#today i had 3 pretzels with peanut butter

[psilocybinaut]

I've essentially been fasting since i got my teeth ripped out last week. I've lost like 10 pounds in 7 days.

But yesterday and today I was able to eat the most food yet, and that felt like quite an accomplishment.

[janitorhutcherson]

Groceries, Taxes, & Laundry (MSchmidt Fluff)

hey guys, it's me. i'm finally back. did y'all miss me? the writing of this is a lil diff, sooooo please enjoy and lmk what you think!

content: pure fluff yall.

-----------------------------

Grocery shopping with Mike Schmidt is… special, to say the least. He absolutely despises it. The dreaded time comes around at the end of every week, your vegetables in the fridge starting to wilt, the meat from the previous trip used up, and all of your snacks have been devoured from late night munchie runs to the pantry (xoxo i love gardening!!!). He knows it has to happen. He knows you’ll wake him up early on Sunday morning like always, because apparently it’s “better to get it out of the way,” which he thinks is, well, to put it lightly, utter bullcrap.

You’ll drag him and Abby out to your local grocery store, her drowsy and jittery all at the same time with the promise of pancakes from a local diner after. Once you arrive, you’ll pull out all of the far-too-expensive reusable bags out of the trunk of Mike’s dingy car, ready to fill them with the necessities. Why get those for 3 bucks when you can get the plastic ones for free? He’ll never understand your logic, something about saving the environment, but it’s okay, he loves you enough not to complain, at least out loud.

The fluorescent lights of the room filled with half asleep employees hits Mike’s eyes like he’s looking directly into the sun. He lets out a small grumbled sigh as he takes in the scent of sterile cleaning supplies and produce mixed in one, with the strange almost play doh like smell of the bakery. Your eyes cut over to him, eyebrows raised, Abby’s hand in yours as she rubs her droopy eyes. Mike can’t help but to crack a small smirk, his lips pursed together. “What?” he’ll question innocently, letting out a small snicker as you go deeper into the dreary establishment. 

At the produce aisle, Mike shivers a little as the water from the misting sprinkler on the shelves hits his bare skin. He should’ve worn his jacket today, he usually does, and he’s regretting the one time he hasn’t. Your eyes are glancing over carrots, broccoli, cucumbers, and squash, all that are somehow both too ripe and too.. What's the word... unripe? Sure, he’ll go with that. His hand reaches out to grip yours in a gentle grasp as Abby points to a particularly fluffy bushel of broccoli. “I want that one! It looks like pretty trees,” she giggles out, finally starting to wake with the day. You let out a giggle of your own and Mike smiles because of how pretty your laugh is.

Next, you’re in the snack aisle, filling the cart with doritos, barbeque chips, pringles, salt and vinegar chips (mike gags when you eat them too close to him), peanut butter filled pretzels, whatever can go in Abby’s lunch box and whatever is tastiest. Mike insists on buying the cheap queso, his nose scrunching up at the price of the name brand one. He knows it doesn’t taste any different.

Now you’re looking at meats, finding chicken breasts and filets, steaks, pork, whatever was on your list from meal prepping. Yes, meal prepping, Mike did that now. Apparently stable people with stable lives who had stable relationships did that. He’d grown fond of sitting over a recipe book with you on Saturday nights, really, shoulder to shoulder, pressed up on the couch well after Abby had gone to bed. Something about it felt safe, a kind of domestic feeling he wasn’t used to.

You’re basically done now, and he couldn’t be more relieved as you make your way towards the dairy section. He grabs a few things, string cheese, yogurt, cream cheese, cheese slices for sandwiches for work. Oh, did he mention he works in construction now? It’s stable, makes good money, and he’s home on time to see you, to be a husband-not-yet-husband (he plans to propose soon, but that’s another story), a brother-more-like-a-father, a person with a regular schedule. He looks over at you, watching as you and Abby skim over the different selections of chocolate and strawberry milk, finally settling on a carton of strawberry. He once again scrunches his nose, smiling all at once. “Nasty,” he mumbles out. Abby playfully hits his arm and you lean in for a kiss.

Finally, thank god, you push the cart towards the bakery section, grabbing bread and a sweet treat or two for the week. Cookies, a birthday cake for no particular reason, cheese danishes, whatever his little family was feeling for the week, that’s what it’d be. This week, it was a huge box of chocolate chip cookies and some kind of cherry pastry he’d never had before. You three finally head to checkout, where everything is stuck in those stupid reusable bags and the price of everything you got feels obscenely huge for what’s in your cart, but he pays it anyway. Walking to the car, in the trunk the groceries go as you all climb in one by one, ready to head for pancakes.

As he reverses the car out of his good (only because it was so goddamn early) parking spot, he can’t help but sigh, this time with contentment as Abby rambles on about a new imaginary (hopefully) friend, your own grin wide as you ask questions, making sure she feels heard. “I love you guys, love doing things with you guys,” Mike mumbles out, reaching his hand over to your thigh as he glances back at Abby too. And it was true, he’d do anything with you two. Hell, if all his life consisted of grocery shopping, taxes, and laundry? Yeah, he’d be ok with that too.

[spinning-stars]

Sweet Tooth🩷🧁

Vincent Sinclair x Gn reader.

Warnings- it's fluff/sfw, pure and utterly fluff. Bo does make a joke about sperm at the end.

Yes I head cannon Vincent to love baking, I find it really cute.

"Vincent! Y/N! I'm taking Lester out for dinner, be back in about- 2 hours? Fuck if I know." Bo screams from the front door. The plan is ready for action. Today was Lester's birthday, you and Vincent have been planning to bake Lester a large array of sweet treats. You knew Vincent liked to bake because he would bake fresh cinnamon rolls or beignets at least once a week. But you didn't realize exactly how much Vincent liked to bake until you saw the list of treats y'all had to make.

Lester's Treats:

1 cake

1 pan of brownies

2 dozen cookies (1 dozen peanut butter, 1 dozen chocolate chip)

6 soft pretzels

Soft pretzels may not be a sweet treat but Lester loves them and with the amount of chocolate syrup he dumps on them it's considered a sweet treat. This all may seem like a lot but between Lester and Bo it will be gone in a week max. Vinny lifts you up and grabs the list of his desk as he darts upstairs to the kitchen. You can feel his excitement to bake with you. He kisses all over your face before he sets you down and starts waddling around the kitchen grabbing the ingredients Bo bought prior.

You two decided to bake the cake first. It was a red velvet cake with buttercream frosting. Vincent put all the ingredients in the bowl while you mixed, when he noticed that you were struggling a bit due to there being so much cake batter. He came up behind you and put his hand on top of yours to help you mix. His other hand was wrapped around your waist, as he swayed slightly. "You're doing great don't worry," he softly mumbled. You could tell he still had the biggest puppy dog crush on you even though y'all have been dating for a rather long period of time. You two finished mixing the cake and put it in the pan. You worked on the buttercream while Vincent made the brownies. You put a little bit of the buttercream frosting on the tip of your finger and called Vincent over. You took the buttercream and drew a small line on his forehead while proudly saying "Simba". (You had to explain the joke to him but he did giggle after and asked if you wanted to lift him up.)

About 2 hours have passed when you two were done baking everything, the only thing left was adding a bit of powdered sugar to the cookies (to make it Pinterest worthy) and salt to the soft pretzels. "Y/n," Vincent softly mumbled, you turned around after you added the salt to the last pretze to be met with a spoonful of powdered sugar on your shirt. "You're it," he laughed while quickly grabbing another spoonful. "Oh It's on!" You giggle while grabbing a cup full of it while throwing it at Vincent. He quickly tossed his little bit of sugar at you before he got covered in the sugar you threw, War has begun.

Lester and Bo came home, on a table were all the baked goods you and Vincent had made. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY LESTER!" Everyone yelled as you, Vincent and Jonsey popped from behind the table (you two made Jonsey a little bandana that had "Happy birthday Lester written on it). Lester giggled at you and Vincent was head to toe covered in powdered sugar. "Damn, y'all dressed up as sperm cells for the event wtf happened?" Bo says while shaking his head.

After the little party y'all had, you and Vincent spent the night attempting to clean up all the powdered sugar (while struggling to keep Jonesy out of the room so she wouldn't try to like it all up.)

Authors note-I thought this will be a cute little fic for y'all, Requests are open! Have a lovely day<3

[pbandjesse]

I just got done helping James cut their hair. I am not feeling as low tonight. Maybe taking the medicine in the morning is the way to go. Though I am worried about waking up feeling sick in the middle of the night. But I'm trying to remain positive.

I was a little bit of a baby today. Any time I started to feel unwell I would get so worried I was about to fall apart that I was very much in the edge of shutting down. But I made it through most of the day. I was trying really really hard.

When I woke up this morning I was fine. I wasn't amazing. But I was fine. My hair looked nice. I felt pretty. But I also just had all this pressure in my stomach and when I was done getting ready I laid on the floor. James would come upstairs to check on me and laid with me for a bit. It helped. I needed to get up and I needed to leave.

James would pack me a lunch but I would barely pick at it. They packed peanut butter for me to eat with pretzels but I ended up eating spoon fulls of it on my drive into camp as my breakfast. And honestly it was good. I had a cup of milk and my peanut butter and my favorite podcast put out an episode about why my least favorite painter sucks and I felt so very vindicated!!

