#tony is an emotional wreck today

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 12, Unlucky - Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, minor mention of sex.

Word Count: 412

Previously On...: You and Bucky had a heart-to-heart in the bathroom at Gino's where you admitted you've been putting up an emotional wall between the two of you. Tony decided it was time for another game of 'What the 'F' Was It?' (thanks for the inspo for that, weed!), and when you and Bucky went to leave to go back to the Tower for some... quality time, Jade was not pleased. It was, therefore, a pleasant surprise to watch Bucky rebuff her.

A/N: Very, very short part today, friends. I am going to fully confess that I am lulling you into a false sense of security in these next two parts before I start lobbing shit at the fan with a rocket launcher.

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @sashaisready @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @doublejeon @pattiemac1

With Jade away in Malaysia, things between you and Bucky finally felt like they were going back to normal. Yes, you had your hands full making final preparations for your board presentation, but Bucky was constantly by your side, bringing you lunch, cheering you on, making sure you took appropriate breaks and ending your workday at an appropriate time so you weren’t wearing yourself too thin. 

And the sex? Yeah, that was right back on track.

Before you knew it, the day of your presentation had arrived. You were a nervous wreck. In the lab, you were confident, willing to take chances, assert your authority with ease and confidence, but presenting in front of a group of stuffy, predominantly middle-aged white men? All of that went right out the window. 

“You’ve got this, sweets,” Bucky said as you both stood outside the board room. 

“What if they hate it, Buck?” you murmured, trying to stop your hands from shaking. “What if the presentation’s terrible?”

“Hey,” he said, putting his hands on your shoulders to hold you still, “I have more faith in you than I’ve ever had in anyone. You’ve worked so hard on this, and you know it works. It’s gonna save so many lives. You’ve practiced this presentation inside and out; I bet you could do it in your sleep. I’m so fucking proud of you, doll.”

You managed a weak smile. “Do you want me to come in with you?” he asked gently. “That way, you get nervous with all those stodgy old men in front of you, you can just look at this old man and pretend it’s just you and me. Just like we’re practicing up in our room.”

You nodded eagerly. “Yes! Oh god, yes, please! Thank you so much, Buck.” You kissed him quickly on the lips, the idea of being able to stare into his ocean-blue eyes as you went through your presentation instantly calming you and filling you with a sense of security. “I love you.”

He chuckled and squeezed your shoulders. “I love you, too, doll. And this is the least I can do for you, after everything you’ve done for me.”

The door to the board room opened before you could say more to one another. A secretary smiled when she saw you. “Ms. (Y/L/N),” she said, “they’re ready for you now.”

You took a deep breath. “Here we go,” you said before taking Bucky’s hand and walking inside.

<- Previous Chapter / Next Part ->

[jgroffdaily]

'Merrily We Roll Along' made them old friends. Now, the cast is 'dreading' saying goodbye.

Patrick Ryan

USA TODAY

NEW YORK – On July 7, the cast of “Merrily We Roll Along” will take their final Broadway bow together. For the show's tight-knit central trio, the grief has already set in.

The waterworks start not even three minutes into our conversation, huddled in the back of the Hudson Theatre before a weekday performance. Directed by Maria Friedman, the acclaimed revival of Stephen Sondheim's 1981 flop musical charts the fissure of a longtime friendship between Franklin (Jonathan Groff), Charley (Daniel Radcliffe) and Mary (Lindsay Mendez) as they navigate careers in the arts.

Offstage, the threesome has become “thick as thieves,” Mendez says. In the past year and a half, they’ve been there to celebrate births, marriages and pregnancies, as well as seven Tony Award nominations for the production itself, including for their respective performances.

Radcliffe, returning from a short vacation, sprints down the theater aisle as soon as he arrives, where he’s met with a giant bear hug from Groff. They excitedly greet Mendez’s husband, J. Alex Brinson, and her 3-year-old daughter, Lucy, who sweetly stops by to deliver mom coffee. Lucy briefly protests, asking to stay for the rest of the interview.

“That’s how I’m going to be at the end of the show,” Groff jokes. “These two are going to walk out of the building to their families, and I’m going to be like, ‘But I want to go with you!’ And they’ll be like, ‘Jonathan, get a life!’”

But, he adds, “that’s why we’re all crying in this interview: It’s the roles. It’s the life we’ve seen each other live. Doing a long run of a show, you’ve seen everybody’s highs and lows – it really is so bonding.”

Groff, 39, Radcliffe, 34, and Mendez, 41, look back on "Merrily," their careers and more (edited for length and clarity):

Question: There are less than 40 performances left of “Merrily We Roll Along.” Have any unexpected emotions come up as you enter the homestretch?

Radcliffe: Going into it, you just know it’s all going to be very emotionally loaded and bittersweet and lovely and sad. But I’m excited to just feel all those things onstage with (them) for the next few weeks.

Mendez: I think I can speak for Dan, just because we're parents of young children, that this run and how long we’ve been doing it has been taxing. We’ll be ready to get our nights back. But this show and these people have been such a huge part of my life, so I’m going to severely mourn that. (Looks at Groff.) He’s already sobbing!

Groff: (Wiping away tears.) I’ll be a wreck. I have a sinking feeling like I’m going to vomit; it feels like sand through my fingers. Once it’s July 8 or 9, we’ll be mourning. But the part I'm dreading most is doing it for the last time.

Radcliffe: Disclaimer to anyone coming to that final performance: You’re not going to be seeing the show, really. You’ll just see us crying at each other for a couple hours.

You’ve lived with these characters for nearly two years, including the 2022 Off-Broadway run. Are there scenes that hit differently now?

Mendez: I think when … oh, no. (Laughs as she starts to cry.) When we do the end and we say, “Years from now, we’ll remember and we’ll come back.” That really hits me.

Groff: Oh, no, not Lindsay going! Lindsay is the rock!

Radcliffe: Yeah, all three of us do cry, but Jonathan and I have cried considerably more than Lindsay. Sometimes Lindsay will come out for the last scene and we’ll both be in bits. Lindsay knows Jonathan is a lost cause, so she’ll look at me like, “Get it together!” But I do think it changes show to show. Throughout the run, you’ll find new resonances with whatever’s happening in your life. No matter what kind of day you’ve had, there’s some song where you can exorcise those feelings: If you’re having a great day, you’ve got “Bobby and Jackie and Jack.” If I’m having an angry day, I’ve got “Franklin Shepard, Inc.”

Was there a time in your careers when you felt like you had finally "made it?"

Groff: I would also say ("Merrily"). I wanted to be an actor that was always working in theater, but I didn’t imagine quite how – I thought maybe I’d be in the ensemble of a Broadway show. I was taking gymnastics lessons the first year I moved to New York because I really wanted to be in “Mary Poppins,” and I couldn’t do that unless I learned backflips! (Laughs.) And then “Spring Awakening” happened, and it was such a fairy-tale experience. I remember feeling, “Oh, my God, it all happened so fast.” I was in a bit of a state of shock.

But there was also a lot of growing up I had to do; being closeted, there was so much of my life that was compartmentalized. So with this, it feels like getting a do-over of the “Spring Awakening” experience. I’ve never felt more myself. This time, I’m not so blocked and I’m really able to take it in and enjoy it.

What are the offstage moments you're going to miss the most?

Radcliffe: Hanging out in Lindsay’s dressing room. Sorry, Lindsay, that you’ve had to share with us.

Mendez: We have a kiki every day. My daughter is there 50% of the time, playing and eating snacks off of Jonathan’s hand. (Laughs.)

Radcliffe: She watches “Peppa Pig,” so she came in the other day and was like, “Do you want to play 'pass the parcel?'” Also, in the most heated scene of the play, Lindsay hurls bread at people and I’m off in the wings trying to catch it every night. We high-five if I get it and she shames me if I don’t.

Mendez: I do, very much. And now, they’re helping me up and down as I’m navigating this pregnancy.

Groff: Pulling your skirt up (mid-performance) on Sunday as the belly was coming out. I was like, “Oh, my God, that baby is jumping out right now! We’ve got to fix this dress; the gown is coming down!”

Mendez: That's what the joy of the show is: None of us are carrying it by ourselves. Taking that bow together at the end is like the best thing ever.

[labselkie]

hey.... hi kat..,

Another bang resonates through the gallery, the sharp sounds of boots on the ground echoing off of the menagerie of paintings and the tall ceiling. There's a screech at a corner, and in comes the Black Cat. Her normally vibrant costume is dim in the night, but the magenta spots seem to be caked in dust and dirt. She's a mess, and was forced to drop the painting she meant to steal. It lands face up, its canvas covered in scratches.

Her life's been rough recently- Going through the knowledge that someone she knows is one of the figures who's been fighting to stop her is tough. As if he were summoned, the man himself shoots a web over Kath's head and comes swinging around the corner with all the force of a wrecking ball.

Her expression grows frustrated, she's in for it now.

"Oi! Kitty!" The Spider-Man shouts, he catches up to her in no time, his speed increasing whenever he shoots a new thread. "What's up toni-"

"Leave me alone!" She shouts, skidding to a stop. Spider-Punk is short behind, dropping to the marbled floor with a screech. The two are so different, yet so similar.. Kath's breaths are heavy, these fights and chases get tiring after a while. Her claw-like nails lengthen when she freezes in place, and it's apparent that she seems more fearful than enraged, something that's quite different.

Hobie puts a hand in his pocket, pulls out a guitar pick, and twirls it between his fingers. He's somewhat lanky, and his calmer posture compared to Kath's tenseness is like night and day.

"I'm not... In the mood for quips tonight," She sounds exhausted, and through all his pretenses, Hobie reacts to that. But it doesn't last long, because after a tap of his foot he's in action again.

"I wish you were," Is the last thing the Cat heard before she was back off running.

The museum was massive... Built around suspended pieces and around a dozen circular floors. The dizzying architecture got to Kath after a bit, and before she knew it she was mixing up the layouts of floors. Another web rockets out behind her, and then it's time for the fight.

Hobie shoots up, and tries to get a kick in. She's only nicked by a spike on his boot, but was caught off guard by him lashing out. Black Cat practically pounces onto Hobie, trying to claw and rip and tear like it was for her own sake.

This goes on for what feels like a terrifying eternity, and it's impressive no one has been called. Yet even with the even fighting ground, Kath found herself overwhelmed. Way too overwhelmed. Her heart was hammering and she was only able to get in a few hits. How could she harm someone she knew?! Hobie didn't have that dilemma, he was oblivious and quite literally just doing what he regularly would- Except for making jokes. He wasn't sure why, but the emotion pouring out of the Black Cat's words got to him.

At one point, Kath makes the brash decision to try and leap down to the floor below. She blocks a punch with her forearm before leaping up onto the ledge. The floors close in like a spiral below her- She knows this jump, she's done it before, but today was different. It was different for so many reasons.

Hobie is quick on her tail, shooting a specialized thread of silk across the floor to an upper one to try and get down on his own. This was her chance, Kath leaps up, grabs onto it, and has her eyes locked onto one of the floors below.

The web snaps, and Hobie jumps back. Black Cat is sent tumbling down. She sprawls out, as if by instinct, and after plummeting a floor down she's able to grab onto the ledge of the one below. But she's weak, and her grip slips, and she hits the museum floor with a bang.

Cats don't always land on their feet. That's what Hobie learned that day. After the Cat's fall he jumped down along with her, his mind a blur. He wasn't supposed to kill, he knew that, but the sense of worry he felt for this enemy was indescribable. He reaches the floor when the dust has barely settled. That's when he sees her.

"Kathryn?"

Thinking abt the angst when Hobie figures out Kath is black cat, like they are fighting in a museum, kinda like the vulture scene in atsv. Something happens, she gets knocked down for being reckless, a web snaps, something and she ends up flailing to the ground, and Hobie couldn't catch her fast enough. She's in the rubble and he removes her mask to show her face, it's beaten up and bloody not realizing it was his friend AUSBSKS I KEAN DHE LIVES OFC BUT THE DRAMA OF FIGURINH OUT

[thatblackravenclaw]

Breaking My Heart

Masterlist

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

word count: 991

warning(s): angst, cheating, major character death, no happy ending, no part two, not proofread bc I'm lazy :)

I fall in love too easily. I fall in love too fast. I fall in love too terribly hard for love to ever last. I don’t know why I thought this time would be any different. I knew she was no good for me, yet I decided to keep pursuing her.

It’s going to take a while to get over this. I can’t believe she’s gone, but it’s better this way. We could have been so good together, but I guess I wasn’t good enough. I now have to see her at work every day. I’m not going to stop being an Avenger just because we broke up.

I’m glad I decided not to live at the compound. I know we get our own rooms in stuff, but Stark tends to have parties for no reason and my social battery drains fast and sometimes you just want some peace and quiet, like right now as I’m getting ready.

We have a mission today so I get ready a little faster. Nothing too fancy just enough to be comfortable. Once I’m finished, I look out the window, preparing myself for having to see her again. I used to get so excited just hearing her name, but now? Now I feel like I’m going to throw up. I want to be mad. I want to hate her, but it’s just not in me.

-.-.-.-

I make sure to say hi to everyone as I make my way to the briefing room, trying not to let on how tired I really am. I go on autopilot as I stand in the elevator. No one else is in there, but there’s cameras, so I make sure to keep my composure. I see my reflection in the mirror and see no emotion in my face or my eyes. I hope it stays that way when I eventually have to see her.

The door opens and the first thing I see her and Sharon kissing outside of the briefing room. First, she cheats on me and then she openly kisses the girl she cheated on me with. Great. I walk past them and go sit down. I play on my phone until I see someone in my peripheral vision sit next to me. I quickly glance and see Clint. His eyes are full of sincerity. I curtly nod my head no. I’m glad our friendship has come to a level where he understands. He gives me an understanding nod before squeezing my hand as the meeting starts.

“Nothing too big today. We just need to get information from Hydra’s database.” I hear Tony say.

I doodle on my notepad, not feeling the need to really listen.

I’m not sure how much time passes but I hear my name even in my spaced-out state.

“You will be putting the information on the hard drive while Nat stands guard. Sam and I will be waiting in the quinjet in case back up is needed.”

Clint tenses up next to me. I nod my head and get up with everyone else as we’re dismissed and go put on my suit.

-.-.-.-

“You gonna be okay?” I hear from behind me.

I take out my knives and put them into the pocket that’s on my thigh. When I’m finished, I look up at Clint with a smirk.

“Oh, come on, don’t lose faith in my abilities now.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do, but I can’t think about that right now. Bringing Hydra down is more important than my wreck of a love life.”

He walks up to me and hugs me.

“God, Clint. This is gay.”

“Be safe. You’re good at what you do, but you’re also reckless.”

I wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him back. The atmosphere shifts. Clint never hugs me. I don’t think he hugs anyone to be honest. It takes everything in me not to cry as I pull back.

“You’re the best of us.” I say looking at him in the eye. I walk out of the room as I feel my tear ducts well up.

-.-.-.-

The ride is pretty quick. I sit in the co-pilot sit so I don’t have to be by Natasha. It’s bad enough that we have to be by each other while I download the stuff to the drive. Steve is flying and has not stopped apologizing. It seems that more people knew about the break up than I thought. I told him it’s not his fault that we got paired up. Our talent is about the same level, so it just makes sense.

-.-.-

Steve has given us the all clear, so Nat and I sneak up to the fifth floor. No one was guarding it, which I found a bit suspicious, but didn’t think too much on since I just wanted to get this mission over with.

I put the drive into the thing and wait. It’s taking longer than I’d like, but I should’ve expected nothing less.

“Y/N/N, BEHIND YOU!” Nat says.

I take my knife out of its pocket and just stab whoever behind me. I guess Natasha had the same idea, but she misses and hits me instead.

I look down at the knife in me, near my heart as I hear the other person’s body drop behind me. My eyes move up to Nat to see her already starting towards me. The feeling in my legs quickly flee and I proceed to fall.

She moves my head onto her lap, tears in her eyes.

“Man, first you break my heart and then try to stab it? You must really have it out for me.” Dry humor escaping my lips.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean- he was behind you and I thought I got him I-“ She quivers out. Tears clearly down her face.

“Shh. I know. I forgive you.” I say. The last thing I say.

[nagdabbit]

MY GIRLFRIEND'S COMMENTARY WHILE WATCHING HER FIRST AEW PPV

"my entire fitness goal is hook's shoulder-waist ratio, but with taz's extremely dense neck."

"the funniest thing about wrestling is that this fucking company is trying to make something called a stadium stampede sound both cool, AND serious."

gf: "if you cry listening to a crowd sing judas again, im divorcing you." me: "so that means youre gonna marry me." gf: "i've been bamboozled."

about brian cage: "this man is a huge dork. like, literally, i could fit me in him."

"i dunno what it is, but i would die to protect mr. hangman. he hunk, but he also baby."

thoughtfully, "i bet i could just catch you out of the air like that. i mean, i can squat you, i could probably even curl you like that, too."

because she is deeply in wrestling twitter now: "HOOK! babe, look, its hook! hook hive, rise up!"

"what i love about this feud is that all these men are fuckin' idiots. no brain cells, just shoes and fwiendship."

"what do you mean their tag team isn't just the wild boys, wtf? missed opportunity."

"those kicks are ugly, but i would steal them, too, honestly." *thirty seconds of silence layer* "for you, babe. i'd steal them for you, i mean."

"jon, no, the germs, jon, jesus christ, please dont drink that jon you dumbass."

"i love eddie, but i'm pretty sure we should never hang out. too much extremely new york energy, we would get arrested in like ten minutes. possibly less."

"diorsday device is the funniest shit ive ever fucking heard, how goddamn sad is that."

"max caster is gonna get murdered, but i love him."

"i wish bowens and his extremely attractive boyfriend the best in life."

"colt cabana and tay conti are tied for best smile in wrestling, but tay wins because i dont want colt to kick me in the face."

"penta is the only joker i formally recognize."

"today i found out that some people don't like stu and uno, and to them i say get entirely fucked."

after rush came out and i lost my entire shit: "i don't fully understand yet, but i support you." *one minute later* "oooooooooooohh. okay, yeah."

gf: "i enjoy that cody is pushing ogogo by being a dumb bitch with this america schtick." me: "you gonna say that when cody wins?" gf: "...fuck."

"ogogo got that guy ritchie movie ass music you love to see it."

"you were right about cody and i fuckin' hate it."

"aw yeah, its big boi season."

about miro: "i'm very gay, but the thing is, men with extremely jacked traps just do something to me."

"lance changed changed the color of his extensions and i appreciate that." *thirty seconds later* "are those... three crosses? tattooed on his back? jesus doesnt like murder, i don't think he likes murderhawks, either."

"britt baker is the only dentist i want in my mouth. no, wait, don't type that one!"

"oh, fuck, shidas getting teary i'm gonna fuckin cry, oh fuck, i get it now, i'm so sorry i made fun of you, i love her."

"oh fuck, shida knee me directly in the face."

"britt scares me. like the blood drip details on her gear are really cool, but i would legit believe its real blood from her."

"are you really crying about britt and the nice announcer man hugging?"

"hey, quick question, just real quick while ive got you here... why is the emo twink... like this?"

"darby's dad looks like my dad, and i'll never be okay with that."

"i like that darby just yeets himself around like that. he came in like a wrecking ball. a tiny, tiny wrecking ball."

"sting just tossing his son around the ring like that is very good, but, sir, that's bad parenting."

"the thing about sky and page is that these are the suburb guys i beat up at the beach on summer vacation. they have big "i robbed these guys at the pier" energy."

"damn, darby just feels his emotion with his entire face, doesnt he."

"okay explain the gambling thing and WHY it's a thing."

"orange rolling into the ring is so fucking good, that man is national treasure."

after me showing her the video of younger orange cassidy shitfaced and holding a fish for no reason: "i am shocked and appalled that you're only showing me this now."

after explaining the history of the jansport: "the range of this dumbass."

"i get that kenny is good and all, but his hair really fucks me up. it's upsettingly bad and i hope he knows that."

"pac is just. so much muscle. flippy beef man. a meateor." she did specify how to spell it for the joke because it was important.

"that man is a weeb, isnt he."

"something about a man breaking a hold by putting his hands in his pockets really gets me hype."

"fuck just murder omega and be done i hate this, put it on the beef man or the juicey boy already."

"babe, ill be right back i gotta murder this callis bitch."

screaming, "THAT'S MY FAVORITE REF, YOU UGLY FUCK!"

after kenny won: "i fucking hate wrestling, this is bullshit."

"holy fuck, babe, i forgot mark henry was a wrestle boy! i know him from the olympics!"

"hey, is mark henry bigger than large paul?"

"mjf is a dumb bitch and i love him."

"hey, quick question, who thought repelling down the stadium would look cool, they're so far away."

"there's wardlow, my sweet boy. this is cool now."

she laughed for a solid two minutes at tony schiavone saying, "here comes the little guy."

"i fuckin hate hager. kill him wardlow, kill that crispy maga ass bitch."

"okay what's with the chairs." *after a brief explanation of the chairshot heard round the world* "and, like, he can't just pick a new gimmick? it's been two years, bro. move on, shes not coming back."

"okay, i admit that this is great and i love it, kill that old man on the dancefloor."

upon learning this is technically the main event: "you mean it's over after this? theyre ending the show on THIS? not the triple threat match, this?"

"i just noticed mjf's bedazzled jeans, i'm not angry anymore, this is perfect."

"no, more wardlow. gimme the beef."

"christ, sammy guevara is kinda incredible and i'm fuckin angry about it. why cant inner circle be just sammy and santana and ortiz, fuck the other two."

"no, shut up! i refuse to sing along to this! whats wrong with you?! this is a bad song!"

[stanknotstark]

Nails ‘n Spa

So I have a REALLY hard time saying no to people. As I’ve grown I’ve gotten better about it but usually end up saying sorry profusely after I say no. Idk i’m very much a people pleaser so i have a hard time making my own decisions too. So this is where this came from :P

“Hey, would you like to go on a run with me?” Steve asked you.

“Uh....” You knew Steve woke at the ass crack of dawn and honestly you loved sleeping in but you really didn’t want to hurt his feelings and you don’t know how to say no, it’s just never been apart of your vocabulary since you’re a people pleaser. “Ya....I’d love to.” You smiled at Steve.

“Liar.” Loki said once Steve had left the kitchen and it was just you two. 

You sighed and laid your head on your arms with a groan. 

“I know, I don’t, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.”

“You need to learn to say no, your job isn’t to please everyone.” Loki frowned at you, sipping on his tea, walking up to you he hummed. 

“Go get dressed, something comfortable, if you wear pants make sure the legs can be rolled up and wear a short sleeve shirt or tank top. Also wear flips flops or sandals where you toes will be out in the open.”

