#told him 🗣️BUY ME ONE🗣️

[remotewatch]

listening to new Megan and glo, I love it here, I really truly do. call me broke again 😃

[silaslich]

Ghost eating pussy?! 🗣️🙏🏼

Papers scatter and the desk lamp drops to the floor - the lightbulb shatters.

Neither of you stop or pull away.

Simon’s lips are harsh, they bruise, fuelled with purpose and greed. You hadn’t heeded his warnings, hadn’t listened to him when he told you just how far he would go to ruin you. “You’ll be beggin’ me to fuck you by the end of the night darlin’” He’d whispered in your ear, a low drawl, barely a rasp from the back of his throat. “Won’t be laughing when I’ve got my cock stuffed in that pretty mouth’a yours” He’d said. His hand cupping your throat and his thumb swiping across your lips where they’re stretched over a wide drunken grin.

Thats the immediate reaction you’d had. Laughing in his face. Your palm flattened over his chest, maintaining space between the two of you, “you couldn’t handle me Angel” you teased, tilting your chin to look him dead in the eye.

This has been ongoing- for how long?

It’s hard to say. Too long perhaps. The teasing and the flirting, getting under one another’s skin and flustering each other to the point it comes time to walk away. It’s unprofessional, it’s time consuming and purposeful the way you both seek each other out, for the pure and simple goal of pissing one another off.

He spots your sets when you’re both working out, putting his hands all over you without a real need to, he takes a handful of your ass or twangs your bra strap so it hits your skin with a sharp sting. You have to bite your tongue, you have to keep up the facade that he’s not bothering you, that you’re stronger than he is.

In return, you make sure that you’re seated next to him in every briefing and meeting. You press your thigh against his, rub your knee against his to the point you can tell it annoys him. Only then will you put your hand under the table, unnoticed by everyone else in the room, stroking up and down his thigh as languidly as possible.

Again - just enough to get him to the point he starts to fidget, when he starts to clear his throat and sit a little straighter in his seat. Thats when your hand finds itself at the juncture where his thigh meets his groin, applying pressure, squeezing his skin beneath his clothes. Slowly sliding your palm across, cupping his cock where it sits half-hard in his trousers.

Now you’re kissing him. He’s kissing you. It’s all boiled over to this moment, a stolen moment that belongs to only the two of you.

He’d tried hard to wait, patiently watching from afar all fuckin’ night, his resolve had broken the second another bloke dared to ask if he could buy you a drink. One second you’re smiling politely at the man and the next your wrist is crushed in Simon’s vice like grip, being pulled through the pub doors toward the closest taxi rank.

Somewhere between hauling out of the taxi and getting back to base, your hand had slipped into his, and he’d held it so fucking tight. His room is closer than yours, it’s a logical and strategic choice, neither of you can wait. The thick fog of competitiveness seems to have slipped from the two of you, it’s just lust now. Pure unadulterated lust.

Now he’s between your legs, so tall and striking in the low light as he dips his chin to kiss you again - and again and again.

You’re perched on the edge of his desk, sullying his paperwork because your dress was quick to be pushed up till it’s pooled around your tummy. You hadn’t argued, hadn’t had the strength to ask for breath even. You let him guide you all the way, you let him push up your dress and pull your panties down till they’re hanging around one ankle.

A warrior by day and a pacifist in the confines of your lieutenants room.

She who breaks bones and fractures minds is to be broken and fractured by the very man who taught her all that she knows.

Sickly sweet irony.

His palm cups your jaw and squeezes, you gasp and your head tilts back against the pressure. All you can do is close your eyes and focus on his touch, when his lips find your jaw and trail downwards all you can do is moan out his name. There’s a sharp sting off teeth to the skin between where his fingers now sit against your throat. “So fuckin’ pretty” he whispers against your skin and you’re panting, needy for this man and his simplest touch. You would hate to prove him wrong, but a little bit of selfishness never hurt anyone.

Tilting your head you catch his lips, closing the space he’s created with the way he holds you by the neck like a prized bird. He hums against your lips, curling his tongue into your mouth when you part your lips to do the same. Sloppy and greedy. A string of spit connects your mouths when you lean back onto your palms, dark eyes looking up at him, “I want you to fuck me” you whisper. He looks triumphant. “I said didn’t I” he presses, bracketing your thighs with both palms against the table as he kisses your jaw again, “I knew you’d be beggin’ me for it” his tone is probably the cockiest you have ever heard him. You’re quick to snatch his chin between your fingers, forcing his face straight to look at you, his eyes darken as he meets yours. You smile, leaning forward to kiss him filthily again, all tongue and teeth and spit on his lips, you kiss across his cheek and down his jaw till you reach the pale skin of his throat. Feeling a moan vibrate against your lips when you sink your teeth into his flesh. “I wasn’t begging you, Angel” you say, letting your lips glide up his throat until you’re at his lips again, pressing a wet kiss. “I was telling you to fuck me” you’re still looking up at him when you pull away, his irises are blown wide and you note the way his chest heaves.

A broken man is Simon Riley in this moment.

He captures your lips once more, he takes your hands from your sides and guides them to his belt - you don’t need any further instruction. His teeth sink into your bottom lip when his hands fall to your thighs, he braces a hand under each one and pulls them even further apart to better fit his hips. When he takes a single step you’ve already freed his cock, heavy and hot in your hand, it makes him hiss.

There’s always so much talking, so much venom spat between the two of you, it’s been a constant dick-measuring contest between the two of you since the day you met. Now, here - your mind can barely comprehend it all let alone think of something to say, whether encouraging or derisive.

“Fuck” he pants, dipping his chin to his chest, watching as you lean forward and let a glob of spit fall from your lips and into the space where your fingers circle around his cock and start pumping. You look up and meet his eyes, he looks drunk, and it’s not the bourbon. It’s something else, something worse, it’s you.

Your lip is between your teeth as you hold his gaze and continue pumping him in your hand, your free hand scratching upwards through the thatch of hair at his happy trail - continuing upwards till his shirt begins to bunch up. “Take this off” you’re stern, or at least, you want to be. He chuckles, the sharp white of his teeth catching your eye, “yes ma’am” he complies and begins working on the buttons. Who is he to argue? You’ve got his cock in your hand.

You can’t help but watch dutifully as he goes, there’s no haste in his efforts, he’s watching you watch him and he knows this is turning you on. It always has, the width of his shoulders and the expanse of his broad chest, the thick cords of muscle and solid flesh that make him whole. It’s admirable. His shirt is tossed aside somewhere and then his hands cover your cheeks, smothering the hair out of your face from where it sticks to the sweat on your forehead. For a few drawn out second he just looks at you, drinks you in, scanning every scar and freckle and mole. Committing it to memory, locking it away somewhere in his head deep down.

The whole time your hand never stills where you rub him, where he twitches in your hand, the tip leaking and desperate. Then he’s pulling your face toward his and meeting you half way, kissing you again with too much of everything - but not enough of him. He rocks his hips into the friction of your palm, panting against your lips, moaning your name. You can’t help but do the same, whispering his name against his lips, making sure this is all real.

He’s close, you can tell, the way his cock hardens even further and the way he pulses in your grip. You quicken your pace, smearing the pad of your thumb over his slit, he practically growls in his chest. Then his fingers are curling around your wrist, pulling your hand away, your heart almost falls out of your chest. It’s the fear you’ve done something wrong, something to hurt him, something he doesn’t like. He sees that in your eyes and is quick to react, pulling your hand to his lips and kissing your fingers. “I need to do something first” he assures, but it doesn’t work to settle you, not until you watch as he sinks to his knees before you, hooking your legs over his shoulders. You brace yourself on your palms, leaning back and pressing your hips into the wait of his mouth. He tuts at you, “patience sweetheart” he drawls, pressing a kiss to the inside of your thigh. A sound of disappointment leaves your chest and it earns you the sink of his teeth, a bruise for you to wear tomorrow. It makes you gasp. Then he kisses the other, closer and closer to where you need him most. Your breath quickens and you watch him intently, unable to break your eyes away from his as he drinks you in. He drags two fingers through your sex, gathering the wetness there, entranced it seems.

Every touch feels like electricity, every featherlight brush of his fingers and lips, it feels like he’s kindling a fire - and soon you’ll burst into flames right before his eyes. When you steal a second to focus on breathing, staring up at the ceiling, that’s when he takes the opportunity. He strikes when you’re not looking, pressing his mouth against your pussy, kissing you there. You almost leap out of your skin and you can’t be held accountable for the noises he pulls from you, each intricate flick of his tongue and purse of his lips has you clutching at the blonde of his hair for leverage. The curls that are soft against your fingers, as soft as his lips as he buries them between your folds, tasting you like this is the first and last time he’ll be able to. “Fuck- fu-“ it’s all you can manage, punctuated by the drawling moans that heave from your chest when you dare to take a breath. You feel him smile against you and you fist his hair tighter, but in retaliation, he only fucks his tongue deeper inside of you - making you arch your hips into his face. He goades you, flatting his tongue across your entire pussy, focusing on your clit. It takes very little to push you, he’s been dragging this on for months, you’re simply putty in his hands.

He kisses your clit, flattens his tongue over the sensitive nerves. You’re so so close, but when he pumps two fingers inside of you alongside the attention of his skilful tongue - that’s when the heavens sing and hell cracks open beside where Simon kneels. He guides you through it, removing your hand from his head and threading his fingers with yours. Letting you squeeze him tight, almost as tight as your walls squeeze around his tongue. Nevertheless, he pushes on, laps at your juices as they spill out of you, spreading over his lips and chin.

There’s no more time, your patience has more than worn thin, it’s blown away like dust on the breeze. You lean forward and wrap your palm around his throat; you couldn’t hurt him at all, not even if you tried, but the hunger in his eyes at the action is more than rewarding. Using the leverage of your hand you guide him up, watching him rise off of his knees as he looms over you once again. Even when he kisses you, you don’t take your hand away, this feels different and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t a good feeling. You’re stroking his cock again, retreating for only a second to gather some of your own juices from where they leak onto Simon’s desk, smothering them over the head of his cock and down to the base. His lips are at your neck, laying wet kisses to your skin, pressing his tongue against your pulse.

“Simon” you moan, urging him to look at you, which he does, those big dark eyes that are full of hunger and lust. Your hand skates up over his abdomen and chest, cupping his throat and then his jaw, stroking your thumb across a thick scar that lays there. “Please fuck me” you whisper, smiling up at him, he smirks and kisses you hard. You’ve proven him right. Not for his ego, he doesn’t need it, they barely make helmets big enough for him as it is. It’s because you want him to, no, you need him to - and if begging him will make him fuck you quicker then so be it.

He can win this once, just this once.

“Told you” he whispers, curling his tongue into your mouth. He takes his cock in his hand and strokes it, lining himself up with your cunt. He looks into your eyes, making sure you’re looking into his and paying full attention when your name falls from his lips. He presses into you, pushing home, and even when he stuffs all of his cock inside of you - it’s still not enough.

He punches the air right out of you, the thick of him, he stretches you wider then you thought possible, but the pain and initial burn die away just as quickly as he kisses away the stray tear that falls over your cheek. The tenderness, it’s not what this is supposed to be, but he gifts it to you anyway. You begin to meet his thrusts, canting your hips into the rhythm he sets, kissing every bit of exposed skin you can reach as he fucks you with abandon. You moan his name, it slips in somewhere between God and fuck.

That’s all you’re capable of, begging Simon to fuck you harder and pleading to a god you don’t believe in.

There’s that irony again.

The desk rocks beneath you, the legs creaking and the feet scuffing against the floor with the way Simon uses his body weight, thrusting deeper, bracketing you between the thick of his arms. Your name drips from his mouth more times than you can count, between how beautiful you look and how good you feel, he’s giving you all of it tonight.

It nears again, the white spotting of your eyes and the way your limbs feel like rubber, he’s pushing you closer and closer, pressing his thumb against the already sensitive bundle of nerves between your legs. His pace quickens and you’re desperate to keep up, but it’s futile, he’s seen red and he’s chasing it down like a dog would a rabbit. His fingers dip harshly into your skin and his lips leave a wet trail from the bottom of your ear to the start of your jaw, your pussy walls tense in response to his touch and then it boils over again. His orgasm seems to take even Simon by surprise, burying his teeth in your shoulder as he cums inside of you, his hips struggling to maintain the previous rhythm. Somehow, he manages to pull you with him, to drag you through that fiery heat again. Through the feel of white hot metal as it presses under your skin and brands you, a blinding light that beams from all around, it’s too much.

Yet from Simon Riley - all you want is more.

[whyse7vn]

PALENTINES -

[ ot7 x reader ]

SINGLE LADIES 😁🔥

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: gave my gf an hour long whimpering audio for valentines day

namjoon: you make me sick

jimin: this definitely counts as harassment

jk: yoongi got me a plastic fork

yoongi: yw

y/n: the audio was 5 minutes long????

tae: ok but i sent it to you 20 times

do the math????

jin: you sat there and whimpered into ur phone for 5 minutes that’s crazy

don’t you feel any shame??

tae: why would i feel shame?

it’s called being in love jin

you should try it sometime

jimin: it’s called harassment

hobi: ew man

jk: free asmr :D

jin: it’s gonna be free tae from jail soon

tae: no it won’t

jimin: ur right when you get locked up no one’s gonna want you free

hobi: KEEP TAE IN JAIL 🗣️💯

jk: personally i would want tae free

jimin: personally ur not real so it doesn’t matter what you want

jk: :ᗡ

hobi: ew how the hell did you flip it

i hate that

ew

jk: :ᗡ

hobi: HOW DID YOU DO THAT

jk: :ᗡ

hobi: STOP GO AWAY I HATE IT

namjoon: yoongi got jungkook a present this year?

yoongi: not by choice

y/n: it was by choice

hobi: it was a plastic fork

yoongi: a plastic fork not given by choice

y/n: yoongi

yoongi: no

y/n: please

yoongi: no

y/n: pretty please :3

yoongi: it was by choice

y/n: see told you!

yoongi: don’t understand why we have to buy each other shit on this holiday anyways

i like ONE of you not all of you

tae: am i the one you like be honest

yoongi: bye

y/n: it’s our silly little tradition don’t be a loser yoongi

yoongi: whatever

jin: ok anyways who ordered me a fucking marching band???

jk: idk but did you like it??

y/n: gonna take a wild guess and say it was jungkook

namjoon: i thought you have his card how did he order that??

y/n: he has apple pay now i can’t stop him 😕

hobi: wait no fair

jin did NOT deserve a marching band all he got me was his butter photocard???

jimin: he got me that too….

jk: OMG ME TOO >_<

tae: i don’t feel special anymore

namjoon: really jin?

y/n: mine was signed!!

yoongi: cheap

jin: you literally got kook a plastic fork?

yoongi: he loves it

jungkook tell him you love it

jk: i love it

yoongi: see

jin: whatever don’t care

jimin: namjoon got me a fucking book

jin: lol that’s crazy cuz you can’t read

jk: i’m sorry to hear you can’t read jimin hope you can soon :/

namjoon: i put a lot of thought into the book i got you

jin: that’s cute but he can’t read so

jk: i wish i was a book

tae: if you’re a book does that make you a tree?

jk: guys

y/n: no jungkook

jk: oh ok

jimin: i CAN read btw

yoongi: don’t care

jin: sounds like fake news

jk: omg wow ur a fast learner jimin you can read now!!!

jimin: ur talking way too much today

you should stop

jk: is he talking to me????

hobi: y/n got me a holiday to australia

i’m not gonna go cuz like bugs

but that was really nice

y/n: you’re welcome!!!!

tae: k but i got sex

y/n deleted this message!

tae: 😕

silencing me like they did MLK

jimin: what

jk: milk

hobi: did you just compare urself to mlk?

jin: yeah never say that again

tae: why not?? it’s true

yoongi: you are nothing like mlk

jk: tae ur not milk

namjoon: taehyung do not compare yourself to martin luther king ever again please and thank you

jk: or milk

y/n: and in black history month too…

tae: you don’t understand me or him

y/n: yeah ok

back to gifts

joon got me some really pretty flowers

jimin: boringggggggg he does that every year

jk: namjoon got me wood

hobi: ?

namjoon: statue

it’s a wooden statue thing

not just wood

tae: joon giving other boys wood for valentines ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

u wanna know who i gave MY wood too

y/n deleted this message!

namjoon: tae shut up

jin: saw that

tae: i’m just like mlk i’m telling you man

y/n: stop

tae: sorry

jimin: hobi got me shoes

hobi: i did

jk: hobi got me cheese

hobi: expensive cheese

y/n: i took yoongi to those cute photo booth things

yoongi: they didn’t need to know that

y/n: yes they did

we are sharing what we got each other

read the room yoongi

jimin: yeah yoongi read the room

tae: how tf u read a room??!

a room not a book ☠️☠️

u guys dumb as hell

jin: you not knowing what reading a room means makes a lot of sense actually

jk: send photobooth pics ^0^

bet u looked so cute

not you yoongi

y/n

her

not yoongi

i’m talking to y/n NOT you yoongi btw

yoongi: shut up

and no

you’ll never see those photos

jk: ☹️

hobi: so what did yoongi get y/n??

yoongi: don’t worry

tae: personally i’m worried

jk: me 2 guys yoongi is really scary

what if he killed her

y/n: ?

jin: i want to blow jungkook up

jk: i’m no ballon 😭

jimin: probably fucked for valentines let’s be real

tae: well that’s obviously NOT true lmao 😜 ☠️

yoongi: why is that “obviously” not true

we could of

tae: you didn’t

yoongi: and you know how?

tae: cuz i just know

yoongi: yeah ok

we could of for all you know

on the actual day too

tae: you weren’t even with her on valentine’s day

yoongi: and you were?

y/n: he wasn’t

tae: ok

but i could of been

yoongi: but clearly you weren’t

tae: neither were you

namjoon: both of you stop

tae: idk why yoongi acts all high a mighty

especially when it comes to her

y/n: ok that’s crazy

how about you don’t talk about me like i’m not here!

yoongi: idk why taehyung acts like he has a chance lmao

jk: guys

tae: that’s actually crazy

you’d be fucking surprised yoongi!!!!

yoongi: what’s that supposed to mean?

tae: what do you think it means?

tell me yoongi

guess

i’ll tell you if you’re right or not

yoongi: shut the fuck up

tae: or what?

hobi: why this kinda sexualllll

jimin: like 😭😭😭😭

y/n: LMAO STOP

jin: arguing over pussy that belongs to neither of them is crazy i’m just saying

jk: pussy \ ^0^ /

namjoon: how about we all stop arguing and move back to talking about the gifts we got eachother !!

hobi: jungkook got me a ballon

jk: yeah

do you love it

hobi: sure

jk: ^_^

jimin: personally i think hobi’s lying to you kook

jk: WHAT

jimin: i think he hates his ballon actually

jk: hobi pls say he’s lying

hobi: he’s lying

you see it may seem that way because on the outside im a very chill and nonchalant man

y/n: that is not true actually!

hobi: but on inside i am actually very chalant

EXTREMELY chalant no joke

so basically inside im going fucking crazy over the ballon jungkook gave me but it just doesn’t seem like that cuz im a chill guy

jk: but inside ur chalant

hobi: exactly

jk: jimin why would you lie to me

jimin: ur easy to lie to

jk: no im not

jimin: namjoon died in a car crash 24 hours ago

jk: NO NAMJOON OHHMYGOD NAMJOON NO

namjoon: i am not dead

jk: oh

y/n: how did you fall for that

namjoon cant even drive

jk: oh yeah

lol namjoon cant drive guys

namjoon: ok we all know

hobi: so what did you guys actually do on valentine’s day

jk: minecraft but then it got too scary so i played valorant instead

jimin: idk what any of that means but ok

i personally watched movies with joon

namjoon: yeah

i dropped by kook’s and y/n’s place first tho to give my gifts and stuff

hobi: where was my movie invite?????

jimin: we did call you

you were like high as hell

hobi: oh

wow

how real of me

jin: i cooked steak

jimin: for urself?

typical

jin: kys

no

for me and y/n actually

y/n: …

jin: my fault

yoongi: what

tae: oh

jk: SHE SAID SHE WAS BUSY

TTAHSTNOT FAIIROGJKFNKLDVLKFNKLFHKLNNDKVHNFKVNKLGNGR UFHDFHDKJ GHDKLNGFKLNGFG FHJDJHHGR DHGGRHBDNBF JGHKJGHGR

hobi: ????????????????????

namjoon: cool

jimin: jin???? out of everyone JIN??????

why would you fuck jin

jk: WHATR OHMYGOF WHAT?????? SHUT UP

jimin: on valentine’s day too…..

even fucking ME would make more sense than jin right now

jin: tf is that supposed to mean?

jimin: i said what i said lmao

tae: she cant of fucked jin

cuz she’s fucking me

yoongi: LMAOOOO

u really think your special dont you

thats crazy

jk: WHYIS EVERYONEFUCKING MY GIRLFRIENDOHMGYOJFDJFDKJDSDB

hobi: i dont get it even if she was fucking tae why couldn’t she fucked jin too?

y/n: i am like right here you know

tae: because me and her are serious

yoongi: serious???

you are just a rebound

tae: yoongi i think you’re just upset she didn’t come to you first after the whole jaehyun thing

yoongi: i’m glad she didn’t actually because now i know for sure i’m not rebound

you are

tae: shut the fuck up

yoongi: why? you getting upset?

idk why you’re acting like the victim here when you’re using her for the same thing

hobi: woah??

jimin: cap taehyung bitchless

yoongi: it’s time you stop using y/n to get over jennie and grow some fucking balls

jin: hold on

jimin: WAITTTTTTTT

hobi: SHUT FUCKING DOWN FR????

jk: imgonnapassout

y/n: oh

namjoon: yoongi

tae: i am not using y/n to get over jennie and you know that

hobi: wait ur fr??? taejennie was fr??

LIKE ACTUALLY?? OHMYGIDTHISISREAL??

yoongi: i know that? thats crazy how could i know that??

you didn’t even tell us about jennie

for over 3 months you were with her and you didn’t tell us

and then those photos of you and her were leaked and you were all depressed for ”no reason”

and now all of a sudden your obsession with y/n?

yeah you’re not using her you’re right i’m just fucking stupid aren’t i?

jimin: holy shit man

tae: i am not using her

yoongi: so why is yeontan with jennie right now?

y/n: tae you told me he was with you parents?

tae: yeah

but

i didn’t tell you that because im using you or anything i just said that because i didn’t want to cause any problems

y/n: you lied to me

for no reason

if you told me the truth it would of been fine

tae: i know

y/n: so when i came over

were you planing on sleeping with me anyways?

were you mad at yourself for calling jennie and leaving yeontan with her?

did you use me to help forget about it?

tae: did you use me to help get over jaehyun?

y/n: no

i can tell you that in full confidence no

now answer my question

tae: you know i would never do that to you

y/n: its a yes or no question taehyung

tae: i would never do that to you

yoongi: yes or no you asshole

tae: shut the fuck up

yoongi: answer her question

tae: leave me the fuck alone

tae left “SINGLE LADIES😁🔥”

jk: wow

y/n: didn’t sleep with jin btw

jk: ohthankgod

y/n: did sleep with tae once

we are NOT serious

jk: double ohthankgod

wait

y/n: and now i am going to sleep

jungkook come cuddle

gn all

jk: ON MY WAY OHMYGOD IM ON MY WAY

gn

jimin: good night …

hobi: nite!!

yoongi: gn

jin: goodnight

namjoon: gn

DOWNBAD😭🫵🏻 #2 (minus tae)

6 participants - 5 online

———————————

namjoon: yoongi that wasn’t fair

yoongi: i know

but she deserved to know

and he wasn’t gonna tell her any time soon

hobi: YOU AND NAMJOON KNEW THIS TAEJENNIE WAS REAL THIS WHOLE TIME????

yoongi: i just found out

namjoon knew longer

namjoon: not that long

jimin: ok but how do you know tae is using her fr?

yoongi: it’s not hard to connect the dots

jin: still you could be wrong

yoongi: well he didn’t deny it did he?

jimin: to me it looked like he didn’t know if he was using her or not

yoongi: well he needs to figure that out soon it’s not fair to her

or him ig

but mainly her.

—

hate this don’t care about anything bring back yellow….

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[thisismeracing]

After the afterparty | LH44

― Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x F!Moroccan!reader ― Warnings: mentions of food; typos. ― Summary: Fans have been watching Yn and Lewis interact since she first started attending races. Nothing seemed enough for them to pinpoint what was going on between the two until the Las Vegas Gran Prix happened, and contrary to the belief, what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. Yn and Lewis are about to find out. (Based on this request) ― A/n: None of the pictures used are mine, they are all from Pinterest and other apps, but the work is, and I do not allow it to be published on a different platform. I would appreciate it if those things could be taken into consideration 💛

✷ my masterlist | my taglist | patreon guide ✷ you can support my writing by reblogging, leaving a comment(don’t forget to follow me if you like the piece), or buying me a coffee

May, 2023

📸 instagram

🐦‍⬛ twitter

📸 instagram

lewishamilton

liked by yninstagram, georgerussell63, and others

lewishamilton the grind doesn't stop. Lets go

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ferrarifriends who finna be fired now? 🤣

landorizz who is he trying to get with these pics?

⤷ purplemerc I don't know, but he got to me, I am ready with open legs

⤷ purplemerc damn I meant open ARMS*, pardon my silly little keyboard hihi 😅😇

⤷ schumickey LMAO

motoswift I see Yn liked eh

sainzpodium someone said on twitter that they were seen talking at the afterparty... just saying 👁️👄👁️

June, 2023

📸 instagram

yninstagram

liked by carlossainz55, lewishamilton, and others

yninstagram I have always been sport’s girlie, but with soccer its a whole new level ❤️ happy to see my home team play! Can’t wait for the world cup!!! 🇲🇦🇲🇦

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f1eillish she's so pretty!!

vamosvettel 🇲🇦🇲🇦

franciscac.gomes we have to go to a match together!!! 💞

formulamerc I have to get a shirt like the one she's wearing, looks good

martelodohamilton I see sir Lewis liked huh...............

lewishamilton

liked by pierregasly, yninstagram, and others

lewishamilton weekend off 🌊☀️❤️💚

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jasmine21 would y’all call me crazy if I say this is in Morocco? 👀

sirenzsainz Lewis has such an aura around him, he's so aesthetic, like...it's so good to see him

mercfan where are you, Lew?

⤷ sennanschumi no because he's totally gonna answer you, bestie, just you wait

ferrarifiasco a week without f1 is harder than a week without my gf

⤷ nandosmile my friend, respectfully, I hope she breaks up w you 😭🗣️

yninstagram

liked by danielricciardo, lewishamilton, and others

yninstagram enjoying the weekend with my friends 💚

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smoothoperation friends to lovers has always been my favorite trope 🤭😇

hammert1m3 LEWIS ON THE THIRD SLIDE????

ynfan I so wanted to be friends with her

charles_leclerc bring me some souvernir!

⤷ carlossainz55 He means local food, but he's afraid the admin is going to see and tell the team's nutritionist

⤷ yninstagram it's fine, Charls, I'm bringing one big SHIRT for you and Carlos. It's a very popular SHIRT here in Morocco.

⤷ scuderiaferrari 👁️👁️

estebanbestie this comment section is very entertaining

ynfriend 🤍🤍🤍

July, 2023

🎥 youtube

August, 2023

🐦‍⬛ twitter

September, 2023

yninstagram

liked by lilymhe, mickschumacher, lewishamilton, and others

yninstagram monza ❤️🇮🇹🎂

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charles_leclerc you told me you weren't posting it!!!

⤷ yninstagram did I? I don't recall this 🤔

⤷ carlossainz55 she didn't say a thing, cabron...

⤷ charles_leclerc just because you look good, shut up

⤷ carlossainz55 I always look good

⤷ yninstagram some may disagree with this...

⤷ carlossainz55 traitor! 😤

scuderiastroll lol I love their friendship

scuderiaferrari ❤️🥰

alonsostroll funny how Lewis has been liking every single post of hers huh

sainzsecret she looks so good!! if I had half of her beauty I wouldn't complain about a thing!

