#too bad she never really pretended to be cosima

[melodyalanaroster]

Miracle Romance

"Oh my god." Alana gasped with tears in her eyes. She stood in front of a large mirror and stared at herself. "I finally look like Serenity." She smiled as she left the dressing room and showed herself to Nathaniel. "You look amazing." Nathaniel smiled. Alana began to cry. “For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be like her... And now, even for a few moments... I can be her.” Tears made their way down her face as she smiled. "I guess I have to break your one rule." Nathaniel smiled. "You are not dying your hair black." Alana remarked. "I could wear a wig." Nathaniel replied. “But Nath... We talked about this...” Alana began. "I am not letting anyone else be your Endymion." Nathaniel interjected.

★

Throughout Alana's life, she had made it very clear that Sailor Moon had been a staple to her. It was a staple in the Roster family. By the time Alana reached the point of living in the Black Tower, at least four generations of the family enjoyed it. Including both primary sets of sisters, Margaret and little Ravenna.

She would play pretend with Viktor, Severina and Sam when they were children. She would always be Sailor Moon and Princess Serenity, Viktor was Tuxedo Mask and Prince Endymion, Severina was Sailor Venus and Sam was always Sailor Jupiter. The tree house in Alana's backyard was often the Moon Kingdom and they would frequently save the world. The adventures would always end with the power of love winning and the kids going into the house for a snack.

As the kids reached adolescence, they were forced to stop playing. But, their love of the anime was still prevalent. Alana always kept up with merchandise news and rumors about the release of a second anime. Lynne had made sure that Alana and Sam had their own copies of the manga, original anime and movies. Viktor happily talked about being Endymion to Alana’s Serenity until they were forced to break up. They wanted to continue the fantasy, but circumstance parted them. Severina was always happy to talk to everyone, and toss out ideas for a proper cosplay group, but Sam dampened the idea with the reminder that, as long as Viktor’s and Severina’s fathers remained in control of their lives, they’d never be allowed to do so.

When Lynne moved Alana and Sam to Amouria, things began to change. "She won't shut up about that Nathaniel guy." Viktor growled as he sat down next to Severina. “Viktor, you knew from the day one that you and Mels weren't allowed to be together. She has to find her Endymion." Severina sighed. “But seriously? aunt Lynne moves her and Sam to Amouria and they both immediately find guys they like?” Viktor complained. “You know Mels talks about other guys too. Right now, it could be Castiel, Lysander, Armin or Nathaniel.” Severina tried to make things sound better. “No, it's definitely Nathaniel. She barely mentions the others to me. Mostly about Armin playing games, Castiel being an ass, and Lysander losing his notebook. But she dotes on Nathaniel a lot.” Viktor retorted. Severina sighed. "Viktor... Do you remember what happened to Adonis and Beryl? Their envy got the best of them, they became evil and they died. Please keep a clear head.” She reasoned. "I am not like Adonis and Beryl." Viktor shot. “Viktor, I can't believe I have to be the voice of reason here. Both of our moms made it very clear that aunt Lynne, Mels and Sam have more freedom than we do. They're not blue bloods. They have to find their miracle elsewhere... Although, you and I will probably end up being paired together in an arranged marriage set up by our fathers.” She explained. Viktor thought for a couple of minutes and sighed. "I just thought..." 

The first time Nathaniel ever went into Alana's room, he instantly noticed her Sailor Moon dolls. "They're really hard to find these days... And Sailor Moon means a lot to me..." She said as she explained what the show meant to her. “It's a connection to my past, my closest friends, and my family.” She smiled. Nathaniel looked puzzled for a bit, then smiled. "That's really sweet.". He smiled. He noticed a picture of her, Sam, Severina and Viktor on a shelf and picked it up. “You all look like you’re having so much fun.” He mused. “Yeah... That’s the only time we’ve ever been able to dress up.” Alana sighed, wistfully. The kids were in makeshift Sailor Scout uniforms. Their hair wasn’t perfect, and Viktor’s tux didn’t fit right, but they didn’t care. The photo had been taken a few weeks before Cosima Chevalier’s death, and was one of the last happy memories they had as a group. “Its cute.” Nathaniel chuckled as he looked at her lovingly.

When her mother went into the hospital, Nate arranged it to where Alana and Lynne could sit and watch whatever they wanted in the room. Lynne suggested marathoning Sailor Moon. The days in the hospital weren't as bad when they watched the show and Lynne stayed stable, but there were days where not even fighting evil by moonlight could save the day. But, that didn't keep them from trying. It didn't take them long to get through all five seasons and three movies of the original anime. “I heard they're making a second anime that's supposed to be closer to the manga!” Alana attempted to be cheery. She was sure that she, Severina and Sam had told her about Crystal, but she really couldn’t think of anything positive to say.  “That's lovely! Do you know when it's set to come out?” Lynne asked. “I have no idea. I'm sure Toei will update us when they can!” Alana replied. “I hope its soon.” Lynne smiled. Suddenly, Lynne began coughing and her monitors started to go off. “NURSE! HELP!” Alana cried.

Even when Sam and Alana fought so badly that the Military and RDR felt it was necessary to create a treaty between the two organizations to prevent the sisters from ever being enemies again, it was actually their love of Sailor Moon that truly began to bring them together again. Severina had gotten wind of the fight and forced the girls to go to her house. “OW! RINI! YOU'RE HURTING MY EAR!” Alana whined. “Seriously! What the hell?” Sam whined. “I don't care if I'm hurting you two! This kind of fighting is unacceptable! You two are sisters and you know that this behavior will tear the family apart! I won't allow that!" Severina began to cry as she lead the sisters to her home theater. "What's all this?" Alana asked. "You've forced my hand, so I'm pulling out the big guns!" Severina cried as she grabbed a remote and turned on the screen. Sam and Alana looked at the menu then at each other. "Go figure." Sam grinned. "Of course." Alana grinned. The menu on the screen was the DVD menu to Sailor Moon R: The Promise Of The Rose. By the time the song “The Power Of Love” was playing, tears were streaming down the sisters' faces. "Mels." Sam began to choke. "Sam." Alana's voice wavered. They looked at each other, sadness and regret in their eyes. “Mels... I’m s-so s-sorry f-for what I-I said..” Sam sniffled. “I’m s-sorry t-too S-Sami...” Alana blubbered as she hugged Sam. “I love you.” Sam muttered as she held onto her sister. “I love you too.” Alana murmured. 

When Death’s Domain was getting set up, Alana dedicated a whole room to the series. “You’re seriously going to have an entire room dedicated to Sailor Moon?” Derek had asked. “Yes. Its going to have shelves for merch, posters, and a couch to relax on.” Alana mused. “Melody can have whatever she wants for her apartment. And, if it helps her destress, I most definitely approve.” The  Red Death announced. “Well, the majority of my collection will be in there. There’s going to be something Sailor Moon related in every room.” Alana smiled. “Of course there will be.” Derek facepalmed. “I’m not apologizing. I love Sailor Moon and I wanna showcase it in my home.” Alana laughed. “And I’m sure you’re going to do nothing but post about your collection for a while.” Derek rolled his eyes. “Obviously. Moonies have a good presence online.” Alana mused. “I thought “Moonies” were people who followed the Unification Church?” The Red Death inquired. “Yeah, they are called that, but Sailor Moon fans are also called “Moonies”. I know, in certain circles, I have to be sure to differentiate... But, its what we’re called.” Alana explained as she shrugged her shoulders. The room ended up becoming a paradise for fans of the series. Shelves filled with various collectibles, a couch decorated with two throw pillows and a blanket, a coffee table with two sets of coasters, a large rug, framed posters, plushies, moon and star lights along the walls and showering down the window and a tv mounted on one wall. In contrast to the vast majority of Death’s Domain, the room was an explosion of bright colors.

★

Nathaniel stepped into the restroom for a few minutes. Alana watched the door in anticipation. When he came out, he was running his hands along the circumference of the black wig, making sure it was in its proper place. The thought of how similar he looked to Viktor shot through her mind. She did her best to suppress that thought. "You don't even like cosplay..." She muttered as she smiled. "You do so much for me, I don't mind doing this for you." He grinned. "Nathaniel! I love you!” She cried as she wrapped her arms around him. “I knew I was going to see Princess Serenity, I didn't know Prince Endymion would be with her!” someone called from behind them. They turned around and saw Sam leaning in the doorway. “Sam! I look just like her!” Alana cried. "I wonder if I can get Ken to be Nephrite." Sam commented. “I'm sure he would be if you asked him. You two would be the perfect Jupiter and Nephrite!” Alana beamed. “I didn't know this was turning into a full on cosplay group!” Ken laughed as he walked up behind Sam. "Why not?" Sam asked. "I'm not sure Viktor would appreciate being Kunzite." Alana remarked. “He'd have to get used to it. Since Nathaniel is Endymion, that demotes Viktor to Kunzite.” Sam stated. "Right because when you guys were kids, Viktor was always Endymion." Nathaniel rolled his eyes. “Viktor has had years to accept his position in my sister's life. If he doesn't accept it, it will not end well for him.” Sam replied. "Do you think he will?" Nathaniel asked. "If he truly cares about her, he will." Sam nodded. “Viktor has known for years that our time ended long ago. Accepting his new position is painful for him, but he is well aware of the fact that it's something that he must do.” Alana explained.

A few minutes later, Renee walked into the room. “You both look magnificent! The girls and I have gotten a backdrop ready, would you two mind taking a few pictures?” She beamed. Alana smiled and turned to Nathaniel, a very hopeful look on her face. "Would you be okay with that?" She asked. Nathaniel nodded. "Sure." He grinned. They followed Renee into a room. "Oh my god! You two look utterly amazing!”, “You look beautiful Mels! Nathaniel, you look so handsome!”, “True Moon and Earth royalty!” the other girls cooed when they saw them. “I think we should do a cosplay group. I'm Jupiter and Rini will be Venus.” Sam commented when she walked in. "I volunteer to be Mercury!" Renee cheered. "I'll be Mars." Lyra smiled. "I'll be Pluto." Veronica beamed. "I don't mind being Saturn." Nora suggested. "I wonder if we could get Lucy and Noelle to be Uranus and Neptune." Sam pondered. "We could also see about getting Ravenna to be Chibi Moon." Alana proposed. “I think that would be fantastic. Who would be the rest of the Shitennou?” Lyra asked. "I could see if Armin could be Jadeite." Alana thought out loud. "Are we really setting up a cosplay group?" Nathaniel asked. Sam looked at Nath, as if he had said something really stupid. "Do you not realize how highly rated Sailor Moon cosplay groups are?" She asked. Nathaniel shook his head. “Sailor Moon cosplay groups are some of the most elite cosplayers in the anime world. Sailor Moon being one of the most iconic anime in history, it is instantly recognizable. The cosplayers take some of the most beautiful pictures, make some of the coolest videos, and even do events. They may not be unionized like Star Wars' 501st Legion, but they come together and coalesce with great ease whenever they recognize each other. Children who recognize them run up to them the same way that they do with superheroes, and typically, they are nice to them. It is a sisterhood of love and justice.” Sam explained. "Not to mention how fun it would be to finally be in one." Alana cooed. “We'd still need Zoisite.” Veronica stated. "I wonder if Derek could be him." Nora pondered. “Uh, guys? Can we please get to the photoshoot?” Renee asked impatiently. 

After posting for photos for what felt like an eternity, Nathaniel and Alana went into the changing room to get out of their cosplays. "You do look really beautiful in that." Nathaniel smiled as he took the black wig off. Alana blushed. "Do you really think so?" She asked nervously. “Of course. You look magnificent.” He blushed as he walked over to her and kissed her. “Thank you for doing this my love. It means the world to me.” Tears came to Alana's eyes as she spoke. “I love you my Melody.” Nathaniel cooed as he wiped a tear from her cheek. “I love you so much Nathaniel!” She mused as she threw her arms around him.

★

A few weeks later, in the early hours of the morning, several cars arrived at an old castle in the country. “This place looks amazing! Perfect for our photo shoot!” Alana cheered as she got out of the car. “Welcome to the Astarian Royal Palace Lady Melody!” A woman with long brown hair, sunglasses and wearing a knee length blue dress beamed as she walked up to them. “Mrs. Reynard, I presume?” Alana asked as she shook the woman's hand. “Yes ma'am. We spoke over the phone.” the woman smiled. “You are fully aware as to why we need the palace today. Am I correct?” Alana inquired. “Yes. For your little photoshoot. Cosplay, I believe.” Mrs. Reynard replied. “Yes. Sailor Moon. Its important the palace be the backdrop to this shoot.” Alana stated. “The photographer will be here in a few minutes to set up. They'll need time.” Mrs. Reynard explained. “That's fine. We need time to prepare.” Alana smiled.

After a couple of hours, the members of the group began to step out of their respective preparation rooms and into a lounge. Lynne Roster as Queen Serenity, Sam as Sailor Jupiter, Severina as Sailor Venus, Renee as Sailor Mercury, Lyra as Sailor Mars, Noelle as Sailor Uranus, Lucy as Sailor Neptune, Nora as Sailor Saturn, Veronica as Sailor Pluto, Ravenna as Small Lady Serenity, Viktor as Kunzite, Ken as Nephrite, Armin as Jadeite, Derek as Zoisite, Nathaniel as Prince Endymion and Alana as Princess Serenity. When the entire group was gathered in the lounge, tears filled Alana's eyes. “It's so beautiful!” she happily cried out. “Awe! Mels!” Severina cheered as she hugged Alana. “This was a fantastic idea!” Lynne beamed. "How long do we all need to wear this?" Armin asked, slightly uncomfortable. “Just a few hours. We're gonna get a TON of shots! ” someone replied as they walked up. It was a young woman with short platinum blonde hair, bright green eyes, and pale skin. She wore black pants, a white button up top and a deep blue beret. "You all look so regal!" She cheered. “Alright everyone, let me introduce you to you Catarina. She's a friend of mine from boarding school. She's the photographer I told you guys about!” Severina introduced. “Hello everyone! It is an absolute pleasure to meet you all!” Catherine bowed. ” Severina introduced. “Hello everyone! It is an absolute pleasure to meet you all!” Catherine bowed.

