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something-tofightfor · 3 years ago

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Nightingale - Part 3

Pairing: Jay Castillo x Female Reader

Word Count: 8,188

Rating: M? Language, talk of implied infidelity, canon-typical content, mentions of blood and tattooing.

Summary: The power outage at the shop means spending time outside of the building with Jay - but is it going to be awkward... or a step forward?

Author’s note:

THANK ALL OF YOU for reading the first two chapters of this. This one’s a lot longer, but I didn’t want to cut it in the middle, since I’m trying to keep these following the same POV format throughout.

I appreciate every comment and reblog - I plan on answering your replies in the next couple of days. You’re all great and I love every single one of you.

Catch up on the first chapter here and the second here.

There wasn’t any point in driving down the street, so instead, the two of you walked the distance to the coffee shop, making small talk. You were distracted, though, the events of the previous few minutes unfolding so quickly that you hadn’t had time to process them.

The power being out was one thing, and the suggestion that you wait it out in case it came back in time was another, very sensible one … but spending an hour with your newly married tattoo artist at a coffee shop was something else entirely. But he’s not wearing a ring, and he’s not … he’s apparently not going on his honeymoon.

You wondered what could have happened in the two months since you’d last spoken to Jay, and decided that it had probably been something awful, despite the fact that he was trying to hide it. Which makes sense because he doesn’t know me. You didn’t know him well at all, but sensed that he was off, the man’s gait slightly more stilted, his posture a little stiffer than it had been.

There was no way to know for sure, though.

When the two of you took seats across from each other at one of the outdoor tables that looked out toward Ocean Beach, you waited for him to speak. It took a few minutes, but then Jay broke the silence, his voice even.

“When I first started workin’ at the shop?” He eyed you, a thoughtful look on his face. “I’d stop here just about every day I had appointments.” That didn’t really surprise you. The ocean view was a lot different than the Bay view, and you figured that caffeine was necessary to get through long and difficult tattoo sessions. “Started with hot, black coffee.” He grinned, licking his lips and raising an eyebrow. “And then I moved onto the hard stuff. Added a couple shots of espresso to that coffee…” The man leaned closer, dropping his voice and you leaned in, too, lips pressed together to see what he was going to say. “But then I got a little insider information.”

“Yeah?” He nodded slowly, never taking his eyes off of you. “You gonna tell me what that is, or -” “Butterscotch cold brew with a double shot and a splash of almond milk.” He tapped the menu with the palm of his hand, sitting straight up again. “Fucking life changing. I’m not sure if you like butterscotch, they also have a chocolate one, but -” “Why not?” You shrugged. “Never tried a flavor like that before, but if you say it’s good, it has to be.” Sliding out of the booth, you pointed to the door. “Want one?” He looked surprised that you were asking, but said yes, and so you turned away from the table, heading inside. There were only a few people in line, and you’d barely had time to let your mind wander before the barista was handing you two plastic cups and thanking you for coming in. That’s probably a good thing.

Pausing in the doorway for a few seconds, you watched the man, taking note of the way he was staring out and toward the road, fingers absently drumming against the table. He was playing it cool, and so you knew you needed to, also, but you didn’t want to outright ignore the fact that you could tell something was wrong. He looked over at the door a moment later, catching you staring at him. Oops. Without pause, there was a switch in his expression - distracted to focused, the man’s lips parting into a friendly smile - which you were annoyed to realize that you enjoyed seeing.

“You ready to try this?” He waited to speak until you sat and slid his drink to him, long fingers wrapping around the cup. “Got me through about a hundred tattoo sessions, so -” With the first swallow, you knew that you liked it - the bitterness of the espresso balanced by the sweet syrup, though the overall bite of the coffee was still present - but you decided to let him hang for a moment, frowning and then taking another small sip. “Oh no. You don’t like it?” He let out a sigh, raising a hand to swipe at his head. “Let me get you -” “No, it’s great.” Laughing, you raised one hand and waved him off. “I’m just messing with you. It’s really good, Jay.” He swore under his breath - something in Spanish that you didn’t catch because it was too quiet, but you saw his lips twitch before they wrapped around the straw, his head shaking back and forth. “Thanks for the recommendation.” The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes, the sound of traffic and seabirds along with the subtle sound of waves crashing in the distance filling your ears. Might as well start talking. “Do you think the power’s going to come back?”

“No, I don’t.” Sighing, he returned his attention to you. “Those estimates are usually bullshit, at least over at my place, but who knows. Maybe today’s gonna be different.” Honesty. I like that.

“So if you don’t think it’s gonna come back, then why … why not just have me reschedule, and then you could have -” He moved quickly, pushing his cup to one side and extending his hand, pointing at your arm.

“Lemme see it.” You moved at his request, holding your arm out only to feel his fingers encircle your wrist, tugging you a little closer over the small table. A moment later, he was moving his other hand’s fingertips over the skin of your bicep, head angled so that it didn’t block the sunlight. “It looks good.” He dragged the edge of his nail lightly over the lines, nodding. “You took care of it.” His gaze flicked back up to yours for a brief second and then back down, the man moving your arm just enough to pull it away from your body. “Not too much ink pull, no blowouts.” He cleared his throat. “We did good.” We?

You would have been lying if you’d said that the feeling of his bare hands against your skin - out in the open and not within the confines of the shop - didn’t feel good, that the man’s attention to the bared flesh wasn’t making you feel seen in a way that hadn’t been the case in a while. It was your arm; the same area of skin that was visible on an almost daily basis to anyone that you came into contact with, but under his careful eye, it felt different, more intimate. Even though it’s not. “I just sat there, Jay. You did all the work.”

After a quick scoff, he let go of your arm and took a long drink, finally looking at you again. “We didn’t really get into it during the session, so tell me about your tattoo.” He was deflecting - asking you questions so that he didn’t have to answer the half question you’d asked him, but that was fine. It’s fine because he doesn’t owe me that answer. You had no issue telling him about your tattoo, though, especially since he was the one that had brought it to life.

“It’s for my grandmother.” Swallowing, you shook your head. “Actually, it’s sort of for both of my grandparents, but…” He looked interested, and you had to wonder just how many other tattoos he’d done as memorial pieces, how many stories he’d heard from the people that had sat in his chair. It doesn’t matter, he’s asking me right now. “She, um, she died about a year ago, and he only made it a couple months after that. They’d been married for almost 50 years, and …” You took a deep breath, trying to compose yourself. “They couldn’t live without each other.”

It seemed stupid - almost impossible - especially when you were hearing yourself say it out loud, but it was the truth. “So why a nightingale?” He was holding his cup in both hands, staring at you. “That’s a real specific kind of bird, right?”

“She liked to sing.” The memory made you smile, shoulders rising and falling. “But only for him, so we never really believed it. My grandma was a lot of things, but we’d never thought she was a singer, because it was only …only when they were alone, so it was usually at night, when she was cleaning or cooking and it was just the two of them in the house. And only because she loved him so much.” Twisting the cup between your hands, you took a long breath. “He called her his nightingale for years, and then after she was gone, he’d spend nights by the window, waiting, even though the birds don’t live around here.” You saw the light flash in his eyes as he listened to you speak, but the man didn’t interrupt. “And now they’re both gone, so this is just a way for me to -” “Keep ‘em with you.” His smile in return after you nodded was another genuine one and he jerked his chin toward your arm. “It’s good. It’s a good tattoo for you. I’m glad you have those memories.” You were, too, and told him as much. “Thank you for trusting me with it.”

“That’s what you’re in the shop for, right? To give people the tattoos that mean something to them?” He barely fought back an eye roll, which confused you. “Jay?”

“You’d think that when they’re putting something permanently on their bodies that people would always want something meaningful, right?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “But you have no idea how many people walk in and have no idea what they want - just pick something off of the wall, or the ones that come in an have a picture of someone else’s tattoo and want the same thing?” He actually did roll his eyes then. “That’s why I wanted to draw you up somethin’ that wasn’t just Hanna’s design.” He took pride in his artistic ability - you knew that even if you’d only known the man for a little while, speaking to him briefly a few times. So that makes sense. And it worked out. “And to answer your question from before, I didn’t want to go home.”

“Oh.” Figured as much. You didn’t know what else to say, even though you had a lot of questions. “Well, we’re here, so -”

“You’re not gonna ask why?” He was frowning again, full lower lip pushed out into a pout that under any other circumstances, you wouldn’t have been able to keep your eyes off of. “Not gonna try to guess or anything?” “Do you want me to?” There was a charge in the air - the conversation veering drastically toward being entirely personal, and you knew that if you weren’t careful, it would get there fast. “It’s none of my business, so I just -”

“Not gonna ask about that, or about the fact that I'm not wearing a wedding ring even though you know that I was supposed to get married right after your first appointment? Not wondering why the week of my honeymoon is marked off in the shop’s book, but I’m trying to take tattoo appointments those days instead of spending the time with my wife in Hawaii?” The longer he spoke, the more bitter his tone grew, his pout disappearing, the expression replaced with a frustrated snarl. He wants to tell me, wants to tell someone.

“What happened, Jay?” You finished your drink, head moving back and forth slowly as you locked eyes with the man. “It’s only been a couple months, and you seemed -” “You aren’t married, right?” His eyes dropped to your hands, and when you told him no, that you’d never been, he continued. “I was. For six weeks.” Was? “Wedding was fucking beautiful. Our friends were there, both of our families. I was looking forward to startin’ my life with Kat, and everything was great.” He bit down on his lower lip, sucking it into his mouth. “Guess I shoulda known it was all gonna to go to shit when my brother in law got killed the day after.” “What?” You stiffened at that, shaking your head back and forth. What the fuck? “Jay, wh-”

“He got into a fight at the wedding with one of his best friends, and I guess that should have been my first clue.” The man’s eyes wandered for a few seconds, his chest rising and falling while he took a deep breath and released it. “Someone shot him in his driveway the next morning, and from that point on, everything just went downhill.” Shot in his driveway? You were in disbelief, but he had no reason to lie to you. “In front of his kid, too.” With that, you got it - the vague memory of a news story coming back to you. That was his wife’s family?

“I heard about that. They never caught the guy that did it, right? I saw it on the news, but -” Jay met your eyes again, his wide and sad, a hint of coldness in them.

“They didn’t. And I don’t think they will. Not the police, anyway.” What? He didn’t elaborate, though, instead continuing his story. “I figured that it would get better after some time, you know? We’d grieve and get through it together, but instead of turning to me, she turned to her family.”

“Most people would, Jay.” You didn’t know the woman or her family, but it seemed natural to you. “I’m sure you aren’t as close to them as she is, so she just wanted to be with -” “No, see…” He leaned in, lacing his fingers together on the table. “I was with her the whole time. Went with her when she went to Marta’s. Let the kids stay with us. Let her mother stay with us. I did everything that I was supposed to do, and -” He cut himself off, wrinkling his nose. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… we don’t even know each other, and I’m -” You moved without thinking, reaching for his hands and squeezing his joined ones with one of yours.

Both of you looked down at the contact, and with an embarrassed inhale you pulled back, apologizing under your breath. Shit. I shouldn’t have … shouldn’t have done that. “Don’t apologize. Sometimes you just need to tell someone that has no connection to any of it. Get it out, you know?” You had no idea what you were supposed to do with the information he gave you, no idea what he wanted or needed you to say. But maybe he just needs someone to listen?

“I left.” He sniffled, shaking his head and then leaning back in his seat, avoiding eye contact. “We were married for six weeks, had a fight, and I left, and when I came back, she was gone and her rings were sitting on the counter.”

“But you went back.” Moving forward so that you could lean your elbows on the table, you crossed your arms and said his name. “You went back, Jay. Whatever the fight was, you went back.”

“Yeah. I did.” Do you still want to? That would have been the logical question. If he’d loved the woman enough to marry her, anything that could have happened in the previous months couldn’t have changed his feelings that much - or so you thought. “Look.” He wet his lips again, and you began to realize that the action was an indication of his discomfort - a sign that he was anxious. “This place closes at five, and it’s a little before. We should head back. If the power’s still off, you can come into the shop for a couple minutes, I’ll get you rescheduled, and then we can both go. If it’s on, and you don’t think I’m an asshole for dumping this on you, we’ll get this done today.”

“You’re not an asshole.” Offering up what you hoped was a comforting smile, you moved to stand, holding your hand out for his cup. “You’ve had a rough couple of months. You married someone because you loved her, and this can’t be easy for you.” It wouldn’t be easy for anyone. He followed you as you headed for the trash can, dropping both empty containers into it. “And as long as you promise you can focus for long enough to get through my tattoo, I have no issue with -” “I’d never tattoo someone if I didn’t think I was able to give them the attention that they deserve.” He reached for you then, his fingers closing around your arm, just above your elbow. At the touch, you looked back at him, seeing sincerity written all over his face. “Ever.” He squeezed your arm and then let go, the two of you turning down the street and back toward the shop without saying anything else. But that didn’t mean that you weren’t thinking about what had just happened - and you knew that you would be for a long time.

—

He was pissed at himself.

Jay hadn’t meant to go off the way he had, nor had he meant to tell you so much personal information at the barest hint of your interest. But she listened. He snuck a glance at you as the two of you neared the shop, focusing on keeping his breaths even. He’d gone back and forth between whether or not he wanted to say anything to you at all about what was going on, but the truth was that you put him at ease in a very different way than he’d expected, and he hadn’t been able to stop himself.

He’d seen the look in your eyes, though, at the admission that he believed his marriage was over - it wasn’t quite pity, but it was surprise, a little bit of sadness and some confusion, too. Same as me. He’d been motivated by the story about your grandparents, realizing that even though he was in a situation that was highly unlikely to result in the same type of lasting relationship, he still wanted one. Might not be with Kat, but … maybe someone else.

The power was still off, a note taped to the door explaining why the shop was closed, and so Jay used his key to unlock the front door instead of the alarm code, holding it open for you. “Looks like we’re gonna have to pull the book out.” Humming in agreement, you walked back to the counter, keeping your eyes on the array of body jewelry beneath the glass while he circled around to the cutout, reaching beneath the register for the book and a pen. “So you said no to Sunday. How about Tuesday at 6?” Glancing up, he saw that you were watching him intently, eyes focused on the way he was leaning against the glass across from you, one hand pressed against the surface, the other holding the pen tightly. Maybe I did fuck up. “Hey.” He said your name, clearing his throat. “Is -” “You should talk to her.” Blinking slowly, you raised your gaze to his face. “She’s still in the city, right? I figure from what you said, she probably went to stay with her sister, so you should go and see -” “No.” It came out sharp, the single word cutting through the empty room. “No, I’ve done that already.” You recoiled, standing straight up. “The fight we had?” He laughed, the sound bitter. “Wasn’t even really a fight. I walked in on something that I read wrong, and so I might have been a little off… but not enough to misinterpret the fact that she couldn’t tell me why she married me.” You gasped at that, covering your mouth with one hand and Jay knew that he’d overstepped. Fuck it. He ran a hand over the top of his head, lip curling. “So no, I think I’m done talking. If she wants to have a conversation we can, but the idea of being married to someone that can’t even tell me that she loves me is pretty goddamn unappealing.”

“It wasn’t my business.” You were whispering, eyes wide. “I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry. Forget the second session, I’m just going to go. I’ll reschedule some other time.” No, don’t.. Don’t do that. You weren’t trying to make him feel worse - he could sense that you’d just spoken to try and help, and he felt terrible about his outburst. “Thank you for going with me to get cof-”

You stopped mid-sentence when the lights came back on, both of you glancing up at the same time. Of course. “Perfect fucking timing.” He mumbled the words and was surprised to hear you snort in response, motion halted a few steps from the counter. “It’s my fault.” Opening your mouth to protest he silenced you with a raised hand. “Not her, that’s not my fault. I mean this.” He gestured between the two of you, trying for a reassuring smile. “It’s the first time I’ve told anyone that part of it, so I guess… I don’t know. I didn’t know how I’d feel saying it.”

You stared at him for a few moments, eyes on his face, and then moved closer again, shoulders set. Something changed. Something’s different. She… “Do you want to tell me more about it? About how it felt?” Eyes moving in the direction of his booth, you stared at it for the span of a few breaths. “I’ve been told by a lot of people that I’m a good listener.” Slowly, you brought your eyes back to meet his, and he saw a challenge in them. No, not a challenge… it’s…

“They can’t all be wrong, can they?” At almost the same time, both of you began laughing, Jay flipping the book shut and turning away from you. “Give me a couple minutes to get set up.”

—

It was a simpler set up than the previous session, and he finished quickly, even after stopping to take a call from Holly. She hadn’t been shocked to hear that he was going to tattoo you that day, telling him to have fun and not to forget to set the alarm before she hung up. Like I’d forget that.

You were walking around the shop while he got ready, stepping into the other booths and looking at the art on the walls - flash and custom drawings, pictures of clients and completed tattoos and piercings.

You didn’t touch anything, but by the time you made it to his space, Jay was ready for you, everything in place. “Same as before. Use the bathroom, grab a drink if you need one, I’m gonna go lock the front door, as long as that’s alright with you.” He saw the question before you asked it, quickly cutting in. “We’re not technically open right now, and someone might walk in if they see the lights on, so, if I lock the door, they can’t.”

“Can you tattoo without the main lights?” Glancing up, you narrowed your eyes. “I don’t mind it being a little darker, as long as -” “I’ve got a lamp, yeah. If you’re sure you’re alright with that, it’ll make it less likely that someone’s gonna try to come in, especially since we’re supposed to be open til midnight tonight.” You waved him away, and Jay made quick work of locking the door and flipping the overhead lights off, bathing the entire shop in a soft, dusky light. You were sitting on the chair when he made it back to you, legs crossed at the knee. Jay turned the light over the sink on before he washed his hands and paused before he pushed the button on the floor lamp, angling it properly. “You sure you’re alright with this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He heard the chair squeak as you moved, and when the man turned back around, you were getting comfortable. “Holly’s right upstairs, and I’m pretty sure you’re not going to try anything, so…”

“You were about three seconds from running out the door a few minutes ago, so I’m just making sure you don’t mind being locked in here together.” He heard your quiet noise of agreement, lowering the chair for you and then reaching into the box to pull out a pair of gloves. “You comfortable?” You’d already gone into the position you’d adopted the first session - stretching your arm out and resting the back of your hand against his thigh, but that time you were watching him. “I’m gonna take that as a yes.”

“I shaved my arm before I came in today.” You cleared your throat. “So you can skip that part.” He grinned, winking at you without thinking about it, and the man was surprised to find that even after the way the previous conversation had gone, he was more at ease than he’d been in weeks. Starting with the vaseline, he held up the machine in the other hand, waiting for your nod. “I’m good.” Dipping the needle, he moved it to your arm and started tattooing, the soft buzz of the machine the only other noise in the room. It didn’t stay that way for long, though, your voice cutting in. “So if I came in and wanted a tattoo on… say my shoulder, or my collarbone… would you shave that too? Just to be on the safe side? Or is it -”

“It depends.” He kept his eyes on what he was doing, leaning closer. “Sometimes to cover our asses, we do it even if there’s nothing visible. But for you, no. I wouldn’t, because I can see that I don’t need to.” Your skin took ink well, and he was pleased to see that the light gray was already showing up, even though he’d only added it to a small area. “But the areas of the body where there typically is hair?” Pulling his hand back, he glanced up, your face less than a foot away. “We have to, even if the client says that they took care of it… and I don’t just mean arms and legs.” He watched your eyes widen as you realized what he meant, Jay’s smile growing before he returned to the tattoo.

“I didn’t even think … I can’t imagine just walking into a tattoo shop and taking off my pants or shirt. How … have you done a lot of -” “Not a lot, but enough.” He didn’t like tattooing the places on the body that the two of you were talking about - and flat out refused to do some of them, but work was work, and for the most part, his clients had been fine. “I’m not gonna touch you, but I’ll show you.” He set the machine down, waiting for you to nod in agreement and then moved his hand over your body, holding it vertically and lowering it to follow the line of your hip and then inward. “This is common, over the top of the thigh and to the inside?” You were watching his hand, the man rotating it and pointing at the apex of your thighs. “Pubic bone is really popular for men and women, but I won’t do anything below here.” He moved a finger back and forth to show you his personally imposed barrier. “I’ve done I don’t know how many ass tattoos, or ones just below, on the back of the thigh?” You wrinkled your nose at that, Jay shrugging and licking his lips. “Lotta women coming in that want the front of their body done, too.”

“You mean up here?” You pointed at your chest, pressing a hand against it. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

“Yeah, there. But…” He moved his hand up, still keeping it hovering an inch or so above your body. “Stomach is a common spot, too. Underneath the bra line, up through here…” He used his fingers to indicate the spaces he was talking about, the tips of his gloved fingers grazing the material of your shirt as he moved his hand up and over your chest. Oops. It had been an accidental touch, but he caught the way you stilled at it, the man pulling back quickly. Shit.

“Sounds like you’ve probably done a lot of interesting tattoos, Jay. Sorry I’m just getting mine on a boring place like my arm.” I’m not. You chuckled and he reached for the machine again, surprised to feel that his heart was beating faster than it had been. “Did your … how did she feel about that?” You didn’t know what to call Kat, and he didn’t either, but he knew who you were talking about.

“She understood. It’s work, and it’s not like I’m fucking my clients on the tattoo table.” He was working again, eyes fixed on your skin once more. “I guess though if I’m being honest, I have slept with a few of the women I’ve tattooed throughout the years.” But. “I was dating them beforehand. They ended up letting me tattoo them after we were already together, so it wasn’t like I used my job as a dating service.”

“That’d be weird, to have a tattoo from a guy that you used to date?” You cleared your throat. “Just a constant reminder of an old relationship, even if the design was something great, it’s always going to -” “It’s not always like that.” He dipped the machine again after wiping the blood from your arm. “One of my exes did part of one of my tattoos, and it’s not a bad memory for me.” You were silent for a minute or so, and then you spoke again, almost like you didn’t want to ask your question.

“Did you ever tattoo your… Kat?” He’d known it was coming - you were sidestepping asking direct questions about their relationship, but still trying to show him that you’d meant it when you said he could talk to you.

“No. She didn’t have a single one.” He frowned. “It kind of surprised me, and we’d always talk about me doing one for her, but it just didn’t… we were only together for 8 months before we got married, and everything happened kind of … fast.” That’s an understatement.

He met the woman at a concert, catching her eye at the bar, and they’d been back at her place that night, not even hours later. It was a whirlwind for him - and looking back at it, he realized that they’d both likely been much too quick with everything, letting the haze of a healthy sex life and their ability to have fun together get in the way of building a relationship the way that it should have been done. By trusting each other. By telling each other the important shit. “I didn’t realize that you hadn’t been together long.”

“Yeah.” Swallowing, he nodded. “I uh, proposed about five months in. Took everyone by surprise, but she said yes, and then everything was about planning the wedding. There was apparently a lot we didn’t know about each other, but it seemed … like a good idea.” He continued to move the needle over your skin, concentrating on the motion. “We never even took a vacation together. Our honeymoon was going to be the first one.”

He didn’t know why he was telling you any of the things he was. He’d only told his closest friends vague details, what they needed to know, and it had been enough. But with you, he was being honest, telling you the things that he had been unsure of throughout the relationship, pointing out the flaws in both himself and Kat. Maybe it’s because she really doesn’t know either of us.

“You should still go on your trip.” His attention snapped to your face, toes lifting from the pedal to stop the machine. What? “You know what happens in all those movies. A relationship doesn’t work out, so one person takes the trip that both of them booked, and ends up finding the person they’re really supposed to be with in the middle of it.” You shrugged, wrinkling your nose at him. “Just an idea.”

“She booked everything.” It was another thing he didn’t like admitting, but the man was on a roll and didn’t see any reason to slow it. “She and her family have always been pretty well off. My job pays the bills, but I couldn’t afford a trip like that by myself. I’m sure they’ve already canceled or transferred the tickets and reservations, so that’s not an option.” The look in your eyes didn’t change as he spoke, so Jay continued. “Maybe you’re right, though, and I should go somewhere, take the week off like I planned, and just … figure shit out.”

“Might help.” You used your free hand to point at the arm he was working on. “You’re finishing this up now, and I didn’t see anything on your schedule after next Sunday morning, so …” He stayed quiet while he thought, focused on packing the last bit of gray into the tail of your bird. He had some money saved, and when he’d attempted to give a portion of the gifts that he and Kat had received as wedding presents back, knowing that it was the right thing to do, most of his friends had waved him off, telling him they didn’t want anything from him. Because they’re good people. “Even if you just drive north and camp or something, Jay? You’ll get away from the city. Get away from everything. You won’t have to talk to anyone, or …”

“That’s a good idea.” He took a deep breath, sitting up and scooting away from you as he set the machine down. “I’m done with the gray. Gonna take a break before I start the white, but it won’t take me long to do that.” Pushing yourself into an upright position, he watched as you glanced down, eyeing what he’d done.

“It’s swelling more today. Hurts a lot more, too.” You’d still sat well, barely moving as he worked, and even though the coffee you’d consumed was the cause of the increased bleeding that he saw, it still wasn’t bad.

“I’m tattooing over still healing skin.” He pulled his gloves off, tossing them into the trash and scratching the back of his neck. “That’s why it hurts more.” The man stood, raising his arms over his head and stretching. “You’re still sitting well, though. Even better this time. You’re making this real easy for me.”

“That’s the first time a guy’s ever said that about me.” You grinned up at him, the man unsure about whether or not you were looking for a response from him. “It’s a joke, Jay. You can laugh.” He did, closing his eyes and biting down on his lower lip. But the words made him wonder about you, about what you were like outside of a tattoo appointment. What she’s like with her friends. “I didn’t know that, though. About the reason it hurts more?” You were eyeing him, watching as he did a quick lap from his booth across the shop and back. “Makes sense.”

“I’m trying not to go too hard on the places I’ve already done.” He washed his hands again, drying them before he turned to face you. “Don’t want it to scar, or ruin what we’ve already got.” Sitting back down, he replaced his gloves, switching to the white ink. Twenty more minutes, maybe less. Motioning for you to extend your arm, he was surprised to feel your fingers close around his knee, squeezing for a few seconds before you let go and eased onto your back. Once comfortable, you turned your arm so that he could reach the skin he needed. What was that for?

“I appreciate that.” You took a deep breath, eyes on the ceiling. “I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on it already.” That made him happy, Jay’s eyes moving over to the picture he was using for reference before he dipped the needle into the cup of white ink. “Can’t wait to hear what they have to say about the finished thing.”

“You’ll have to let me know.” Glancing up at you after he spoke, he paused. “Call the shop, I mean.” Of course that’s what I meant. “Do you want another one yet?”

“What?” He heard surprise in your voice, the man turning his attention to you for a brief second, the machine silent. “Another … tattoo?”

“Yeah.” He gave you a single nod and then tapped the pedal again, adding a highlight to the bird’s eye. “There are some people that have a single tattoo in mind, swear that it’s the only one they’re gonna get. But you’d be surprised at how many people come back for a second and a third… and just keep going.”

“I haven’t really thought about it.” Your words were quiet, the man feeling as your fingers twitched against his leg, the needle passing over the very tip of the bottom of the beak. “If I do, though, I’ll definitely come back to you.”

“Not gonna give Hanna a chance to redeem herself for canceling?” Glancing up, he watched as you rolled your eyes, tongue tracing over your lip as you wet it.

