#tomorrow i might do a set of upper body stuff outside ring fit i think

[ophexis]

AIGHT

so ive been meaning to work out again since september but depression and game dev crunch have reduced me to a decrepit dried up larvae of a being but I worked out today!

I'm notoriously bad at keeping physical activity up mostly because I hate it but im 30 years old and sit at the pc too much and use my arm too much and i need to get my shit going now before i regret it later in life so ill try to hold myself accountable a bit lmao

So I'll try to do something that invovles me moving at least once a day, maybe not a full workout everyday but ill try to do them more often. And when I do so, I will allow myself to post a random pic of my OCs on here despite how annoying i might feel about it lmao. And it will get me posting to tumblr more. So. Win-win??

Without further ado, here is my first Tav, Kell, whom I adore dearly.

[noythe]

Burial

First of all, HO BOY. I didn’t know I was capable of writing anymore. Mental Health is so damn important if you want to create. Don’t let anyone tell you something different. Second. This is literally a fanfic to a fanfic. Cause I am dumb. Or in love with the setting. And my mind drifted of during work and I just had to write it down. My writing is FAR from as good as the goddess @the-darklings​ , so this entire thing feels more like me. But I had to write it down. In one go. Cause we die like men. Ehem. Yeah. This a little OS to the Children of Ares fanfiction, playing the Universe of John Wick. Check the original out and take your time for that. It’s worth it. Every word of it. Warnings: Angst? Blood, Violence. The bad stuff, you know.

Words: 3428 ( HOLY SHIT. IT’S BEEN SO LONG THAT I WROTE MORE THAN 5!!! Words AT ONCE)

What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me?

Dirty streets and abandoned buildungs, the scent of grilled chicken and some pastry in the air.

It wasn't vacation. And most importantly it wasn't safe.

The place you were heading to was not the Continental. It would take days to reach it. Even if you knew that Santino wouldn't be far. Rather under the protective wing of the Camorra, like he always insists worldess and yet you never gave in.

What are you wondering?

No, your goal was different and much less known. An old abandoned hospital somewhere in the italian lands, far off from anyone who could know your name or face. Besides those who were living inside.

A few you had saved – somehow – and others.. were spies, dealing.. Whatever you requiered at that moment. Loyalty was a rare thing, but it could be found in the darkest places.

What do you know?

You took easy steps, a simple coat and set of clothes, bulletproof anyway. Afterall you still were searched for. And you needed time to breathe. Time to fix this. Time to keep Santino and John out of this. At this rate you were pretty sure both would take a bullet for you – which was the least thing you liked. An old set of headphones was helping to make you look like a harmless stranger, a beanie on top of your head and a belt with more options to kill an army than some could imagine. There was no room for a gun, neither for the full inventory of poison. But it would work in case it was requiered.

With a heavy thud your boots came to an halt in front of the ruin. A few dim lights were burning in the cracked windows and you frowned, dusk was just aproaching with eagerness, some street lights were flaring with a buzz as they tried to lighten up the main street around the corner.

Perhaps you could just stay here for a few days, maybe weeks. Recover, think. Be for yourself without any pressure. Without the presence of anyone who clouded your mind over and over again. It was hard enough. And no one seemed yet to understand what their words meant. Either crushing you down with their weight or lifting to you heights you never thought you could reach.

The steps on the stairs were well taken care off, yet the sound of rotten wood or dust was heavy in the air. The building was huge but not as haunting like your first visit. You had been on the run then and somehow you were on the run once more. But times had changed, You had changed. Now you were known, feared and hunted.

Vipress.

Even with all your training and experience, you were glad to have reached one of the upper floors and give your legs a rest. The room you stopped in was locked, only your key was fitting.

A soft click and the security door opened, giving way for a rather comfortable but simple room. A bed, a safe, chair and table. The most necessary things that sometimes felt like you had no right to own them.

Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me?

Shrugging of your coat you walk over to the window, absently playing with the ring under your short, pulling at the chain now and then.

Somehow those two idiots didn't ever leave your side, did they?

It was dark outside, the street seemed empty for now. Rats you surely would find, looking for food or rotten bodies.. But there was none.

