#today I wanted to have an active recovery day so I went to do a short easy hike

[roylustang]

The importance of strength training (and experience) is that I can go 16 mile February —> 86 mile March —> 140 mile April with no problem even with significant time off when that would’ve destroyed me a few years ago

[fictioninmyblood]

Best Birthday Gift

Summary: Terry finally makes his way home just in time for his love’s birthday. Despite starting the day like any other, Y/N gets to end it with the best birthday gift ever.

A/N: I watched Rebel Ridge and it’s my birthday.

Warning: 18+ themes, fluff and angst(y)

Like most years Y/N had spent without Terry, Y/N looked forward to her birthday the same she did any day. She didn’t. It was always for others that she mustered up the energy to celebrate, but with Terry on active duty for the last few years and a swiftly dwindled social pool she hadn’t really had to lately. Now with Mike dead and Terry fighting through who knows what kind of white hell over in Silver Springs she hadn’t found the will to do more than pack and worry. She just kept praying that she would get another call from him soon.

Y/N had been hanging onto life by her bloody fingernails for years. When Terry crashed into her life, she had almost no craving to live. By the time he’d begun training troops, being stationed away from her for longer and longer periods, there wasn’t much she looked forward to each day. Despite finding some joy in becoming a teacher, Y/N still couldn’t help but see the world as it is. For all the serotonin those sweet babies brought her, knowing them brought just as much anxiety and despair. Terry had promised that when he was discharged he would put her on Dr. Richmond’s personal recovery plan. She would get to cook and bake and homemake as much as she wanted while he and Mike towed boats and he would come home to her every night to rub and kiss on her until all she could feel was their love. A traditional dynamic wasn’t popular these days, but with a man like Terry to ease her fears it was exactly what she was looking for.

The last 10 months of careful planning to finally build towards the growing old promises they’d made each other went out the window with one moment. Y/N had been upset to get that call from Mike in jail, the man doing exactly what she’d predicted and warned Terry about plenty of times. No matter how much they loved him, a pattern was a pattern and his kept putting their own plans on hold. He was always getting into trouble and Terry was always bending over backwards to get him out of it but this time had made her livid. She dug into him about it too, threatening that if he tried this shit in Florida he’d have to worry about her being his parole officer. Terry had worked too hard to make it out of the military with his body, mind, and heart intact, she’d be damned if Mike was the reason any part of him broke.

Too bad she couldn’t cuss him out now for doing just that. She loved Mike like family too, looking out for him in her own way while Terry was gone, but she didn’t know how to grieve. For some reason she still felt like all she had to do was wait a few weeks to pop him upside his head. The only thing Terry told her that had fully processed was the fact that he was in danger now. How could someone think about celebrating their birthday when the love of their life could potentially be strung up in the middle of some hick town to never be heard from again? How could she be happy to have her heart beating when a man she called family, no matter how much he made her mad, was dead? She could wait for him to call for a ride off of the prison lot all she wanted, it wasn’t coming ever again.

So she finished packing, ordered some takeout, took a gloriously long hot shower, lotioned, and cuddled up on her blowup bed in one of Terry’s old hoodies. Not many of his clothes still held his scent as strong as before so she only used the ones that did for emergencies or special occasions. Today counted as both.

Not wanting to think about what she spaced out on, Y/N started watching one of Terry’s favorite franchises. She was about 30 minutes into the first movie when her ring doorbell rang on her phone. Not bothering to look at the video feed, she opened the app and spoke into the phone.

“You can just leave it on the porch, thank you.”

“No can do ma’am, there’s some extra here you have to sign for.”

At the sound of his voice, Y/N finally looked at her video feed to see her baby on her porch looking dirty and exhausted but alive. She squealed, quickly kicking off her covers and ran to open the front door. Terry barely sat his backpack on the floor just inside the front door when Y/N launched herself into his arms, her own instantly locking around his neck. She felt the vibration of his soft laughter as he closed her door with his foot and walked to the island to put the food down.

As soon as the food was out of his hands, Terry grasped the underside of her ass where they met her thighs, helping her wrap them around his waist.

“Hi princess,” he said into her hair.

“You made it,” she mumbled back, still caught up in the feel of his arms around her waist and the smell of his irreplaceable scent drenching her senses.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Terry finally pulled back, pecked the tip of her nose, and looked at his lady. He kissed her sweetly until she started to lose her breath and pulled back to look at her when he was done. He kissed her forehead and took in not only her appearance but also the room. Spotting her makeshift cocoon he sat her on the island and rushed over to his backpack, bringing it with him. Y/N let her legs swing as she watched her man pull a pint of her favorite ice cream out his bag to put directly in the freezer along with a card and mini balloon.

She hadn’t meant to but she went from smiling to full out sobs in seconds as she watched Terry walk towards her with his small offering. It scared the crap out of Terry to see his princess fighting so hard to regulate her emotions and losing.

“Please don’t cry princess, it’s not even that much.”

“But-,” she couldn’t get any of her words out, too overwhelmed with this moment. Terry always seemed to have the magic touch of getting her to live in the now again, even if it meant sobbing uncontrollably. He was her safe place to just be in every form.

Terry cupped her face and wiped at her tears as he continued, “I didn’t even get you a proper gift.”

That made her throw her head back and laugh. “You lyin’ to me Terrance.” She sniffled away the last of her tears and grasped his face back. Y/N pecked his lips until he held her a little tighter and kissed her deeper. She put her hands on his back and rubbed up and down as the moment became extremely heated.

Y/N pulled her face away to really examine Terry, keeping her hands on his back, continuing their rubdown.

“You survived the military, whatever colonizer’s hell is going on in Silver Springs, made your way back to me on that bike for most likely most of the way, and still found time, energy, and resources to get my favorite ice cream and a card for my birthday.”

“Don’t forget your mini balloon.”

“That’s right, a mini balloon too! And the most important part of my gift Terrance Richmond,” she pecked his luscious lips a few more times, “you.”

Terrance was rubbing her lower back and the top of her ass when she grasped his face, her eyes darting between his swirling Hazel blues. She almost lost him, he almost didn’t make it, and it hadn’t been from his time in the military. Faced with what it felt like to finally breathe again, to have her heart beating with every breath he took, Y/N was finally looking forward to finishing the day.

Her voice cracked a little bit, but she held it together. “I almost lost you before I could have you again. This is the best birthday ever. You could have crawled in here needing an organ donor and it still would’ve been. You hear me?”

Terry smiled, only she could end up celebrating him on her birthday. “I hear you. How you wanna spend the rest of the day?”

“Go shower and only put clean undies on please. Your suitcases of clothes are still upstairs.”

Terry smiled wide, with every word Y/N was emoting more and more. God he missed this woman.

“Then?” He asked with a raise of his brow.

“We’re gonna eat and cuddle naked, well I’ll be all the way naked, but either way skin.”

Terry laughed out loud at that one. The life was definitely returning to her eyes, bringing the woman he left back to him. No matter how much pain and grief he suffered these last few weeks, he’d do it all again to end up here, with or without Mike. Mike was family but Y/N was his world, his inspiration, his safe place, and his home. Seeing how depleted her spirit was when he arrived, it nearly killed him to think of what she’d have turned into had he not made it.

“We can make that happen.”

With a few extra kisses to hold him over, Terry made his way to the bathroom and did as told. While he got cleaned Y/N read her card and set it up on the counter before she made their plates. By the time Terry made his way back into the living room, she had a tray set up to make things easier for them to sit down together.

He made her sit on the bed before him so that he could be the one to bring the tray over. After they ate, he cleaned up the food while Y/N changed to the next movie in the series before she removed the hoodie and wiggled on her feet, waiting impatiently. When Terry finally did lay down in the bed, Y/N instantly curled into his side, her head laying on his heart and one of her legs coming up to rest on his pelvis. The opening credits had just finished when Terry looked down at his lady and thanked god that he got to spend another birthday with her. It’d been a few years since he got spend her birthday with her and even longer since he treated her properly. She never cared, so long as he was there to share the day.

Y/N had been drifting but jolted out of her sleep and sat up rubbing at her eyes.

“What is it baby? You need something?”

She shook her head no just like a sleepy toddler and mumbled out, “Thank you for the best birthday gift big daddy.” As quickly as she sat up, she was back down, cuddled in his arms and quickly slipping into her dreams.

This was all she had wanted. To be held and comforted to sleep. It wasn’t much, but Terry had given her that. With the troubles of their lives waiting for the morning, Terry settled in, letting his pride swell with the knowledge that she considered him her best birthday gift.

[estapa-edwards]

can you do something with ryan leonard. like best friend to lover. something with angst maybe because ryan or trader is seeing somebody else. with slight smut maybe. thank youuu!

YOU BELONG WITH ME - R. LEONARD

Ryan leonard x reader

word count: 5.9k

requested? yes

warnings: use of y/n. slight smut

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

It was one of those brisk autumn days when the leaves crunched underfoot and the sky was a clear, piercing blue. The Boston College campus buzzed with activity, students rushing to classes, laughter echoing across the quad. Y/N made her way to Conte Forum, where the Eagles were set to have their afternoon practice. She pulled her jacket tighter against the chill, her mind racing as it always did when she was about to see Ryan Leonard.

Ryan and Y/N had been best friends since freshman year, a bond forged over late-night study sessions, endless coffee runs, and a mutual love for hockey. Ryan, with his boyish grin and effortless charm, was the star forward for the BC Eagles, while Y/N was pursuing a degree in sports medicine, often helping out the team with injuries and recovery.

Their friendship had always been easy, natural, and unforced. They shared everything, from their hopes and dreams to their fears and insecurities. But lately, things had begun to change. Y/N found herself drawn to Ryan in ways that went beyond friendship, her heart fluttering whenever he was near. She tried to push these feelings aside, convincing herself that it was just a phase, a crush that would eventually fade. But the more time she spent with Ryan, the stronger her feelings grew.

There was just one problem. Ryan was seeing someone.

--- --- --- 

Practice was in full swing by the time Y/N arrived. She stood by the boards, watching as Ryan skated across the ice with a grace that never failed to take her breath away. He was completely in his element, the puck seemingly glued to his stick as he weaved in and out of his teammates. The coach barked orders, the sound echoing through the arena, but Ryan was focused, determined.

As practice wrapped up, Ryan skated over to where Y/N was standing. He flashed her a smile that made her heart skip a beat. "Hey, Y/N. What brings you here today?"

Y/N shrugged, trying to appear casual. "Just wanted to see my favorite hockey player in action. Plus, I have some new tape for your ankle. Thought you might need it."

Ryan's eyes lit up. "You're the best, you know that?" He hopped over the boards, landing lightly on his feet. "I could use a break anyway. Want to grab some coffee?"

"Sure," Y/N replied, her heart doing somersaults. "Coffee sounds great."

They made their way to the campus coffee shop, falling into an easy conversation about classes, upcoming games, and everything in between. But there was a tension simmering beneath the surface, an unspoken question that hung in the air.

"So," Ryan said, breaking the silence as they sat down with their drinks. "I wanted to tell you something."

Y/N's stomach twisted. She had a feeling she knew what was coming, but she forced herself to smile. "What's up?"

"It's about Jenna," Ryan began, referring to the girl he had been seeing for the past few months. "Things are starting to get serious between us."

Y/N felt a pang of jealousy but masked it with a nod. "That's great, Ryan. I'm happy for you."

Ryan studied her for a moment, his brow furrowing. "Are you sure? You don't seem that happy."

Y/N forced a laugh. "Of course, I'm happy. Why wouldn't I be?"

Ryan reached across the table, his hand covering hers. "Y/N, you're my best friend. I need you to be honest with me."

Y/N swallowed hard, the weight of her unspoken feelings pressing down on her. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but the words caught in her throat. Instead, she squeezed his hand and forced another smile. "I'm fine, really."

--- --- --- 

As the weeks went by, Y/N couldn't help but notice how Jenna seemed to be everywhere she used to be. It started small—little things like seeing Ryan and Jenna studying together at the library, where she and Ryan used to spend countless hours. But it grew more significant, and with each passing day, Y/N felt her presence in Ryan's life being overshadowed by Jenna.

One afternoon, Y/N made her way to Conte Forum, her usual spot to catch Ryan after practice. But instead of finding him alone or with his teammates, she saw Jenna sitting in the stands, waving and smiling as Ryan skated over to her. Y/N's stomach twisted, a familiar pang of jealousy gnawing at her insides. She forced a smile and waved back, but her heart wasn't in it.

"Hey, Y/N!" Ryan called out, his face lighting up when he saw her. "Come join us!"

Y/N walked over, trying to hide the unease that threatened to overwhelm her. "Hey, guys. How was practice?"

"Great, but exhausting," Ryan replied, taking a seat next to Jenna and draping an arm around her shoulders. "Jenna brought me some snacks to refuel."

Y/N's smile wavered. "That's nice of you, Jenna."

Jenna beamed, leaning into Ryan. "I know how hard he works. Just wanted to show my support."

Y/N nodded, feeling like an outsider in a space that used to feel like home. "Well, that's great. I just came to drop off the new tape for your ankle, Ryan."

"You're a lifesaver, Y/N," Ryan said, standing up to give her a quick hug. But as he pulled away, his attention immediately shifted back to Jenna.

"Thanks, Y/N," Jenna said, her smile polite but distant. "We'll see you later, okay?"

Y/N nodded, her throat tight. "Yeah, sure. See you guys later."

--- --- ---

The pattern continued. Y/N found herself increasingly excluded from the moments she had once cherished with Ryan. Jenna was there at every turn—at their favorite coffee shop, at study sessions, even at the casual hangouts with the team. Y/N tried to tell herself that it was natural for Ryan to spend more time with his girlfriend, but the jealousy gnawed at her, a constant reminder of what she was losing.

One evening, as Y/N was heading to the library, she saw Ryan and Jenna sitting in the corner booth that had always been her and Ryan's spot. They were laughing, their heads close together, and Y/N felt a sharp stab of jealousy. She turned to leave, not wanting to intrude, but Ryan spotted her.

"Y/N! Over here!" he called out, waving her over.

Y/N forced a smile and walked over, her heart heavy. "Hey, you two. What's up?"

"We're just studying for the upcoming exams," Ryan said, pulling out a chair for her. "Join us?"

Y/N hesitated, feeling like an intruder. "I don't want to interrupt. You guys look busy."

"Nonsense," Jenna said, her tone cheerful but with an edge that Y/N couldn't ignore. "There's always room for you, Y/N."

Y/N sat down, but the dynamic was different. The easy rapport she shared with Ryan was strained, replaced by Jenna's presence. Y/N tried to focus on her work, but her mind kept wandering, the jealousy festering like an open wound.

As the evening wore on, Y/N felt more and more like a third wheel. Jenna and Ryan had their own inside jokes, their own rhythm that Y/N couldn't penetrate. She watched them, feeling a mix of sadness and anger. She wanted to say something, to reclaim her place in Ryan's life, but fear held her back.

"Y/N, are you okay?" Ryan asked, his brow furrowing in concern.

Y/N forced a smile, her heart aching. "I'm fine. Just tired, I guess."

"You should get some rest," Jenna said, her voice smooth and reassuring. "We'll catch up later."

Y/N nodded, gathering her things. "Yeah, I think I'll do that. See you later."

As she walked away, Y/N felt a tear slip down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly, not wanting anyone to see. The jealousy burned inside her, but she didn't know how to confront it, how to tell Ryan that she felt like she was losing him.

She made her way back to her dorm, the weight of her unspoken feelings pressing down on her. She loved Ryan, but she was terrified of ruining their friendship, of pushing him away even further. So, she kept her jealousy hidden, burying it deep inside, and hoped that somehow, things would go back to the way they used to be.

But deep down, she knew that nothing would ever be the same again.

--- --- ---

Y/N sat on her bed, staring blankly at her open textbook. The words blurred together, her mind unable to focus. The past few weeks had been torture, watching Jenna slip into every corner of Ryan's life, replacing her. She wanted to tell him how she felt, but every time she tried, the words caught in her throat.

A sudden knock on her door jolted her out of her thoughts. She wasn't expecting anyone, but she had a sinking feeling she knew who it was. She opened the door to find Ryan standing there, his face a mix of concern and frustration.