You looked up at Loki confused but said, “Yes, sir!” 

~~~~

You and Loki were making your way down a street when he stopped in front of a nail salon, you walking so close to him you almost ran straight into him.

“We’re here.” He said, opening the door to the salon. You raised your eyebrows at him but went inside. 

The minute Loki stepped inside all the women started talking to him.

“Mr. Loki! Mr. Loki, it’s so good to see you, how are you?” One Vietnamese woman said coming up to you both, her accent strong but not so strong you couldn’t tell what she was saying.  Smiling, she shook Loki’s hand, then turned to look at you and shake your hand too. “This your girlfriend?”

“Something like that.” Loki said smiling at her too. 

“I’ll get my usual, she would like a mani and pedi,” Loki looked down to you, “Go pick a color, sweetheart.”

You swallowed, you had a crush on the God but right now he was acting as if you were a couple and you were happy about it, of course, but at the same time you thought your heart was going to burst out and run away at all this...affection.

“Ya, ok.” You said making your way to the wall of polish. Finally, you decided on a shimmering gold and the lady that had welcomed you lead you to a massage chair next to Loki where you both rolled your pants up and stuck your feet into the warm water. 

Luckily no one else was at the salon so you and Loki were able to talk more freely.

“Loki I appreciate this and all but why did you bring me to a nail salon?”

Loki smirked and turned to look at you from his chair.

“I think you’ll realize in due time, darling.”

You pouted but he didn’t say anything more so you shrugged and decided to enjoy yourself, it had been months since you had splurged on yourself like this anyways. 

The Vietnamese woman came back with a laminated sheet and gave it to you.

“Would you like the Ice Dancer pedicure, it’s very nice, especially great for your legs and relaxing them?”

You looked at all the choices there were only 5 but the Ice Dancer was the most expensive. Thinking on it you hadn’t brought your wallet....

“Loki, I don’t have my wallet, and even if I did I don’t have the money to pay you back right now...”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ve got it covered.”

“No Lok-”

“I’ve got it, darling,” Loki frowned, his eyes closed as he enjoyed the massage chair, “Please.” 

You swallowed and looked back down at the choices.

“I’ll take the regular.”

“No, she’ll take the Ice Dancer, Duyen.”

“I-”

Loki and the woman looked at you expectedly, Loki’s brow raised in question, a challenging look in his eye. You swallowed and looked at Duyen. “Ya, I’ll take the Ice Dancer.” You said looking down to your hands and fiddling with them to avoid looking at Loki. What you didn’t see was the disappointment on his face, luckily.

How were you gonna pay him back, you mani and pedi would surely cost over $100 and that would be a little over 25% of what you made bi-weekly. You assumed Loki could see the guilt chewing you up inside so he placed a hand on yours, causing you to look up at him. 

“You could have said no.”

“I- Loki I can’t.”

“Yes you can, if you don’t want it say no.”

You bit your lip but nodded, not that you were going to say no though. 

Both you and Loki sat back and enjoyed the pedicure the two Vietnamese women gave you, you both sharing small talk here and there but mostly enjoying the massage the women gave your legs. When it came to nail polish time, you saw Loki getting black. You smiled, it suited him. 

“I like black on you. You know most men would never agree to doing this or getting a clear polish.” You said admiring how the black really brought his pale skin out.

“I am not most men.” 

“That you are not.” You said, blushing when Loki smirked at you. 

Next you were both seated at desks so they could do your manicure. It had started out great and then the woman handling your nails started trying to push choices on you. When she pulled out fake nails your eyes grew wide and you panicked. You REALLY didn’t like long nails, you played the violin and couldn’t play if you had fake nails on but you’d have to tell her no. Through all your panic you didn’t see Loki not outright staring at you but smirking at your internal turmoil.

“Uh!” The woman had placed the fake nail on yours but looked up at you, “I’m so so sorry I uh play violin I can’t have long nails, I’m really sorry!” 

The woman smiled and nodded, pulling your hand up so you both could look at the nails.

“Square?” the woman asked.

Swallowing, you squirmed in your seat. You just wanted them to be plain, rounded. Looking to Loki for help he looked at you but didn’t say anything to help. Taking in a deep breath you looked at the woman again.

“Uh, no, could you make them round?” the fear going through your body finally relaxed as you got out your words. To be honest you really weren’t used to asking for what you wanted either, you were very much a people pleaser. 

“Ok!” The woman said, then pulled out a bunch of supplies which you realized was meant for gel or shellac nails. Which of course you didn’t want. At this point you were gonna be in tears soon, you really hated saying no.

Thankfully, Loki stepped in, leaning over into your space he looked at what was going on and said, “I think she would prefer just the polish, no gel today.” Loki glanced at you and winked.

Suddenly it hit you like a freight train. Loki was forcing you to get comfortable saying no. While it was a sweet gesture it was very nerve wrecking so you promised you’d get him back somehow. For now you’d be happy about him caring though. 

Thankfully the rest of the trip went without a hitch or you having to say no. Ready to get back to the tower you both walked out of the salon and headed towards the tower. 

“Thanks.” You said looked down at the ground, counting the cracks in the sidewalk as you walked. Feeling something brush your hand, you watched as Loki took your hand in his, but when you looked up he was looking forward as if it wasn’t happening. After you had walked most of the way back Loki finally spoke.

“I don’t want you to get into a bad situation simply because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by saying no.”

Reaching the edge of the tower you both stopped and looked at each other, people walking past you but ignoring you both, 

“I-” You looked at your locked hands, “Unfortunately I’ve been in plenty of bad situations because of this but I’ll try harder for you.” You said, looking him in the eyes, determined. Loki looked at you, no emotion on his face, then gave a small smile.

“Good, I expect nothing less than your best.” 

~~~~

“Kid! You wanna help Bruce and me blow up something?” Tony asked you excitedly. You looked at Loki who you sat next to on the couch and he raised an eyebrow at you. That sounded extremely dangerous so you looked back at Tony and smiled sadly, “No, Tony, I’m good.” 

Tony shrugged, “Alright, have fun then love birds!” Tony yelled as he ran down the stairs towards his lab. 

You felt Loki’s fingers grab your chin and make you look at him. His eyes on your lips. 

“Good girl.”

Your heart fluttered, trying to focus on his eyes but you kept glancing at his lips. Finally, Loki kissed you. When he pulled back you still had your eyes closed and said, “I really need to say no more often.”

Loki chuckled then caught your lips again. 

[marvel-m-lee]

Naughty Words

Warnings: tickle fic, emotions

Words: (I'm more sure, around 1000-1500)

Summary/Prompt: So an idea for a prompt could be that the reader changes a word on Steves phone to a "bad" word. So whenever he tries to write a certain word the phone automatically changes it to "fuck" or something similar. And then the reader and the others will be like "language". Steve gets extremely frustrated until he figures it out:)

--------------------------------------------------

It was another normal day at the compound. You were bored because all the other avengers were training and Peter was at school until evenings time.

You were just sitting on the couch when you began to think to yourself. You could go annoy Tony, but you weren't sure if he was asleep. Pepper would usually force him to sleep when he couldn't so you really didnt want to disturb that. You could go train but Steve explained you were too young to be an avenger yet. OkAy StEve, (y/a) isnt old enough, WhAteVer! (I got ur back)

That's when the best idea popped into your head. An idea better than any other on the planet. Perhaps you were the smartest human on earth, smarter than Stark, perhaps even the smartest living lifefo!-

"That is a stupid idea y/n" Wanna laughed. She must had only just entered because you hadn't beard her before.

You jumped up and watched her at the counter with your elbows resting on the couch top and your head resting in your hands acting cheeky.

"Wanda! It's a great idea!" You protested. "What's gonna happen? Hmm?"

Wanda began to walk over to you and looked sideways. She brought her hand to her chin to think. You knew she was acting silly but you weren'tsure what she was up to.

"Hmm, I dunno. Maybe.." She then grabbed your hips and began to squeeze them, "Tickle you!?"

You squealed and bucked, tossing and turning on the couch, wanda now had started tickling your sides and giggling with your contagious laughter.

She then stopped and smiled at your giggling self curled into the couch. She ruffled your hair, "little prankster, have fun" she then left as you recovered from her attach as not to be attacked herself.

You didn't mind the tickles, but this prank was worth so much more.

Time had passed and you were just outside Steve's room. You entered quietly, he and the other avengers other than Wanda and Tony seemed to be training so the coast was clear. You slipped inside and looked around.

"This old man's got no taste" obvious in the nicest way possible.

You looked around and saw his phone charging by his bedside table. "Jackpot" you whispered and woddled over to it. You grabbed it and switched it on. Tony had brought him one from the 21th century, finally.

Annoyingly he now had a password now. Luckily, like all old men, it was either Password or his birthday. Or just the same password for everything.

You knew the plan, sneak in, get his phone, and change 'No' with auto correction to "FUCK YES BABY" Because, Swear words, yes, and let's all be honest Steve would never say this unless he was drunk, WHICH COULDN'T EVEN HAPPEN ANYMORE!

Once completed you snucked back out and left to your room to read a book.

More time passed, and finally the team were going to start dinner. Rather than calling everyone and disrupting them Steve decide to text everyone. Peter was also here by now, he had finished school a while ago and you both were sat in his bedroom playing video games.

Old Man Steve: So who wants what for

tea?

Metal arm: Idm

Bank💸: I'm in the shop, wont be

there.

Best mom: No Tony, we're eating dinner

with everyone. Y/n and Peter can choose

You and Peter both picked up your phones after pausing the game, both curious of the buzz after buzz's.

Old Man Steve: @Y/n🍃🌷💸 and

@spiderlings😟🕷, what do you want for

dinner?

Spiderlings😟🕷: 🍕?

You watched your phone as everyone texted, about to ask about what you should eat, but suddenly you remembered the little prank you decided to play on Steve. You knew that we had no pizza left, you and Loki had eaten it the night before when everyone was busy instead of cooking.

Old Man Steve: FUCK YES BABY, sorry Y/n

and Loki ate the last of it.

That's when both Peter and you heard Tony's laughter from his lab.

Bank💸: Languaage cap!

Metal arm: Steve??

Old Man Steve: what, FUCK YES BABY- I

didn't text that.

You: Language cap!

Badass🕷Spider: Language Steve, it's a bad

example to the kids

Old Man Steve: FUCK YES BABY, FUCK

YES BABY! How do I work this?

You and Peter then heard someone walking down the halls and to neither of your surprises Steve opened the door.

"Y/n, Peter, could one of you help me with this?"

Peter was about to answer but you quickly butted in, "oh, we don't know how to. It's too hard" you gave Peter a look.

Peter's face went from confusion to fear and smug. "Sorry Mr Roger's, this is out of my hands"

Steve grunted but smiled, he left to go to see if Tony would help him. Quickly you both tested Tony and explained the situation, everyone heard Steve grunt and leave the lab to go get dinner started.

Bank💸: you guys are fucked once he finds out yk?

Both Peter and you laughed, knowing fully well you'd be wrecked sooner or later, but you couldn't be bothered as of the moment. VIDEO GAMES AWAIT!

Half an hour had passed now and you were getting hungry, so you texted Steve to ask if food was ready, once again the same situation happened. And once more, everyone corrected him on his very inappropriate language.

It was a running gag, whenever one of you swore, Steve would correct you. 20th century shit, and him being a cinnamon bun turned steroids. Now you could have your revenge.

Finally though, food was ready. Peter and you left the room laughing and joking, you were annoying him about a headshot you had got on him but he bragged about more kills so it was practically even.

Everyone was getting to the table as Wanda and Steve set up plates, utensils, and food.

You sat next to Peter and Tony, Tony next to Pepper, next to Pepper was Sam, then Bucky, Steve, Wanda, Vision, Nat, Clint, Bruce and finally back to the Spiderling. Everyone else was busy, Thor and Loki were going to come the next week anyway, they were in Asgard again.

Everyone ate their meals, laughing and talking with one another, you sat directly across from Steve and saw him trying to stop Bucky from throwing his plate at Sam.

Tony leaned in next to you, whispering, "So you did the whole text situation?" He chuckled slightly as you nodded, smirking.

"Why?" Tony asked, he was curious because he knew you enjoyed pranking everyone, but he also knew you wouldn't do this to Steve without a reason. And in all fairness, you just wanted to spend time with Steve- and poke fun at his language- but mainly spend time with him. He had been on missions, work, training, and seemed busy with his life. You just felt as though he was drifting from you.

You shrugged at Tony's question, placing some food in your mouth. Tony poked your side, he didnt need you to answer but he didnt want Steve to have all the fun once this was over.

You squeaked and then squealed once he started squashing the skin on your side, everyone looked to see your adorable face slowly turn red from embarrassment.

"Arent they adorable?" Steve teased. You giggled and finally shoved Tony's hand off you, you looked at steve with a wobbly smile and asked about his language today.

"So Steve, what was up with your texting today?"

Nat swallowed her food and pointed a fork at Steve, "yeah Steve, it was a really inappropriate word"

In all fairness the team knew you both said fuck a lot. You usually would say after a rare mission you got to go on or when there were food in the fridge. "FUCK YEAH" or "FUCK YEAH BABY", probably from deadpool- though luckily for you, Steve was not a genius. Smart, yeah, genius. No. But you began to see the clocks turn in his head as he looked over the table at everyone.

After a while of winding up Steve, you all continued as usual. You were chatting to Peter and explaining how awesome you were at a game to Tony, luckily- well not for you- you hadn't noticed Wanda and Strve watching you as she whispered in his ear.

"Steve, y/n did it earlier, while you were training"

"What?"

"The whole 'no' situation, she wanted to prank you. She misses the time you spend together"

Steve turned to Wanda with both a confused face yet all understanding. Only now had he realised how little time he'd spent with you over the past few weeks. He felt bad but also a little mad at your little prank. But he smiled at Wanda, one filled with hope and- no he smirked. I wont sugar coat it. You were done.

Quickly Steve pushed out his chair, as loud as he could and took in a deep breath causing everyone to go silent and watch him. He then casually looked up and got to his feet. Everyone was almost finished by now, Buck, Steve, Clint, and even you had finished.

"Y/n, I need your help"

You watched him, confused. But suddenly seeing as smirk and losing all your cool as you looked to Wanda with a helpless face. Steve walked around the table and bent down to your height on the chair, whipped out his phone and asked you to help.

You stuttered, but once more explained you had no clue.

"Really? Stark, Peter, how about you?" The old man looked at the tech genius's. Neither spoke up.

"You're on your own kid"

Steve smirked and picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder slightly as you had just finished eating. Well a few minutes ago but still.

"S-Steve! Steve I didnt dohoho anything." As any normal response you began to nervously laugh, knowing fully well what would come of this. But you wanted it. You missed it. You missed Steve.

"All I need is for you to help me, can you? Or do I gave to make you?"

Steve had now flung you onto the couch as most watched and others continued their conversations.

"Steve I- i told you i have no clu-" suddenly ten fingers found your sides and began to run up and down them causing you to giggle and yelp.

"Nahaha! Steve! Steve!!"

His fingers traveled to your ribs, pinching and squeezing each one, pretending to nawh on them. He didn't start easy, no. He knew you needed this as much as he did.

"Mm, that was a great dinner, but I wonder what's for dessert?" He asked, gnawing on your ribs and squeezing your hips making you buck and squeal.

"STEVEEEEE!!!" you were almost histerical when he reached your pits, scratching at the hollows inside, making you giggle and scream, beg and brawl. It was truly adorable to watch the two of you.

"Tickle tickle y/n, aww do you want to help me now?" Steve taunted. You stood strong though, you wanted to win. Well maybe you didnt, maybe you just wanted this to last longer. You werent sure.

"NOHOHO WAY OLD MAHAN!" You bucked and squealed, blush covering your face. You truly didnt think it would get worse but oh God, Steve hadn't ripped out the fruits yet. And just for your sas. Ah, you were wrecked.

"Okay smart ass"

"LAHANGUAGE!"

"That's it." Steve lifted your shot and placed his mouth right above your belly button. Now you were beyond hysterical, you knew what would happen and wouldn't be able to handle it, Steve gave some of the best- WORSE. DEFINITELY WORST. Raspberries around.

"NAH! NAHAH! STEVE STEVE IM SOHOHORRYYYY! I'LL HELP! I'LL HELP!" you squeaked and bucked, trying to escape, those at the table laughed at your helpless, blushing body and Steve's incredible stubbornness. So mean. So very very mean. Mean.

"Ah I'm glad you'll help" Steve lifted his head and lessened his grip on your hips, not fully though, as a millisecond later he blew a big, wet, raspberry directly on your belly button, sending vibrations to your core and back.

You jolted and screeched, pushing at his head as he blew more and more with tiny tickle kisses around your stomach.

After a while he stopped and patted your head as you balled up into the couch, drowning in giggles, laughter and ghostly tickles.

Steve handed you his phone and you quickly changed the words back as they were, disappointed but happy that you spent time with Steve again. You missed your bond, even the tickles.

Steve kissed your forehead and turned on the tv, spongebob. A favourite of both of yours, cuddling together as everupmr rose finished and put away the dishes. You slowly fell asleep on Steve's lap, hally knowing you've got your captain back.

--------------------------------------------------

Writers note.

Hey, sorry this was- well shit I'm not sugar coating it. It was also awkward because I cant eat to great now and the cuteness was sickening. Thank you for the prompt though! This was definitely a favourite, thank you! Apologies again :)

[iwantutobehapppier]

Face The Facts

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes X Reader (Platonic)

Summary: You could not foresee this thing happening to you.

Word Count: 2,024

Warnings: Angst, a lot of Angst so munch angst, alluded to sex, Depression def, language maybe?

A/N: This is emotionally charged 100%. I am sad (still FAB!) and listened to Paint It Black too much today. So here is my ANGST. I do miss you guys, and I miss writing smut for you, hoping to do so for you again soon.

Fingers drummed along the steel table reflecting the sun outside the coffee shop Sam had dragged you and Bucky to on this stupid bright and sunny afternoon. You could hear Sam talking but the words were muffled.

Your eyes focused on the line of the funeral procession making its way down the busy New York street. The black cars remind you of Tony, the burning in your stomach starting up. Before you can stop you think of him.

He’s gone, not like Tony but he might as well be. He’s dead to you. Died to be with someone other than you. It is a crushing weight to not be worthy. To not be wanted.

You hear the base in Bucky’s voice at your name. You blink a few times and turn to face them. Your boys. There used to be three, you grimace and Bucky mirrors. 

“Yeah?” The best you can get out. Sam’s warm hand covers yours stilling the drumming fingers. 

“You haven’t drunk any of your coffee,” Sam’s words come through but you feel yourself fade. The attention was never there anymore not since he- “I even had the cute barista make it special for you.” 

Your brows furrow. “Special? Did they roofie me?” Bucky chuckles into his cup. 

“No!” Sam’s indignant tone pulls the smallest tilt of lips. “AH, she smiles!” And it leaves. 

Bucky frowns at Sam swatting his hand away from yours to take its previous residence over yours. They fought like this often since Steve left, over your attention. If you should smile if you should wallow. This coffee outing is an agreed attempt between both to get you in some sunlight. 

It had been a month but to you, it felt like yesterday, it felt like everything fell apart just when you thought it was coming together. Maybe a little cracked but still together.

What could Steve be doing that was so much better than this? Was she really worth it? You knew the answer to that though, his actions gave a resounding yes. The sound of girly giggles pulled you from your thoughts. 

A group of chipper women on the crosswalk between the stalled procession. Their laughs carry over the sounds of exhaust, conversations at other tables, and your daunting thoughts. How you wanted to steal their joy, not for yourself, oh no. Just no joy. You knew how illogical it sounded, you knew if you said anything about it to Bucky or Sam they’d pull you into a group.

You didn’t want therapy, you wanted this pain, this was familiar. After all, most of life you spent unwanted, discarded, an afterthought, or at the very most a stand-in. Your hands ball up into fists. Bucky’s hand still over yours he catches the subject of your sight. 

“They got nothin’ on you, doll.” You catch that, looking his way the intensity of his eyes overwhelming, you look at your coffee pulling the lid off.

The Latte has a star with circles around it in foam, the circles turning squiggly lines as time has gone by since it was made. You choke on your breath, a heaviness growing in your chest. You’d never escape him.

Standing up you leave the two to enjoy their coffee without all your emotional outbursts. Shoving hands in your pockets you take a deep breath in holding the tears back. In the distance, you can hear Bucky and Sam arguing over the “special” coffee.

There’s nothing left but time now, never-ending time. Time he didn’t belong to, time you never thought you’d get. 

You pushed the Pym particles into the watch, ignoring all your surroundings. Narrowed focus as you stomped your way through the trees beyond the compound construction site. The protective helmet quickly slides over your head. You place one foot on the pad before you can lift your other foot up and you're being jerked back by your elbow.

Crashing backward into a solid wall of flesh you turn around knowing exactly who it is. Your eyes pinch staring up at the former Winter Soldier. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Your growl between clenched teeth.

Buck grabs both your elbows, his eyes tracing along your face searching for answers. “The better question is what are you doing?”

“He can’t just leave like that.” You try to pull from his hold but it’s futile, you know this but you won’t stop. You can’t stop until you get to him. Until you see what life he made that was so much better without you. 

“Yes, he can,” Bucky’s firm tone and shake did nothing to calm your pain. The pain that had been sitting in the pit of your stomach for a while now. Festering and growing. Leaving everything else grey. 

“He can’t leave me like this.” He frowns at the desperation in your voice. If anyone understood your pain it would be him but even he knew he had to let go of Steve. Steve deserved his time to rest, his time to put down the mantle of Captain America. 

“But he did.” You freeze facing the ground, the pressure of tears collecting. That’s right he did, he left you here, to pick up the pieces of lives he wrecked. He left you to fix this all without him by your side for support. He left you. He. Left. You.

But you wouldn’t let that be the final word. Placing our hands on Bucky’s chest his gaze softens at your touch, hoping you were coming back to him. Only to feel you push him with air manipulation sending him sailing into a tree. 

He clamors to his feet as fast as possible, running towards you as you step onto the pad. “No!”

Bucky yelled your name out as your body dematerialized on the pad. The rush of the time tunnels dizzying in your emotional state. You fall to one knee when you land in 1951. You weren’t sure what time Steve stepped in but you knew from history where Peggy Carter lived in the United States as she ran SHIELD. 

You’d toured the house once when you were a naive SHIELD cadet. So sure that doing the right thing meant everything would get you what you wanted as well. Naive that the paths would never diverge.

Standing up you tap the watch, the nanotech causing your normal attire to materialize. With purposeful strides, you walk up the door and before you can knock Steve is opening the door with a stern look on his face that flatters at the sight of you.

Your name falls from his lips in a whisper, those lips that have worshipped every inch of your body. You can feel the adrenaline course through, without a second thought you punch him in the face.

“Son of a-” Steve stops while holding his nose, the pain radiating across his face then centralizing in his nasal passage. He was fairly certain the cartilage was snapped.

“You don’t get to leave without a real goodbye.” You holler, tears rolling from your eyes. “You don’t get to just leave me!” You shove him through the threshold. He stumbles at the act. Feet tripping over each other. You shove once more and his foot gets caught on the rug behind him coupled with his already compromised balance it takes him to the ground. 

You smile in sick satisfaction seeing him fall so easily. Taking steps over his body you stand above his chest. Looking him straight into his eyes you try your hardest to remain mad, hurt, and rejected. 

Yet, he looks at you with those beautiful blues, the specks of green so vibrant with the shock written all over his face. The words were written all over his face, blood pooling on his upper lip from your punch. That pathetic apologetic look you’d seen so many times. Like a stupid hurt puppy.

“Bet you thought you could just leave and we’d gladly pick up the pieces you left?” You place a foot on the center of his chest as he moves to get back up, pushing him down. You know you don’t have the physical strength he does but he still lays back down. That only infuriated you once more.

“Steven Grant Rogers, the man out of time.” Steve’s eyes narrow at you. “Still lost in time.” You taunt. You bend a knee, looming over him.

“I hope you’re happy.” Steve goes to speak but you slap the time watch, a sense of satisfaction fills you watching his lips turn down, that hurt expression the last thing you want from him. He should hurt too. His lips move to say something but you’re rushing through the time tunnels once more before he can get a word out.

Bucky paced back and forth in front of the pad, wringing his hands together. Steve could leave, he could and did accept Steve leaving. Made easier only by seeing Steve older, wiser, and at peace with his life. He couldn’t recall a time growing up Steve was ever at peace, so to see him like that a soothing balm for the pain of losing his pal. But you, you wouldn’t even look at Steve, you left. 

In the back of Bucky’s mind, he knew you’d take off too. He wasn’t entirely convinced he could handle that. The next thing he knows is an alert of someone on the Compound and a travel watch missing from FRIDAY. 

