#tomorrow morning im adding a read more cut in the middle of it bc i hate long text posts on timelines

[amerie-wadia]

a mayward drabble/little fic because apparently i just needed to write this

JJ is all sharp edges and screams that cry too loudly in explosive bursts of passion and wonder. He jumps so much higher than Pope that sometimes Pope worries JJ will float off into the sky like a balloon and Pope will be left alone on the shore. JJ will sprint down the gravel streets or rev his dirt bike as he comes crashing to a stop, the bike still rolling as he tumbled off. JJ lives every single moment like it’s the most important and Pope can only marvel at him for it.

But then the balloon deflated and his screams turn to silence and suddenly JJ is so quiet that he gets lost in the shadows. He’s a good liar and when he wants to go unnoticed, JJ can easily be forgotten.

JJ is two sides of the same coin. He is always at an extreme, as if he had never learned how to approach life neutrally. Or maybe Pope had forgotten how to live with with everything he had all the time. Maybe that’s why when JJ crashed, he crashed hard—so tired from giving life two hundred percent.

Pope never knows what to expect from JJ. Nobody does. There are moments, fleeting and few, when Pope thinks he can read JJ. Can even begin to understand.

There are times when JJ has bruises on his face or when he wears a long sleeve shirt in the middle of August, when Pope can see past the lies. JJ will try and brush it off, say that he’s fine or that it was just a Kook, but his eyes betray him and Pope can see the way JJ’s jaw tightens and his eyes well up. Before he pushes it down and lights up a joint or dives out into the waves. JJ needs to move when he’s upset. JJ needs to deflect when he’s upset. Pope notices.

Pope has begun to notice a lot about JJ.

He can’t quite figure out why—at first—every time he looks, JJ is already watching him. Usually he shifts his gaze away almost instantaneously. But sometimes he’ll just shoot Pope and goofy smile or wink at him and Pope really notices that. JJ likes to keep watch of Pope, but Pope never sees JJ keeping watch of the other Pogues. Not the way Pope does.

Pope notices a lot about a lot of things. He’s always been observant—nosy, as his mom would say. He likes the understand people’s mannerisms and learn about their quirks and habits.

He knows that Kie cannot physically hold her annoyances inside, that the Pogues can barely go one conversation without Kie rolling her eyes. Pope also knows that Kie bites her nails when she gets nervous. It’s subconscious, he knows this, because sometimes she’ll blink a few times and then her eyes will go wide and she’ll drop her hands to her sides, looking around to see if anybody noticed her doing it.

He knows that John B doesn’t understand the effect he has on JJ. That one was a hard thing for Pope to nail, to truly understand. John B loved JJ, Pope knew that for a fact, but he was always shooting down JJ’s ideas, undermining the things JJ thought, and he never seemed to pick up on the way JJ’s face would fall and he would get quiet and withdrawn for a few minutes after. Not all the time, but enough that Pope had started to notice.

For all Pope notices, there is still so much that goes over his head.

Being the smart guy that he is, this realization is hard to take in. Especially when JJ is standing in front of him with a fat bruise between his eye and his hairline, cuts and dried blood on his lips. JJ flinches as soon as Pope is holding onto him and—as much as Pope knows he should respect it—he’s been worried sick about JJ and just needs to hold him. Needs to have JJ someplace safe and secure and he needs to hug him or he is going to lose his mind.

JJ doesn’t hug him back and Pope can feel him tense up, rambling on about something that Pope doesn’t have the capacity to listen to. He was too worried. JJ is such a shit texter that Pope had no idea if he had even been bailed out of jail. And that’s fucking horrifying. Pope knows it’s different for JJ, though. In his gut he knows that JJ is white and he will be okay. But he watched the cops put hand cuffs on his best friend and he couldn’t help but worry about the worst case scenario.

So the first thing he asks if it was Shoupe who gave JJ that bruise—the bruise that was not there when JJ was arrested.

“Oh, this?” JJ breezes over it, “This is my dad, you know?”

But no, Pope doesn’t fucking know. Sometimes he wondered, but he didn’t fucking know until right now.

“Guess that right jab will really snap it off at times.”

Pope can’t let him do this. JJ can’t just admit that his dad hurts him and try to act like it’s nothing. Not when the re-evaluation hurts Pope so deeply in his soul that it feels like Luke has hit him too. The bruise is too dark on JJ’s pale skin and it makes Pope want to vomit because how could anybody hurt their child? Hurt JJ?

“That looks like more than a jab bro,” Pope says, because he can’t stop himself and it’s breaking his heart at how nonchalant JJ is acting. JJ shrugs but he’s quiet his eyes give everything away and Pope wishes he could hug him again. But JJ didn’t want to be hugged the first time and he’d flinched when Pope touched him so Pope gives him his distance.

And just like he always does, JJ goes to the opposite extreme and is smiling and excited and spitting off his plan to help John B find the gold. Pope knows John B doesn’t understand the effect he has on JJ, doesn’t understand how JJ would do whatever he asked even if it put his own life at risk.

Suddenly, Pope thinks for the first time that maybe he, Pope himself, doesn’t understand the effect he has on JJ. How JJ was willing to go to jail for him. How JJ was willing to get beat up by his own father for Pope. And Pope feels helpless when JJ walks away.

After that night, Pope can’t stop thinking about JJ. Can’t stop thinking about JJ’s dad hurting him. About how JJ said it was ‘nothing that hasn’t happened before’ as if he thought it would be comforting. About how scared JJ’s eyes were for just a minute. Because JJ is not scared of anything. JJ is the bravest of the bunch, stupid and reckless but wholeheartedly brave. JJ oozes confidence and he speaks as if he doesn’t care what anybody would ever think of him. He’s electric and wild and Pope can’t stop thinking about how much of a contradiction JJ is.

And then JJ really spirals. Pope is waiting in the van with Kie and Sarah when John B volunteers to try and calm JJ down. Because JJ is in one of his explosive fits of passion but this time it’s not fun or adventurous, it’s way too dangerous and absolutely everybody is worried about JJ. Even Sarah Cameron is worried about JJ. But when John B and JJ come back outside they’re fighting and John B is yelling at JJ—and Pope really doesn’t like that.

JJ is spiraling and Pope feels helpless again so he intervenes.

“I took the fall for you, man,” JJ responds, voice heavy with emotion and it makes Pope’s chest hurt. “Do you know how much money I owe because of you?”

Because of you. Pope doesn’t know the effect he has on JJ, never has. Pope didn’t fucking mean for that to happen. He never wanted to put that on JJ.

“I’m gonna pay you back,” Pope promises. “And I didn’t even ask you to do that.”

But JJ is getting even closer to Pope, closer and closer to his face. His teeth are gritted together and he wreaks from sweat and his eyes are filled with anger. Anger that’s being directed at Pope. JJ has never looked at Pope that way before.

