#today is soffday on this blog

[reginrokkr]

𝐗𝐗𝐈. Differing views of romance across the passing of centuries.

Dain’s view in romance is intimately tied with his upbringing and his perspective of what the beings of Celestia should do. Reflecting in the fact that I’ve established for him that he’s the younger heir of Celestia as per the Gnostic Chorus cutscene, originally he was meant to be something akin to the angels depicted in the old murals. A guiding presence for humans, to teach them and show them the way to what’s the most beneficial to them while at the same time ensuring that their deeds won’t be detrimental for the world. This was before he learned too much and received a certain wisdom he shouldn’t have that made the beings of Celestia orchestrate a plan to get rid of him. Firstly they made him become a warrior instead as a measure to make him stay away from all knowledge, then one day he’d be made to descent to Teyvat.

His descent to Teyvat would be akin to a maturity ritual to him even if he isn’t ordered to do so until he’s 23 years old of age.

His view of romantic love is purely idealized. He’s someone who holds a love for humans (this also comes from the spirit of the missing shining shade he houses within, but that’s talk for another time) and he seeks to do what’s best for them. In turn, this makes him friendly to the idea of falling in love with a mortal and perhaps even have a family of his own to continue with that idealized legacy (also byproduct of Celestia’s brainwash, we all know that they aren’t what people idealize them for) so that everyone can live harmoniously in this world. Love is meant to be something positive, something that heals people and helps them do better.

This sentiment continues even after his upbringing is forcefully changed for that of a warrior. To him, being discarded as a pacific guiding figure doesn’t mean that he can’t do it still with everything he learned. But this time, he would also be able to protect them from any danger that they can’t fend themselves from. He’s a man with lots of love to give in any variety he can, and he’s also a man who yearns to find that special someone who could love him.

However, this changes when he finally descends and his memories are erased as I mentioned in a recent headcanon. While his wisdom prevails, he doesn’t know who he is or where he came from. He doesn’t know who his family is if he had any at all nor why he’s at Khaenri’ah’s doorstep so to speak. Everything that love supposed to him and his own little wishes completely evaporated, but one resurfaced as soon as he saw Khaenri’ah’s situation and discovered how much he can help these people: his love towards humans to guide with wisdom (acting as some sort of oracle to communicate Irminsul’s word to the people) which results in bearing the title of Bough Keeper, his love to protect which manifests through the second title he received: Twilight Sword.

This love changes from being towards others and seeking to find it himself to be exclusively towards others while thinking nothing of himself. In a way he abandons himself in order to be of service to others and he’s happy with it. Surely he’s not against the idea of engaging in a romantic relationship, most likely the king would’ve wanted to find for him suitors as an act of gratitude for his service towards Khaenri’ah, but in Dain’s mind it was not time to settle for a more normal life just yet.

And this changes even further post-Cataclysm to the present day. If we could argue that during the peaceful Khaenri’ahn days he kind of abandoned himself for the sake of serving others by his own volition, now he doesn’t have any shred of love for himself whatsoever. He hates himself for what happened, he blames himself and he doesn’t think of himself any higher than a monster upon finding out that he had a family in Celestia and due to his corruption. He’s no human nor mortal. No angel nor a full monster. He’s just an entity cursed to immortality to dwell the world until he completely loses his mind and fades to ashes. Or maybe until he turns into a hilichurl or he gives in to his negative emotions and becomes an abyssal creature.

He has love to offer still, his love for humanity is what makes him press forward and not simply stay and be until he’s no more. He could’ve done that, no one could blame him for it all things considered. His love for humanity and concern of what Celestia has done to multiple civilizations upon informing himself via Irminsul makes him want to seek better for humans so that they don’t have to hand in this dangerous area where one step going wrong suffices to be exterminated. And his love for humanity made him turn his back to the people he once protected. He understands their grudge and negative feelings for them after living in the dark under grim conditions for so long while the others basked in the benefits of being under the Seven’s protection. But these people aren’t to be faulted for what happened to Khaenri’ah. They’re just as human as they used to be and they still have saving. Dain wants to do his best so that another tragedy doesn’t happen.

But despite what little to nothing of love he has left for himself, a very tiny part of him still hopes to find that person who can illuminate a light in his dark world. He yearns for a softness and tenderness that he doesn’t think he deserves. But he has these instances in which he dares to wish he had any of it. Buried beneath multiple layers of trauma and negative feelings he has for himself and that damned curse that doesn’t let him rest one bit physically or mentally, there is still that youthful and idealized wish to be loved. If only there was someone who could understand his grief and see beyond his attempts of pushing away when he gets too scared of things escalating into something deeper that he’s undeserving for. Or that the other person would benefit more from having a normal relationship with someone more alike to them.