up, but nothing came out. I’m glad, because I don’t think it would be pleasant to see that.

“You’re a soldier, you need to get used to this.” Bucky says looking at Horace. Poor him. The man is afraid of great heights. He can’t stand being in the air for over 6 hours. Give him a break.

“I’m sorry, Sir.” Horace says, getting his composure back. Bucky sighs out and sits himself next to me. I turn my head back out to watch the stars. The different shapes of the mountain does intrigue me.

“Nervous?” He asks. I peel my eyes away from the view to look at him. I give him a small smile before looking back out.

“Nope.” His hand slowly wraps around mine, holding it tightly. I look down at it before squeezing his hand back reassuringly.

“You’ll do amazing.” He says before pulling me in to kiss my forehead. I hear a small gasp coming over from in front of us.

Bella, Horace, Maria and Razak were staring at us. I clear my throat and pull my hand away immediately, suddenly feeling embarrassed. I didn’t want to, but with them looking at us like that, I feel a little vulnerable.

Today I feel a little at peace within myself. Usually I would be anxious if Linda would show up. But not today. I’m calm and in full control of myself right now.

After that night at the coffee shop, I started having hope more than fear. Bucky said that I won’t lose myself. And I trust him. I don’t know why, but it felt like he was right. Everything will be back to normal soon and I won’t have any more episodes with Linda.

“One more hour before we get to the destination, folks!” Rufus says while polishing his gun. I nod at him and look back out the window at the sky. Soon, the sun will be up and I won’t be able to see the beautiful stars among the mountains.

A movement around my back to my hips startles me. Bucky’s arm coils itself around the back of my waist, pulling me close. His body pressing against mine subtly, sharing his warmth with mine. I didn’t swat away or move. I just let him do as he pleases.

Bucky is acting odd today. He’s a bit touchier to me than before. I didn’t think that he would even dare to do these things since we’re not really lovers. Well, probably not until this thing with Linda settles down.

I unconsciously start to lean against him, keeping my eyes out the window. I stare deeply into the billions of stars. I close my eyes as Bucky’s arm pulls me a little more towards him, closing off any space between us.

In that instance, I feel myself moving deeper within. I open my eyes to find myself been taken over by Linda. I watch her stay completely still, enjoying Bucky holding her close to him. It filled my chest with feelings of content.

And heartbreak.

“Hi, Linda.” Bucky’s voice was low, but his grip was tight.

“Hi, Bucky.” She says with a smile.

~

The train shifts to one side as the explosion goes off in the back of the train. Horrified, I immediately call in.

“Kelvin! Maria! Come in!” I yell right before blocking out a bullet with Steve’s shield. He left it with us while trying to chase the scientist up the train.

“We’re fine! We’re fine!” I hear Maria’s struggling voice on the other end. I immediately push into the gunner with the shield. I smacked it on his face before pushing through the door. I rush through each car, trying to find Steve.

Another explosion goes off ahead and I hear gunshots followed after. The train rocks back and forth as it was both gaining speed and starting to tip over from the explosions.

“Y/N!!!” Razak yells before kicking down a soldier with a knife. He struggles with him for a second before knocking the soldier out. I nod at him and we both run through the rest of the train.

When we reached to the head of the train, we were greeted by a gush of flames. I blocked it off with Steve’s shield before dashing into the car. I look around to find both Steve and Bucky attempting to take down three large iron suits similar to Tony’s. I manage to glance around the car quickly to find weapons mimicking those of the Avengers.

“Steve!!” I yell out and toss the shield towards him. He accepts it and blocks off a blast from one of the suits.

“We need back up in the driver’s compartment here!” I yell into the mic, pulling Razak aside from the oncoming blast. We hid behind the part of the car peeled away from the explosion.

I look around at this place. It’s a wreck. Two large holes on both sides, putting any of us at risk of falling out. And this is not the ideal place to fall off. The train is speeding up gradually and all of us are going to die if we don’t get the hell out right now.

“Bucky! Where’s the scientist?!” I yell, watching him roll away from the iron suit’s fist. He looks at me once before avoiding another of the suit’s attack.

“He’s gone further ahead in the engine room! I think there’s an escape pod there!” He struggles to say. I nod before looking over at Razak.

“Razak! Find a way to slow this train down. I’m going after the scientist!” I say immediately while watching Bucky and Steve fight off the robots, using their flexibility and speed to their advantage.

When there was an opening, I immediately dash through the madness and right into the engine room.

The heat was unbearable.

The rattles and machines whirring are causing for the engine to overheat. Some of the metal bits have even gone red from the continuous speed.

“Y/N! The train is going too fast! It’ll fly off the tracks by the time it gets to the corner! There’s an upcoming one! Just get the scientist and get the hell out of there!” I hear Bella shouting into the mic. I press into the earpiece.