The last time he drove so recklessly was as the Winter Soldier, but his gut told him it was you. You were going to do something stupid. He just knew it since the last time he saw you. That faraway look, your inability to focus even on Sam’s idiotic jokes. He knew you’d do something stupid. 

Before Bucky could pull out his phone to call Sam the pad making noises. His eyebrows rose to watch you regenerate just where you had left.

You’re both silent as your helmet falls away. Do you tell him what you did? Do you tell him he looked good? He looked rested. That you punched him? Maybe not the last part.

“Where did you go?” Bucky knew the answer but he had to hear it. He was thankful you came back though, you didn’t leave him and the relief that swept through him for that was all-encompassing. 

“You know.” Looking up at the sky, embarrassment settled in looking at your previous actions but you were justified. He left, he had to know how he hurt you  He left people here to just be in pain to hurt. But were you the only one hurting?

“Why aren’t you hurting?” Your voice barely above a whisper. Taking a step down the platform stairs. You falter on the next step, Bucky’s there in an instant. Holding you to his chest pulling you down the last step. 

His chin sits on top of your head, he has to hold you. He needs to know you’re here, that you came back. That you stayed. 

“I am hurting, doll.” He turns his face into your hair, taking a deep breath in. You embrace him in return, his barrel of a chest making it impossible for you to wrap your arms completely around him. “I hurt every day.” 

“Then act like it!” you go to pull from him but he won’t let go. The metal and flesh keep you locked in. 

“What’s the point?” His voice muffled in your hair. “Life will go on regardless. We can only control how we react to it.” 

“I don’t want to keep hurting.” your voice breaks, the looming pressure in your chest blooming. It feels like you’ll burst this time. The tears falling from your eyes faster than before, certainly soaking Bucky’s shirt. Your body shakes in his hold. 

“I know, I know.”  He turns his head, his cheek pushing against the top of your head, gently rocking you back and forth. He wishes he could take it away, your hurt, and put it on top of his own. But this was yours, and he was going to see you through it. Because you stayed.

[champagne-bucky]

Debt to Be Paid: I

Summary: Earth fears intergalactic war with another planet. The Avengers are called to work out negotiations on Zevitar, the planet of peace. What happens when they are reunited with their long lost team member?

Warnings: dark!Bucky x reader, mentions of non/dub-con, age gap (reader is of age) 

Notes: SHE’S HEREEEEEEE!!! Welcome to the first chapter of DTBP, the sequel to IOU!! If you’re new to this story make sure you check out IOU before you read this!! To all those who have read IOU... buckle up... Anyways enjoy!! Let me know what ya think! Please make sure to like, comment, reblog, inbox, and follow me for more! Enjoy :) 

Throughout his lifetime Steve Rogers was exposed to many types of pain. Whether it was physical, mental, or emotional, Steve could handle just about anything life could throw at him. That was until he lost you. In all his years of fighting alongside the Avengers, having been responsible for the demise of half the world’s population, and the tons of toxic chemicals pumped into his body could never prepare him for the pain of losing a child. While there is no biological relation, Steve couldn’t help but mourn for the loss of his daughter.

When Sam and Tony had come to the island to end his vacation they were trying to keep quiet about the situation that occurred back home. It wasn’t until three hours into the flight back home that Tony finally cracked and told Steve what was up. Steve was in shock, his daughter fought and nearly killed his best friend? Impossible.

Needless to say, Steve Rogers was an emotional wreck once he got back to the compound. He saw the state of Bucky’s room, he saw where they kept you locked up, he saw the damage that had been done to Stephen and Wanda when you escaped. He saw parts of you that he never knew you held. How dark had you become since he left, he wondered on those late sleepless nights.

Steve didn’t speak for days. Instead, he spent them walking around the taped off ruins of his beloved compound. What was once a home for him and his family felt more like a cold, steel, jail cell. He was truly in hell without you.

The nights were filled with him lying awake in bed, eyes opened wide and darting to every corner of the room, praying that you would somehow walk out of the shadows and back to him. Instead of taking sleeping pills that Tony suggested to him, he would get up out of bed and start researching, questioning, and theorizing where it is that you could be.

After a few weeks and two overworked coffee machines later, Steve had created three possible theories about what could have happened to you:

Being an Avenger came with a handful of enemies.  

Almost everyone on the team had their own enemies. From empty threats to stalker incidences, no one on the team was really safe. Any form of social media was constantly monitored, every time they were in a car there was security two cars behind, the second an Avenger leaves the tower they have surveillance on them 99.9% of the time.

Still, that .1% haunts Steve. He knows that people have their ways when it comes to the innovation of technology. Perhaps there was someone out there that was too good with computers. They hacked you, stalked you, and threatened you not to tell anyone. Maybe it got so out of hand to the point where you ran away for the protection of yourself and for the others. Maybe you attacked Bucky to keep the secret hidden or you got so scared that attacking him was an accident.

    2.   Everyone has their demons… maybe you had kept yours hidden too well.

As days grew longer, so did Steve’s suspicions. He never thought bad things about you. In fact, Steve knew there wasn’t a bad bone in your body. So why did he keep thinking you were secretly an evil person?

He theorized that there could’ve been another side to who you were. The nice and sweet you was all an act and you were waiting for an opportunity to show your true self. Between him not being around anymore and you now having full access to technology and weapons only Avengers have access to, you took advantage of your new found status and got carried away. Bucky found out and tried to put a stop to you and that’s how he ended up getting attacked. You broke out before you could face any consequences.

Steve shook his head at this theory. He knew you like he knew the layout of his old 40’s apartment. You’re not a bad person and never once have you said you hated someone. You never said you even hated Bucky, just upset that he didn’t seem to like you as much as the others did.

  3.  Being apart from Steve sent you towards a downwards spiral… basically it was all Steve’s fault that you’re gone.

This theory made a whole lot of sense, and none of it at the same time. Yes, everyone could confirm that you really missed Steve. You missed training with him and hanging out with him. You missed his presence around the compound as well. Something about Steve just made your days way better than when he wasn’t at the compound at all.

What didn’t make sense to anybody was why would you attack someone over this? Sure, you missed Steve, but nobody thought you missed him so much to the point of nearly killing someone. Bucky did give you a hard time, but as far as the Avengers knew it was just some name calling you didn’t appreciate.

Everyone recounted their last few days with you at the compound. You seemed okay, nothing out of the usual for you. However, Peter did speak up saying you seemed a bit jumpier and a little bit down and out than usual. Again, it chalked up to you missing Steve really bad. Then there was the matter of Stephen and Wanda.

They were your last victims before you escaped. The pair had gone through extensive questioning. However, they both had the same story. Wanda and Strange had tried to calm you down, but things got out of hand and you ended up lashing out at them.

Steve hit a brick wall at this point. How could no one know what happened to you? He tried hacking into security cameras from that day, but he was met with a disappointing glare from Tony and a handful of security to escort him out of the room meant for their investigation.

What was there even to investigate? You were gone and as far as anybody knew, there was no trace of you in New York, the United States, and pretty much any other country that agents were sent out to look for you. Steve guessed they only continued because Bucky needed to get some sort of justice or closure, but he swears that he was attacked for no reason. Everyone knew about their slight tension, but thought it wouldn’t go as far as leaving Bucky hospitalized.

Bucky kept quiet after Steve came back. Truth be told, he feared what his friend might do to him if the truth got out. He made sure to delete any evidence he could off his computer of you. When he visited you those last days, he managed to fuck up something in the control room that cut off the audio of him talking. No one had called him in to question his meeting with you, and Bucky was relieved because he needed more time to come up with the perfect excuse.

Now all he had to do was get rid of Wanda and Stephen, or get them off his back. He knows that they must know something. Tensions around the compound have been high around the three of them. The pair had been cold towards him after the attack, only going so far as signing a ‘Get Well Soon’ card and pitching in a few dollars for a thing of flowers, but that was all.

Wanda and Strange wasted no time after their questioning was over. They got right to work trying to compile all the evidence they could to expose Bucky. Unfortunately, it was proving to be more difficult than expected.

Bucky’s room had been blocked off by agents. He had to change rooms until the investigation was cleared. Everything in the room remained untouched, but no Avengers, besides Tony, had access to the room.

Strange and Wanda even went in from another angle and enlisted Peter to help find that security footage, but so far everything was blocked off to them. It seemed like there was one dead end after another. If the pair weren’t fast in their findings, they might never get justice for you. Even if you were long gone, Bucky shouldn’t get away with what he did.

No matter what, the pair of Avengers new they needed to finish the job you attempted to start… and Stephen Strange and Wanda Maximoff will be damned if justice wasn’t served.

~Meanwhile~

You emptied your stomach of breakfast later in the day. Same as yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that… something’s got to be up?

Maybe it was nerves? That could explain a lot seeing as the nightmares weren’t letting up anytime soon.

Seeing images of Bucky Barnes every time you close your eyes led to a lot of sleepless nights. It led to much more than sleepless nights, but you tried your best to listen to Carol’s advice and put the past behind you. Sadly, it would take a lot more than blocking that vile man from your thoughts.

Carol saw how you were feeling sick everyday. She also tried to put the worst out of her head, but curiosity piqued. It was important for her to tell you, but it was also important that you found out now before you were back on your home planet alone and scared.

When she first suggested that you may be pregnant, you laughed in her face, then you cried, then were angry, then depressed. There was no possible way, right? You remembered to take your birth control every night, right?

Okay, now you were freaking out. There was one night you might’ve forgot to take it, and that time spent in your jail cell, and maybe one or twice while on a mission.

Now you were panicking.

You forgot some days to take birth control, you were off it for a couple of days too. Bucky was relentless. The possibilities were leading towards confirmation. Every sign of pregnancy pointed to yes.

You tried to deny it for a week, but as you looked at the remnants of today’s breakfast being flushed down the toilet again you collected yourself and came towards acceptance. Coming out of the bathroom, Carol was right there with a quirked brow. She was about to say something, but you opened your mouth first.

“FUCK!”

[holylulusworld]

Placeholder

Summary: Your relationship with Tony is a secret…

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader, former Tony Stark x Pepper Potts

Characters: Steve Rogers, Thor Odinson, Sam Wilson, Vision, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Jim Rhodes

Warnings: angst, language, secret relationship, unrequited love?, jealousy, tooth rooting fluff, love confessions

A/N: Marvel Dividers by @writeyourmindaway​

Pepper Potts. The name let a cold shiver run down your spine. Not as you believe she’s a bad person, it’s the complete opposite. You admire her work, her intellect, and the way she handled Tony Stark for years. 

Your problem with Pepper is that every time someone mentions her name Tony’s eyes lit up before they sadden. It wouldn’t hurt that badly, wouldn’t rip you apart every single time, if you weren’t head over heels for said man.

Today it was Steve bringing Pepper up. You know Steve Rogers is not a mean man, not at all. He simply asked a question about a current project and her name popped up.

It’s like a knife cutting into an already open wound, digging deeper until it hits a bone or rather your heart. 

“She’s great, we get it, Tony.” Your voice sounds wrecked when you get up to hand Rhodey your report. “If you excuse me now, Mr. Stark. I have a job to do and this doesn’t involve listening to your praises for your ex-girlfriend.”

“Fiancé…” Tony croaks out, cutting deeper again, as you know, you will never be worthy enough to even get close to hearing that important question leave his lips.

“Right. Fiancé. I am sorry, Mr. Stark.” Even Vision could hear the bitterness in your voice, and he searches for help to understand what changed your mood. Wanda simply shrugs, not wanting to reveal she read your mind months ago.

Your thoughts and emotions are a thunderstorm, brooding under the surface, ready to strike. Your reaction minutes ago was just a taste of what could come. 

“I guess Tony pissed her off.” Natasha breaks the silence. “Y/N is always nice, even annoyingly polite. What did you do?”

“Yeah, Tony. What did you do to the poor girl?” Rhodey eyes his friend warily, but Tony won’t give anything away. He’s a master at hiding things after all.

“Nothing, okay. Maybe she didn’t like her new phone or had a bad day. Can we stop talking about my assistant?” Tony grunts.

“Whoa! You better not let her hear you just called her your assistant, Tony! Y/N is more than that and you know it! She’s the PR for the Avengers. How many times did she fix our shit?” Sam scrunches up his nose when Tony simply shrugs. “Just saying, you’ll regret your words…”

“Can we all calm down now…” While Tony tries to change the subject Steve rubs his forehead. 

“Her mood changed after I recognized the project, no…Pepper to be specific. Does Y/N have a problem with your ex-girlfriend?” 

“Fiancé…” Clint smirks, loving the way Tony tries not to give away anything. “I mean, you scolded Y/N for not appreciating the woman who left you like three years ago…”

“Pepper…” Nodding Wanda exchanges a knowing look with Vision who feels uncomfortable all of a sudden. “I get it now…”

“No one seems to get anything in this room today so I suggest you all will leave, and we talk tomorrow.” Tony angrily declares, dismissing his fellow Avengers.

Your office seems to suffocate you. Everywhere you look Tony stares back at you. The chair he ordered for you seem to mock you today, just like the lamp he offered as he didn’t need that much light.

“Never worthy enough…”

“My lady?” Thor booms, a big smile on his lips. “I got a problem or rather my hammer.” You give the tall Asgardian a cracked smile and he frowns.

Usually, you smile at him, make a joke about his hammer and the damage he causes but today, you’ll get a form out. “What happened?”

“What happened…” Thor sighs, falling onto one of your chairs. “I tried to save someone and then, my hammer rammed a car, breaking the shield…no windshield.” Now you chuckle, even pat his shoulder before you give him a genuine smile.

“It’s alright, Thor. We all make mistakes, you know. I, for example did something stupid almost a year ago and, it’s still haunting me.” Thor’s eyes search your face and just now he sees your sad eyes.

“My dove, what is bothering you?” You gently pat the hand cupping your cheek before you shake your head. “It’s nothing, Thor, really. I shouldn’t bother a hero with my stupid problems…

“What kind of hero would I be not listening to your problems? Tell me about it and I’ll smash anyone’s head hurting you.” You love Thor’s raw honesty. His pure intentions when it comes to helping people.

“I just fell in love with the wrong man, my friend. I believed we could be more than convenient but today I realized he’ll never love me back. I am just a placeholder…” Thor’s taken aback, he never thought anyone could ever reject you.

“I am sorry, my dove. He’s a fool for not seeing your unique beauty and grace.” A soft smile on your lips you glance at the form. 

“I’ll handle this for you, Thor. Please, don’t tell anyone what I told you. From now on, I’ll be more professional and forget about my feelings at work. I shouldn’t have looked for love at this place…” Thor nods, wishing he could ease your pain.

“If you need anything, call my name, Y/N. The god of thunder is in your debts.” A few moments later Thor is gone but you feel somewhat relieved. At least you could tell someone how you feel before you drowned in despair all over again.

“Hey, Y/N. Can I ask you something about the meeting?” Steve stammers, poking his head into your office not moments after Thor left. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No, Captain. I just…” Huffing you point toward the files on your desk. “I was busy, stressed, and acted unprofessionally. I am sorry, Captain.”

“Doll, if something is bugging you, just tell me so. We are all friends…” You play your role well, give Steve a faked smile before you assure him it wasn’t his fault again.

“I am fine, just busy. Thor damaged a car. Clint’s arrow almost killed a cat and don’t let me start with Natasha and her knives…” Steve chuckles, believing your lie.

“Whenever you need a friend, tell me so…” Steve turns to leave, not missing your sad look. “He’s a fool, you know. If he doesn’t appreciate your love, don’t give it to him.”

“Steve?”

“I am old, a man out of time, not blind, doll. The way you look at Tony is the way I looked at Peggy. Problem is, he’s hanging his heart onto someone who moves on years ago, not seeing he’s hurting you.” 

“Please, don’t tell anyone.” Sniffling you hug yourself. “I am ashamed enough for giving in to his advances. Should’ve known better than falling for a playboy who only ever loved once. Pepper, her shadow will never allow me to step into the light…”

“Doll…” Steve sighs but you brush him off when he tries to hug you. You know he means well, tries to comfort you but right now you only want to hide in your bed and forget about the world.

“I’ll go home, forget about him, and tomorrow…is another day…”

Tomorrow wasn’t another day as you had to face Tony again. Working with your ex-lover is hard, especially if he doesn’t know he’s your ex…

“Darling,” Tony sighs when you shove his hands away. “I know I didn’t come around last night, don’t be mad. I had to fix a subroutine and Jarvis took to long…”

“I am not mad, Mr. Stark, just professional. I suggest you keep it that way too from now one. Whatever we did over the last year, it’s over.” Tony gasps hearing you reject him.

“I don’t think I want to play your placeholder any longer. Call her. Get Pepper back and stop using other women to keep her side of the bed warm.” 

“Y/N…what? Baby?” Tony grasps for your arm, but again, you slap his hand away.

“It’s Ms. Y/L/N to you, Mr. Stark. If you want me to stay here and do my job, you’ll treat me with respect, if not, I’ll find a new job in the blink of an eye. If you would excuse me now, I have to calm Thor as he yet again ruined a car with his hammer.”

“Y/N don’t do this. Let’s talk…I mean…”

“There is nothing to talk about, Tony. I was only convenient to you and that’s just not enough for me. I want what you had with Pepper, but you are not ready to give this to me so, I’ll pass…” Stunned Tony stands in your office when the door slams shut behind you.

“What the fuck just happened?” He blinks a few times to realize you broke up with him.

“I think, Mr. Stark, Ms. Y/L/N, just broke up with you. According to her hormonal level and her emotional balance I’d like to add she was close to tears. You shouldn’t have repeatedly mentioned Ms. Potts, Sir.” Jarvis replies. “I will check on her if you want me to.”

“No, she’s my girlfriend…” Tony grumbles. 

“Ex-girlfriend,” Jarvis replies and Tony throws your stapler at the camera at your office. 

“Can I talk to you, Ms. Y/L/N. I need you to see me at my office, now.” Tony glances at Sam who has one arm slung around your shoulder while he tells you one of his lame jokes. “Y/N, now.”

“Excuse me, Sam. The boss wants to scold me for having a break or something.” Steve snickers while Thor eyes Tony’s reaction warily. “See you later…”

Tony grasps your arm, dragging you toward his office. The moment the door slams shut behind him he starts to pace around the room. Aimlessly he runs his fingers through his hair.

“I…I know that I talked too much about Pepper, but this doesn’t mean I want her back. It was just a reminder of what I lost due to the stupid decisions I made. I want you to know that she’s in the past…” You listen to his words, not believing a single word.

“Are you done pretending I mean more to you than a quick fuck at your office or in the common room?” Arms crossed over your chest you give Tony a bitch face.

“Darling, please calm and let me show you something.” Tony sighs before he gets a small black box out of his jacket. I made it just for you…” When he opens the box, your heart misses a beat.

“A key card to your laboratory? But not even Pepper was allowed to access your fortress of solitude …” Sniffling you slide your fingers over the card. Your name is printed on it.

“I wanted to give it to you last night, but you were in a bad mood and then that fucking subroutine didn’t work out and…I…I love you, Y/N. I know that sometimes I seem emotionally closed off and distant, but you mean the world to me.”

For the first time, you see a tear roll down Tony’s cheek. “I don’t want to lose you, darling. Please give me a chance to prove I am worth your love.”

“Tony, I love you, but I want you to be completely honest.” He nods, looking at you while you take the card out of the box. “Do you want her back? Is there only the slightest doubt that you would choose me over her?”

Tony swallows thickly before a soft smile makes your heart flutter. “I will not hide that a tiny part of me will always belong to Pepper. Not as I want her back, but we went through so much…”

“I get it…”

“No, Y/N. I meant we were a good team, even as a pair but, this is in the past. You are my present and future. When I imagine retiring and let younger guys take my place, I only see you by my side, darling. How about we make it perfect and you move into my penthouse.” You smirk, playing with the seam of Tony’s shirt.

“If I get the left side of the bed you’ve got yourself a deal, Mr. Stark.” Tony hums, grins before he gets another black box out. 

“Counteroffer.” You don’t like the self-satisfied grin on your boyfriend’s lips. Not at all. 

“I’ll offer you a wonderful ring and you give me the left side of the bed plus your cute ass in return.” This time you hum, glancing at the ring when Tony opens the box.

“I want a nice proposal, Stark. Handing me a ring won’t make me give in.” The ring is beautiful, you have to admit but there is not enough fire in hell to make you melt in Tony’s arms before you got what you want.

“Alright, Ms. Y/L/N. You asked for it. Jarvis, initiate the best proposal ever…” Squealing you watch Tony jump into his suit, a smirk on his lips before he, believe it or not, jumps out of the window. 

You rush after him to look where he landed only to watch him fly up again, a huge bouquet of roses in his arms. “Now Jarvis!”

Fireworks explode, writing your name and a heart into the sky. “And…the final…”

“Will you marry me?” Giggling you look into the sky at the fireworks. “How’d do this, Tony?”

“Well, I told you I had to fix some subroutines last night.” Humming you punch your fist playfully against his suit. “Love you, darling. Will you take my offer and become my kitten?”

“Dirty old man…” Smirking you watch Tony get out of his suit to stalk toward you, the ring still in his hand. “I’ll make you my husband.”

“Deal…”

“Deal…Mr. Stark…”

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[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Mission of Mercy: Twenty- Nine

Joe watched you working on the dishes in his sink for a moment and turned to glance at Bucky. There had been no forthcoming explanation. Not one. Not that he really expected one. But. He was curious and it was killing him that you were patently not going to respond to his probing. 

“We still taking a trip?”

“Out to the cabin?” you clarify, not turning. 

“Yeah, Cooksy called last night asking.”

You make a soft thoughtful sound and shrug, “I can probably get the time off to take you all out there and make sure no one burns the cabin down.”

“And as soon as Steve hears ‘Camping’ he’ll want to go,” Bucky snorts. 

“The more the merrier!” Joe declared, banging on the table, chuckling. 

“Uh-huh,” you scoff, “And who’s going to feed everyone? And where are they gonna sleep?”

Joe gave you a sour look behind your back and Bucky winked at him, “That’s why we have Tony go… He’ll rent a bunch of cabins and it’ll be fine.”

And not for the first time today you bite your tongue. As a general rule, you don’t mind being teased. Or taking care of people. But your current workload and the sheer amount of work you have to get done before you can even do this trip… and all the emotional baggage that comes with it is leaving you raw. And tired. And being ganged up on is leaving you feeling irritable. 

When you don’t say anything and put dishes carefully in the drainer before turning to put groceries away, Bucky frowns to himself but shakes his head and picks up the cards Joe slid across the table at him. 

“Your mom called last night,” Joe said, changing the subject. He knew you were tired. He could see it in your handwriting on the grocery list and the way you held your shoulders. 

“How’d that go?” you ask, making sure things are set to rights and the expired yogurt actually comes out of the fridge where it gets shoved to the back, where the old man struggles to reach it. 

“She seems to be under the impression that wedding bells are ringing,” Joe snorted. 

“If I ever do get married I’m eloping and Mom won’t know about it until we’ve been married like 10 years,” you sigh.

Bucky half-turned to look at you, quirking his eyebrow. He knew why. And he knew you were probably exaggerating, just a little. But that didn’t mean that it didn’t sting. Even if times were different now, part of him still wanted the big white wedding. And the house with the picket fence. And if not kids at least some beloved and very spoiled pets. He wanted a life that didn’t involve being a hero. And he wanted it with you. In whatever way you wanted it. It was true, he really didn’t even care if you never married him. He wanted you how ever he could have you. But there was still a reflexive little sting. A jolt when he realized how much you were pushing away to try and protect yourself. And Clay. It made him hurt for you.

“Say the word,” he teased gently, admiring the musculature of your legs and ass as you straightened. 