⤷ yninstagram believe me, bestie, you would

⤷ f1direction LMAO I love you, yn!!!

lewishamilton

liked by charles_leclerc, yninstagram, and others

lewishamilton Every weekend we fight together as a team, and it’s always a tough battle. First, huge props to George. He had an amazing drive all weekend and deserved to be on the podium. Unfortunate for him not to finish, but he will bounce back. I’m so proud of all the work the team did this weekend. Thank you all for the unbelievable support, I see you🙏🏾

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georgerussell63 let's go, mate

girlbossgasly I love you, lew!!!

yninstagram It was brilliant to watch you race 💙 keep up the good work!

hamiltonalways Yn supporting her man :D

raintyres I'm happy I stayed awake for this race. Singapore is always a show

🐦‍⬛ twitter

October, 2023

📸 instagram

yninstagram

liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55, and others

yninstagram Mexico!! 💚❤️🤍🇲🇽

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rbrpodium she posted mick and george, and lew 🤍

⤷ cyruscars casually posting everyone in a work environment except Lewis, I wonder what it means.........

mercmick THANK YOU FOR FEEDING US SCHUMI CONTENT, QUEEN!!!

ynfan as usual, the prettiest woman in the world

georgerussell63 💙

charles_leclerc it's horrible to share you. Please, get back to our garage

⤷ mickschumacher 😂😂

November, 2023

📸 instagram

yninstagram

liked by carmenmmundt, landonorris, and others

yninstagram what happens in Vegas doesn't always stays in Vegas 🤭👄

comments on this post have been limited

lewishamilton my forever favorite afterparty company 💗😘

⤷ yninstagram I love you, handsome! ❤️

charles_leclerc ❤️❤️

mercedesamgf1 Welcome to the right garage, Yn!

⤷ scuderiaferrari 🙄🙄🙄

alex_albon the way george is included on this dump make it seem like he's the kid 😂😂😂

⤷ georgerussell63 what if I am?

⤷ yninstagram yeah what if we adopted him? 🤨

⤷ georgerussell63 did you?? 🥹

⤷ yninstagram not sure. I'll ask Roscoe if he would like a sassy new brother 🏃🏾‍♀️

🐦‍⬛ twitter

― ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hi, loves! I hope you guys liked this piece! 🤍 make sure to let me know your thoughts by reblogging and leaving me an ask!

taglist: @sachaa-ff @mickslover @mishaandthebrits @fdl305 @iloveyou3000morgan @crimeshowjunkie @saintslewis @carojasmin2204 @chaoticevilbakugo @wondergirl101ks @smiithys @shhhchriss @f1kota @lunnnix @karmabyfernando @crashingwavesofeuphoria @schumacheer @callsign-scully @v1naco @dearxcherry @elliegrey2803 @peachiicherries @he6rtshaker @therealcap @mehrmonga @the-depressed-fellow @cixrosie @darleneslane @buckybarnessweetheart @nichmeddar @fastcarsandshit @goldenalbon @balekanemohafe @jamie2305 @nzygftoji @bbreezybitch @graciewrote @scorpiobleue @soph1644 @leclercsluv @alessioayla @littlesatanicassholebitch

✷ check here my main masterlist | patreon guide my taglist  if you wanna be tagged on my pieces

©thisismeracing ― Do not copy, steal, or translate my work. Do not repost on a different media platform.

[tayytae]

“Late Nights, and Tom”

Synopsis: Fem/Reader, who becomes increasingly suspicious of her boyfriend Tom's late-night arrivals home. She grapples with doubts about his fidelity, questioning his explanations for his tardiness. The tension builds as she confronts Tom about her concerns, leading to a pivotal moment in their relationship where trust is put to the test.

ANGST-SMUT

Reading time: 10m

MY POOKIE SAID I SHOULD DO THIS SO WHY NOT 🗣️

---

I sat on the couch, staring at the clock as it ticked past midnight. Tom was late again. This had become a routine lately—him coming home way past his usual time, always with some flimsy excuse. At first, I tried to believe him, but my gut told me something was off.

Tonight, I couldn't take it anymore. I paced around the living room, my mind racing with thoughts of what he could be doing. Is he with another woman? Is he lying to me? The questions gnawed at me, consuming my thoughts until I heard the front door creak open.

Tom stumbled in, looking disheveled and guilty. "Hey, babe," he mumbled, avoiding my eyes.

I couldn't hold back anymore. "Where have you been?" My voice came out sharper than I intended.

He hesitated, then stammered out a story about a work emergency that required him to stay late. But I wasn't buying it anymore. "Tom, I can't do this. I feel like you're hiding something from me."

He looked genuinely hurt. "I'm not cheating on you, I swear. It's just been crazy at work."

Tears welled up in my eyes. "I want to believe you, but it's hard when you keep coming home late without any real explanation."

Tom sat down heavily on the couch, looking defeated. "I promise, there's nothing going on. I'll try to be more transparent about my schedule from now on."

I nodded, trying to compose myself. "I just need honesty, Tom. That's all."

We argued for a while longer, and eventually, I just gave up and went to bed.

---

As the days went by, the tension between us only grew. Every time Tom came home late, it was like a dagger in my heart. I tried to trust him, but the doubts kept creeping in. One evening, I couldn't contain my frustration any longer, once again, I accidentally outbursted.

"You're late again," I said, my voice trembling with anger.

Tom sighed, running a hand through his braided hair, tracing the indents of the rows. “It was just a long meeting, babe. You know how it is."

"No, I don't know how it is, Tom. Because you never tell me anything anymore!" The words spilled out before I could stop them.

He looked hurt. "I'm sorry if I've been distant, but work has been crazy lately."

"That's not an excuse, Tom! You can't keep using work as a shield to hide whatever it is you're doing."

His eyes flashed with annoyance. "I'm not hiding anything from you!"

"Then why won't you just be honest with me?" I pleaded, tears welling up in my eyes.

Tom's expression softened. "I am being honest. I love you, I would never do anything to hurt you." He sighed, looking down at his feet for a few seconds before glancing his doe eyes back up at me.

"But you are hurting me, Tom. Every time you come home late, it feels like a betrayal."

He took a step towards me, reaching out to hold my hands. "I promise, there's no one else. You're the only one I want."

I wanted to pull away, I wanted so desperately to believe him, but the doubts lingered like a dark cloud over us. "Prove it then, Tom. Show me that I can trust you."

He nodded solemnly. "I will, I swear. Just give me a chance to make things right.." he pulled me closer by my waist, our chests touching together as he looked down at me with a smirk.

We stood there in silence for a moment, the weight of our words hanging heavy in the air. Deep down, I wanted to believe that Tom was telling the truth. But the nagging voice in my head kept asking, what if he's not?

Tom leaned down, passionately kissing my lips. His lips felt.. soft, warm, and plump. I couldn’t help but let his tongue explore my mouth with such keenness.

I blush as tom’s lustful gaze stayed upon me. "Fuck, you're beautiful," he said in a husky voice, his hand sliding up from my waist to cup my breast through my shirt. He can already feel my hardened nipple against his palm and he smirks, knowing that he has that effect on me.

I bit my lip as Tom leaned in and captured my lips in yet, another kiss. This time, the passion, the love, and the gentleness vanished. This one, was lustful, eager, and rough. His hands traveled around my body in a possessive manner, wanting nothing more then to show me his love tonight.

Tom's hands traveled down my body, pulling my shirt up and over my head, revealing my bare chest to him for the first time in what felt like years. His lips were on my skin, kissing, sucking, and nipping at my neck, collarbone, and breasts.

I moaned softly as I felt his lips attach to my neck area, my hands left his own and started to tug on his dark, black cornrows.

Tom growls, the sound vibrating through my body as he grabs my hands and pins them above my head, his lips never leaving my skin. He trails kisses down my chest, over my breasts, and flicking his tongue over each of my nipples before making his way lower.

“mmh- Tom..” I moaned quietly, loving the way his lips feel against my soft and delicate skin.

"Mm.. your skin against my lips feels amazing, fuck.." Tom murmurs against my skin, his tongue tracing patterns over my stomach as his hands move to unbutton my pants. He pulls them down, taking my panties with them and throwing them both to the side.

I feel the cold air hit me, the only form of warmth is Tom’s ragged breathing and the feeling in my lower abdomen.

I moan and throw my head back, letting myself enjoy the sensations. Tom’s constant praises and reassurances make me feel a bit better about all of his actions, but I don’t want to think about that right now. Only thing on my mind is him.

“T-Tom,” I plead, my hands tugging on his braids as I continued to speak, my hips rocking against his face in order to creat more friction.

“Mmm, that's it baby. Let go and give in to the pleasure. You're so fucking beautiful when you lose control." Tom whispers against my skin as he continues to finger and suck on my clit, determined to make me cum hard for him.

A loud moan escapes my mouth as he adds a finger, his fingers automatically curling to my g-spot. My legs squeeze his head unconsciously as the pleasure becomes a bit overwhelming.

“M’close..” I said in between my moans, whimpers coming out of my mouth as my stomach forms a knot.

“I know, you're so fucking close. Make sure you cum hard for me baby. Make that sound again, I've missed it." Tom murmurs against my skin, his fingers pumping into me faster with his thumb rubbing circles over my clit.

I moan louder, my hands gripping the sheets hard as my head gets thrown back. My mouth in a shape of an ‘O’ as a silent moan escapes my mouth at the same time. I glance back to Tom as his eyes stay focused on me, occasionally sneaking glances at his working.

"Yes, that's it baby. Cum hard for me like you always do. I love watching you cum undone in my hands." Tom groans out as he watches my reaction, his fingers moving faster as he increases the pressure on my clit.

“Shit!- M’gonna..” I couldn’t finish my sentance as my pussy clenches around Toms rather large fingers; my white juice covering his fingers

"oh fuck yeah..." Tom groans as I cum hard on his hand, his fingers covered in my juices. He immediately withdraws them and licks them off in front of me, giving a loud moan as he does.

Tom stands up and undos his belt and takes off his shirt, my eyes wander over his toned body; admiring his godly physique.

"Do you like what you see?" A smirk forms on Tom's lips as he drops his boxer briefs, showing off his cock that was now fully erect. "I hope you do because I can't wait to be inside of you."

I gasped at the size, a huge 10 inch cock. Its been in me before, but just seeing it makes me feel even wetter..

"Don't worry baby, I'll go slow. I want you to feel every inch of me in that tight little pussy." Tom gets on the bed, crawling towards me. He leans down and kisses me hard, running a hand over my chest.

I moaned into the kiss as tom pulled me closer to the edge of the bed, spreading my legs apart and positioning himself at my entrance.

"Oh fuck, I missed you baby. I missed that sweet little pussy too." Tom teases as he rubs his cock between my lips slowly before pushing it in all the way to the hilt, giving a loud grunt as he does.

I squeeze my eyes shut as I grip his biceps, the pain of him stretching me out is absolutely insane. Yet, do to our long history of dating, I still never really got used to his size.

"That's right, fucking tight as always baby.” Tom bottoms out and stays there for a moment, letting me adjust to his size before he starts to pull back slowly. He does this a few times so I can get used to the feeling of him being inside of me.

I bit my lip in pain, but then the pain turns in to pleasure as I begin to moan. Nodding at Tom to signal he can start to go faster.

Tom gives a low growl from the back of his throat and starts to pick up his pace, gradually going faster with each thrust as he fucks me hard and fast.

I moaned loud, my hands moving to his shoulder as I dig my nails into his skin, Tom leans down and whispers sweet nothings into my ear.

"God baby, I love you so much. Your pussy feels so good." he says with a gasp as he picks up his pace even more, the sound of our skin slapping together filling the room.

“T-Tom!” my eyes rolling back as my face begins to sweat, the sensations sending me into complete ecstasy.

"I'm close baby, cum with me. cum all over my cock." he growls, reaching a hand down between me to rub at my clit, the extra stimulation pushing me both over the edge.

I clench around his cock as my vision fades, stars filling my sight as I do exactly what he says. I cum hard and all over his dick. A ring of my juices can be found at the base of his penis.

Tom lets out a loud moan as he cums deep inside of me, completely filling me up with his seed. He stays there for a moment or two, trying to catch his breath before pulling out and collapsing on the bed next to me.

I pant as I try and catch my breath, glancing over at Tom. His gaze then looks at me.

"wow.." he says with a grin on his face, reaching out to brush some hair out of my sweaty face. We stay silent for a few minutes before tom speaks up again, "I'm sorry I've been so late from work lately, baby. My boss has been piling on the work and I wanted to make sure I could do as much as I could so I could see you."

I pull Tom into my embrace, “Thank you baby,” I rubbed his back, “Thank you for finally telling me.”

"I know I should have told you sooner, but I didn't want you to worry." he says, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in closer.

I smiled, “Its fine baby, I love you.”

"I love you too, more than anything.”

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

A/N: AHHH WAIT WHY DID I ACTUALLY EATT 😜😜

ANYWAYS! PLEASE SEND ME REQUESTSS

[moochalove]

Last Nights Mistakes and New Beginnings (Part 4-5)(Final)

(yandere!kazuha x pregnant!reader x scaramouche)

Did you know they call me the yappinator? Anyways i’ve been meaning to finish it but i’ve been busy w school but now i have the time so i will be yapping away more (posting a little more)🗣️ Get cozy bcs this is long asf!

Reader is bi-icon! (+ trauma) If imma be fr, the beginning is a little off bcs i wrote it weeks ago (im lazy and i will not fix it🥶) ANYWAYS ILL STOP YAPPING! TY FOR READING 🤭 (if u do😡)

word count: Pretty fucking long ❤️

proofread: HELL NO! 😋 fill in the gaps/mistakes for me pls🫶

TW: Stockholm syndrome

Arriving at the mall you think about making a break for it but these heels prevent you from doing so. With enough for the heel would surely snap though… Noted. Reaching for the door handle you’re stopped and pulled into a kiss. It’s a little uncomfortable but you play it off with a smile, “Don’t worry Kazu, I’m not gonna run off~” “I know darling, but this is the start of our new life so allow me to take the lead. Don’t worry your pretty mind about anything.” With that, he places one last peck onto your face. Once again, he is opening the door for you and you guiding you to the some shops. Immediately you notice his firm grip on your waist, and it’s uncomfortable. He said you would be buying clothes but you now realize he meant he was picking clothes FOR you. You’re in the dressing room and he has you trying on all these cute coquette clothing. It feels a little uncomfortable but you try to get used to the feeling of the outfits. Some are loose, and some are tighter. In your mind, you already knew which ones you liked based on the texture, design, etc..

Whenever you came out to show off an outfit you felt like a real couple. Showing off your outfit and making comments, no matter what you wore he seemed to agree it looked good on you, even if you didn’t think so. Something feels wrong about this but you can’t help but smile when he looks at you so adoringly.

You guys go to about three more shops, all of them having a different theme. By the time you were done, it was mid-afternoon. Both of your feet were killing you… not to mention you were hungry… You both agree to stop and get something to eat.

You arrive at a very familiar restaurant… Weren’t you just here? When was that though? If it was important surely you’d remember!

•

•

•

Scaramouche was frantic, to say the least. You weren’t answering his messages… Has something happened? He needs to get to you asap, but how? What if you’ve been removed from your home? If it came to it he could ask his mother to track you down, since she had that kind of power.

Knocking on the door he’s anxious, and hoping he would be met with a bright smile and worried hushing telling him that you were okay. After about a minute he knocks on your room window… No reply. Should he wait around? No, that’ll take too long. After some contemplation, he decides to reach out to his mom.

They have a long talk before she eventually caves. It feels like it’s been forever since she’s seen her child and when he comes back he’s on an adventure trying to get his girlfriend back. She didn’t think situations like that existed but he’s shown her the possibilities are endless. The way he talked about you so dearly gave her the impression you were a thing. Since she’s such a good and caring mother, it’s the least she can do for her future daughter!

Maybe he should’ve emphasized that you were just friends even though he wished for more

From what some super normal and not shady people told him, you were last seen at that restaurant you both had visited yesterday. Why were you there? That didn’t matter right now! Furrowing his eyebrows he sat there and thought long and hard. How was he going to get to you? Kazuha would most likely be glued to your side so directly approaching was out of the question. Could he signal you to him from afar? No, that probably won’t work… Pounding his forehead slightly he couldn’t form a good plan.

“You seem troubled, Doll.” A sly finger guided itself through his short purple locks.

“What do you want, Miko? I’m busy and-“

“You know it’s nice to run away then come running back when you need help. Your mother was on edge for weeks. Spending whatever free time she had looking for her poor child. Always looking for you despite her own needs.”

“Did you come to ask me what’s wrong only to turn around and try to guilt trip me? You don’t change, do you?”

Without saying anything she placed a bag next to him and then made her way to the door. Peeking through the bad he looked back to her fleeting figure before shouting out, “Wait! What is this for? You really expect me to forgive you with this bag full of clothes?! Plus, this has girl stuff in it anyways-“ “Silly Kuni! This is to help you get your girl back!” “Excuse me?!” Miko sighed while shrugging, “And you say your moms are no help! C'mon, you have to think outside the box, silly!” Taking the bag back she pulled out the cutest dress you’ve ever seen along with tights and heels. “It’d be stupid to approach her directly. You have no idea what kind of mental state she’s in, she may not trust any other man or claim she’s fine with her captor.” Digging deeper into the bag she pulled out a long wig that happened to be the same shade as his own hair, “So you have to coax her out as someone willing to understand and help her out of the situation!” Before he knew it he was all dolled up, shifting uncomfortably in the dress and trying to adjust his posture and his footing, constantly brushing his much longer locks back while puckering and rolling his lips that had a gloss applied to them. Would this really work?

“Miko, I don’t think this is gonna work… I don’t make a very convincing girl….” he awkwardly fussed with his bangs before glancing over at her. Miko held her phone up and with a click and a flash the very image of… whatever this was… saved onto her phone and probably being backed up to her cloud. “Oh, you look just like your sister!” Placing her phone back in her bag she shooed him out of the car before, then rolled down the window offering a few words, courtesy of her never-ending-kindness! “Just be kind to her, her heart will surely realize who you are... Or don’t! Maybe she’ll see through all of this!” Scaramouche could only grit his teeth as she motioned her hand at him. “I’ll be waiting here so once she comes to her senses I won’t be far. Plus! Wouldn’t want you to try and be all hero-like only to trip and fall in those cuttteee heels of yours!”

•

•

•

Spoonful after spoonful you swallowed whatever food had been shoved into your face. Were you even hungry? Not that it matters. At this point, you’ve come to treat this as if it were a real date! Yet your heart doesn’t skip a beat when he cups your face. A couple of people do glance over at you both awkwardly but that smile of yours tells them you’re just a young couple in love. It goes on like this for a few more minutes before beautiful swaying locks catch your eye, it’s true you’ve been ignoring the faces of those who’ve been passing by, but this face is stunning. Your heart skips a beat when your eyes meet each other. Now something about all this feels familiar but you can’t quite pin it down just yet. Kazuha notices how your attention is drawn away from him and he immediately pulls your chin towards him, “Is something the matter my love? You seem distracted.” He bluntly states as his eyebrows furrow slightly in frustration. “A-ah, no, I just…” Perhaps you were scared or maybe still stunned by that girls beauty but you can’t seem to form a coherent thought. He shifts around in his seat a little, ever so slightly moving his chair to block your view of the girl. With a short ‘ahem’ you brush it off as just seeing someone you thought you recognized.

If you look past his intense gaze you can still kinda see her fussing with her long hair. A waiter shows her to her table that so happens to be next to yours. You bite your tongue to hide a giggle when you see her awkwardly try to walk in heels, maybe she’s not used to them? Once she sits down it’s obvious she’s not used to wearing such feminine clothes, the way she keeps lifting her feet off the ground and sliding them farther out, or how she pulls the hem of her dress down even though it’s past her knees. The way she covered her mouth and spoke in a quiet meek voice told you maybe she was shy. Kazuha glanced at you both, almost trying to understand the connection you guys had but signed in defeat, “I’m gonna use the restroom then pay for our food. Don’t go anywhere.” And with that, he was gone but surely it wouldn’t take him long to be back.

Scaramouche had to be quick about this. The least he could do is get you outside.

Trying to keep his ladylike demeanor he tried starting the conversation with something normal. Of course, this meant he would have to speak a little louder in order for you to hear in the louder environment. He would be lying to himself if he said he hadn’t “practiced” his female voice.

“Isn’t the food here the best?”

Taken aback by how cute she sounded you cover your mouth slightly. “She even has a cute voice!”, you thought to yourself. Once again stunned you take a moment to respond.

“Y-yeah!” your response is a little fast-paced but she just smiles in response. “Haha, you seem a little nervous, what, too stunned by my looks?” Even though he was supposed to be portraying a meek, innocent girl, he couldn’t help but still be cocky. It’s as if you were on autopilot with the way your response was the same yeah…

Part of you felt like that’s something he would say. Who was he again?

“It’s a little stuffy in here, don’t you agree? How about we get some fresh air?” The girl suggested so innocently that you’d completely “forgotten” what Kazuha told you NOT to do. As if you’d been under a spell you followed a girl you didn’t even know the name of out of the restaurant. Her name! You need her name! This can’t be the last time you see each other you need her contact info! You reach to where you would normally keep your phone only for your attention to be stolen away by her.

She handed you her phone that had a picture of a very certain cat. Your heart fastens as you start to recall some things, you couldn’t submit to someone who only half-loved you. No, you had to get home to your first baby. Tears threaten to spill as everything comes back faster than you can comprehend.

He didn’t love you, no, he never did. If he did he would’ve stayed the first night. He was just looking for something to sedate his own woes. You come to the realization that your delusions you made up to protect yourself were false. You haven’t been in love for years like your mind had told you, you don’t know what he really feels, you just filled in the blanks with lies your mind fed you. In reality, you’ve probably only really known each other for a couple of days, during those 4 months you spent pregnant and alone your brain spun a story as if you were real lovers. Hating yourself could come later but for now, you need to get a grip and get out of here. Suddenly you’re caught up to speed and all it feels like you’re gonna vomit, your clothes feel tighter and you can feel your own skin, every pore feels open and you hate every second of it. What feels like hours is only a matter of seconds.

A hand is gently wipes your tears away,

“It’s time to go, Y/n.”

“I cant.. I’m sacred. I-“

“Don’t be. I'm here now, and I’m not letting you go.” He looked so serious, although a little funny since he was still in his getup.

Reaching for your wrist he gently and slowly led you farther away from the establishment and closer to your getaway car.

Both of your steps got faster and faster. You didn’t want to look back, no, you shouldn’t.

A voice you’ve come to hate shouts out to you. Ears pound loudly and your heart skips several beats when you hear fastened footsteps approaching. A wave of pain crashes onto you when your lower back aches in pain. You stop even though you don’t want to and clutch your stomach in retaliation.

You have to move right now otherwise he’ll catch up. Scaramouche turns back around for you and effortlessly picks you up and carries you to the car. When he turned to place you in the car he’s sure Kazuha has seen his face. Crap… Not like it mattered right now. He rushes to the other side of the car but is pulled back by a hand that is placed on his back, it’s cold and uncomfortable. Almost as if it triggered something in him he shouts and pushes him back into the ground.

Once Scaramouche is in the car Miko doesn’t hesitate to slam on the gas pedal and get you both somewhere safe.

Final Part:

When you wake up you’re in a very comfy bed. Moving your legs a little you wince uncontrollably. Memories come flooding back and your eyes dart to where Scaramouche is sitting. A smile makes itself known on your face and you reach out to him. He melts into your touch but avoids looking at you. You know you messed up big time by not running away from Kazuha like you should have… But you were in a deranged state! Surely he won’t blame you completely. Breaking the silence you ask him what’s wrong.

“I know we kinda just met but I hope you know I love you…” he trailed off, still avoiding eye contact. “I always have… It’s a shame you don’t remember me. If you did then I guess you could technically say we didn't just meet.”

Huh? You two knew each other? Maybe he’s got the wrong person. Innocently you ask, “Have we met somewhere before? I’m sorry but I don’t seem to ever recall-“ “Just take a good look at me and try to recall. We used to be playmates when we were little. Your parents were busy like mine so they would drop us off at that one daycare.” Your eyes squint as you take a good look at him, “And we went to school together for a little while- I tried stealing your pen-“ Eyes widening you can’t help but burst out laughing.

Now you remember him!

“It’s you! I- How could I forget? Oh my gosh, it seems work has made me forget my younger days!” Covering your mouth to hide a smile you can’t help but laugh a little louder. His face seems upset but eventually melts into a smiling one along with you. For a couple of moments you both laugh and exchange playful banter. Everything in the world is right at that moment.

But once again, your mistakes will catch up with you.

After the laughing dies down he squeezes your hand and places a handle on your stomach. This causes you to shift uncomfortably but you try to play it off as a cramp.

“When the Doctor came to relay your status he told me one bit of information that… you probably didn’t want me to know.”

Oh shit. Oh shit- Your heart fastens and you try to muster out a response but it hitches in your throat. “I-I canexplain p-please let me-“You fumble your words and tears pool up in your eyes.

With an affirmative squeeze to your hand he smiles softly, “It’s okay.”

“But it’s not- I messed up and now-“ You covered face with your hand, attempting to hide yourself away from him.

“And now- we can work this out, together. I promise I will do my best to be a good parent. If you’d just give me a chance- A chance to take care of you and your child. I would do anything to be with you once and for all. Please, Y/n, don’t leave me again.” His hand came up to yours pressed against your face, and slowly removed it from you.

A part of you feels raw, and exposed, yet, this time it’s different. Part of your brain tells you to run from his affection but the other part feels so defeated that you just want to cry into his chest and beg him to stay with you. Lucky for you he was willing to stay with you. Even if you were going to have your kidnapper's baby. Leaning into him you cried out all your sorrows that had been bottled up for the past couple of months. All he could do was rub your back and listen to you cry your heart out.

It felt good to finally tell someone how you truly felt. How much has been troubling you? Although you’re sure if you were to tell this to a professional you’d been locked up….

After you’re done crying you wipe your tears and take a deep breath. Your chest and shoulders feel lighter. The whiplash of everything could hit you later, you couldn’t care less right now. All you wanted to do was eat, stretch, and take a nap.

Scaramouche looked at you dead in the eye and you feared the worst. Was he joking? Did he actually hate you and never want to see you again? Did-

“Goddamit- I dropped my wig…”

You stare at each other for a second before you burst out laughing. “That’s a shame! You didn’t look half bad in it~” you joked. “Oh please- You were head over heels for me and you know it!” “Ah, you got me there! Who knew you’d make such a fine girl! If only you could say the same about you know-Ow!” he punched your shoulder gently, but considering your current state it hurt more than he intended. “I’m sorry, Y/n- I-“ He checked the area to see if it was bruised or anything but was immediately met with a flick to the forehead. “Ow-!” “Haha, got you!” “You little-“

Both of your bickering would soon die down as soon as his parents would enter the room. It was obvious how you both turned stiff as boards. Acting as if you weren’t pulling each other’s hair like you once had.

Ei placed some flowers on the bed stand and Miko would sit down on the bed with some sweets in hand. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Miss Y/n.” Ei bowed politely, “I’m not sure if my son had mentioned us to you. If not it’s alright- But we are his parents.” Miko started feeding some cake with a fork as she nodded along. “I’m very happy to see you make my son happy. It used to worry me that my son would die alone-“she feigned a tear falling from her eye. “MOM.” Blush spread across Scaramouche’s face as he crossed his arms. “Ah, excuse me, that’s beside the point! What I mean to say is that you shouldn’t worry about the wedding founding- Your new moms will buy you everything you will need-“ “THATS NOT ANY BETTER!” He exclaimed even redder. She smiled so innocently all while still looking a little confused. Miko finally chimed in, “What she means to say is that she supports you both no matter what. Even if you don’t think she agrees with you,” she turned her head towards him, “she believes you both will make the right choice. We hope you both can treat this as a new beginning. As I like to say, carpe diem!” “You never say that.” Ei tilted her head with a soft smile. “Well, I do now!”

All four of you burst out laughing. You guys talk a little more before they leave for their business dinner. Once again you and Scara are alone.