"Ryan? What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice shaky.

"Can I come in?" he asked quietly.

Y/N stepped aside, letting him in. The tension in the room was palpable as they stood there, neither of them knowing how to begin.

"Y/N, what's going on?" Ryan finally asked, his eyes searching hers. "You've been acting so strange lately. Are you okay?"

Y/N forced a smile, trying to mask the turmoil inside her. "I'm fine, Ryan. Just busy with school, that's all."

Ryan shook his head, his frustration evident. "No, it's more than that. You're my best friend. I can tell when something's bothering you. Please, just talk to me."

Y/N swallowed hard, the weight of her unspoken feelings pressing down on her. She turned away, unable to meet his gaze. "There's nothing to talk about, Ryan."

Ryan stepped closer, his voice soft but insistent. "Y/N, you're shutting me out. I need to know what's wrong. Did I do something to upset you?"

The question pierced her heart, and she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She wanted to tell him everything, to pour out her heart, but the fear of losing him held her back. Anger and frustration bubbled to the surface, and she couldn't hold back any longer.

"Oh, I'm shutting you out?" Y/N snapped, her voice rising. "Please, Ryan. I haven't even seen you without Jenna in weeks. And I don't want to third wheel."

Ryan's eyes widened in shock. "Y/N, that's not fair. Jenna's my girlfriend. Of course, I spend time with her."

"But what about us?" Y/N shot back, her voice trembling with emotion. "We used to do everything together. Now it feels like I don't exist to you unless she's around."

Ryan ran a hand through his hair, looking conflicted. "Y/N, I didn't mean for it to be like this. Jenna's important to me, but so are you."

Y/N laughed bitterly, wiping away a tear. "It doesn't feel that way. It feels like I'm being replaced, like I don't matter anymore. I miss you, Ryan. I miss us."

Ryan's face softened, and he took a step closer, his voice gentle. "Y/N, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to make you feel this way. You're my best friend, and I care about you so much."

"Do you?" Y/N asked, her voice breaking. "Because it doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm losing you, like I'm just an afterthought now that Jenna's in the picture."

Ryan reached out, but she pulled away, the pain too raw. "I don't want to lose you, Y/N. You're one of the most important people in my life. I need you to believe that."

"How can I believe that when everything's changed?" Y/N said, her tears falling freely now. "When I'm not the one you turn to anymore?"

Ryan's face crumpled, and he took another step closer, his voice pleading. "Please, Y/N. I don't want to lose you. Tell me what I can do to fix this."

Y/N looked at him, her heart breaking. She wanted to believe him, to trust that things could go back to the way they were, but the fear and jealousy were too strong. "I don't know if you can," she whispered. "I don't know if anything will ever be the same."

Ryan stood there, his eyes filled with sadness and desperation. "Y/N, please. You're my best friend. I can't lose you."

Y/N took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "I need time, Ryan. I need to figure out how to deal with this. I don't know if I can just pretend everything's okay."

Ryan nodded slowly, his expression pained. "I understand. Just... don't shut me out completely. Please."

Y/N nodded, her heart heavy. "I won't. I promise."

As Ryan left, Y/N sank to the floor, her body wracked with sobs. She had finally told him the truth, but it felt like she had shattered something precious. The weight of her unspoken feelings had been lifted, but the fear of losing him remained, a constant, gnawing ache.

--- --- --- 

In the days that followed, Y/N found it increasingly difficult to stick to her promise. Every time she saw Ryan, the pain of their conversation and the rawness of her emotions threatened to overwhelm her. She started avoiding places where she knew he would be, skipping their usual study sessions and avoiding the coffee shop they frequented. She even altered her routes around campus, anything to keep her heart from breaking all over again.

Ryan, for his part, tried to give her space, but his concern for her was evident. He sent her texts, asking how she was and if they could talk, but Y/N couldn't bring herself to respond. Each message felt like a reminder of what she had lost, and she couldn't face the reality of their changed relationship.

One afternoon, Y/N was walking back to her dorm when she saw Ryan and Jenna coming from the opposite direction. Panic surged through her, and she quickly ducked into a nearby building, pressing herself against the wall. She watched as they walked past, Ryan's arm around Jenna's shoulders, both of them laughing about something. The sight was like a punch to the gut, and Y/N had to fight to keep her tears at bay.

She slipped out of the building after they were gone and made her way back to her dorm, her heart heavy with a mixture of jealousy and despair. She knew she was breaking her promise to Ryan, but the thought of seeing him with Jenna was too much to bear. It felt like every time she saw them together, a piece of her heart was being ripped away.

That evening, Y/N was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, when her phone buzzed. It was another text from Ryan.

Ryan: "Y/N, we need to talk. Please."

Y/N stared at the message, her finger hovering over the screen. She wanted to respond, to tell him everything she was feeling, but the fear of losing him completely kept her silent. She turned off her phone and rolled over, tears streaming down her face.

Days turned into weeks, and Y/N continued to avoid Ryan at all costs. She threw herself into her studies, hoping to distract herself from the ache in her heart. But no matter how hard she tried, the void left by Ryan's absence was impossible to fill.

One evening, as she was leaving the library, she saw Ryan standing outside, waiting for her. Her heart leapt into her throat, and she considered turning back, but it was too late. He had seen her.

"Y/N, wait," he called, his voice filled with a mix of relief and frustration.

She stopped, her body tense, as he approached. "Ryan, I..."

He held up a hand, cutting her off. "Please, just let me talk."

Y/N nodded, her eyes downcast.

"Why are you avoiding me?" Ryan asked, his voice tinged with hurt. "I thought you said you wouldn't shut me out."

Y/N took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she needed to say. She looked up at Ryan, her eyes filled with sorrow. "I'm sorry, Ryan," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I can't do this anymore."

Ryan's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Y/N shook her head, tears threatening to spill over. "I mean... I think it's better if we're not friends anymore."

Ryan's expression shifted from confusion to shock. "Y/N, no. You can't mean that."

"I do," Y/N replied, her voice breaking. "It hurts too much, Ryan. Every time I see you with Jenna, it feels like my heart is being torn apart. I can't keep pretending that everything's okay when it's not."

Ryan took a step closer, reaching out to touch her arm, but she flinched away. "Y/N, please. We can work through this. I don't want to lose you."

Y/N's emotions boiled over, her voice rising in desperation. "Please, Ryan, I can't do this!"

"Why are you doing this?" Ryan's voice matched her intensity, a mixture of confusion and frustration.

"Because, Ryan," Y/N yelled back, tears streaming down her face. "Because I love you!"

Ryan froze, his hand dropping to his side as he stared at her in shock. The words hung in the air between them, heavy with the weight of unspoken truth.

Y/N wiped angrily at her tears, her chest heaving with emotion. "I've tried to bury it, to ignore it, but I can't pretend anymore. Every time I see you with Jenna, it tears me apart inside."

Ryan stood there in stunned silence, unable to form a coherent response to Y/N's emotional outpouring. Her words echoed in his mind, each one piercing through the confusion and shock that gripped him.

Y/N wiped angrily at her tears, her voice raw with pain. "I never meant for this to happen. I never planned on falling for you, but damn it, you crept into my thoughts, into my dreams, and now you're embedded in my heart like a relentless thorn. I see the way you smile at her, the way you laugh, and it feels like a thousand knives stabbing me in the chest."

Her voice cracked with emotion, but she pushed on, her words pouring out like a floodgate opened. "Do you have any idea how it feels to want someone so much it hurts? To know that every smile you give to Jenna is a stab in my gut because I wish it were for me? I've tried to ignore it, to bury these feelings deep down, but they keep clawing their way back to the surface."

Ryan's chest tightened with guilt and regret as he listened, absorbing the full weight of Y/N's confession. Her pain was palpable, her vulnerability cutting through him like a knife.

"I can't help but remember how it all started — those late-night conversations that stretched into dawn, the way you looked at me with such understanding and kindness. It felt like we were the only two people in the world, like we shared something special."

Y/N's voice trembled now, her words filled with longing and sorrow. "And now? Now you're with her, and I'm left here grappling with this unbearable ache, this longing that won't let me breathe. I hate that I love you this fiercely, this desperately. It's tearing me apart, but I can't turn it off. Every fiber of my being screams your name."

Ryan's throat tightened, his heart breaking for Y/N and the pain he had inadvertently caused. He struggled to find the right words, to offer some solace or explanation, but his mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

Unable to bear the weight of her gaze, Ryan turned away, his footsteps heavy and filled with regret. He couldn't face her right now, couldn't confront the truth of what she had laid bare. Leaving was the only thing he could think to do, a temporary reprieve from the intensity of the moment.

Y/N watched him go, her tears falling unchecked now, a mixture of relief and despair washing over her. She had finally spoken her truth, had bared her soul to him, and now she was left alone with the echoes of her own words.

As Ryan disappeared from view, Y/N sank to the ground, her sobs echoing in the empty space around her. She had known this outcome was a possibility, but the reality of it still cut deep. Love had brought her to this precipice, where the only path forward was through the pain.

--- --- --- 

After Ryan had abruptly left following their emotional confrontation, Y/N found herself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions. She hadn't expected Will and Gabe, Ryan's friends and teammates, to approach her about his absence. They were also her friends, having shared countless moments on and off campus together. Now, they stood before her, concern etched on their faces.

Gabe was the first to speak up, his voice laced with worry. "Hey, Y/N. Have you heard from Ryan? He's been off the grid for a couple of days now, and we're getting a bit worried."

Will nodded in agreement, his brow furrowed. "Yeah, he's missed a few practices too. Is everything okay between you two?"

Y/N hesitated, unsure of how much to disclose. She and Ryan had always been close, and his absence was weighing heavily on her conscience. "We... had a disagreement," she finally admitted, choosing her words carefully. "Things got complicated."

Gabe exchanged a glance with Will, both of them sensing the gravity of the situation. "Do you want to talk about it?" Gabe asked gently, his concern palpable.

Y/N shook her head, a small, sad smile tugging at her lips. "I wish I could, but... it's between Ryan and me. I think he just needs some space right now."

Will nodded understandingly, though worry lines remained etched on his face. "If you hear from him, could you let us know? We just want to make sure he's okay."

"Of course," Y/N replied softly. "I'll keep an eye out for him."

The three of them stood there for a moment, the unspoken tension hanging in the air. Y/N appreciated their concern, their loyalty to Ryan evident even in this difficult moment.

"Thanks, Y/N," Gabe said finally, offering a supportive smile. "We're here for you too, okay?"

Y/N nodded gratefully, touched by their gesture. "Thank you, both of you."

As Will and Gabe walked away, Y/N couldn't help but feel the weight of their unspoken questions and concerns. She knew she owed it to Ryan to give him the space he needed, but the ache in her heart reminded her of the fragile bond they had once shared.

Days turned into a week, and still, Ryan remained elusive. Y/N focused on her studies and tried to maintain a sense of normalcy, but her thoughts often drifted back to him. She wondered if he was hurting as much as she was, if he regretted their confrontation, if he even cared anymore.

--- --- --- 

Late one evening, as she sat alone in her dorm room, Y/N's phone buzzed with a text message. It was from Ryan.

Ryan: "Can we talk?"

Her heart skipped a beat as she read the message, uncertainty and hope warring within her. Without hesitation, she typed out her reply.

Y/N: "Yes. Where are you?"

The reply came almost immediately.

Ryan: "Meet me at our spot?"

Y/N's heart raced as she grabbed her jacket and headed out into the cool night air. She didn't know what would come of their meeting, but she knew she couldn't ignore the pull to see him again, to confront the unresolved feelings between them.

As she walked towards their designated meeting spot, Y/N couldn't help but wonder if this would be the moment everything changed, if they could find a way back to each other despite the heartache that had torn them apart.

As Y/N arrived at their spot, a secluded bench overlooking the campus lake, she found Ryan already waiting there, his silhouette outlined by the soft glow of the nearby lamppost. He looked up as she approached, his expression a mix of relief and uncertainty. They sat down side by side, the tension between them palpable.

"Ryan," Y/N began softly, her voice wavering slightly. "What happened? Why did you disappear like that?"

Ryan ran a hand through his hair, his eyes avoiding hers for a moment. "I needed time to think," he admitted quietly. "I... I didn't expect things to escalate the way they did between us."

Y/N nodded, her heart aching with the weight of unspoken words. "I didn't either," she confessed, her gaze fixed on the shimmering water below. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that."

Ryan turned towards her, his hand accidentally brushing against her thigh in the process. Y/N flinched slightly at the touch, a jolt of electricity shooting through her body. Ryan quickly withdrew his hand, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, his voice barely audible.

Y/N shook her head, trying to steady her racing heart. "It's okay," she managed to say, though her voice was unsteady.

Silence settled between them once more, broken only by the gentle lapping of the water against the shore. Ryan took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts.

"Y/N, I... I've been a mess these past few days," Ryan began, his voice filled with sincerity. "I didn't know how to face you after everything that happened. But I've realized something."

Y/N turned to look at him, her eyes searching his face for answers. "What is it, Ryan?"

Ryan hesitated for a moment, his fingers fidgeting nervously in his lap. "I can't stop thinking about you," he admitted finally, his voice tinged with desperation. "Even when I try to distract myself with hockey or hanging out with friends, you're always there, in the back of my mind."

Y/N's heart skipped a beat at his words, a glimmer of hope flickering to life within her. "Ryan..."

"No, please," Ryan interrupted, his hand tentatively reaching out again, this time resting gently on her thigh. "Let me finish."

Y/N swallowed hard, her breath catching in her throat as she looked into his eyes, searching for sincerity. She nodded silently, urging him to continue.

"You've always been in my mind," Ryan continued, his voice earnest. "I was just confused with my feelings. You mean so much to me, Y/N."

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes, her heart aching with a mixture of longing and uncertainty. Ryan's touch on her thigh sent a jolt of warmth through her, reminding her of the closeness they had once shared, and the possibility of what could be.

"I know I've hurt you," Ryan whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "And I'm sorry for that. I never wanted to cause you pain."

Y/N took a shaky breath, struggling to contain the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. "Ryan, I... I don't know if I can do this," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I've been trying to move on, to accept that maybe we're better off as friends."

"No, Y/N, don't do this to me," Ryan pleaded, his voice cracking with desperation. His hand tightened around hers, clinging to the fragile connection between them. "Please, don't shut me out. I can't lose you."

Y/N's heart ached at the anguish in Ryan's voice, the sincerity in his plea cutting through her resolve. She turned to look at him, tears glistening in her eyes as she struggled to find the right words.

"I don't want to shut you out," Y/N whispered, her voice trembling. She took a deep breath, gathering her courage. "But I need to know... do you love me, Ryan?"

Ryan froze, his eyes widening with a mixture of surprise and realization. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Y/N's heart sank as she watched him struggle, uncertainty flickering in his eyes.

"Dammit, do you love me?" Y/N pressed, her voice breaking with emotion. She needed to hear the truth, to know where they stood.

Ryan closed his eyes briefly, a myriad of emotions crossing his face. When he finally looked at her again, his gaze was intense and unwavering.

"Yes," Ryan said softly, his voice filled with conviction. "Yes, Y/N, I love you."

Y/N felt her heart skip a beat at his words, a rush of emotions flooding through her. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at him, the weight of uncertainty lifting off her shoulders.

"From the moment I saw you, god, Y/N, you make me crazy," Ryan continued, his voice filled with raw honesty. "But I love you crazy. You've poisoned me in a way you will never know."

Y/N's breath caught in her throat, her pulse quickening at his confession. She reached out, gently placing her hand over his heart, feeling its steady beat beneath her palm.

"Ryan," she whispered, her voice barely above a whisper. "I... I love you too. More than I ever thought possible."

Ryan closed his eyes briefly, savoring the moment, before opening them to meet her gaze once more. "I don't want to lose you," he admitted softly. "I've been a fool, trying to deny what's been right in front of me all along."

Y/N listened intently, her heart racing with anticipation as she waited for him to continue. Ryan took a deep breath, his voice tinged with relief and vulnerability.

"I broke up with Jenna," Ryan confessed, his eyes searching hers for understanding. "She already knew how I felt about you. She told me to confess, to stop pretending like I could be happy with anyone else."

