#told y’all it was a silly idea lol I’m just curious | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cotccotc · 4 years ago

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┈┈ 𝐬𝐤𝐳 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬/𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 *:･ﾟ

✩ ot8 reaction headcannon, 2.5k words (eek sorry)

✩ genre/s: **fluff**, humor, established relationship, ot8 x gender neutral!reader

✩ warning/s: MOBILE TUMBLR HATES ME (some gifs & author’s note might not appear),,,, my terrible sense of humor/commentary, a couple of them are suggestive if you s q u i n t

✩ a/n: idk if the concept makes any sense but it does in my mind \_( ‘-’ )_/ also seungmin’s part is the exact same kinda similar to a brief scenario in my txt soobin “brightest blue” fic... but it’s fineee. also i’m sorry that some are longer than others! enjoy :))

chan:

chan is definitely extremely interested in the music you listen to.

in fact, sometimes he’d probably insist that you show him your current playlist from start to finish lol.

i can imagine y’all hanging out at the dorms, maybe even mid-cuddle, listening to some of your recent favorites.

but there’s this ONE SONG--

your absolute JAM

you get up from your seat or the bed and start completely jamming out.

he stays where he is so he can watch you have the time of your life.

i guess nobody told him you’re a professional lip syncer… awk...

you grab a hairbrush and hold it up like it’s a microphone.

honestly you’re thriving,,

he’s kinda stunned. not in a bad way, but he’s just so mezmorized by how cute (and maybe a lil sexy) you are when you dance like no one’s watching.

there’s a particularly awesome beat drop toward the end of the song, which leads you to do some equally awesome head banging.

he’s cackling at this point, which drives you to act even sillier.

*ending pose*

once the song ends and you’re trying to catch your breath, he slowly starts clapping for you.

“the song was great, but the performance was even better,” he’d say, coming off a bit sarcastic. but he means well!

you start to get a bit self-conscious and shy as you put yourself together again.

he’ll try to comfort you, standing up to wrap you in a hug.

“don’t be embarrassed!” (cue soft chan),

“baby that was awesome”,

“you should join a rock band!”, etc.

overall, he’d love it when you share your music taste, and this event will probably set off a chain reaction of similar jam sessions in the future.

minho:

ok so we all know minho’s a cat person, blah blah blah...

but what if you got super excited about a really cute dog?

let’s say you’re on a walk at a park, holding hands, and talking.

all of a sudden you see someone walking their dog…

and when i tell you this is the cutest, tiniest dog on the face of the earth,,,

you immediately stop walking and squeeze minho’s hand. you point to the dog and start freaking out because it’s so cute.

he’d say something silly like, “what are you talking about? it looks like a rat.”

you disregard it because you’re just so excited about this puppy!

“can we pet it?” you ask.

“... fine” he replies, smiling at you, despite his attempts to act uninterested.

y’all go over to the woman walking her dog and ask if you can pet the puppy. when she says you can pet him, you immediately sit on the ground, ready to have the best puppy playdate of your life.

minho’s still standing, watching you with loving eyes.

of course, you start talking to the puppy as if he’s a baby. minho laughs, trying to stifle all the uwus emanating from his heart

the puppy climbs onto your lap and licks your face just a little bit.

you look up at minho with wide eyes, saying “awww, isn’t he so cute!”

he’d playfully roll his eyes because why would he cheat on cats like that…

then you tug on his hand, motioning for him to sit with you. he does, reluctantly.

you place the puppy on his lap to see what happens.

the dog loves him! (of course, because what living thing wouldn’t love lee minho?)

the puppy is licking minho all over as he makes faces of disgust and struggles to pull him away.

you laugh out loud, happier than ever at the two very good boys in front of you.

he smiles again, completely endeared with your excitement despite being covered in puppy spit...

so, it doesn’t matter what kinds of animals you two prefer, since you’re the cutest thing he’s ever seen. (aww)

changbin:

i feel like changbin is the type to not be ashamed of/shy about showing you the songs he’s writing.

...except for right now.

he just got home from the studio, dropping his bag onto a table… but some papers fall out.

you attempt to grab the papers, but changbin stops you and grabs them himself instead with a subtle hint of nervousness.

pretty suspicious if you ask me.

“what’s up?” you ask, a bit confused about what just happened.

he’d try to play it off like nothing suspicious was going on, but you know his poker face.

it’s too cute not to notice.

he likes to play all tough but you (and everyone else tbh) know him better than that.

you go to grab the papers, but he steps away. you try again… and again, and again, and again.

you become increasingly more frustrated and impatient with each attempt, until changbin holds them up high in the air where you can’t reach them. he has a look on his face that says ‘haha! gotcha!’

you’ve never done this much jumping in your life.

but you’re not a quitter.

��okay… i give up,” you say, returning to a stationary position and placing your arms around his neck.

however, just as he lowers his hands to your waist, you snatch the papers!

“AHA!” you exclaim.

all he can say is “damn it!” as you scramble to the couch with the papers in your hand. you sit facing away from him, attempting to speed-read the lyrics sprawled across the pages.

he follows you to the couch, trying to take the papers back from behind.

“binnie, these are so good!!”

“thanks… but were they worth betraying your innocent boyfriend?”

“yes. every word.” you finally hand him back the papers with a smirk.

he’d curse under his breath, ditching the papers in favor of tickling you instead.

what a terrible punishment!

hyunjin:

we all know hyunjin is a drama queen,,

you can be a bit of a dramatic person yourself (who isn’t?).

so when you lose your favorite sweater, you’re immediately going on a wild goose chase around the dorms, because that’s where you had it last.

you’re practically talking to yourself. double checking everywhere you’d been. retracing your steps like a mad person.

you need this sweater!!

you let out a little “urgh!” as you begin getting frustrated.

hyunjin would ask what’s wrong, and when you tell him, he’d GASP.

he’d be like:

“have you checked under the bed?”

“the couch?”

“what about over here?”

“over there?”

this boy will not REST until the sweater is back in your possession, wasting no time in matching your level of concern/dramatics...

… if not exceeding it.

y’all have practically torn the whole room apart at this point.

until finally, you find it in a random drawer (of course smh)

“I FOUND IT!” you’d exclaim, flopping onto the bed and putting the sweater on,

to which you’d receive a “YAY!” in return

tired and leaning against a wall, he’d say something like, “thank GOD! now, why do you need it so bad?”

and you’d simply and softly respond, “... i got chilly~”

he wouldn’t give a verbal response, but his face would go from relaxed to ‘bruh’.

you knew he’d be shocked at your statement, but you choose to tease him instead with a smile.

he would then opt to tackle you in the bed, fumbling with the covers and vowing to make you as warm as humanly possible.

jisung:

jisung definitely loves showing you the music he’s been working on, just like changbin.

except… this time, the lyrics aren’t necessarily what you’re used to hearing.

you can tell jisung’s a bit nervous as he presses play, choosing to keep his eyes on the floor as he nods his head to the rap.

you’re listening intently, as curious and excited as you are every other time…

but then you realize that it’s about you……

the lyrics talk about letting someone into his life and his longing to be even closer to that person than he is now.

therefore,,,, u w u

you giggle, which prompts him to look up at you almost immediately with anticipation about your reaction.

you decide to wait until the end of the song to react, but you can already feel the excitement bubbling up inside of you.

the song ends, and you’re sitting in silence alongside jisung. “so… what did you think?”

“well… i think…” you trail off, looking into jisung’s eyes.

with a bit of a squeal you leap up from your seat and essentially attack him.

you straddle his legs (don’t get any *ideas* this is FLUFF for goodness sake) and wrap your arms around his neck, locking him into a big hug.

“i love it, baby. so, so, so, much,” you respond quickly and genuinely.

he laughs, his arms wrapping around you.

he’d probably remark, “you scared me for a second!”

you laugh in response, apologizing for your delayed reaction.

deep down, he’d feel so relieved that you liked the song and its sentiment.

he’d also be so happy to have you, his overexcited sweetheart, in his arms.

however, at the surface, he’d prefer to tease you. “next time, don’t make me wait so long!”

felix:

ok so y’all send memes and tik toks back and forth all day every day. it’s just protocal.

also,,, you could literally be in the same room, and he’d still just start sending you tik toks he’d saved just to send to you and see your reaction.

but there’s this o n e

you can’t quite explain why but when you watch the tik tok that your boyfriend sent you from across the couch, you laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed before.

whatever humor you may have, this tik tok completely encompasses it in a beautiful, stupid way.

before you know it, you begin cackling.

felix knows that you’ve always been a bit embarrassed of your laugh (who isn’t, right?), so when you start letting loose he’s a bit caught off guard.

still, he joins in (at a smaller scale, of couse).

he always wants to see you happy, but this is a whole new level of cuteness in his eyes.

your laughter subsides a bit...

until you decide to watch the tik tok again.

believe it or not, it’s even funnier the second time!

you double over, laughing so hard that no sound is even coming out of your mouth.

“are you okay?!” he’d ask, laughing harder now at your actions.

he’d put his arms around you so he could hold you up.

you’d mouth out a “no” in response.

there are practically tears forming at the corners of your eyes.

he’d continue looking down at you with a beaming smile, holding you up until your laughter comes to a full stop.

“was it really that funny? i can’t even make you laugh like this.”

you’re almost dazed, your stomach hurting (in the best way possible). you try to steady your breathing.

after a few seconds of recovery, he’d whisper in your ear with a deep, silly voice...

“...wanna watch it again?”

it’s safe to say you won’t fully recover for a while.

seungmin:

on days off, you watch dramas with seungmin to take both of your minds off of work/school/whatever’s been keeping you busy.

however… of course you can’t go a whole episode without laughing hysterically, and it’s all because of seungmin.

it could be the most dramatic, intense, or heartbreaking scene in the show but he would make it into a full blown impersonation comedy routine.

ESPECIALLY if the drama is in a foreign language.

this boy will reinact all of the subs in the stupidest way possible.

but, today he’s a bit exhausted, snuggling up against you and not saying much.

our boys work too hard :(( (but wbk)

...so you decide to take his place.

you start off kind of hesitantly, waiting to see if he’d even react. when the main characters start to have an argument, you begin reading the subtitles in a silly voice.

you hear a soft giggle from your boyfriend has be tightens his arm’s grip around your waist.

you begin to use different voices for each of the two characters, alternating between a nasly, high pitched one and a lower one with voice cracks. this makes seungmin laugh harder, going from a giggle to his usual open-mouthed chuckle.

he’s so cute >_< ,,anyways…

as the scene intensifies, so does the volume of your impersonations.

“yOu’Ve bEtRaYeD mE!”

“BuT yOu LiEd tO mE!”

at this point seungmin is cackling despite his heavy eyes and unwillingness to move. he’d be so caught up in your routine that he’d forget he was even tired.

you look up at him to see that big smile and those sparkly eyes you love so much, which motivates you to be even goofier!

you sit up, leaving seungmin’s grasp. you begin making hand gestures to match your overdramatic tone.

the scene comes to a climax, in which you recite the final line with more ferver and fake passion than ever before. you finish it off with a fist in the air for ~emphasis~.

as you hold this pose, you hear your loyal audience member begin to cheer for you. he claps, whisper-shouting “ahh” to create fake crowd noises.

“what a show!” he would commend you with an expression of sarcastic awe on his face.

you’re really glad you decided to cheer him up…

but not nearly as glad as he is to have you with him on a day like this.

jeongin:

jeongin’s smile could literally melt anyone’s heart. everybody knows this.

i don’t care who you are, if you see jeongin smile, you either smile or cry and there are no other options.

i don’t make the rules.

so, when he shows you the ‘lovestay’ version of his latest dance practice, you’re bound to go insane with adoration.

as soon as his solo comes up and the camera zooms in on his sweet, smiling face, you give his cheek a little poke

you say, “that’s you!”

“shut up,” he’d respond, giggling.

“wait, i missed something,” you say with a sense of urgency. you take the phone from his hands, rewinding a few seconds.

he’d roll his eyes at you, getting a bit shy.

you resume the video until the boy in the video holds up a finger heart, at which point you press pause.

“look how cute!” you exclaim, looking up at jeongin and pointing back and forth between him and the screen.

“stop it!” he’s blushing (and you’re screaming internally at how cute he is) as he tries to refrain from making a big smile.

you poke his side, resulting in a small fit of laughter that forces his bright grin to peek out.

he swats your hand away, putting his arm around you

(partly to show his affection and partly to make you hold still)

you place your head onto his shoulder, resuming the video for the final time. “you’re too cute. i can’t help it.”

“but you’re the cutest...” he murmurs, almost inaudibly to someone who isn’t as close to him as you are now.

heat rises in your face.

you: “...stop…”

him: “hah!”

touché...

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writhingcreature · 4 years ago

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Breathe ~ the Doctor (part 3)

A/n: Sorry that I’m fixating on this series I just? I love this idea a lot lol. Also, I know I posted this on the wrong account but it would literally be like an extra half hour of work to fix this and I am not in the MOOD so I hope y’all can forgive my idiocy lmao

Word Count: 9100+

MASTERLIST

"What are you laughing at?" Y/n demanded, his face going red at Rose's giggles which had not stopped since Y/n had walked in the room.

The blonde shook her head, thoroughly amused it seemed. "You've been around the Doctor too much!" She accused. "Since when do you wear white button up shirts? Long sleeves and collar and all."

Y/n seemed suddenly defensive. "I like it, and I made it my own. See, no jacket, and I roll my sleeves up! With a nice vest, I could pass as a business man at the end of the day, or a farmer, or whatever." He sighed, allowing himself a smile. "Everywhere we go is never we expect to be. How many times have you gone running about in something not fitting for the time we turn up at? No matter where we go, the Doctor always fits in. I thought maybe taking after him would do me some good." He shrugged. "Makes me feel more professional too."

Rose gave a short chuckle once more before letting a long breath out as she looped her arm with Y/n. Y/n didn't know what Casandra had done to their little group, but ever since the trio had parted in that hallway when Y/n had stayed behind with Chip, things had been very different between him, Rose, and the Doctor. Y/n and the Doctor had long since stopped correcting people when they were called a couple. The Doctor and Rose as well. Y/n and Rose though... they'd been friends so long. Two people teetering on an edge they both tried not to fall over, thinking the other person didn't care at all. Yet here they were, secretly in love with each other this whole time. What a pair of fools.

"Well you look good in it, I won't lie. Especially with the sleeves rolled up," Rose complimented.

Y/n looked at her, his face colored with amusement but also embarrassment at her kind words. "What is it with men wearing collared button ups, sleeves rolled up, that does it for so many people?"

Shrugging was as much of an answer as Y/n got from Rose, because just then the pair arrived back in the main controls room. Where they were within earshot of the Doctor. The man turned around when they entered, and stopped short when he saw Y/n. "Well you look..." Y/n blushed even harder and Rose looked between the two men before scoffing.

"Oh, you two. Tell him he looks nice Doctor, you look silly like that, not saying how you feel when everyone knows what you're thinking anyway."

The Doctor cleared his throat. "You look very nice, Y/n."

"Thank you, Doctor," Y/n replied.

Rose dropped his arm, moving further into the room to divert attention from the sudden awkwardness. It really didn't make sense. The Doctor had been romantically involved plenty of times, Y/n knew that for fact. Speaking of, Y/n had as well. The Doctor had even been married and had children. That had been ages though... perhaps he was rusty when it came to romance. Maybe it was just Y/n, who was far less experienced and completely clueless how to treat a situation where the rules were not as clear as the feelings they had for each other. They had all this energy, but no idea how to utilize it. Rose, as usual, was the one who seemed to be able to handle it. Perhaps it was that she'd been in several serious relationships, but she always directed that unspoken energy in the right direction, then let it go when it was time. She had perfect timing, actually. It was rather impressive.

"What about my outfit, Doctor? Do you think it'll do?" She asked casually.

As always, the Doctor took the opportunity to change the subject. Y/n wondered passively if things between them would have really gone anywhere without Rose. God, what would they do without her? "The late 1970's?" The Doctor thought aloud, returning Y/n's mind to what was happening now. "You'd be better off in a bin bag. Hold on, listen to this," he added in a rush to cover his rather rude comment.

