#to the slight disbelief that Karin is just leaving like that

[hubba1892]

"Warum sind Sie nicht oben im Revier?" "Weil ich Abstand brauchte." "Vom Fall?" "Auch." aka Karin leaving (Leo)

bonus:

[cate-deriana]

And you let her go

So here is my contribution for the IRBB. It was actualy so hard to write that story and I thought so many times I wouldn’t make it on time, but here it is and I’m happy I did it.

Please check out the corresponding art by my partner @ deathbympreg here.  I really adore your work, I’m glad we were paired up! :) 

Summary:

It’s been seven years since the war. Haunted by Yhwach’s theart to kill them at their happiest moment Ichigo left Karakura to protect everyone. Deciding for an unhappy life he moved to Hokkaido and became a doctor. Now after so many years he reminisces about how he ended up in this life: What could have been? How would his future have unfolded without this threat? What if he had told a certain someone about his feelings?  Will he regain the resolve to crush destiny once again and claim the life he’d always longed for?

Rating: T

Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance

Canon-compliant till 684

“Yo, it’s been a long time.”

He couldn’t remember how often he had imagined himself saying this particular sentence. Sometimes it had been more than once a day – especially when this day was drawing near again.

It had been ten years already. Ten years since his life had changed drastically. Ten years since his world had changed.  Ten years since he had met her on that night in May. And nearly seven years since he’d last seen her.

He had tried to leave everything behind – his family, his friends, his hometown, his past, her.

But it was useless. In the cold winter months the snowy landscape always reminded him of her. And in the summer months it was the blooming lavender fields. It was hopeless. He should have thought that through before moving to Hokkaido. Sure, he could have enrolled at a different university, but as time passed he realized that the reason for staying was probably because he didn’t want to forget her. Maybe he was just being a masochist.

“It’s been a long time! … Not… really.” Rukia hummed jokingly with a smile on her face entering the all too familiar house. It was one of her routine visits to Karakura after she had been reassigned to her former position here. Over a year had passed and although Soul Society was still under reconstruction she had volunteered to be in charge of this town again right after the war.

Her smile and anticipation faded away in an instant when she noticed Karin’s expression. The girl closed the door behind Rukia avoiding to meet her eyes while declaring emotionlessly: “He is gone.” The seconds passed as the raven haired woman tried to progress what was going on.

“He left.”

“So when is he going to be back?”

Her mouth had formed the words too fast as if it had been by instinct, but her soul seemed to have known the truth the moment she had stepped through the door. The way Karin had just refrained from addressing her brother as she would have done usually hurt. It hurt. She should have seen this coming, right? Why did she even ask? She knew the answer. //Please, don’t say it. Please.// she begged internally but reality hit her hard when she heard the word she was so incredibly afraid of.

“Never.”

“I’m sorry.” Rukia muttered motionless, staring at the floor. His sister walked past her, not turning around even once: “There’s a letter for you upstairs. Maybe you should read it.” With that Karin left to the living room.

Dear Rukia,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. I didn’t have a choice, although you probably would have said otherwise and called me a fool. I don’t expect from you to understand the reason I left – maybe you already knew. If so, thank you for not holding me back. You always knew me better than anyone else, anyway. There are so many things I would’ve liked to tell you, that I couldn’t. But I want to thank you. Thank you for stepping into my life, for changing my world. I’m glad I was able to meet you and I hope you have a slight idea how important you are to me. Those words surely can’t make up for my sudden disappearance and I’m sorry for seemingly not trusting you enough to tell you about my plans.

I’m going to study and become a doctor. I’ll protect lots of people without being a Shinigami. That’s what I want to do. I’ve made my choice so please don’t try to find me to knock some sense into me. If you do I will never forgive you. It’s better that way.

Take care and be happy

Ichigo

 “I hate you, Ichigo.”

That was the moment he lost her, the moment he gave up on her and his former life.

He was sipping at a coffee, sitting at the small kitchen table of his one-room apartment. He had woken a little too early due to a dream that had been haunting him.

“Again, huh?”

It was the same dream. The dream he had the first night after he’d moved to Asahikawa. A dream he’d been obsessed with for the past years. A dream he couldn’t let go off:

“So, what are you going to do now?”