“No. I’m happy she couldn’t do this one. You’ve got magic hands, Jay, they’re the only ones I want on me.” You meant it in relation to the way he tattooed - he knew it, but that didn’t stop him from sucking in half a breath at the way the words slipped from your mouth and met his ears, the innocent comment striking a nerve. It was a genuine compliment - something he hadn’t heard in a long time, and he couldn’t help straightening up slightly, meeting your eyes. “I… meant with the tattoo. I -” “I know you did.” He swallowed hard, blinking at you without looking away. “I guess I just … wasn’t expecting you to say something like that.” No, that’s not it. “Forget it.” He exhaled, looking up at the ceiling and then returned to your tattoo, his focus on the bird’s belly, adding the soft white underside. The truth was that Jay was attracted to you. That had been true even before he’d been married, but he’d chalked it up to the same scenario as when other good looking women became his clients. He was attracted to you and he enjoyed talking to you, and it was evident in the way that he’d admitted things he hadn’t planned to without much hesitation. And I shouldn’t. Because I’m still married.

But Kat hadn’t wanted the rings back, even though he’d taken them to Marta’s. She hadn’t wanted to speak to him. She hadn’t wanted to sit down and talk things over, instead telling him that she’d “be in touch” when it was time. He assumed that meant when she was ready to file whatever paperwork she was going to file, but had no way of knowing for sure. All of those things should have been weighing him down entirely, but apart from the anger and frustration he felt, Jay had accepted that whatever was going to happen would happen. Because what else can I do? She didn’t fight for us.

There were only a few minutes left of your tattoo session, and at the realization, Jay worked up the courage to give you an opportunity to do what you’d offered to do: listen. “Kat was acting really weird with me. Not just about Evan and Marta, but about everything. At first, I asked a lot of questions, trying to get her to talk to me, you know?” You agreed that you did, but didn’t offer up any other reply. “And when that didn’t work, I stopped asking. I didn’t stop anything else, just stopped bothering her about the things she didn’t want to tell me. Figured when she was ready, she would.”

“Smart. You push someone too far, and they’ll just explode.” That’s true. He was working on the last bit of white - spaces within the tiny branch that the bird was perched on, and knew that time with you was nearly at an end. They will.

“And then I walked in on her talking with this FBI agent that was assigned to the case. They were in our kitchen, and the front door was open, but she … she was just wearing one of my shirts over her underwear, and it felt off.” You stiffened at that, which he took note of, the man pulling the machine away from your skin and setting it down, reaching for the paper towels and bottle of soap, dampening the folded squares. “Gonna be cold, but just for a second.” You laughed quietly as he wiped your arm clean, methodically removing and sanitizing the work he’d just done. “She explained it right away, and the explanation made sense. I had been complaining about how we hadn’t really spent time together, how it didn’t feel like we were actually married, how I just wanted things to feel a little more … normal, and she was trying to do something to make that happen.”

Scooting back and away from you, Jay reached for one of the bandages and the tape, sliding back into position as you stared down at the inside of your arm. “It looks great. The white… it’s bright, even though it’s a little red, and -” “Blood’s coming through right now. It won’t look like that when it’s healed, I promise.” He focused his gaze on your face for a few seconds, waiting until you nodded. “Want to look at it in the mirror before -” “Nope.” You twisted your arm, lifting it up and holding it out toward him. “I see it from this angle. I love it. I’ll stare at it in the mirror in the privacy of my own house, where I can look for as long as I want to.” He grinned at that, closing his eyes and nodding. If that’s what you want. “Keep going, Jay.” The last sentence was spoken in a much softer tone than the others, guiding him back to what he’d been saying.

“She uh, she’d been cooking me dinner, but it was burned, so she just poured me a glass of wine, but I couldn’t let it go. I pushed, and when she still didn’t give me a real answer and told me nothing was going on, I …” He wrapped his fingers around your upper arm, smoothing the bandage into place, using his thumb to seal the tape to your skin. “I asked her point blank why she even married me if she couldn’t tell me the truth.” Bringing his eyes up to meet yours, he saw sympathy in them. “She didn’t have an answer.”

“Jay, I…” You brought your newly bandaged arm up, that hand covering your mouth in surprise. “That’s not what I was expecting.”

“I wasn’t expecting it either. If she’d asked me that, I would have immediately told her that I married her because I loved her. That I wanted to be with her. That she made me happy.” He frowned. “But she just stumbled over her words, and when I walked away, she didn’t follow me.”

“That fucking sucks.” Yes, it does. Averting your eyes, you took a deep breath. “So what happens now?”

“I wait. I wait and see when she serves me with divorce papers. I wait and see what she wants from me, because at this point, your guess is as good as mine about what that might be.” He gestured with one hand toward the front of the shop and the two of you walked that way, you a few steps ahead of him. “But she doesn’t want me, not anymore. And maybe she never did.” I haven’t said that to anyone either.

“She’s an idiot then.” You were standing next to the register, Jay’s attention returning to your face as you spoke. “Because you clearly loved … love her. It seems like you wanted to make it work, and it sounds like she didn’t give you a chance.” You spoke with your head tilted to one side, the man watching as you took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, slowly releasing it. “I hope someone else gives you that chance.”

He didn’t know what it was - the low lighting in the shop, the way you were looking at him, the sincerity he heard in your words or maybe just the fact that he’d been baring himself to you verbally for the previous few hours - but Jay realized that he wanted to kiss you more than he’d wanted anything else in a very long time. I can’t. Shifting from one foot to the other, he didn’t look away and neither did you, though neither of you spoke.

It wasn’t the right time, and he knew it, but the man couldn’t help the way he looked at you, or wondering what it would feel like to touch you, to find out if your lower lip was as soft as it looked, to run a knuckle or two against the inside of your arm or down your back. No. That’s not what this is. “I hope so, too.” He forced the words out, fighting to keep both hands at his sides. She’s not a rebound. “I’ll get through it. I’ve got no other choice now.”

“You will.” Finally breaking eye contact, you looked down and reached into your purse. “What do I owe you?”

“Nothing.” Mouth falling open, you looked back up at Jay, brows knit. “You don’t owe me anything for this one. You let me dump all this bullshit on you all day, and… that’s enough.”

“I can’t let you do that. You used all that ink and the -” “You can and you’re gonna.” Swiping at the top of his head, he put his other hand on his hip. “Just make sure you send people my way if they ask where you got it.” You wanted to argue with him - he could see it on your face, but instead you agreed, eyes closing as you thanked him. “No. Thank you. I just needed someone to listen, like you said. It was worth it.”

“Alright.” Gesturing to the back of the shop, you continued. “Can I use the bathroom before I go?” Telling you that you could, he turned to watch as you walked by, eyes following your movement until the door closed behind you.

“Shit.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, letting out what he hoped was a quiet breath. “Oh, shit.” He’d overstepped - he was almost sure of it, but didn’t know if you’d say anything or just leave, and so he stepped back into the booth and started cleaning up, methodically breaking everything down.

He heard the door open and glanced up as you headed toward him, pausing before you walked by. “Thank you again.” You didn’t say anything else and the man smiled up at you, waiting to see what came next. “I hope I’m not going too far if I say that I enjoyed today.”

“You aren’t. I did too.” There wasn’t a reason for him to lie to you, and so he didn’t. “Take care of that tattoo, alright?” Assuring him you would, you said goodnight, telling him that you could unlock the door without him, and so he returned to work, resisting the urge to watch as you walked out the door.

Instead, he finished with what he was doing, thoughts flitting back and forth over what you’d talked about that day. And how much it helped. Almost fifteen minutes later, Jay turned the light off over the sink and then flipped the floor lamp off, plunging the shop into almost total darkness. It wasn’t late, but Jay realized that he was hungry, the man deciding to stop on his way home rather than attempting to cook with whatever was in the kitchen.

As he passed the front counter, he stopped at the sight of something sitting atop the glass, his lips curving upward into a smile when he realized what it was. I should have known. You’d left him a handful of bills inside of a folded up paper towel, and even though it was difficult to make out in the low light, Jay saw that you’d written something on the sheet, too. It was your phone number, along with a short note.

You ever need someone to be honest with you - call me. Don’t forget to set the alarm.

He reached into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet and slipping the bills into it. Jay stared down at the blue ink on the paper, focused not only on the words, but the numbers, too, weighing his options. A short time later, the folded paper joined the money - but not before he’d saved your number into his phone, his smile growing wider with each digit he typed.

—

#jay castillo #jay castillo x reader #jay castillo x female reader #pedro pascal character #pedrostories #nightingale #pedro pascal

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choosing-criminalminds · 4 years ago

Text

One More Time

Summary: Their love was years and years in the making, and even when prison quickly builds back up the walls they worked so hard to break down, Spencer learns just how strong the foundation of their trust is.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!BAU!reader(ish) -> told mostly in the 3rd person, from Spencer’s POV

Category: angst (?)

Warnings: mentions of character death (Maeve, Gideon), mentions of blood (Maeve’s death), slight panic/anxiety, language -> let me know if there are any more to add!

Also, un-beta’d, we die like the trash we are.

Length: 5.6k

A/N: Okay yeah so first post. So…this turned out much longer than expected? This is for Ellie’s ( @spenciebabie ) writing contest/celebration and goodness I’m so nervous because I’ve barely written, much less posted, anything in years. Anyway, I guss I decided to challenge myself to write this? I hope you guys like it?

Also, if anyone wants a new friend, please hit me up because I’m too shy to say hello myself.

Prompt was: “Why don’t you make me?”

-*-*-*-

“Trust has to be earned, and should come only after the passage of time.”

—Arthur Ashe

-*-*-*-

For all his genius, Spencer didn’t know what to make of the fact that he found himself inexplicably drawn to her.

It wasn’t until years down the line that he realized he had been exceptionally aware of her since they met, carefully observing, cataloguing the way she so gently and kindly defied every expectation and pushed past every preconceived notion he had of her. By then, she had already settled in a little corner of his heart and helped seal the cracks in his life that he didn’t even know existed.

But when she first joined the team as an intern, he was more than a little reluctant to get to know her. It was during the summer between her college graduation and the start of her graduate studies, and she seemed too worldly, too perfect. She wasn’t like the girls from high school, or even college, for that matter, who were simply mean. On the contrary, she was wonderfully polite and incredibly ambitious, intelligent, and very much the type of girl that was far too out of his league, one that wouldn’t spare him a second glance before continuing down whatever focused path she was on.

That’s why he planned to avoid her as much as possible her first day in the office. She had, thankfully, spent the morning in Hotch’s office, since he was her official supervisor, but when he saw them about to emerge right before lunch, he panicked, muttered a random excuse, and shuffled out of the bullpen, leaving a bemused Derek and Elle in his wake.

It didn’t help that he was ducking out of rooms while JJ was giving her a quick tour and making introductions, and almost every member of the team had cornered him, encouraging him to talk to her, to befriend her due to their closeness in age. (“She’s only what? Two-ish years younger than you?” When he mumbled that exact date, Penelope had broken into a large, wicked grin, poking him teasingly in the cheek. Gratefully, she held back any further comment.)

Spencer had blinked, a little surprised, when Penelope Garcia, who generally disliked change, had only good things to say. Remarkably humble about her achievements, and not in the standoffish fake way, Penelope commented after admitting she had run a background check on her. Genuine, and quite sweet.

Polite, Derek had said, if a little quiet, trying to see where she fits in the team dynamic. You should reach out, be a friend, he suggested.(Spencer ignored the very pretty slipped somewhere in the comment, as well as the knowing smile shot his direction when he felt his cheeks flushing.)

A surprisingly wicked sense of humor, was all Elle said with a sly smile. (Spencer chose to ignore that too.)

And when Spencer tentatively asked the man, Jason Gideon, a man of generally few words, had spoken of her, however briefly, with surprising fondness, because of course Gideon had met her when she was a child, because of course her uncle now headed legal three floors up, and of course her uncle was the last third of the BAU’s Holy Trinity, of which Gideon and Rossi were a part of.

You’ll get along very nicely.

Spencer was incredibly intimidated, to say the least.

And then when he couldn’t avoid her anymore (because of course they were desked next to each other), all it took for her was noticeably catching herself from extending a hand, then offering a small little wave and a nervous smile to leave him breathless. (He pointedly ignored the look knowing look JJ shot him.)

He tried to stifle the little seed of hope—that she definitely wasn’t interested in him, and her saccharine smile was nothing more than a false front to make a positive impression during a lucrative FBI internship meant only to bolster her resume—but the resolve crumbled quickly. She turned out to be so genuinely kind and sweetly humble that Spencer cursed the fact that the internship lasted only through that summer.

It also certainly didn’t help, either, that the very first thought he had when meeting her was a single word.

Pretty.

-*-*-*-

It was almost ridiculous how well she got along with everyone in the office.

She clearly made it a mission to make the most of the time she had and was more than willing to put in the work and prove her worth. Although she was technically Hotch’s intern and her main role was to assist the core field team, Spencer watched as she managed to get on absolutely everyone’s good graces through a combination of unassuming charm, sharp wit, and willingness to learn and to help that was so uniquely her.

For Spencer, it meant that she happily listened to what he had to say, encouraging him to continue when appropriate or saving a quiet question for later when it wasn’t. When she told him that she enjoyed listening to him talk, Spencer was taken aback, stuttering as he tried to figure out if she was only saying that to be polite. She gave him a gracious smile, ensured that she “quite honestly enjoyed” listening to him, and proceeded to ask a few well-timed and well-pointed questions to smoothly nudge him back to their previous topic.

Spencer stared at her, slack-jawed, then smiled bashfully, and allowed himself to hope.

(He definitely didn’t know what to do with the fact that when she knowingly reached out to his hand resting on the table and lightly tapped the back of his hand, he didn’t have his typical knee-jerk desire to pull away. He also mostly certainly didn’t know what to do with the fact that when her thumb grazed over his knuckles to sooth the tension he didn’t even realize he had, he felt an inexplicable calm ease into his very bones.)

-*-*-*-

“It’ll take a good five, six years to finish my J.D./Ph.D., but Hotch offered me an open invitation to join the team when I do, and I’m more than inclined to take his offer when the time comes.”

Spencer peered at her, breathing out a sigh of relief that he didn’t realize he was holding. It was the last day of her internship, and she was making the rounds to say her thank you’s and goodbyes individually to the members of the team. He was the last one, and he had been dreading the conversation the entire day.

While he wouldn’t describe what he felt for her as anything beyond a genuine, platonic friendship—in the grand scheme of things, they’d only known each other for ten weeks—their easy companionship had become very dear to him. And he was terrified and nervous that her time with the BAU would be just a small chapter in her life before she moved on to the bigger and better things, leaving him behind as a fond but distant memory.

She laughed softly at his surprise, before it trailed off into a sigh. She then took a deep breath and asked. “Do you trust me?” Spencer looked at her, a bit dumbfounded. Did he trust her? Her gaze was heavy on him and the question weighty, a gentle demand for an honest answer. Did he trust her? Yes, he did, he supposed, they were friends. Right? He breathed in deeply, squared his shoulders just a bit, and answered in the affirmative.

As if she sensed his hesitance, his unease, she gave him a knowing look and took one of his hands into hers, fingers brushing over fingers, before hooking her pinky around his. “Because I promise you, Spencer Reid, I’ll be back, right here. You’ll be waiting for me, yeah?”

He looked at her in awe, the dim light of the nearly-empty office reflecting off her kind eyes. Warmth spread through his chest, and she smiled so brilliantly that he nearly forgot to breathe, to answer. To answer. He smiled back, twitchy, introspective, and considered the weight of her question. He nodded and responded simply.

“Always.”

-*-*-*-

She managed to remain on the Bureau’s consulting payroll over the next several years, though she was primarily based in the Bay Area as she finished her graduate studies at Stanford. The team as a whole still went to her for a fresh perspective when needed; she video called in to help on cases when necessary and met up in person if a case called them to California.

He knew that she kept in touch with JJ, Penelope, and Derek, and that Hotch and Emily (whom she met shortly after Emily joined the team and a case brought them to LA) were also friendly, if professional, contacts. Spencer himself was known to receive the odd phone call from her.

However, what had Spencer almost covetously pleased was that they had something they shared exclusively between the two of them, because she had steadfastly kept her promise to write to him.

-*-*-*-

Her letters were as beautiful as they were constant, and Spencer handled and read each one with care.

Her handwriting suited her; while it generally was neat and clear little scrawl, he knew it would get a little freer, and little loopier when she was tired, if she was particularly excited, or if she found herself a bit tipsy. (And yet she still managed to always write in an almost perfectly straight line even on a blank sheet of paper. He was envious, and when he told her as such, he could hear the laughter in her response as she wrote it a little more wobbly than usual.) And while he knew her to be tilted more on the quiet, introverted side of the scale, she had a way with the written word, each phrase poetic and thoughtful.

And they were remarkably therapeutic to write in return, Spencer found. Their initial letters mostly consisted of light banter about their mutual and individual interests, updates on the progress of her research (sprinkled amusing tidbits of her exasperation and frustration), bits and pieces about his cases and updates on and amusing anecdotes about the team.

However, over time, he slowly opened up to her, about his fears, his hopes, his dreams. And when he hesitantly divulged bits and pieces about the drugs, his mother, the headaches, he felt the relief in his entire body when she responded with empathy and grace. In turn, she did the same. She was vulnerable, she was open, and as wonderful and quite near perfect as he knew her to be, he was pleased to find her so incredibly human.

Those letters he slowed down to read, committing them to memory with more intention.

(He kept her letters in the drawer of his desk at his apartment, and eventually moved them to a specially designated box when he needed more room. When he learned that she did the same, he couldn’t help the tender warmth that fluttered in his chest. He still didn’t know what to do with the feeling.)

-*-*-*-

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.

It took six years, and an additional five months at the Academy (and then another few weeks as she was introduced to the legal team, with whom she would also be working with in her role as legal liaison), but she kept her promise and found her way back to the BAU, and it was like she was never gone.

This time, in her re-introduction to the team, she was a breath of fresh air.

When she approached him individually with a nervous smile, she reached out, then hesitated, and a sense of déjà vu washed over Spencer. But then, she had placed a hand on his elbow, and when she smiled, he breathed in a sense of peace and familiarity, of comfort.

“You waited.”

He smiled back, and in a rather forward gesture on his part, he adjusted so he could take the hand on his arm into his.

“Always.”

-*-*-*-

She was too good for him.

Whatever relationship they had—Spencer didn’t know what to call it, though friendship seem too trivial of a word for it—he knew it was too good, too perfect to last.

Because in a cruel twist of fate, her first case back on the team, however unofficial it was, was Maeve.

He was hyperaware of the neutral expression on her face when he finally brought his fears to the team. To anyone else she would seem serene and put together, but to him the slight sag in her shoulders and the realization transitioning to acceptance were clear as day. Spencer never mentioned Maeve to her in their letters, but later, in retrospect, he believed she had an inkling, at the very least. You seem happier, she had written, once, not too long after he first became acquainted with Maeve, and that makes me happy.

Did it? Then he didn’t want to know what his misery would do to her because then, Maeve died, and in his grief over another woman, he fought desperately to push her away.

She could share his happiness, but he refused to let her share his pain, his brokenness. She did not deserve that, and he would not be the one to destroy the beauty and sunshine and hope she brought everywhere with her.

But when they finally took Maeve’s body away, and when the blurred commotion of sirens and law enforcement and emergency services and constant hammering of half-hearted condolences and check-ins finally died down, he felt the blanket around his shoulders be adjusted, and a now-familiar pair of hands take in his own, firm, and refusing to ever let go. Thumbs traced over his knuckles as soothingly as he remembered, and only then did he begin to vaguely process the fact those hands had been tucked into his almost the entire evening, anchoring him through the haze and the fog.

As if on cue, she squeezed his hand gently, like she knew exactly when he was slowly becoming aware of her presence, and he suddenly found he lacked the strength to do what he initially intended.

Still dazed, he felt her shift, and she was kneeling on the ground in front of him where he sat on the curb, and softly drew him into a hug. Any form of resistance he previously had dissolved; he clung to her, tears stinging his eyes once again.

It’s okay, I’m here, I’ll stay, she whispered, I’ll stay, always and always.

Just don’t push me away.

“I-” His voice cracked. “I loved her.”

He paused, his voice weakening.

“I love her...”

Hands ran soothingly through his hair.

“I know.”

She always did.

“…so much.”

He didn’t need to see her face to realize that she was crying with him, for him—he could feel her trying to contain the trembling in her chest, trying desperately to remain composed. He tried to do the same, but when she tilted her head and let him bury his face into her neck, Spencer finally felt fresh tears begin to flow, and he allowed her to take his face into her hands and chase the tears with her fingers.

And Spencer wept freely, first for death of the woman he loved, and then for the tears and the grief he caused the one person he could call his kindred spirit, his soulmate.

-*-*-*-

He healed, slowly.

There were good days, when the thought of Maeve did not stir up memories of blood and fear and gunshots but, rather, of auburn hair and admiration and hushed conversations on the phone. On those days, he felt like he was no longer haunted by a ghost and could finally begin to move on. On those days, he could slow down, appreciate the small things again, and focus on how a pair of familiar, steady hands pulled him out of the past, anchored him in the present, and allowed him to hope about the future.

But then there were the bad days when her touch scalded and burned his skin. The warmth and the pulse of blood rushing through her veins and the germs on her hands and her life was overwhelming because Maeve was dead and cold and gone. So, with every glare and with every sharp comment aimed at where he knew it would hurt, he finally made good on his desire to push her away.

It was on those days the bitter voice in the back of his mind whispered how it was supposed to be Maeve, not her, there alive with him, holding his hand as they faced the world.

It was also on those days he chose to disregard the regret that settled in the pit of his stomach each time he heard his own biting voice, and disregard the horror brought on by even thinking of wishing she were dead instead. He began to ignore the tremble in her hands when she reached out to him and brushed her fingers against his in concern, and he ignored how she gradually began pulling back, hesitant, nervous that her touch would be unwarranted, unwanted. He certainly ignored the unconscious flex in his hand, the ache for the reassurance and comfort he had become so accustomed to—

He ignored it all until he woke up, one night, to an empty bed, and a sudden surge of panic rushed through his body and bile rose in his throat. She was right there, when he fell asleep, giving him a small smile and nod when he asked if she could read to him, to stay the night. Now, without a word, she was gone, she was gone, shewasgone and Spencer could feel the tightness in his chest and tears sting his eyes when realized that the only one to blame was himself, himself, himself.

Why, he thought bitterly, why was he like this? Why must he try to push away every good thing in his life?

But then, there he stood, barely aware of the tears on his cheeks and ice running through his veins, as he found her curled up on his couch, franticly wiping away her own silent tears and exhaustion from her eyes. He stumbled forward, upset, upset at himself because he made her cry again. And when she flinched when he cradled her face in his hands, apologizing to him, he nearly choked back a sob, his hands trembling as he tried to wipe away the tears that did not belong on her face.

Neither of them went back to sleep that night, and Spencer began to realize just how strong she was, as she gently told him through her tears the hard truths of his situation and where she stood in relation to him.

I can’t fight with a ghost, she had murmured hoarsely, but I can work with her legacy and her memory.

And then, with a pinky wrapped around his, she promised that she would be there to help him through it, but the only way was if, and only if, he let her.

It was that night (or, rather, morning, as the sun rose) that he began to come to terms that, whether he deserved it or not, she—and her pure and unadulterated goodness—was more or less a permanent fixture in his life, and he felt more at peace than he had in ages. And when the early rays of sunlight filtered through his windows and caught her in a soft glow, he found himself once again in awe. He reached out, hesitantly, and his heart soared when he felt the familiar pressure of her hand slipping into his.

She was steadfast and loyal and strong. She was brave, she was patient, she was kind. Moreover, she was alive, she was breathing, and she was here, present, by his side. It took time, and more painful conversations and more painful realizations, but eventually, the good days were a bit more consistent, the sun just a bit brighter, and his breathing a just bit freer with her hand pressed firmly into his own, her pulse thrumming beneath his fingers until his heartbeat synced with hers.

And Spencer was finally learning, learning about what to do with the fact that with her by his side, he felt like he could truly face the world.

-*-*-*-

Face the world he did.

When Gideon died, he felt his hand twitch, and the compulsion to escape and hide tugged at the back of his mind, and an old, nearly forgotten itch made its way from the crook of his elbow, slowly ebbing into in his veins and nagging in the crevices of the back of the mind.

But when he felt her hand slip into his, he felt it abate, the tension in his muscles eased. When her lips twitched into a knowing, gentle smile, he could see the underlying grief and frustration. Of course. She had known Gideon just as well as he did, if not better.

He breathed deeply and smiled back. It was weak, it was twitchy, and it was sad, but it was a smile, nonetheless. He wasn’t in this alone.

-*-*-*-

They were seated on a large blanket in a secluded park in D.C. on one of their rare days off when she pressed a gentle kiss on his lips, and suddenly it seemed like all the right pieces finally fell into place.

And when she whispered those three little words, and everything made sense. He looked up from where he laid, and again he was breathless at how the setting sun caught in her hair and reflected off her skin and her eyes. But then, when he opened his mouth to respond, the same three little words caught in his throat and his breath hitched, and he wanted to cry. He wanted to respond, to let her know that her feelings were returned, but the words failed him.

“It’s okay,” she murmured softly, and he trembled as he felt her hands cupping his face and fingers gracing over his cheekbones, “if you don’t reciprocate; I’ll live. But I just wanted to let you know–know that I’ll be by your side no matter what happens.”

It wasn’t until they were at the door of her apartment, when he found the strength to push past the nerves and respond.

“I do re-reciprocate, and I want–I want to say it, because I do,” he stuttered out, “but I just…don’t know how to say it yet.”

He suddenly felt like a prepubescent schoolboy, nervous and quaking and terrified. But then, magnetic as she was, she brought his gaze back to her face, and her knowing smile breathed air back into his lungs. His heart blossomed, and the fingers rubbing circles into his hand anchored his attention on her. “Then I’ll wait until you can. Always. Forever.” She paused. “Do you trust me?”

Spencer peered up at her, brows furrowed. Unbidden, the memory of the first time she asked him the same question floated to the front of his mind, and he couldn’t help the breath of amusement. The question caught him off guard, but this time, when he found his voice it was resolute, quick, and sure.

Yes.

He felt a pinky hook around his, and the now-familiar warmth bubbled in his chest.

“Good, because it’s a promise I intend to keep.”

This time, the tears her fingers caught were those of appreciation and relief.

-*-*-*-

And then, the sun set, and prison happened.

-*-*-*-

At first, it was easy to ignore.

Prison changed him. He knew it did, and he knew that she wasn’t naïve to the fact either. He was a bit harder, a bit more defensive, and while he tried his best not to show it, he knew she could see the darkness had just a little bit more of an edge. He was well aware of how she watched him just a bit more closely.

It seemed alright at first. It took a while for him to adjust; there were certainly bumps and bruises along the way, along with some admittedly choice words exchanged in frustration, but that was expected.

But he supposed it was the small things, and small things add up.

The first week her hand naturally slipped into his like nothing’d changed, but his grip was tighter and more desperate than normal, like she’d disappear or slip through his fingers if he didn’t. At the same time, he was also too terrified to touch her otherwise, as if she’d break like glass if his grip on her waist was just a bit too tight.

