#to the persona he puts on in like. any other shows. so theres some real unique stuff

[driftwooddestiel]

(video source here) one of the charlie clips of all time. literally whyd he do that 😭

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

just some funny little characters my friends and i are playing with

Tenshii (the blue haired one) is determined to do whatever he can to save as many supernatural creatures from tragic fates as possible~ he died and was brought back wrong and we decided he can just have litterally any problem you want to project on him and thats what he came back wrong as <3 its very fun <3 he suffers <3 hes trying desprately to pretend hes okay and he took on this angelic persona to help rpevent his friend snad loved ones from worrying about him and one day he will collapse if someone doesnt stop him <3 he wants to be perfect and okay no matter what and its hard on him! The girl has no name yet but shes a vampire and a video game developer and she will usually be fairly kind for a vampire but if you say no when she asks nicely if she can feed on you shes just going to hunt you anyways its really a mtater of do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way, she cant really afford the energy to not hunt a human once shes caught them. She does however have standards for what is and isint acceptable to do to a human shes hunting. She isint really very morally sound despite this. Shew ill absolutely psychologically play with someone making up some elaborate cafe meet cute slow burn romance with someone just to drink their blood and run. She and Tenshi bond both over their shared love of video games and he thinks he can fix her. theyre meant to be unhealthy- The idea of this art peice is "pov you were just about to be hunted for food but this fricking weird guy named Tenshii just showed up and interupted it and the cute vampire you were talking to is going to throw a tantrum"

the concept arts a little weird but ehhh i tried-

i think they turned out cute : ) they're meant to be interesting counterparts to each other- the gold thing on his head is actually a golden chain of some sort i think, attached to his headphones? thats the idea at least.

(headphones for reducing sensory overload-)

He had a different name before he went by tenshii but im not sure what it was now. and no spreading hate just make your personal blorbo to play with- tack on your OWN headcannons about them dont go telling people what they can and cant think about these characters okay? if you want you can, swap their gender or give them chronic illnesses or decide they should dress like a victorian gentleman, do what you wish- theyre like, blorbos for blorbing. As long as you dont sell art of them or other stuff of them without my permission and understand i own these characters just have fun, if you make anything or come up with headcannons and stuff please share them! :D id love to see them and so would the rest of the group chat! they live in like, a modern day world :) but fantasy things like vampires and werewolves are real though not widely accepted and generally are actual threats to the public and being one such thing is considered something akin to a curse/illness though the opinions vary per person feel free to play in this space with us we made them to play with them like lil dolls so feel free to put them in situations : ) just make sure to credit and tell me so me and the others in the group chat can enjoy it <3 theyre made for fun~ a little more info: The characters are all like, early 20's right now, theres a whole little organization for helping the supernatural that tenshi is a part of, vampires unafilliated with any group and has almost no friends and she got turned during the victorian era. the vibe is 'clearly anime inspired' the age is fairly modern maybe slightly further in the future. magic is real etc.

Not that i particularly expect anyone TO want to do that but like i gotta cover my bases- hope you like them! :D we've been rotating themmmm

[philosophicalpug]

Why white knight? Well let me show you

So, we will start out with the obvious: beacon. why would I ship this annoying dork with a girl that is clearly not interested and has rejected his advances multiple times? It’s simple, I don’t I ship the jaune that helps people,

See he’s a dumb teenager, they both are, but the key here is that jaune matures, sure the intended comedy left more than a little room for sour interpretation, he stopped and saw that she wanted to be with another, and promptly ceased his advances, this is very key to his characterization that we must forget, he genuinely wants her to be happy. And when Neptune beefs it because of his own insecurities? Jaune doesn’t come in for the rebound or any opportunistic sense, no, he confronts him and makes sure Weiss has a good evening.

Not only that, he follows up on his promise to Pyrrha at the dance, this once more highlights his good qualities, he may not be particularly clever or insightful at times, but when he gets it, he gets it

At his heart, he’s someone who tries his best and wants only the best for others. Rocking the dress while played for laughs, still shows that he will go above and beyond because people matter to him

(Also doing this in front of Weiss is important too, he’s not afraid of acting the fool to his crush, not at all! Hes been setting aside the macho bravado, which is a good thing if he’s ever to be in a real relationship) Now onto some Weiss analysis from the beacon era, pompous, classic rich girl, doesn’t have time for all this nonsense and is a career girl through and through- and though she would never admit it, she’s just as much of a dolt as those that surround her,

But we know she’s come from a terrible household, cold was putting it nicely, her fathers a terrible man who doesn’t love anything except money, her mother is an alcoholic that didn’t love them enough (if at all) her older sister being the only member of family where she’s had  a consistent positive relationship, and she ended up running away to the military, leaving behind all the eldest daughter shield duties and trauma to her, which, boy that was a lot. And her littlest her father’s favorite, she’s not anywhere near mature enough to confront, separate and acknowledge her feelings for said little brother who is being raised to be exactly as detestable as the man that sired him. And what choice does Whitley have? He was so young, and he was left behind Its safe to say she wants a normal, loving life. Desperately. It’s easy to see it in things like Zwei, how over the moon she was for the little guy, and in winter, how she comes to idolize her and seeks her approval over anyone’s. This girl is STARVED for affection.

With beacon being her chance to spread her wings a bit, it’s also natural to see that she would be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, at her own pace. It’s no wonder that at first early volumes Weiss didn’t like Jaune-she doubtlessly dealt with the bravado of a dozen boys trying to gain her favor because of her status and wealth. Additionally, jaunes impostor syndrome ultimately bled into his interactions with Weiss as well, he was faking it all in beacon, what’s a little more to impress a girl? it’s not like shed like the real him, right? This and Weiss’s self-image of needing to be this pristine, perfect princess is also a huge factor as to why white knight wouldn’t work at beacon, its simply too early, Jaunes attempts were at the height of both their respective character flaws/failings. Theres no WAY it would have worked.

Which is why she gravitated to Neptune, I think it was her trying to get out of her shell and try new things, yet still in the trappings of the “need to be pristine” persona. Thinking about this, seriously, yeah of course she was going to get a crush on Neptune, it’s what she knows except she’s convinced herself that its “different”. This suave guy that’s well dressed, knows what a perfect contrast to jaune doing is. It’s not like Weiss really knows Neptune but she thinks she does, at this stage of her life she’s really ruled by her first impressions of people (Ruby Pyrrha Jaune are some examples)

Back to the dance, an entire night worrying, feeling all sorts of emotions after what is likely the first time she opened herself up to a relationship and she’s been left behind. But of course, she must act like it doesn’t bother her, she’s Weiss Schnee, she’s above little insecurities like that. And along comes Jaune with the dress, she saw him make himself the fool in front of everyone laughing along it was a good time for all.

Lo and behold! When Neptune came back she started asking what happened, that she thought he was too embarrassed, Neptune says that it was Jaune that convinced him to come The boy she’s rejected time and time again, the one she likely thought no more than a nuisance at best, took it all in stride and made sure she had a good time, he definitively proved himself as someone trustworthy, especially with how “an arc never goes back on their word”. At this moment it’s no wonder that many people think it could potentially work out, they both have matured, and Weiss finally sees that while Jaunes attempts were annoying and grating, they were always sincere, especially when you consider he had no idea the significance of the Schnee name.

This is all a solid foundation to work with, they’ve matured a decent bit from where they started, both now able to see each other in a better light. Its not that they are head over heels for each other, but you can’t deny this works as a solid foundation for a possible relationship down the line

But of course, it’s not all gumdrops and Weiss-cream

FALL OF BEACON Moving onto the fall of beacon the first person jaune calls for help with Pyrrha is Weiss, in his most vulnerable moment he reaches out to her, now could this just be how the writers decided the order of things would go? Sure.  But consider this

I think he believes Weiss to be the best among them, someone who he sees as levelheaded and skilled to do something about it, since her semblance is the most flexible one of them all. If theres anyone who can do something, it’s her.

POST FALL  

They’ve both are in their lowest point, truly where the new versions of themselves are put to the test, and oddly enough, both share a parallel with returning home both wouldn’t choose to go home, but one of them was forced to. Jaune decided to persist with his dream and followed through to help his friends, his loyalty is almost second to none: he was a hack, a fraud, no business being amongst his heroes, a dork at the best of times. The easiest thing he could do is return home. No one would blame him. But he didn’t.

Jaune is loyal, astoundingly so, he has a family, with 7 sisters, he could have gone home after the fall, no one would have thought twice about it. Instead, he stuck through, traveling for weeks through monster infested terrains for his friends with whatever they needed. At this point has been steadily improving, no longer just some punk that doesn’t know what they are doing.

(mans stopped a whole ass charging man-devil-horse -hybrid dead in its tracks, noodle boy has been promoted to Pasta with Beef) And… yet he’s still very affected by the fall, mourning. In the battle of haven he was recklessly pursuing cinder, he’s someone with a lot of pain, someone who clearly doesn’t think themselves as important as those that surround him.

Meanwhile everything in the Schnee manor is shit show, Weiss is back in the middle of her family dynamic, looking to be free once more. She ends up struck by her father, disowned and generally treated with scorn, then she gets kidnapped by bandits afterwards. Theres really nothing Weiss wouldn’t do to find real family. By the time they are all reunited, I think she will notice just how the members of Team J_NR are people to trust and confine in.  Knowing what we know, Nora and Ren  didn’t really have anywhere else to go given they are orphans, so it would make sense for them to follow ruby to haven. But once again, Jaune demonstrates true courage and chooses the hard path. That means something for sure. Skipping to the haven fight again, this is another heavy moment, particularly when Weiss-

Well, Weiss was nothing less than struck down. And what is Jaunes immediate response? The only one he seems to have, to be there, no matter what. And in that instinct to protect, in caring for others, he unlocks the mystery of his soul.

At his core he only wants to help, a selfless desire so strong, so literally suffused in his very essence of being that it actively manifests itself in the world.   

You can’t tell me this means nothing to her. For a girl that has lived in a stifling coffin of a home. To find someone who’s so selfless and caring, despite never once needing to. Finding someone that manages to see her for who she is, who cares for their happiness without asking anything in return. Someone whom despite all they have suffered, still pushes forward to be there every moment they can in service for others. Someone who reached out with their very soul to halt the hand of death, fueling your own to give you the strength to come back to your loved ones, never once even mentioning it Is it any real surprise that love is in the cards for these two?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What makes this ship work is all the post beacon stuff, they both have suffered terrible losses yet they still need to push through, they both have matured and see each other for what they really are,  they can both look back on their beacon days and reminisce, laugh about how stupid they were, mourn lost friends and in that, they find comfort.  They have both been given the space to improve and be better, and it’s not hard to see the qualities they would see in each other Jaune is a loyal and loving person, he knows about family and would sooner suffer ills before ever breaking a promise, someone who WILL love someone to the fullest. Weiss may be cold, but she’s a sweetheart under all that, she’s been hurt and desperately wants to love and be loved, something jaune wouldn’t hesitate to do.

Send me any ship, please please I'm bored

[alicanta77]

NCT Dream love languages

Mark:

his favourite way to show love is through quality time. he is so busy that nothing means more to him than this. after a long day he’ll still make sure to find time to go and see you, sometimes he doesn’t speak, or doesn’t speak much. but you know that him taking the time to come and see you shows his love. he’ll travel for days and miles and give up nights of sleep just to spend time with you. his favourite way to receive love is also through quality time. any time that he’s not working he wants to be with you, whatever state he’s in, you can easily make him feel better and whenever you go out of your way to see him, his heart just sings. somehow, when he falls into your embrace, all thoughts of work and stresses of the day just melt off him and he finally feels relaxed. mark claims that your presence is magic, warming his whole soul and reminding him how loved he is. all he needs to do is see you, and he’s okay. you show him that someone is always on his side, no matter what

Renjun:

his favourite way to show love is through acts of service. although he may complain about you being lazy when you ask him to get you a glass of water, he will always get up and make sure to get you a glass of water with a few ice cubes in it cause he knows you like it cold. he does what you ask, and makes it even better, because he thinks you deserve the best and so that is what he will do his best to give you. sometimes he does the small things without thinking about it, like taking off your makeup when you’re too tired to do it yourself, or making sure that his cupboard is always stocked with your favourite snack. renjun appreciates nothing more than you telling him how much you love him. bonus points if you hold his face as you do. words of affirmation can reach his soul better than anything else. he loves to watch you when you speak, your eyes sparkling as you talk about something you’re passionate about, and when your eyes sparkle when talking about him, renjun knows he’s in love. renjun always likes to listen to you talk, and even though he‘ll never admit it, listing reasons you love him always makes his heart skip a few beats

Jeno:

unless it’s in a song, jeno isn’t too good with words, and having any big romantic gestures just always make him feel a bit awkward. that’s why he loves it when love is shown in simple everyday ways. and acts of service is both his favourite way to show and receive love. between a busy job, and constantly being watched by management, it’s not like you have a lot of time together, but the simple things like bringing some food to the practice rooms, or making him breakfast in the mornings so that you could be up and spend time before he leaves just remind him of how much he loves you. and he brings you your favourite drink in the mornings, writes you notes to tell you where he’s gone. a lot of these are done without thinking because it’s become instinct for him to love you. and seeing how loving him has become instinct for you as well just makes him feel like the luckiest person alive. your lives don’t revolve around the other person, but they are the foundation of it, as if, without them, you wouldn’t be able to remember how to survive. though jeno may not be great at saying it, he will always show you how much he treasures you

Hyuck:

physical touch is a huge form of comfort for hyuck and shows perfectly just how much he loves you. it is, and always will be, his favourite way to show love. if you’ve had a bad day, he’ll simply open up his arms and just let you fall into them. he always strokes your cheek with his thumb when he holds your face, he plays with your hair whenever you’re cuddling, and he likes to surprise you with random hugs and kisses at any given time. it’s a reminder that he’s there, not just emotionally, but literally right there beside you for as long as you’ll let him. physical touch is also his favourite way to receive love. the same way he comforts you is the way he caves to be comforted. melts whenever you play with his hair, or surprise him with hugs or randomly come and sit on him. and just hums in contentment whenever he’s in your arms. hyuck doesn’t like to just be close to you, he has to be touching you in some way to feel better. holding onto you, or being held reminds him that you’re his, and he has something so absolutely amazing in his life. hyuck needs that reminder because he often can’t quite believe he’s that lucky

Jaemin:

jaemin shows his love both through physical touch and quality time. he loves to cuddle you and hugs and kisses are always a must, but sometimes he’s just having one of those days and all he wants to do is sit in silence and just know that you’re there. he’s not always going to smother you in kisses and attention, but he is always going to be right by your side if you need him. he’ll never leave you feeling like you’re alone. he’ll make time for you no matter what, and makes sure to give you his undivided attention whenever he can. you are, and always will be, a priority for him. jaemin is a surprisingly insecure person, his biggest fear is about how his idol persona is different from who he is in real life, especially when he was younger. he gets nervous that you deserve someone better than him and your words of affirmation reassure him like nothing else can. you can completely put him at ease, saying how you love him for him and listing reasons as to why he’s perfect for you. whenever he’s having a bad day the boys know just to call you, you always seem to know the right thing to say to him. you bring comfort, security and love all in just a few words and jaemin is forever grateful that he has someone who understands him as well as you do

Chenle:

chenle loves to spoil you within an inch of your life, so his favourite way to show love is through gifts he just sees something and if it reminds him of you, then he buys it. you’re always on his mind somehow and this shows through the amount of things he gets you. sometimes they’re large and expensive, but more often than not, it’s something small but incredibly personal, like that cactus by your bedside table cause he noticed it was your favourite shade of green, or the flower hair clip that you use because he thought the rose on it reminded him of you. he sees you everywhere and doesn’t even realise it himself. although he would never admit it, his favourite way to receive love is physical touch. just the simple things like the fact that you never forget to give him a goodbye kiss, even if you’re annoyed at him. the way that you stroke his hair when he’s stressed calms him down to the point where he often falls asleep in your lap. chenle had never thought of himself as a touchy person, but theres something so intoxicating about your touch that makes him never want to leave your arms. if he could, he would just curl up around you like a koala and never let go

Jisung:

quality time is and always will be jisung’s favourite way to show and receive love. no matter where he is, he wants you there. if he’s in the dance studio, he wants to be teaching the dance to you, or just making fools out of yourselves, or just letting music play in the background as you sit and chat. if he’s in the dorm, he wishes that you were sat next to him, watching this movie too, or playing the same game. he tried to find time with you whenever he can, and whenever you do the same he just feels special. when you take time out of your day, or push things back so that you can see him he almost doesn’t know how to react. you prioritising him shows to him how much you care because he’s important. it’s simple to love each other, you just need to make time to see the other person and that time together will be special no matter what because you’re together. being around you puts always puts jisung in a good mood, and he doesn’t really know how. he wants to be around you all the time, and will do anything for that feeling that you give him to be all that he feels forever

[littlemisslipbalm]

Little Border Town Pt. II

Summary: Harry starts to find himself more and more drawn to the bookshop owner. She’s maybe not as annoying as he first thought. And maybe Harry isn’t the worst like she thought either. A little notebook, drinks, shoes, and a boat begin to show each other that. 