When I got to camp no one was in yet. I would spend a few minutes putting things away but then pretty quickly went and got the gator to take some packages of field trip supplies up to the art building. I got that stuff put away and continued on my drive around camp.

I went to the nature building to say hello to the animals. Samson was speed walking in his tank which was really cute.

I would drive over to peeps to get my last box of stuff. I would stop when I saw the impressive mushroom pictures above. I believe it's chicken of the woods but it's more spread out then I'm used to seeing so I'm not 100%.

Getting my last box from peeps didn't go amazing. The box split open and I dropped everything. But it was fine. I would just make two trips. Still made me huff and puff and feel really woozy, walking up the hill. But I would sit for a minute and catch my breath.

I drove back to art one more time to drop off the box. Saw Lucky the three legged cat and couldn't get him to let me pet him but he did lead me to another kitty. So that was nice. I drove over to the pond and up behind stockade. And then back to the office. Where Alexi was just getting in.

Soon after that everyone else was back in too. I would slowly run out of things to do. It as in charge of contacting someone I had to search for online. And I am very good at googling and was able to find his email but I'm going to try and call him tomorrow. Even though I hate calling people. Especially when there is information being passed. I would much rather have it in writing.

But it's fine.

I would spend a lot of time sending emails. Working on my hand out for my beading workshop next week. And starting research for specialty program ideas for next year.

When I would get bored I would go do other small tasks. I went over to the pioneer cabins to measure a wall. Jeff was over there and he asked how my dad was doing. We chatted for a bit.

I would go put away the tent tarp, per Joe's request. I would lay in my hammock for a half hour. And then back to the office to continue researching. I think I have a good smattering of ideas now though and will start to write things out soon.

I decided I really wanted to get Taco Bell. I would keep myself focused by promising myself I could get Taco Bell. I truly hate how often I have been eating out lately but eating at all has been so incredibly hard I'm trying to not fight it when I think I can eat something.

And at 3 I would say goodbye to everyone and drove to Taco Bell. And I don't know why but I didn't get what I had planned and got a crunch wrap instead. Which was good. And a potato taco, which was a little spicier then I wanted but was still good.

I ate half of everything in the car. And then headed home. I started feeling not amazing. I just tried sipping water and breathing and would be okay. I was just really happy to go home.

When I got back here I would sit with sweetp on the couch. I had the other half of my taco bell. And waited for James to get home. I thought about playing the new video game James got me but I was worried about getting motion sickness. Instead I just watched a video and laid on the couch.

When James got home they would consult with me about new stickers to order for my market table. But the one company we were going to go with (after sticker mule lost their minds and we can't order from them anymore) was going to be $600?? So James would reach out to a smaller company in California and if would take a few hours for them to respond but they were so nice and the whole order, the same order, is going to be less then $50! Incredible. I hope they are good quality. They had good reviews on reddit so fingers crossed.

James would clear the landing for the washing machine delivery on Friday. And the. We would hang out for a while. Eventually moving upstairs. They worked on their research for their longer podcast episode. I watched TikToks.

Eventually I took a bath. I trimmed my bangs. And when I was done I cut James's hair too. They are using the clippers for the sides now. And I am feeling very very tired.

My allergies kicked off a little but I am feeling a little better now. I hope I can sleep earlier tonight and feel nice tomorrow.

I have lots to do at camp tomorrow. Things to sort and things to paint and people to call. I hope it's a good day.

I hope you all have a good night. I love you all. Sleep well. Be safe.

[mlbchick714]

1/3/25

Savai'i had a great day today. I kept her home from aba bc she's still out of control with her multiple BMs. We stayed home for the most part but went to her special gym around 2 until about 3. She had a great time but almost seemed as though she was over it. Afterwards I got her pretzels and made her nuggets. I made her drink water as I have been doing a bad job keeping her accountable with high quality h20. She did a great job and drank like 80% of her water so I rewarded her with two apple juices once we got home. oh by the way I must start documenting my food intake

I over did it with the food. I made two sandwiches with peanut butter bananas and bacon on wheat sourdough bread. I then grilled it with unsalted butter. I then had a handful of Doritos. For lunch I made a chicken Cesar salad I only ate half. Then we got home around 4 and I warmed up a thin crust digorno pizza. I ate half of it with the rest of my salad for dinner.

Then around 5 I hit the gym hard. I did 35mins of elipical cardio. I did about 225lbs of weight pushing did over 30yrs worth sprinting forwards and walking backwards. Then I did arm weights. A nice girl named Mal came up to me and made small talk. It was unexpected but nice to feel she felt safe enough to interrupt me from my workout to have small chat.

I talked to my dad about wanting to learn how to shoot a gun and getting a gun for me and Savai'is safety.

note to self look up gun ranges and starter guns.

[semisweetcalories]

WiEiAD 9/22

Small breakfast with my meds, crackers and peanut butter and then 3 chocolate covered pretzels 330 cals.

And I had half of a small ice cream with my bsf & her family! 150

Hopefully I won’t eat again today but if I need a dinner I’ll have 6 veggie gyozas 320 cals

So total 800 if I have dinner but if not <3 good me

[delicatecloudfire]

Sunday, March 27

I need to get back to logging all my food. Went to Target today and they have those dressing room mirrors positioned so you can see your back very clearly, and I definitely made a little progress with that, and my partner commented on it the other day, but I have a long way to go! I'm not sure I can ever have a totally in-shape back because I don't know exactly how much is due to my surgery, but I want to try and feel very motivated! I love looking at the progress pics subreddit.

Breakfast: protein smoothie (bananas, almond and oat milk, strawberries, vanilla protein powder, flaxseed, hemp seeds, chia seeds, a few walnuts, peanut butter)*

Lunch: Sandwich - two slices wheat bread, 3 slices deli chicken, 1 slice colby jack cheese, ~1.5 tablespoons mayonnaise, 1/3 cup baked beans

Dinner: Taco - ground beef with onion and cheese, spices, garlic

Snacks: 5 mini chocolate covered pretzels, about 1 cup cheddar cheese popcorn (a disappointment, last time I had it it was great, not very good this time)

* I love these smoothies! And they keep me full til lunch, but I do think they are hefty on calories as I replace almond milk with oat.

Exercise:

This video (I have done this one a couple times before, going to aim for once a week for a few weeks):

https://youtu.be/RzTG_Psmd9U

and

Bodyweight squats 15 x 3

Biceps curls 15 lb x 10 x 2

Shoulder presses 5 lb x 10 x 3***

***I need about 10 lbs but I don't have them. 15 lbs is too much, so I'm going to be sure to do these with 10 lbs at the gym.

[beautifullysad-]

Trying to only weigh myself once a week, cause everytime the scale doesn't budge I use it as an excuse to binge

Daily intake : 3 liters of water

1 vegan pretzel bun (240kcals)

1 vegan buffalo chik'n patty (170kcals)

2 servings of takis (280kcals)

1 unnatural peanut butter cup (70kcals) so good and help curb a binge

1 vegan egg roll (100kcals) I had to buy it for work tonight I might not eat it I'm not sure yet

Total=860kcals it's a lot but if I eat lower than 800 i don't lose any weight i think its cause I don't exercise as hard on fewer calories but hey it works for now

I try to eat mostly plant based everything I ate today was either vegan or accidentally vegan like the takis and the peanut butter cups are dark chocolate so no dairy or milk products

[darlingsdevil]

Of The Valley (Joel x Reader)

Chapter 3: Slipping Back

Summary: Life in Jackson is never easy. Consoling angsty teenagers, wading through the mysterious waters of Joel’s romance language and with a child of your own on the way? Life

Chapter summary: A concert. Stew. Back to the old routine.

Of The Valley Masterlist

RDR2 Masterlist

Taglist (please comment to be added or removed): @sidepuff @joelsheartache @fangirl-inthe-us @cowboyfrazer @scarletpines

A/N: This chapter is.. more of a filler. It just got so long, I didn’t want to rush next chapter. Which is.. a big one.

•••

You were reading a magazine when Ellie, Joel and Tommy got back. Something about fashion trends in the 80’s, you weren’t too interested though. You had finished your candy bar ages ago, wondering just how much candy Mark had hidden here.

Their loud arrival caused you to jump, you were so caught up in your magazine you briefly forgot where you were. Ellie was the first one through the door, you went up to greet them.

“Ellie, it’s been awhile,” You smiled at her, bringing her in for a hug. Ellie looked older, you were surprised, you had thought she stopped growing. That little girl was getting too old for your liking.

“It has been. I have some new tricks I want to show you on the guitar,” Ellie said. You looked to Joel. You knew they were having problems before, Joel never really mentioned why, teenagers were a complicated bunch regardless. You remembered all the teenage angst from your years too, it seems the apocalypse hadn’t taken that trope out of the remnants of society though.

“Any new songs you’ve learned?” You asked. Tommy and Joel walked to the kitchen, leaving you with Ellie by the door.

“Yeah. I’ve written a few actually,” Ellie said sheepishly.

“Played them for Cat yet?” You winked at her with a smug look on your face, talking quietly so Joel would not hear. Ellie blushed and looked down.

“No.” She shook her head, trying to hide her blushing face.