Rock music began playing suddenly, and everyone's attention turned to that. "I've heard this before. My mum used to listen to it."

Rose looked at Y/n in surprise, but the Doctor knew what it meant to far too casually bring up people one had lost and not want it looked at further, so he was the one who continued the conversation to other things this time. "Ian Dury and the Blockheads," he said with a grin. "Number on in 1979! Your mum had a popular taste, Y/n."

At that Rose got rather bright, her smile so wide that you could hear it when she spoke. "You're a punk!" The Doctor began to sing, and Y/n joined him, both of them grinning at each other as they had their fun with the music. "You both are, I can't believe it. A pair of punks. You, Doctor, are specifically some old punk with a bit of rockabilly thrown in."

"Do you want to go see him?" The Doctor asked, enjoying the banter.

Leaning against one of the rails, Y/n watched the two in quiet amusement as he often did with them. They talked too much for Y/n to keep up with. He was usually at a slower pace than them, and he preferred to watch them go at it anyway. "How do you mean?" Rose asked. "In concert?"

"Well what else is the TARDIS for?" The Doctor pointed out. "Also, Y/n, don't just stand there. You need to be watching me I said, you have to learn what I'm doing and then I'll teach you why I'm doing it and what everything means. You learn by doing I know, but you have to watch first."

Y/n smirked. "Oh don't worry Doctor, I'm watching plenty."

"Oi!" The Doctor pointed a warning finger at Y/n, but his face was not angry as much as it was red like Y/n's had been before. "Behave, you."

"I think not," Y/n disregarded.

"I'm sorry are we ignoring the fact that we might go to a concert in the 1970's? How cool would that be Y/n? I bet your mum would love that."

Y/n darkened a bit. "No, my mum hated crowds. She did like the music though." It wasn't bitter, but thoughtful. The same tone the Doctor used when he talked about his old life, before the Time War. Rose had noticed how similar the men were becoming. More and more very day, and quickly too.

"You know, I can take you anywhere," the Doctor told Y/n. Anywhere in space, but also in time. In the past. We can watch all the greatest moments of history, no problem. We're not just here to fix the world, we could just learn to. Take an easy trip for once."

There was something Y/n had been wanting to see for ages. Ever since Rose had seen her dad, way back when he died and she held him. Back before the Doctor was this man who he was now. He knew he couldn't do it though. Not because he would try and save his parents - he had learned from Rose. No, he just didn't want the Doctor or Rose to see back then. He didn't want them to know. He had been curious though... For so long. He couldn't remember them much, and had forgotten their voices ages ago.

"I'd like a concert," Y/n answered. "What do you think, Rose?"

She gave a small smile, as if she'd seen Y/n's thoughts in that moment but was too polite to call him out. "Ian Durey and the Blockheads it is." The TARDIS jerked when the Doctor began to go, but that was usual. What was not usual, was when the Doctor took a hammer from under the desk and began to slam parts of the control panel with it. Needless to say, when they all landed Y/n was the first one out. He felt annoyed seeing that. Even... a little sick to his stomach. He didn't know why - he'd never been motion sick before. He thought best not to question it.

Not that he wasn't plenty distracted when he and the other two exited the TARDIS to realize they were absolutely not anywhere near a concert being set up in 1979. In fact, they were in-

"1879," the Doctor realized when they were faced with men on horses wearing red coats and cocking guns they pointed into the trio's faces. "Same difference." Y/n glared at him, but the Doctor only winked in response.

"You will explain your presence," one of the armed men demanded. "And the nakedness of this girl." Y/n smirked and as if sensing it, without looking over, Rose elbowed him. Now was not the time to be flaunting how right he had been to dress the way he had, and not the way he usually did.

When the Doctor spoke again, he had a Scottish accent on and Y/n's eyes widened in surprise. Since when could he do that? "Are we in Scotland?"

"How can you be ignorant of that?" The same man spoke again, seeming seconds away of shooting them all. Y/n wasn't concerned for himself... except he had no idea how to explain why the bullets wouldn't kill him. The more pressing matter was definitely the other two though.

The Doctor began to bullshit and Y/n felt his muscles tense. "Oh- I- I'm dazed and confused. I've been chasing this wee naked child over hill and over dale. My partner is usually the navigator, so I trust him to lead the way." The Doctor motioned to Y/n with a head tilt, then looked at Rose. "Isn't that right, you timorous beastie?" He seemed a little hesitant, and Y/n had the thought pass of how fast he'd have to move to cover both of them when the bullets began firing.

Rose only made it worst. "Och, aye. I've been... oot about aboot."

"Please stop," Y/n whispered, shaking his head. Y/n hadn't heard many Scottsmen speak, but after the Doctor's fairly believable go at it, her complete failure was even clear to him.

"Hoots, mon?" Rose tried again.

"No Y/n's right, seriously, stop," the Doctor followed up.

The man on the horse spoke again. "Will you identify yourself, sir?"

"I'm Doctor James McCrimmon from the township of Balamory," the Doctor answered, switching gears again immediately. "I have my credentials if I may?" He moved his hand toward his pocket, drawing out his psychic paper when given the go ahead. He flashed it at the man. "As you can see, a doctorate from the University of Edinburgh." He showed it around willingly, and Y/n felt quite proud of the Doctor's ability to pull off a lie. Not to those who knew him, but when it mattered at least. "I trained under Doctor Bell himself."

Suddenly a woman's voice rang out. "Let them approach."

The uniformed man hesitated. "I don't think that's wise, ma'am."

"Let them approach," the woman demanded again, this time with attitude.

Obviously he didn't want to, but the woman must have been the final say because he finally conceded with, "You will approach the carriage, and show all due deference."

So they approached. The carriage door opened and there sat an older woman who looked rather comfortable in the company of strangers. "Rose, Y/n," the Doctor began. "Might I introduce you to Her Majesty Queen Victoria, Empress of India and Defender of the Faith."

"Oh my god," Y/n whispered, eyes widening. Aliens were one thing, but someone so staple in their own history? That was what tripped Y/n up, out of all the things they'd seen. This was just too close to home. Too hard to separate and look at logically.

Rose handled it better. "Rose Tyler, ma'am," she greeted politely. "And... my apologies, for being so naked."

"I've had five daughters," the Queen dismissed. "It's nothing to me. Who's the young man on the other side of you now, who looks at me as if I've grown three heads?"

This time it was the Doctor who elbowed Y/n. "I-" Y/n cleared his throat. "Y/n, ma'am. Sorry."

She smiled, obviously enjoying herself. "No worries." Her eyes moved to the Doctor. "How about you, Doctor? Why don't you show me those credentials?" He did, handing them over. "Why didn't you say so immediately?" She seemed baffle,d and suddenly Y/n was nervous as to what she'd found. "It states clearly here that you've been appointed by the Lord Provost as my protector."

"Does it?" He looked at Y/n, who shrugged. "Yes he does," he continued, more confident. "Good. Good. Erm, then let me ask, why is Your Majesty travelling by road when there's a train all the way in Aberdeen?"

"A tree on the line," she answered smoothly.

"By accident?" The Doctor pressed.

Queen Victoria seemed to find that question tiresome. "I am the Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. Everything around me tends to be planned?"

"An assassination attempt?" The Doctor seemed to be trying to understand something that seemed trivial to Y/n, but he had long since learned to not question the Doctor.

"What seriously?" Rose seemed stunned, just as Y/n was gathering his senses, as if she'd taken it into her to give him a break. "There's people out to kill you?"

"I'm quite used to staring down the barrel of a gun," the Queen reassured, though it wasn't reassuring at all.

The man on the horse from earlier spoke again. "Sir Robert Macleish lives but ten miles hence. We've sent word ahead. He'll shelter us for tonight, then we can reach our destination in the morning."

"This Doctor and his... timorous beastie will come with us." There was humor in her eyes. "As well as the silent one." Y/n ducked his head in embarrassment. The guard, which seemed to be what the man on the horse was, accepted that and then got them all moving again. He made a comment about the coming of nightfall, and Y/n found himself pleasantly surprised when the Queen responded, "Indeed. And there are stories of wolves in these parts. Fanciful tales, intended to scare children, but good for the blood I think." She looked ahead. "Drive on."

They all began walking and Y/n felt himself get awkward with all the guards watching him and he moved closer to the Doctor, nearly reaching out to take the man's hand. And then a few guards gave him a look of startled disgust and Y/n remembered what time they were in and felt a pang in his chest. He had to pretend all over again. The Doctor and Rose could be together wherever they were - whenever - but Y/n had to restrain himself. He dropped behind at the thought, distracting the movement that had been him about to reach out as pushing hair out of his face. It didn't fool the guards who knew what he had been doing anyway, so Y/n dropped back behind the Doctor and Rose. They looked at him but he just looked away, swallowing his awkwardness.

They arrived toward evening. The Queen was helped out as the Master of the house approached. "Your Majesty," the man greeted, bowing deeply.

"Sir Robert," the Queen returned brightly. "My apologies for the emergency. And how is Lady Isobel?"

"She's..." And then he hesitated, and Y/n felt in his gut that same feeling he always got when he felt something was wrong. He found himself questioning whether the man's wife was sick, or something else entirely was going on. "Indisposed, I'm afraid. She's gone to Edinburgh for the season.." He hesitated again, and Y/n felt that same pang. This time he was quite sure something was wrong. "And she's taken the cook with her, the kitchens are barely stocked. I wouldn't blame Your Majesty if you wanted to ride on."

"Not at all," the Queen chuckled. "I've had quite enough carriage exercise, and this is charming, if rustic. It's my first visit to this house. My late husband spoke of it often, the Torchwood Estate."

At that Y/n jerked. "I'm sorry, the what Estate?" Everyone looked at him like he'd gone mad.

"Torchwood," Sir Robert answered. "It was my father's house." The Queen hadn't objected to Y/n cutting in, so the man continued. The way Y/n was looking at him, Sir Robert seemed to see that the man was thinking, and thinking was what he needed in that moment. "It's a very old house you see. Lots of dangers in the old wood. That's why my wife est you see. She's grown tired of the keep up and needed a break. Are you sure you don't want to continue?" The man looked directly into Y/n's eyes and Y/n felt his heart stop. What was he trying to tell him?

"Quite sure," Queen Victoria interrupted. "Now, shall we go inside?" Sir Robert fought a frown when he nodded, seeming to want to run away. The panic in his eyes was so clear to Y/n, he was shocked no one else could see it. Y/n couldn't interrupt the Queen again though - he'd already tested his boundary. They began to go in, Y/n's mind racing as he scanned the Estate, looking for something out of place.

Then his eyes landed on the staff. They were all bald, and staring at Y/n like they wanted to destroy him. The Doctor moved up next to Y/n. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," Y/n responded. "Yet." Despite how he wanted to stop it, he had no reason other than his gut feeling. What was he to do but be wary if nothing else? So they went inside.

The group headed for a room with what looked to be a gigantic telescope. "And this," the Queen began. "I take it, is the famous endeavor."

"All my father's work," Sir Robert answered. "Built by his hand in his final years. It became something of an obsession. He spent his money on this, rather than caring for the house himself."

"I wish I'd met him, I like him." The Doctor was smiling and Y/n almost rolled his eyes. He'd know all about obsessions overtaking your personal life, wouldn't he? "The thing's beautiful, can I..." He motioned to the telescope.

"Help yourself," Sir Robert allowed.

Rose and the Doctor surged forward to inspect it, but Y/n hung back, slowly dawdling past the butlers who were standing too close to just be there for no reason. The others began to talk, but Y/n focused on them. "You guys follow your Master around a lot, don't you?"

The bald man in front responded. "How else are we to attend to his needs?"

Y/n shrugged. "I suppose that's fair, except didn't Sir Robert say that the kitchens were poorly staffed and understocked? Doesn't it make sense that you'd be cleaning such a large estate, or working in those kitchens which seem to need such work?"

Eyes locked hard, it seemed to be a contest to see who'd blink first. The man was obviously impressed when Y/n won, if still irritated in Y/n's pressing. "Are you disapproving of how I do my job?"

Shrugging casually, Y/n stepped past them finally. "Not my right to do so. That would be Sir Robert's right to say or not say."

"What about me now?" Sir Robert piped up.

"I was just saying that your staff hovering so much surprises me, since you were stating how the kitchens needed some help. I of course don't mean to offend or tell you how to run things, Sir Robert. I..." He hesitated, the lie coming to him too easily. "I come from a rather poor family. I don't know how things like this works, and it fascinates me."

Sir Robert was the only one who saw through the lie - other than Rose, who was paying attention closely now, cued into Y/n's habits that showed when he was suspicious about something. Sir Robert hesitated, as if considering using the excuse to dismiss the men, but then decided against it - that same fear flashing in his eyes again. "I like to have them around. With my wife gone, they keep me company."

Y/n nodded in understanding, but the two men locked eyes and Y/n knew immediately. There was something up here. It seemed too late though. He had no proof and if these men were dangerous enough to control Sir Robert so in his own house, they'd doomed themselves the second they walked in the door. Y/n had to be careful about this - especially because it seemed he's just placed a huge target on his back.

The Doctor spoke, shifting the subject. "It's a bit rubbish." Only then did they all remember the telescope. Even the Queen had been distracted, looking between Sir Robert and Y/n like she was picking up on the signals between the two men, but didn't know what they meant. "How many prisms has it got? Way too many!" The Doctor stood from where he'd been crouched to inspect the instrument before. "The magnification's over the top. That's a stupid kind of..." He turned to Rose. "Am I being rude again?"

"Yep," she confirmed, smiling.

"But it's pretty!" The Doctor continued. "Really, it's very pretty."

Y/n got distracted after that, his mind wandering as he ran through all the possibilities to try and figure out what was happening. He could talk to the Doctor later to get feedback, but he'd at least like to have some theories to throw out when the time came. They weren't aliens, surely. The Doctor seemed to be able to pick up on that sort of thing eventually. If that was the case, Y/n sure wouldn't know. What else could it be.

Someone nudged Y/n and he looked up to see Sir Robert of all people. He had reached out to touch Y/n. "You Doctor seems interested in children's stories and magic and the stars. How do you put up with him?" He was making a joke, but that's not why he had gotten Y/n's attention to tell it.

Smiling came easy. He knew Sir Robert had the answers and that he wanted to tell Y/n. All he could do for now was give hints, and that's all Y/n needed for now. "Stories, eh? I like those myself. What kind of stories."

"One about a wolf around these parts, like I told you about in the carriage," the Queen answered. The fact that Sir Roberts purposefully stayed quiet made Y/n listen more than it seemed he was supposed to. "His father and my husband were quite fond of it, and the Doctor asked him to tell it to us. I'd be lying if I said i wasn't curious myself, actually."

"It's said that-" Sir Roberts began.

"Excuse me, sir." the bald man from earlier interrupted, and when Y/n and Sir Roberts locked eyes again, Y/n looked over carefully, taking in the man, trying to pull secrets out with just a look. "Perhaps Her Majesty's party could go their rooms now. It's almost dark."

"Well that was rude," Y/n spoke up. Again all eyes were on him, and this time the Doctor and Y/n were picking up on the way Y/n and the bald man were glaring at each other, eyes locked. "The Master of the house was talking, and he was just about to tell us something very interesting. Even I wait until people are done talking, and I'm considered insolent." There was tangible tension in the room. Tension that seemed apparent only to those who could pick up on Y/n's small tells, and those who knew first hand that this was not as it appeared."

"Please forgive me, sir," the man apologized flatly. There was a threat in his voice, one that made Y/n go silent - especially when Sir Robert shot him a panicked look. "I only figured that you'd all want to rest before dinner."

Damn, that was a good excuse.

"What a lovely idea," the Queen gleefully spoke. "And some clothes for Miss Tyler, perhaps. Sir Robert, surely your wife left something behind?" The man nodded. "See to it. We shall dine at 7, and talk more of this.. wolf." At that the bald man simmered, and Y/n realized the connection. "After all, there is a full moon tonight."

Y/n's eyes widened. He had to hear this story... though, he didn't think he did have to actually.