She never commented, gave him space, and allowed him to initiate physical contact.

She didn’t need to know, he rationalized, it wasn’t her burden to bear.

Then he began to hold her at arm’s length. She pushed, gently, and he pushed back, harder. He knew she was only trying to help, but he needed to figure it out for himself, lest he hurt her again. She only sighed, and relented. While her concern was apparent with how she watched him with just a little more unease, she gave him space.

However, while she was an exceptionally patient person, there was only so much distance and space one could handle. When she reached out, worried, and pressed just a little harder, he withdrew completely, and his rationalization slowly evolved. Stop hovering. Don’t need you treating me like I’m broken. Don’t need your pity.He ignored the pain that flashed in her eyes, the quiet desperation in her voice whenever she called after him after he refused to listen, and the increasingly familiar ache in his entire body when he began to avoid and refuse her touch.

It was the small things, because when the nightmares started, it wasn’t so easy to ignore.

-*-*-*-

“—eathe, Spencer. That’s good, breathe.”

The mumbled affirmations continued as he slowly processed his surroundings.

Queen-sized bed. Egyptian cotton sheets. Breathe in. Goose-feather down pillows. A firmer memory foam pillow that smelled of her shampoo. Breathe out.

Safety.

He was still bleary-eyed when he sunk back down, burying half his face in the pillows and ashamed as he mumbled a quiet apology. Her voice was kind, understanding, telling him it was alright as she tucked a stray lock of curls away from his face. When he seemed to settle back down, her hand gentle rested on his jaw, thumb absently tracing his cheekbone.

“Do you want to talk—”

“No.”

She frowned, sighed, took a moment to flick on the lamp light and collect her thoughts; he could see, through his lashes, the gears turning in her head about how to proceed. Meanwhile, he heaved a sighed, and sat up against the headboard. His eyes closed, doing the same as her. She then reached out, touched his hand, grazed her thumb over his knuckles and drew circles on the back. It started slow, hesitant—she was surprised that he didn’t recoil, and frankly, so was he—but the motion was familiar, grounding, so he let her continue. He knew it helped her focus as well.

“Spence, you’re…you need to talk to someone—it doesn’t have to be me! But bottling it up all inside, it’s clearly tearing you apart.”

“I agreed to start talking with my therapist, haven’t I?”

His voice was flat, defensive.

“But you haven’t, and…knowing you, you won’t be telling them the whole truth.” His jaw tightened and his lips pursed, his hand gripping the sheets flexed, and he looked away from her, intently staring at a random point in the room that wasn’t her. As always, she seemed to know him far too well.

She let out a breath of a sigh; she knew he was beginning to shut her out again. Her free hand lifted to his shoulder, rested in the crook of his neck.

“I’ve told you before, that you’ve started to shut people out. I know–I know you’re so, so strong, but you don’t have to face it alone. You don’t need to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders; we’re not as fragile as you seem to think we are.” She paused, contemplating. “If you need someone with distance that you can trust, call Derek, call Hotch, even, but remember, Spence, I made you a promise: I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

When he didn’t answer, still staring off into the mid-distance, she sighed.

“I’ll leave, give you some space. Think about it.”

She was at the bedroom door when he finally cleared his throat and responded. His voice was bitter as he bit out: “You’re going to have to do a lot better than that.”

A quiet ‘wha–’slipped from her lips as she angled toward him as he shifted to sit on the edge of the bed, hands gripping the sheets tightly.

“If you want to leave, fine. You seem to be doing that quite well recently. The door’s right there and you don’t have to come back until you want to make me a charity case again. But if you want me to talk, if you think you can handle it, then be my guest. Take a seat and why don’t you make me?”

He instantly regretted the words, but some dark part of his mind as pleased that he could see the anger and annoyance spark through her as she inhaled deeply and slowly turn around to face him in full. “I will if that’s what it will take.”

Spencer’s gaze hardened.

“You don’t have the fucking guts.”

A brief moment passed as she took him in full, eyes flashing. Spencer raised his gaze, challenging, daring her, and then, the same, shadowed part of his mind was savagely happy that he had finally gotten a rise out of her, because she bit back with venom.

“Fucking try me.”

And then, he watched her warily as she visibly froze, then deflate, her jaw tightening and eyes welling with unshed tears as she stumbled backward to the door.

“But–but not like this. Not like this. I’m–I’m so sorry you didn’t–you don’t deserve…” Her voice was quiet, but it was hitched with a swirl of emotions Spencer couldn’t pinpoint, and he was suddenly aware of the hot tears dripping down his cheeks. “I’m going–I’m going to go…” He heard the doorknob turn, and suddenly the sound of gunshots rang in his ears, and he could the taste the metallic bitterness as blood and dead brown eyes filled his vision.

Wait. Wai- She was halfway out the door when he called out, voice cracking, and through blurred tears he saw her shut the door and shuffled and stumbled back into the room toward him, kneeling in front of him. Through the ringing in his ears, he could hear the whispers of his name and the urgency of the apologies. And then his eyes fluttered closed when she reached up to brush the tears away, and the motion opened the floodgates. It was one of the many little touches they shared—thumbs wiping over cheeks and hands cupping faces—and he had half a mind to shove her aside, but dear God he hadn’t felt it in far too long; he leaned, almost desperately, into her touch and he could hear her sniffling back her own tears.

Fuck.

He was always like this.

His passive aggressiveness was his defense mechanism; he lashed out blindly whenever he felt vulnerable, not caring who he hurt and how much. It was something she had been helping him work through, and he thought he was getting better, but here he was, hurting her because of it again.

Not like this.

He barely noticed that she had pulled him into a tender hug, but now that he did process the warmth of her embrace seeping into his bones, he wanted to push it away. He didn’t – he didn’t deserve this but now she was pulling back, and it sent a brief course of panic through his body, a fear that she was pulling away, away from him, away from the darkness and shadows that loomed permanently over him. He wouldn’t blame her, but–but…oh.

Her eyes always spoke volumes for her, and now that she had firmly tilted his chin up, her gaze firm, resolved.

“I know you are feeling vulnerable, and I know that you believe you can do this on your own.” She breathed in deeply. In turn he gazed up at her through his tears, as evenly as he could, and she met it without wavering. “You are strong, Spencer Reid, so, so strong, been so for so long. But…but I made a promise that I would always be by your side, and I’m never going to break it. So please.” Her voice hitched, and his breath caught in his throat. “Please, trust in me, one more time. Just one more time.”

Moments ticked by to the time of his heartbeat before he finally nodded, and the relief and the elation in her eyes soothed the dull pain inside his heart. This time, he drew her into his arms and into his lap and sighed as he leaned into the crook of her neck.

Thank you.

I love you, too.

-*-*-*-

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”

—Maya Angelou

-*-*-*-

#spenciebabiesficcontest #joy's writing #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x fem!BAU!reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic

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birlcholtz · 3 years ago

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Fic Questions

tagged by @the-lincyclopedia thank you!! (fun game: watch my writing get progressively less formal as the post continues. by the end it’s like what is capitalization)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

77!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

434,378 as of this week but it does go up quite regularly

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Okay so in terms of what’s on my AO3, I have Check Please, All For the Game, Sharp Zero, HP, and Miraculous Ladybug. I also have The Forbidden LOTR and PJO Fanfiction (as in, I’ve written it, but it’s never seeing the light of day)

(technically there is a PJO fic out there that has seen the light of day but I orphaned it because I was tired of getting comments asking about when it would be updated)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

and then i met you (and the whole world changed)

for the better

Knew It Was You

come home (to you, to us)

sin bin schematics

All of these are Check Please and all of them except Knew It Was You are part of my Zimbits Airport AU!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! It’s actually a very recent thing that I’ve started not responding to literally every single comment. Mainly I respond because I love talking about my writing so I am going to seize that opportunity when it comes up

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, DEFINITELY Happy Birthday (HP). Check out that MCD tag ahah. (I say HP but what I really mean is that I write fic about Regulus Black. The Regulus Black-centric tag is my home in the HP fandom)

fun fact: this is a very short fic that I wrote when I was 15 and basically forgot about until recently, and then I reread it recently and went holy shit?? I pulled NO punches????

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the wildest one you’ve written?

Not a ton? I think a lot of the fandoms I write for don’t really mesh that well. That being said, the aforementioned orphaned PJO fic is actually a PJO/ML crossover, so there’s that

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope! Sometimes I get comments that are just.... really confusing? And a more common thing is that in my AFTG fic I’ll get comments from people who are so focused on Andreil (or the most common ships in general) to the point that like. they miss the point of what I actually wrote. Those are annoying but they’re not hate, they’re very enthusiastic, they’re just... enthusiastic about a story I’m not writing? So it’s a bit frustrating.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No sjflskgjhgf I struggle enough to write kissing, I think if I ever tried to write smut my brain would just shut down. I’ve managed some fade-to-blacks (which are mostly in WIPs that haven’t been posted) but they rely HEAVILY on the powers of implication

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, although I have occasionally made a brief go of it, not to post, more as an exercise for myself in a language that I’m learning. Anyway I never finish them so I’m gonna say no

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really? I’ve definitely group brainstormed fics and then written them (the best example of this being Q&A (AFTG), which was the product of a truly off-the-walls group chat), but I tend to do all the actual writing myself. I think the way I write would drive a co-writer up the wall since it’s very disorganized and I don’t write stuff down because ~I know what’s gonna happen I don’t need notes~ and it would infuriate me if I was co-writing with me lmao, so I won’t inflict that on someone else

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I regularly move through ships I’m SUPER focused on, like it’s kind of a rotation. I will forever and always ship Percabeth though.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Okay so if you follow me at @birlwrites you may know this already, but i have this ‘warmups’ document that is just like, random ideas i get that i don’t necessarily want to finish but i just want to try out for a bit? and i have a rule that once a ‘warmup’ is more than 10 pages long (so 11+) then it has to be moved to its own document, just to make scrolling through the warmups doc easier. but usually, a warmup only passes 10 pages when i’m INTO it. so i have a bazillion wips i will probably never finish. i complain about this a lot. i have so many wips. i don’t need more.

here’s one: it’s titled ‘interrobang doesn’t know they’re dating’, it’s basically a full outline for a chowder/tango fic and it would be SO cool if i could ever like. get around to writing it. but i am constantly swamped with writing projects, so it’s probably not gonna happen. if anyone’s interested in adopting it though i’d be down for that!! i think it’s a fun idea i just almost def won’t write it myself

15. What are your writing strengths?

SNAPPY DIALOGUE AND SNARKY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE. my writing is COMEDIC, 90% of my ideas are based on a funny snippet that popped into my head, a lot of my worldbuilding is based on ‘hey you know what would be hilarious’ (whenever i explain how larai selects a chosen one in the rainfall universe i start laughing, which is a STARK contrast to how it plays out on the page), i love writing funny stuff!!

also i think my writing sounds nice, a lot of the time i pick words/syntax based on sound and flow so there’s that too. and i have lots of ideas! i don’t struggle much with writer’s block because a) i have a lot of strategies to deal with it and b) i have a lot of ideas to help get around it/work with it

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

PHYSICAL INTIMACY LMAO, sometimes in my end notes on shippy fics you can see me complaining ‘it took me literally 4 hours to write that very brief kiss’. also sometimes the humor in my writing gets in the way a bit, i have to very consciously put it away so characters can actually have serious, genuine emotions. also i don’t like outlining and i tend not to get betas for fanfiction so like..... i do my best continuity-wise but having really tightly plotted stories is just not my focus lol. (and i do put more effort into that for original stuff, it’s just fic where i kind of go wild)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If the reader’s supposed to know what it means, then writing it in another language is iffy for me. (stuff like terms of endearment which come up a lot in fic are fine imo, you can just put a note in to translate them and your reader will prob remember)

If the pov character isn’t supposed to understand it, and it doesn’t matter if the reader understands it, then ig it’s fine? but unless you already speak the other language (and i am NOT confident in my ability to translate english into literally any other language), then i think it’s way easier to just note that a character’s speaking x language and provide tone indicators, body language cues, etc. so the reader understands as much as the pov character.

That being said there are def times when it’s used super effectively--the dialogue in spanish in cemetery boys comes to mind! that’s not fanfic but it’s still creative writing so w/e

so i guess it comes down to: does actually writing out the dialogue in the other language serve a purpose? if it doesn’t, then you’re filling up the screen with words your reader isn’t likely to understand, which i try to avoid doing

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

so the first fandom i actually *wrote* for was PJO, but i distinctly remember creating warrior cats OCs when i was little. i never actually did anything w them but i had them and my favorite was a riverclan warrior named shellstream i remember this VIVIDLY

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh boy. okay so this is hard because i feel like i’m continuously improving as a writer. like in the sense that my writing is getting closer and closer to really matching my own taste? my favorites tend to always be my current projects as a result. and i do really love set those ghosts alight (HP) but it feels a little like cheating to say a fic i haven’t even finished writing yet. even though it’s def not cheating, that’s just the direction my brain is taking it.

i’m gonna say and then what? (OMGCP) because i’m super proud of the prose (especially ch 2 aka the first actual prose chapter), survived by (HP) for SUCCESSFULLY WRITING AN EMOTION and making readers cry :), and Q&A (AFTG) because i’m literally the one who wrote it and yet it still makes me wheeze. those are all fics i reread occasionally, because i’m big enough to admit i enjoy rereading my old stuff! (just like. to a point. some of my old stuff i can’t look at anymore because all the mistakes stick out to me like they have spotlights shining directly on them)

this was fun!! i’m gonna do an open tag because i just started my fall semester and brain tired. i know sometimes people see open tags and assume the op didn’t really mean it but I MEAN IT, PLEASE DO THIS AND TAG ME!!!!! YES YOU READING THIS

#tag games #long post #birl talks

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sxveme-2 · 4 years ago

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blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Unedited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Thirty: The One With His View

Warnings: Weight loss

Word Count: 2376

Bucky's POV

Bucky sat in his bed with his arm laying detached beside him. His eyes stared down at the photo of Hunter and Lily on the beach, Joey there with them. His glassed over eyes focused on that bright beaming smile on the blonde's lips. One he hadn't seen in person for over a month now. One that he only saw in his dreams at night, or in the photos on his phone.

Scattered around his apartment were printed photos of her that he had taken. The day after she broke up with him he had them printed out, just to have her in his hands once more. Her bright eyes crinkled at the sides as he took sneaky photos of her, ones he only showed her the night he took them, to avoid her from dodging him. She always hated having her photo taken, but he just couldn't help himself.

She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

He ran a shaky hand through his grown out hair, tugging gently on the roots, just as she always did. He ran those same hands down the front of his face, his overgrown facial hair scratching the callouses that he earned over the years. Glancing down at his phone, the brunette sighed. May 3rd. Her birthday was tomorrow. He could only take a guess how she was celebrating it.

Her and Hunter probably sitting on the couch with Chinese, Gen and Rose occupying the other sofa as a cheesy rom-com played on the TV. When Hunter went to bed, she'd probably change it to a horror movie. He never understood how she enjoyed them so much. To Bucky, horror movies were something he could never get on board with, yet Lily adored them so much, he would sit there with her. He would typically end up curled into her side, wincing whenever there was a loud noise from the screen.

But she'd never say anything about it. She'd just chuckle and call him a "big ol' baby", and kiss the top of his head before throwing more popcorn in her mouth.

Her favourite was The Nun. Bucky despised it. Whether it be her desensitization to it, or her strange love for things that made her yelp in fear, she would watch it so often. Eventually, Bucky actually opened his eyes for some of the more scary parts. But he always ended up curled into her side once more, breathing in her scent to sooth him. She'd never watch ones that were more so thriller based, the psychological ones that messed with peoples heads and typically involved person to person violence though. He knew she watched them alone, but wouldn't with Bucky.

Because he told her what they did to him mentally. So she didn't. Because his comfort was always her main priority, especially with his trauma.

The alarm on his phone blared, sending a jerk through his body. Glancing down, Bucky groaned. He had therapy in half an hour, which meant he had to leave now. He'd managed to dodge the conversations about Lily with his therapist, but the Doctor knew that. Which meant, sooner or later, she would pry and get him to open up about his heartbreak.

-----

"Lily was her name, right?" Dr. Raynor asked, tilting her head as she stared down the man across from her.

"I'd prefer not to talk about it." Bucky stated simply, readjusting in his seat on the couch.

"Mmm you said that a month ago. Then again three weeks ago. Then again two-"

"I get it."

Bucky knew that his luck would go against him. Of course Dr. Raynor would bring her up the day before her birthday. As her present sat heavy in his coat pocket. He'd carried it around with him for the past month, never letting it far from his sight. So much sat inside of the case, begging for her.

"She has a son. I have that here in the notes. You loved him, and even saw him as your own," the Doctor began, crossing her legs, "did you imagine having a family with her yourself, James?"

"We were a family already," he stated softly, voice cracking halfway through, "from the moment I first stayed at her house, we were a family."

"Let me rephrase," Dr. Raynor continued, tilting her head, "did you imagine having a child of your own with her?"

Yes. The answer was yes. He pictured it in his head whenever he saw her with Hunter, or pictures of her with Hunter when he was a baby. What Bucky would have given to be there for her then, to have been Hunter's father since birth. But he took what he could. Instead, he imagined her pregnant with his child. They'd talked about it briefly. Both agreeing they'd love to have a little girl, name her Stella, or Amelia, something classic. They even tossed Rebecca back and forth, for Bucky's sister. In the end they decided on Rose-Rebecca for a middle name instead. For a boy, they came up with Wyatt or Theo, with Steve as the middle name.

They'd imagine their home. Somewhere in the countryside, a large backyard for Hunter and their other kid. A dog or two, maybe even a cat. Lily wasn't fussy on the idea of cats, not their biggest fans. But Bucky always wanted one.

"You told me two months ago you planned on retiring," Dr. Raynor commented, pulling him out of his thoughts, "Was that to settle down with her? And start that family of your own?"

"Yes." He stated, voice loose and breathy.

"Did you end up following through with it?"

"Yes."

"How do you spend your days now?" she pushed, trying to get the truth out of him.

"I volunteer at the old folks home near my apartment," he answered honestly, sighing as he spoke, "Tony offered me a job at the tower but I'm not sure I want to take it."

"What was the job?"

"Talking to retired veterans, young and old." He stated softly, fiddling with his gloves.

"Does Lily know this?"

He shook his head. He'd debated calling her over the last few weeks. Wondering if she'd even pick up. He drove past her street once, before doubting himself and refusing to ever step foot near there again. Too much pain followed when he realized he wouldn't have anywhere to go on that street. He wasn't allowed back at her place, not after she told him to get out, and said goodbye. With her back to him.

"Have you had any contact with her son?"

"No. No, I won't do that to him," Bucky whispered, voice failing him, "I couldn't. He deserves happiness, and peace. It's not for me to contact him."

"And her sister, you said she was pregnant a while back," she continued, "what about her?" He shook his head again, prompting her to continue, "And...Gen. I think that was her name. Her best friend. Anything?"

Another shake of his head.

"Hand me your phone."

Bucky sighed and tossed the device over, watching the Doctor swiftly catch it and turn it on. Her eyes softened when she saw his lockscreen. Bucky stared down at his lap, knowing what she saw. On his lockscreen, Lily stood on a balcony, a grey suit jacket on and a white lace dress. The sun shined bright on her face as she leaned her head back, blonde hair dancing in the wind. Her smile was slight, as she enjoyed the feeling of the sun. He took it when they were at his apartment in October, on a particularly warm day. She raided his closet and took the jacket.

She still had it.

"She's beautiful." Dr. Raynor stated, swiping up to unlock the phone. A tear fell down Bucky's cheek. His home screen was different, but still Lily.

Lily and Hunter were asleep on the couch, Joey curled at the base of the couch. Bucky had come over for dinner to find them like that. So he draped a blanket over the two and got to work on the food in the kitchen. Not daring to disturb the two. He always loved seeing her asleep. The stress lines he adored along her forehead and cheeks disappeared, her face was calm and supple. Her lips slightly parted slightly and eye lashes laid against her slightly flushed cheeks.

"Cute kid," Raynor commented, moving on to his messages, "You've ignored everyones texts James. Only Sam and Steve seem to be getting an answer from you. If you can even call it that."

"They mostly come over unannounced to my apartment," Bucky said gravely, shifting once again, "typically to force me into this exact same conversation we're having."

Tossing his phone back, the doctor sighed, "When did you realize you had fallen in love with her?"

"I couldn't tell you, Doc," he sighed, running a hand through his hair, "there were so many times where I would just look at her and know. Know that she would have an unspoken power over me."

"Tell me more about her."

Bucky knew where to start. He began by talking about her appearance, all walls he had up disappearing after the doctor saw just how much he was still in love with her. He began with her hair. Describing it as something that he could play with for days on end. It was always soft and was bright and reminded him of the sun. Her eyes were a deep amber hazel with flecks of green in certain lights. Her skin was bright and boisterous, always seemingly full of life when he was around. Her nose was something that he could only describe as sculpted. A strong ridge with a dip near the top. Her lips were that of a love song. Soft and welcoming, seemingly molded to his own. A beautiful cupid's bow that had him longing to kiss her from the moment he saw her for the first time.

Her body was something Bucky could barely voice. A simple figure, dips and curves. Gentle stretch marks along the thicker parts, her hips, her thighs. Her stomach and waist was his favourite thing next to her hands. Her stomach had small marks along the bottom where she grew to carry Hunter. He would typically wake her up on weekends by kissing those marks, reminding her of the beauty. Her hands were gentle and calloused from years of hard work. But always so gentle, skilled fingers that would trace simple patterns along his skin and run through his hair.

He left out the explicits.

Her personality though. Bucky didn't know where to start. He was rendered speechless when he got to it. But he started with the dirtier parts. The harsher parts of her that he didn't always enjoy, but loved more than anything else. She was snappy, and had an affliction with everything being perfect. She was controlling, and never let him lead her through different things. Sometimes she wouldn't listen, and focus on that dark voice that plagued her head instead of listening to him. But she was kind. Kinder to him than anyone. She would sit him down some nights and point out all that she loved about him. She was warmhearted, and never let herself see the bad in people. Her mind was something that fascinated him beyond words. She was a quick thinker, always ready with a comeback or some fact he probably didn't need, but loved to hear anyways.

When he became coherent to his words again, he felt the warm tears flooding his cheeks rapidly. Something that only ever happened in the confines of his own apartment, away from everyone else. But this time, he spoke. Three simple words that shattered his heart.

"She was mine."

-----

Standing in his kitchen, Bucky used his flesh hand to mix the blueberries into the batter in the black mixing bowl on the counter. He wasn't sure what possessed him to make these today of all days, but he did.

The lock on his door turning made the brunette sigh. Steve or Sam, or both even, were here. Which meant that he wouldn't be able to get the peace and quiet he wanted for the day. Ignoring the struggle, Bucky poured the batter into circles on the skillet, smiling at the sizzle they made. Something Lily said was what he wanted. He watched intently, waiting for the bubbles to begin popping. When the door swung open, he chuckled. They figured it out.

"I told you to turn it that way first," Sam muttered to Steve as the two walked in, "but nooo Mr. America had to do it his way."

"Former, Mr. America." Steve corrected, shutting the door.

"And now Mr. Pain-in-my-ass." Bucky sighed, flipping the pancakes before turning to face the two men standing near his kitchen.

"Hey Buck," Steve smiled softly, walking forward, "How're you feeling?"

"Well it's 2 o'clock and cyborg is making pancakes. So either he's so old he's losing his mind, or he's not doing great." Sam grinned walking over to the counter and leaning on it.

"I've had a long month." Bucky smiled tightly, flipping the pancakes onto a plate beside him.

"You could call her." Steve offered, stealing a blueberry from a container.

"She doesn't want to talk to me." Bucky muttered, covering his pancakes in butter and icing sugar. Just as she used to in the mornings for him.

"You sure about that?" Sam whispered, eyes staring down Bucky.

Bucky shook his head and grabbed his utensils and orange juice before walking past the two into the living room. He sat down, turning on the TV and trying his hardest to ignore the heavy stares of his best friends from the other end of the room. He knew they were here for a reason. It could be the fact it was her birthday and Bucky had plans to make it special for her a month ago. Or it could be to pester him. Or even if something happened they won't tell him. The last was his best guess.

"I'm guessing by your annoying stares," Bucky sighed, turning his attention to the men, "You're not here for pancakes."

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myhockeyworld87 · 5 years ago

Text

Not So Dangerous Liaison - Sidney Crosby - Part 2

Word Count: 3,430

POV: Sidney’s

Warnings: Adult Language

Notes: Here’s part 2 in the Crosby saga. Thanks to everyone who read it and sent in encouraging words. Glad you all enjoyed it. More to come soon!

It seemed like a decent plan, avoid (Y/N) at all costs; though it proved to be harder than you anticipated. You walked into the practice arena, early as usual, and there she was, all bright-eyed and smiling. She was standing there on her cell scrolling through something. It was hard to take your eyes off her as she was wearing a cute pair of leggings with a jacket all the coaches wore, though she had sneakers on instead of skates. The sides of her hair were pulled backed, but her long waves flowed over her shoulders and your fingers itched to touch it and find out if it was as soft as it looked. Shaking yourself, you looked away to regain some composure, and that's when she saw you.

"Hey, Sid." Her smile was as bright as the sun and part of you wondered why she didn't hate you after that first night.

"Hi (Y/N), you're here early."

"Yeah, I didn't think it would make a very good impression to be late on the first day." She was bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, obviously full of excitement. It was both adorable and somewhat contagious. "Speaking of which, do you have that paper from yesterday?"

Shit! You'd honestly tried to fill it out last night, though every single time you looked at it; you thought of the way she looked standing in the film room, or how her eye sparkled just like they were now. "Uh…well umm."

"Don't worry, you can always bring it to me tonight?" You had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes, not at the comment, but the fact that you'd be seeing her every day until the end of the season.

"Yeah, I'll do that." Somehow you didn't want the conversation to end just yet, so you found yourself saying, "So how do you like things so far?"

"Well, it's still early, considering I think I've only technically been on the clock for like thirty minutes." She giggled and you found yourself smiling at the sound. "But so far so good. I really think it's going to be a lot of fun." Fun for her maybe, because right now you were in sheer torture, just being in her presence.

"Ah…that's good, really good." You adjusted the rim of your hat, before adding. "Well you know if you need anything you can always call me." Ugh, why had you just said that? You were willingly volunteering yourself to help her out, that was anything but avoiding her like you originally planned.

"Awe, thanks, Sid. I really appreciate that."

You stood there for a full minute not knowing what to do or say before you heard someone come up behind you. "Wow, Sid, you're not on the ice yet?" It was Flower's teasing voice that caught both yours and (Y/N)'s attention, and he was right, by the time he usually showed up, you'd normally done a few warmup laps.

"Oh wow, I'm sorry Sid. I didn't mean to keep you." (Y/N) was really too sweet and part of you hated to see the interlude end, but Flower's words reminded you that she was nothing but a distraction.

"You didn't...I mean I'm just as much at fault."

"Here's my form (Y/N), I may not have been the first one turning it in," Flower said while nudging you. "But I at least hope I get an A for punctuality."

"Well, you just so happen to be the first, so I'll give you an A+." She said with a cute little wink to the goalie. Suddenly, you were wishing you'd done that paper last night.