“Don’t you start,” you scold, kissing the hand that was reaching for yours. 

“What else did mom have to say?” you ask Joe, helping yourself to a soda. 

Joe watched you, eyes narrowed, but he decided to forgo the lecture about things good girls did. At least for today. You looked wrecked and more than once today he’d felt prickles of irritation that weren’t his own. Something that only happened when you were getting run down. “She wants us to go to the cemetery on your birthday.”

As soon as he says it, he knows, without looking at you, exactly what your face is doing. The disgust and the irritation. And he could understand. Karlie never stopped grieving. Her life was defined by every person that was lost. Every major event was just one more reminder that loss was everywhere.

“Why on your Birthday?” Bucky asked, confused. 

And you sigh, “So they can participate… And so Mom can-” you break off abruptly. “Well,” you start again after a moment, “The good news is, Mom’s in Florida so… I’m probably gonna not and say I did.”

“She’ll want pictures,” Joe said.

“I’ll sure one from a few years ago and photo shop it,” you say shrugging, “It’s worked so far.”

And Bucky blinked at you. He could understand you not wanting to do it. It was just how… Cavalier, you were about it. And the sudden lack of energy in the room. The sudden vacuum of you reigning yourself in. Tucking away your feelings and getting them out of the way. Shoving them down so you can pretend for a minute that everything is fine. That you’re detached. 

If he didn’t know better, he’d say that you didn’t feel anything about it. People who didn’t know you tended to think that a lot. You got stilted. Aloof. Clinical. Especially when you were trying to avoid being vulnerable. And that stung too. 

You trying so hard to not having feelings while dealing with everyone else’s. It made his chest hurt. And it was a little window into how lonely you’d been. Something he understood. And the more he learned, the less he had to wonder why you had clung so hard to Clay still being alive somewhere. He’d loomed so large over every aspect of your life. Christmas. Birthdays. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Mother’s day. Father’s day. Graduation… A theoretical wedding. There was nothing that was safe. Nothing that wasn’t a reminder that you weren’t worth living for. That the only thing that mattered was the fact that your brother was dead. 

When you leaned against his side, resting your head on his shoulder, Bucky put an arm around you without thinking. Pulling you onto his lap and kissing your hair, “We should probably get you back, soon,” Bucky hummed. 

“Probably,” you sigh, “I’ve got testing to run on rookies. And I’ve got some therapy appointments… and Tony wants me to take a pass at putting together some resources for the clean up efforts.”

Joe whistled softly, “Are they working you hard enough?”

“I think so,” You snort. “But I’m not enhanced or anything… And I’m only useful as an agent while I can run and gun so giving me some desk work is just a way to get their money’s worth out of training me.”

Bucky snorted now, “That and it fucks us all up when you get shot at.”

“That too.”

And Joe can only shake his head. Even if he hates that you’re an agent, he can’t be mad that it brought you to Bucky.

[honeypiehotchner]

i knew you (Bucky Barnes soulmate AU) -- part four

This one is a little shorter than usual, so I wanted to go ahead and post it. It’s mostly a set-up for what’s about to happen (eek). We’re officially in the Civil War timeline now!

two years later

You meet Steve and Sam at Heathrow airport. The first thing you do is wrap your arms around Steve’s neck. 

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper. You have no idea how badly he must be hurting. To be taken away from his soulmate, thrust 70 years into the future to find her still alive, only to have her taken away from him again all too soon. You don’t know how he hasn’t collapsed from the pain. 

Steve hugs you back tightly, sighing into your shoulder. “Thanks.”

The funeral is quiet, not like you were expecting it to be anything but. 

The biggest shock of all comes when Sharon Carter reveals her relation to Peggy. Steve had mentioned Sharon in passing to you, something about her being a cute nurse that lived across the hall from him. You later found out that she was an SHIELD agent, but now she works for the CIA. 

Afterwards, when you’re standing with Steve, keeping him company in the church now that everyone has gone, he starts talking about Peggy. 

Anything and everything he can think of. Some of it inaudible from his tears, but he gets it all out and off of his chest, which is what he needed. He’s a mess, holding onto the church pews for stability that he knows he’ll never feel again, not with Peggy gone. 

You gather him in your arms again, fingers splayed at the back of his head, holding him close. Moments like this make you miss Bucky even more. Not only is he your soulmate, but he’s Steve’s best friend. The person who, alongside Peggy, is who Steve needs most right now. 

The good news is that Bucky’s feelings have been relatively normal lately. He hasn’t been the Soldier since he left D.C. that day. You would’ve felt it, and what you’re feeling, is nothing like before. 

Exiting the church, you see Sam standing under a tree, his phone pressed to his ear. You know he’s talking to your best friend, that’s for sure. She wasn’t able to come because of work. You also see Sharon glancing over at Steve, so you quietly slip away to join Sam, giving Steve the chance to talk to Sharon like you know he’s been dying to do. 

Sam continues talking to your best friend and you try not to eavesdrop, but mostly, you’re just feeling.

You think it’s because Bucky hasn’t been himself — without the Soldier’s mindset — in a very long time, but for the past year or so, you’ve had moments like these where all you can do is feel. Take it all in. 

You haven’t felt any overwhelmingly happy emotions from him by any means, but you’ve felt...peace. He’s anxious almost constantly, which you understand, and you desperately wish he was here for you to help him. Right now, he seems to be at peace. You’re not sure what caused it or how, but you hope, if anything, that he’s sleeping. 

In your most recent dream of him, that’s exactly what he was doing. Sleeping peacefully next to you. And when you shifted, he woke, only for a moment, to wrap his arm around your waist and pull you closer. Nuzzling your neck with his nose, he fell back asleep, but not before placing a kiss there. 

You woke that morning with sweaty palms and a stupid smile on your lips. 

“Are you signing it?” You vaguely hear your best friend ask through Sam’s phone.

You blink, tuning back into their conversation. 

Sam shakes his head. “I don’t like it. Steve doesn’t like it either.”

“What? What’s going on?” You ask, patting his arm to get his attention.

“The Sokovia Accords,” Sam explains lowly. “We wrecked shit—”

“I heard,” you grimace. “Not a good look for you guys.”

“Yeah, the Secretary of State didn’t think so either,” Sam scoffs, arms crossed over his chest. “Anyway, they slammed us with the Accords and it’s— They want us to sign our rights away, basically.”

“What?” You nearly yell. “You’re serious?”

“Deathly,” he nods. “Rhodes thinks we’re being dramatic, Tony too.”

“Great,” you groan. “Who else is signing?” 

“Natasha. Vision. I think that’s it.” Sam shakes his head. “Steve and I seem to be the only bastards with our heads on straight, but obviously they don’t see it that way.”

“That’s...I’m sorry,” you groan. “What’s this about, anyway? You took the bad guys down in Sokovia, wasn’t that the point? I know there was a lot of collateral damage, but...that happens no matter what. Avengers being there or not.”

“It’s not just Sokovia,” Sam sighs. “New York, too. And others. The guy had a whole damn presentation.” He shakes his head again, clearly torn up about it all. “They want to oversee us. Control us, basically. Tell us where we can and can’t go. And I just— I can’t do that. If I feel like someplace needs our help, we have to go. But if we sign that, then the government can tell us not to — or arrest us if we do. It’s not right.”

“I hear you,” you assure him. “I wish there was a way to amend it. They didn’t let you talk about it?”

“Nope,” he says. “Just slapped the book down on the table and said we had until today to figure out what we’re going to do. But basically said if we don’t sign, we’d be going to prison.”

Your eyes widen. “Prison?”

“If we go somewhere, which is inevitable. They’d be able to get us with anything. Probably bring up old charges just to get a headstart.”

“Fuck, Sam,” you say. “This is shit.”

“You’re telling me,” he mutters. He says goodbye to your best friend, her break from work ending way too soon for his liking -- you can tell by the frown he wears after he hangs up. “Anyway. Want a drink?”

You shake your head at his sudden subject change, and the fact that it’s still the early afternoon, but you agree nonetheless.

+++

The drink doesn’t happen. Well, you make it to the bar, but when you do, you’re met with the onslaught of news stations reporting a freak bombing in Vienna.

“Shit,” Sam cusses. “Where’s Steve?”

“He was with Sharon,” you explain, trailing behind him.

You share a worried look before starting to jog, back to the hotel they’re all staying at. He finds Steve by the elevator with Sharon -- interrupting a moment, by the looks of it, which you feel bad about, but you shove it away, reminding yourself of what’s just happened.

Sharon paces in her hotel room, on the phone, trying to get some answers. The TV screen shows a scene fit for nightmares. The UN Complex was bombed. The same complex that the signing of the Sokovia Accords was supposed to occur in today.

“Officials have released a video of a suspect, who they have identified as James Buchanan Barnes, The Winter Soldier.”

Your heart stops. 

You stumble backwards, nearly falling on your ass if it weren’t for Sam reaching out to steady you. 

“That’s impossible-- It-- I would’ve felt him turn,” you swallow around the lump in your throat, the bile threatening to rise. “I-- That’s not him. I don’t know who that is, but it’s not him.”

“It’s his face,” Sharon says quietly, not intending to be rude at all, you hope, but that’s how you take it.

“I know my soulmate,” you argue, shaking your head. “That’s not him.”

The room is quiet. Steve glances your way, but you don’t meet his eyes. He doesn’t believe you. You know he doesn’t. Why would he? The proof is clear as day, right there on the TV screen. It’s obviously Bucky’s face.

But it’s not him. You don’t know how, but it isn’t. You’re sure of it.

You knew it was him two years ago in D.C. You have to trust yourself again.

“I have to go to work,” Sharon breaks the silence, looking at Steve. “I imagine you’re coming too?”

“Yeah,” Steve nods, then looks at you.

You glare right back at him. “I’m coming. Don’t argue with me.”

He doesn’t.

+++

An hour passes and lands the four of you in Austria. Sharon takes off to work while Steve, Sam, and you figure out your plan.

Steve talked with Sharon and made a deal. She’s going to give you the best head start she can, but she said she can’t promise anything. 

You and Sam find a random cafe to fall into, ordering something to eat to blend in while Steve talks to Natasha.

He comes back ten minutes later, looking less than pleased.

“She tell you to stay out of it?” Sam asks.

Steve is quiet. That’s a yes.

“Might have a point,” Sam shrugs. You almost hit him.

“He’d do it for me,” Steve replies firmly.

“1945, maybe.”

“Sam,” you warn, giving him a fierce look.

“I just wanna make sure we consider all our options,” Sam defends. “The people that shoot at you, usually wind up shooting at me. And since we’ve got a tagalong--”

“Shut it, Wingman,” you do hit him this time on the back of the head. “I’m coming. You act like I don’t have any gear on me right now.”

Both men turn to look at you.

You give them an incredulous look back. “Come on. After what happened in D.C. you really expect me not to walk around with a bullet proof vest on?”

“You got a gun?��� Sam asks, taunting.

“Snuck right past airport security,” you mutter, tapping your hip with his leg so he’ll feel it. “Shut up about it.”

“You’re the one who brought it up.”

“Because I’m tired of you acting like I’m some fourteen year old. I’ve been taking daily self-defense and combat courses for the past two years. I had to take care of myself somehow. I’ll be fine. And I’m coming with you. End of story.”

Both men share a look before shrugging, admitting defeat. Finally.

Out of the corner of your eyes, you see Sharon walking into the café. 

She steps in next to Steve at the bar, talking straight ahead to not draw any attention. “Tips have been pouring in since that footage went public. Everyone thinks The Winter Soldier goes to their gym. Most of it’s noise. Except for this.” She gently slides him a pack of papers. “My boss expects a briefing, pretty much now, so that’s all the headstart you’re gonna get.”

“Thank you,” Steve says quietly.

“You’re gonna have to hurry,” she whispers, avoiding your eyes. “We have orders to shoot on sight.”

Chills run down your spine and spread out through your hands and toes. Fuck.

“We have to go,” you say evenly, not looking at Steve or Sam.

We have orders to shoot on sight.

Not if you can help it.

[timep3tals]

You asked for short iron dad drabbles, so heres an idea for one! During a mission Peter and Tony's suits are wrecked (EMP or something of your choice) before they defeat their opponent. Tony and Peter have to rely solely on Peter's spider strength and senses to survive.

thank you for the ask! sorry it took me a small ETERNITY to write it out, but... it’s finally done! fair warning for LANGUAGE tony has a potty mouth whoops. (also i actually rly like this one so i hope you guys do, too.)

Tony had felt helpless before.

He had felt helpless when Pepper fell to her doom feet away from Tony’s outstretched hand. He had felt helpless when Rhodey came crashing down to Earth, too far to reach. He had felt helpless when he received a call that his plane had crashed and the kid had been on the damn plane when it went down.

Always too far; never fast enough. Tony built suits for speed, but he could never seem to catch up to tragedy.

He had felt helpless when he sent a nuke out into the frozen depths of space and stared at what Tony knew would one day spell their doom.

(It didn’t end up being their doom; they were down a few faces in the compound, but the world survived, and the threat was finally, finally gone. The demons that lingered in his closet had been killed, and he could rest. Tony wasn’t sure he knew how to rest.)

None of that seemed to compare to this moment. Peter was inching ahead of him, silent save for the occasional hiss of air in and out of his lungs that barely reached Tony’s ears. The kid was on high alert, the hair on his arms visibly raised as they snuck through the compound where they were being held.

They’d been hit with a fucking EMP, and a pretty jacked up one at that, because it had managed to fry Tony’s suits. FRIDAY had sputtered out of commission, barely managing to eject his ass out into the open air before the suit cratered the Earth and Peter had launched himself off the ground through sheer fucking force to catch him before he plummeted. 

These morons surrounded him and Tony was seething, teeth grit as they pointed guns at his kid, and he didn’t even get the opportunity to blast their faces in because his damn suit was out of commission. He was stubbornly useless as Peter gave into their demands to back off and wished looks could kill because then at least these assholes would drop dead from his glares.

It wasn’t as though they were entirely left out in the cold, though. Sure, Peter’s suit was also trashed and they couldn’t call for help, but the team knew where they were. Tony had long since sent out a distress signal, but it was just a waiting game until the others arrived, held up by the front lines of the fighters.

And, until then, they could rely on Peter’s spider-ness to remove the enemy’s bargaining chip. Once they’d turned enough eyes (and guns) off them, Peter had launched himself forward, taking down the enemies at a speed that was dizzying to watch.

They didn’t have time to scream before they were unconscious on the cold floor.

Tony would be impressed if he wasn’t too busy fighting back frustrated word-vomits.

Peter had grown so much, but it should be Tony getting them out of this situation. A fucking adult at least, not a seventeen year old who had too much to do with life than worry about getting Tony’s useless ass out of yet another prison.

“Stop,” Peter hissed, suddenly, pressing Tony back against the wall without even looking back. His arm was like steel and Tony grit his teeth so hard his ears rang. “There’s two ahead. I’m gonna take them out.”

“Careful, kid,” he reminded him, though it was pointless. Peter was already moving forward, crawling up onto the ceiling. Tony slammed his head back against the wall when he heard the sound of a muffled fight, relishing in the swirl of his eyes, before Peter reappeared and waved him on.

The cycle repeated and by the time the sun touched their skin, Tony was fighting a scream that was tearing his throat raw. Peter had done fucking fantastic, of course he had, Tony had expected no less, but it was so... so...

“There are the others,” Peter said, pointing towards the horizon where the others were jogging towards them, late, too goddamn late. What was the point of having backup if Peter ended up having to do all the work anyway? “Hey! Over here!”

“About time,” Tony snapped when the others got within range. Natasha smiled, small and wry, and he wanted to rip it off her face. Doesn’t she get it? “Thanks for coming so fast! Really, great help.”

“Mr. Stark,” Peter grumbled at his sharp tone. Tony ignored him. Teenagers didn’t get to be the ones lecturing him on his attitude.

He’ll be angry and bitter and annoyed and useless all he wants, thank you very much.

“Should’ve watched out for an EMP, if you’re gonna be so pissy about our response time when we’re fighting a few hundred guys,” Natasha said. “The hell crawled up your ass and died?”

“God, I fucking wonder. Maybe the fact the kid had to get us out, while I did fuckall.” Tony ran a frustrated, shaking hand through his hair and looked to the sky. One... two... three... counting was fuckin’ boring, and he still wanted to scream. “The Quinjet here already? Great, I’m leaving. Come on, kid, the others will take care of the cleanup.”

Peter hurried to follow when Tony took off, sending worried glances that burned on Tony’s skin.

“Kid, look,” he said, determinedly not looking at said kid, unable to see the damn understanding or pity or whatever the fuck was on Peter’s face. He just couldn’t see it. It would cause the mass of emotions all tangled up in his chest like a wildfire to explode, and he couldn’t.

Not until he was alone and buried in the smell of motor oil, hidden in the recesses of his workshop.

“You did good. Fuckin’ great. I just hated being the one having to rely on you. I’m the one supposed to be taking care of you, not the other way around, and it just. Really pisses me off that I was so useless today.”

Peter was quiet, then, “That’s a bunch of horseshit, Mr. Stark.”

“Excuse me?”

Tony managed a baffled glance at Peter, who shrugged.

“I mean, like, we’re both heroes. You rely on the Avengers. Why is it so bad to rely on me sometimes, too? Don’t you think I’m ever frustrated by how much you help me out? I want to protect people, and that includes you. So just shut up and take my help sometimes. It wasn’t even that dangerous today.”

Fuck, this kid. Tony turned away, biting viciously on his cheek to hide the smile that erupted across his face, unbidden. Damn this little asshole for making him feel better. Why couldn’t he just let Tony sulk?

“Yeah, yeah, rub it in my face kid. You’re so very talented with your sticky hands.”

“Mr. Stark, that sounds disgusting.”

“Jesus, I didn’t mean it like that. Where the hell is your head?”

Peter just laughed.

Tag List @keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars @just-the-daydreamer @serendipity--goddess @tony-wheres-my-supersuit @baloobird @fourdaysofrain @swagfictonreadingnerd  @josywbu @as-clear-as-crystal @an-adventureland @hannah-emily-zhang @spideynamu @spideygirl2003 @fleur-dw @stark-genius @ifyoucanreadmymindthenimsorry @rain-brown @supernoetta @aelinasardothien @jaedray @snazzy-jas-z-is-a-fan-of @drowned-in-books @ditzy-daydreamer1 @emsxworld @starkfridays @avenging-criminal-bones @myyszka @stark-tony @ardenskyedarcy221b @emmaelsa0000 @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @littlemissagrafina @joyful-soul-collector @hold-our-destiny @bringitonvoldie (Lmk if you want to be added/removed! Sorry if yours doesn’t work idk man.)

[yikeswtfmate]

Puzzle

previous part // It’s All Fun and Games Series Masterlist // main masterlist

Summary: Bucky and Y/N answer one question.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: none

A/N: might it be...spring? 👀

A cherry blossom petal falls and slides over a bare shoulder, golden flowers inlaid into a loose braid glimmer in the light of the sun, and two wide eyes – incredulous, delighted, in love – shift every few seconds, trying to imprint every single moment of this day. There are birds chirping in the distance, muffled by the steady flow of soft conversations just feet away from her. The crisp white curtains float behind her, on a dance played by the breeze – lilac in nature, a soft undertone of water, where frogs sing their song.

There’s a flurry of hair and dresses around her, and the only constant is her father – misty eyed, although he promised he won’t cry. They both knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his word, especially when their eyes lock above three little giggling girls with baskets of flowers dangling from their tiny hands. She shakes her head once at him, he smiles, but covers his mouth with a trembling hand.

Her mother places a hand on his forearm, whispering words of encouragement, a wink in her direction. She might be the tougher one between them both, yet her mascara is already smudged. A grunt from her sister, and their mother is ushered out, complaints and mumbles ignored. A last unspoken conversation, fingers squeezed tightly, and her sister follows the path laid by the distinct chords of the music.

Two redheads in front of her now, and she might just crumble, if it weren’t for their arms around her bare back. Flowers to the side – don’t crush them, be careful – and two distinct pecks on her cheeks, a nudge and a pinch on her arm and she giggles through the tears before they’re also gone.

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” Her father asks, and she can’t say it, she’s choked up, she’s barely holding it all together, because yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

Her hand looped around his arm, she takes a step – one, two, three, careful now, do not trip, and she’s temporarily blinded by the sudden sunlight. She blinks a few times, trying to get used to it, her father’s presence a monolith beside her, steeling her against the tears that have tried to spill for the past week.

She’s sure this might do it – the sudden hush, the music caressing her ears, her pounding heart; she could just fall to the ground, in a white cloud of lace and organza. Until she opens her eyes and there it is. The reason behind her tears, her smiles, her trembling hands, her happiness, her love, her I love you more every day.

He’s mesmerised, words and thoughts abandoning him, because there’s nothing else he sees but her, her, her. He can only see years of laughter, dancing fingers, tugging lips, and crinkled noses; of good morning, you big dummy, of I don’t want to go out, let’s just spend the day in bed, of I can’t believe we didn’t realise it sooner.

He can only say I promise, I promise, I promise until the end of time – you. Only you, forever. And there’s a battle of smiles and tears, but they can’t do anything more than squeeze each other’s hands, promising, promising, promising. She says I love you – only you, forever, but that’s an old one, lost in the fabric of time, feeling like forever ago, yet it’s the only answer in their universe, the one constant truth.

Rings slipping on fingers, fitting into place like missing pieces in a game of an unknown jigsaw puzzle – never to be moved again. Two whispers – I do, and then. And then, and then, and then forever.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

It’s darker now, sky set ablaze until the stars blinked open their eyes, competing with the lanterns hanging above laughter, whispers, shouts and giggles. Their heads are pressed together, breaths mingling and she can taste the sweet tang of champagne on his lips. His arm is draped over the back of her chair, her knees between his, face to face, crinkled eyes and still staring in wander.

“Baby.” He murmurs, because he doesn’t want the spell to break – this precious gift he’s been given, that he’s still afraid might run away. “We’ve done it. We’re married. I can call you my wife now.”

“Isn’t it great?” She giggles. “Bucky, my husband. You’re James, my husband, now.”

A knife tapped on a glass and slowly the chatter dies down, guests turn in their seats and Steve is suddenly looking flustered. He might be a great lawyer, but this might be one of the most important speeches he’ll ever have to utter. He clears his throat, tugs at his collar and looks at Peggy for a second, asking for silent support. She smiles and nods, waiting for him to start.

“Good evening, everyone. For those of you who don’t know me, then you’ve probably only met the groom today as well. Bucky and I have been inseparable for nearly 30 years and I’d like to thank him for finally confirming that I am indeed his best friend after all this time of having to listen to him berate me for every single thing.

“Today I am supposed to say a few words about the main man – about whom I can honestly say that he’s the most handsome, most intelligent and funniest man you’ll ever meet and I am so proud of calling him my friend. So if you bump into him today – where’s Tony? Today is his birthday so please let him know that we haven’t forgotten about him, he’ll have his party after this wedding is done – happy birthday, Tony!”

A ripple of laughter, followed by a wave of “happy birthday, Tony!” and Steve shakes his head, getting into his element. Bucky chuckles when Y/N whistles next to him, whooping in delight.

“In all seriousness now, I’ve also known Y/N for almost 12 years now, when this little Tasmanian devil showed up with 50 balloons at a bar, letting us all know that – hey, did you know it takes 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?” His voice turns a few notes higher, until it’s only a squeak, earning another wave of laughter.

“I’m so happy for both of you that Bucky is also a weirdo and instead of hitting on you like a normal person, he just let you know that the blob of toothpaste that sits on your toothbrush is called a nurdle. It was meant to be, wasn’t it?