“Well come on, I want to hear some new songs you’ve learned,” You said, leading her to the couch. You sat down and waited for her to get her guitar. It was becoming easier and easier to forget that you were outside of Jackson. You were still shook up, but it was easy to pretend you weren’t. Fake it till you make it, right?

She sat across from you on the armchair and picked up her guitar. Tommy and Joel were talking about something in the kitchen, but you couldn’t quite make it out.

“How many songs have you written since I’ve last seen you?” You leaned back into the chair, waiting for her to begin playing.

Ellie shrugged, “Three or so? I don’t write very often. I write lyrics a lot, but I don’t really write music for it.”

“Okay, well, play me the song you like the best, newly learned or original.”

Ellie nodded and rested her hands on the guitar, waiting to play.

“I know you’ve heard this song. Maybe it will even be better than the original.” Ellie looked at you before she began playing.

“It’s always better acoustic.”

“I’m sure I’ll woo you with my melodic voice then, and my guitar skills,” Ellie joked with a twinkle in her eye. It had been a long time since you’ve seen the spark in that girl’s eye. You remembered when she was younger, a fresh new face at Jackson and a wild thing. There was a lot to catch up on with her. Guilt struck you as you realized you had not only abandoned Joel, but Ellie too.

Ellie began playing a song, you immediately recognized it.

“Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,” Ellie sang, focusing on the chords. You leaned forward, resting your head on your hand, watching her intently. Ellie was a good singer. You always looked forward to her mini concerts.

“It's not warm when she's away

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

And she's always gone too long

Anytime she goes away.” She continued playing. You smiled at her as she looked up, encouraging her to continue.

It was a song you always enjoyed. You had a Bill Withers record at your house. Mark loved Bill Withers, he used to play that record nonstop. Even used to beg the party organizers at the seasonal dances to play it for him.

When Ellie finally finished, you clapped for her, a bittersweet smile through it all.

“That’s a really good song. Mark really likes it,” You told her.

“Yeah, he’s played that record for me a few times.”

“I actually have a few records to give you. Mark decided he didn’t want them anymore,” You said.

Ellie’s eyes immediately lit up, “Which ones?”

“I’ll let you pick out a few once we get back to Jackson,” You promised.

“Anyone I want?” She questioned, making sure you weren’t lying.

“Anyone you want. Except for Bill Withers, Mark would probably chop your head off,” You repeated back.

“And Mark’s okay with me taking his stuff?” Ellie raised her brow.

You nodded, Ellie smiled.

“That’s awesome. Mark’s got a big collection,” Ellie replied, setting her guitar to rest on the couch. She leaned back onto the couch.

You looked over your shoulder to Joel and Tommy. Tommy was gathering things from the refrigerator to make a stew.

“You’re not touching this stew, Joel, pretty sure you would manage to burn water.” You heard Tommy say, you looked over at Ellie and she confirmed Tommy’s comment. It was true, Joel was an awful cook.

“Which is why I’m leaving it up to you,” Joel said to Tommy. You got up and walked over to them.

“What type of stew are you making, Tommy?” You asked him. If they were making stew, it meant you would most likely be staying the night here — or at least for dinner.

“Vegetable. Nobody brought meat up here,” Joel replied. There was rarely ever food in the lookouts, even as big as this one was. There were supposed to be supplies brought up monthly to each lookout, either someone ate all of it or it was never brought up.

“Ah, good old vegetable stew,” You said sarcastically.

“Something wrong with it?” Tommy quipped.

“No, just wish I was back at the bar eating a sandwich right about now.” You shook your head.

“Can’t go wrong with a sandwich,” Ellie called out, flipping through the magazine you were reading earlier. Joel laughed lightly. Ellie and Joel were growing farther and farther apart, it was normal for a father and daughter to have a rocky relationship, especially at her age, you just hoped it didn’t last into her adulthood. Joel mentioned it to you once. You had been meaning to ask Ellie about it, but you got sidetracked.

••

Time passed quickly, soon enough you had forgotten all about what had happened in the morning, that was until Tommy asked if you wanted to go out again to finish off the rest of the infected. It was easy to get caught up in the normalcy of your friends, especially while in the comfort of a lookout, but outside there was a raging storm of pain and suffering, and you were caught in the midst of it all.

You were reluctant to leave the lookout, it was a good idea to face your fears in theory, but terrifying when actually going through with it. Tommy assured you everything would be fine, but you weren’t entirely convinced.

“I don’t know, Tommy,” You sighed while you threw away the rest of Mark’s stash that you had brought out for Tommy, Joel and Ellie to enjoy. There was a confectioner in town who made chocolates, Mark was always there buying candy. You found three candy bars, a box of caramels, chocolate covered pretzels and some peanut butter fudge. You wondered how it had managed to not spoil, but more so wondering how Mark had bought that much candy and hid it from you.

“It’ll be easy. Joel will go out with you,” Tommy assured.

“I don’t know, Tommy,” You said quietly, glancing over to Joel with Ellie. Joel was showing Ellie some trick on the guitar.

“I already told him to back off a little, he should be fine,” Tommy replied. Joel was angry, upset, you weren’t sure he would be as understanding.

“Why can’t you just go with me?”

“You haven’t talked to Joel in three months, I think you two need to do something catching up.”

You sighed. That was true. There was a lot to discuss, you just weren’t sure where to start on any of it.

“You guys better not start eating without us, Tommy,” You said, walking towards Joel. The stew would be done soon.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Y/N.”

•••

You knew the spot where the infected were at. They were usually up there this time of the year, it was about a ten minute walk from the lookout. The walk on the way there was silent, but you could tell Joel was waiting to say something.

“What is it Joel?” You finally ask, looking over your shoulder at him. He held his rifle tightly to his chest.

“Nothing.”

“You’re not acting like it’s nothing.”

Joel sighed before speaking, “I just want to know why you have been avoiding me, avoiding everyone for the past three months.”

“I wasn’t deliberately avoiding you. I just.. I got busy,” You said quietly with a sigh. Today was just one big headache.

“Okay. Can you tell me why you wanted me to come out here?” Joel replied softly. He was being suspiciously comforting.

“I need someone I trust up here.” It was a vague answer. In case things went south, you would much rather be comforted by Joel like he had so many times for you before, then Tommy or Ellie. Tommy and Ellie were like family, but they did not compare in the way that Joel did.

“I guess that is fair.” You knew he had questions, you would answer them when you were ready.

You continued walking for a little while. It was hard to imagine yourself ever shooting a gun normally again. It would be a constant reminder of what had happened. You knew what you needed to do, you knew you had to do it, to put it simply, it was a job that needed to be done regardless of your stance on it. It was still a question as to why you were needed for a simple job like this, you would have to get it out of Tommy later. Maybe Ellie knew something too, you suspected the least.

Joel was off your case, for at least a little while it seemed. You knew he was confused, you knew he had questions. It was all one step at a time, and now you were out here facing your fears that had crippled you for months. It was insane to say the least.

The small area devoid of trees came into view. It overlooked a group of houses and a gas station. You took out your binoculars as you came closer to the ledge, looking out towards the buildings. There were a group of infected, just like you had thought. Fifteen or so. It would only take you a short while to pick them all off, that was if the job went on without a hitch.

You could feel your hands shaking even as you slung the rifle off your shoulder. Heart pounding so loud you were sure Joel could hear it too.

“Now this is a one person job,” You laugh nervously. Joel eyed you cautiously as he leaned against the tree behind the ledge.

It was now or never. As much as you wanted to throw the rifle off the cliff edge, run straight back home with your tail between your legs, you knew you couldn’t. You owed Maria. You owed her more than one simple job. You had to do it.

You swallowed your fears, telling yourself to just fuck it and shoot the damn things like you always used to. But ‘fuck it’ wasn’t going to cut it this time. It would take more than that.

“Joel?” You asked, facing the cliff edge, overlooking the terrain where nature had reclaimed the earth.

Joel hummed in response.

“If I do this, can we go out to the lake again?” You looked at him, your eyes saying everything that needed to be said.

Joel nodded, a small smile on his lips. Joel was beginning to piece it all together, there was a reason you were so shook up by being out here. Avoiding him for three months, something had definitely happened like Tommy had said. Besides, Joel owed you a trip back to the lake regardless. He didn’t mind taking you out for the day, he just hoped Mark wouldn’t be around when he did.

You bit your lip, and swiveled around to face the group of infected below. Taking a deep breath, you pulled your rifle up to your shoulder and put a bullet into the chamber.

You blinked away any intruding thoughts and focused on the task at hand. If you did this, you had a date with Joel, a chance to repair any relationship you had with him prior to the incident. It was easy, you had done this a million times before, you reassured yourself.

Hesitatingly, you looked out into the scope, raising your rifle so your bullet would hit its mark. You focused on a clicker next to a building. It was standing still, an easy shot. You pushed the air out of your lungs and pulled the trigger. The bang went off and your mind went into a frenzied panic, as if your brain was screaming out and only you could hear it, but you weren’t listening to this time. The recoil was barely noticeable.

You repeated the action. It was easier than the first. You slipped into that role of a seasoned sniper quicker than you thought you would have. It was muscle memory now. The runner you took down fell with a bullet between its eyes. Even Joel let out an impressed whistle. That memory was an inkling in the back of your mind now.