The photoshoot took several hours, and took place at various locations within the castle grounds. Lynne insisted on at least one family shot with Sam and Alana, and one with Sam, Alana, Severina, Ravenna, Ken, Nathaniel, and Viktor. “This is odd. I don't quite know the anime, but those characters aren't actually family, aren't they?” Catarina asked, curiously. “Not exactly... I mean, Queen Serenity, Princess Serenity, and Small Lady Serenity are three generations of lunar royalty, and Prince Endymion is Princess Serenity's husband and Sailor Chibi Moon's father... But, this shot isn't about the show's family. It's about their family.” Lyra explained. “Oh. That's sweet!” Catarina smiled. Alana insisted each “couple” got their own picture. Viktor wasn't too happy that his couldn't be with Alana, but he didn't mind posing with Severina. Kentin was very happy to have a romantic pose with Sam. "Nephrite and Jupiter look so fantastic!" Renee cheered. “Are you kidding? I've been wanting to do this set for a long time!” Sam beamed. “My favorite part of all of this. I hate this wig, but being your knight is worth it.” Ken mused as he looked at Sam lovingly. "This is awkward." Derek rolled his eyes when he and Renee had their turn. "Oh grow up!" Renee snapped. "Derek... You know what happens when Renee gets mad!" Alana laughed. “Yeah... She gets pretty scary.” Derek sighed. Everyone laughed as Renee forced Derek into a somewhat romantic pose. "But this is so awkward!" Derek whined. "Just do it!" Renee demanded. When their part of the shoot ended, Derek sat down and shot back a bottle of water. “That was weird. "Lyra, Armin, you're up!" Alana cheered. “Now this will be interesting! ” Ken chuckled. “And in Dragon Ball references Armin! Toei may own both franchises, but now is not the time to try to mix the two!” Sam ordered. “Awe come on! That takes part of the fun out of it!” Armin whined. “Armin, if we were doing a smaller photoshoot, I wouldn't mind a few “fun” shots. So please be more serious.” Alana urgent. "Fine." Armin sighed as he and Lyra took their places in front of the camera. 

“God that was exhausting! Who'd have thought that Cosplay would be THAT much work?” Nathaniel whined he crashed onto the living room couch at Death's Domain. "If you had cosplayed as the Winter Soldier when Armin and I cosplayed as Captain America and Black Widow at that Marvel Exhibition in High School, you would have known, first hand, A LOT sooner!" Alana shot as she crashed down next to him. "You still won't let me live that down?" He asked. "Nope." She chuckled. "Why not?" He asked. “Because Armin and I worked our asses off to do our characters justice and we were hoping you would join in on the fun. Especially considering how Natasha and Bucky get together in the comics several times, so it would have been a cute “couple's cosplay” for you and me. Not to mention how cosplay is more than just “wearing a costume”. When someone properly cosplays, they also wish to play the character, even for just a day. They temporarily escape reality and enter the one the character they're cosplaying as resides in. Weeks, months, and even years are spent building props and even hand making the items and outfits. There is a lot of blood, sweat and tears that go into it!” She explained. "I know you and Armin love it, but I don't think I could do it as often as you want to." Nathaniel sighed. “I get that. Its not for everybody. But, I'm thankful you did it for me.” Alana Mused. “I love you Alana. You always do so much for me... And it has been a long time since I've been the "prince" to your "princess." He grinned. "And I'm sure rubbing it Viktor's face added to your enjoyment.” She chuckled. "That did make it a bit more fun." He smirked. "I really wish you wouldn't antagonize him." She sighed. over you and find someone else. It's the same with Castiel. You're not going to be with him, so he needs to quit pining." He shot. "Yes, but with Castiel, you two have reached a mutual agreement, and he has angered me in such a way that I spat that truth with him." She chimed in. "Which makes the situation with Viktor worse. had your family and Severina telling him for years... Yet he insists." He huffed as he rolled his eyes. "Despite that, he is still one of my best and oldest friends. We were raised together and are still like family. Can you at least try to play nice with him?" She requested. Nathaniel looked at her annoyed. "Please! Pretty please! My sweet Endymion…” Alana begged as she playfully batted her eyes. He thought for a minute and exhaled. “Fine. ” He sighed. "Thank you." She mused. “But if he oversteps the boundaries that you and I put in place, I won't be so kind.” He stated. She cuddled up next to him and kissed his cheek. "I love you Nathaniel." She cooed. He put his arms around her and kissed her forehead. "I love you too Alana."

★

Several weeks later, after the images from the photoshoot had been posted and gone viral, an idea came to Severina's mind. She turned to Alana and Sam and smiled. "What?" Sam asked. “What if we did a cosplay concert?!” Severina cheered. “Nope. I'm not singing.” Alana stated. “PLEASE! We could choose a song from Sailor Moon and singing it at a convention!” Severina urged. “Really? What song would we even do?” Sam asked. “What about “Moon Effect”? It's sung by all of the scouts!” Severina cheered. “Please no. I don't sing.” Alana begged. "But, you wouldn't be alone... And we can't do it without our Sailor Moon!" Sam sneered. “Honey... You're such a beautiful singer! Please!!!!” Severina pleaded. “No…” Alana muttered. “Damn it Mels! Just do it! We all know that you sing when you're alone! On top of that, Nath, Rini, Viktor, Mom and I have all been telling you for years that we all think your singing is beautiful! So, just do it!” Sam snapped. "Don't forget how your teammates think so too." Severina added. Alana thought for a few minutes and huffed. “Fine. I'll do it.” She sighed. “Huzzah! Let's do it at Comic Con!” Sam cheered. "No! That’s too big a venue!" Alana pleaded "That's why it should be done there! You'll get over your stage fright on one of the biggest stages on the Convention Circuit!" Sam explained. "My babies singing a Sailor Moon song in full cosplay? I'd love to help you with it!" Lynne cheered as she walked up to them. "Fantastic! We'll make it a family project!" Severina smiled. Alana looked around at the other women, thought for a few minutes, sighed, and sheepishly grinned. “I guess the Roster Family women are putting on a show!”

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Words cannot describe how badly I've wanted to write something Sailor Moon related to my story... 

Sailor Moon means a lot to me... It was my mom’s and my “thing”. No matter how much we fought, argued, and went at each other’s throats, we always bonded over the series. The first and last time I watched it in it’s entirety was with her just before her disease started taking its hold. She was the one who got me my first bits of merch, who was always happy to talk to me about it. The last Christmas gift I got her was a blanket with all the scouts on it, and she gave me plushies of Luna and Artemis. When mom died, Sailor Moon came to mean so much more to me. My aunt made me pendants with her ashes in them that look like the Legendary Silver Crystal, I got Pluto’s Garnet Rod tattooed on my back, and I became more adamant about collecting items. Each time I get a new item, I feel closer to her... There are times where I’ll even burst into tears because of Sailor Moon making me think of her....

Yes, I used the character sprite of Nathaniel that I edited from the Dark Chocolate Steward to make him look more like Endymion. I made his hair black, and edited his rings and earrings out.

Little tip... The bit about Adonis won't make sense unless you've read the Codename Sailor V manga.... If you’re not in the mood to read it, Adonis was a lowly Venusian soldier who was in love with his princess (Venus). Venus fell in love with Kunzite instead of him. He found her on Earth and cursed her to never be able to have love again, thus freeing more of her time up to focus on her duty as the leader of Princess Serenity’s Sailor Guardians.

This was originally going to be a Valentine's Day special for 2020. Then 2020 became the dumpster fire that it was and my real life needed more of my attention....

The majority of this does take place during the first year between University Life and Love Life. Before Nath and Alana go on their globe trotting adventure. The flashback section takes place at various points in time.

Credit goes to:

Naoko Takeuchi for Sailor Moon

@candysweetposts for the Princess Serenity Pack (seriously, thank you for going through with my request!)

@chinomiko and Beemoov for My Candy Love

[mimzy-writing-online]

Is it possible for a character to be highly intelligent but also very humble? I want my character to be... GENIUS. Super intelligent, brainy guy. However, I want him to be a humble, self-effacing type of person. Treats people with respect. That's possible, right?? If so, how do I do such a thing?

Honestly, give him a very loving and supportive background with good role models. The better someone’s childhood was, the more adjusted they become.

Someone who was bullied for being “the smart kid” will probably use that intelligence as a defense mechanism, that bullies are just jealous and that they (the genius character) are superior. Because it’s the only way not to feel bad about themselves, though they will still feel bad about themselves.

However, if they’re on the older side and later in their development as a person (think late 20s, 30s, or older) then they’ll have healed some from their bullied childhood and recognized that an attitude of superiority doesn’t make them happy and pushes people away, making them even lonelier. 

Humble men had a lot of strong women as role models, at least in my experience. 

A close friend of mine is a lot like this though, and his childhood was shit. He was kind of a bully in high school though, but it’s something he grew out of as he entered adulthood and had a little more independence and a chance to get away from the oppressively nature of high school. His self-effacing nature isn’t a good thing though, it stems from chronic depression and anxiety + low self-esteem. 

So, there are a lot of potential routes. 

I will tell you that a character not having a tragic backstory is a rare thing and will reflect positively on your writing if you do that well. You’ll be subverting a classic, tired trope is what I’m saying.

(You know, coming from the hypocrite who gives most of my protagonists some kind of tragic backstory. But with my main project, a huge theme is the idea of problematic, imperfect parents who are doing their best but not always succeeding.)

Some of my favorite genius characters: Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds; Cisco Ramon and Dr. Caitlin Snow from the Flash (as well as Earth 2 season Harrison Wells); Cosima Niehaus from Orphan Black; Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, and Shuri from MCU.

Spencer Reid: adorkable, sweet, respects women, kinda bit of a superiority complex when he’s younger but it tones down as he gets older.

Cisco Ramon: very realistic as a person, like he doesn’t feel like a character in a superhero series, but a real person. super relatable. Builds stuff just to see what will happen but doesn’t think things through. POC (super important detail because POC geniuses in media are too rare and we need more +you see some of his family and culture in tid-bits.)

Dr. Caitlin Snow: absolute sweetheart, little shy, compassionate, wanted to save the world before Barry Allen

Earth 2 Harrison Wells: very, very complicated person. Bit of an asshole, but he means well. Terrible social skills. A mess. Just wants to be a good dad.

Cosima Niehaus: dork, soooo dorky, love it. GAY! Very open minded and thoughtful. Very personable. Welcomed Sarah right away. Good with kids. Smokes weed, very realistic because smoking weed is not a “lazy, dumb person” thing like the media likes to pretend it is. Her clothing style is 10/10

Bruce Banner: would be a pacifist if he could, sweet heart, insecure, worked really, really hard to control the hulk and he’s always a last resort. Dear God, what led him to experiment on himself though!

Tony Stark: not humble and I’m cool with that. Very sarcastic, very likable, incredibly complicated person. Inner demons from the get-go, deals with mental illness/addiction/PTSD throughout the whole series, amazing dad. Risks everything to help others. (I will cry every time, so I can never watch that movie again and that sucks.)

Shuri is 17 and she wipes the floor with all of them and I love her for that. Meme queen, sarcasm, POC and non-American. Amazing style too

[lobsters-on-their-heads]

OB Rewatch: Ease for Idle Millionares

I don’t think we’re ever getting that wide shot, you guys. *shakes fists*

I loved...

The Flashback:

It deserves it’s own space, so here it is. 

We got more background into why Cosima stuck with and by Delphine in Season 2 even though Delphine was a monitor and had proven herself a big fucking liar in Season 1. However, as defensive as Cosima is in regards to Delphine, and as accusatory as she is (”You were paid to lie to me”), her first emotional words do not place Delphine on the “bad” side, but rather follow Delphine’s lead of “you can’t let them win.”

“They own me.” (Not “you own me”)

“They made me sick.” (Not “you made me sick.”)

Only when Delphine closes the distance between them and puts herself in Cosima’s personal space does Cosima lash out at Delphine personally. 

And I loved Delphine’s listing off what “they” don’t own. It was a list of what Delphine loves about Cosima, and what makes Cosima stand out, not only from other clones, but quite likely from everyone else in Delphine’s life at that point. 

And then the whole “Defy them” piece, where Delphine outright encourages Cosima to push back against “them,” in direct contrast to her begging Cosima to work with Dyad in Season 1.  

And of course I love watching them make out.

I also loved:

Mrs. S and Sarah including Kira in serious conversations and telling her the truth about what they’re doing. Just as Sarah is “on the threshold” of becoming Siobhan, Kira is on the threshold of becoming Sarah.

Kira also has her best line of maybe the whole series - “I'm gonna be a hustler, too.” It was a good call on Sarah's part to include Kira like this. Kira's at an age where she will gravitate towards whomever treats her like an adult. Rachel kind of is, so if Sarah wants to counter that, this is absolutely the only way.

Cosima’s attitude when Delphine dropped by (without even knocking, too - rude, Delphine!), after Cosima saw her go up to the house. 

Their comfy Revival outfits, and Delphine’s hands in her back pockets.

The fucking tuxedo. Oh. My. Gosh. Not only does it look good, and not only it is a beautiful fuck-you to Westmoreland’s insistence that they dress in period “formal” wear, but -- 

-- it’s a men’s tux, tailored in a masculine style. I can’t fully express how much I love this, and why it matters to me, because most of the time when I see “a woman in a suit,” the suit is super feminine. It’s form-fitting, the pants end three inches above the ankle to show a woman’s dress shoe with no socks. There might even be lace. But this tux? None of that shit. Cosima went butch, and she went butch. 

“You have a lot of dead things in here. Did you kill all of them?” Stay sassy, Cosima. She pushes back against authority that hasn't earned it, while Delphine sits and listens, and remembers why she loves her.

And, of course, I loved seeing Delphine in a rather see-through bra. 

I liked:

The big chalkboard wall in Kira and Mrs. S’s house.

In the yurt, Delphine immediately catches Cosima’s mood and stops in her tracks to keep her distance until Cosima indicates it’s okay to get closer. Good girl, Delphine. 

In true Cosima fashion, she has a perfectly good desk and chair, but she kneels on the floor and puts everything on the bed.

“Frock that.” Sometimes, the show’s attempts to get around the studio’s fuck restrictions are clunky (see: Tony), but sometimes it does a great job. This is one of those times.

Good line about life vs. humanity.

Family cuddle pile!

I didn’t like:

Random Village Red Shirt just left his cigarette butt in the leaf litter, right by where he keeps his stash. He litters and he’s dumb.

The transition from cold open to opening credits was the opposite of seamless (seamful?)

The “bear in the woods” storyline didn’t interest me last year when I watched, and it sure as hell doesn’t interest me now. I don't give a single shit about Mud. This whole story line could have been removed or dramatically shortened without harming the overall narrative in any way.

So first old PT gives Cosima free reign to explore (so she might cast her eye upon the cow and all that), but now that she’s explored, she’s gone too far. I don’t know what the hell PT expected of her.

The usual Ira/Susan bullshit. And Susan, still, not answering a damn question that anyone poses, but responding with random bullshit. She might as well be a poorly programmed chat bot.

They have Cosima coughing in this season, and it seems to point to her cure not really working, but then nothing happened with that. It’s possible Cosima just had a cold or her throat was irritated from smoke in the air or whatever, but after coding “Cosima coughs” as “bad news” for four fucking seasons, it’s a loaded Chekov’s gun that never goes off. Delphine doesn’t even ask her about it.

The scene of Cosima pointing the gun at Janus (sp??) was strong because we know Cosima hates killing and hates being in positions she can’t control, and it was well shot, but narratively it didn't fit. Why would Cosima not immediately drop the gun? How much does she know about Janus’ suffering, as PT pushes her to “end it”? Her first thought (and next one, after she drops the gun), should have been to cure him.

Speaking of guns, I get nervous with how easily accessible Siobhan's guns are. She just leaves shotgun propped against the doorframe! 