“Are you really sure you’re okay with marrying a pregnant woman?” “Of course I’m fine with it, since it being you and all.” Rubbing the back of his head he laid his head down on the bed, “Are YOU sure you wanna get married right away? Just because my mom mistook us for dating already doesn’t mean we should skip that part… Plus, what if you don’t like who I am…” You pet his soft purple hair with a smile, “Well, as long as you promise not to be a complete asshole, then I suppose we’ll be just fine!” “You think I’m an asshole?” “Haha, anyways…. What kind of wedding cake should we have? I was thinking of a [favorite flavor] cake! Ooohh and we can look at the different types of venues! Ah, I guess after that we need to plan a baby shower!”

He’d completely tuned you out and just stared at you, lovingly. Your skin glowed perfectly from the artificial light, and that smile of yours was perfect. You no longer looked tired and stressed; instead, you looked happy and not so tired. He couldn’t blame his ex-friend for falling for you. Although he feels a little jealous that he’s seen parts of you that now belong to his eyes only now.

Fingers tap up and down on the bed as if he’s contemplating something. You take notice and tap his shoulder, you ask if he’s listening. Suddenly he gets up- His soft lips are placed against your slightly chapped ones. It’s warm. Your eyes widen in surprise as you slowly melt into the kiss.

Once he pulls away you’re both gasping for air. Out of embarrassment, he hides his face in your neck. He’s embarrassed- you are too. “A-a little warning would’ve been nice. I was talking yknow?” “Shut up before I kiss you again..” You knew he was too embarrassed to do it again so you teased, “Yeah, I think you’d like that-“ Instead of another passionate kiss he instead peppered kisses all over your face. “I hate you.” “I love you, Scara.”

•

•

•

The wedding went amazing since his parents had done most of the planning (of course you both directed them) And your baby shower went just as well! Initially, you were both worried a certain someone would catch wind of it- and you’re sure he did. Thankfully the place was heavily guarded (, courtesy of Miko) and was also in a secluded area, along with there being a very strict guest list. You both already knew the gender so the part just consisted of fun baby shower games and many gifts from your friends and families.

You had been getting intensive therapy for the rest of your pregnancy. Those couple of months left you with deeper wounds than you had thought. Of course, you still have trouble with going out on your own and you’ve completely dropped going out (since you’re a mother now ofc) When you do have to go out alone you wear your hair differently each time along with a mask and sunglasses. Whenever someone gets a little too close they happen to get stopped by someone. Your bad dreams usually consist of you trying to run away but your legs move slowly or trying to scream but nothing comes out, and other things you’d rather not discuss...

Your delivery went well and luckily you gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Ei and Miko informed you that you had a week to name him. On the fifth day, you and Scara decided on [name], since you both liked the name and agreed on it. When both of the families came to see him you got the chance to meet Scara’s aunt and sister (who both happened to be named Makoto, although Scara called his sister Raiden since she was “scary”) The boy was blessed with your hair color (he has a red streak through it) but had his fathers eyes. At first, it scared you but with some affirming words from both sides of the family and your lover, you’ve grown to love them.

Some of your friends and family didn’t approve that Scara wasn’t the father, some even berating you and calling you names. The name-calling mostly came from Scara’s side of the family. Area

On your son's first birthday, he spoke his first words. “Mama!” You nearly cried tears of joy when he said that. Scaramouche frowned and pinched the boy's cheeks gently with a huff. Much to his surprise the boy spoke again, “Daddy!” Now both of you were crying tears of joy. You swaddled your boy in the softest blankets before you both cuddled him off to sleep. Both not believing you had been blessed with such a joy.

Once your son has gotten a little older he learned how to say the cat’s name, always gesturing his hands and babbling, “Meowmeow!” The now healthier cat would come to the boy and rub its head against your son accompanied by a purr.

Once he turned two years old you noticed how he started taking after his father, often mimicking him by making an angry face and huffing. All you could do was smile and kiss him while his father pouted behind you both. One time you had joked around with your young son by asking him, “What face does daddy make when he’s angry” and your son crossed his arms with a scowl on his face. You burst out laughing while your husband messed with his hair pretending to be upset.

You went back to work while Scara was a stay-at-home husband. On stressful days you would come home, sore and tired, but the moment your eyes laid on Scara’a resting figure along with your sons. Well, your heart simply melted into mush as you took about 30 pictures of them from all angles. You were convinced that all of the time you spent alone and suffering was worth it for this moment.

It felt like that person was a bad dream- but now, you’re wide awake and ready to face the future with your loving husband, and adorable son.

Gawdamn I don’t stop yapping🙏 If you read all of this ty pookie!! there will be a $10 mil block of gold under your pillow when you wake up 😍😋 I will be writing some hcs (maybe) and a scenario where u encounter kazuha w your kid soon!!! (i promise) Anyways i’m knocking tf out… BAI><!!

♡ taglist: @swivy123

[byhimawari]

“Ruby Woo”

(a RivaMika drabble/modern AU)

“Lipstick? Really, Mikasa?”

Eren’s mouth form a thin line at the red smear across her lips, staring much too critically for her liking.

“I don’t like red lipstick on girls.”

There’s a slight sting in her chest, pulling directly from the most sensitive part of her heart. Mikasa was never one to feel pretty. When she was younger, she admired the women with lips whose colors range from wine to rubies, like it was some bold statement of their confidence. Which it had to be, given the way their eyes and skin glow, and the delight in their step as they stride through the crowd as though the main character in a story. She wanted to be like them. She still does. She wants red to be her color.

So the next day, she buys the reddest color and applies it on her lips daringly, confidently, and dare she say, seductively. She even ties her hair up to amplify her features and make the color of her lips stand out. Needless to say, Eren wasn’t impressed. At least this time around, fortunately, there was no sting.

“I said I didn’t like — “

“I know.”

With that, she walks away proudly and ventures deeper into the livelier parts of downtown, her heart afloat as she feels the joy in her step and she wonders then if she looks like the women she admired as a little girl.

“Mikasa.”

She turns, startled, only to be greeted with a familiar face. Her face softens into a smile.

“Levi.”

His expression is like that of an awestruck man. It flatters her way more than she’d like to admit.

“I knew it was you. You look different.”

Her heart dropped. Not again. Is red lips really so unappealing on her? Or is it really just her who, as a whole, does not glow?

She accepts defeat, “I decided to try a new lipstick. I must look so dumb.”

But he stops her, his words still slow like he’s reeling himself back from a dream, and her heart starts to float back up.

“Not at all,” he said, his voice and face plain as usual but the slight tint on his cheeks betray his resolve, “Red is…very pretty on you.”

She blinks at him in surprise, her cheeks warming up and surely gaining a tint of its own.

Levi continues, as though wanting to finish his piece before it’s too late, “I was on my way for some tea. Care to join me, if you’re not too busy?”

His stoic features start to crumble down, revealing a look more intimate, more pulling, especially in the way his eyes appear like they are drowning in admiration, so much so that he can’t seem to no longer hide it. Because then a shy curve of lips forms and she swears she sees stars in the depths of his gaze.

“So you can show off more of your new color.”

She doesn’t stop her ear to ear smile.

Perhaps red is her color after all.

fin.

a/n: this is actually based on my experience many years ago when my horrible ex told me he didn’t like red lipstick on me, so the next day, I bought the reddest lipstick I could find and wore it the next day to spite him. The lipstick was “Ruby Woo” from MAC cosmetics, which inspired the title of this piece ❤️

Remember to never let a man tell you what you should or should not wear, especially if you want to wear it!! 🗣️🗣️🗣️

[orbitfalls]

ATLAS. ULTRAVIOLENCE. HDHFJDJDMDND

“Andromeda did not make a satisfactory substitute for their eldest sister at all.” O O F (she’s too real for that tho i fear bella is something else there’s nothing like an older sibling)

“She had not known. She was only six.” WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

(you can ignore this if you want bc it’s just me yapping about my own fic but i have an au [named me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time] where regulus and narcissa are raised in a cult + regulus is viewed as jesus’ vessel and narcissa is viewed as the virgin mary’s, + that line hit HARD because it made me think of the both of them and how young they were when they were told they were god’s chosen ones because THEY BOTH WERE ONLY SIX oh regulus and narcissa black being forced into realities they don’t understand my beloved)

CISSY CALLING CYGNUS DAD OH

“Bellatrix would buy her a star - one she could see from the front porch - and name it Narcissa just for her, just like she'd promised years and years ago.” oh!! oh!! oh!! oh!! oh!! 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

“‘…your daughter's touch is about as deadly as the punches you refuse to throw.’” DONT HURT ‘EM NOW ALPHARD🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

ALPHARD POOKIE!! WHATCHA DOIN!! WHATCHA DOIN WITH MISTER TOM!!😁(HOORAY)

also i need to know what the fuck the eloise and cygnus tea is RIGHT NEOW

amazing chapter as usual

ASTRA THEICARUSCONSTELLATION THE LOML HI

bellatrix and andy comparisons just hurt me so bad cuz they look so similar and andromeda is being held up to all of these enormous standards and she just disappoints... time and time again... she's never done anything right in her life and her self worth is so plagued by it and still NARCISSA JUST MISSES BELLA CAN YOU BLAME HER

'she had not known. she was only six.' CAN YOU TELL THAT THIS IS WHERE I CHICKENED OUT OF WRITING THE MUCH MUCH DARKER SCENE THAT I HAD ORIGINALLY INTENDED

and then she called him dad and i think that's where the breath was blown out of my lungs

omg wait so just to match your minifont but like??? so cute that you got associations to your own work????? i literally love that???? this feels like accidental intertextuality (is that a word in english??)????? giggling

also that is such a raw theme for a fic i can't

ANYWAY alphard being a sussy mussy little king!!!! we love to see it!!!! hooray!!!!!! (*loud dubious kissing sounds*)

oooooo the eloise tea honey... the tea.... i spent half my time thinking about her and the other half fearing that i'm foreshadowing too heavily... but it's juicy and it's HUGE for the UV plot let's just say that;)

THANK YOU ASTRA ily i'm giggling so hard<3333

[coquettepwuppy]

Urggg your jjk agere was so cute!! Can you maybe go more in depth on lil Inumaki? :3 /nf !!

Here ya go!!! Inumaki Toge agere headcannons!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

🗣️ - I already have a headcanon that he talks to the plants in the garden so when he's small he definitely likes to babble to them when he's verbal.

🩵 - He hides pacifiers under his scarf when he has to do something but is either small or needs something to chew on cause he tends to regress for whole days if he can.

🗣️ - He was regressing a bit without realizing it, when Yuta said he was a regressor Inumaki finally researched it cause he wanted to help Yuta but ended up realizing that's what he was doing.

🩵 - Gojo found out a while ago cause he's nosy. Yuta found out after that on a mission and was sworn to secrecy. Then Maki and Panda.

🗣️ - Yuta and him were on a mission when Inumaki forgot to buy throat medicine. His throat was all dry and the second all the curses were taken care of the pain hit him. He ended up clung to Yuta with one hand, head fuzzy, not communicating in the slightest, not even with hand gestures or onigiri ingredients. Yuta had a feeling of what it was but didn't wanna assume anything until Inumaki told him and swore him to secrecy.

🩵 - Maki and Panda found out during training. Yuta already knew at this point and saw that Inumaki was feeling fuzzy so he offered to cover for him but Toge refused. He wasn't doing very well, Panda kept asking if he was okay or needed a break but he just kept denying until Maki had hit him just a bit too hard. A usual hit for normal training but his fuzzy mindset just couldn't take it and he shut down, as soon as he could get out of training he curled up into his bed with a pacifier, Panda kept an eye on him that day while Yuta explained what was happening.

🩵 - After they found out, they tried to offer anything they could, but he kept refusing anything. He didn't want to accidentally slip up and curse someone while small, plus he was slightly embarrassed about not knowing much about his own regression and only started research for Yuta.

🗣️ - The only other time that Panda watched him other than the first time was when him and Yuta both ended up small. Yuta usually doesn't stay small for a long time and Inumaki is very used to regressing before bed and alone, plus Toge is a bit of a younger regressor than Yuta so it was mostly just them watching cartoons while Yuta babbled to Toge.

🩵 - Everyone just seems to assume that he's an occasional regressor cause they've hardly ever seen him regress but so embarrassed about it that he just pushes it off for as long as he can until he's alone.

🗣️ - I feel like one of his love languages is touch so he tends to cling to someone's sleeve while they talk to someone, cause otherwise he feels way too awkward just standing there.

🩵 - I feel like he could be a pet regressor but I just don't know what animal.

🗣️ - Even though they know he's a regressor they don't know he has any gear. He has 2 pacifiers that he's decorated and a plush he's had for years plus a few teathers and other stuff to chew on cause otherwise he chews on his hands real bad.

🩵 - His first pacifier is very simple, black and white with nonverbal on the handle. The other one is a bit more colorful to match the plushie he has. His plush is a Border Collie with a blue collar so he has a blue and black one to match.

AHHH OMG OMG IM SO EXCITED SOMEONE ASKED!!!! HES MY FAVORITE CHARACTER AND I HAVE SO SO MANY STUFFS!!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) Here's just me yapping and headcannons. These are more so based on JJK 0 cause I need Yuta for some headcanons but it bounces back and forth. I made sure to avoid spoilers about the show as much as I could!

Also! If anyone has any recommendations for fic writers I wanna send in asks for this but the JJK community doesn't have much Agere content and I dunno how to write fan fics. I could rant forever about him so here's some of my headcanons! I hope this was what you were looking for, sorry if not (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)

[madschiavelique]

(2/2) Raphael is dating them because he just wants to as intimidating as it is 🤭, he always feels calm whenever they're around so he asked them to be there whenever he's working 😌, they would kiss his forehead as he shown how annoyed he is 😘, he would bring them to meetup or reception but nowhere that's dangerous for them ❌, one could argue that they're his weakness (⁠・⁠o⁠・⁠), he made sure to torment whoever has kidnapped them thinking that they could be used against him 😈, he won't worry about them dying because he requested them to be immortal ⊙⁠.⁠☉, they would talk about trifle things while having the best wine ever 🍷, he's actually able to laugh because of them 🤣, he never tires of hearing them talk no matter how ridiculous it is 🗣️, he feels that his heart might beat for someone else than himself 💓, people would think Haarlep is nothing except for the ability to change into people & for sexual pleasures only but it changed when they met you 👍, you offered them the freedom of choice which it's something only few offered to them 🥹, you spend time with them because of who they are not what they are 👍, they would look at you with stars in their eyes (⁠☆⁠▽⁠☆⁠) when you listened to them intently 👂, they would always find a way to be with them somehow 🤭, just how persistent & creative they are 😏, being with someone is a unfamiliar concept to them so they played pranks on you to test them as their last conquests 🎭, they asked you if your heart is taken but you said they took more than that 💘, they tested you through different forms to see if you would waver 👀, you would always made it clear that they're irreplaceable which made them fall for them harder 😍, they would be with Rolan as he searches for scrolls & books 📜📚, they just admire how he does his work seriously 👀, they could stay like this for longer but they decided to leave when they thought they're disturbing him 👍, they stopped when they noticed his tail wrapped around their leg 🦵, he was as surprised as them but asked them to stay instead of apologising 🥺, there's no way they could refuse like me 🤭, they would have a date with him at the highest point of 🗼, just how much he had prepared for their dates 🌹✨🍇🎆, they teased him about how long the preparations are 😁, they kissed him 😘 & told him how much they loved it 😍, he turned away as he blushed & his heart raced at their laugh 💓, he would always let them see him during his breaks to sit on his lap & hug him 🫂, he would always wait for their words of encouragement & kisses 💋, Wyll would treat them like royalty 👑, he would take them to plays or act out his adventures 🎭, they would tease him about some memorable lines 😁, he would chase them down after they laughed so he can catch them to kiss them 😘, he would teach them how to wield a sword patiently 🗡️, he would spar with them often when they're skilled enough ⚔️, there's countless times he had smacked their bum with the flat of his sword as they fell 🤣, they always wait for his kisses after the training 💋, he would always buy them bouquets of flowers every week 💐, he would treat them like someone to be protected & to show how to everyone to shine 🤭, he would always kiss their ring finger when he holds their hand 💋, they would laugh from being showered in kisses 😘, and how he treats them even after 2 years is the same as when they started dating him 😍 Thank you so much for doing my request because I love it so much :) Sorry if you already have this because I'm too paranoid that Tumblr ate it 🤣

hey there ! not gon lie i don’t know how to answer to this but i’m glad you liked the request !

[analogboii]

tumblr.com/analogboii/746259671902535680

What's bishops castle? Please tell me about it!

GJSKDK GOD YES. I WILL ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE INSANITY THAT'S BISHOP'S CASTLE 🗣️🗣️🗣️

okokok

this is a "castle" that currently resides in Rye, Colorado.

So, Jim Bishop bought some land way back when. He was 15 and saved up 450 bucks from various jobs. His parents used his money to buy it for him (cause he was 15, so he couldn't legally purchase land yet). Originally, he just built a cabin with his dad. But one day, motherfucker just woke up with a "message from God" that told him to build a castle. and he was just like "alright bet" and just started building one. Mind you, this guy has NO IDEA how to build a castle (I mean, who tf does these days) and just starts slapping rocks/slabs and concrete together.

Not only is he doing this, but he's primarily doing this BY HIMSELF. No professional team of contractors or construction workers, no. Its mostly just HIM fueled by "the spirit of god". Sure, different family members helped over time here and there, but it was mostly solo work. People would say they'd help them flake out, but he didn't care. He kept going bc he was fully convinced that this is why god sent him to this plane of existence. To build this castle.

that being said, he OBSESSED over this. this was the reason he got up in the morning. the first thing he thought about when he woke up and the last thing he thought about before going to bed. it consumed his life.

tragedy struck in the 80s when his four year old son died. they had been taking out the trunk of a tree. some of the roots were giving trouble so he sent his FOUR YEAR OLD SON to cut the roots. only for the trunk to end up falling on top of him and squashing him.

you'd think that something like that would fuck you up and you'd stop, right? not Jim. he kept going. later when asked why he had kept going he just "well, what else am I gonna do? he loved the place!"

the website leaves this part out, but you can find articles and interviews about it. the website is VERY tailored to make Jim seem more sane than he is.

after this, a lot of his relationships strained. some family and friends stopped talking to him. some were wary. some tried to get him to stop, but he just kept saying that god was telling him this is what he needed to do. this was his calling.

as it got bigger over the years, people started to come and see it.

some people told him he should charge to see it, but growing up with not a lot of money and not being able to do things bc of that, he was determined to keep it free, but it does have a donation box. between that and the gift shop, they are primarily what keep this place running. they are also a registered non profit charity as well. they donate quite a bit to newborn heart surgeries.

tbh, it's a really insanely impressive the way it looks. it's got a grand ballroom and several other rooms. there isn't running water as it's not a functioning castle and still isn't technically finished, but to say it got this far as a solo man project is insane. it took 40ish years to get to this point.

like this shit even has stained glass

now Jim Bishop is old as shit so he's unable to keep building on it. it's still considered under construction and sometimes he'll hire friends or family to build on it. he spends his days sitting outside of it, ranting about the government.

THIS MAN HATES THE GOVERNMENT BY THE WAY (as he should). like I remember one of the times I went, he was YELLING about shit. people will go to just rile him up cause this man will POP OFF. he also has a lot of anti government signs around his property as well.

also, colorado can frequently have fire bans because it can get incredibly dry in the summers. he's got signs about those too. he's also got your disclaimers and such as well.

oh the signs are all handmade, btw.

there are more signs, but Tumblr is only allowing me so many photos.

during the two years I lived in Colorado, I went eight times. I would've went more if I could've. the over all energy from there is insane. love talking and listening to Jim's insane rants, his grandkids sometimes run the gift shop and they're always nice. this man is absolutely batshit but we got a really cool castle out of it. he also prides himself and calls it "a working class made attraction for the working class" if you're ever in Colorado, especially near Rye, go visit it. the drive up there is beautiful, the place is stunning, and it's a free attraction, so definitely worth it.

tho if you go, be careful. shit gets a little rickety once you hit the third floor. walk carefully and don't even think about running. you can go even higher as there are walk ways and stuff around the outside and to the towers. there are signs when you reach this point that warn you to progress as your own risk (I'd post it if I could stuff more pics in here). I've never reached the very top bc I'm so scared of heights but I want to be able to do it one day. i haven't been in a few years because I moved, but hell yeah I'd go again.

I could talk more about it but this is already insanely long. definitely look into it, it's so worth it. and thank you for asking so I can unleash this verbal vomit 🙏

ALSO YES. THE DRAGON HEAD CAN BREATHE FIRE 🔥🐲🔥🐲

[lqfiles]

METEORNON LIFE UPDATE WE ARE BACK AFTER 10 DAYS 🗣️‼️

🥁🥁🥁🥁

MY EXAMS ARE OVER 🥳🥳 the universe cheered !! I literally just gave my last exam this morning and it's 3:30pm rn we are so excited (the excitement will last a day until I'm bored)

I spent the day arranging my course material and being productive (felt nice) (because I know I'll rot for the whole break otherwise) anyway I have plans to be a girl (I'm just a girl) and order this really cute tote bag I saw online it was so cool

OTHER THAN THAT OH OH USER LQFILES I WATCHED A REALLY REALLY AMAZING MOVIE idk if you know about it. It's a Japanese movie called even if this love disappears from the world tonight and it's so 🥹🥹🥹🥹 it's so 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 heartbreaking. What if I collapse on the floor and cry. You should watch it ( of course you don't have to) if you're into sad soul shattering stuff (gonna go off a bit here and summarize the premise: there's a girl who has anterograde amnesia which is where your memories don't accumulate. So whenever she wakes up in the morning, she doesn't remember anything about what happened or what she did the previous day and this happens EVERY SINGLE DAY so she basically has to restart her life everyday. She keeps a diary in which she writes about her day every night before sleeping, and she has all these signs on her bedroom walls that basically tell her that she has amnesia and needs to read her diary to get to know about her life every morning. SO LONG STORY SHORT WITHOUT SPOILERS one day a guy comes up to her and fake confesses to her because some guys who were bullying that guy's classmate told him to do it in case he wanted his friend to stop getting bullied. He fake confesses to her and she SAYS YES and then they fake date, but for a while the guy doesn't know she has amnesia and then he finds out and that is where I'm stopping because everything else is like the main main plot)

I YAPPED QUITE A LOT TODAY ‼️☝️

Anyway it's so sad and I'm in love with it

REGARDING PAY THE PRICE THINGS ARE PROGRESSING I THINK HAECHAN LOWKEY CONSIDERS HER A FRIEND AT THIS POINT

I am also in love with renjun's cat stealing agenda and his and jaemin's dynamic they're so funny (OR RATHER YOU ARE SO FUNNY USER LQFILES 🫵)

ALSO WITH THE ANON WHO TALKED ABOUT JAEHYUN BEING OLD 😭😭😭 I AGREE AND I SEE THIS HAPPENING IN REAL LIFE

anyway phew that was a lot (I hope you weren't alarmed by me suddenly yapping) I'll be activeee and interacting now that I'm not busy (!!) MUCH LOVEEE 🌷🌷🤍🤍🤍 I HOPE YOU'RE WELLLL

-☄️

WE FREAKING MISSED YOU OVER HERE BESFF <33

IM SO HAPPY YOUR EXAMS ARE OVER LETS GOOOO 🥳🥳🎉 how did you think they went? i’m sure you did well and i’m happy that you get to rest now ^^ does this mean you’re officially in your summer holidays now or just a smaller break? LMAOOO YOURE SMART FOR KNOWING YOUR HABITS AND DOING SMRH ABOUT IT because i know if that was me i would wait till last minute 😭

THE WAY I WANT TO BUY A TOTE BAG TOO BRUHH it’s so girly core and girlmaxxing and feminine and ughh i just love being a girl..

shatter shoul stuff WELL YES GIVE IT TO ME… i normally don’t watch movies or dramas (when i tell you.. i have not watched ANY classic movie, not even spider-man or mean girls or fuckass MOANA. name a movie and i probably haven’t watched it 😭) but i REALLY wanna start doing so, BUT THAT SOUNDS AMAZINF AS FUCKK WAITT i can already sense the angst and heartbreak from that poor girl i’m already tearing up 😭😭😭 (i’m dramatic) i’ll definitely write it down and try to watch it soon (if you can recommend me where to watch it i would appreciate it.. preferably i pirated website 🙏🏽)

haechan doesn’t HATE her but also doesn’t LIKE her yk? its mostly y/n who just wants him gone while haechan is just playing around at this point lmaoo. i’m glad you like the side characters too and thank yew for calling me funny you’re flatter me anon 😣 just say you wanna kiss me..

NEVER APOLOGISE FOR HEING A YAPPER I LOVE YAPPERS WE YAPPERS ALL NEED TO UNITE, can’t wait to see you again anon take care and enjoy your break ^^ <3

[gothsuguru]

ARI. YOUR LOVE FOR SUGURU & WRITING COMES THROUGH SO GENUINELY THROUGHOUT THIS FIC IT’S ACTUALLY SO BEAUTIFUL TO SEE. <3

i told you that i would get my brain & fingers ready for this fic and i wasn’t playing. FIRST OF ALL. THE SIKEN QUOTE AS THE TITLE??? WAR OF FOXES BABY i read the poem and wow… “i am faithful to you, darling.” is the ESSENCE of this entire story i’m so MOVED. okay let me ramble overall a bit and then i’ll get into specifics! i’m so glad you took your time writing this fic because the care & love for the story/concept and the CHARACTERS/dialogue/imagery/symbolism really shines through :’) i need you to know that if this was an actual novella in stores i would buy it and mark it up/highlight like we’d do a siken book so. i’m abt to do JUST that <3 you weren’t kidding when you called this your magnum opus like… i’m actually not kidding when i say this rewired my brain… remember when i said to be prepared bc of how insane this would make me and how this is gonna be long as FUCK bc i got a lot of Thoughts? yeah. yeah… <3

a dream of cold metal, dark thickets, iron-scented skin — and a knight. (or… a wolf?)

- already you had me GAGGED with this. i love love LOVE the threes and the imagery in this (i could actually smell the iron) like IMMEDIATELY i know what type of vibe you wanted to give off (cold, imposing, slightly sinister). the coolness of cold metal (a knight’s armor), dark thickets is such a beautiful way to explain a bushel of branches/plants/twigs, & iron-scented skin… blood. bloody knight (or wolf.) and we as readers ultimately know they’re one and the SAME. (suguru…… hiiiiiiiiii sexy wolfman)

wilted sunflowers stumble under their own weight, and dragonflies buzz in a frenzy, manic, driven to hysteria. in the distance you think you hear the shrieking of ravens.

- i LOOOOOOVE the term manic so much and i also ADORE how mania shows itself in multiple ways throughout this fic (obvi i’ll talk more abt it later but suguru going insane trying to find kidnapped reader & reader being manic-excited abt the fox sketch hehe) <3 i love the “wilted sunflowers” symbolism… i think it also ties into how reader views their life as of rn like it’s suffocating to be them and it feels like a weight is on their chest sometimes as well with how maids/the king treat them. & THE DRAGONFLIES??? (I TOLD YOU YOU’RE EVIL AS HELL FOR THIS 😭 KENJAKU WOULD BE PROUD FR) & RAVEN SHRIEKS!!!!!! i love raven symbolism sooooo much it’s sooooooooo suguru and i love when it ties at the end of the fic w the two ravens hehe it makes me Insane and makes me Obsessed

and there’s a knight, just ahead, tall and imposing, covered in steel from head to toe. holding a blinding sword, facing the sky, doing nothing to stop the pitter patter of raindrops ricocheting off his burganet.

- outright. Sexy As Fuck imagery <3 maybe it’s just me but the knight wants me sooooooo bad omfg… i LOVE how the knight is tall and IMPOSING… covered in STEEL… imposing & cold & in a way untouchable. love that the knight just stands there as it rains too i think it adds to the atmosphere beautifully… literally feels like i’m in a stand off w a terrifying knight in a cold barren clearing wowowowow

widening its maw, a silent fury on its tongue. from this angle, it looks a little like a grin.

- MAW MENTION CAN I GET A HELL YEAH 🗣️🤝 “silent fury on its tongue” MHMMMMM. IT LOOKS LIKE A GRIN. OHHHHH I LIVE FOR THE SINISTER VIBES I LIVE FOR BEARED FANGS I LIVE FOR UNRESTRAINED WILDNESS

but your eyes remain glued to the woods. far ahead, but still close enough to see — the woods you long for. the ones you’ll never get to see up close. 