“I just did. Pay it back. Right here, right now.”

Pope is angry now too because JJ is right and it hurts to hear the truth. But he’s also mad because he let JJ take the fall for him. And then JJ was arrested and beat by his father and now he owes more money than JJ has ever seen his life. So he did the thing he’s best at and he stole. And Pope is furious that he can’t be mad at JJ for being so stupid because he also knows how scared he is.

“By myself.”

That hurts so much more than Pope would ever admit. He would help if JJ just let somebody else help him for once. And JJ is so close, close enough that Pope can feel JJ’s breath hot on his cheeks.

JJ is leaving again and Pope feels helpless, John B holding him back before he can chase after JJ and force him to accept some help.

Pope notices the way that nobody else tries to go after JJ. He notices how when they say he just ‘needs some space’ they really mean that they just don’t know how to help him and are too overwhelmed to try. Pope isn’t good at telling other people what to do so he gives JJ some space.

Which is so fucking stupid.

At first Pope is angry. Angry because JJ is willing to risk everything to help others but can’t help himself. How the hell did he spent that much money in one day? How come he couldn’t have just paid of his restitutions? Or just given it back to the drug dealer before he found out it was missing. But JJ is hammered and drinking champagne in a hot tub surrounded by neon lights.

“But, you know, I didn’t do that,” JJ exclaims after Kie and Pope have both tried to reprimand him for spending the money. The second he stands Pope loses feeling of his legs. He feels his dinner churning in his stomach and threatening to spill out. Because JJ has three giant purple bruises on his stomach and Pope knew—he fucking knew—that JJ didn’t need space.

“Look what I did for you,” JJ barks, too drunk to pace himself or keep quiet. “Look at this!”

“JJ,” Kie says firmly and Pope is so glad at least one of them can speak.

“No, stop being emotional. It’s fine, okay,” JJ pleads but his words are getting quieter and shakier and Pope doesn’t know what to do because he’s watching the strongest person he knows crumbling before his eyes. He can’t look away from the bruises and he can’t stop thinking about the fact that all of this happened because he let JJ take the fall for him.

JJ is starting to cry and Pope has never seen him cry. He doesn’t know what to do at all.

“I mean, it’s sweet right,” JJ is adding, voice trembling as Kie is climbing into the hot tub. “Just get in.”

Pope is still frozen, too overwhelmed to move. Can’t come to grips with the fact that JJ’s dad could ever do that to him. Kie pulls JJ against her chest and he absolutely collapses into her arms. Pope can hear Kiara crying too but JJ begins to sob and Pope’s heart falls out of his chest.

“I just couldn’t do it,” JJ whimpers into Kie’s shoulder. Pope has never heard JJ sound like that, didn’t know it was possible.

JJ sobs, his body bouncing as he clutches Kie, pressing his face against her skin and it glows under the neon lights.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Pope’s heart is dissolving into dust and he wants to throw up or scream or cry but he’s frozen and JJ is sobbing. The scene spins around his vision like he’s standing in the center of a merry-go-round.

“I was gonna kill him,” JJ cries, his voice high and broken and Pope feels his shoulders fall. JJ has never sounded so scared and Pope has had enough. He still can’t find any words to say. JJ lifts his head for just a second and as soon as his eyes meet Pope’s, Pope climbs into the hot tub.

He wraps his arms around JJ, around Kie too. JJ melts against his arms and drop the bottle, his hands both latching onto Pope’s arms.

“I just wanna do the right thing.”

Pope knows. Pope knows enough about JJ to know that his heart is always in the right place.

“I know,” Kie coos softly, voice high and filled with tears too. Pope tightens his hold on both of them because he doesn’t have the voice to speak but he can hold them as close and as tightly as he can. “I know.”

Pope holds them for a while. JJ sobs and sobs until Pope is freezing and JJ’s breath is filled with hiccups and snot and Pope refuses to let go. No more space, he’s not making that mistake again. Eventually, Kie unwraps her arms from JJ and shuts off the disco mode lights. Pope has hugged JJ to his chest—who has stopped sobbing but Pope can’t tell if he’s still crying since he’s refusing to meet either of their eyes. Pope gets it. Vulnerability is hard and JJ basically just shattered. He lets Pope hold him. Pope is grateful for that.

Kie motions her head to the house and Pope nods in agreement. She puts a hand on JJ’s back and the two help JJ out of the hot tub and stumble into the house. JJ won’t lookup from the ground and his fingers are still wrapped around Pope’s arm. He sniffles and stumbles over his feet, water dripping in a long trail behind them as they walk through the porch and into the house. Kie leads them both to the bathroom and takes a towel out of the linen closet. Pope is amazed that John B actually had a clean towel left after weeks of living in his own.

Now’s not the time to think about John B, though. Now is the time to help JJ. Kie draws the towel over JJ’s shoulders and looks to Pope with inquisitive eyes. Pope doesn’t know what she’s trying to ask. She puts a hand on JJ’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna get you some dry clothes, okay?”

JJ doesn’t say anything. He is lost in Pope’s arms but it’s drastically colder than the hot tub and they’re all covered in goosebumps. Pope gives Kie a nod and she dashes off to John B’s room to find some clothes. When she returns, JJ has still made no effort to separate himself from Pope.

“Do you want us to give you some space?” Pope asks, the first words he’s been able to get out. And it feels like such a stupid question because he never wants to give JJ space again in his life.

“Can you stay?” he asks, voice raspy and quiet. “Just turn around?”

“Of course.”

As much as he doesn’t want to, Pope let’s go if JJ and he and Kie turn around so they’re both facing the door. JJ’s shorts drop to the floor in a wet thump and Pope can hear JJ shuffling around until he finally tell them they can turn around.

It’s the first time Pope has seen JJ’s eyes since he started to cry. It’s fucking devastating. Pope and Kie are both soaking wet and Kie has brought some of John B’s clothes for them both so they take turns looking away. JJ reaches out for Pope’s hand when their backs are turned to give Kie privacy. Pope grips as tightly at he can, glad to be holding onto JJ again. Kie finishes and they’re all making their way out of the tiny bathroom. Nobody is saying much of anything but JJ keeps his hand in Pope’s.

“What can we do to help you right now?” Kie asks as they sit down on the couches in the living room. JJ sits right next to Pope, no space between them at all. Kie is on the adjacent couch, sitting in the edge and leaning towards JJ. “Do you want something to eat? Watch a movie? Just tell us what we can do.”

JJ leans against Pope slightly, his wet hair brushing against Pope’s skin but he’s getting warmer and he’s not shaking or crying anymore. He still smells like alcohol, but Pope doesn’t think he’s drunk anymore.

“JJ?” Kie asks, her voice high again and Pope can tell she’s worried. She bites down on her nails and Pope wraps his free arm around JJ’s shoulders because all night JJ has been reacting particularly well to touch and it’s all Pope can think to do.