The Doctor followed Y/n to his room. "This isn't where you'll be staying Doctor," one of the bald men said.

"I'll find it in a bit, just leave the door open. I need to find my friend." The man dressed as a butler hesitated, but couldn't find a good enough reason to stop this from happening, so he nodded and left. When the door closed behind them and they were safe from those outside, the Doctor rounded on Y/n. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"The stories they mentioned earlier? They're true, and the men - the bald men - they're in one it. I don't think Sir Robert's wife is even gone off for some weather or old house, I think she's captured. Or dead." He shook his head. "I have no proof, only hunches and small noticings. But I'm telling you, Doctor. A wolf that only comes out on the full moon? The way the man interrupted Sir Robert from sharing the story. I think it's true, and I think it's coming after us tonight." It dawned on him then. "Or... after the Queen. No one else here alive is important, who should be here."

The Doctor considered all of this. "I believe you Y/n, I do. But we need proof, and that means we need to lay low and play innocent. You're brilliant, all you've gathered in such short time. I need you a bit longer before they try to kill you though and everything goes wrong. Do you trust me?" Y/n nodded immediately.

Rather unexpectedly, the Doctor grabbed Y/n's face and pulled him into a kiss then. He stepped backward, pressing his back to the door. Y/n kissed him back instantly, leaning into him. He hesitated, but when the Doctor kept kissing him, he found himself unable to help himself getting lost in it. His fingers threaded into the Doctor's hair and pulled their bodies closer. The Doctor's hands wandered, pulling and tugging on Y/n's shirt.

Just as quickly as it began, the kiss stopped and the Doctor was pushing him away. "Alright." The his voice was a little lower, his eyes blown just a bit. "I've been wanting to do that all day."

Y/n scoffed. "You snogged me like that to, what, blow off steam?"

The Doctor bit his lip, shaking his head before orienting his thoughts again. "I needed a reason to be in here that wouldn't incriminate us. They can suspect you know something, so you keep the attention on you. You're the diversion. While they're worried about you finding out, I'll poke around and see what I can find. They won't expect me because-"

"They'll only think you came in here to snog me," Y/n realized.

"Not a thing you can fake, the results of that. It leaves a nice touch, the blown out eyes and the... the lips." Y/n realized that the Doctor's lips were a little bit more red than usual. "Anyway, pleasure and business mix every once in a while - grand time when it does. See you at dinner."

Y/n rested his forehead on the door when the Doctor left.

What in the world was he going to do with this man?

The smile hadn't left his face when he sat down for dinner, and despite him straightening his shirt, there was still a heat to his face. The Doctor wasn't much better. The affects were missed by everyone who wasn't paying attention, but were picked up by the ones that mattered. The butlers who obviously were not butlers. And the Doctor's planned seemed to work. They immediately dismissed the Doctor and focused their attention on Y/n. He was probably in danger... not that he could die, which would hopefully be the worst thing that could happen tonight.

The man who seemed to be in charge of the bald men stepped forward, speaking as he had when he'd challenged Y/n earlier and lost. "Your companion begs an apology. Her clothing has somewhat delayed her." Y/n's heart stopped. His grip on the table turned his knuckles white.

By some miracle, the Doctor seemed as if he had no worries at all. "Oh, that's alright. Save her a wee bit of ham." Y/n's mind was racing again, his eyes focusing on Sir Robert. The man seemed to be apologetic, but not too sorrowful. Y/n was picking up on the man's emotions quickly as he watched him more and more. He only hoped he was right. Either way, it really didn't matter. Either Rose was trapped and they had time to work this out and save her, or... she was too far past saving to take risks anyway. And if Y/n left this room, he'd be doing it alone, and that would put him in line next to be carted away. The Doctor needed some help at the very least.

"Besides, we're all waiting on Sir Robert!" the Doctor exclaimed, breaking the men out of their stare and grabbing their attention again. "You promised us a tale of nightmares."

"Indeed," Victoria agreed. "Since my husband's death I find myself with more of a taste for supernatural fiction."

"You must miss him," the Doctor vocalized. It was then that Y/n thought back to the first time the Doctor lost someone. His own wife, even. The mother of his children... If anyone understood, it would be him. The Doctor understood loss better than anyone.

As if seeing that understanding in the man across from her, the Queen allowed herself a moment to be vulnerable. It was a very Y/n thing to do. Perhaps... Y/n was influencing the Doctor, the same way the Doctor was influencing Y/n. "Oh, completely." She paused, the air in the room growing heavy with emotion. "And that's the charm of a ghost story, isn't it? Not the scares and chills, that's just for children, but the hope pf some contact with the great beyond. We all want some message from that place. It's the Creator's greatest mystery that we're allowed no such consolation." Her eyes became far away and Y/n looked at his hands. What would he have left behind if he'd never become immortal? What would people leave behind with him, when their time came? That thought. The thought of realizing yet again that he was going to lose one person after the other forever... except the Doctor. They were all the other had left now. The only person they each had a chance of keeping forever. "The dead stay silent, and we must wait." Her voice grew small, and then she shook her head and switched gears to being chipper once more. "Come, begin your tale, Sir Robert. There's a chill in the air. The wind is howling. Tell us of monsters."

Under the table, Y/n let his knuckles rub against the Doctor's hand softly. In response, the brunette man turned his palm upward, allowing Y/n to interlace their fingers. Both relaxed.

"The story goes back three hundred years," Sir Robert began. "Every full moon the howling rings through the valley. Next morning, live stock is found ripped apart and d-" he cut off, that same terrified look crossing his face. "Devoured." Y/n felt his leg twitch.

The head of the guard laughed off the spook in the air by saying, "Oh, tales like this just disguise the work of thieves. Steal a sheep and blame a wolf - simple as that."

Robert was having none of that. "But sometimes a child goes missing," he insisted, pushing it to try and drive his point home. It seemed to be written off as dramatics by everyone else in the room. Everyone except Y/n who was listening intently, and the Doctor, who Y/n knew was listening even though he gave no note of it. "Once in a generation, a boy will vanish from his homestead.

Y/n knew the man holding his hand had questions, but if they were going the route of keeping attention on Y/n, Y/n had to be the one to ask. "Is there anything that tells what this thing looks like?"

"Drawings and wood carvings," Sir Robert affirmed. "And it's not merely a wolf, it's more than that. This is a man who becomes a wolf." He drove each word at Y/n, saying much more than just a story. What had he seen? Risked, to tell Y/n this?

"A werewolf," Y/n voiced, resting his elbows on the table.

"What a neat little story." The Doctor was smiling, shaking his head in the same way the head of the guard was.

"My father didn't treat it as a story," Sir Robert said, but his interest was as invested in convincing the Doctor as the bald men were worried he was someone to worry about. The plan was working, at least. "He said it was fact. He even claimed to have communed with the beast, to have learned its purpose. I should have listened."

The bald man began to move and Y/n went into protective mode. "Of course, it was your father's passion. I'm sure you miss him and wished to have listened more. Engaged with him." Sir Robert half halfheartedly nodded.

"The thing was, his work was hindered. He made enemies." This time Sir Robert focused on Y/n purposefully, eyes boring into Y/n's very soul. "There's a monastery in the Glen of St Catherine. The Brethren opposed my father's investigations."

"Perhaps they thought his work ungodly," the Queen suggested. That was when it clicked for Y/n, his eyes wandering to the bald men. The men who were monks, and who were also mumbling incoherently nonsense in a foreign language that set Y/n's hair standing up.

"That's what I thought," Sir Robert agreed. "But now I wonder. What if they had a different reason for wanting to keep the story quiet? What if they turned from God and worshiped the wolf?"

"I think..." Y/n drawled, his hand tightening around the Doctor's. "It's time to make a new plan, Doctor. I don't think its going to do any good to play nice."

The Doctor's eyes widened. "Right." He turned around rather sharply, dropping Y/n's hand in favor of moving to his feet. They weren't getting any more information now - they had to find Rose. Chaos broke out, the Queen and the head guard trying to figure out why the Doctor and Y/n were so upset, Sir Robert apologizing because they had his wife, and the Doctor demanding to know where Rose was. There sat Y/n in the middle of it all, trying to be more productive than the confusion and the guilt and the yelling at people who were not going to respond.

"Doctor!" Y/n called, trying to knock sense into him.

The man looked over and he took a deep breath in. "Sir Robert, come on!" The three men took off down the hall. Sir Robert lead the other two to the basement, where a bunch of people were chained up and trying to pull to freedom as a werewolf grew to a dangerous form not even five feet from them.

Rose was so amazing, lord.

"Where have you been?" The blonde demanded.

"I missed you too," Y/n shot back. The joke didn't last long though, because soon they were all distracted by everyone scattering in a grab for freedom. All the women but Rose were rushed to the kitchens and the men all but Y/n and the Doctor were armed. There was a noise and the Doctor dipped from the room for a moment only to come bolting back, grabbing Rose's hand. She grabbed Y/n's and the train pull got them all out of the room and stay together at the same time. They made it just behind the line of guns just in time for the weapons to go off as the wolf itself turned around the corner in full force.

The Doctor took charge when the thing bolted from the bullets. "All right, you men, we should retreat upstairs. Come with me."

"I'll not retreat," the ground's keeper insisted. "The battle's done. There's no creature on God's earth could survive such an assault."

"You think not?" Y/n demanded, in no mood for people to act afool. He snagged a gun from one of the men, thrusting the thing into the Doctor's hand guiding the end of the barrel to his throat. "Shoot me please, Doctor." Without hesitation, the Doctor obeyed, knowing Y/n would be okay in a few seconds. There were some startled screams and a moment of darkness as Y/n passed out only a few seconds, but then he awoke and men stood around him, stunned. "Like I said," Y/n grumbled as he stood up again. "You think not? That's what I thought, listen to the Doctor now."

Soon they were all heading their way upstairs, just in time for the halls behind them to echo with the thing's roar. "Well at least you're alive," the Doctor reminded as the ground keeper's face grew ashen pale. They ran up, Sir Robert calling the Queen. She was running down the stairs to greet them.

"What's going on?" The older woman demanded. "I heard such horrible noises."

"Ma'am, we've got to get out," Sir Robert urged. "But what of Father Angelo, is he still here?"

The woman hesitated then responded, "Captain Reynolds disposed of him." Sure.

The Doctor, who'd left the room to check the front door, returned just then to deliver only bad news. "The front door is boarded shut. Pardon me, Your Majesty, you'll have to leg it out a window." The group moved to a window, only to get shot at and have it quickly proven that windows were as much not an options as the sealed door was.

"I reckon the monkey-boys want us to stay inside," the Doctor sighed.

"Do they know who I am?" the Queen demanded.

"Yeah," Rose answered. "That's why they want you. The wolf's got you lined up for a... a biting."

The Queen was not having that. "Now stop this talk. There can't be an actual wolf." Just then a howl broke through the house and Y/n had to bite back a laugh.

In the end, believing or not, they all took off running (after some snarky banter, but that was usual) and were all barely saved as they turned the corner and the wolf almost took them over, just in time for that head guard who Y/n realized he did not know the name of. The man tried to stay behind to give the others time to retreat, but now it was Y/n's turn not to tolerate nonsense.

"Now you listen to me," Y/n snapped with such authority that even the Queen didn't speak and payed attention. "I don't care who you are or what you've done or believe. I've got you all alive this far, and I've got plenty of witnesses that says I will do much better than you will facing down something that will absolutely kill you. Y/n ripped the gun from the man's hand. "Now go!"

"Why are you always staying behind?" Rose demanded, visibly stressed. "Just because you come back to life doesn't mean it won't hurt when that thing slices you up."

Y/n sighed. "It's my shtick, Rose, haven't you realized yet? I'm not good in stress anyway, I'm good for sacrificing myself and dealing with pain and doing the worst bits. You two are the brains, and you'll need as many hands as possible. Go."

"But-" Rose began.

"GO!" Y/n interrupted. "We can talk later."

Rose didn't listen at first. Instead she popped up on her tippy toes and caught Y/n's lips in hers. "You're an amazing man, Y/n." Y/n smiled and they finally all went, leaving Y/n behind like always to face the biggest problem on his own. It only made sense that he'd been given immortality. He was meant for this role. What he'd said had been truth, and everyone knew it. Y/n was the one who took the hardest hits because he could stand them better than anyone else. He was perhaps the only one who could stand them at all. Rose was right too, it didn't stop it from hurting, but he'd rather someone not die to spare him a bit of aching.

Everyone made it into the room, but Rose lingered, and that was why she was the one who got to watch Y/n get ripped apart. The last thing Y/n saw before the world went black and his bones snapped like twigs was the Doctor pulling Rose into the room so Y/n was out of sight.

When Y/n awoke again, he was too afraid to move in case it reawakened the memories of the last time his body had moved. When it had broken and snapped and caved in and his existence had become pain and loss. He just lay there, breathing, alone and cold in the silent darkness. He expected some kind of soreness or stiffness, but neither bothered him. His body was completely healed as if it had never once had anything wrong with it ever.

It was only when he heard a scream that he made his way to his feet, running after it to see what was wrong. As if on cue, there was Sir Robert standing with an ax or a sword or something, facing down that stupid beast. "Okay," Y/n growled, walking up. Sir Robert's eyes went wide. "Yes, I'm still alive. Now get into those doors you idiot, dying for a cause is my job!"

Sir Robert looked at Y/n, reaching out a hand to rest on his shoulder. "There is more to life than dying to protect everyone else, Y/n. You're brave, and amazing, but don't take this from me. I need to atone. I need to-" A roar echoed and the two men turned to see the wolf. Y/n stepped forward, screaming back. The wolf saw Y/n and froze, stunned.Y/n could practically see the thing recalling the memory of killing the man who stood before him now, completely fine.

"You think you will fear nothing," Y/n snarled, hunched over with his lip curled back. He looked quite wolfish himself, and the actual roof in the hallway seemed to take a step back. "Get back. GET BACK!" And by some insanity, the thing obeyed. "You're right, Robert. There is more to life than dying for a cause. You have a wife who cares about you, and I have watched far too many people die. Let me make a difference. Let me be the one who saves lives for once. Please, go inside." Sir Robert hesitated then nodded, stepping away from the door and into the adjacent hallway, out of range of the beast. There was a moment's pause where no one was sure what to do. Then the door behind Y/n opened and a hand wrapped around his arm and he was yanked back. The beast ran after him, whatever spell broken, and then-

Light.

So much light.

Y/n ended up on the ground, curled in a ball away from the light. He was so tired. He didn't ever want to move from that spot. Perhaps he could not negotiate never, but he could claim now. So he closed his eyes and did not move for a very long time. Because he was allowed that, I think. And so did everyone else.

When Y/n did move again, it was only to walk out of the estate and across the land they'd crossed what seemed ages ago to make his way back to the TARDIS, leaving the wrapping up to the Doctor and Rose.

He had a long time to himself in the quiet. A very long time. Far too long a time. He leaned against the control panel, hands flat on the controls, eyebrows knit together.

Finally, he spoke.

"I know you gave me his memories," Y/n told the control panel. "I know you were there when Rose was using your power. I felt you. Heard your voice. You told me his story. One that wasn't yours to tell. And now I know his life - his entire life, as if I lived it myself - and I have memories that aren't mine. That don't belong to me. How am I supposed to tell him that? How would I ever expect him to be okay with me knowing EVERYTHING? His life is clearer to me than my own." Y/n sighed, rubbing his face. "I can't die, but I can save people. I can lessen the burden he carries on his shoulders. The way he remembers each and every death and it hurts him. I took that upon myself, you know. And the wait of it all. The weight he must have, knowing that he can save one life and strand me and Rose here, or that he won't be able to save anyone's life ever again.

"Not to mention, he can die! He only regenerates when he's in the process of dying. If someone kills him before he regenerates, that's it. It's over. No more Doctor. For the first time maybe ever, it's not him who had to be afraid of losing someone because they might not live as long as him." Y/n sighed, feeling his heart fall slowly into his stomach. "Not to mention... I'm going to have to say goodbye to Rose someday, aren't I?" He looked up at the TARDIS around him, tears coming to his eyes. "How am I ever going to say goodbye to her now that we...?" His head fell forward as he sighed. After a second his hands tightened into fists as he stared at the floor under his feet. His gaze hardened. "I won't, you hear me? Not for a long time. A REALLY long time. We have so much time left together. She won't die or leave us. Not unless by choice, and I don't think she would leave if given the option. I'm going to protect her. You hear me?" He pushed off the panel, standing tall. "I don't care if I have to die every time we go out. I'm going to protect everyone."