- it’s also fascinating how all the reader wants to see… is the WOODS. out of anywhere it’s just the woods. in sight but out of reach… the woods are kinda like suguru now that i think about it…

“no, i mean it!” you ensure her, throwing a fleeting glance behind you. ”he just had that rugged look about him, you know? the scar and everything…” a blissful little exhale, as you gush over your would-be killer.

- MIND YOU THIS IS WHEN I FELL IN LOVE W READER LIKENDNDNDNDNDN they’re JUST like ME fr 😭😭😭 put toji in front of me… the kingdom is gonna see something they’ve never seen before… if y’all are shocked that a sexy dilf assassin is now king LOOK AWAY! THAT’S MY MAN! I’M KEEPING HIM W ME IDGAF! if he tried to kill me then maybe i deserved it idk it’s not even a big deal fr <3 RUGGED SEXY W THE SCAR YUHHHHH

all humans have one; a clockwork heart, of sorts, ticking down to the moment they run out of leftover kindness

- oh the clockwork mentions you had throughout this fic was absolutely FASCINATING. i don’t think i’ve ever even thought of/seen something like this before… what a very interesting way to express someone’s limit of patience… i reallllllllllly like that a lot omfg… a clockwork heart ticking down moments of patience/until they run out of “leftover” kindness… leftover is very important here bc tbh who would have patience/overt genuine kindness for a royal? i like the way you described this a lot and i also really liked the “tick-tock” you put throughout the fic to show this exactly!

“toji?” the gears of your mind turn, clicking into place; zenin. a family of assassins, a man with a scar on his bottom lip. ”ohhh — the hottie.”

- REAL ASF. a family of assassins…….. damn is it bad if i kinda still want toji like omfg bring his ass back rn……. “the hottie” EXAAAAAAAAACTLY. I’M A SUCKER FOR HOT MEAN DILFS AND SO IS READER! THEY’RE ME! i feel so seen <333 toji wants me to kiss the scar on his lip so bad omfg… forgot this was a sugu fic for a second my bad………… </3 (toji pleek call me back 🙏🏼)

a velvety voice. silky, smooth, tailored by the finest seamstress — tucked between the slightest raspy vowel, a hint of something deeper. it sounds like honey, wine, a molten mass of spring clouds. 

- ari. ARI. ARIIIIIIIIIIIIII. your imagery is just SOOOOOO beautiful it makes me want to caress your brain (in an oddly comforting kenjaku way) <3 velvet, silky, smooth (all things to describe a voice AND clothing!) love the way you tie it into “tailored by the finest seamstress” & don’t get me STARTED ON THE DEEP RASP. “honey, wine, molten mass of spring clouds.” HOW DO YOU THINK OF SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO TRUE??? sweet elegant and beautiful… that’s suguru to a TEE

he’s beautiful. gorgeous, even. fair skin, sharp facial features, no scars to be seen. a sword hangs in a scabbard by his hip, and he’s wearing a set of armor, still glistening with the aftermaths of the rain beating down outside. his hair cascades down the metal like a black river, loose and silky, a single strand obscuring his pretty face. and his eyes are a soothing shade of brown; you’re almost certain they’d look warm, if there was any sunlight to engulf them. as it is, in the shadow of a murky spring morning, they’re a dark cedar, almost obsidian. but they look kind. 

- sharp, elegant, angular visage <3 love that his face is honestly SO noble like you’d think that HE would be the king! and i like the emphasis on the “no scars” on his face… like no one can get close to damaging the moneymaker iktr! RAIN ON HIS ARMOR… LIKE THE RAIN ON THE KNIGHT IN READER’S DREAM……… OMFMDMFMDMDM // “his hair cascades down the metal like a black river” this was written so beautifully that i wanted to drink his hair. imagine making ME want to drink HAIR bc you wrote it so PRETTILY. you’re EVIL. SICK even……… love that honestly <3 dark cedar to describe his eyes is so <333 obsidian too BUT! regardless, they look kind :’) my sugu

“i promise to be the most insufferable lord a knight has ever had. i won’t make your job easy for you.” / and suguru only chuckles. raspy, like the bark of a tree, claw marks on the ground. ”good,” he grins, eyes rich with mirth, golden pears hanging off the branches. ”i wouldn’t have it any other way.”

- reader is SOOOOOOOO brattyteen!toru coded i’m not kidding… obsessed. your tags were so right like methinks suguru is a brat-tamer at heart (he’s had practice w satoru) ALSO!!!!!! mirth is such a fun word i can’t stop using it 😭 ANOTHER ALSO!!!!! “golden pears hanging off the branches” IS THAT TO DESCRIBE HIS EYES??? IF SO THEN THAT’S UNBELIEVABLY STUNNING

suguru smiles. you have a cute side, he thinks. for no more than a mere moment, he finally feels as if he’s getting somewhere; getting closer to breaking that thorny, thorny shell of yours. closer to meeting the little lamb beneath the wolf’s hide.

- BITCHDHDJDHDJDJ he thinks i’m cute :3 he wants me so bad it makes him look STUPID <3 “closer to meeting the little lamb beneath the wolf’s hide.” ari you’re soooooo fucking insane……… reader always baring their teeth and wanting to test people’s patience but DEEP DOWN (not that deep down) they’re just. a lil goober. like someone who just wants to see the world and find friendship and who just wants to PLAY! they really are a little lamb <3 i think it’s cool how reader tries to act like a wolf but they’re a lamb and suguru tries to “act” like a lamb (he just has an air of natural placation) but is a wolf

when you look down to the floor, you find that suguru is already looking at you; a furrow to his brows. angry, for once. just a tiny, tiny flicker of distaste. you reward him with a cold smile. 

- I FUCKING LOOOOOOOVED THE EVENTS THAT LEAD UP TO THIS!!!!!!!! this is when i REALLY started liking the reader <3 them being cold to the child and shooing them away and then we see WHY they did that… but obvi suguru didn’t know and was just genuinely put off by it… loved that he was a bit angry and i LOVE that reader had a “cold smile” like i see you… they know sugu’s weak for the defenseless (bc he’s a protector. papabear. mamabear.)

“quiet.” suguru stiffens, ever so slightly, following your sharp whisper. ”don’t fuck this up.”

- reader was real as fuck for this like omg shut up sugu you’re boutta fuck this up for both of us rn

(there’s a shame in his eyes that you don’t turn your head to see.)

- i LOOOOOOVE seeing suguru’s shame so much 😭 like he also fell into judging reader by an overt action which i don’t blame him for but then you also see how reader probably was just so used to taking the blame for EVERYONE… like. willing to be labeled the “brat” or the “problem-child” and in actuality they’re saving all these kids from the wrath of the king/a higher up

“that was very, very kind of you.”

- i’m glad also that he had so many paragraphs of just praising the reader :’) like he really is starting to UNDERSTAND them! a genuine kind person who masks it under a facade of brattiness and funny disrespect <3 (honestly! at first i was a bit hmm when you first mentioned that the reader would be bratty bc i didn’t know how you’d write them but i actually found reader the FUN type of bratty! endearing, funny, disrespectful but it’s with reason! i actually am quite fond of them :’)

“go wild, your highness,” he grins, offering his arm up like a lamb to a hungry fox. a teasing mirth in his eyes, his voice coming out as a low purr. “i don't mind a mark or two.”

- FOX SYMBOLISM. READER BEING LIKE A SLY LIL FOX IS SO DELICIOUS TO ME <3 teasing mirth… low purr… damn he wants 2 kiss me so bad……….. “i don’t mind a mark or two.” ME EITHER! MARK ME UP SUGU! if he bit me i’d take it like a champ idk

in the blink of an eye, he’s making his way towards you. beckoned by his duty, his natural instinct, a protective itch that curls around his ribcage and crawls up his throat. large strides, much swifter than usual. he moves without thinking, and he’s there before he has the time to form a coherent thought.

- THIS SCENEEEEEEEEEE. is it natural protectiveness or a bit of jealousy…….. more protectiveness methinks but maybe like 2% jealousy. ALSO RIBCAGE MENTION 🗣️ i love how fast he tries to get to reader like it’s almost as if he’s on autopilot - “moves without thinking” “he’s there before he has the time to form a coherent thought” like it’s just second nature protecting reader rn oh WOW

“here,” he says, voice set to a mellow tilt. upon closer inspection, he’s holding a bottle. transparent, see-through, stuffed to the brim with sea glass. smooth little colourful pebbles, green and blue and pink and orange, like frozen little camellias. ”for you, my lord.”

- 🥹🥹🥹 PLEASEEEEE THIS WAS SOOOO PRECIOUS!!!!!! you can’t see the world so let me bring a little bit of the world to you :’) this was so soft and sweet sugu is deffo the type of give precious lil gifts like this

“protecting the weak,” he says. recites. like he’s said it a million times before, in the face of beasts, in the reflection of broken mirrors, a mantra to live and die by. “protecting those who can’t protect themselves.”

- WHAT A STUNNING WAY TO SHOW HIS DEVOTION TO PROTECT!!!!!!!! he RECITES it. “in the face of beasts, in the reflection of broken mirrors, a mantra to live and die by.” like are you affirming it to yourself or reminding yourself lest you forget suguru? that line……… had me so obsessed i reallllllly love the fact that he would say that to himself against foes. to himself. a mantra. wowowowow

the look in his eyes frightens you. deeper than the deepest lake, dark and murky, dragging him down. a devotion that smells of iron, tastes like steel. mania disguised as loyalty.

- ANOTHER ONES OF MY FAVS!!!!!! DEVOTION THAT ENSNARES YOU FULLY WITHOUT ANY INTENTION OF LETTING GO!!!!!! AND YOU DON’T WANT IT TO EITHER BC THIS IS THE ONLY THING YOU KNOW!!!!! “dark and murky… dragging him down” the fact that you made it a point to explain the extent of his devotion in this manner is WILD. “devotion that smells of iron, tastes like steel, mania disguised as loyalty.” the only way suguru knows how to exist is by extreme intensity and bouts of insanity. like for REAL. i don’t think he can love normally bc he just throws himself head first and will envelope himself inside the mania of whatever the fuck he does… love the imagery of iron and steel for devotion… hard & cold and perfect for a knight. “mania disguised as loyalty.” it’s devotion and mania wrapped in one and it has no other way of showing it except baring its heart & teeth. blood and all. i think that’s how he likes it and that’s how he prefers it

suguru makes a choked out noise, a little comical, breath hitching in the back of his throat. stabilizing you with a palm on the small of your back, patting it softly, once or twice, before retracting his arm and pulling away. clearing his throat. “… you’re welcome.”

- WHAT A GOOBER 😹😹😹 point and laugh he got GOT! he was SHOOK! it’s so funny seeing him be thrown off like that’s my fav thing to read in fics like it’s so fun seeing the poised elegant man be shy hehe

everything smells of life, earth, oak wood and thinly veiled secrets. you want to live here forever.

- WHAT A BEAUT WAY TO TALK ABT THE WOODS! also the oak coming back……… oak is a very strong & tough & steadfast type of tree and i like that it shows up a few times in this story!

his long hair sways with the breeze, smooth and unburdened, black like the night sky above you. a starry glint in his eyes. his voice comes out deep, a raspy lilt, like the scraping of metal against concrete… sharp teeth… “will you trust this wolf to keep you safe?”

- unbridled joy and a bit insane that’s the way i like my suguru <3 SHARP TEETH “will you trust his wolf to keep you safe?” OHFJDJDJDJDJDSJDJ I’M BARKING this made me so <333 HE KNOWS HE’S A WOLF!

a knight, a wolf, a friend.

- 🥹🩷🥹🩷🥹 STOPPPPPPPP THIS PART WAS SO CUTE!!!!!!! bc he’s ALL of them!!!!! he’s a protector in every sense of the word <3 in a knight way in terms of his actual duties, as a wolf would protect their pack, and as a friend would protect anyone they cared about!

everything blurs into a puddle of red. murky, sticky, everywhere all at once. all he sees is red, all he feels is burning. his heartbeat pulses at the base of his throat, bottom lip bruised and aching from hours of sinking his teeth into the flesh, over and over — every single nerve of his body running on adrenaline and nothing else.

- the way you had MY adrenaline racing was crazy too btw… like. RED!!!!!!!!! EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!! just INVADING his senses… it’s all he sees it’s all he smells it’s something that he’s been designed to be used to but now it’s different bc he doesn’t know if you’re safe and it’s his JOB to keep you safe…

suguru certainly isn’t. cutting his way through the bandit’s den, practically growling, sword painted such a dark shade of red that he doubts he’ll ever be able to wipe it clean. harsh slashes, pure instinct, wildfire inside his veins, iron on his tongue. 

- THIS PART. his sword being so BLOODIED that it’s a dark shade of red is actually such a beautiful yet violent sentiment… wow. “he doubts he’ll ever be able to wipe it clean.” ari do you know how insane that makes me? also the way him as a knight shines through in this… “harsh slashes, pure instinct, wildfire inside his veins, iron on his tongue.” what a WILD way to describe how he’s feeling… again your imagery is always so unbelievably entrancing it’s like i’m actually THERE.

suguru isn’t thinking, he’s hunting. sniffing like a bloodhound. eyes scanning the area before him like a hungry beast. suguru is hunting — for you.

- TELL ME RN WHY HE GIVES ME WOLF!KENNY VIBES…………. “hunting. sniffing like a bloodhound. scanning like a hungry beast. hunting — for you.” his mania showing itself in this………. he’s so frantic and i think full of fear but also pure unadulterated anger. at himself at the bandits at the whole situation

bloodied armor. sweaty, messy hair, sticking to his forehead. pure panic in his bloodshot eyes. he cradles your face, cold metal on your cheek, dirty and smelling of iron. he moves his mouth; you delude yourself into thinking that his bottom lip is trembling. forming around familiar vowels.

- oh my………. you describe his panic & fear so beautifully. bloodshot eyes and him being all tousled and dirty….. COLD METAL ON YOUR CHEEK AND HE’S CRADLING YOUR FACE!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! him crying…… but also FINALLY saying your name but you’re barely conscious enough to hear it 😭 oh my HEART

another sensation. he’s touching your hand, now, cold metal on warm skin, bringing it up to his lips; a shaky little exhale brushing against the knots of your knuckle. his lips are chapped. 

- THE GENUINENESS OF THIS ACTION. DEVOTIONAL BUT ALSO SOOOOOOO HUMAN. CAN I GET A HELL YEAH FOR A KNUCKLE KISS! THE MOST DEVOTED THING ANYONE CAN DO! knuckle kisses will always get me a in a tizzy like i was literally wiki-howing how to write a knuckle kiss 😭 back then it was reserved for royals so ooooooh love this so much <3 also like the tidbit that his lips are chapped! it’s very human

then he’s scooping you up, cradling you close, as close as metaphysically possible, as if willing to cut his stomach open to fit you inside. a firm grip, comforting, stable. desperate, a mother wolf carrying her cub to safety, by the skin of her teeth. his hair tickles your skin, but you don’t mind.

- ARI YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS ENTIRE PARAGRAPH HAD ME SO INSANE I WAS HOWLING. him cradling you as close as humanly possible me and him wanting to literally CUT himself open and fit you inside his torso/ribcage to keep you safe… MOTHER WOLF SUGURU. BARK BARK BARK at the end of the day you’re his baby…

he’s smiling, but it’s weak, as flimsy as a piece of paper. his lying smile, tight-lipped, betrayed by the redness of his eyes, the puffy skin beneath them. dark crescents. he sits by your bedside and looks a little like he wants to curl into a ball. 

- this part was sooooooo sad omfg. his weak smile and his red eyes… he wants to curl into a ball. oh i just know the guilt ate him ALIVE. and it makes sense too why he would feel that way like the ONE time he was away from you and this shit happens??? it’s his JOB to protect you! ofc he’d be pained and so guilty/ashamed that his duty was to keep you safe & he wasn’t able to! i totally get where he’s coming from but also omg sugu it’s ok bc reader is fine rn they’re safe and sound bc YOU’RE here

you want to tell him that he has nothing to apologize for, that you’re fine now — that you could never be mad at him. not really, never truly, never at him. you want to tell him that he’s your favorite person, not just your favorite knight, that he’s allowed to make mistakes without demanding that he suffer for them. 

- i think this paragraph was one of the sweetest bc we get to see the true vulnerability of the reader and how genuine/soft they are for suguru. “he’s your favorite person, not just your favorite knight.” like the fondness that reader has for suguru??? my HEART. AND I AGREE W THEM SO HARD!!!!!!! “he’s allowed to make mistakes without demanding that he suffer for them.” i think you just understand such a core part of suguru as a person… like he’s ABSOLUTELY the type to always blame himself/overthink like we even saw this in jjks2 when he blames himself and satoru has to REASSURE him that no it wasn’t your fault. shit happens. please don’t let it eat you alive……… (i could go on a whole rant abt satoru and how empathetic he is and how his trauma shaped him and how his childhood shaped him into always being the one to take care of things/fix them…… he’s like a father figure too actually i won’t let me get into this rn but just know. satosugu are both papabear coded but in diff ways)

“i think you’re my favorite person.” / ”wha — where did that come from?” he stammers, a strawberry hue to his ears, his neck, the tips of his fingers. / “hehe.” you poke at his flushed cheek, and he cracks a single eye open. ”you’re blushing.” / (the word knight sounds very pretty, when it’s falling from your lips.)

- SHY SUGURU MY BELOVED!!!!!!!! I LOVE THAT READER SAID THAT HE WAS THEIR FAVORITE PERSON HEHEHEHEHE <3 THE STRAWBERRY HUE <333 i gave sugu a raspberry hue in my fic i’m writing rn omg me 🤝 ari: fruit hues to describe blushing suguru <3 AND SUGU SAYING THE WORD “KNIGHT” SOUNDS SO PRETTY FROM YOUR LIPS AHHHHHHHH (he’s so down bad……… real)

a painting of a wolf, in the middle of the woods, empty armors and wilted sunflowers all around it. dragonflies and dragonflies, a knight just out of view.

- THE TIE IN BETWEEN SUGURU & THE READER’S DREAM. I’M SOBBING………. the wolf, armor, wilted sunflowers, dragonflies, & a knight out of view……… what if i cried this is so PRECIOUS like giving a painting to your beloved??? love how this ties back to the title of your fic too AHHHHHHHH

“i’ll treasure it,” he vows, meeting your eyes, voice dripping with warmth. hand on his heart, and you can’t even poke fun at it. ”always.”

- A VOW. he genuinely is so thankful and adoring of reader like i bet this is the first time anyone has ever gifted him something like this??? the hand on the heart like you KNOW he means it. “always.” the fact that reader won’t even make a joke bc they know how genuine and earnest he’s being oh i’m so soft

“i'm gonna frame it,” you repeat, eyes shining with sincerity. a little manic. “i’ll hang it on the wall of the castle hallway so everyone can see it. it’ll be there for centuries to come, passed down —” / “please don't —”

- MANIC!READER IN LOVE YAWPPPPPPP. PLEASENDNDNDND THEY’RE SO REAL LIKE OMFG LEMME MAKE SURE FUTURE GENERATIONS KNOW MY MAN’S TALENT! also it being a FOX sketch <333 NDNDNDMDMDNDNDND PLEANDNENDNDND. NOT THE “please don’t” HE WAS SCAREDDDD 😭😭😭

“if it was someone else — anyone else…” he trails off, tasting the words on his tongue. “i doubt i’d feel this way. i doubt i’d want to protect them as fervently.” his voice flows out like a river of gold, just a little scratchy. it always is, when it sounds this sincere. / “you’ve become precious to me,” he admits. “i can't remember what it felt like to not be yours.”

- SUGURUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU OH MY GODDDDDDD. THE CALLBACK TO WHEN READER FIRST ASKED THE QUESTION AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! omg ari your callbacks and cohesion of the storyline are A1 i’m shook…… ALSO SUGURU BEING SO HONEST that he’d only protect reader w such ferventness <333 river of gold and sincere ohhhh that’s so pretty <3 // “you’ve become precious to me,” “i can’t remember what it felt like to not be yours.” AND I JUST KNOW READER FEELS THE SAME WAY!!!!! their souls are tied i just KNOW it <3 p.s. you always have such amazing dialogue like you make it so REAL like it actually feels like real conversations that people have! you have a wonderful grasp on when to make jokes and when to make proclamations of love and they never sound corny or out of place like that’s a real TALENT

his tongue curls around a familiar set of syllables, and your name seeps from his lips like a prayer, a vow, a trickle of honey and wine. devotion sticks to his tongue, to the vowels, a heavy fondness — something devout. something you've only ever heard from the mouths of priests.

- HE SAID THEIR NAMEEEEEEEEEEE. “LIKE A PRAYER.” “HONEY AND WINE.” “DEVOTION STICKS TO HIS TONGUE.” “HEAVY FONDNESS — SOMETHING DEVOUT.” “SOMETHING YOU’VE ONLY EVER HEARD FROM THE MOUTHS OF PRIESTS.” OH MY GOD?/$/!/$/$/$$/&/: THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FUCKING WAY TO SAY SOMEONE’S NAME AND THE LITERAL DEPTH BEHIND IT. THE REVERENCE. LIKENING IT TO SCRIPTURE??? MY GOODNESS.

“i promise,” he whispers, fingers intertwining with your own. a perfect puzzle piece, a functional clockwork. lifting your hand, bringing his glossy lips to your knuckle; where they belong. ”until death tears me away from you.”

- AN OATH A PROMISE A VOW A DEVOUT WORD! BACK TO THE CLOCKWORK TOO AHHHH I LOVE THE TIE IN! AND NOW HE KISSES THEIR KNUCKLES W GLOSSY LIPS. not even death can tear him away from reader he won’t let it <3

his lips meet the crown of your head. it’s not much, but it’s a start. and it’s tender, tender enough to get you choked up, to get you to close your eyes to stop any tears from forming. because one person in this kingdom understands you, and he tells you that he’ll never leave. and you think you can actually find it in you to believe him. 

- I’M GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYY. THE SOFT KISS. THE TENDERNESS. AT THE CROWN OF YOUR HEAD IDK IF YOU MEANT IT THIS WAY BUT I LOVE THAT THE “CROWN” ALSO CAN WORK FOR THEIR ACTUAL HEAD AND THEN ALSO IN THE FUTURE OF THEM AS A ROYAL! “because one person in this kingdom understands you, and he tells you that he’ll never leave. and you think you can actually find it in you to believe him.” SUGURU HAS THEIR BACK AND READER HAS HIS. HE UNDERSTANDS THEM!!!!!!! I SOBBED

“you can sleep, if you’d like,” is whispered against your hair. soft, soothing, his palm on your spine. “i’ve got you. always.”

- “i’ve got you, always.” my goodness he’s so fond and in love i can feel the honey seep through his words

your favorite knight, always and forever, a sword at his hip that was forged to protect you. or so he’ll tell you, years from now, when he’s got you in his lap, when there isn’t any need for him to act anymore.

- KDKDKDKDKDKDKDKSKSKSKD CAN I GET A HELL FUCKING YEAH FOR THE KING MOST LIKELY KICKING THE BUCKET! NO NEED FOR HIM TO ACT ANYMORE……… IS READER NOW THE KINGDOM LEADER??? also sitting in suguru’s lap hehehe i’m giggling twirling my hair kicking my feet 👉🏼👈🏼

and you dream a perfect dream. a dream of a wolf, and a fox, and a garden of stars.

- WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WAY TO END IT :’) wolf, fox, & a garden of stars and they wouldn’t wanna have it any other way <3 OMG ARI THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL

ari this was seriously such a beautiful story i’m so in love w the way that you took the story!!!!!! i love how you characterized each character and how you gave them depth - even the side characters! the child, king, maid, TOJI & HAIBARA MY LOVE & MY BESTIE <333 and OF COURSE. reader was so fucking fun i actually ADORED their personality omg one of the most fun characters methinks <3 and suguru OBVIOUSLY he can be written anyway and i’ll eat it up but you wrote him w such care and fondness i absolutely LOVED IT!!!!!! your imagery prose scene-setting dialogue ALL of it was so amazing and your cohesion throughout the whole storyline was so fkn good!!!! AHHHHHHHH i truly am at a loss for words rn <3 THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS FIC!!!!!!! sorry this got so long but you made me clinically insane idk friend <3 make sure to rest up and give yourself some well-deserved me-time!!!!! SUGURU WOULD LOVE THIS 🩷

the paint doesn't move the way the light reflects ; suguru geto

synopsis; when the king puts you under the supervision of a dashing knight, you promise to make his job as difficult as possible. unfortunately, suguru geto is the patient sort.

word count; 21.1k (this accidentally turned into a novella idk how it happened nobody look at me :’3 this is a love letter to sugu ok…)

contents; suguru geto/reader, gn!reader, knight!sugu x royalty!reader, royalty au (not accurate to any time period ever), technically a bodyguard au, slowburn, reader is a brat and suguru likes it a little more than he should, reader also has thinly veiled daddy issues, protective sugu :3, he goes feral in one part (descriptions of violence and bloodshed), reader gets briefly kidnapped lol, very fluffy overall though!!, includes shifting povs & time-skips, also lots and lots of devotion, knight!sugu is real & beautiful & loves you specifically <33

a/n; HAPPY late BDAY SUGU MY BABY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE this fic has been in the works for a WHILE now and means a lot to me much like sugu himself :’3 dedicated to my beloved @kissxcore for infecting me w this concept & also my dear @mossmurdock for bringing knight!sugu into my life, both of u have made the brainrot infinitely worse and i will never be free (and ofc @softgirlgonehaywire & @dollsuguru & @jtkys for being the sweetest always) I LOVE U ALL!!!!!!!!

like most things, it begins and ends with a dream.

images form in the depths of your subconscious, wild and vivid, splattering on the canvas of your mind. a dream of cold metal, dark thickets, iron-scented skin — and a knight. 

(or… a wolf?)

before you is a small clearing. trees sprout from the rugged grounds, blooming proudly, clogging up the wool-coated sky. all around you lie empty, discarded suits of armor, dirty with rust and something that smells of death. wilted sunflowers stumble under their own weight, and dragonflies buzz in a frenzy, manic, driven to hysteria. in the distance you think you hear the shrieking of ravens.

and there’s a knight, just ahead, tall and imposing, covered in steel from head to toe. holding a blinding sword, facing the sky, doing nothing to stop the pitter patter of raindrops ricocheting off his burganet. you stand by the entrance of the woods, and watch him in silence. 

he looks a little lonely. 

and in comes the wolf. gracious, growling, big and bad, snarling and showing off the white of its fangs. dragging its claws against the ground, unruly fur ruffled by the harsh breeze; widening its maw, a silent fury on its tongue. from this angle, it looks a little like a grin.

the wolf begins to chase the knight. or maybe it’s the knight chasing the wolf — you can’t really tell. they run in circles around each other, like the sun and the moon, an orbit of violence, matching their steps. almost in harmony — almost, but not quite, because suddenly they’re closing in on you, great and ugly, beasts wearing different hides, and —

and that’s when you wake up.

”your highness!” 

a groan pushes past your lips, groggy with fatigue, and your eyelids flicker open like the drawing of a flimsy curtain. a series of mismatched little blinks, until your vision clears. 

above you waits a familiar face; impatient. one of the maids, your foggy brain tells you. and she isn’t pleased.

but all you do is drag your limbs up to cover your pillow-creased face, sluggishly, muttering beneath your breath. ”a wolf…”

silence. 

the maid tilts her head, with a furrow of her brows. 

”… excuse me?”

”there was a wolf,” you echo, a dreamy exhale muffled against the skin of your palm. stifling a yawn. ”and a guy… he was cool.” 

she sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. settling back into her usual rhythm. mildy berating. ”did you have another one of your dreams?” she asks, a little irritated, and for a second you think you hear a tick-tock ticking down. ”at any rate — you need to get up. the king and queen demand your presence.”

ah. of course.

a huff, displeased, even as you force yourself into a sitting position. stretching your limbs like a grumpy feline. ”demands…” you murmur, a click of your tongue. ”they think they can just wake me up whenever they want? at the crack of dawn?”

”it’s 11 a.m, your highness.”