Other notes:

Apparently Cosima’s sweater was sold to a fan at auction after Season 1 wrapped, and the costume people couldn’t reproduce it for this scene, so they had to track down the fan who bought it. 

I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone else call someone a “Grumpy Gus.”

PT say “to an historic moment,” even though he fully pronounces the h in historic. 

PT sure knows how to get Rachel Duncan in his pocket, doesn’t he? “More than any of them...”

PT calls Delphine by her first name, and she responds with “Mr. Westmoreland.” The hierarchy has been established. 

Rachel remembers certain things about what you can do to a person recovering from an injury. 

It’s worth remember throughout this entire episode that Cosima and Delphine have not had a real conversation AT ALL since the end of Season 2. They haven’t talked about their breakup, or Shay, or what Delphine did in Frankfurt, or why she straightened her hair, or ANYTHING. Hell, as far as Delphine knows, Cosima and Shay are still dating. Okay, well, maybe she asked Siobhan about that last one, but there is no definite confirmation that Cosima and Delphine are back together until the very end of the episode.

The obvious spiny mice transition was super obvious, but I don’t really mind.

More height difference when Delphine confronts Cosima about how much she’s pushing. Also one of the points in the episode when we’re meant to sympathize the least with Delphine.

I'm really impressed that they both found clothes that fit them so well. It's like they had their own costuming department or something.

I guess no one expected Ira to dress up. I feel like no one really expects much from Ira at all, actually. Poor guy.

As a butch-of-center woman, I felt Cosima’s position at the dinner so fucking hard. Being the only one not traditionally dressed. Having men look at you like, “Go ahead, pretend you’re as good as me.” The scene of PT entering with Delphine on his arm said everything. He has the power and the girl. Cosima is just pretending. 

It’s all part of PT's role as stand-in for the patriarchy. But not just the patriarchy. Also for heteronormative, Euro-centric patriarchy, in which most of us live (even if we're not in Europe or North America, Euro-centrism dominates most of the planet.)

Cosima (and Delphine) are there at PT's pleasure, nothing more. Cosima lives because he allows her to, and she acknowledges that. Her existence depends on his whims. It’s like LGBT rights around the world – we exist and have rights based on the whims and pleasures of the hetero, cis majority. That's why VOTING on gay marriage even exists and is so repulsive even as a concept – it shows that we only have rights if the people who show up to vote want us to, and if they don't, well, we have to do what the majority wants, right? “You (queers) aren't important. They (straights) are.” Ditto on those “bathroom bills.” Remember, if they wanted to, if the winds shifted a bit, they could force us back into hiding, back into fear, back into jail and death. They just don't feel like it right now. Just like PT doesn’t feel like jailing or killing Cosima, until he does.

PT (and perhaps Susan) must have looked up Cosima's parents before dinner, to purposefully cow her into submission. It's the same as Enger showing Art the picture of his daughter. Cosima has no children. The woman she loves is sitting across from her already. Her sisters are already well under heel. The only leverage they have left are her parents and Charlotte, who they miraculously do NOT bring up during dinner. And you can just see the air leave Cosima when they give her parents' names. She gets the message.

Her infodump about her parents is infodumpy, and I don't like that, especially since PT and Susan literally just announced that they know who her parents are and the unspoken message is that they can find and hurt them, so you’d think Cosima ought to shut up about it...

... but I'll allow it because we knew literally nothing about Cosima's parents before this scene, and she is the only main clone for whom that is the case.

And I love the line “they love me” – with emphasis on the love. Cosima is the only clone who can confidently say that at this point. We know Siobhan loves Sarah, of course, but I doubt very much that Sarah knows that, or that Sarah would easily tell people that. It explains a lot about Cosima's personality, her willingness to love and be open to others, and her lack of self-doubt. It’s far easier to love others when you’ve been deeply loved yourself.

Delphine knows exactly what's coming when PT says she told him Cosima went to his basement. That “oh fuck” look.

“These are not my chickens!” Susan calls back to Mark's comments to the diner owner at the beginning of Season 2. And, of course, completely denying responsibility.

I feel like people who are glitching aren't in a position to answer the question “Are you glitching?”

Cosima's accustomed to being special. She's an only child. She's Delphine's only girlfriend, ever. She's “the smart one” in the Sestrahood. But she forgets that to PT, she's 1 in 274+. Nothing special at all. And once he harvests Kira's eggs and creates more, she'll be even less special.

Delphine's gonna be saying “I don't have much time” as a standard greeting for the rest of her life, just out of habit.

And then the line that divided fandom:

“I push too hard and you do things without my consent. That's our relationship.”

And Delphine agrees. “Now we can end it, or we can accept it as it is.”

Which, first of all, implies that they do currently have a relationship to end, which was not totally clear before now.

Right up front, I have to say that this line doesn't upset me. It's poorly worded, but I don't hate it. The word “consent” is a loaded one, and the word “things” is vague as hell, so of course people take from the line whatever they already believe about Cophine's relationship. I also think that, while the line would be a giant red flag in most relationships, most relationships are not Cophine. Most don’t involve the kinds of dangers and threats experienced by Cophine. So there’s that.

Someone should've maybe thought the line through, though, considering this is the scene when viewers are meant to be convinced, 100%, of Delphine's loyalty. I assume this, considering that it coincides with the “defy them” flashback and the one in which Cosima is for once positioned higher than Delphine. That “Delphine lifts Cosima” moment wasn’t just sexy - it visually leveled out their inequality and put Cosima on top. That message needed to come across in the dialogue, as well.

At any rate, these two need WAY more than a five minute chat in PT's dressing room to sort out the mess that is their relationship.

I have questions: 

When Cosima examines Aisha, she says her tumor is “a lot smaller.” Has Cosima examined her before, then? Is she officially the health hut medical worker now?

Does Delphine (or for that matter, Cosima) even have formal wear of their own on the island? I doubt it, and I’m sure PT and the Messenger know that they don’t.

Does anyone eat anything other than asparagus spears and red wine during dinner? I don't think I saw Delphine put anything in her mouth, actually.

I would’ve liked to have seen:

The same things all y’all wanted to see. Every single moment of Cophine that was left out. I need to see Delphine tying Cosima’s bow tie because you know Delphine has more experience with that than Cosima does. 

But beyond that...

I want to see more Rachel / Delphine interactions. Those two have such a fucking history.

I would have loved it if they'd included that scene from the bloopers, where PT can't find his spoon and Susan points out that it's right in front of him. It would be such a great illustration of old white dude incompetence in power.

[dashafromrussia26]

Toutes les bonnes choses ont une fin. Part 6

After every document about Leda clones was shredded and burnt Delphine sat on the sofa and poured herself a glass of Balvenie - 50 Year Old Scotch Whisky that her father’s lawyer and best friend presented to her as a gift after her graduation from the university. She kept it for special occasion but it seemed like it is the last chance to open the bottle. Besides, she would need some courage for everything she was planning to do next.

The whisky was rich and spicy. The taste of dried berries and a lingering sweetness in her throat made this moment feel weirdly epic. Little water drops from melting ice on the outside of the glass streaming down right between her fingers calmed Delphine down a little bit. It was her two minutes of clarity – pure vacuum in her head without fear, hatred or regrets. It was only her and that drink with slight taste of ginger and cinnamon and nothing could take that moment from her. She probably would be happy if a killer would show up right now because she felt calm and ready.

She dug around in her purse for a minute before dragging out a fag and a lighter. It took her a little while to lit it because the pack and her favorite cigarettes in it were wet because of the rain outside and then she took a long drag breathing the smoke from the cigarette in completely, not stopping for anything, as she usually does when she needs to gather her wits, even though she knew that her voice would become lower and wooly after it.

She had to decide what to tell Shay. It was clear that she has no right to disclose the information about Cosima’s heritage without her consent. Well maybe she might do that - the last time Cosima’s desires didn’t really bother Delphine because she kept the information about Kira’s stem cells in secret for a good reason which was still permanent. Well at least Delphine was sure that saving Cosima’s life was number one priority and asking someone’s permission would put the process in danger. She had one way forward back then, but now…Delphine didn’t know if there was a way at all. But what she knew for sure is that she wanted to let Cosima decide for herself this time who to trust.

Delpine would never let herself drive a car while she is drunk, but, after all, it was ridiculous to care about her own safety in existing situation. Nonetheless, she decided to choose by-pas roads on her way to Shay’s house for the other drivers and pedestrians’ sake.

She left the gun in the car despite the fact that Shay might react aggressively after what she’s done to her. And she couldn’t blame Shay for that. However, she couldn’t blame herself for behaving that way either. But one thing Delphine felt ashamed of was this strong feeling of disappointment when she realized that she wouldn’t be able to get rid of this little bitch. Even though Shay probably is a good girl and maybe Delphine should’ve been angry at Cosima who gave up on Delphine and jumped to another chick’s bed so easily. But it is not easy to think straight when it comes to jealousy and protective reaction for someone you love that much.

She knocked Shay’s door quietly, hoping she was home.

Shay’s face has changed in a moment she realized who was knocking.

“Go before I call the police” – Shay said with a poorly hided fear in her voice.

“Shay please! I don’t need to come in” – Delphine put her hands up trying to show that she has no intention to hurt her this time - “Just hear me out. I know what I did was unforgivable but I also know that Cosima really cares for you” – Delphine tried to sound nice but confident, but saying that words out loud was harder then she expected – “and I think” – her voice cracked and it took her intensive efforts to swallow her pride and pain and continue – “I think you two fit”.

“I don’t give a damn what you think” – Shay tried to sound as venomous as possible looking with that eyes full of hatred that no one could possibly imagine being combined with that pure angelic blue colored eyes and sweet face.

“Just know this. I won’t be in your way anymore. But it has to begin with a truth” – Shay was standing there knuckling her hand and being ready to fight back if something goes wrong – “I want you to give her this” – Delphine passed Shay a DYAD institute’s card with Cosima’s «324B21» ID-tag written on it – “and tell her that I said to tell you everything…” - Shay looked worried and a little bit surprised at the same time. She felt that something wrong is happening with Delphine because this incredibly powerful woman that aroused fear in Shay by her presence itself seemed broken – “If she wants to. It’s her decision” – Delphine finally raised her eyes at Shay with her eyebrows lifted up trying to smile and keep at least some of the dignity she used to have. But all the suffer and struggle she’d been through couldn’t been hidden behind that mask of a Superwomen. She got choked up with tears and only one thing she was able to say was - “Be good to her”.

Even though Shay truly hated Delphine it was heartbreaking to see that agony in her eyes. Probably it was that moment of female sympathy but she didn’t want Delphine to be in torment. But still, Shay was truly afraid of Delphine to even say anything back. And she didn’t have a chance to do it as Delphine quickly turned over and went out the building.

 -//-

 Delphine had been driving in her car around the block for an hour already trying to figure out what to tell Cosima. She clearly couldn’t tell her the truth because Cosima would fight for her even if it put them both in danger. For both of them taking steps was easier than standing still but this time she had to let this happen. But the Blonde needed to see her. She had so much to say to her but none of the words that were lingering in her head seemed appropriate. Delphine knew that she had to use all of her self-control to make it right. There was no more time to waste. Now or never.

She parked the car near the entrance to Alison & Donnie's «Bubbles» and came out of the car to enjoy the cold weather of Toronto for the last time. She loved that Canadian fresh air and these incredibly friendly people, this architecture and this delicious chocolate. Hard to say goodbye to that city.

Delphine heard the door was opened and turned her face just in time to see Cosima bundling up in her coat – this girl from San Fran has huge problems with this freezing Canadian winds. It was hard to ignore that she was wearing the same red coat that she wore that day when they attended Leekie’s lecture on Neolution. Delphine could swear the God that it was the last time when she felt so incredibly free while running around campus with two bottles of stolen wine, holding Cosima’s hand and laughing out loud pretending that she is just a foreign student trying to be friendly.

“Hey you came” – Cosima said with a slight relief.

“Yeah unfortunately I can’t stay” – Delphine tried to sound relaxed but with every second that she was standing near Cosima her heart rate was raising dangerously fast and it took her all the effort to stand still. She had to play it cool. She had to make sure that she wouldn’t give Cosima any promise or any hope for their reunion. Or maybe she had to make sure that she wouldn’t hope for happy ending for them after all.

“Oh not for a little bit?”

“No, I'm sorry. I need you to keep the sequenced genome safe and Kendall Malone far away”.

“Yeah, I think Mrs. S is really good at that stuff, so... she's got a plan” – Cosima looked confused because all of that was obvious. She couldn’t understand why Delphine looked so worried.

“Okay” – “Now go, Cormier. Until you do something reckless. You saw her. She is here. She is alive. She is with her family. Just say you are sorry and let her go” – Delphine was trying to persuade herself to leave.

“I know why you did everything you did. To Shay and… everything” – Delphine never expected this conversation to turn that way. She could never imagine that Cosima would understand and forgive her. But with every word Cosima said it was getting harder to leave. She had never thought that she needed forgiveness until she got it - “I'm sorry I made you make those hard choices and then... And then blamed you for them” – these words broke her shield, she cracked. She cracked like the last time when Cosima told her she came back for her. What Delphine was hoping for? At the end of the day only this tiny woman had this effect on her – all the walls she had been building to play the role she had to play were unable to keep Cosima.

That pain in her chest was overpowering. Delphine bit her lip trying to hold tears that were ready to stream down her face. She pressed her hands to the body hard trying remain control.

Cosima could see the storm raging in Delphine’s soul and she wanted to tell her how much she loves her, that she would never let anything bad happen and everything would be okay as far as they are together. She wanted to hold her and never let go.

And that look they shared. They didn’t have to say “I love you”. Their eyes showed that. Their eyes full of adoration – that look that a dog gives to his owner. The look full of pain and such indescribable love. Such love could start a war, tear everything apart and rebuild it again. The love that build bridges not walls. This almighty love. The love that will exist even after they are dead. The love that would never goes away.

The blonde gently ran a hand over Cosima’s cheek trying to memorise every inch of her beloved woman’s face. She bitterly smiled because that smaller woman made her happy again… even in this awful day.

“Oh mia, oh mia” – Delphine couldn’t keep it together anymore. It was selfish but the last thing she wanted to do before she dies is to kiss her soulmate. Delphine pressed her lips tightly against Cosima’s. Too forced, because Delphine knew this kiss was going to be the last and wanted to savor it for eternity. The brunette’s lips were smooth, supple. Delphine’s hands caressed her head, thumbs sliding up to Cosima’s flushed cheeks. The world fell away with that kiss. It was continued slowly and deeply, comforting in ways that words would never be. Delphine stopped the kiss to look at Cosima one more time.

“Give your sisters all my love” – Delphine said smiling smoothly running her finger over Cosima’s lip. And had to harness all of her will power to walk away.

 -//-

 Delphine stepped out of the vehicle to go to DYAD institute to finish some of her work when she heard the footsteps behind.

She kept moving praying to every God that might watch over her, even though she was not a believer, to let this happen fast.

After two more steps she put her bag on the floor and turned around to face the one who had her life in his arms. It was no surprise that Detective Duko was the killer.