With a frown you decide to let go of the ring and leaned your forehead at the cold glass, the sight in front of you getting dark as your forced your eyes to close.

A even heartbeat was unable to help you calm down.

Perhaps some sleep would do.

The mattress wasn't comfortable. The blanket cold and dusty. But for today it had to do. Tomorrow you might be able to see a few of the Stray's how you remembered to call them. You needed information, tools. A plan. But now.. Now you just wanted to have some good rest. Perhaps with nightmares, perhaps with the pain of the past. You had too much going on. Too much that needed to be solved to save your skin. You couldn't just shed it as some assumed. But you could bite. And you always clawed yourself a way out.

When we all fall asleep...,

It was rather restless sleep. You barely could remember some good old rest, without waking up sweaty and hitching breath. Sometimes it was too much. Unlike today. You were scared, worried. Perhaps overwhelmed with emotion. That was something you simply had no time for. They still tried to kill you.

You stared up to the ceiling of the room, pretending to see a map to follow. Where to go next.

Thoughts came and left, now and then a few steps echoed through the hallway but never someone stepped at your door. A small little haven.. even if just for this while. A saddening thought.. Your aching muscles were asking for attention anyway and you started to think about something else. Wounds. Medical help. Rubbing your shoulder you flinched at the still sore spot and gritted your teeth. With your lifestyle it might take a few centuries to ever fully heal. It had been good for a while..

„Okay brain. What about some sleep, huh?“, talking to yourself wasn't that rare. Keeping a cool head, focus. Count. That much for relaxing.

Pulling one of your throwing knives out of the belt hanging on the bedframe, you start to turn it around in your hand, over and over again, watching the reflection whenever it got hit by ray of light. Ever so restless.. Hours passed but at least you finally fell into a light but recovering slumber. Something you deserved. Like peace. Or that piece of cake you had seen three weeks ago.

...where do we go?

A hissing noise errupted your sleep. Sitting up on the bed in a breath your mind worked slower than you needed right now.

Your skin felt odd, your ears like they were stuffed. What in hell..

It was your instinct that made you roll to face the wall and cover your head, curled up like a child as the first wave of heat hit. You heard the shattering sound of glass, the rubbish from tiles and walls hitting the ground. Something sounded like it was breaking.

Get up. Get up.

You rolled down the bed, going for your belt to strap it back in place, but you were too late.

You didn't even manage to grab your stuff, just went for the door and ran for your life. Jumping out of the window? No option. You would most likely break every bone in your body. Chances of survival far too low.

More stuff was blowing up in the distance. More and more. The time between each explosion always about the same time. This.. this had been planned. Just your hell bit of luck? No. You didn't believe that anymore.

Today, I'm thinkin' about the things that are deadly.

It was impossible to walk in a straight line. Whenever you thought you reached a hallway that lead to the emergency exit – it was either burning or broken. Or both.

People were running, people were screaming.

You couldn't even pinpoit the location of the next explosion. They seemed random but effective. The entire building was shaking. And the flying parts set rooms on fire. This was just a low hideout.. That made no sense.

Run.. Get to lower ground. If you made it down two or three levels.. You could risk to jump out of the next best window if there wasn't another chance.

Run. Run! Too bad you had no use for the layout of this place anymore. Dead-End. Shit. Turning around you looked for cover in the room to your left,  A small window to look outside. The park of the hospital was already painted orange by embers and flames, smoke forcing it's way through windows and creaks, through holes and doors. You could see people run through flames, bodies burning and shrinking down as they gave up. Dying, burned alive. Perhaps suffocated by the smoke before that..

It was only a faint second, then the building was shaking again – the wall to your right bursting into million pieces, the pressure forcing you against the wall.

Aching pain marked your temple, the rubbish buried in your skin and dust forced a cough out of your lungs.

Screams continued as you regained your focus slowly, having a look at the hole that explosion left on the floor. You could see the room beneath. Burning.. But still safer than this one up here.

Someone at the room next door decided to jump through the glass, while you took a deep breath, pulling up your shirt a little to cover up your nose and let yourself fall down to the next room.

Smoke was already heavy. There was little choice but to keep yourself low. Smoke would always find a way up. Everything seemed to be burning, still the building was errupted by explosions. Why didn't it stop? Who would cause this? And why now?