AKA: Harry and Y/N are neighbors that fight all the time, the whole town wants to know when they’ll just fuck. 

ello loves,  part 2 is finally here pls let me know what you think!! barely proofread sorry... also i think theres gonna be quite a few parts to this because i keep not getting all i want to say said in each part. and im trying to keep the chunks relatively short. — also I made one direction lowkey exist bahaha

Word Count: 9.2k | Warnings: flirty fighting/banter, slowburn 

Part 1

-

The next day Harry found himself walking into the bookshop next door without really thinking about it. He hadn’t seen Y/N again for his early morning run and he had his list for her of the Paul Simon albums he already had. They hadn’t had their windows or shades open last night either so it was the first night he didn’t give her a salute and she didn’t flip him off. The jostle in routine seemed a little weird to him so as he walked through the shop's door and the bell sounded, he thought the smile on his face was because he was well rested and unbothered by anything.

Y/N had slept in this morning. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but the beginning of Fall always put her in a cozy sleepy mood. She wanted to go to a pumpkin patch and watch a fire burn out in a fireplace. She wanted to listen to her halloween playlist and plan out an intricate costume with her friends. All of this was a wistful dream though. She had quickly learned that the little border town didn’t celebrate Halloween how they did in the States or any major cities. It was okay, at the end of the day, even if she was a little bummed about it. This was her new life and she would have to adapt to the new customs.

After she walked downstairs and unlocked the door, she went back over to her front counter. Yesterday, right when Harry had come in, she had found a booklet of Marie’s. It was leafed over to the point that all the pages were crinkled and dirtied from hand debris. Each page was filled with her loopy handwriting, all of it in French. She must have only liked blue pens because even if the type changed over different pages, the color was always blue. Each page was headed with a name, a customer’s name Y/N was starting to realize as she leafed through the pages. She sat back on the wooden stool she had gotten for behind the counter and propped the book in her hand. After the name of the customer there were extensive details on them. Not their purchases specifically, but their preferences, their personality, and just tidbits about any quirks they had or interesting things Marie had decided were of note.

She found many names that were now familiar to her after her few months of living in the little border town. There really weren't that many people to get to know and the tourists were starting to die down now that the school year was getting back in. After a few minutes of pouring over Monsieur Friedfrickson’s page, who lives across the street from her and runs the flower and gardening supplies shop, she flips to an even more familiar name’s page.

“Harry Styles.” The page had the name written out in strong tall letters. Marie had used a blue inky pen for his page, not a ballpoint. “Likes Music. Poetry. Love stories. Romance with a happy ending, but also likes the practical love too.” The interests are laid out plain and she purses her lips at the idea that Harry is interested in romance novels. She wondered what type of poetry he liked since Marie didn’t seem to think that had to be elaborated on. “He’s a special one,” it reads and Y/N scoffs to herself, really Marie? She reads on, “His heart is in the right place, but he’s got a mouth on him. Quick-witted and charming, but kind-hearted and sincere.” She pauses, and flicks the page back and forth, checking that it still reads Harry’s name when she gets back to it. Was she really the only one who found Harry vapid and annoying? Sure she had softened a little towards him since she had arrived, but they were by no means friends. “While seemingly perfect in every way, Harry is actually-” it reads and she mutters to herself, “Ok, now we’re getting somewhere.” “While seemingly perfect in every way, Harry is actually scared of his own shadow.” “This can’t be real!” She once again scoffs at the book and looks up to the ceiling like Marie is going to talk back to her from beyond. “His exterior persona is very strong, both physically and in his personality, but it seems like he’s just waiting for that right person that he can really be vulnerable with and let them into what he’s really thinking. He’s looking for his Angie.” Now she’s just confused. Who the fuck is Angie? She almost doesn’t finish reading the page because honestly it’s just making her mad, but there’s only a few more lines. “Lots of tattoos, why so many tattoos? Thinks he’s funnier than he is. Flamboyant Harry is best.” And beside that last sentence is a star. She tries to hold in her laughter. At least it wasn’t a complete page of praise for Harry.

Thinking back to her knowledge of Harry, she realizes that Marie must have known him for about three years. Maybe more if he had come to visit before moving there officially. She agreed with Marie that Harry had a lot of tattoos and that he thinks he’s funnier than he truly is, but she was yet to see flamboyant Harry. She knew he painted his nails and wore rings, as well as interesting clothes, but she wouldn’t say he was particularly flamboyant for any of that. That comment definitely piqued her interest. When would Marie have seen Harry where he was being flamboyant?

Her eyes scan over the page once more and realize that this book is only for the most current year. Marie re-did the customers' outlines every year. So this was this past year before Marie died. She wondered where the other books might be and if Harry’s outline had changed over time and also if her name was in the one from when she had visited. That would be interesting to read. It’s strange to read a dead person’s private musings. To her knowledge, no one else alive knew the contents of these pages and these pages seemed especially personal since they spoke of people’s lives and who they were at their core. Maybe that’s why she didn’t hear the chime of the door this morning when the first customer arrived.

Her eyes don’t shoot up from the page until two ringed hands enter her eye line on the counter. The tanned skin, with the gold and silver dazzling rings on each finger and the cross tattoo all register in her mind as her eyes go wide. She snaps the book shut when her eyes meet Harry’s almost ivy green eyes - they’re darker in the foggy fall light streaming through the window today. She hadn’t even turned on the lights yet in the store, the natural light being enough for her this morning. The book is clutched in her hands as Harry’s smile widens to a grin of amusement.

“What have you got there?”

There’s no cover on the book so he can’t make anything out about it. He assumes it’s some novel she’s embarrassed of and has chosen to slip the cover off of to keep anonymity of it. This assumption is why his tone is so teasing and why she grimaces at him in response. Her cheeks have also tinted themselves, she’s flustered that the man she had just been conversing about with the book was now in the store.

“None of your business.”

“I guess not.” He replies easily when she responds curtly and places the book out of sight somewhere under the countertop.

“Why are you here again?” She’s avoiding his eye contact now, feeling like she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t have been even though it was perfectly within her right to read something that now belonged to her.

Harry’s smile falters with her followed curt reply. Annoyance settling in, Harry straightens up and removes his hands from the counter. The familiar feeling doesn’t exactly feel nice, but familiarity is better than discomfort. “You wanted a list of my Paul Simon records? So you could order me one I didn’t already have?”

She looks at him curiously as the conversation comes back to her from yesterday morning and she nods. That conversation was real. “Oh yeah, I said that.” She replies, still not looking at him. “Okay,” she says when he doesn’t move or do anything. Her eyes widen, silently asking him to get on with it.

His hands shove into his pockets, searching around for a list he apparently had made. They come out empty. He pats over his jacket pockets and feels nothing but his phone and wallet, no list. “Fuck,” he mutters beneath his breath. She scratches at her eyebrow and sits back on her stool, seeming like she might be waiting awhile. After a few more minutes and no produced list, she sighs. “Do you just want to go next door and grab it since you obviously forgot it?”

“I didn’t forget it…” His voice is low and he shoots a glare at her, the annoyance that had come back had now doubled.

“You did, but it’s okay if you can’t admit that-”

“It must have fallen out of my pocket!” He insists.

She rolls her eyes and stands up. Walking to the front door, she looks on the ground and then a little ways outside. “I don’t see it, just go back and get it. You probably left it in your boudoir, it’s fine.” Her tone is a little less condescending now and more understanding. She forgets stuff all the time and she really wasn’t trying to be rude when he first came in. He had just startled her is all.

He turns around to face her. Her body is now completely out in the open area of the front of the store. His head tilts and one of his loose curls flops over his forehead while he takes in her appearance. “Why do you do that?”

She wets her lips and steps closer to him, more on her way back to the counter than anything. “Do what?” She’s oblivious to what he’s taken note of.

“When you have a conversation in English you’ll swap in some words that are French. They’re easy words to figure out and you don’t do it a lot, but you’ve done it enough times for me to notice.”

“Oh...I don’t know. I prefer French to English. It’s so much sexier.” She walks closer to him and utters her next sentence as she brushes past his shoulder. His gaze follows her every movement. “Would you prefer a girl to whisper in your ear, “let’s go back to my bedroom” or “let’s go back to my boudoir.”?” Her French accent hangs in the air with the word and compared to the hard American accent she had employed for ‘bedroom’, ‘boudoir’ sounds far more dirty this time than before.

A shiver rolls down Harry’s spine, but he doesn’t let it show. She shrugs her shoulders, “I think the answer is clear.” He clears his throat in response and a smile grows on her face. “Don’t you agree, monsieur?” She leans her head into her hand now that she’s behind the counter and looks up at him sweetly. He knows she’s teasing him now, her smile more of a sultry smirk.

“Piccola diavola,” his Italian rolls off his tongue and she squints at his words. She knows “devil” but the first word troubles her - it just means little. Her Italian really wasn’t strong and it hadn’t improved that much since she’d been in the little border town. But she also wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of asking what he had said. Harry chuckles at her confusion and relaxes now that he feels the playing field has leveled once again.

“So your list… Do you want to go grab it? Or if you can just list it off the top of your head? As enthralling as your conversation skills are, I actually don’t have all day.” She trails off again, her questions lilting from her mouth after regaining some composure.

“I wasn’t the one teasing about taking someone up to their bedroom,” he huffs. Her face colors with crimson. While she had been teasing him, she didn’t want to be called out for it.

“Wasn’t teasing…”

“So it was a serious offer?” He inquires with a lop-sided grin, changing the meaning behind her words in one fellow swoop.

“That’s not what I was saying! Shut up and give me your list.” Now her blush was all over her face and neck, and she was totally and completely flustered by Harry.  She glanced down at her hands that were fiddling with a pen and paper, ready to write his words down.

“I can either shut up or tell you my list. But it’s sadly one or the other, love.”

She groans and takes her free hand to run it over her face. “Just tell me what you already have, Harry. Please.”

“Okay, okay,” he chuckles and spreads out his hands in front of them both. He crosses back to the counter and leans on it once more. They are in close proximity once again, only the counter between them now and she can feel his hot breath fan over her softly. Smells of wintergreen gum, her favorite.

She glances up at him and their eyes hook together for a moment before she tears hers away to look back at the paper. He rattles off a good amount of Paul Simon’s albums and she nods approvingly as she scribbles the names down. She would have to look through his discography to find the ones Harry didn’t have and she probably could’ve made Harry do that and then give her that list, but she didn’t. It was too late now to do that as well, so she’d just have to live with her decision.

When he finishes, she glances at him once again. His eyes are very large. A detail that isn’t really important about him is seared in her mind. They’re big and they’re staring right at her. His pupils are almost as big as his irises, it was interesting. Her eyes shift under his gaze after a beat and she straightens up again. While they went over his list, she had indulged in the close proximity, the mingling of warm breath and brushed hands as she scribbled and he pondered. She nods a farewell, “I’ll let you know when I order next, but I won’t say what album you’ll get. It will be a surprise.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else from you,” his smile snaps back to his face and he scratches absentmindedly at his side. He hesitates before exiting the store. “I have a question.”

“Don’t need my permission.”

He emits a half-laugh, half-scoff from his parted lips. “Wasn’t asking for it...How come you never go out?”

She stares at him curiously, her head tilting to the right. “How would you know I don’t get out?” She challenges him.

“There’s only one pub in this little town and I’m your next door neighbor. I know.” He’s insistent on being right.

She scoffs, but only in an attempt to cover up her embarrassment. Her skin had finally cooled from all the excitement that had happened earlier and she wasn’t in the mood to grow red once again. Today was the first day she had ever felt flustered by Harry. It was annoying, it made her feel out of control. She liked to go out well enough, maybe more than the average person. But she’d only been in the little border town for a few months and going out hadn’t been on the top of her list of things to do. Sure, it would be nice to go get a drink out in the town, but she didn’t really have anyone to go with. Meeting people wasn’t hard in the town, but there weren't many people who were her age and she hadn’t particularly clicked with anyone where she would want to go out on the town with them. It was embarrassing to face the fact that she wasn’t flourishing as much as she had hoped. She was happy, but being confronted with the truth that she hadn’t gone out yet dampened her belief in her success in the little border town.

“I - It’s not at the top of my list of priorities,” she stutters, her chin raising a little in indignance.

One of his shoulders shrugs and Harry makes a little face as if he was indifferent to her answer, even though she knew much better than that. Harry always wanted to get a reaction out of her, maybe that was all he gained from their interactions - entertainment. She didn’t know, but she didn’t feel like giving him the satisfaction and left it at that. His eyes meet hers again, his stare far more intense now. “Ciao, diavola.” He simpers, repeating the little nickname. It was far more sultry of a nickname than ‘Shrimp’ but she wasn’t going to complain. She rolls her eyes in response, the only correct one at that.

-

That night, she found herself feeling pulled to journey down to the pub. It was on the Italian side and like she had acknowledged to Harry, she hadn’t been. She wouldn’t admit to anyone, especially not Harry, that his question had been what had pushed her towards the establishment when night fell. Yet, here she was. Her pants were dark red silk that matched the black tank top with red embellishments that she wore over her chest - the only part of her it really covered. Her boots were a matching black with gold metal bits, they were knock-off horsebit Gucci shoes, the closest she could get to the real thing with her modest budget. She was having to be more frugal lately, after buying her car here in September, she had really seen how little money she truly had.

The heels of her boots clicked against the cobblestones as she stalked up to the front of the bar. There was happy chatter seeping out the open door, the warm but dimmed light also flooding out along with the sounds of people within. Taking a deep breath and fiddling with the waistband of her pants for a second, she made her way into the bar. Stepping off the deep end and making the plunge. She knew there was nothing to be afraid of, but after months of not going there, she felt a little sense of apprehension now.

The warmth was the most surprising bit of the bar that she felt when she stepped past the threshold. Some Italian song was buzzing below the words of the patrons and she smiled at the automatic welcome she felt upon entering.

At the tables, there was a mix of younger and older patrons. At the bar, there wasn’t much of anyone. The young bartender leans across the bar to talk to another man, who had dark brown wavy hair and a dark linen shirt on. He’s seated at the bar and his back is to her so she can’t make out anymore than that. She doesn’t notice the myriad of tattoos gracing the patron’s arm that rests casually on the bar as he laughs at something the bartender had said, just for him.

She smiles, thinking it’s a cute little flirtation between the two and hates that she has to go over to break it up. Her movement gets the bartender’s attention easily and has the patron glancing her way as well. The smile she had once had falters off of her face and her eyes go wide at the realization of who she has settled herself beside. She had left a seat open between her and the man, but now she wished she had chosen a spot across the bar and simply flagged down the bartender. Better yet, she wished she had stayed home. As her smile falls away, Harry’s only grows wider. He’s grinning down at her as he moves his whole body to face her.