“What will happen to her?” – Delphine wanted passionately to hear that Cosima would be safe before it happened. The sound of a gunshot broke the silence of the underground parking lot reverberating and thus lasting for the eternity in Delphine’s head. Searing pain bit through her skin, muscles, liver and back. She saw that Duko was aiming to her head to finish her off and she looked him in the eyes holding to the last ounce of strength to show him that her dying is just a step for them to end a war and she will fight with her dying breath until it is over.

She was going in and out of consciousness. The terrible burning feeling through the path of a bullet knocked her out and made her hold on to life again. That one sensation that was killing her kept her in conscious at the same time. Delphine tried to hold the wound tightly to stop the hemorrhage but her hands became slippery from the flood of blood and were becoming weaker with every second.

Random pictures in her head followed each other flashing: her first chemical experiment with her father, their fuss on the tree house, the lullaby her grandma used to sing her when Delphine was scared, the first meeting with Cosima, their jogging in the Campus, their first night together, her eyes, her soft hands, her smile and childish giggle, her dancing in the kitchen, and also some things that would never happen: Delphine proposing to Cosima, their vows, first dance under a huge oak with the sounds of string quartet playing James Vincent McMorrow’s “Cavalier”, unpacking boxes in their first house, their babies running around the playground, their first gray hairs… Delphine was slowly falling to the black hole and could hardly see the familiar faces above her and feel herself removed. Her last thoughts before black out were centered around Cosima and she felt not alone dying with her name on her lips. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10724469

[brochunews]

Evelyne Brochu Tips Her Hat To Cophine Shippers

Mysteries will be revealed! Enemies will be vanquished! Epic ships will finally come into port! Watching the fifth and final season of Orphan Black is going to be bittersweet, but we have a lot to look forward to according to Evelyne Brochu, who plays Delphine. She spoke exclusively with The TV Junkies about what it was like coming back to life, where the good ship Cophine might be heading, and what she’ll miss most about the show and her character once it’s all over.

The TV Junkies: What are you most excited for viewers to see this season?

Evelyne Brochu: What I was most excited about was getting some answers, and I think the viewers will be super happy because there will be answers. But in terms of my character, I obviously wanted to know how Cosima and Delphine would end up and there’s going to be answers regarding that as well.

TTVJ: We’ve never really gotten a lot of back story on Delphine — how she joined Neolution, her relationship with Leekie. Are we going to get that now?

EB: I think we’re going to know finally where she stands. I think we got a glimpse in Season 3. You know when she says “Give your sisters all my love”? There was something there for me that was pivotal and meaningful for her. We’ll see how that unfolds in Season 5, if she keeps her promise or not. She promised to protect Cosima and all of her sisters, and I think we’re going to see if she does.

TTVJ: I’m curious to know what it was like for you dying in Season 3 and then coming back to life?

EB: The great thing about playing a mysterious character is actually playing a mysterious character on a science fiction show, because the co-creators kind of keep you in the dark, thinking that it’s better for the show that you don’t know anything. [laughs] So for myself I didn’t where it was going so I didn’t have to lie too much, until I figured out she was alive and I had a couple months of just pretending I didn’t know anything although I knew she was back. [laughs]

TTVJ: Had you made peace with the fact that Delphine was dead?

EB: I finished my last scene at 5 a.m. and I was, as you can imagine, kind of… a lot of emotions were rising, and [showrunner] Graeme [Manson] kind of came up to me and, as Graeme does, mysteriously said “This isn’t the end,” and then winked. So I had that wink in the back of my mind. I wasn’t sure it would happen but I was hoping it would.

TTVJ: So you had a hint as far back as Season 3 then!

EB: A little hint, yeah. [laughs]

TTVJ: Now that we know Delphine is alive, we want to know what she’s been up to! The Neolutionists she’s been hanging out with on the island seem very cultish. Has she drunk the Kool-Aid?

EB: I think she’s definitely always been really close to the eye of the storm, but that’s her asset in terms of helping the clones, that’s how she’s useful. In my opinion, I don’t think she drank the Kool-Aid. Is she playing the Kool-Aid game? Maybe a little bit, but I think she’s smart enough to make the sacrifices that are going to get her to her goal. She’s a very goal-oriented person, even if it means that her lover is going to think that she’s doing something bad, she’s going to do it if it means that she’s going to save Cosima. I think [Delphine] has always been an endgame type of personality, like, what do I need to do to achieve this? And do everything even if it means stepping on your values or dancing the devil’s dance a bit.

TTVJ: Delphine and Cosima have only just been reunited and it seems like the Neolutionists want to split them up again? What did they mean when they told Delphine “You know you won’t be allowed to stay with her”?

EB: I think it’s the nature of their relationship. It’s not like [Delphine and Cosima] live together in an apartment and do the groceries and hang out. They have a difficult context in which they have to evolve. Delphine has a plan and she won’t have enough time to explain her plan, I think.

TTVJ: We still have the rest of the season to look forward to, but you’ve already finished filming and everything, except for the press tours.

EB: The press tours was pretty much, for me, this last one in New York, and it was quite emotional, I have to say. Especially the first panel after [they showed] the first episode. We got such amazing testimonies from the fans that were there and we were all crying in each others’ arms. I think that’s when it sort of hit us even more. I think it will hit us again when the show is over over, when all ten episodes have aired, because it still hasn’t been seen and we’re going to get all the reactions from each episode, we’re going to watch them. So I think it’s a multiphase grieving period. [laughs]

TTVJ: What are you going to miss most about being on Orphan Black and playing Delphine?

EB: As an actor, you don’t a chance to play a character that is that meaningful in people’s life. I’m going to cherish that forever, I’m going to miss that character. I’m going to miss the fans and how engaged they were with our show, even with stuff that wasn’t our show — you know, fans would go and watch other shows we were on, other movies — that kind of commitment to that world and who we are is so amazing and I’m so grateful for that. But on a personal level, [I’m going to miss] just the fun. The fun of making something that you believe in, that you think is smart, that you think matters, the fun of being with my amazing colleagues that basically are like, I know it’s a cliche, but they’re like family. The learning experience too — so many kind, talented humans — I’m going to miss them and how much they elevated me and how much joy I got from being able to play with them.

TTVJ: Looking to the future, what is next for you? Where will we next see you on our screens after Orphan Black is over?

EB: Oh boy! I have two movies coming out here in Quebec — I hope they come out in the rest of Canada and maybe hopefully in the U.S. — one called Miséricorde  and one called Le passé devant nous. One is a Swiss-Canadian co-production and the other one is a Belgian movie. I shot a movie in Vancouver called Rememory by Mark Palansky, opposite Peter Dinklage, so that was an amazing experience that I shot last January. It went to Sundance and hopeful it will get screen time across Canada. I’m doing a second season of Trop, my Quebec comedy and I’m doing some theatre in Montreal next year, and maybe more international projects, but I can’t really say because it hasn’t been absolutely confirmed yet. But lot’s of exciting stuff!

TTVJ: Any special plans for watching the last season of Orphan Black?

EB: Oh, I don’t know! I definitely would love to go to Toronto to watch the finale with everyone, that would be a way to make it less hard. But I watch the first episode I think in the best context. I was in New York sitting in that room with the fans, so I got all of their reactions. I got to see the episode for the first time with them, so that was the best way to take it in.

source

[mveloc]

Days of Why and How

Chapter 2

Author’s Note: Here's the next part! Thank you all so much for reading :) More of Cosima and Delphine's past will slowly be unveiled each chapter (though not necessarily in chronological order). There will be a much more complete picture with time, so be patient. Enjoy!

“Would you just hear me out?”

She rises quickly, scoffing at Sarah’s pathetic attempt to justify herself. As much as she loves the girl, she also knows that her friend is a con artist; Sarah will spin a story any way to get what she wants and while it’s an admirable trait at times, she won’t allow herself to be sucked back into her friend’s destructive orbit.

“There’s nothing to hear,” Cosima spits.

Furious, she tries to place as much distance between them as possible. She storms away from the table, leaving Felix and Sarah to themselves.

“Cos, please! Just hold on!” Sarah cries out.

Cosima shakes her head, continuing on her way to the door.

“It’s for Kira!”

She freezes.

Turning around, she sees that Sarah is on her feet now, too. The punk follows after her, stopping a couple of feet away to give the fuming ex-con a little space to process her words.

“Don’t you dare bring her into this,” Cosima warns with a vicious glare.

Sarah knows she has a weakness for her niece, that she’d never be able to turn her down. Despite being quite gifted in dealing with children, the dreadlocked woman has never wanted any of her own; Kira is the closest thing she’ll ever have to a daughter just as Felix and Sarah are the closest thing she’ll ever have to a brother and sister. They are her family, for better or worse, and she’s never been able to turn her back on family.

“Look, I just need to make enough money so I can get away from Vic and start over, yeah?” Sarah tries to explain, her voice softening.

Cosima is well-acquainted with Vic and his bullshit despite never having actually met the man. Sarah had started dating him a couple of years ago while she was still in prison and she always told herself that had she been out, there’s no way she ever would have let that happen. Not only is Vic abusive, but he’s as bad an addict as he is a dealer and Sarah knows better than to get herself wrapped up with such volatile people; in their line of work, they have to be careful who they do business with and business with Vic is a powder keg just waiting to explode.

“Here’s an idea—dump his loser ass,” Cosima shrugs. “Problem solved.”

Sarah shakes her head, running a hand through her unruly mane.

“You know it’s not that simple with him,” she protests. “He’s not just gonna let me walk away.”

Cosima folds her arms over her chest, expelling an incredulous laugh beneath her breath.

“Gee, you sure know how to pick ’em,” she mutters.

Sarah assumes her own glare.

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you,” she bites.

Cosima frowns.

Ignoring the dig, she tries to approach the situation objectively; Vic is a problem that must be dealt with. It’s only a matter of time before Sarah becomes seriously hurt or wrapped up in her boyfriend’s shit and finds herself occupying the cell that’s probably still warm from her stay. What would happen to Kira then? Yes, Vic must be dealt with, but is this really the best way to go about it?

“Just one job—low risk,” Sarah presses, sensing that her friend is beginning to falter in her stance. “I promise.”

Cosima sighs, nearly throwing her hands up in exasperation.

“Sarah, even if I wanted to help—which I don’t—they’re gonna be watching me like a hawk!” she snaps.

How the hell does Sarah even expect to run a job with her? Surely she’s aware of the scrutiny that would follow. The number one rule to living a life of crime (successfully) is to avoid the spotlight and steer clear of any heat; immediately partnering up with an ex-con you have previous history with is jumping into the fire head-first.

“I’ve got it all sorted out,” Sarah tries to reassure her. “I’ve got someone on the inside.”

“Inside of what?”

“This’ll be the easiest job we’ve ever run,” Sarah deflects her question. “Once it’s done, we’ll be off to South America before anyone can put two and two together.”

Cosima sighs again.

“And what if I don’t wanna dip to South America?”

Sarah pauses, arching a brow.

“Oh, come on. You really wanna stay here? And what—work for Bobby forever?” she challenges.

Cosima takes a step closer, placing a hand on Sarah’s arm.

“I’m not running, Sarah,” she repeats herself. “It’s no way to live.”

Sarah frowns, her expression shifting completely.

“You know, you were so ready to dump all of us and run off with Delphine,” she argues. “You’d do it for that lying bitch but you wouldn’t do it for your own bloody family?”

“That’s not what this is about and you know it,” Cosima warns.

“Then what is it about? Cause honestly, Cos—what’s the plan here? If you’re not gonna go back to school and become some famous scientist, what’s the endgame?”

Sarah’s barrage catches her off guard.

“The way I see it, we’re all you’ve got,” she continues. “Why do you wanna waste any more time in this shite hole? You just spent five years in a fucking cell. Let’s go drink coconuts on a beach somewhere and forget that any of this ever happened.”

Drinking coconuts on a secluded beach sounds good… too good. While a part of her is desperate to shed the last five years like an old layer of skin, she knows better. How the hell could she possibly forget? After everything she’s been through, better or worse, how could she try to deny it now? Part of growing as a human being means facing your problems head-on. If she were to run away with Sarah and Felix and Kira, how would she be fixing any of her problems?

“I can’t forget,” she admits, her voice low.

“Sure you can—”

“No, I can’t!” she snaps. “Last I checked, I was the one doing time—not you. You have no idea what it’s like.”

There’s venom in her voice and perhaps she’s being a bit too harsh with the Brit, but she needs Sarah to understand that this is something she can’t just walk away from; even if the last five years have felt like some awful nightmare, she can’t magically wake up and pretend that they never happened.

This is her life.

This is her reality now.

“I-I’m sorry, Cos,” Sarah apologizes, sensing the turmoil burning within her friend. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Look, can I just enjoy my first twenty-four hours of freedom? I haven’t even had a chance to wash that place off me yet,” Cosima pleads. “I just wanna get drunk with my friends and eat a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s and catch up on the Marvel Universe that I’ve missed out on. Can’t things just be easy for one fucking night?”

“I can do you one better.”

Both women turn to acknowledge Felix who’s finally decided to join the conversation. He twirls a perfectly rolled joint in his fingers, dangling it in front of Cosima to distract her from her worries.

“Felix, you are a God,” she exclaims, grabbing the joint from his hand.

“So I’ve been told.”

She never considered herself a true stoner until she was forced to survive without it for five years. When she was younger, smoking pot had been a means of taking the edge off after a long day or loosening her up if she found herself too tense. She didn’t realize how much she had come to rely on it until she had lost that privilege; every day in prison was long and tense and without her go-to relief, she was forced to confront all the anxieties she held at bay.

Right now, this joint is her entire fucking life.

“That’s what you need!” Sarah proclaims, grabbing her shoulder and giving her a rough shake. “A spliff and a shag!”

“Huh?”

“Ooh, Sarah’s right,” Felix nods. “You’ve been locked up a long time, darling. Let’s find you something tasty to rub up against.”

Cosima laughs.

“This is all I need right now, thanks,” she dismisses them, placing the joint between her lips.

“That’s not true,” Felix argues “God, if I had to spend five years completely celibate, I think I’d explode.”

“Well. There are ways to get by,” she shrugs.

Sarah narrows her eyes, inspecting her friend closely. It only takes a few seconds for the lightbulb in her head to flash on, illuminating her.

“Hold on a second—did you have yourself a prison girlfriend?” she asks.

Cosima freezes, a deer caught in the headlights.

Felix gapes.

“You totally did!” he nearly jumps, overcome with excitement. “What did she look like? Was she, like, your prison mum? Or were you the mum? Honestly, I can’t see you as—”

“Would you two knock it off?” Cosima laughs, giving them both a shove for good measure.

“Oi! Bobby!” Sarah calls out.

The bartender looks up from the bar for a second, her eyes landing on the three.

“Cosima had a prison girlfriend!” Sarah shouts.

The entire bar stops, all of the patrons fixing their gaze on the loud group. Cosima groans as she’s met with a few cheers and hollers from gawking men who now seem more invested in her love life than she’s been in years.

Bobby merely shrugs.