Then you shot another, and another, and another until there was all but one. A runner, newly infected by the looks. Not quite battered or bloodied as the others and the clothes looked fresher. At least a month or two before it had been turned. You wondered who the person was before they became infected, what their story was. But it didn’t matter, you were here to protect your town and put the infected out of its misery.

You loaded your gun and aimed at the infected. The infected head twitched in unnatural ways a few times before it looked your way, seemingly staring at you for a split second until you shot it. It’s body fell to the ground, blood pouring out of the wound, you aimed for the head, but only shot the stomach. Cursing yourself, you loaded another bullet.

This time, the infected look straight up at you again. Your breath hitched in your throat, you knew it wasn’t truly looking, it just happened to look your way. You wanted to put it out of its suffering as quickly as possible.

But god, did it look like him. It laid the same way he did. This time though, you hesitated, perhaps it would die on its own. You waited a few seconds as it twitched and thrashed on the ground, realizing it wouldn’t die too easily. The bullet hit its mark and the infected became a lifeless body.

You grimaced at the sight of the carnage below. At least it was over. You were getting better at controlling your panic, earlier today was a mistake, a slip up. But truth be told, you felt like the life had been sucked out of you at the sight of the runner.

“Goodjob,” Joel said, patting you on the back, pulling you back into reality. You immediately jumped at the feeling.

“Jesus, Joel, you scared the shit out of me,” You pant out.

“You knew I was there,” Joel replied slowly.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Just scared me, that's all.”

Joel nodded, “Okay, well let’s head back, I’m sure the stew is done.”

“Sure thing.”

You couldn’t help but remember how that runner stared at you. Perhaps it remembered for a brief moment who it was, begging you to shoot it. Maybe there was still a person inside, waiting for the moment to be freed while the disease ran rampant outside, controlling its every movement. The look it gave you reminded you of someone you knew. The reason you were so scared to be out here in the first place.

•••

[keyofjetwolf]

@silvermoon424​ I’m certainly happy to try! I’m going to guess you won’t enjoy the answer too much, though. I don’t have any secret or trick, you know? I WISH I DID. All I really have to share is what you’ve probably already heard: eat better, move more.

But I can break down a few things I’ve figured out, going through this. Things that you can do without a tiny furious lesbian nipping at your heels, insisting you Not Die. THOUGH IF YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THAT I DO RECOMMEND TAKING ADVANTAGE**

1. I think the most important first step is really commit to it. It sucks a lot, and it's not always easy, but if you don't sincerely want the results, you won't be able to power through the spots where it's hard.

2. You have to hold yourself accountable. A huge part of that is making yourself take note of and record what you're eating. It's one thing to grab a chocolate bar and eat it and forget about it, but it's another when you have to pull out your notebook and find the calories and factor in the serving size and write it down where you have to see it there looking back at you. We already know we shouldn't be doing it. Making it real and tangible in a way where you can't just put it out of mind can really hold your feet to the fire.

3. Don't have it around! Seriously, this one has helped me so much. Just don't have it! You know your weak spots (and if you don't, you'll soon discover them), you know the things you just want to grab out of the fridge or the cupboard. You can't do it if it's not there, bottom line. We don't keep jars of peanut butter in the house anymore (or at least not where I see them.) Hubby and I both cut out chips entirely. That isn't to say you can't ever have those things again, you just have to plan for them, and ensure you only have what you plan for. For example, the other night we were all on our own for dinner. I was deeply craving this particular brand of pretzel stick they have up here. So I saved my calories for the day, went to the store, bought the small bag, measured out and weighed the appropriate amount (turns out it was the whole bag, which was a pleasant delight, but if it hadn't been, I would've immediately given Doc what was over), and had those with some turkey. There wasn't anything about that meal that was HEALTHY, really, but because it's not my every day, and I planned it out and didn't exceed what I was allowed, it was completely fine. So if you have just a bone-deep craving for a doughnut, budget it in your calorie allotment for that day, and go get JUST what you're allowed. If you can only buy it in a quantity over what you’re allowed, buy the smallest you can and throw out or give away the rest. IMMEDIATELY, not the "I'll do it later" thing where it hangs around the house and then oops, it’s somehow magically gone. Set yourself up for success, not failure. Don't keep around what you know is a temptation.

4. Resolve with yourself that you'll be eating some stuff you don't much like. It sucks, but then, so does diabetes. In that vein though, you may find that after you've had it a few times, and your expectations realign, you like it more than you thought. You might even come to enjoy it! You have to persevere with it, though. Still, you may never like it! OH WELL. Consider how much more you'll like multiple daily injections of very expensive insulin and an even more restrictive diet which I guarantee will be full of shit you don't like. Eat the broccoli or die, right? Suddenly, broccoli doesn't seem so bad. (I actually really like broccoli, sorry, to pick on you, broccoli.) Honestly, many vegetables are pretty great, just most people don't prepare them right. Seasoning and roasting them is the way to go, which Holligay has repeatedly proven.

5. Portion control is a big factor. WEIGH AND MEASURE EVERYTHING. Don’t eyeball that shit, your senses are weak and will lie to you. Also -- and this may seem weird, but go with me -- check the size of your plates and bowls and shit. Again, our eyes are liars. The same amount of food looks very different depending on what size plate it’s on. The bigger stuff completely skews our perception of what a serving should look like. Get smaller plates.

6. This one may be a real toughie depending on your personal habits, but eating in front of screens is a path to madness. There's study after study after study showing that eating while watching TV or being on your computer takes you out of being mindful of what and how much you're eating. Sit at a table and focus on your meal! You’ll eat more slowly, and so recognize when you’re full. And the food tastes better when it’s your main focus, so you’ll be more satisfied, too. I’M NOT MAKING IT UP TRY IT

What you may notice here is an absence on the WHAT of what you should eat. That’s important too, to be sure, but I think that’s the part that’s a bit easier to start working in. There are tons of healthy, tasty recipes out there, but it’s the behavioural stuff that is, I think, the key to change.

And you can start today! Right now! Clearing your home of your temptations is a great huge first step. And don't do the "this bag is nearly full, what a waste, I'll just finish this up" thing. The money's spent, there's no reason to continue to do damage. (Or hide a reluctance to make the change under a convenient excuse.) It's garbage calories, it's deep fried air, it's frozen sugar, it tastes good but is killing you. Get rid of it.

If you’re of the snacking/grazing bent (I’m generally not, but I get those that are), buy snap peas, baby carrots, cherry tomatoes. Get some soy sauce. Dip and eat away! I think you'll soon find that if you're not hungry enough to snack on those? You weren't really all that hungry.

And combine all this with moving, too! Get yourself a step tracker. An ACTUAL step tracker, not your smart watch, which counts every twitch of your wrist as a step you most assuredly did not take. I’m currently using and recommend the FitBit Inspire, clipped to my bra. At my worst/highest points, I sometimes wouldn’t take more than about a thousand steps a day. SERIOUSLY. Again, having something to put these abstract ideas into harsh numbers is a great motivator. And you don’t even have to go outside! ON A HOT DAY I HAVE WALKED MILES IN A CIRCLE IN MY LIVING ROOM. I don’t look cool, but I DO meet my step goal for the day.

You may notice a numbers theme here, but weigh yourself. Keep track! I use a Renpho scale, which connects to an app on my phone and automatically logs my weight, AND I can sync it with my FitBit, so all my precious precious data is in one place. Now maybe you’re not such a nerd for data as I am (YOU’D HAVE TO BE REALLY REALLY NERDY), but again, it takes something abstract and nebulous and gives it to you in a way that our monkey brains understand. Making all this real to you is a huge part of putting the consideration for it in your brain. It’s not gonna be fun. There’s a lot of numbers you’re REALLY not going to like to see. But you have to know where you’re at to know where to go. And when those numbers turn into trends, and those trends start to show you real, concrete progress? Feels good. Feels real good.

Yeah, so! It’s a lot of words, and there’s a huge chance none of them are what you were hoping for. I wish I had something more neat and easy, but it’s just this. Commitment. Accountability. DATA SUCH HATEFUL WONDERFUL DATA

Best of luck!

(**) All joking aside, I’m incredibly fortunate to have Doc. As I think I’ve said before, when she heard about the pre-diabetes, she said “Okay, we’re done with this” and THAT VERY DAY laid out changes. She’s always ready with a foot in my ass. Also, as our family chef, she’s consistently in charge of my meals, which means I’m lucky enough to not need to think about it. MUCH LIKE A PUPPY I JUST EAT WHAT GOES IN MY BOWL. So if you have help and support available to you, take it.

The most important part, though, is you. However much help I have, I have to keep up my end, too. About eighteen months ago, I was SO CLOSE to a major goal, but ignored my depression and stopped caring and everything backslid terribly. I’m still working to regain all that lost ground. My point being, the number one vital element in making real change in you is YOU. Once you’re set there, the rest is details.

[thinprincesso]

🥑June 28, 2021

186 days left

Kapha tea

Breaky: 3 mini rice cakes and peanut butter

Daily vitamin + pain meds + water

Lunch: 6 oz of marinated/grilled chicken, a cup of broccoli, slice of buttered toast

Water

Snack: fiber one brownie, handful of pretzels

Green tea

Dinner: Chinese takeout (honey chicken and white rice)

A cup of Coke

Water intake:💧💧💧💧

Movement: danced in my room for 30 minutes

Lessons learned: idk if I really learned anything today but I just felt so out of it and down in the dumps. It's definitely just my hormones messing me up but it still sucks.