“You’d think so, but we all have to remember that these two are two complete and utter dumbasses. It only took them ten years of friendship – which mind you, that is not how friends act, ok? I’m sorry to the parents that are here tonight, but your children think they can regularly have sleepovers and only be friends? You’ve raised two dense kids, and you can’t get mad at me, because I’m part of both your families, ok?

“It only took them ten years of friendship to realise the utter love and adoration they have for each other. I’ve never seen Bucky happier than when he’s with Y/N and I think I speak for everyone here tonight who knows you two how excited and proud we all are to finally be able to call you Mr and Mrs Barnes.

“Now Bucky has been with me through thick and thin and I can hand to heart say he’s the most loyal, genuine gentleman I’ve ever known. But you also have to remember that Buck here doesn’t like to be the center of attention, so I was more than certain that today he’d be a nervous wreck. This morning, however, he was the calmest I’ve ever seen him. I asked him ‘Buck, this is the most important day of your life and you’re not nervous?’ and you know what he said?

“He said ‘Steve, when you know you’ve made the best decision of your life, when you know you get to spend the rest of your life with the person who’s made you the happiest you’ve ever been, what the hell is there to be nervous about?’ This perfectly sums up the love this man has for his wife. I couldn’t have hoped for anyone better for either of you.

“I wish you both a long and happy marriage together. I know that you always said you’re soulmates, but I didn’t believe it until I’ve seen you two today. You were truly meant to love each other. So, everyone, please raise your glasses to the bride and groom, Y/N and Bucky! Congratulations!”

The cheers and applause die down long after Steve’s downed his glass of champagne. A long hug between the boys, Bucky might be in tears, but he’ll be damned if he lets Sam see it. Y/N is crying, it’s their big day and she’ll ruin her make-up, they have enough photos, who cares anymore, because she’s feeling too deeply, too many emotions that could never be bottled up. Steve laughs at her, a giggle on her lips and they sway from side to side in a tight hug – “you two made us all believe in true love,” he whispers and she might need that tissue Bucky is holding out for her.

She pulls herself together, takes in a deep breath and looks at Bucky, her Bucky, like he’s hung the moon – now and forever. His gaze follows her as she stands up again, clearing her throat and shaking her shoulders. Someone hands her a microphone. He has no idea what she has planned, but he’ll sit there and listen to her all his life as if her words are nectar and he’s a starved man.

“Hi. I haven’t done anything to prepare for this speech and if you know me at all, you wouldn’t be surprised about this in the least.” He laughs together with the rest, and Nat shouts an encouragement from somewhere down the table.

“I just wanted to stand up and thank you all for being here with us today, on what must be one of the happiest days of my life yet. I cannot express in words how much this man means to me, or the love I hold for him, but I’ll try.” Y/N says and her fingers find his, a glint in her eyes.

“Bucky has been my best friend for twelve years now, and although Steve would never admit it, I love him more than anyone else in this entire world. Also, I’m sorry, Mrs Barnes, move over, there’s a new Mrs Barnes in town! I’m joking, I love you, please don’t take me off the Christmas list.

She fully turns to him now, tears in her eyes, and Bucky knows in that moment that he could die right there and he’d have been the happiest man alive.

“As I was saying, this gorgeous man has been my rock, my anchor, my pillar in times of happiness and sadness. He’s the most kind, most loving, and most generous person I’ve ever met. He’s been there for me when I was at my worst and at my best. He’s seen me with bangs, and he’s seen me crying at 3 in the morning because we didn’t have any ice cream left.

“James Barnes is my soulmate. We’ve admitted this many times before, we’ve shouted it on top of our lungs, we’ve tattooed it on our bodies. I’m not joking, mom, I’m sorry, that is a J, not just half of a heart; which you should’ve known couldn’t be possible because he holds my entire heart, not just half of it. I love this man with my entire being, I’ve never been happier than when you hold my hand. You bring order to my chaos, you bring out all that’s best in me, you bring me sunshine and laughter and all that’s sweet in life just by looking at me.

“I’m so grateful that I’ve met you and I never could have imagined that I will ever know a love so deep. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you, because I know each day will be a new adventure. You’re my soulmate and I love you, James Barnes.”

There’s a ruckus as each person stands up, clapping, shouting, whistling and whooping – a clamour of noise that gets drowned out the second Bucky’s arms circle around her waist. He’s crying now – fully and unabashed. He loves this woman more than he’ll ever love anyone else, and it’s in the way her fingers brush across the hair at his nape, the way her body aligns so perfectly with his, the way her mouth curves in the softest smile when he kisses her lips, the way her eyes will always tell him I love you, I love you, I love you. You, only you, for the rest of my life.

“I love you too, baby.”

***

The End.

A/N: It’s been a true rollercoaster and I loved every minute of it. IAFAG has been my first baby, and the first actual series that I’ve written. I’ve never attempted anything on this scale, but I can only say that I definitely don’t regret it, it’s been fun, it’s been great and these Bonky & Reader will always always always will have a special place in my heart.

I would like to thank all of you for reading and loving this series. The positive feedback, love and the overflow of support has been not only unexpected, but I couldn’t have even hoped for something like this! I love all of you, thank you!

Lastly, thank you to @the-chocolate-moose​ for supporting me along every single step of this, for listening to me spewing bullshit on a daily basis, reading said bullshit at 2 in the fucking morning bc I cannot function like a normal human being, letting me know when I’m losing the characters and all in all for being a wonderful person! I love you, this whole series is yours as much as it’s mine!

[fantasticstoryteller]

New Amsterdam Chapter 23

Gwen took a deep breath. She could do this. She would do this. How hard was it to get a lab assistant to do what she wanted anyway?

A lot harder than she’d thought it would be. Getting him out of the preparation lab had been easy. She’d gone to the supervisor and said she needed an assistant immediately and he’d practically shoved Peter at her.

Peter, who now stood in the hallway, determinedly not meeting her eyes, and fidgeting with the strap of his messenger bag. “Someone else has got to be better,” he muttered softly, nervously.

Gwen, for her part, was irritated. On the surface it had seemed an easy plan; get the kid to one of the better labs, let him see how great the labs were, and then the job would be done. She didn’t expect to have to fight to get him into the lab!

She took a slow deep breath and released it. This was her assignment. She would do it. “I read your paper,” she said. She wasn’t expecting the flinch at the words—but she wasn’t surprised. Once again she both cursed Tony for meddling beneath his station and prayed the cats would do their job. Everyone would work better if he would just leave them alone.

“I’m currently,” she said firmly, “working an artificial neural network into an artificial organic matrix. I hit a stumbling block. I think, given what I read in your paper, that you can help me overcome it.” She waited, arms crossed as he took a moment to think about it. She wanted to yell, to scream, to just order him to go with her—but that would create a negative emotive impact on the very thing that she was supposed to be selling him.

She wasn’t sure if she should be grateful or pissed that her closest uncle was a used car salesman.

Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully behind her glasses. If she was reading his body language correctly (and she’d spent way too many summers on that lot helping to sell cars), then he wanted to take her on her offer—and was holding himself back. Why?

She thought back to what she knew. Each and every single time that Tony had approached him, that anyone had approached him about him getting his own lab, he had mentioned that there were people more capable and qualified than he was. Was it possible the boy had an inferiority complex? That he simply couldn’t grasp the idea that he might be qualified for a higher position?

Looking at the nervous young man in front of her, Gwen reluctantly concluded that had to be the right answer. The way he stammered, the way he hunched over on himself, couldn't look her in the eye—he didn’t have the self-confidence he needed to take over his own lab. It was obvious. He’d probably been slowly building confidence, building friendships in the preparation lab.

And Tony, that idiot, had gone and wrecked the whole thing.

Okay. Okay. She could work with this. He wouldn't accept that he was the best person for the job—because he couldn't accept that he was the best person for the job. Time to try a different approach.

“Look,” she said, interrupting his self-depreciating speech. “My assistant is on maternity leave. I need an assistant; your supervisor recommended you.” She waited. He seemed to consider that statement, but she wasn’t going to let him decide to withdraw again. “Tell you what,” she said as cajoling as possible, “you come help me with my work today, and I’ll owe you a favor.”

He paused. “A favor?” he asked warily.

If he’d been anyone else, or seemed even remotely more worldly than he did, she wouldn't have offered. But this kid, with his deer-in-the-headlights expression and his apparent inferiority complex, was safe. “Any favor,” she said boldly. “No questions asked.”

He fought with himself for a little more and then sighed. “Okay,” he said softly.

She snorted. “No need to sound like you’re going to the gallows,” she said as she led him to her lab. She used her card to open the floor it was on. Her lab shared a floor with Bruce Banner. Tony had his own floor.

She hadn’t believed, at her deepest level, that Peter was worth all this effort. Twenty minutes in, after he came up with a protein solution that kept the artificial organic matrix from liquefying, she agreed that he was smart enough to be worth the effort. An hour in, after he helped her program the microbots to create channels for the neural network, she was ready to claim him as her assistant. By lunch she was ready to fight to keep him.

An hour after lunch Bruce poked his head into the lab. “I hear you’ve got a new assistant,” he said. His curly haired head turned to look where Peter was making corrections to the microbots laying the network. “Can I borrow him?”

“No!” snapped Gwen as she lunged from her chair, eyes flashing. “Get your own assistant!” Bruce snorted and withdrew, clearly amused.

“Um—” She turned to see Peter staring at her, eyes wide behind his glasses.

“You’re fine,” she assured him.

He swallowed. “Um, Dr. Stacey, I have to go,” he said softly.

“Go?” she asked. “Why?” she demanded.

He shrank on himself. “I—I have to ge—get to my o-other job,” he stammered.

She sighed. Of course he did. She knew assistants didn’t get paid enough to eat. “Go,” she said in dismissal. It was time for her to talk to Tony anyway.

[thisaliennerd]

can you please elaborate on why you think kurt is the toxic abusive one in the klaine relationship? maybe i’m biased but i don’t see it.

Yes, I absolutely can, thank you for asking! I’ll start with the basic points and then I’ll elaborate with examples under the cut in case y’all don’t feel like reading an actual essay today. (I’ve also put the link to the google doc in my linktree in my bio which might be a more accessible way to read this as it is a 25 page essay)

Kurt takes every opportunity to tear Blaine down and takes advantage of Blaine’s compulsive need to help/build up the people he loves, to ensure that he has as much power over Blaine as possible

He refuses to talk about problems in the relationship (of which there are many) when they arise, sometimes actively shutting Blaine down when he tries to talk about it, but gets angry when the problems worsen, accuses Blaine of pulling away, and puts the emotional burden on him

He refuses to acknowledge his own fault in ANYTHING, both in his relationship with Blaine and in his other relationships

When they aren’t together, Kurt drags Blaine along, sabotages and undermines Blaine’s relationships, and refuses to allow him to move on, all while actively pursuing other relationships himself, ensuring that Blaine is always there as a fallback plan

He is INCREDIBLY jealous, even before he had any reason to think that Blaine would cheat, despite Blaine repeatedly shutting down people’s (read: Sebastian’s) advances, and Kurt frequently flirting with and playing into people flirting him while dating Blaine

He says he loves Blaine, but he also implies that if anyone else came along that could make him feel the same way, he would leave

He is rarely supportive of Blaine in general, especially if he isn’t doing something that could potentially help Kurt, in contrast to Blaine being pretty relentlessly supportive of Kurt in everything he does

He holds the things that Blaine’s done wrong in their relationship over his head, even after claiming to forgive him

He’s just pretty selfish and narcissistic in general 

So, let’s go deeper into it, these are complicated and nuanced issues, and I’m sure you need more evidence than just some bullet points, especially for such a popular ship.

Power Dynamics

Let’s start by analyzing the power dynamics between Blaine and Kurt throughout the show and how it affects their relationship. When we meet Blaine in season 2 episode 6, Kurt is in an incredibly vulnerable place, dealing with intense bullying and homophobia at school. Blaine, despite only being (presumably) fifteen and a sophomore, is astoundingly poised and confident. This is where we see Blaine at his happiest. He seems very sure of himself, and this stands in stark contrast to Kurt. Upon seeing this in Kurt, Blaine quickly opens up, sharing that he had a similar experience not too long ago. He gives Kurt advice, encouraging him not to give up and to have courage, building Kurt up. He even comes to McKinley, seemingly during school hours, to confront Karofsky with Kurt. Throughout this, he is calm, comforting, and continues to build Kurt up as best he can. This behavior continues from Blaine as the season continues. Once Kurt transfers to Dalton, Blaine is in a minor position of power as the lead singer of the Warblers, however, he routinely uses this power to keep building Kurt up. He laughs at Kurt’s jokes (s2e9), gives him advice on how to integrate into the new environment (s2e9), and even gets him a lead in a song for Regionals (s2e16). However, when Kurt transfers to Dalton, we begin to see a different side of him. He becomes exceptionally bitter and jealous of Blaine. We see him getting upset over Blaine getting solos in multiple episodes (s2e9, s2e16), despite how kind and accommodating Blaine has been. He openly criticizes Blaine’s performances, saying that they’re all the same (s2e16), and this marks the first example of Kurt tearing Blaine down. Blaine gives up the opportunity for another solo and risks his position by standing up to the Warblers and telling them he wants to sing a duet with Kurt (s2e16). Kurt is also very dismissive of Blaine’s identity struggles. The first and most notable example of this being in season 2 episode 14. Blaine questions whether he might be bisexual and Kurt is not only biphobic but also dismisses Blaine’s crisis. He tries to dictate Blaine’s identity and is passive-aggressive and bitter for the rest of the episode. We get several more examples of this early in season 3. 

In season 3 episode 1, Kurt pressures Blaine to transfer to McKinley, even saying that he was being passive-aggressive, something we’ll see Kurt do often in arguments going forward. Although he maintains a playful tone of voice, it’s very clear that he isn’t joking. Blaine expresses concerns about leaving his friends, and Kurt implies that he isn’t sure that their new relationship can survive if he doesn’t come to WMHS, stopping just shy of actually putting the ultimatum out there, but certainly implying it. Blaine decides to transfer, a move that not only screams codependency but also further brings Blaine down. Kurt is back in his element, he’s a senior, this is his school, whereas Blaine is now a newbie as a junior, abandoning his role as lead of the Warblers for Kurt. And although Blaine initially claims that he came for him, it’s obvious that that isn’t the case, and Blaine confirms that he did it for Kurt later (s4e3, s4e7). In episode 2, Kurt works to further limit Blaine by convincing him not to audition for Tony. Here we see an example of Kurt’s manipulation. He never explicitly tells Blaine not to audition, but just makes passive-aggressive comments until Blaine decides not to audition, asserting his power over him. Again, Blaine is giving up opportunities in order to maintain his relationship with Kurt. Blaine even hesitates to read for Tony when directly asked, because he’s worried about how Kurt will react. And sure enough, Kurt is visibly upset when Blaine’s asked, and while it’s reasonable that he would be disappointed, he shouldn’t have put that on Blaine at all. We see the culmination of this little storyline at the beginning of episode 3, and on first watch, this seems like a sweet scene. Kurt congratulates Blaine for getting Tony, gives him flowers, and says he’s proud of him. However, it’s in Blaine’s reaction that we see the problem. He says, “You always zig when I think you’re about to zag, and I love that about you,” and again, this almost seems sweet, but the undertones of that comment are that Blaine didn’t think that Kurt would be supportive. He was genuinely worried that his boyfriend wouldn’t support him getting the lead in the musical. We see that throughout season 3, Blaine struggles in the New Directions. He tries to fit in, but the group is immediately antagonistic towards him, refusing to listen to his ideas. Kurt says nothing about this, even when it comes from Finn. He doesn’t call them out, he doesn’t even comfort Blaine about it. They spend most of this season pretty equal, but this isn’t enough for Kurt, as he gets his NYADA audition and begins to rise in status, he also continues to tear down Blaine. Flashing forward to episode 17, we see a lot of issues come to the surface here, which will come back later, but we also see more of Kurt tearing down Blaine. Kurt says that it’s hard being Blaine’s boyfriend because he’s “an Alpha gay”. He complains that he doesn’t get solos, implying that it’s Blaine’s fault, even blatantly lying by saying that he used to get solos every week. He manipulates Blaine, putting the fault on him, refusing to apologize for his actions, only apologizing for how it made Blaine feel. Eventually, Blaine is the one forced to apologize. This conversation is especially interesting in comparison to their conversation in season 5 episode 16, but we’ll come back to that. First, let’s talk about season 4. 

In season 4 episode 1, their power dynamic has shifted yet again, Kurt got rejected from NYADA and Blaine was a senior and lead singer again. Kurt is clearly uncomfortable with this, but Blaine just continues to lift up Kurt. He tells him to New York and gives Kurt the confidence he needs to follow his dreams. Here’s where their relationship begins to fall apart. Now that Kurt is in New York, he immediately encounters success at Vogue, and as soon as he does, he pulls away from Blaine. He is now way above Blaine, and Kurt doesn’t need him anymore. He feels like Blaine is only limiting him. He prioritizes his success and career over Blaine, which is of course, fine when he does it, but not fine when Blaine does it. He actively ignores Blaine, not just to do his work, but also just to gossip and chat with his coworkers (s4e3), even when he knew that it was an important night for Blaine. He minimizes Blaine’s concerns and successes, talking over him and constantly pivoting the conversation back to himself (s4e3). Then, of course, comes the breakup in episode 4. Blaine explains that he did what he did because he felt that Kurt was moving on. Now of course this doesn’t justify what Blaine did, but throughout all the conversations about this incident, Kurt never acknowledges that he had any part in what happened, again putting one hundred percent of the burden on Blaine (s4e4). This continues throughout the season. Blaine constantly has to apologize, but Kurt never has to, because everything wrong with the relationship prior to Blaine cheating gets ignored. The breakup destroys Blaine’s self-esteem, and it becomes very evident that Blaine doesn't know who he is without Kurt. Kurt has successfully taken a very confident young man, made him dependent on him, and then not only left him but ghosted him (s4e8), completely wrecking him. He purposely didn’t forgive Blaine to hurt him (s4e8). It's Blaine’s senior year, he's finally made it back to where he was in season 2, and now he's not even able to play the lead in the musical. Blaine has hit rock bottom, and just as he starts to recover, getting a crush on Sam, becoming closer with Tina, gaining some self-respect and confidence back, Kurt reenters Blaine’s life. We’ll talk about this more later, but Kurt decides to lead Blaine on, keeping him dependent on Kurt, not allowing him to move on (s4e8, s4e14). For example, he calls Blaine right before he’s about to perform at sectionals only to remind him that he still hasn’t forgiven him, and tells him that they can see each other at Christmas, even though he decides not to go back for Christmas not two episodes later (s4e8, s4e10). Then he hooks up with Blaine at Will’s wedding, even though he doesn’t want to get back together and he knows how Blaine feels about him (s4e14). This continues for the rest of the season. At this point, Kurt holds all the power over Blaine. He is not only successful in the outside world, working at Vogue and going to NYADA, but he has also destroyed Blaine’s self-confidence and ensured that Blaine is dependent on Kurt. On to season 5. 

In season 5 episode 1, we get the reunion. This scene is another scene like the Lima Bean scene in season 3. It seems cute and romantic, Kurt plays it in a playful way, but in a closer analysis, it becomes more insidious. Blaine begs Kurt to get back with him, and he talks about how they’ve effectively been dating for weeks. At the end of the scene, Kurt reveals that he intended to say yes the whole time, as he had prepared a song, but before he says yes, he puts Blaine through some more manipulative games. Kurt keeps his voice light, but Blaine is very earnest, clearly taking it to heart. Blaine asks Kurt to be his boyfriend again, and Kurt says he doesn’t think it’ll work, because last time, Blaine cheated. Blaine gets very upset, saying that they’ve been over this and that he’ll “never ever cheat on [Kurt] again”. Kurt says that he wants Blaine to sign a contract, and Blaine says that he’ll sign anything as long as Kurt will get back together with him. These lines are interesting because Kurt sounds like he’s joking, but Blaine absolutely doesn’t. He is so desperate to get Kurt back, and Kurt, who again, has already decided to get back with Blaine, is dragging this out and holding the cheating over Blaine’s head. But Kurt still doesn’t let it go. He says that he’s not even sure if relationships work, requiring Blaine to keep begging. Finally, he agrees to get back together, but it’s clear in this scene that Kurt enjoys having this power over Blaine, and he likes making Blaine beg for forgiveness. He made him do so for the entirety of season 4. I’ll talk more about the proposal later, but here I would like to point out that the use of All You Need is Love is interesting, because there is much more to a functional relationship, but generally, these two seem to ignore this because they love each other. They spend the first half of season 5 separate and don’t interact often, however, when they do talk, it is still clear that Kurt, as an adult out in the world, holds supremacy over Blaine, and when they do talk, Kurt often belittles Blaine’s high school problems in favor of talking about his own, insulting Blaine and then pivoting the conversation to him as soon as he can (s5e7). In fact, Kurt is so unsupportive that Blaine has to make a puppet version of him just to get validation and forgiveness (s5e7). We even see Kurt controlling what Blaine wears multiple times (s5e6, s5e14). Blaine has been built up more from season 4, but this is only because he’s back with Kurt, again reinforcing his dependence on Kurt. The next major conflict in their relationship comes in episode 14. Blaine has just moved to New York and in with Kurt. Their new power dynamic is solidifying. Blaine is adjusting to a big change, and he's struggling with it. He's trying his best to be with Kurt in this new environment, but he’s not sure how to handle it. He’s intimidated by how sure of himself Kurt is and just wants to find a place for himself in Kurt’s life. His solution is to try and do things for Kurt. It worked in high school, but here, it only pushes Kurt away further. Kurt feels suffocated by Blaine, but he openly lies to Blaine about it, refusing to address it until it reaches a boiling point (which he does often). Desperate, Blaine tries to carve out a place in the apartment for himself, but Kurt hates this. He becomes aggressive, claiming that the apartment is his, and not theirs and that Blaine shouldn’t be making changes. At the end of the episode, Blaine is the one who suggests the solution of him moving out, pointing out that they never had a conversation about him moving in in the first place. During this conversation, Blaine is very earnest again, constantly reassuring Kurt that he doesn’t want to break up, and is physically very intense, trying to make eye contact, moving to connect with Kurt, and initiating a hug, while Kurt feels completely detached, avoiding eye contact, keeping his voice monotone, and looking pretty disinterested. Sidenote: In this episode, Kurt also demands that Blaine ask Sam to move out even though he’s the one who wants him gone in the first place.