They were at the riverside of Karasu River casually sitting next to each other when her question broke their silence.

He kept staring absent-mindedly into distance. His voice sounded rather disinterested.

“What do you mean?”

She frowned a little, examining him suspiciously from a corner of her eye.

“You have just…” Rukia put special emphasize on the following word as if to highlight his supposed naivety: “…graduated.”

“Well, don’t know. Haven’t decided yet.”  Ichigo answered without batting an eye.

“You haven’t decided?” Now she was directly facing him with as much disbelief or consternation – which was a little more accurately put – she was able to express. “Don’t you humans usually attend university after school?

“Yeah, probably going to study something…” He still sounded bored and didn’t really care about whatever she was trying to tell him.

“You really have no idea what you want to do with your life?”

She paused, waiting for a reaction but he didn’t respond. She wasn’t even sure if he’d listened.

“Are you sure?”

Nothing. Again.

For the first time she had really no idea what was going on in his mind.

Rukia turned away obviously annoyed by his behavior or non-behavior. “Maybe you should get yourself a wealthy wife so you can just keep slacking off and laze about as much as you please, stay home and take care of your children.” she sarcastically mumbled to herself.

“Very funny.” He was finally facing her.

She flipped over to look at him: “Oh so you were listening this time?”

“I was listening the whole time.” He glared at her slightly pissed.

Again, silence ensued with both of them resuming their own thoughts.

…

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No.”

“I figured as much.”

“Well, thanks a lot.” he snarled.

Rukia again turned around to face him: “Do you want a girlfriend?”

Ichigo sighed: “…no.”

“Why not? Are you…?”

“Why are we even talking about that?!” he barked but his voice sounded hurt and his expression gave away she had just touched on a sensitive topic.

“I’m… sorry.  I didn’t mean to…”

He averted his gaze, looking to the ground. “No. I am sorry. “ It was just a whisper.

“If you want to talk about…”

Ichigo chuckled, but it wasn’t out of joy. It was sadness, bitterness.

“There’s… someone I can’t forget.”

She examined him for a moment. It was hard to see him like that... “Does she know?”

“Of course not.”

“You didn’t tell her?”

Ichigo sighed again: “No.”

“Why? You should’ve.”

“Because it doesn’t matter.” His tone delivered a finality that left her speechless for a second. Was it really that hopeless? Did he really give up that easily?

“How can you say something like that doesn’t matter?” She was shaken and she wondered if it was because she was just empathizing with him or if there was something else she couldn’t grasp yet.

“I know what she’d say.”

“And what is that?”

She could feel how painful it was for Ichigo to voice these words when he turned around and locked eyes with her:

“We can’t be together.”

Rukia took a deep breath without breaking eye contact: “Are you sure?”

“You know who I am talking about, don’t you?” It was a plea. He begged her to change their outcome. “I’m talking about you.”

The world around them slowly started to crumble.

“Don’t.”

She couldn’t move.

Trapped in the circle that was called fate, destiny, live. It was the way things went, the way of the world, the course of time. It was inevitable although she wished it was not. How things were, how things should be, how things would always be – for them.

“Don’t say that.” She was close to tears without even noticing it.

“Why not?” It was a remnant of who he’d been: Someone who’d fight against the rules, someone who’d fight for his friends, family, ideals… but never for himself. So it was a pointless question, he knew that. It wouldn’t lead anywhere. He knew her answer, knew the ending, the conclusion their story always had.

“Ichigo, we can’t be together.”

He wondered what could have been different. What if he had made other choices in his life than the ones he did? What if there was a parallel world where he was someone entirely different from the person he had become here? He could be anything, anyone. He could have everything he’d always wished for in another timeline - maybe.

Well, why not? He told himself, while his thoughts were wandering about.

“I’m in my house?” he exclaimed disbelievingly while sitting up in his bed.

“Yes, you’ve been asleep for almost a month yet.”

He looked at her, still a little confused about the circumstances.

Ichigo remembered this moment all too well. It was as if he could revive every word they’d exchanged that day, so he once again listened to her explanation closely examining her features.

His teenage-self pretended he didn’t care: “I see. I figured as much.”

“Y-you’re not alarmed?” She watched him incredulously.

His expression changed. He looked to the floor, not sure what to say.

The way she looked at him, pained, was still breaking his heart.