“Ciao!” The bartender starters, not noticing her discomfort at seeing Harry. He begins to ask what she would like in Italian, but her eyes widen even further. He’s speaking far too fast for her and she blushed in embarrassment. In her fluster, she forgets to even try French and she just stares dumbfoundedly at the handsome man behind the bar, who’s now looking at her with great curiosity. Harry has watched the entire thing and chuckles behind his glass. She has no attention span left to allow her to even try and guess what he’s drinking.

He interjects for her, actually saving her any more embarrassment, surprisingly. “She doesn’t speak Italian. She’s from the French side and new in town, so she hasn’t been able to refine her Italian.” The bartender gives a smile and nod of understanding in her way and she wishes she knew what Harry had just said. Whatever it is makes the bartender switch to French for her and her jaw goes from being dropped back into a normal position.

“What can I get for you, mademoiselle?” He transitions smoothly and she smiles, his French accent sounding practically perfect. She’s recomposed herself, but Harry is still watching her intently, like a reality television show that he can’t wait for the trainwreck finale to occur on.

After she orders, the bartender gives her a wink and then walks off to get what he needs to begin preparing her drink. Harry slides over, eliminating the courteous one seat between them. Her eyes watch the movement and she refrains from the letting out the sigh festering in her chest. She really had hoped he would not be here tonight, at least that’s what she believed. She truly felt embarrassed that the night after Harry had accused her of never going out, he had seen her out. But it also was nice not to be sitting in the bar alone. It seemed that Harry had been sitting alone at the bar before she had come in,  but she also wasn’t Harry and didn’t know how much enjoyment she would have  gotten out of being alone.

“I see my words had some effect on you.” He says out of the corner of his mouth after running his tongue over the bottom of his lip. Her scoff once again dies in her throat because she knows he’s right and he knows it too. There is no being proud right now. He essentially caught her red handed.

“Thought I’d come out and see what all the fuss was about. I see you’re alone tonight, but I assume that’s how most nights go.”

“You should know by now that is simply not true.”

“Just because you leave with someone doesn’t mean you come with someone.”

“I guess…” He trails off.

She picks up when he doesn’t seem to have any more of a response. “How do you even meet people here? Isn’t it all locals?”

“Not always. Not all of the people here are locals tonight,” He scans the crowd. “She’s visiting...So is she...that whole group actually. Look French. So we’ve got a group from Nice tonight…” He looks a bit more. “Eh, that looks like it tonight, but still. It’s plenty.” He finishes with a smirk and she grimaces, understanding the meaning behind his words.

The bartender returns with her White Russian, which Harry had cocked his head at, but had kept his opinion to himself for once. Expecting Roman to return to their conversation, Harry turns his attention back to him, but he is only greeted with the side of his head because Roman is still staring at Y/N. He coos something to her in French, that Harry can’t pick up and his nostrils flare when she emits a giggle following their exchange. The two people he was last talking to were now ignoring him to talk to each other. How rude.

After another moment without their attention, he huffs loudly. Roman seems too entranced in Y/N to notice, but her eyes slide over to him. “Yes?” She inquires, albeit disdainfully.

Harry isn’t sure what to say to her now that he’s gained her attention. He was on his second drink and her stare has made his mind go blank. All he had wanted was for her to stop flirting with Roman so that she’d pay attention to him. But he hadn’t thought of his next step yet. He takes a sip of his beer to grant him a little more time and she rolls her eyes at his action. His mind rattles through possible things to say, but every single one is coming up as not good enough.

“I used to be in a band.”

Her head tilts and she swivels more to Harry. His comment is unexpected and rather intriguing. She had expected something annoying or rude. Truly she had just expected him to say “Nothing” once he had swallowed his drink so he could distract her from enjoying her night.

“You were in a band?” She asks incredulously, her voice pitching slightly higher than normal. While Harry was many things, including handsome, she just didn’t think he had the right persona to be in a band. He dressed like a grandfather most days and he tended to a little shoe shop, he didn’t come off as a guy who would enjoy traveling around performing. The constant praise would be on brand though, she conceded.

Harry nods and bites back his smile, knowing he had struck the perfect chord. “I was...it only took off in the UK but we were pretty popular.” He boasts.

“So what do you play?”

Harry’s eyes widen, expecting more of a question about the name of the band or something. “Well, it was, like, a boy band…” He says.

She was taking a sip of her drink and she contained her little laugh behind her glass. Another hum as she swallows the liquid that burns her throat a bit. “Oh. Interesting. So no instruments.”

“Well I can play a bit of guitar and piano!” He adds quickly, seeing her eyes shift away from him, like she thinks the conversation is over. “I was thinking of trying a solo thing, but then plans changed...”

“And now you’re here?”

He echoes her, affirming the question. “Now I’m here and I’m not leaving.”

“You don’t miss it then?”

“Didn’t say that. I miss it at times, but this is where my life took me and I’m happy to be here. Maybe happier than I ever was in the band.” His eyes stare at the liquid in his glass and he swirls it lightly, determined to study the way it moves as he ponders something quite personal to him. He never really talked about his past with anyone here. Saying he was in a band and retrospecting that time are two very different things to share with someone. She’s just watching him now, not trying to make a quip or bug him. His demeanor shows that’s not something he’s very interested in hearing right now.

She experimentally puts a finger on his knee when it seems that he’ll never raise his gaze from his glass. His eyes move down to the tiny pressure he feels and sees her painted nail poking in to him. His tongue darts across his lower lip as he raises his head to meet her eyes. He notices the sparkle in them, she finds amusement in the childish gesture and so does he.

“I do miss the stage though,” he admits, smiling more now. “Performing. It was like nothing else.” Instead of a sad state of mind, his look is far more wistful now and she actually feels the smile growing on her face.

“You’ll have to sing for me sometime, then.” She says resolutely after taking the last bit of her drink and then pushing the glass across the bar. Roman had wandered off, much to Harry’s pleasure, but now they both needed another round so she was looking for him.

Harry slides over a chair so that they’re sat side by side. He had originally done it to reach across her for a napkin, but then hadn’t retreated to his original seat after he was successful. They talk as they drink, but most of it seems to be flirtatious teasing even if neither of them recognize that fully. Harry just wanted her attention earlier and now he found that he wanted to keep talking to her all night. It was a Friday and usually he would be looking for someone to take home. The group of women at a table that he had observed were visitors would be a perfect place to start his quest, but that wasn’t on his mind. He liked watching the different shades of blush Y/N’s face kept turning as she drank more and how silly she was getting with each passing drink.

She was enjoying her time out, she had only gotten wine drunk in the confines of her little home since she’d been in the little border town. And that endeavour was all by herself. It was much more fun when you had someone to talk to, so joking around with Harry was a nice surprise. She no longer felt embarrassed about showing up after he had teased her for never going out earlier today. Now she felt empowered, like she could come to the bar whenever she pleased. He was nicer than she had realized. His hand was quick to encircle her back respectfully when she laughed a little too hard at a joke and began to tip off her stool. His smile was genuine and his eyes didn’t flit over her body more than once. His jokes were funnier than she had first thought or maybe that was just the alcohol clouding her mind, that one she wasn’t sure about. But, truthfully, Harry was exceeding expectations tonight and being a stand up human being for once, in her eyes.

A couple at the end of the bar, locals, watched on as the shoemaker and the bookkeeper threw back their heads in boisterous laughter and placed their hands on each other chastely. The older women smiled to themselves as Y/N smacked Harry’s bicep after an especially cheeky joke he told her. They were going to have a field day with this interaction once they told their friends tomorrow morning.

After drink three, she definitely felt drunk. Not completely out of it and can’t walk drunk, but I haven’t drank anything stronger than wine in months so three cocktails are kind of hitting me drunk. And because of that buzz that’s enclosed her mind and body, it makes perfect sense to her that Harry’s hand is resting casually on her knee as they talk. It also makes perfect sense to her to cross her legs, causing two things to happen. Harry’s hand shifts up further on her thigh and her boot is now dangling right next to Harry’s shin. The fabric of his cream linen trousers look especially soft and so the next logical move in her mind is to rub her foot against the fabric. She hooks around her foot easily and the patent leather of her shoe slips softly against the pant leg that flows over Harry’s calf.

He hums lowly at the feeling, but makes no other notion to acknowledge what she is doing. After the hum he gets back to the story he’s telling her about his boat. She had been extremely interested in the boat initially, but not she was transfixed on the feeling of the fabric slipping past her boot. When he shifts his leg, absentmindedly or not, she almost squeaks because this movement has Harry’s foot brushing around her ankle. The footsy was occurring without any acknowledgement of it besides small sounds the two had made in their chests. No knowing looks, just the presence of each other’s bodies against one another.

He had switched to a Manhattan after his second beer for some reason that she didn’t ask, but he was enjoying it nonetheless. When she slipped her foot against his calf, it had sent a spark of electricity from the point of contact up to his alcohol muddled head. It felt nice so he went with it.

Around midnight the two of them were practically in each other’s laps, nursing their fourth round. Brains a million miles away while their glassy eyes stared at each other. Harry’s arm nestled around her waist while hers played with the stir stick in his glass. Their heads inches away, closer than they’d ever been before.

Somehow they decided they should walk home about then. Maybe Harry had checked his phone and decided he was done. Maybe she had glanced at the clock above the bar and realized she needed to go to bed. Either way, they slammed down the last bits of their drinks and stumbled into the street. With only each other to hold them up, they had some trouble gaining their balance. They could walk just fine if they wanted to be serious, but Harry kept trying to step literally on her toes and she kept throwing all her weight into his side. Both of their actions would cause them to stumble one way or another along the empty streets. Their blurred minds thankfully didn’t get them lost, but the travel time back to their places was far greater than the travel time to the bar initially.

Finally arriving at the border of Italy and France, their shops and homes, she stared up at Harry under the glow of the streetlamp across the street. His hair looked more dark brown than his usual caramel chestnut in the light. His linen outfit billowed across his pectorals that were exposed. A tan golden color that he seemed to maintain from his frequent runs and trips on his boat. His jaw had a bit more stubble on it now, his morning shave no longer sleek on his skin. His mustache was still the most prominent bit of facial hair he had and she wondered what he might look like without it. She also thought if she’d ever kissed a man with a mustache, her mind was pretty sure she hadn’t.

As she stared, she moved from his side and took a step closer to her door. His hand reached out and grabbed her wrist, stopping her and bringing her attention to his eyes. He dropped her hand and stepped closer to her. They had been laughing about some weird encounter she had in Nice the other week. But now their laughter had faded out, the conversation all but forgotten.

“Hi.” She says meekly.

“Hi,” Harry laughs.

“I had fun tonight,” she muses and takes a step forward. She began swinging her arms back and forth, rocking on her feet. She felt antsy now that it was so quiet. The silence made her realize it was really just her and Harry together right now. Which wasn’t unusual, they had been alone together plenty of times. Maybe it was the time of night, but it felt far more intimate to her this time which made her squirm a little. Why was she nervous with Harry right now?

Harry nods and laughs again at her actions. “Yeah, you’re not so bad.”

Neither of them realized the proximity of their bodies until her hand swung a little higher and hit Harry’s hip bone. “Oh! Sorry!” She moves to take a step back, but Harry grabs her hand once again and tugs her even closer. Bringing them chest to chest under the lamp light. Her eyes flicker between where their bodies touch and Harry’s face. He’s looking down at her sweetly, gently. She feels safe with the way he’s looking at her. The warmth radiating from him was a nice contrast to the dark cold of night. The open expanse of skin that lived between the two sides of his mostly unbuttoned shirt seemed to have the most heat coming off of it. He had a jade cross that hung between the two muscles and she almost reached out to play with it. If it hadn’t been so dark and she hadn’t been so inebriated she would have realized the color matched his eyes almost exactly.

He’s not quite sure what he’s doing, but for some reason it feels like he might kiss her. The mood that was set by their surroundings made it sound right. Romantic even. Her lips look precious too, plump and puckered, flushed from alcohol and the brisk night air. They look a little glossy too from the last time she had wet them. He wanted to feel them for himself. His head ducks to move his lips to touch hers.

Upon registering his movement, she moves her hand from his grasp and places it on his chest, causing him to take a small step back.

“I think...I think this should be goodnight, Harry.” She breathes out. She’s trying to clear her mind enough to have conviction in her decision.

After a little intake of air, less than a gasp, Harry agrees, running a hand through his hair, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Her hand slips from his warm chest, immediately curling in on itself to maintain the warmth his body had just provided. She watches her tendons in her hand ripple before looking back at Harry with heavy eyes. He doesn’t seem to want to make eye contact with her, but she’s determined to leave on a good note.

“Thank you, Harry.” He looks up from beneath his lashes at his name, like a shy toddler. “You gave me the push to face a fear of mine.” With her final words she crosses the little distance between them once again and places a chaste kiss to his cheek. Immediately, his cheek flushes and she can feel the heat beneath her lips, as well as the light prickle of his stubble. Harry swallows, causing his Adam's apple to bob quickly, at the contact. His senses get overloaded with the sweet kiss and the smell of her perfume. It all swims through his consciousness.

She smiles as she pulls away and then turns to let herself into her place without another word. Once unlocked, she gives one last glance to Harry who’s also busying himself with opening his door. She doesn’t see that his free hand is caressing over his cheek where her lips had just been.

-

The next day, she woke up and groaned feeling the stiffness in her body. Especially her head. Oh god, her head. It was like she was back in college, but worse because she wasn’t as young. At least she didn’t have to roll out of bed for an 8 am lecture. For that, she was thankful. Still, the pounding needed to stop or subside at least. Grumbling, she threw her legs off the side of her bed, the fuzzy socks she had slipped on in her drunken stupor settled on the hardwood. She dragged her body to her window and raised the shade. Her window was fogged from the difference in temperature outside and in her room. Kneeling down, she began to pull open the window, in need of the cool fresh air on her clammy skin. Three drinks, or was it four? She couldn’t remember, either way, it was too many.

Her eyes glanced around the view of the window. It wasn’t much since it was so close to the building right next door. Peaking up, she could see the already clouded sky. To the left she could see the street and to the right was more buildings. The scene most easily accessible was the window right across from her. The shade was mostly closed, a little bit of the floor could be seen where Harry hadn’t lowered it completely. It was just the same hardwood as what she sat on staring back at her. She sat there, breathing in the crisp morning air. After a night of drinking, she usually woke up rather early, today was no different.

It dawned on her, far too slowly, that a pair of feet had entered the plain hardwood scene she had been staring at outside her window. A tiny stage now filled with two matching characters. The pair of feet were tanned and large. Little tattoos seemed to be sprinkled both on the toes and the ankles of the feet. She couldn’t read them even if she tried. But upon realizing what these feet might be doing, she had been discouraged from staring any longer. Still, her brain was foggy and her body was not nearly quick enough to hide her from view as the owner of the feet did something to open his shade as well. Then, once again, like deja vu, she was staring at her naked neighbor. Thankfully, this time, he had briefs adorning his hips to keep covering the part of him that would keep her up for weeks trying to forget again. The briefs were, just that. Brief. Low on the hips and barely touching his thighs, it seemed they really only existed to keep that one appendage covered. Still, she had to tear her eyes away from the lower half of his body and let the embarrassment wash over her when she met his eyes.

The knowing smirk of his has him nibbling at the inside of his cheek. She had been checking him out. It was a nice confidence boost after last night. The awkwardness of her stopping him from kissing her had him spiraling in his mind when he went to bed. He didn’t know why he had even tried to kiss her in the first place, probably just because he was drunk. Yeah, he was drunk and feeling needy on a friday night. That’s what it was and she had been there.

He’d have to thank her today for putting a stop to that colossal mistake. They were barely just friends, he hated to think what would happen if he’d done something so reckless as to kiss her out of the blue. Still, he couldn’t shake the thought in the back of his mind that he had gotten the vibe from somewhere. Why else would his drunken mind tell him to kiss her under the glow of the lamp light. He thought back to the bar and what they had talked about. He wouldn’t categorize it as overly flirty. He thought back to their physical interactions at the bar, okay, maybe his hand on her thigh and her playing with his drink was a little flirtatious. But that could be boiled down to him being close to hear her in the bar and her idle fingers wanting something to do while she was drunk. The footsy, though. He wasn’t sure if he could explain that one away. Instead, he would choose to ignore it. If he didn’t think about it, did it actually happen? Was it something he had to worry about? Not in his mind.