"Woah, you mean to tell me I beat Mr. Perfect here. Where's your head at man?" It would be wrong to say daydreaming of the woman in front of you; so you just shrugged and headed off to the locker room.

You were just finishing lacing your skates when Marc-Andre entered, having finished his chat with (Y/N). "You've got it bad; don't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on man, don't play dumb with me. I know all the signs." He was shoving his bag in his cubby and throwing on his equipment. "Stupid ass grin on your face. Fair off look. Do you want me to continue?" You rolled your eyes at him while making a pfting noise. "You can't fool me. I know you like (Y/N). But what I want to know is why didn't you call her at the start of the season?"

There was no way you could lie to one of your best friends, he'd see right through you. It was just easier, to tell the truth. "She's too much of a distraction man. I just need to focus on hockey. Besides, playoffs start in a little over a week."

"Well, you should've got her out of your system before now, because we are going to be seeing a lot of her from here on out." Flower was right, you were definitely going to be seeing a lot more of (Y/N), and since avoidance didn't seem to be working; you were definitely going to need a new plan.

You blew out a long breath. "Any ideas what I can do?"

"Hmmm…if it was me; I'd channel that energy into hockey." If it was only that easy. "Skate a little faster or hit the puck a little harder when you think of her." Well, it was an option, and hopefully, it was one that would work.

"It's worth a try." Thankfully, when you headed back out to the rink (Y/N) was nowhere in sight, which made focusing on hockey a bit easier. She appeared about midway through practice and instead of concentrating on her, you did exactly as Flower said. What was surprising, was that it seemed to work. Your passes were a little crisper, and pucks seemed to find an easy way into the net, maybe this wasn't going to be so bad.

Well until you were running the last drill and saw her talking to Beau again. It took every ounce of will power, not to break your stick in two. It seemed like every time there was a get-together, Beau was always by her side. It grated on your nerves and you found yourself, attacking the puck with a bit more force than normal. By the time practice was over, she was again gone, to your relief. There were only four more games left in the regular season, and the last home game was tonight. You kept telling yourself if you could just make it through this initial period of adjustment, you'd be fine since playoffs would literally consume all your time.

It was about five hours later that you were rethinking things again. Of course, she was at the arena when you arrived, only this time she wasn't sporting her cute active look. Dressed in a short black skirt and matching jacket, she belted the outfit to accentuate her curves. She either had on a black lace cami underneath or black lace bra, whichever it was it had you dying to see what lay underneath the fabric. A pair of black heels showed over her legs to perfection as she walked down the hallway, looking more like she was ready to take the boardroom by storm than to watch a hockey game.

"Hey Sid, did you happen to bring that form?"

Fuck, that damn paper was the bane of your existence at the moment. "No sorry, I forgot it again."

"No biggie, if you could just give me who you want to be called in case of an injury that's the main thing I need."

"Yeah sure…I mean definitely my parents."

She handed over her phone then for you to put in their information. "Don't worry I'll only call them if necessary, just don't want them worrying."

"Oh yeah of course." You handed the phone back to her, vaguely wondering if your number was in there and how at the same time you could get hers.

"Well, I won't take up any more of your time." She said, patting you on the shoulder. "I know you have pregame rituals and all. Good luck tonight."

"Thanks," and with that she headed off, leaving you standing there, still hypnotized by her. The scent of her perfume still lingered in the air and you found yourself just breathing it in a minute longer before moving to the locker room. Focus, you told yourself. You were not going to be distracted by her.

Once more of the guys started filing in, it was a bit easier to forget about the gorgeous woman, roaming around the arena somewhere. It seemed to be business as usual. You made yourself the same sandwich as you always did, got taped up and played a little warmup soccer. It was only when the ball bounced out of the circle, and you turned to retrieve it, knocking your hat off in the process, that you saw her again, as the ball landed at her feet. "Wow, my grandma can play better than that boys." She teased, dropping the ball only to kick it with her heeled feet back into play. She bent down and picked up your lucky hat in the process as well. Everyone knew that your snapback was pretty much sacred and didn't touch it. It was also disgustingly filthy as you never washed it being the superstitious fuck that you were. "Wouldn't want to lose this." She stated, handing it back over with a cute little wink, as her hand touched yours.

"Uh, yeah…thanks." There was this electricity when she touched you and for a second you didn't want to let go. But then you pulled back suddenly as if you'd been burnt. Luckily, she was called away by one of the social media staff and went back to the soccer game. Normally, you'd be freaking yourself out a bit after the whole hat fiasco, but instead, you kept thinking of Flower's advice and how you would just channel everything into the game.

Halfway through the first, you thought you were fighting a losing battle and that (Y/N) had really jinxed you, in more ways than one. Everything changed though, on a hooking penalty to the Flyers. About thirty seconds into it, on a great pass from Phil, you took all that pent-up frustration out on a slap shot, sending the puck into the back of the net. From there the rest of the night was a magical ending to the regular season at home, where the Pens came out victorious.

As you stepped off the ice, you kept looking for (Y/N) but she was nowhere to be found. You weren't sure why you wanted to see her, maybe it was the superstitious side of you, feeling as though you had a new ritual where she had to touch your hat in order for you to have a great game, or maybe there was just a part of you that really wanted to see her. The latter being something you didn't want to examine too closely, yet she was nowhere around. You finished up your post-game interviews and then headed home for the night, as you had to be up early for a flight to Ottawa.

You were actually surprised that she wasn't at the airport before you in the morning, though she wasn't far behind you. It seemed she had a penchant for being early, just as you did. As she entered the plane you could see her hesitance as to where she should sit, and part of you was a bit disappointed that you had a standard seat with Flower for every away game. Of course, it was Beau who offered her a seat beside him and before the engine started you could hear the two of them laughing about something. The sound grating on your nerves.

By the time the plane landed, you were cranky and irritable from straining to listen to the two of them. You couldn't imagine, why (Y/N) was getting off the bus first once you were at the hotel. Normally, one of the staffers went and got all the keys, and then you just grabbed one as everyone went inside. It must be a new part of her job or something. She hopped back on a few short minutes later, walking down the aisle, handing certain keys to people. It seemed strange, but you didn't really question it.

Finally being allowed off the bus, you headed up to your room, and upon entering flung yourself on the bed and took a nice long nap. You'd been too keyed up from the win to get a good night's sleep, and planned on napping on the plane. Only you'd constantly heard Beau and (Y/N) chit-chatting the entire time. It was about three hours later when you headed down for a meeting with the team. Everyone seemed to be talking about how great their stay was so far, which didn't really make a ton of sense to you. You'd stayed in this hotel dozens of times over the years and there wasn't anything remarkable about it.

Phil and Rusty were discussing just this subject when you sat down at the table. "So what did you get in your room?" Phil asked.

"What?"

"You know, like what did (Y/N) have in there for you?" Christ, what was he talking about? You'd literally walked in, threw your bag down, and slept. It wasn't as if she'd left a present in there for you. The confusion on your face must have given you away, for Phil kept going then. "Well, she had extra pillows in there for me, so I didn't end up having to call down like I do every time and there was a special box filled with my favorite protein bars and stuff."

"Shears and I got extra towels because the guy uses like twenty, no lie; and then she had peanut M&M and stuff in there for me." Rusty chimed in. "Didn't you have one?"

"How would she even know what I like?"

"The form man, didn't you fill it out?" Rusty countered as if you actually knew what was on it.

You grabbed your neck, hoping to stop the blush that was creeping up, before saying. "Um…no. I kind of forgot about it."

Phil just shook his head at you, giving you a side smirk at the same time. "Did you even look at it?"

"Um…not really."

"What's the deal with you and her anyway?" He added.

"There's no deal there."

"No kidding, but you've been giving her the cold shoulder ever since she took this job." This time it was Rusty who called you out.

"I'm just not falling all over her like some people are." Well, maybe you'd tried your best to avoid her at first, but you didn't feel like you were snubbing her by any means.

"Wow, no need to get all defensive," Phil commented and you realized your voice might have been a bit harsher than you intended. "We're just pointing out that you haven't treated her like you do other new staffers."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well when Sara started as JR's new secretary, you sent her flowers. I noticed you didn't do that with (Y/N)." There was no way you could argue with Rusty because it was true; you didn't send flowers to (Y/N) as you had in the past to welcome new recruits. You usually signed it from the entire team as well. "And before you even ask, I know because there weren't any in her office when I dropped off my form." Now you felt like an ass, though it wasn't like you could rectify the situation on the road. "Luckily Kelsey sent her something from us."

"A couple of the guys and I were talking about taking her out to dinner in DC. Sort of like a welcome to the group kind of thing."

"Perfect, I'll just tag along with you guys, Phil." He raised an eyebrow at you and so you added. "And order the flowers when we get back."

"Deal, but since you fucked up; you can pay."

"Fine." It was really the least you could do crashing their dinner and all, plus it would be easier to be with (Y/N) in a group setting than in a one on one environment.

"Oh, one more thing." You cocked your head at your teammate. "You can invite her."

Fuck. It was really the only thing going through your mind, as you groaned inwardly. "Alright."

"No better time like the present," Rusty said, motioning to the doorway where (Y/N) just walked through. Phil elbowed you as well in order to get you to go over to her. Reluctantly, you got up to ask her to dinner with everyone.

"Hey (Y/N), can I have a minute?"

"Sure, what's up?" She moved off to the side and you couldn't help but notice the sway of her hips.

"So um…like…I wanted to know if you wanted to…um…go out to dinner when we get to DC?" God, that was horrible. You sounded like a babbling idiot, and you forgot to mention it was with other guys on the team and that it was to welcome her.

"I really…" She started to answer and you cut her off short.

"With the team, to welcome you of course." Did that even make sense?

"Oh well, yeah sure that's really nice of you guys. It's not really necessary though."

"I want to…I mean we want to." Why did you feel so tongued tied all of the sudden around her? You had stumbled a bit around her that first at Flower's but then things had gone so well. Then again, you weren't afraid of her throwing you off track of all your goals then.

"Ok, it sounds like fun."

"Great, we can work out the details later." You made a move to leave because just being around her, you found it hard to breathe, but she stopped you.

"Sid, I hope you're ok with your room and stuff. I wasn't exactly sure what you liked since I didn't have your form."

That damn fucking form was literally going to be the bane of your existence, and the fact that you hadn't paid attention to anything in the room didn't really help. "Oh yeah, it's fine. Thanks. I'll get that form to you, once we get back."

She shrugged and cocked her head to the side as if somehow reading your thoughts. Though she didn't voice what those were. "No problem, just get it to me whenever. Let me know if you need anything." With that she walked away, seeming somewhat annoyed.

Had you said the wrong thing to her. An uneasiness settled in your stomach; it was something you didn't want to explore. As soon as the meeting was over, you headed back up to your room, to see exactly what she had done. You unlocked the door, looking at the room with a whole different view. The bed was still a mess, but you could tell that there was an abundance of pillows there; it was something that you didn't notice when you'd napped before. Going into the bathroom, you saw that just like Rusty, your room had extra towels in as well. As you wandered back into the main room, you saw a basket sitting on the desk. The inside was filled with some of your favorite things. Candies from your hometown in Novia Scotia, your favorite protein bars and drinks, and so much more. Though one thing stood out above everything else, a book on Egyptian history. It was something you both talked about that first night. There was also a handwritten note tucked inside.

'Sid, I wasn't exactly sure what would make your away games a bit easier but thought maybe some of this would help. Hopefully, the view will relax you before the big game. If not I thought you'd enjoy this book on the Pyramids as much as I did. Let me know if you need anything at all. - (Y/N)'

Now you knew that it wasn't an annoyed look on her face, but one of disappointment; for you truly felt like an asshole for not having noticed any of the special things she'd done for you and the entire team. You were going to need more than just dinner to make things right with (Y/N) that was for sure.

#Not So Dangerous Liaison Series #Sidney Crosby #sidney crosby imagine #Sidney Crosby Imagines #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl fanfic #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #hockey fanfiction

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letapollojusticesayfuck · 4 years ago

Note

💎⛰️🎢☀️📜✏️⭐📣🔦 for currents & 💡 for the scurvy fic. i need to know.

sparrow that’s. so many. (but you’re asking me to talk about currents and I am always looking for a reason to talk about currents so. Thank You)

(also, obvious spoilers under the cut for undeniable you (the currents pulling me onward so. if you care about that you might want to read the fic first)

💎- What was your favorite part?

I’d probably say...the beginning of chapter 7? Where it’s immediately post-trial and Klavier and Apollo are just so tired and at loose ends and they go and sit on the courthouse steps and talk. I basically wrote the entire fic in order to write the last 4 chapters--the emotional aftermath of the trial, but I had to write the trial first so it would have context.

⛰️- What was the hardest part?

Figuring out the whole Gramarye Siblings situation, for sure. Because--the thing is that canon isn’t entirely cohesive on who did what when. I did a ton of research by perusing the wiki and taking notes on Jove, Thalassa, Magnifi, etc--and then I kind of just decided that if there was no coherent canon timeline, then I didn’t need to stick to it--and made as much of it up as I felt was necessary.

🎢- Were there any scenes you were nervous about? For audience reception or otherwise?

With every single courtroom scene, I was worried that it would be super boring or wouldn’t live up to the games or that all of the arguments I used would be Wrong and Bad? also this isn’t unique to currents but every single time I write a kissing scene I worry that it’s going to be bad

☀️- Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?

A little? If anything, I was trying to emphasize the symbolism and Themes that I felt the canon games after AA4 didn’t utilize at all--like, I deliberately used Apollo flying across the ocean after hearing about Klavier as a parallel with Edgeworth flying across the ocean when he heard something happened with Phoenix, and obviously the “POV defense attorney defends rival prosecutor” is a deliberate parallel with 1-4. I guess Klavier’s hair might be a bit of a motif but that’s mostly because I think it’s pretty and less of a deliberate choice lmao

📜-Do you want to write something like this again in the future?

Depends! I would maybe write another casefic if I had a really good concept for one, sometime In The Future (because they are So Annoying to plan)--but as for multichaptered fics, I definitely want to write another one sometime. I just need to have a Good Idea and the motivation to stick with it--currents was written mainly out of spite at the dropped plot threads from AA4 and my determination to resolve a bunch of them and also further my Klapollo Agenda.

✏️-Would you go back and change anything if you could?

At the moment, I don’t think I would--but if you asked me again in a year or so, I probably would change things. I still want to write a series of oneshots in the currents universe--stuff focusing on characters we didn’t see enough of, like Trucy and Phoenix; and Kristoph pre-fic; and Phoenix and Miles; and Klavier and Apollo after everything

⭐- What’s a scene/paragraph you’re proud of?

“We can’t dwell too much on that part. But one more thing—if they planted the nail polish back then, and the powder in the mortar and pestle—how could they be sure you wouldn’t...accidentally…”

Apollo trails off, but they both know how that sentence ends. Klavier shudders.

“I almost never use that thing, anyway—it was a housewarming gift, and I’ve only ever been ambitious enough to grind my own spices about twice. Otherwise, it’s just easier to use the stuff in jars. I guess they must have known that, somehow? Either that, or...it didn’t matter if…”

“So, they’re someone who either wanted you to be found guilty for a murder you didn’t commit, or didn’t mind if you were poisoned by accident—and who probably works for that dogsitting company,” Apollo murmurs, pulling out his planner and jotting down a few notes. On the other side of the glass, Klavier sighs, tilting his head so that his fringe obscures his eyes.

“I wonder...if they’d gotten me, accidentally...would they still have killed Kris? Or would they have been satisfied with just me?”

The question is nearly inaudible, but Apollo looks up sharply, staring at Klavier.

“You think they killed him just because...it would hurt you?”

Klavier shifts, meeting Apollo’s eyes. “What would be the point, otherwise? Vengeance? Apollo, who’s left alive that would need to enact revenge on him? He was already on death row—what does this accomplish, besides hurting me?”

As much as Apollo tries, he can’t come up with an answer.

I don’t know if I can think of too many specific scenes I’m proud of--but I really do like this one, because I think it shows Apollo’s pragmatic side--trying to solve the murder mystery, pushing his emotions aside when he can--while illustrating Klavier’s attitude of “usually I would brush this off but we both know this premise is a little wonky and this isn’t adding up.”

...that might not have made sense, I’m not always the best at analyzing my own writing. I just throw words at the page and what happens, happens.

📣-What was the best piece of encouragement you got?

It’s cheesy, but everyone who commented on each chapter was an invaluable source of encouragement? like, the absolute best feeling in the world was posting a new chapter and then seeing all the comment notifications come in, and spending the rest of the day replying. I’d written 6 chapters before I posted the prologue, but having people give me their reactions to each chapter really was the most important thing that made me keep going <3

🔦-Did you learn anything while writing it? About yourself? Writing?

I learned a lot about How To Write A Murder-Mystery--first and foremost, that it involves so much planning. And I maybe had to spoil the ending of AA6 entirely for myself--fun fact, I still haven’t finished the game, I’m stuck on Trial Day 1 of the Maya case (because I’m Tired, okay?). About writing and myself--I learned that I definitely need a deadline, and that using external “word count goal” tools is pretty essential for me if I want to write anything longer than a oneshot.

For The Scurvy Fic:

💡-What was the motivation behind the story?

okay SO. There was a conversation going on in a Klapollo discord server. Somehow we ended up talking about Klavier and/or Apollo being cheapskates. I think I mentioned something about Klavier surviving entirely on ramen noodles because they’re cheap? and then it devolved into a conversation about how they’d totally get scurvy if they did that. And I started thinking about how Klavier and Apollo are inherently pretty competitive, and how they’d totally just get into a stupid bet and be so stubborn that they wouldn’t back down, because they have to Prove A Point, even if they get scurvy from their awful diet of Whatever’s The Cheapest. And then...Scurvy Fic Happened. (along with the Other scurvy fics, because there’s Three of them!! I was just the only person who went with the obvious title).

Thank you for the ask!! Hope this was...enlightening??

#ask #asks #thank you!!#ask game #aa currents #exitcorners

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auroras-blend · 4 years ago

Text

What Matters

Summary: POV from Patience. Starring baby Marilyn, Emilie Marks, and a fishwife.

Patience let out a frustrated huff as she struggled to strap Marilyn into her stroller, who was determined to wail throughout the entire process. “You do this every time,” she snapped, not that her daughter could understand her.

Marilyn always acted as if this was a brand new terrifying experience. “Stop being so damn dramatic,” she huffed as she finally clasped the buckles together.

Her daughter still continued to wail until Patience not so softly popped a pacifier in her mouth, which silenced her quite quickly. She pulled a white lamb plush from the car and gave it to her daughter who clasped onto it with a desperate fervor. It was Marilyn’s very favorite toy, courtesy of the pastor’s wife. She seemed content to just stare at it rather than play with it, which was strange to Patience but it kept the infant distracted, and really, that was all that mattered. She brushed the strands of hair out of her face that had fallen out of her harried bun before sighing and moving to push the stroller towards the store.

Everyone knew everyone and their business in Summerfield, which was why trips to the grocery store always bothered Patience. Marilyn received soft looks and bright smiles whereas she received critical eyes and grimaces, but Patience couldn’t really bring herself to care. She entered the store, the temperature of her body already dropping as cool air blew in her face, a refreshing change from the scorching summer heat. The store already held a myriad of familiar faces, which completely defeated the purpose of coming in so early in the day and hoping to avoid the crowds. “Hello Miss Winslow,” the greeter smiled, “I hope you’re having a nice day today!”

“Just fine, thank you,” she said to be polite though no genuineness could be found in her tone.

She pushed past and immediately set her sights for the produce section, hoping to cool down further. Her green-eyed gaze remained focused on her task dead ahead because if she only looked forward, she could ignore the judgmental looks that several housewives were giving her. It had been about a year since she gave birth to Marilyn but the scandalous event of her birth and Patience’s status as a single mother and social pariah hadn’t faded. Summerfield residents, as friendly as they seemed, were dull people with dull lives who pretended otherwise and sought amusement from gossip. At the moment, Patience and Marilyn were their favorite topics. It seemed Patience was the only woman in town who didn’t hide her dissatisfaction with the fact that she had a repetitive, restricting, and overall mundane life that’s primary stressor came from motherhood. At least I’m honest.

She was unlikable to everyone except her daughter who looked at her with reverence and the occasional hurt when her affection for her mother wasn’t returned. Part of her felt bad because she did know deep down that Marilyn was not at fault, that she was unluckily and violently brought into this world to suffer a miserable existence with a miserable woman.

Marilyn had been nothing but pleasant if Patience were being honest, or as pleasant as a baby could be. Her birth had been quick and much easier than the first, and she had been a courteous five pounds that hadn’t torn apart her mother’s insides. She was easy to love, to everyone except the woman who mattered to her the most. Perhaps Marilyn had some instinct deep down to behave and be agreeable unless her mother decided that she finally had enough of her and do something terrible.

Patience rummaged through the fresh produce, something she hadn’t done in a long time. Without a vengeance to pursue, bridges to burn, and misery to face, she had more time to at least try and take care of herself. Or at least the illusion of caring for herself, as if she actually used the produce to cook instead of having it sit in her fridge for an eternity in favor of eating frozen meals and drinking a few too many glasses of wine or whiskey. She wasn't quite so picky these days.

It didn’t take long to cross most of the tasks off her list and lead herself to the most aggravating part of the store: the baby aisle. There was nothing wrong with the aisle in particular with the exception of her forced motherhood being thrown in her face and the condescending stares from the other mothers shopping for their brood. Nothing wrong at all, she thought bitterly. Thankfully when she arrived, no one was around which settled her nerves about picking out the necessary items for her daughter, specifically formula. It had been a swift decision for Patience to put Marilyn on a formula diet. Just the thought of her child pawing and nursing from her breast physically repulsed her; she had tried the first few days and then vowed to never do it again.

It would be, of course, an unacceptable decision to the other mothers of Summerfield and unfortunately for her, they were about to be privy to that information. Her luck at being the sole presence in the aisle didn’t last long and it just so happened to be when she was picking up the formula that Mrs. Coombs decided to make an appearance and let out a fake laugh, “Patience! How funny to run into you here!”

Funny? I have a damn baby. She pressed her lips into a tight smile, forcing herself to at least look polite. “Look at little Mary-,”

“Marilyn,” Patience corrected as she held the box tightly.

“Marilyn! An even better name. She’s gotten so big, the time just flies doesn’t it?”

Not fast enough. “Sure does,” she lied as she dumped several boxes into her shopping bag.

“She’s really turning into a beauty. She has your eyes, doesn’t she?” she smiled before it became tighter with malice, “Not your hair though…”

Patience could usually brush off the snide comments, but the reminder of the man who put that child inside her made her sick. “Did she get it from her father?”

Patience’s body tensed, her stomach began to roll. “Yes.”

Her reply was short and curt, and by God’s grace, Mrs. Coombs dropped the topic in favor of sending Patience a new criticism. “Oh, formula?” she asked as she stressed the word as if it were the vilest thing in existence, “Are you having trouble? Some women do. It came pretty easily to me, but my sister had to have a lactation consultant.”

The insinuation was there. Bitch. She refused to be ashamed for not letting her daughter nurse from her breasts. It wasn't as if Marilyn was suffering or lacking nourishment in any way, and it's no one's damn business. Patience’s smile turned smug. “Actually, I can but I’m choosing not to breastfeed.”

The disapproving and aghast frown on Mrs. Coombs face made it worth it. She knew she’d be the talk of the woman’s circle of friends, but just the sight of making the woman uncomfortable and being shamelessly confident with her decision made it worth it. Marilyn giggled behind her pacifier, amused by the face of the critical fishwife. “Oh really?” the woman gasped, “Well, there are more benefits if-.”

“How lovely to see you, ladies, here!”

Jesus Christ. Patience sighed and turned around to see Mrs. Marks. “Emilie!” cooed Mrs. Coombs who brushed past Patience and slightly knocked Marilyn’s stroller to the side.

Patience grabbed the stroller to prevent it from hitting the shelves, causing Marilyn to whine as she was jostled in her seat. The two women embraced as Patience ignored the pair, or at least tried to. “Fancy to see you in this aisle! Oh, does that mean there's happy news?” gasped Mrs. Coombs.

“Um...not yet,” she could hear Mrs. Marks say, pain and discomfort in her voice.

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll happen someday!”

“Yes, well, we’re praying that it does,” Mrs. Marks said tensely.

Why does she have so much trouble getting pregnant? I'd switch with her if I could. It seemed cosmically unfair that she was saddled with an unwanted child while the Marks failed in their desperate attempts to have one. There were many times where Patience entertained leaving Marilyn with them one day and never return. She'd be better off with anyone but me. However, whenever she was ready to put Marilyn in the car and drop her off, a pang of religious guilt consumed her. She's your atonement. “Why are you here then if-,”

“That’s not really your business, is it?” hissed Patience who had tired of hearing of her pester the woman.

Mrs. Coombs was a busy body who aggravated her to no end. Patience never truly made an effort to convince the woman of her politeness or that she liked her, but as the pastor's wife, it was Mrs. Marks job to do so. Politeness for Emilie Marks was mandatory, so if she couldn't tell Mrs. Coombs to fuck off then Patience would.

Grey eyes narrowed towards Patience. “Your tone isn’t appreciated.”

“Your questions aren’t appreciated,” Patience snapped, throwing a box of diapers into her bag.

“Now ladies-” Emilie tried to interject.

“Are you capable of being anything other than unpleasant?”

Mrs. Coombs volume wasn’t much louder but it upset Marilyn and sent her into a fit of tears. Great. “See what you did?” Patience huffed as she walked around to grab the pacifier from the floor.

“Are you really going to put that back in her mouth? You know, most mothers comfort their babies when they cry.”

Of course, at that moment, Marilyn began to wail louder. “Mrs. Coombs,” snapped Mrs. Marks, “You’re upsetting the child.”

Patience brushed the pacifier off and although she was tempted to push it back in between her daughter’s lips, she put it in a side compartment and unstrapped her baby. Shame had crept back into her body with the woman’s comment so she reluctantly took Marilyn out and settled her against her chest, patting her back and shushing her. Snot and tears began to stain her dress, and the loud wails pierced her ears until they were ringing. I hate this. I hate it. Stop fucking crying. Just stop. Just stop...Patience herself was starting to feel as miserable as her daughter who upon receiving physical comfort from her mother started to quiet down. It was always such a special treat for the baby that it immediately put her in a good mood.

By the time Marilyn’s cries turned into hiccups, Mrs. Coombs was gone. I don’t want to do this anymore. When Patience turned around, Mrs. Marks was still there helping put her items back into her basket. “You don’t have to-”

“No, it’s alright. I’m happy to,” Mrs. Marks said as she packed the items tightly.

“Thank you,” Patience said in relief.

Mrs. Marks attached the basket on the rack beneath Marilyn’s stroller. She didn’t hate Mrs. Marks. If she were honest with herself, she didn’t really know her or care to know her, but the woman had always been polite and gave her a genuine smile that was free of judgment. She leaves that to God. “Thank you for what you said,” the woman said quietly.

Patience resettled Marilyn on her hip. “Well it wasn’t any of her business,” she said frankly, “She’s too nosy for her own good.”

She found that description quite generous given that there were other adjectives she wanted to use that was inappropriate to say in front of a pastor’s wife. “Poor little girl,” she cooed.

Marilyn blinked tiredly. She was always tired after a big cry and would fall asleep quickly. A redeeming feature. “I see she still has the little lamb,” Emilie smiled and picked it up.