Y/N felt a surge of emotions at his words, a mixture of surprise, relief, and a profound sense of hope. She reached out, taking his hand in hers, a silent gesture of reassurance and support.

"I'm glad you did," Y/N replied softly, her voice filled with warmth.

Ryan nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "I couldn't keep denying how I feel," he admitted. "Not when you've always been the one who's been there for me, who understands me like no one else."

Y/N squeezed his hand gently, overwhelmed by the depth of his words and the sincerity in his eyes. "I've always cared about you, Ryan," she murmured. "More than I ever knew how to say."

Ryan leaned closer, his forehead resting against hers as he whispered, "I love you, Y/N. I've loved you for so long."

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes, her heart overflowing with love and gratitude. "I love you too, Ryan," she whispered back, her voice filled with certainty.

Y/N looked at Ryan, her heart still racing from their emotional conversation under the stars. The weight of their confessions hung in the air, and she felt a surge of courage and longing.

"Ryan," she began softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "Do you want to come back to my apartment?"

Ryan met her gaze, his eyes reflecting a mixture of tenderness and desire. He took a moment to respond, his voice steady but filled with emotion. "Yes, Y/N," he said, his tone tinged with certainty. "I want to be with you."

A wave of relief washed over Y/N as she reached out to take his hand. "Let's go," she said, a small smile playing on her lips.

Together, they walked hand in hand through the quiet streets, their footsteps echoing in the stillness of the night. The journey back to Y/N's apartment was filled with a comfortable silence, their hearts beating in sync with the promise of new beginnings.

As they approached her door, Y/N turned to Ryan, her eyes searching his for any lingering doubts. Instead, she found only warmth and affection mirrored back at her.

Ryan leaned in closer, brushing his lips against hers in a tender kiss.

--- --- --- 

The air between them crackled with unspoken desire as Y/N and Ryan stood in the dimly lit kitchen of her apartment. The weight of their shared confession hung heavy in the air, igniting a fire that had long smoldered between them.

Y/N leaned against the counter, her heart racing with anticipation. She could feel Ryan's intense gaze on her, his eyes darkened with a hunger that mirrored her own. The tension between them was palpable, a magnetic pull drawing them closer with each passing second.

Ryan closed the distance between them in a single stride, his hand coming to rest on the counter beside her, effectively trapping her against it. His touch sent a shiver down Y/N's spine, awakening a longing she could no longer deny.

"Y/N," Ryan murmured, his voice low and husky, filled with raw desire. "I've wanted this... wanted you... for so long."

Y/N met his gaze, her own eyes smoldering with need. Without a word, she reached up, threading her fingers through his hair and pulling him closer. Their lips crashed together in a desperate kiss, a collision of passion and pent-up longing.

Ryan's hands roamed over her body, his touch igniting sparks of electricity wherever it landed. Y/N gasped into his mouth, the sensation sending a rush of heat straight to her core. She arched against him, seeking more of his touch, more of the fire that threatened to consume them both.

Their kisses grew deeper, more urgent, as if they were trying to convey all their unspoken desires through the meeting of their lips. Ryan's hands traced the curve of Y/N's waist, pulling her closer until there was no space left between them. He tasted of longing and promises, each kiss a declaration of the passion they had kept hidden for far too long.

Y/N's fingers fumbled with the buttons of Ryan's shirt, urgency driving her movements. She needed to feel his skin against hers, to erase any lingering doubts that this was real. Ryan groaned softly against her lips, his own hands moving with purpose as he lifted her up onto the counter, his body pressing intimately against hers.

Their breaths mingled, hot and ragged, as they explored each other with a fervor born of longing and newfound connection. Ryan's lips trailed down Y/N's neck, leaving a blazing trail of kisses that made her head spin. Every touch, every caress, fueled the flames of their desire until they burned brightly, consuming everything in their path.

In that moment, there were no more words, no more doubts. There was only the raw, unbridled passion that had simmered between them for so long, finally unleashed in a torrent of need and belonging.

And as they lost themselves in each other, the rest of the world faded away, leaving only the heat of their bodies and the promise of a love that had waited patiently to be set free.

[meazalykov]

redirection VI

esmee brugts x reader

last chapter: redirection V

next chapter: redirection VII

after the day at the beach, we had the day off from any football related activity. i woke up late at 9am, took my kittens to the vet, went grocery shopping, jogged for a while in the nice weather, then watched a few of my favorite shows that i wasn’t able to keep up with due to my schedule.

the next day before practice– i woke up late. everyone was already on the pitch, waiting for jona to arrive, as I walked outside of the hallway doors. 

as I stepped onto the field, i smiled at some of the girls who waved at me to come over to them. it was good to be back at practice with my team after a day off. breaks are needed though, which is why i feel better this morning. 

“welcome, y/n! welcome! sit down.” lucy pats a spot on the grass next to her. i smiled as i moved to sit next to her, with mapi on my right. my eyebrows showed the confusion i tried to hide on my face, why is lucy so excited for me to sit? 

“soooooo— how was your date!!!?” mapi smiled as she wrapped her tatted arms around my shoulders. my jaw dropped as i displayed a look of shock. 

ever since esmee and i had gone to the beach together, i figured that most of the girls wouldn’t know about it. oh boy– i was wrong. 

“salma!” i say as the spanish girl hides her face behind vicky’s back. she was the only one i told about the beach day with esmee. 

ingrid, mapi, bruna, salma, vicky, ona, and lucy wasted no time in playfully ribbing me about my "date" with esmee, and i couldn't help but blush.

“it wasn’t a date, we both just wanted to go to the beach!” i put my hands up in defense after ona made a suspicious joke. 

“mentirosa!” (liar) salma laughs. 

"salma, seriously?" I muttered under my breath, wondering how she managed to spread the news so quickly.

“cheer up and don’t worry y/n, you aren’t the only ones whos getting teased about it!” vicky smirks as she points over to a group twenty feet away. i saw esmee cover her face in her hands as aitana, jana, lucia, aria, keira, frido, and cata laugh about something. 

“we find it very cute. you both look more radiant today.” ingrid pats her hands on my leg as i smile at her compliment. she was right. ever since that moment between esmee and i in my car– i couldn’t help but feel optimistic about a potential future with her. 

“as you do everyday.” i say back in ingrid.

“true!” mapi agrees with me. 

“this is what– the twentieth couple at barcelona?” vicky jokes. 

“says you! we all know about that crush you have on your classmate from the academy!” salma nudges vicky, who blushes at the thought of her crush. 

“aweee” i say, crossing my legs and observing vicky’s actions. 

“aweee you! we aren’t forgetting about you and esmee. what did you guys do?” vicky asks. i look up at the blue sky for a second before spilling– some– of the details. 

“we went to the beach for a couple of hours. we tanned then went to eat. before that she came to my apartment and met my new kittens and–” 

“SHE WENT TO YOUR APARTMENT?” ona says as she stands up in shock, ignoring everything else i said. 

lucy laughs and tells her to sit back down as i put my head in my hands. 

“not like that you dirty mind! i needed to grab my beach stuff since we went to the beach after the recovery training!!” i defended myself. 

mapi laughs and squeezes my shoulders, since her arms were still around me this entire time. 

“you got new kittens? we wanna meet them!” mapi says— nodding her head at ingrid too– i can tell that this is her attempt at relieving some of the teasing that i am receiving. 

“you guys can come over anytime as long as i am home! i adopted two kittens.” 

“you should name one culer and the other barca” bruna speaks up. 

“i already named them berry and macadamia, after some of my favorite treats!” 

“aweee” 

i smiled at bruna before i seen aitana walk up to our group. 

“come on, coach is here!” she says. she looks around the group before seeing me, smirking immediately as she patted on my back to walk with her to the middle of the pitch. 

during practice, i found myself gravitating towards esmee– even though we didn’t speak on the pitch this morning. we texted each other our usual goodmorning texts which made me content. 

when we needed partners for our next drills, esmee jogged up to me and held my arm gently– signaling that i am her partner. 

we decided to pair up for drills, and as we worked together, i couldn't stop smiling. being close to her and the rest of the team gave me the joy that i haven’t felt in a long time beforehand. 

the barcelona media team happened to capture a moment where esmee & i were hugging after winning a small 2v2 scrimmage against caroline and lucy. the picture showed genuine happiness on both our faces. her arms wrapped around my waist as my head was leaning on hers. 

they posted it to instagram– but i wouldn’t see it until later. 

hours later, I finished preparing the wet kitten food for my kittens. berry tried to climb on my leg, while maca waited patiently, before I put their food bowls down and they ran to devour their food.

the same second I placed the bowls down, I heard my phone ring on the kitchen counter.

"(sister)"

my phone displayed my sister's name and contact picture. I clicked the green button immediately since she hasn't called me in a while.

"hello?" I say.

"heyyy y/n, how are you?" my sister asks, I walk over to sit on my living room couch as I wanted to focus on the conversation with my sister.

"I'm doing good, how about you!?"

"I'm good! I just wanted to call because I miss you!" my sister says. I can hear the sad undertone in her voice as I looked over at my kittens, who are still eating their dinner.

"I miss you too! you know you can come here whenever you want, I have an extra room here."

'I know, but spain is so far away from texas." my sister says.

my sister currently goes to college in texas, where she plays basketball. she's a d1 player who hopes to get into the wnba draft soon.

"that's true, and I'm positive you can't take time out of your schedule to see me." I frown.

"I'm sorry."

"don't apologize, we know how our careers work." I say.

I hear my sister sigh, and a few seconds go by before she changed the topic.

"I see that you're doing great in barcelona though, I am happy for you my goat!"

"hahah shut up!"

"no seriously, two goals so far in your first game with one of the best clubs in the world? you're crazy!" my sister rants.

sometimes I can't believe it too. months ago I was sobbing over not feeling good enough, and now I have the opportunities to prove myself wrong.

"I just wanted to impress my coach and the team."

"and you did that well--- on instagram it looks like you're fitting right in with them." my sister says.

my eyebrows knit together in confusion, I've just posted myself with the team a few times. not enough for my sister to say something like that without a detailed meaning.

"what do you mean?"

"I started to follow the femeni page a week ago, and they posted a picture of you and a girl earlier. esmee I think her name is? you looked so happy and I'm glad you're making friends." my sister says.

my heart flutters at her statement. I haven't checked instagram all evening so I'm not sure what "photo" she is talking about.

"yeah-- you're right--her name is esmee." my voice spoke softly, a shift from the excited tone earlier.

"y/n?" my sister says.

"yes?" I respond.

"what's wrong?" my sister noticed the shift in my voice.

"nothing!" I say as i look outside the windows to my balcony, making a mental note to water my plants after the phone call.

"is esmee your friend?" my sister asks.

"yes, of course!" I say.

"I feel like you're lying."

"because I am.." I confess.

"huh?"

"esmee is a girl I've-- I've um.." I swallow, not knowing how to describe esmee to my sister.

"ESMEE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND???" my sister yells excitedly.

"oh no no no! but what if I wanted her to be?" I ask.

my sister currently has been in a relationship with her girlfriend for about five years, so I trust her with relationship advice.

"then she is your crush." my sister says.

we are on a regular call, but I can tell she's smirking.

not long after that, my sister had to end the call because her basketball coach called her. my heart beat in my chest as she is the first person I've fully confessed my crush on esmee to.

she teased me for the first few minutes but stopped when she heard the discomfort in my voice. luckily, she has hope for me.

surprisingly, I have hope for myself too.

(imagine you're ingrid engen below. imagine that this is a picture from the training session mentioned above, and not from a game, lol)

fcbfemeni

liked by y/n.l/n, esmeebrugts, and 48,518 others

fcbfemeni What a duo 🔥

comments

fcbfann89 I love to see the newbies get along

wosonews oh! 👀

y/nbiggestfan this linkup on the pitch, training or not, should be illegal

random5738 🙌🙌

~view all 3,916 comments~

next chapter: redirection VII

<3

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - Fix You Part 3/10

Part 4 and 5 are out on my Patreon for Free!

Summary - Reader is hired as Ruben's assistant nurse after receiving head trauma during a football game. He has fallen into a deep depression on his road to recovery and does not accept much help from Reader as she only reminds him of how incapable he is.

Enjoy!

The weekend with Ruben went well. To your surprise he didn't give you much trouble. Nevertheless, you yearned for Max's return. However, you were surprised by the fact that he wasn't pleased with your work.

"Did you do anything on the list apart from giving Ruben his shots?"

"What do you mean?" You asked. He had barged into your room on Monday morning, crimson red in the face.

"Y/N, you're supposed to help with Ruben's exercises while I'm gone, how else is he supposed to get back to full fitness?"

You were left dumbfounded. Nevertheless, you felt guilty for being inadequate. Thankfully Max was a good guy, who really seemed to care for Ruben. He let you tag along for their walks that week, showing exactly what light exercises that were appropriate for someone in Ruben's position.

"The doctors say it's good exercise for his brain. But for someone with Ruben's background I want to make it a bit more of a challenge for him." Max walked  backwards ahead of you and Ruben. He carried two tennis balls in his hands, shouting, "On your left." and threw a ball to the left of Ruben.

Ruben then caught the ball with one hand and tossed it back to Max without having to pause his walking. Mind you that Ruben did this while blindfolded.

"On your right."

He caught the next ball too, with Max determined not to make it easy for him.

"On your left."

"On your left."

"Right."

"Right"

"Left."

It was a bizarre sight for anyone passing by, but for Max and Ruben it seemed to be a fun activity that they both enjoyed, exhausted by it in the end.

"One more time," Ruben said, still gasping for air.

"Nah, I think that's enough for today."

"Come on Max, throw them to me one more time. I can do it."

"Ruben." You said, voice concerned. He was not only struggling with his breathing, but his body shivered even though it was a pretty hot summer day.

"Let's take a seat." Max said and guided Ruben to one of the park benches. There you checked his heart rate by pressing a finger to his throat, feeling how his vein pulsated beneath you.

"I'm fine." Ruben grunted.

"Your heartbeat is above average." 

"So? We just did physical activity, it's normal."

"Maybe for a sixty year old."

"What did you call me?"

You mumbled the last words. "Ruben I just think you should take it easier the next time."

"Well you're not my physio, I'm not listening to you."

"I agree with Y/N." Max said, looking at you, nodding his head.

"Great, that's great. Are you happy now?" Ruben turned to you and for a moment you believed to see his lip quiver.

"I think it's time that we headed back." Max said, helping Ruben stand up from the bench. He seemed surprisingly disoriented, holding onto Max as you walked back home. The two of them disappeared into Ruben's room, leaving you clueless to what actually happened in the park. 

You had trouble sleeping that night, thinking about Ruben and how upset he got not being allowed to continue his physical activity. However, it was an odd thing to be upset about. Anyone in his condition would have welcomed rest, but not Ruben. And what was it Max said about Ruben's background? What did he use to do for a living before his accident?

You reached for the light beside your bed, pulling out your phone from your pillow. You googled the name Ruben Dias and was surprised to see a picture of Ruben pop up in the search bar before you even finished typing in all the letters.

"No fucking way...."

A loud thud from somewhere in the house almost made you drop your phone.

"Hello? Is anybody there?"

You slipped out of bed to check out the noise, but seeing as all the lights were off in the apartment, you immediately assumed the worst and grabbed a knife off the kitchen counter.

"I have a knife!" You announced, approaching the hallway where you thought the noise had come from.

"Oh, my God, Ruben."

He lay on the floor, half of his body inside of the bathroom.

"What happened?"

You fell onto your knees, pressing your hand to his face in search of wounds.

"Y/N?" He mumbled.

"Yes, yes, I'm here." You said, wondering if Ruben had been sleeping walking on his way to the toilet.

"Shit I can't see. Wait, let me turn on the light."

"No!"

You had gotten up from the bathroom floor, but was pulled back down by two strong arms.

"Ruben?"

"Please." He said. "Not the light, my eyes."

It was amazing how you hadn't noticed with your hands had been pressed to his face. Ruben wasn't wearing the bandage that covered his eyes. It made sense that he slept without it, nevertheless, you didn't expect to see him like this, his eyes big in the night, staring blankly at you like dark pearls from the depths of the sea.

"Ruben, I should go get Max." You said, quite mesmerized by his gaze. You could tell that he was trying to make out the contours of your face as it was his first time seeing you and you him.