It was a vow he would learn to regret.

The TARDIS door opened with two very nervous people entering the box that was bigger on the inside, expecting to see a very upset Y/n. Instead, they were greeted by a wide, brilliant smile and sparkling eyes as the man that had left in the middle of the night and spent all that time alone because Rose and the Doctor had to wrap things up with the Queen, leaned against the control panel like he knew they'd been about to enter. "You guys ready to go?"

Rose was the first one to answer. She wasn't smiling. "Y/n?"

The man turned away from her, beginning to distract himself by running his hands along the switches and buttons he wasn't completely familiar with yet. "That's my name. Where do you want to go this time, Rose? I'm sure you'd be a better person to give suggestions, Doctor, but I could shoot some ideas through history if we wanted to stay on Earth."

There was a moment of quiet where the Doctor and Rose had a silent argument before they stopped just in time for Y/n to finally turn around. "Y/n can we talk?" Rose asked gently, her smile small and soft.

Instantly Y/n was shot with terror. "Uh-" He looked at the TARDIS wall, trying to let the light make the horrible feeling in his chest go away. Had they finally decided he was useless and more a burden than anything and wanted him to go home? Was he too reckless and had upset them? Was he getting annoying, wanting to learn how to drive the TARDIS? Had he been rushing things by trying to be with both of them? Had... had they learned that they liked being together and not with him? "Talk about what?" Y/n finally asked, his gaze finally moving from the wall as he turned his back to them, trying to memorize the TARDIS so that he'd remember her as long as possible when he was gone.

Arms suddenly wrapped around his waist, looping under his arms. A face pressed to his back. He tensed, unsure of what was happening. "I love you."

Y/n was stunned. "I love you too, Rose." Her arms loosened, allowing Y/n to turn around to face, her, unsure of what was on her mind. "But?"

"But nothing," the blonde assured. "You just need to understand... losing you is terrible. And I know that you don't stay dead when you die, but- before you were immortal you were bad enough, but now you don't even try to stay alive anymore. It's really got me worried."

This was even more confusing. "I can't die, Rose."

"Do you want to?" That was the Doctor, and when Y/n looked at him, there was a look in his eyes that made Y/n feel terrible. This man had watched his whole planet and everyone he cared about die. After that, he had lost every friend and sometimes even more. The way he looked at Y/n now was not necessarily fear, because he didn't have to worry about Y/n dying. It was exhaustion. It was the face of a man who was tired watching his loved ones die.

"Of course I don't," Y/n answered honestly. Dying sucked. He hadn't had much experience with the process - the worst he'd had was last night when he'd felt his body shatter and then woken up perfectly fine and in one piece, with the memory still clear in his head. He'd felt insane, which had never happened before. None of his experiences dying had been good, and last night had shown him just how terrible it could be. It had also made him wonder... how far did this go? Could he be vaporized and still return completely fine, or if he was reduced to ashes, would he stay dead? Honestly, he didn't want to find out. Vaporizing looked painful and he didn't want that in his head. Not like he had the feeling of teeth ripping his chest and stomach into shreds ingrained in his brain with a clarity that still had him unsettled.

The Doctor pursed his lips. "Why did you?"

Y/n scoffed. "What, you're mad that I died when I did it to save all those people, knowing I would come back?"

That seemed to bother both of them. "We both watched you die last night, Y/n. In really unpleasant ways," Rose said softly, her hand stroking his chest comfortingly, as if to calm him down. He would be lying if he said it didn't work even a little. "You had the Doctor shoot you for goodness sake."

"He did it," Y/n reasoned weakly. "I-" He swallowed. "I didn't think it bothered you. I came back."

"I thought so too," the Doctor agreed. "That's why I did it." There was a short pause where the two men looked at each other, and Y/n was suddenly glad he could only see the Doctor's past feelings and thoughts, and not what was going through the Timelord's head now. "Then I watched you bleed out on that floor, and it was very real and you were very dead, and I have that memory now." He shrugged, obviously as uncomfortable with the conversation as Y/n was.

Y/n wondered absently how long Rose had taken to talk him into doing this at all.

"I'm going to be okay," Y/n reassured.

Something odd happened then. They were still looking at each other when they were hit by the same memory, almost watching it be recalled in the other person's mind. Somehow, that made it even harder to bare.

"I'm going to be okay, Dad, don't worry."

There was terror in every part of my... his body. I knew it more clearly than ever now, even though I also knew that I was seeing it from his eyes. The last time he was a dad with his kid. I was seeing it from his eyes so I knew that it was... both of our bodies, I guess. Just for a moment. For that memory, I allowed myself to make it personal. I allowed myself to become the Doctor, staring at his kid and hoping with ever fiber in his being that they would see each other again when it came time.

"We both will be." The woman smiled, hand reaching out to touch... my face. Her smile was warm and soft and compassionate. The same fear coursing through me, reflected in her eyes. They'd already lost so much. How much more could they all handle?

Y/n looked away, but he didn't miss the bewildered expression on the Doctor's face. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just... want to be useful, I guess."

Rose's hands gripped Y/n's face, forcing the man to look at her when she spoke to him. "You don't need to be useful, Y/n. You are, don't get me wrong, but that's not why you're here. You're here because you're apart of us, and we care about you, and that is plenty enough. You're here because you chose to be here and then kept choosing to be here despite everything. THAT is the only reason you're here, do you understand me?" After a second, Y/n nodded. "I know you feel obligated to save people, just... please, you're important too. Even if you come back, it's going to start taking its toll on you eventually. Remember that."

Y/n allowed himself to relax into her touch. He looked into her eyes and saw the woman he never met. The care in her eyes matched Rose's, as much as the determination and care. They didn't really look alike, but their love was the same, as it was the same for everyone who felt it - one way or another. "Okay." He smiled, and Rose relaxed. "Is this you asking me not to die?"

Rose chuckled, shaking her head. "I never thought I'd have to ask that of you honestly." She shook her head, her hands dropping. "But no. Just... care about yourself as much as you care about other people. You're important too. That's all I'm asking. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should."

That was fair.

"Now," the Doctor said, drawing the attention of the other two. "We have adventuring to do. Any suggestions?" Rose and Y/n parted so Y/n could join the Doctor at the control panel. Rose leaned against the wall across from them, crossing her arms and smiling. She looked at lot happier now. Y/n realized she'd probably been terrified of seeing Y/n die again, carrying a weight with that fear that had drug her down enough that now, she felt light enough to have a bounce in her step. She recognized that it was going to happen again, but at the very least it wouldn't happen often, like it had been.

"You pick," Y/n sighed. "I think you deserve a turn."

The Doctor's face began to light up with a smile. "So be it."

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mightbewriting · 4 years ago

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It’s amusing that the first thing you read by SenLinYu was a sevmione. 😂 I’m curious have you read her other works like Manacled? What do you think of it ? Love your work, you’re amazing.

hello! yes, it is a silly quirk of the universe that i discovered @senlinyu through her sevmione xD

i have read several (most, i think?) of her works! it’s a rite of passage, isn’t it?

i have read manacled! it is extremely well written and such a feat of storytelling in its scope, worldbuidling, and detail. it’s much darker than what i normally gravitate towards so it’s not my usual cup of tea, but to its credit, i inhaled it at a completely inhuman rate because the TENSION was just, honestly how dare she write such excellent tension. each chapter is such a great example of writing in a way that propels the reader forward and gives them no comfortable places to stop. because that’s what you want: readers to be incapable of putting your work down.

do not go gentle is my favorite thing she’s written so far. i realize it’s sevmione and most of y’all are here for dramione but listen. LISTEN. you need to read this if you haven’t. such tremendous depth is achieved in 35k words it’s honestly breathtaking. it’s such a big story (in terms of emotion, theme, impact) told in such a small, simple way (35k, very few settings, limited cast) and the contrast between those two things is just, ugh, *chefs kiss* this story was still a wip when i was first getting back into fanfiction and i literally WROTE ITS SCHEDULE IN MY PLANNER IT WAS THAT IMPORTANT TO ME. also i am 100% going to reread it tonight now that im thinking about it again xD

i am also unreasonably obsessed with the seduction, which i’ve already rec’d on several occasions. there is just something so satisfying for me about draco trying to seduce hermione via a bookclub for literal years and hermione being an adorably oblivious idiot about it. at some point in the not so distant future, i’ll probably be able to quote line for line the scene where he finally realizes she has no idea what he’s been up to, i reread it that often. it is just. one of my favorite scenes in all of dramione.

so, in conclusion, anon, yea i’ve read some of sen’s stuff. lol

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sergeanttpoliteness · 6 years ago

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idk if you’re taking requests or anything, if you aren’t ignore this, but if you are I would die for a classic, upside down spider-man kiss with the loml spider-noir. poor guy would probably be very surprised at first but suddenly its his favorite thing to do. thanks I love you and your work!!

AND➝ mayhaps…. a first kiss with noir? if u have time!

sorry for answering so late nonnies! i feel so bad about that, i promise i wasn’t ignoring y’all. same goes to the few other requests i have in my inbox right now!

——-

➹ inconvenient feelings➹ (spider-noir x reader)

word count: 2.5k

a/n: can you tell i had no idea what to call this lol. i didn’t edit either bc… oof. i’ve been struggling a lot with writer’s block (nothing new, honestly lmaoo) lately and someone close to me recently passed away and i haven’t quite… been able to wrap my head around it?? i don’t know, not to be a little bitch but this week consisted of a lot of school stuff, emotions, and anxiety so thanks @ the people who requested this bc i needed to write some wholesome stuff. also thx at my bestie for helping me out w ideas, ily broz. anyway, there’s some minimum ripeter x reader although it’s solely platonic! hope you all have a lovely week (:

taglist: @marvelousmorales

It’s not convenient. Convenient was that one person with the pretty smile whose eyes seemed to possess an affinity to him that one time at a jazz club, or the singer with the honey voice and smooth runs more soothing than the late night singing of a mother to her child. A poor goon who smooched his fist whilst it collided with his face could even fit the designation, really— but what mattered, the simple component they shared, was that all three were just a speck in a sea with no end; an eternal blue void with only more possibilities hiding in the pitch-black depths neither he nor the light’s fingertips could touch. They were safe. Uncomplicated.

Peter stared out the window, at a completely distinct world, far from a city in a vintage film: the ongoing the mechanical song of speeding cars, the newer and taller lit up buildings, the blinking golden lights, identical to a field of a thousand miniscule suns. This was not convenient. It’s… so different— like day and night, water and fire. This meant to swim out of the ocean he belonged to and reach for a foreign land, to run after a mere drop of water when a whole fucking body existed behind him. It’s not safe. It’s complicated.

Your sleepy eyes roamed the same page for the fifth time with no precise purpose, more disoriented than a newcomer in a large city until they traveled and spotted their true destination: Peter’s own sight deeply engulfed in the view outside, the twisting of his brows every now and then filling your mind with wonder and curiosity at what could possibly be running through that brain of his. You could’ve continued with the ogling like the damn creep you were (seriously, you gotta stop it with that, you told yourself), but you slipped and made a mistake— the most laughably absurd misstep— worse than trying to take a picture of a stranger and then, to your utmost terror, the flash going off— which wouldn’t have occurred in the first place if you’d paid your electricity bills on time. Your apartment wouldn’t have been plunged into darkness, and you wouldn’t have, without thinking, your head clearly not in its right place at the moment, slightly tilted your phone and directed your phone’s flashlight right at the side of his face. You quickly pulled the beam of light away, as if that would work; however, his gaze drifted to you. “Sorry.” You blurted out, acting casual and pretending to focus on the journal on your lap. “You were so quiet, I thought you had fallen asleep.” You lied.

“No, I’m awake.” He said, furrowing his brows to himself— of course you already knew that. You mumbled a small ‘good’, holding the notebook close to your face, like a child staring through the window of a pet shop at some puppies, shining the ‘smartphone’, he’d learned, over the pages. You bit your lip, your shoulders shaking with your surfacing laughter.

“Oh, man, this one’s so dumb.” You snickered before running your finger up the paper, clearing your throat. “October 8th, 1999. Today I came back from my camping trip with Peter, Ben, and May. We ate a lot of s'mores— Uncle Ben makes the best! We also told some scary ghost stories, and I even made Pete scream. It was awesome. You will not believe what happened!” You read the last sentence with a dramatic tone, similar to that of a terrible news headline from a sketchy website, making yourself more comfortable on the L shaped bench seat and leaning into Peter’s side.

Peter tensed at first, but slowly, he pushed himself to relax after you rested your head on his shoulder, a quiet voice in the back of his head speaking against his desires, echoing the terrifying thought that he could get used to this. “I don’t know, enlighten me: what happened?” He asked, amused. You lifted your finger, eyebrows raising gradually, building up the suspense. He waited, and waited, and waited, until, finally—

“I have to go eat dinner. I’ll tell you later.” You finished with an unhumorous voice and a poker face. Yet again, he awaited in silence, interested. Man, you took this suspense thing quite seriously— wait.

“And?”

“That’s it.”

“That’s it?!” He looked down at you and you nodded. “Oh, c'mon! You just gonna leave the reader hanging like that?”

You shrugged, wearing a shit-eating grin, loving his genuine disappointment as you flicked the page. “Sometimes that’s just the way it is.”

“Oh, what malarkey!” He laughed softly. You crinkled your nose— malarkey. What a dork.

You resumed scanning the barely discernible handwriting, the corner of your mouth tugging upwards. “Alright, this one does have an ending.” You sat up, rolling your shoulders back only to go back to your position of hunching over the journal. “April 3rd, 2000. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long, I forgot I had this journal. Something crazy happened.”

“The end.”

“Shut up.” You shushed him, shaking your head. “'I hung out with Peter today. We rode our bikes, had a race down the hill near my house, and I also got a butterfly to land on my finger. Man, I love insects!’ …and I still do.” You smiled and he glanced down at you, his mouth twitching. A peculiar glow in his chest grew, fueled him after he recognized that you felt comfortable enough to share this part of you with him; an insight on the stories that carved you into the person that you were today, the being that made every classy, pearly white grin and musical prodigy so boring, so undesirable.

You shuffled on your bum to turn and face Peter, continuing, “We came back home to play some more. We were sitting in front of the TV when, suddenly, he said my name, and like a normal person would, I looked at him…” You inclined forward, voice quieting, looking up at him.

“You won’t believe what happened.”

His eyes darted heavenward and he groaned. “Oh, lord.”

“He kissed me!” You cried out, with as much emotion that past you spilled onto the paper with the five exclamation marks and the three times you underlined the sentence. You slammed the notebook shut and let out a strangled clamor. “I still remember it very clearly. It was just a peck, but he fucking… smashed his mouth into mine, it hurt so much and my lip started bleeding and everything.” You giggled, abashed, rubbing your eyes.

Peter’s brows rose with surprise, pondering how an alternate seven-year-old version of him from another universe had more balls than him. He had to admit, though, the scene playing in his head was more entertaining than unfortunate. “And what’d you do?” He questioned, his mouth twitching.

“He was just curious and wanted to see what kissing someone was like, so we promised we wouldn’t talk about it ever again. He was so embarrassed, though, and felt so bad for making me bleed that he almost started crying.” You recalled, chuckling as you eyed the cursed diary one last time and placed it beside you. “What an idiot. I miss him.” You sighed, peering up at him, grinning. “What was your first kiss like, huh?”

It was comical, almost, the raging blush that trickled his face, the greyish tint screaming for the world’s attention. It was just a Peter Parker thing, you guessed: blushing like there was no tomorrow. “Uh, my first kiss?” You nodded. “Well… it happened when I was eighteen.”