Pope wants to say it’s going to be okay. It won’t be though, probably, so he doesn’t. He wants to come up with something funny or distracting or anything he can to make JJ laugh or smile for a moment. He wants to find wherever John B is and bring him home because JJ would smile right now if John B wanted him too. Pope wishes he had that strong of an effect of JJ.

“I dunno,” JJ mumbles, leaning into Pope’s touch even more. “Just sit here with me.”

Pope can do that. He can definitely do that. They sit for a few minutes, JJ and Pope clinging to each other and Kie watching them anxiously. At some point she turns on the tv and brings them all blankets. She fills up a glass of water for JJ but hands it to Pope. She doesn’t fall asleep until JJ has already fallen asleep in Pope’s arms—as if her body couldn’t physically relax until she knew JJ was okay. Pope gets that.

He doesn’t fall asleep as quickly, his brain too overwhelmed. Because Pope notices things. He notices his friends and their quirks and he notices so much about JJ. But he never noticed this.

How had he never noticed this?

[birdybirdnerd]

WHATS UP CHABOY NEEDED TO BA ASLEEP UHHHH *checks watch* TWO AND A HALF HOURS AGO BUT INSTEAD I WROTE A ONESHOT BC THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES HAS TAKEN OVER MY SOUL AND @brinnanza HAD A REALLY GOOD PROMPT FOR IMMEDIATELY POST EP 22 ‘COLONY’ SO YEAH

on a serious note this is entirely unedited word vomit that im gonna clean up like. tomorrow or smthn and post to ao3 bc im proud of it in some way and alos my ao3 has been dead for MONTHS and its killing me

enjoy!!! now i die

EDIT now cleaned up and posted to ao3! gonna make a separate post about Specifically That but thought id throw it here too for posteritys sake

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20953844

Jon was still staring at Martin’s phone, the cryptic message from Jane Prentiss shining up at him, when movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He looked up in time to see Martin sway dangerously on his feet. 

“I think I’m-” 

Martin’s eyes rolled back in his head and Jon was on his feet in an instant, phone falling to the floor so he could catch the other man before he fell too. Jon stumbled, almost toppling as well, but he managed to catch Martin under his arms before he hit the ground. 

“Martin, what the-” he started, grunting from the effort. “Martin?” 

But he was out cold. Jon huffed; seems like the adrenaline fueling him finally wore off, letting the week of stress and no sleep take its toll. It could have happened in a more… convenient place, but Jon admitted he was at least glad Martin had made it back to the Institute before it happened. Wouldn’t want him passing out in the middle of the street. Or back at his apartment, where Prentiss could return at any moment. 

Jon grimaced and braced himself, hauling Martin up and looping one of his arms around his shoulders. It was awkward and took a few minutes of adjusting his grip and nudging doors open with his foot, but he managed to haul Martin through the Archives to the spare room. Thankfully, no one intercepted them on the short trip. It would have been awkward, to say the least, to explain the situation, and Jon was feeling the beginnings of a headache settling at the back of his brain from all the questions that kept cropping up. 

He debated just dumping Martin on the cot and leaving, but sighed and shook his head. The poor boy had been through a lot. The least he deserved was a modicum of comfort. Jon laid him down as carefully as he could, pulling off his shoes and tugging at the thin sheet underneath him to free it. 

He settled it on top, tucking the edges in, mind still whirring as the events of the day and Martin’s words played on loop in his mind. There was so much they still didn’t know, and every statement he read only added more questions to the list, only complicated things further. And Martin, having gotten so caught up in things directly, now weighed down on his mind as well. 

Smoothing Martin’s hair out of his face, Jon sighed again. Evidence of his harrowing two weeks was evident in the lines on his face, the darkness under his eyes visible even in the dim light filtering in through the doorway. But he looked somewhat peaceful like this- sleeping, REM not quite started. That would no doubt bring nightmares - it always did - but for a few minutes, at least, Martin had oblivion. 

Jon didn’t realize for a few moments that he’d kept stroking Martin’s hair, watching him breathe steadily and absolutely lost in thought. When he did, he frowned, removing his hand and clearing his throat. That was enough of that, he decided. His own lack of sleep was affecting him. Well, the cot was taken, so Jon would have to find somewhere else to stay for the night. Returning to his own flat, after hearing Martin’s statement, made him feel uneasy. The break room couch, then. 

That decided, Jon turned towards the door to leave. 

And slammed his knee into the desk. 

“Fuck!” he shouted, momentarily forgetting himself. 

A gasp from behind him, and Martin was shooting up in the cot, breathing heavy. “Who- who’s there?” he called, voice cracking. “Where am I? Is Prentiss-”

“It’s- it’s just me, Martin,” Jon bit out, clutching his throbbing knee. “Hurt myself on this bloody desk, that’s all. You’re at the Institute. Go back to sleep, everything’s fine.” He cursed again, this time under his breath, as he rubbed at the sore spot. 

“O-Oh. Okay.” Martin’s voice was still shaky, but smaller now. Jon could hear him swallow thickly in the darkness. “H-How did I, how did I get in here?” 

“You passed out in my office,” Jon explained patiently. “I carried you in here. End of story.” 

“Ah.” There was silence for a moment. “Thanks.” Barely a whisper. 

“Don’t mention it.” Jon straightened up, sending the dark shape of the desk one last glare, and headed towards the door again. 

“Do you-” Martin started, before cutting himself off with an audible snap of teeth. 

“What?” 

“Do you think- no, it’s stupid. Never mind.”

Jon stopped in the doorway. “What, Martin?” he asked again tiredly. 

Martin seemed to chew on his words a moment, avoiding Jon’s eye, before the question came out in a rush. “Doyouthinkyoucouldstay?” 

Jon blinked. Blinked again. “Sorry, repeat that.” 

Martin chuckled nervously. “No, it’s fine, I said it was st-” 

“Martin.” 

“I said do you think you could stay?” Martin asked again, voice high and panicky, looking anywhere but at Jon. “‘Cause I’ve been alone for thirteen days now and I really don’t wanna stay alone and I’m really tired and don’t like the Archives when it’s late at night but-” 

Jon cut him off. “Yes, fine Martin, I’ll stay.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, the headache now residing behind his eyes. He left the door open a crack, just enough to let the faint moonlight that streamed through the windows outside cast the room in a dim blue light. Just enough to see where he was going, now that his eyes had adjusted better.

“You don’t, I mean, you don’t have to stay the whole night,” Martin babbled, twisting the sheet between his hands as he spoke. “Just, just stay ‘till I fall asleep again, I guess. I won’t make you stay the night, can’t really, you know, just- just need someone nearby until I’m out, I guess.” 

“Of course,” Jon said, dragging the desk chair to the edge of the bed and collapsing into it. It was far less comfortable than his own desk chair, but it would fulfill its brief purpose just fine. “Go to sleep, Martin.” 