"I'm fine." He said. "It's just my body...it gets like this sometimes."

"At least let me help you up from the floor." You tugged at his arms and were surprised to find him complying by lifting them up. You managed to get him on his knees, Ruben then draped his arm over your shoulders.

"Jesus, you weigh a ton."

"I take that as a complement."

"I'm sure you do."

You reached for the bathroom door, wanting to push it open, when Ruben nudged your body in the other direction.

"Y/N, I have to..."

"What?"

He looked over your shoulder, towards the toilet.

"I have to go."

"Oh."

As a nurse, the need to urinate should be a natural phenomenon to you. However, holding on to Ruben while he did it really challenged your training.

The warmth of his torso pressing against yours, along with the smell of him, it was all too much.

"I'm really sorry about this."

"Please stop talking" You pleaded.

Nothing could quite drown out the sound of flowing liquid hitting water. Although Ruben could be considered a gentleman for aiming at the side of the bowl to dim the noise. Nevertheless, this was happening, you were helping a grown man urinate, a man whose eyes were visible at night and wouldn't stop staring at your face as if the words "look at me" were written across your forehead.

"There, all done." He sighed.

"Great."

He went to wash his hands as you stood beside him in case he would fall. You then escorted him back to his bedroom, helping Ruben back into his bed.

"Thank you." He said, embarrassment in his tone. "I didn't mean for any of this. I thought I could make it to the bathroom on my own."

"It's okay, Ruben. It's a part of my job."

"Right, your job." He looked like he wanted to tell you something else, but ultimately changed his mind.

"I should go back to my room."

He nodded. " Of course, thank you Y/N."

"Goodnight, Ruben."

That night you went to bed dreaming about dark pearls from the depths of the sea. You went to bed dreaming about the most handsome pair of eyes you've ever seen.

Part 4 and 5 are out on my Patreon for Free!

[cleolinda]

Here's another song I had wanted to write about: Hozier's "Movement." It is a fact of my existence that I get into a musical artist/band about 10 years after everyone else does, and then they become 30% of my personality (see also: Florence and the Machine). So I didn't really get with the program until Wasteland, Baby, and even then, it was for an unusual reason.

When did this album come out, spring of 2019? I had spinal surgery in early 2018. A discectomy, L4/L5; the disc had gradually become herniated due to a fall I'd had at a convention. My surgeon was required to warn me that surgery would come with a (low) chance of paralysis; it was my choice to make. After two weeks of seizing up in pain every hour or so, confined to my bed—hydrocodone did nothing—I chose the scalpel. Even then, it was another four weeks before he could work me into the operating schedule. Trust me when I say, no matter how I'm doing now, I do not regret having that surgery.

But he also told me, "You will always be a person who has had spinal surgery." Since anything was better than screaming every time I moved, I didn't fully understand what he meant until a year or so later, when I was still in pain—a chronic but lower-grade pain that came and went depending on how much activity I dared try that particular day. It was infinitely better than before. And, but, yet, I still deal with that chronic pain today. I will always be that person.

"Walk," he told me. I had a packet of therapy exercises to do, sure, but he was firm on this point. "That's the main exercise you need. Just walking." Which I couldn't do at first—I didn't have to learn to walk again or anything, but I was in a wheelchair early on, then on a wheeled walker for a couple of months. I also have inherited neuropathy in my feet, which was exacerbated by electrically painful sciatic nerve damage down my right leg while I waited for my slot in the surgery calendar. (I swear to God I will start talking about music soon.) I only walk across the longest side of my backyard. I don't leave it and walk around the neighborhood, because I generally have about two minutes upright to get back to the house once my feet start hurting.

So I had been struggling with my walking assignment for about a year when "Movement" came out. Of course it's literally about physically moving (and emotionally being moved), but that wasn't what captured me. The song starts out slow and reflective; it was a gentle tempo for a time when I couldn't walk very fast, and I still use it as a warm-up today. But there are two other things I love about it. One, the willow tree in the chorus, as I was walking my little runway back and forth under a canopy of wild water oak draped with wisteria, looking up into the sun through the leaves and snowflake flowers of an overgrown cherry laurel. Sound met landscape.

But the other thing is how—generous? accepting?—the words are of the "you" of the song. This person, the lyrics say, does not have to be a virtuoso dancer like Fred Astaire or Sergei Polunin (who's in the video up there). Instead, "you're Atlas in his sleeping, and when you move, I'm moved." My absolute favorite part is,

Move like grey skies Move like a bird of paradise Move like an odd sight come out at night

What the fuck even are these lyrics. I can't. That's so good. You ever sit there as a writer and think, I'm so mad I didn't come up with that? Just the pure unexpectedness, "I'm telling you how earthshakingly amazing this person is. Like a beautiful willow, like a rare bird, like some weird-ass cryptid in the night, I don't even know what that was about but I love it." What even. So good.

And I was for sure an odd sight shambling back and forth across the back of my yard: five minutes at first. Then ten the next week, working my way up to thirty, still in a dull roar of constant pain a year into my recovery. But this is a song that says, your efforts to move are moving, whatever movement is natural for you; you may be sleeping just now, you may be moving without moving, but you are wonderful not in spite of being strange in your movements, but because of it. The song always feels like a friend walking along with me, no matter how many setbacks I have, or how slow I have to go.

Anyway, Unreal Unearth comes out next Friday. The five songs Hozier's put out so far are ridiculously good, and I've scheduled a couple of months to be completely feral about it. When the weather is less dangerously hot, we'll find out which songs are good to move to.

[celestialsoyeon]

Is it okay if I request a Minghao with a physical injury that he hid from his members for a long time until he cannot take the pain anymore?

Hi! Yes of course, here it is!

wc: 0,63k

content: hidden injury, pain, minghao is being cared for/ babied by Junhui and the other members.

Minghao didn't think it was this serious. He thought he had just bruised his back as he just fell doing one of his signature stunts.

But the more the day passed by, the more the pain became more and more unbearable.

He had brushed it off, thinking he would be able to push through as always. Chan knew something was wrong, his instincts were never wrong when it came to his members' health.

"Hao? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why would I not be okay?"

"I've seen you falling down earlier, it looked brutal. And you lowkey look like you're in pain."

Minghao shook off his head, giving him a soft smile, one that hid his pain, as best as he could.

"I'm okay, don't worry. It's not as bad as it looks."

"Alright.. let me know if you need anything, then."

Minghao nodded and went back to his practice, trying to focus on something else than the pain that was radiating though his whole back and shoulder.

It was bad, but he just sucked it up the whole practice, taking some pain medication to make it manageable for a few more hours.

Chan had seen him taking some medication but didn't say anything. If Minghao chose not to share something with them, it was his right and he had no right to pressure him into telling the truth.

But as they went back to the dorms after practice, the pain came back, stronger than ever, at that. As soon as he could lay his butt down on the couch and not move anymore, he did, paying no mind to the members exchanging glances.

They obviously knew something was wrong but none of them pressured him into telling them. He would when he was ready.

He kept his fake smile on, acting as if everything was fine.

But he wouldn't be able to do that for a very long time. The pain was slowly but surely becoming excruciating, and his smile was faltering, his strength waning.

The pain was so strong that he felt light-headed, and he ended up having no other choice than tell the members about this injury. Anyway, Chan and Junhui were sharing his room, they would obviously see that he got hurt, so being honest was the best option.

If anyone asked again if he was fine, he would tell the truth this time.

This soon happened. Junhui sat down next to him, looking at him with worry.

"Are you sure you're okay? You really seem unwell. And Chan told me you fell down earlier."

Minghao bit his lip slightly. He didn't want to tell him, not wanting his Chinese bro to get worried about him, but he obviously needed help.

And Junhui would probably not buy another lie.

"Hyung.. I think I got hurt."

"When you fell down today?"

"Yeah, I think so.. My back and my shoulder hurt. Like, they hurt."

"I'll take a look at it. And I'll bring you to the doctor if necessary."

"No.. please no doctor." Minghao pleaded. Seeing a doctor would mean having his activities as an idol suspended during his recovery, and with the comeback around the corner, he just couldn't do that.

"Let me at least take care of you."

Minghao nodded and let Junhui take a look at the injury. His face tensed up in focus as he did his best to not hurt Minghao. But the injury looked quite serious.

"You'll need to step out of dance practice for a while I think.. It looks quite badly damaged. You should get checked out by professionnals."

"I don't want to.. please.."

Junhui looked conflicted. He wanted the best for Minghao, but he understood his aversion of doctors and all that stuff. He himself hated that.

"Let us take care of you then. You'll go to bed, and no way you're dancing right now. You're not to bear any heavy loads. Any loads at all, in fact."

Junhui looked like a protective mother hen, but he knew that all this was the right thing to do. It was soon confirmed by the other members who did their best to care for him through this injury.

Minghao would come back to the stage, stronger than ever.

[suzieb-fit]

I was considering a 72hr "fat fast", starting late morning yesterday.

But I've scrapped that idea.

My entire system is already under enough stress. Fasting is a good stress, but the body perceives stress in the same way, whether good or bad.

So nope. I was in bed almost ALL day from my fast timer starting yesterday.

I got up at 3pm, had an EVOO decaff coffee, then went back to bed. Didn't sleep til normal bedtime. Just layed there. Mucus was horrendous. I didn't want to do anything, talk to anyone or deal with anything. That is NOT me!

I've just ordered an intolerance test. Maybe it's a combination of allergies AND intolerances. I have thought that multiple times recently. But I need to find out for certain. More expense, but that's just how it goes.

I had an EVOO coffee this morning. And I am breaking my "fast" at lunch, which will be just over 24hrs.

I'm not great. Still very bad for a lotvof today.

But I'm moving. Fighting. Doing all I can.

After getting outside for that morning sunrise coffee, I had a half hour upper body resistance band session with an online client.

I love how my training is making such a difference to her life. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. She's thriving on our time together!

That gives me a much needed boost, along with what this type of training is also doing for me!

Half an hour walk straight after that.

Then, determined to have a better day, I got back in our little home gym for some lower body strength and cardio.

Another short walk maybe an hour after that. Had to go buy more avocados from the cute little local fruit and veg shop!

Lunch was precooked chicken and avocado salad with apple. Delicious, and a great way to fuel up after a full day free of food and a very active morning!

The first part of today was about getting back into the game. The rest of the day was about taking care of the other side. Recovery and taking it easy.

Not a bad day. But actually, if I compare it to yesterday, it has actually been a very good day!

[silver-rings-and-rabbits]

@rafasgirl23415

When Sparks Fly

Matthew was thinking about cake. Specifically a decadent chocolate cake that didn’t look like a cake but a miniature replica of Edenbrook Hospital, complete with Leland Bloom’s renovations. It had been the centrepiece at the reopening gala at the beginning of the year. It had taken Edenbrook by storm; Matthew still thought about it over six months later and Sienna had been researching illusion cakes to try at home. She had recently perfected a sponge cake disguised as a wheel of cheese.

She was going to attempt a purse tonight. Having been down since coming back from Ines’s wedding in Hawai’i two weeks ago, it was the sort of project she needed to focus on.

As Matthew left a patient room and strolled down the corridor, he checked his phone to see a text from her: ‘do you want anything from the store later?’ He replied with ‘can you grab me some cherry cola if they have it?’

He didn’t drink a huge amount of soda, but he felt like treating himself. For all the shiny new tech advances that helped a lot of the procedures, tensions between Bloom and Dr Ramsey had been getting worse, and Matthew was sure Ramsey was losing sight of patient care in his attempts to get one up on Bloom. Judging by Harper and Tobias’s expressions during their morning consult, they seemed to agree with him.

Matthew cheered himself up by remembering the deeply romantic night he’d shared with Rafael in Hawai’i: a moonlit walk on the beach before making love in their hotel room. Matthew had come very close to saying those three words…it would come soon, he knew it…

His attention was caught by a sharp smell that felt distinctly out of place in a hospital. He turned the corner to investigate and, to his horror, found the corridor fast-filling with smoke. He covered his nose and mouth with the collar of his coat as he stumbled to the source, which turned out to be a patient room – mercifully empty – but through his watery, stinging eyes he could see a sparking plug. And then a spark caught the edge of the curtain…

“Crap!” Matthew gasped as the smoke detectors started squealing. He had to get away and make sure the floor evacuated but he couldn’t seem to look away as he watched the flames devour the curtain…and for a second, he was looking down the nozzle of a black cannister…

He snapped, turning and sprinting away from the patient room, falling over his own feet as he did so.

“Fire! Evacuate the area!” he choked out as he scrambled up again. Hopefully the nurses would have started the evacuation process, and then the sprinklers activated, dousing him.

He felt relieved for a second until he heard a loud bang! And everything went black.

One floor below, on the peds ward, Rafael was checking in with a young boy who was on a rehabilitation program following a car accident.

“How are you feeling this afternoon, Mac?” he said. “Are you up for a walk?”

Last week, Raf (assisted by Matthew and Sienna) had put together an impromptu birthday party for Mac and his friends, which had hugely boosted the kid’s spirits. Raf suspected the day with his friends had done much more for Mac’s recovery than being poked with needles and shuffling across balance beams under the watchful eye of some older physical therapists.

He prepared a wheelchair to take Mac to the PT rooms, and as he pushed him along, he noticed Mac was humming to himself and tapping his fingers on the arm of the chair. He had energy today.

Once they got to the PT room, Raf led him through a warm-up, then stepped out into the corridor and indicated for Mac to follow.

“Do you think you can run to the end of the corridor and back?”

“Wait…run?”

“Sure. You’ve been doing great, especially since your birthday party, and you’ve got the energy. I know you can do it.”

Mac looked up at Raf in surprise, but he narrowed his eyes as he looked back down the corridor. Nothing was going to stop him. He took off.

Raf felt a glow of pride in his chest as he watched Mac run. The rehab process was Mac’s best chance but there was always a risk he wouldn’t regain his full mobility. The poor kid had been absolutely crushed, and Raf was determined to help as best he could. Every small success was celebrated, the setbacks were accepted and worked around, and each day Mac got a little stronger and more determined to overcome his injuries. Now the defeated boy Raf had met a few months ago was sprinting towards him with a huge grin.

“I did it!” Mac cried, flushed and out of breath, but happy.

“You sure did! I never had any doubt.” Raf gave Mac a high ten. “Buddy, I’m so proud of you.”

“Really?”

“Of course. You’ve been working so hard with everyone, it really shows—”

But Raf was cut off by the incessant bleep of the smoke detector and they both jumped.

“Is that…?”

“The fire alarm,” Raf confirmed. He knew the procedure: nearby wards evacuated, fire doors would close off the corridors to prevent the spread of flames and minimise disruption to the rest of the hospital. He wondered if Mr Bloom had thought to add any fancy new security measures.

“Don’t panic,” he said, calmly retrieving Mac’s wheelchair. “There’s a fire exit close by.”

Mac nodded nervously as he settled into the chair, but he trusted Rafael, who was kind and patient, and had never raised his voice when Mac struggled with the exercises.

Raf walked steadily to the fire exit where he steered the chair down the ramps to the ground. They were steep, and Mac leaned back in the chair, gripping the arm rests, only relaxing when they reached flat ground…only to be shocked at the scene in front of them.

Medical staff and patients were assembled in the parking lot, some patients were sitting or even lying on the ground. Nurses were already bringing out extra supplies where they could, talking with attendings about who might need to be transferred to another hospital ward. Above it all, smoke and flames poured from a third floor patient room.

“Raf!”

They turned to see Sienna Trinh rushing towards them, but she stopped when she saw Mac.

“Mac, are you alright?”

“Yeah, Raf and I were doing physical therapy when the fire alarm went off. What’s going on? Is the hospital going to burn down?”

“No, of course not,” the grown-ups both said, and Sienna explained how the hospital would block off the affected area until the fire was extinguished.

“We have to evacuate as a precaution, but the fire department is on it’s way. We’re going to be fine.”

“Do we know what caused it?” Raf asked, frowning as he looked up at the fire. The diagnostics office was on the seventh floor but the same side. People were still evacuating. He scanned their faces, searching for Matthew.

“We don’t know yet, but people reported an explosion.”