”early as hell,” you rasp, willfully tuning out her murmur of mind your language. letting your legs hang off the bed. ”what do they want, anyway?”

following your silent cue, she hums, walking towards the edge of the room. picking up your discarded blouse, and bringing it to you. ”i was told it was of utmost importance,” is all she says, lifting the fabric as if getting ready to dress you.

”i can do that myself,” you hiss, snatching the white silk from her outstretched hands. as always, she does nothing but sigh, sigh, sigh. it’s all they ever do. ”i’m not a toddler.”

from your position, still cozied up in bed, on messy sheets and fluffy pillows — you can see the view beyond your translucent window’s glass. a sky so gray it’s almost comforting, dark clouds forming in the distance, silently ruminating. when the maid pushes it open, and a cold breeze slips through the gap, you can smell the rain; heavy, earthy, daffodils and oak wood. in the distance, sunflower fields seek shelter from the downpour. 

but your eyes remain glued to the woods. far ahead, but still close enough to see — the woods you long for. the ones you’ll never get to see up close. 

a bitter taste blooms on your tongue. 

(spitefully, your teeth sink into the tender flesh of your bottom lip.)

”fine,” comes a heavy sigh, ruefully resigned. forcing yourself into compliancy. before you can change your mind, you hop off the mattress, running your fingers through tousled strands of hair. ”i’ll go see them.”

and she brightens, visibly, disapproving frown smoothed away with the breeze. for now. ”thank you. they are worried, i’ll have you know.”

a scoff, as you cross the threshold of your private quarters. humorous. ”i bet they are.” 

”your highness,” she calls, following close behind. her tone is reprimanding, now; you will yourself not to shrink. ”we almost lost you.”

”i almost got kidnapped,” you huff. ”not the same thing.”

again, that exasperated sigh. it’s a wonder her lungs haven’t run out of air. ”do you have any idea who that man was?” 

the question makes your mind still. shifting gears, a clockwork coming to life, repeating it inside your head — do you have any idea who that man was? 

”… he was hot.”

sigh. you hear it before it comes, and raise your lips on instinct. 

”no, i mean it!” you ensure her, throwing a fleeting glance behind you. ”he just had that rugged look about him, you know? the scar and everything…” a blissful little exhale, as you gush over your would-be killer. ”what a waste. if only he had gotten away.”

”with you in tow?” the maid quips, raising a brow. her words are steeped in irony.

”of course!” another disapproving glance. ”i mean, did you see those biceps —”

”behave.”

with a flutter of your puffy sleeves, you turn around to face her. and ah — there it is. the hardness of her jaw, those frosty pupils, the impending signs of her dwindling patience. you can see it, hear it, that eerie tick-tock signaling the breaching of her limit. all humans have one; a clockwork heart, of sorts, ticking down to the moment they run out of leftover kindness to give unruly heirs. 

over the years, you’ve gotten expertly good at making the clock tick quicken. a skill you’re very proud of.

”and what if i don’t?” you bite back, just barely restraining your growing grin. delighted at the attention. ”he had nice biceps! what, am i not allowed to tell the truth?”

and the tick-tock quickens. she stills, just behind you, hands on her hips. frustration bubbling beneath her sharp syllables. ”my god, you are impossible today!”

for a moment, you stop to look at her. weighing your options. should you reel it back in, try and appease her? or keep pushing? the answer, as always, is push. it’s all you’ll ever do.

so you turn on your heel, and take a step forward, a spiteful grin curved into your lips. ”deal with it, or leave.” a beat. ”i don’t remember asking you to accompany me.”

before you round the corner, your ears pick up on one final harsh sigh. she makes no move to follow you.

(hmph.)

”where is your maid?”

in front of you stands a throne, proud and luxurious, polished marble, two seats right next to each other. the quarters of the royal pair are the same as always, vivid paintings hanging from every wall in sight, wolf pelts thrown over tables and windowsills. the scent of dried lavender seeps through the air, suffocating you. 

and, of course, the king. speaking to you with the same judgemental voice as always; one you’ve grown painfully accustomed to. 

”i wanted her to get me breakfast,” is the lie you decide on, finely tailored in white. just to make sure she doesn’t get into any actual trouble. ”you didn’t exactly give me time to eat any.”

the king sighs, mild disappointment laced into the breath. nothing new. when he says your name, it comes out sounding like a bad joke. ” — you aren’t a child anymore. one day you’ll be ruling this kingdom; forcing the maids to do your bidding won’t win you any favours.” 

”mhm.” absently, you fidget with the sleeves of your blouse. not quite listening. ”so, what did you want? it’s not often i’m allowed here.”

an evil glint shines in your eyes, for a moment. you cast a meaningful glance at the maid by your father’s side — his personal favorite. 

”don’t you have, ah…” you taste the words on your tongue. ”more pressing matters to attend to?”

he doesn’t flinch. as always, he pretends not to know that you know — that everyone knows. 

yet he still gives you that cold, cold look, colder than the howls of wind beyond the castle walls, cold enough to send a shiver down your spine. it makes you want to push, push, push. break the clockwork in half.

but he’s wise enough to follow your lead. “let me get to the point, then,” he cranes his neck, showing off the fox pelt snug around his shoulders. ”the queen and i thought it best to hire a new knight for you.”

you blink. eyelashes fluttering. all you can hear is the pitter patter of rain against the windowpane. 

then you groan.

”another one?” you whine, barely resisting the urge to stomp your feet on the floor. ”please, no. it’s such a pain getting rid of them. you know they won’t last long!”

”we aren’t talking about any ordinary knight,” he tuts, as monotone as ever. ignoring your little temper tantrum. ”after what happened with toji zenin, we aren’t taking any chances.”

you tilt your head. confused, for a moment. ”toji?” the gears of your mind turn, clicking into place; zenin. a family of assassins, a man with a scar on his bottom lip. ”ohhh — the hottie.”

your father pretends not to hear you. 

”it was a close call,” he hums, and you muster the strength not to crack another joke about his biceps. it takes restraint. ”we need someone who can protect you properly. indefinitely, from even the stealthiest of assassins. so…”

your eyes meet his. gazes overlapping, the same colour, one above and one below. he’s always, always towered over you. for as long as you remember. 

that is what royalty means — absolute dominion. 

(it makes you want to curl into a ball.)

”today, you’ll be meeting with the greatest knight.” he says the words with an odd sense of pride, an inner satisfaction. ”he’ll be here any moment. i thought it best for you to get acquainted as soon as possible.”

a moment passes. you’re broken out of your bout of compliance, like a rubber band snapping. a clock tick quickening. ”wait, what?” you gape. ”father —”

”your majesty.” 

…

the correction is stern. gritting your teeth, you force the words from out your throat. ”… your majesty,” there’s a slight grumble to your voice, ”what the hell? now? i haven’t even —”

”you have no choice in this matter,” he cuts you off. coldly, coldly, coldly. ”behave, and there won’t be any complications.”

behave.

behave, behave, behave. it’s all they ever want from you.

(you might as well be a pet.)

the queen is silent, as always. eerily so, not saying a word, like a puppet on a string. she hasn’t looked you in the eye even once so far, not even a passing glance. not like you’d expect her to. her clockwork heart stopped beating for you a long time ago. 

automatons, the both of them. making decisions for you, like there isn’t a sliver of rational thought in your brain. how irritating.

you’re just about to part your lips, when —

”… am i interrupting?”

you still.

a velvety voice. silky, smooth, tailored by the finest seamstress — tucked between the slightest raspy vowel, a hint of something deeper. it sounds like honey, wine, a molten mass of spring clouds. 

the king ahead of you brightens, suddenly, lips curling up into a smile. it looks almost warm; you didn’t know he was capable of making that kind of expression. ”ah, suguru!” he calls out to the source of the noise. ”no, certainly not. forgive me for the short notice.”

when you turn around, you see a knight.

he’s beautiful. gorgeous, even. fair skin, sharp facial features, no scars to be seen. a sword hangs in a scabbard by his hip, and he’s wearing a set of armor, still glistening with the aftermaths of the rain beating down outside. his hair cascades down the metal like a black river, loose and silky, a single strand obscuring his pretty face. and his eyes are a soothing shade of brown; you’re almost certain they’d look warm, if there was any sunlight to engulf them. as it is, in the shadow of a murky spring morning, they’re a dark cedar, almost obsidian. but they look kind. 

and they’re fixed on the king. he’s smiling, too, a dangerous little tilt. disgustingly charming. he hangs his head in a bow, hand on his heart — reverent.

(ah. he’s one of those knights.)

”my king,” the strange knight greets, tongue wrapping around the vowels like a dragon curling around a pile of gold. ”not at all. i’m always grateful for an opportunity to see you.”

(oh god. it’s even worse than you thought.)

”i should say the same of you,” the king echoes, with a warmth that you’re wholly unaccustomed to. your stomach churns, swirling with discomfort. ”our nation’s pride and joy.”

the knight chuckles; muffled by his closed fist. he’s feigning embarrassment, you can tell. ”you flatter me,” he purrs, words flowing smoothly from his lips. too smoothly. ”i’m simply doing my duty as one of your subjects. but, needless to say — i’m honoured to have earned your respect.”

finally, his gaze shifts to you. and you think he must notice how disgusted you are, the reproach you feel for him, that silent contempt. because you aren’t trying to hide it; it’s there, clear as day, in the crease of your brow, your frosty pupils. lips pursed, like they’re aching to bare and to bite.

but he continues to smile. warm, still, like a mellow summer breeze. a well of pizzicato drops.

you feel a little nauseous.

”ah, and you must be the royal heir?” a tilt of his head, knowing. a shimmer of recognition painted in those ashen eyes. ”or should i say…. my liege.” 

he walks towards you, in long strides, slow and steady, only to get down on one knee. ew. ”forgive me; my name is suguru geto. your knight, from this day forth.” his palm unfurls, cedar eyes crinkling with feigned endearment. holding it out towards the subject of his newfound devotion. ”i’m delighted to finally meet you.”

(suguru geto. you’ve heard of him, of course. who hasn’t?)

his hand stills in the air, waiting patiently for yours; to bring it to his glossy lips. but you don’t do anything. nothing, other than studying his smile, picture perfect, tailor-made, sweet enough to melt on your tongue. so sweet you know it must be at least a little bit fake — the smile of a liar. 

it’s a smile you know well.

so you mimic it, a bitter glint in your eyes, only for your hands to retreat to your pockets. and out comes a purr. ”you’re a bad actor.”

silence. the knight doesn’t flinch, not even close, but he blinks, a flutter of his dark eyelashes. like a raven taking flight. that everlasting smile never falters, but for just a second, a clock-tick or two, you swear you catch the slightest hint of something flickering through his keen iris.

interest?

”forgive them, suguru,” the king is quick to chip in, finally stepping down from his throne to join you on the floor. the queen doesn’t move, but she gives suguru a fond smile, and it makes your grimace deepen. ”they woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning. and they’re a bit of a problem child — i’m sure you’ve heard.”

that makes you snicker, silently. maybe just a little bit smug. you’re sure it must be a headache for him to deal with.

”i can’t say i haven’t,” suguru chuckles, raising himself up from the marble floor. your smile falls. ”but it’s not an issue. i understand.”

he looks at you, really looks at you, and you give him an unimpressed stare. wholly disinterested. trying not to squirm under his scrutiny. 

”i’m sure it must feel suffocating — being under this kind of supervision.” he gives you a tilt of his head, strands of charcoal following the movement. smooth, like a waltz, one you didn’t agree to. ”isn’t it?”

ah. the sympathy card.

before you can answer, he bows; hand on his heart. knights and their rituals. ”i’m at your service, my liege. if i make you uncomfortable, at any point, just tell me.” once more, he meets your gaze, a sincerity in his own — reserved just for you. ”really.”

… ugh.

to your right comes a pleased voice, deep and satisfied, as self-affirming as ever. ”i knew i could entrust them to you,” the king speaks, placing a palm on your shoulder. you try not to flinch. ”aren’t you grateful? this handsome, kind man is all yours.”

a sharp scoff is all you can muster, nails digging into the skin of your palm. but suguru only chuckles, good-natured.

they continue to speak, about this and that. you tune out most of it, caught up in preparing for the long headache ahead. sure, you’re an expert at getting knights to quit, but it takes time. weeks, sometimes, just to make them finally crack, push and push until their patience reaches its limit. and suguru seems resilient. more than anything, he seems thoroughly loyal to the king; that really doesn’t bode well for you.

but before you can formulate a step-by-step guide to making his job a living hell, the sound of your name snaps you out of your trance.

it’s the king, of course, as always. you hate that you still instinctively respond to his call. like an obedient puppy. ”show suguru to your quarters. he’ll be accompanying you indefinitely, from now on. don't give him any trouble.” his voice finally sounds cold again; a warning. ”i’ll hear about it.”

(indefinitely.)

a moment passes. then you sigh, deep and heavy, haphazardly hiding a roll of your eyes. ”yeah, yeah, yeah,” you cross your arms. ”i got it.”

suguru meets your furrowed brows with something gentle, a soothing little smile. offering his arm, for you to hold on to. knights and their rituals. ”shall we?”

but you brush past him. stubborn in your independence, in your desire to make this as discomforting for him as it is for you. ”follow me,” is all you say, a dissatisfied huff. loud enough to pick up on.

to your great displeasure, he matches your hurried pace. side by side, as you walk down the halls, the clicking of his shoes echoing against the marble. a shadow you can’t shine away; one that’ll stay with you indefinitely. you feel his gaze burn into you.

”my lord.”

”don’t talk to me,” you sigh, sharp like the sword by his hip. a low click of your tongue. ”just so you know, i didn’t agree to this.”

”that was my question, actually,” he grins, ever so slightly. fingertips tapping against his scabbard. ”i am sorry, you know. i meant what i said — i’m sure it’s difficult for you.” he casts you another one of those meaningful glances, a meaning you have no intention of discerning. ”but i have my orders.”

you bite back a laugh. ”you guys love those, huh?” when you turn your head to face him, still walking forward, he’s met with a taunting smirk. ”your little orders.”

but his smile doesn’t falter. damn.

”not a fan of knights?” he asks, instead, a playful lilt to his syrupy voice. coaxing, accommodating. infuriating.

”nope.” your footsteps quicken — but he keeps up, effortlessly. curse those abnormally long legs. ”you’re all just bootlickers. especially you.”

”oh?”

”don’t oh? me,” you snap, practically growling, ”like you weren’t seconds away from making out with the king back there. it’s all so fake.” the comment makes the corners of his lip quirk up, but you don’t turn around to see it. ”now that you’re alone with me, you’re already acting way less uptight, see?”

he hums. ”i figured it’d make you feel more at ease.”

”god, will you just cut it out?” a hiss breaks out of your throat, sharp and exasperated. tired, drained. you just want to go back to sleep. ”quit acting like you care about what i think. you’ll do whatever the king asks of you — that’s all you really care about.”

suguru stays silent, this time. matching your steps, observing you silently, out of the corner of his eye. the frown on your lips, the crease between your brows. etching them into his memory. you’re pissed, that much he can tell. and you definitely, definitely don’t like him. 

(”you’re a bad actor.”)

the knight comes to a standstill. parting his lips, enough for his voice to flow through, silken sheets and molten honey. a raspy tilt he tries his best to hide.

but his words carry a sincerity he could never fake. 

”from now on, i serve you.”

when the clicking of his shoes against cold marble flooring fades away, you halt. turning around, hesitantly, quirking a questioning brow. rain beats on beyond the window to your left, flicking against the glass, droplets clinging to the translucent surface. marigold petals kiss the windows in a flurry of cream and orange, fluttering about with the harsh bites of the wind, carried from the castle’s orchard. the endless hallway you find yourselves in smells of rainwater and spring.

suguru looks steadfast, where he’s standing, immovable. a little like a pillar of salt. when he speaks it sounds like he’s reciting a scripture.

”i’m loyal to the king. i have to follow his orders.” 

there’s something about his words that you can’t quite pinpoint. is it guilt or pride? ”but i am at your service. certain things are set in stone, but not others. i’ll let you decide how this goes.”

the hallway goes silent. he smiles, again, smaller this time. somehow more genuine.

”from now on, i’m your knight.” the pitter patter of rain mashes with the steady beating of a clock; rhythmic, soothing, a lullaby of rust and time. ”that’s all. i won’t be anything else.”

you stare. lips pursed, awaiting a clarification, but it doesn’t come. he’s giving you time to respond.

(he’s your knight, now. indefinitely yours.)

an inhale. the clock hands of your heart begin to move. ”in that case,” you exhale, lips curling up into a taunting smile. pleased with yourself. ”i promise to be the most insufferable lord a knight has ever had. i won’t make your job easy for you.”

and suguru only chuckles. raspy, like the bark of a tree, claw marks on the ground. ”good,” he grins, eyes rich with mirth, golden pears hanging off the branches. ”i wouldn’t have it any other way.”

he looks sincere. sounds sincere. all you do is blink, a sense of frustration nibbling at your heart, but the knight before you doesn’t falter. he only offers his arm to you, once more; a silent step towards reconciliation.

you watch him, silently. 

then you’re turning on your heel, swiftly, a low grumble at the base of your throat. ignoring him and his offer, walking towards your room with irritated steps that fade as you turn the corner.

behind you, suguru’s smile only grows.

”good morning, your highness.”

blinking sleepily, still regaining your ability to form coherent thoughts, all you can do is stare. studying the figure above you, towering over your half-asleep form, the deadpan expression on your face.

black hair, and amber eyes. a disgustingly charming smile. 

the gears of your mind finally click into place.

a whine flows from your lips, meek and disapproving, and you roll over to your side. pulling the covers over your head, as if to protect you from the existence of your newly hired knight. so it wasn’t just a bad dream.

but he doesn’t fade away, like an apparition. he stays right by your bed, crouching down next to it. you feel the weight of the mattress shift when he rests his elbow on the cushion. ”still too early?” he asks, soft enough not to grate your sensitive ears. ”i was told you usually get up around this time…”

a muffled groan. ”leave.”

”i’m afraid i can’t,” he hums, but you don’t sense much remorse. ”i’m not supposed to let you out of my sight for more than brief intervals at a time… that’s one thing i can’t compromise on.”

”i don’t care,” you whine, petulant. tightening your grip on the blanket surrounding you, desperate to savour the leftovers of your fuzzy dreams. ”’m not getting up…”

a click of his tongue. quiet, contemplative. until he decides on a course of action.

”would you like me to bring you breakfast, then?”

…

slowly, your eyes flicker open, consciousness beginning to stir. the tasty temptation rouses you from your half-slumber, ever so slightly; because he sounds sincere. he sounds like he really will bring you breakfast, if you just give him the order. 

it’s tempting. dangerously so. 

(how long has it been since one of the maids actually bothered to serve you breakfast?)

”… whatever,” you croak, finally. weighing the value of your own response — putting effort into not sounding too excited. (but you are.) ”sure. do what you want, just let me sleep.”

a relieved little breath slips from suguru’s lips, as he watches the lump under the blanket stir. ”alright,” he breathes. ”what would you like, my lord?”

(suddenly, you get an idea.)

a smug grin crawls up to rest on your lips, fresh mischief on your mind. ”figure it out yourself,” you chirp, awfully pleased with yourself. 

silence. 

then, you hear him hum — rising to his feet with a quiet groan. ”understood,” he quips. ”i’ll be back as soon as possible, your highness.”

when you hear the creaking of the door, as he steps over the threshold, you barely restrain the urge to kick your legs in victory. now he’s sure to get you the wrong breakfast; and then you can be as difficult as you please, demanding something else, over and over. an ungrateful, spoiled little brat. that’ll definitely make him quit. 

— sadly, it seems you were underestimating him. just a tiny, tiny bit.

before you, on a silver tray, lays a wide variety of breakfast foods. everything from syrupy pancakes and buttery croissants to neatly cut sandwiches and porridge, slices of fruit and fresh lemonade, coffee with cream and sugar, tiny jars of marmalade and jam. sparkling, glittering, begging to be devoured. handmade, you can tell, meticulously crafted by someone who knows what they’re doing. with a gulp, you attempt not to openly salivate — you had no clue the kitchen workers were this talented. 

for just a moment, you’re entirely speechless. he really went ahead and got you some of everything.

stumbling for the right words, any words, the only thing that escapes your throat is a meek huff. meant to sound displeased, but coming out just a little awestruck. ”this is… way, way too much. are you insane?”

he only shrugs. a sweet smile on his lips, sharp jaw resting on the heel of his palm. ”well, you wouldn’t give me any specifics,” he reminds you, a bit too smug for your liking. ”just eat what you like. i’ll keep your preferences in mind.”

you want to protest, want to put up a fight. want to resist his charms, his little peace offering.

but your stomach growls, suddenly. loud enough that you’re sure he hears it, but you don’t turn around to see any silent laughter — just picking up the fork, embarrassed, eager to just get rid of the ache in your gut. eager to get a taste of the delicacies in front of you. with hesitance, you cut into one of the fluffy pancakes, slathered with syrup, trying to ignore his expectant gaze. biting into it with your eyes closed.

when the sweet taste curls around your tongue, you physically feel yourself perk up. letting your eyes flutter open, your eyebrows raised, a sweetness that makes you sit up straighter. it practically melts in your mouth, honeyed and buttery, and it takes all your willpower to withhold a blissed out little sigh. 

it must be evident, on your features. because suguru sounds amused when he asks; ”good?”

”... better than usual, i guess.”

despite your half-assed attempt at hiding how pleased you are, his ever-present smile extends. ”oh, really?” he leans back in his chair, right next to the bed. exhaling in relief. ”i’m glad. i was worried my cooking wouldn’t be to your tastes.”

…

you pale.

silently, both awestruck and horrified, you look up to meet his teasing gaze. ”wait. you…” a pause. silent, palpable, dreading his answer. ”… made this?” 

”yes.”

another pause. 

”… like. all of it?”

”mhm.”

your gaze falls down to seek solace in your lap. avoiding his own, biting down on your lip, not quite enough to sting. fuck — you accidentally complimented his handmade breakfast. not off to a great start.

wallowing in your silent loss, you simply dig in; desperate to savour it, despite the lingering taste of failure on your tongue. once you’ve sipped the last of your coffee, foamy and rich, the knight to your right speaks up.

”so, your highness,” he begins. tactful, careful. clearing his throat. ”now that you’ve woken up a bit… and, forgive me if i’m overstepping, but —” he searches for your guarded gaze, playing with the beginnings of a smile. ”i was thinking it’d be good for us to get to know each other better.”

”ugh.”

a chuckle — seriously, does nothing offend this man? — flits past his lips. ”oh, don’t be like that, your highness. don’t you think it —”

”cut it out.” you shoot him a glare, voice set to a shivering tilt. ”stop acting like some perfect servant. it’s so obvious you’re playing it up.” a tiny huff, as you pop an apple slice into your mouth. ”makes me sick.”

”… right. you called my acting bad, before.”

”it is,” you nod, a mocking imitation on your tongue. eyes fluttering shut as you bring a hand to your chest. ”oooh, look at me, i’m so humble and loyal! why, of course i don’t mind being summoned with no prior notice! would you like me to lick your shoes, my sweet king?”

and, honestly, you expect him to get at least a little bit angry. the last guy certainly was.

but suguru laughs, suddenly, from the bottom of his gut — a genuine sound. sunshine spilling from his lips, amusement laced together with the octaves. his eyes are crinkled at the edges, like the leaves of a golden ginkgo tree. ”okay, okay,” he puts his hands up, as if readying for a smooth surrender. still amused. ”i’ll try to be more… unguarded, then. would that satisfy you?”

you give him a look. 

he returns it with a smile. ”i’ll take that as a yes,” is all he croons, reaching a hand out. it hangs still in the air, waiting patiently for a response. a familiar sight.

you blink. looking at it, silently, as if trying to solve a puzzle in the pattern of his fingertips. 

then you sigh. ”for the last time, i’m not letting you kiss my hand, you —”

”a handshake,” he cuts you off. soft, a tilt of his head; awfully charming. reassuring you. ”no kissing involved.”

a handshake.

(come to think of it, you don’t think anyone’s ever tried to shake your hand before. it’s something you see other people do; maids, knights, butlers. people on equal ground with each other.)

after a moment of silence, you avert your gaze. there’s a slight, slight flush to your cheeks, one you hope stays hidden from his keen eyes. you grumble, intent on not appeasing him. ”… i’m not shaking your hand, either.”

suguru quirks a brow, smile yet to fall, waiting a few moments more until he gives in. ”you are difficult,” he chuckles, and it sounds almost pleased. ”kento was right.”

kento? now, why does that sound familiar…? 

”— but that’s okay. i look forward to getting to know you better, either way.” his hand retreats to his lap, pliant. ”eventually.”

”that’s not happening.”

”oh?” you swear that smile of his grows, just a little. a man who enjoys a good challenge. humming, closing his eyes for a brief second, switching tactics as if shifting gears. ”then, tell me — is there anything you’d like to know about me?”

hell no, is what you want to say. and you almost, almost do. eager to move one step ahead of him, stubborn in your desire to scare him off.

but then you remember the tale.

so you still, ever so slightly, and suguru leans forward. by a hair, noticing your expression, maybe, the curiosity simmering in your veins. seeping out, little by little, and even though you know you shouldn’t — you just can’t resist the temptation to ask…

”… is it true?”

he tilts his head.

”the … you know.” you move your hands, a bit, as if hoping they’ll say the words for you. they don’t. ”your sword. did you really…” a pause, as your eager gaze trails down to his hip, the scabbard attached to his belt. and then a gulp. 

”… pull it out of a stone?”

a series of silent blinks. then suguru chuckles — dripping with fresh amusement, a glimmer of teeth behind his lips. ”oh, so you’ve heard?”

and, like a pair of shooting stars, your eyes flicker over to meet his. almost gleaming with newfound excitement, a little erratic. ”is — is it true?”

”it’s an old folktale,” he’s quick to intercept. ”gets said about basically every great knight… or, what the public deems as good, anyhow.”

(ah. the humble facade slipped away.)

in a matter of seconds, you seem to deflate, slumping back until your spine meets the headboard. sulking silently. ”so you didn't pull your sword out of a rock?” you huff, mood souring again, a lemony flavour in your veins. ”lame.”

”stone,” he corrects, unperturbed. ”and i'm afraid not.” he gives you another one of his placating smiles, barely concealed amusement swimming in his amber eyes. ”i pulled mine from an oak tree.”

…

”wait, really?”

the gleam in your eyes is back. suguru almost, almost feels bad.

”depends,” he quips, shooting you a lazy grin. ”how gullible are you, my lord?”

(... oh. he was teasing you.)

an embarrassed heat crawls up your neck, rooting itself into the column of your throat, and all you can do to distract him from it is to scoff. sharply, as if hoping just the sound will be enough to cut into his smooth skin. ”whatever.”

suguru continues to smile, crows’ feet by his eyes, something deliberate in his silent stare. so you stumble for something, anything to say.

”also, can you quit the my lord stuff?” you settle on, taking a shallow sip of the lemonade. sour and sweet, nice and chilled on your tongue. ”it’s creepy.”

he blinks. a flutter of his dark lashes, fingers tapping at his bended knee. he looks contemplative, for a moment. ”does it make you uncomfortable?” he asks, tilting his head. ”i can stick to my liege, if that’s better. just say the word.” 

”god, you’re so annoying,” you groan, licking the lemony residue off your lips. ”just use my name.”

suddenly, suguru stills. fingertips frozen, for a moment, no longer tapping at his thigh. he traps his bottom lip between his teeth, a hesitant hum crawling up the confines of his throat. 

”that….” he trails off, thumb absentmindedly smoothing over the leather of his scabbard. ”seems a little much.”

when you turn to look at him, he seems a little put off. uncomfortable, maybe — or just caught off guard? it’s hard to get a read on him. for someone who smiles so often, his emotions don’t appear very bright.

a pang of something grasps onto your clockwork heart, and a frown pulls at your bottom lip. frustration gnawing at your veins. ”you’re here to service me, aren’t you?” you ask, with a shallow huff. ”just do as i say.”

”well, i still have my boundaries.” suguru leans back, crossing his legs, gazing at you with slightly lidded eyes. ”and, on paper — i’m only here to protect you. the servicing is my own choice.” 

a very, very judgemental look. he returns it with a tug of his lips. 