Returning his focus to the girl in the window across from him, his smirk was now fully fleshed out on his face. She was still sitting on her knees as Harry looked down at her and if they were in the same room this might have seemed like a rather compromising position. Her cheeks were still red, noticing the difference in height, she clambered to her feet.

“G’morning,” Harry’s voice is groggy and deep. Scratchy almost from the alcohol he had drank last night. It rings through her ears lowly and seems to have her blushing even more. It’s a different feeling than how his voice used to make her feel.

“Hey,” She clears her throat before responding, not wanting her morning voice to crack in front of Harry. Usually she would talk to herself a bit or sing along to her music before going downstairs, not wanting her first customers to hear her as if she just woke up. For some reason, she makes a little wave along with her greeting, feeling especially awkward at this moment. Harry chuckles and repeats her motion. His large hands mimicking the same daunting motion makes her laugh and releases some of the nervous energy she had been holding in her body.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he openly flirts, placing one hand on his naked torso and the other against the frame of the window, leaning towards her. His movement flexes just about every muscle in his body and she keeps her eyes trained on his face, determined not to be caught gawking once more.

A roll of her eyes and she’s back to staring straight into his green ones that he’s still blinking awake. “It’s almost like we’re neighbors.”

He scrunches his nose at her deadpan. “You’re no fun,” he mutters.

She sighs, “I’m fucking hungover after last night…” and runs a hand through her tousled hair.

Her foot rests itself over her other, causing her hip to just out slightly. The movement of her body that accentuated her curves and her words have Harry blushing now. The red flowers at the center of his chest and begins to spread up his neck and cheeks. He’s once again presented with the almost kiss last night.

“Big night out for you,” he laughs, “I’ll admit I don’t usually drink that much, bit of a lightweight myself.”

She only hums in response, her fingers beginning to twiddle with the hem of her t-shirt. It reminds her of what she is precisely dressed in. The big t-shirt and tiny pajama shorts that Harry can’t even see are the only things on her body besides the socks on her feet. She glances down at her legs and takes in the expanse of fleshy skin that is showing just below the shirt. Harry’s eyes follow hers and admires the skin there, wondering what it would feel like underneath his big hands.

“I should probably start getting ready for the day,” She says finally, shaking herself from the random thoughts flitting around her mind about bare thighs and the man across from her. “Are you open today?”

Harry emits a noise from the back of his throat at her question. He draws his arm back from the window and stands up straight. His head tilts as he thinks about her question, his mind still muddled this morning.

“Er..no, actually. I was planning on going out on the boat today, switching my closed day to today instead of tomorrow. Why?”

“I’m in need of shoe repair,” she smiles, her eyes catching the glimmer of the sun starting to peak out. Harry swears it’s her eyes genuinely sparkling on their own accord. “But if you’re out today, it can wait.” She begins to walk away from the window to go to another room in her apartment.

“No!” Harry steps forward, but is restricted by the screen, which keeps him from falling out of his window. She swivels around, looking at him curiously. “I can - you can just come over. I’ll fix it up for you before I head out.”

“Really?” She’s truly surprised that Harry would do such a nice thing for her. She knew they were getting along better, but for him to open shop just for her repair seemed overly nice.

“I mean,” and Harry’s once again blushing under her gaze and he’s hoping she can’t see it. “What are neighbors for?”

“I guess,” she’s still unsure. He seems like he’s nervous, his body tenses and one of his hands twisted in his curls. Harry’s so weird. “Thanks.”

-

She jogs the short distance from her front door to Harry’s once she’s ready. The pair of deep teal almost navy loafers she needed new soles in - she was pretty sure - in hand. A red pinstripe blouse half buttoned falling over her figure perfectly, hugging the right spots and flowing over the others. She’s in white jeans today that are flared slightly but also cropped. As it gets closer to Halloween she keeps having to remind herself not to dress festive and it’s a struggle everyday.

When she reaches the door, it doesn’t open. The cream door doesn’t budge as she tempts the handle with her free hand. She looks between the handle and the inside of the shop. Her eyes search for Harry’s figure. She had been inside his shop only a handful of times, never for a repair before. Maybe less than a handful, once to check it out and once again when she thought she needed a new pair of shoes and then decided against it. Oh, and that one time she went over to yell at him about something. Maybe the planters, maybe the shade, she couldn’t remember anymore.

Now that she thought about it, she had been in the bookshop once more. Two and a half years ago when she had visited the little border town for the first time. It was a little fuzzy for a memory, but she was sure she had at least peaked into the shoe shop after her lengthy visit with Marie the second day there. It looked just as it did now, maybe it used to be a little more vibrant, but she couldn’t be sure. She remembered an older man in the shop greeting her in Italian and her offering her sad ‘Ciao’. Back then she was even worse at Italian. He had looked at her with kind eyes and a sweet smile. It was a similar lopsided grin that she had now grown accustomed to on another man’s face. After beckoning her over to him the old man had turned away from her and shouted into the back of the store in quick Italian. It blew over her head completely. There must have been someone in the back of the shop who he had talked to. She was sure of it, because after she had perused the cute boots and shoes he kept, she saw a swish of hair coming around the counter. It was just as she was turning around to exit the shop, after she had bid farewell to the man she now connected as Joe. Whoever it was had long hair and was tall, slinking out into the main shop floor. The mysterious stranger was whoever Joe had shouted to in the back.

Y/N wasn’t the quickest when it came to timelines and how people could change over time. She didn’t connect the year she had visited with the year of someone else's arrival or the same chestnut waves cascading around someone’s face, just now much shorter. It made perfect sense who would be in the back of the store, but for some reason the idea of time and hair length were standing in this girl’s way. Oh well, maybe Harry would spell it out to her someday.

Harry finally rounds the counter that separated the back room to the front. The shoe shop was set up a little different from the bookstore. Her counter was right when you came in while Harry’s was about halfway through the shop. He shakes his head and laughs at her expression. The sound brings her out of her memory as well as a grimace on her face.

“Sorry, I was a million years away.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s ‘a million miles away’, love.” Harry continues chuckling while correcting the girl in front of him.

She holds up her pair of shoes, ignoring his teasing. “Fix my shoes, shoe man.”  

His smile drops and he walks back from the door. His feet taking back steps as he beckons her into the interior of the shop. When they reach the corner, he takes the shoes from her hands and places them between their bodies. The teal loafers stare up at them. Harry inspects them, a serious expression falling over his features. His brows scrunch together slightly, the wrinkles in his forehead growing more prominent as he examines the shoes. Large hands reach out and begin to finger over the patent leather on the top and the leather soles. After a few minutes of silent deliberation, he places down one of the shoes and then holds the other up as if to showcase it.

“These,” he juts out the shoe in his hand, “need new soles. What did you do to ‘em?”

“I wear them a lot.” She insists while Harry looks on quizzically.

“I’ve never seen you wear these.”

Her brow quirks at his comment. “I wore them a lot before I got here,” she corrects. “They’ve been feeling wonky every time I try to wear them, must be because they need new soles.”

Harry nods, now satisfied with her answer. He hums, regarding the teal shoe in his hand once again. “Alright.”

She looks at him confused once again. “Alright what? Can you fix them?” What does he mean by ‘Alright’? “I’ve honestly missed wearing them these past few months.”  

Harry bites his tongue, a quip ready to be voiced. He’d gotten so used to fighting with her, he was confused how it had slipped away all so easily. His fear of them not talking if they stopped fighting didn’t seem to come to fruition so he could rest easy on that front. But now he was going to have to retrain his brain not to be rude after every comment Y/N made.

“Yeah, of course.” He sighs, placing the shoe next to its mate and then turning his face to her. She had been chewing on her bottom lip, actually worried for her shoes. They really were her favorites. She’d had them forever and it would be heartbreaking if they had to be thrown out. If she couldn’t wear them though she was almost sure she’d just let them collect dust in her closet rather than dispose of them if it really came down to it.

“But it’s like a good amount of my day to replace soles…”

Her face falls, but she tries to hide it. She knew Harry was doing a favor by taking a look right now. If he could fix them it didn’t matter when he did it. What he says next though truly throws her off. No normal enemy-ship turned somewhat friendship overnight would engage in what Harry was about to propose. If any such relationship other than her and Harry actually existed.

“Do you want to come out on my boat today?” His brow arches, his lips in a soft smile, he’s being genuine.

“Why would I do that?” Her brows raise along with her voice, taken off guard by his suggestion.

“More fun waiting for me to fix your shoes on a boat than in your shop.” He says simply before taking the shoes and placing them in a little cubby hole behind the counter for safe keeping. “Trust me, you’ll love it.” Her expression doesn’t change. “Just say yes,” He pleads now.

She sighs, “Fine.” All of the reasons not to go out on Harry’s boat are at the forefront of her mind, but she still finds herself saying yes easily. His pleading really wasn’t necessary to get her to agree. The bookstore could live with being closed today, it wasn’t going to hurt anyone.

[bokutotaro]

being best friends with ____ headcanons

oikawa and bokuto 

warnings : fluff , a lil angsty but it's just teensy bit, swear words, i made this gender neutral! i might have missed out on somethings so please tell me if i did.

author's note : i hope you all enjoy this! this is my first request and post! i'm so happy aaa. writing this made me feel so soft. i love them!!

bokuto :

it is NEVER a dull moment with this man. and i mean NEVER. 

your friendship is just full of surprises

he will literally barge into your house at the most random times to ask you to get some food or to go on a weird adventure

you told him not to barge in anymore so now he waits outside your house STILL at the most random times, spamming your phone with texts and calls to get you to come out

you're somehow the only person that can keep up with this man and his antics by actually joining him

it's always spontaneous with him and the both of you never plan anything. ever.

akaashi is literally the glue that holds you two together because the both of you are a chaotic mess and i mean this in the best way possible

when things get rough for you, he’s actually so reliable and cares for you so much

he will try his best to cheer you up. and i mean HIS BEST.

he either gives you this grand pep talk, hyping you up and he makes it the most amusing thing ever (not even on purpose, it's just him being him) or he let's you rest your head on his shoulder and listens to whatever you need to say

he will be your shoulder to cry on and would not hesitate to comfort you in anyway you need

the both of you are so supportive towards each other!!

whenever he makes a really nice cross shot during his games, he looks into the crowd to find you and puffs up his chest with pride

and you just yell "THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND! THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND"

and the two of you just break down in a dance that the two of you always do whenever someting good happens. it's probably a lame dance move too or something that has to do with weird shaking.

you're doing this in the bleachers and he does this in the middle of the court. the both of you are huge dorks.

when things get rough for him, he’s so sure and absolutely positive that you’re there for him and he loves you for it

during his volleyball games, when he gets into emo mode, all he has to do is look into the crowd and spot you cheering for him and suddenly he’s all pumped up and ready to win

akaashi secretly thanks you in his head during the game and actually thanks you in person afterwards, without bokuto knowing of course 

akaashi prays that you to come to all the games because of this

not that he has to, you’re always there for your best friend and bokuto would pester you to come anyways

"you're coming to my game this Friday right?"

"thinking about it."  making your voice monotonous as possible but you’re unable to hide the slight teasing lilt in your tone

"whaaatttt" he says while pouting, a small voice in his head telling you’re just joking and another voice telling him you’re being serious

"i'm just kidding. i'm going. 5pm sharp."

"that's my lil cheerleader." and he says this with the biggest smile on his face. he can always count on you.

but one time you couldn't make it to his game because something important came up. just one time. and the mans sulked during the ENTIRE match. he managed to get out of his emo mode after some mood boosting on akaashi's part.

but it’s just not the same without his best friend there for him :’)

he's really just a big baby and a giant fluff ball

the both of you show your affection through playful nudges and tackling each other in the hallways of school

the both of you almost knocked over a teacher once

just a chaotic noisy duo with the softest hearts

there are times, maybe when the both of you are cackling at a stupid inside joke or when the both of you are running away from akaashi after a stupid prank, time freezes. and he just can't help but look at you with such tenderness and care

in those fleeting moments, he just feels so blessed that he has you, his best friend, in his life and he would not have it any other way

his little mascot and partner in crime <3

oikawa :

the two of you have a love hate friendship

it's really all love though, but neither of you will admit that 

the sass this man throws at you most times sometimes

not that you let him get away with it, you throwing back witty remarks at him really keeps the fire going

and his response? either throw back more sass, be a whiny baby or get mad 

when he puts away his facade of confidence, you’re there for him. always. and he's there for you too. 

at times of vulnerability (for either of you), he’s a whole different person. his soft side really showing when you need it.

oikawa actually breaks down more than most people would think and you’re totally okay with that, being there to listen to him and his worries. 

he does the same for you. when you need someone, he's there to listen to you and give you the advice you need. he's actually really wise. 

you told him that he was wise once after giving you some really good advice

he did not shut up about it and constantly rubbed it in your face once you felt better

you made a mental note to never compliment him again 

he enjoys seeing you all fired up and ranting about a subject you're passionate in or talking shit about something you hate. he finds it amusing. 

the two of you bicker over the stupidest things

“you know what, maybe you should have gone to shiratorizawa.”

he gasps. “TAKE THAT BACK”

the both of you probably have some sort of tradition together. like every Friday night is movie night and you HAVE to get ice cream

one time he got mint chocolate ice cream and you started flaming him for eating something that is essentially toothpaste (i’m sorry if you actually like this flavour)

he never got that flavour again

there are days where he’s the pretty boy setter, constantly surrounded by girls (which you are forced to tolerate, grumbling about it to iwaizumi cause the both of you hate it) and theres the "endearing" cockiness that comes with the persona

"iwa-chan, y/n-chan~ jealousy isn't a good look on either of you"

"clamp your mouth shut shitty-kawa"

"do what he says before i do it for you"

iwaizumi and you just share a grin. oikawa just shrugs his shoulders forward. his eyes wide and his jaw slacked. how dare the two of you team up against him.

but there are also days where he’s stripped of all of that completely. and he's just a boy with big dreams and a burning passion. where he's someone that's observant, brings out the best in others and really really cares for all of the people he loves. i mean, this personality has always been there but some days it’s as clear as day. he hides it from others. just showing it to you. 

you were the first few people in his life to see that side of him and realise it. without him even showing it to you. 

you love both sides of him. but the side that he hides from the public and shows it to you, you absolutely adore

you know it has never been easy for him. the constant practicing and the worrying that he is not good enough

when the practicing gets too much, you’re there to barge into the volleyball court and drag him out of there

if it fails, you call the big guns out and iwaizumi storms into the volleyball court with you

that's when oikawa REALLY listens, the sight of iwaizumi fuming making his eyes widen

the grin you give him seeing how scared he looks seeing iwaizumi like that wipes the look off his face and now he's scowling at you

he never says it to both of your faces but he really appreciates the both of you for caring and seeing the real him

he trusts the both of you, he really does

you make sure to walk past the volleyball court at all times and ensure he’s not there working his flat ass off

one time, you did and you saw oikawa sitting there. knees pulled to his chest with his head down, sitting on the floor. volleyballs scattered everywhere.

seeing him like that really hurt and it made your heart ache

you went in and crouched right infront of him, patting his head

you give him the biggest pep talk ever

you tell him he's the best setter ever and how great of a team mate he is

you tell him how talented he is and how he's absolutely amazing at team work

you tell him he's going kick shiratorizawa's ass

and you tell him everything is going to be okay

he tears up, wiping his tears with the sleeves of his jacket

he quickly replaces it with a smirk, snapping back into usual character

"you love me, don't you?" 