“Girl’s gotta eat,” she remarks.

Sarah and Felix erupt into a fit of laughter and Cosima smiles.

Things are finally starting to feel like they did before and she wonders if maybe it is possible to find her way back—to find a way to accept these last five years without letting them consume and define her.

Maybe Sarah does have a point.

This family that they’ve made for each other is everything; it’s all any of them have now and they have to preserve it, no matter what the cost. If this is how she can start over while still holding onto the people she loves the most, then maybe she’s obligated to do her part.

Maybe.

But she doesn’t want to think about that right now.

“I’m going out for a smoke,” Cosima laughs, leaving the two to their juvenile ways.

Right now, she could use a little bit of privacy and a whole lot of THC in her system to help her process the pile of shit that’s just been dumped into her lap. She pushes through the door and glances around for someone with a lighter, relieved to find a slightly older gentleman smoking a cigarette a few feet from the door. She bums a light, inhaling her first drag as deeply as her lungs will allow and holding it in until she feels that familiar burn.

“Looks like your night’s just getting started.”

She exhales slowly, lashes fluttering before she pries her eyes open again to match a face to the voice. The woman standing before her is a stranger—blue eyes peer back at her, perfectly complimenting the flowing blonde locks that cascade down her head, framing her delicate features.

“Yeah. I guess,” she nods, staring perhaps a bit too intently at the visitor.

She knows she should be past it—that the very sight flowing, golden curls shouldn’t evoke such a visceral response—but she can’t control it.

It’s not her, she tells herself.

Delphine is gone—has been gone for a long time.

It’s not her.

This woman, with her easy smile and warm gaze, is a completely different person. She’s probably kind, probably has a decent job and a loving family and certainly no daddy issues or death drive.

Delphine has better hair.

“Do you… want some?” Cosima offers.

The blonde’s smile grows.

“Sure.”

Cosima returns her smile, passing the joint to her new friend. The woman readily accepts it, bringing the joint to her lips and inhaling.

“I’m Casey,” she introduces herself.

“Cosima.”

The two shake hands and Casey passes the joint back. Cosima takes another hit, trying to find the courage to strike up a more substantial conversation. It shouldn’t be this hard to flirt with a pretty girl; she never really had a problem with it before, but she can’t reign in her thoughts long enough to think of something clever to say.

“I haven’t seen you around here before,” Casey speaks, meeting her half way. “You come here often?”

“Used to,” Cosima shrugs. “I… went away for a while, but now I’m back. I was just having a few drinks with some friends to celebrate my triumphant return.”

Casey chuckles.

She reaches into her bra, retrieving a flask.

“Well, to your return then,” she toasts, raising the flask before taking a swig.

She passes it to Cosima who follows suit.

Maybe when she has a few more drinks in her and finishes this joint, she’ll be a little more at ease. She thinks about Sarah and Felix’s teasing before and wonders if they’re right; does she need to get laid? She doesn’t feel starved for intimacy, but maybe a quick night of passion will help her push the past as far back as she can and forget about Delphine altogether.

“So, where are you coming from?” Casey pries.

Cosima takes another swig from the flask before passing it back to Casey and chasing with another toke.

“Would you believe me if I told you that I just got out of prison?”

Casey freezes, giving her a once over. Cosima merely smiles, wriggling her eyebrows as the blonde assesses her.

“No fucking way,” Casey nearly laughs. “You don’t look like an ex-con. You look too…”

She stops herself, unable to find the right words.

“I get it,” Cosima joins in the laughter. “I’m too big of a dork to be a hardened criminal, right?”

Casey shakes her head.

“I was gonna say “cute,” but dork works just fine.”

The blonde tries to keep the conversation light and playful but her words strike a chord somewhere deep within Cosima. Her body tenses, her thoughts transporting her to place much farther back than she cares to visit.

“You wanna finish our talk inside? I’ll buy you a celebratory drink,” Casey offers.

She opens her mouth to speak.

Yes.

One word.

One stupid, simple word.

All she has to do is utter it—make some sort of noise of confirmation—and she can begin to forget all about Delphine and her stupid hair and her ridiculous accent and the way that the moles speckled all over her back form a multitude of constellations that she’s traced too many times to count.

“Actually… as much as I’d love that, I’ve gotta jet.”

Coward.

Casey deflates, though she masks her disappoint well.

“Oh. Okay. Maybe some other time then,” she nods.

Cosima bows her head, unable to look her in the eyes.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

She lingers by the door as Casey disappears inside, leaving her alone with nothing but a roach, her treacherous thoughts and the rapidly descending night for company.

+ + + + +

She’s helped Sarah run a few jobs before, but nothing of this scale—nothing this dangerous.

Sarah did what she had to do to get by which is why she never really thought twice about helping her. But Delphine? Delphine has money—lots of it. Delphine doesn’t need to resort to such a lifestyle to support herself.

Even still, she thrives on it.

Delphine is a completely different creature. She’s driven and ambitious. The brunette often thinks her lover is far too intelligent to lead a life of crime, that she could just as easily become a doctor or a lawyer and live a comfortable, successful life.

But this isn’t about comfort with Delphine.

There’s a larger force at play—something Cosima can’t quite wrap her head around that seems to dig at the French girl, leaving her raw. Delphine could take the easy way out, could go to school and make all the right moves and end up with a simple, quiet life, but she refuses. It’s almost like she insists on raging through life, living like a supernova before she inevitably explodes.

Or maybe she won’t.

Delphine is smart—the smartest person Cosima’s ever crossed paths with. Maybe she is good enough to elude the law for the rest of her life and dodge any bullets that may come her way. If anyone can defy the odds, she’s certain that it’s the blonde.

Or maybe she’s already fallen.

Her stomach is trapped in a continuous loop of somersaults, her leg bouncing impatiently as her eyes burn a hole through the door, watching the doorknob for any sign of movement. Until she sees the blonde walk across the threshold unscathed, the paranoia will not subside.

She had been reluctant when Delphine had asked for her help, but how could she say no? Perhaps she never should have brought up her prowess in the first place, but as soon as the blonde became aware of her unique skill set, she seemed even more enthralled by the strange little geek.

“Just one job—low risk,” Delphine had nearly begged her one night. “I promise.”

“Look, I just help Sarah here and there when she needs it. I’m not, like, a pro or anything,” Cosima had tried to explain. “Not that I’m judging you, but this kinda thing really isn’t in my wheelhouse and I really don’t want it coming back on me later.”

She somehow found herself holed up in her dorm room, hunched over her laptop at her desk as she typed away furiously, monitoring the situation. All Delphine was asking for was a way in—a way to disable the alarms so she could go about her business. Even though the security system was a fairly simple one, she began to second guess herself and let the paranoia consume her with each minute that passed without a word from Delphine.

What if she had gotten it wrong?

What if she screwed something up and now Delphine was in the back of a squad car on her way to jail?

“Shit,” she mutters beneath her breath. “Shit, shit, shit!”

This was her fault.

She should have tried harder to talk her out of it.

She hadn’t heard any unusual activity on the police scanner she was monitoring that Delphine had leant her and the alarm system was still disabled from what she could see, so what’s taking Delphine so long? She had said she’d check in in a couple of hours but it’s been nearly three and she can only assume the worst at this point.

That is, until the door finally swings open and she’s greeted by a flash of golden curls.

“Holy shit! It actually worked!” she exclaims as she leaps from her seat, completely dumbfounded. “It worked and you’re here and everything’s fine!”

Delphine grins, closing the door behind her and stalking over to Cosima. She grabs Cosima’s face in her hands and fuses their lips together with a force that nearly knocks the dreadlocked girl off her feet.

“Of course it worked,” Delphine whispers, brushing their noses together. “You’re brilliant.”

She’s never really considered herself to be a particularly modest person, but for some reason, whenever Delphine showers her with praise and compliments, she finds herself transforming into a bashful child that’s unable to properly accept them.

“Well, I-I don’t know about that, but—”

Delphine silences her with another kiss.

“You’re a genius, Cosima,” she reassures her.

It’s strange.

She’s never really felt this thrill when she helps Sarah, but her heart is slamming in her chest and she feels a potent mix of adrenaline and infatuation. Maybe this is why Bonnie and Clyde ran wild through a crippled country; she feels young and powerful and completely untouchable in the moment.

She sighs when she feels Delphine’s fingers tease at the hem of her tank top.

“Take this off,” the blonde expels, her command a breathy whisper.

Cosima grins.

“Yes ma’am.”

Without a second to spare, she peels the top over her and tosses it aside, pausing only when she notices the amused expression upon the French girl’s face.

“What?”

Delphine shakes her head, laughing.

“You’re such a dork,” she teases.

“Gee, you really know how to rev a girl’s engine, don’t you?” the student jabs, tongue peeking out from behind a row of white teeth.

Cosima tugs at the belt loops on Delphine’s jeans, pulling her girlfriend in even closer until their foreheads are pressed together. The blonde licks her lips—a gesture which Cosima is acutely aware of.

“Don’t worry. You’re a cute dork,” Delphine clarifies, the corners of her lips twitching into a coy smile.

“That’s why you like me.”

“Among other things.”

They undress each other in a frenzy, desperate for skin. A part of her wishes they were back at Delphine’s condo where they have a much larger bed at their disposal, but Delphine had insisted upon meeting here and so they have to make due with the uncomfortable twin mattress. It takes them a few minutes to adjust to the limited space, but once they do, Delphine presses Cosima beneath her, working her way down the smaller girl’s body until her face is buried in the generous heat she finds between her lover’s legs.

Most of the time, Cosima finds herself wondering just what’s going on inside the young delinquent’s head. While they do share much in common, there is still so much Delphine doesn’t share with her and she finds herself devoting entirely too much time to deciphering the many different faces of Delphine Cormier.

Yes.

Delphine is a total enigma—except when they’re making love.

There is never an illusion shielding the blonde from her gaze, no possible ulterior motives transpiring behind her eyes when she looks down at Cosima, their bodies writhing together in blissful ecstasy. This is the one time Cosima is certain that the two exist on the same plane—that Delphine’s mind is not such a distant and impenetrable thing; they fuck like it’s their last day to live, like nothing else exists for them outside of each other.

When they’re finished, Delphine rests between Cosima’s legs, her head resting upon the fleshy cushion of Cosima’s thigh. Cosima smiles sheepishly, reaching down to run her hand through wild locks, fingers toying with the golden curls.

They stay like that, silent, for many minutes.

“This is so perfect,” Delphine sighs, finally breaking their easy silence as she looks up at Cosima with a smile.

“Yeah,” Cosima agrees, beaming back down at her.

She’s been in relationships before, she’s had random flings before, but nothing that’s ever felt quite like this; she feels electric, like she’s experiencing the world in a whole new way. All of her past partners were companions in the simplest sense of the word—they enjoyed each other, killed time together, but there was never anything deep or substantial about any of them. She’d never really wanted anything deeper and certainly hadn’t been looking for it that night when she’d wandered out with Sarah to grab a few drinks and shoot a few games of pool.

And yet, here she is—entwined in bed with this golden goddess—with this girl who’s challenged everything she thought she knew about herself. She never could have pictured herself in this position but there’s something about all of this that feels strangely… right. She knows Delphine is one giant puzzle she may never be able to piece together fully, but despite the uncertainty of it all, it somehow makes sense.

“You know, I never wanted a partner. I never thought I needed one,” Delphine begins, absently tracing the jut of Cosima’s hipbone. “But the two of us? There’s nothing we can’t do. We could take this city in a heartbeat.”

Cosima tenses.

Partner?

“Hey now,” she chuckles nervously. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself.”

Sensing her lover’s uncertainty, Delphine shifts until she’s sitting up, urging Cosima to do the same. She gives Cosima a very serious look, reaching for her hand and tangling their fingers together.

“I know you feel it, too.”

What is she supposed to say?

Delphine is right—she does feel it—but even still, that doesn’t mean she wants to jump head-first into whatever world Delphine’s been inhabiting for God knows how long. Her mother used to say that being in a successful relationship meant accepting everything about your partner—even the parts you aren’t necessarily thrilled about—and being willing to walk side-by-side through each other’s bullshit; if you could do that, then you could work through anything.

But could she really do that?

“This… this is good, Cosima,” Delphine tells her, bringing Cosima’s open palm to her lips to plant a lingering kiss.

She stares into pools of deep hazel that beg her to trust—to dive in with abandon and commend herself fully to whatever awaits them at the bottom. She chews anxiously on her bottom lip, unsure of what she should make of such a request; she’s always been the kind of girl who’s had her feet fixed firmly to the ground and she wonders if she should stick to what she knows or risk taking the plunge.

“I-I don’t know, Delphine,” she meekly protests. “You said it was just gonna be one job. I don’t think I—”

She’s interrupted by soft, consoling lips that put her mind at ease.

“Okay,” Delphine agrees.

Cosima blinks a few times, confused by how easily her lover has conceded. She learned the very first night they met that Delphine always gets her way and she expected far more resistance than what she’s currently being met with.

No.

Delphine smiles at her, eyes soft and inviting, not a trace of frustration or disappointment anywhere upon her face.

“I promise that I’ll never make you do anything you’re not comfortable doing,” Delphine tells her.

“Seriously?”

Delphine laughs, pressing another kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“What? Did you think I’d force you into something?”

Cosima finds her smile again.

“No, no. Not at all. I just thought—well, you said you always get your way. I figured you wouldn’t budge so easily,” she shrugs.

Delphine surges forward, the suddenness in her movements forcing Cosima back down until she’s flat against the mattress again with the blonde’s arms pressed on either side of her head, boxing her in. Delphine gazes down at her,  face veiled with tousled locks but her smirk still very visible. Cosima’s smile only grows, especially when Delphine leans in, pressing their foreheads together.

“I would love to work with you, Cosima,” she admits. “You’re the only person I’ve ever met who I’d want to share this part of my life with. You’re the only person I trust enough.”

“Really?”

The blonde caresses her face gently, her thumb tracing the ridge of her brow, the bridge of her nose, the fullness of her lips.

“I just want you to be happy. I want to take care of you. That’s all.”

[cophinelovin]

My Life Changed When I Met You Ch. 6

Also on ff.net and AO3.

January 2017

“Hello?” she grumbled into the phone. She looked at the clock and squinted, unable to see what time it was, but she knew it was early.

“Cosima?”

Cosima sat up abruptly. “Delphine?”

“Yes,” Delphine answered. “I am so sorry to call you like...like this, out of the blue, but I, um, I did not know what else to do, who else to call.” She sniffled into the phone and Cosima’s eyes widened, hearing the distress in her voice.

“Oh, no, no, it’s ok, what’s going on? Are you ok?” she asked, worried.

“Um,” Delphine said quietly, trying to hold back her tears. “I...I am coming back to San Francisco...for good.”

“Oh,” Cosima stated, confused. “Can I ask...what happened? Why are you coming back?”

“I am leaving Mark,” she cried, “He...he...I just found out...he’s been...cheating on me...for over a year.” She let out a sob and Cosima’s heart broke as all the feelings of wanting to take care of Delphine came rushing back.