“Okay, yes, doing that.” There was the sound of shuffling as Martin got comfortable again, then silence. Then, “Thanks again.” 

“Don’t mention it.” 

Martin hummed in response. 

He was out in seconds. Jon watched him sleep, telling himself he’d wait just a few moments longer to make absolute certain he wouldn’t wake again at the first slight noise before leaving. And really, he was giving his legs a rest after hauling Martin here in the first place. And his knee still ached a little bit. And it was so late… 

Jon really didn’t mean to fall asleep in the chair, watching Martin sleep peacefully. And so long as he woke up before Martin did, and before anyone got to work that morning, then no one would know. 

Well, his back would. But that was his own fault. 

[7dys]

roomies?

hey again im a dummy sorry

I literally could NOT think of a title im sorry here's a good ole roommate au though

request: HHhHhHhh u write so well I'm crying :(( jshsd can I get a roommate!au with jae from day6 ? with a possible fluff at the end ? eye emoji ? sjdshd tysm !! -anon

word count: 5137 she's a doozy

a/n: I must have gotten this request like... a year and a half ago at least anon if you’re seeing this I apologize but I've finally done it!!! hope u all enjoy the workings of my crackhead brain

right-o lets get to it

okay so when you moved out of your dorms after graduation you weren’t expecting it to be this God Damn Expensive

on top of buying groceries and affording your tiny ass one bedroom a girlie was struggling

so !! you decided to look into finding a roommate

obviously not to move in with you…. there’s only one bedroom okay

but like searching for an open spot with someone

you found a few that seemed nice but were all wayyyyyyy too far from your job like you would be losing money paying so much in transportation

finally you stumbled across the most cursed roommate flyer ever

but it was in a super convenient location !! so you read it anyways

it was written in GREEN and PURPLE comic sans and there were multiple pictures of chickens and cheesy memes randomly placed around the text in the middle

which by the way was a list of 7 bullet points that said this:

1:my name is jae

2:i am broke

3:i have an extra room waiting for /YOU/

4:i am in a band and will write a song about you if that’s what it takes

5:i am unreasonably good at untangling headphones and i will untangle things for you

6:i have a pet cat and if you don’t like that walk away from this flyer immediately

7:please

and then at the bottom was an octopus who’s 8 legs had his contact information on it and they were cut so you could just pull off a slip

if you were an ordinary person you would not have taken one

lucky us !!!! you’re just crazy

and you take one of the god damn octopus legs

you are understandably the only person who has taken one so far

you giggle to yourself at your own SHEER STUPIDITY and then send a text to the number

you: hi !! i saw ur ad abt looking for a roommate and i’m interested! my name is y/n and i’m still in college so u don’t have to worry about me being like . crazy im just stressed

chicken guy??: oh my god really it’s been a month since i put up that poster!! also mood

you: you put up …. only one poster …… and it was that ……

chicken guy??: it worked for u didn’t it

you: . touché

chicken guy??: anyways you can come by later today and check it out if you’d like? i swear i’m not crazy either but feel free to bring a friend if you’re worried for safety reasons or whatever

you: nah i prefer to live life on The Edge plus none of my friends would be helpful in a life threatening situation

chicken guy??: i don’t know u but i’m already worried for u pls get here soon

hehehe u liked this guy

he was funny if anything

and you tended to find all the weirdos of society and befriend them so it was safe to assume he was no different than your usual crowd

true to your word you go to the address he sent you alone later that afternoon and cheerily knock on the door

while you wait for him to answer you survey the outside

it’s honestly ….. kind of a cluttered mess but in a cute way

like some sort of kleptomaniac crow somehow got an apartment and displayed all of the strange things it found

except it’s all music related

there is a jar that is filled to the BRIM with guitar picks.

who needs that many guitar picks

“me, i do”

you squeak and turn around and go

“??????”

and the tall thin man in the door just nods

“i knew what you were thinking”

“...that’s fair”

and then he seems to remember what exactly is going on and extends one long fingered hand for a shake

“hi! you must be y/n :)) i’m jae”

you take his hand …. that shits warm

how long have you been outside that your hand is so cold when you touch him you SHIVER

he’s like oh my god come in please you’re shivering jesus christ

and you just smile and tell him it’s nice to meet him !!! what a positive polly

you come in and are pleasantly surprised that the inside has just as much personality as the poster !!

and thankfully less green and purple and ….. comic sans

you are immediately greeted by the largest tabby cat you’ve ever seen

“ah that’s my big boy mister crackers”

“his name … is mister crackers”

“....yes”

“love it. tell me more”

he smiles so BIG and WIDE when you say that you think you’re looking at the sun

as he explains more things about the apartment and points at things here and there you half listen and half just. watch him

you didn’t know what to expect from that as but it’s fair to say you lucked out as far as possible roommates go

he was tall and had shiny dark hair and glasses that made his cute little eyes even littler

and he was in a BAND that is so cool

plus he’s like …. pretty or smth

smh FOCUS

you’re gnna have to share a bathroom with him which is … scary but you looked in there and it looks clean at least

also there’s some candles in there

……. he definitely takes candlelit baths like a widow just returning from her rich husbands funeral after he left her everything in the will

king

he seems nice and funny and you appear to have a similar sense of humor …. you’re in

you’re about to tell him you’ll think about it so that you don’t come off as too excited

but then change your mind and jump up and down and tell him you’re IN and you’ll help cover the rent and cook sometimes and bake him cookies and

he stops you after cookies with a hand over your mouth

“you are perfect. please move in immediately”

you smile under his hand and hope he can’t feel your cheeks getting absolutely BLAZING hot

(he 100% can)

((and he thinks it’s really CUTE))

you grab the hand that’s over your mouth and give it a shake and tell him in a southern accent that it’s a deal pardner and he SNORTS

it was cute

you move in as quickly as possible and his band mates come over to help you move everything !!

you’re high key embarrassed to let all these literally gorgeous men into your tiny little apartment and touch all your stuff

but after talking to each of them for like 5 seconds you quickly see they’re all a bunch of nerds and you would trust them with your life

wonpil loses his MIND when he sees your little plushy collection on your bed he thinks you’re the cutest person on the whole planet

he tells jae that’s he’s the luckiest man on earth when he thinks you’re not listening

you ARE though and you stop what you’re doing to give him a big ol hug and tell him he’s an angel

sungjin disapproves of how you’ve been living and asks if you’ve been eating enough and then turns on jae with a finger like U BETTER FEED HER

brian is so intimidatingly beautiful you can’t look him in the eye until you’re all eating ramen and you watch him choke to near death and then immediately go make himself another cup

relatable

dowoon looked lost and you immediately took him under your wing and you’ve been babying him ever since

you made jae take the box full of your plates and mugs and such bc it was too heavy for your Little Angel