Marilyn made a grabbing motion and clutched it tightly in her chubby little hands. “She really likes it,” Patience noted.

Conversations about baby toys were never really what she pictured herself talking about in this stage of her life, or in any stage really. Motherhood may have been her reality but it was never a topic she wanted to discuss. “Thank you,” Patience added, “But we-,”

“Oh, I’ll leave you to your shopping, but it was lovely to see both of you. You and Marilyn, obviously,” she smiled, sending a veiled insult towards Mrs. Coombs but paused before she pushed her cart forward, “The church has a free nursery if you’d ever like to drop her off. We’re open from eight in the morning to five in the afternoon on weekdays. I run it and would be happy to look after her during the week.”

The news almost made Patience sob with relief. She had to return to work soon and had taken on a second job to get by, but neither made her stay past three. That meant she could have two hours, two blissful hours to myself on her workdays and a day off when she wasn't working. “Oh thank you,” she said with a watery voice.

“Of course. Like I said, I’d be happy to. She seems like such a sweet baby,” she smiled at Marilyn, “You can drop her off next Monday.”

“Next Monday,” Patience nodded as she plopped Marilyn back into her stroller, who thankfully was too tired to protest being buckled in.

With a last smile and farewell, Mrs. Marks disappeared down the next aisle. Patience took a shaky breath and finished her shopping as giddiness rose into her body at the thought of a break from her daughter. She’d have two hours to herself every day, and then an entire day off on Wednesday. She knew Marilyn wouldn’t like it at first but it’d be for the best. As she put Marilyn in the car, she said with a smile in her voice, “It’ll all work out.”

Whether it was to Marilyn or herself, she didn’t know. But that hardly mattered.

#she'd be better off with anyone but me #you should've kept your mouth shut patience #ugh it breaks my heart #little marilyn even as a baby was TEAM PATIENCE #baby marilyn winslow #patience winslow #bonus chapter #but daycare was the reason why marilyn came out somewhat adjusted #the nursery provided her developmental experiences and skills she wouldn't get at home

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

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You & Me : chapter 7

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: that evening together will end in the next chapter! it makes me so happy to get all your comments and asks, so thank you times a million. im always super excited to update this because of you guys, so thank you, ily!

here are a few requests!

(SPOILERS OF THE CHAPTER)

Chapter 7 : His chapter

NIALL

I remained awake for hours, just laying on my back in the dark as Heidi was sleeping. I could have thought about the tantrum she threw or how I was going to comfort her in the morning but the truth was, the only thing that was obsessing me was the almost-kiss I had had with Olivia. I grabbed my phone on the bedside table and went back to our conversations. It was short, pretty much the opposite of how we used to text each other, and I licked my lips as I stared at my screen. I wanted to text her even if I knew it was a bad idea. I felt like we had to talk about what had happened or more about what hadn't happened.

'I'm sorry I hope you're okay'

I stared at the words and sighed before deleting it and typing again.

'Can we talk? Coffee tomorrow?'

I blinked a few times and this time, I just raised my eyebrows and shook my head as I deleted my words again.

'The song is about you.'

This time, I stared at my words longer. I didn't have a good way with words and communication was never my biggest strength, hence why I focused and counted on writing songs to let out my feelings, but I was not sure it was a good thing to let her know. Most likely, she already knew that. After all, I had written a whole album about her already, and I made it clear I still had feelings for her, didn't I?

I had my thumb hovering over the 'send' button as I held my breath but I was not sure I had the courage to actually click on it. I don't know how long I stared at the screen but I frowned slightly when my phone started vibrating in my hand, showing Louis’ smiling face, his two middle fingers up. I rolled my eyes with a chuckle, remembering he was the one who had actually picked this picture, and got out of bed quietly. I walked out of the room and closed the door slowly before answering him in a low tone as I walked to the kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Hey mate, were you sleeping?"

I opened the fridge and grabbed milk before getting a glass.

"No." I sighed. "Sorry again for earlier, it was a mess."

"Don't worry about it, I think some of us had too much wine." he brushed it off. "I was just calling to know if everything was okay. Did Heidi keep yelling at you?"

I sighed and turned around, pushing my glass of milk further and leaning my elbows on the counter as I closed my eyes.

"She didn't, and yea i'm okay." I said before pressing my lips together. "How's she?"

I didn't have to say a name, I knew Louis understood immediately who I was talking about. I felt bad that she had to go through my girlfriend's outburst but it was not really surprising when it came to Heidi. After she sat on me a few times and kissed me at random moments, I realized why she had proposed this dinner. She just wanted to 'claim' me as hers in front of Liv. If I had known, I would have been clearer with her before our guests would have arrived that I didn't want too much public display of affection but knowing Heidi, it wouldn't have changed much.

"I don't know." he finally admitted. "I mean, i'm at El's right now."

"You left her alone?" I felt something in my stomach stir, trying not to show that it upset me but I was pretty sure it showed.

"Mate, i'm not her mother. Olivia is a big girl, she can take care of herself. Besides, she's not alone."

I held my breath at his words and shut my eyes tighter. Of course she was not alone, what did I expect?

"How do you know?" I just grumbled low, making Louis chuckle.

"I texted her to ask her if she was okay but she just said she was with Dylan. You know what that normally means."

"I don't want to know."

It was one thing to know that sometimes, she had sex with her boyfriend but to know exactly when it happened made me feel sick. I put my glass in the sink and walked to the front door, opening it slowly and walking outside. The air of the night was cool and I shivered slightly as I stared up at the sky.

"You still love her, don't you?"

His words, especially after such a long moment of silence, seemed to slap me hard.

"Yes." I let out as I sighed, shaking my head and closing my eyes again.

"She's getting married, Niall." he added firmly. "What are you gonna do about it?"

When Louis called me by my name, I knew it was getting serious. I rubbed my eyes hard and sighed again as I realized how tired and exhausted I was. I had been in contact with Olivia only for a few days and everything was already a mess. I was a mess and so was she, I could see it in her eyes earlier, in my room.

"We.. we almost kissed." I admitted low, passing my hand in my hair.

"Fooking hell, Niall."

The way her lips had brushed against mine, her breath on my skin, the way she smelled... all of this was driving me insane, and the worst was that I realized it had nothing to do with sex. It was just her. She had that effect on me.

"She's the one who stopped it."

It made me realize that if we had kissed, Heidi would have caught us, she would have yelled louder, she would have told everyone and she would have broken up with me. Yes, it would be an even bigger mess but that way, Liv and I would have had a chance. I shook my head at this disgusting thought, ashamed of myself for even hoping for it just a second.

"I know you're confused, Niall, but I swear on my life, if you hurt her again, i'm gonna fucking kill you."

"Louis, I would never-"

"No no, no. I was the one who picked her up, okay? Not you. I was the one who heard her cry every fucking night because you broke her heart to go fuck with half the town. I was the one who lived with her, who saw it all." he let out rudely, making me hold my breath. "I saw how far she's come. I saw her get stronger, more self-confident. I saw her get a smile back, allow someone else in, I saw her turn into a queen. You weren't there, Niall. You have no idea how tough it was for her."

"It was... it was tough for me too." I argued, grimacing at my own words.

"So tough that the next day you had your prick buried in some random fanny." Louis said bluntly as I closed my eyes. "Don't make this about you, Niall. You broke up with her and now you regret it. I get it, I've done the same stupid thing, but for different reasons. You just can't come back and mess up the life she built without you, at least not if you're not sure it's exactly what you want."

I remained silent because there was nothing else to say, nothing to add, nothing to argue about. Louis was right, I didn't know what she went through and I was the only one to blame for this. Did that mean I had to give up?

"Look, Neil, go to bed okay?" Louis proposed after sighing. "We all need to sleep on that."

"Okay."

"Just make sure that you do that because you really love her, and not because you can't stand to see her happy without you, or because you want to prove to yourself that you can."

I shut my eyes tight and felt my heart jump in my chest as I pulled on my hair. It was not that at all and I knew it. I thought about her every single day since the night I broke up with her. I never stopped loving her, not even a second.

"'Night mate, sleep well."

"You too, Lou."

We hung up and slowly, I walked back inside and let myself fall on the couch. I lied down and put my arm over my face to hide my eyes as I felt them tingling. I swallowed hard not to make a sound but I felt myself tear up and turned around to face the back of the couch. It was ridiculous, I didn't even know why I was crying. All I knew was that I needed it.

---

I woke up to the sound of dishes clinking and footsteps. I groaned, turning on the couch and sighing until I realized it was impossible to fall asleep again. My eyes still closed, I sat up before rubbing them and finally turned to my girlfriend who was moving quite fast around the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"A shake." she just said without looking at me. "I'm a bit late, I was supposed to work out this morning."

I grimaced and finally got up slowly, walking to the kitchen to make coffee. She leaned against the counter to finish her drink but I could feel her eyes on my nape as I grabbed a mug. I didn't want to turn around to face her, I didn't want to have a discussion. All I wanted was a cup of coffee and my phone.

"Did you sleep well, alone on the couch?"

I shrugged and slowly walked away to grab the sugar and milk, making sure I didn't look at her.

"I couldn't sleep last night, came in to watch tv and fell asleep on the couch." I explained, looking at the brown liquid falling in the pot. "Could have been worse."

"The tv was not on." she pointed out.

"I woke up in the middle of the night to turn it off but was too tired to get up and get back in bed." I replied with a frown, finally turning to look at her. "What's this? An interrogation?"

"You want a real question, Niall?" she asked, taking a step closer and putting her glass on the counter. "Did you kiss your ex girlfriend last night?"

I was surprised at how forward she was and at the same time, I felt relieved. All that mattered to her was what I did, and not how I felt. I would have had a hard time answering a question about my feelings for Olivia, but my actions were clean, at least for now.

"No, Heidi. I didn't kiss her."

I kept staring in her eyes as she was studying me and I could sense that she was not sure if she should believe me. I couldn't blame her, I was very close to kiss Liv. Hell, if she had wanted me to, I would have kissed her without a second thought.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted, but I still think it was inappropriate of you to be together alone in the same room." she admitted with a small shrug, grabbing her glass again and drinking what was left in it. "She's not your girlfriend anymore, and she's not even your best friend anymore. That best friend relationship you two had has died with your romantic relationship. It can never be the same, and you both can't expect Dylan and I to accept it."

I stared at her and felt my heart sink in my chest. Was she right? Was everything I had built with Olivia in twenty years over because of a mistake I made? Was I holding onto something that would never come back?

"I'll be back later." I jumped when I felt my girlfriend's lips against mine and shook my head lightly. "Love you!"

I watched her leave and licked my lips, knowing I should answer her but not really wanting to. She waved at me and sent me a small smile that I answered before letting myself fall on one of the chairs, my face in my hands. How was I supposed to forget about the only girl I ever fell in love with? How could anyone expect me to get over her?

----

I decided not to call Olivia and wait until she would reach to me. I knew that when we almost kissed, it had changed things between us, I just wasn't sure what had changed and how. Did she hate me now? Would she decide it was better if we didn't see each other anymore? The first day, I was checking my phone every half an hour, just in case I missed it, but it had been three days and I was losing hope. That's why I glanced at my phone and groaned when I heard my phone ring. I sighed but finally reached for it, feeling my heart skip a beat when I realized it was her.

"Hey petal, how are you?" I just said, trying to sound casual.

"Hey Nee, uhm, look, I've got a problem." she admitted in a low tone, making me frown. I sat better on the couch and waited. "We don't have power here and they say it won't be back before tomorrow. I have this super important scene to write and I just.. I was lazy, and basically, i'm last minute. I'm supposed to e-mail it to them before morning. I know your girlfriend may not like that but, would you mind if I came by for a few hours and worked at your place?"

I felt my heart jump again in my chest and licked my lips.

"Heidi's not here, you can spend the night." I proposed. Silence. "I have a guest room."

"Oh. Uhm, are you sure it's alright?"

My lips curled and I cleared my throat, squirming a bit on my seat.

"Yes, of course. Do you need me to pick you up?"

"No, it's cool, thank you so much, I'll be there in half an hour."

I felt suddenly nervous when we hung up and I just got up to change the sheets in the guest room since no one really slept there ever. I walked around the place to be sure everything was alright and finally checked in the fridge for a bottle of wine. I found a white one and brought it to the living room just as the doorbell rang. I saw her stand there, biting her bottom lip, with her bags on her shoulder, her purse in one hand and her laptop bag in the other.

"You're my savior." she just said when our eyes met, shaking her head slightly. "They'll kill me if I don't send this damn script."

My lips curled more and I chuckled low, moving to let her in. She stepped inside and let her bags fall next to the couch before turning to look at me. I watched her from afar and realized how perfect the sight was : only her in my living room. This is exactly what I wanted.

"It's my pleasure." I just said before she smiled and grabbed her laptop. "You don't write all the scripts alone, do you?"

I saw her grimace as she placed her laptop on the coffee table and turned it on.

"Not really. I write a draft, they check it and change a few things. We have to agree on everything, that was part of the deal. I didn't want to let them change my whole story you know? I needed a veto right."

I walked closer and poured us a glass of wine and she thanked me after taking a long sip. We both sat down and I leaned my elbows on my knees to be closer to her as she stared at her screen. I knew I shouldn't bother her but I couldn't help it.

"I'm surprised you called me." I let out. "I mean, i'm surprised you asked for my help."

She glanced up at me and grimaced.

"The truth is, you're the fourth person I call." I raised my eyebrows, feeling a bit hurt, but tried not to show it. "There's no power at El's either, Harry and his girlfriend are gone to London and Julie wasn't answering."

"Oh."

"Sorry Niall... To be frank, I thought your girlfriend was here and last time I saw her she yelled at me so I wasn't too keen in coming here but I was desperate. Where is she?"

"She's uhm." I sat better and rubbed my eyes slightly. "She's gone for the weekend. Just filming an episode of a new tv show."

I noticed her face change a bit, her smile faltered, her eyes dropped and she licked her lips. I wished I could decipher what exactly that meant and she sent me a sad smile. Why did she seem disappointed in my answer?

"Dylan's gone for the weekend too. Just a meeting to talk about that new movie and all." she explained with a shrug. "Can't believe he'll be gone for weeks after that. And in Australia, too. What's so great about Australia anyway?"

I chuckled and shrugged. "Where to start?"

"I heard about how good the women look, you can skip that part."

"Is that something that bothers you?"

She looked up and her sad smile turned into an amused one. She chuckled and shook her head, grabbing her glass again and taking an other sip. I watched her and suddenly she seemed to glow exactly the way she did when I saw her at the bakery. It made me want to grab her face and kiss her. It made me want to take her on that damn coffee table. It made me want to fucking marry her.

"Naa, not at all." she admitted with a shrug. "If the person i'm dating leaves me for someone else, they were just not meant for me. I'm tired to be jealous and scared. No matter how I feel, if they have to leave, they will. It doesn't matter if I cry, or get jealous."

My lips parted at her answer and that's when I knew exactly what Louis meant when he said he saw her turn into a queen. She was the same Olivia I knew, that much was true, but the girl I knew was now a woman, and the way she thought was sexier than I thought it would be. That confidence she didn't have before turned me on physically but also emotionally. I was in love with a queen.

"What?" she wondered with a chuckle. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"N-No I mean, I just didn't expect that answer."

Her smile faltered and she looked back at her laptop, her fingers running on the keys quickly.

"You're part of the reason I think like that, Niall." she confessed in a low tone as she kept typing quickly. "I gave you all of me and you left anyway."

Something twisted in my chest and I swallowed the guilt that seemed to go up in my throat. She was right but that was a very painful lesson to learn, and I was the one who hurt her that bad. I always knew it but hearing it from her mouth seemed to hit me even more.

"You were never the problem." I admitted after a few minutes of silence.

She stopped typing and breathed in and out without moving, her eyes still on her screen. I wanted to get closer to her and take her in my arms but I didn't dare. In fact, I felt like I didn't have the right to touch her at all.

"You left, Niall." she explained, shaking her head lightly. "That's pretty much the only thing that matters. I did believe the problem was me for a very long time, no matter what everyone told me. But now, the only thing that remains is the fact that you left. If Dylan does the same thing, whether it's for an other girl or to be single, then he will."

"He won't." I just said, realizing that this fact actually hurt me.

"I don't think he will either." she agreed. "But I didn't think you were going to leave and you did. I mean, I didn't think I'd lose your friendship."

"I realize now that I was wrong but, when I broke up with you, I thought you hated me." I explained. "That's why I disappeared."

This time, she turned her head and we looked at each other again. I could see the light from my lamp reflect in her sad eyes and I glanced down at her lips when she licked them before looking up back up. She seemed so strong yet vulnerable at the same time and all I could think about was that I wanted her to be mine again.

"I never hated you, Niall." she whispered before clearing her throat. "That's always been my biggest problem."

I was about to tell her that I never hated her either, that i've always loved her, that actually, I was still in love with her and always would be, but she cut me with a fake smile and a shrug.

"I really need to finish this, can you give me an hour or two?"

I swallowed my words and nodded, grabbing my phone to check stuff online. I didn't want to turn the tv on in case it would distract her and make it harder for her to write, but I couldn't help and glance at her from time to time. Watching her write was always something interesting to me. She made faces, shook her leg nervously, licked her lips, groaned and grimaced... She didn't even realize what she was doing, and witnessing it made my heart swell with love. I could swear I turned into a teenage girl whenever she was around and I could barely handle my feelings.

After exactly an hour and fourteen minutes, she groaned and leaned against the back of the couch, rubbing her eyes and yawning. I put my phone away and stared at her as she stretched her arms and finally sighed.

"It really sucks, but i'm sending it anyway."

"You're got all night, no worries."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes before bending down again and clicking on something quickly.

"My mind is blank. I'm tired. It's sent."

I grabbed her glass and filled it again before handing it to her and she smiled at me. We kept quiet as we drank a bit, enjoying the silence of the evening but after a while, I took my phone in my hand again.

"Pizza?"

"Fuck, yes please." she replied with a laughter, making me smile even more.

I ordered quickly and grabbed the remote to turn the tv on. We watched a funny tv show but all I could do was focus on the way she laughed. I was so happy she was there with me I could barely believe it. I've never been a firm believer of that but, was that fate? Was someone or something giving me a second chance? Or was I just seeing into this too much? Because when you really want something, anything can look like a sign of destiny, right?

"D'you think you can get us more wine?"

I smiled and nodded before quickly getting up just as the doorbell rang. I turned to her and raised my eyebrows, shrugging a shoulder.

"I'll get the wine, you get the pizza." i proposed. "My wallet is on the table next to the door. I think I've got a few bills left."

She nodded but rolled her eyes and left while I reached the kitchen, searching for an other bottle or white wine. When I walked back, I watched her as she turned off her laptop and put it away, replacing it with the pizza. I stood in the door frame just staring at her pushing her hair out of her face and over her shoulder as something stirred in my stomach. I never needed her more than I did in this moment and although I knew it was wrong, I knew I needed to find a way to get her back. It was not about winning, it was not about proving to myself that I could, or being pissed that she was happy without me, like Louis said. No, the reason was deeper. I wanted to spend my life making this girl happy, and only her. I had the deep conviction that not only she was my soulmate in this lifetime, but in every fucking lifetimes and alternate universes you could think of. We were meant to be. I knew it. And when she turned to me to send me a fond smile, I knew that she shared the exact same certitude.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam #i just want to write the next chapter tbh :X

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m-oana-archive · 5 years ago

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A Love Too Heavy (For Just One to Hold) pt. 2

catch up on pt. 1

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader x Remus Lupin

Words: 2,595

Summary: After pining after Y/N for years, Sirius finally gets the girl: the happy ending the story is supposed to end with. The only problem is the fact Sirius’ feelings for Remus still haven’t seemed to go away. But he isn’t the only one starting to question their ability to love two people at the same time.

requester: @shinysilverunicorn-blog | read on AO3 | Masterlist

Remus’ POV

Y/N was looking effortlessly sunkissed when she entered the library. Remus, ever the early bird, was already at their usual table waiting. Books were out, parchment unrolled. But he didn’t actually begin working, just had the illusion of doing such, so that he could seem as though he was caught off guard by looking up and seeing Y/N, instead of her knowing the truth of his patient waiting for her. About halfway across the library to their table, they caught eyes. Y/N smiled at him, and he tapped his inked quill so quickly against the parchment he felt some blue splatter onto the back of his hand.

“Sorry I’m late,” she apologized, even though it was Remus that was early, and both of them knew it.

Remus smirked. “What’s the expression? A queen is never late?”

“Ha ha,” she mocked, sliding into her chair to unpack her things. “Thanks for the compliment, but I’m not looking to run a country, just pass my N.E.W.T.’s. Not all Slytherins are that ambitious.”

“I could see you as royalty,” Remus said, sinking back into his chair, dramatizing the act of envisioning, enjoying that it made Y/N blush and giggle slightly.

“Well, Sirius is already basically royalty, so that helps.”

Remus scoffed, annoyance masking other emotions. “If that’s not true I’m not sure what is.”

While Remus found his comment funny, something dark fell across Y/N’s face, causing her to teeter in her chair and purse her lips. Remus’ mind scanned the exchange for anything he could have done wrong, but couldn’t find anything. So, he went to ask what was wrong. Before he could, she answered.

“Speaking of, you’re not mad at Sirius or anything, right?”

Every bone in Remus turned into brick. Was it fair to say to Sirius’ girlfriend, the obvious messenger of this information, that he didn’t know? Was it fair to say to Sirius’ girlfriend, the cause of this frustration, that he wasn’t sure where the anger was pointed at? Was it fair to his best friend to say everything he wanted to, after hiding for so long, just to end up at more questions, ones he didn’t know the answers to?

No. So Remus settled with a rather choked up, “Why would I be mad?”

“He said you two were arguing. Something small that turned into a bigger deal than it needed to be.”

Oh. So that’s what he thinks of me saying I want him.

Remus cleared his throat, though he knew it wouldn’t help and it didn’t. “Oh, yeah. Um, I’m over it on a logical level. I’m just waiting for my emotions to catch up.”

“Cool,” she smiled brightly. “Sirius said almost the same.”

All of the furniture in the library seemed to topple over for a second. Maybe it was the fact that Remus squinted when he thought, and everything was following the motion of the spiral of his eyelids. Or, maybe, it was the fact that Y/N has just said Sirius wasn’t over their possibility of kissing either. How close they had been; if Remus just leaned in slightly, it would have been breath on breath, lips on lips, with the same softness but necessity of the moonlight echoing itself onto the lake. Was Sirius covering up the same truth Remus had been aching with for the last year? Ever since that stupid game of spin the bottle, when Remus realized it wasn’t cockiness that made him wish the bottle would have pointed to his body on Sirius’ turn, but desire. The hope that if Sirius would have been forced to kiss him, maybe, after doing so, it would turn into something he missed, something he longed for, something he wanted to repeat.

That was what happened to Remus, after all.

It was a tall order, though, asking Sirius to switch adorations overnight. Sirius had yearned over Y/N so deeply and thoroughly—Remus once found a scrap of a love poem while cleaning, which caused him pain both from its cheesiness and from a jealousy he had yet to name—it was hard to imagine him loving someone else. Especially someone as ugly and flawed in comparison to her.

Sitting with her here, now, and every time before this, Remus couldn’t blame Sirius for wanting to be with her. She seemed to have the best parts of all of them: Sirius’ mindless beauty, James’ massive heart, Peter’s agreeability, and Remus’ quickness. And then, of course, all of the wonderful qualities that were definitively hers. There were fleeting times in their shared sanctuary of the library that Remus forgot Sirius and his feelings for him. Where, in the privacy of their similarities, Remus forgot he could be happy with anyone except Y/N.

To restrain complications, he labeled those moments as I’m that happy because I’m forgetting about Sirius, or My feelings for Sirius are valid because of how happy she is with him. There was a third option, of course, but that thought was a rainstorm he didn’t want to walk into.

“Cool,” he agreed. He smiled back at Y/N, genuinely because he was happy to be with her, but also with a certain grittiness, because he was too conflicted to be happy in general. The hidden indifference of it seemed to set the tone for the rest of the meeting, which was far more focused and serious than ones they had had more recently. So focused, in fact, neither noticed the sunset streaking the sky, followed by black falling around outside.

The next interruption was hours later, by Ms. Greenpaw, the librarian about to retire. Remus adored her instantly; she wore thick, circular coral glasses and called everyone “honey,” even when upset. He wasn’t sure if it was the hours they spent in the library, Ms. Greenpaw’s looming retirement, or both, but Remus and Y/N were granted an extra set of magical keys to close the library up if she left before they did.

“Hi, you two,” she said, pulling Remus’ head out of his book. “Well, I’m headed out for the night. I spelled off most of the candles in here, but I can put more on if you need more.”

Remus looked up; Ms. Greenpaw wasn’t kidding: every chandelier and sconce was dark except the one over their heads and one near the grand doors. Something inside of him said this was romantic, making him ready to deny, until—

“I’m perfectly fine,” Y/N responded. “Remus?”

He blanked for a moment. “Yeah, uh… my eyes are already so tired, the softer light is actually pretty nice.”

“Wonderful! Well, I’ll leave you both to it, then.”

Y/N called out a note of thanks to Ms. Greenpaw as she walked off—something Remus was still too startled to do. As soon as the doors closed, promising their security, Y/N sofly said Remus’ name. He looked up to her, eyes still slightly narrowed from reading his book.

“You’ve been so quiet,” she said. She wouldn’t meet his eyes fully, her focus refusing to settle. “I know you don’t usually have issues with Sirius, and you’d think that I’m probably the last person who’d want to hear them fully, since we’re dating. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep secrets from me. You’re still my best friend.”

She shifted in her seat before continuing: “I know something’s changed since I started dating Sirius. You’ve been more closed off. I don’t want to pretend I know why. So if you want to talk about it, I’m still here for you.”

A new guilt rose inside of Remus; he had experienced regret from having feelings for Sirius, for those feelings not disappearing the moment Sirius and Y/N got together, and for not knowing the difference between jealousy and desire. But, he had never fathomed that the closed-off-ness he developed while trying to suppress his dangerous emotions would make Y/N believe he no longer trusted her.

The thought was so overwhelming he immediately said, “You’re one of the most important people in the world to me. And I…” He tilted his head down, unable to bear even her dim silhouette. “I didn’t mean to hide. But it’s better that way. Trust me.”

“Remus, nothing can be bad enough I don’t care to know.”

Remus considered the gravity of her statement for a second. Obviously, she couldn’t blame him for loving Sirius. But what would she think of him not knowing how he felt about her? Not understanding how those could exist at the same time? It seemed impossible.

“No,” Remus decided at once. He got up the next instant, sloppily swiping his belongings into his bookbag. “No. It is bad enough.”

He heard his name being called from across the table, but was off, walking so quickly to the door he was almost running. He heard books sliding across wood, a chair scraping against the floor, a sound that must have been Y/N’s shoes hitting the tile behind him in quick succession, suggesting she was sprinting to catch up to him. But his focus on the door was relentless. Then, there was a tug on his arm that couldn’t be ignored. Out of the surprise of it, his body spiraled around itself: an effect Y/N must not have had anticipated, as she continued moving forwards, resulting in her running into Remus head-on.

“Y/N,” he gasped. He tried to steady her, but she did so first by clutching onto the shirt fabric around Remus’ chest. Out of some instinct that could not be named, Remus felt his hand moving, fingers gripping around her wrist.

