#told him i think i may have pmdd and he researched it IMMEDIATELY before i had the chance to explain | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

swollenwithangst · 21 days ago

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i hate my uncontrollable need to analyze everything. my inability to only partially devote myself to things that will never be a constant. being too little or too much, exacerbating or not quite enough. i have roused myself with the guise of our friendship, acknowledging now that's all it can be. rejecting my kindness, while bringing tenfold your own. like magnets we push and we pull, all based upon the way in which we chose to orient ourselves that day.

#semicolons as commas as a headsup if you care to read my tags #yes this is about my ex.#he broke up with me but we're still friends #told him i think i may have pmdd and he researched it IMMEDIATELY before i had the chance to explain #on our first date i mentioned a condition his sister may be experiencing due to the symptoms he mentioned and he seemed disinterested in +#looking it up #(whether thats bc it was a first date or not; i'm not sure)#he offers me endless support and appears to care for me deeply #mojo pin always makes me think of him whenever i listen to it... its just so him.#on monday he hugged me when i told him i was experiencing severe anxiety again for the first time in years #(even though my shoulders were touching my ears; he just wanted to help me feel better :<)#we can have serious; adult conversations with little difficulty. even our breakup was relatively clean and easy all things considered #no 'you' statements. no attacking one another like i've always seen.#how is it that the first boyfriend i get is calm; collected; emotionally mature and smart and it has to end #i'm not even that much of a romantic when it comes to lifelong partners; but he seriously had me considering it as an option.#he even apologized for not listening to me fully when i grumbled that he hadnt and reexplained a situation to him. like!?!?#GRAGHHFHDJDIDJD i wish i could just hate him.

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