“please y/n i am literally the strongest of all of us let me carry things. jae is going to keel over and die”

“nonsense !!! you’re a growing boy you need rest”

“please i literally punched a HOLE in a WALL on ACCIDENT and jae has a grass allergy i promise i will be fine”

regardless of the absolute struggle it was to coordinate everyone and get all your stuff to jae’s you are FINALLY moved in

your room is obviously not the master but you weren’t gonna be like Sorry Jae I Need The Master Bedroom Move Out Xoxo

it’s cute and you brought your own furniture and some posters and decor that you had all over your old apartment

basically you just condensed it all into one room

and the boys gave you a housewarming present and it was just a picture of them performing with you badly photoshopped next to jae playing the triangle

it wasn’t even framed they just taped it to the wall

typical

after all the moving in the boys leave you and jae to settle in but the moving was TIRING so

you’re already asleep on the couch

……….typical

jae just shakes his head and covers you with one of his large sweatshirts because for some reason he only owns one blanket and it’s on his bed and he doesn’t know where yours are

he’s literally HELPLESS

you wake up with a dry mouth at 3 in the morning and smile at jaes sweater barely covering your curled up body

you hold it up and it says “i like ugly” in tiny font .

this boy is perfect

you put it on and climb in your actual bed and decide to make him breakfast tomorrow for being such an angel

you set an ALARM that’s commitment if i’ve ever seen it

you make him pancakes and and coffee and when he comes out wearing a sweatshirt similar to the one you’re wearing and the rattiest sweatpants you’ve ever seen he doesn’t even notice anything at first

nd then he rubs his eyes and just stares

“y/n i’m gonna cry i haven’t had breakfast since 2008”

you laugh and launch yourself at him because he’s That cute

“you’re so cute thank you for letting me be your roommate !!!!”

he ruffles your hair and then sets his chin on top of your head

“thanks for breakfast, sunshine. even if this is also as early as i’ve been awake since 2008”

you pinch his side at that and then go to serve him a heaping pile of pancakes bc he’s skinny and he needs it

“alright noodle eat up!!”

“did you just call me noodle?”

“yes, look at yourself”

“.. that’s fair”

you guys chat over breakfast and thank GOD it’s a sunday and neither of you have shit to do

other than laundry

you force yourself not to mom him when he just puts it all in one machine and sets it on cold and leaves .

it hurts tho

instead of being productive while you wait you have multiple staring contests

jae keeps accusing you of saying he blinked when he didn’t

“i didn’t blink my eyes just look like that !!!! they are small and asian are you racist or something??”

“shut UP i won >:((((“

after the laundry is done you go your separate ways and jae heads out to band practice and it’s your very first time …

alone in your own apartment

naturally you take off your pants and dance around for at least 10 minutes

you didn’t even realize that since your roommate is a dude you can’t just ….. not wear pants

a travesty !!!

honestly let him try to stop you from going braless though. let him try.

you laze around and try to get caught up on your favorite shows and organize your room and then it gets late and you decide you’re going to make a MEAL for dinner

like a WHOLE . MEAL.

we’re going all out

you tie your hair up and put on your cooking sweater which is just a disgusting old sweatshirt covered with stains that hangs almost to the middle of your thighs

everyone needs one

next step is MUSIC because if you cook without it you just feel sad

we’re pulling out the oldies mix that’s right

i’m talking ELO, reo speedwagon, the doobie brothers we’re getting DOWN !!!!!

perhaps we’ll sprinkle some queen in there in honor of the movie that just came out

regardless you’re head banging while you chop vegetables

extremely unsafe but entirely necessary

jae comes home in the middle of your dramatic rendition of bohemian rhapsody where you attempt to sing every single part including the operatic harmonies

you are literally on your knees singing dramatically when the door opens and he comes out of the foyer to see YOU on the FLOOR wearing NO PANTS and singing QUEEN

you may just be ……. the most perfect woman he’s ever met in his life

he joins you because what the fuck else is he supposed to do

he comes in on the high GALILEO and then air guitars THE FUCK out of the next part while you literally thrash

i’m telling you it was one of the most taxing things you’ve ever done

you finish out the song and then fist bump for respect

“something smells good but also something smells burning”

and you scream because OH NO THE GARLIC BREAD

((it’s not even that burnt jae is just weird about smells …… grass allergy headass))

after the fake crisis is averted you finish up and the both of you FEAST while watching cheesy christmas movies and booing at love

you’re both . that bitter huh

also want to note that at some point you discreetly put sleep shorts on so you could pretend you hadn’t been pantless and possibly flashing your day of the week underwear to your roommate of like 36 hours

and when you’re literally seconds away from sleep jae boops you on the nose

like . kinda hard

“hey go to sleep this couch is not comfortable i promise”

“shut up you’re BONEY everything is uncomfortable for you”

“okay now you’re just being mean get your ass in bed”

“sorryyy :((((“

“yea yea go away weirdo”

you tell him goodnight and hug him extra tight in apology and he pats your head so like. all is forgiven hehe

that night when you flop in bed and wrap yourself around one of your pillows you’re pretty damn pleased with your roommate choice

time skip you and jae have almost 0 boundaries other than the necessary ones that keep you Platonic Friends and not Married Couple

which is basically just any affection beyond hugs nd the occasional snuggle

you heard me

the boys are in your apartment . all the time

literally all the time

and wonpil drunk cries to your stuffed animals about never finding love

PLEASE someone save him please

nights like those you and jae go full parent mode because everyone’s drunk so sungjin can’t do it himself

he’s too busy literally breakdancing in your living room

he moved the coffee table out of the way and everything

after everyone is put in beds (dowoon gets to deal with wonpil‘s cry snuggling … sorry)

you and jae always collapse on the couch actually exhausted because you both have weak cardiovascular health and you just carried four full grown men

you end up leaned up against each other for support and then sagging until one of you falls over onto their back and the other just follows

it varies which one of you ends up the big spoon and it’s so CUTE when you do

you think jae pushes you over a little because he likes it too but he would rather die than admit he likes being snuggled so

you’ll fall over onto your back and jae will pretend to be surprised but then wriggle up your body until he’s half on top of you and half on the side with his head resting just under your chin

his hair is FLUFFY and it TICKLES you so you have to move it so you can sleep !