But the most compelling evidence comes in episode 16. Blaine has been in the city for a little while now but is still struggling to find himself. He’s started gaining some weight from comfort eating and he’s insecure about it. In this episode, the textual focus is actually on the change in their power dynamic, so here is where it’s most obvious. Blaine feels uncomfortable with Kurt being hit on by other men, but it’s shown that Kurt isn’t shutting these advances down at all. Blaine feels distinctly inferior to Kurt, and it’s fueling his insecurities. Kurt notices that Blaine’s insecure, but decides not to talk to him about it. Instead, he repeatedly comments on the food that Blaine’s eating, reinforcing Blaine’s insecurities about his weight, and tearing Blaine down further. There’s also an interesting scene in this episode where Kurt, Blaine, Artie, and Sam are all out getting dinner together, and Sam asks about a free clinic to get tested for STDs. Kurt answers and then throws in a comment about the time Blaine cheated. This visibly upsets Blaine, but he also seems annoyed by the comment. It’s wholly unnecessary and doesn’t add anything to the conversation, all it does is make Blaine feel bad. This is the second time this season we’ve seen Kurt bring this up for no reason and the casualness of the comment coupled with Blaine’s reaction implies that this may be something he brings up frequently. At this point, Blaine has again been brought low, the confidence he had temporarily built backup is gone because it was all based on Kurt. Kurt is at least somewhat aware of this but still doesn’t talk to Blaine about it. He halfheartedly reassures Blaine about his body (a surface symptom of the deeper problem) in between comments about his food, even convincing Blaine not to eat the (perfectly reasonable) food he made in favor of a salad. Then, he discovers a porn website on Blaine’s computer. He becomes very upset and angry about this, while Blaine is visibly uncomfortable. Kurt verbally says that Blaine can do whatever he wants on his own computer but gets increasingly angry. He yells at Blaine about how they haven’t had sex in a week but doesn’t question why, he just storms out. In the next scene they have together, Blaine enters their stage combat class, where Kurt already is, late. This already puts Kurt in higher standing within his environment. Blaine is angry and asks Kurt why he didn’t tell him that he didn’t want to walk to class together. Kurt is dismissive and says he just forgot, but his tone and body language doesn’t support this. Blaine asks if Kurt is still upset about the website, and Kurt says no, but his tone is still angry and dismissive. Blaine then suggests that they should talk about the fight, but Kurt shuts it down, saying, “You know, Blaine, sometimes I think we talk too much”. They start fencing, and Kurt, who knows that Blaine’s been struggling in this class, both with the content and with making friends, publicly embarrasses him in front of the whole class. Later, they finally have a conversation, but again, this is only happening after their problems reach a boiling point. Kurt comes home and asks Blaine what happened in combat class, saying “you were really coming at me,” not acknowledging that he too, was aggressive in his fighting, and being very confrontational (including closed-off body language). Blaine reveals that he feels like he has to prove himself. He feels like he’s falling behind Kurt and is unable to support and protect him, which had previously been an important aspect of their relationship all the way until Blaine moved to New York. Kurt is immediately unreceptive and angry. He says that Blaine shouldn’t want to be superior to Kurt and that they should want to be equals. Blaine quickly apologizes, feeling even worse about himself, but Blaine never says that he wants to be superior, just that he feels so far behind Kurt, and as we’ve established, Kurt has been systematically tearing Blaine down for years. Blaine tells Kurt that he feels terrible about himself and his body and feels like Kurt is going to judge him. Kurt claims that he would never judge Blaine, but again, had been making comments about the amount and type of food Blaine was eating. Blaine then says that he’s afraid that if he can’t do things for Kurt, Kurt will outgrow him, and once he no longer needs him, will stop loving him. This isn’t an unreasonable fear, as this is similar to what had happened when Kurt first moved to New York, but this also expresses a deeper fear of Blaine’s that can be traced back to his childhood. As shown in season 3 episode 15, Blaine had a very bad relationship with his older brother, Cooper. Cooper is shown as very selfish, always needing Blaine to be doing things for him and making every conversation about him. This not only mirrors a lot of Kurt’s behavior but also explains why Blaine feels he will be abandoned if he can’t do things for people. It’s already happened to him. Kurt says that he would never leave Blaine, which also proves to be false in season 6, but he also says that Blaine needs to tell him when he feels this way. However, Blaine tried twice, in the porn fight scene and in the stage combat scene, to talk about it, and Kurt shut it down both times. Again, Kurt is putting all the emotional burden on Blaine, deflecting his own fault, and gaslighting Blaine about previous events. Finally, they make up, but in the final scene, Blaine seems to have developed an eating disorder, and Kurt says that they have decided to eat out less often and work out more, but Kurt was already doing those things. Another example of Kurt trying to control what Blaine eats. 

Moving on to the rest of season 5, in episode 18, Kurt invites Blaine to perform with him for June Dolloway. Blaine kills his performance and June asks only him to be her project. Suddenly, their dynamic has shifted again. This is a major success for Blaine, and Kurt’s been stalling recently. Blaine now has a lot more power and we see a glimpse of the old Blaine return when he performs for and with June. However, Kurt doesn’t react well to this throughout Blaine’s time with June. Immediately once Blaine gets picked, Blaine feels guilty about it, almost turning it down. Kurts assures him that it’s fine, but qualifies it by saying that it’ll be good for both of them, even saying it’s “[their] careers” instead of Blaine’s career. Later in the episode, Blaine and Kurt are finally having time together after Blaine has been spending a lot of time with June, Kurt says, “I’m upset with you,” and Blaine immediately looks terrified. He freezes, tenses, and panics. He’s walking on eggshells around Kurt, and no one should ever be scared of their partner. As with the flowers scene in season 3, Blaine is genuinely worried that Kurt will be upset about him taking an opportunity because Kurt wanted it for himself. Kurt is generally only supportive when it’s potentially beneficial to him. Blaine is so worried about upsetting Kurt that he decides to lie to him and tell him that he’s in the showcase June is organizing for Blaine. In episode 19, Blaine gives up a big opportunity with June to go to Kurt’s show, and then the storyline finishes in episode 20. Blaine fails to convince June to let Kurt into the showcase and is forced to confess to Kurt. Blaine attempts to explain the situation, but Kurt says he can’t trust Blaine or anything he says, and then reacts physically, throwing a bag of food onto the floor. Blaine jumps to his feet, apologizing and explaining that he didn’t know what else to do because he was scared of hurting Kurt’s feelings, but Kurt just storms out. Now, of course, Blaine shouldn’t have lied, but only a few episodes earlier in episode 14, Kurt lied about Blaine not crowding him so as not to hurt his feelings. Kurt does similar things all the time, but Blaine has to suffer for it. Later in episode 20, Kurt and Blaine talk again. Blaine, visibly upset, says that he doesn’t want to do the showcase because Kurt is more important to him, implying that he thinks he has to give up a major opportunity for his career for Kurt. Kurt responds by coming up with a confusing metaphor, waxing poetic at Blaine (sarcasm and figures of speech are something that Blaine already struggles to understand throughout the show), dragging it out, and making it sound very bad, so Blaine keeps apologizing. Then Kurt finally stops him. He says he understands what happened, and even, for the first time, takes some responsibility. He acknowledges that the way he was acting would have led Blaine to believe that lying was the only option. This is Kurt’s best reaction to a fight across the show, but it shouldn’t have gotten here. And because, yet again, Kurt pushed Blaine until he snapped and messed up, Kurt is the one with the power. He’s the one to forgive, and Blaine is the one who has to relentlessly apologize and then thank Kurt when he forgives him. And sure enough, because Blaine is so dependent on Kurt, he is incredibly relieved when Kurt forgives him, and thanks him repeatedly. He’s very physical here too, hugging Kurt, but Kurt is, again, very closed off, not very receptive. Blaine, again suggests that he won’t do the showcase without Kurt, and although Kurt does tell him to do it, it’s insane that this is even a question in Blaine’s mind. Plus the whole “I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” “Yeah pretty much,” interaction just rubs me the wrong way. In the end, Blaine risks his partnership with June to sing with Kurt anyway, which again, he shouldn’t have had to do. Every time Blaine is more successful, he tries to lift Kurt up to his level, even when it’s risky for him, but Kurt constantly tears Blaine down, even when he’s in a better position. Finally (for this point), let’s talk about the trainwreck that is season 6.

Season 6 is a lot more complex when it comes to power dynamics specifically. At the beginning of episode 1, they've broken up, and it’s had a profound effect on Blaine. He got very depressed, which makes sense, because he’s become so reliant on Kurt, got cut from NYADA, had to move back to Lima, and he wasn’t even able to play music for a while. He still seems to be struggling emotionally, while Kurt is in New York at NYADA, and initially, in the episode, it seems like Kurt is doing well. However, when Kurt comes back to Lima this shifts again. Kurt wants to get back together with Blaine, but Blaine is dating someone else, Dave Karofsky, and seems fairly happy in this new relationship. And because the focus of their arc this season is their journey to get back together, at this point, Blaine holds more power. It doesn’t matter that Kurt is in a better place in his life and career, because not only is that not the focus, but Kurt is now also in Lima. Blaine has begun the process to move on from Kurt, and this has happened once previously in their relationship, back in season 4, and just like in season 4, right as Blaine begins to move on, Kurt decides to reenter his life. Of course, the difference here is that Kurt hasn’t attempted to move on like he did in season 4. His sole purpose is to get Blaine back, and this actually gives Blaine more power because Kurt is openly pursuing him, instead of subtly leading him on. But before we continue with season 6, let’s do a closer analysis of the breakup scene, because I think, like season 5 episode 16, it illustrates a lot of the problems in the relationship very clearly. 

This scene is shown via flashback, and Kurt is the one having the flashback. This is interesting because it’s been established, at this point in the episode, that Blaine and Kurt have been broken up for months, and based on Kurt’s reaction to this memory, this is the first time Kurt has dealt with the breakup. We see he remembers this scene, starts crying, and then the next time we see him, he’s back in Lima to get Blaine back. So, the flashback begins with Blaine arriving at the restaurant, it’s raining heavily. Kurt is already there, waiting for him. Blaine is very happy. He apologizes for being slightly late, explaining that it’s because of the rain and because he had stopped to check on a venue for their wedding. He seems very excited about this venue. The camera pans over and we see Kurt’s face for the first time. He looks annoyed, and he asks why he’s always the first to arrive. Blaine’s face falls a little but he explains again, repeating that he found a venue that’s available for their wedding, still excited about it. Kurt, again, doesn’t respond to this and just changes the subject to ordering food, annoyed. Blaine’s face changes, and he seems to register that Kurt isn’t going to respond positively to this step in the wedding planning. He says that he doesn’t want to fight, but he feels like he’s the one who’s been doing all the wedding planning. Kurt says nothing, just passive-aggressively puts down his menu, and stares at Blaine in an accusatory way. Blaine, very genuinely and earnestly, asks Kurt what’s wrong, actually begging Kurt to just talk to him, and asks him if he’s having second thoughts about the wedding. Kurt doesn’t flat out answer the question, instead, he says, “Have you noticed how exhausting it’s been ever since you moved back in?” The way the question is phrased puts the fault on Blaine in two ways. First, it asks him if he’s noticed that living together has been exhausting, instead of Kurt saying that he, personally, has been struggling. It frames it as an objective truth that Blaine has failed to notice. Secondly, Kurt says, “since you moved back in” putting the struggle to live together on Blaine. He doesn’t say, since we started living together again, or since we moved back in, he says, since you moved back in. This also has undertones that Blaine is an outsider in Kurt’s home. An invading force, rather than a partnership, and it implies that Kurt has made no progress in the weeks or months since season 5 episode 14 and that allowing Blaine to put in the office space was just a surface level change (s5e20). Kurt angrily brings up a fight that they had over him wiping his mouth off with a towel while there was toothpaste on his face. His tone indicates that he thinks that this is a stupid fight over nothing, but Blaine responds, “Well, how is someone else supposed to use it when you leave it like that”. This suggests that this genuinely matters to him, and not that he was picking a fight over nothing, as Kurt seems to think. Moreover, the way Blaine says it is a bit angry, which is a little unusual for him, and could indicate that Kurt often brushes off these things that bother Blaine. Kurt, getting increasingly angry, says that he thinks that they’re failing at living together. Blaine, also getting angry, says “Thank you for finally saying something truthful. Where's that guy been...you’ve been completely aloof and...totally remote and distant. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore”. These lines give a lot of insight into their relationship. As we’ve discussed, when they fight, Kurt tends to get very closed off and withdrawn, something we also see in this scene. Even as Blaine is saying these things, Kurt is withdrawn, not making eye contact, and passive-aggressively nodding. But this line suggests that this is something Kurt does whenever there are any problems. This is also supported by previous fights, see season 5 episode 16, and season 3 episode 20. Kurt doesn’t like talking about relationship problems (or even potential problems like in s3e20), and instead just avoids them, often meaning that Blaine ends up needing to handle it. Blaine continues by saying, “I feel like you’re just silently judging me”. This is the second time Blaine has expressed concerns about Kurt judging him during a fight (the first time was in s5e16), which could speak to his own insecurities, however, the Blaine we see in season 2, was not like this. He had some normal teenage doubts, but this kind of deep-seated insecurity wasn’t present. This has slowly been introduced to Blaine’s character throughout his relationship with Kurt, and although Kurt says he wouldn’t judge Blaine (s5e16), as we discussed, he does. Blaine constantly feeling judged by Kurt even after season 5 episode 16 suggests that Kurt hasn’t actually changed any of his behaviors and is still making comments that make Blaine uncomfortable. Blaine asks if Kurt even wants to marry him, and Kurt blurts out, “Maybe I don’t!” He then withdraws back into himself again, looking away and refusing to answer when Blaine asks him what changed. Since Kurt refuses to speak, Blaine starts to cry and asks Kurt if he did something to cause this. Kurt still doesn’t respond. Blaine says that he loves Kurt and that he knows that they can make it work. Kurt says that he loves Blaine too, but that they’re too young and that they should give up before they hate each other. This exchange, too, shows the differences in how they approach this relationship. Blaine is willing to work on the relationship. He wants to be with Kurt, and he would go to the end of the earth to keep them together. Kurt isn’t willing to do this. He just wants the relationship to function without working for it. And because Blaine is very dependent on the relationship for his confidence and self-esteem, he is generally willing to do much more work to maintain it than Kurt. But because Kurt isn’t willing to discuss problems until after a blow-up, that’s still not enough. Kurt has kept his voice and face empty and cold for most of the fight, and even as Blaine breaks down, he maintains this. Blaine tells Kurt that he’ll never forgive him, and then the flashback ends.

The season 6 break up fight is distinct from the others in that both the show and Kurt himself acknowledge that it was Kurt’s fault. He’s the one who needs to apologize, and this changes the power dynamic too. In all the other fights, in the end, Blaine is the one who apologizes, so Kurt has the power to accept or reject said apology. The texting fight in season 3 is the most similar, but Blaine is framed as unreasonable for being upset during that fight and in the end, he’s the one who ends up apologizing and resolving the issues. But this fight also doesn’t resolve itself immediately. Kurt’s apology doesn’t fix their relationship, and they stay broken up for most of the season. However, their power dynamic doesn’t stay the same for the rest of the season. The first real shift comes in episode 4. Up until this point, Blaine has seemed pretty comfortable in his relationship and Kurt has been chasing Blaine and not seeing anyone else. This changes in episode 4 though, Kurt starts talking to a guy online, Walter, and when he tells Blaine about it, it becomes incredibly clear that Blaine hasn’t gotten over Kurt. His relationship is being sabotaged, so that tether to moving forward is weakened. While Blaine obviously isn’t over Kurt, he is very supportive of Kurt trying to move on and doesn’t say anything bad to Kurt about it. And while his body language and tone indicate that he is sad about Kurt moving on, it’s much more bittersweet than anything. This contrasts with Kurt’s reaction to finding out about Karofsky. He’s been bitter, angry, and up until this episode was undermining their relationship with snide comments. At this point, they’ve leveled out, Kurt is entering a new relationship, and Blaine’s relationship is on shaky ground. Episodes 5 and 6 continue this pattern, as Blaine and Karofsky get rockier and Kurt and Walter get stronger. Kurt now is back above Blaine. He’s moving on, but he’s still available, but Blaine is getting pulled back into Kurt and is in a relationship. Episode 7 is where we see another major change in their relationship. Kurt manipulates the random duet wheel to get Blaine chosen as his duet partner even though he’s kind of dating Walter. Blaine mentions that Dave still thinks that there’s something between Kurt and Blaine. Then, after they sing their duet, they start talking about their relationship, specifically their early relationship in season 2, and Blaine kisses Kurt. Before the kiss, they’re talking about their first duet, way back before they even started dating, which was when Blaine was his happiest and most confident. This brings back false nostalgia for a time when Blaine was both confident and happy with Kurt, a time that never really existed since Kurt started tearing Blaine down right as they start dating. However, memories like this are what is being conjured for Blaine, and in an effort to recapture this, he kisses Kurt. Of course, he has a boyfriend, so immediately afterward he rushes off. Now the power is wholly on Kurt. Blaine has betrayed his new relationship and his feelings. He’s revealed that he’s still in love with Kurt, and now Kurt, just like season 4, has two vying love interests. Kurt has the power to choose, whereas Blaine’s relationship with Karofsky is doomed. More than that, Kurt has actively been pursuing Blaine even through this episode, and he's done the thing he always does where he pushes right up to something without explicitly crossing boundaries until Blaine snaps and acts. In this particular situation, this has flipped the power dynamic so now instead of Kurt having to try and get Blaine to come back to him, Blaine is the one who’s going to try and go back to Kurt. Sure enough, Blaine and Dave break up and Blaine goes to try and get back together with Kurt, but Kurt is going out with Walter. Blaine says nothing, he doesn’t criticize Walter or say anything snarky, he just lets Kurt go, reinforcing that Kurt has the power. In episode 8 we get the reunion. Kurt cuts it off with Walter, but the way he does so is interesting. He says, “I’m going to the wedding with Blaine,” but he hadn’t asked Blaine to get back together with him or go to the wedding with him. He seems so sure that it’ll work out with Blaine, even though he doesn’t seem to know that Blaine and Dave broke up. He shows up at Blaine’s apartment, confesses his love, and asks Blaine to go to the wedding with him. And initially, it may seem like Blaine has the power here, but on deeper inspection, there isn’t any risk here for Kurt, and he knows this. The second Blaine kissed Kurt, it becomes clear that Blaine would go back to him as soon as Kurt would take him. Their interaction here shows this, Kurt does say, “Unless there’s someone else,” but it’s tacked on, a formality (I also think this line shows that he didn’t know about Karofsky), and Blaine immediately responds, “There’s no one else”. He doesn’t even hesitate. When it comes down to it, Kurt is the only person for Blaine. 

But let’s briefly sidebar and talk about how that isn’t true for Kurt, and how that gives him power over Blaine. Kurt doesn’t really care about who Blaine is, he cares how Blaine is making him feel, and if someone else came along that could make him feel that way, he would probably leave. This is a bold claim to make, so let’s look at some evidence. In season 5 episode 1, Kurt talks to Burt about whether he should say yes to Blaine’s proposal. On this car ride, he looks nauseous and wildly uncomfortable. He tells Burt that he isn’t sure if he wants to marry Blaine, and says “[Blaine] makes me feel so connected and so safe and loved, and I don’t think I’m ever going to find someone else who’s going to make me feel like that”. He says he loves Blaine, but that statement also implies that if someone else came along that could do those things, Blaine would lose the thing that makes him valuable to Kurt. Blaine’s proposal speaks to how well he knows Kurt, it’s grand, romantic, and nostalgic. It’s everything that Kurt enjoys, but Kurt seems uncomfortable through most of it. Blaine is relentlessly supportive of Kurt, but Kurt rarely supports Blaine, because what he values in Blaine is what he can do for him. In his wedding vows he talks about how Blaine pushes the shadows away from Kurt so he can shine (s6e8). That’s what’s most important to him. Kurt tries to date Adam, and initially, he seems to really click with him. Adam compliments Kurt a lot (s4e11), and as shown in season 3 episode 17, this is something that Kurt responds to. However, once he realizes that this doesn’t fulfill him in the same way (s4e15), he drops Adam very quickly (s5e1). Every time Blaine looks at Kurt, it’s so clear how in love with Kurt he is, but very rarely do we see this in Kurt. This gives Kurt the ability to mess around and play with Blaine’s feelings, knowing that if he ever wants to come back to Blaine, he’ll be there. Because there’s no one else.

Finishing season 6, Blaine and Kurt decide to get married (well, Blaine makes the call because Kurt refuses to give straight answers to anyone), and we’ve looked at Kurt’s vows, but let’s look at Blaine’s. Blaine says that he didn’t think that he would ever find love (s6e8). This is pretty worrying. Blaine was fifteen when he met Kurt, and he’s only nineteen or twenty now, so this speaks to how deep Blaine’s insecurities run at this point in his life. After the wedding, Blaine and Kurt seem to be in a good place. Their relationship isn’t the focus of the rest of the season, so we don’t see much of them until episode 13, but they seem to be on equal ground. Then in episode 13, we get a powerful insight into the direction their relationship is headed, but it’s actually not the flashforward. Early in the episode, Blaine and Sam have a conversation about Sam coming back to New York. Sam says no, and one of the reasons he cites is that there are too many sports teams and he doesn’t know who to root for. Blaine responds, “We just root for whichever one’s winning,” and Sam says, “Ok, that’s something Kurt would say”. This is already concerning on its own, but Blaine just says, “That’s what happens when you get married”. Football is something that Blaine has always liked. In season 2 episode 7, Blaine mentions that he’s a college football fan, and in that scene, Kurt changes the subject almost immediately. Then, in season 4 episode 10, we see Blaine and Burt bonding over sports. It’s something that he’s always liked, and him starting to have this sucked out of him is concerning. Kurt is slowly taking away Blaine’s interests, controlling him more. Sam even looks worried when Blaine says this. In that same scene, Blaine almost sounds like he’s trying to convince himself that he’s happy, or at least convince Sam that there’s nothing wrong. Finally, we see Blaine and Kurt five years later. They seem happy, but they’re having a baby, and while there’s nothing strictly wrong with that, having a baby as performers in their mid-twenties (24-26) seems like an odd choice. Both of them can’t work 8 shows a week and have a child, so what’s their plan going forward. They’re so young, in New York, there’s no reason for it. To wrap up this section of the analysis, Blaine is introduced as a very confident young man, but Kurt systematically tears Blaine down in order to not only feel superior to Blaine but also to control him. He frequently talks about how important trust is in a relationship, and he weaponizes this against Blaine, constantly telling him how he doesn’t trust him (s4e7, s5e17, s5e20). He lies to Blaine, demeans his feelings and accomplishments, and manipulates him.

Support: Blaine vs. Kurt

Earlier, I presented the claim that Kurt isn’t very supportive of Blaine, especially in comparison to how supportive Blaine is, and how this coupled with the amount Kurt tears Blaine down creates an environment where Kurt has a lot of power and control over Blaine, so here are some examples of this. The first example of Kurt being supportive of Blaine comes in season 2 episode 12. Kurt convinces the Warblers to do the Gap Attack, but when he realizes that he isn’t the guy Blaine has a crush on and it no longer benefits him, he has to be talked into even going by Mercedes and Rachel. As discussed, in season 3 episode 3, Kurt congratulates Blaine on getting Tony, but this is only after discouraging Blaine to audition and being visibly upset when he was asked to read for Tony. In season 3 episode 11, Kurt is pretty good about Blaine’s surgery, however, he doesn’t even consult Blaine or his family when he gets direct evidence of Sebastian committing a felony, just hands the evidence over to Sebastian. In season 3 episode 15, Kurt gives Blaine advice on talking to Cooper, but this is after he spent the entire episode fawning over him when it clearly made Blaine uncomfortable. In season 3 episode 19, Kurt tells Blaine not to put hair gel back in after Brittney forces him to take it out at prom. However, this comes after Kurt mocked Blaine’s insecurities and laughed at him when he showed up to prom with his hair out. We see little to no examples of Kurt being supportive after he leaves for New York. The next time we see Kurt being supportive of Blaine comes in season 5 episode 6. Blaine is freaking out about auditioning for NYADA, and Kurt is very gentle and calming. However, this isn’t wholly unselfish. Kurt wants Blaine to come to New York, to go to the same school as him, it’s season 3 episode 1 all over again. He even pressured Blaine to sing at the diner when he looked visibly uncomfortable with it in the name of support. We also see him celebrating Blaine getting into NYADA in episode 12, but this is the bare minimum of support. He is cautiously supportive of Blaine getting picked up by June, but this is also selfish. He talks multiple times about how this will benefit his career (s5e18), and him eventually telling Blaine to do the showcase even without him is, again, the absolute bare minimum (s5e20). However, there are a few times where Kurt was genuinely supportive of Blaine without an ulterior motive. The first example of this is in season 2 episode 20. Kurt asks Blaine to prom, but Blaine tells Kurt that he was bullied at a Sadie Hawking’s dance before he transferred to Dalton. Kurt is immediately sympathetic and encourages him to stand up to the bullies while saying that if Blaine is uncomfortable with going, they won’t. And in season 6 episode 10 when Dalton burns down, he’s very good about handling it, but it’s saying something that those two are the only strong examples of Kurt being genuinely supportive, speaks volumes. (There are also three times in the show where Blaine tells Kurt that he loves him and Kurt either doesn’t say it back or hangs up before he even hears Blaine, once in season 4 episode 4 (5:25), once in season 5 episode 9 (12:50), and again in season 5 episode 19 (33:20), and it just bothers me a little.)