After a few moments of catching her breath, Y/N looked up at Remus. It was only at that moment that Remus recognized how close they were to one another. She already had her hands on him, softening them as she became more stable, and he became dizzier. Especially with the single light behind her, distant now, which made what could happen next seem like a secret capable of keeping, a risk worth taking, a mistake worth making. The world was the way the candlelight shone upon her face, making Remus’ hand twitch with the desire to trace those shadows.

“Y/N,” he said. But it was different this time.

She looked up at him. At his eyes. At his lips. Remus was going to die right there, in the middle of the library, a corpse good for nothing except loving people he could not bear the affections of. But then, her gaze dropped to the floor. Her voice wavered. “Remus, I just…”

“I know,” he sighed, nodding in defeat. There were things Remus knew he excelled at—school, not getting in trouble for pranks, hiding the fact he is a werewolf—but in some aspects of life, he had to accept he would always be second to Sirius Black. This was one of them. His corpse was back to being good for nothing except loving people he could not have.

“But you really don’t. It’s not… this has nothing to do with you. Alright? I just need you to know that much.”

“Thanks for the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech,” Remus scowled. “How comforting. I’m touched.” He wanted to put his hand to his heart for dramatic effect, but Y/N’s hands were still on his chest. Regardless of how he knew the length of time they stayed there would make their release all the more painful, Remus wanted them to stay, the pathetic idiot he was.

“It’s not like that,” Y/N said. “I just can’t do that to Sirius. To be honest, I think I’m in love with him. And I think he might feel the same.”

Remus scoffed: Y/N saying Sirius might love her was the understatement of the century. But he didn’t focus on that. He couldn’t. Instead, what intrigued him was this thought: “So, in the condition, you weren’t with Sirius, you’d kiss me. Is that what you’re saying?”

Remus was surprised at how calm his voice came out; he was even more surprised, however, by how panicked Y/N’s was. “Listen… it’s just that I may have had a massive thing for you when we first met, and for a bit afterward.” Remus was sad and elated all at once; to know he could be loved was revolutionary, but realizing he had missed his chance with the girl he now was mad for was an emptiness that was beginning to slowly eat him from the inside out.

He covered all of the sinews of his emotions with anger: “So what you’re saying is that you only chose Sirius because I wasn’t available?”

“No,” Y/N demanded. She yanked her hands back to her own body: a testament to her level of frustration. “I didn’t go to him because I was sad and lonely and heartbroken and wanted to use him. I liked him at the same time as you. I just couldn’t figure out who I liked more. You took yourself out of the running, so I accepted his invitation to Hogsmeade. And I’m happy I did.”

Remus blinked, dazed. “Can you say that again?”

“Why? You heard me.”

“No, just the part—”

“The part where I refuted your claim that I only wanted to date Sirius because I couldn’t date you, which, if I would have done, would make me a rude, selfish, manipulative person?”

“I didn’t…” Remus struggled, biting the bottom of his lip in agony, wishing he could bring her closer so she could see the blood that was sure to come up, how much he hated himself for having said that. “I didn’t mean that. Okay? I’ve been such a git today. I’ve been completely awful to you. I’m sorry for saying that, and for making you think I didn’t trust you. I’m just… I’m really confused about some things right now. And I’m taking it out on you. I’m sorry.”

Suddenly, all of the anger, the screaming, the vehemence disappeared, leaving nothing but a quietness strong enough to drive any man crazy. Remus stood as Y/N considered him, her thoughts impossible to know. She kept looking and thinking. Remus was just standing. It felt like forever.

She finally spoke. “I don’t want to force anything out of you,” she said, words were spoken with meticulous care that echoed what they meant. “I just think that maybe you’re exploding because you’re bottling things up, and nothing can be figured out if it’s never put out into the world to be understood.”

Remus wanted to protest, but every part of his body that wasn’t his mouth knew that Y/N was right, so he couldn’t. Instead, he shook his head. “I don’t think you’re going to like what you are going to hear.”

“We’ve already fought,” Y/N shrugged. “If it’s bad enough it’s doing that, I think we’ve got to just rip the bandaid off.”

Remus breathed in deeply, closing his eyes. There were so many confusing truths inside of his body; if someone were to put his tears in a Pensieve, all that would be floating around were thoughts of Y/N and Sirius, together, apart, in love, in love with him. He saw them all right now in the black of his eyelids. But how many to say now? Which to choose first?

Some part of Remus that wasn’t his mind answered for him.

“Y/N, I have feelings for Sirius.”

⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥

PART THREE IS AVAILABLE NOW!!! Read here.

⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added): @astertist @beskarjedi @bluemadcnna @boring-viola @carolinesbookworld @finnofamerica @fortisfiliae @gabriel-r3ap3r-reyes @gryffndor @jamcspotters @just-some-nerd @lonelyheart-jadedsoul @neewtmas @portkeys-and-prose @siriusement @siriuslyimmoony @sly-vixen-up2nogood @swellwriting @the-apple-princess @theboywhocriedlupin @who-cares-unknown @woakiees @wzardings @samcycle @luckygirl144

#mine #writing #moonlit members #carlysfamily #sirius x reader #remus x reader #sirius black x reader #remus lupin x reader #sirius black x remus lupin #remus lupin x sirius black #sirius x remus #remus x sirius #remus x sirius x reader #sirius x remus x reader #reader x remus x sirius #reader x sirius x remus #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction

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the-irish-mayhem · 4 years ago

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Fosterson Fic Rec Masterlist: Multichapters

The Main Reclist has been split to fix the links that tumblr decided to break if there were too many of them in a single post. I’ll be keeping the main reclist updated (even if the links appear broken) as well as maintaining this list and the list for oneshots.

I need help expanding this list! If you have any favorites or fics of your own of your own you don’t see included in this list and you’d like to submit for consideration, please drop me a line.

List updated April 2020. New additions marked with **

Updated during this wild quarantined time, which should serve as a reminder to everyone to APPRECIATE YOUR CONTENT CREATORS! Leave all the comments and kudos to show our love for everything they do. Big thanks to everyone who recommended and/or created content for this amazing ship.

Rated G/K-K+

**The World has Turned and Left Me Here by alwaysaprilia: Jane Foster’s mission is impossible: build a wormhole, save the world. Thor Odinson thinks his task is even more impossible: keep Jane Foster alive long enough for her to accomplish her mission. AKA: What-to-do-when-the-damsel-in-distress-keeps-distressing-you. Rec: This is such a lovely little AU fic, brings in such an expansive world so succinctly and smoothly. | 16k | In progress

**Unspoken by igi_pigi: Post bringing his brother back to Asgard from Midgard, Thor is told by Heimdall that Jane Foster has decided to stop looking for him. [Set after Avengers1.] Rec: Angsty, with some nice Frigga content. | 4.8k | Complete

**Overlapping Spaces by khilari, Persephone_Kore: Thor returns to Earth a month after the Chitauri invasion to keep his promises -- to see Jane again, and take her to see Asgard, even if the rainbow bridge is still undergoing repairs. Not that Jane is complaining about watching the repairs. But she wasn't expecting Loki to be haunting the palace library, even in psychiatric care; and Loki wasn't expecting to make friends with Thor's mortal girlfriend. Rec: If you’re looking for a good, long Jane-centric fic that also features endgame fosterson, a well written Loki, and really interesting take on Asgardian culture, this is the fic for you. | 107k | Complete

IW Coda by hariboowrites: THOR AND JANE FOCUSED CODA TO IW bc i am who i am. Rec: We all need a fosterson followup to Infinity War, and this one has an ending that made me scream internally with excitement. Make this the opening of the next Avengers movie pls. | ~4k | Complete

Five Times Jane Was Kinda Jealous And One Time Thor Was by shinyopals: ‘Hello, Jane,’ said Thor. He gave her a smile that would move mountains and definitely still made her stomach flutter. ‘This is Rachael and Amanda. They wished to give their regards for my help during the Convergence. Although of course without you we would have been hopeless.’ He turned back to Rachael and Amanda. ‘This is my dear friend Dr Jane Foster, of whom I was speaking.’ Dear friend? Jane blinked. They’d been sleeping together for a couple of weeks and had had a slightly awkward conversation to establish where they stood with each other (what Jane called dating exclusively and Thor called a courtship). “Friend”, however “dear”, seemed a bit of an understatement. Sometimes dating a gorgeous world-saving alien prince has its drawbacks. Rec: BURY ME AND HAVE THIS JEALOUSY FIC PRINTED ON MY TOMBSTONE. I usually don’t like the toxicity most jealousy fics are infused with, but this one is so pure and wonderful. I could read it every damn day. | 14k | Complete

The Arizona Banana Famine by Niobium: Thor experiences the simpler side of Earth. Rec: Absolutely hilarious. Thor + shenanigans of living on Earth and trying to hide his identity + Jane helping him to varying effect. | 7k | Complete

Non Est Ad Astra Mollis e Terris Via (there is no easy way from the earth to the stars) by Rozilla: Jane Foster keeps out of social media mostly, but does keep a blog for all things science. With a few personal posts thrown in. Edited (with sarcastic asides) by Darcy Lewis. Rec: Fosterson is mentioned often, but Jane’s voice is incredibly worthwhile. | 10.4k | Complete

Hidden resonances by kes: After the vision Wanda Maximoff gave him, Thor had more questions than answers, and so he sought truth with Jane, in a cave beneath the mountains. Rec: A really great fix-it taking place during AOU, plus some fosterson feels. | 6k | Complete

Time and Trouble by shinyopals: Frigga thinks she knows exactly what to expect from the rest of her life. Then one son perishes and returns, whilst the other falls for a mortal woman who’s like nothing Frigga could have predicted.(Frigga’s POV from the end of Thor right through to post-TDW.) Rec: BLESS ALL FRIGGA-CENTRIC FICS. Great outside perspective fosterson, plus a TDW fix-it. | 14k | Complete

If You Want To Live series by hariboo: They lost Loki when they sunk Manhattan. Three years laters Loki finds them and that’s really when everything begins. This is that beginning. Rec: Terminator fusion AU that you didn’t realize you needed until now. Knowledge of the Terminator films is helpful but not required. The 'needing each other’ that comes along with a desperate post-apocalyptic situation really lends itself well to fosterson. It also hurts a hell of a lot. I wish it wasn’t finished. | 5k | Complete

Fabulous Baking Sisters or How to (not) Get Over A Norse God in 730 Days by Rozilla: After seeing Jane in a slump one too many times, Darcy decides to get her into stress baking… and soon regrets it. Rec: A lot of Jane/Darcy brotp, but lots of fosterson goodness especially near the end. The phrase “sex coma” is definitely used. | 8.5k | Complete

Waking Ease by Salmon_Pink: Thor/Jane, rated G. Set after Thor: The Dark World. Written for Comic Drabbles, prompt "halo”. Rec: very, very short, but cute. This is a part of a larger series by this author, but this is the only fosterson chapter I’ve seen so far. | <1k | In progress

Hold the Sun by writerblocked: Thor and Jane (and everyone else) share a meal. Rec: A nice peek into regular life, complete with some touches of angst and fluff at the same time. This story, like the above rec, is a part of a larger work that does not solely include fosterson. | <1k | Complete

If She Is Worthy by Mr. Chaos: During the battle with The Destroyer, Mjolnir returns to Thor’s hand. But what if Selvig hadn’t pulled Jane away? And what if it wasn’t just Thor that had proven himself worthy? Rec: Jane kicking ass and taking names with Mjolnir. Nuff said. Downside? A giant twist at the end and still waiting for a sequel. | 4.5k | Complete

A Story of Us by me: Short and sweet prompt fills. All feature Thor and Jane as the main couple and are all just ridiculous fluff. Rec: A collection of my prompt fills from tumblr. It wouldn’t be a true reclist without a self-plug. | 26.2k | In progress

Rated T

The Foster Edition series by asoulofstars, MissChrisDaae: What happens when Jane Foster is in the Battle of Manhattan? In short, it changes everything. Rec: FIXING MARVEL WITH JANE FOSTER IS THE BEST, NAY, THE ONLY SOLUTION I WILL ACCEPT. | 60k | In progress

Game Changer by asoulofstars, MissChrisDaae: In the aftermath of the Convergence, Jane and Thor return to Earth in search of the scepter, and the Avengers slowly begin to reassemble. Across the cosmos and on Earth itself, enemies begin to gather, enemies that threaten everything the team has ever fought for, and Jane is faced with something just as daunting, but far more personal. Evolving from a mortal to a goddess. From a spectator to a player. From a scientist to a queen. Rec: A fluffy setup for something big, I can feel it. | 8k | In progress

A Magical Solution to the Einstein Field Equations by shinyopals: Jane Foster has got enough on her plate, what with being a full time researcher, giving lectures, applying for grants, writing books, and consulting for Stark Industries. When Thor drops off the face of the universe and leaves her on Earth with no clues as to where he is, she doesn’t know what to do or how to find him.Then an attack on Stark Industries changes everything, and she finds herself getting thrown into a life that she’s previously only watched from the sidelines, and where getting punched through a wall is suddenly just an average day of the week. Rec: THE MOST PERFECT RAGNAROK AU TO EVER EXIST ANYWHERE EVER. EASILY ONE OF MY FAVORITE FICS OF ALL TIME. | 56k | Complete

Ace in the Hole by MissChrisDaae: Working alongside Selvig on Project PEGASUS, Jane manages to escape when Loki arrives, bringing with her the data on the Tesseract, and making herself SHIELD's biggest resource in combating the rogue trickster. At least until her semi-boyfriend finally makes good on his promise to come back, and she finds herself caught in the middle of a war. And she might be a key part in stopping it. Rec: MOAR JANE IN THE AVENGERS. MOAR JANE BEING VALUED IN THE MCU. MOOOOAAAAAR. | 11.5k | Complete | Part of The Foster Edition series

Wild Card by MissChrisDaae: Separation is, for Thor and Jane, a little easier in knowing what's happening to each other, but they have their own trials to face. In the midst of a war, Thor learns of a force greater than anything he has ever faced, one that could change the fates of both himself and and the woman he loves. Nothing is certain, and the burdens of his family, his life, and his love are weighing heavily upon him. Working with Betty Ross, Jane works to understand the secrets of the universe, unaware of the fact that she's being tested with every move she makes. When she temporarily moves to look after her mother's house in London, she and Darcy come across the Convergence. And, for the third time, Jane's life is turned upside down by an ancient force from another realm. Rec: Canon divergent Fosterson is my freakin JaaaaAAAAm. Also BETTY ROSS. A great replacement for canon if you’re feeling Salty. | 33k | In progress | Part of The Foster Edition series

Dancer in the Dark by MissChrisDaae: Jane Foster has always been a member of the corps de ballet, and has never voiced complaint until one night when she indulges in the fantasy of being the prima ballerina. A mysterious voice calls out to her, tempting her, coaching her, offering to make her a star, and she accepts. Months later, the prophecy comes to light when the star of the company becomes mysteriously indisposed. Jane is suddenly cast into the spotlight, becoming an immediate success, but she only has eyes for Thor, the young scion to the ballet's greatest patron family, who has been masquerading as a stagehand in order to continue a longstanding liaison with her. But Jane's made a deal with something far worse than the devil, and now he's coming to claim his due. Rec: A ballet AU that reminds me a lot of Black Swan tone-wise. Warning though, there is a love triangle that includes Lokane. | 9.6k | In progress

Five Times Having An Alien Prince's Baby Sucked A Lot, And One Time It Didn't by shinyopals: It was the doctor’s turn to look nonplussed. ‘Dr Foster,’ she said quietly, ‘you’re around four weeks pregnant.’ ‘No I’m not,’ said Jane again. She was pretty sure she’d remember if Thor had reappeared for some awesome sex a month ago. He had not. She’d gotten through enough batteries to prove it. Jane isn't quite sure how this all happened. She just knows it's a lot of work and it keeps taking her away from her Physics. Rec: The Definitive™ Fosterson babyfic. I’m generally not much for babyfic because I’m not much for babies. But I’ve read this so many times and it’s so incredibly wonderful. | 24k | Complete

Strange Earth series by Niobium: The apocalypse has come and gone, leaving the Earth strange and altered in its wake. What was once a thriving world of magic and science has become a tractless, untamed Wilderness teeming with dangerous creatures born of warped energy pouring through rents in the fabric of space and time. Society has withdrawn into magically-walled Wards to keep itself safe as it seeks a way to reclaim the planet before it’s twisted beyond all recognition, and its Seers and Champions struggle to protect humanity and one another. Rec: An incredibly imaginative ghost hunting AU. Great world building, and fantastic interaction between Jane and Thor. | 12.6k | In progress

The Obloquy of Newness by Niobium: Jane just wants to present her findings and maybe win a Nobel Prize. That would be a lot easier if all these xenophobes, science deniers, and robots bent on world destruction would stop getting in the way. Or, Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis, and what they were up to before, during, and after Avengers: Age of Ultron. Rec: A really delightful companion to AOU. | 17.4k | Complete

Sex Ed For Asgardians (Isn’t Exactly Necessary) by shinyopals: 'It’s a condom,’ Jane said eventually, reminding herself she was an adult in an adult relationship, albeit a very new one with an alien forty times her age who could hardly be expected to know what Earth birth control was like. Jane and Pepper learn that some myths and legends are true. Rec: I have no idea why this wasn’t on the reclist before. It’s hilarious and also really heartfelt. I love Respectfulinthebedroom!Thor. I love the open communication between them. Lawd. | 3.4k | Complete

Pedulum: Beginning by hariboo: Kept apart, with worlds between them, Jane and Thor do not give up on one day finding each other again. Rec: Exquisite buildup to a reunion. Both Jane and Thor are in-character with their own agency, but its obvious they’re nuts for each other. | 28.5k | Complete | Part of in progress series, Pendulum

Pendulum: Between by hariboo: Having found each other again doesn’t mean things have gotten easier for Thor and Jane. In some ways things are only getting more complicated. At least now they can face whatever comes their way together. Rec: Continiation of Beginning (recced above). Nuanced, sweet, messy, fantastic character dynamics, and with a great plot. | 56.8k | Complete | Part of in progress series, Pendulum

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Guardians of the Galaxy by Maybug: Jane Foster and Thor are finally getting married! Most couples go a little crazy when they’re ecstatically happy, unfortunately for these two going crazy involves knocking a hole in spacetime and marooning themselves and two of Jane’s friends on a desolate and dangerous planet halfway across the galaxy. Meanwhile Darcy, Sif and Bill are trying to find them in Skuttlebutt. Will they survive? Will they make it to the wedding in time? Will Thor’s attempts to communicate with Groot drive everyone crazy? Will Darcy get to witness Jane’s brief Goth phase? Will Jane’s friend Sayed get over his Star-Trek inspired fantasies about green-skinned alien women? Find out in the next exciting installment of Journey into Mishap! Rec: Part of a really great series by a great author. Humorous and kind of cracky. Mixture of MCU and comic canon. Just one chapter short of completion. | 12.7k | In progress | Part of Journey into Mishap and the Fosterson Files

Welcome to the Fall by Niobium: The Avengers pick up the pieces in the aftermath of Sokovia. Inter- and post-film gap-fillers and ficlets, with varying POV characters. A couple of them are slightly canon divergent and will be labeled as such. Rec: A really solid piece of prose, careful of canon while building upon it/improving it. The fosterson is handled really well. | 5.5k | Complete

The House of Foster by ArticulatioHumeri: She had set out to study wormholes. Never would Jane Foster have thought that it would lay the foundations of a family clan. Rec: Great fosterson moments, and with proper time devoted to them. A good, long read. Probably the longest fic I have on this list, and the longest Marvel fic that actually legitimately features Fosterson prominently. | 224k | Complete

The Measure of a Man by fayedartmouth: Thor is banished to Earth. Reclaiming his worth is harder than he thinks it will be. AU of the movie Thor. Rec: By now, y’all know I love fics where Thor was on Earth longer than in canon. This is probably my favorite, because Thor is incredibly well-written, and the cultural/personal struggles he encounters are written fantastically. The fosterson is incredibly organic and lovely. | 140.7k | Complete

Towards the Storm by iwillavengeyou: Jane Foster is worthy. Jane Foster is the Mighty Thor. But was she always this way? This fic seeks to examine Jane’s path to picking up the mighty hammer Mjolnir, and her journey as a heroine who, underneath it all, is only human. Rec: One of the few fics I’ve been able to find and enjoy that deals with Jane’s place as Thor in the 616 universe. I like the story’s trajectory, but it has since been orphaned. If anyone wants to... ya know... pick it up... that’d be swell. | 1.5k | In progress

As You Wish by MissChrisDaae: After the apparent death of the only man she will ever love, Jane finds herself the unwilling bride-to-be of the kingdom’s icy hearted crown prince, whose interest in her is almost as unnerving as the man himself. Before the wedding can take place, Jane finds herself in the hands of three kidnappers, her life in danger, and a mysterious figure in black pursuing them. Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Revenge. Giants. Monsters. Chases. Escapes. True love. Miracles. What more does a story need? Rec: THE PRINCESS BRIDE FUSION THAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED UNTIL NOW. Also Sif is Indigo Montoya. If the fosterson wasn’t enough to get you to read it. | 21.3k | Complete

Girls’ Night by Maybug: With Thor in Asgard and the other Avengers away on a mission, Darcy, Betty, Pepper and Jane decide to have a girls’ night. A certain supervillain has other plans, but it’s nothing they can’t handle. Rec: fosterson is background, but you all know I can’t resist a good Marvel ladies asskicking story. Story is mostly from Jane’s POV, so good insights on fosterson. | 11.2k | In progress

Thor 2 Rewritten: The Shaded Tree by kes: Rec: A series of oneshots and short multichapters that rewrite the second Thor movie. Not everything is over fosterson, but it’s always an undercurrent. Worth the read. Such a great alternative to canon. | 44k | Incomplete, abandoned

don’t need no ammunition (ain’t the bridge that’s falling down) by anthropologicalhands: Thor (2011) AU. After the battle at Jotunheim, something goes wrong and Sif finds herself stranded on Midgard. Jane is still chasing bridges and wants to know how this strange woman got in her atmospheric disturbance. Darcy’s psyched…and a little freaked out. Meanwhile, Thor and Loki embark on an quest (actually: intergalactic road trip) to rescue Sif. Thor has to prove himself. Loki is having an identity crisis. Do the math. Rec: Great interactions with everyone. Jane and Thor are still absolutely smitten despite the different circumstances. Loki/Sif is also a main pairing. | 39k | Complete

Fate Has Brought Us Together by asoulofstars: A series of one-shots detailing the lives of Thor Odinson and Jane Foster. Set after the events of Thor: The Dark World. Rec: We all know I’m a sucker for fosterson fluffies. The chapters are generally short and sweet. Read for smiles and butterflies and rainbow puking. | 9.9k | In progress

We Have Joyed To Be Forlorn by Niobium: Jane Foster’s life carries on in the wake of the Convergence, complete with exciting new research prospects, a displaced and grieving alien, considerations on the functionality of magic, and massive shakeups in world espionage. Or, The continuing adventures of Jane Foster, from the end of Thor: The Dark World to just after the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Rec: What it says on the tin. I highly recommend reading anything by this author. Both Jane and Thor are done justice to, beautifully. Lots of cutesy Fosterson that feels very real and not just like a fangirl threw up on a page. Really a gorgeous story. | 13.8k | Complete

Rowing in Eden by ancarett: The Bifrost is no longer broken but is becoming unpredictable: delivering its travellers far afield. With Midgard’s link to Asgard at risk, Jane and Thor have to restore stability to the wormhole or risk being separated forever. Rec: Jane and Thor doing science together and being cute together. Features all the Avengers. | 34.5k | Complete

Fundamental Forces by nayanroo: In an attempt to rein in the son that remains to her after Thor’s banishment, Frigga arranges a marriage between two old friends in the hopes that they can work together to heal an eroded realm. On Earth, a prince searches for identity after his world is turned upside-down. And in the darkness, something stirs. Rec: mostly a Loki/Sif pairing story, but there is enough fosterson to give a rec. Even if it wasn’t, I’d still rec it somewhere else. One of the most well-thought out stories I’ve read (part of an amazing series, which contains gratuitous fosterson) with incredible characterizations. Great plot, monstrous word counts in chapters. | 181k | Complete | Part of in progress series, The Kingsverse

When the Stars Fall Up by Nyxelestia: Loki is not so foolish as to let his pride get in the way of his plans. And Thor learns there is a lot more to being a king than being brave. Rec: Despite a Loki-heavy intro, we get some good Jane/Thor in the second chapter. It’s incomplete, and hasn’t been update in a long time, but I feel like it is going somewhere good if it is continued. | 7.3k | In progress, possibly abandoned

Watchtower by me: When research on the Tesseract begins, SHIELD recruits Jane Foster instead of Eric Selvig to harness the other-worldly artifact. When Loki raids the facility, he takes over the mind of the mortal woman his brother loves. The Avengers with Jane Foster in Eric Selvig’s place. Rec: Because it wouldn’t be a true reclist without a self-plug. (although tbh I’m tempted to take this off the rec list because I hate the way I wrote it so much XD) | 56k | Complete

Let Me Follow You Down by me: Jane is sick of her family always pushing her towards a relationship. She thinks she’s figured out the perfect solution. Fake Dating AU. Rec: Because it wouldn’t be a true reclist without a self-plug. | 24k | Complete

Rebuild All Your Ruins by me: Ragnarok AU. Despite his hunt for the Infinity Stones taking him far beyond Jane’s galaxy, Thor had always managed to get word to her that he was safe. When months pass without any word from him, Lady Sif arrives with a dire message: Thor has gone missing, Heimdall has been removed from his post as Gatekeeper, and the Warriors Three wonder if their king is truly Odin. Rec: Because it wouldn’t be a true reclist without a self-plug. | 11.2k | In progress, slow updates because it’s me and I’m garbage

Rated M (these won’t contain the smuts unless otherwise noted)

**Stalemate by igi_pigi: "It appears we're at a stalemate, Miss Foster." He meets her eyes at last with his bloodshot ones. "My association with you will continue to doom you with mortal dangers at every turn. And you will continue to inexplicably not hold me blameworthy for it." (Alternatively, how it should have been instead of how it was in Thor3.) [Well after Thor2.] Rec: PAIN. LOTS OF IT. Contains some smut | 8.7k | Complete

Symbiosis: Part I by SteeleHoltingOn: Jane and Thor have to decide if they can make their relationship work. She’s a scientist. He’s a prince. It’s the ultimate of long-distance relationships. It seems that Odin isn’t (wasn’t?) the only Asgardian who is unhappy with Thor’s fascination with Jane. Rec: An amazing look at Thor and Jane post-Dark World building their relationship, as well as all the pitfalls and heartache that comes with that. This author really plunges their hands into the nitty gritty problems with Jane and Thor, their cultural differences, their age/lifespan difference, and so on, yet it is still clear how much they love each other and their determination to make it work. | Contains some smut, but nothing very explicit | 92.5k | Complete