“Can we go outside?” he was finally able to phrase.

That was the moment where he gently patted his old-self on the shoulder, as if taking his place.

Everyone else in the room was about to leave for the door, when he added a confident: “Just the two of us?” He rose from his bed and she followed.

They were standing opposite each other, both with a melancholic atmosphere surrounding them.

“So… this is goodbye.” Rukia nearly whispered avoiding his gaze.

‘So it seems’ he had the urge to answer, but…

“No.”

“What?” She looked up, not sure if she’d really heard that.

“No, it can’t be.”

“But, you’re…”

“I don’t want you to disappear from my world.” He cut her off with a determined glance.

“Ichigo…”

“I’m sorry, please listen, cause I think there’s not much time left.”

Her silhouette was already starting to get blurry. Ichigo was scratching the back of his head: “Damn, how do I say this? Uhm… I…” He took a deep breath to collect his thoughts.

It was hard. Harder than he’d thought it’d be.

“You’re really important to me, you know.” He felt relieved after finally uttering that and suddenly the world seemed to be a little lighter weighing on his shoulders.

“You’ve changed my whole life – for the better.”

“For the better? Are you sure?” She wore a sad smile.

“Yeah, I’m glad you gave me your powers.” Although Ichigo didn’t know, that was probably already enough for her to hear, because it was proof that she didn’t have to blame herself for anything she’d done. She hadn’t ruined his life, she hadn’t dragged him into a world he didn’t want to belong to. He’d just thanked her for all she’d done.

“Maybe that’s the reason it feels as if we belong together somehow, because our souls are connected since that day.”

She didn’t say anything but he could see it in her eyes, that she was feeling the same.

“I don’t want to lose you. I’ll train hard to get my powers back to be able to see you again.”

He took a step closer to her.

“Will you wait for me?”

She placed a hand over his chest.

“Of course.”

“Rukia, I…” he wanted to add but was cut off by her midway.

“Maybe I’ll come visit to sneak up on you.” She offered playfully.

“Yeah, whatever.” He retorted with feigned anger. “I’ll see you around then.”

It could have been like that, if he’d had the courage back then, but in reality he didn’t say any of that. There was just her voice in his head with the ever same phrase he was tired of hearing: ‘We can’t be together.’

Instead he went through seventeen months of sheer unsteadiness without any purpose in his life, without any powers, without her.

 “What if we had never met?”

“No.”

“What if we had not met on that night?”

“No, stop. Don’t.”

“Then…”

“You would have died.”

“I don’t believe the right girl will just walk right through my door someday.”

That was his answer to one of Keigo’s repeated attempts to drag him to one of those stupid trips to hit on girls. Without a good-looking wingman this idiot would be kinda left alone – literally.

In retrospect it was a little funny, he had to admit, that said girl had done exactly that. Well, strictly speaking she had walked just through the walls of his room, but one shouldn’t be too pedantic.

It had been seventeen months already since he’d lost his power. It seemed as if the rain would just keep on falling every day since she’d left, even when no single drop was falling from the sky it was raining, in his heart. He didn’t want to admit it in front of anyone else, he even had difficulties admitting that to himself. Something was missing, something important and it were not only his powers he was talking about. Actually he would have liked to punch himself in the face, one because he felt utterly stupid to be such a wimp, second because he didn’t have the guts to tell her what she meant to him.

Sometimes he’d hear her voice in his dreams but he was never able to reach out to her. He wondered what that meant.

He clearly remembered the expression on her face when they said goodbye. She had seemed as if she’d wanted to say something. Maybe he’d never be able to find out what that would have been.

Thinking back on that time he figured it must have been his own fault for never making the first move. However somewhere in the back of his head there was another voice saying that it was fate, that it was not meant to be, that it was engraved into the grain of sand he currently was on.

“Why can’t we be together?”

Rukia was on one of her regular visits to the human world. They were walking down the snowy streets of Karakura, when his question caught her completely off guard.

“What are you talking about?” She really had no idea what he was talking about.

“Every time I told you about me feelings you said we couldn’t be together.” He remembered all these times by far too well for his liking.

“How many times did I tell you that?” She still didn’t get his point. Well, no wonder because all these rejections had happened at different times, at different places, in different timelines. It was the first time she’d ever heard him say something like that.