“Got it! Pull the rest out of here! I’ll get the scientist. How long do I have?” I ask urgently, trying to bear the scorching heat of the engine room.

“Two minutes! Quick!” I hear her struggle behind the mic before it goes silent. After looking through the place, I noticed a door with the word EXIT on it.

When I burst into it, I found the scientist, struggling to put open the door to the escape pod. It is a large circular object with half of its body poking out. The scientist is almost on the verge of escaping when I burst in and pulled him out.

“Let me go!” He screams into my face, trying to break free. In his struggling, he accidentally pressed the launch button, causing for the pod to break away. I let out a gasp when the scientist is hanging outside from the side of the train. Underneath was a 100-200 feet drop down. He’d be as good as dead.

But we need him alive.

He screams in fear and hold onto my arm. The speed of the train is going too fast. I might lose him if I don’t pull him in immediately. But I had no strength. The scientist screamed and thrashed around so much that I can feel him slipping through my fingers.

“Please!! Please get me in! Please!!!” He begs me.

With every movement he makes, he’s even pulling me out. I plant my foot on the side of the open space, hoping to keep me in place. But I was sliding out with the train rattling back and forth so much.

Just when I thought I might lose him, someone grabs him from behind me and pulled us in quickly. I fall backwards onto him as the scientist scurries to get back onto the moving train.

The metal arm held me tightly in place as we catch our breath. I get off Bucky, feeling relieved that he was on time to save us. The scientist started making his through the engine room, but Bucky immediately caught him and knocked him out.

I nod to him, unable to get a word out of me from how terrifying that was. I hear the sound of metal breaking and clanking outside. Bucky looks over at me and slung the scientist over his shoulder.

“Let’s get out of here before the robots find us.” He says urgently, tugging my hand along with his. We stand by the opening, watching as Bella descent the plane close to the opening.

“Come on! We gotta get out of here!” She yells into the mic.

“Is everyone out??” I ask first, watching Bucky toss the scientist over to Steve.

“Razak is still in there!” My heart drops. I look over to the exit before at Bucky.

“Come on, we’ll get him out through the driver’s compartment!” He yells, but I didn’t listen. I rush back through the exit, through the burning hell. But this time, the metal bits were spitting out at each other.

One of the bits hit my upper arm, burning away that part of my suit instantly. I yelp in pain, but barrel through the hellish chaos to find Razak. When I got there, the last iron suit was drilling through a space.

I can see Razak trapped inside there as the suit tries to get to him. Bucky appears behind me, a look of concern washing over his face.

“I’ll distract the suit.” He says simply before tossing over a large bolt towards the suit. It got its attention all right. It immediately runs over to Bucky, who is making every attempt to avoid the suit’s attacks.

I rush over to Razak, who’s holding onto his bleeding torso. I watch the small fear in his eyes as I pull him out. He groans in pain as I move him slowly towards the entrance.

“Bucky!!” I yell for him. Outside from the opening, I can see the approaching corner. Bucky avoids the suit’s attack one more time before dashing over towards us.

“Get him on first!” I yell. Bucky stops to look at me.

“No! We’ll get on together!” He protests. My priority is with Razak. Bucky can get him on safely through the moving plane, like he did with me in Yemen.

“Get him on first!” I yell once again, placing Razak in his arms without listening to him. I look at him, blue eyes, staring with concern into mine.

“I’m right behind you!” I say to him. He nods slowly and helps Razak into the plane. Just as I’m about to board, I hear something charging behind me. I gasp when I notice the suit aiming its hand at the plane.

“Maria!!!” I yell into the mic. She looks behind her and immediately pull the plane away just in time to avoid the shot. I duck away into the same corner Razak hid in from the blast. I watch in horror as we reach the corner of the mountain.

“Y/N!!!”

The train derails and dove in head first into the valley. My body went numb, my heart stopped and my visions blackened.

★ ★ ★

☀  Next Chapter >>

A/N: Don’t forget to leave a like, or a comment! I would appreciate it if I could hear your thoughts and comment on this chapter/story!

Thank you so much for reading and much love! <3

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[returntotheroad]

my crohn’s: appropriately, glimpses of “guts & glory”

Fourteen years old. Eighth grader. Spring of 2000. Edina, Minnesota. March passes, April comes into fruition. Now we go outside for gym class. In general, starting to not be able to process food. Always need a toilet. Confused. Run some dash around the track for gym class one of those April days, stop. I have involuntarily pooped my pants. Run off the field and never come back...