that’s what you tell yourself when you comb his hair down with your fingers

you pretend not to hear him sigh and feel it against the skin of your neck

you also pretend he hasn’t wrapped both arms around your rib cage like a vice and is not letting go anytime soon

cutie :(

he tucks his forehead into your neck and you physically feel his whole body relax and wow . so this is what peace is like

of course it lasts for 5 whole seconds before wonpil let’s out an actual wail and dowoon is urgently whispering shut the fuck up PLEASE SHUT UP

jae snorts against your neck and gives a minute shake of his head, splaying his hand across your ribs and tugging you farther into his hold

first of all. that ticKLES and it takes every shred of self control not to squirm

second: at this point he’s practically trying to fuse your bodies together really you cannot physically get closer than you are

you’re absolutely enjoying it though so you wrap your arms around him and settle in with one leg flopped over his and a blanket you pulled off the floor haphazardly thrown over the two of you

he’s such a SNUGGLE BUG you can barely believe it

he just loves to pretend he’s some angsty lonely dude who plays guitar and SKATEBOARDS like the giant cliche he is

when actually he is a Big Baby

he texts you to calculate the tip for him whenever he’s out to eat with the boys because he “swore off math in 2014”

he asks you if his outfits are okay nd he always looks like an old man but you still tell him it’s good

you think so at least <33

you can read each other so well it’s scary

you’ll walk in the living room and jae will be like NOPE i’m leaving

and you’re like what :(((((((

and he’s like i just KNOW you’re about to yell about random shit we both personally have no control over and it gives me ~anxiety~

“okay well i was just gonna say that global warming is a real proble-“

“LA LA LA I CANT HEAR YOU”

(he thinks global warming is real he just. doesn’t want to talk abt it bc he knows you will Never Shut Up once you start)

you hand him coffee on his way out in the mornings when you know he has a long day ahead and he pats you on the head in thanks every time

jae cooks for you too !!! we love equality

he sticks to pretty simple stuff but he was living alone for a while so he had to know at least a little so he could like. survive

and believe it or not the both of you are not always sunshine and daffodils

when you’re upset he always knows and makes sure to be there if you need anything but basically just leave you alone

he has a tendency to misread the situation and think it’s still cool for him to joke around but you are Actually Angry

and it’s gotten him into lots of trouble so instead he is supportive from afar and does his best to be not offensive

when he’s upset he’s usually super mopey and writes sad song lyrics all day

you forcefully drag him out of his room to make sure he eats and do your best to cheer him up by whatever means necessary

you’ve embarrassed yourself just to hear that laugh of his

the one where he opens his mouth really wide and gasps a little and his eyes squeeze shut

……… fuckin cute

anyways you guys are just dating already but don’t even realize

until one of your coworkers asks you to come out after work and you say no

and it’d be Friendly and Normal if you did it because you promised jae you would cook that night

or you had made plans with him or something

but you were just uncomfortable doing any of that kind of stuff with some Not Jae guy

and after that your eyes are ~wide open~ sister

you find yourself giggling a little too long when he jokes around with you

you can’t help it okay his presence is like a RUSH of serotonin

and imagining yourself doing couple things with jae

turning your usual dinner outings into dates in your head where he holds your hand as he drives and sits next to you in the booth so he can sling a long arm around your shoulders

you let yourself become the slightest bit more affectionate

tucking yourself under his chin every night before you split to your separate rooms

tugging on his hand to get his attention and then playing with his long fingers

you know he notices because god damn how could he not notice ??

he has literally bad vision but he can read the signs

This Ain’t His First Rodeo

he is hesitant to become involved with someone he depends on so much

the age old dilemma of wanting someone but then being afraid to lose them because of it

he wouldn’t admit it but you were quite literally the light of his life

he had been so lonely in his apartment before, living off of instant ramen simply because he didn’t want to cook anything and holing up in his room writing about loneliness and being lost

then you showed up with your bright eyes and took every weird quirk of his in stride and nagged him about eating better and washing his clothes “properly”

(he thinks when you say “properly” you just mean your own way but that’s besides the point)

he even liked when you would take his glasses and wear them and do terrible impressions of him because you looked so CUTE in them

he thinks you’d look cute in all of his belongings but again

are the both of you ready to cross that line?

of course u are lol what else am i supposed to write about

fourth wall break: over

okay so wonpil keeps coming over when he knows jae is gone to try to convince you that the two of you are in love and should get married and have little mini jaes and whatnot

you inform him that he’s CRAZY and that jae thinks of you as a roommate and friend and that’s IT

and as much as you want to think you’re denying wonpil because you’re embarrassed you’re starting to actually believe it

he’s never shown any sort of real interest in you that is out of the realm of Friendly Roommates

and yeah sometimes you guys snuggle but wonpil is literally wrapped around your right arm at this very second so . not valid

wonpil is basically BEGGING at this point for you to see what he sees

which is jae actually being sickeningly in love with you

even if you did believe him at all …. that’s an exaggeration and you both know it

“y/n he’s writing a SONG. about YOU. that boy love loves you. big time”

“people write songs for their friends all the time”

“not jae !! he’s never written a song that hasn’t been about love or loss, you choose which one you’ll be”

“oh shit that was deep”

“i know right? can you believe i came up with that on the spot? wig.”

and then you smack him for being a fckin twitter stan and continue with your argument

jae walks in just as it starts to get physical

wonpil is latched onto your leg as you squirm and wiggle around trying to throw the LEECH off your leg

jae detaches him with a well placed finger between his ribs that makes him squeal Very Loudly and let go

unfortunately you had been leaning all your weight to one side to counteract wonpil and when he let go you went careening sideways

jae just barely grabbed your wrist and yanked you back up

and then you stumbled into him and he stumbles and you both almost fall before getting your shit together

you’re standing pressed together with his feet spread apart so that you’re a little bit closer to his height as you latch onto his shoulders for balance

one of his arms slides around your middle to hold you against him while he used the other to make sure his guitar case doesn’t just fall off his shoulder

wonpil is on the ground holding his rib cage and fake crying when jae goes

“enough wonpil i could hear you yelling like a block away what is going on here???”

you peep out a nothing !!! at the same time wonpil yells

“i’m trying to convince y/n of TRUE LOVE that’s what”

“oh …. y/n is in love?”

“y/n is in DENIAL”

you plead with him to stop please wonpil

and he is relentlessly ranting about how you refuse to “see the light” and how happy you could be

jae sees that this is actually upsetting you from your flushed cheeks and furrowed eyebrows and the way you clutch the hem of his sweatshirt

“alright that’s enough. wonpil go home you lovesick fool”

wonpil trudges out and gives you a sneaky kiss on the cheek

jae has to hold you back when you lunge after him

after you’ve calmed down he slowly slides his arm from being wrapped around your middle to just barely brushing your back

you didn’t mean to get so worked up but like . wonpil is good at that okay

and he was basically going to out you to jae ????:??:!:?:$,&3!:8;

that’s a stressful event

you feel your breathing even out and you sigh in frustration

“i’m sorry y/n, he does that sometimes :/“

“it’s fine it was just . a lot”

“yeah”

you stand in silence for a good minute when jae drops his hand from your back and ducks his chin

“was he…. telling the truth?”

and you want to die because wonpil wasn’t even there and you’re still getting outed !!!!

“which part?”