”… you really do like being ordered around, don’t you?”

suguru shrugs. playful. ”makes me feel needed,” he purrs, watching you wolf down the breakfast he made.

once you’ve had your fill, he’s quick to gather the silver tray in his steady arms, and you do your very best to hold back from thanking him for the meal. it aches a little, but you can’t give in — you don’t have a choice. you can’t allow yourself to be anything other than the most ungrateful, annoying royal in the kingdom.

anything to snap his clockwork heart in half.

— a week passes with no particular developments. you try your damndest to bother him, but suguru is stubborn. stubborn enough that you’re starting to doubt he’ll ever leave you alone, no matter how much you ignore him, or hiss at him, or whine at him to make you an annoyingly specific assortment of breakfast foods.

he never stops smiling, no matter how bothersome you’re being. the tick-tock of his patience remains unbroken. 

(so for now, you figure you’ll just have to adjust.)

a sense of contentment simmers in the open air, when suguru knocks at your door, waiting for a groan and a grouchy come in. it takes you a few moments longer to respond than what he’s used to, and he notes that you sound a little less irritated when you do.

as he steps over the threshold, bowing his head instinctevely, he’s met with the sight of you fully immersed. holding a paintbrush between your fingers, lifting it, movements delicate, self-assured. like it comes to you without thinking. you’re seated right by the window, enough for the would-be daylight to flicker in. as it stands, the weather is still sour. 

he walks up to you, as always, never more than a few steps away.

and, for a moment, all he does is watch you. silently, as you dip your brush in smeary cobalt paint, a splatter of colour on the white canvas. melting together with the indigo and obsidian. there’s a certain rhythm to it, a kind of dance between you and your mind and the painting in front of you — not even close to being finished. a dip of your brush blooms into a jaw, a flick of your wrist into a set of fangs. cobalt cream and silvery edges, an imitation of what you saw in your sleep. murky, blurry, a dream-like clearing in the woods. 

as you work, a sense of relaxation smooths along your sinuses. coaxing you into breathing out, into letting your clenched jaw rest for a while. turning all your irritation into brushstrokes. into a hungry, hungry wolf. 

finally, your knight opts to break the silence.

”you’re quite talented.” 

it’s an earnest comment. filled with respect, not the idle flattery you’re so used to. and despite yourself, you can’t help but grin — glowing a little beneath the praise. prideful, smug, almost giddy. he watches intently as your expression shifts, as those fleeting flickers of joy dance along the contours of your cheekbones. as you lap up his praise like the chamomile tea he served you this morning.

suguru smiles. you have a cute side, he thinks. for no more than a mere moment, he finally feels as if he’s getting somewhere; getting closer to breaking that thorny, thorny shell of yours. closer to meeting the little lamb beneath the wolf’s hide.

but your mind quickly catches up to your body, realizing that your lips are curled up into a pleased smile, and you clench your jaw again. mindful not to let him see it. painting makes you far too careless, too unguarded; you have to be mean.

stuck in a bout of frustration, you put a little too much force into the motion of your fingers, a small slip of the hand. but that’s all it takes. suddenly, the smooth, calm sea of fur on the canvas turns violent, a little more unruly, and you withhold a wince. doing your best to mend the damage. flick, flick, across the canvas, as if to appease the hungry wolf. 

from behind you, a tiny exhale. laced with a kind of stifled amusement, one that makes you snap your jaw in his direction. brows knitted in anger.

”what?”

suguru clears his throat. ”nothing, my liege,” he hides a smile behind his knuckle. eyes gliding across the murky smear of fangs and fur, interest piqued. ”i’m just curious… why a wolf?”

a huff. briefly, you consider ignoring him, but….

(something in his tone convinces you not to.)

”… i saw one,” you admit, absently, staring at the blue and gray of the canvas. flick, flick. violet, navy, a little more depth. ”in my dream.”

silence. your knight doesn’t respond. surely, he must think you childish; everyone else does. why would he be the exception? why did you tell him anything at all? 

a sense of regret mixes with the paint. the weight of a brush in your hand truly does make you careless, doesn’t it?

”… huh.”

a clenching of teeth. you muster the will to turn your head, just to give him a questioning look, a silent aggression. biting before he can. but he’s not looking at you; he’s looking at the painting, the wolf that isn’t quite a wolf yet, just blue and gray on paper. a blur of messy motions.

then he shakes his head. ”no, nothing.” 

you quirk a brow. 

but you don’t say anything. falling silent, falling back into the rhythm of it all, painting until you grow bored of it. the wolf looks at you both, still thoroughly unfinished, jaw half-painted, no trees or knights to keep it company. solitary, blurry; baring its fangs towards no one at all. a sorry spectacle of teeth.

— a couple days later, as you’re walking through the castle with suguru in tow, still adamantly refusing to curl your fingers around his bicep, a loud crash breaks you out of your hushed banter.

the two of you share a look. it came from farther away, just beyond the next turn, a certain hallway decorated with delicate vases. one the castle maids desperately tried to keep you from, when you were younger, worried about your habit of jumping around while pretending to be some sort of feral animal. worried, of course, about the safety of the porcelain rather than the safety of the child.

it doesn’t take a genius to figure out the source of the sound. and, lo and behold, what waits beyond the turn ahead is a crying boy and a broken vase.

fat tears cascade down his reddened cheeks, silent fear knit into the way his face is scrunched up. he can’t be older than six or seven; one of the maid’s children, you assume, the kind that doesn’t have the luxury of making mistakes. he looks panicked, down on his knees, holding a large piece of porcelain, painted flowers etched into the front.

what a mess.

when the clicking of your shoes reaches his little ears, he looks up at you with wide, shameful eyes. still sitting amongst the littered shards, the spilt water and irises soon to wilt. it reminds you of something, a memory you don’t quite want to recall; a different child, tiny and alone. taught to feel shame at the moment of their birth. 

it makes your pace falter, a bit, but suguru moves without hesitation. long, careful strides, one foot after the other. 

he crouches down in front of the boy, gentle as he takes the shattered piece of porcelain from his tiny palm. so he doesn’t hurt himself. ”hey, hey, it’s okay,” he soothes, speaking even softer than usual, his voice like a flurry of feathers and jasmine petals. ”are you hurt?”

he’s patient. smiling comfortingly, considerate, grounding, a blanket of wool like the one forming on the border of the horizon. but the child continues to sniffle and hiccup, curling into a ball as if readying for a strike. like an abandoned puppy.

you sigh.

after a moment’s hesitation, you’re stepping forward, figure slipping from the shadows and coming into view. joining the miserable pair, the jagged shards on the marble floor. 

there’s a cold, cold look in your eyes when the boy raises his head to meet them.

a flick of your wrist; you wave your hand once, then twice. ”shoo. hurry up.” 

he blinks. tears clumping his lashes together, cheeks flushed from the panic of it all. he stammers when he parts his lips. ”b… but —”

”didn’t you hear me?” comes a scoff, harsh, cutting through the air. right through the fear and panic. ”that was an order. just run back to your mommy already.” you cross your arms, shaking your head in disapproval. mimicking the king, though you think it’s lost on your spectators. ”all that crying is making my head hurt, geez.”

a series of hesitant blinks. crumbling beneath your commanding gaze, the child stumbles to his feet, sparing suguru one last unsure little glance before scurrying off. the sigh that slips from your lips is quiet, barely audible, tinged with relief. 

when you look down to the floor, you find that suguru is already looking at you; a furrow to his brows. angry, for once. just a tiny, tiny flicker of distaste. you reward him with a cold smile. 

(so this is how you get under this skin. cruelty, aimed not towards him, but towards the defenseless. 

what a picture-perfect, self-destructive little knight.)

just as the child turns the corner ahead, you hear the echo of a maid calling out from behind you. her voice is dripping with fatigue, exasperation, a flurry of sighs you’ve grown far too familiar with.

”your highness! what have you done now?”

there it is, you think; the curtain call you’ve been waiting for. with a swift turn of your heel, sheepish expression ready to go, your focus shifts onto one sole objective — act annoying.

”walked into a vase,” you chirp, proudly, just the slightest bit theatrical. gesturing dismissively towards the broken spectacle, as suguru raises himself from the floor. ”my bad. not my fault you make them so easy to break, though.”

she inches closer, with a disapproving stare, and you hear a tick-tock in your ear. sensing the limit of her patience. ”i’ll have you know these vases are expensive,” she clicks her tongue. ”do you truly think you can go around breaking whatever you please?”

”… well. i mean… i do kind of own this place, don’t i? or — i will.” you tilt your head, faux contemplation on your features, shifting into a spoiled smile. ”so — technically — i broke my own vase. no harm done!”

”… my lord —”

”quiet.” suguru stiffens, ever so slightly, following your sharp whisper. ”don’t fuck this up.”

he looks at you, silently. not saying another word.

(there’s a shame in his eyes that you don’t turn your head to see.)

it doesn’t take long for the maid to shoo you away, pinching her brow at your carefree laughter, bitter at the prospect of cleaning up your mess. she makes sure to give suguru a sweet smile, though, and doesn’t bother to hide the sympathy in it. sympathy for him, such a handsome, well-behaved knight, forced to service such a brat.

the smile he gives her in return is a stiff one. almost, almost cold. but he bows, and follows your retreating form, until you’re all alone together.

the walk is silent. maybe just a little heavy, as you try to ignore the stare burning into your skin, trying to swallow your own displeasure. it’s subtle, something you learned to internalize long ago, but it’s there; a slight sadness. you don’t enjoy getting yelled at.

a thick silence stretches on, before crumbling into dust. you aren’t sure how much time has passed when a certain velvety voice curls around your senses.

”your highness.”

he’s come to a standstill, again. you really should just ignore him and keep walking. but you still, anyway, following his cue, turning towards him with a look that says what now? — you aren’t sure what to expect. certainly not the sentence that ends up spilling from his lips, like a spring breeze through an opened window, tinged with something you fear may be close to fondness. 

(in your chest, your heartbeat tick-tocks.)

he smiles, gentle, with eyes that see right through you. and he speaks. 

”you’re actually kind, aren’t you?”

…

”… huh?”

he pays no mind to your stupefied expression. continuing, unperturbed, eyeing you with a look you distinctly dislike — as if he’s trying to glimpse into your mind. ”the vase,” he hums. ”you took the blame, even though you didn’t do it.”

a huff escapes you. face hardening, setting into firm lines. ”that wasn't intentional,” you grumble, defensive. ”i just wanted him to leave.” 

but suguru shakes his head. ”you could’ve left when the maid came. but you stayed, and lied, and got yelled at so he wouldn’t have to.” a second passes, silence thick with meaning. intentional on his part. ”is that not what you’d call kind?”

another moment gone, little tick-tocks of your heartbeat counting down. you part your lips, but no sound comes out, as you stumble for words to say. irritation stirring in your veins. or is it nervosity? you think your skin feels a little hot, suddenly. 

just what the hell is happening?

”i’m… i’m not — ” you bite down on your lip. harshly. stammering, voice cracking a bit, to your great dismay. ”… not kind. i hate all of them.”

”but you protect them,” he whispers, ”look after them.” his smile doesn’t waver, never ever, but you’ve never seen it look quite this knowing. and suddenly, he’s closing in on you, gazing at you with laughter in his eyes. 

you try to stand your ground, wanting nothing more than to flee, curl into yourself, scratch at him until he leaves. but your throat feels so dry, all of a sudden, a sensation that only deepens with the next words he breathes into life. 

”a little sweetheart who pretends to be all big and bad…” he eyes you up and down, a meaningful look, raven locks moving as he tilts his head. towering over you. ”is that what you are?”

nothing. no smart reply comes to you. all you can muster is a harsh glare, a low hiss crawling up your throat, like you’re preparing to lunge at him. it serves as a warning, but the amusement in his eyes doesn’t fluctuate. ”you…”

he chuckles. raspy, breathy, a shiver down your spine. ”your acting is even worse than mine.”

”shut up,” you snap, baring your teeth. it comes out almost like a growl, hot and heavy in your veins, and you don’t understand where all this emotion came from. strangling you, bubbling up within your bobbing throat. ”you don’t — understand me, okay?”

no one does. 

and that’s fine. you don’t want them to. 

(you just want him to stop looking you so fondly.)

”not yet,” he admits, eyes fluttering shut. a thoughtful hum on the tip of his tongue. ”… but i think i’m beginning to.” 

he’s looking at you, again, amber and honey and raven lashes, lapping up every hint of a tell in the way you shift from foot to foot. speaking like he knows you, like he’s known you all his life. ”you act difficult — scare everyone away… but deep down, you love them, don’t you?”

a scoff. desperate. ”no.”

”you want to loved,” he continues, not allowing you to flee. relentless in his pursuit of whatever he imagines must be hidden inside your soul, beneath all those layers of frost. ”understood. everyone does.”

”not me.”

”your highness.”

…

the knight continues to look at you, and you avoid his gaze like it could burn you into cinders — like it could turn you into dust. but he parts his lips, anyway, and speaks. so sincere it makes your chest hurt. words that echo through the endless hallways of the castle, against the surfaces of glass that line the walls. words that make your skin flush under the shadows of rain soon to fall.

he smiles, wide, teeth showing. and he speaks. 

”that was very, very kind of you.”

silence. so thick you wonder if you’re about to faint, or fall to the floor, or something equally embarrassing. a sentence so simple shouldn’t be making you feel this way, this weird. you don’t understand why it makes you feel anything, anything at all, and you don’t understand why your eyes suddenly feel a little glassy.

(someone saw through the act.)

”… whatever,” you squeeze out, at last, but it sounds a little meek. a tiny puff of air. turning around, sharply, blinking rapidly to shoo the tears away. ”i just didn’t want to hear that brat whining. it was hurting my ears.” 

suguru bites back a coo.

as he watches your back retreat, hurrying back to the comfort of your room, he’s almost certain that he’s making progress. that your walls are beginning to crumble, slowly but surely, bit by bit. the path before him clears — a thorny, foggy path through the woods, until a sunsplatter falls on the ground and tells him where to plant his feet. 

it’s not much, barely anything, but suguru’s always liked his hunts blindsighted. 

you turn a corner, and he follows suit. sparing a passing glance at the clouds on the boundary of the horizon, the sole ray of sunlight breaking through. and then he’s catching up to you with long strides.

(it’s his duty, yes, but he doesn’t think he’d mind it so much — getting to know his kind, misunderstood little lord.)

sadly, disappointingly, to your great shame — you begin to grow used to suguru’s presence in your life. constant, always close behind, always ready to be of service. as infuriatingly patient as ever. it’s a stretch, but you may have become just the slightest bit fond of it. 

maybe, possibly, you’ve even silently decided to stop trying to scare him away. stop acting so difficult with him, all the time.

or, well — sometimes.

”take me outside, please?” you whine, bottom lip jutting out into a deep pout, accompanied by a flutter of your lashes. 

the voice that spills from your lips is hopelessly meek, pleading, so sweet you’d get cavities if you didn’t know how fake it was. effortless, perfected, your one god-given talent; an irresistible pair of puppy dog eyes. 

suguru answers with a smile, tight-lipped. ”no.”

a beat.

”aw, come on,” you whine, barely resisting the urge to stomp your feet. frustration bubbles up inside your veins, trickling down to your wrist, nails digging into your palm. ”why not? you’re supposed to listen to my every command!”

”still no, sweetheart.”

a series of grumbles scratch at the base of your throat, but suguru pays them no mind. patient, patient, patient. he’s even kind enough to ignore the way you pointedly avoid his gaze after the term of endearment slips past his lips. ”sorry, but that part is non-negotiable. you know i don’t have a choice.”

you do know. but it still makes your mood sour, pulls a sigh from out of your lips. he moves closer, familiar silver tray in hand, dragging a chair to where you’re seated by the windowsill.

”i did bring you this, though,” he gestures towards a particular glass bowl, filled with red berries. they shine like rubies in the light. ”strawberries, like you asked for. wasn’t easy to get a hold of.”

he places the tray right next to you, smiling as he takes a seat. ”cheer up, hm? don’t be so grumpy.”

your pout remains, but you do settle down a bit. just the teeniest, tiniest bit. definitely not because he was kind enough to indulge your cravings.

”… thanks for breakfast.” 

suguru beams, and you avoid his gaze, like always. biting into one of the rubies, the soft murmur of thanks still burning your tongue, soothed by sweet nectar. he lets you flee, lets you continue on like nothing happened, like it isn’t obvious how much you’ve warmed up to his presence. 

”you’re welcome, my lord.”

…

(even after spending more than a month together, he still won’t call you by name. won’t even entertain the idea. why does that bother you so much?)

peacefully, your morning ritual continues. the same as always; you eat, while suguru watches, a sweet smile on his lips. the silence remains until he opts to break it.

today, he sounds a little hesitant.

”say, your highness…” he picks at a piece of lint on his cloak, absentminded. ”could i ask you for a favour?”

you almost drop your fork. gaze snapping up to meet his own, as a few silent seconds tick on by. tick-tock, tick-tock. then you clear your throat, regaining your composure. trying to sound nonchalant. 

”what is it?” you probe, cutting across the yolk on your fried egg. watching the orange seep out, trickling down, sinking into the crust of your toast. suguru hums. 

”a friend of mine — he’s also a knight…” he wrings his hands together, legs parted. tapping his heel on the floor. ”we’ve been sparring together for a while. once a week, at least. but ever since the king hired me, we haven’t been able to.”

you watch as his gaze flickers down to his lap, then up to you again. it’s smooth, charming, but you still think it seems a little out of place. he must not be used to asking for favours.

”i was wondering if you’d be willing to accompany me? just down to the training fields by the castle.” his fingers tap against his bended knee, slow and methodical, from pointer to pinkie. ”the king gave us permission to spar there, but i’m obviously not allowed to let you out of my sight…”

you bite back a huff. obviously. he waits for a response that doesn’t come.

”… so?”

you meet his gaze, expectant. hopeful, maybe. it’s a nice touch — matches with the amber of his eyes.

”would that be alright with you?” he inquires, again. you think he sounds just a tiny bit unsure of himself.

a moment passes. silently, you look down at your lap. folded hands, itching to do something. something fun, new, exciting. 

your tongue forms around a wish. it spills into the air like a shooting star, a meek little whisper. ”… i wanna swing a sword.”

suguru blinks. once, then twice. ”you…” he tastes the words on his tongue, turning the image of you around in his head. ”want to swing a sword?

you nod. glancing at him, coughing a little under your breath. summoning just a bit of audacity, eyes trailing towards the sword by his hip. longingly. ”… i’ll only watch you spar if you let me try it.” 

a brief pause. he studies you intently, a mystery he’s yet to solve.

then he chuckles, light and airy, full of mirth. a sound you’ve grown fond of. ”well, okay. that’s fair.” he rises to his feet, smiling down at you. ”thank you, my lord.”

you don’t respond. but your eyes glitter with excitement, as you dutifully finish your breakfast, wolfing it down. waiting patiently for him to head down to the kitchen with the tray, for him to change into his training gear. 

when he knocks at your door, he’s wearing a flimsy little blouse. almost see-through, if you squint your eyes enough, exposing his bare skin. you think you see a scar curling up from his chest, reaching for his shoulder, just below it by a hair. and you can see his biceps, the fat, the muscle, practically begging to be bitten.

(tantalizing.)

he’s speaking to you, saying something, but you tune him out. focused on trying to restrain your growing urges. when he reaches up to fix his hair, tied up into a bun, the muscle of his arm twitches.

and, suddenly, you can’t contain yourself. 

giving in to the salivating temptation, you grab hold of his bicep, sinking your teeth into it — gentle, but enough that he feels it, enough to leave a set of teeth marks soon to fade. gnawing at it like a dog with a bone.

suguru blinks. pupils wide, quirking a silent brow, quick to smooth over the surprise in his eyes. 

you don’t move. teeth planted against the fabric, the firm muscle beneath it, surprising even yourself; his arm just looked so biteable. you wonder if he’s put off. upset.

but, as always, he’s eerily placating. like nothing you say or do could rock the ship of his patience, an endless sea. smooth, airy laughter flits past his lips, giving way to an indulgent smile. he studies you with fascination, like you’re a creature he hasn’t encountered before.

ever so gently, he grabs hold of your jaw — and the warmth of his touch shocks you into letting it go slack. before you can say anything, he’s rolling up his sleeve. exposing the tender skin.

”go wild, your highness,” he grins, offering his arm up like a lamb to a hungry fox. a teasing mirth in his eyes, his voice coming out as a low purr. ”i don't mind a mark or two.”

to your horror — it flusters you terribly.

you cough. taking a step back, averting your gaze, suddenly disinterested. feigning indifference, anyhow; that was definitely a scar. and a cool one, too. you think you might even have caught a glimpse of a birthmark or two. 

”i’m… just keeping you on your toes,” you stumble for an excuse, still unable to look at him properly. missing the way he stifles a bout of laughter. ”for your training, y’know? gotta stay on your guard.”

”of course. i appreciate the help,” he quips, fond, as he gestures for you to take the lead. ”he’s waiting for us. are you ready?”

for a second, just a second, you consider grabbing his arm. letting him guide you. but the thought is fleeting, like a bundle of peach blossoms, brushed away by the sunshine seeping in through the window’s glass — illuminating the marble flooring. 

a mellow excitement simmers in your bones. 

you head down to the training grounds with a pep in your step, and your loyal knight follows suit. just behind, always, wearing a smile you can’t see.

”suguru!”

the man that greets you with cheerful fervour, seated cross-legged under a peach tree, isn’t quite what you expected him to be. 

when you heard knight, you imagined someone a bit more… intimidating. but this guy is far from imposing. a little shorter than suguru, brown locks stopping right around his ears, exposing his sunkissed skin. freckles scattered across his nose and cheekbones, a happy little grin curled right around his lips. 

he’s cute. a bit like a puppy. not very knightly, though.

”haibara,” suguru greets, a mellow warmth to his voice. the man in question shoots up from the ground, stumbling towards you both, excitement in his hazel eyes. suguru gestures towards you. ”this is the royal heir. the one who doesn’t like having their hand kissed.”

your head whips towards him, an angered flush to your cheeks — you’re almost sure that he’s smirking, giving you a teasing glance, but haibara’s exclamation prevents you from voicing any protests. 

”hi!” he beams, bowing deeply, so sudden that you jolt a bit. his head whips up instantly, brown locks stirred by the breeze, voice warm and smooth. like honeysuckle nectar. ”thank you so much for letting us spar, your highness! i’ve heard so much about you!”

”… um.” your gaze falls down to a pebble on the ground. unsure of how to act, murmuring under your breath. ”you — it’s… no need to thank me. i wanted to get some air, anyway.”

he continues to look at you, eyes shining with a pure kind of cheer. glittering, honeyed and sweet, too bright to look at directly. you hear suguru exhale amusedly to your left. he’s looking right at you when you glance towards him. 

his hand inches closer to his scabbard, fingertips trailing down the leather. ”should we get started?”

haibara brightens even further, if possible. ”oh, right!” he exclaims. ”you wanted to try swinging a sword, your highness? that’s so exciting! is this your first time?”

a blink. you aren’t really sure how to handle this guy; he’s a bit too sunny to be snarky to. like a fuzzy ball of sunshine given human form, bouncing on the balls of his feet, tail practically wagging behind him. all you can muster is a weak cough. ”uh, yeah.”

”well, you’re here to learn.” suguru speaks up. guiding you both towards the center of the field, hand still at the sword on his hip. ”let me show you.”

in one smooth motion, he’s pulling it out of its sheath, a stripe of silver absorbing the rays of the sun. glimmering, slicing the blue sky in half. 

you’re a little awestruck.

and then he’s facing you. leaning forward, with a familiar tilt of his head, offering the blade with a smile. ”do you want to try swinging it around a bit?”

barely containing your excitement, you nod. making grabby hands at it.

that makes him chuckle. he makes no move to stop you when your fingers curl around the hilt, only parting his lips for a quick warning, a split second too late. you take it into your arms. ”careful, it’s a bit —”

— the sword clatters to the ground with a thud.

silence.

haibara breaks out into laughter, sudden, fond and warm, but enough to have your cheeks burning. fresh with embarrassment, humiliation, before you even hear the breathy chuckle that slips from your knight’s lips.

”… i was gonna say it’s a bit heavy,” he hums, closed knuckle in front of his lips and obscuring his smile. ”i’m sorry, my lord. do you —”

”whatever.” a hiss escapes your throat, and suguru winces. he knows where this is going; knows a bundle of thorns just erupted from the stalk of your spine, knows you're about to get defensive. ”like i’d ever want to touch your dusty sword. get — get real.”

he tries again. patient, patient. the familiar tick-tock of his never-ending kindness. ”hey, we aren’t making fun of you,” he soothes, hoping it’ll make your edges soften. like scratching a feral dog behind its ear. ”it’s understandable. you weren’t expecting it. i’ll let you try again, hm?”

a tiny pause. 

(you’re being childish, again.)

brows furrowed, hanging your head, you kick at a pebble on the ground. having collected yourself a bit. ”… maybe next time,” you finally speak, still grumbling. after you’ve spent some time lifting weights in your room.

suguru tilts his head. speaking softly. ”you sure?”

”yeah.” taking a step back, you raise your head to meet his gaze. ”i’ll just watch you. it’s fine.”

”… okay,” he exhales. leaning forward to pick up his sword from the ground. ”i can spar with you next time, if you want. you’ll be a pro in no time.”

he gives you another sweet smile, bangs fluttering with the breeze; painted in cerulean sunshine. he’s so gorgeous it makes you angry.

a sharp huff. ”don’t patronize me,” is all you can mutter, meeting the eyes of the knight by his side. standing up straighter. ”haibara,” you call. ”knock him around a bit for me, okay?”

from the corner of your eye, suguru pouts.

but the puppy-knight only grins, as bright as the sun in the sky. ”you got it, your highness!” he salutes, cheeks flushing with giddy excitement. 

as you sit on the benches a little farther away, dragonflies buzz in the air. fleeting glimmers of chartreuse and cerulean, chirping happily, keeping you company as you watch the knights spar. the clangs of their blades, the elegance in the way suguru moves. a violent little waltz. he’s sweating, just a bit, but you can see it, droplets glittering in the sun. he looks like he’s having fun. 

he looks like himself. like he isn’t holding back, isn’t acting obedient or well-mannered for the sake of pleasing his superiors. like this, here and now, he looks wild, free, a dog that turns into a wolf under the glow of the sun. 

for a second, your eyes meet — just as he narrowly avoids a slash. 

and he smirks, ever so slightly, suddenly gaining a little more momentum. flashing a brief grin, sunlight reflecting off his white teeth. you huff. heat crawling up your neck. 

show off.

”excuse me, your highness?”

the sudden voice snaps you out of your stupor. mesmerized, by the spectacle before you, the glimmer of their blades and the sight of your knight’s smile. it’s an unfamiliar voice, close, close enough that your head turns to meet the stranger’s ugly grin — inching closer still.

(uh oh.)

— just up ahead, lost in their own worlds, are two knights; huffing and smirking and narrowly dodging each other’s strikes. suguru takes the lead, as always, guiding haibara into improving his swordsmanship. but they both learn from it. and it’s fun, lighthearted, a respite from their more gruesome duties. 

it’s helped suguru more times than he can count; those tiny flickers of normalcy, in a wholly unpredictable profession. a life of bowing and bowing and killing what needs to be killed.

slash, slash, and then two steps back. the same old dance. haibara’s starting to lose momentum, he notices, adam’s apple bobbing with his heavy breaths.

so suguru stills. ”alright, that’s enough for now,” he calls, stretching idly. craning his head, looking around him absently. he wonders if you’re still watching. ”i think i see what the problem is.”

haibara perks up, obeying without a word, wiping the sweat off his forehead and walking towards his friend with a sunny smile. ”okay, great!”

but suguru isn’t looking at him, anymore. 

he’s looking towards the benches, where his little lord is seated, speaking to an unfamiliar man. one who currently has his hand on their forearm, caressing it. you look guarded, irritated, a little like you’re about to bare your teeth. trying to pull away, but he doesn’t let you. and suguru recognizes that look — the one that means you’re about to start biting and hissing, inching your claws into whatever’s within reach.