You put the side of your head against the wall, eyes going round, your inquisitiveness close to that of a kid listening to a grandparent’s story. “Was it romantic?” You wanted to know everything: who the person was, the place, the context. Did he enjoy it? Did he make the move? And if so, then was there a chance that, maybe…

Unlike you, he did not have much interest in the subject; he stuttered, searching for a way to move on from the memory before he imploded. “I don’t, I don’t think anyone’s first kiss is romantic.”

You squinted at him, noticing his obvious attempt at dodging the question, but chose to spare him. Just for a few milliseconds, though. “Have you ever had… a perfect kiss?” You said, unsure of how to word such a silly question. He shook his head and you hummed, silently taking in a quick breath, your gaze moving to your right. “Have you thought about what you want it to be like?”

Should he say it? He wanted to. He really did. But he couldn’t, even if his eyes almost flickered down to your lips. “Who thinks about that?” He muttered. Perhaps he had. Perhaps he’d been guilty of having the thought slither into his mind once or twice— possibly more than just that. Perhaps it’d pestered his mind as of recent, like that damn small scratch on his glasses that won’t go away no matter how many times he tried to wipe it away as if that would even help. Perhaps it returned as you unconsciously licked your lips and raised your shoulder, a bashful grin growing on your face.

“I have, when I’m bored. An upside down kiss with a cute guy.” You admitted, your eyes narrowing afterward, only just now realizing how bizarre the idea was once you said it aloud. Your impatience throbbed in your head so badly you didn’t mind the embarrassment as much, though. You really were doing this, huh? “I think I found the cute guy.” You hinted, your heartbeat pounding in your throat.

He understood the insinuation, of course he did. But what better way to run from your feelings than close his trembling hand into a fist, pretend to be clueless, and act like an idiot?

“Who’s the lucky fella?”

Didn’t think he was so stupid, you grumbled in your head, masking your faint irritation. You pressed your lips together, sight on your cushions. “Someone I like quite a lot.” You vaguely said, voice distant. “Though I don’t think you’d understand— you’re not one to fall in love, no?”

It was half a joke but half a real question, one with solely one right answer you yearned to hear from him if you got lucky enough. Peter blinked nervously, fear burning in his stomach, clenching his insides as his tongue dared to break free from his control, from his cowardly spell. “Lately I’ve had someone in mind.” He breathed out, close to breaking out in a sweat. He watched how your eyes dimly lit up, hesitance impeding the light from fully glowing.

“Really? And who is this ‘someone’?”

“It’s a secret.”

“Tell me.”

“Not now.” He gulped. You pouted, begging with your eyes. “N-no.”

“Are you ever gonna make a move?”

Peter drew his lower lip between his teeth, feeling dizzy just by thinking about it; the downfall of the relationship once the distance became too much, once the malaise with no cure finally rotted the adoration, infested the heart, decayed it. “No.” Same answer. Same bedeviled word that boomed in his head whenever his emotions were close to getting the best of him.

“Why haven’t you done it yet?” You whispered, not caring anymore about how obvious you were

being. He frowned. Why hadn’t he done it yet?

“I don’t know if I should.”

“Why not?”

Why not? His own thoughts repeated, betraying him. The confusion unlatched the cage, released all the questions and doubts about his reasons and dread. They crowded his brain, rang in his ears. “It’s… it’d be too hard to keep the relationship alive.” He retold more to himself and the storm of interrogations than you.

Your brows snapped together, your own fear knocking on the door again. “Is it not worth it to try, though?” It’s what you’d told yourself: the antidote to unfreeze your limbs and wave goodbye at the concern hanging in there, because… was it not?

In the overwhelming haziness, he finally looked at you. It’s what he needed to come upon a realization, a truth he knew all along but crumbled and threw away. Everything hushed, one single, final phrase in the quiet of it all.

Convenient wasn’t what he wanted.

“It is.” He said under his breath.

You heard him, and your eyes twinkled. “Well, then make the move.”

He couldn’t help it anymore. His eyes found your lips.

“I will.”

You stared at each other for a moment, anticipation never more warming than right then as it fluttered in your chest. To your biggest disappointment, he broke eye contact and stood up. “Close your eyes for a moment.” He ordered, his face indistinguishable in the dark now that he was further away.

“Creepy, but okay.” You huffed, your eyelids fluttering shut. “You better not be running away right now, you’d break my poor ol’ heart.”

“Don’t worry, that’s not the case.” You heard him say. You trusted him, which could’ve been a terrible choice. The total silence that followed didn’t put you to ease at all, honestly. Maybe you annoyed him so much with your questions that he was about to murder you, and if that’s what was happening, you were quite sad, to say the least.

Your eyelids were itching to open and you lifted a brow, straining your ears to distinguish any sign of his presence. “What the hell are you doing?”

“You’re not gonna believe what’s about to happen.”

You snorted at his reference, but his voice was… oddly close. You opened your eyes, and— “Oh, fuck!” You yelped and jumped back in your seat. Damn right you weren’t gonna believe what was about to happen, for Peter dangled from the ceiling right in front of you, upside down.

“Is it too much of a strange idea? I was going to simply stick to the ceiling upside down, but then I thought… that’d be… worse.” He clumsily explained. You looked up at the web he hung from, laughing in disbelief.

“What the hell are you doing?” You repeated, but you weren’t mad— your large smile backed that up. You couldn’t figure out if it was a blush creeping up his face or if it was from the fact that he was upside down. Both, maybe.

“I’m making a move.”

You giggled, glad you confessed what you considered to be a perfect type of kiss to him or else you wouldn’t had witnessed how absolutely ridiculous he looked right now. “So you’re willing to help me check 'kissing someone upside down’ off my bucket list?” You smirked.

He grinned. “It would be my pleasure.”

You bit your lip, placing both hands on his head. “Alright, then.“

You leaned forward, the tip of your nose brushing against his chin. You softly kissed the area below his bottom lip to tease him, but he didn’t want to wait any longer. Not after so long. Quickly, he enclosed your own bottom lip with his mouth, lastly fully aware that inconvenient truly was magnificent.

#spider noir x reader #spider man noir x reader #spider noir one shot #spider noir imagine #peter parker x reader #spider noir x you #spider noir x y/n #spider noir #sm:itsv #spider man: into the spider verse #spiderman noir #spider man x reader #gender neutral #fem!reader #male!reader

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the-faequeen · 6 years ago

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Why do you ship Zoe and Kayn?

I’m THAT person who ships like … Edgy, grumpy/SIlly, nerdy or Loud sweet couples and the Tall/short type couples? It’s like a thing that really attracts me and junk?? I mean, LOOK AT THESE SHIPS!

Bakugo/Ochako , KIrishima & Bakugo, Kaminari & Jiro (BNHA) (If y’all don’t think that Kirishima’s a ball of sunshine, y’all lying to yourselves)

Peridot & Lapis (Steven U)

Gajeel and Levy (Fairy Tail)

Xayah & Rakan, Veigar & Lulu, Trist & Rumble (LoL)

Pidge & Lance, Keith & Shiro, Allura & Lotor (Voltron)

Soul & Maka (Soul Eater)

Star & Tom (STar vs. Tfoe)

Luka & Marinette (Miraculous Lady B) (i mean… i still ship CHat and LB ofc bt damn Luka)

Terra/Beast Boy, Jinx/Kid Flash, Artemis/Kid F (Teen Titans/Young Justice)

Toph & Sokka/ Zuko/Katara (ATLA)

Marcie & Bubs (Adventure Time)

Taiga and Ryuji (ToraDora)

and llike don’t even get my started on the other few shoujo anime I’ve watched :’v It’s a very specific type I don’t know. For the most part, I like seeing edgy characters act a different way – or seeing how they can change or learn how to be around people. It’s always an endearing story arc for anyone who has that Edgy loner type trope – (in my opinion – Personally, I enjoyed Zuko’s and Keith’s arcs the most, learing to accept team avatar or team voltron as his new found family and all that shit blah blah)

Same goes for Zoe & Kayn. I ship them cos of that? Also cos I feel like Zoe is one of the few champions that can QUITE POSSIBLY MAYBE (just maybe) reverse what rhaast did (which is what i’m trying to do in my comic. I really love that). We can say hey yeah well the other aspects can do that too and aurelion and the other cosmic skinned champs. Well sure! Yeah ofcourse they can – i just chose zoe cos she’s naturally curious and she likes making friends. Among all of them, I feel like she’ll be the most probably one who’ll want to ask or even talk to kayn. I don’t really see leona, diana or Panth rushing to talk to some random shadow boy with a demon arm. COmpared to zoe’s who’s just off looking going on adventures, wanting to make friends. On kayn’s side. I don’t see him like bowing down to authority apart from Zed’s. He sees himself as the best and the only reason why he has this great respect for Zed was because Zed took care of him and in a way fathered him. IThey have a bond. A relationship that in itself, is respectable. Apart from that, i don’t see him bowing down to any form of authority. It’s another reason why I think he’d actually bother with Zoe? She doesn’t really blow off that “authoritative” aura figure that most champs might give or even demand. She’s just the “Hi, Hello, WHo are you? Wanna be my friend?” Casual champ.

I see their first meeting as kayn going who the fuck are? doesnt matter, gonna kill you now. Zoe evading his attacks and Kayn getting annoyed enough to run away from her,realizing she’s this crazy weird ass psycho that he should probably avoid. And zoe realizing oh he’s actually kinda cool … kinda cute too… he’s not scared of me? Is he trying to kill me or play with me? Oh i think he wants to play! Okay lets play 1234 ready of not here i come —– And here and there. Eventually gets used to her being around cos she just wont leave him alone and she’s not really doing anything wrong. And then one day rhaast took over cos he got too complacent, she tries to save him, not for the sake of saving him but for the sake of showing rhaast that she won’t lose to him and … and then so she goes on this crazy journey, meets up with lux, talks to yordles, hears what varus has to say and then (SPOILERS LALALA WAIT FOR THE COMIC TO FIND OUT THE REST) For the most part, it sounds like puppy love and the way I see them is somehow like that anyways.

So yeah. Long story short, The two has a potential story to be told. Okay sure, not as romantic as say Ezreal and lux, Lux and jinx or xayah and rakan – but like, even as friends, they have some sort of story to be told and I guess that’s why i like it. They’re two vastly different and complex characters that are somehow similar in some sort of way and the stories you can create about them be it romantic or friendly or sibling-y — its nice. They have that going on for them. Pls honestly, they’re a funny pair. so comedy’s always nice to tell when it comes to ships. I don’t really care if the end game of this ship isnt marriage or a family. Frankly, I just enjoy creating content and stories about them as is. Every ship doesn’t even HAVE TO end with marriage :v FRANKLY LOTOR AND ALLURA ENDED IN DEATH :’V (yes I’m still salty about voltron season 8)

that’s it i guess? Haha i dont know if i make sense but this is the best way i could explain it, this is my opinion though, I’d respect yours if it aint your cup of tea, totally cool and thanks for asking my opinion about it! Im quite happy you asked tbh.

as for the age thing i’ve explained my side once. Short and sweet. I don’t see zoe as a kid. that’s it. If i was so into the idea of pedo shit, I’d draw zoe to be as small and childlike as annie or Kayn to be as bulky and stocky of a man as graves or braum (older in general). Frankly i draw zoe with curves and Kayn looks like a teenager when i draw him. End of story.

#fae talks #zoyn

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lovelylapins · 6 years ago

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For the 16 prompts: Human Kwamis.

“So, you mean to tell me that your parents just thought I was an American friend who came to visit, and they just let me sleepover last night?”

“Yep, that’s about right. I had to think of something on the spot, and it seemed like the best excuse.” Marinette spins in her chair to face Tikki. She’s laying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Or more accurately, looking at her hands which she raised upwards.

Her new, human hands.

“I’ll say,” Tikki lets out. She drops her hands and sits up, looking in awe at how her knees bend to help support her. “I wonder if they’ll force me to go to school with you today.”

“Probably not. But, I’ll take you with me in case I need to transform.” Marinette smiles. “I can finally introduce you to my friends!”

“I hope I don’t get assigned homework,” Tikki mumbles out. She props her head on her knees, the bundle of red hair falling over her face. She blows it away, only for the locks to fall once more in front of her. “Who knew an akuma could be this troublesome? I’m surprised that akuma turned Plagg and I into humans.”

“Plagg?”

“Chat Noir’s kwami,” Tikki reminds her. Marinette nods, a remembrance of the kwami briefly flashing through her mind on the one odd occasion she met him.

“Do you think we can save the day?” Marinette questions. “I mean, once the akuma hit us, we couldn’t even fight properly. We had to escape and detransform while the akuma ran away to do who knows what.”

“It was just from the change in us. Once the kwami is affected, the holder and Miraculous get affected too. I’m sure once we transform again our bodies will relax and we can properly work together.”

“Hopefully. Until then, I guess we’ll just have to work around this and get that akuma before he destroys Paris.” Marinette stands up, getting a glance of the time on her phone.

“Oh no!” she shrieks out. “We have ten minutes before class starts! Quick, get changed!”

“Into what?” Tikki asks, gazing down at her pajamas, which really was Marinette’s that she had lent her last night. When she had parted from Marinette after detransforming and found herself in a human body, Tikki had also found herself lacking much on her, a kwami not wearing clothes leading to a teenage girl, also not wearing clothes.

“Just borrow something of mine. I have more than enough outfits to wear.” Marinette points to her closet, rushing around and digging in drawers to find an outfit for herself. Grabbing hair ties, she hurriedly starts separating her hair. It was hard enough getting ready on her own, but geez was it hard when she was with someone who until yesterday didn’t know how to put on a shirt.

“Maybe I’ll try on a Marinette exclusive!” Tikki exclaims, drawing a laugh from Marinette.

“Good luck finding one not fit for a dinner party.”

With a flourish, Tikki opens the closet doors and runs her hands over the hanging objects, searching for anything. Something comfortable was her first concern, with something easy to throw on her next. Tikki was of course, only kwami.

“Oh boy, we’re gonna be late.” Marinette tosses on her shirt and tries to tug up her jeans in the same breath, stumbling all over her room in an attempt to stay balanced. Finding the first pair of shoes she can, she plops down on the ground and slips them on, hoping their teacher will be late so she’ll have the opportunity to squeeze in next to Alya in peace and place Tikki in the free desks in the back.

“Is this how you wear this?” Tikki asks, struggling with the button on the jeans she picked out.

“Tikki, those are backwards,” Marinette says, shoes slung on and running over to help. She helps her into the jeans correctly, and Tikki manages to slip on a shirt quite well, although it does take some time slipping on a pair of sneakers for her.

“This is uncomfortable!” she groans out, stamping her foot in protest after Marinette’s tied the laces. Hatch leading downstairs open, Marinette rushes down with her bag, beckoning Tikki to follow.

“You can complain later! Right now, we need to run!”

They just barely make it to the school doors, slipping in just as the first bell rings, sounding out a last-minute warning to any students loitering outside of their classrooms. Bouncing up the stairs, Tikki huffs after Marinette, wondering how anyone could have enough stamina to sprint down the street and bounce upstairs without taking a moment’s pause to breathe.

“Here!” Marinette yells out, bouncing through the doors just as the bell rings out. She leans over with her hands placed on her knees, huffing and puffing out an excuse for Tikki, who’s standing behind her, looking very similar and running a thousand thoughts in her mind.

Why can’t I just rest in Marinette’s backpack? Why do I have to do this terrible punishment? Why do humans like to bring this pain onto themselves?

“-so, since she’s from America, I thought it’d be cool to let her see how France schools are, and- “

“Marinette that’s enough. Have Tikki sit in the back, and please bring out your homework.”

Marinette nods, giving Tikki a smile before she goes to her seat. As Tikki walks up the stairs, she can feel the stares of the people Marinette has told her about time and time again, the most dramatic and complicated class of teenagers she’s ever known.

What she doesn’t expect, however, is the student sitting at her desk as well, leaning back in his chair.

“Plagg?” she hisses out, making sure not to draw attention.

“What’s up, Sugarcube?” he asks cheekily, leaning in to rest his arms on the table. He pats the spot next to him, gesturing for her to sit down. “Looks like my holder wasn’t the only one to bring their kwami to school.”

