#to this situation and mostly entirely unrelated to this group. But I lost my grip again already :(

[hostilehospitalbeds]

I don’t know what to do or who I can talk to, I've totally messed up the good friend group I had going for me here, even if they’ve all moved on and forgotten it I haven’t, they don’t even KNOW I’m upset with them bc I’m afraid of confrontation so even in person with the girl I thought I could maybe actually talk to more about what went down, when she said something that just crushed me I just crumbled and lost all coherency and she read it as me being emotional about the whole situation and I let her continue to comfort me like you’d comfort an infant having a meltdown and then have a friendly conversation afterwards about other things, when I should’ve said “wow ok clearly this was a waste of time and I’m going to go now” so she’d know I was pissed. I did my absolute damnedest to clear up in the main chat about my original response to this guy bc I did phrase it really poorly initially. But the way he responded to my initial response was absolutely patronizing, condescending, self-important, etc etc but nobody seems to get that or care except one total stranger I’ve never met sent a supportive reply about it. And now I just don’t know where this goes from here bc they’ve moved on, they presumably think I’ve moved on, and so they won’t bring it up again and I can’t or I’m beating a dead horse. But it’s tainted how i feel about all of them and this was my fucking social network and support system here and they chose this fucking pretentious man in his 40s over me (really picking his fiancé over me bc she’s cooler than me) and now I’m just supposed to pretend everything’s normal anyway or lose this entirely. And if I’d just been ignoring the chat while at work on Friday like I was supposed to be doing already, had already determined I was checking it way too much, way too involved, keeping me from other things (I have it on the app on strict block during work hours now)… then I’d never have even posted the song that he just HAD to give his dang opinion on and none of this would’ve gone down at all. But no fucking rewind button in life. So fuck.