"shut up"

[nicomrade]

😳 charlie my friend charlie if you have thoughts on him

I LOVE charlie so much hes everything and hes sooo transmasc. like .. . .... ok i talked about it forever ago on twitter but basically theres this rob mcelhenny quote that goes like "True inclusion is bring the LGBTQ down into the gutter with us." about mac coming out as gay and the logical next step from there is canon trans charlie he is quite literally already in the sewer <3 gender euphoria from charlie high pitch yelling

and.. ok so ive been rewatching iasip w my friend whos never seen it before which is like an incredible experience i keep apologizing on behalf of the show BUT anyway so rewatching the early seasons its kinda like... charlie is waay more evil in those early seasons right... or am i making that up. like doesnt he straight up attack dennis in season 1 or something.... and its not to say charlie doesnt attack people in later seasons but its portrayed as him being Unhinged rather than having a real malicious intent or something.. OH and he schemes the the gang gets held hostage episode is just charlie scheming and i love that for him so much. esp since hes also dyslexic/gets called the r slur a lot its like... charlie is still fucking smart u know. he hatches these plans and theres a reason to his madness and thats really important cause its ALL coping mechanisms AND hes very self aware he just doesnt care. he KNOWS half the shit he does is weird/socially unacceptable but he gave up on fitting in a while ago. i forgot the lore of his highschool and younger days exactly but ye.... hes always been ostracized. at one point u just accept thats ur fate, but u never stop being able to tell what is and isnt Weird u just learn to disregard it.

AND hes all in all really genuine (vs mac having that Tough Cool Guy persona, dennis ... being dennis, frank roleplaying as a poor, and well dee literally wants to be an actress) and that makes him especially vulnerable to the gangs ridicule but he still fits in with them! without having to pretend to be anyone he isnt! and a lot of his traits are just normal charlie things to them so its not like him just Existing is weird, and his weirdness gets celebrated at times! like when hes assigned wildcard, thats his volatile nature being recognized and validated in some way! and thats not something he could get from Outside Society like the gang truly sticks together cause no one else would put up w their awful shit but like.. theres still comfort in someone who knows and sees you as you really are even though theyre making ur life a living hell. a little bit. maybe. idk!

a while back i was thinking bout how he grew up being macs only friend and vice versa and i was getting emotional about it but i forgot why specifically i think its really about how theyve always had each other in their lives and they have so much shared history they intuitively understand each other a lot and they also know theyre friends 4ever basically. theyre bffs.... and charlie genuinely enjoys macs project badass stuff like theyre not... theyre not GREAT friends cause the whole gang is awful but compared to whatever the hell the reynolds have going on charlie/mac friendship is sort of sweet you know.... but its still very important that charlie acts mean and fucked up to mac and dennis sometime because its not like any of them is getting proper therapy so bullying others to cope works just as well actually 🤗

also hes so talented i just wanna say it really quick his music ! his drawings ! we love and support an artist charlie kelly u are everything ♥ ALSO ALSO charlie/dennis friendship underrated... that is all

[seerofmike]

i feel like a huge portion of kpop fans are gay fetishists attracted to the idea of quote unquote feminine men and thats why theres so much bullshit

YES okay. okay let me rant for a minute. let me preface this by saying i am NOT a kpop shipper at ALL. this is going to be long so i’ll put it under a’ ‘read more’ because i’ve been holding it in for TWO FUCKING YEARS BABY!

being mlm in boygroup kpop fandom is literally so exhausting. 99% of the people who ship real life human men from boygroups are fetishists and i will tell u why

obviously we all know of a ship in a fandom where the characters' personalities are twisted to fit the heteronormative view of "top" and "bottom" --one character is hypermasculine (top) and the other one is feminine (bottom). there are typical traits associated with both. the ‘top’ is scary or mean or angry or serious while the ‘bottom’ is emotional or bubbly or shy. while this is egregious, at least its fictional characters. their personalities can be simplified or exaggerated and it doesnt cause any real life harm.

im going to define what i think of as a fetishist: a non-mlm person who overly sexualizes gay men/men they think are gay/gay ships, and forces them into heteronormative roles for their own pleasure. its not even limited to cishet women. plenty of non-mlm lgbt people do this too and its like disheartening. so anyways

enter the kpop fandom

i may be incredibly biased here because one of the most affected members [of bts] is my favorite kpop boy, but oh god is the ‘personality change/simplification’ thing AWFUL here. i do not go out of my way to find fanart or see fanfic threads, but being in the bts fandom, u will inevitably see it and i REALLY wish i didnt

so anyways. my favorite boy ever is hoseok. he is sweet and hardworking and very passionate about dance and he can be serious when needed, but ultimately he tries to be very lighthearted and will consistently laugh or make jokes or do something funny when the other members feel uncomfortable or awkward (mostly during english-speaking interviews). he kisses the members on the cheek a lot/hugs them a lot/cuddles them a lot [this is important for later okay]

of course, theres a lot more to him because he is a multi-faceted real life human being, and i don’t know him personally, but that’s a general idea of what he’s like, okay?

SHIPPERS will have you think differently. some video got popular on youtube ""proving"" that hoseok is a sadist (which is just clips of him jokingly playfighting with the younger members), and the video depicts him as secretly mean and serious, and shippers will use that to say "hoseok is a total top!" and then most fanart or imagines or fanfic threads you see are top!hoseok, using this imagined 'hoseok is a sadistic dom' narrative to fuel their fiction, because SOMEONE has to be the top, so they twist him into this hypermasculine mean person (and probably feminize the 'bottom' of their ship but more on that later)

EXCEPT it is not just fiction. this narrative bleeds into REAL LIFE. you have new armys who dont know anything about the shipping scene, and yet somehow the narrative of hoseok being a secretly mean, sadistic person has already made its way into them. in real life, hoseok likes rainbows and wearing nail stickers and putting glitter in his hair. yet people in the fandom will say shit like "hoseok hates femininity" "hoseok would never wear [thing] because he's a dom"

sometimes on twitter you have ppl like me who say uh actually you guys are really weird and this is fetishy and in real life hoseok is very nice and not sadistic at all, you will UNDOUBTEDLY get comments like "omg hoseok isnt cute/nice when will yall learn he’s secretly like [x] and [x]". you could post a video of hoseok with a puppy titled "wow cute" and u will get like 2 clowns in ur comments going 'hoseok isnt CUTE hes a sadist’ . i wish i was joking but i am not. they will do this for EVERY action hoseok does. he cannot blink without people twisting it into a sexual thing

[also, side note: its funny that, since hoseok is one of the least popular members and therefore one of the least shipped members, he is often the odd man out among pairings, and is assigned 'the straight one' by default, and 9 times out of 10 people who assign him 'the straight one' do all this 'dom daddy hoseok' shit.

which just goes to show that this is indeed a matter of heteronormativity.]

so anyways arguably the most popular ship with hoseok is with yoongi, sope. this absolutely happens to other ships probably but im just using them as an example because i see it the most, being a hobi stan

yoongi is very calm and thoughtful and kind and sometimes appears to be cold/having a bad attitude but its just because of the way he speaks, which is very bluntly. again hes a multi faceted real human and i do not know him personally but thats generally what hes like.

god the fandom. treats him SO BAD. so horribly. he's shorter than hoseok. he's shorter than hoseok and people will exaggerate that literal 1 inch height difference so bad and people will turn his whole personality into shy and blushy and In Love With Hoseok, so in love with hoseok that ‘he gets sad’ when hoseok doesn’t kiss him/hug him/or whatever and IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE.

ANY time hoseok or yoongi do ANYTHING together at ALL, people will ALWAYS push the narrative that hoseok, being the mean sadist he is, is 'hurting' yoongi for not returning his undying love or whatever. hoseok did a vlive where he made bracelets for all the members and he considered putting a cat charm on yoongi's but ultimately decided not to because he was having difficulty and oh my GOD sope stans twisted it into 'hoseok HATES yoongi, yoongi would have been so happy, he would have worn that all the time, hoseok isnt affectionate he hates being close with other people after all :(' which is LITERALLY not true because hoseok gives all his homies good night kisses but okay! whatever fits your narrative!

PEOPLE ACTUALLY HATE HOSEOK BECAUSE OF THIS. BECAUSE OF A SHIP. BECAUSE OF THE MANUFACTURED NARRATIVE PUSHED ONTO HIM BY FETISHISTS SO HE COULD FIT INTO THEIR HETERONORMATIVE ‘TOP’ ROLE. not to be all wahh wahh hoseok is one of the least popular members BUT THIS IS LITERALLY A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.

everyone """headcanons""" hoseok to be a top so they will make him a MEAN HYPERMASCULINE person. everyone """headcanons""" yoongi as a bottom so they will make him a SOFT UWU HYPERFEMININE person. shippers are literally pigeonholing the two of them into fujoshi-esque roles for jack-off material.

anyways this all boils down to: gay fetishists will do anything, ANYTHING, to twist characters or real life fucking people to fit their heteronormative view of top and bottom. top=mean and masculine, bottom=soft and feminine. hoseok is a real life human being. yoongi is a real life human being. they both have real life human personalities, and yet shippers twist their personalities into the opposite to fit their narrative, to the point where nonshippers will genuinely view the two of them as something theyre not.

you have tons of armys that theorize that hoseok's happiness is just a mask he puts on to hide a cruel nature. on twitter. on youtube. in fanart and fanfiction. you have tons of armys that truly believe that, despite literally all the evidence, believe he hates being cute, he hates being happy, he hates the members, and hes secretly a dom daddy fuckboy who wants to bend yoongi over a table. hes a real life human being and fetishists doing their fetish thing has real life consequences.

the same is true for bottom!hoseok stans: they overexaggerate his more cutesy personality traits and he does have a 'feminine' figure i.e. he has a rly small waist but they will overexaggerate that as well and give him huge hips and its disgusting but dom!hoseok is far more frequent with far more devastating consequences so i used that as an example but they’re both bad.

people who """"headcanon"""" [like actually headcanon/firmly believe and not just joking or lighthearted] that members are gay will force these types of roles onto the members. if someone genuinely believes that like, yoongi is gay/bi/whatever, and then try to force this subby soft uwu persona onto him, they have no respect for gay people. they dont. gay people are simply objects for their fantasies. their view of gay people is so one-dimensional and so driven by fetishists’ ideas that its actually disheartening.

and god bitches will deadass be homophobic yet still ship real ass human idols. not just for bts specifically but all boygroup fandoms. sometimes when you search up an idol's name, [idol] gay will be trending--whether it be because of people saying "im gay for him" or whatever, and a LOT of cishet people will try 'clearing' the searches because being gay is bad or something. people normally ‘clear’ the searches if something like [idol fat] or [idol ugly] are trending, which im telling you so you know the context that people only clear the searches when bad things are happening.

[never forget that time 'jungkook gay' was trending and bitches were like "lets clear the searches!" but their pinned tweet said some shit like "sub jungkook x dom jimin coffee shop smut au thread ����". bitches also be like i cant be homophobic i ship taekook]

and hoseok and yoongi arent the only ones affected ! we could get into why namjoon and jin (another popular ship) are often assigned 'dad' and 'mom' respectively, or the fact that gay fetishists not only twist members' personalities to fit their ship narrative, but will also force tropes onto them i.e. taehyung/jungkook shippers who will literally demonize jimin and call him a slut or say that he's trying to 'get in the way of' of taekook or 'steal' taehyung/jungkook but thats a whole DIFFERENT rant baby! racism/asian fetishism is also definitely a present factor in all of this but this focus was primarily on gay fetishism and heteronormativity.

oh my god i could also get into the severe transphobia/trans fetishism in this fandom too but this post is already long enough as it is

tl dr: gay fetishists will fetishize real life people and it has actual real life effects and we should ban straight women from shipping mlm

[j9guardians]

We spend a lot of time speaking on the contributions of Nine towards Joong in this fandom. That’s likely due to how visual his actions of care are. He physically is there for Joong in many ways be it helping him with studies, being his driver, letting him stay over, cooking, comforting him with touch. This time I wanted to extend on some of the things I mentioned previously. I want to peel back the surface layer and really explore why J9 works the way it does.

I think what many people overlook is the high probability that J9 are so close because Joong pursued the friendship either consciously or subconsciously.

When we hear Nine talk about their first meeting or his first impression, it’s clear that there were snags in his interest of a budding relationship between the two. This isn’t because Nine is negative or shady for the sake of being so. It’s because some people, like Nine, really measure you up in the first meeting. I’d go as far as saying he’s protective of his soft parts and don’t let most people in past a surface level. So there’s an immediate instinct to build walls.

Joong on the other hand has been said to be very trusting, naive, and gullible even - but with this he also seems to be very intuitive and also instinctive. By that I mean, that he goes with his feelings. If he feels someone is ‘good’ he’s going to go with that. If he feels like saying or doing in the moment he probably will try to go with the flow of it. When he recalls meeting Nine he expresses seeing him in his skill set and being kinda intimidated, in wanting to speak to Nine but being afraid to. This isn’t jealousy, nor envy, what he’s expressing in his description is admiration and trepidation. And because Joong is the type that wants to trust, because he admired Nine at the first - there was an openness and probably even a desire to create a friendship - despite the vibe of nine wanting otherwise.

This is the secret - people who build emotional walls usual have the desire fior those who excel at tearing down such walls, because there’s a hope here. The thought process becomes if this person works this hard, shows this much interest and effort to know me, to create a bond - then can’t I trust them to know how to protect me in the place of the wall. The real thing that they’re seeking is stability and security. So Joong being who he naturally is - trusting, sweet/nice, and honest are the parts of the things that helped him to build his relationship with Nine but it also had to come with levels of pursuit - being consciously interested in Nine’s daily goings, in his emotionalism and really being attentive to those parts. Because truly Nine is a creature of emotion, and I don’t mean that in the way that humans are emotive beings, no I mean some people’s basis are emotions - it’s the thing that’s moves them, the thing they protect, the thing that leaks through every portion of their being.

When we talk about love - Nine is one of those types who wants to give it, who exudes it, give it in totality even. People tend to use the word - mothering but i’d say the correct terminology is nurturing, as it means to care for or encourage development and really Nine in every essence. He is very much all about emotional expression. With this comes a moodiness and cetain type of stress so Nine needs to be adored, uplifted. On the other side Joong is the type that wants to see love wants to believe it in and experience it. There’s is a need to be doted on here as well but Joongs type of love is as close as you’re gonna get to unconditional. because he’s the go with the flow type, because he is so intuitive, theres this type of acceptance that many aren’t capable of and with it a willingness to be for what someone else needs. So there’s a give and take here, a compatibility. Emotional stimuli is why their relationship is ideal for them.

While differently, Joong is an emotional being as well and this is why he understands Nines emotionalism, his hangups, his tough shell. Nine has expressed thanks for this understanding of the parts of his persona that others might find difficult adapting to and managing as Joong has. We’ve heard them speak about not sleeping due to late night conversations. They’ve expressed their rules and a small bit of how they’ve created a working system inside their friendship. In the last post I mentioned how Nine said around Joong he can be his real authentic self. What he’s expressing there is that Joong pulls him out of his shell a bit, that he does so without judgement, or manipulation. He’s saying that with Joong, his inner workings are safe, Joong is seeing him and he still feels secure in those moments. I think Nine is/was genuinely surprised by this acceptance from Joong, because like I said previously, people don’t tend to truly like those who lean far to the serious side, who need exceeding encouragement and uplifting. Yet here we have Joong who seems to accept his rough sides - the part that excommunicates, or goes cold, is critical - and encourages him even during those times.

On the flip side, Nine’s concept of building ‘us’ friendships likely is ideal for Joong in many ways definitely during a time where his own family isn’t there. With Nine he’s allowed to not only build a partnership, a friendship a brotherhood, but also he’s become a part of Nines family. Once Nine accepted him into his circle, he welcomed him into both of his homes, and into his family who on their part accepted Joong as one of their own as well. This steeples their bond as Joong equally accepts the family as his own - referring to Nines mom as his mom and the siblings as his siblings.

Nine is perceptive which helps him smooth many emotional pitfalls that surrounds Joongs own sensitivities. In any good moment when there’s a misstep he’ll mend what he said, note that he’s joking, salve with small touches. If the mistep or slight is from someone else its the same, he’ll correct the person as a way to mend what they’ve said, lighten the mood, and often salve with some form of touch or look. Having let Joong in, Nine considers him ‘one of his people’ and with that comes many levels of protectiveness, possessiveness and clinginess.