...run into the arms of my mother. Scared, confused. The months pass, school ends. The weight is dropping. Summer is here. I don’t want to eat anything anymore because I can’t digest anything. Pooping is just the act of having  the food I ate two hours ago going straight through. Mom thought I was lactose intolerant and bought all the “Lactaid stuff,” but slowly nothing changed. I had to quit the summer soccer program because I couldn’t run down the field without collapsing. Swimming (my sport), too, was not an option. Summer days spent laying in bed. Watching life happen outside the window. Wilting. Confused. Depressed. Always feeling sick. Come July, lost 25 pounds before my fifteenth birthday...

This was something bigger. Went to the gastroenterologist. I had the best one pediatric GI, by the way; Dr. Ferenci. (I wonder if he is still there?) He changed my life, but so did the diagnosis that July. First several years rough. Lots of meds. Pentasa pills up the wahzoo. A variety of auto-immune stabilizers that require lots of weekly blood-work. {I would like to take a moment to educate and remind everyone about the duality of Crohn’s - it is a digestive disease, a category of IBD, but it is also an auto-immune disease, which adds a whole other layer of struggles}. New drug on market. Biologic: Remicade. Nope, had a nice anaphylactic shock to that one (the nurse found me purple and passed out while hooked up to the IV, of course during the one moment my mom went to get something to eat...). 

Years pass. High school happens. In-and-out of hospital from time-to-time. Catscans. Still sick. Middle school hall-passes turn into high school hall-passes to use the bathroom whenever I need. I somehow make the varsity swim team. I spun, swung and twirled myself at dances. I dated boys. I laughed and cried. I was on the homecoming court. I played the saxophone in band. I excelled in history classes and still remained horrible at mathematics. I lived and loved and was a teenage girl all whilst battling hours on the toilet, the pain in my gut, struggles with food...lots of meds. Years passed...

Graduate high school. My mother gets sick. I attempt college. I come back home. My mother dies. Crohn’s flares up like an internal flame. Gain lots of weight. Confused. Grieving. Life is hard. Don’t want to take medicine. Diets. All the diets. Disease nutritionist. Specific Carbohydrate Diet. Maker’s Diet. As I say, “all the pills you’d find at Whole Foods.” The diet of a whole bag of Oreos because she isn’t here and I’ve always been an emotional eater; and then spend one whole day on the toilet as a consequence. As if this isn’t hard enough. She is gone... 

By the grace of God and His angels I make it through university. That is all I can say on that at the moment.

Graduate. Time for the tri-annual colonoscopy. Looks good, pretty much in remission. God’s grace again giving me a breather. An “ok” if you will to go ahead and pursue my dream of moving to Prague. The grief is still there, but to not have to take the Crohn’s crap was a relief. Four years in Prague. With my Crohn’s some sense of “normality.” Never talked about it. Friends from there still in my life probably don’t even know I have it. After Prague, **India. Home for a bit. Australia for a year. Then London...

...and then the fun ended. Flare-ups again. Hospital. The Crohn’s has awakened. Cute British doctor reminds me that I do have a chronic illness and even through states of remission should always be on medicine, as to make the flare-ups manageable and reduce risk of surgery and cancer. Great.

Move back home. The year is 2015. Seven years abroad behind me and a life full of experience, movement and memories. Take some time to ease back in. Start working. Meet people. One year later have the worst flare-up I ever have had. Blood, all the blood. Hospital for five days. Scared out of my mind. Depressed. Confused. Here I am, again. This, again.

Today, I am currently on Humira. I finished 2016 struggling with the auto-immune side of my disease. Days not able to get out of bed. My gut out of control. I didn’t feel capable until late-January of this year. And by capable, I mean capable. Yet, the Humira works. It took awhile to feel the positive effects. It is not ideal, nor is it fun to do a self-injection on a bi-weekly basis. But it does help. I have had years I have been better with my diet, but it is not horrible. I still cannot eat salad. 

I am a thirty-year old woman who has had Crohn’s for sixteen years. I am blessed to not have had surgery at this point. I am grateful for my family who supports me and for friends like angels who always care. I am grateful for the various medical staff that has attended to me and for medical research. I am grateful for mobility and to be able to carry-on, like I always  have. I am grateful for community. And I am always grateful for a good roll of toilet paper. I am not defined by my disease, but it is a part of me. Thank you for taking time to read this.

xoxo,

Lauren

ps. **INDIA: a quick note on this. Before I traveled to India everyone warned me my to watch my Crohn’s, that I would probably struggle and have issues, etc. I would like to communicate that I have felt the healthiest I ever have in terms of my gut in India. The food is not processed and most dishes include TURMERIC, a natural anti-inflammatory. I was blessed to be in India for five months, long enough to be aware of how I was feeling and realize that turmeric in that high and constant dosage in my food was even better than pills. When I came home, back to the US, for two months I got quite ill. It was then I realized how even when eating healthy in the US, our food is always poisoned in some form...I’m not opening that pandora’s box at the moment but am always up for discussion.  Look into turmeric if you are suffering...