“Oh my god, Delphine, I am so, so sorry,” Cosima sympathized. She could kill that guy right now. How could he do that to her? Cosima knew he was a jerk from the beginning, but she wasn’t about to say that.

“I...I was coming back to stay with my parents, but when I told them, they...they got so mad...at me, for leaving him,” Delphine explained.

“What?” Cosima asked, incredulously. “That’s insane! Why would they be mad at you?”

“Cosima, you know, they are very traditional...they gave me some speech about a woman sticking by her husband or some bullshit,” she replied, angrily.

“Ugh, Delphine, I’m so sorry,” Cosima told her.

“So, you see, I, um, I need a place to stay. I already have a flight booked but I can’t...I can’t go to my parents...I cannot face them,” Delphine said through her tears.

Cosima shuffled herself back on the bed, leaning up against the headboard, her heart starting to race. “Come stay with me. I have an extra bedroom. You can stay as long as you want.”

“Are you sure?” Delphine asked. “I am so sorry, Cosima, to put you out like this. I didn’t mean to. I know it’s been so long...I just, I didn’t have anyone else to call.”

“I am sure, yes,” she told her, “I’m here for you. I know it’s been a long time. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you.”

“Thank you, Cosima. Thank you so much,” she whispered, breathing a sigh of relief.

Cosima took a deep breath, all the memories flooding back, wondering how she would feel when she saw the blonde again. It had been four and a half years since they had spoken. Cosima had dated, even had a relationship for almost two years, but she could never settle. She knew she wasn't still pining for Delphine, but she also knew she'd always be in love with her. She had accepted the fact that she would never be close with her again.

“Of course, Del,” she whispered, “Always.”

---

February 2017

Cosima heard the knock at the door and her heart immediately started racing. She swung the door open, seeing Delphine for the first time in years. She looked amazing. Her curly hair was longer, but it still fell over her face softly in a way that framed her smile so perfectly.

Delphine beamed at Cosima, taking a deep breath and dropping her bags on the floor to pull her into a hug.

“Oh, Cosima,” she breathed, squeezing her tightly, “Thank you. Thank you so much.” She felt emotional from the trip, from the burden of leaving her husband. She had been a mess for the last few weeks, packing up the house, saying goodbye to all the memories she and Mark had shared.

Cosima pulled her in, smiling. She felt nervous, but as soon as she felt the blonde, her body relaxed, every inch of her skin remembering the touch. It was so familiar. “Come in, come in,” she whispered, pulling back after a moment. “I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

Delphine nodded. “Me neither,” she said quietly as she picked up her bags and walked inside, placing them down in the kitchen. “This is not how I expected my life to be,” she admitted.

Cosima sighed. “Yeah, I guess things don’t always turn out the way we planned,” she commiserated. “Come on, I’ll show you around. Sorry, the place is not very big. You know, poor student and all. Maybe I'll make some money once I finish my PhD.”

“No, it is perfect. Very cute, Cosima,” Delphine smiled.

Cosima showed her to her room so she could get her things settled in. The brunette would never have thought in a million years that she would have Delphine there, living with her. Her heart fluttered with excitement and anxiety, hoping this wasn’t a mistake. But what else could she do? It wasn’t like she could have turned her away.

Delphine came back out into the living room after a moment, taking a deep breath.

Cosima could see the nerves plaguing the blonde and she smiled her sweetest smile, trying to make her feel at ease.

“Hey, you want me to order pizza and we’ll hang out on the couch and watch a movie and pretend we’re 16 again?” Cosima beamed.

Delphine’s mouth curled into a grin and she giggled. “Yes, I would like that,” she told her.

“Good,” Cosima answered.

“Cosima, it’s really good to see you again,” the blonde admitted, coming to sit down next to Cosima on the couch.

“You too, Del,” Cosima replied, her eyes gazing sweetly at her long lost friend.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

Delphine smiled and sighed. “You know, I’ve never considered anyone else my best friend, even after all these years. It’s still you. I know, I know we’ve been apart, but I always thought of you, wondered how you were,” she confessed.

Cosima gave her a half smile. “Yeah, me too, Del. I guess I couldn’t get rid of you completely,” she joked.

“Did you want to?” Delphine asked, pouting half-jokingly.

“Nah, I’m just teasing you Del,” she sighed. “Come on, let’s make up for lost time.” It was so easy to fall back into their old rhythm. This is what Cosima was afraid of.

Delphine smiled, a warmth running through her. She was starting to feel better already.

---

May 2017

“Del, I'm gonna keep the promise I made to you a long time ago. I'm gonna get you completely baked.”

Delphine laughed, flopping down on the couch. “Oh, really?”

“Mhmm, we're gonna have some fun. Because you deserve some chill fun time after everything you've been through. Besides, we need to celebrate both of us finally completing our doctorates,” Cosima told her, going to her bedroom and coming back with the joint. “And I've got wine,” she said, smiling.

Delphine chuckled. “Alright, why not? Let's do it.”

Cosima smiled wide and sat with her legs tucked underneath her next to Delphine on the couch. “Okay,” she replied, “This is gonna be awesome.”

They ended up lying back on the couch, a nice buzz from the pot, laughing and reminiscing about their time in high school, as they dug into the wine, easily finishing a bottle between them.

“Remember how bad Scotty had it for you?” Delphine laughed.

“Oh yeah,” Cosima chortled, “He had a huge crush. I was definitely not feeling that.”

They looked at each other and burst into laughter.

“So tell me, who are you crushing on now?” Delphine asked, chuckling.

“Crushing on?” Cosima laughed, “What are we? Teenagers?” She took the last swig of her wine and put her glass down.

Delphine giggled, her head falling back onto the back of the couch. “At least when we were teenagers, you told me these things,” she replied.

“Not everything,” Cosima said, her voice slurring a little.

“No? What didn't you tell me?” Delphine asked.

“Um,” Cosima giggled, pausing before she blurted out, “Dude, I’ve totally had a crush on you since high school.”

Delphine’s smile faded and she looked seriously at the brunette. “You do?”

Cosima realized what she had said and it made her laugh harder, the weed making her head woozy. “I mean, I did…I did have a crush on you in high school…long time ago,” she stumbled.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Delphine asked.

“I didn’t want to ruin anything, Del, like make you uncomfortable, you know, I knew you were totally straight,” Cosima replied, leaning back against the couch cushion. “I mean you were my best friend. And totally like the prettiest girl in school.”

“I still am your best friend,” Delphine answered, smiling, and putting her arm on the back of the couch next to Cosima’s shoulders.

“And you’re still the prettiest girl in school,” Cosima teased, laughing at herself.

Delphine grinned and shook her head, giggling. “I don’t know about the totally straight part,” she admitted.

Cosima laughed as she turned her head toward the blonde. “That’s a good one, Cormier. I’ve never seen anyone as straight as you.”

“I don’t know,” Delphine replied, “I’ve had crushes on girls actually.”

Cosima sat up. “No way!” she exclaimed.

Delphine nodded. “Yes, it is true.”

“You never told me this! I thought we told each other everything,” Cosima said in shock.

“You didn’t tell me you had a crush on me!” Delphine yelled, a little louder than she intended.

Cosima looked down, fumbling with the ring on her middle finger, suddenly feeling a little more sober than she wanted to. “True, true,” she whispered, before looking back at Delphine. “So tell me more about these girl crushes,” she grinned.

“You’re a brat, you know that?” Delphine replied, shoving her playfully on the shoulder.

“Yeah? I know. Are you avoiding the subject?” Cosima asked, her cheeky smile showing all her teeth.

Delphine shrugged. “I think I need more wine,” she stated, getting up from the couch.

“Ok,” Cosima agreed, following her off the couch. “I can get it.”

Delphine turned and put her hand up. “I’ve got it, Cosima.”

Cosima stumbled in her drunken and high state, falling into Delphine and laughing. She put her hands out to catch her fall, gripping at Delphine’s sides.

Delphine shook her head, rolling her eyes at Cosima and putting her arms around the smaller woman. “Perhaps you’ve had too much?” she asked.

Cosima stood, leaning slightly forward into Delphine, feeling the warmth of her skin. She looked up, gazing into her eyes. She was going to say something, going to answer the woman’s question, but she couldn’t. She was lost in a sea of hazel. Instead she insisted, “Come on, I wanna know about these girls.”

Delphine sighed. “Cosima, why are you so hung up about this?”

“Dude, my best friend of like 15 years just told me she might be just a little gay. This is exciting,” she smiled.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Delphine responded, her arms still wrapped around Cosima. She loosened her grip just as Cosima leaned into her chest to rest her head.

“I’m sleepy,” Cosima confessed, her head falling heavy just under Delphine’s shoulder.

Delphine held her up, closing her eyes as she gave in to the embrace. “Perhaps you should go to bed, then,” she whispered.

“But I’m having so much fun with you, Del,” Cosima breathed, her arms snaking to Delphine’s back, her hand rubbing gently.

Delphine let out a small gasp at the contact and Cosima hummed softly.

“I still wanna hear about these girls,” Cosima whispered, “You’re not getting off that easy. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t tease you about this?” She smiled into soft skin, her heart pounding at the closeness she felt. She didn’t dare move, not wanting this feeling to end.

Delphine took a deep breath, her body responding to Cosima’s touch. “Cos…” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve only had a crush on one girl,” she told her.

“Ohhh, so you were totally lying before,” Cosima teased, “All these girls you had crushes on.”

Delphine didn’t answer, pulling Cosima tighter to her, her chin resting on top of dreadlocks. Her lower lip began to tremble as she felt her nerves taking her over.

Cosima gave her a squeeze before backing up slightly. “Whoa, Del, I was just joking,” she told her, “You ok?”

“I…” Delphine whispered as a few tears began to fall from her eyes.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Cosima asked. She reached her hand out to cup Delphine’s cheek, wiping the tears away with her thumb.

Delphine closed her eyes at the touch, her breath hitching.

Cosima moved a little closer, unsure of what was happening, but just wanting to make Delphine feel better. “Hey,” she whispered, tenderly.

Delphine opened her eyes, looking through her blurry vision at the small brunette in front of her.

“It’s you,” she whispered.

Cosima furrowed her brow. “Hmm?” she asked, confused.

“You’re the girl,” she stated.

A look of realization washed over Cosima’s face. “Wait, really?” Her heart was now beating a mile a minute and she was searching Delphine’s eyes for any indication that what she was saying was a lie.

Delphine swallowed. “I’m sorry...I shouldn't have said anything. I’m so stupid.”

“No, no, you are definitely not stupid,” Cosima replied. “Delphine...I…” She put both of her hands on Delphine’s cheeks, moving in so her face was inches away from the blonde’s. “Del,” she whispered, “Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

Delphine gazed at her through teary eyes. “I…” she whispered.

Cosima cupped the blonde's face in her palms. She was practically shaking, trembling with what she wanted to do. “Del...I want...can I kiss you?” she whispered.

Cosima had barely finished the question when Delphine’s mouth was suddenly on hers. The blonde surged forward, taking the smaller woman’s lips with her own.

Cosima couldn't believe that this was actually happening. She felt like it wasn't real. Maybe it was because she was intoxicated, but she felt like she was having an out of body experience.

Delphine's hands were all over her as the blonde backed Cosima up into the wall. Cosima felt the electricity running through her body and she couldn't stop. Delphine's lips were so soft, so smooth. The little whimpers coming out of her mouth were turning her on unlike anything she ever felt before. Part of her wished it hadn't happened like this, when they weren't sober, but she didn't have the willpower to stop.

Delphine started bucking her hips as Cosima's thigh moved between her legs. She moaned, her hands tugging Cosima's hips closer.

Delphine felt desperate. She wasn't sure what was possessing her to be this bold, but she felt that if she stopped, she wouldn't be able to continue. She grabbed Cosima's hand and pressed it against her core, rubbing through her pants.

“D...Del, are you sure?” Cosima panted, barely taking her mouth away from Delphine's.

Delphine nodded and grunted, pushing herself even harder into Cosima's hand. “Touch me,” she growled.

Cosima didn't argue, couldn't argue. She wanted this. She wanted her. She was going to move her hand to unbutton Delphine's pants, but she couldn't move her hand away. She could feel the heat through fabric and Delphine held her there, desperately bucking and moaning loudly.

Delphine groaned as her body couldn't take the friction anymore and she came, her body quaking against Cosima's hand.

Cosima held her, throwing her other arm around her waist as she shook. She couldn't believe Delphine had come just from that, but she wasn't complaining.

Cosima felt Delphine's breathing slow and she pulled back to look at her face. “Del,” she whispered, tenderly, cupping her face.

Delphine swallowed, looking at Cosima, looking at her best friend. She felt a terrible fear rush through her body as she started to sober up.

Cosima saw the change in her face and she tried to soothe. “Hey, hey, you okay, Del?”

Delphine took a deep breath and backed up. “I...um...I...I need to go to bed,” she stumbled. What had she just done? How could she let herself get that carried away?

Cosima looked at her, concerned. “Did I...did I do something wrong?” she asked, a feeling of dread running through her.

Delphine shook her head. “No, no...I just...I have to go,” she whispered, turning and walking into her room, shutting the door behind her. She felt like such an idiot. She couldn't believe she had just done that. She was so confused and she buried her face in the pillow, her head spinning from the booze.

Cosima walked up to the door, feeling terrible, her heart aching. “Del,” she called out, “I, um, I hope you're okay. Please, let me know if you need anything.” She waited for a moment and when she didn't hear an answer, she sighed and trudged to her own room.

Cosima curled up on her bed, feeling sick. She felt her tears rush to her eyes. Did she just fuck everything up? She couldn't think straight. Her mind was too foggy. All she could think about was how good Delphine smelled, how soft she was, how she wished she was holding her in her arms at that moment. She finally fell asleep, her pillow soaked from her sobs.

---

Cosima woke the next morning with her head pounding as all the foggy memories from the night before came flooding back. She slipped on her glasses as she slowly sat up, her body feeling like it was moving through molasses.

She walked out of her room, seeing that Delphine’s door was still shut and sauntered toward the kitchen to make coffee. As it brewed, she heard shuffling in Delphine’s room. She was definitely awake. Cosima needed to talk to her.

The brunette poured a cup of coffee for herself and one for Delphine, padding slowly toward her door. “Delphine,” she called out, “I have coffee. Can I come in?”

Cosima heard more shuffling and after a moment the door opened slightly. Delphine looked like a mess. Her hair was flopped in a crazy pile on her head and her eyes were red. She looked like she hadn’t gotten any sleep. “Thank you,” she mumbled, taking the cup.

Cosima furrowed her brow. “Hey,” she said tenderly, opening the door wider and stepping toward the blonde. “Can we talk?”

Delphine sighed and put the coffee cup down on her dresser, walking back inside the room and throwing her clothes into the empty suitcase that was already on her bed.

Cosima followed her inside, confused. “What are you doing?”

Delphine continued to open her drawers, taking out piles of clothing and tossing them into the bag. She didn’t look at Cosima. She couldn’t.