Bury a friend,

It was war. War to get outside. War to remain conscious or able to walk.

You were so tired. Tired of running, tired of surviving.

And yet you had reasons to move on. There was no other choice. Either John or Santino would kill you if you stopped right now.

After all you were the one who left without a word.. For their own safety. Now that you thought of it, it might have been a little foolish. But honestly? Was it the first time you did something you.. rather wouldn't have to do?

Thinking about this kept you sane.

You stepped over broken bodies, some were reaching out for your feet as you passed them. But you just kept moving on. You couldn't save them all. Not this time. You had to save yourself. You had to survive.

Your shoe got stuck on something and you looked back through the darkness, noticing the small shoulder that was buried beneath the missing wall from the room beside you. Someone might say that killing would change people at some point. It did. But it never made it harmless to see children die. Innocent. It could've been you. You so long ago.

That it had been a mistake to stop, would pay of right away. Not even the lump in your throat could be swallowed as something rained down your spine. The floor above you was giving in. And there was little space to dodge. Kicking and rolling and pushing you tried to get out of the way. Burning pieces of something crashed down and all you could do was to hurry. Pray that you were faster than whatever was coming down. This was a nightmare.

You missed death by a hair as you turned around to press yourself flat against the next wall, holding your breath to not cause any disturbance or extra weight to the wall you were leaning on.

What if this was happening because of you? But if was impossible. No one could possibly know about it. Maybe just coincidence.

The police didn't try to blow this place up. This was bullshit.

You needed fresh air. And you needed it badly. Your eyes were burning, your lungs aching already.

If you would pass out..you wouldn't make it. You would die. Just like everybody else here.

Try to wake up.

Groaning you made your way further down. Bulletproof clothing didn't protect against flames. Maybe you should ask for something that was heat resistant next time..

A dry chuckle left your chapped lips and threw yourself against the next door. Trying to open this exit that got you trapped inside for now. It didn't even move.

Well planned explosions.. To weaken the structure of the building. Panic. Fire. People that would kill for survival.. locked emergency exits.

Reaching for your phone you hoped to reach someone. Santi had been your last call that would wo-

Whatever was your phone before, was nothing but rubbish now. Cursing you threw it into the next best flame and moved on once more. Options were running low.

But if you just knew.

If you just knew that familiar eyes were watching the building from afar in blank terror. If you just knew that phone calls were made.

If you just knew that hell was being unleashed.

You couldn't move on. Your legs did no longer carry your and your lungs asked for oxygen. But all they got was smoke. No antidot you had with you could help – if the vials were still intact, that was.

Coughing you sat down in a hallway, lowering your rate of breaths as good as possible to win some time.

Always on the run..

Your head swayed to the side and you tried to focus on something in front of you, the  blood on your face not as dominant as the ashe that coated your skin now. The pain was even getting less.. Or you just were getting numb.

I wanna end me. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna end me.

Everything seemed to happen so slowly. As if it was wrapped in cotton candy, just like you.

More and more from the buildung was collapsing. Pulling more into the hungry flames that licked your boots and skin already.

If there was at least time to look at the damage and figure out how to fix yourself and this situation.

Dying here wasn't a great option either.

You didn't know where that strength came. Or who pulled you up and through the hallway. It just happened and you were allowed to witness it. A woman. About your age, you later noticed.

She was speaking to you, you could see her lips move, her hands searching you for wounds. But you heard no longer. All was..quiet.

Focus on her lips. Read them. Focus. Focus. Foc-

She gently tapped your face a few times and held your in a steady grip, repeating something over and over again.

You didn't even notice that you nodded, but she pulled you up once more. And you walked. Walked through death and flames.

It felt like eternity. But all that happened, passed in so little time that your brain couldn't really catch up with it.

You crashed against the womans back as she stopped and she pulled you into another direction, your legs aching as they were forced to move on.

You weren't the Vipress right now. You were a suvivor as long as you weren't dead.

Black dots were sprinkling your sight, sometimes you saw a flash of white as you turned your head and it all spinned. Deeper..deeper.. Pass flames and death.