“the part where you’re in love with someone”

“i wouldn’t say ….. love”

“oh”

and this is just painful so you take a deep breath and just

“okay listen i really really get it if you don’t return the feelings and it’s fine i just … please don’t kick me out i really love living here and all your band members coming over and i even love wonpil !!!! even though he’s a little crazy !!! and i love your fat cat mr.crackers and dancing around to old green day and watching shitty romance movies just to make fun of them and i just don’t want this to end!! we can forget it ever happened and i swear i’ll just. get over it or something and i-“

“okay don’t get too hasty about forgetting it i haven’t even said anything yet”

you stare at him wide eyed

“i’m sorry . what.”

“i can’t believe it took wonpil bodily attacking you for you to say that”

and then he drops his guitar with a thud and steps into your space to slide a warm hand around the nape of your neck

he pulls you closer and stops when your noses brush

“is this okay?” he whispers

“why are you whispering?” you whisper back

“shut up” he breathes right back

he smiles and then tugs you forward and tilts his head down to plant his lips on yours

he’s soft and tentative and pulls away after just a few seconds to press kisses to your cheeks and the tip of your nose

“if it’s worth anything i like you too,”

“are you kidding me that’s worth EVERYTHING ???”

and then you pounce on him and bury your face into the dip of his shoulder because you can’t reach his neck

damn skyscraper

he stumbles at first but then smiles down at your flushed face absolutely squished against his bony chest

he thinks it’s cute though and cranes his neck down to lay his cheek across the top of your head and loop his arms around you

dating jae is even better than you thought it would be !!!

wonpil wasn’t lying when he said jae was writing a song for you and when he plays it for you and sings so sweetly you cry your fckin eyes out

and he’s laughing and pulling you in to situate you on his lap with his guitar long forgotten leaning against the couch and asking you when you became such a softie

you look up at him with tears in your eyelashes and love in your eyes and he positively melts

he kisses your forehead and ruffles your hair and calls you kid like he didn’t just profess his undying love for you through song like the cliche he is

the two of you spend the whole night wrapped up in each other, expressing all the affection you’d missed out on in the last few weeks

you hadn’t realized how…. touchy jae is until now

he can barely function without his good morning kiss

“y/n i am a weak, weak man pls give me a kiss or else i won’t make it through the day,”

..you also hadn’t realized he was this dramatic lmao

the boys supremely unsurprised when they burst into your apartment to find you straddling jae with your fingers in his hair

i’m telling you they don’t even PAUSE in their steps they just look at you and acknowledge it

and then brian just …. takes a seat next to you guys and is like

“are y’all done i wanna watch this redbox movie and return it tonight before i gotta pay for another day”

you’re both cherry red in the face and untangle yourselves in astonishment at his casual tone

dowoon is rummaging around in your fridge and calls out from the kitchen that the two of you were the most obvious people on the planet and that the rest of the band was in the same boat as wonpil they just weren’t absolute psychos

wonpil: this is true but i resent that

all of you settle back into a comfortable dynamic

you’re super happy that your relationship with jae didn’t make anything weird

it probably helped that the very first night that jae mentioned in passing that you were cute and the band had never let it go since

it also probably helped when wonpil pointed out your actual literal heart eyes the first time you saw jae

……………. they were just waiting for it to happen tbh

anyways

nowadays you spend your mornings parting ways with a kiss and your evenings snuggled up together on the couch exchanging eskimo kisses and sweet nothings and you couldn’t be happier

<3

[shytiff]

May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake. 

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

[shytiff]

Small Nov Wins

1 - cant bring myself to study, got out of bed 10:30-ish am. While lazing around i read royal servant and do random internet stuff and watched romee's vlogs. Ate breakfast and i somehow has no appetite?? This is rare. e, cicil kompre began at 15:30 pm (i know, i waste my time a lot). Pengumuman wahana mpi wow yay kalideres makara and budi asih

2 - the weather was pleasantly cloudy. poli anestesi anak, simul. went to what used to be calais, its called flavola now. at this point i quite need some calories because i only ate bubur ayam and its like 2-3 pm ish. Eventually the hunger is gone, arrived home at about 4-ish, drank protein to curb my hunger (nanggung dinner). dad said sumn that annoyed me so after maghrib i just lazed in bed, not feeling like doing anything (even though there’s lots of exams and hw lmao), fell asleep

3 - woke up at 2 am, prated, randomly searched for angel - chancellor and taeyeon’s lyrics and i basically wept at 4 am. i assumed the song was just like,,, a guy talking to a girl, his angel, you know. EXCEPT,,,,,,,,. the 2 MVs was also rly222 beautiful 🥺. Poli geriatri today, didnt even see patient because there was no more at that time (status salin nadia). ate ichiban salad (surprisingly quite good) at dm bcs i rly do be functioning better outdoors, made matcha latte with full cream milk ((powder)), cicil PT

4 - can finally wake up late. finished 1 sitasi pt, made ikk ppt, bujing lina called about diarrhea and nausea meds, laddered the leader for tomorrow���s exam and it,, was,,, me,, group call with shiko. frantically studied for EA

5 - PT (finished in 45 mins), simul as a leader, with STEMI, VF and hypoglycemia case. somehow made it through. i suck at dosages omggg. PP by car with mom (not rly that tired) but i SLEPT after i got home and had no mood to study helpppp

6 - did my first swab test today. i pushed the doctors hand when she’s doing oropharyngeal swab im sorryyyy 😂. slept. matcha. cicil kompre

7 - still havent finished ikk (deadline: today), and still havent studied for geri and ikk AND i still managed to take a nap. why. Read a bit of kompre. Not sleepy after matcha, but insted i reread bj alex and tsubaki chou lonely planet until 2 am the next day #rippriorities

8 - im having matcha latte seven days in a row as of today :))))) woke up at 10:30 am, went to flavola with atikah and got strawberry yakult (tasted like es mony), arrived home at abt 7-ish am and there no dinner, so i drank protein and ate japota honey butter. My breakfast was chicken porridge, so my diet is sooo liquid today. Rip proper nutrition (ate buryam, lumpia, japota for the whole day and drank 3 beverage). Cicil kompre and studied geri

9 - suma geri, slept, cicil kompre, ny head kind of hurts

10 - my head still hurts, suma ikk with dr herqu and dr retno, didnt take swab result by car because the TRAFFIC in soetta so my brother took it. Thankfully negative.