Proud of myself for: getting my work done. It was literally like 5 pm and I had yet to finish one thing but all of a sudden I just jumped up and finished like 5 in an hour. I'm still not done but that spike did me good

Looking forward: I'm a little upset that I drank a soda since I haven't in forever but tomorrow is a new day to do better. Definitely drinking more water tomorrow

[pbandjesse]

I am tired. I don't want to go to work at the nursery tomorrow. But I will. Because I know I should and also me and James had to take stuff from our savings to pay our rent. Stupid. I'm glad March is a 3 paycheck month. And hopefully the insurance payout comes soon.

I slept alright last night. I woke up with enough time to have breakfast at home. Which was an entire mango and also peanut butter pretzels. And then I headed to work.

I felt super cute today. Which had me in a great mood. But my energy level was all over the place today. I would be fine, I would be so tired, I would be talking a mile a minute. But I lucked out with just the best group.

When I got to the museum I took Jim to the second assembly line classroom to show him how to set that up and he helped me get everything together.

And for real I had the best group. Jordan and Rosia came outside with me to check the buses in. The other group had just gotten in and our group was a half hour early. So I got on the bus and let them know we were going to wait until the other group had cleared out and then bring everyone inside and do a bathroom break and drop off lunches and things. And my bus was so excited. They also hello to me and I asked the teacher if they were one group and then I was like oh you're going to be with me that's perfect. And they were so great. They did warm me that I had one child that I had ADHD and he's not able to get his medication because of the shortage right now so he was kind of bouncing off the wall. But he was super funny so it was fine and he wasn't very distracting to the other kids they mostly would just laugh and then get back on track. And they were all so mellow that made my life so easy.

after we did our bathroom breaks I took them to the classroom and I have them all sit down where I need them to and we got into our assembly line talk and it went great. It's hard because I was in the second assembly line classroom which is essentially a wasteland. There's nothing on the walls and I hated in there. But I did have some of the big printout pictures and I was able to show those to them and I got pretty close to my normal talk. I did trip on a chair and almost fell over. But beyond that it was a really fun time. They did a good job building the cars as well.

Overall they weren't very loud and they did a good job. There was some backup in the middle but parents jumped in and helped and we finished with a couple minutes extra. We watched the video and they were the quietest group listening to that video which was very funny to me. And when I told them that they all said thank you. Which was even funnier. And then we went and hung out in the car and got to see the rest of the exhibit and they seem to really enjoy that.

Next was lunch and then during that time I just chilled in the back and had my snack. I wouldn't talk to James for a little while. They order our stickers that I had designed. So they should be here sometime in the next week. I feel really good about all the products I've been making and I think my market table this year is going to be really fun. I still have to get bags for my pairs but everything else is going really good.

I got stuck in the bathroom for a few minutes. Because I had two aprons on for the cannery and I was wearing a jumpsuit and it was a whole thing. But I got out and everything was fine. I brought the kids to the cannery and we had a blast. Or ADHD friend was Mr Platt. By request. And everyone did great. No big problems at all. I did have all of my kids do an extra oyster because they were really enjoying it. And they had a lot of really good feedback and questions and comments. I really enjoyed my day with them.

At the end I gave him a little bit more information that I had forgotten about in the intro. About the railroad and stuff. And then I just told him that I thought they did such an amazing job and that they were really fun and they were just like super grateful and thankful and told me I was awesome and it just felt really good. I don't know I hope that they have a great rest of the day and that they would come back soon. The one little girl said she didn't want to leave and I told her she should just get a job here. And she's like I can't! And it was very silly.

I hung out the lunchroom with them while we waited for everyone to get together to get on the bus. Chatted with them about things that we collected and different things that they like to do. One of the kids told me that he had a very nutritious lunch of peeps, a soda, and goldfish crackers. And then it was time for them to go. I said goodbye and went to go work on supplies with my co-workers.

I sat upstairs with Jordan and Jess and Meril. And we just gossiped and talk shit and it was fun. We told stories about ships and talked about different things in our lives and worked on our oysters. It was a really nice hour. I was planning on leaving early but I didn't know the end because I was having a good time. Jessica would come up at one point to check in with us and she talked about how she played soccer when she was in college and how she still play soccer! And I didn't know that. I knew that she was in her the Hall of Fame for college though because she's very good. So it's nice to know that she's an adult league. I get excited when I hear people are passionate about things.

I would head out around 3:00. I said goodbye to James and went to the store. I just wanted to have some time to myself.

I went to value village and I had a great time looking around. I was mostly taking pictures of nonsense. Things that made me laugh. I found the egg gel and molds. I didn't buy them because Mom says that she has some for me. But it was funny to see them. And I ended up finding two more of the birthday bears that I collect. Which means I'm only missing January now and then I'll have the entire year. And I'm very excited about it. I couldn't remember which ones I was missing though so I had to spend a while going through my phone trying to find a picture of the collection. But I did and then I was able to get the two that I needed and that was really exciting for me. I also found two calico critter doll houses for $4. So I bought one of those. And then I found a rug that's from Venezuela that is very cool. And I only spend $11 for all of the things I got. But I was there for over an hour. I looked at everything. I touched every sweater. I had a great time just looking around and listening to my music. And apparently my joy was palpable because someone came up to me and he was really nice.

He was an older guy and he was signing and had a little bit of the deaf accent. But he told me he didn't want to bother me and he didn't want to worry me but that I just had a beautiful spirit and he wanted to let me know. And I was just like oh my God. Thank you. It was so sweet. It really brought a little tear into my eye. I don't know what he was seeing but that was really nice.

I had to wait in line for a really long time because there was something wrong with a couple of the self checkouts. But I didn't care. I chatted with the girl behind me. She said that I had some amazing vines. Specifically the Venezuelan rug. And I paid and went home.

My butcher was very low again. Doesn't happening a lot. So I ate crackers and vegetarian pepperoni while I was driving. Handful of jelly beans. And then I got home and James asked me what I wanted for dinner. And we decided on corn and vegetarian shrimp and stuffing. And it was a really good dinner. I have thoroughly enjoyed the last two nights of dinners.

I would work on a little art. Worked on my molds some more. And they're coming up better every time. I'm really figuring out the best ways to get the bubbles out. It's hard because this is not a vacuum mold and tapping it because it set so fast isn't really seem to help. But if I use a toothpick and kind of wiggle it around I can get most of the air bubbles out of three of the four molds. The one is still giving me trouble.

So much trouble that when I was trying to pour one and flick it with the toothpick it splattered and I got some resin in my eyeball! And it burned! James came when they heard me yell and gave me eye drops so I could wash my eye out. I don't think I need things in it and it doesn't hurt anymore but it was scary!

I would work in the studio on and off for most of the evening. My mom and Jess help me decide on some doc Marten sandals to spend my birthday money on. I ended up finding a pretty good deal on these pretty lilac ones with floral buckles. And James played a game with their friends on the computer. And eventually I went and took a bath and it was just nice and relaxing.

And now James is making me cookies because they're the best husband ever. And I love them so much. And soon we will go to sleep. I'm at the nursery all day tomorrow and it'll be nice. I'm going to be upload her and just be wherever they need me so that's a little stressful. But it's fine it'll be a nice day. I hope that you won't have a nice day as well. Send me as much energy as you can because I do not want to be tired. Let's hope I can sleep well tonight and that you can too. Good night everybody

[surveystodestressme]

253.

What were you doing at twelve last night? sleeping

What was the longest time you’ve liked someone? years

Do you have make-up on? Nope.

Is there a song that every time you hear it, you think of someone? probably nothing i can think of atm

Have you kissed anybody in the last 4 days? yes

Are you uncomfortable staring into someone’s eyes who likes you? no

When you are out with your friends, are you loud and outgoing or shy? if i'm drinking i am loud and obnoxious lol but otherwise i'm shy

Have you ever held hands with someone in a car? Yes.

Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you? i really don't care

How late did you stay up last night? not very, maybe 10 pm

Is there anyone out there who can make you cry very easily? yeah

Who last texted you? my coworker

Do you ever get good morning messages from anyone? my parents sometimes will

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? my parents

Are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches? nope

Anybody you’re looking forward to seeing soon? nope

Are you easy to get along with? i think so

What is on your mind? excited to sleep in tomorrow

Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them? yeah

Would you go in public looking like you do right now? no lol i don't have any pants on

Does anyone completely understand you? no one does completely

Are you a patient person? ehhh not really

Do you ever use words like stoked, souped or sick? stoked or sick

Do you like to cuddle? i do

Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? yes

Are you texting anyone right now? yes

Have you held hands with somebody in the past four days? yeah

Who makes you the happiest? My family.

Have you ever let someone be your everything? Yes.