“Holy crap,” Raf muttered. “Is everyone safe? I mean…no one’s stuck somewhere or anything?”

“Rafael.” Sienna stepped straight in front of him, glaring up at him with surprising fierceness. “Don’t even think about going back in there. Everyone is following evacuation procedures, we’re getting patients out first, and you running back in there is just going to scare everyone!”

“I wasn’t going to!” Raf spluttered, and he wasn’t. Last year’s maitotoxin attack had been the wake-up call he had sorely needed, and he couldn’t bear the idea of putting his parents, grandmother and Matthew through that stress yet again. And yet, he ached with helplessness as he watched people leaving the hospital. He just had to trust that Sienna was right and everyone would be safe…

The Boston Fire Department arrived quickly – two fire engines – and a few people cheered as the firefighters raced inside. Meanwhile, Dr Banerji was outside, assessing the patients and reassigning their rooms. Raf was about to ask him what happened when his phone started ringing in his pocket: Vovó was calling.

“I have to take this,” he muttered to Sienna, stepping away from the madness of the crowd as he answered.

“Vovó, I’m OK,” he said, speaking Portuguese.

“Rafael! Are you alright? I’ve just heard of a fire at the hospital…” she sounded upset and he had to reassure her three more times that he was safe. Not that he could blame her after last year; he had been right not to go back into the hospital.

“What about Matthew and the rest of your friends?” Juliana asked, calming down now. “Are they alright?”

“I think so. The hospital wouldn’t evacuate those not affected,” Rafael said. “They’re fine. We’re all fine, please don’t worry.”

“Of course I worry!” Juliana warned, and Raf chuckled a little. He reassured her – again – that he was OK and he would update her later before saying goodbye and putting his phone back into his pocket. He turned back to look for Dr Banerji when he was distracted by a shriek that sounded too much like Sienna. She was near the doors, her hand over her mouth as she began to cry, bent over someone on a gurney. It was difficult to see who it was as there was a group of nurses rushing around and blocking Raf’s view…until one of them moved and revealed Matthew’s barely conscious face.

Raf froze for a split second, then shot like a dart to his side. He smelled strongly of smoke and there were some visible cuts as well as what looked like scalded skin on his wrist, and an oxygen mask was strapped to his face.

“Matthew?” he gasped. “Can you hear me?” He rested his shaking hand over Matthew’s fingers, hoping for a sign, as Dr Banerji joined them. He looked shocked for a second before smoothing his face over, ever the professional.

“What happened?” he asked the nurse. “What’s the situation?”

“We don’t know for sure, he was found unconscious in a smoke-filled hallway,” one of the nurses explained anxiously. “His breathing is short, but there wasn’t time to check all his vitals. We had to get him out.”

As they spoke, Matthew moaned faintly. His fingers brushed against Raf’s palm and his eyes fluttered open. His gaze seemed slightly unfocused, but he looked towards Raf.

“I’m right here,” Raf reassured him, stroking his hair. “I’m not leaving you, OK?”

“Admit him and get him checked out,” Naveen said. He looked between Raf and Matthew and spoke firmly. “Rafael, you can go with them if you want, but do exactly as the nurses say. If they want you waiting outside, you do that. Understand?”

“I understand,” Raf said gratefully, and he held onto Matthew’s hand, keeping pace with the gurney as Matthew drifted into unconsciousness again.

Later, Rafael and Sienna were sat outside the room where Matthew was being examined when Jackie and Aurora finally found them.

“We got your page but Bryce is in surgery and Elijah can’t leave the lab,” Jackie gasped. “What happened? Matthew was caught in the fire?”

“They’re investigating the cause now,” Sienna sighed. She wasn’t crying anymore but her eyes were still a little red. Aurora sat beside her.

“How did he look when you found him?” She asked carefully. Sienna swallowed.

“He’d been knocked unconscious, and he was all cut. Oh, but I saw him open his eyes a little.”

“Then that sounds promising,” Aurora reasoned. “Matthew’s a fighter.” She rubbed Sienna’s back reassuringly, and Sienna managed a smile.

Meanwhile, Jackie focused on Raf.

“You’re quiet. Are you alright?”

Raf blinked. He’d been a thousand miles away, barely aware of his surroundings since he’d been told to wait outside the room. Now that Jackie was asking, he didn’t know how to articulate the ache in his chest.

“Just…I think I’ve gone numb. I don’t know what to do.”

“There’s nothing you can do,” Jackie said, but her voice was gentle as she put a hand on Raf’s shoulder. “It’s out of your hands. Matthew’s being taken care of, the best thing we can do is wait.”

Raf took a deep breath.

“I know. I’m doing my best. I just…I wish I knew.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Later still, when the sky was growing dark, Matthew slowly came around in a hospital bed. His head ached, his throat was sore and he felt slightly sick as he took in his surroundings, but he forgot about that when he spotted Raf slumped in a chair with his head in his hands.

“Raf?” he croaked. He coughed weakly and tried again. “Raf? Are you OK?”

Raf jumped and life came back into his eyes as he realised Matthew was awake. He rushed to his side instantly.

“I should be asking you that!” he groaned. “I was so worried about you. How are you feeling? Are you in pain?”

“A little sore,” Matthew sighed as Raf smoothed his hair back. “What happened? I assume I was knocked out at some point…and I think…I remember fire…”

“Yeah,” Raf sighed. He sat on the edge of the bed carefully as he told Matthew what he’d been told. “They discovered some of the wiring had been done badly in that wing of the hospital and it started tripping or something. It was heating up and starting to smoke, then sparks set off the smoke alarms which triggered the sprinklers. Except water is really bad for an electric fire and resulted in a small explosion.

“There was some debris that knocked you unconscious. You’ve got a few cuts and burns and they’re monitoring you for smoke inhalation,” Raf explained. “It might be a day or two before you can leave, but you’re going to be…”

His voice choked up before he could say the word ‘fine’. Because Matthew had come very close to not being fine at all and now Raf couldn’t stop picturing Matthew standing close to the source of the explosion and what might have happened if he had. Tears welled in his eyes.

“Hey.” Matthew carefully reached out and lay a hand on Raf’s arm. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“Sorry,” Raf sniffled, wiping his eyes again. “It’s just…I was so worried when I saw you on the stretcher and you were unconscious…the whole time I was waiting for you to wake up, I kept thinking about what might have happened if things had gone a bit differently. I was terrified you wouldn’t wake up at all. And then I realised…that’s how you’ve been feeling for the last two years!”

He took Matthew’s hand, stroking his thumb along his knuckles. “It’s hell. It’s pure hell. And I’m so sorry I kept putting you through that.”

Matthew didn’t quite know what to say to that as Rafael pulled himself together.

“Raf…you haven’t thrown yourself into danger in at least a year.”

It was the first thing he thought to say, and he wasn’t sure if it was the most reassuring thing to offer, but it surprised a laugh out of Raf and his grip on Matthew’s hand relaxed.

“True. And I’m still sorry it took me so long to see that.” His eyes had that fond softness to them he sometimes got when they were being romantic. But then they grew thoughtful as his smile faded and he gazed at Matthew.

“Actually…there’s something else I wanted to say to you when we were on the beach in Hawai’i. I didn’t because…it’s pretty big and I was afraid of ruining what had so far been a perfect night. But…I could have lost you today and it’s completely unthinkable that you shouldn’t here this. I love you, Matthew.” He spoke with his whole heart and looked Matthew directly in the eyes. “I’ve never loved anyone like this before, and I want you to know that…no matter what.”

Matthew had a completely different reason to be speechless. His heart soared, he forgot all about his pain and his hand trembled ever so slightly as he reached up to cup Raf’s chin.

“I love you too, Raf,” he said, and Raf’s dazzling smile broke out again. In many ways he was the personification of the sun. “So much.”

He brought Rafael’s lips to his, and kissed him soft, sweet and joyous, again and again, until Raf’s arms were wrapped tightly around him. Raf moved his hand up Matthew’s back to cup the back of his head, but he caught the sore spot and Matthew winced.

“Sorry, sorry!” Raf gasped, breaking them apart. “We, uh, probably shouldn’t be doing this. You should be resting and all.”

Matthew didn’t mind either way this time, but he settled back against the pillows and traced his fingers along Raf’s arm invitingly.

“You know…there’s room on this bed for two…”

Raf grinned as he ever-so-gently eased into the small bed space and cuddled into Matthew’s side, wrapping his arms protectively around him. Matthew turned and gave him one more gentle kiss before resting his head on his shoulder and drifting into a peaceful sleep.

[drdemonprince]

hey!! i've been watching your amazing top surgery recovery on insta and i'm wondering if you have any tips/secrets to recovering so quickly??! i've been looking into top surgery but have been so intimidated because everything i've read about the recovery process makes it seem like it'll take months and that's something that's not realistic for me with my limited support system + limited time off work but goddamn i would love to get my tits chopped off asap. i read something about how you gotta b

continued: be prepared to not physically be able walk around or lift more than a jug of apple juice for like two months post-op and that's been scaring me off top surgery cuz that's just not sustainable for me!!

Yeah, so I do think some people are really really overstating how incapacitating the procedure has to be, and that some of that is a holdover of doctor's historical approaches to treating patients.

Like historically, wealthy pregnant women were sometimes in bed nearly the full duration of their pregnancies, and just in general medicine used to believe that the best way for a patient to heal was for them to be lying down doing as little as possible (and being as compliant and inobtrusive as possible), and I believe that might still color some surgeon's recommendations today. Even though we know that gentle movement and maintaining function where one can is good for healing!

Now, my experience with surgery has been far and away better than that of anyone I've heard of so far for a couple of reasons, some that are within a patient's control, some that are not.

The first thing is that I have a high pain tolerance and love moving around, I need to move around to feel good, it's just very helpful for my mental health and sensory regulation. Even when I have the flu or COVID, I still tend to lift weights and take walks -- maybe at a slightly diminished capacity, maybe taking a day off if I feel incapable, but I generally want to move and find it easy to start moving quickly even when I'm sick or in pain.

2. The second piece is, you guessed it, my activity level. Before surgery, I was lifting weights for a half hour each day, five days per week. I'd been doing roughly that amount for a couple of years. I also live in a city and don't have a car so I walk a lot, take the stairs when I can, go out dancing sometimes, and just generally stay pretty active. We could chalk this up as a "choice" but that would be to ignore the fact that I'm capable of doing that much activity and I enjoy it. If I had kids, a 9-5 office job, physical disabilities that impacted my ability to exercise, elder care responsibilities, or anything else, I couldn't work out five days per week. But I personally can. And that has either been good for my health, or is just a signal of the fact that I am in good health.

3. That brings us to the third piece: I don't really have any health issues that get in the way of healing. I get over colds relatively quickly, and aside from a bout of anemia and severe burnout in my mid 20s and some knee pain that I gave myself from using a standing desk for two long that seems to never go away, I've made it to 35 without too many scratches on the vehicle.

Right now I'm probably in the best health of my life, both because of my activity levels and just really finally getting on top of cooking myself meals most days of the week, lots of like fish and veggies and rice and quinoa and shit (I used to survive on power bars far too often. they're still nice. but cooking dinner regularly has made me feel more nourished and strong). Again a lot of that is being lucky enough to have time to do the things that help me feel good.

4. Before surgery, I was hydrating and fibering like a mother fucker, up until midnight the night before my operation, when I was supposed to begin fasting. I also went two weeks without any alcohol, weed, cigarettes, delta 8, or any other substances, and no medications other than my testosterone. I also quit caffeine several months ago which has had a DRAMATIC impact on my mental health and improved my eating and hydration as well. Three hours before surgery I took a prescribed anti-nausea pill, and a celebrex (a prescribed anti-inflammatory, basically it dulls nerve pain a bit) as advised by my doctor.

5. I chose to work with a surgeon who does not use narcotics -- this is a huge one. Opioid pain medications pack a whallop, and if you need them, you need them, there's no shame in that -- but I think the American medical system is still skewed towards using them too willy nilly compared to most other parts of the world. They make you groggy, slow down your digestion, can make you depressed, make you nauseated, and just generally keep you from moving around and eating, and you really do want your physical system to be moving and metabolizing so it can heal you.

I would not have been up and walking around the day of my surgery if I was on opioids. The day after surgery I was able to stream for three hours, ride the train to my post-op appointment, and walk to a restaurant a few blocks away for dinner because I wasn't loopy or medicated at all. And I truly did not need them. Because I wasn't on opioids I was also able to shit the same day I had surgery instead of battling bloating and constipation for days, which most guys describe having.

Rather than giving any hard core pain meds to me, my doctor used numbing injections during surgery, which blunted the pain for the first 48 hours post-op, which is the worst period healing wise. Beyond that, he put me on antibiotics and a celebrex in the morning and at night. I've never felt much pain at all.

At this point, my pain is like.. less than a period cramp? Similar to muscle soreness from working out? I feel fragile because my skin is stitched together, so it's not like I could run a marathon or climb a rock wall, and I can't cook or carry anything over a milk jug. but I can walk around, shower, take the train, open light doors, get dressed, feed my chinchilla, stuff like that.

6. My surgeon encouraged movement. Many surgeons tell you not to lift your arms above your head for weeks, but this can result in you needing physical therapy afterward and losing mobility in general. Now if that's what your doctor tells you to do, you should listen to them, but my doctor told me he wanted me to maintain range of motion. I am allowed to open cabinets, shampoo my hair, and reach above my head to grab things -- GENTLY and SLOWLY -- and i do very very light stretches. In the weeks to come I'll need to weigh two competing concerns against one another: the desire to maintain mobility, and the desire to have thin scar lines. I'm still being very delicate but I am using my arms all day and sometimes raising them.

Now, I can't promise you that any of this will happen for you. And since you mentioned wanting to be as independent as possible, let me tell you: do not push it! you will need help! Not getting enough help will dramatically increase your risk of complications! I have someone with me to lift heavy objects, cook, wash the dishes, help me shower, open heavy doors, and to tell me to slow down when i'm going too hard.

The people i know who did have complications got to that point because they didn't ask for enough help. You will need to take time off of any labor intensive job, and you wont be able to move furniture, make your bed, do your laundry, cook a meal, carry groceries, or do other intensive things for a while. I understand the motivation to get back to 'independence' as quickly as possible, but you can't guarantee that will happen.

This week, I will be doing some light work (grading and reading copy edits) because I am able to, and because I'm high energy enough to be getting bored. But I couldn't count on that. I told my boss and my editor I'd be offline for at least two weeks, more if I had complications. Since I didn't, I'm bouncing back way sooner, but it would not have been healthy for me to set out with that as the expectation. I needed to mentally offload the stress of having a job or I wouldnt have healed as well as I have.

[local-anaesthesia]

A Cure in Liyue: Kaeya x Fem!Reader One Shot

This one-shot is from my collection called "Postcards from Teyvat," originally posted on AO3. SUMMARY ---

You experienced an unexpected and unfamiliar illness, and Kaeya went to extraordinary measures to ensure your speedy recovery and restored health.

TAGS

---

Kaeya x Fem reader, sickness, fluff, gentle dom Kaeya

---

As the days passed, you have found yourself feeling more and more unwell. What had started as a simple cold had turned into something more serious, and it was starting to worry both you and your husband, Kaeya. He had been nothing short of a caring and loving partner, always by your side, helping you with whatever you needed.

One morning, as you woke up feeling particularly weak, Kaeya looked at you with concern in his eyes and asked, "Are you okay, my love?"

"I think it's just a cold," you replied, trying to sound reassuring. "I'll be fine, don't worry."

"Stay home, okay? I'll inform Jean that you won't be able to come to work. I'll also ask Sucrose to create something that might help you feel better," he said, his hand touching your warm forehead.

"Thank you, my love," you uttered, your eyes glistening with fever-induced moisture, feeling thankful that Kaeya was there for you.

Your colleagues at work noticed your poor perfomance while you were sick, making them send you home earlier than usual.

"For today, I'll handle my wife's responsibilities; she's been quite unwell, and I want her to have the chance to rest," Kaeya informed the acting grandmaster, Jean. Naturally, Jean assented, as she too shared concerns about your well-being.

"I truly hope she recovers quickly," Jean expressed, and Kaeya nodded solemnly in agreement.