“I stopped counting.” He desperately retorted looking to the ground.

“I hated you, you know.” Rukia stopped in her track.

“I’m sorry.” He was feeling down, utterly horrible.

“You left without telling me. I always thought you trusted me.” She folded her arms giving him a reproachful glance.

“I do. You’re the person I trust the most.” He knew he’d made a mistake, a huge mistake, but he wanted to get things sorted out.

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know actually. I don’t think you can really explain the concept of ‘trust’. It is what it is.”

She continued staring at him disappointedly: “It’s been four years already.”

“I know. There wasn’t a single day I didn’t think about you, these four years.”

She sighed. “You’re such an idiot. Why didn’t you tell me back then?”

“Huh?” He didn’t get where she was aiming.

“I’m engaged. I’m getting married.”

It felt as if someone had just stabbed his heart.

“To whom?” He sounded accusing.

“Renji.”

Ichigo had to contain his anger somehow.

“Seriously?”

“Yes.” Her voice sounded so far away.

“You don’t love him.” He declared as if that was the one and only truth.

“That’s not the point.” Rukia continued to walk, walk away from him.

“Why do you marry him?” He ran after her, still not getting why she’d do something like that. That wasn’t her.

“Because I have to. I have no choice.” She kept going and looked straight avoiding his eyes.

“You have no choice?” He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. That wasn’t the same Rukia he’d known for so long. What did happen to her? Was it his fault? Was it because he left?

“It is my duty you could say. I am responsible for the clan and…”

He caught her wrist and turned her around so she had to face him.

“Marry me.”

He had never been that serious about something like this before.

“What? Don’t be stupid.” She labeled him an idiot, an insane idiot, he could hear the subtext in her voice.

Again, he seemed to lose everything, lose her.

“That’s impossible. We can’t be together.”

I want to forget you. I tried. I tried really hard to just forget you. You’ve turned me down so many times hurt me so many times – why do I still keep trusting you? Why can’t I have a peaceful, normal life without you? – Without you on my mind.

Why can’t I forget you? Just leave! Leave me please! I can’t take this anymore. Why is it so damn hard to get you out of my mind?

Because you changed my world? Because you made me a better person?

Why do I feel as if something was missing when I’m without you? I saved two, three worlds and still why don’t you give me a single chance – give us a single chance? Why do I even try again? I know you. I know you better than anyone else does and still I don’t get it. I know about your feelings and you know, too. I know you’re lying. Stop your lame excuses and finally tell me what you really feel.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No, I want you to stay.”

“You just said you want to forget me.”

“I do. But I can’t.”

Their first goodbye hadn’t been a goodbye in that sense – it had been forced, their parting. She had been taken from him, just like that and he hadn’t been able to do anything at all. He had been lying on the ground soaked wet from the rain and his own blood. When his sight started to blurry away he still saw her sad face before his inner eye and that was the moment he knew, he wanted to see her smile again no matter what.

When the time came he finally was able to see that smile he ironically didn’t feel happy. He was happy for her, because she seemed to have found the place she belonged, the place she wanted to belong, but… this place wasn’t with him. Back then he didn’t quite get why he felt so down. He had just blamed the long time they both had spent so close to each other.

“I’ve decided to remain here.”

It took a while to process her words.

“Ok, that’s good.”

No it’s not.

“Well, if you’ve already made up your mind…”

Stop pretending, you…!

“If that’s what you really want…”

How do you know?!

“Then the best thing for you would be to stay here.”

Come back with me.

“Come back with me.” That’s what you should have said, god dammit! You should have just thrown her over your shoulder and carry her home!

But he didn’t.

He never did.

Sometimes he would dream about his fight against Juhabach. Although he had fought the battle relatively alone he would sense someone else’s presence on the battlefield who hadn’t been there before. The silhouette of a woman surrounded by a cold, white, misty atmosphere. Her reiatsu was so familiar, although his heart knew who she was his mind was completely at a loss – it just didn’t get through. A blurry image of the one person he would have wished to be by his side on the battlefield, guiding him like a ray of light in the darkness, giving him strength when he needed it the most, trusting in him and his abilities, believing that they both together would be able to end this war.