Did you like your middle school life? ehhh

Is your hair up or down right now? down

How is your day going so far? it was pretty bad and stressful tbh

Do you believe that everyone deserves a second chance? for the most part

Do you cry a lot? almost every day

Are you someone who loves having fun? yeah

First thing you do when you wake up in the morning? check my phone or watch to see the time

Are you legal to drink? Yeah

What color shirt are you wearing? white

What are you saving your money up for right now? a florida vacation with my family

Do you have any jewelry on? earrings and nose rings but other than that no

What does your last text say? "thank you for everything today. you too"

What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? i don't want to pay full price for anything

You have 5 minutes - grab 3 snacks from the grocery store. What are they? slim jims, sour punch straws, pretzels

Dancing, acting, and singing - which two are you best at? LOL none

Deep fried Oreos & deep fried pickles - would you try either? i've had both and they are both delicious

Do you remember how old you were when you found out where babies come from? probably 14

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex smart and funny

Snow or sand? Soda or juice? Cake or cookies? Royalty or immortality? sand, soda, cookies, immortality

What seasoning do you use the most on your food? salt and pepper, depending on what it is maybe something else

Which is more important to you: make-up or hair? hair

For an entire month would you rather have a unibrow or no eyebrows at all? no eyebrows

What is one tradition that you and your family have? Do you enjoy it? we have family movie nights and we did zoom nights for a while too

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? yeah

You can go back in time & change something in your Mom's past-what is it? she can go to college and get a better job to better support herself

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? idk

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? yes very

Money doesn't matter - choose a vacation destination and pick your party: idk where but i would take my whole family including my best friends

Who is the last person you talked badly about behind their back? idek

Been on any websites today you wouldn't want your parents to see? nah

Flip your arm over - can you see your veins? barely, i don't have very prominent veins

Pick a movie at least 5 years old that you absolutely love: idek

Apparently, you can't tickle yourself. Do you think that's true?sure

Do you ever buy snacks at the movie theater? What do you get? popcorn and occ. candy

When was the last time you had to jump? today

At what time does it start getting dark where you live? 7 or 8

Which is worse: dusting or mopping? dusting for sure

Peanut butter VS. Caramel - which side are you on? neither really lol

Have you ever complained to a manager about anything? What was it? not that i can remember

[kerwritesthings]

The Exquisite Taste of Love

Summary: Everyone’s love language is different and special, getting to share that with the one who you call your heart is something else entirely

Word Count: almost 5.2k (Oops? But not really!)

Warning: tooth rotting sweetness, a touch of naughty and a whole lotta of love

Author Notes: What started out as inspiration from a gif, because the muse likes her pretty, evolved into the idea of a cute little Valentine’s Day blurb which then morphed into a bit of a love letter to the folks in this crazy corner of fandom who have been my biggest cheerleaders when it has come to my writing, with such open arms and friendship. My Valentine’s Day gift to them (and even to the rest of you) – but specially for @whenidance​, @parkerdavis​, @sinplisticshawn​, @fallinallincurls​, @illumecherry​, @hollandraul​ - y’all will notice little special fun in here for each and every one of you. My little love language gifts to you <3 

This, as always, falls again in line with this little world I’ve created, but again can be read as a stand-alone one shot piece, however I would recommend taking a read so you understand the build and the dynamics  – the masterlist of everything can be found here. 

“Can we do a baking night, like a date night?” he inquires, slinging himself against your back and nuzzling into your neck as you finish packing the cookies scattered across the kitchen island into Tupperware. You tried to get a jump on it this year, it’s your tradition to always gift your friends and family little homemade treats for Valentine’s Day. This year, you included adding in plans for special batches for some of Shawn’s team and his family, as well as a surprise for Shawn himself. Tonight’s adventure was for the folks whose items must hit the mail to get their treats in time.

“Wait, did I hear you right?” you giggle. “You, you’re asking to do something in the kitchen? By choice? That has nothing to do with trying to mix drinks?”

“Hey,” he whines, drawing out the y, licking sloppily at the side of your neck. “Can’t get better if I don’t try to learn right? And this is fun stuff, not like chicken or broccoli or pasta.”

“Baking is a lot more precise though than cooking. You need to follow recipes and instructions down to a tee,” you explain. “But you’re right, you won’t get better without trying it more. We’ll start with something a little on the easier side. I was going to do salted caramel cheesecake brownies and chocolate covered strawberries for your family to drop off on Friday. We can make them together.”

“Yay,” he replies, blowing a raspberry against your skin. “What else do you have to do?”

“Nothing else tonight thank goodness, these baby Linzer tarts and chocolate cherry truffles were enough,” you tell him as you package up the last of the chocolates. “I still need to make chocolate pretzel drops and spritz cookies for my office. The boys are going to get the crazy squares they inhaled the last time they were here, so I’m going make those for them. Need to figure out what to send the rest of your out of town contingent. Maybe Nanaimo bars. I may have something up my sleeve for you too, but you will have to wait and see on that.”

He shifts you about in his hold, pressing you into the back of the island before kissing you soundly. “I love that all my folks are now tangled up in your traditions, especially when they don’t need to be.”

“Of course, they do,” you state so matter of factly with a smile. “They’re a part of my life now too. You love them, so. Hell, I even have come to love some of them, despite me questioning why on a few.”

He laughs, swinging you around in his arms before sitting you down on the island before cupping your cheeks. The next thing you know, he’s kissing you again, “I love you. Now let’s plan out the next couple days of your crazy baking adventures.”

The next night while he’s locked away in the studio, Skype session with some of the LA crew you think, you at least get the dough made for the spritz cookies, settling in the fridge to chill, and the crazy squares done for his friends here at home. You’re elbows deep in coconut shortbread when you hear him padding down the hall.

“Ok whatever that it, it smells amazing. Coconut, vanilla and what else is in that?” he asks, hopping on the counter behind you. His long legs start swinging and his socked heels tapping against the cabinets like he’s a child.

“These my dear, are the Nanaimo bars. Or at least my version,” you explain, pushing your hair back off your face with your forearm not to get dough all over the place. “More coconut, vanilla and caramel than chocolate. It’s a coconut vanilla shortbread base, it’ll have a vanilla bean studded caramel custard in the middle. That’s in the fridge already, then I’ll do a chocolate caramel coconut topping for them. Figure little taste of Canada to send out to the rest of your folks.”

“I have no idea how you do it, but it looks and smells yummy. Think we can find candles that smell like this somewhere? That’s a scent I could get used to around here. Could sneak one on the road too, have for when I’m missing you,” he replies, poking his nose in some of the new Tupperware you have on the back counter by him. “What are these? They smell different, they’re not that.”

“Those are the crazy squares. It’s basically like a kitchen sink cookie, but in bar form. And since your friends are human garbage disposals when it comes to eating, I think it’s a good choice,” you get out through a laugh. “Oatmeal, chocolate chips, pretzels, potato chips, peanut butter and a little bit of toffee.”

“My little baking machine,” he comments with a tiny grin, stealing a small bar from the container he was sniffing in. “Damn, these are really good.”

“Shawn,” you yell, flicking the towel that was over your shoulder at his knee. “Those are gifts! No eating the presents. You’ll get your own treats.”

“’M sorry, but not really,” he mumbles through a mouth full of crazy square. “Ooh! We need cards to go with these.”

“What? No, baby we don’t,” you try to explain. “The gift is the goodies.”

“Nope. Cards. Have to,” he says, hopping down from the counter then hip bumping you. “At least for my parents, my sister, and then of course Didi and Tomas too. Maybe a stupid one for Cez to make him laugh.”

He drops a kiss to the tip of your nose, “I’ll handle it. Where did you stash all that extra craft stuff from when you had the A and all her girls over? The fancy scissors and all the paper?”

You have no idea what he’s up to, but you know you’re not going to be able to get him off this train. “Clear bin. Guest room closet, right hand side,” you describe. “Should be the one right on top.”

He scurries off and you just have to roll your eyes, biting back the giggle bubbling up. He’s such a softie. You love it, despite your reticence on his need for cards.

While you finish off the trays of bars, get the spritz cookies in the oven and start the chocolate pretzel drops, he’s stationing himself in the living room cross-legged in front of the coffee table. He’s awfully quiet, minus a hum here and there. You only hear the shuffling of papers and the click swish from scissors. You decide to let him be and have his fun, it gives you the time to finish off more than you were planning for the night.

When you’re done, you come out to a living room that’s just exploding with cut out hearts, but no Shawn. There’s a chain of them hanging from around the television, scattered piles over every table like confetti, a few bigger ones at the center of the coffee table in front of the couch.

“So, I may have been a little sneaky,” he confesses from behind you, arm wrapping around your hips to draw you towards him. “I made a few to use as cards but I wanted to do something a little randomly special for you early, since you’re doing all this baking for everyone when you really don’t have to.”

“You are such a squish Shawn,” you whisper, before leaning your head back on his shoulder. “It’s adorable. I love it. Thank you, sweetie.”

“Love you,” he murmurs into your hair.

There’s a massive vase of white roses and jasmine when you walk into the house the next night after work, sitting smack in the middle of the kitchen island, another cut out heart, this one bubble gum pink with silver writing on it, propped up against it.

So you can take the time to smell the roses, and the jasmine too. Can’t wait to bake with you later. Be home by 7 – xo S

“What is he up to now?” you mutter to yourself, not hearing anything in the condo other than the click of your heels on the kitchen tile floor. You find another bouquet in the living room, a smaller version in your bedroom on your bedside table, a new jasmine candle in your bathroom next to a tiny glass holding a fresh sprig of jasmine along with a tiny white rosebud and even a little spray of them on your desk in the guest room that doubles as your home office. You should be getting everything ready in the kitchen for the big bake, but you sit on the end of the bed needing a minute. You pick up the phone.