“Delphine,” Cosima said curtly, “What’s going on? Please, talk to me.”

Delphine took a deep breath. “I’m leaving,” she stated, still averting her eyes.

“What? Leaving? You don’t have to leave, Del. Please, can we just talk about what happened?” Cosima asked, anxiously.

“There is nothing to talk about Cosima. I do not think it is a good idea if we live together,” Delphine told her, biting her lip nervously. “Do not worry about last night. It was a mistake.”

Cosima put down her coffee, swallowing the feeling of dread that bubbled up from her stomach. “What do you mean, a mistake?” she wondered, “Delphine, you’re the one who initiated it.”

“I know,” Delphine responded, hurriedly shoving her socks in the suitcase, “And I made a mistake. You did nothing wrong, Cosima. I am not mad at you.”

“How could you say that?” Cosima choked, doing her best to hold back the tears she knew were threatening to fall.

“Cosima, please,” the blonde replied, “Do not make this harder than it has to be.” Her stomach was twisting and turning. She knew she would lose it if she looked at the smaller woman. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t give in. Her intoxicated state had made her let her guard down last night, but she knew it wasn’t right. She couldn’t be with a woman, let alone Cosima. The thought was too terrifying. She was sure her family would never speak to her again if she did. Then, she would have nothing. No marriage, no family, no one.

Cosima scoffed. “Hard? Delphine, you have no idea,” she stated, moving closer to the blonde. “Look at me. Please, look at me.”

Delphine could feel the wetness behind her eyes as she finally allowed herself to meet Cosima’s eyes, only for a moment, before looking down at the ground.

“Delphine, I’ve been in...I’ve cared about you for so long,” Cosima started, “I thought for one second, for one fucking second, that you felt the same. And I was so fucking happy for that second, thinking, my god, this is really happening, this is real, she feels the same. But now…now this?” Cosima was trembling, desperately fighting back her tears.

Delphine shook her head. “Just forget it, Cosima!” she said angrily. “I want to go back to what we had before...being friends, that’s it.”

“Well, I can’t. I can’t go back after last night,” Cosima stood her ground, knowing that things would never, could never, be the same. “We’re done. I don’t want to hear from you again.”

Cosima turned and walked out the door, heading into her own room and slamming the door shut. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. She was so angry, for what Delphine had put her through. She couldn’t play with her heart like that. She was completely done. She waited until she heard the blonde leave the apartment, knowing that this would probably break her worse than anything had before. But she had to do it, for her own sanity.

She had already tried to let go of Delphine once. It was a mistake to have let her back into her life again. A huge mistake. She ran her fingers over her dandelion tattoo as the tears rushed down her cheeks.

She was going to have to forget. Forget the way Delphine’s lips had felt on hers, so soft, so warm. Forget the sparks she had felt running between them. Forget the way Delphine’s hands had grasped at her sides so desperately, her small whimpers as she had craved Cosima’s touch. Forget the way she smiled. Forget her laugh. Forget her voice. Forget it all.

---

[lovesjello]

Starer for: immunologiist

Helena had already succeeded at disguising herself as Beth and Sarah to get things she wanted. And now it was time to try and pull of Cosima. The one clone who had been able to get into DYAD. Who even had her own lab. And while she didn't think she was lying about her findings there, she certainly thought that love was blinding her to some things.

Her hair was hidden underneath a big beanie and she kept tugging at the tight fitting burgundy pants she had taken from Cosima. Helena had made a decent attempt at copying the sharp eyeliner the other clone always wore. The nose ring was just about staying in her nose as she had ripped off the part that would go through the pierced hole. Unfortunately it would be far too suspicious to ask to borrow them. 

Once inside she went over to the elevators, swiping the key. It seemed it was programmed only to take to her to the floor Cosima worked on. Thankfully no one else got on with her. And once the doors opened on the level she needed she quickly stepped off. 

Her head remained tilted down which wasn't the best idea as she walked right into someone. "Sorry," she said, accent slipping just slightly. Her hands came out to brace the other person and she looked right up into the eyes of Delphine.

[lobsters-on-their-heads]

OB Rewatch: Manacled Slim Wrists

Let’s be honest, though - that Krystal impersonation was half-assed at best. She’s not nearly shimmery enough.

I loved:

It's the Krystal episode!! God bless her. I was just thinking that one thing that makes Season 5 my least favorite is that lack of self-aware humor that was present in earlier seasons (Helena's pretending to be Alison! They’re playing the German version of These Boots are Made for Walkin’!) Part of this is because they split up the Sestras, and part of it is because they spend so much time on the fucking island with PT West-bore-land. Krystal is the humor Season 5 needs. 

I love seeing Siobhan working at her kitchen table, her granddaughter's art work on the fridge...

She also has a great biting line about cosmetics getting more research dollars than cancer. (And as a side note, if I ever get cancer, I want Maria Doyle Kennedy to be the one who breaks the news to me. Or Saoirse Ronan. Something about that accent...)

Season 5 is desperately lacking in clones-impersonating-other-clones scenes (in a funny way), but holy SHIT I love Sarah imitating Krystal. I can totally believe that Skylar Wexler’s laughter in this scene is genuine. 

Krystal!! So much Krystal: 

“Steer him towards Dyad, don't make it obvious.” “Len, you sold your company to Dyad.”

“You're making me wet and I'm super mad at you!”

“Is she necessary? Because she is so rude, every single time.”

Only two little things in the island plot were loves: Cosima still in her tuxedo shirt, and Cosima and Charlotte in the boat.

I liked:

“We love getting comments from you guys who can't really speak English, it's so adorable!” How did I not remember that line?? 

I like how Krystal only screams after Brie does. Which, I mean, having your hair fall out would be pretty upsetting!

The wording of “cultivating him as a source” – sure you were, Krystal. And I'm sure no one in the writer's room notice the double-entendre of “my deep throat is totally hot.”

“With fortune and fiction, that's how the patriarchy works.” And Susan Duncan finally has a good line.

Scott blowing up the glove just as Art says “You're in good hands.” The levity is greatly appreciated.

Poor Ira finally gets a character arch that doesn't involve fucking his adoptive mother. Too bad it’s five minutes long.

I hate spending  more time with the villagers, but killing little Aisha after showing Coady in the medical hut with a child... that’s how you tell us a character is evil, not with monologues. 

Coady did a LOT with the words “She never even tried to fix you, did she?” Too bad the show didn't go very far with that.

Cosima trying to open a little hole in the chain-link fence door with her bare hands is adorable. Except, really, with the latch right there, one would think a hook-on-a-string approach would be smarter. Cosima needs to spend more time hanging out with Helena, clearly.

I didn’t like:

PT and Susan infodump tells us what we should have learned in a smoother scene.

Ugh, and Coady's taking up screen time again. Pardon me while I skip over as much of her lines as possible. Two women fighting over a mediocre man, why this bullshit again?

Don't care for the “Scott as bumbling idiot genius who can't focus around women” schtick. Especially since it didn't seem to matter. Scott wasn't really in a great position to hold Krystal in place even if Brie hadn’t ground her ass all up on him.

Mud's confession / origin story was meant to be moving, but I just really don't care about her. We also get no follow up on her character.

I don't get how the photo was proof for the rioting villagers. How do they know it was the same person? Have they ever even seen PT in person? Or Susan Duncan? If the villagers had wanted to hold Cosima back, they would have, no matter what she showed them.

Other notes:

You know those shoes Kira puked on cost more than Sarah’s legally earned in her lifetime. I also enjoy pairing this scene with the outtake of Tatiana joking that Skylar “loves vomit.”

There was no bed in the cell in the last episode. They forced Cosima to stay with them out of the cage while they furnished it, then locked her back in. They probably held a gun to her while they had her out of the cage, but I also think it’s proof that Cos probably can’t fight worth a shit.

Poor Scott, re ghosting, “It's difficult at first, but you get used to it eventually.” Seriously, Cosima needs to stop picking on him and help the boy out.

Black and white dynamic with Mr. Frontenac in his dark suit in Rachel's pure white office.

Coady's behavior towards Cosima speaks more powerfully to her character than Bad Guy (TM) dialogue. Especially the way she looks Cosima up and down like a buyer at a cattle market, or how she smokes openly in the village while the people are carrying sick children and pontificating about how PT is killing them. 

I have questions:

Have any other Ledas around the world watched the Kay-Bee vlog and thought, “You know, that one kind of looks like me....”?

I can only think of Tom Cullen's character as being named Lemsip, the cold and flu treatment that was recommended for me when I visited London. How intentional was that? Also, how much fucking fun did Tat and Tom have filming this scene?

More questions from this scene: 

How weird is it watching your clone make out with someone? 

How much of the decision to hire Tom came from his position as Tat's partner? I doubt very much, since he’s a talented actor in his own right, but I’m wondering more about the first foot in the door.

Good lord, Krystal, how much TP do you need, girl?

I would’ve liked to have seen:

I wish Kyrstal could've been there in the last episode. Just imagine her at that baby shower. Imagine her with Helena, period! (Also, a plug for A Galaxy of Women, in which Krystal meets Cosima: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11836590)

I wanted to see Delphine busting onto the island to save Cosima. In fanfiction, she totally would've.

I am a little bitter that we see Tom lifting Tat on the show, but not Evelyne lifting Tat. We also see him actually grabbing her ass with, ehm, quite some vigor. *mutters* Heteronormative bullshit... *mutters*

[lobsters-on-their-heads]

Continuing Travels of Cophine, Chapt. 10

Start from the beginning here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12116799/chapters/27477684

When Sarah finally responded to Cosima's question about rescheduling, Delphine was driving them all to Sarah's house, though Cosima still thought of it as Siobhan's. Gene sat in the front passenger seat, chatting with Delphine about kelp forests off the coast of California, and Sally and Cosima were in the back, zoning in and out. It was 12:20 pm, putting Charlotte's parent-teacher conference less than two and a half hours away.

I've rescheduled four times already, Sarah texted. Two of those because I forgot. Can't do it again.

We're almost at your house, Cosima typed, needing some more time to think about this before committing. Can we talk about it then?

K

Cosima had never impersonated Sarah, only Alison, and that had gone south fast as soon as she needed to actually talk to people, rather than just be Alison-shaped. Sarah was the family chameleon, after all, but from what she heard, Alison could do a passable Sarah Manning, as well.

Have you asked Alison to do it?

Yeah. She's busy, and she's says it's my responsibility.

That sounded like Alison. Cosima slid her phone back into her pocket and chewed on her thumbnail.

Sarah greeted them at the door when they arrived at the house, and behind her they saw Helena trying to feed the boys in the kitchen. A squeal erupted from one of them just as Cosima and Delphine stepped over the threshold, Dr. and Dr. Niehaus behind them.

“Yeah,” Sarah said, “We're trying to convince them that throwing food's not a good idea. So far they're not convinced.”

Sally patted Cosima's back as Sarah offered to take their coats. “Oh, Cosima used to throw her food, too, you know. For a couple of years, in fact.”

“Oh, Jesus.” Cosima shed her coat and wanted to complain, but Delphine looked so utterly charmed by the image that she kept her mouth shut.

Gene nodded. “Yeah, we kind of had to feed her in a bubble and wrap ourselves in plastic. But she got better eventually.”

Once her parents were busy cooing over the babies in the kitchen, Cosima maneuvered Sarah into the opposite side of the living room, where Delphine settled onto the couch with a glass of water.

“Sarah, do you seriously want me to go to Charlotte's teacher conference as you?” Cosima hissed.

Sarah sighed and leaned against the wall. “I know, I know. It's... terrible parenting or.... sistering, or whatever. I've already gotten the earful from Alison. But, listen, it shouldn't be that hard.”

“Not that hard? Sarah, you're the guardian, not me.”

“Right, but this teacher's never met me. Just say you're me, and no one's gonna know.”

“No one except Charlotte,” Delphine said.

Sarah pushed her palms against her forehead and sighed. “Look, Charlotte knows what's up. She's a smart kid; we can explain it to her later, if we even have to. She'll probably figure out for herself why it's you there instead of me.”

Sarah wasn't wrong, but Cosima's heart ached for her little sister, expected to deal with clone swaps as a matter of course at the age of eleven. “I mean, yeah, she'll figure it out. That's not really what I'm worried about. Can't you try rescheduling your exam? Take it tomorrow in the professor's office or something?”

Sarah shook her head. “No. He's made it very clear, all semester, that we need emergency documentation in order to do that, and he gave us a list of acceptable documents. He also made it clear that child care and previous appointments do not count as emergencies.”

“Shit.” Cosima couldn't remember any professor having that policy in any of her classes, but maybe they just hadn't needed to. She looked at the clock. It was 12:55. “How far away is the school?”

“About a mile away. Charlotte takes the bus, though, `cause, you know.” Sarah gestured to her own leg. “So I never got a parking pass for the lot, and it's super expensive to park close by. Which means you'll have to walk or get Delphine to drop you off.”

Getting to the school was the least of Cosima's concerns. A mile meant she could walk there in about twenty minutes at a relaxed pace, and she had missed walking since they'd gotten back. “You said the teacher hasn't met you before, but haven't the office staff met you?”

“Only the first day, when I registered her.”

“So they probably noticed you have a British accent, and they'll notice that I don't.”

Sarah squirmed. “Yeah, maybe, but that was in August, and now it's December. That's four months for everyone to forget what I sound like.”

“A sibling guardian with a British accent isn't going to be that hard to forget, Sarah! That's two things that make you stand out from all the other adults who've registered their kids there this year. Plus, with Charlotte's leg brace, and the fact that she's in a traditional school for the first time ever, she's a memorable kid in general. Someone will remember you, and they will notice that I am different from you!”

While Sarah leaned back and rubbed her face, Sally came in, bouncing Arthur on her hip. “What's all the fuss in here, girls?”

“Nothing,” both Cosima and Sarah said.

* * *

An hour later, Sarah drove off to her final exam at the community college, and Cosima sat in Sarah's bedroom, formerly Siobhan's bedroom, papers scattered around and her laptop on her legs. Her parents were wrapped up with the babies downstairs, telling stories about baby Cosima to whatever adult would listen, while Cosima read the documents Sarah gave her regarding Charlotte's life in Toronto. She had fifteen minutes to familiarize herself before getting ready to leave.

“What the hell am I doing?” she muttered, and reminded herself that she was doing this for her sisters.

Charlotte had a social insurance card, magically created birth certificate, and all other relevant documentation in a manila envelope with her name on it. She was up to date on her vaccinations and yearly physicals, though her doctor recommended physical therapy for her leg, which Charlotte, apparently, was not interested in. There was also a note in one of her medical forms mentioning the possibility of surgery, but warning about complications in a growing girl. Cosima made a mental note to follow up on that later.

She already knew about Charlotte's grades, but she still looked over Charlotte's report cards and the notes and emails from her teachers. The most recent email, forwarded to Cosima by Sarah, expressed “ongoing concern” about Charlotte's interactions with her classmates. It came from a Mrs. Christina Moore, Charlotte's homeroom teacher, the same women requesting the conference.

“She'll be happy to see you, I think.”