What could have been if they had fought together? Would they have succeeded? Would they have been able to destroy their enemy to protect Soul Society and the human world

“Have you made your decision yet?” She looked over to him.

They were both sitting next to each other somewhere outside Sereitei on a hill.

“Yeah.” His short but sincere reply drifted through the air.

“So… are you going?” Rukia asked him a little insecure.

“I think so.” He was staring in the distance, but he wasn’t absent-mindedly at all. He was calm, he was at peace.

“Are you sure?” She waited a moment before she continued. “You really want to abandon everything?”

A tiny sigh escaped him. “Well, someone has to do it and Kyôraku-san is right when he says that I’d be a good choice, so…” The war was over, but there was a lot to do now. Sereitei needed to be rebuilt, some ranks had to be refilled, a new Soul King had to be elected.

“You’d stop being a human. Are you really ok with that?” Her voice sounded concerned. She didn’t want him to accept the offer just because he felt he had to.

“I am.” Ichigo answered determined, to her surprise.

“It may sound stupid, but deep down I had already decided I would stay here after the war… although I wouldn’t have imagined to be offered to become the next Soul King.”

He sighed again suddenly a little uneasy.

“I wonder if I can do that.”

“I’m sure you can.” She reassured him turning to face him. “You’ve changed a lot here in Soul Society, you know?” She smiled and he remembered the first time he had to say goodbye to her after she’d told him she’s stay here. He remembered the reason why he wanted to save her so desperately that time that he plunged into a whole new world beating the hell out of anyone who’d get in his way.

“We won’t see each other a lot when I’m in the Royal Realm.” He noted, his mood getting rather melancholic.

“Yeah, that’s probably right.” She replied equally mournful.

They sat in silence, daydreaming for a while.

“Why don’t you come with me?” Ichigo finally had the courage to ask what had been on his mind for quite a time.

“What?” She was confused by this sudden strong commitment.

“We could do that together – change Soul Society.” He turned to face her. “Without you I wouldn’t be here, maybe I wouldn’t even be a Shinigami and I wouldn’t have been able to change all that in the first place. It’s all thanks to you.”

Rukia still seemed a little uncertain: “But is that even possible?”

A smirk formed on his lips: “Well, as the new Soul King I could just order you to come with me.”

She feigned indignation: “You wouldn’t do that.”

He still grinned stupidly: “Maybe not, but I could.” His expression changed back to his more serious side: “So what do you say? Are you coming?”

She smiled: “It would be an honor.”

He couldn’t tell when he fell for her but he’d always remember the moment he became finally aware of his feelings. It was after his first fight against Grimmjow where she’d been severely injured – again just to protect him.

All he could do at the moment was watch. Watch as Inoue was healing her wounds, waiting for her to open her eyes. He couldn’t be of any use here, he felt completely worthless. He hated it to be protected, because for him that always meant that he himself hadn’t been strong enough, that he had messed up again. So he was the one to be blamed for her current condition. If anything happened to her it would be his fault. It would be his fault cause his fight against Grimmjow had taken so long, because his defeat had taken so long, that he didn’t have the chance to take her to a save place earlier.

His eyes were fixed on her as if her wounds would heal a little faster with that, as if he could change anything watching her. He would never ever allow that to happen again, her getting hurt because he was a powerless idiot who couldn’t protect the people he loved. And there it was, the moment he realized she had belonged to that part of his heart for quite some time already. When did that happen, he wondered. He remembered all too well how annoying he thought she was, when they first met. She was rude, her language completely weird, a damn smart-ass, bossy as hell and her drawings really sucked. Well, she still was all of that, but at the same time she was sincere, caring for the people around her, way smarter and stronger than one would expect her to be and she was always right. She was someone you could trust no matter what, who’d risk everything for the people important to her – something he had subconsciously admired her for. Everything he was now he was thanks to her. So, is that really what you called love?

She was in the middle of arranging his tie, when he finally spoke his mind:

“I can’t do this.”

“That’s what everyone is saying right before they’re getting married.”

She wasn’t impressed in the least by his behavior and continued her work.

“No, I’m serious, I can’t do this.” He grabbed her hand forcing her to inevitably look him in the eye.

“I can’t marry her.”

She watched his face for a moment then tended to his tie again, ignoring his grip.