11 - lulus kompre alhamdulillah, the examiner were Prof Saptawati and dr. Dani from THT. Dr dani still remembered me :"") they were very kind. Went to tamel for first wahana: klinik makara UI. Picked up masker first at mahmudas place, and then went to depok. On the way i was interviewed by maba 2020 wtf im so old. Cleaned up my room with the fam, printed sumn in barel (its quite empty there)

12 - first day at klinik makara ui. i WALKED. such wow. fixed my shoes in kutek. had breakfast in barel and bahari for lunch-dinner. somehow i felt very drained. bought Dapur Alya (nutella and regal) and 2 salads from Salad Point since there was 11.11 promo. Put all of them in the fridge. Read Fools and its sooo good omg

13 - had salad and left over bahari rice for brekkie. went to clinic by grabbike :)))), had my first teleconsultation experience today, a chemical trauma case. suma ea with the help of shiko

14 - woke up at 5:20 ish and i jogged a bit at ui lmaoo. fisip - ft - fisip. By 6:30 im already back at my room. 1 hour can be spent a lot of different ways, it turns out. Washed my clothes. Ate monstercheese pizza. Slept a bit. Went to blok m with ara (she was late as always, surprised her with koi milk tea), ate futago ya (greasy cheesy milky goodness, enak tapi eneg afterwards), bought red bean bread at la mouette, bought discounted onigiri bento box at papaya. We went to m bloc space, looked around, ate gelato at kebunide (blueberry: yum, fresh, kiiinda feels artificial, salted caramel: delicious but makes me thirsty) and did photobox at connectoon. Walked to mrt asean but turns out!! for weekends mrt is closed at 8pm. Took grabbike to sudirman, seeing the pretty city and people just hanging out, playing skateboards on the wide sidewalks.

15 - planned to go jogging with salemba frens but i woke up late (06:45), so i just lazed around. Ate onigiri bento (super worth it for 25k for the proteins), fell asleep again 10ish to 14:30 lmaoo. The doms from yesterday was present even on the right side of my lower back 🙂 the red bean bread made me feel full, and the red bean was not too sweet, which i love. Reviewed some meshwork materials i missed. Fianti called and we talked abt her and hari

16 - had mujigae for sahur and fish bite for iftar. The fish was not as soft as fish streat, but the flour was definitely better and crunchy. But it doesnt have the seasoning micin like fish streat do. The pasta was quite a lot im in food coma afterwards. Fell asleep, and my stomach was so gassy that i woke up in the middle with a headache that does not play around. Fortunately it dissapeared in the morning

17 - breakfast is rice kimchi and abon lmaoo just pretend it makes sense. The scrubs i ordered finally arrived. I fell asleep AGAIN, WHYYYY. Lost my streak in DL, i guess i can stop using it for now.

18 - finished reading blood link, girlll i thought the human died at the end. Did not buy food today wow. Took a nap and cicil kompre.

19 - brekkie at barel. Helped measuring antropometry today at clinic, and also measured my own. The fucked up thing was that i THOUGHT my body fat is still at 28% compared to the past (dr rina's research). So i looked at the old paper AND. I USED TO HAVE. 35% FAT 🙂 even my memories are in denial and are fooling me. All this time i thought i was at 28 🙂 did swab at rsui. The one swabbing was from fkui 2012 and we had small talk. It hurted more than lmk :( now this does feel like drowning in water (cause before i said "nah its not like water in nose"). Took angkot back to tamel, bought piscok lumer pocin and its soooo gooood ugh

20 - i feel like if i have breakfast with leftover rice and abon and sozzis i get hungry faster lmaoo. Ordered ken karaage from kukusan, yaa okela for 25k with ongkir. Did online posbindu education through wa. BTS BE COMEBACK 🥺 i maximized my wifi time (no wifi at tamel) so i listened to the whole album. My mobile data is at 200MB lol. Read a good longreads from the atlantic, about down synd and genetic screening. The writing is so so good im just blown away. And teary eyed.

21 - ran a bit, solid class (gastro, rheum, infection), embryo, webinar about sleep by dr Gita Anindyajati, SpKJ, bought ayam geprek gold chick (lotsss of oil since i ordered tempe, jamur, egg, bought pop cookies. matcha cheese was actually better than i expected (the combination somehow fits), dark chocolate and marshmallow is very chocolatey like mom’s brownies, and vegan strawberry cookie with a hint of mint. i wonder how they replace the egg. I wonder why after i run i dont feel hungry for a moment. bloating just gooes away

22 - joined kris' healthy weekly event (lmao) in tamsur. They went to epiwalk first. Its difficult for me to run w mask, ngl. Went back to tamel, embryo, ate leftover meal from gold and chick, felt somehow drained to the bone so i just laid in bed and lazed and lazed. Theres no soreness, but the weakness was generalized lmao. Ordered bbq chicken almond salad from salad point, it was actually quite fulfilling and delishhh (added chili sauce to the dressing). Literally laid in bed from 7 until i fell asleep and woke up at 6 the next day. Finished readin shame application lmao

23 - i still feel tired ckckck. No doms, but i feel like i just want to lay down. got DV patient today at clinic, its most likely derm numularis??? Ate salad and dark choco marshmallow cookies in the evening and that cookie. Is so damn sweet im just thinking about the increase in my blood sugar. And i like sweets so!!! Never thought id find sumn too sweet. Washed my clothes and cicil ukmppd (i put things about studying ukmppd in habitica now)

24 - ate tanoshi sushi and ufo ramen for bfast, ate the sushi again for lunch and after waking up from my sleep i tried kokku ramen (so so, but the egg yolk's good)

25 - bfast: superbubur, protein shake and cookies. (did not make me feel full long enough). Ordered burger from EATG (so so, burger bener is better) for lunch. Last day at makara ui. Ara arrived coz shes staying here in tamel. Waiting for mom to arrive from cibubur, she arrived at about 20:30. I passed out at home

26 - first day in pkm kalideres, i volunteered to be pj to avoid RSUD. my room is a mess, i feel tired after i go back. maybe its the physical withdrawal (?) because i dont walk like when im on klinik makara. came to pkm thinking i wont do anything (orientation only) but the 6 of us ended up going. i was at igd. i saw nail extraction and injected ats for another patient 

27 - talked for almost an hour with the doctor at poli lansia. went home, felt sooo tired, i slept and actually showered after maghrib. originally planned to go to sbux but i was just tired af. my mood was horrible at home. 

28 - turns out i started my period today. i havent studied at all during pkm kalideres era. embryo. slept again. read some manga by nishin something with the psychological and BL genre. 

29 - embryo. cut my hair, showered, and felt better. fell asleep on dr gita's lecture. Drank cimory banana milk with a bit of matcha powder. I dont know if its the sleep, or a bit of caffeine, but my mood feels better and im more awake. Cicil ukmppd with a slow pace. Read itasaku ff. Slept at about 2 am

30 - surprisingly, i dont feel sleepy when i wake up. poli anak today, surprisingly i got perinatology case (jaundice). presented it on pleno. for bfast i ate 3 slice of bread (2 with meat and cheese, 1 choco and cheese) and protein shake, lunch: a slice of choco cheese bread and a banana, fell asleep, dinner: 1 bakwan, a banana and nextar. i can feel that the calories i got today is even less than what i usually got (and usually i already try to limit calories that i am counting the intake amout and made sure im not too far from my bmr lmaoo (~1100)