“What’s wrong?” Didi responds quickly. “You never call unless something’s wrong. Wait, did he propose finally? Is there a ring? You’re not pregnant, are you? Shit girl I told you...”

“Damnit Dee. No, breathe,” you try breaking through on your best friend’s babble. “There is definitely not a baby. Shit’s sake. Not doing things reverse order. Plus, there’s new album and tour and life. So no, not that. And. When there’s a ring, it’ll be a FaceTime, not a phone call. He just. Last night it was cut out hearts everywhere. Today, I come home. The condo’s filled with white roses and jasmine. Everywhere.”

It’s quiet for a moment. “You cry yet?” she asks softly.

“No,” you sniff. “Close though. I think I only mentioned this once. Of course, he remembers and then goes and does something like this.”

“He’s your person, girly,” Didi replies. “And a mushy lovey fucker for you at that.”

Your best friend is right. He is. “Thanks D, I needed this. I gotta go though I’m sorry. I’m attempting to teach him brownie baking tonight. I still need to change and get everything ready before he’s back at 7. I’ll text you.”

Quickly you throw yourself together as best as you could, changing and pulling everything you need to together along with moving the flowers in the kitchen to the living room. You’re rinsing off the strawberries when you hear his keys hit the lock.

“In the kitchen,” you call out when the door shuts.

“Good day?” he asks, head leaning in to place a kiss against your shoulder, his lips cold against your skin exposed by your tank top.

“Better when I got home,” you reply, leaning your head against his still pressing against you. “You’re a crazy boy, and I don’t even know how to say thank you for it. They’re beautiful. All of them.”

He kisses your shoulder again, before shifting to trail his lips up your neck, nibbling at your ear before a lingering kiss to your cheek. “Love you is all,” he states casually. “Let me change and then I’ll be back in for my lesson.”

While he’s gone, you decide to get the strawberries out of the way first. Brownies will be the more complicated of the two, so to start easier will be a good idea. He comes back in as you’re breaking up the chocolate bars into a large glass bowl.

“Chocolate covered strawberries first,” you begin. “They’re the less difficult of what’s on the agenda and we should get them dipped and set in the fridge before the oven gets on and warms the kitchen. Normally I’d melt and temper the chocolate over a double boiler, but not fussing with that tonight. It’s breaking it up, adding a little bit of oil and melting it in the microwave. Then we just dip away. I’ll finish on the milk, why don’t you get started on either the dark or the white, then I’ll do the other when I’m done.”

The both of you find a rhythm, breaking and chatting, sneaking in a kiss here or a prolonged touch there while you get the chocolate ready.

“Now, that those are melted. We pat the strawberry dry to make sure the chocolate will stick,” you explain, showing him the first one. “Hold it closer to the end of the stem and swirl, leave a little bit showing and let it drip the extra chocolate off, then place it down on the wax paper. Once they’re all dipped, we can drizzle another color chocolate over it with what’s left.”

“This isn’t so bad,” he declares after a few rows of berries are done. “Though, I think I know a way to make this a little more fun.”

He dips his finger around the edge of the bowl with the dark chocolate, pulling some off the glass. He eyes you carefully, crooking the chocolate covered finger at you.

“Shawn,” you question.

“C’mere,” he requests. You move slowly over, his non chocolate covered hand grabbing a strong hold against the curve of your hip. He takes the chocolate laden finger, tracing your bottom lip first, then the dip between your collarbones, chocolate sticking carefully against your skin.

“Dessert before dinner, yum,” he whispers, a breath from your lips before sinking into them. Licking his way into your mouth, you can’t help but slide your hands into his hair and moan. It was dirty and deep from the start, but when you flick your tongue against his, you feel his grip on your hip tighten even more.

He breaks from you first, trailing his lips down your cheek, across your neck to latch onto your collarbone and the chocolate he left there. You don’t want him to leave a mark, but secretly, you’re hoping he does.

“Baby,” you whine, hands gripping at his hair harder as he bites and sucks along the line of your bone. At this rate you’re going to be so bruised. He nips his way back up your neck before sipping at your lips again, leaving you breathless.

“Mmm, well you’re quite delicious, I think like this baking thing,” he grins like a cat who got the cream.

“It’ll be my turn soon, don’t you worry,” you proclaim, trying to stir the rest of the chocolate back to life. “Let’s finish these off before the chocolate starts gets too firm.”

He slides behind you, leaning in flush against your back, “I could make a really bad joke here, you know.”

You feel him, half hard and snug against your ass.

“Baking, Shawn. We’re baking,” you remind him with a sigh, while arching back to tease him. “You’re the one who asked for a baking date night. There will be more of that after if you’re lucky and you behave.”

He bites at your earlobe, grinding into you once. “Can we keep some chocolate for later then?”

You push back at him, “Says the one who isn’t always keen on chocolate.”

“But it’s chocolate off you, it automatically tastes better and makes me want more of it,” he proclaims with a cheeky smile, sliding over to the sink to wash his hands.

You make quick work of the last of the berries, getting the trays into the fridge so you can finally get going on the brownies.

“Salted caramel cheesecake brownies next,” you say as you pull the bricks of cream cheese from the fridge and the blocks of butter off the back counter. “Two different batters, but they’re both pretty easy. We start with the brownie batter first, then whip the cheesecake batter, swirl the dulce de leche through that, then swirl that into the brownie batter. Drizzle it all with a little more caramel, then sprinkle on some flaky sea salt before popping them into the oven.”

“It’s unfair how you make it sound so simple and easy,” he notes, watching you measure out cocoa powder. “I see that recipe and it’s like 38 steps long.”

“Not that many. Come over here, I promise let me show you, it’s not hard,” you slide your arm through his to pull him closer.

“That’s what she said,” he quips, poking at your side. The two of you plug away step by step, first on the brownie mixture, before starting in on the cheesecake. While you trust Shawn to continue keeping an eye on the whipping cream cheese in the stand mixer, you break out the jar of dulce de leche you’ve had warming slowly in a warm pan of water on the stove.

“Now that it’s done, and once this is a little cooler, we’ll drizzle some of this in there to make a ribbon through it before adding it into the pan with the brownie batter,” you describe, popping the lid carefully off.

You dip your pinkie into the warm sugary syrup, “Mmm liquid gold. This is perfect.”

Shawn snags your hand before you get a chance to wipe it on the towel, popping your pinkie into his mouth.

“Damnit Shawn,” you husk out as he works at your finger with his tongue. While he’s preoccupied, you quickly poke another finger from your left hand into the jar. Payback, you think, is a bitch. You slide your pointer finger down the line of his jaw before taking it down the line of his neck. His eye pop open and grow wide, sliding your finger free.

You don’t give him a chance to say a word, latching onto his jaw. His hands grasp you immediately, one lacing around the back of your head to hold you to him, the other square on your ass. You take your time, just as he did earlier, licking and nibbling your way through the sweet caramel until you hit his skin.

“Sweetheart,” he moans, almost bordering on a growl, when you hit that spot on his neck that drives him crazy. The hand on your ass draws you closer to him, sliding his thigh between your legs. You keep at that spot, you know there’s nothing coming up so if you do mark him up, which you want to do badly, there’s no real repercussions.

“Shit, baby,” he whines, needy and desperate as you keep up your assault on his neck. You make quick work on the rest of the dulce, sliding right back up to exactly where you know you can get him keening. Kitten licks at first, then tiny bites soothed by a bit of sucking. You keep the pattern up for a few passes, his skin warm under your tongue, warm until you know they’ll be a bit of a reminder tomorrow.

“Fuck,” he bites out, drawing you up and away from his neck to bring you up to meet his eyes.

“Something wicked this way comes,” you smirk, licking at your lips.

He dives for your mouth, hot and hard and fast until you’re both out of breath.

“Now, think we can keep our hands to ourselves to get these in the oven?” you pant. “And when your mother asks how we made these together, we do not tell her about the soft-core porn action in the kitchen.”

He kisses you sweetly, softly, “I think it would be a fun story though.”

You roll your eyes, pushing at his chest, “Brownies, swirling, salting and into the oven. C’mon.”

You both manage to keep your hands, and your lips, to yourself for the rest of the process. You cannot help but chuckle, watching him salt the brownies ever so carefully. “It’s like icy snow,” he proclaims, grinning like a little kid.

Once in the oven, you split clean up duty and then start to pack up the berries off the trays.

“I feel bad that I can’t go with you to drop this all off tomorrow, but there’s no way I can duck out early enough,” you lament, shifting the berries about to make sure they’re not going to be smushed in transport.

“The fact you made all this for them, from scratch no less, is more than enough,” he insists. “I normally just send flowers. Which I’m still doing for both of them. This is just over the top extra awesome.”

You can’t help but smile, “They’re my family now too. Well, close enough you know? I love them…”

He wraps you in a hug, “I love that you consider them yours, cause they are. Absolutely, they’re your family. Now, let’s finish this and go cuddle on the couch until the brownies are done.”

Before leaving for the office, with Shawn still cozy in bed asleep since you’re up a good deal earlier than normal today, you slip out the red box you’ve had hidden in the back of the pantry out onto the kitchen counter. Inside, a few smaller red containers, filled with his treat surprises for the day.

You steal one of the blank hearts from the dining room table, a white one, for a note.