Because of their set up and how the company likes to play up certain elements of their interactions, fandom seems to worry that outside sources will stem future problems. In fact the fear currently seems to come from the thought process that changes for Joong (starting university) means less time for J9 and more time for him to build outside relationships, which will create a distance. Its not that I’m saying outside forces can’t become a problem, no, I’m saying that the real issue between Joong and Nine (if ever one) will truly stem from the same thing that makes them so great together - their emotionalism. People don’t realize this but often, the thing that makes you love someone is usually the thing you eventually find most trying. Nine loves Joongs free spiritedness because it pulls him out of his shell - but that free spirited nature puts him out of his territory, with it comes unpredictability, instability and for someone who seeks stability and security that can be a landline. Same with Joong, he loves Nines drive and ability to be multi-talented and focused on his craft but with serious mindsets can come great pressure, feeling ignored, or second place to things like career - and that could be an issue.

J9 is that type of pairing that when it’s good between them it’s off the charts great because the ways they are similar caters to the one another’s needs. They’re both intuitive enough to communicate beyond words, they understand eachother on a deep level. So when they have fun they really have fun. But when it’s bad, it’s oh so very very bad. Because they are both highly emotional people when they go at it they but heads and the fights are high in tension as they don’t hold back. This is something they’ve admitted themselves. But when they makeup they’re also the type that comes with tears and apologies and real forgiveness because again they understand each other’s pitfalls. There is a real sense of guilt, because there is so much love beneath the surface and they don’t want to lose what they’ve managed to find/create.

The reason I’m not feeling insecure about Joong and university is because I understand that J9 truly make one another a priority. Joong has other friends, he’s had other jobs that gave him access to other people, he has other brotherhoods within the 6 Moons, but its inarguable that he makes himself readily accessible to and for Nine. Nine still makes sure he shines some attention on Joong even during his study sessions - sometimes even breaking his own rules and allowing Joong entry before his study span is over. There has been times he’s taken less sleep or done the extra driving to make sure he and Joong got their time in. We make time for what’s important and J9 seems to have always done that exceedingly well.

I don’t think separation will be their danger zone but instead a bit of codependency. It’s been only a years and they seem in the stage where being apart is not their definition of ideal. They use one another for emotional reliance, so much so I wonder if they’re really using any others to carry that burden. That’s the thing about emotional beings, it’s easy to fall and get lost in the hole of - someone understands me, sees me, accepts me. It can be addicting, electrifying, exhilarating. But it can also set the entire relationship ablaze and burnout those within it. Relationship - no matter what capacity - family, friends,’lovers, partners - are hard to maintain. They take patience, compassion, empathy, compromise, communication. Love isn’t what keeps people bound/bonded together it’s the tools we use to present love that does.

Personally I think Joong & Nine has what it takes to be in each other’s lives forever. Funnily I don’t believe anyone has done a fmv to it yet but I think Sam Smith’s Fire on Fire are made for pairings like J9.

“When we fight, we fight like lions

But then we love and feel the truth

We lose our minds in a city of roses

We won't abide by any rules

I don't say a word

But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know

There you go, saving me from out of the cold”

- Sam Smith Fire On Fire

That...that to me is the definition of J9 and why they work so well.

Note: First Video belongs to Macy, I got permission to use as i would have to reupload. You can find her on twitter @j9uwu

[astro-break]

Quick first thoughts on the first ep of the Hypmic Anime. Spoilers beware (and im writing this as I watch so :p)

Otome’s speech is.... questionable from a persuasive point of view. Manga did a great job of introducing her (which you can read here) but they really cut out the more terrifying parts of her speech and how she uses force to show people that she's not to be messed with

Its cool seeing everyone in their respective environments though. thats cool. Though they could have added Sasara and Kuuko (shhh i know why they didn’t let me dream)

I love how poppy the typography is. Its amazing how the visuals just leap out at you. The OP does a great job of this. The first few seconds before the title really gives me Persona 4 OG OP vibes with the influx of information given. The rest is a clear concise and streamlined way that still gives character. Animation is sparse but still carries across a general idea of each character and shows off each character object. Rendering is really nice and pays a bit of homage to the posing artwork thats done for the MVs. They also do their division hand signals and thats cute

Love how the OP has blatant HifuDoppo and DRB matchup foreshadowing

so far I really like what theyre going for. BB is about brotherly familial bonds and they show the goods and the bads. Jiro and Saburo bickering right out the gate really cements the fact that they get along like cats and dogs but you can still see that they love each other, working together when the situation calls for it

Now the 3d models. Theyre... not great but usable if you don’t look too hard. They serve their purpose and don’t actively detract from the viewing experience.

Visual typography in the rap itself are fun and poppy but they dont.... speak to me? like theyre there yes and I appreciate them but the only ones that got me excited were from Ichiro’s rap

I take my words back the group portion was kickass and I apologize

I love how they interpret the Hypnosis Speakers though. Esp. Saburo’s organs. That was super creative and I love it! If there was one thing that I felt was missing from the franchise was a deeper exploration of the speakers but the anime puts a new and fresh spin on it! Love it, especially with their attack patterns!

If the production team ever feels inclined to, Id love to see those info sheets on Otome’s desk released. There seems to be very interesting info and stats written out about each member (like capabilities, personal status etc.) They all seem unique too so I really really really hope they release images of those sheets

OOOOOOOOKAY MTC. I have such a big biased for them so Im very torn to see what unfolds

Rio striking out on his own is interesting. Out of everyone in MTC hes the biggest team player yet here he trusts his teammates to go ahead. This either displays Rio’s willingness to trust his teammates or it becomes very OOC if the anime wants to set him up as a lone wolf like character

I love how they specify its a drug deal. It means that Jyuto surely will show up and it also shows that Samatoki knows Jyuto’s motives and willingly gives black market info that he knows aligns with Jyuto’s goal. Thats A+ detail writing there and a great establishing characteristic for both of them

OOohhhhhhhhhhhhh man Asunama-san’s voice acting is god tier his work as Samatoki is phenomenal. He pulls of Samatoki’s threatening voice so well with those almost calm words before his voice becomes loud and confrontational. Those rolling syllables in contrast to Komada-san’s almost lyrical and airy speech and Kamio-san’s strict and enunciated words is such a delight to hear. It just speaks to how amazing and great these Seiyuu’s are in order to pull of such amazing work

Im so biased but MTC has such a better rap than BB im so sorry. Just by watching Samatoki’s part, the imagery is amazing. Even the arrival of his Hypnosis Speaker was awesome and sent a shiver down my spine. using the lyrics to form blades and blood was such a great thing to do. Theres so much more variety that just him standing there and shots of his hypnosis speaker. The old fashioned vignette shots, the four panel spread, the nods to old Kurosawa era films are great and I love these small details. Even the typography looks better.

Again, the interpretations with the speakers is fresh and new. Its great and I love the different imagery and attack patterns. Each one is so unique but carries across each different style of rap.

The 3d modles aren’t any better tho lol

(Hi this is Astro who is reading over their assessment again and making a note. Yeah I’m a bit harsh on BB’s rap. I’m not going to change it since I still stand by it and this post is supposed to be a documentation of my first impressions. I think one of the reasons why I’m so harsh on BB is because of their dynamic as a trio of brothers. They Have to have a more uniform approach than the other divisions. Which in of itself isn’t a terrible thing, it just doesn’t catch my eye as much as MTC did. Thats all! I definitely don’t hate BB, they’re maybe my 3rd favorite division out of the current lineup [not including TDD era teams like Kujaku Posse, MCD, and Naughty Busters] its just that their rap was pretty meh)

Samatoki crouching like a real gangstar and the cigarette kiss killed me

sadjkhfjkasdghsadjkcsdjhsdfsjhf im dying i love these trio of dumbasses so uch oh y fod someone save me aaaaaaaa (Astro note here! yeah i died when the jyuto and samatoki’s stomach growled im weak please. Samatoki’s face is just so precious and funny I might set it as a profile pic somewhere)

But also my initial assessment of Rio possibly being characterized as a lone wolf is very much jossed and im very thankful for that. It seems that Rio was simply trusting his teammates to carry out their part of the plan while he carried out his own. I like that, it really shows how much of a team these three are and that they genuinely trust each other. He’s also comfortable enough around them to invite them to dinners after work casually and not just for special occasions.

I really love MTC guys

Oooh! we get Ramuda on his design process which is really cute. the inside of his studio is super cute and retro and i love it. the poppy old music you would hear in a cafe or 90′s resturaunt is also really cute (astro note: yeah i know that in ARB you see the interior of Ramuda’s office but its kinda different seeing it animated)

the translation i have has gentaro speaking in early modern english (Shakespearian english for those who aren’t english nerds like me) but from what I can hear, he doesn’t speak in a particularly old fashioned way? Its more formal than old? and hes speaking without any of his character persona lying thing that he likes to do (as he refers to himself as “Shousei” throughout the segment where hes in Ramuda’s office which is kind of his default pronoun of choice). so its kinda odd for the translation to go in that direction but im not complaining

Gendice banter is gold but it feels... flat? a little? it doesn’t have the same impact as in the drama cds or in the manga? i feel? Also Ramuda using gratuitous english is??? idk how to feel about that

kjshf thats against the rules Ramuda omgggg,,,,,,,, (astro note again: while watching i was under the assumption that using your hypmic for monetary gain such a as buskering [which is what FP is doing] is against the rules. May not be the case but whatever)

FP’s rap might be my favorite in terms of tune and lyrics though. It’s a nice laid back bop and really gives of chill vibes. the integration of 3d and 2d is really nice and i love how they play off each other in the rap. The wordplay is so fun with little nods here and there and the beat is poppy too so it really energizes me.

Ramuda’s rap concerns me slightly since he makes very subtle and small nods towards his past (being created in a laboratory, warfare, and his overall very unpleasant life experiences) but spins it into something cutesy. It could be a coping mechanism, it could be me overthinking it. But it does make me worry a bit. Gentaro and Dice’s rap really play off each other with Gentaro sticking to stories and Dice taking up the baton by carrying on that same imagery but putting his own spin on it.

the self awareness of how scattered they are as a team is interesting though. It doesn’t seem like something you’d speak about in a rap? but i guess since its not really a do or die situation they can afford to be looser on things like this.

Right off the bat, i don’t like how they handled Hifumi and Doppo in relation to Hifumi’s fear of women. Slug made a post once talking about this and I echo many of his sentiments. Hypmic has never been very tactful about tackling this particular issue and while I didn’t have high hopes that the anime would be any better it hurts to see Doppo take away the one thing that allows Hifumi to function within society.

Doppo’s breakdown mirrors a lot of my own mental state when I spiral though its shown a lot quicker than what happens to me oof. that hits close to home. though Jakurai’s advice is. Questionable. Its not the best advice to give to someone but we have no idea what kind of doctor Jakurai is so ill let it slide

Jakurai’s pose looks like hes going to do a mahou shoujou transformation lmao

I don’t have many thoughts about the rap though again. How they visualize the rap is interesting. the different imagery is quite interesting for each of them and the typography is nice a distinct but im still on the fence about the visuals here

The sound is in the same boat. The sound effects either drown out the rap or are too quet but some parts are nice at least. When they talk about Tokyo’s beating heart, the heartbeat sound is a but distracting especially since its only played once. But the imagery is at least nice

I wonder if for the eds they’re going to take a similar approach to what Enstars did and have a four different endings, one for each division. I love the blend of styles here and it really accentuates that although they’re different they mesh well together.

Ramuda’s silhouette though is hilarious. Love it.

:p and thats it. Uh not bad for a first episode. Established all 12 characters really nicely and their dynamics. I had some problems with it but then again nothing is perfect. I look forward to what they show us next week

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

[embracethecringeside]

Not sure if anyone is actually reading this fanfiction but I have an update! Woo!

Okay so chapter two is technically shorter than chapter one but not by a lot, lmao. So this one is a lot more exposition, since chapter one did not explain much and it focuses a lot more on different Mortys. I’m hoping for future reference to just focus on a few at a time rather than a big group so I can really set up each one as an individual rather than just a “Morty”. 

Chapter one is here at fanfiction.net and here at ao3 but you really don’t have to read it to understand this chapter.

I also put this chapter, chapter 2 here at fanficiton.net and here at ao3.

This is 4,803 words and I simply titled it The Arrival because I cannot title things to save my life. 

The Arrival

When a particularly over friendly Morty had told a bunch of Mortys to meet him at the Creepy Morty during the presidential speech, they had expected more of a party. Like a watch party where they could all watch the stream and support their president. But it didn’t seem like the place was ready for a party, or really any kind of social gathering.  No decorations, no streamers, no confetti, not even any balloons. The harsh flickering lights overhead revealed that the room was grimy and unkept and none of the TV screens were even on. The air held a smell, like a refrigerator that hadn’t been cleaned in months. And most importantly none of them could see any food out, so it definitely couldn’t be any kind of party. 

Or maybe the biggest indicator that this was no party and they had been tricked was that there were two Ricks there with all of them. One Rick dressed in a police officer uniform stood guard at the entrance, hands behind his back, carefully scanning the room. The other Rick the Mortys recognized as the one that ran the Morty Daycare, and he was leaning up against the back wall, arms crossed, with an impatient look on his face. 

It was hard to say what the clue that tipped them off was, but most of them had a gut feeling that they had gotten themselves into some sort of trouble. Some were just confused. But the vibes in the room made them all feel uneasy. 

When a portal opened up next to Storage Rick, all he said was, “Alright come on,” and made a casual buzz off motion. As though they were going to just waltz through the portal to who knows where? He was crazy if he thought that would work. Oh well, okay of course he was crazy, all Ricks were but if he thought they were that stupid he had another thing coming. One Morty was about to take the bait but was stopped by another, who sighed and shook his head.

“I-I-I don’t-urp- don’t have all night, come on.” 

The one blocking the exit found his voice. “Morty, he’s just messing with you, really it’s okay. We’re taking all of you somewhere safe. I promise. You have to trust me.” 

“I don’t have to trust jack!” 

A few of them tried to rush the cop and burst out the entrance, but the doors were shut hard and fast, and no amount of pushing, shoving, or slamming his small spaghetti noodle strength against them did any good.

They must have been taking too long, because the portal closed.

“Ugh,” Storage Rick groaned, “This is taking forever. Why can’t it ever be easy with you dingbats? J-j-just walk through the damn portal! That-that’s all we’re asking you to do. Y-y-you’re a real- a real piece of work Morty.” 

“O-oh? L-l-like you’re so easy to deal with Rick?” “Y-yeah R-rick you’re no- no picnic either!” “Why would we walk through some portal with you?” “Just look-look what happened last time we did that!”

Another portal opened in place of the last one. 

One Morty that was feeling particularly brave, got up on one of the tables and tried to attract attention to himself. “Guys, guys!”

“What?”

“W-w-ell, I-I think we should, go with them.”

“Why?” “W-why should we?” “Are-are you crazy?” “No! No way!” 

“B-because th-this sucks! I hate it here, we all hate it here, and-and I don’t think whatever is on the other side of that portal could be any worse than this!” he gestured vaguely in front of him. 

“Uh, y-you mean the building?” “Don’t-don’t knock my business.” 

He sighed, exasperated with himself. Himselves. “What? No! Like-like everything is terrible! And he,” Morty pointed to the one in uniform,”he said he wants to help us.” 

“He’s a Rick” “He’s lying” “He’s a liar”

He hopped down from the table and walked with purpose in every step and brought himself closer and closer until he was bathed in the green light. “Frankly, I-I don’t care! I-I see that portal and I see a chance to leave and I’m taking it!” With that he marched forward right through the portal. 

And it wasn’t long before he came back, but with a big smile on his face. “Guys come on, you gotta see what’s through here!”

Linking hands with one Morty led to him grabbing another Morty’s hand until the room was one long hand holding chain of Mortys, and the first one took the initiative to fling himself back into the portal, and the enersa pushed the rest of them with him, falling through one after another like dominos. Once they had clamored off of each other and got up they were surprised to see that they were just in a house.

A normal looking house at that. 

The odd part? Was the Rick, that most of them had heard their Ricks refer to as Doofus Rick, stood there with a big smile to greet them.