Throughout the day, you found yourself repeatedly drifting in and out of sleep while confined to your bed. The fever led to peculiar dreams, and each time you awoke, you were soaked in sweat. Your activities were limited to short trips to the washroom or to grab a bite to eat; beyond that, you were too weak.

Summoning your resolve, you decided to make a cup of hot tea. Just as you were about to start, Kaeya returned home from work and noticed your attempt to set up the kettle.

"Please, have a seat there. Let me handle this. I wouldn't want you to accidentally burn yourself," he gently intervened, taking over the task you were grappling with.

With a contented sigh, you shifted to the couch and observed Kaeya as he prepared your tea.

"By the way, my love, you appear to be doing better," he inquired from a short distance.

"I'm still sweating from the fever, and my head is still spinning," you responded with a hint of frustration.

Kaeya arrived with your tea and settled down beside you, his hand instinctively reaching out to your forehead to gauge your fever.

"No need to concern yourself about work; I've already taken care of everything for you," Kaeya reassured, observing you as you took sips of your tea.

"Darling, you really didn't need to go to such lengths," you began to interject.

"Don't worry about it. I'm doing this willingly," he insisted, gently lowering your hand.

But the weeks went by, and you were still awfully sick. Kaeya had taken charge of the household, ensuring everything was in order so you could rest and recover. He cooked for you, cleaned the house, and made sure you had everything you needed. Yet, despite his efforts, your condition showed no signs of improvement.

Kaeya had never complained of the exhaustion brought on by the additional workload, both at work and at home. He was willing to go to great lengths as long as it was for your well-being.

As he swept the bedroom and you lay weakly on the bed, Kaeya inquired, "How did the potion Sucrose made for you work? Did you notice any changes?"

Your voice sounded feeble as you responded, "I haven't felt much of a difference."

Determined to find a solution, Kaeya ventured out to the nearest pharmacy in Mondstadt. He sought a cure for the mysterious ailment you were facing. Unfortunately, the pharmacy could only offer cold medicine, though Kaeya was convinced that your condition was more serious than a common cold.

During his walk through the city, Lisa stopped him. "Is your wife still unwell?" she asked.

Kaeya's expression turned somber as he replied, "Yes, unfortunately. Nothing seems to be working. I don't know what's wrong."

Lisa pondered for a moment before sharing her insight. "You know, I've read that Liyue possesses the most advanced medicine in all of Teyvat. Perhaps you should consider paying a visit. They might have a remedy that could help. They're ahead of Mondstadt when it comes to medical advancements."

Kaeya's motivation surged with newfound hope. The idea of traveling to Liyue to find a cure for you began to take shape in his mind.

—

Kaeya's worry only grew with each passing day, and he couldn't bear to see you suffer like this. "I'm going to travel to Liyue," he told you one day. "I'll visit Bubu Pharmacy. They have renowned medicine that might help you recover."

As much as you protested, he was determined to find a cure for you.

That evening, Kaeya busied himself with packing his belongings for his upcoming trip to Liyue.

He offered you reassurance, "Diluc will be here to take care of you while I'm away, my love. You don't need to worry." His fingers gently caressed your face, and he sealed his words with a tender kiss on your lips, providing you with a sense of comfort.

Your voice held a mixture of emotions as you replied, "I'm going to miss you so much."

His eyes softened as he gazed at you. "And I can't wait to see you back in full energy. I've missed that even more," he expressed before returning to his task of packing.

Soon enough, Diluc had arrived at your residence to stay for the duration of Kaeya's absence. Kaeya meticulously instructed him about your daily routine and the household tasks that needed attention.

"She needs to take these remedies both in the morning and at night, after meals. Please ensure her well-being. I trust you with this responsibility," Kaeya's words were solemn and unwavering, a rare display of seriousness from both brothers, with no room for compromise or questions.

During the days when Kaeya was absent, a sense of emptiness pervaded your life, but Diluc was there as a source of solace. You found yourself reflecting on your experiences—times when you had been without Kaeya for longer stretches, yet the current separation felt more challenging.

"Y/N, I've prepared some porridge. Would you prefer it brought to your bedside or served at the dining table?" Diluc's voice interrupted your musings, drawing you back to the present.

"Thank you, Diluc. The dining table is fine. I've been in bed for hours," you replied, slowly rising and slipping on your slippers.

Seated across from each other at the dining table, you observed Diluc's attempt at cooking. While his culinary skills might not have been top-notch, his effort held significance and that's what truly mattered.

"So, who's managing the winery while you're away, Diluc?" Seeking to break the silence with curiosity, you posed the question.

"Elzer is taking care of the winery in my absence, and Charles is handling the tavern. I trust both of them to manage things efficiently," Diluc responded, his tone maintaining a sense of formality.

Time went by as you anxiously anticipated your husband's return. Heartfelt cards accompanied bouquets of flowers from your friends, wishing you a speedy recovery and warming your heart.

Despite your weakened state, you busied yourself tending to the flowers you had received, determined to stay occupied. The monotony of bedrest and being confined to your home left you feeling restless and bored.

While changing the water in one of the vases, your eyes fell upon a picture of you and Kaeya hanging on the wall. Memories of that moment flooded back, and a wave of longing for him washed over you. How much you missed him.

Diluc, once again checking in on you, asked, "Y/N, how are you feeling?"

"I'm managing, though my joints seem to be giving me trouble for some reason," you replied, becoming accustomed to the limitations of your weakened body.

The following day, as you carefully relocated the flower vase to a spot with ample sunlight near the window, the sound of the door swinging open reached your ears.

"I've got the medicine!" Kaeya's voice carried a palpable sense of relief as he entered, clutching a vial in his hand.

Your heart leapt with joy, and you rushed over to him, embracing him tightly. His warm whisper brushed against your ear, "I hope this finally brings you back to health," his hug enveloping you in a comforting embrace.

Observing the scene from a distance, Diluc witnessed the two of you in the midst of your embrace. While you held onto Kaeya, he noticed Kaeya give him a subtle nod, signifying that his mission was accomplished and acknowledging Diluc's efforts.

In response, Diluc offered a silent nod in return, mentally preparing to take his leave from your home.

Upon beginning the medication, you experienced a notable enhancement in your well-being. Your vision sharpened, the fever subsided, and the discomfort in your joints diminished.

Kaeya shared his experiences during his journey to Liyue, detailing his encounters with significant figures like Lady Ningguang and the nation's Archon, Zhongli. He proceeded to describe the composition of the remedy, its ingredients, and the nature of the illness it was meant to address.

His love was ethereal, like a guiding light that never dimmed. He had traveled all the way to Liyue, seeking a cure for you, and that act of love and devotion touched your heart in ways you could never express.

As you regained your strength, you looked at Kaeya with gratitude and love. "Thank you," you whispered with voice filled with emotion. "You've done so much for me. I don't know what I would do without you."

He smiled gently, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "You don't have to thank me. Taking care of you is my duty and my privilege. I love you, and I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

[imamxdel]

a brief update on life and the blog (contains medical stuff)

If you don't want to read, I kindly ask for your prayers :)

Brief introduction: my name is Liv, I'm 27, and I'm an orthopedic/ocology nurse in Florida. Diagnosis with an unknown cause of myocarditis (heart inflammation) in August 2023.

I was expected to make a full recovery within 2 months. January rolls around, I'm still sick. April rolls around, I'm even sicker and they finally test me for an autoimmune disease. Let's roll to today where in 3 days they'll finally give me a diagnosis and treatment for lupus induced myocarditis. Long story short, I have a severe autoimmune condition that is attacking and actively killing my heart.

I'll save the details, but over the last nearly 11 months, I've been in the hospital 6 times and admitted for 2 of them with no answers. This last one was 3 days and I underwent a cardiac cauterization, which is something they do for people who have heart attacks. Luckily, there doesn't seem to appear to be any permanent damage despite my heart levels being the highest I've ever seen in my career.

Bad news is that over the last year, I've suffered intense chest pain that makes it difficult to breathe, my ankles are swelling, and I have no energy and life just overall sucks. I surprisingly never stopped working. However, being a bedside nurse taking care of actively dying cancer patients is just mentally exhausting and one week ago, I finally hit the breaking point and sobbed in the bathroom before my shift started. I still don't have the details, but I've requested an extended leave of absence from work.

In 3 days, I'll finally have an answer. My doctor already warned me that treatment will be intense. I'll be undergoing chemotherapy.

But, hey, guess what? I'm an oncology nurse and guess what I do for a living?

This last year has been exhausting. It's been the worst. I'm very blessed to say that I've never suffered from any mental illness or depression, but in the last three months I really think that's what I've felt. Nothing makes me happy that used to, I've stopped cleaning my condo (and I'm a minimalist who hates clutter btw), my eating habits are trash, I can't exercise since my heart gives out, and I've completely isolated myself from my friends and my wonderfully supportive family. Every time i do go out, I just bring them down, too.

And guess who bought a condo literally one week before this all went down? I'm not in a safe financial position to stop working for a long time, but I can for a brief time. I'm thankful to be where I am in the sense of good healthcare and a small emergency fund.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that my life this last year has been bad, but the last three months have been the worst, so my activity on this blog has been sporadic and inconsistent. I know my writing quality has gone down; I can't apologize for getting sick, just know that soon I can have some answers and recover to get back to where I was.

My faith has taken the hardest hit. I am a firm Christian and I believe in the power of prayer. I'd really appreciate a prayer from everyone, even if you don't believe, it would still mean a lot.

[halikyon]

From Dust to Dawn: Chapter 3

Summary: Ryune is on her way to recovery, but there's still a ways to go. As she and M'naago spend more and more time together, how might their relationship develop?

Word Count: 6318

Note: I've added pictures!

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Story below the cut:

The sky of Labyrinthos shown down with a simulacra of a beautiful day. Exotic birds and plants flourished in the false sunlight, blissfully unaware of how deep beneath the rock they were. A few Gleaners went about ensuring the health of the environment Ryune and M'naago found themselves in. One gave a little wave as she spotted them before continuing her duties. Things had calmed down significantly since the aversion of the Final Days, and many were now finding themselves in much different roles and routines than before. Without so much demand to go out and collect from the outside world, many Gleaners had focused much more on caretaking what had already been collected.

As such, the grounds outside of the medical facility were lush and vibrant, the paths around it were immaculate, and an aura of peace had fallen over the entire region as a whole. Over the past few weeks, that feeling had extended to Ryune as well as she recovered. Physical therapy had done a great deal to get her moving again, though she still required some assistance, and she could eat like normal again, much to her joy. During this time she had also spent almost every day with M'naago by her side.

Today they were spending it on the move in the attempt to get Ryune’s body acclimated to more self-driven physical activity. Today she wore a simple white tunic that was easy to get in and out of and dark leggings that compressed her legs in a way that felt nice. M'naago was dressed simply as well in dark shorts and a sleeveless blue shirt with a simple fabric tie at the waist. Both wore simple sandals on their feet.

It was fascinating to Ryune how quickly they had bonded in spite of the time spent together before now being so little. As such they had now learned a great deal about one another through their continual contact, though Ryune only found herself falling more and more for her with each new story or anecdote or admission. Not to mention her smile, her laughter. They had been such a rarity before, but their value hadn't lessened in the slightest with their abundance now.

Of course, Ryune had shared nearly everything about her life as well. There were still so many stories to share, though, one of which she was telling M'naago now as she held onto her right arm, slowly walking down one of the meandering paths together.

“The Fey didn't take too kindly to most, though somehow Urianger managed to calm them enough to live among them.” Ryune recounted, “I found them all quite friendly once I understood what they wanted, myself. Even got myself the honor of the lovely King's attention, though I may have had a hand in their crowning.”

“Always something to do with power struggles, even in a different reflection it seems.” M'naago had been brought up to speed on the shards during their talks, and seemed quite interested in how those worlds might have developed differently. “Feo Ul, was it?”

“Yes, they are quite a good and kind soul, though they are prone to the occasional emotional outburst. Largely positive ones for us, thankfully.” Ryune added. “They liked to call me their ‘sapling’, which I took as a good thing, while they referred to themself as a ‘branch’. I never did figure out what the background of those meanings was, but it all seemed quite nice.”

“I would very much like to meet them someday, I think.” M'naago said as she put her free hand overtop Ryune's on her arm. “Did they all go by ‘they’?”

“Not all of them.” Ryune answered. “Some were he or she or they or all of them or sometimes none of them. I suppose what mattered was what felt right for them.”

“I see. Makes sense to me.” M'naago looked down at the path to ensure it was smooth as they proceeded. “How are you doing? We're almost reached the distance you made it last time.”

Ryune had grown accustomed to such questions since her miraculous survival. At first they had bothered her, but now, especially from M'naago, she understood they came from a place of genuine concern and she had made an effort to internalize them as such. “I'd like to go a bit further. The aches are still there, but far less intense than last time.” Ryune looked out among the foliage, “Perhaps to that clearing there overlooking the lower levels.” She pointed to an area about fifty fulms away. “We can take a break and then head back.”

“Aye, you got it.” M'naago answered confidently. Even if it was too much, she knew carrying Ryune back wouldn't be much trouble. “Too bad I didn't pack any food, it would be a lovely place for a picnic.”

“That's not a bad idea. I'll try to keep it in mind.” Ryune had been having memory problems ever since she first woke up, but it had slowly been getting better. The doctor had told her it might happen as a consequence of both her fight and her prolonged unconsciousness, but she hadn't thought it would be so frustrating.

“I'll make a note.” M'naago said, referring to what had become common practice for her to help with said memory issues. Ryune’s own writing was still quite poor, having not received much in terms of a formal education by any means, and her notes were notoriously vague. She could read well enough, though, so the notes written by M'naago had become routine and very helpful.

The journey was quiet and focused, Ryune feeling herself tiring quite quickly as she progressed, but she was too determined to give up just yet. The clearing was small, only big enough for a few potential simultaneous picnics to comfortably take place, but the view from it was quite stunning. Ryune and M'naago could see clear across all of Labyrinthos from it as they arrived.

“Help me down, please.” The slight waver in her voice was enough to tell M'naago all about how she was feeling. As usual, she had pushed herself, perhaps a little too far, but she had gotten what she wanted in the end.

“Easy now.” M'naago said as she carefully helped lower Ryune to the ground, feeling her full weight as she depended upon her. She knew the fatigue would come soon, but she already had a plan in mind. The grass was plenty soft, but plopping down unceremoniously on it would only serve to aggravate Ryune's aches.

Properly settled down, Ryune took a deep breath of relief as M'naago joined her by sitting down behind her. Soon Ryune was lovingly wrapped up from behind, M'naago's legs on either side of her while her arms crossed over her midriff. Ryune leaned back into her, savoring the moment. Since M'naago was a bit taller, Ryune’s head lay perfectly where she could nuzzle into her neck.

Such intimacy had become second nature between them now. How easily they simply fit together without a word Ryune didn't know, but it was something she hadn't experienced before. Previously, intimacy had been mostly of the sexual nature, where someone she either trusted or had the Gil to pay would get to experience her for however long they lasted or she dictated. She found this new intimacy neither better nor worse, only different, and very satisfying. She did look forward to a bit of that other intimacy, though, since they hadn't had the chance between her recovery and it being very rude to do something like that on the medical bed, at least to her.

As Ryune contemplated those thoughts, M'naago kissed her on the head, eliciting a happy hum from Ryune. Closing her eyes, she had never felt so safe before. The warmth from within caused her to relax, and she found her mind wandering off. When she opened them again the artificial sun had become a bit dimmer. There was also a pleasant humming coming from her very comfortable resting place. It was a familiar tune, something about the cliffs of Gyr Abania and the flow of the rivers between them. M'naago was doing quite a good job of hitting every note.

“I didn't know you could sing.” Ryune sleepily said, causing M'naago to stop mid-verse.

“Ah, well, not really. I just like the tune is all.” M'naago cleared her throat, a bit embarrassed. “How was your nap?”

Ryune smiled up at her. “It was lovely, but you're not getting away that easy.” Ryune shifted herself to the side to look at her a little more directly. “I bet you would make for a lovely bard.”

“I can't sing in front of others, no way!” M'naago responded emphatically. “I'd be a mess on the battlefield.”