“Then why did you propose?”  Pleased with her job she let go of his collar freeing her other hand and gave him a curious and kinda cheeky look.

“I made a mistake. I can’t marry her. I don’t love her. I…” he was getting a little overexcited.

“Ichigo.”

The tone in her voice brought him back, for the moment.

“You. Cannot. Ditch her. On her wedding day.”

“But…” he wanted to object.

“I said: You. Cannot. Ditch her. On her  fu-“

“Rukia.”

He took her hand silencing her, letting their eyes interact on their own for a while before declaring with all his sincerity:

“Run away with me.”

She took his words in. He couldn’t tell what was going on in her mind at all. The seconds passed and her face slightly started to look enraged.

“Have you completely…?!” She paused before her voice could reach an unpleasant pitch.

Rukia seemed as if she tried hard to sort her words.

“You are going to marry an amazing woman who really loves you and…”

He had to intervene here: “But I don’t love her.” His voice was dead serious.

Now she was really getting angry: “Would you please…”

Of course she wanted to say ‘let me finish speaking’ but he couldn’t hold back anymore.

“I love you.”

Again the seconds passed. It felt like a painfully long time before she raised her voice:

“Ichigo, I already told you…”

“…that we can’t be together, got it. But why?”

Now he was the one getting mad.

“And don’t tell me it’s because I am a human and you are a Shinigami, I am a Shinigami, too. My father is one and my Mom was a human. So what? There is no reason for us to…”

“Have you ever wondered if it is worth that? If I am worth that? If you’re time is worth that?”

She looked at him with watery eyes.

“I did. I did for the past five years. No, seven years.”

Rukia chuckled a little, although she was on the verge of tears: “You were 15 seven years ago.”

“Exactly.” He shot back.

“Did you think I’m that naïve not to think about any consequences? What it would mean to be in a relationship with you? I know damn well that it would not be and could not be the ordinary kind of relationship a normal human has. But my life is not normal, it never was. I don’t care, ok? I don’t want to have any regrets because I didn’t tell you about my feelings. So please, don’t tell me that you never had any feelings for me at all.”

His eyes flipped open. He was right. Well, the Ichigo in his imagination was right. He didn’t want to have any regrets. It didn’t matter what her answer would be, but he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life wondering what could have been. He made a decision, a decision he should have made years ago. He was determined – a feeling he didn’t have in a really long time.

He got up, took a shower, packed his suitcase and left for Karakura.

And with that he was somehow able to jump from one grain of sand to another.

“Urahara, you there?!”

The store hadn’t changed at all. Everything looked as he remembered it from his teenage days, as if he’d never left.

“My, my, Kurosaki-san. What an honor to see you here. What are you doing in Karakura? I thought you left for the better.”

Kisuke himself hadn’t changed one bit as well. No wonder, he thought, he was using a gigai anyway, so no one would ever be able to tell if he aged or not.

“I need to go to Soul Society.” Ichigo declared without batting an eye.

“How come, I wonder?” Kisuke retorted slightly amused, hiding behind his stupid fan.

“Just open the damn gate, ok?” he was a little pissed.

“How long haven’t you been in your Shinigami form?” the shopkeeper asked momentously.

Ichigo flinched, still annoyed although he felt Urahara had just seen through him.

“Since I left.”

“Well, that is a problem. You’ll have to train before you leave unless you don’t want to put yourself in danger.” Kisuke remarked calmly.

“I don’t have time for this shit!” the former substitute barked.

“Mmh, then there’s nothing I can do for you.” The ex-captain was about to turn his back.

“Wait!”

Kisuke moved in slow motion, pretending he didn’t hear.

“Mmh?”

Ichigo had difficulties containing his anger: “I said ‘wait’! I’ll do it!”

A mischievous smile appeared on Urahara’s face: “If you truly desire to see her that badly, then…”

She was sitting in her office doing nasty paper work, when a knock at the door suddenly interrupted her.

“Kuchiki-Fukutaichou, there is a visitor for you outside.” Sentarou bowed to excuse the inconvenience.

Rukia looked up from the pile of empty forms: “I’m busy, so please tell the visitor to come back later.” She tended back to her work.

Sentarou cleared his throat, feeling a little uncomfortable: “I, uhm… don’t think he came here to wait. He seemed… rather impatient and short-tempered.”