“Lower your voice,” Tikki says, sitting down and casting him a look. She nervously checks if any classmates are listening but finds them drawn into the class discussion, notebooks out and pencils scratching onto the paper. Even Marinette’s head is bowed, not a single glance thrown her way. “I thought I told you not to call me that.”

“Have been since it was invented. Doesn’t mean it gets old, though.” Plagg chuckles, pleased to be reunited with the kwami after so long apart. “So, what’s the lie Marinette used to convince her parents?”

“Online friend. What about you and Adrien?”

“Modeling friend he met while traveling.”

“Modeling? That’s hard to believe,” Tikki teases, earning a slight shove from Plagg.

“So, quite a situation, huh?” he asks, tapping his fingers on the desk. “There’s no way they won’t figure out their identities now.”

“They’ll be fine. Marinette is the most levelheaded person I know.”

“Really?” Plagg throws her a glance.

“Okay, so maybe not the most. But, she’ll handle this better than she would have a few months ago. I trust she won’t freak out as much once she finds out who’s behind the mask.”

“Can’t say the same for Adrien.” Plagg looks over at him, blond hair bouncing every time he raises his hand to answer a question. “The kid’s gonna lose his marbles. He adores Ladybug. I didn’t tell you last time we met, but he has this huge poster in his room, just absolutely the biggest thing, and- “

“Plagg, Marinette has nearly every picture of Adrien known to man in her room.”

“And you’re sure she’ll handle this well?”

“Of course. Trust me! I’m lucky, you know.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m not feeling very lucky right now.”

“Plagg? Tikki?” the teacher calls from the front of the classroom. “I understand you two are guests, but please be mindful of your voices. Otherwise, I’ll have you switch with Adrien and Marinette and partake in the class.”

“Sorry, Madame,” both let out in unison, feeling the gaze of the classroom burn. As Tikki lets her eyes linger on the teacher, she flickers them over to spot Marinette and Adrien. Both are locked in a staredown, silently having a conversation.

In tandem, both throw their heads back to look at Tikki and Plagg, before darting back to each other.

In a heartbeat, it all changes.

Marinette shrieks, clapping her hands over her face and immediately standing up.

“Can I please go to the bathroom?” she asks, voice muffled as her hands are still clamped over her mouth.

Adrien stands up as well, pushing his chair back with a loud screech and looking the most disheveled he’s ever looked in all of his fourteen years spent modeling.

“May I as well?” he asks, voice high pitched and on the verge of cracking. He clears his voice, shifting from one foot to the other.

Their teacher gazes at them confused, one part wanting to ask questions but the other all too tired for something this early in the morning.

“Be back quickly. We’re starting a new chapter when you two return.” She waves a hand, and both bolt for the door, awkwardly stopping once both hands have touched the doorknob. The class observes, eyeing the two as if they’re in a drama.

“You first,” Adrien offers, stepping back.

“No, no, you first.”

“Don’t be silly, my L- Marinette.”

“No, I really think you should open the door.“

“You sure? I really think it’d be best if- “

“Someone open the damn door,” Alya interjects, prompting a harsh look from her teacher but no scolding. Weakly, Marinette opens it, pushing herself through with the force of a thousand men. Adrien follows, feet pounding on the ground.

The class looks at the door in silence, wondering in collect agreement if jumping out of their seats to follow them would be a good idea.

“Class, your classwork. I know you’re all curious, but a grade is much more important right now.”

Sighing, the class turns to their class partner, discussing the passage in the textbook they just read and jotting down new notes. Their teacher sits down pleased, then opens up her email.

LMAO y’all are not gonna BELIEVE what just happened, she starts out her message, addressing it to the other teachers at the school.

“So, I guess they’ve figured it out,” Plagg says, looking at Tikki.

“You know, they’re going in the wrong direction of the bathrooms.”

“You really think they’re going to the bathrooms?”

Tikki sighs, putting her elbow on the table and placing her head in her open hand.

“No, not really,” she says. “Anyways, should we think up plans for defeating that kwami?”

“Well, we have nothing better to do. Might as well.”

“That’s the spirit, Plagg.”

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aerislei · 6 years ago

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MHA Season 2 Wrap Up

First, for my wrap up specifically about the stain arc go here. If you have any interest in my thoughts specific to that arc, there you go. Lol. It will get mentions, but I’m not intending to reiterate anything that I covered more in-depth there because it seems silly.

Second, I’m sorry but this thing is huge. In the future I may break up character discussion and possible theories into a separate post. Is that a thing you guys would prefer? Or do you like the whole wrap in one?

Now. Holy... wow. A lot happened in season 2, and the arcs felt like distinct arcs. By that I mean... like um. In season one everything felt like a natural progression, from one to the next - meet all might, train with all might, get into school, school classes. I know it’s technically broken into “arcs” but it didn’t feel like it, really.

In season 2 each arc is extremely distinct, though of course they are tied together so they don’t feel disjointed. We start with the sports festival, which ends hinting at the stain arc, then we flow into the stain arc, and then, almost anticlimactically, we come back to school and do our final exams because this is a school, remember? And all the chaos that has happened over the semester doesn’t change that.

So, generally, I’ve got to say the extra episodes did this season a load of good. The extra screen time did wonders for allowing a little more exploration with all the characters. Some are still way less fleshed out than others, but almost none of them are just floating question marks. ... At least not out of the 1-A members.

This is super pleasing because it was one of my biggest frustrations out of season 1 - because we spent so much time gearing up for UA that we didn’t really get to explore much of the class that was suddenly tossed in front of us. And because class time was limited, obviously, by screen time, we got a somewhat limited view of who was who and who did what. Personalities were very vague at best and while I had impressions for several characters I didn’t... feel much for any of them, outside of a select few I already knew something about either because they were important (Midoriya, Bakugo) or because I had pieces of the puzzle handed to me in the form of spoilers (Kirishima, Todoroki, Momo/Jiru).

Things went better this season in terms of giving us information about everyone, at least in a limited form, and thus in endearing more of the cast to me.

Sports Festival Arc

Okay, so. First arc of the season. It gave me all the information about Todoroki I could have asked for - even though I guessed at least 80% of it with the pieces of the puzzle I’d already been handed and my parallels to prince Zuko. Despite that it was a wild ride. I enjoyed the arc in a way I don’t enjoy most tournament arcs.

Biggest negative, in a sense for me was that the fight I was most looking forward to - and, imo was the most hyped up - was in round two of the event (Todoroki vs Deku) and... to me at least everything after it fell flat. None of the fights after Todoroki and Deku made any real impression on me. Even the final battle between Shoto and Bakugo was comparatively uninteresting. I know that was important, I do. I know why Shoto “stepped back” so to speak, I get that he had something to figure out for himself before he could really keep charging forward there.

... But the fight was dull and it had very little weight for me. I’m quite sure that that’s an unpopular opinion, but here we are.

The tournament set up a lot of important things and it opened a lot of doors, so to speak. Which does redeem the anticlimactic final battle, if only because it wasn’t “just” a tournament, important things happened there too.

Stain Arc

One of the biggest events of our protagonist’s careers so far, quietly skated over by the media and the glory given to someone else. Other than Stain’s ideology blowing open the doors for the Villains to explode into action, we get a lot of growth for Izuku, Shoto, and Iida. We also got some significant growth for Uraraka as far as combat goes.

We get our first look at the real villain that Midoriya is eventually going to have to face, and some important exposition about how One for All came to be. We also got to see a ton of other pro heroes in action which was a lot of fun.

Final Exams

You know after Stain, this arc was a nice lowering of the adrenaline. I know I called it anticlimactic up there - because it was, in a sense - but it was also rather important for it to be. First, it reminds us that our main characters are still in school and they’re still learning. And second it highlights the fact that life doesn’t stop no matter how disastrous the world seems to become.

Still, it was in no way boring and the exam itself was a nice reminder that our characters have a long way to go before they’re ready.

The BakuDeku fight was my third favorite thing this season. (Stain fight in first, Tododeku fight in second). I was so pumped to see those two have to work together for something and they DID IT. Not well, especially not at first, but they were able to put aside their differences and in the end did succeed against All Might.

And then, of course, the end of the season gave us what to expect next time (hey we’ve got training in the woods for a week coming up) and also gave us the current stance of the Villains - All for One being pleased at Tomura’s finally gaining a firm resolve to destroy All Might. It was a good place to end the season all in all.

Again, not going to do every character by any means, just going to touch on a few. More than I did last time though because I have things to say.

Yaoyorozu Momo

So I was surprised to see her lose so much confidence in herself after the Sports Arc - but then again she got in on recommendation not by her own actual talent. She didn’t earn a score, she didn’t have to fight nearly as hard. Momo is... that character who’s used to her family name getting her everything and coming to UA she’s realizing that not only is it not that simple in the real world, she doesn’t want it to be, because she wants to do it herself.

But she’s not used to failing. She doesn’t seem to be used to other people showing her up, so to speak, and apparently losing to Tokoyami really shook her up.

I’m glad the exam with Todoroki did her some good in getting her feet back under her and I hope we get to keep seeing more of her because she actually seems to be a fun character.

Todoroki Shoto

Todoroki is our other character that is the character who’s used to getting by on his family’s name alone. ... Except dialed over into the Family Issues troupe and so he doesn’t like getting anywhere with that name. Seemingly unlike Momo he works much harder because of his father’s name - because he wants to be separate from it. He wants to do it himself.

But he undeniably has gotten to where he is because of his father. And also undeniably his father’s training affects absolutely everything he does - including how he interacts with his classmates (see: flatly laying out his plan to Momo without asking her anything even though she clearly wanted to say something.) Yeah.

I’m hoping the exam with Momo remains as a lesson that communication is kind of a two way street, and a partnership requires compromise on both sides. The whole thing could have been avoided if they’d actually spent pre-their exam discussing how they wanted to handle it instead of coming into the arena and then sharing the plan.

(These two are interesting to put side by side because they basically come from the same place - roots that can get them wherever they want to go in life, but they’re learning how to stand on their own too.)

Midoriya Izuku

His growth this season was glorious. Once Gran Torino got him thinking about One for All the right way, he made leaps and bounds of progress - maybe a little too quickly - but we can’t have everything. There was also some personality growth that is starting to show through. He’s not the same as he was in season 1, even only by the end of his first semester. He still gets nervous but it’s less often, he still cries easily - too easily - but it’s not as often.

He’s gaining confidence in the fact that this is his path to walk now, like he’s always wanted.

Shigaraki Tomura

So as far as villains go he’s not really my favorite. He lost a lot of his creepiness from the first season as we see him more and more. ... Probably because he mostly acts like a petulant six year old in an adult’s body.

I accidentally spoiled myself looking for something else, so I am aware of his actual identity. But it doesn’t change the way I honestly feel about him. (I do look forward to seeing how/when it’s revealed in the show, because I’m curious if All Might knows.)

The more he talks, the less scary he seems. He throws his power around, and that’s about it. ... His quirk has the potential to be devastating so there’s that.

I’m hoping now that he’s gained his... resolve or whatever we want to call it that he centralizes into a more interesting threat and less like a kid playing a video game and whining when things don’t go his way.

Dabi

So. He’s just a question mark. Mostly. Adult, early-to-mid twenties if I had to guess an age. Turquoise eyes. I happen to know that his quirk is fire based (I told y’all I’m terrible at staying out of trouble lmao). And he is specifically endeared to Stain’s ideals.

There’s also a pretty prevalent fanon idea that he is the eldest Todoroki child. And I uh, I’m not going to lie, but it’s a pretty intriguing idea, and I can easily see how someone raised by endeavor - especially someone who was deemed ‘unworthy’ the way Shoto’s siblings all were - might come to support the ideals of someone who believes heroes should be heroes selflessly.

I look forward to seeing how things go forward with Dabi and the villains in general. ... I also feel like Dabi and Tomura are not done clashing quite yet.

So for final thoughts...

This season opened up a number of doors and set into motion a lot of things all around our characters. Some of those things they are aware of, others... well, there is time enough for them to find out about later.

Our heroes made it through their first semester at school, but it’s pretty clear that their story has only just begun.

I was right, the extended season does this show a lot of favors, and I’m glad to see that season three is similarly long.

See you all next time!

#MHA #BNHA #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #wrap up

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survivor-tierradelfuego · 4 years ago

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Ep. 11: “Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one?” - Aimee

Amy A

Ben ☹️. I didn’t play too well with him and it was such a good blindside I couldn’t resist. I wish him well and I just have a feeling I’m next to go

Olivia A

Okay umm we got Ben out but it turns out Kalle gave me a real idol? So I feel weird. The reason we began suspecting her of lying was because Hanuha people knew about Maddison’s safety without power advantage and Kalle was literally the only person who could’ve told them. IDK!!

Aimee

I’m just so tired of crying! Sarah tried to video chat and I just couldn’t. No one knew I don’t think that Ben and I were so close. Gaaaaah I’m gonna miss him so much! He just helped me so much to stay sane in this game. The last thing I need is anyone seeing me as a big hot mess. I can’t catch a break.

Sarah

From two nights ago.... https://youtu.be/uebz8rVKNbg https://youtu.be/xQyiuiGeEpo

Pedro A

when i actually thought i was at the bottom........THERES EVEN A LOWER BOTTOM...THAT IM IN RIGHT NOW......chille ben screwed us BIG TIME....we were in a great spot..i dont even know what to say at this point

Sarah

Wow. Okay. I didn’t want to be a villain but here we are. I will post a video confessional soon but for now, the plan to vote out Ben actually worked. I called Maddison last minute and explained that Ben and Kalle were tight and were all over the place, playing both sides. Maddison found out that Kalle was a rat and was not being completely truthful and we both agreed on voting Kalle or Ben. We agreed on Ben because we thought Kalle was going to play her idol on herself.... turns out Ben was telling the truth in voting out Kalle to old Hanuha and Kalle actually gave Olivia a real idol. More to come... but for now I feel like a villain ahhh.

Kalle N.

Well I said that my only goal was to make jury and not go to the FTC so it looks like Ben really helped me achieve that. THAT FOOL REALLY FUCKED ME OVER ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR. This is fine. I will never let him forget that I've beaten him twice now and that's all that matters. Did not see this tribal coming at all. Can't wait to get voted out next

Najwah

If I learned anything today is that we tend to read in and over think and make up scenarios in our head. Ben was actually on our side all along? Who would have thought. All the bits and pieces he told us today just didn't add up and Cody said he was different and everyone was just quiet and Ben didn't talk in the group, he spoke to people individually. I don't really understand what just happened but we wasted so much energy speculating lmao. And now where the hell do we go from here? Cody has become so paranoid also. The minute Ben told him that those people will be writing his name he became soooo paranoid wtf. Then he WASTED an advantage and idol at tribal? Just bc he still didn't trust the plan. I'm starting to think that Cody just can't trust anyone or any process. I really think he needs to chill more. Be more low key. Just try to be calm. If you get voted out, it's not like you're going to die or something. It's just a game after all.

Aimee

Apparently tribe was getting too suspicious of how Ben and Kalle were so close. I still don’t get why I had to be left out of the vote though? Why can’t I get the respect to be told what is happening before the vote, so I have time to process my emotions and have my stuff together a little. https://immunityilol.tumblr.com/post/617448854807298048 Instead I get nothing. I get a call from Sarah right after Ben is voted out. Obviously I can’t answer it because I’m crying and no one knew I was super close to Ben. I’m just so angry right now first Grae now Ben! IS MADDISON NEXT!? FUCK! Like Gah I’m afraid to get close to anyone. But I just love getting to know people. I finally got to video chat with Maddison. Fucking loved it! She is great to talk to and great to have on this crazy skype isolation island. I need some interaction and realness right now. Ok I’m totally drinking. It’s hard enough to process all this nonsense sober. We will see what the next day brings.

Aimee

Sarah I really don’t want us to end up like this Casanova music video. 😢💔 I guess everyone wants to blindside Aimee as a treat. I hope people got their jollies out of it. 🌟 Allie X - Casanova feat VÉRITÉ https://youtu.be/YpVunjboAWg

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Sarah

Day 21 https://youtu.be/aYiGStuSKDA

Pedro A

Im afraid Kalle will throw me under the bus...just to stay this week cause shes on the bottom....and im also afraid that maddison and olivia will try to convince kalle to vote me out...instead ....since they are coming for me ...GOSHHH..i hate my life...i need immunity...CAN I LIKE HAVE IT?