“Alright, that-that’s it. That’s all of ‘em.” Storage Rick announced as he and Cop Rick walked in as the portal closed.

“Welcome Morty! Or I-I suppose I should say Mortys plural since there are more than one of you,” He fumbled his greeting every time, a mix of excitement and nerves kept him from being confident in what to say. “I’m Rick J-19-Zeta-7, but uh,” he sighed in defeat, “you-you can call me Doof.”

There were a few Mortys that awkwardly waved back at him, but most of them were just looking around, confused by everything.

“W-we all have stupid names, you think I like being known as Storage Rick?”

“If you would like, you can call me Cop.”

“W-w-why? T-theres no nuance or thought to it, it’s just your occupation being used as a name. It doesn’t even roll off the tongue. It’s stupid. Doof, Cop, and Storage, the fucking-’

“Language,”

“The fucking dwarves that didn’t make it into Snow White because their names were so ricdicously stupid.”

Cop crossed his arms and shot Storage a look that politely told him to shut up, then nodded to Doof to indicate that he should keep going.

“S-so the first thing we need to do is just run some diagnostics, update any of the vaccines that you may need, and even though I tend to give them out in the morning I will give you your vitamins as well.” 

“L-let’s begin shall we? House could y-”

“Yes, I know what to do.”

When the house spoke, most of them jumped right out of their skin. They weren’t sure how but it was like the walls, the ceiling, the embodiment of the house itself had a voice. It sounded a little familiar and it was unsettling.

“Y-your- uh, your house just-”

“W-w-why does your house talk?”

“I-I knew something was going to- going to be wrong here!”

“Aw geez.”

Storage Rick laughed at their expense. 

"I-It gets them every time!" 

"Don't worry Morty, it's only the artificial intelligence Doof's installed in his house. It's supposed to talk, it's a lot like non-corporational Alexa or Google Home." 

"Y-Yes, exactly, you can ask her anything from anywhere while you're inside. Well, unless, uh, not-not if you're in the bathroom. She can't detect you in there." 

They were asked to move down through the hall single file and after being scanned, poked, pricked, and prodded by mechanical arms, Doofus Rick each individual a little cup full of a viscous highlighter orange liquid that smelled like the peel of an orange and tasted like sidewalk chalk. “S-sorry about the impromptu check up, we just need to make sure we keep you all healthy.”

Doof had called for them all to make themselves at home in the living room which was rather spacious, but Morty wasn't so sure it was big enough for all of them. For the most part, it looked rather plain. A couch against the back wall,  loveseat along the other, and a recliner across from that, all matching, as though a part of a set. Same for the coffee table and end tables. The walls had built-in shelves filled with books, and a few potted plants. No TV to speak of, but there was a screen in front of the room that didn't appear to be attached to anything with text that was too small to decipher from far away. Plus, all three Ricks were gathered in front, obstructing their view, so there really was no hope of trying to read it anyway. 

Some sitting, some standing, all the new Mortys waited for Rick, any of them to start talking. Doofus Rick turned and smiled at them.

“S-so I suppose I-I should start by welcoming you all to your new home! I-I real-really hope you like living here!” Morty didn’t have anything to say apparently, so he continued on. “T-the hard part is over, and now we can talk about the fun stuff, like, designing your bedrooms. And of course choosing what the other Mortys have decided to call their “Public Identities”. M-many of you will be living here, h-however people in my dimension are not aware that the multiverse theory is more than a theory, s-so we have to ask you to make personas you’ll use when you leave the house. But of-of course, I-I think it’s much easier to show you what I mean r-rather than try to explain it.”

“W-wait, what-what do you mean we’ll be living here?”

“Y-yeah, can-can’t you just send us to our dimensions?” “I miss my parents.” “Aw geez, me too.”

“I want to go home.” “I miss Summer.” 

Gosh darn, he thought he could avoid having this conversation if he ploughed through everything as fast as possible. “Oh Morty, of-of course I-I understand you’re homesick b-but I-”

“L-look kid, if we could just send you back where you came from and n-never see your neckless mugs again we would.”

“T-that was actually the original plan. This was- my house was meant to be m-more of a waiting station while we prepared to bring you home.”

“It seems as though we’ve hit a snag, and we must ask that you stay here instead.” Cop completed the thought for Doof. 

“A snag?” 

“He means there- we have a problem.”

Morty sighed in frustration. “I knew what he meant. I just want to know what the problem is.”

Doof ran a hand through his bowl cut, “I-I just, oh gosh, I don’t know how to say it.”

“Y-you don’t have families to go back to M-morty, someone or something is traveling between dimensions and killing them. It-it’s brutal and we don’t know who-”

“W-Why-”

“Or how. But do not fret, we will discover who is responsible and bring them to justice.” Cop had this determination in his voice that was almost convincing. 

“S-so,” Doof clapped his hands together, no longer wishing to continue that particular conversation, “Now we can- we will visit some of the Mortys that already live here.”

He had them follow him through the dining room. It was almost as boring as the living room, with a table and chairs as most dining rooms would have, but there was one thing that was eye-catching. Next to the sliding door that doubled as a window there was a display case with a tea set inside, but it didn’t look like any fine china that they had seen before. That wasn’t a bad thing, the kettle, cups, and plates all seemed to be made expertly but each piece was so different and colorful but they all still looked like they were meant to be together. 

Glancing over the kitchen, which like the other rooms was big, big enough to have an island, all they saw were things like cupboards, drawers, a fridge, an oven, just normal kitchen stuff, nothing of interest at all. Nothing bright or fun, it all just looked well organized and practical. However, it smelled amazing, reminding them of how hungry they really were. 

“H-hey, come-come on, we don’t have all night, chop chop.” Storage snapped, motioning for the boys to follow him and the other two Ricks towards the door to the left of the refrigerator. All that did was bring them to a garage. Or at least that was what they thought, until Doof pressed on one of the bricks on the wall and it opened up like an elevator door, even with a soft little “ding, once the doors were completely open. That was when they realized it wasn’t like an elevator, it was an elevator. A huge elevator. 

“I-I think we can all fit!” Doof called, already in the back.

“Squeeze in and make room, or I will make you,” Storage threatened. 

Cop waited until he was sure everyone had made it in before stepping inside. “It might be a little tight but you probably won’t all be taking it all at the same time again.” He went ahead and decided they would go down just one floor, all they needed were a few examples. The elevator gave them a smooth ride, but they could feel the pull of gravity as the elevator moved downward. 

Since everyone else was being too sheepish to ask, one Morty asked, “W-w-where are we going?”

“S-stop asking so many questions.”

“Storage, Morty can ask as many questions as he wants.”

When the doors opened again, they all shuffled out into a long hallway with twelve doors total, six on each side, and what looked like bathrooms at the end. It looked like a college dorm. 

“Since you’ll be living here, I, uh just thought it-it would be- I thought we could show you what your bedrooms could be like. W-we make each floor plan the same, each room is 11’X12’ and of-of course that-that doesn’t include the 5’X5’ closet space. Then each room has a bed, nightstand, a dresser, and a desk for schoolwork. But from there,” a smile spread across his face and there was a sparkle in his eyes, “You get to decide what you want your room to be! And-and,” he was so excited he seemed to be having trouble forming words, “We’ll show you.” 

He knocked to the tune of, “Shave and a Haircut” on one door and it swung open almost immediately. But that room didn’t look like the room he had just described. Well, maybe it was the size Doof had mentioned, Morty was never sure how to measure distances, but it had none of the furniture he mentioned and it was filled with art supplies. Shelves and shelves of things like sketch books, art how to guides, art history books, canisters filled with pencils, pens, markers, colored pencils, and paint brushes. One wall was only different types of paint, oil, water color, pastels, acrylic, each with its own rainbow of color to choose from. An artist’s desk sat in the corner with a stack of papers on top, and a stack of blank canvases on the floor, and a pile of painted canvases next to those, and in the center of the room was an easel with the canvas facing toward the best part of the room, the window. The entirety of the back wall of the room was an impressively crystal clear window, overlooking a garden, bringing in beautiful streams of golden light showering the entire room. 

“H-hi Artist Morty, is it alright if we show the new Morty’s your room?”

“Oh-oh of course, come in!” The paint splattered boy grabbed Rick’s arm and pulled him in. “I-I need more eyes on my latest project. I’m trying something new, it-it’s rather abstract.” 

Doof appreciated art, but he had difficulty understanding or putting his own meaning to it, so he just looked at it objectively and tried to offer compliments that way. This had lots of green swirls in the background, with floating blue triangles and yellow orbs in it’s mist. “I like the contrasting colors, it’s visually compelling.” 

A Morty in a purple shirt walked up behind them “I-I know this feeling, this-this is that feeling you get when you walk through a portal.” 

Artist Morty was very excited someone understood his art, even if it was, well, himself.

“H-hey, are-aren’t you worried about getting paint everywhere?” Morty asked, realizing there was nothing covering the floor to protect it.

“Nope! N-nothing stains, not-not even my clothes!”

“Oh yes, I-I was very careful to make everything stain resistant for you guys.”

One Morty who was always a little cold couldn’t help but feel drawn to the window, enjoying the warmth he could feel radiating from the sun. Something about it was off, but he couldn’t quite place what it was. 

Suddenly they heard music, generic electro dance pop to be exact, crashed in like a wave, drawing Doof and the new Mortys back into the hall. Storage Rick was standing next to the door that was the source of the music, which was a dark room, illuminated by rave lights, and a floor divided into big square tiles, that each lit up a different color as the Morty in cut off jean shorts moved across them. He had been so caught up in his own enjoyment that he hadn’t realized he had gathered an audience.

“Yeah! Fuck it up Good Time Morty!” Storage Rick shouted, but it was hard to tell if it was in earnest or in jest. The Morty inside didn’t seem to mind either way, continuing to dance his cares away even after seeing the crowd gathered in the doorway.

After Storage shut the door, they noticed they couldn’t hear any noise at all, even though they knew his music was overwhelmingly loud. “T-the best part, all of these rooms? Completely soundproof.” 

“W-woah I-I liked his room, it looked like fun,” the Morty still dressed in 2018 New Years garb spoke up. 

“Oh gee, I-I don’t know, it-it was a little overwhelming.” 

Cop thought for a second, and he knew which Morty’s room would be nice and calm, and a good demonstration of what they could really do with a room. He knocked three times and a Morty with long, shoulder length locks and a tie-dyed shirt opened up the door. 

“Rick, what's up man?”

“Hippie Morty, would it be alright if we showed the new Mortys your room?”

“Of course, come on in, it-its not my room, no one can own a room. Ownership means nothing man, that-thats how they get you. How the man keeps you down.” 

When he opened the door and let them in, the Mortys weren’t so sure if it was a room at all because, well, as far as they could tell they were outside. Long lush green grass covering the ground, trees and flowers in the distance, and a big endless sky without a cloud in sight. Stars shined down through the deep rich navy night and a crescent moon beamed down. However, the glow of the fire he had going was the brightest thing in the, uh, space. A slight breeze brushed past all of them.

“H-howdy sheriff.” A Morty dawning a ten gallon hat was sitting on the ground behind the fire and leaned over so he could get a peak at Rick and the new Morty.

“Good evening Cowboy Morty, I almost didn’t see you there.” he went ahead and took a seat next to him. 

Quick to notice the watch still on Hippie Morty’s arm Doofus Rick prompted, “D-do you think you could show your “Public Identity” to the new guys if you aren’t too busy?” 

“Sure man, h-hold on.” After twisting the face of the watch he was wearing left, right, left again, he suddenly shapeshifted, which almost looked frightening in the firelight. He became taller, lankier, his hair changed to a sandy blonde, he had some scraggly facial hair on his chin, an actual neck, wore baggy jeans and an oversized tie-dyed hoodie. “S-see?” he spoke, but the voice was no longer one of a Morty. “Like, I made mine an extension of my very essence.”  With that he twisted the watch and switched himself back.

Storage said, “W-we made the watches based on the one from that m-movie Megamind. D-does that scan? Y-you guys know that movie?” 

Most of them nodded.

“We did make a few changes, however, we made it so the voice changed with the disguise, and made it so you could lock it in so it couldn’t be bumped and changed by accident.” Cop explained. 

“W-what are you two up to, are-are we interrupting?” Doof asked, being the last one to move his way in, being sure to close up the door again so the ambiance wasn’t ruined by the fluorescent light of the hall. 

“No, no, don’t worry we’re just vibing.”

“Reminiscin’.”  

Storage Rick shook his head and sat down. “Just-just sitting around the fire? R-really? I’ll tell you what were going to do, w-were going to take advantage of this creepy ass atmosphere, and I’m going to retell a famous horror story.”

“Y-you’re going to tell us a story?”

“T-this isn’t a nice story M-morty. And I’m not telling it verbatim, I-I’m only summing it up for you.  Now shut up, sit on the fake grass, and listen. It-it’s called The Veldt.”

“By Ray Bradbury? Oh that-that’s a good one.” Doof smiled as he settled in next to the Mortys. 

Cop squinted at him and furrowed his brow in suspicion. “Huh, how relevant.”

“Quiet. This family had a house that could do anything. It-it did everything for them and the parents became lazy, useless, wastes of space, while the children turned into s-spoiled little monsters. The nursery was built so it could show anything they could possibly ask for with screens making up all the surfaces of the room. A lot like the room we’re in right now.” 

“Wait, Rick, are-are you saying all of this, these-these are just screens?”

Storage threw up his hands. “O-of course they are, did-did you think that we just magically ended up outside?”

“I-I think the story describes it as crystals installed in the walls,” Doof interjected.

“A-anyway,” Choosing to ignore the correction, he continued. “One day the parents discovered the children had been f-focusing on Africa a little too much. Watching lions eat their prey. S-since that-that’s pretty fucked up, they asked a psychologist what it meant, who told them they sucked at being parents. The house provided for the children and was replacing them as the caretaker. Which meant their kids were going absolutely batshit insane l-losing touch with reality, with their humanity. Something was off about that nursery too, n-not only did the African veldt look and feel too realistic for comfort, b-but the father found a wallet of his all chewed up and covered in saliva.” The fire crackled as he took a pause for dramatic effect.

“W-When the parents threatened to turn off the house so they could all live like normal people, tie their own shoes, cook their own eggs, the children were pissed. They never had to lift a finger the way things were, and they were way too attached to the house. S-So you know what those rotten kids did?” 

He scanned the room, but the Mortys only shook their heads.

“T-they locked their parents in the nursery!” 

He was met by a bunch of blank stares.

“And?’

“What-what do you mean?”

“W-well, what happened to their parents?”

“T-the lions fucking ate them Morty. T-that’s it. That-that’s the story.”

“B-but the lions weren’t real, were they?”

Cop spoke up. “The lions weren’t supposed to be real, but the room was malfunctioning and the lions came to life.”

“O-or it was working too well.” Storage retorted. 

“A-are you saying that could happen t-to us?” Glancing around the all too realistic outdoor setting. 

Doof placed a hand on Morty’s head.  “Oh no Morty, of course not! It’s only a story, these rooms are very safe, I-I promise.”

Hippie Morty, feeling somewhat nervous now, stood up and pressed a panel on the wall, and slowly the once robust landscape faded away and in its place was an ordinary bedroom. Except for the overly bright paint job, with harsh yellow, neon pink, and lime green in a spiral, matching the dye job on his shirt, the shag carpet was green, but no longer a beautiful grass green, but a pea green. His nightstand and desk both had a rough aesthetic and still had a fresh scent. The bedspread was just as bright as the walls but with a rainbow tie-dye job rather than just a few colors. One thing the Mortys were shocked to see still there was the fire.

“W-wait, you just-just have a fire going in here?” It seemed like the exact opposite of safe. 

“No need to panic-” Cop couldn’t finish before Storage kicked over the shallow pan they had been utilizing as a fire pit, only for nothing to happen. The fire went out rather than spread. “Everything is fire retardant, just in case.” 

Before they knew it, they were all being ushered back into the elevator and down even further. However, this time when they stopped, Cop asked for twelve of them to follow him, while the other eleven went down another level with Doof and Storage. 