Let’s compare this to Blaine. In season 2, Blaine helps Kurt around Dalton (s2e6), helps Kurt with Karofsky (s2e6), laughs at Kurt’s jokes when no one else does (s2e9), helps Kurt adjust to the Warblers (s2e9), helps him with Pavarotti (s2e9), convinces Burt to give Kurt the sex talk (s2e15), gets Kurt a duet for Regionals and making it something that’s in Kurt’s wheelhouse (s2e16), giving Kurt a pep talk before he goes on stage (s2e16), goes to prom with Kurt despite his past trauma (s2e20), helps Kurt calm down after he’s elected prom queen (s2e20), and dances with Kurt after Karofsky runs out (s2e20). In season 3, Blaine transfers to WMHS for Kurt (s3e1), is very supportive of Kurt when he loses the student council election and tells him not to give up on NYADA (s3e7), pushes Kurt out of the way, and takes Sebastian’s Slushee (s3e11), congratulates Kurt on his NYADA audition even when he’s about to get surgery (s3e11), and is very supportive of Kurt through his panic about his audition (s3e18). In season 4, Blaine tells Kurt that New York is where he belongs and encourages him to leave (s4e1), supports Kurt’s music video even though Kurt is being wildly unsupportive of him throughout it (s4e4), and assures Kurt that he’ll always be there for him even if they aren’t together (s4e10). In season 5, Blaine agrees to fly out to NYC in the middle of the school week with only a few days notice (s5e7), gives Kurt advice on Elliot when Kurt is being paranoid (s5e9), stays with Kurt in the hospital when he gets attacked (s5e15), is very happy for Kurt when he reveals he got picked for June’s show even before Kurt offered him a part (s5e18), chooses to go to Kurt’s nursing home performance over a big opportunity with June (s5e19), and inviting Kurt to perform with him at June’s show even though it could cost him the partnership (s5e20). In season 6, Blaine does all the wedding planning (s6e1), never says a bad word about Kurt dating other people when Kurt was antagonistic and cruel about him dating Karofsky (s6e4, s6e7), and pushes the glitter bomb box out of Kurt’s hands, physically protecting him again (s6e11). This is just the shortlist, and very few of them are selfishly motivated at all. In fact, many of them actively go against his own interests and involve giving up opportunities. This dichotomy is a prime example of what reinforces Kurt’s power over Blaine. Blaine is willing to give up everything for Kurt and gives him everything he has, but Kurt not only won’t do the same in return but exploits Blaine’s generosity. 

Cheating and Double Standards

So, let’s talk about cheating, romantic jealousy, and the double standard of their relationship. Kurt is immediately possessive of Blaine, even before they start dating. He puts a picture of Blaine in his locker within a week of meeting him (s2e6). In season 2 episode 12, Blaine reveals that he has a crush on another guy, and Kurt, who had constructed a relationship with Blaine in his head, gets very upset. Despite being all too willing to help Blaine when he thought it was about him, he needs to be talked into even going by Mercedes and Rachel. Then, in season 2 episode 14, Kurt gets extremely jealous about Rachel and Blaine kissing and going on a date even though they’re not dating yet. In season 3 episode 5, Blaine meets Sebastian Smythe for the first time. Immediately, Sebastian hits on Blaine very aggressively, but it clearly makes Blaine extremely uncomfortable. Blaine agrees to go to The Lima Bean with Sebastian, and Sebastian continues to hit on Blaine, even more overtly this time. Blaine looks even more uncomfortable and quickly and forcefully shuts Sebastian down multiple times, talking about his boyfriend and how much he loves him. Despite Blaine being in the middle of shutting Sebastian down as Kurt shows up, Kurt is immediately very jealous and possessive. Sebastian suggests that they all go out to the local gay bar, and while Blaine seems interested, he turns it down because he knows Kurt isn’t. Kurt agrees to go but to rival Sebastian, not because Blaine wants to go. Then when they do go out, Kurt decides to spend the night moping at the bar instead of dancing with Blaine. However, Blaine keeps looking over at him, clearly wanting him to come dance with them. He’s not dancing inappropriately with Sebastian, he’s just trying to have fun, and Kurt’s being weird for no reason. He’s really happy when Kurt comes to dance with them, and there’s obviously nothing insidious going on. However, when Kurt and Blaine are fighting and Kurt is bringing up mostly good points, he also throws in that Blaine spent half the night dancing with another guy, which again, was not Blaine’s fault. Then, Blaine has to swear to Kurt that Sebastian doesn’t mean anything to him when he’s been shutting down his advances the whole episode and is clearly not interested. It seems like Kurt believes that Blaine doesn’t have feelings for Sebastian, but he acts exceptionally jealous every time Sebastian shows up, and Kurt talks about him so often that Blaine yells at Kurt to stop bringing him up in season 3 episode 14. 

In season 3 episode 17, we have the first cheating scandal. Kurt needs music for his NYADA audition, and he tells Blaine this and asks him to go to the music store, Between the Sheets with him. Blaine seems upset and says he can’t. Kurt doesn’t ask him why he can’t go or why he’s upset, just decides to go on his own. At Between the Sheets, Kurt meets a guy, Chandler. Chandler is very complimentary towards Kurt immediately, which Kurt responds very positively to. Then, as he’s leaving, Chandler’s comments turn flirtatious and he asks for Kurt’s phone number. Despite it being very clear that Chandler is hitting on him, Kurt gives him his number and doesn’t mention that he has a boyfriend. Kurt starts texting regularly with Chandler. The texts are very flirty, and although Kurt initially doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with it, once Rachel calls him out, he does seem to realize that it isn’t innocent. He says that Blaine hasn’t been complimenting him or trying to have sex with him recently, but he hasn’t spoken to Blaine about it. He texts with Chandler while ignoring Blaine, who is visibly upset, during Rachel and Santana’s duet. Later in the episode, Blaine ends up reading the text messages between Chandler and Kurt. He’s very upset and says that it’s cheating. Kurt denies that it’s cheating and compares it to Blaine talking to Sebastian. Blaine denies this, saying that he didn’t have feelings for Sebastian, and Kurt has feelings for this guy. I agree with Blaine in this situation. He didn’t have feelings for Sebastian and made it clear that it made him uncomfortable when Sebastian hit on him. Kurt does have feelings for Chandler, he was reciprocating the flirting, it’s a different situation, and Kurt is in the wrong. Moreover, considering that Kurt has been ignoring Blaine in favor of Chandler, I do think it’s reasonable to consider this cheating. It’s also notable that sex is not, and never has been, the most important thing to Kurt in a relationship. It’s important in the same way it would be to most teenage boys, but it isn’t how he primarily displays intimacy, so Kurt not having sex with this guy doesn’t mean that he’s not pursuing him. However, Kurt continues to deny that he did anything wrong. He justifies it by saying that Blaine never compliments him. He then says that it’s hard to be Blaine’s boyfriend because everyone wants to be with him. Blaine says that Kurt should have talked to him about it, but Kurt ignores this and continues to dismiss Blaine’s concerns. He doesn’t apologize, he only says that he’s sorry if it made Blaine feel uncomfortable. He tries to dismiss Blaine’s feelings again by saying “it’s ok”, and Blaine storms out. They sing some dramatic songs at each other, Kurt denies that what he did was cheating yet again. Kurt brings Blaine to talk to Emma. Blaine is very upset and vents about a lot of issues he has with Kurt being rude and not respecting boundaries, and then he reveals that he actually is more upset about Kurt preparing to leave for New York than anything else. He’s upset that Kurt keeps talking about it in every conversation because he feels like Kurt’s running away from him and is going to abandon him (which will prove very prescient). Kurt promises that he’ll never do that and Blaine shouldn’t worry. Kurt never admits that what he did was wrong, but at the end of the episode, he says that he told Chandler to stop texting him. Unlike Kurt with Sebastian, Blaine never mentions Chandler again (unless you count that one line from Tina’s body-swapping dream thing, but that’s not real, so I choose to believe that Tina is just outraged in Blaine’s honor), and seems to not only have moved on but forgiven him as well. 

Let’s move on to the next significant cheating incident, season 4 episode 4. Kurt has been ignoring Blaine since he got to New York. In the previous episode, he ignored a call from Blaine on a night he knew was important to him, the night of the senior class president election,  to chat with his coworkers about nonwork-related things (s4e3). and early in the episode, Blaine and Brittney have a conversation about how hard it is for them now that it seems like Kurt and Santana are too busy for them. Kurt calls Blaine (in the middle of the school day), but he immediately has to go. He says that the phones won’t stop ringing at work, Blaine is understanding and tells Kurt he can call him back later. Kurt says he can’t because he’s working until midnight. Kurt says that he understands that it’s frustrating, but this could be a career for him. Blaine says that he understands and then attempts to communicate about the issues he’s having and what he’s feeling. He says that he really misses Kurt, and says “I miss talking to you, and I miss hugging you, and I miss messing around with you,” confirming that they’ve barely interacted in a while. Kurt says, “But you’re coming in two weeks, right?” as if it’s ok for them not to talk for weeks. Two weeks is a long time, especially because when they were first discussing this in season 3, Kurt assured Blaine that he would Skype him every day and that they would see each other every weekend (although even then, he says that Blaine will come and visit him, and never offers to visit Blaine in Lima) (s3e17) and then Kurt had put off practical conversations about doing long distance in favor of flowery language and empty promises even when Blaine actively tried to initiate conversations about it (s3e22). Kurt has broken his word to Blaine and isn’t being a good partner. Blaine expresses that he doesn’t know how he’s going to handle waiting two weeks, seeming genuinely worried and upset, but Kurt doesn’t even acknowledge this. He says that someone is calling with good gossip and that he has to go. He says he’ll call or text Blaine on a break and hangs up without another word, not even waiting long enough to hear Blaine say “I love you” to him. This deeply hurts Blaine, and throughout Barely Breathing we see him calling Kurt, feeling lonely, and then talking to another guy on Facebook. Blaine shows up at Kurt’s apartment on Friday night, which means he would have had to leave straight from school, and since he seems to only decided to go the night before at the earliest, it would have been wildly expensive. Throughout his time in New York, Blaine is clearly upset, and to his credit, Kurt does ask him about it several times, and Blaine eventually admits that he cheated on Kurt. Kurt’s first reaction is to say, “It was Sebastian, wasn’t it?” really nailing home that he still hasn’t forgotten about that, and that he already didn’t really trust Blaine. Blaine says it wasn’t and tries to explain to Kurt that it didn’t mean anything. Kurt asks who it was again. This upsets Blaine further, and he says “It doesn’t matter who it was with, Kurt, what matters is that I was by myself. I needed you. I needed you around, and you weren’t there.” That is the crux of the issue. Kurt has been ignoring Blaine, and both of the times we see him do this are explicitly for gossip, not essential work reasons. It’s implied, though, that he’s been doing this a lot, and if the only two times the audience is shown this are both inessential reasons, it can be extrapolated that these aren’t isolated (s4e3, s4e4). Blaine has tried to raise his concerns, but at every step of the way, Kurt shut him down, brushed him off, and refused to talk about it (s3e17, s3e22, s4e3, s4e4). Kurt has been a bad boyfriend, and unlike season 3 episode 17, Blaine actually tried to reach out to talk about it before he cheated, whereas Kurt didn’t. Blaine says that he was lonely and made a mistake, but that he’s really sorry. Kurt says he’s been feeling the same way, but he didn’t act on it because he knew how awful it was. While this is totally fair, it’s important to note that Kurt has a whole exciting new life and career in New York. He has a lot to look forward to and to keep him busy and distracted, and Blaine’s been supporting him in this (s4e3). However, Blaine is in Lima, there’s very little going on, and even being at McKinley is a constant reminder of Kurt and his absence. The few things in his life that were exciting for him were belittled, demeaned, and overshadowed by Kurt (s4e3). Blaine felt Kurt pulling away because of his new life, something he had been terrified of might happen (s3e17). Kurt knew that this was an insecurity of Blaine’s, and yet he doesn’t put any effort into assuaging his fears. Blaine shouldn’t have cheated, I’m certainly not saying it was justified, but Kurt contributed significantly to the problems in the relationship that led to this action, and that shouldn’t be overlooked. Blaine apologizes again, but Kurt rushes off. On what presumably is the next Monday, since the breakup happened on a Friday so there wouldn’t have been school the next day, Finn is back in Lima and he talks to Blaine. Blaine says that he doesn’t know why he cheated on Kurt, but now Kurt won’t talk to him and he doesn’t even know if they’re broken up, despite, again, three days passing. We see Kurt at work. He seems upset, but also says that he’ll be ok. 

We see Blaine continue to beat himself up for a large amount of season 4, all the way through episode 11, where he starts to move on. In episode 7, Blaine is torturing himself about cheating. He almost leaves WMHS, but Sam talks to him about it. He affirms that it was a one night stand, that he felt nothing, and that he immediately regretted it. Kurt is upset for a while, but he refuses to take any responsibility. He also talks about how he doesn’t want to forgive Blaine because he wants him to feel bad, and only decides to accept Blaine’s apology for himself (s4e8). He calls Blaine right before Blaine is about to perform after ghosting him for weeks, but only to remind Blaine that he doesn’t forgive him and to lie to him about coming back to Lima for Christmas (s4e8). Kurt isn’t required to forgive Blaine, but he keeps holding it over Blaine’s head, reminding him of what he’s lost while he’s struggling, and given that he previously said that he wanted Blaine to suffer, it colors it slightly. On Christmas, Kurt decides not to go back to Lima for Christmas despite promising Blaine, and when Blaine comes to New York, he feels the need to ask, “You are happy to see me, right?” despite Kurt having said previously that he wanted to see Blaine for Christmas. Both Kurt and Blaine start to move on in season 4 episode 11, and although Blaine’s crush on Sam is real, he’s still very clearly in love with Kurt. Kurt is trying much harder to move on, and his relationship with Adam seems to have the potential to become more serious. He’s already pretty close with Adam in season 4 episode 13, and it seems like Adam is very interested in Kurt. 

The next major turn of events comes in season 4 episode 14. At Will and Emma’s wedding, Blaine and Kurt are making out, and Kurt mentions that he shouldn’t be doing this because he’s kind of dating someone in New York. Blaine, somewhat desperately, assures him that it’s ok because he’s not in New York and it’s not exclusive. Kurt agrees but clarifies that this doesn’t mean that they’re back together. Blaine agrees, saying it’s just “bros helping bros”, but clearly he doesn’t actually feel that way. He’s still in love with Kurt, while Kurt is starting to move on. Kurt spends the entire reception flirting with Blaine while saying that he doesn’t want to get back together, and that would be fine if Blaine was in the same place as Kurt. But he isn’t. Blaine is just trying to claw his way out of the darkest place he’s ever been in, and he’s using Kurt to do this, but this isn’t healthy. He’s been conditioned to feel like he needs Kurt to feel worthy, and this is only reinforcing this. Kurt is also weirdly jealous when he finds out about the Tina situation for someone who isn’t interested in Blaine. Also, Tina makes fantastic points in that argument. Kurt and Blaine hook up, and Kurt, again, reiterates that they’re not getting back together, but Blaine isn’t in a place to see them having sex as casual and insignificant. He is viewing it as more, and Kurt is the older, more mature one, and he knows how Blaine feels. He is leading Blaine on by playing into it. Having sex, going on dates, he’s not letting Blaine move on like he is. 

Speaking of Kurt moving on, let’s talk about Adam. Adam deserved better, even after that horrendous Baby Got Back performance. Adam genuinely likes Kurt. Immediately, he seems to care very deeply for Kurt and is very supportive and complimentary of him (s4e11, s4e13). However, this isn’t enough for Kurt. He still feels the need to have Blaine there for him too, so he sleeps with him despite kind of dating Adam (s4e14). Then in season 4 episode 15, Santana asks Kurt about him sleeping with Blaine at the wedding in front of Adam, and Kurt shushes her, trying to hide it from Adam as if he’s aware that he probably shouldn’t have done it. It probably wasn’t cheating in the strictest sense, but Adam does seem upset, although whether it’s by Kurt sleeping with Blaine or Kurt trying to hide it is unclear. They watch Moulin Rouge, and Kurt imagines himself singing Come What May with Blaine. He starts crying and Adam asks him about it. He lies to Adam’s face, lies to him about wearing contacts, tries to convince Rachel to go along with it, and would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for Santana. Santana calls him out, asking him if he’s crying because he used to say that he wanted to sing that duet with Blaine at their wedding. Kurt tries to shut it down, but Santana is unbothered and continues, saying she once heard Kurt say that singing that song was “a more intimate act than sex”. Adam looks a little confused and upset but doesn’t say anything. Kurt tries to leave, and Santana changes the subject. This comment from Santana confirms that Kurt is first and foremost a romantic, and that sex is not the most important thing to him. Later, after the storm is over, Adam talks to Kurt about Santana’s comment. He asks Kurt if he used to sing that song with Blaine, and Kurt says yes, but tries to minimize it. Adam asks if Kurt still loves Blaine. He doesn’t respond. Then Adam asks if he was Kurt’s rebound, saying that he can’t compete with a fantasy. Kurt says no and that he “desperately” wants to be over Blaine. Adam says that they’re going to go watch a sappy romantic movie to be their movie and to try and help Kurt move on. In season 5 episode 1, Blaine asks Kurt what the deal is with Adam, and Kurt claims that it never got serious, but the last time we saw Adam, it seemed like they were headed in that direction. Kurt mentions that he’s still seeing Adam in season 4 episode 17, and Sam mentions that Blaine didn’t know where Kurt and Adam stood in season 4 episode 22. We never see any indication that their relationship stopped, but Kurt agrees to start dating Blaine again, and then he’s dating Kurt for days before Blaine proposes, but as we find out in season 5 episode 4, Adam kicked Kurt out of the Adam’s Apples when he found out Kurt was engaged, which implies that Kurt didn’t officially break things off with Adam until after he got engaged. This only reinforces that Kurt hates committing to breakups. He always wants to keep his options open in case he needs a backup plan. Adam is a little weird, but he’s so sweet. He’s trying so hard to help Kurt even when Kurt is lying to him and lowkey playing him. There are a lot of reflections of how Kurt treats Blaine in how he treats Adam too. None of Kurt’s toxic behaviors are isolated, and none of the people in his life deserve to be treated the way he treats them. 

I’ve already heavily analyzed the scene in season 5 episode 1 when Kurt and Blaine get back together, but I do want to briefly reiterate something before moving on. Kurt, despite knowing that he’s going to forgive Blaine, holds the cheating over Blaine, but he eventually does say he forgives Blaine, and that they can put it behind them. However, he doesn’t do this. In season 5 episode 7, Blaine has a complete mental breakdown. The New Directions weren’t listening to Blaine’s ideas, and he called Kurt looking for support, instead, Kurt calls Blaine a puppet master and then asks Blaine for support and to come to New York, which, of course, Blaine agrees to. However, Kurt insulting Blaine along with a gas leak in the choir room leads to Blaine’s downward spiral. He starts hallucinating puppets and then decides to make a puppet version of Kurt. Here’s where we get evidence that Blaine is very aware that Kurt hasn’t actually forgiven Blaine for cheating. He has his puppet say that he’s forgiven Blaine. Personally, I think this is quite sad, and we see Blaine’s insecurities and struggles with control highlighted in this episode. Then, in season 5 episode 16, there’s confirmation that Kurt is still holding it over Blaine’s head and hasn’t forgiven him. Kurt could have easily talked about getting tested, or even the last time he got tested, without bringing up Eli. It was unnecessary, and as I stated earlier, the way Blaine reacts implies that Kurt brings this up frequently. It’s controlling and cruel, and he’s not even criticized for it, by his friends or by the tone of the show itself. And this is something that only Kurt does. Rarely do the other characters in the show bring up cheating out of nowhere, and as mentioned, Blaine has never brought up Chandler since season 3 episode 17. In this episode, Kurt also gets incredibly jealous and controlling of Blaine watching porn, even though that’s none of his business, and if he was worried about their sex lives should have talked to Blaine about it. 

Let’s talk about Karofsky because the way Kurt reacts to him is fascinating. In season 6 episode 1, Kurt had broken up with Blaine out of nowhere months ago, but he comes back to Lima with the express purpose to get back together with Blaine. However, upon meeting with Blaine, he reveals that he’s actually seeing someone, and Kurt’s first thought is that it’s Sebastian, which drives home that Kurt never got over the Sebastian thing, even though nothing happened between them, and he had no reason to think that anything ever would. Karofsky shows up and Kurt does not react well to this. He manages to not say anything against him explicitly, but his tone is mocking and sarcastic, and he leaves quickly to go cry in the bathroom. Initially, Blaine and Dave seem very happy, honestly, and this seems to upset Kurt (s6e1, s6e2, s6e3). Kurt is very passive-aggressive and jealous whenever he sees Dave and Blaine together, to the point where Blaine has to ask whether they need to come up with alternating sheet music schedules (s6e3). Kurt also refuses to admit that Blaine has moved on, pretending that they’re on a break until Britt calls him out about it and tells him that Blaine and Dave are moving in together (s6e3). He gets very bitter every time Blaine tries to talk about his boyfriend (s6e5). Then, Kurt begins to move on, but he still decides to cheat in order to get Blaine chosen to sing a duet with, undermining Blaine and Dave’s relationship. And when Blaine implies that Dave might not be fully comfortable with Blaine and Kurt singing together, Kurt implies that Dave’s paranoid and crazy, because nothing is going on, even though he is trying to undermine them and something is going on (s6e7). Kurt then manipulates Blaine’s feelings, pivoting the conversation away from Karofsky and to the past and pretending that he forgot their first duet, and then acts all surprised when Blaine kisses him like he hasn’t been trying to undermine Blaine’s relationship for weeks (s6e7). Then, knowing that Blaine still had feelings for him, he suddenly decides to stop pursuing Blaine right as Blaine breaks up with Dave (s6e7). And then Kurt does decide to go back to Blaine without knowing that he broke up with Dave, and just assumes it’ll work out (s6e8). Kurt does do everything in his power to get Blaine to break up with Dave without actually saying so. He’s highly manipulative, and he prevented Blaine from continuing a relationship that was really good for him. And for the record, no, I don’t think that Blaine and Dave would have made it long term, and their relationship is a little weird. Mostly, I don’t think it would have worked out because Dave would have reminded Blaine too much of Kurt, but they seemed to have a fairly healthy relationship, and I do think that if Kurt had let Blaine be, he could have moved on on his own time. I think Kurt interrupting this journey impacted Blaine in a very significant way and made him even more dependent on Kurt than he already was. However, Kurt is one of the main characters, so the show frames him pursuing Blaine as an epic love story, convincing the audience to root for Kurt. 