Pedro A

okay so im excited to see everyone's answers to this challenge...THIS WILL BE INTERESTING...it will reveal a lot of people real thoughts ..IM READY FOR TEAAAA YALL

Najwah

I enjoyed my day today. I think it's the first time I was fully in the real world in 22 days. I'm playing a reckless game right now. There are so many layers in this game but after last night's tribal and learning that Ben was being legit, I just feel bad. I love Cody but he's definitely a loose cannon and can't play low key. Which is definitely bad for my game. He and Sarah are trying to push me into getting Amy on our side, but our relationship just isn't like that. I don't want to make her feel used. I like her. I really like her a lot. I like Sarah too. And Cody. I want to be friends with all these people IRL lol so I don't want to play against them or lie to them. This game just gets harder every time someone gets voted off tbh but I'm at the point where I feel like "if my plan works, then great", "if it doesn't, then whatever. I get to chill on panderosa and get to sleep more and actually spend time with my family and friends who I've been avoiding since this started lmao" Also, I'd be able to work again. I haven't got much work done urgh. I don't know whether my super idol is real. I'm curious to see what tonight's challenge will reveal. I am not going in with any syrategy

Cody wants to go for Kalle and Pedro coz they voted for him? I don't know, I think that's kinda silly and I'm not about revenge. You have to think rationally. And we have made a few irrational choices of late because people read into things. I still wish Ben hadn't told Cody that everyone was voting for him. That's how so much of yesterday's shit started. I have been so tired since yesterday. Tired of the scheming and overthinking and being paranoid over nothing urgh. Aimee also wants to call me after the challenge. I'm kinda scared tbh. I had a dream last night that Aimee killed me lmao this game is haunting me and giving me nightmares. Honestly, I'd be okay if anyone left wins this game. Okay except Kalle. She's the only one I've not interacted with and she just seems dodge idk. Maybe I'm still thinking about Zack's stupid analysis on people. Anyways.

Najwah

I'm happy for Maddison tbh. She deserved that. I just want to scream about Cody though? Why did Cody chop Aimee? Wtf. And that made Aimee chop Sarah before she chopped Amy or Maddison. I'm so confused. Ugh.

Maddison

Apparently I don’t know much about this tribe. Yeet!

Pedro A

Villan of the season?....im honored...but bitter jury?...i didnt like that one..lol

Aimee

I chopped Pedro for Grae.

I chopped Olivia and haha sorry I got so nervous on here that I just chopped the final chop, even though that was savage as hell... I called her a goat and then chopped her right out of the game. Oops hahahahaha. When I watch this challenge back I look like the C word with a capital C.... And that word isn’t “cartwheel.” I chopped Sarah for the Ben blindside. I chopped Amy for my mental health. I can’t lose Maddison! I’m so sick of being tortured that I truly am running out of fucks tbh. Just chop anyone, whatever. Why do I care...

Aimee

Ohhhh Najwah!!!! Don’t worry about not telling me about the vote or accidentally calling me a goat because you didn’t know the meaning. I think I would make a cute goat. https://nunyabizni.tumblr.com/post/615593098008035328 Love that you think I’m actually “the Greatest of All Time.” I adore you and our friendship 💖❤️💞 luv you girl!!! I know you’re truly being genuine unlike others. I’m waiting for this game to tip in our favor so we can run with it. https://youtu.be/TGwZ7MNtBFU This MV is dedicated towards Najwah after Cody swooped in and stole my final 2 with her. No hard feelings; I have my own stuff to sort out after my man Ben was voted out. I’m pretty confident you have a final 2 with Cody and I love that for you. 🧡💛💚 I’m happy y’all got together and are strong with Sarah. But here I am. Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one? Just not playing the game and grazing my grass over here like a “goat?” They really don’t know how close I was with Ben and they got stupid lucky on that one. I’m not as clueless as you all think... it’s in your best interest to reconsider. Also let’s not skip over the fact that Sarah and I both didn’t get an answer on touchy subjects for “who do you trust the most.” Yeah don’t think I didn’t peep that. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 Sarah didn’t put me and I didn’t put her. I put Maddison. Cody had 2 votes. Najwah and Sarah put him. I’m not dense. I guess Sarah is cool with being that 3rd wheel. Loving the fact that apparently no one has been seeing me reaching across the aisle for damn DAYS trying to play with Maddison.... oh honey, oh girl...oh no no ... that was just Ben right? Yeah. My final 2 with Ben is gone so I’m rogue and hoping I can get Maddison as far as possible with me. Also! Just letting you all know I’m not a damn chump. It’s SO OBVIOUS that Cody Najwah and Sarah have a fucking secret chat that they’ve been in since the beginning of all time, which included Zack. You’ve heard it here first folks. Oh and I’ve known this for at least a week or two. The tells are so blatant, but catch me pretending to have no idea. I’m not the goat that you think I am, but I would LOVE you to continue to think of me of a goat and forgettable. If you knew what I was doing I wouldn’t be allowed to get to the end. If I’m on any players radars then that means I am doing a bad job. So, I absolutely loved what this challenge revealed. I know way more than people think I know, but I am playing up the ditzy card hardcore. I would much rather prefer to be a stealthy sniper that people think is not playing. Give me a chance to explain my game in the final tribal and you might regret that. I have been doing all the same moves as Ben and same exact strategy.... he gets called a big threat and blindsided and yet here I am with identical strategy and totally left alone and tbh a little disrespected but that works to my advantage. Perception is not reality! This could be everyone’s biggest mistake and I honestly love it. I just want Kalle and Pedro out tbh. I got my big boobs and my positivity. I’m mind strong and I’m ready to get this. Your lady is never giving up. If you blindside me again it better be me that gets voted out. Otherwise you’re all in a world of fucking trouble... https://64.media.tumblr.com/0389c791f095d54973543b32d4414577/984582d2a107588c-89/s540x810/c10ec7b961de2fd3b693a886ea7385b04ed3d653.gifv

Najwah

I am still tired. LOL. Amy L still hasn't replied to me. I think she hates me right now and I burned the bridge with her, which I'm obviously sad about because it's the only bridge I really cared about? Like she's the only person who I was 100% sure about and we've always respected each others allegiance to their alliances. Anyway. What does it matter now? I'm going to let Cody and Sarah make a plan with this tribal scrambling. Oh Cody said the reason he chopped Aimees rope is because he didn't want her to win immunity again lmao so he rather chops someone in his own alliance wtf I can't get over that fatal mistake. That and playing the extra vote and idol😭😭 ugh and I think people assume I am his goat or something lmaooooo I absolutely adore Cody but I really hope he doesn't mess things up for himself. Sarah wants me to get coins for them to buy an immunity idol. Do I really want to waste 5 coins again on someone whose just going to get paranoid and play it? I don't know. I need to think on it.

Aimee

Welp I finally told my first lie in this game and hopefully it’s not my demise. I guess it’s my turn to be messy. I’m still coping with Ben being gone. 💔😢😫 Why the nut, did I tell Pedro I want him here. It was definitely too much alcohol and worried if he had another idol I would be the throw vote. Welp we will see if he throws that info all over the island. https://64.media.tumblr.com/d9f98e355c7e9229777fa982551cfd7e/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do7_250.gifv https://64.media.tumblr.com/d37a2b6f76f83c1beaca2ca2bac6bb72/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do3_250.gifv I’ve made peace with it though. This lady ain’t stopping, but if this puts me in jury. I’m honestly excited! I’ll finally get to talk to James, Grae and Ben again! And that makes my heart warm. ♥️

Pedro A

I'm probably going home tonight....kinda done with this.....I'm exhausted and emotionally drained from this experience.. I just wanna chill...at the end of the day its either me or kalle....so may the odds be in my favor!!

Najwah

I'm nervous about this vote. Apparently Maddison and co are willing to work with us to get Kalle out. I don't know how legit it is but I'm tired tonight and I just think I should do an early vote before people change their minds.

Amy A.

So we had the game yesterday and there was a question about ‘closest Ally’ and no one chose me. I’m not really bothered about everyone else except NAJWAH. She didn’t choose me! I was the only one who chose her cos her name came just ONCE. Whoever she ended up choosing as her closest ally didn’t even choose her. It’s made me real life sad because I trusted her so much. Honestly, I didn’t even think twice about putting her name down for closest ally. I haven’t even spoken to anyone about tonight’s vote. Idk who I’m voting for but I know it’s not her cos I promised her that. That’s the only reason. Maybe I’m the one going home. I don’t know.

Maddison

Let’s hope for a straightforward vote tonight with no unforeseen twists!

Aimee

https://youtu.be/m4Z0RN_KhK0 A flow mobz - thrill over fear (feat. luna blake) Omg I couldn’t sleep last night and I just woke up being bitchy about Pedro. I don’t think he actually has anyone besides maybe Kalle. My walls are up and I just want this vote to work in my favor and be Kalle. I hope there are no hard feelings after this game. I just want to get to know everyone during all this covid madness and have some fun. 🌈

#episodes

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daesungindistress · 8 years ago

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Carnivores - Additional Notes & Thoughts

Alright, I said I’ve been wanting to write a blog post expanding on a few things in the Carnivores series (with a heavy focus on Dream Likes Ashes Float Away), so here it is! Most of this is stuff I’ve waited to get off my chest since DLAFA.

Warning: SPOILERS for the entire series. Also it’s long (of course it is), so it’s under the “keep reading” below. Also cross-posted at AFF.

FYI: DLAFA = Dreams Like Ashes Float Away, BLTS = Bright Like the Sun

1.) Some of you might be wondering, when the heck does this fic series take place, anyway? Well, here’s your answer: I don’t know! It’s not meant to be a modern-day setting, I can tell you that much. I imagine it taking place somewhere in the early 1800’s, perhaps. It could even be a modern setting and they are just that isolated.

Look, all I know is the guys have zero exposure to modern machinery like cars, trains, planes, etc. They’ve never encountered electricity (outside of bolts of lightning during thunderstorms, lol). So certainly no electronics like phones or computers or TVs. In the city in DLAFA a man takes them to their new home in a cart pulled by a horse, and I took care to make no mention of things like running water or even in-home appliances. Nothin’. That’s not to say that they didn’t have something to work with, I just didn’t feel like doing the research to figure out exactly what...

2.) The details of the land they lived on aren’t actually super important, so you’re free to imagine the landscape in whatever way comes easiest to you. But if anyone is curious, it’s based on the Texas Hill Country (south-central Texas, United States).

3.) The beginnings of Carnivores can be seen in this entry at Tumblr from March 2016. Ultimately, it was all inspired by a single black & white photo from the MADE series collection, the one that I used as the title pic for Carnivores.

It’s funny, in the tags at the bottom of that post I said, “I wish I could write fanfic. I want to.”

4.) As I was writing Carnivores I sort of jokingly called it "watered down werewolves" since, contrary to what you would expect from werewolf fic, the guys don't actually have the ability to transform fully into wolves. Their ability to morph at all is severely restricted, limited to just teeth and claws. Meanwhile, their one other physical feature that identifies them as not-quite-human-- the wolf tail-- is always with them, unable to be hidden away (more on that later). Some of you might have wondered why I opted to take away this transformation ability. Especially considering that I LOVE that aspect of werewolf lore-- the idea of people taking on the physical form of animals. Shapeshifting, if you will. That was the "superpower" I always wanted as a kid; the ability to become whatever animal I desired for however long I wanted. Because animals are so much cooler than humans, duh (says my inner 8-year-old self).

Well, as it so happens... the primary reason I took away their "wolf form" is because I didn't want to risk venturing anywhere near the idea of animal-on-animal sex. "But you could have just avoided writing about that," you might be thinking. And yes, you'd be right, but even displays of affection from one wolf to another I just did not even want to touch. Not even cute, innocent things like wolf!Seunghyun licking all over wolf!Daesung's face in excitement, etc etc. I just thought that if I was not meticulously careful about it, the potential to squick readers beyond repair was far too high.

Because let's face it, Seunghyun in this series is going to give Daesung some lovin’ no matter what "form" he's in (same goes for Daesung regarding his attraction to Seunghyun), and given the, hmm... intensity of his devotion... I'm not confident I would have been able to steer completely, 100% clear of all types of physical intimacy between them while they were in the shape of... well, wolves. Look, when it comes to fanfic (especially this series) I'm not one to pull my punches, sugarcoat things, tone it down, etc... but even I have to draw the line somewhere!

That said, I almost didn't even give them tails. Thought it seemed a little silly, maybe a tad gimmicky. I wrestled with that one for a long time, and in the end said, "Oh, whatever," and went with it. And I'm glad I did, because the presence of their tails became something of an important plot point later on in DLAFA.

5.) Y’all might not realize how much of what happens in this series is based on or influenced by events that took place IRL, considering that it is an alternate universe. It began as a series of observations on Tumblr, various posts of mine that accumulated over time as things relating to Daesung or ToDae came up. Here are some examples below:

Hair pulling in Carnivores? That’s from the video clip of TOP pulling on Daesung’s hair until he made a pained face during the MADE tour in Japan. (1, 2, 3)

Seunghyun putting his head down and chasing Daesung around like a bull (or like a buck using his antlers to herd a doe) in BLTS? Also from a video clip from MADE tour in Japan. TOP chased Daesung around the stage like that.

Daesung’s fear of dogs and water? Based on his comments in the MADE the Movie pamphlet.

Seunghyun saying to Daesung in New Heights, “If I wanted to kill you, I could have done it so many times by now.” This comes from TOP telling Daesung at the MADE: The Movie premier, “You know I could kill you if I wanted to.” (1, 2)

Discussions of Seungri possibly leaving the pack to form his own in DLAFA? That’s based on a debate I was having with some disgruntled Seungri fans on Tumblr, fans who were upset about Seungris’ alleged mistreatment by the rest of BB and wanted him to leave the group to go somewhere he might be better appreciated. It was around that time that I wrote that bit into the fic.

Seungri’s role as the pack omega? This one should be obvious. Replace “omega” with “maknae” and there you go.

I’m sure there’s more that I just can’t remember off the top of my head anymore. Anyway, none of this should come as a surprise. It’s fanfiction, of course it’s based on what the guys do IRL…

6.) There were a lot of idiomatic expressions I couldn’t use while writing this series. It felt at times like my language options were very limited. Was an interesting challenge, for sure, but not always one I enjoyed. For example, I could never say anything that related to electronics or machinery. There was a time I wanted to describe Daesung’s body as operating on autopilot, until I suddenly realized that word wouldn’t make any sense to him in the context of his world. Keep in mind the story was always told from the perspectives of Seunghyun and Daesung, never an omniscient narrator.

So, autopilot? No way, not in their world. Cars, planes, trains… none of that existed at that time. Or if it did, the guys of BB as they appeared here didn’t know about it. That also meant I couldn’t say things like “train of thought” or “thoughts derailing”. Nothing about lightbulbs going off over one’s head, and certainly never anything “like a switch has been flipped.” I think there was even a time in Carnivores when they were weak and starving and I wanted to describe them as "running on empty"... but that's a reference to cars and fuel! It was challenging, y’all!

What I did instead was try to use a lot of nature metaphors, imagery relating to the natural world, things they would know well. I know I could have done more, especially in BLTS given that they were living fully out in the thick of it at the time... but by the end of it, trying to keep up with what imagery I had already used was honestly just starting to make me feel wiped out.

7.) Some lines that appeared in DLAFA were mirrored versions of lines from Carnivores. For example:

In DLAFA Daesung said, “Does it matter who it came from when it costs us nothing? It's good meat, and it was free.” You might have wondered why, exactly, Seunghyun was so upset that he walked out. It’s because Daesung was, without realizing it, throwing Seunghyun’s words back at him. In Carnivores Seunghyun said, as he was begging Daesung to eat, “Does it matter where the meat came from when you're dying? It’s good meat.”

