#tonight it's specifically how these factors intersected to completely destroy any positive relationship I could've had with sex
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really acutely feeling the damage dealt to me by the specific combo of being ace and afab and autistic and abused tonight. (iykyk, and my condolences.)
#ask to tag#I'm sure there's other combos that result in similar or identical damage#but that's what did it for me#and I'm sure there's completely different types of damage dealt by the same combo too!#god knows the damage dealt to me is not limited to tonight's bugbear.#tonight it's specifically how these factors intersected to completely destroy any positive relationship I could've had with sex#cuz I'm not actually personally sex-repulsed! I'm just used to being used and find it deeply unpleasant!#and with my wife so deeply wrapped up in her own shit (reasonably so)#and our other partner only here a couple days at a time and still reserved as Hers in my head#there really hasn't been much opportunity to like work on that!#cuz unfortunately that's a problem that requires a trusted second party to actually make progress on!#oh good now there's dysphoria layered over the top
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