Cosima turned to see Delphine come in, which meant her mother was bending Helena's ear now. “Maybe. Or maybe she'll think Sarah's just passing her off onto someone else. Which, okay, yeah, she actually is.” She tossed the most recent report card onto the pile of papers and wondered what the hell she was going to tell Mrs. Moore.

Delphine perched on the edge of the bed. “Yes, she is. But I don't think she means to.”

“No, I know she doesn't. She just... she forgets things all the time, or things don't always occur to her that should.”

“That sounds like you, sometimes.”

“I've never forgotten to take care of a kid.”

“You've never had a kid to forget to take care of.”

Cosima wanted to argue that that was not the point, that of course she would do a better job than Sarah was doing now, but Delphine was giving her that “You know I'm right” look, and at any rate it was 2:12 now, and she needed to get ready to go. She closed the laptop and gathered up the papers into the manilla envelope. “Maybe not. I just feel bad for Charlotte, that's all. She's eleven, for fuck's sake. She didn't ask for any of this.”

“No. Neither did Sarah. And neither did you.”

She leaned back against the headboard and met her gaze, then stretched out one foot to poke Delphine's knee. “I guess not. But you did. You sure you want to marry into this clone madness?”

Delphine grabbed her foot with both hands and pretended to trap it. “Positive. As long as no one pretends to be you again without giving me a heads up first. Now go. Make Charlotte proud.”

* * *

The school was a pleasant walk away, with the sidewalks all clear of snow and ice, through a neighborhood decorated with Christmas figures and the occasional menorah. Still unused to the cold after so many months down south, Cosima bundled herself in her red wool coat, scarf, hat, and gloves. At the school's entrance, a security guard directed her to the office, where she signed in and showed them Sarah's driver's license. Sarah had taken Cosima's, just in case she got pulled over for anything, which Cosima desperately hoped wouldn't happen. The woman behind the desk blinked up at her dreadlocks for a moment, then wrote Sara Maning on a visitor's pass for Cosima to stick to her chest.

“Christina Moore's in room 224. That's upstairs.” Before Cosima could even thank her, she turned her attention to the man next in line, so Cosima saw herself out of the office.

“That was easy,” she muttered.

Across the hall from the office, in a large room that looked like it served dual duty as cafeteria and auditorium, at least fifty children hung out, ran around, or looked at their phones, none of them batting an eye when Cosima entered. Three faculty members stood together in a corner, doing the bare minimum required to claim that the children were being supervised. On the opposite side of the room, on a grey folding chair, Cosima saw Charlotte, alone, her nose buried in a book. Cosima walked over.

“Hey, kiddo.”

Charlotte looked up at Cosima's voice and blinked several times, then saw the name tag. “Oh.”

“Is it okay that I'm here? She has an exam she can't really miss. But, if you want, I'll go. I don't have to be the one to talk to your teacher.”

Charlotte shrugged. “It's okay with me. I don't really know what she wants to talk about.”

“Sarah hasn't told you?”

Another shrug. “Kind of.”

“Okay, well, are you ready?”

Charlotte did not move. “For what? The conference is for Sarah – I mean, you, I guess – and the teacher.”

“The conference is about you, though. Don't you want to be there?”

Charlotte picked at a spot on her nose until Cosima gently took her hand away and crouched down in front of her. “Hey. I don't want to talk to someone about you without involving you in the conversation. You're the most important person in this whole... ordeal. If you don't want to be involved, that's totally cool, I get that, but you need to know that you have the choice. And if you don't want me to go in there and pretend that I'm the one who's in charge of you, or whatever, that's your choice, too. We can wait until Sarah has an open day in her schedule, and she can come in then. No problem.”

Tears threatened in Charlotte's eyes, but she shook her head. “It's okay. We can do it today.”

“You're okay with me talking to your teacher?”

“Yes. It's okay.”

“A'right. I'm gonna need your help, though, because as much as you've told me about school and everything, I haven't exactly been around the whole time you've been going here. Not like Sarah has. So I might need you to fill in some gaps for me.”

“Is that the real reason you want me to come with you?”

“I... no. No! I meant everything I said just now. If you want to stay down here, I'll do just fine. It would just be extra nice to have you there.”

Charlotte's head was turned and she looked at Cosima with a tiny smile. “Okay.”

“Okay, let's go meet Mrs. Moore, then.”

Charlotte stood and tucked her book away, but not before Cosima got a look at the title: The Chronicles of Pern. She didn't get to see which book in the series it was, but she pointed at it and said, “I used to love those books. My grandma always said I shouldn't read them, though.”

“Why?”

“Oh, probably `cause there's sex in them. That was my dad's mom, though; my mom's mom is way more open-minded.”

She thought she saw a hint of pink in Charlotte's cheeks, but in a moment Charlotte had hoisted her massive backpack onto her shoulders and led the way down a hallway towards a wide stairwell lined with inspirational posters. Cosima followed behind as Charlotte pulled herself up each step, her braced leg unable to help her up.

At the landing, Charlotte paused to readjust her backpack near a poster with multicolored words reading, “You never fail until you stop trying.” Cosima agreed with the general sentiment, but in this context it made her want to commit a minor act of vandalism.

“Does the school not have an elevator?” she asked.

“It does,” Charlotte said, “but it's all the way on the other side of the building, and it shakes a lot. Plus, it's really slow, and there's always a guard making sure that only the disabled kids use it.”

You are disabled, Cosima wanted to point out, but she held back. It wasn't her place to tell Charlotte how to identify, after all, and she remembered how she, herself, had hated being “accommodated” when she was sick. She still balked at the fact that Delphine had once pushed her in a wheelchair, and that was a long time ago.

In a few minutes they arrived at room 224. The door was open, but Cosima knocked anyway. Mrs. Moore turned out to be much younger than Cosima'd expected, possibly a little younger than Cosima herself. She was slender, in a conservative grey dress and white cardigan, and she reminded Cosima of a flute player she used to know in college. The room was spacious, and used mostly as a geography room, based on the maps and pictures of multi-ethnic people decorating the walls. The desks were small tables with two chairs each and baskets for student materials underneath.

Mrs. Moore rose to greet them, but paused when she saw Charlotte a step behind Cosima. “Oh,” she said with a smile, “normally, for parent-teacher conferences, the student stays downstairs in the cafeteria.”

Cosima smiled back to show goodwill, but said, “I know, but I thought it would be helpful for Charlotte to be present for this one. I want to make sure she has an active role in all of this.”

Fortunately, Mrs. Moore could roll with that. She gestured for them to sit together at a student desk while she took the one next to it. She had a folder labelled “Charlotte Bowles-Duncan,” and Cosima did not miss Charlotte's physical reaction to seeing her name there. She put her hand on Charlotte's back and gave her a smile.

“So,” Mrs. Moore began, “just to make sure I have everything right here, you're Charlotte's sister, right?”

“Yes, I am.”

“And she's been living with you for... four months?”

“Five,” Charlotte said.

“Five months, okay.” Mrs. Moore made a note of that and went on. “And there's one other child living in the home, your daughter Kira?”

For a second, Cosima forgot she wasn't Sarah and almost corrected her, but remembered just in time. “Um, yeah, yeah, just her. And us.”

“Okay. And Kira is how old?”

“She's nine.”

“Okay. Great, thanks. I know it seems unimportant, but knowing what's going on at home can really help when we work with students, especially for any behavioral or psychological issues that come up. And she was homeschooled before this year, right?”

Cosima was getting uncomfortable talking about Charlotte as though she weren't there, but Charlotte spoke up to answer that one. “No. I told you before, I took online classes. I wasn't homeschooled.”

“Right. Okay.” Mrs. Moore put both hands on top of her folder and looked from Cosima to Charlotte and back again. “Well, Ms. Manning, as I've told you before via email, Charlotte's acadmic work has been very good, but she seems to be having some problems with other kids here.”

Cosima nodded. She'd heard plenty from Charlotte about two girls in particular, Amy and Sophie, who made fun of her a lot. “Yeah, that's what Charlotte's told me, too.”

“Okay, good. I'm glad she's talked to you about it some.” Mrs. Moore looked encouraged, and nodded. “What has she told you?”

Looking at Charlotte for permission first, Cosima said, “She says she call her names and make faces at her, and sometimes they take things from her desk when she's not looking.”

Mrs. Moore nodded more cautiously this time, and Cosima saw another side of the story lurking around the conversational corner. Before it came, though, Charlotte spoke up.

“Sophie called me an uptight bitch this afternoon.”

Cosima could think of a few people she'd called that, privately, herself, but Charlotte didn't really fit that description. Did she?

“That's right,” Mrs. Moore said. “And what happened before that?”

“Emma Dewey was talking over everybody about whatever stupid boy on the internet she has a crush on. She was sitting in my desk!”

Cosima had a sinking feeling about where this was going, but she let Mrs. Moore ask the follow-up, “And then what did you do?”

“I told her she was stupid and he was ugly and I wanted my desk back.”

Oh boy. Cosima turned to face Charlotte, blocking out the teacher for a few moments. “You told her she was stupid?”

“She is.”

Cosima shook her head. “Charlotte.... no one is stupid. Okay? Even if you don't like them, it's never okay to call someone stupid. Especially not for, what, liking a boy on the internet? I know, these girls are a year older than you, so they might be more comfortable talking about boys than you are, but, listen, lots of girls talk about cute boys.” Cosima rambled on, feeling like she was not getting across the point she'd wanted to get across.

Charlotte tightened her lips and looked into the space between Cosima and Mrs. Moore. “You don't.”

She'd hoped that no part of the conference would swing in that direction, even if she knew Sarah sometimes dated girls, too. “That doesn't matter. I've done a lot of other things that people find ridiculous. I mean, look, it's okay to be upset that she was in your desk, right? But if that's what you were upset about, that's what you should have said. Did she ask you what you thought about the boy?”

“No one asks me my opinion, ever.”

Mrs. Moore coughed. “Actually, Charlotte, sometimes they do.”

Charlotte had no response to that. She picked at her chin until Cosima took her hand away again, and then she picked at the skin around her fingernails, like Cosima had seen Sarah doing a few times. Since Charlotte was quiet, she turned to Mrs. Moore. “Can you tell me more about that?”

“Well, Charlotte's a very bright girl, and the other students know that. They know she had some more advanced courses before, so sometimes they ask her to check their homework or what she thinks might be an easy topic for a project. They haven't asked you in a while, though, have they, Charlotte?”

Oh, boy, Cosima thought again.

“That's not asking for my opinion. That's asking me to do their work for them. They're just lazy.”

“And, I remember Simon asking you once if you wanted to play a game with him and his friends a few months ago, but you told him his game was stupid. Do you remember that?”

“No. Maybe. I don't know.”

Cosima sighed and leaned her face against one hand before she addressed that topic. Uptight bitch, indeed, she thought. “I mean, I get not wanting to do someone else's work for them, but...” How could she phrase this? She already knew, from hours of talking to Charlotte on Skype, that Charlotte felt worlds behind the kids in her class, and even from the sixth graders who were her age. Was this just Charlotte's way of compensating for that?

“Can I just -?” Charlotte cut the question off short and fell back against her chair.

“Just what?” Cosima asked.

“Never mind. I'll ask you later.”

There was a knock on the door, and Mrs. Moore checked the time. “I'm afraid we need to wrap up for today, Ms. Manning. I would like to continue this conversation, though, after the break. I'll send you an email with some dates to consider, okay?”

Cosima nodded, wondering how differently this conference might have gone if Sarah had been able to attend. Sarah would be able to impersonate Cosima well enough for the next conference, too, thankfully.

As they made their way back down the stairs, a girl in a Canadian-flag patterned hijab bounced down the stairs beside them and gave Charlotte a wave and a smile. The girl was thin and about four feet tall, and she skipped away down the hallway as Charlotte thumped down one step at a time.

“She seems nice,” Cosima said. “Have you told me about her?”

“I dunno.”

Cosima wondered if she'd ever been this obstinate as a child. She'd have to ask her parents when they got back to the house. “Can you tell me her name, at least?”

“Her name's Latifa. She's from Syria.”

“Oh, cool.”

“Yeah, but people say nasty things about her, too. They say her parents are terrorists, or that she shouldn't be here. Noah Watley pulls on her hijab on the bus. Most kids don't even know that it's called a hijab. They just call it her 'head thing' or whatever. And they make fun of the way she talks, but she's only been speaking English for a year, and most of them don't even speak another language!”

They'd reached the bottom of the stairs and Cosima looked down the hallway where Latifa had vanished. “That's awful,” she said.

“I keep telling you, kids here are stupid. And I know you just told me not to call people that, but they are! They're stupid and they're mean.”

It wasn't the time to argue with her, as Charlotte's eyes filled with tears, and Cosima remembered the other little girl in a hijab that Charlotte had befriended at Revival. She pulled Charlotte close and wrapped her arms around her little sister. “You can be upset,” she said into the top of Charlotte's head. “I'll never tell you you can't be upset, especially when people are mean like that.”

Charlotte did not cry, but held onto Cosima for several minutes, even as faculty and staff members wandered by and gave them curious looks. “Why can't I just live with you?” she asked, her voice muffled by Cosima's scarf.

“Come on, Charlotte, you know the answer to that.”

“Tell me again.”

She sighed and loosened her arms, but Charlotte still held on tight, making Cosima wonder how many hugs Charlotte got. How many she had ever gotten.

“You can't live with us because we're moving all the time, and sometimes we have to pick up and go to another country with, like, an hour's notice. And sometimes we're in places that would really hard for you to get around in with your leg, and there wouldn't always be much for you to do, and...”

“I can always find things to do. I'm good at that. And I can get along just fine with my leg; you've seen me!”

Cosima pulled back and gave her sister a measured look. “I've seen you walk, but you have a hard time, whether you like admitting it or not.”

Charlotte stepped back now, too, and wiggled in a little kid way, but she was smiling. “But don't you remember on the island? I walked with you for, like, an hour, through the woods, in the dark!”

“Yes, because the village was on fire! We didn't have much of a choice, and that was one time. That wasn't every day, a couple times a day.”

A group of boys walked by, looking at Charlotte but not saying anything, and she returned their silence. To Cosima, they did not seem malicious, simply curious about why the new girl with the leg brace was still here, talking to some woman with dreadlocks in the hallway. After they passed, she pulled out her phone to text Delphine.

“Delphine's gonna come pick us up, is that okay?”

Charlotte pouted, but said, “I guess so.”

“What do you mean, you guess so?” Cosima had only asked the question out of habit. She had never imagined any possible answer other than “sure” or “yes.”

Charlotte punctuated her sigh with an eye roll. “I mean I guess so. I mean it's fine. Whatever. Is she on her way now?”

“Yes, but if you'd rather walk home, I can tell her to turn around.”

“I said it's fine. Come on. She'll probably be here in a few minutes.”

Cosima stood in the middle school hallway, cell phone in hand, and watched her youngest and most vulnerable sister limp away until she reached the junction with the main hall and turned back around.

“Cosima, are you coming or not?”

“Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way. I'll be right there.”