Oh jeez, I just realized that all this time I thought I had written something into Carnivores but I never did… In DLAFA Seunghyun says to Daesung, “How can I help you if you won’t let me know that you’re hurting?” I thought that was mirroring a line in Carnivores where he said, “How can I provide for you when you won’t let me know that you’re hungry?” But I’ve just looked and apparently I never wrote that. Darn! Even after the fic is finished I’m still adding lines to it, even if only in my head...

8.) I feel like there are not too many good quotable lines of dialogue in this series. The best lines are not in the dialogue but in the narrative, which reflects their thoughts. The reason for this is I have always intended for them to be, hmm... simpler creatures. Their thoughts are deeper than their words. That’s partly because of what they are (part human, part animal, living very simple lives) but it’s also because I feel like that’s what’s real (especially when it comes to guys, haha). You know, we don’t always speak as eloquently as we’d like when we don’t have the time to perfectly compose our thoughts. Flowery speech is nice to read and all, but I didn’t think it would be quite right for the guys, especially as they appear here.

9.) Tags & warnings. This applies more to AO3 since AFF’s tagging system is so limited. I try to tag my fics as thoroughly as I can without getting excessive. However, there were a few important warnings I chose not to use, much as I hated to do that, because I couldn’t bear to ruin the surprise of it. In Carnivores it was cannibalism. In DLAFA it was forced sex with an animal. Honestly, I didn't want to warn for rape in Carnivores either, but I will always warn / tag accordingly for rape.

10.) DLAFA is meant to highlight the contrast between Seunghyun’s and Daesung’s personalities and unique approaches to life more than ever before. They both enter the same environment but adapt to it in vastly different ways. Daesung embraces their new lifestyle, not because he loves it but because he feels like it’s what he needs to do, and loses sight of himself along the way. Seunghyun rejects it, and though his inability to fit in keeps him feeling extremely unhappy, he refuses to give up his identity for the sake of anyone else. Both of them think they are doing the right thing. And in the process they slowly grow apart.

11.) The DLAFA soundtrack. I know most of you probably haven’t listened to the soundtrack, and that’s okay! Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have either, lol. But I would still like to talk about parts of it because, in my mind, it’s actually an important accompaniment to the fic. And up ‘til now all I’ve done is list the songs out and explain whose perspective they’re from. I’d like to take a few moments to do a little more than that.

Shadows, Feed the Machine, Faceless, Let It Burn These do not correspond to any particular scene. They’re kind of general songs that describe the guys’ mindsets as they’re developing throughout the first 4 chapters of the fic.

Take It All Away This is connected to Daesung’s rape scene toward the end of Chapter 5. It starts out slow and very subdued. In its initial stages I imagine him addressing Seunghyun, singing quietly about his internal struggles, saying, “you watched me while I slowly disappeared” and pleading with him to “take it all away.” But then he sings, very softly,

I’m breaking, I can’t do this on my own

Can you hear me screaming out, am I all alone?

After that is when he is attacked on the streets. He does “scream out,” but he is silenced before anyone who might help him can hear. And he realizes at that point that this time he is on his own. Unlike in Carnivores, the others won’t be running to his aid; this time he’ll have to save himself. From that point the music plays-- no vocals, just music that builds and swells, becoming bigger and bolder and more painful the longer it goes on.

This is… this is as it’s happening. This is as they are taking from him-- his dignity, his stability, his sense of self, his hope for an untroubled life in this new world he and his packmates have entered. By the end of it the singer is crying out, his voice growing in strength and pain the more he says it, “You take away, you take away, you take away.” By that point I don’t see Daesung speaking to Seunghyun; I see him speaking instead to his attackers after they’ve left him, shifting focus. There is a line in the fic that reflects this. It’s as they are about to take his tail:

They have taken too much from him already. They will not take this from him too.

Lie To Me This is Seunghyun all throughout Chapter 6 after Daesung has been hurt but refuses to share with him what happened and pulls away sharply. This one’s pretty good. Lines like, “All your secrets crawled inside, you keep them safe, you let them hide.” And “Lie to me, watch me bleed, but I’ll still be here when you see you’re not alone. You don’t have to run.” Because even through it all, though it hurts Seunghyun that Daesung doesn’t trust him with the truth of whatever it is that happened to him, he tries to be there for him for as long as he can stand it…

Nothing And Everything This one is important. This song is the moment Daesung finally breaks at the end of Chapter 6, and his suicide attempt that follows. The suffering throughout is subtle (unlike Take It All Away which gets very harsh at the end), and even eerie in places... it sounds not quite right. It's also as beautiful to hear as it is painful. Let me break it down:

00:00-02:32 Daesung struggling to cope through Chapter 6

Still the same, pursuing pain isn’t worth the lie I’ve gained

We both know how it will end… but I do it again

And it finds me, the fight inside is coursing through my veins

And it’s raging, the fight inside is hurting me again

02:33-03:08 The moment when he realizes Seunghyun has been unfaithful and feels like that’s it-- he’s finally lost the last thing he had left. His everything. That high-pitched squealing sound in the background? That’s something vital in him crying out one final time.

03:09-03:30 This is when he’s walking the city streets at night, on his way to the river. It’s beautiful-- just like the night sky above him-- but he’s blind to it and everything else around him.

03:31-03:50 Standing on the shore, reflecting.

The war within me pulls me under

Without you, the fight inside is breaking me again

03:51- end Daesung entering the water. It’s everything, it’s everything, oh…

Hymn For The Missing This is Seunghyun standing on the river bank as he holds Daesung’s coat and wonders what, exactly, went so wrong. He thinks, Daesung survived, Daesung is alive, but after everything, if he was so far gone as to do something like this, has he really come back to him? Will he ever be the same? Seunghyun wonders, has he lost him forever?

Where are you now? Are you lost? Will I find you again?

Are you alone? Are you afraid? Are you searching for me?

Why did you go? I had to stay. Now I'm reaching for you.

Will you wait? Will you wait? Will I see you again?

Pieces, Hold Me Now, Yours Again are all part of Daesung’s path to recovery.

The Outside This is while Seunghyun is tearing into Daesung’s attackers toward the end of the fic, taking revenge in Daesung’s stead. However, the song is sung from Daesung’s perspective.

I'm not you.

I will never be you.

Best Is Yet To Come This one is really good, y’all. It’s exactly what its title implies. This is as the five of them are leaving the city at last, once again in search of a better home for themselves. It’s so hopeful yet bittersweet, as they call on memories of all they left behind.

After all that we’ve been through, after all we left in pieces

I still believe our lives have just begun

And now the past can be outrun, and I know you are the reason

I still believe the best is yet to come

Who We Are An empowering song that I imagine would play in the credits if this fic was a movie (lol)

We can be who we are, now we are alive

We can fight, they cannot contain us

Won’t hide our faces from the light, eliminate the space between us

It’s who we are, we are forever

12.) Daesung’s suicide attempt… Look, normally I would not go anywhere near attempted suicide in fanfic, if only because I think it can be a tricky thing to portray believably. Or maybe that’s just me being overly critical. The last thing I wanted was for it to feel like it came at the readers out of nowhere. I only hope that I provided enough buildup in the chapters leading up to it-- tens of thousands of words showing how Daesung was slowly breaking down, all of which accelerated very quickly after his rape-- that it didn’t feel carelessly handled.

For the record, I also normally am not fond of that trope where a character loses their significant other for some reason or another and, deciding that they literally cannot live without, decides to end it all. But you have to understand that Daesung was already in a very fragile state of mind. Also, within the context of this AU, for Seunghyun and Daesung, given how much of their identities are found in each other… I didn’t think it would be too far-fetched that this would be the final blow for Daesung, who had already withstood so much. Their lives are not our lives. Their existence is far simpler and I would argue that they have considerably less to live for than we do. (I decided to explore this a bit in BLTS, their life-and-death attachment to each other.)

13.) In the 2015 criminal case of People v. Turner, the young woman who was sexually assaulted wrote a detailed letter to the judge about her experience, which was made public, and I took a peek at it. In it she said, after she had been given back her things and was showering at the hospital, "I wanted to take off my body like a jacket and leave it there at the hospital with everything else." While I'm still not sure I feel 100% okay about it, I drew inspiration from her account. I changed her words to 1) avoid plagiarizing her and 2) reflect the world of nature that Daesung knows so intimately and finds himself suddenly yearning for again. What I ended up with was, "He wants to shed his body like a snake sheds its skin and leave it there in the river." This is, of course, also foreshadowing, as he does return to the river later.

14.) Some of you might have wondered why Seungri didn’t suffer quite as Daesung did in DLAFA, given that he also was, to an extent, enjoying his time among humans and putting himself out there in a risky way (enough that he had his own little fanclub, lol). Shouldn’t he have been just as open to attack as Daesung?

Well, the way they presented themselves as individuals to the townsfolk in DLAFA was based on how I see them portrayed in their solo work (away from the group/pack, if you will). Seungri’s solo image is a bit strong (Strong Baby, anyone?), a bit aggressive– a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to pursue it. In DLAFA, any time he was persecuted, he fought back and made sure that anyone who bothered him knew it was in their best interest to leave him alone.

On the other hand, with a few notable exceptions like Look at me Gwisoon (not meant to be taken seriously at all…) and perhaps Shut Up (not as strong as it initially sounds), Daesung’s solo image is practically harmless. It’s soft and sweet and sincere. It’s even vulnerable at times (hence why the whole "Yabai Kang" thing cracks me up). “Don’t let them lose their fear of you,” Seunghyun warned him. But that’s exactly what Daesung did. He thought he could get through to the people who picked on him through kindness alone. I don't mean to say that what happened to him was in any way his fault, only that it made him an “easier” target for hate than, say, Seungri.

At one point Daesung mused to himself that Seungri would break if he were to be assaulted in the same way. Seungri wouldn't be able to handle it, he thought. Keep in mind that those were simply Daesung's troubled thoughts, not necessarily truth. Just because he was thinking it didn't mean it was fact, especially not at that point in the story. Daesung was only trying to justify what had happened to him-- was desperately searching for that silver lining. He was attempting to make himself feel better by essentially telling himself, "It's better that it happened to me instead of him." In this way he also sought to convince himself that he was handling it just fine-- "bending" under the pressure instead of breaking-- when in fact, he really wasn't.

15.) In DLAFA, when Seunghyun went after Daesung’s attackers a part of me wanted Daesung to go with him. I wrestled with that part for awhile. I envisioned Seunghyun encouraging Daesung to-- what, give in to violence? Take his revenge for himself?

Think of it like the feeding scene in Carnivores, wherein Seunghyun took Daesung by the head and pushed his face into the animal’s carcass, practically forcing him to eat. And then there was that one force-feeding scene. Seunghyun forced a lot on Daesung in Carnivores, all in the interest of keeping him alive. Here I saw Seunghyun taking Daesung by the hand and pushing it inside the man’s ruined body, forcing him to feel just how weak and powerless he’d become. E.g., “He can’t hurt you anymore.” Seunghyun would think that a necessary part of the healing process. He would believe it’s the best thing for Daesung in that moment.

But that has never been Daesung’s character. That might be what Seunghyun would need were he in his place; it wasn’t what Daesung needed. I honestly felt like him reaching down, reaching in and wringing the life from that man, though he had wounded and scarred him badly, would do nothing but hurt him in the end. It’s just who Daesung is-- werewolf or not. Too kind, too gentle to take pleasure in that. Inflicting pain for any reason other than self-defense (or to hunt and feed himself, of course) would not bring him healing, only more pain. And in the end I decided Seunghyun would acknowledge that by not forcing him to join him. Daesung had been forced into enough by that point.

(Someone pointed out that Seunghyun on the floor, tearing out the man’s innards, with Jiyong standing by watching, seemed like a nod to the Zutter M/V. That was pure coincidence-- or subconscious influence! I had only seen the Zutter vid once, long ago, and had completely forgotten about that part.)

16.) In each long fic in the series (Carnivores, DLAFA, BLTS) the words “I love you” are spoken only once. This stems partly from my own aversion to the phrase; I just feel like it’s overused and there are better ways to show one’s love than speaking the words all the time, especially for these two. In Carnivores and DLAFA it’s Seunghyun who says it to Daesung. In BLTS it’s Daesung who says it (although it comes out more like “I love you” as in, “It’s you I love, not him.”)

17.) In Laying Claim it was mentioned that Daesung’s neck isn’t all that marked up. Certainly not as badly as in Carnivores. Daesung’s attacker points out that he sees a “few marks here and there, nothing much.” Then, “Your so-called mate must not be too concerned about holding onto you.” Of course, in Carnivores the scars up and down Daesung’s neck and across his back and shoulders are given much attention. The implication here is that Seunghyun started marking Daesung more heavily after the events of this fic. I know it’s subtle, but eh.

18.) I hope the events of BLTS will make it clearer why Seungri was so affected by Daesung’s suicide attempt in DLAFA. When I wrote DLAFA I thought it was enough to show that he and Daesung were quite close, through the numerous scenes of the two of them out and about together. Of course, it also hurt him badly because he saw it happen firsthand, and he was the one to pull him from the water. He was there in the moment, even if he didn’t realize what he was seeing right away. And I wanted to show how when one person tries to take his life, the impact of it is never limited to just that person; it affects all their loved ones.

What made it worse for Seungri was how easily he could have missed it, how easily Daesung could have succeeded. He had trailed Daesung only “because he was bored,” he confessed later. Nothing more. He was just bored and so was curious about where Daesung was going, had nothing better to do and followed him out the door on a whim. I imagine that many times throughout the walk to the river Seungri thought about turning back. ‘This is boring too,’ he must have thought. ‘There’s nothing interesting happening here. I should just go. I should leave him alone.’ How easily things could have ended differently. How easily.

However, now, after writing BLTS, I’ve added the element of Seungri’s pre-existing abandonment issues-- issues that Daesung (and the rest of the pack, yes, but Daesung more than the rest) helped him work through in their first year together. It must have felt to him like Daesung had been aiming to leave them behind-- to leave him. In DLAFA, after pulling Daesung from the water, Seungri says, “Don’t leave us."

So yes, in BLTS Daesung saved Seungri’s life... and in doing so proved to Seungri his strength (and finally earned his respect). I think it’s appropriate that years later, in a moment when Daesung’s strength failed him, Seungri was able to return the favor.

19.) Honestly, the way I see it, the city and its human occupants in DLAFA were, objectively, not as terrible as they might have seemed. Most of the humans there were tolerant enough. Many were even kind. But it just wasn't right for BB. Their reasons for staying as long as they did were pretty simple, nothing elaborate. First being that it served as a place for them to rest and recover from the toll their travels had taken on their bodies.

Another reason for their extended stay was simply this: carrying through with the decision to pick up and leave one's current life is always much easier said than done. Too often we find ourselves in an 'okay' place with an 'okay' job, maybe in an 'okay' relationship. It's not really what we want but we convince ourselves that we're content to settle, to live an overall 'okay' existence because the fear of leaving it all and ending up somewhere worse is too great to overcome. That's what you see in DLAFA. Daesung did his best to embrace his new life there. Seunghyun hated every second of it. The other three were mostly okay with it, barring a few important drawbacks. Keep in mind that half the story was told from the perspective of Seunghyun, who with his wild nature was the worst possible candidate for adapting to a lifestyle of such restriction. His loathing for the city and everything it represented was greater than that of all his packmates' combined, and his narrative is thickly colored by that.

But when it comes down to it, their main reason for staying at length was simply... hope. Hope that they had perhaps found this wondrous place they'd only ever heard about in tales told them by others of their kind. The question is, did they find it after all? Was it indeed the city of legend that they sought, or was it another city altogether that just so happened to have a similar policy of accepting wolves inside its walls? That's up to the reader to decide.

20.) At this time I can’t imagine writing about their lives after leaving the city. Not beyond that tragically short epilogue, anyway. I just can’t imagine following up that closing line with anything. In my mind it’s the perfect end for this story of survival and, through it all, enduring love:

Life, the melody that carries them, goes on.

#carnivores #dreams like ashes #fanfic #fanfiction #my post #lots of thoughts okay #sorry it's so long #lol #bigbang #daesung #top #todae #werewolves

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