Symbiosis: Part II by SteeleHoltingOn: Loki ascends the throne of Jotunheim. He might have been lonely, but for the little hitchhiker in his head. Thor and Jane have their hands full with their daughter, Val, and the demands of Asgard and the Nine Realms. Rec: A lot of Loki, but also copious amounts of married Fosterson. As someone who isn’t always Loki’s biggest fan, especially when it comes to fan portrayals, I can say that this one is very true to canon and is an incredibly interesting read, and is balanced well with Jane and Thor-ness. The political drama is done very well. The plot planning seems meticulous and is absolutely admirable. I still have the same praise for it as its predecessor. | Contains some smut | 41.4k | Complete

Terrestrial Constellations by NightOwl360: For Jane and Darcy bringing Thor back to Earth is only the beginning of the adventure. Relationships are never easy, the past is always just a step behind, and sometimes the people we know best have the biggest secrets. Rec: Great characterization of Jane and Thor, and fabulous buildup until they meet again. Packed with not just fluff, some inevitable angst, as well as an intriguing storyline. Only downside: I’m pretty sure it’s been abandoned, and on a hell of a cliff hanger. | 78k | In progress, possibly abandoned

The Poetic Edda (was almost entirely wrong) by PhoenixVictoria: In Which: Thor is from a warrior culture (and Jane Foster understands); Loki is badass (but also kind of a puppy); Thor grows a pair and fixes his mistakes (and is a good brother); Loki is a slut (and is a good brother when he has no knives); Darcy Lewis is The Geek Whisperer (which really turns Loki on); And the Odinsons have no idea how to act in front of the media (and wouldn’t care if they did.) Rec: Almost entirely for Thor. He is so well-written in this. Loki and Thor fixing the damage they’ve done, and Jane being a great person. I love this so far (it is a WIP). Later chapters make Tasertricks a thing, so a heads up if you’re not into that ship. | Contains some smut, graphic imagery of torturing/punishment | 81k | In progress, possibly abandoned

One and the Same Thing by MissChrisDaae: Jane Foster is born to the bloodline of the Alchemysts, and the first woman to be inducted into the order. After the murder of her mentor, Jane becomes the first Alchemyst to mix the study of alchemy with that of magic, trying to enhance the art and find a way to avenge him. This is seen as bastardizing the craft, and she is cast out of the order, still working her craft as she wanders the realm. Forbidden from using the title of Alchemyst, Jane instead calls herself Ástkona Óþekktur, a Mistress of the Unknown. On her travels, she picks up an apprentice in Darcy Lewis and the two women meet another very unusual pair: the crown prince, Thor, and his foster brother, Loki, on the run from Amora, the sorceress who murdered Thor’s father and usurped the throne, the same woman who killed Jane’s teacher. Finding common ground, the four agree to join forces in taking down the Enchantress. Even if Jane won’t admit it, she finds herself drawn to the older prince, and Thor seems to be returning her affections, much to the annoyance of Loki, who sees the Ástkona Óþekktur as an unneeded distraction from what matters. If they win the war, there may still be something left to lose. Rec: You can see by the description that this is way AU. Incredibly imaginative, with a good characterization of Jane. | 33k | Complete

The Salt Skin by hariboo: One day Sif walks to the edge of the Bifrost to see compelled to see where Loki had fallen. At the same time Jane is testing a way to open the Bifrost. By accident Sif falls to Earth, what happens after she never would have expected, and then she finds Loki. Post-film. Rec: I can’t believe I haven’t recced this yet. A long, Sif-centric fic that is respectful to fosterson is hard to find, but this one hits all my must haves. Jane and Thor are beautiful idiots, and the outside view of their relationship is great. Very well-written. Loki/Sif is also very prominently featured. | 44.4k | Complete

Off The Grid by Shawn30: As stated by Phil Coulson in 'Agents of Shield’ episode 1-15, "Thor is currently off the grid.” So the question is, where are Thor, Jane, Darcy, and Eric post 'The Dark World’? Rec: This person was one of my FAVORITE fic authors of all time because of their Star Wars fics, and then THEY WRITE A FOSTERSON STORY. I was over the damn moon. There’s a unique take of all the characters, and there’s promise of really great things coming from this story. This fic would be a wise investment. Only problem is that sometimes their fics have very slow updates. Contains some smut | 15k | In progress, possibly abandoned

Lost in a World Full of Terrors by psychollama: Inspired by typhoidcandy - “After Darcy attempts to perform one of Loki’s spells, things go awry and she’s sent to another universe. In this medieval-like universe, Loki is King, Thor is banished and living in the forests, and Jane is an arrow wielding rebel. Can Darcy make it home before the real Loki finds out what she did? Or before medieval Loki captures her and either kills her or makes her his slave?” Rec: A different take on a medieval AU. The first and only chapter is very fosterson-centric, and sets up the action nicely. Jane and Thor are handled very well in the different context. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been updated since 2013, so I fear it has been abandoned. |4.4k | In progress, possibly abandoned

Stop All The Clocks series by Della19: Rec: NOT fosterson centric. This series is, I think, the first thing I read on AO3, and I was blown away. This person has constructed a great world around Supersoldier!Peggy Carter, and I rec the whole series, as the world and the characters are all vibrant and well-rounded. The stories, while connected, can easily be read as standalones. The fosterson, when it’s a larger focus, is absolutely lovely. | 49k | In progress

Rain Upon the Ashes by me: Medieval Fantasy AU. An ancient evil threatens Yggdrasil. An illegitimate heir sits upon the throne of Asgard, and an unknown menace seeks to destroy the Royal Family. Thor Odinson, true heir to the throne and banished years before, emerges as one of the leaders of the Rebellion, further endangering his family. Known publicly only as the Raven, Jane Foster, once a high-born Lady of Midgard, finds herself fighting a war when she once only desired to see the stars. Rec: Because it wouldn’t be a true reclist without a self-plug. | 33k | In progress, slow updates because it’s me and I’m garbage

Rated E (these will contain the smuts unless otherwise noted)

The Secret of Mind and Memory by capitainpistol: Jane and Thor wake up to an empty Asgard and zero memory of their pasts or each other. PWP. Rec: The Amesiacs Who Are Instinctually Drawn to Each Other AU that I never knew I needed in my life. I can’t wait to see how it ends. | 2k | In progress

Love in a Time of Tentacles (or How We Hired Out Our Sex Parts To Tentacle Monsters in Exchange for Remaining in Space) by Rozilla: Jane and Thor’s ship is left drifting in space and the only option is to take up the offer of a Bio-Engineering corporation to submit their bodies to science. Science in this case being mostly tentacles. It’s a good thing Jane’s into this sort of thing. Rec: I hope you’re into wild space porn because that is exactly what this is. Woop woop. Mind the warnings. | 13.2k | Complete

Edging Towards the Light by Shawn30: Thor and Jane navigate the treacherous relationship waters of ambition, duty, passion, and love. Rec: SMUT WITH PLOT YUM. A unique but plausible take on Fosterson. | 30k | In progress

Play Along Prisoner by Rozilla: You’re so used to being not listened to, put down, doubted and generally made to feel worthless when you work twice as hard as everyone else, sometimes you need a hobby like this one. Especially when you have such a willing participant. Rec: AU, Domme!Jane and Sub!Thor. Mmmmyes. Mind the warnings. | 15.3k | In progress

For The Days Inbetween by Simple.White.Lie: Heroes are seldom allowed happiness, and far too often Duty comes before Love. That only means he must fight even harder for that which he desires. Rec: While it isn’t always the prime example of great writing, this fic is still very good. It is a long multichapter which features gratuitous smut (hurrah!) while still maintaining good plot. Jane and Thor’s ups and downs as a couple are well written, and if you’re a sucker for married Fosterson, check this one out. | 79k | Complete

On the Outside by Simple.White.Lie: The King and Queen of Asgard are not prepared for the dish Fate has served for them. To be tossed out like a ship in the wind is more than their hearts can take. Their love is something to fight for.. Isn’t it? Rec: Sequel to For The Days Inbetween (recced above). Both stories feature a very strong Jane, which is a big plus. Again, while the writing isn’t always stellar, it is a worthwhile read. | 33k | Complete

Thor Pwns Walmart by charis2770: Jane and Thor have found a way to be together at last. It’s all she could have wished for, and then some. But it’s playing heck on her worldly possessions! Jane takes Thor shopping at Wal Mart so she can replace all the things which have been torn or broken during their reunion. And buy more pop tarts. This turns out to be an adventure. And hotter than you might think. Rec: Okay, holy high heavens this story is well done. The author does BDSM amazingly, and I recommend their other stories, too. Mind the warnings. Also, if BDSM isn’t your thing, I still recommend the bits in between the smut because it is hilarious and perfect. | 35k | Complete

Stealing Away by charis2770: This is what happens when the Black Widow puts herself in charge of planning a weekend getaway for four friends, three of whom happen to be Super Heroes, and one of whom has an unfortunate tendency to be a little hard on Midgardian buildings. Rec: a continuation of Thor Pwns Walmart, and also features a good deal of BDSM Clint/Natasha. This author remains a good example of how to properly write good BDSM. Mind the warnings. Also, if BDSM isn’t your thing, I still recommend the bits in between the smut because it is hilarious and perfect. | 30.4k | Complete

#fosterson #jane foster #thor #jane x thor #thor x jane #fic recs #fosterson fic rec masterlist

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years ago

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Twisted Fate/Graves thoughts 2 Electric Boogaloo because none of you can stop me

and I just have a lot of feelings okay

- t.f. taking an entire paragraph mid-fall during a harrowing life or death chase to give you the context for how much the imminent destruction of his boots is a tragedy is the funniest and most endearing character detail and also irrefutable proof that despite appearances he, too, really does only have that half a brain cell, it simply pingpongs around in there much more than graves’ half (which instead finds one idea and GOES HARD for it no matter what lol bless him)

also his pov is basically just a flippant ‘well this is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation’ until graves literally forces him to have an honest emotion at gunpoint, and y’know... that be what love feels like sometimes when you’re like that as a person, extremely relatable, I feel for him so much

- I’m still just quietly astounded by the hmmm... implied intimacy? I guess? in the argument they’re having once they’re actually talking in burning tides. let’s look at what they’re actually saying to each other:

T.F.: “Are you ever gonna learn? . . . Every time I try to help you, I-” and “ I tried to get us out. The rest of us saw the job was going south . . . But you wouldn’t back down. You never do.”

vs.

Graves: “You’ll run again. That’s all you’ve ever done.” and “You made out alright, though . . . You know why? It’s because you’re a coward. And nothing you’ll ever say can change that.”

like them’s the sort of fraught fighting words you have with a spouse right towards the end of an ugly divorce, the full fruitless ‘why do you always have to --’ and ‘but you never listen to me!!!’ deal, especially from graves’ side lol. it’s the sort of hurtful you can really only be with someone you’ve been very, very close to, someone you know incredibly well. considering the whole backstory what graves is essentially saying here is ‘It’s your own fault people have left you; you deserve to be alone’.

(interestingly, in twisted fate’s pov it seems that what’s really messing with him is the part of not being listened to. he tried to plead with his family and they refused to listen, he tried to convince graves to run away with the rest of them and he didn’t listen, and here they are again and graves isn’t listening a g a i n and at that point t.f. clearly just sort of. gives up on actually being heard, in a slightly heartbreaking way. and from how graves reacts to seeing that I really think he’s not naturally cruel like that at all, he’s just in too much pain to think until this startles him out of it and then he does actually listen)

- through both stories graves is so desperately, enduringly horny for t.f. to be emotionally present and engaged with him without slipping away into his ~*cool magic gambler*~ persona and I find it weirdly sweet

- graves immediately getting fond of this leaky battered old rowboat... hfsadkjfhasd he’s sort of adorable in a way? it’s also really cute how he’s got this really tight focus on tf and his mannerisms and how genuine he’s being at any given moment. it’s such a neat way to show what he’s feeling and thinking about, which must be hard with a character who’s so massively oblivious to the finer points of his own inner life lol

ALSO can we talk about how tf literally winks at him at one point, right after they’ve sort of had a little moment of regained trust... like my good sir that is so deeply unnecessarily saucy of you, please control yourself (though in his defense graves somehow still isn’t picking up what he’s putting down so y’know maybe subtle isn’t the way to go here anyway haha)

- I wonder if t.f. used to go by his initials even before he changed his name -- graves calls him by it straight off the bat in burning tides and t.f. seems to consider his real name mildly embarrassing lol. (also intriguing that he does appear to think of it as his ‘real name’, and not ‘old name’ or something like that. it’s why I feel like we’ve got more of a dual identity going on here than a deadname situation, it feels more like two distinct levels of emotional vulnerability/availability to me. and so ‘tobias’ stops being relevant when there’s no one left to know him as that. ow.)

- from reading his bio it seems like twisted fate has had to figure out a lot of the magic stuff on his own (except for the mention of his grandpa teaching him the fortune telling part of it -- seems like they had a bit of a special connection, really, if him leaving his old cards with the kid before they left is anything to go by). what I’m saying is that I would read thousands upon thousands of words of him experimenting with it when they were younger and graves hurriedly having to topple a table over and pull them both behind it for cover before they both explode lol

(and then t.f. popping his head up afterwards like ‘hAH see I TOLD you I could do it!’ and graves disconsolately lighting a cigar from the burning rubble b/c the things one does for love partnerships huh)

- I’ve been looking over burning tides with a writing eye a few times to figure out what makes it work so well for me, and one of the things I really like is that there are a lot of small comments/details that are there or are framed in a certain way specifically to emphasize the familiarity and history between the characters. Just small details like He moves fast for a big man. I’d forgotten that and graves mentioning he’s never liked standing too close when t.f. does the teleporting thing -- not to mention t.f.’s name reveal, which if I understand this correctly was actually new information to the readers when burning tides was going on. (and yes it is still very funny to me that his actual name is tobias. the duality of man)

(I also feel like there are HUGE differences in writing quality between the different POV sections -- I guess different people wrote for the different characters? Well, both of the first person sections are gold and that’s what matters to me in this story so I don’t really mind. Sadly the Miss Fortune parts read the weirdest and stiffest to me, which is unfortunate b/c I love her lore concept a lot and she’s so cool in double double-cross. WHO the fuck let an unironic ‘the crimson-haired siren’ slip through the edit, is what I really want to know. please, narrator, tell me about her cerulean orbs while you’re at it)

- The man I used to know seems lost under years of hatred.

I don’t try to say anything else. I can see it in his eyes, now. Something’s broken inside of him.

still makes me SO SAD and I’m incredibly happy it turns out not to be true in the end thank GOD

- this might just be me reading into stuff too much, but I really like this sense that in moments of high emotion/genuine vulnerability, graves tends to sound older and more tired while t.f. sounds younger than he actually is, more frightened and hurt

- if his mind hadn’t been completely focused on partner-rescuing and open murder were in any way his style, t.f. totally could have killed gangplank right there and then before miss fortune even got to blow the fucker up haha. then again if that were the sort of guy he were he’d be dead along with all the rest of them

- it’s so good that graves tries to save miss fortune’s guy before they leave the cave but also isn’t broken up about it when it turns out he can’t, that feels like such a correct encapsulation of his moral character haha

- I really do enjoy graves’ POV so much not just because there’s something immensely comforting about how he refuses to be scared even in the face of death because he’s too damn grouchy and won’t give the world the satisfaction, but also because the language/cadence is so satisfying. he does have a way with words, in a gruff non-flashy sort of way.

It smells like the end of everything – sulfur and ash and death; cooked hair and melting skin -- the rhythm of that is so gooood and that whole section conveys the horror and destruction but also the awe of the scene so well. (I’m telling you graves isn’t actually dumb at all, just astoundingly unbendingly single minded once he’s got an idea in his head lol)

- I keep thinking about the fact that the last two things twisted fate thinks about before he passes out from drowning is if graves is scared and ‘What would Malcolm do?’ and I’m feeling real 😭😭😭 about it

- I’m still so disproportionately intrigued by graves mentioning his mom in burning tides. considering how early and seemingly easily he left home (...not to mention that he brings her up in connection with someone punching him in the face) it might be a safe bet that they weren’t that close but like. she also seems to be one of the very very few non-revengy things he’s checked up on after getting out of prison. did he send money home sometimes? would he visit whenever they came back to bilgewater? did she ever meet t.f. and if so did she approve or was this a bit of a uncharmable mother in law from hell situation? I um. I want to know these things pls riot it’s for science

(First post is over here btw, if anyone’s interested!)

#tf x graves #twisted fate x graves #league of legends #meta #it's hard to overstate how much my brain cannot be controlled and WILL focus on dumb stuff all day every day lol

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 4 years ago

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A Tale of Two Valentines (Part I)

Although we’re four months past this occasion, I still want to share this post with you at this time that we’re searching for more love, care, and support.

Here’s Johnny looking like the ultimate boyfriend material (well, isn’t he always?) in this edited screenshot. This should give you a clue of what this piece is going to be about!

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

–––

Summary: If you saw the photo, then it should be obvious that this story was inspired by this clip that came from this video. How could I not write anything about it when it’s begging for it?

POV: 2nd person since this is one of the first Johnny-centric fics I’ve written last year.

Word count: 1,300 + words

Warning: Every day is a fluffy and cheesy occasion for me, so I’m not sparing Valentine’s Day from this combo.

–––

You could care less for Valentine’s Day. Not because you were single but because it’s overrated. People always make it seem like a day for couples when it could be a day for everyone you love – family and pets included.

As you buried yourself deeper into the comforter, you scrolled through your social media feeds and grumbled at how everyone seemed in love with one another.

You had the itch to leave a sarcastic remark on one of your friend’s posts until your phone rang. According to your screen, John was FaceTime-ing you. Do I know of a John? was the first thing in your mind until you remembered that one of your best friends, Johnny Suh, tampered with your phone the other day. Of course, he’s John, duh, you rolled your eyes at your stupidity and clicked the green call button.

“Hey,” you started, your voice still rough from the night before. You were up late drinking with your girlfriends as your celebration of Galentine’s Day (thank you, Leslie Knope).

“Hey, what are you doing?” Johnny asked, who was wearing a white shirt with a plaid coat on top. The background he was in seemed familiar, and your eyes widened when you finally recognized it.

“I’m right in front of your house, come on,” he said, taking a quick look at the background behind him. “It’s Valentine’s Day,” he then showed you the cup of coffee he was drinking, “I’ve got some coffee.”

It was his favorite – iced Americano. That drink suited him well: he’s chill as ice, and he’s more American than Korean.

“Uh, but I’m still in my pajamas, dude,” you muttered, glancing at your cupid cow-printed set.

“It’s fine, whatever,” he said with a smile, “the weather’s really great too. Come on, come out. ”

You groaned in response, slowly taking off the comforter. “Okay, I’ll be right here,” were the last words he said until he hung up.

It took you half an hour to prepare, and you felt rushed. Usually, you took an hour to an hour and a half to make yourself presentable. Since you didn’t want Johnny to wait outside that long, you decided to wear a simple dress and your favorite pair of sneakers. You had light makeup on, and you decided to let your curls loose. If you put in more effort, it might feel like you two are on a date when it’s just a simple invitation to hang out.

As you descended the stairs, you saw that he was comfortably sitting on your couch. “Who let you in?” You asked, forgetting your proper greetings.

“Uh, I let myself in. I have a copy of your house keys, remember?” he said, shaking a keychain filled with a dozen other keys. “And it was starting to warm up outside. I don’t want my outfit to go to waste.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment, and he ran a hand through his hair with a sheepish grin on his face. “Well, Mr. Suh, thank you for getting me out of my house on this fine Valentine’s day,” you curtsied.

“You’re welcome, Ms. Park, and oh,” he reached over the side table and held another cup of coffee. “This is yours.” He stood up now and handed you the warm beverage.

You took a sip and made a face. “Hey, this isn’t my usual order,” you said as you took another sip again. “I ordered Café Mocha for a change, dear. White Chocolate Mocha is too sweet.” It was his turn to roll his eyes, and you scoffed in response.

“And your choice of coffee is like drinking tar,” You eyed at his iced Americano, which was about to be empty.

“Can’t we just agree to disagree? Or else I’m going to ask you to pay for your drink.”

You flipped the bird on him, and he just laughed. “Okay, but seriously. Let’s go. Have a walk outside with our coffee.” He offered his hand, which you took without any hesitation.

As both of you walked towards the park, you noticed other people celebrating Valentine’s Day in their special way. Some couples were outdoing each other on how they will make their partners happy, while some looked like they were having fun just in each other’s presence.

You couldn’t help but smile at these people in love. You felt your ice heart melt at the joy they were radiating. But when your mind had to remind you that you did not have a special someone, you frowned. Yeah, I’m a single lady walking at the park while drinking coffee. I’m with my best friend, who is one of the most handsome people I’ve ever met…You looked at the man walking beside you, whose facial expression you couldn’t decipher.

“Everything okay, John?” Dang, you weren’t used to calling him that.

“Yeah. It’s just that…I feel happy that everyone’s in love and all, but it had to remind me that I’m a single male.”

Both of you were thinking of the same thing, and you could only widen your eyes in response. “You know, I’ve been thinking of the same thing.”

“Seriously?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Maybe you two are destined to be best friends…or even something more.

“I mean, I am happy that the people here are all lovey-dovey, but I want some action too, you know?” You started rambling, eyes focused in front of you while your hands moved animatedly all over the place.

You didn’t see the smile forming on Johnny’s face, which could be interpreted as sheer joy or total mischief.

He cut off your babbling by grabbing your wrist that wasn’t holding your near-empty coffee. He pulled you towards him and wrapped an arm around your waist. You were about to protest, but his breathy voice got to you.

“Why don’t we pretend we’re a couple today? If you’re up to that, of course.”

You looked up at him and saw that both his cheeks and ears were red. His eyes bore into you, expecting your answer.

“Very funny, Johnny. But if you insist…well, people always thought we were a couple anyway!” You were laughing at how people assumed you two were an item since you were quite touchy with each other. Your hands slipped into his, and he squeezed it gently.

“Well, we could make it happen if we wanted to. But it looks like I’m not your type,” he pouted.

You felt your cheeks flame with his admission. If you only knew…

“Did I say who my type was? I can’t recall,” you said, eyes wandering to the clear blue sky.

“I’m just messing with you, dear,” Johnny squeezed your hand again. “How about we grab something to eat? Are you craving for something?”

You put a hand on your belly and rubbed it, hoping it will give you an answer. “How about quesadillas? Or burritos? Mexican food sounds good to me!”

“Por supuesto, mi señorita!” He replied in Spanish, making you thwack him on the shoulder. Deep inside, you swooned at how sexy he sounded whenever he spoke in another language other than English and Korean.

“Gracias! Vamos a comer, porque tengo mucha hambre,” you said, trying to stifle your laughter. It was one phrase that your aunt taught you that you will never forget, as it perfectly sums up your personality.

He wasn’t able to hold it in – he guffawed in public while still holding your hand. It took some time for you to settle down, and when you did, your hands were still intertwined.

“Taco Bell?” He asked, his tone playful.

“Yeah, I’m fine with Taco Bell.” He snickered at your answer and broke away from his hold on you. For a moment, you missed the warmth of his hand, but then it found its way around your waist.

Both of you walked towards the nearest Taco Bell, his hand on your waist and your head on his shoulder.

Now you could care more about Valentine’s Day, even if it’s just for today.

–––

FIN

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destieltropecollection · 6 years ago

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Destiel Trope Collection 2019 Day 18: High School AU

Superpowers & Hormones | @mattzerella-sticks Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 56870 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - Superheroes & Superpowers, Alternate Universe - High School, Mystery, Miscommunication, Pyrophobic Dean, Mind Control, DCBB 2018 Summary: In a world where everyone is born with amazing abilities, the hope for tomorrow is taught and trained by the great heroes of today at the Academy of Letters. And after a long setback, Dean finally feels ready to attend the famed school – even if it’s only for one year. Still, he plans to have the full experience – from tough classes to lovable friends and even unforeseeable crushes. But nothing is as it seems. Something lurks under the surface, and Dean finds himself tangled in its dark, twisted web. To break free, he’ll have to dig deeper towards the danger. And the closer he gets, the less people he can trust. Balancing superpowers and hormones might be tough, but Dean would rather that then whatever’s waiting for him behind the curtains.

Lollipop | @mattzerella-sticks Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3840 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - High School, DC Universe - Freeform, Gay Dean Winchester, Nerd Dean Winchester/Jock Castiel Summary: Dean Winchester isn't the most popular boy in his school. In fact, you couldn't get lower on the totem pole than him. But he's come to accept it, even if it means dealing with people like Gordon every time he tiptoes out of the status quo. Making first impressions is hard given that he's known most of his classmates since the beginning. But besides Charlie, he doesn't have anyone in his corner. Except for Castiel, the school's quarterback who transferred to their school last year. But he'd never go for someone like Dean...

It Was Just A Joke | @hefellfordean Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2365 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - High School, Jock!Dean, Nerd!Castiel, Panic Attacks, Fluff and Angst, Summary: Castiel is a nerd and Dean a jock, despite this they are best friends. When Cas is at a party with some of Dean's friends, they try to convince him something awful happened. Basically Dean's friends are dicks, but Dean is a sweetheart and I worship high school Destiel.

I See You | @hefellfordean Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3113 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - High School, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Jock!Dean, Nerd!Castiel, Depressed Castiel, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: Castiel is a high school senior, who spends his days by himself, convinced that he is invisible and unimportant - until Dean Winchester attempts to show him otherwise.

An Angel's Blade | @writinginthebunker Rating: Mature Word Count: 53809 Main Tags and Warnings: Self harm, explicit self harm, suicidal ideation, Destiel, high school AU, slow burn, suicidal Castiel, abandoned Castiel, dark subject matter, dark themes Summary: Castiel is essentially alone. Abandoned by his parents, ridiculed by his classmates, Castiel finds his only solace in a metal blade and an old pair of headphones. Dean is new in town, intrigued by the broken boy down the street, he surely can't leave well enough alone, especially when he wasn't well enough to begin with.

happy little accidents | @reallyelegantsharkfish Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1990 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - High School, Asexual Character, Asexual Castiel (Supernatural), Demisexual Dean Winchester, First Kiss Summary: The problem is that now Cas knows what Dean’s freckles look like from centimeters away. He knows — however briefly — the softness of Dean’s mouth. He can’t stop wondering what it would’ve been like if Dean had kissed back instead of drawing away and looking at Cas like he’s an idiot.

Thank You | @lemonsorbae Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 8119 Main Tags and Warnings: HS!AU, Fluff, Teacher Castiel, Teacher Dean Winchester, Meddling Kids Summary: In which the students of Benjamin Edlund High School are very invested in the relationship of their two favorite teachers.

Cuddling is Manly | @breathingdestiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 46182 Main Tags and Warnings: best friends to lovers, mutual pining, bed sharing Summary: Castiel Novak has just lost a longtime friend, his cat Moon, whom he had since he was nine. After a while he realizes that his grades are slipping and that he has a hard time focusing on studying, all because he used to do it while petting Moon. When his best friend Dean notices that something is wrong, they cuddle together, believing it would help Cas. But what was supposed to be a one time thing turns into a regular cuddling between them, complicating Cas' already complicated feelings towards Dean.

Movie Night | @breathingdestiel Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3373 Main Tags and Warnings: best friends to lovers, smut, pining Summary: Cas is late to a movie night and there is no room for him to sit. Except in Dean's lap.