For my darling, the first of a few surprises for you today. Despite your recent affection for chocolate, here’s a little something to start your day. Through the day you’ll find little things here and there, just small little sweets that I know you adore, maybe as much as me. Because my heart, you have mine and I want to spoil you a little today. Love you valentine xo <3

You prop the note against one of the larger containers, this a perfect square. The first time you ever made him your lemon lime scones, it was one of first nights you stayed over. He waxed poetic about them for days. You knew they had to be a part of his treat trail today. This time though in a mini version. The second box, a smaller thinner one, you slide into his guitar case, filled with rolls of homemade strawberry fruit leathers. A third box, shortbread thumbprints with sour cherry jam, you place in his studio by his journal. The fourth, in a tin on top of the corner chair in the living room where he leaves one of his guitars out always, most difficult of the treats you made for him - tequila laced gummy bears. The final, and a last minute addition made last night when he was half dozy on the couch and thought you were boxing the brownies, a few chocolate covered caramels that you leave by his keys at the front table as a nod to last night’s funtivities.

You grab the bag filled with the baked treats for your office and head out the door. When you finally arrive at your office, a few minutes late because of your hiding duties at home and setting up your treats for the team in the kitchen, you’re greeted by a bouquet of blush peonies and antique roses.

“Came in just a few minutes ago,” Rosalie, the office receptionist tinkers gleefully, peeking her head into your office. “Do we get to see that boy of yours today? That would be a lovely Valentine’s Day treat.”

Rosalie, who is old enough to be your grandmother but has the energy level of a teenager, absolutely adores Shawn. They’re thick as thieves, getting along together immediately. She mothers the heck out of him when he comes to see you, helps him sneak things into your office, the two of them gang up on you to make sure you’re fed and hydrated when you’re pulling late hours, and is an absolute godsend when you work remote if you’re out on the road with him.

“Not sure,” you smile, smelling one of the blooms. “I know he’s heading out to Pickering at some point to see his family. Not sure what he’s got up his sleeve or has plans on for later. I’m being surprised. Best not poke at him and ruin whatever he’s got going.”

“Just let him know his smiling face is missed around here ok?” she nods, heading back towards her desk.

You snap a quick photo of the flowers and fire off a text – Happy Valentine’s Day indeed. They’re so pretty, thank you! <3 ilu :) xo

You’re knee deep in trying to clean out your inbox when your phone chimes. A selfie, his bed head in full force and he’s smiling around one of the scones in his mouth. Omg you made me the Sprite scones! AND THEY ARE TINY BABY SIZED ONES I CAN FIT IN MY MOUTH ALL AT ONCE! Followed by alternating string of lemon, soda cup, green and yellow heart emojis.

He finds the thumbprints next, a photo of a cookie next to him giving you a thumbs up, more emojis again this time alternating the cherries, red lips and red heart. Where did you find the sour cherry jam? I haven’t been able to find it anywhere. OR DID YOU MAKE THIS TOO?!

Immediately after was a boomerang, the tin of strawberry fruit rolls, rocking and rolling back and forth. Followed by strawberry emojis between kissy face smileys. These taste exactly like you do after we go strawberry picking in the spring and you sneak berries along the way when you think no one is looking. But I always am.

It takes a little longer for the next find. You’re in the middle of a conference call when your phone starts buzzing. A gif of a worm with a sombrero on, tipping back on a bottle of tequila. How the hell did you make me seriously boozy af gummy bears? They’re as big as my thumb! I can’t have these before heading out to the ‘rents. I’m drunk already from just smelling them.

You have to mute your line and laugh heartily. This right here made it all worth it. His reactions are priceless. You’re so glad the little surprises are making him this silly happy.

The next one, about half an hour later, is a voice memo.

“You sneaky, naughty little minx,” he husks out, voice deep. “Chocolate caramels. You knew exactly what I’d think of, didn’t you? I’m in the car trying to get out and through downtown, but now all I can think about since finding them are your breathy little moans, your hands in my hair and your mouth at my throat. Fuck baby, you definitely left the best for last. I snuck them in the car to have one on the ride, but there’s no way I can even try one now.” He pauses for a beat; a hard sigh escapes his lips. “Just you wait until later. Now, I need to get out of this tangle you’ve got me in before I get home to my parents. I’ll be back by the time you get home from work. I love you sweetheart.”

Thank god you didn’t put that on speakerphone. He sounded like pure wicked sin, plain and simple. He’s got you in knots now too. You just need to get through the rest of the day in one piece. Thankfully, your boss kicks the entire office out early, partially because of her own plans, and partially because of the long weekend stateside. You’ll take it. Hopefully you can beat Shawn home to be able to maybe shower and change before he gets back.

A cute video comes through as you walk out of the office, from his sister. “First off, I’m mad at Shawn for not bringing you with, but then he said you had work. So, I let it slide. A little at least. Then he let us open the goodies. You made all our favorites! You’re the best. Please come visit, or let’s plan another girls’ night and we’ll kick him out of the condo! Wait wait, hold on. Someone else wants to say thanks!” She pans her phone to the kitchen and flips the camera around. “Sweetie, thank you so much for all the treats. You will need to send me the recipe for the brownies, they’re delicious. I still don’t believe Shawn helped you with all this, if that’s the case, congratulations for getting him in the kitchen willingly. And without disaster, I hope at the very least. I’m hiding some so maybe there’s still some left when Manny makes it home. Let’s figure out dinner all of us together next week. Love you!”

Warmth spreads through you as you navigate your way back home after that one. You’re floating at this point. However, you did not luck out in beating him back as you walk through the door. There’s a litany of white pillar candles of all different heights and thicknesses everywhere in the living room, flickering as if they’re just lit. There he is, ensconced in the corner of the couch, guitar slung across his lap. He smiles, patting the open cushion next to him.

“I will spare you from the ultimate perfect yet cheesy Canadian Valentine’s Day, singing some Celine Dion love song to you,” he jokes, pressing a lengthy kiss to your temple. “But I did dig through someone’s playlists to find something. Mind you, this is only part of your gift, which will never rank up against all that you did for me today. That was, just, ridiculous and perfect and sweet. So damn thoughtful, babe. I loved it.”

He leans over to quickly press a kiss at the corner of your mouth before diving into the song.

“The dawn is breaking, a light shining through. You're barely waking and I'm tangled up in you,” he sings. “I’m open, you're closed. Where I follow, you'll go. I worry I won't see your face light up again.”

Your breath sticks in your throat. Your brain scrambles slightly, eyes clouding up. You miss him sing the chorus the first go, the blood rushing through your ears.

“I'm quiet you know. You make a first impression. I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind. Even the best fall down sometimes, even the stars refuse to shine. Out of the back you fall in time. I somehow find you and I collide,” he continues. “Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme. Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow find you and I collide.”

You sniff as he finishes, shifting his guitar out of his hands to move behind you before throwing yourself into his lap, arms tight around his neck. “So, you’re going to need to record that for me, so I have that to sing me to sleep when you’re out on tour. Honey, that was just…”

You trail off, leaning your forehead against his, trying to catch your breath and your words all at once. His hands a steady hold on your waist, fingers trailing up and down slightly.

“Just when I think you’ve permeated every part of my heart already, you go and do something like that,” you profess honestly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispers against your lips. “So much.” He draws you closer, arms tightening around you. His heartbeat a tether to yours, a steady rhythm in time with each other’s beats. 

TAG LIST: @whenidance, @parkerdavis, @sinplisticshawn, @hollandraul, @fallinallincurls, @itrocksmysocks, @rainbowshawn, @lasingphomustra, @illumecherry​

[iwishiwasheather]

made it to about 5 mins over 20hrs!!! had a bowl of cinnamon life cereal, about 2/3 of like a 44oz pepsi, and hershey chocolate covered pretzels (idk how many servings were in the bag but i ate the whole thing). so far that’s it, but i think i’m going to have a bagel with peanut butter and a banana since my dads chose spaghetti for dinner and i hate spaghetti, but there are apparently going to be meat balls so i might just have some of those. i’m also going to have some chocolate pie for dessert bc if i don’t eat it, it’ll look suspicious. my dad made us go at as a family (minus my sister who had to work) and we went to this half price book store where i got my own copies of just about every john green book, and a grocery store where i was able to get some stuff to make smoothies. he also said we could go to a barnes and noble later this week so i’m looking forward to that because there’s a list of books i want really bad that i couldn’t find today. also car update: it won’t be fixed until next week at the earliest, so i’m not able to drive myself anywhere for the next week, which is actually good bc now i can’t easily go to a fast food place. anyway, stay safe y’all :)

[delicatetragedies2]

I think I personally need to start holding myself accountable for the things I consume :/

So far today I have had some Mandarin orange slices- 80 cal. for 1/2 cup. And a water with a Soul energy packet from work- 0 cal.

Yesterday I ate, what felt like so much, but on the other hand I was moving around alot sice 6:45 am. I went biking and walking for awhile. From 8am to 12am and later that night I was on the trampoline with my lil sis for 20 mins.

I'll update what I have for dinner after work, I'm here till 7 :)

Total so far (3:52pm)- 80 cal.

8:30pm- I've had some peanut butter pretzels - 150 cal, sea salt seaweed snack- 20, and coca cola zero- 0

Total now: 250

10:30pm- totinos cheese pizza- 300-330cal.

Night total: 550-580cal.