She lifted her head up in an instance wearing a shaken expression. There was only one person she knew who’d fit such a description, but that was impossible. It was impossible that he was here. There was no reason to. She was entirely confused. She wasn’t even able to tell Sentarou to send the visitor in. Rukia sensed another presence behind her subordinate, who backed off to make way for the former substitute Shinigami.

Ichigo stepped inside. He took his time to examine her closely. He couldn’t believe he was here, right in front of her. She hadn’t changed at all.

He took a deep breath, getting rid of all the doubts he’d had for the last couple of years, getting rid of every feeling of regret to just focus on this exact moment.

“Yo, it’s been a long time.”

This time he had said it, for real.

She was just staring at him, confused, puzzled, disbelieving, shocked. Her lips were shaking as they tried to form  a word. She inhaled deeply trying again: “Y-you…” She closed her eyes, her mouth twitched.

When she finally looked at him again, she seemed a little steadier.

“Wh- what are you doing here?” she was able to vocalize.

“I wanted to see you.”

Rukia only kept staring at him. She could still not believe he was really standing in front of her. They hadn’t seen each other for years, they hadn’t even said goodbye.

“I missed you.” He continued to explain his sudden visit.

She wanted to scream, leave, run away but her body didn’t move. Of course she was happy to see he was alright but on the same time it just hurt so much.

“I made a mistake, a huge mistake just leaving like that back then. I should have…”

“Yes, you should have! You are the worst, you know?! I hated you! I hated you so much, although hating you was the least thing I wanted to do!” She tried hard not to cry.

“I know.” He answered remorseful.

“It was because of Juhabach’s threat, am I right?” Her voice was accusing, justifiably so.

“Yes. He is the reason I left. I did it so…”

“Oh, I know what you did!” she cut him off. “You thought you’d take the blame all by yourself, to put the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. You thought if you’d give up on your own happiness everyone else could just live a peaceful live! Do you even have the slightest idea what you have done to your family, what you have done to your friends, what you have done to me?! You could have told me, you should have trusted me! We could have done that together, you know?! Don’t you think we would have defeated him a second time if he really did show up again?!”

Her voice was getting silent until it was only a mere whisper.

“Why didn’t you trust me?”

“I am an idiot who has made a lot of wrong decisions so far, because it is a lot easier to run away sometimes. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to run away anymore. It doesn’t matter if he comes back or not, because I will defeat him, again and again and again if necessary. And even if he’ll be haunting me for the rest of my life it would be a lot better than being haunted by my own mistakes for the rest of my life.”

Although his outer appearance could be misleading to think he was still his usual impatient, rebellious self, he really seemed to have matured a lot.

She didn’t say anything but she had calmed down a little.

“Can we go outside to talk?”

 They were sitting next to each other somewhere outside Sereitei on a hill.

“So, what have you been up to these past years? You’ve become a doctor?” She asked after a long silence.

“Yeah, I’m in the middle of my practical year at a hospital.”

“And you just took some days off to rush to Karakura head over heels and ask Urahara to open up a senkaimon for you.”

His head flipped around: “How do you know? Did you spy on me?”

“Of course not, you stupid.” She smiled. “I just know you, that’s all. You don’t want to tell me you thought this visit through for months. No, if an idea enters your mind you’re set to do it without thinking about any consequences and without questioning, that’s why you’re an idiot.”

“Excuse me?” Ichigo felt a little offended and wanted to retort something, but Rukia was changing back to their first topic.

“So, how have you been? In Hokkaido?” The way she had just highlighted the word ‘Hokkaido’ sounded as if she was making fun of him… again.

“Any interesting stories from your love life? I won’t give anything away, you can tell me.”

“Well, what about you?” He turned the tables. “Any husband waiting for you at home?”

She frowned. If that was a joke, she didn’t get it. “Why would I be married?”

“Isn’t that what is expected from you as a member of the Kuchiki clan?”

“I rejected every suitor so far.”

“Why is that?”

She paused. That was such a dump question.

“Why is that?” She imitated him. “Well, it’s because I didn’t want to marry any of them, of course.”

“Why not?”

Now she was starting to feel annoyed: “Are you trying to pick a fight, Ichigo?”

“Are you dating Renji?”