“I thought the same when I first tried, too.” Ryune said, referring to how she had sought out training as a bard herself. “It's not so bad, especially if you're not alone when you do it.”

“I dunno, maybe…”

“I'd love to hear you sing.” Ryune rested her hand on M'naago's chest. “Maybe just for you and I, then?”

“I'll give it some thought.” The notion of singing in battle was making her nervous, but the answer seemed to placate Ryune for now.

“That's all I can ask.” Ryune looked lovingly at her, imagining a lovely duet of their voices.

It was a charming thought that was then quite rudely interrupted. From the direction of the medical facility came the sounds of shouting and something crashing to the ground. The foliage obscured their view, but Ryune felt herself tensing up already.

“Easy, now.” M'naago warned, already trying to get ahead of Ryune's proclivity to jump in. “I'm sure its nothing to worry about.”

As if to put the lie to her words, a tall Roegadyn man burst through the trees and shrubs, barreling down the path a few yalms from them. Voices behind him called for him to stop, to come back. They passed from right to left behind them in a rush.

“No! I have to get to my men! They need me!” He called back, his voice frantic. The Medical personnel were hot on his heels, but not gaining any ground on him..

Ryune was already trying to get up, but mild effort from M'naago was all it took to keep her grounded. They disappeared from view for a few moments before reemerging further down the path. From their vantage point they could see him turn down the path towards the main entrance to Labyrinthos, only to be met by a small, dark figure in the way. M'naago was certain it was a child, and that their inaction may have just caused them to be endangered, internally already beating herself up over it.

Rather surprisingly, though, as the two figures came together, the smaller one was the one left standing. They could see the personnel from before finally catching up and tending to the floored Roe while speaking with the other figure. The voices were too far to make out, but as they gathered up their patient and began to return, the small figure came along with them.

The group disappeared behind the trees and a rise in the terrain again before reappearing much closer a few minutes later along the path. The fleeing Roe had been put in a wheelchair that neither had seen the others go down there with, but Ryune surmised that they might have a few things down there just in case. The last person to appear, much to Ryune's surprise and joy, was a very familiar face.

“Kirui!” Ryune called out, raising her arm up and waving, still in M'naago's lap. “Over here!”

The dark skinned, black scaled Au Ra turned her head right to the source of the call, her expression going from one of apprehension to one of joy and relief. Her diminutive stature contrasted heavily with her toned musculature from thousands of hours at the forge and from striking ore of every shape and size. Her hair, black with red highlights, was cut short as it always was to keep it out of the way, and hardly moved as she jogged over to reunite with her old friend and employer. Today she wore simple dark long pants and a nice white blouse, which for her was quite well dressed considering how much abuse her clothes usually had to endure.

“There you are!” She called as she got close. Her joy turned a bit more towards concern as she realized Ryune wasn't standing up to greet her with any sort of speed. M'naago was doing her best to get her back up, but it was proving to be a lot considering Ryune's joints were still upset from having been still during her nap. “Are you alright?”

“Just- ough…hold on, we can do this.” M'naago made sure to keep her upright as Ryune finally got to her feet. “There!” Ryune said triumphantly, if not a bit wobbly. “Now c'mere, I didn't go through all that to not hug you after all.”

Kirui came forward and was embraced by Ryune’s now outstretched arms, M'naago keeping a hand on her shoulder just in case. Itt was warm, as it always was. She was a head shorter than even Ryune, her horns having to be well maneuvered as to not poke Ryune's neck uncomfortably. “I had heard about your condition, but I didn't know you had been so…”

“Thoroughly broken?” Ryune offered, only half joking. “No need to mince words for my sake, Kirui, I'm more than aware of my current state.” Ryune gave her an additional squeeze, which wasn't very much, before releasing her.

Kirui chuckled, being put at ease by the straightforward assessment. “You look like hell, but I'm glad I can see you at all.” She said, referring to the still-visible scars and her tired eyes.

“I’ve missed you.” Ryune told her, “I was worried when I couldn’t get a hold of you…”

“You know better than that.” Kirui said cheerily, “I knew it would be alright with you on the case. I was out upon the Steppe making sure spirits were kept up back home. I ended up losing my linkpearl on the way there and couldn’t find another until now. Turns out, between Sadu and Cirina on the ground and the big guy on the throne they didn’t have much worry when it came to the transformation problem. I ended up helping by supplying them with equipment as they set out to help everyone else.”

“You never were one for sitting by.” Ryune smiled, “I was wondering where they got that shiny new armor.”

Kirui smiled back, never one to take a compliment for granted. “Before we get carried away, perhaps I should greet your…partner?” She turned to M’naago who still had an arm on Ryune’s shoulder.” Sorry, I know you…kinda. M’naago, right?”

“That’s me!” M’naago replied. She hadn’t been too concerned since she knew Ryune could get carried away when meeting someone, but she was pleased to be included. “I believe we met once when fighting against Garlemald in Gyr Abania. Ryune was helping us with our equipment problem, saying she knew a ‘smith fast enough and good enough you might never be satisfied again with someone else’ or something along those lines.”

Kirui couldn’t help but blush. “Well, I don’t know about that, but I was glad to be able to lend my support.”

“And we were glad to have it.” M’naago assured her, “Many in the Resistance still use that equipment.”

Kirui couldn’t help but beam. Ryune had told M’naago all about Kirui in their time here, so she knew just how much the compliments towards her craft would be effective. Considering the now bashful posture and quiet mumbling about what she had done and the materials involved, M’naago was quite certain they had started out on the right foot.

Ryune watched, quite pleased at how they were getting along so far. “Oh, right, so you’re not wrong about the partner thing, actually.” Ryune admitted, “We are very much together, and have been ever since I woke up.”

“There were a few minutes between then and when I hurried over, but yes.” M’naago moved behind her, putting her arms around her. “I’ve been helping out with the rehabilitation process.”

“Rehabilitation?” Kirui asked. “How’s that going?

“Considering all the noises from trying to stand up? Pretty good, honestly.” Ryune told her, “Last week I couldn’t actually do that. M’naago had to pick me up and set me down in standing position.”

The realization of just how bad it must have been was finally sinking in for Kirui. “And…how long have you been recovering for now?”

“Well, plus the fifty-two days before she woke up at all, its been about seventy-eight?” M’naago posited.

“That sounds about right.” Ryune confirmed. “At the current rate we were told I might be able to go home soon, though, in truth, I don’t really have one other than the Standing Stones.”

A slight squint of M’naago’s eyes and a pull at the edge of her lips betrayed that there were perhaps machinations being hidden that Kirui picked up on immediately. In an attempt to steer away from that line of thought, M’naago changed the subject.

“So what was that about just now with the Roe?”

“Yes, a sad story.” Kirui explained. “He is a Storm Captain that got grievously injured when everyone went over to Garlemald. No one knows what happened to his subordinates, but he’s convinced he needs to get to them.” Her voice was a lot less cheery now. “I feel for him, I really do.” She shook her head, placing her hand on her hip, “Reminds me of how I lost my first clients, my first friends in Eorzea.”

Ryune explained for M’naago, “After the Battle of Carteneau they were among the forgotten. Some memories returned, but the only thing we know for sure is who they were to Kirui and how much they meant to her.”

Kirui nodded. “It’s a wound that’s healed over time, but I often find myself wondering what happened to them, in the end.” A moment of silence followed as they remembered those they had lost. Ryune, thankfully, still had a great many questions to ask Kirui, and wasn’t going to let the mood sink down too low.

“So, tell me, what brings you here?” Ryune asked.

“You.” Her response was short in a way she felt was rude, so she elaborated, “The lack thereof, actually. Between how busy you must have been and then my accident with my linkpearl, it's been months, and I wanted to reestablish contact.”

“You sailed across the sea for that? I would have gone looking for you.” Ryune said.

Kirui shook her head again. “No, I did that a while ago, I just used the aetheryte once I got word of where you had ended up.” She gestured towards the entrance to Labyrinthos, “Turns out a lot of people are out there trying to use your name to get in, but I had the contract to prove I was in your service, thankfully.” She noted their quizzical looks, “I know Sharlayans well enough to come prepared with paperwork at the ready.” she explained. “After that I was led down here, given directions, and then I floored a random man who ran into me.”

“Seems a bit violent considering what was going on.” Ryune said, entertained by the sequence of events.

“In hindsight, yes, but when a person that big comes at you that fast, defense comes first, questions come second.” Kirui thought for a moment. “Maybe I could make him something nice as an apology.”

“A fair point, and a fair compensation, probably.” M’naago said, carefully resting her chin on Ryune’s shoulder. “But enough about that. It’s getting close to dinner and I imagine Ryune has a great deal she would like to talk to you about. You should join us.”

“Oh, I don’t want to get in the way, I can wait.” Kirui replied.

“You wouldn’t be in the way, you’re too small!” Ryune laughed as Kirui smiled, the familiar joke ringing with extra warmth from their reunion. “In all seriousness, the food here has much improved! The Lopporits have helped out, too. No one would stop me from inviting you anyway.” Ryune hiked her thumb towards the medical facility, “They seem willing to let me get away with whatever I want, really.”

“You’re the last one to cause trouble here, Ryune, contrary to the usual.” M’naago grinned. “You’ve been a perfect patient.”

“My nurse has done a lot to help with that.” Ryune said, referring to how much M’naago had done for her. “Anyway, I do insist. Come have a meal with us!”

“Alright, I won’t put up a fight if its truly okay.” Kirui acquiesced. “Lead the way.”

Ryune tried, but as she began to escape M’naago’s arms and walk, her foot refused to pick up as much as she had intended, and she began to fall forward. M’naago was more than ready, though, her arms still around her. Ryune felt a bit embarrassed having done that as she was righted.

“Maybe a little less dramatically than that, hm?” M’naago said as she simply scooped Ryune up into her arms. “You pushed yourself a bit today, so now you get to rest.”

A sigh from Ryune indicated her defeat. “Fine, fine. It’ll be faster anyway.”

Kirui remembered the time Ryune had done that to her when she had hurt her leg out in Dravania, near the abandoned Sharlayan city. They had been mining together when a stone had fallen onto her. It hadn’t been too serious, but Ryune didn’t know any healing magics back then and had been very concerned. As such, she had been carried in her arms all the way back to Idyllshire. She found herself a little jealous of the attention as she followed them back up the path toward the medical facility, but such relationships weren’t something she found herself desiring. It might be nice to get carried like that again, though.

—

They had taken their evening meal in the communal dining area with everyone else. It was something Ryune had insisted on as soon as she was able. This place had originally been a medical research facility, but everywhere there had been need for more beds in the aftermath of the Final Days, and even here they had made room. Being out in the open had brought some relief and quieted the rumors of her demise that had begun upon her transfer from the ship to down below, and had seemed to raise spirits overall, though many were still very hesitant to approach. Such behavior had never made sense to her, and she had often gestured an onlooker or two over to break that invisible barrier. Now she was simply one of them, though most she had met had been discharged at this point, the facility housing only long term care patients now and intending to transfer them closer to home as soon as they could.

The meal itself had been lovely. From the varied selection Ryune had chosen the one with the most meat, as per usual, and had chowed down on a healthy helping of Loaghtan Rump Steak. She had grabbed a few steamed vegetables as well, though mostly at M'naago's insistence. M'naago herself had taken part in an Archon Burger, much to the delight of the local Lopporit, while Kirui had tried Piennolo Tomato Salad and found it to be perfectly passable fare. It had been good to see Ryune able to eat like she used to, clearly showing that she was back to normal in at least some respects.

As they let their meals digest at the dark, wooden table and relaxed in their padded chairs, Ryune continued her story. “You see, they weren’t all that different from us, the Ascians. They were fighting for the world they lost and the people they loved, but lost their way.”

“Perhaps a bit of an understatement considering how you said they saw us.” Kirui added.

“Perhaps so, but in the end, having gotten to know them and see them in their prime, I couldn't not think of them as heroes of their people. The peak of their kind.” Ryune closed her eyes as she remembered. “They had lost everything, and I do wonder if, driven to the same lengths for so long, if any among us could do any better.”

M'naago thought for a moment before speaking. “What of Emet-Selch? You said he helped you on more than one occasion in spite of being your enemy.”

“Yes, he did, and he was.” Ryune answered. “He was a lot more, too. Deeply caring beneath the gruff mask, loyal, and…if I'm not mistaken, once a lover of my ancient self, Azem.”

This came as a shock. “Truly?” Kirui gasped, perhaps a bit louder than intended.

Ryune smiled, “Truly. Seeing him in the past, in Elpis, I could even see how. Also Hythlodaeus. He was very pretty and seemed to be involved with us both. So very warm and caring. Though he himself wasn't much of a fighter at all and possessed only a fraction of the strength of his peers, he was valued highly and seemed to keep Emet as a constant companion. I'm glad I was able to see them off in the end.” Ryune added.

“See them off?” M'naago asked. “But they were long gone, how would you have?”

“I summoned them to help using Azem's power, actually.” Ryune admitted. “They knew what was going on more than anyone, and I wanted them there to put their story to rest.”

“That's incredible! You can just do that?” Kirui asked excitedly, drawing more attention.

“I mean sort of? I don't fully understand it myself, but Azem would use that power to call on allies from anywhere.” Ryune explained. “They ended up helping me prove my point, that her despair was not all there was, and that hope still bloomed. It's very sappy, I know, but it did work.” Ryune added, noticing their smiles. “But that was their last deed before returning to the Aetherial Sea, though we spoke shortly before they departed.”

“Something suitably snarky or poetic I take it considering what you've told me of Emet I take it?” M'naago guessed.

“Surprisingly no. It was much more somber that I had expected. He spoke of his ideals and that he would never have stopped fighting if not for his defeat, and that, in spite of what seemed to be in his grasp to do, chose to turn away, unable to accept the world as it was.” Ryune continued with a sigh, “He chose to let go, to return and be reborn, has Hyth did as well. I think it was more to keep Emet company, honestly. He really shouldn't be left alone for long periods of time anyway.”

“That was it? He just wanted to tell you that?” Kirui asked, little more mindful of her volume after a few annoyed glances their direction.

“That, and that he wanted me to do as Azem had and travel the star, see what there was to see, do what there was to do. It seemed like a good idea before I ended up here.” Ryune waved a hand at herself as an example. “He was right, though, I would like to see the world, eventually.” She looked to M'naago, “Though I'd really like to stay with you a good long while. Hopefully even take you along with me when I go.”

The soft look upon M'naago's face said everything as Kirui watched. “You've really grown, Ryune.” She said softly. “I'm happy for you, for both of you.” She truly meant it. In all her years of knowing Ryune she had never seen her look so at peace with another. Their matching blushes as she said it were adorable to her.

It was funny how she seemed so bashful now considering that, when they first met, Ryune had been considering giving her a night for some gil, as her other companions had done among the U Tribe that night. It seemed Ryune had found something different this time, though, something a bit deeper, less impulsive, and more meaningful than the flings she had in the past. It brought out a much softer side to her, a vulnerable facet she doubted anyone but those present had ever seen before.

—

They had talked long into the evening until Ryune had needed to return to her room. She still hadn't fully recovered from the earlier stroll and needed more rest than usual as she healed. Kirui now knew much about her condition, the now-effective healing magics hastening her along, and that soon she would be free. It was now that, leaving Ryune for the night, M'naago took her aside.

The complex had many break rooms used by researchers that had been converted to additional spaces for beds and waiting rooms, but had now begun to be reverted. One in the middle of such a process was where they now found themselves, furniture not quite in its final places with scattered parts of all sorts of equipment about. It was dim, secluded, but oddly comfortable. Soft armchairs had been pulled around a small table by someone, and it was here M'naago led her to sit.

“I'm glad you came by.” M'naago began, “There's something I've been working on in secret, and I believe you would be a perfect addition. If you have the time, that is.”

“I'll assume it's for Ryune’s benefit considering the present company.” Kirui replied, suspicious but not terribly concerned, as they sat down a quarter of the way around the table from one another with Kirui on M'naago's right.

“Aye, very much so. She has spoken at length of wanting a home but not knowing where it would be. I have found what I believe will be a suitable place, and have already set the Ironworks Engineers to the task of renovation.” M'naago explained, her voice kept fairly low as she leaned in over the table. “I would like for you to join them and give the place your own personal touch. I'll pay whatever you need to make it worth your while. What do you say?”

