#too lazy to go get the bug spray 😭

[faithinlouisfuture]

there’s a fuckass mosquito in my room and it’s bitten me in about 15 different places but the worst one is the one on my thigh 😭

[bullshit-bulltrue]

☆ hawk talk 8/17/23 ☆

today wasn't the best day per se

um so as i was getting out of the car to go to school i spilled my coffee all over my pants and my fucking DOC MARTENS

but my dad got my water bottle and a towel and wiped em up

and the coffee got on my bag too.. i want to cry bc it's stained

but it gives character so whatever

and like i act like i'm completely fine until i'm out of the view range of my parents and i cussed repeatedly very loud and it was therapeutic

and then uh what else happened

*thinky face*

oh YEAH

so there's like this ledge by the front of the school like a brick wall thingy that goes just above my waist and i put my water bottle and bag there

and then i put my earbuds in and listen to music to keep myself from wanting to die

and then ben walks up to me and i just like blurt out "God i hope i don't smell like coffee" AND IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING BC I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY IT,, I WAS JUST THINKIJG IT TO MYSELF AND THEN I WAS LIKE FUCK SHIT NO

and he looked so caught off guard 😭😭

and he was like "uhh no"

so then i was like well fuck i can't just ask someone if i smell like coffee and give them no context 😭😭

so then i tell him about my dumbassery and he sees the coffee stain on my thigh and he's like "ohh yikes. but no, you can't smell it"

but like i'm self conscious so i stil sprayed some perfume bc i dont wanna smell like coffee which was 99% creamer because my FUCKING MOM DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING DRING THE DAMN BEVERAGE

so yeah i'm making my own coffee from now on fuck her

anyway

a beetle that i thought was a cicada turned out to be,, yk a beetle started flying around my head and i was like "aww it's so pretty" BC IT WAS

LITERALLY LIKE A MIX OF BLUE AND GREENISH AND IT WAS SO COOL

but like ig my face didn't say that?? idk i flinch a lot without meaning to

and he's like "do you want me to kill it?" so like ig my face was scared or smth idk 😭😭

and just for shits and giggles i was like "yeah sure"

AND THIS DORK SERIOUSLY STARTED JUMPING AND TRYING TO CATCH IT

and then after a while he just gave up and let out a sigh that was like yeah fuck that bug

oh and then he offered me some gum ♡

it was Extra: Peppermint

i'm a spearmint girlie but Extra gum is Extra gum, i will never turn it down

and idk if he offered me some out of kindness or if he remembered that mints and mint gum help me with anxiety

and ik for sure my breath didn't smell so it wouldn't be that either

idk i'm trying not to over analyze everything that happens but i am strUggling right now lmao

so anyway we walk into the building and he asked me if i eat the school breakfast (we were coming up to the cafeteria ish)

and i'm like "no i'm not hungry in the mornings" yk, like a liar

and here's how the rest of the interaction went: (m = me, b = ben)

b: really?

m: yeah idk i just don't really pay attention to when i'm hungry i guess? like i don't really notice when my stomach is empty anymore (this was actually the truth)

b: then how do you know when you need to eat?

m: when i get lightheaded.

b: wha- well what if you get lightheaded during class? we aren't allowed to eat during class periods.

m: i eat a mint or sneak some gum

b: *still doesn't understand all the way but sorta gets it*

b: yeah i get that. if the food is bad i just get the juice (talking bout school breakfast) well, see ya later! *goes into the mess hall*

m: yeah, bye!

(that wasn't our entire convo, i'm too lazy to put everything in)

and then i sorta just went into this one little corner to wait until they let us into the hallway buildings

and then i popped my earbuds back in and started to vibe to rock and then i sorta start singing to myself

and then guess what

THAT'S WHEN I REALIZE

HE FUCKING WAS LIKE SAYING "hey let's get breakfast" (again, i was too lazy to type out rhe whole convo and didn't add in vital parts bc laziness and my tummy hurts)

SO I BASICALLY

FUCKING WAS LIKE YEAH NO I'M GOOD

LIKE BRO

IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH EASIER IF YOU. JUST. ASKED.

but like also i get it so it's not that big of a deal

so right in the middle of my angry posting on tumblr and kicking myself for being oblivious till the last minute,, it turns out HE WAITS IN THE SAME CORNER UNTIL THE STAFF LETS US IN THE HALLWAYS

SO YEAH THAT WAS AWKWARD

CUS I WAS HATING ON MYSELF, SAD OVER MY SPILT COFFEE, CHEWING MY GUM, AND ALSO JAMMING TO A ROCK PLAYLIST

fr hoping he didn't see my emotional roller-coaster that would be hella embarrassing

so yea

and then like him and his friends started playfighting and like bro it was lowkey hilarious

so anyway i go into the building, i get to science

and one of my science projects partners isn't there

so thats fucking great

so the partner that is there, let's call her Emers, does the drawing portion of the project while i did the writing

and yeah

i'm like not going in too much detail bc i have to get this hawk talk done quick bc i have to wake up at 5am tmrw and it's already 11:23pm

and i don't wanna look like a zombie in english bc the people at my table will be facing my sleep deprived bitchy mood

so anyway

i get done with science after a while

and then it's math

i am missing my first 3 assignments and currently have an F <3

so fun 😍

/sarc,, for the dumbasses who just started following me

um nothing interesting happened

oh WAIT

LANIE GOT BACK FROM VISITING FAMILY!! AND WHILE ON HER TRIP SHE STARTED READING MY COPY OF THE OUTSIDERS THAT I LENDED HER !!!!!!!!!!¡!!!!!¡! (i don't care if that was an unreasonable amount of exclamation points, i am happy)

AND I ALSO INITIATED A HUG WITH HER

FUCK THE NO PDA RULE

I'M HUGGING MY FRIEND

FUCK THE AMERICAN EDUCATION SYSTEM

so yeah ♡

and then i had to eat lunch by myself

but then guess who i see?

*suspenseful mid 1950s detective film music starts playing in the background*

i see ben.

i was not happy.

he told me earlier that he didn't have 1st lunch on even days. AND THERE HE WAS. HAVING 1ST LUNCH ON GUESS WHICH DAY? AN EVEN ONE.

and like if you don't want me eating lunch with you and your friends everyday you can literally just say that . like dude there's literally no reason to lie

so then i told my friend rik about it and he's fr such the best hype man cus he was like yeah screw him don't make yourself worry about that shit

and i was like FUCK YEAH

YOU'RE RIGHT MAN

and then lunch ended

and i went to broadcast and wanted to cry and yeah if you saw the other little posts thru out the day you know why and shit lol

too tired to explain

so then science lab!

well the science and science lab rooms are connected so when i was 100% done with my science project essay i went to the science room and i saw ben

and then after asking the science teacher smth i went back to the science lab room

and i sorta just yk sat there being sad for a while bc i have no friends in that class and i started talking to my teacher bc i always sit close to her desk

yes, i am that student. i sit by the teacher, and this is why i have no real friends.

aanYwaUys-

Ben comes in the room and is just like oh i just wanted to see who's here

bitch go do your work

but i acted nice because nobody at school knows that i'm a bitch

and i'm like oh hi!

and then i just listen to my music while i try to take a nap bc my science lab teacher is cool like that

and yeah that's my whole sad day for you guys <3