(not to injure, but to ground yourself, he’s learned. like how you clutch onto the fabric of your clothing when you’re nervous, sink your nails into your palm. not to injure, but to feel safe.)

in the blink of an eye, he’s making his way towards you. beckoned by his duty, his natural instinct, a protective itch that curls around his ribcage and crawls up his throat. large strides, much swifter than usual. he moves without thinking, and he’s there before he has the time to form a coherent thought.

with as much gentleness as he can possibly muster, he grabs hold of the stranger’s arm. smiling, tight-lipped, cold. ”excuse me, sir,” he greets, ”i need to borrow them for a moment.”

the man meets his gaze with a sour look. bitter, ugly, oddly possessive — like he thinks he owns the arm he’s holding. it makes suguru want to teach him a lesson, show off his sword, but he resists the temptation in a way you never could. his expression is a warning, though, enough to scare most rowdy drunkards and snobby royals away.

and it works. the stranger looks to you, briefly, before finally letting go of your poor arm. something rigid in suguru’s jaw finally relaxes. ”who are you?” comes a question, as the man turns to face him with a look full of contempt. ”their knight?”

before suguru can say anything, you’ve hopped off the bench. clinging to him, with a firm nod; your arms around his bicep. ”yeah. he is.”

(suguru fails to stifle a smug smile.)

with a string of bitter mumbles and a silent frustration, the man scurries away. hesitant, only after being met with another warning glance from the knight in front of him. intimidating, far less subtle, towering above him like a predator over their prey.

as soon as he’s out of sight, your knight turns to you, scanning your face for signs of discomfort. loyal, attentive. ”are you okay?” he asks, a silent shame in his voice. if only he had noticed sooner. ”did he do anything to you?”

you shake your head. ”it’s fine. probably one of the king’s friends — stops by every now and then.” a sigh, a little fatigued, following your explanation. ”they’re mostly harmless. just creepy and touchy.”

”that doesn’t sound very harmless…” suguru lets you pull away, quick to hide the disappointment that flashes in his eyes as you do, waving haibara off with a silent gesture of give us a minute. ”don’t worry. i’ll keep an eye out, from now on.”

still a little guarded, you nod. letting suguru guide you by the small of your back, taking a seat on the solid bench once more. together, this time. 

”there are a lot of those types around the town square,” he exhales, weary, stretching out his limbs before leaning forward. elbows resting on his bended knees. ”they’re a pain to deal with. i’m sorry you have to.”

”are there?” you ask, tone laced with curiosity. ”in the town?” 

”well, i’m sure you’ve heard. that place is a bit of a mess, these days…” a click of his tongue. ”more work for the knights.”

a dragonfly settles on the bridge of his nose. suguru blinks, smiling gently, until it flutters away with a raspy squeak. fading away, melting into the blue paint of the sky. you bite down on your lip. 

”… i haven’t.”

he turns to look at you. raising a brow.

”i haven’t heard about it at all. the king told you, right?” you meet his eye with a rueful smile, before leaning back, nose turned up towards the sky. for a second, you think the air smells a bit of rain. ”i’m not allowed to go out into town.”

your knight falls silent.

so you continue. grinning, with no humour to it. maybe a bit eager to overshare, to break the silent rules you’ve been given. the secret tastes like honey on your tongue. ”i’m a bastard child. he probably told you that, too.” you wouldn’t be surprised. ”thinks it's optimal for everyone involved if i just stay cooped up in the castle.” 

closing your eyes, your voice drips with something close to longing. barely above a whisper. ”i haven't been to the town in a couple of years, now.”

…

he only hums. ”i see.”

(there’s sympathy, in his amber eyes, but you don’t turn around to see it. you don’t turn to look at him until he’s finished sparring, and haibara’s about to leave. 

you wonder if he’ll meet your gaze the same way as before.) 

— that evening, suguru knocks at your door right as you're about to fall asleep. three rapid knocks, the same as always, knuckle against wood. rousing you from your rest.

when you open it, he’s holding something out towards you.

”here,” he says, voice set to a mellow tilt. upon closer inspection, he’s holding a bottle. transparent, see-through, stuffed to the brim with sea glass. smooth little colourful pebbles, green and blue and pink and orange, like frozen little camellias. ”for you, my lord.”

blinking sluggishly, you take it into your arms; holding it up in front of your eyes. when the light of the moon flitting in through the curtains hits it just right, it blossoms with colour, sparkling with every shade you’ve ever seen. shining like a heap of jewels, in your hands, like something out of a picture-book. magical.

it’s mesmerizing. 

”i asked haibara to get it from the town,” he explains, drinking in your expression of awe. ”this one lady — she collects them herself. i see her by the beach nearly every time i go there.”

when you look up, his smile is serene. peaceful, if just a little bit tired. but he looks pleased, lips curling around silky syllables. ”i thought of you.”

it’s odd, you think. you aren’t a stranger to gifts; you get most of what you desire if you just say the word, an easy way for the king to keep you compliant. as if to make up for the plethora of experiences you’ve missed out on since your birth. and you’ve had more than a couple suitors, men and women, eager to gain your favour. 

but this — this particular gift…

…

”it’s pretty,” you murmur, finally, unable to voice even a sliver of the emotions clogging up your chest. shying away from his gaze, feeling your heart pulse against your ribcage. ”… i guess.”

suguru just smiles. always, always, always. no matter what you do. ”i’ll get you something else next time,” he promises, ready to go back to standing guard outside the castle. ”get some sleep, okay? be good.”

and you can’t bring yourself to protest. not even a tiny huff of don’t tell me what to do. you can’t bring yourself to do anything but nod, soft and pliant, still gazing at the bottle of sea glass in your hands. like you might turn into one of those transparent pebbles, if you wish for it enough.

that night, you dream of waves crashing against sand, the taste of seafoam on your tongue. every colour in the world. a newfound, reawakened wish — a wish to see more of it.

”are you trying to sneak out again?”

owlishly, all you can do is blink. propped up on the windowsill, immersed in the process of tying pillowcases and bedsheets together to form a rope. caught in the act — by none other than suguru, standing by the threshold, hand on his hip, watching you with silent disapproval. you didn’t think he’d come check on you this late.

a gulp. ”… no?”

and he sighs. walking towards you, brows furrowed, running a hand through his raven locks. you can tell he’s trying to be a little more sympathetic, this time, but it only makes the bitter taste on your tongue thicken. 

”look — i know it’s not fair to you, but the king and queen specifically ordered me —”

”i get it,” you cut him off, with a hiss, a little harsher than you meant to. you soften your voice before continuing. "i know. okay? i know.”

resigned, but frustrated, you clench the silken material of the bedsheets. glaring at them like it’s somehow their fault that the queen couldn’t bear an heir, that your father has a knack for sleeping around. like it’s their fault that he’s so ashamed of your existence that he doesn’t want you integrating into society on anything other than his own terms, until he’s dead and gone and doesn’t have to take accountability anymore. 

like it’s their fault that it’ll always be like this, forever, that it’s better not to hope for more.

(why can’t you just accept that?)

the knight before you exhales. troubled, watching your nails dig into the fabric, watching the way you bite down on your lip and rapidly blink. all signs of your frustration, your sadness, that you always try so hard to hide. 

”hey. how about this?” he tries to get your attention, voice soothing enough to coax you into raising your gaze. ”i’ll tell you a story instead.”

he stifles a chuckle, at the dubious look you send his way, teetering on the edge of a glare. slithering towards you. ”i’ve seen a lot of places. i can tell you about them, if you’d like.” he takes a seat right next to you, on the windowsill, a slice of the moon in bare view. ”what do you want to know?”

you’re silent, for a second. gnawing at your bottom lip, in contemplation, the tiniest bit of nervosity. like you aren’t quite sure if you’re allowed to speak your wishes aloud.

”… the woods.”

suguru blinks. a little caught off guard. 

his silence makes you want to bare your fangs, a bit. misinterpreting it as judgement. your voice comes out cold. ”what?”

but he’s quick to smooth over his features with a smile, as always, cocking his head amusedly. ”sorry — i was expecting you to say the sea, or something,” he stifles a chuckle. “it's the woods that you're so curious about?”

you pout. ”… you can see them from here.”

his head turns towards the window’s glass, squinting his eyes to see the sea of dark green in the distance, a cluster of thick trees. he hums. ”yeah, you can. well… that particular spot isn’t too bad. not many bandits or beasts.” your gaze stays glued onto his lips, every word that spills from them. ”there are wolves, though. this side of the kingdom is crawling with them.”

”they sell their fur,” you state.

(that’s one thing you do know. you spent more of your childhood around wolf pelts than your own parents. they might as well be your legal guardians.)

suguru nods. ”they do. it's a big portion of the kingdom’s exports… general market, as well.”

a frown tugs at your lips. you think of your fluffy childhood guardians, unable to howl or even make a sound; hunters turned decorations.

”isn’t that… kinda fucked up?”

he smiles, revealing no emotion. ”do you think it is?”

you only shrug. ”i’m not surprised that they eat us.” you think of all the stories you’ve heard, the fairy tales you grew up with. ”… if i was a wolf, i’d hate humans too.”

”would you, now?” familiar amusement, seeping from his tongue, soft crows’ feet by his cedar eyes. ”good thing you aren’t a wolf, then. we’re lucky.”

”mhm. you’d be my first target.”

that makes him chuckle, a little deeper this time, and you drink in the glimpse you get of his teeth, the fondness that dances across his face when he looks at you. 

a sudden urge overtakes you. 

”… i wanna know about something else.”

”oh?” he tilts his head, soft locks framing his kind eyes. ”and what would that be, my dear?”

”you.”

… 

for a moment, the mask falls. a silent, subtle kind of surprise, something in the way the tips of his fingers twitch that tells you he’s caught off guard. it coaxes you into continuing, following through with your question. swallowing the embarrassment. ”i wanna know more about you. how you became a knight, and… stuff.”

suguru looks at you with a strange glint in his eyes. undecipherable, unspoken, just watching as moonrays glide across your soft skin. ruffling your hair. 

a hum buzzes in his throat. he scratches at the back of his neck, resisting the urge to dodge your question. clicking his tongue. ”… well.”

anticipation blooms in your eyes, and you cross your legs, waiting patiently to hear him speak. he can’t deny you, when you look at him like that — so suguru simply exhales. a breath of indulgence. 

”it’s not a very interesting story,” he leads, closing his eyes in remembrance. ”they scouted me when i was pretty young…. a bit of a troublemaker, honestly, but i got lucky." memories flash behind his eyelids, fresh bruises, sliced fruit. bittersweet. ”ended up around some powerful people. they liked me. knighthood felt like the right choice.” 

he meets your entranced gaze, speaking with sincerity, devotion dipped in honey and holy water. sinking deeper still. ”it’s my purpose in life,” he breathes, a flurry of whispers on his tongue. heavier than either of you know. ”truly.”

you cock your head. ”being a knight?”

”protecting the weak,” he says. recites. like he’s said it a million times before, in the face of beasts, in the reflection of broken mirrors, a mantra to live and die by. ”protecting those who can’t protect themselves.”

the look in his eyes frightens you. deeper than the deepest lake, dark and murky, dragging him down. a devotion that smells of iron, tastes like steel. mania disguised as loyalty.

(knights love duty. almost as much as they love dying for it. that’s what your father always says.)

”but, honestly — this kind of thing isn’t bad,” he breaks you out of your trance, grinning sheepishly, almost boyishly. ”it’s been a while since i had so much fun on the job… thank you for that.”

he’s looking at you, right at you, into your eyes, with an expression reserved for you and you alone. earnest, grateful, a sincerity he wouldn’t show anyone else. ”honestly.”

you can do nothing but avert your gaze. swiftly, meekly, feeling heat crawl up your neck, blooming across your cheeks like the branches of a plum tree. suguru grins, gulping down the slightest coo — but he can’t resist the urge to poke fun at you a bit.

”… you’re a shy one, aren’t you?” he searches for your gaze, chuckling when he doesn’t find it. when you don’t let him. ”can’t even look people in the eye if they’re being nice to you… how precious.”

”oh, shut up,” you groan, glaring out into the night sky. blinking slowly, drowsily, biting back a yawn that your attentive knight still manages to notice. 

(he looks a little enamored.)

”ah… is my sweet little lord getting sleepy?”

”no,” you scoff, far too quick. ”i’m… tired.”

”of course.” he reaches out, carefully, to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. ”tired — not sleepy. that would be outrageous, wouldn’t it?” 

a yawn. ”it would.” 

low laughter bubbles up at the base of his throat, like seafoam, melting roses. deep and summery. ”alright. that’s enough stories for tonight, i think.” and with that, he gets up. ”let’s get you to bed, hm?”

rubbing your eyes, absently kicking your legs, you give him a slow nod of your head. making grabby hands at him that you’re sure you’ll be embarrassed about in the morning — but it feels easy, to be greedy, to know that your wants won’t be ignored when you’re with him. ”carry me, suguru.”

an indulgent smile. he doesn’t say anything, only curling his arms under your thighs, lifting you up and cradling you to his chest. you can feel his firm muscles, like this, trace them with your fingertips, hear the beating of his heart. tick-tock, tick-tock. a lullaby. a sense of safety, when you can’t tell where your heartbeat ends and his begins.

lost in that fuzzy, sleepy feeling, a blink away from falling into dreamland, fatigue washes over you — but you cling to his sleeve, even as he tucks you in, dragging the blanket up to cover you properly. 

”suguru,” you murmur, so quiet you doubt he hears it. ”will you tell me more stories tomorrow?”

”of course.” right before sleep coaxes you into its cradle, you feel the weight of his palm on your head; ruffling your hair. ”as many as you want, your highness.”

he smiles, as your eyes flutter shut, at the soft little breaths that flow from your lips. before he slips out, he blows out the candle on the nightstand, a silent prayer that your dreams will be kinder to you than his. 

— one week of nagging later, suguru’s resolve finally crumbles. it’s progress, at last, a tiny crack in his clockwork heart. 

but for once, it works in your favour.

”do you really want to see the outside world that badly?”

he’s got an arm locked around your waist, stopping you from one of your numerous escape attempts. you’ve gotten bolder, sneaking away the moment he takes his eyes off you, but suguru isn’t easy to fool — catching up to you just as you stepped outside the castle, now stuck in place under the portico. it’s to be expected, with that sixth sense of his, the one that seems to alert him as soon as you think the thought to get him in trouble. 

but you still can’t help but pout, huff and puff, pushing at his chest in a helpless attempt to break free. he’s sweet about it, gentle, but entirely unmoving. like a big, annoyingly handsome rock.

”what do you think?” you scoff, narrowing your eyes at him. ”no, of course not. this whole time, i’ve just been trying to escape for fun. like, as a bit. how could you tell?”

he rolls his eyes, and you break out into a grin. ”mind the sarcasm, please.” he barely resists the urge to pinch your side; letting you loose, instead, trusting you not to scurry away. he’d catch up to you instantly, anyhow. "i’m just saying, it might not be as interesting as you think —“

”what are you, stupid?”

”what did we say about letting people finish their sentences?” he raises a brow, stern, and you try not to cower. rolling your eyes instead. suguru just sighs. ”i understand why you want to leave. but you have a good life, here. better than most.”

”… i know that,” you grumble, biting down on your lip. a resignation in your eyes that your knight can't protect you from. ”i just —”

you sigh. 

”it’s just so suffocating.”

suguru falls into a contemplative silence. weighing his options, studying the flicker of emotions in your eyes, the tapping of your idle fingers. hands eager to fidget with something. 

moments pass, one at a time, a familiar lullaby of pitter patter ricocheting off the ground just outside your vision. the air smells of marigolds, burning wood, wet concrete. the beginnings of summer.

finally, he makes up his mind. 

”… okay, okay.”

when you look up from the ground, what awaits you is an outstretched hand. a familiar palm, and a familiar knight, with a familiar smile on his face. ”but don’t get used to it, alright?”

…

you part your lips, but no sound comes out. gaping like a fish out of water, hunting for the right words. suguru waits. patient.

”w — hold on,” you stutter, eyes blooming with hesitant hope, studying him intently for any signs of trickery. ”you mean — seriously? like, for real?”

he shrugs. ”it’s my duty to keep you happy.” devotion clings to his tongue, sweet indulgence. ”figure i can make an exception this once.”

another moment passes.

(there isn’t a hint of deceit in his features.)

a grin breaks out across your lips, like a joyous bolt of lighting, and you lunge into his chest — throwing your arms over his broad shoulders, jumping up and down, planting a wet kiss against his cheek. bubbly, giddy, heart racing with disbelief. you don’t even have it in you to be a little bratty. ”thank you, thank you, thank you!”

suguru makes a choked out noise, a little comical, breath hitching in the back of his throat. stabilizing you with a palm on the small of your back, patting it softly, once or twice, before retracting his arm and pulling away. clearing his throat. ”… you’re welcome.”

(his ears burn a cherry red.)

”but this is our little secret,” he reminds you, firmly, collecting himself. or trying to. ”got it?”

”yep.”

”if anyone asks, you —”

”yep, yep, understood.” you brush him off, still grinning brightly. ”don’t worry! i won’t tell a soul, i promise. swear on my mother’s grave!”

your knight exhales. worried, maybe, a little exasperated — mostly just trying to mask how infectious your joy is. how addicted he is to it, now that he’s seen it up close. he’s only caught glimpses in the midst of your painting sessions; to see it directed at him instead of the wolf on your canvas is a treasure he won’t soon forget. 

sneakily, stealthily, like a pair of bad dogs, the two of you begin your journey to the woods on the horizon. wearing cloaks, sticking together, until the sun begins to set and the sky drains of colour. 

and before you know it, it’s right there in front of you. a narrow path into the woods, a cluster of trees, a world you’ve always dreamed of. dark and gritty, beautiful, brimming with bugs and sights yet to be seen. creatures you could only ever see in picture books. a dreamlike world that takes shape before you, like paint splattered on a canvas, as you follow suguru’s lead — right behind him, clinging to the fabric of his cloak, excitement flooding your veins. heart thumping erratically in your chest. 

when you’ve made it to a tiny clearing, you stop in your tracks. suguru’s holding a lantern, a flicker of orange in the dark green world before you, attracting fuzzy moths. proud trees stand tall all around you, keeping guard, mushrooms and forget me nots scattered across the dewy patches of grass. keeping them company. 

everything smells of life, earth, oak wood and thinly veiled secrets. you want to live here forever.

suguru turns to look at you, noticing the way you’ve stilled. completely mesmerized, bewitched, eyes gleaming with childlike happiness. he tuts, doing a bad job at hiding how pleased he is. the sound makes you meet his eye.

”careful,” he croons, inching closer. fingertips ghosting over your wrist, right above your pulsepoint. ”could be wolves around. stay close.”

you tilt your head, feigning confusion. ”i’ve already got one right next to me, though?”

the comment earns you a flat expression, unimpressed, and it pulls a giggle from out your throat. the corners of suguru’s lips curl up, unwillingly, as he shakes his head; exhaling a tired breath. exasperated. 

then he hums. ”well, at least you're aware.”

suddenly, he’s walking forward, slipping away, cold air replacing the buzzing warmth of his skin on yours. hot blood, ever flowing, hidden within his veins — pumped out from his heavy heart. it’s there and then it’s gone. tick, tock, one step after the other, until he’s turning around to face you again. unfurling his outstretched hand, waiting for you to grab hold of it. 

his long hair sways with the breeze, smooth and unburdened, black like the night sky above you. a starry glint in his eyes. his voice comes out deep, a raspy lilt, like the scraping of metal against concrete. 

when he smiles, you think you catch a glimpse of sharp teeth.

”will you trust this wolf to keep you safe?”

under the web of shadows cast by the trees, barely illuminated by the shivering moon, all you can do is watch him. his gleaming eyes, the curl of a toothy grin on his lips. a knight, a wolf, a friend.

your protector. 

finally, finally, you grasp onto his offered hand. his fingers intertwine with your own, a puzzle finally solved, and his palm feels a little calloused. skin littered with tiny scars, years of training and killing, but it’s still somehow so soft. nice and smooth. 

he’s warm. and now he’s smiling at you, like you put all the gold of the world into his palm. 

”yeah,” you grin, a little cheeky. stepping closer, clinging to him without restraint, knowing he’ll indulge you. ”keep me safe, wolfie.”

his laughter rings out into the air like a cicada song, sweet and nostalgic. or a howl, maybe. it makes you want to gnaw at his bones; memorize his taste, so you’ll never quite be without him. it’s not your fault he looks so chewable when he’s smiling like that.

”i will,” he promises, vows, pledges, hand on his heavy heart. knights and their rituals. ”you don’t have to worry about a thing. not while i’m here.”

and you don’t. you know you don’t. because suguru is the greatest knight, the coolest wolf, and his clockwork heart never ceases to tick. it won’t break under pressure, no matter how much you push — so you don’t bother holding back. wrapping both arms around his bicep, cozying up to him, tugging at his cloak with a pep in your step. 

”c’mon, c’mon!" you beckon him forward. "i wanna see how everything looks up close.”

and he just lets you manhandle him, for a bit. following your lead. ”of course,” he croons. ”your wish is my command, your highness.”

the night stretches on, seemingly never-ending, like the branches of the oak tree you find in the heart of the woods. broken, beautiful, stretching out in all directions — as if wishing to engulf the world. a garden of forking paths, covered in jagged bark, but still somehow so warm to the touch. you’re sure there’s a heartbeat in there, somewhere. maybe a couple of swords too.

all good things must come to an end. but you refuse to leave the comfort of your mossy haven until suguru promises to bring you back, someday, maybe, if you play nice. it’s a deal that you’re willing to take.

only then do you begin your journey back towards the castle. having gotten your fill, for now, left to wallow in the newfound sights etched into your memory. still clinging to your knight like a child with their favorite doll, babbling into his ear about something or another. about how you’re almost sure you saw a wolf in the bushes, about how pretty the cicadas’ songs were. how you’re gonna convince him to take you there every single day.

the sun is yawning, stretching its endless limbs out, getting ready to rise and envelop the world. the sky is a calm blue, soon to be painted orange and pink, but you aren’t tired at all. you must sound a little incoherent, but suguru nods along to your every word. listening attentively.

so kind. so patient. sure, he’s a tease, and more than a little patronizing — but you don’t think you’ve ever liked anyone this much before. it’s weird. it’s fun. 

(you wonder if he feels the same.)

”hey, suguru?”

he keeps his eyes locked on the road ahead, but still spares you a brief glance, just to let you know you have his full attention. a second of hesitance is all your sleepy brain allows you, curiosity enveloping most of your functioning thoughts.

”would you… i mean. if i was, like… a different person —” you pause. suguru quirks a brow, and you suddenly feel a little flustered. ”um, what i mean is! like, if the king ordered you to be someone else’s knight… would you protect them like you do with me?”

he blinks. once, then twice, meeting your hopeful gaze. stifling a yawn, and parting his lips. 

”obviously.”

…

your face falls. lips dropping down into a soft pout, rich with disappointment, paired with a barely audible huff. suguru furrows his brows, playfully, smiling in the way he always does when he’s about to tease you.

”ah, my bad,” he croons. ”were you expecting something else? a… forbidden romance, perhaps?”

before you can begin to protest, warmth rushing to your cheeks, he stops walking. dropping down on one knee, dramatically, with a flutter of his cloak. theatrical. 

gently, he grabs hold of your hand, bringing it to his lips as his eyes flutter shut. you bite back a squeak. his voice comes out low, sultry, honeyed — so heavy with emotion that it’s obvious he’s faking it. ”the only person i yearn to protect is you, my liege,” his breath feels hot against your skin. ”i could never love another. i exist for you, and you alone.” 

suddenly, he’s smirking. you feel it against the knots of your knuckle, right before he cracks a single eye open. glimmering with deep amusement. ”… is that better?”

and you huff. sharply, doing all that you can to avoid getting flustered, his heavy gaze burning right into your own. it really, really doesn’t work. ”you’re so mean.”

”not mean,” he chuckles, rising to his feet. dusting off his cloak. ”i’m just… managing your expectations, my lord. they’d have my head on the chopping block if i so much as touched you without their consent — you know that.”

another little huff. ”i never said i wanted you to…” 

(you do, though.)

suguru hums. ”i’m your knight,” he reminds you, as always, until you get tired of hearing it. steadfast, irrefutable. ”that’s all. remember?”

something bitter settles on your tongue. 

but you nod. ”that’s right,” you hum. ”mine.”

a teasing mirth flickers through his eyes, like the first setting sunrays reflecting off cathedral glass. reverent, dyeing the world in all the colour it asks for. and he chuckles, raspy, amused. ”possessive little thing…”

that’s right, you remind yourself. he’s your knight. your lying, teasing, playwright of a knight. always wearing a mask, hiding behind a suit of armor, playing one role or another. only baring himself under the light of the sun, when no one is around to see. he’s infuriatingly patient, endlessly loyal, the greatest bootlicker you’ve encountered in your life. but he’s kind, too. maybe a little too kind. 

and he always, always kneels. 

such a large man, all toned muscle and tall stature, broad shoulders and a firm chest — kneeling at your feet. like a loyal dog. with a rustle of armor, a flutter of fabric, a sigh and a smile. as soon as you ask for it.

”c’mon. let’s hurry back,” you hear him say, biting back another yawn. ”before anyone finds out i kidnapped you. don’t want me to get in trouble, do you?”

”i kinda do.”

a silent look. unimpressed. it’s the most sincere expression he knows how to make, and also the most comical. ”careful,” he looks ahead, hiding his amused smile. ”wolves eat bratty heirs, you know? better stay on my good side, your highness.”

a bout of sleepy giggles. you curl an arm around his bicep, putting your weight onto him, but he doesn’t stumble. ”sorry, mr wolf! please, by all means, eat my dear father instead.”

”don’t be disrespectful.”

”sorry,” you quip, entirely unapologetic. ”i forgot you had a crush on him. that’s my ba — ow!”

suguru brushes by you, walking forward, hiding his growing grin. leaving you with an ache in your hip and two wide eyes. 

”hurry up, my lord. we don’t have all day.”

”wha — you pinched me!” you stumble after him, barely containing your quiet delight. ”they’ll have your head for this, you know!”

silent laughter. you don’t need to hear it to know that it’s there, just ahead of you, tucked into crows’ feet and a curl of his lips.

suguru always kneels.

but, sometimes, he talks to you as if you’re equals. sometimes he takes the lead, pinches your hip, tells you off a little. teasing, patient, but there’s an edge to him that he doesn’t always hide. sometimes, he lets you see it, and you figure that must make you at least a little bit special.

sometimes, he feels like your best friend.

careless, careless, careless.

how could he ever be so careless?

everything blurs into a puddle of red. murky, sticky, everywhere all at once. all he sees is red, all he feels is burning. his heartbeat pulses at the base of his throat, bottom lip bruised and aching from hours of sinking his teeth into the flesh, over and over — every single nerve of his body running on adrenaline and nothing else.

(adrenaline and fear, maybe, but they’ve always been synonymous. never one without the other.)

the slaughter is mindless. suguru knows that’s how they like it, anyhow — knights aren’t supposed to think. they don’t need to. 

suguru certainly isn’t. cutting his way through the bandit’s den, practically growling, sword painted such a dark shade of red that he doubts he’ll ever be able to wipe it clean. harsh slashes, pure instinct, wildfire inside his veins, iron on his tongue. 

suguru isn’t thinking, he’s hunting. sniffing like a bloodhound. eyes scanning the area before him like a hungry beast.

suguru is hunting — for you.

and when he sees you, at last, tied up and barely conscious, he’s almost certain he’s going to grow claws, fangs, matted fur. that he’s going to turn into a beast beneath the fading moonlight.

but he falls to his knees, instead, like a wounded dog. throwing his burganet off, with a clatter, crawling closer. heaving breaths, untying you with shaky hands, greedy fingertips hunting for a pulsepoint —

and only when he finds it does he allow himself the luxury of breathing again.

when you come to, veins dragged down by a fuzzy sensation, your vision is blurred. foggy, dull colours on the canvas of your mind, gradually washed away as you struggle for control. you stir, and finally see the figure above you. 

what you see is a knight, a wolf, a beast beneath the moonlight. a kind, kind man.

suguru.

bloodied armor. sweaty, messy hair, sticking to his forehead. pure panic in his bloodshot eyes. he cradles your face, cold metal on your cheek, dirty and smelling of iron. he moves his mouth; you delude yourself into thinking that his bottom lip is trembling. forming around familiar vowels.

he’s saying your name.

there must be something wrong with you, you belatedly realize. the last one to do so. because you’re hurt, scared, but you still feel a skip of your heartbeat. 