“Right to the point, I appreciate that. I say I would be happy to.” Kirui answered, sinking down into the seat a bit from its softness before sitting forward with her elbows on the table as if for fear of being consumed. “Keep your gil, though, I'll consider this a gift for a friend. Just point the way and I'll make sure those ceruleum-brained bolt-turners do the job right.”

M'naago giggled. “Wonderful, thank you so much.” She pulled out from her pocket a small wooden disk with some symbols Kiriu didn't recognize carved upon it and offered it. “This will let you do as you wish without question if you use my name.” She explained as Kirui took it. The writing looked Ala Mhigan, and more burned-in than carved now that she got a good look at it.

“A writ of some sort?” Kirui asked.

“Essentially.” M'naago said. “It's my seal. I only have a few, so please don't lose it.”

“I'll treat it like one of my own tools.” Kirui assured her. “Now, where is this place?”

“Ala Ghanna. Its East of Rhalgr's Reach by a few malms. You could likely get a chocobo ride over from the Reach since I know you've traveled there before.” M'naago offered. “I'm sure you'll be able to find the place pretty easy once you're in town, it'll be the only one covered in engineers.”

“Ah, I think I know where that is well enough.” Kirui said. “Though I may just tell them to keep going and improving the whole town, really. Ryune might not like having such a nice place while the other townsfolk don't.”

“If you can convince them then by all mean do, it would do wonders for morale for the residents.” M'naago replied. “It's been a hard few years after all.” She sighed at the thought of the work she would need to do upon her return. “Are you sure about the gil?”

“I am. Consider the matter closed.” Kirui said confidently, sliding the writ into her own pocket and closing the small flap that went over it with a button. “It's the least I can do.”

“Hmph.” M'naago smiled at her. There was a bit of admiration in her eyes. “Ryune couldn't ask for a better friend”

“Nor could she ask for a better partner.” Kirui countered, nodding to M'naago.

M'naago looked away then down at the table, seeming to be searching for her words before raising her head again. It was clear that something was on her mind, but ahe was unsure whether or not to speak of it. Before Kirui could encourage her to speak, she spoke of her own accord, “Do…you really think so?”

Kirui was a little confused. Having spent a good portion of her day with them it seemed rather obvious how much they cared for one another. “Yes? Have you not seen how she looks at you? I've never seen her be so devoted to someone before.”

There was a pained expression on her face as M'naago spoke. “I must confess, I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never had a serious relationship before. A few childish dates before I was fully in the Resistance, but…”

Kirui let silence ring for a few moments while she came up with an answer. “For someone like me, I frankly don't know how much advice I can give. I've never felt such attractions, physical or emotional, towards another person. I'm not opposed to the notion, but there's simply nothing there for me.” Kirui explained. She continued as M'naago's face fell in disappointment, “However, I'm no stranger to kindness and compassion. You care deeply and it shows. You do all you can for her, you dote upon her daily, you worry and you wonder if it's enough, and I can tell you, with full confidence, that she sees it all, and that it is.” Kirui made sure to look M'naago right in the eyes as she spoke, “Ryune loves you and all you do for her. The bond I can see between you is strong, stable, like a bar of pure darksteel. Of all the things to worry about, not knowing what you're doing should not be among the number.”

Kirui had surprised herself with how much she had to say on the matter, but she could tell M'naago was taking her words quite seriously. “There is one thing, though, that I believe you might do to make her even happier.”

M'naago, looking quite a bit less worried, tilted her head. “What did you have in mind? After what you said I'm not sure what more there might be.”

“This home is for her, but do you know what might make it truly hers?” Kirui asked.

“Please, tell me. I want it to be perfect.” M'naago implored.

“You, you lovestruck fool!” Kirui pointed at her. “Live. With. Her.”

“Live…but I’ve never-”

“Lived with another person? I can imagine, but neither has she, not like this.” Kirui poked her finger a little closer. “If you want to pay me back, then do this for me. You won't regret it. I promise.”

“She would be okay with that?” M'naago asked.

“More than okay. She would be overjoyed to have you there.” Kirui answered, retracting her finger from M'naago's personal space. “I truly can't be the only who saw that look of longing on her face as she closed the door to her room for the night.”

Color came to M'naago's cheeks as her thoughts drifted to the other side of that door and what might occur if she were there. “Perhaps you're right.” M'naago admitted, “I feel much the same, in truth, but I haven't the slightest idea how to go about it.”

“Ha!” Kirui laughed, “I'm quite sure she would be very willing to teach you all you would need to know.” She couldn't believe she was having to tell her this, but Kirui supposed that not everyone was confident in reading others. “I'll even move your stuff in if you want.”

“I don't really have much, just some clothes and small cookware.” M'naago said, “Everything else is Resistance property, including the tent I use to sleep in.”

“Then it looks like I know what I'll be doing to help out over there.” Kirui declared. “I may bill myself as a smithy, but I know my way around a log. I'll cobble together some nice creature comforts and get it all organized in place to boot.”

“You would do that all for us…”

“I would.” Kirui confirmed. “Ryune is very dear to me, and I know how much you mean to her as well. She’s done so much for me, and I want to do this for her, for the both of you. I’ll make that house your home, and keep those engineers in line.” She smiled at M’naago. “I’ll stake my reputation on it!” She stood, stretching out her hand as if to seal the deal.

M’naago looked at it for a moment before standing and, bypassing the proffered hand, enveloped her in a hug. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

“A-ah…you’re welcome.” Kirui returned the gesture, overcoming her surprise. They held it for a few seconds before M’naago released her.

“Oh, sorry! That was probably a bit much.” M’naago apologized, “I guess Ryune’s tendencies have rubbed off on me.”

“It's alright, she does tend to have that effect.” Kirui chuckled. “I don’t mind.”

M’naago shook her head, smiling. “Aye, that she does.”

[jameswritesstuffs]

A Long Time Coming

Kinktober Day 2: Double Penetration

Ship: Florence x Syreena (OC x OC)

Word Count: 1k

CW: Degradation, lesbian sex, use of dildo, use of strap, caught in the aftermath, foul language, mentions of masturbation, mentions of gender affirming surgery, brief oral sex

MINORS DNI!

Today was a hard day. Florence ended up messing up a lot while training with her dad, while Syreena had an overall tough day of work. The two women wanted nothing more than to sit and relax on the couch when they saw each other, and they did. They watched Family Feud and laughed at some of the contestants’ stupidity. They answered the questions that people much older than them couldn’t answer for some odd reason. However, that was short lived. Lovingly staring into each others’ eyes had turned into kissing and then making out. Now, they were here: in the bedroom. 

Sy had been pent up for a while due to Florence recovering from her vaginoplasty, and by a while, try 4 whole months without sex. The recovery was long and hard for both of them. Sy had to stick to self pleasure, while Florence couldn’t really pleasure herself at all. However, Florence’s doctor had given her the go ahead to do sexual activities again. Both of them were excited, but Florence wanted to try something different. The two were naked, preparing for a fun night ahead. As Sy began to put on the strap, Florence stopped her.

“How about the dildo?” she asked, pointing at a vibrant pink and black one she had gotten as a gift a while back. The dildo itself was about 4-5 inches long. Sy stopped for a minute, turning to look at Florence.

“I thought you wanted the strap,” she said, cocking her head to the side slightly.

“I do,” Florence said before smirking. “I want both.” Sy’s eyes widened for a moment. It had been 4 months since they last did anything, yet she wanted double penetration? However, this only made Sy smirk. 

“Oh you dirty, dirty girl~” She grabbed some lube as she covered the strap. She grabbed the dildo from before off the shelf, slathering that in lube as well. When she finished, she climbed onto the bed and on top of Florence. 

“Spread them,” Sy demanded. Florence listened obediently with a sheepish smile on her face. Sy immediately bent down and kissed her lover’s vagina, sending shivers down her spine. “God, I’m so glad I can finally ruin you again…” Florence whimpered, grabbing the arm that had the dildo.

“Come on…” Florence moaned. “Ruin me…” Syreena couldn’t deny that adorable face below her much longer as she put the dildo into Florence’s ass and inserted the strap into her vagina. Having something, other than those stretchers, in her vagina made Florence feel odd. However, it didn’t take long for the feeling of pleasure to set in. Sy guided one of Florence’s hands onto the end of the dildo.

“You control the dildo, I do the strapping, you hear?”

“Yes ma’am,” Florence nodded as Sy began to thrust. Florence began to control the dildo. In, out. In, out. It was a normal pattern. It just felt better with the strap as well. The pleasure felt unmatched. Florence couldn’t stop moaning, which turned Syreena on more.  

“You like that, you dirty girl?”

“Oh god yes!” 

“Good because you’re going to take it!” As Sy kept on thrusting harder, Flo could barely keep track of how much of the dildo went into her. All she was focused on was that strap. It was like ecstasy. She could get high all night if she wanted to. In addition, Sy had never felt such pleasure from being able to fuck her girlfriend like this before. While the strap did vibrate, which brought her ever so closer to orgasm, the faces she watched Florence make were practically cinema. 

“Oh fuck… who’s such a slut for my cock?” Syreena asked in a cocky tone.

“Me!” Florence exclaimed, multiple moans escaping her mouth. “I’m a slut for you, my love!” 

“That’s what- oh fuck– I like to hear.” Going faster, both women reached orgasm. Florence’s legs began to shake as she orgasmed, closing them. Sy had to stop, looking down at Flo.

“Why did you close your legs, sweetheart? Too much?”

“N…Never…” Florence said with a shaky breath and a smirk on her face. Sy shrugged and slammed into Florence, hitting her prostate. This caused her to gasp loudly. “Oh god! Right there! Keep going!” Sy continued to slam while Florence continued with the dildo. However, Sy felt almost done.

“Oh my god, I’m gonna cum-”

“Me too!” Florence managed to say before going back to a flurry of loud moans. Two big thrusts later and both girls ended up soaked in each other’s squirt and in Florence’s case, her cum. As Sy pulled the strap out and Flo taok the dildo out, they both collapsed onto the bed. 

“That was fun…” Florence smiled. 

“I’m glad you thought so, my little bat…” Sy said, taking the strap off and tossing it into an open drawer. The two laid down in bed for a moment, completely still and silent.

“Are we gonna clean this up?” Florence asked.

“Eventually, but come on, let’s go shower.” As the two went to stand up, the bedroom door opened. Aiken had just gotten home from a late night show. When Florence saw her friend, she immediately covered herself with a sheet. Aiken stood with his hand over his eyes.

“So that’s what that screaming was,” he breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought you two were getting robbed when I walked in the door.” Sy covered herself as well, throwing her bra at him.

“Get out, you loser!” 

“Right, I’m going. I’m going!” Aiken goes to walk out before doing finger guns at Florence. “Atta girl!”

“Now, Aiken!” 

“I’m leaving!” The two girls sat there for a moment before laughing their asses off. Did they really scare him that bad? Either way, it made for some nice humor to end off the night. 

“I can’t believe that scared him!” Sy exclaimed as she picked Florence up bridal style.

“I know right?!” Florence laughed as the two headed to the bathroom to shower.

OOC: Syreena belongs to @octonauts--man

[dollsonmain]

Today I should rest and spend time with myself but there's too much to do.

I need to look for insurance some more, shower, catch up on chores, get ready to go get groceries/make the list....

Yesterday I remembered something.

So, I get up really early in the morning in the hopes of getting a little time to myself with the quiet.

On weekdays That Guy gets up at 4 and so do I. I make sure I'm up and out of bed, downstairs, drinking my coffee before he gets out of the shower so he doesn't come kneel down and try to stick his dick in my face every morning.

He leaves at 5.

Then, if I'm lucky, Son will stay in bed until 6 but he usually gets up at 5 because That Guy stomps and slams and insists on having a conversation or giving me a lecture first thing in the morning when I'm not even awake, yet.

This morning it was "Our son doesn't know some specific information which is not available to him and he's disrespecting me by not having this information that doesn't exist can you figure it out but don't tell him you're figuring it out behind his back because I want him to do it even though he can't." Again.

Son leaves at 7.

On the weekends I often wake up around 5 or 5:30 and try to sneak out of bed

Usually, Son is already awake and he gets up as soon as he hears me moving around in the house. He starts immediately with noise videos, noisy apps, transcribing music, etc. and he talks the whole time. Louder, and louder, and louder with the occasional "Dad's asleep, still, watch your volume [because I'd like him to stay that way]" from me.

Often That Guy is woken up by me getting out of bed and also gets up because he's suddenly Alone and that's unacceptable.

Yesterday, I was up and trying to work on something on the computer, Son got up and started in but I've gotten pretty good at both engaging with him and continuing to work, then That Guy got up and demanded my full attention constantly.

I snapped at him a bit saying I was busy and leave me alone, which I feel bad about, but if I'm sitting in front of a screen, typing, with multiple resource tabs open, actively researching and processing information, I don't need a play-by-play of every fart, the fact the house is cold like every winter, and what he's eating/drinking, and are you still working are you still working are you still working I want to play video games and you have to watch.

...

It reminded me of a time at my grandma's house when my aunt and I were still young. My aunt is 5 years younger than I am, so we are close in age.

Grandma put us to bed in her bed, which was a queen, and my aunt kept scooting over so she was basically on top of me. I told her to move and give me space, but she wouldn't.

I got up and went to the other side of the bed repeatedly in the night and every time she'd scoot over on top of me again.

Eventually I took a blanket into the living room to sleep on the couch, and she followed me there, too.

In the morning I complained to grandma and she said I was being mean and my aunt just wanted to cuddle and be close to me.

What I needed didn't matter.

-

That persists. It doesn't matter that I need time to myself. I'm expected [by That Guy] to pay attention to Son at all times and to pay attention to That Guy at all times.

The only time I get truly to myself is very early in the morning if I'm lucky enough the boys stay in bed, or for about an hour at night because I go to bed earlier than everyone else on purpose.

This is why I call Monday my recovery day, but I don't get Monday, either. Monday is groceries day.

Even if I try going down to the basement, That Guy starts stomping around overhead as hard as he can, just to remind me he's up here, he's Alone, I'm not doing what he wants me to do, and he's bored.

It doesn't matter how much I beg the people around to please, please just get off of me.

It's very frustrating.

-

Anyway, that's all part of why I'm so hard focused on the basement right now, I guess.

Desperately trying to regain control of literally anything, trying to find a quiet place where I can breathe, trying to feel human again.

[banqanas]

SEGUCHI LEIYA BLOG Vol. 575 "Please tell us your current situation"

Other than the official post by LDH, Leiya has also written a blog post regarding his current condition. Please visit his SNS and send our Leiyaman the power he needs! 🙏

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

2023.11.07

First of all, I want to express to everyone

How regretful I am for causing so much concern

I deeply apologise..

On November 3rd, we had a release event scheduled on Hokkaido

Last week I felt some discomfort in my throat

And went to the hospital to get it checked

Ever since then I have started to feel my physical condition worsening.

I was so looking forward to go and meet Hokkaido fans there for the first time in a long time.

I was looking forward to doing my first talk event at Kobe Gakuin University

And our first ever live appearance at Venue101

Not only for not being able to participate in these events,

But for everyone who was also looking forward to seeing me,

To leave you with disappointed feelings,

I am very frustrated at myself.

Everyone

Whether the ones I met at release events

Or who has sent me messages

The faces and words of everyone who waited me

I have not forgot them.

Contrary to my burning feelings however,

my symptoms did not improve

and I went to get myself checked again

it was discovered that I have peritonsillar abscess in my throat.

After consulting with the doctor,

it was agreed that I needed to rest a bit more,

so I have been allowed to take a break from activities for the time being...

I will make a full recovery,

and return to work as fit as a fiddle,,,

Therefore, I would need everyone's power

please send me lots of it ❤️🔥🔥🔥

Leiyaman will keep fighting off

this evil organization

so everyone will support me, right

So that I can beat them off

even a day faster 👍‼️‼️

I want to meet everyone

with a smile again ☺️✨

From today onward

I will slowly update my SNS

so keep a lookout for them ✌️

Everyone too

It is the season where the temperature changes a lot

so please take care of yourself ✨🙏