The Nuances in Flirting | @thebloggerbloggerfun Rating: General Word Count: 3144 Main Tags and Warnings: Friends to Lovers Summary: Based on the tumblr prompt: “HS AU with popular!Dean and popular!Cas, they're those two annoying guys who make funny (but also obnoxious) comments in every single class, and make stupid, flirtatious remarks to each other like "Cas looks pretty hot today guys" or "I'm totally dating Dean, everyone" etc. Only thing is, they're secretly in love, but neither will admit it."

Dark Blue, Dark Blue | @ellen-of-oz Rating: Mature Word Count: 36112 Main Tags and Warnings: Moondoor, High School AU, Gamer Castiel, Gamer Dean, Emo Castiel, Friends to Lovers, Canon-typical Violence Summary: In late 2006, Castiel and Dean are in the same guild and raid team in the online game, Moondoor. They only know each other by their character names: Niteryder and Thorsangel, but they hang out and chat whenever they’re not raiding. Dean is baffled though—no matter how much time they spend talking online, Angel never reveals anything about himself. That’s because Castiel is in hiding. At school he hides behind his emo image and stays as invisible as he can, but online he’s got to be extra-vigilant. He can’t reveal anything about himself to Ryder, as much as he might like to—doing so would risk bringing trouble down on himself and his mom. There’s something about Ryder that makes him easy to talk to, though. But outside of the game, ghosts from Castiel’s family’s past are out for revenge, and going back to Lawrence, KS to visit his friend Meg could put him in danger.

All Those Summer Nights | @babybluecas Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1497 Main Tags and Warnings: alternate universe, inspired by Grease Summary: It was the best summer of Dean's life - spent on relaxing, parties and fun. And most importantly, spent with a blue-eyed boy he met one day on a beach. But the summer's over now, the school year begins, and Dean's left with the memories of his first summer love.

Aesthetics | @hearts-and-thumbs Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4121 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - High School, Artist Castiel, POV Castiel, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Color Fic, Childhood Friends, Fluff Summary: Dean Winchester's been Castiel's muse since he realized he was in love with him. He's the movement in the shading, and the colours exploding into vibrancy on his page. Unfortunately, they haven't been friends for years and Cas' got about a snowball's chance in Hell of changing that. And besides, it's not just friendship he wants. Dean disappeared years ago and came back different. And really, he's the biggest (and worst) flirt ever. But stranger things have happened.

Sealed lips. Tied hands. | @sternchencas Rating: General Word Count: 10781 Main Tags and Warnings: speaking disability, harassment by a teacher Summary: Dean Winchester doesn't look forward to his first day of school, but it's not because of your usual teenager problems. He would be glad if he had to deal with dates, grades and rumors about his love life. Instead, he struggles even to communicate. In a world where everyone talks in sign language, his hands are tied. He's a happer. One of those weird people who have a hard time figuring out what others say, and can't express what they want to tell. But one good deed might save him because he helps Castiel Novak. A boy who might be just as different and weird as Dean. A boy who understands even when Dean's lips are sealed.

Green Eyes In Sketchbooks | @envydean Rating: General Word Count: 1418 Main Tags and Warnings: artist!Cas, Jock!Dean, Meddling!Charlie, Unrequited Love, two sided unrequited love, Happy Ending, Fluff Summary: Castiel has always liked Dean, and he's always assumed that Dean has just never noticed him. That is until one day Dean does notice him and everything turns itself upside down.

Appreciation | @envydean Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3002 Main Tags and Warnings: Light Angst, Fluff, sharing food, hand holding, First Kiss, Poor!Castiel Summary: Over in the corner is Castiel Novak. He’s not been at the school long but today he’s all alone; just last week, Dean was sure he saw him hanging out with Samandriel and Andy but today they’re nowhere to be seen. That is until he looks elsewhere and find them laughing at each other on a different table. Dean frowns. The guy doesn’t have his bag on him or any food in front of him. It’s far too early in their lunch break for him to have finished already.

Grammar Games (Series) | @relucant Rating: Explicit Word Count: 29961 Main Tags and Warnings: high school AU, light dom/sub, bottom dean, top cas, english grammar Summary: "Hey, hey," Dean said, propping his feet up on a chair. "Dude, I don't even know your name." Cas blinked up at him, and the tiny heat that the gravelly voice had sparked in Dean's stomach evolved into a full-on tingle. "Oh, uh," he said. "Yeah. I'm Castiel. Cas, if you like." "Cas," Dean drawled. "I do like." He stuck out his hand. Cas raised an eyebrow, but he reached out to shake. "I'm Dean Winchester." "I'm aware," Cas said dryly. "You've something of a reputation." "I'm aware," Dean agreed with a bright grin.

Somebody Holds the Key | @relucant Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1280 Main Tags and Warnings: high school AU, fluff Summary: Cas makes friends.

#destiel #writersofdestiel #destielfanficnet #deancasfanficnet #destiel trope collection #tropes #high school au #2019

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itsalliepg · 5 years ago

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Two Weeks – Zig X Scarlett (MC)(Part 3 of The Sweetest Thing Series)

SUMMARY: The day after Scarlett (MC) and Zack’s talk, Zig also talks to Chris about his feelings for her.

PAIRING: Zig X Scarlett (MC)

RATING: Teen

WORDS: 1948

NOTE: Hey guys! Now it’s time to see Zig’s POV! I tried to add some aspects of his friendship with Chris, my BrOTP! English isn’t my native language. I write to practice and learn, so please sorry any mistakes. I hope you like it, and if you do, I’d appreciate if you like/comment/reblog!

Click here to read Part 1 Part 2

Fanfic Masterlist

AO3 Profile

I could see it as you turned to stone Still clearly I can hear you say Don't leave, don't give up on me Two weeks and you run away I remember don't lie to me You couldn't see that it was not that way Swear I never gave up on you

(Two Weeks – All That Remains)

On Friday, Zig was trying to focus on his classes. Trying, because during those two weeks, there wasn’t a single minute he didn’t think about Scarlett. Even while at work, every time a costumer ordered a chocolate caramel latte, her favorite. He has never seen her since he leaving the apartment that day. She never went to the coffee again. When one of their friends ordered an extra cup, he knew it was to her. And he asked them about her. The answer was the same: she was miserable, remorseful, exactly what he imagined and feared. It seemed she was the one who suffered the most, but the truth was he was as destroyed as she was. But she was always better at demonstrating this than he was. No one knew, but Zig cried every night, missing the feeling of falling asleep with Scarlett cuddled with him. He was still upset at her attitudes, but knowing she was so sorrowed hurt him too. She didn’t deserve this, and he shouldn’t be treating her like that. Zig blamed her for that break, but he could have acted differently. After class, he decided to drive around town to clear his mind, but he ended up in a place which was special for both of them.

_Hey, Zig – Chris greeted when Zig entered his apartment.

_Hey, Chris – he answered, his head down, and sat beside Chris on the couch.

_What’s up? – Chris set his homework on the coffee table and turned to him. He and Zack planned to talk to Zig and Scarlett separately and do their best to make them express their feelings. That was the opportunity Chris was waiting for. Zig was hard to get to, but he and Chris had been best friends since last year, after Zig joined in the football team.

_After my classes ended today, I drove for a while, and then I realized I was in front of the place I took Scarlett when James was leaving, I think I told you – Chris nodded – that place is really special for us, because that’s where I felt closest to her, to her anguish, and I promised – he breathed in unsteadily – I promised to be there for her every time she needed it, and I broke that promise again. I abandoned her after that argument at Kaitlyn’s show and now again – the tears came easily – now she saw who I really am. Despite all that we’ve been through together, and how much she has helped me change, deep down, I’m the same rude guy she met two years ago. She must be disappointed with me and it’s all my fault. I’m sure she hates me now, and she has every right to it.

_Zig, Scarlett doesn’t hate you – Chris wrapped an arm around his shoulders – she must be upset, but I know she loves you, and that hasn’t change. And hey, you’re nothing close to who you were when we met you, Zig. If I could see your change, Scarlett can see it even more – Zig wiped his tears.

_I’m an idiot. This isn’t the kind of thing I learned about treating a girlfriend. That’s the kind of thing my dad would do, not me… - he sobbed – even my mom’s mad at me. She adores Scarlett and remembered me when she said Scarlett should be treated like a queen… - Chris let out his arm, to turn to face him.

_So, in this case, I need to ask: why are you treating her like this? – Zig rubbed his face in embarrassment.

_I think I was very focused on what I was feeling, my anger and my sadness of what she did that I ignored everything else. I accused her of being selfish, but so was I. As I asked to her, she respected my decision of this break. And maybe I hurt her more than she hurt me.

_So, you’re not so mad at her anymore? – Chris noticed Zig shifting uncomfortably – Zig, you can tell me these things. We always talk about personal issues, like our families. What are best friends for? – Zig remembered when he told about his record, and Chris talked to him after that. He told Chris about his family before he even told Scarlett.

_Okay, you’re right – Zig sighed – things are cool now, I guess. I’m still upset that she hid things from me and I’ve always been sincere with her, but I don’t know, maybe I’d do the same if I was in her shoes. Those guys are a bunch of sociopaths, you saw what they did with Tyler.

_Yeah, I still can’t believe Tyler chose their side. Now he’s one of the Alphas.

_Ugh, I feel nauseous just hearing that name. And for everything they did to her. If that Beau is still thinking about posting the video, he'll have to face me first – he frowned and snorted.

_You still love her, don’t you? – Chris asked, smiling a little.

_Chris, I… - Zig buried his face in his hands – all this time hasn’t changed the fact that I love her more than anything – some tears formed again in the corners of his eyes – you know, after my prison, I have nightmares sometimes. I dream of my sister screaming and begging me to stop beating her ex, my mother’s look of despair when I was sentenced, my loneliness in the juvie, things like that. A few weeks ago, I had one of those nightmares and I woke up in the middle of night, scared. I looked to the side and saw Scarlett sleeping. Serene, beautiful, perfect. She was even smiling –tears left his eyes – and at that moment I thought “This is the woman I want to have by my side when I wake up after a bad dream from now on” – he wiped away the tears, but others fell – and not only that, she’s the one I want to be Mrs. Ortega, the mother of my children, and growing old with me – his voice has become clumsy – that day, I started saving to buy a ring, and propose to her after graduation, if I could hold myself there – Chris smiled and squeezed Zig’s shoulder – but now I don’t know if I can do that.

_Of course you can, Zig! Nothing is lost yet! I know you can talk again now and sort things out – Zig didn’t look too convinced – look, I know you haven’t searched the college dorms yet, and I know it’s because you still hope you can go back to the apartment, right? – he raised an eyebrow and Zig sighed.

_Yeah, you’re right, Chris. Damn, I’m like Abbie last year at your house, aren’t I?

_Hey, Zig, don’t worry. You’re my friend, and you can stay here as long as you need. To be honest, I was missing a roommate – they laughed slightly – but Scarlett’s also my friend and I know she’s suffering as much as you. And it’s curious that you mentioned Abbie. I remember when she came to our house, you were there too, and you told her something about how much she and Tyler cared about each other and it’s worth fighting. I can see the same with you and Scarlett.

_I advised the couple who are separated now. And the problems they had were the kind of problems Scarlett and I have sometimes and five minutes later we’re okay. What happened between us is much worse, Chris. I’m afraid we have the same fate.

_I’ll be honest with you, Zig. I always thought you and Scarlett are a lot more mellowed than Tyler and Abbie. You can solve for yourself the issues that they couldn’t. And thanks to your maturity, you can solve that too and don’t let external factors interfere with your relationship, like Tyler did – Zig’s glare finally faded away.

_I was an idiot with her – he repeated, sadly – I accused her of cheating on me with that Nathan from the Alphas, and I didn’t believe her.

_About it, you don’t have to worry, because since you started dating, she has no eyes for anyone else. Better, since she met you. I noticed how she looked at you even before she knew your name, she was enchanted, just like today – Zig beamed, remembering their early days, the flirtating, and everything they had lived together.

_I don’t have eyes for anyone else either. She’s my whole world, and I’d do everything for her.

_I know she’d do that too. She made a mistake by hiding the truth from us, especially you, but you can’t accuse her of acting with second intentions. She did what she thought was right. Actually, I think she was really brave, trusting both herself and her ability to solve it all. Of course, she didn’t have to do that and risked her life in the process. But I think we both know that the brave decisions aren’t always are the smartest or the safest – Chris nudged Zig, and he smiled a little.

_You’re right. I was a hypocrite with Scarlett too – Zig rubbed his forehead – and so unfair…when I remember her face when I threw all that bunch of insults, I want to slap myself. And I refused to listen to her, and believe her. The woman of my life didn’t deserve that treatment.

_So…maybe it’s time to talk to her? – Chris grinned.

_Yes, it’s time to talk to her. I almost lost her once because of my stubbornness and my rough manners, I won’t make the same mistake twice – Zig smiled – I’ll get my girl back. I just hope she accepts my apology.

_That’s what like to hear, Ortega! – Chris shoved his arm playfully and they laughed – I’m sure she will accept. She wants it as much as you do.

_I have to work now – he glanced at the clock on his phone – but I’ll compose everything I want to say in my mind, then text her to set a place and a time where we can talk.

_Sounds like a plan that can work.

_I’m confident this will work – Zig turned to Chris – thank you so much, Chris – they hugged each other – for everything, let me stay here all these days, talk to me and help me to see what I was doing. You’re really my best friend.

_I always had the feeling you’d be my best friend since we talked that day at Kappa’s house, Zig. And I know you’d do the same to me. You can always count on me.

_Thanks, so do you –they pulled back, smiling, and got up of the couch – well, now I’ll get ready to work – suddenly, his phone buzzed in his pocket – it’s Kaitlyn? – he found it strange. Kaitlyn always had a habit of texting, not calling – hey, Kaitlyn, what’s up?...w-what?...is she okay? – Chris looked at him, concerned – I’ll be there, thanks, Kaitlyn.

_What happened? – Chris asked, his eyes widening. Zig was shaking, his mouth agape.

_Scarlett…she… - he stammered, looking at the floor – Kaitlyn said a car ran over her…Zack and Kaitlyn are in the hospital…

_Oh, my God… - Chris didn’t believe.

_I need to see her – Zig turned to Chris – would you go with me? I don’t know if I can drive…

_Sure, Zig! Let’s go! – they left the apartment, while Zig called to his boss, explaining what happened.

#long post #zig ortega #zig x mc #zig x scarlett #the junior #fanfic #choices fanfic #choices #playchoices

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 5 years ago

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I want to make a big post in regards to the survey I put out yesterday and talk about the future of this blog, as well as talk about [with you], my other writings and future posts.

This post is massive, but I want to be thorough about everything I put in the survey and the responses it got.

Before I start, I just want to say another thank you to everyone who has been supportive of me and this blog, and to everyone who took the time to take the survey and leave me feedback.

Except for the 3 people [which I’m not even convinced is 3 separate people tbh] who answered NO on every single question and the proceeded to write paragraphs about how my blog and writings are awful. I’m convinced this is the anon[s] who has actively sent me hate for the past few months based on the style the paragraphs were written. I know it’s you, hate anon[s], and your answers and votes have been completely scrapped.

Anyway, with that out of the way, I do want to add that the survey will be up for the rest of the week in case anyone still wants to take it. I’ll check it every night and close it after this Sunday.

Let’s get into this.

I want to start by prefacing that I understand this is MY blog and I can post whatever I want.

If I wanted to do character nights every night of the week or spend an entire day posting the same picture of Omar with stew on his face with the caption “Omar’s daily skincare routine”, then I could.

I won’t, but I could.

That being said, while there are things that I want to do or have thought about doing, I don’t want to do them if no one wants it. It would be a waste of time to do it anyway and then have no one read or appreciate it. That’s a big reason for this- to get a feel for what I want to do but also know what you want to see.

This was the first thing I wanted to confirm everyone was on board with. I LOVE doing these character and ship nights and I want to keep doing them every weekend! I get so many great responses [hell, most nights I get more responses than I can answer in a single night!] and have a blast talking about them!

So, you can imagine how happy I was to see that 92% of the answers were YES. The 8% who said NO included the 3 hate responses, but also 2 random NO’s that I was curious about. When I made the survey, I thought about adding a WHY after every question but didn’t because I wanted it to be quick.

We’ll continue to do character nights every Saturday and ship nights every Sunday.

We’ve only got three more Ericson kids to do for the character nights, and then we’ll spread out and do some characters from the other seasons. One thing that popped up frequently in the final response at the end of the survey was more attention to the other seasons, which is exciting! S4 may be my favorite season of the series, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love the other seasons and it’s characters.

I mean, c’mon, it’d be a SIN to not have a Lee night, right?

We still have plenty of ships to get through for s4, but when we eventually get through all of those, I’ll draw in other ships from the other games.

This one is important to me.

As far as my list of projects and future posts go, this one is the oldest. I’ve collected one-shots and multi-chapter fics and put them on my TBR list since ep2 was released.

Initially, I thought I was going to read all of them, then make a master list of my favorites with little mini-reviews. And then my list grew past 40 fics. Every time I would look at it, I’d say, “That’s a lot, I do it later lol.”

And then I got fed up and said, “Y’know what? Why am I making this harder for myself? Just take it 3-5 fics at a time and give them the focus and appreciation they deserve!”

So I did.

And if felt good to finally do it.

If any of you out there within this community haven’t ever written fanfiction, maybe you don’t like to and you’d rather just read it or you don’t have any ideas or whatever the reason may be, then you might not know [or fully understand] this:

Writing is hard.

It’s fun and worth it, but it is so damn hard.

And writer’s need to be appreciated for all the hard work and time they put into these stories.

This isn’t me calling out people for reading and not reviewing. Everyone has their reason for not reviewing a fic: They didn’t like it, they don’t know what to say, they loved it but can’t express how much they love it, they don’t think about it, they left kudos or likes and that’s enough- whatever! It’s all valid.

You as the reader don’t have to review things.

I’m just saying that reviews, when given by those who are comfortable doing so, are appreciated, are a great way to boost a writer’s confidence in their work, and let the writer know that they’re creating something good.

As a writer myself, reviews are something I cherish. I don’t care if it’s a review that says “Love it!” or “Can’t wait for more!” or if it’s a long paragraph. ALL of it is important to me. Every kudos or like is important to me.

As a writer, I know that one review can make or break your spirit for writing.

I am more than comfortable leaving long reviews, both on the story itself and on these posts I’ve started creating. I want these writers to know that they are so damn talented and we appreciate them and their work.

The mindset I go into when reading and reviewing these stories is “As a writer, what’s a review that I could only ever DREAM of receiving? What’s a review that would make me want to keep writing and better myself?”

Then I do my best to give them that review that they deserve.

Because you never know. What if this review inspires one of these writers and then they write the most beautiful story this fandom’s ever seen?

What if this writer was having a shitty day, or week, or month, and this review made them feel better?

What if this writer felt they weren’t good enough and was on the edge of never writing another story despite their talent and this review made them rethink that decision?

And if I have a chance at giving them that review? I’m going to take it.

It’s worth it.

THIS is the kind of positivity I want to share on this blog.

Even if I have to do it 3 stories at a time, I will continue to make these appreciation posts, and based on the 92% of YES’s on the survey, you guys want more of them which I’m grateful.

Much like the fanfic appreciation posts, this one has been on my mind for a long time.

Like most of you, I’ve spent years plaything these games and watching Clementine grow. Seeing her story come to its conclusion [after the very real possibility that it wouldn’t] was emotional on every level, and it continues to be emotional every time I replay the series.

If there’s one thing that I LOVE to discuss and read about, it’s how different everyone’s Clementine is.

None of them are the same. Sure, there are things about her that we can’t change [her race and sexuality] but as far as parts of her personality, how she interacts with others, who she falls in love with, and how she raises AJ is in our hands and how we want to shape her.

Even when we’re not playing as her our choices affect her character.

I’ve wanted to sit down and replay the entire series all over again, focus on Clementine, take even more notes, and then write a post of how MY Clementine grew throughout the series.

Like I said, ALL of our Clementine’s are different. I want to make this post and then see how different YOUR Clementine is compared to mine.

I want you to read the post and say “Wait, what? That’s not what my Clementine felt or did, she [blank]” because think of the possibilities for discussion that would open up?

Honestly, I could spend hours talking about Clementine and the effects my choices had on her.

So, yes, this is one that I will be doing. It won’t be done right away since I’m waiting for the Definitive series to release so that I can play that version. Not only that, but it’s not like I can beat the whole thing in a couple hours. This post will take weeks to prepare and I truly can’t wait.

I’m super excited about this one! And based on the 95% of people who said YES, y’all are excited, too!

This one was the most, um.... “controversial”?

That might be the right word, haha. That makes it sound TOO serious.

I actually added a [+other characters] to this question because I was trying to get across that I wanted to do character studies in general with Louis as an example, whether it be an analysis post OR a character study one-shot, like what I did with Mitch and [gross feelings].

However, I’m dumb and was in a hurry, so I slapped down Louis’ name and that point was COMPLETELY lost when I posted this question and that’s 100% my fault.

I should’ve worded it: Would you be interested in character STORIES/STUDIES of Louis AND the other Ericson kids?

I guess I could go on there NOW and fix is but................ would it matter?

I got a few comments about this one, each with the same worry about it. I won’t directly mention it here, but I want you to know that I’ve read through them carefully and I completely understand where you’re coming from.

What I can share is basically summed up in this one sentence [which I hope this person doesn’t mind me using]: “I think your ship posts and fanfics are better for the blog because Character studies I feel like crosses over into some other blogs and it might ruin what they have going for them since you kind of do everything?”

Fair enough.

However, I still want to do them, just... a little differently.

The more and more I thought about it, I think it might be fun to do more stories like [gross feelings] where it’s character-centric, told from only their POV, and delves into their feelings towards a certain topic.

[gross feelings]: Mitch-centric, focuses on his views of romance, how conflicted he is upon realizing he has feelings for James, and how Clementine and Louis’ relationship impacted his views.

It’s not a character study in the sense that I’m sitting down and writing down every single thing I know about him with my observations and theories about his character. It’s a story that dives into his mind.

For Louis, what if I wrote a fic based in the week after Marlon’s death and they’re preparing for the delta? Completely his POV and focuses on his conflicting feelings on Marlon, AJ, and Clementine? It’d still be a character study but within an actual story.

Or after Clementine comes back on the brink of death and missing a leg?

Or, hell, if I want to make myself sad, I could do one based on when he loses his tongue.

That’s more along the lines I was thinking and just worded it badly in the question I put out. In my head, it made sense so I get where those comments were coming from. Y’all are gonna have to give me feedback on if you think that’s a better direction because I think it is.

This one I thought could be fun.

In case you don’t know, another thing that I love to discuss is changes I [and everyone else] would make to certain seasons to improve the overall story.

For example, I don’t like the Stranger in s1 and think Jolene should’ve been the one to kidnap Clementine.

That’s a huge change to the story and opens up a shit ton of possibilities.

This is something that I think could be an entertaining thing to write and read and discuss. Again, this won’t be done for a very long time, since I’ll have to wait until the Definitive series releases and then do the posts between each season as I finish them, which will take a while.

Also!

One comment that was left was “What if we have season nights?” like we so with characters and ships. I think that is a wonderful idea! Not only would we be able to talk about the things we love, but we’d also get to share our different ideas for what could’ve improved the season!

Hell, maybe we could have a season WEEKEND. Since there’s a lot to talk about with each season, a night might not be enough. Maybe instead of doing a character/ship that weekend, we dedicate both days to Season 1/2/3/4?

It could be fun!

I’m still iffy on this one, but I was surprised to see such a high amount of people answer YES.

I’ve always thought about live streaming the final season, but I still don’t have a full grasp of how Mixer works [I play on xbox so I have to stream that way and Mixer is their way of doing it, I guess] nor do I own a headset or microphone to talk to you guys through. I could always do a silent stream, but really, where’s the fun in that??

Then again, do y’all really want to hear my cringy voice...? haha

It’s something that I want to do, though.

I even went into the gaming section at Walmart yesterday to look at their headsets and just “.......What does any of this mean??”

Sometimes I feel like an old lady who can’t quite grasp technology.

Then again, I had a lot on my mind yesterday and that might’ve distracted me. Needless to say, I did not buy a headset.

I want to do it, but I’m iffy still. That sums it up.

I was nervous about asking this one.

And I almost cried when I saw 95% of people said YES.

Most of the negative thoughts that I’ve had lately are related to my writing. Like I mentioned above, writing is hard. I love it so much but holy shit, sometimes it fucks me up.

I’ve gotten pretty good at sitting myself down, forcing all the negativity out of my mind, and just writing. I’ve done a lot of other things to help with writing and most of them have worked. It’s just been these past few weeks that I’ve relapsed into that negativity and self-doubt.

I guess I just needed to know that this is something that you guys still wanted, and now I know.

Now, I promised at the beginning of this that I would talk about [with you].

It’s been a long time since it’s been updated. I promised the final chapter a while ago and then I dealt with personal issues that prevented me from doing so. Then, when I went to finish it, I did.

And it was shit.

It was rushed and not everything I wanted it to be. I was writing it just to get it done, and that’s not what I’m about. I want to write something because I love it, not because I feel obligated to.

I want to finish [with you], but I want to finish it the right way and it took me a long time to come to this conclusion.

Here’s the part where I let you in on a secret:

I haven’t just been rewriting Chapter 6.

I’ve been rewriting the whole thing.

Chapters 1-3 have been revised with extra scenes, better grammar, and better flow into each other. Chapter’s 4-5 are currently being reworked, and Chapter 6 is being written.

Not only that, but I’ve split up these long-ass chapters so that they’re easier and less overwhelming to read through.

I can already hear it: “CJ?? Post chapter 6 first??? then go back a revise?? it’s been six months??? why do you hate us??????????”

Going back and “fixing” Chapters 1-5 have done nothing but improve Chapter 6 and the overall story. I’m sorry that it’s been so long that a lot have given up on it, but if I’m going to finish this, I’m going to finish it so that I’m proud of it.

When the final chapter is finished, I’ll be “re-posting” the entire story on AO3, FF.net, Wattpad, and here. And what I mean by that is I’ll go in, edit the chapters and replace them with the new ones, as well as split them into their proper parts, and release the ending. I won’t take down or delete the stories because I want to keep the reviews they currently have.

I’m just telling you this because right now, you’ll see this:

Chapters: 5/6

And when it’s finished, you’ll see something like this:

Chapters: 10/10 [or something, I don’t know the exact number yet]

That’s where [with you] stands.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me and this story. I hope you love it when it’s finished.

I added this in as an opportunity to tell me what you wanted to see from me or suggest prompts for future stories.

I’ve looked over all of them and tucked them away in my prompt folder.

I added this as a “final thoughts” section where you could suggest other things or say something that’s on your mind.

Again, I’ve looked over all of these several times and took them into consideration.

I also want to express a huge thank you for the amount of support I received while reading through them.

I hate to get mushy-gushy here at the end of this long post [and kudos to you if you actually made it this far holy shit], but I love you all.

Except you, hate anon[s]. Still iffy on you.

Seriously, you guys make running this blog, writing fics, and replaying these games worth it. I can’t express how much y’all have helped me and I’m happy to still be here. Yeah, Clementine’s story is over but that doesn’t mean I’m over it and I’m happy to have so many people here who I can talk about this with.

Thank you. ❤️

#asks #twdg fanfic appreciation #[with you]#[with you] update #twdg #twdg clementine #twdg louis #twdg mitch #twdg omar #twdg aj #twdg lee #this is long #but important #thank you

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