Pass it all and leave it behind. Fall into darkness and embrace it.

Honestly, I thought that I would be dead by now.

The last time you remembered something to happen, you were somewhere under the earth. Buried alive.

You had survived for so long by now. Tricked and killed, escaped and lived on. Day after day. It always could have been your last. You always managed to slip through. Always found a way. This time it was someone else who pushed you through. But did you notice?

You just went through something that was hell on earth. The building had collapsed entirely. Flames had eaten everything away. And survivors? Impossible.

So you were most likely in your own underworld, stuck in darkness.

Someone forced water into your mouth and you started to fight, it felt as you were drowning once more No. No. NO! . Fight for your life as you didn't want to be brought back, back to another hell. Your hand connected with skin, your eyes meeting a terrified shade of green that belonged to that woman from before. Her neck was so thin.. So thin. The skin broke so fast. It broke so easy. Your knife never missing a mark. Never would you go back into that hell. Never. Never.. Never.

Maybe you should be sorry.

For the debt I owe, gotta sell my soul.

Time didn't mean a lot in darkness and smoke. The plastic bottle with water was empty beside you, two puddles of blood already dry as you moved your head around a little.

Was she alive? Did you kill her by accident?

You couldn't see her breathe. But it was too dark to see much anyway.

Fuck this..

'Cause I can't say no, no, I can't say no.

Besides a ringing in your ear, there was not much you could hear, but you forced yourself to get up anyway. Deaf. Great. Fantastic. Couldn’t get much worse.

Everything was hurting. Skin was burned and cut. Something probably broken or..just not in place anymore.

But as long as you couldn't get any clear thoughts you couldn't figure that out. Right now everything that mattered was.. to get out. Find a bit of strength. Somewhere.

Then my limbs all froze and my eyes won't close.

It took you an eternity to figure out that you weren't underneath the earth. You really had been buried alive the building. Hard to tell with all that darkness around you. But now and then.. There was light. And light was hope.

Clawing your way outside, only driven by the will to survive, to fix this, you found loose rocks and pulled and pushed. You kicked and you screamed, your body calling once more to give up and rest. You couldn't. You should be dead. There was no way you were alive. It was your imagination. The..after.. Was there such crap? Sure. You didn't expect heavenly choirs and silver gates.. But this did look like shit, even for hell.

And I can't say no, I can't say no.

There was a lot that still needed to be fixed. And you wished that you had more time.

Maybe even a chance for a normal life. As foolish was this thought was. But some could dream, right?

You no longer had to run. Your journey was over.

A last push and you gasped for air, nearly choking on it as it filled your lungs. You didn't have to see a doctor to know that you were suffering from smoke intoxication and most likely would die from that. If not the bleeding or lack of water. Your hands were bleeding, nails chipped. Dirt and blood everywhere. Help. You needed help.

What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me?

Turning on your back you watched the sky.

It looked..lovely. The aftermath of the fire, you assumed. Or the dawn. You couldn't tell. A few faint stars.. At least a nice last view.

Your shaking arm reached up, trying to grab a handful of the little suns.. But as it sank back lifeless your palm was empty, safe for the blood that had collected. Dry and fresh alike.

What an odd price to pay for..freedom. But sooner or later, it would have happened anyway. There was no other way out.

Yes. Perhaps you were sorry for all the things left unsaid. But they surely would forgive you at some point. If they ever..ever would know. Not exactly heroic. The great Vipress.. died because she didn’t manage to escape a collapsing building in time. You were smart. But also just..human.

What are you wondering? What do you know?

Frantic was the search, the signal lost. But hope? Hope did exist. It never truly faded.

Sometimes all that was left was a signal, a chain.

Perhaps a ring. A trail of blood. Tracks that could be followed. Marks so clear and yet hard to read.

There were people that knew you. Knew you better than anyone else. Those who had your trust. Those you trusted. Who would unleash hell if that meant to keep you safe, who wanted to run with you from this life.

If you would have accepted. All those doors, open.

News could spread like fire and unleash something worse than hell.

Why aren't you scared of me?

„That's impossible.“

Why do you care for me?

„Dio mio!“

When we all fall asleep,

„ She’s alive.”

 where do we go?