(he finally said it.)

you muster all the strength at your disposal, eyelids fluttering. and you try to answer, you do, reaching for that thread between your brain and your tongue — but it comes out as a garbled little thing, more air than noise. 

it’s enough. the tense crease between his brows melts away, and he sighs.

”oh, thank the heavens.”

another sensation. he’s touching your hand, now, cold metal on warm skin, bringing it up to his lips; a shaky little exhale brushing against the knots of your knuckle. his lips are chapped. 

then he’s scooping you up, cradling you close, as close as metaphysically possible, as if willing to cut his stomach open to fit you inside. a firm grip, comforting, stable. desperate, a mother wolf carrying her cub to safety, by the skin of her teeth. his hair tickles your skin, but you don’t mind.

only when he brings you back to the castle does everything fall into place. he explains everything, as you sit in bed, still recovering. a sudden attack, from within the castle, a kidnapping. some enemies of the king, a scandal to do with you and your blood. something, something, something. you’ve grown used to not understanding why you keep getting hurt. 

and you’re too distracted by the sullen face of the knight in front of you to pay attention.

suguru wasn’t there to stop it — wasn’t there to save you, be your knight in dashing armor. the king had invited him to a game of chess, and you had been adamant in your refusal to join them.

so you don’t understand why he’s apologizing.

he’s smiling, but it’s weak, as flimsy as a piece of paper. his lying smile, tight-lipped, betrayed by the redness of his eyes, the puffy skin beneath them. dark crescents. he sits by your bedside and looks a little like he wants to curl into a ball. 

”i’m sorry.”

and ah, you think; there it is. guilt. always, always clinging to him, a ghost haunting him wherever he goes. it’s been there since the beginning, in the scar reaching for his shoulder, the nature of his never-fading smile. guilt, guilt, guilt. you wonder if he's ever gone without it. you wonder if knights begin to crumble when they stop feeling ashamed. 

he looks sad.

with a breathless inhale, you part your lips. you want to tell him that he has nothing to apologize for, that you’re fine now — that you could never be mad at him. not really, never truly, never at him. you want to tell him that he’s your favorite person, not just your favorite knight, that he’s allowed to make mistakes without demanding that he suffer for them. 

you want to tell him that it’s okay, really. seriously.

but all that leaves your lips is a meek little sniffle. as the shock of it all finally settles, sinking deep into your bones, the fear of being captured, the dull ache of your skull meeting the ground. you can’t tell him any of the things you want to, and you feel so awful — 

because suguru’s face falls. like you just thrusted a knife into his sternum and twisted it. he looks like he could cry, too.

”i’m sorry,” his voice cracks, right down the middle. like a broken vase. ”i’m so sorry.” it’s not at all what you want to hear, but you can’t tell him that either. he’s bundling you up before you know it, dragging you into the comfort of his chest, one large palm on the back of your head; tugging you closer still. he smells of soap and oak wood and peach blossoms. ”it was scary, wasn’t it?”

and you nod. into his neck, wet tears brushing against his skin. not stable enough to act tough. you don’t think he is, either.

suguru exhales, shaky, clutching you like he could lose you if he lets go. lose himself. he knows you’re scared, but you let him soothe you. 

it means something, he thinks. it means something that you let him come so close, closer than anyone’s ever been. so he swallows the guilt until it’s no longer clogging up the back of his throat, if only so his voice can flow out through the gap, give you the comfort you need. just rubbing your back until you calm down, apologizing silently — over and over again. manic, like the tick-tock of a clock.

until your voice breaks him out of it.

”it’s not your fault.”

he stiffens. still holding you, feeling your heartbeat settle down, hearing your voice break out of your throat. it comes out as a weak croak, with just the slightest hint of disapproval.

he gulps.

”don’t worry about me, right now,” he hushes you. a silent plea. ”i’m not the one who’s injured.”

”suguru —” you sigh, almost a hiss. ”i hit my head. once. that’s all.” you wipe away the wetness of your cheeks, biting back a sniffle. ”… you’re acting like i’m fucking dying. cut it out.”

(for once, he’s relieved to hear that sharp edge of your voice. it means you’re feeling better.)

a weak inhale. ”… they kidnapped you. it must’ve been terrifying. please, just…” and a tired exhale. ”please just don’t strain yourself.”

”it wasn’t your fault.”

…

”your highne —”

”i’m serious.” you’re pulling away, suddenly, clasping onto his cheeks with your tearstained palms. squishing his face together. ”it wasn’t your fault. it was mine.”

he shakes his head, eager to protest, so you squish his cheeks with more force, and shake his head for him. like a misbehaving dog. ”nope. if you even think about apologizing, i’ll start crying again.”

he lets out a huff. frowning, sadly, a downcast pair of eyes.

”don’t pout. i’ll bite you.”

it’s slight, barely even there at all — but you think the corner of his mouth twitches upwards, just by a hair, exhaling through his nose with just the slightest hint of amusement.

he places his palm over yours. 

a moment passes, slow and steady, both of you catching your breaths. calming down, letting the fear of it all seep out of your aching bones. you hope the warmth of your skin against his soothes him as much as it soothes you. 

”… you know, your highness,” he murmurs, softly. meeting your puffy eyes with his tired pools of amber gold. ”there’s something i never told you.”

you blink. he continues.

”just the night before the king reached out to me… i had a dream.” he musters a weak, exhausted little smile. ”dreams… i don’t have them very often. and when i do, they’re nothing good. but this dream…” 

his eyes flutter shut. a curtain closing, a raven taking flight, the tick-tock of a heartbeat. you can’t look away. ”it stuck out to me.”

silence.

your voice comes out soft, like the bedsheets beneath you, the man before you. a tiny breath of a question. ”… what was it about?”

he smiles. smoothing a thumb over your knuckle, reverent, as if memorizing every ridge and dip.

”a fox.”

…

”it had…” his hand slips from the small of your back, reaching for your cheek, pinching it gently. ”a cheeky smile.”

your skin heats up, beneath his touch. and you blink, not saying a word, because there isn’t any need to. all the words you could ever want have already been painted out.

(well, maybe not quite all.)

”suguru.” you lean close, just a little, drinking him in. and he listens, as always, so you don’t bother beating around the bush. swallowing any embarrassment your tired mind can still feel. because your knight is right in front of you, eyes still red from crying, and you want him to be happy. “i think you’re my favorite person.”

he stills.

then he burns up. 

”wha — where did that come from?” he stammers, a strawberry hue to his ears, his neck, the tips of his fingers. enveloping him like a blanket of warmth.

you only shrug. ”you told me the truth. figured i should return the favour, for once.” a giddy, exhausted smile. “we’re both awful liars, huh?”

suguru opens his mouth. then he closes it, again, desperate to collect himself. you think he must be a little too exhausted to, and you wish you could say you felt bad. ”you… you can’t just —”

he squeezes his eyes shut. sighing. giving up, the gears of his mind grinding to a halt. your grin blooms wider.

”hehe.” you poke at his flushed cheek, and he cracks a single eye open. ”you’re blushing.”

he huffs, leaning away from your touch, and you find yourself enjoying the reversal of your usual roles. very much so. he tries to smile, tries to get one up on you, but he only blushes a deeper shade of red once your words reach his ears. 

so he settles for using cheap tricks.

”you’re hallucinating,” he scoffs, shoving your head into the fluffy pillows all around you. ever so gently, listening to your muffled giggles. trying to stifle his own joy. ”go back to sleep.”

”my blushy knight,” you coo, and he drags the blanket over your head. biting down on his lip to stop himself from joining your bubbly laughter, blushing more than ever. 

(the word knight sounds very pretty, when it’s falling from your lips.)

”i swear,” he exhales, heavy and exasperated, but you can hear the smile in his voice. ”just what am i to do with you?”

it’s fond. delicate, even in his bouts of teasing, the light instances of manhandling. and you’re happy, because he’s not apologizing anymore, and he’s happy because you aren’t crying anymore. give and take. there’s a rhythm to it, a point where everything else becomes background noise, whether it’s memories of a kidnapping or a decade-old guilt.

he stays with you all night, even after you’ve fallen asleep. just watching you, safeguarding you, checking your pulse every now and then. content to watch as your chest rises and falls, with the tender ticking of your heartbeat.

that night, you dream of a kind, kind wolf, and a painting yet to be finished. 

before you lies a field of stars.

you’re seated on a blanket, with a pretty knight to your left, up on top of a grassy hill. daffodils bloom around you, sweet nectar hanging in the air, a field of sunflowers waving at you from below. dragonflies greet you with a scratchy song. 

everything is perfect. a midnight rendezvous, a picnic under the stars — suguru’s own idea. to celebrate the time that you’ve spent together.

(well, that part was your idea. but you’re sure he appreciates it, too.)

the basket next to you is filled with fruit and berries, marmalade and jam, bottles of herbal tea. suguru’s delicious sandwiches. you bite into one of them, humming happily, and he’s quick to brush the occasional crumb from the corner of your lip, ghosting over your skin with a smile.

there’s another basket, too, just in front of you, that you brought on your own. hiding a secret; one you're just about to unveil. 

you clear your throat to get his attention.

like clockwork, he’s looking at you. listening, when  you tell him to close his eyes, only giving you a questioning raise of his brow and an amused exhale. 

you’re quick to lean forward, uncovering the basket, revealing the secret you’ve hidden so well. suguru is still waiting, indulgent, patient. you feel a little hesitant, but still part your lips.

“… okay. you can open them, now.”

he does. instantly, two ravens taking flight, and the sight that awaits them is that of a painting; a painting of a wolf, in the middle of the woods, empty armors and wilted sunflowers all around it. dragonflies and dragonflies, a knight just out of view.

he stares, silently, and you do your best to hide your growing nervosity. even as he takes it into his lap, and your gaze falls to the blanket below you. ”it’s… not my best work, but —” his eyes stay glued onto the painting, as you stumble blindly for the right words to say. wringing your hands together, clutching at the fabric of your sleeves. ”i’d… like you to have it. i mean, unless you —”

”thank you.”

you raise your head.

suguru is gazing at the canvas with the softest pair of eyes you’ve ever seen. melting amber, crinkled at the edges, accompanied by a sweet grin. 

”i’ll treasure it,” he vows, meeting your eyes, voice dripping with warmth. hand on his heart, and you can’t even poke fun at it. ”always.”

his earnest acceptance is enough to fluster you, enough to make you feel as it your heart is about to collapse, but he continues to look at the painting with enough awe to fill an empty lake with water, and it makes you terribly shy. 

until his smile drops.

”uh, actually — i…”

now it’s your turn to stare, silently, as he fumbles with something in the basket at his feet. gentle, as he takes out glass jars and wrapped sandwiches. out comes a sheet of paper. 

then he’s clearing his throat. handing it to you, pointedly avoiding your gaze. ”i’m not an artist, so you know. i just…” he coughs, a little out of his element. “well. here.”

with delicate hands, you accept it, bringing it down to your lap. big, curious eyes taking it in.

it’s a sketch — made with coal, a little smudged, but awfully charming. pretty, delicate.

it’s a sketch of a fox.

wide-eyed, all you can do is stare. gaze flitting up to meet his own, his nervous expression, before falling back to the little canine. ”you — this…” back and forth, over and over again. ”for — ?” 

you point to yourself. 

suguru only chuckles. ”yes, it’s for you. who else?” he taps the pads of his fingers against the handle of the basket, watching you silently admire the mischievous fox. not saying anything; so he continues.

”like i said; i’m not an artist. you can always throw it away, if you’d —”

”i’m gonna frame it.”

…

”i'm gonna frame it,” you repeat, eyes shining with sincerity. a little manic. ”i’ll hang it on the wall of the castle hallway so everyone can see it. it’ll be there for centuries to come, passed down —”

”please don't —”

”d’you think a gold frame would fuck up the vibe? maybe a modest silver is best.” you turn to face him, ignoring his blatant embarrassment. ”oooh, hang on! father knows this guy who makes them with real minerals. i’ll just —”

”your highness,” the knight cuts you off, almost with a squeak. ”please. it’s just a dumb drawing. i just… wanted to give it to you. that’s all.”

a pause. you look into his eyes, flickering with hesitance, an earnest desire for your approval only. so you hum, albeit a little hesitant.

”… alright. if you say so. i’ll hang it in my room, then.”

he sighs; relieved. ”that’s better. really, you —”

”thank you.” you whisper, blinking away the wetness at your lash-line. staring at the sketch with a dreamy, dreamy smile. ”i love it.”

you grin, happily, practically beaming. suguru wants to keep it there, always, on those pretty lips; he wants to lay his life on the line to protect it. but something tells him that would just make it fall. 

finally, everything clicks into place. the air fills with the scent of herbal tea, fresh strawberries, acrylic paint and hushed whispers. your own ritual, repeated over and over, like a loving waltz. 

as always, it’s suguru who breaks the silence. shatters it with the tip of his tongue. 

”hey,” he calls, softly. “my lord.”

mouth full of bread, you simply look at him. chewing silently, attention piqued. swallowing with a gulp. he places his folded hands on his lap, exhaling a little breath. ”… i’ve been thinking.”

”uh oh.”

silently, he gives you one of those flat, unimpressed looks of his, and you quiet down with a grin and another mouthful of bread. he quirks a brow, exhaling amusedly, then shakes his head and continues.

”i retract my earlier statement.”

when you glance up again, he’s smiling. showing more teeth than usual, a little wider, a little wolfish. a little more himself. you want to paint it, keep it hidden away somewhere only you can see.

”if it was someone else — anyone else…” he trails off, tasting the words on his tongue. “i doubt i’d feel this way. i doubt i’d want to protect them as fervently.” his voice flows out like a river of gold, just a little scratchy. it always is, when it sounds this sincere. 

he meets your eyes, and everything falls into place. 

”you’ve become precious to me,” he admits. ”i can't remember what it felt like to not be yours.”

his tongue curls around a familiar set of syllables, and your name seeps from his lips like a prayer, a vow, a trickle of honey and wine. devotion sticks to his tongue, to the vowels, a heavy fondness — something devout. something you've only ever heard from the mouths of priests.

and then he’s smiling. 

”i think i’ll be your knight until the day i die,” he breathes, and deep down you know it’s a vow. “even if the king discards me of that title.”

silence. except for an increasingly loud mantra of tick-tocks, from the depths of your own chest, echoing in your ears. your knight is in front of you, and he’s yours, and he’s smiling like he loves you. like he always will.

”… suguru.”

he hums, eyes lidded, blinking slowly. serenely. he lets you cling to him, pull him close, practically dragging him into your lap.

”stay with me,” you plead, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. too desperate to feel embarrassed. ”forever. promise me.”

an exhale, right by your ear. it sounds so fond you could cry. 

“i promise,” he whispers, fingers intertwining with your own. a perfect puzzle piece, a functional clockwork. lifting your hand, bringing his glossy lips to your knuckle; where they belong. ”until death tears me away from you.”

”it won’t,” you deadpan, partly to distract him from the growing heat of your fingertips. mostly because it’s true. ”you won't let it.”

he smiles against your knuckle, breathing out an airy laugh. ”clever little thing…” his free hand goes to rest on your spine, as always, and you lean back to see him properly. knowing he’ll catch you if you fall.

“.. but yeah," he sighs. "i won’t.”

before you know it, you’re leaning back in. because his eyes are the warmest shade of brown you’ve ever seen, and his hair is just a little tousled, and he looks so kissable it aches.

his jaw trembles, a little, when you press your lips against the curve of it. his whole body seems to still, for a moment, and you pull back just to see if he’s blushing. he is. 

but he must have anticipated your teasing, because he’s tucking you under his chin before you can see it through. pressing you close. and he tuts, a click of his silver tongue. ”… you little tease,” comes a whisper. ”how am i supposed to hold back now?”

”don’t hold back, dummy,” you grin, muffled against the column of his throat. you just barely resist the urge to sink your teeth into the skin. ”you’re a bad actor, anyway. the worst.”

and he is. he’s been looking at your lips this whole time — he couldn’t be more obvious if he tried.

suguru laughs, breathy, overflowing with fondness. chest rumbling with the noise, blending together with the rhythmic thumping of his clockwork heart. ”okay,” comes a soft lull of his tongue. ”i won’t, then.”

a drowsy feeling overtakes you, just as you feel his lips meet the crown of your head. it’s not much, but it’s a start. and it’s tender, tender enough to get you choked up, to get you to close your eyes to stop any tears from forming. because one person in this kingdom understands you, and he tells you that he’ll never leave. and you think you can actually find it in you to believe him. 

one person’s clockwork heart never breaks for you, and maybe that’s enough to convince you to stop trying to push it there.

”you can sleep, if you’d like,” is whispered against your hair. soft, soothing, his palm on your spine. ”i’ve got you. always.”

(one person in this world can make you feel safe, with just four little words. and isn’t that something?)

so you doze off, on the shoulder of your very own knight. your favorite knight, always and forever, a sword at his hip that was forged to protect you. or so he’ll tell you, years from now, when he’s got you in his lap, when there isn’t any need for him to act anymore.

and you dream a perfect dream. a dream of a wolf, and a fox, and a garden of stars.

[starora2]

From BTS, I was fangirling. And then I moved to ground floor bedroom. Things started become so weird when I was there. And then mother (Beldam) and other mothers (Beldam) got sick. I decided to move to 2nd floor (I moved every boxes and things like 🔺🤦🏻‍♀️ with red blanket, not really but it was tough). And then Covid-19 started. Mom and dad started sleeping in the living room. I had fun fan-girling BTS. Then I started watching Kampong People. I started to record video (making vlogs videos). Until I moved to 2nd floor. But I deleted the videos (bc I thought of marriage.. but now I think about cam sama sha 😂🤣). Then I started decluttering the kitchen cabinet. Mother (beldam) got angry. It was tough. And then after all that done. My friend texted me in the group chat, there's job opening. So I applied. And got the job. It was the best time of my life. I get to work with my friends. I wish Bruneian Darussalam could make business like that and have Bruneians staff. Barutah siuk "Brunei siok". "Now Brunei is so Dull all the time like the sky is always dull nowadays what happened-". Anyways. Why do they always wanna play rough? Before working in their company under their stupid fame 🔺🔻👁️✈️👀👀? 😂🤣. Ada lagi kerja lapas atu. Kerja as labour dulu and then barutah kana simpan ke office job. Under their stupid fame jua but this one is 🔺🔻👁️✈️👀👀😂🤣. Probably because of Hafizul & Wana. 😔😔. Anyway. I was like. Wtf is going on?! About getting fucked by Hafizul it was like a dream to me. But then when we married cam sha ceritanya. And then I started to realize something.. they are so mean? 🐝🐕🐦🗣️🧙🏻‍♀️🔮🧙🏻‍♂️. They should have biggest, largest jail in their own country because the way I look at them, they can be criminal 🧙🏻‍♂️🔮🧙🏻‍♀️ bc they will choose violence. Although I saw on her facebook that she repost this post 'rotten fruit shall fall off-'. I guess I deserve that. Maybe she still loves him. Although I used to be flexible. I told you they are playing violence 🧙🏻‍♂️🔮🧙🏻‍♀️🗣️🐝🐦🐕 I mean rasuk wah. Now I feel like old woman ready to die. Bye. Hoooo Histeria STPRI...

Fifty Shades of Grey ?

I can't do it anymore. They are too stronk. I die. I mean in FINANCIAL!! "Rugi" !! He even mahu amput in asshole?! Within 3 months postpartum he was horny. 🧙🏻‍♀️🔮🧙🏻‍♂️. He's dead. Then he hurt my pinggang after that. Now my vagina hurt when do sexual intercourse. He's sucks. 👎🏼. If mahu Hafizul atu ambil tia wah. Pebaik kamu inda cukup duit. Rugi. Malas tah ku ingau. 😂🤣. Sialan. It's so dangerous. Hospital tah lagay. I'm sorry. I cannot do it. Good luck finding handsome 🇧🇳 men. Lolz. 🐖🔪🧠. They even messed up my Eczema friendly dish wash soap. I told him to buy this brand because it's good to my eczema.. but he bought different beand instead 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♂️. Now my hands has eczema flare up quite strong. I think Im gonna bring myself to the clinic. See?! I'm supposed to be CHEAP ass girl. Now they make me EXPENSIVE as shit. It's RIDICULOUS.

Fine!! Just to break the Hollywood curses. It's all your faults. 🔺🔻. See you after 3 years!! Lol. Even 🇵🇭 women and 🇵🇭 men doesn't get along. Lmao.

Ugh - BTS

Why are they so sexist.. ✋🏼🤚🏼. Is this you? Perhaps the 🕋 is you? Trying to make us think stupid just thinking about Allah 24/7 😂🤣. 5x praying a day 😂🤣. I'm muslim myself. I do like Islam. But I don't want to dive into 5x praying a day. It seems so stupid. Trying to chase time just to do sexist exercise. ✋🏼🤚🏼☝🏼. Give me a break.

Agatah send Hafizul ke masjid. Kau jua yang mahu kan?! Lelaki bergaul dengan lelaki. Perempuan bergaul dengan perempuan. Pasal kau di 🇧🇳🏴‍☠️ kan?! AGATAH!!

Eczema makes my life even more expensive. Yet they still gave 'D' in my English & my Combined Science exam. And then let me stay with my parents.. with no money. Baru ko tahu. I hope you'll get karma for this. I would have 6 O'Level. Bunch of losers. I would have been a successful woman unlike yew brainless losers. 🗣️🐝🐦🐕🐖🧙🏻‍♀️🔮🧙🏻‍♂️ Ew disgusting uncultured swines 🏴‍☠️🇧🇳.

Kesian. 💳.

What does Hawaiian pizza has anything to do with 🍍 field? MPK cults are you ok? 😭 💔 🇧🇳🏴‍☠️cursed?🐝🗣️🐦🐕🐖🧙🏻‍♀️🔮🧙🏻‍♂️? 😑. I as the children don't want to step up because..I mean..I would fight back. But it's not my problem.

In in in 🏴‍☠️🇧🇳 it's quite CRUEL the 🍍 farm was in mountain. I think they all dead. I pray that they all akan sadar. 😔.

Maybe try Kain Tenunan? Cap Kain (😍 my most favourite!! 😤)? Ketupat? Pulut Panggang (yumyum)? Ambuyat? Baju Bruneian? Baju Cara Melayu? Baju Kurong? Then kalau orang luar terpakai ada jua economy 🇧🇳 dapat product 🇧🇳. So much you can do to contribute 🇧🇳 cultures/traditions. To 🇧🇳 generation future sha ku ajar nanti sudah ku mati. Ok bye. 🧙🏻‍♂️🔮🧙🏻‍♀️🗣️🐝🐦🐕🐖🇧🇳🏴‍☠️. Dajjal vs Nabi Isa........

I would make Kain Tenunan pink bag 😍, Kain Tenunan pink baju kurong, Kain tenunan pink alas meja.. kana suruh kah tu oleh nenek moyangs. Nanti tah.

Hawaiian pizza is by Greek #TheMoreYouKnow

Today's generation and with slightly full of hatred on other side society. Could be hard to over populate Brunei Darussalam. But with great distraction 📺🧠😒🤕🧠🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️👻 (which is me). The future of Brunei Darussalam can make it.

"It's been 84 years."

"You're welcome."

Who these

"Just stay away from me!! You're a coward!!"

"Great food. Thanks for having time to meet meeting me."

*Hit his balls/penis.* If he wanna make baby again. Because im broke. Wtf. Until I get my birth control pill. Thank you very much doctors. You getting paid by rasuah or gaji? How much is it? "Not enough." Too bad. Jangantah berkraja di Brunei Darussalam then?! Bagi tia job mu ah arah orang lain!! Paidah!! Banyak lagi orang Brunei Darussalam kan jadi doctors. Banyak lagi kan difikirkan dang dang!! Kan suruh aku balik2 ke clinic? Jangan harap. Kau ganya kan difikirkan kah?! 🗣️🏴‍☠️🇧🇳. Atu banar!! Balik karang arah slums di negri mu yang over populated ah. "Mah-hu?!" I have smelly pookie and smelly body odor you think that's a coincidence?! I don't think so yew whores. Jangan jadi jahat. 🇧🇳🏴‍☠️.

Divergent movie i live gah

Mendera anak. Ngah dyg pun mendera dulu. Aku nampak cats nya yg basar2, tapi masih jua ia marahi anaknya. I don't like 🐈🐕🐦 cause they don't do anything to over populate Brunei Darussalam. Aku pun sikit lagi mental. Hafizul was very mental pasal ia belum tidur 2-3 hari? (Siapa jua inda mental kalau balum tidur. "okie"). Aku marahi pasal Khaleed nangis tangah2 malam, ertinya mahu nenen. Sebelum aku jadi pendera, Hafizul mesti sakiti aku. Sakiti hati ku pun ada jua (banyak 🤣😂). So it can reminds me of my faults (ill find you when im dead 🏴‍☠️🇧🇳🧙🏻‍♀️🧙🏻‍♂️). I try not to explode. Or else I'll die. Geez. 🏴‍☠️🇧🇳

Manatahu kau nanti terkana.. Like.. Car accident? Car crash? Pendera (sekali saja, don't push it, control)? Pemarah (tapi mama inda sampai tangan. Arah ku sampai tangan pulang)? Kana rasuk? Kahwin 2-3-4 orang bini? Divorcee? Gigi problem? Eye got stabbed? Tergelincir di jamban sampai mati? Cacat? Kana keluarkan dari master bedroom? Ada car but with no aircond? Kana marahi oleh boss inda suruh bekraja lagi must stay di rumah buat chores just live life (lmao, kalau malar kana serbu aku ani pasal stay di rumah kana pajal suruh bekraja untuk orang 🇵🇭 atu bana.... 🤌🏼?🫶🏼? Ew. Sendiri tah kau berkayuh🚲 🤣😂🎬🎥)? Kana tinggalkan somewhere else oleh laki and then laki lupa pick up bini? Jalan2 kaki jauh2? Patah tulang? Sakit pinggang macam orang tua? Sakit tua di katil? Keguguran? Curi cucu (but his/her future wife/husband will kill you.)? Penjara? Drug? Pookie berbau?! Badan berbau macam bau sampah or bau bangkai?! Eczema?!

Entah apa history family mu masa dulu2. Baik tah kau research, tanya saudara-mara mu baik. Ada ciri2 pendera jua pakah. Ku liat ciri2 pemental ada jua. Penjahat. Indakan penjahat. Kana rasuki 🇧🇳🏴‍☠️?? Baiktah bawa berubat.

Bagi hairan jua tu ah. Malar ku fikirkan, "Kenapakan ia malar target aku ani ah? Suruh aku berubat lah, suruh aku ke mental ward lah 😑". Jangan2 ia yang patut berubat. Jangan2 history family mu ada pernah ke mental ward. 🤕. Patutlah ada psycho ward di 🇧🇳🏴‍☠️.. I see it now. Apa masalah ku kan arah mu? Ada kah orang berguna kan laki mu? Ada kah orang berguna kan bini mu? Yang penting Stop kacau aku. STOP LIAT AKU. Mihir jua tu. You think is that fair?

Yang penting aku inda dapat selamatkan masalah mu dan masalah keluarga mu. Ok. Walau apa pun kejahatan kau mahu buat arah ku. Inda kana ampuni tu perbuatan mu atu. Pasal kau sendiri pakai/makan/minum/tidur/breathe apa saja yang kau buat atu. Basically. Living life. Sekian maklum.

Please watch this movie 'Dead Silence' so you can sadar/know why.. Bawa baca doa penyejuk hat. Bawa sembahyang, cakap/berdoa dengan Allah. Bawatah berubat. Bawa dangar lagu metal pakah, dangar lagu Taylor Swift kah, dangar lagu Little Mix kah. Mana ku taho. Sometimes orang sekeliling ni ada jua sifat 🗣️🐦🐕. Hati-hati sha.

Tada

Tada

The most powerful women goes to....

When did this curse started entering 🇧🇳🏴‍☠️?

Curses. Something to think about.

Maybe greedie? Taxes?

Witches..