She looked at him, as if he’d just gone insane.

“What?! No, I’m not! That would be… gross.”

He let himself fall onto the soft grass, staring into the sky.

“I’ve seen  a future where you did. I even saw a future where I was engaged to Inoue. Maybe somewhere at a different time, at a different place this is exactly what is happening. There are so many possibilities out there. There could also be a reality where we both never met.”

“More like a reality where we haven’t met yet.”

She was lying next to him, staring at the same sky.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Huh?” He turned his head.

“What about your love life? You finally have a girlfriend?”

He pondered for a moment.

“Well, you know, there is someone I can’t forget.”

She tried to contain her laughter, but he had already noticed.

“What’s so funny?”

“You’ve said that before.”

Now it was him time to frown. It was a nostalgic sight to see his brows furrowed like that.

“I did? When?”

Rukia shook her head slightly, smiling at him obviously amused.

“Back then, right after your graduation ceremony. Don’t you remember? We were sitting at the riverside just like we’re sitting here now.”

He nearly jumped up from his position. “Did I tell you who I was talking about?” Ichigo was starting to get suspiciously nervous. Rukia followed him, rising as well. “No you didn’t. You just looked at me and told me to forget about it.

“Huh…” He wondered how that was even possible. As far as he remembered he had never told her about that.

“So…” she began, waiting to get his attention.

“Is it the same person it was back then?”

He sighed, chuckling a little, because he couldn’t quite believe what was going on.

“Yes it is. I couldn’t forget her all this time, although it has already been seven years. I tried to forget her, but I just couldn’t. That’s why I’m here.”

“Fool.” She smiled.

“You knew I was talking about you back then, right?”

“Of course I did.”

“Why didn’t you say anything back then?”

“I would have never done that.”

She made a break to get her words sorted out.

“I always thought you should have the choice to decide whether it is worth that. I would have never robbed you off any of your possibilities. I have no right to step into the depths of your heart if I am not sure that this is what you really want.”

“So, what would you have said if I had told you back then?”

“I probably would have asked you if you’re serious.”

“You wouldn’t have told me that we can’t be together?”

This time she really laughed.

“Please, even if I did you wouldn’t have listened. You never listen to what I say. Remember?”

She was right. Had he been wrong all this time? Had all of this just existed in his imagination? Had everything really always been just his decision? Did he choose to be rejected, because he decided that this would have happened, that she would have reacted like that, because he had already given up on his happiness?

She was right. She was always right.

“So, what do you say now?”

“Seven years are a really long time to not forget someone.”

She took a step closer to him.

“Well, you’re lucky that there’s someone I couldn’t forget all these years as well.”

She placed a hand over his chest.

“I told you I’d wait for you, didn’t I?”

“Wait, what?” he suddenly was alarmed. What was going on here?

“Would you please stop pretending to be stupid, Ichigo?”

“You just said you waited for me?” he was confused.

“You wish. I didn’t say anything like that, I’m not that desperate.”

“Misheard that, I guess.” He mumbled to himself.

 Is that really what you called love?

He decided they didn’t need any label for whatever it was they shared. It wasn’t necessary, it never had been. It didn’t matter anymore how often he’d heard her saying that they couldn’t be together, because it was just his own stupid imagination that had come up with that. He could have made other decisions at different points in his life, true. But looking back on that day he came to Soul Society to see her every seemingly wrong decision, every mistake he’d made had simply lost its weight. As long as he’d make that one important decision to let everything behind and change what was often falsely interpreted as fate. He didn’t believe in fate, there was no bigger force driving them apart they had pushed each other away somehow and sometimes things just need time. Maybe it would have been too early to tell her when he had lost his powers. Maybe it had been for the better that he had waited these seven years, that he had at least matured a bit, that he had at least a perspective in life and that he was finally sure he knew where he belonged, where she belonged, with him.

“So…?” Her voice brought him back from his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Are you coming or what? I bet your family is already waiting for us, if we don’t hurry your dad will freak out and send some task force to search for us.”

It wasn’t always easy to live a life between two different worlds, but for them it worked, it always had.

“Rukia?”

“What?”

“Thanks to you the rain has finally stopped falling.”

She examined him for a moment.

“You are a sappy idiot, you know that?” She dryly noted.

He smiled.

“I know.”