Now that we’ve unpacked Kurt’s jealousy, let’s analyze Blaine’s jealousy, and how it’s framed vs. Kurt’s jealousy. Blaine does struggle with jealousy as well, but it is not the same as Kurt’s, and the show treats it in a very different way. Blaine is jealous of Chandler, but he has a right to be. Kurt is interested in him, and they were actively flirting. However, he’s framed as being unreasonable. The show and Kurt say that he’s overreacting, and in the end, it turns out that he’s not actually upset about Chandler, even though he had a right to be, and he forgives Kurt. But Blaine isn’t generally very jealous, so the next major event is in season 5 episodes 9 and 14. Kurt takes a picture with Elliott, and Elliott kisses him on the cheek in the picture. Blaine seems a little worried by the photo but doesn’t say anything until episode 14. Kurt is lashing out at Blaine because he feels smothered in their relationship and he mentions Elliott. Blaine snaps at Kurt jealously, and Kurt calls him a psycho. This is another example of the double standard when it comes to jealousy. Kurt is justified in being jealous of Sebastian for years when nothing happened, but Blaine gets a little jealous of Elliott after Kurt starts pulling away again, and he’s crazy and unreasonable. This is not only on Kurt as a character but also on the show. They both present Kurt as someone who can do no wrong, and Blaine as a terrible person the second he makes a minor mistake. Blaine leaves and goes to Elliott’s apartment. He yells at Elliott, but Elliott calms Blaine down and handles the situation very well. Blaine goes back to the loft and apologizes for his jealousy, something Kurt never does about any of the people he gets jealous of. Then, in season 5 episode 16, Kurt is getting ogled and hit on by several guys in his stage combat class, and Blaine feels uncomfortable with this. He doesn’t feel comfortable with Kurt being viewed as a sexual object. Both Kurt and the show frame Blaine as being unreasonable for this, however, in season 3 episode 17, Kurt expresses a similar discomfort. He calls Blaine an “alpha gay” and says that “even Rachel wanted to make out with [Blaine]”. Moreover, Blaine’s jealousy is not unfounded. The guy who is primarily hitting on Kurt is complimenting him heavily, something that Blaine knows from experience is something that Kurt responds to in the early stages of a relationship (s3e17, s4e11), and has caused Kurt to cheat in the past (s3e17). Kurt is also doing nothing to shut this guy down, despite him obviously flirting, which contrasts with how vigorously Blaine shut down Sebastian (s3e5). This continues throughout the episode, and Kurt never makes any moves to shut him down or assuage Blaine’s fears. In the end, as always, Blaine is the one forced to apologize. Finally, in season 6 we are introduced to Walter. When Kurt first mentions that he’s going on a date with Walter in episode 4, Blaine is clearly a little upset by it, but he is very supportive, and he’s dating Dave anyway, so he’s very good about it. Then in episode 7, Blaine comes to McKinley after breaking up with Dave to confess his feelings to Kurt, and Kurt is going out with Walter. Despite Walter being older than time, Blaine doesn’t say a single bad word against him and lets Kurt go. These two interactions contrast boldly with all of Kurt’s reactions to Karofsky. He is jealous, but he doesn’t take it out on Kurt’s budding relationship. The double standard of how cheating and jealousy are treated between them is completely unfair. Blaine has transgressed before, but so has Kurt, and that being brushed under the rug isn’t fair. In addition, the way Blaine is blamed for Sebastian flirting with him vs. the guy in Blaine’s combat class flirting with Kurt being forgotten almost immediately is the clearest example of this double standard that pervades their relationship and how it’s portrayed. 

Blaine’s Relationship Missteps

Now, of course, Blaine isn’t perfect, and in the spirit of fairness, let’s look at all the times Blaine exhibited similar behaviors to the ones I’ve listed for Kurt. In season 2 episode 20, Blaine is initially nervous about Kurt’s prom outfit. He agrees with Burt that it’s provocative, and he’s worried about Kurt getting attacked or harassed at prom, which makes sense given his past experiences and what he’d seen Kurt go through that year. Of course, he should have been more supportive, but he comes around regardless. Throughout season 3, Blaine maintains an interesting relationship with Sebastian, and as we’ve discussed, I don’t think this was strictly wrong, but it did make Kurt uncomfortable, and potentially he could have been more responsive to this. But I’m not convinced by this one. In season 3 episode 5, Blaine pressures Kurt to have sex before he’s ready, reneging on a conversation they had had but a few days ago. The pressures of the musical and Sebastian are bearing down on him, and he definitely acts inappropriately. I’m not going to try and defend this one, that scene makes me very uncomfortable. Although I do think that Kurt’s jealousy was unfounded. In season 4 episode 4, Blaine cheats on Kurt, as discussed, this is wrong. He shouldn’t have done it, however, he did attempt to talk to Kurt about it, and Kurt shouldn’t have ignored and overshadowed Blaine. It doesn’t justify what he did, but it does contextualize it. In season 5 episode 14, Blaine gets very jealous of Elliott. This is unfounded and irrational, and he’s taking out his lack of control and confusion on Elliott. It’s a lot like the Sebastian situation, he has no reason to think anything is going on. This is different from season 5 episode 16, where Blaine is uncomfortable with other men hitting on Kurt. While I still think that this isn’t right, Kurt has given Blaine reason to think that this might be a problem in the past. The last time a guy complimented Kurt, he started a whole thing with him. It’s understandable why Blaine would be a little insecure. In season 6 episode 2, Blaine accuses Kurt of stealing Jane because he’s upset about Blaine and Dave dating, and while this is definitely paranoid, Kurt was upset about Dave, and Rachel and Kurt are not above poaching to get ahead. Finally, in season 6 episode 7, Blaine kisses Kurt while still dating Dave. This is also bad, but as discussed earlier, Kurt fostered the environment that led to this incident. I don’t think that any of these things should be dismissed, but I also don’t think that this is convincing evidence that Blaine is particularly toxic. Most of these seem like mistakes that could happen in a tumultuous relationship, and the fact that there are so few items on this list comparatively is significant. 

Warped Ideas of Romance

Blaine also develops a very warped sense of romance and healthy relationship milestones over the course of the show, and I blame Kurt. Kurt has always been a romantic, and he instills into Blaine very early on in their relationship. He likes big grand gestures, and we see Blaine do that for Kurt many times, mostly through big songs. It became the primary way he communicated with Kurt. Blaine admits early on that not only has he never had a boyfriend before but that he feels like he doesn’t know what he’s doing at all when it comes to romance (s2e12). To be fair, Kurt is in a similar situation, but Kurt is older, and their relationship is dominated by Kurt all too often. This doesn’t become a problem until later on, though. It first rears its head in season 4 episode 21, when Blaine tells Burt that he wants to propose to Kurt and asks for his permission to do so, despite them not being together. Blaine mentions in that conversation that he knows that if he wants to get Kurt back, he has to do something big. In fact, Blaine almost proposes in that very episode. Then, in episode 22, he buys an engagement ring despite all of his friends protesting with very logical arguments and almost proposes again. In season 5 episode 1, they get back together, and Blaine tells everyone that he needs to make the proposal even bigger and more dramatic now that he’s back together with Kurt. They have only been together for a few days, but at least this is a little better than proposing when you’ve been broken up for months. And Kurt says yes anyway. This idea pervades their whole relationship, but it doesn’t come back in a big way until season 6 episode 8 (although he does seem to move in with Dave pretty early in their relationship (s6e3). They couldn’t have been together for more than a few months, because the end of season 5 is the summer, and the beginning of season 6 is right at the beginning of the school year). Tina asks Blaine, Artie, and Puck whether she should propose to Mike at Santana and Brittany’s wedding, even though they aren’t together and haven’t even seen each other in person for a long time. Blaine’s first response is that he thinks it’s romantic when it’s clearly insane. Then when Brittany and Sue ask him and Kurt to get married, Blaine says yes. He is the one who decides it because Kurt refuses to give a straight answer to anyone ever. But to be fair, I wouldn’t want to get married in that suit either, it’s bad. They also have a baby super young for performers in New York (s6e13). Blaine doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, and it’s very worrying. 

Communication

Next, let’s discuss how bad they are at communication, especially Kurt. Not only is Kurt bad at communication, but he actively shuts it down so often. As mentioned, Blaine is new to relationships, and he is actively taught that the best way to communicate with Kurt is by singing. Kurt doesn’t respond to conversation, he always shuts it down and only responds to Blaine’s concerns when he sings. For example, in season 5 episode 20, Blaine sings All of Me to tell Kurt that he lied about Kurt being in June’s show. When Kurt gets angry about it, Blaine explains that he had no idea how to tell Kurt about the show without lying, and then he didn’t know how to tell Kurt about the lie, because he was scared of hurting Kurt. This is also not the first time that Blaine has been so afraid of Kurt that he’s felt the need to lie to him. In season 5 episode 7, Blaine gets detention and is unable to attend Kurt’s first Pamela Landsbury gig or risk suspension. He doesn’t know to break the news to Kurt for fear of hurting Kurt’s feelings and doesn’t call Kurt to let him know that he can’t make it, and waits until Kurt calls him right before the performance to tell him. Now, this is obviously bad, but it shows how Blaine doesn’t know how to talk to Kurt and how he’s always walking on eggshells around him. There are too many examples of Kurt shutting down Blaine when he tries to communicate openly, so let’s look at them. With graduation coming up, Blaine tries to talk to Kurt about doing long distance, and Kurt says that he wants to be in denial for a few more days. Blaine tries again to talk about it, but Kurt shuts him down again with flowery words and empty promises (s3e22). When Kurt is in New York, he starts ignoring Blaine, and when Blaine reaches out, Kurt shuts it down and does nothing to change (s4e4). In season 5 episode 14, Blaine openly asks Kurt if he’s crowding him, and even though he is, Kurt lies to Blaine about it. Then, in season 5 episode 16, Blaine tries to clear the air about the fight over the porn, and Kurt shuts it down, saying that they talk too much, when really they don’t talk at all. This is a pattern of behavior for Kurt, and it shouldn’t be. Kurt never asks Blaine when something is wrong, even if he can tell he’s upset (s3e17, s5e14, s5e16), and their relationship has to be pushed to the breaking point before Kurt puts any work in (s3e17, s5e14, s5e16, s6e1). Except when Blaine sings. In season 4 episode 4 and season 5 episode 20, Kurt asks Blaine what is wrong, but only because Blaine sang about it. Even though he is aware when Blaine is insecure or having issues, he only directly talks to Blaine about it when he sings it. This is not healthy. It encourages Blaine to withdraw and not try to keep communication open, which is already something Blaine struggles with (s3e17, s5e16). Kurt doesn’t want to communicate, and Blaine doesn’t know how to reach him. It’s dangerous and worrying. 

Kurt’s Toxicity Outside His Relationship with Blaine

Now, the reason I think that the toxicity is mostly Kurt’s fault and not just a bad relationship that brings out the worst in both of them is that he acts in similar ways in his relationships with other people as well. For example, in season 1, Kurt is very predatory towards Finn. He spends much of the season hitting on him (s1e10), trying to get their parents together so they can live together (s1e16), and trying to sabotage Finn’s relationships (s1e10, s1e11). Like in his relationship with Blaine, he pushes Finn, not taking no for an answer, until Finn snaps and uses the f-slur (s1e20). Obviously, Finn shouldn’t have said that, but the actions Kurt took to drive him to that point can’t be dismissed out of hand. However, as in his arguments with Blaine, Kurt refuses to take any responsibility, playing the victim card even when Finn and Burt call him out for not understanding that no means no (s2e4, s2e14). He also exhibits jealous and possessive behaviors around Burt. When Burt starts getting closer to Finn, Kurt is unreasonably upset by it. Despite Burt being completely supportive of him, he thinks that his sexuality is the reason Burt is inviting Finn to go to sports games and not that Kurt notoriously hates sports (s1e16). In season 2, Kurt accuses Mr. Shue and Burt of being homophobic when they don’t let him do things he wants (s2e6, s2e14). He implies that Will is homophobic when he won’t let Kurt sing on the girls’ team during the season 2 girls vs. boys mash-up competition (s2e6). Then, in episode 14, Burt tells Kurt that he doesn’t want Kurt having boys sleep over in his bed, Kurt accuses Burt of being homophobic. Burt says that it’s not about that because he wouldn’t let Finn have girls sleep over in his room, but Kurt persists, asking him if that would make him uncomfortable, even though Burt had been nothing but supportive of Kurt since he came out (s2e14). When Burt has cancer and Kurt comes back to Lima in season 4 episode 22, he starts lashing out at people. First, he lashes out at Mike for bringing up the Tina Vaporape situation, and then he yells at Burt at his own doctor’s appointment for wearing a navy shirt. In season 6, Kurt gets very controlling about the glee club even though Rachel was the one who brought the club back. He fights Rachel on how to organize the sheet music (even though Rachel’s method makes more sense and his is wildly subjective) (s6e2) and what the lessons are/how to present them (s6e3). He also interrupted Santana’s proposal and was unnecessarily harsh when critiquing Mason and Jane’s performance because he’s upset about Blaine (s6e3). To list some smaller instances, Kurt also blackmails Karofsky with outing him (s2e18), snaps his fingers at waitstaff (s3e10), encourages Rachel to cheat on Finn (s4e2), and is incredibly jealous of Elliot (s4e15, s5e7). The way we see Kurt act around Blaine isn’t isolated and it’s deeply concerning.

Bow Ties and Hair Gel Symbolism

Blaine’s ties and hair gel are symbolic of his relationship with Kurt and his insecurities respectively (I know the hair gel wasn’t intentional but I noticed it, it works, so I’m using it, whereas I’m pretty sure the bow tie symbolism was intentional). First, let’s talk about bow ties. The first time we see Blaine in street clothes is in season 2 episode 14. It’s before Kurt and Blaine start dating, and Blaine doesn’t wear a bow tie. The first time we see Blaine in a bow tie is in season 3 episode 1. Blaine has just transferred to McKinley for Kurt, and their relationship is very strong. However, their relationship is still new, and thus the bow tie is not yet Blaine’s signature. But he wears one here to signify his commitment to Kurt and their relationship. He continues to wear bow ties frequently through season 3, but not religiously. However, he does wear them more and more as the season progresses. There are a few notable exceptions to this. The first is in episode 5. When Blaine meets Sebastian (and every time he interacts with him), he is wearing one. When they go to Scandals, Blaine is still wearing a bow tie, but when he’s dancing with Sebastian and then when they’re fighting afterward Blaine’s tie is undone, but still around his neck. Sebastian and the musical are managing to get in between Kurt and Blaine, but Blaine still loves and cares about Kurt. They just need to get back on the same page. The second is in episode 17. Blaine does not wear a single bow tie in this episode. He does, however, wear a necktie in the scene where Kurt is texting Chandler in the choir room. In fact, when he sings It’s Not Right but It’s Ok and when Kurt sings I Have Nothing, he’s wearing a collared shirt buttoned all the way up, outfits that would normally have a bowtie, emphasizing the lack of one. 

In season 4, Blaine actually stops wearing bowties almost entirely. In episodes 1 and 2, Blaine wears a bow tie with several outfits, in keeping with how frequently he wore them in season 3, not with every outfit, but with one or two outfits per episode. However, in episode 3, we get the most overt use of the bow tie as a metaphor. Early in the episode, Blaine’s wearing bow ties with all of his outfits (the most he’s worn bow ties this season), even with his weird club costumes. He brings up how he and Kurt aren’t really in sync right now, but his bow ties indicate that he’s still very committed to that relationship. Then, Kurt and Blaine are talking, and Blaine is being very supportive of Kurt and his New York adventures. Blaine mentions that he’s running for student body president, and Kurt says that he forgot about that. Blaine then asks Kurt which bow tie he should wear for the debate, and Kurt brushes it off and pivots the conversation back to him. Blaine is clearly upset, but he goes along with Kurt. This scene uses bow ties to directly illustrate how Kurt is moving on, and how it’s hurting Blaine. He’s not supporting Blaine or hearing his concerns about the relationship, and it’s driving Blaine away. This is emphasized when at the debate, Sam tells Blaine he shouldn’t wear a bow tie, saying it makes him look uptight and telling him to take it off. Blaine even agrees that he looks better without it. This symbolizes the downfall of Blaine and Kurt’s relationship. Kurt’s ignoring Blaine, and it’s given Blaine doubts about the relationship. Blaine doesn’t wear a bow tie for the rest of the episode, as Kurt continues to ignore Blaine, even though Blaine getting elected. Blaine continues this pattern in episode 4, not wearing a single bow tie for the whole episode, and after the breakup, he only wears 3 bow ties in the entire rest of the season. He wears one at the Sadie Hawking’s dance, right after confessing his crush on Sam to Tina (s4e11) and one in the final song of season 4 episode 20, after having a moment with a guy at Sue’s exercise class. Notably, he doesn’t wear a bow tie to Will and Emma’s wedding, where he starts to reconnect with Kurt, he wears a necktie, but interestingly, Kurt wears a bow tie. Blaine even comments on it, saying, “You in this fey boy-tie. Dude, it’s my kryptonite”. He does, however, wear one later in that episode, after several leading conversations with Kurt. They’re not back together though, so Blaine doesn’t wear another bow tie until season 5 episode 1 (he also wears one in Kurt’s fantasy of Come What May, but Blaine isn’t actually wearing it, Kurt’s fantasy version of him is, which makes sense). 

In season 5, he gets much more consistent with wearing bow ties. It’s now his signature, so when he doesn’t wear one, it’s usually significant, and if he doesn’t wear one at all in an episode it’s definitely significant. Even before he officially asks Kurt to get back together with him, Blaine is wearing bow ties with all of his outfits. After they get back together and get engaged, Blaine continues to wear bow ties with most of his outfits. Let’s briefly go through some important examples. In episode 7, Kurt and Blaine get into a fight because Blaine didn’t tell Kurt that he couldn’t come to his first Pamela Landsbury gig, and Blaine isn’t wearing a bow tie. In episode 14, Blaine doesn’t wear a single bow tie until after he and Kurt have the conversation about him moving out, and then he wears a bow tie with every outfit in the remainder of the episode. He also doesn’t wear any bow ties at all in episode 16. Even after Blaine and Kurt have their conversation about communication and trust, Blaine still doesn’t wear a bow tie, signaling that he still isn’t happy with the relationship or himself. In episode 18, Blaine wears a lot of bow ties early in the episode, including when June tells him to break up with Kurt, however, when he lies to Kurt about him being in June’s showcase, he isn’t wearing one. He continues not wearing bow ties in episode 19 and early episode 20, as June and his lie drive a wedge between them. However, in the reconciliation scene, Blaine is wearing a bow tie, as he offers to give up the showcase and Kurt forgives him. Blaine wears a bow tie at the showcase and when moving back in with Kurt, but not in the goodbye or the scene where Rachel confirms she’s leaving, perhaps foreshadowing the season 6 break up. Season 6 is when Blaine is actually most consistent in wearing bow ties, which is interesting because he isn’t even with Kurt for most of it. It shows how Blaine is still deeply in love with Kurt despite appearances of moving on. The only two really important scenes in season 6 are the breakup scene in episode 1 and the elevator scenes in episode 5. He isn’t wearing a bow tie in the breakup scene, which makes sense, but other than that, he’s seen wearing a bow tie with almost every outfit for the rest of the season (a mini exception is when he tries to completely switch it up in episode 2, which doesn’t really need analysis but is a good example of this symbolism in action), and every scene with Dave. The interesting part is the elevator scenes. Blaine starts out wearing a bow tie but undoes it while in the elevator. Previously, this had been used to represent an issue in their relationship, but I don’t think that’s what it represents here. Blaine has been carrying his love for Kurt with him into his new relationship, afraid to let go of the good, but also unable to let go of the pain he experienced during the relationship. It’s restricting him. Blaine undoing the tie but keeping it around his neck is him opening up to Kurt, allowing the restrictive aspect to go, without letting go of the love he still clearly feels.

Now, on to the speculative part, Blaine’s hair gel. Throughout the show, Blaine starts using more hair gel and suppressing his natural curl pattern even more. In season 2, Blaine's hair is gelled, but in a way that embraces his natural hair. You can still tell that he has curly hair underneath it all, and it reflects the relaxed, more confident, version of Blaine that we see at this point in the show (ex. s2e6). Kurt only reinforces Blaine’s insecurities, and this is demonstrated in season 3 episode 19. Blaine is worried about not being able to gel his hair for prom, and Kurt initially laughs at and dismisses Blaine’s concerns. Then, at prom, when Kurt first sees Blaine without hair gel, his first responses are, “Oh dear God,”  and then laughing. He does eventually say that he wants to see the real Blaine, however, all of his actions leading up to this point don't support that, despite his knowledge of how insecure Blaine is. Blaine’s hair is used as a metaphor for Blaine letting his walls down within the episode, but the whole interaction is a metaphor for the way Kurt acts around Blaine for the entire show. He reinforces Blaine’s concerns and insecurities while saying with his words that he supports and loves him. Clearly, Blaine doesn’t believe that Kurt likes seeing him with his natural hair because, over the course of Blaine's relationship with Kurt, he tightens his hair even more. Slowly, his hair gets tighter and tighter to his scalp. Compare season 2 episode 6, to season 3 episode 5, to season 4 episode 1. We even see Blaine with gelled hair going to sleep and waking up when he's around Kurt (s4e4,s5e14, s5e16). Waking up with perfectly gelled hair is especially interesting because it implies that either Blaine is using some crazy strong hair gel to avoid his hair moving in the middle of the night, or that he's getting up putting hair gel in, and then getting back into bed, so Kurt doesn't see him with his natural hair. The only time we see Blaine with his natural hair, or even with more relaxed hair, are in episodes during the break up where Kurt isn’t seeing Blaine (s4e13, s4e17). It's the tightest in season 5 episode 14, which is also one of the episodes where Blaine is at his worst. He's struggling with his insecurities in a major way, and when he goes over to Elliott's house, his hair is basically Shellacked to his head (s5e14). It loosens a little bit in the next few episodes, however, there is no significant difference until season 6. It's still not back to where it was in season 2, however now that he and Kurt aren’t together anymore, he seems to have let his hair relax a little (ex s6e2). He even briefly stops gelling his hair after breaking up with Kurt. However, his insecurities run too deep and he starts doing it again. In the end, Blaine does stop gelling his hair, but he’s still unable to be his true self around Kurt and starts straightening his hair instead (s6e13). Blaine is never able to let go of his insecurities and be himself around Kurt, and both the symbolic and literal implications of this illustrate perfectly how terrible his relationship with Kurt is for Blaine. 

Conclusion

In conclusion, Kurt and Blaine’s relationship isn’t healthy, and the responsibility is mostly on Kurt. Despite their chemistry and outward appearances, their relationship is toxic and potentially abusive. Kurt doesn’t care about Blaine, he cares about himself, and he’s willing to destroy Blaine’s life if it benefits him. Blaine, on the other hand, cares so deeply about Kurt that he doesn’t even care that their relationship is damaging to him. They struggle with even the basic communication and trust that a relationship needs, and seem to believe that love is the only thing they need to keep their relationship alive. Kurt is manipulative, cruel, and takes every opportunity to tear Blaine down so he can have power over him. He hates being vulnerable and needs to be able to exert control over Blaine. He uses Blaine’s insecurity and inexperience to assure that Blaine is as small and reliant on Kurt as possible. He holds Blaine’s every little mistake over Blaine’s head, refuses to take responsibility for any of their problems, and minimizes his own mistakes. Kurt is incredibly jealous, often unfoundedly, and yet calls Blaine unreasonable when he displays any signs of jealousy himself. Their relationship damages Blaine irreparably, to the point that comparing Blaine in season 2 to Blaine in season 6 shows two almost completely different people. But it doesn’t come out of nowhere, Kurt systematically and intentionally cuts Blaine down and turns him into the person he wants him to be. A person he can control. It is not random, it is not uncharacteristic for either of them and when their relationship is interpreted through this lens, explains a lot about how Blaine develops as a character. Even if their relationship isn’t abusive, it certainly isn’t good, and it shouldn’t be romanticized.