Cop Rick cleared his throat and stood tall and firm with his hands behind his back as he spoke. “This will be the floor you all live on, each room is fully furnished and we have provided clothing as well. Right now all of them are the same so it does not matter which one you choose, it will matter once you have finalized the design you would like, feel free to visit other Mortys and take your time deciding. Right now, we would like all of you to shower and change into clean clothes and meet us back upstairs afterwards. Any questions, comments, or scathing inditements?” Morty did not know what that last word meant, but he decided it was best to just go ahead and shower and change like he had been asked.

Who knew being clean could feel so good? Showering, actually showering with warm water and soap was so much better than being sprayed with icy water from a hose. He had forgotten what it was like. Same with wearing clean clothes. The yellow pajama top and bottoms he found laid out for him on his bed smelled fresh and were so soft. If Doof hadn’t told him there would be food waiting for him upstairs when he was ready, he could have fallen asleep right then. 

Thank goodness he didn’t. He was starving, they all were. Salad, soup, dinner rolls, mashed potatoes, something called green bean casserole, an apple, and meatloaf as the entree, he ate it all with vigor. Morty wasn’t even sure he tasted any of it, he just faded in and out of consciousness as he gorged himself, only coming back to life to put more on his plate. Each of him ate that same way until every single edible thing Rick had placed on the table disappeared. Finally Doofus Rick gave them each a slice of chocolate cake. It was so rich in taste but light and airy in texture, maybe it was just that he couldn’t remember the last time he had dessert but it was possibly the best cake he had ever eaten. 

“Rick- uh, Doof, did you make this cake yourself?”

“N-not just the cake Morty, I-I made everything myself.” He cheerfully answered. “I love cooking a-and baking.”

“Hey, m-me too! Y-you think I could help sometime?”

“Oh gosh sure if you want to Morty, tomorrow morning I’ll be up early making cinnamon rolls.”

“Holy shit-”

“Watch your profanity-” Cop started, but he caught himself, raising his unibrow and turning to Doof, “Wait did you say cinnamon rolls?”

“Y-yes, I figure it’s a special occasion, s-so I thought I-I should make my homemade cinnamon rolls.”

“Those are very good.”

“Oh man, y-you lucky bastards-”

“D-don’t feel left outI will make enough for everyone,” Doof couldn’t help but giggle at how excited they got over baked goods. “N-ow M-mortys, I do think it is time for you to go to bed, it is already late and you had a big day. We can- we could come down with you and tuck you in if you would like.” 

All the Mortys were exhausted, and he could see it, especially now that they were clean and fed, all they wanted was to crawl into those full sized beds and pass out. 

“N-no that-that’s okay.” “W-we got it.” “Thanks anyway.”

“I-” he yawned, “I can put myself to bed.” 

“O-okay, well, goodnight, sleep tight. See you in the morning!”

[cyclone-sally-art]

For the persona Au, what the basic plot and themes of it and will there be a mascot character that symbolises that main theme?

okay i have a doc of themes that were word vomited out and a rough story, so ill stick it under a keep reading. warning it gets less fleshed out as it goes tho

i also have no idea for a mascot, or any real theme.

Persona au

Molly: as the main character, she is the fool arcana. Dps with a lot of evasion. her persona is goldilocks. codename is bear trap

her persona helps her understand that she is allowed to care about herself, she doesn't have to put on a sweet face

"Why do you sit and let them walk all over you...? You allow yourself less than you deserve... you claim to compromise and yet you let yourself be pushed to the wayside... And all the while you are taken advantage of by those closest to you... let us forge a contract little one... I am thou, thou art I... take charge of your destiny! We will not sacrifice our desires for the gain of others!"

Mollys mask is soft, what she shows to others. Its made entirely of fabric, so its harder to get a grip of to tear off

Giovanni: strength arcana. almost solely because of his strength of heart, but hes mostly a healer/buffer magic wise. his physical moves are fairly strong but his healing is probably the best of all other characters. a funny ui thing that i imagined was him scribbling out the attack names and writing cooler ones that show up on the buttons you select. His persona is fionn mac cool.

Has a big honking spear (not pictured)

Fionn means ‘light haired’ but the exact origins of this name is unknown.

This persona embodies Giovanni’s sense of comradery. Fionn was the leader of the Fianna, a small band of warriors mostly detached from the royal politics of the time.

"well that didn’t take long. So young, so eager to rebel. It is clear to any that you would truly die for your comrades. Yet your higher ups see this devotion, and think you as weaker for it. Little do they know that this kinship is a strength! I am thou… thou art I… let us form a contract, and this strength will not be ignored!”

Giovanni's outside ‘mask’ is not very different from his real self, so the metaverse equivalent is actually a pair of shades. They aren’t hard at all to remove

Sylvie: temperance arcana. he has the most well rounded epithet move wise and hes pretty well rounded in stats too. His persona is Beefton

Its minos themed, but its really just Beefton

Mera: Moon arcana. primarily because reflecting light and junk. the research I have says that moon arcana have a hidden depth to their actions.

Indus: chariot arcana. entirely due to his drive and focus on BARRIERS. his personal goal to protect lady Mera also fits the chariot.

Percy: justice arcana.

Ramsey: hermit arcana.

Zora: sun arcana.

and as for order the party is formed in the hypothetical game... (its not how they meet but the times they join party)

id say that molly first gets pulled into a palace with giovanni (it doesnt really matter who the palace belongs to) and then the two unlock their personas and meet morgana (who i guess would stay the same since nobody else in ee that i know of fits)

then sylvie follows them into the palace the next time, he unlocks his persona whos... basically beefton but hes wearing greecian clothes and the persona name is minotaur

mera and indus actually discover the metaverse independently, but meet the trio when theyre very lost (they just wanted to get out of prision) meras persona is probably gonna be based on kaguya but ill have to check if theres already a persona with that name. indus's is probably some sort of defending hero (wether mera has a palace or not is up in the air)

percy who has been investigating these 'phantom theives' that have apparently stolen two (or more, how many palaces between team members joining is undecided) hearts already. i dont have it figured out how she gets into the metaverse but thats around the time she joins. her persona is likely some god or angel of justice after joining and stealing another heart.

percy introduces ramsey to the group (he most likely doesnt have a palace because hes not really troubled by much other than survivalism.) his persona is definitley a rodent (pied piper came to mind)

finally the final team member is zora! her persona is def a time/sun being of some kind, but i havent hammered out a motivation for joining other than 'people born with power lord it over others and i hate it' buts shes def the loosest canon.

Other possible phantom theives are feenie and trixie, possibly rick shades, yoomtah could be a weird helpful sidekick that doesnt have a persona cause robot. maybe the final boss is the leader of bliss ocean.

zoras persona is eos, greek godess of dawn. eos' symbols are saffron, a cloak, roses, tiara, cicadas, and horses.

the cloak and horse really mesh so im thinking a cloaked woman on a horse (or a cloaked horse lol)

[doctorwhos]

Hello! I just read your post on the thing around Crowley’s nose (i’m jewish) and I have to thank you because I always felt uncomfortable about it but never had the words to explain why Anyways, you said something in the post about the decision to cast DT as crowley and I was curious about your thoughts on that?

thank you for the kind words love !! i made the post because i was feeling uncomfortable and unsettled by how some people were drawing crowley, but it took me a while to finally figure out why ! when i did, i had decided to write the post ! i’ve been putting off answering this question for a while, since ive also had other people send me asks with the same thing. but ive finally decided to do so (for a second time, bc i lost my original answer from a power flicker at home).

i probably could have worded what i said better in my post, but i didnt, so now its time for me to explain what i meant by saying that david tennants casting decision was antisemitic. im going to preface this by saying i dont think the casting director OR gaiman came into the decision for antisemitic reasons, nor do i think david was cast ‘just because of his nose,’ as some people have been claiming i said. i just think it was an unfortunate side effect to the decision. gaiman said that david was picked bc of his unique silhouette for the church scene, but that doesnt change the impact it has. im also going to touch a bit on his character design in the show, because this is my post and i can do what i want. 

gaiman said that crowley was based off of him (though this might just be tumblr lip service, since i cant seem to find any source saying this, so feel free to correct me if im wrong). so, my initial thought would be that gaiman wouldve and shouldve cast a jewish actor for the role. he was raised jewish, and is jewish, even if he doesnt actively identify with the faith, and if crowley is based off of him, why wouldnt he pick a jewish actor to play him? we all know he didn’t, because he picked david. david isnt jewish in any capacity, just really really scottish. but, he looks like he could be jewish. im pretty sure i have an uncle that looks uncannily similar to david, and im 100 percent jewish, which isnt much, but is something i just think is funny.

if i remember correctly, gaiman has also claimed that he wrote crowley in response to an antisemitic scene he observed in a play. two defining explanations for who crowley was as a character before he had ANY kind of character traits were that he was based off of gaiman, and he was written as a response to antisemitism. this screams pretty jewish to me, but again, a goyish man was cast to play crowley.

why would it be antisemitic for this to be the casting decision for our resident snake man? im glad you asked, my fellow jew in arms, cause i have many things to say and no word limit.

we were all first introduced to david in mainstream media from doctor who, where he had a very different look compared to crowley. now, both the tenth doctor and crowley are very different characters, but there is something they both have in common. theres a persona that is settled deep within both of them that they dont like anyone to see, sans a single person (rose and aziraphale respectively). the time lord victorious versus the nice demon, obviously there are other similarities, and david has played characters that aesthetically are much more similar to crowley than the doctor was. there was that one movie about lesbians where he played that goth hipster dude, among others. but, fanart for david for these two characters are so drastically different its sometimes shocking to remember that they are played by the same actor.

david reminds me of my uncle who loves to wear the locust mask at a passover sedar because he thinks its the funniest one. david has the same nose as my grandfather. crowley uses yiddish in teh show. has was cast out of heaven for questioning G-d and the infallible plan, which are two very jew-y reasons to be kicked out of heaven. hes the serpent of eden, which is supposed to be the first real icon of evil -- as well as something a lot of christians will attribute to judaism. 

crowley is almost undeniably jewish, but he is also littered with antisemitic features. as i said in my original post, a lot of the features that really define crowley, when combined, points towardsA a very antisemitic caricature. crowley in the book is described as having dark hair, which most fans interpreted as red. gaiman and the costume designer decided on red hair for crowley, as well as making it curly when its long. both of these decisions are deliberate alterations from the book description. one could argue that gaiman would have the best idea of what crowley looks like because he and prachett wrote the book together, but they also purposefully left the descriptions to a bare minimum. 

it was the combination of (antisemitic) character design decisions with david tennants jew-passing goyishe look, that i feel the casting decision was unintentionally antisemitic. no one intended for it to be that way, but to have a non-jew play a character that is so visibly interpreted to be jewish, its insulting. especially when you add multiple layers of antisemitic character design on top of it. 

id be glad to further elaborate, but i feel like this post has gotten long enough, and is a little obnoxious. everyone is free to reblog this post, as well as my original one, goyim especially. if youre not jewish, do not make a negative comment. come talk to me, and we can see why you refuse to acknowledge antisemitism. 

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[angrylizardjacket]

And All The Queen’s Men {Roger Taylor}

A/N: 5486 words. Okay wow. Please bare with me, this is a long one and also a bit of a different one. Written in the style of a Rolling Stone article. Finished it at 7am. Prompt & support from the lovely @ginghampearlsnsweettea

[And All The Queen’s Men ‘verse masterpost]

Warning: Minor character death, in both senses, it’s a baby, it’s not graphic it’s just mentioned, but just thought I should let you know.

And All The Queen’s Men: how the lines blurred between Queen and and the Queen of Jazz Rock.

An article almost two years in the making, after their last tour, which I was invited along to in order to write the initial article, the rock sensation Queen split, a decision, I am lead to be believe, was instigated by front man Freddie Mercury, and though Giselle Jones had continued to make music, even before her very public, on-stage breakdown, her lawyers had me keep the article to myself. Now, with the band’s reunion, and Live Aid having been a massive success with both powerhouse musical names coming back into the public eye, I’ve invited them back to my office for one last interview, but mostly to beg them to let me publish this article.

Which, obviously, they allowed.

It’s 1985, and with them all sitting in front of me, I feel a sense of deja vu. There are some changes, of course, Roger Taylor’s hair is shorter, Giselle Jones is wearing jeans and a sweater rather than her well-known cocktail dress, but John Deacon’s still smiling at me, Brian’s looking about the room, perhaps seeing if anything’s changed, and Freddie Mercury’s draped casually on the left of the only non-Queen member of the bunch. 

But before I get into the past two years, maybe I should take you back a bit, to when Giselle and Queen began collaborating.

Giselle Jones began in the late sixties as the front-woman of a swing band in a thirties theme pub known as Modern Glamour. Tall, elegant, with a voice like honey, she had a small following of regulars that frequented the pub, but had kept her passion from music from her family, claiming she was merely a waitress at the establishment, since her father was an executive at EMI, and she didn’t want to seem like the subject of nepotism.

However, one fateful day, her father brings music industry giant to the pub for lunch, hoping to catch Giselle at work and introduce her, but as you know, they both got a lot more than they bargained for. Foster sees potential in her, and offers her a contract if she’s willing to modernise her act, and as we all know, she does.

When Giselle releases her first album in 1970, Velvet Roses, which would be the first and only “Jazz” record to hit the Top 40 charts for that year, Queen are still playing pub gigs around London, though they’re looking at recording their first album, which would eventually get EMI’s attention, but that’s still not for a while. At this point, they’re the biggest fish in a very small uni-pub pond, and they need the means to grow. So out goes the band’s van, for one night in a recording studio.

“Like, in retrospect, of course it was the right decision.” Taylor leans against the back of the sofa he’s sitting on in my office in 1982, voice contemplative and fingers locked together as he looks into the past. “But I was twenty-two at the time, selling my van was a big deal.”

“A big enough deal that you wrote a song about it.” Giselle adds, sitting beside him in the middle of the sofa. Deacon hides a smile though May doesn’t hide his snort of laughter. 

The smirked remark is at odds with her look. While the boys are all in various states of brightly patterned shirts and jeans, looking casual and comfortable; Giselle wears white, sequinned, off-the-shoulder gown that hugs her figure and hits the floor, a slit in the thigh where her leg crosses, dark skin a stunning contrast to both the white fabric of her dress, and the leather of my sofa. Hands folded in over her knee, there’s not a singular hair out of place where she’s got it slicked back; I can’t look at her directly, she’s so focused and well put-together that it’s like staring at the sun.

The contrast has always been apparent in their various works, though Mercury has, in the past, cited her as an early inspiration for his desire to add a certain classical gravitas to rock and roll, and though she hasn’t publicly stated anything, the amount of covers Giselle has performed lived could fill an album. And now, here they are, about leave for a double-billed tour of the US, which I have been asked to join.

But their connection goes back much further than this, all the way back to 1975, to the release of the smash-hit single Bohemian Rhapsody That very same year, Giselle releases her fifth single, Dinner and a Show, a lyrically dissonant, heart pumping anthem that’s a metaphor for the way any type of review fuelled her, since it meant people were talking about her work. 

You serve yourself on a platter; your putrid delights, / yet how can I refrain? / You don’t come to flatter, you don’t want to go / so come on baby, / don’t you know? / You’re treating me to dinner and a show.

Giselle’s usually silky performance is turned into a masterclass of vocal gymnastics as she slides easily from the rough intensity of rock and roll, to the smooth purr of jazz as she sings about eating critics for breakfast.

They say a free mind makes the meat so tender / now you’re on the menu and I’m a big spender

The song itself comes as a response to her former manager about how her “aggressive” move to music that more stylistically rock and roll was alienating older audiences, though Foster, still her producer at the time, was pushing for her to skew to a younger audience, and it seemed as though he had gotten his way.

The real change, however, was the B-Side of the record. After speaking to Jim “Miami” Beach, Queen’s lawyer, regarding potentially covering one of the band’s songs, Giselle reveals that she was eventually told to just ask them directly.

“I gave Miami a letter that basically explained that I’d like to cover one of their songs for my new album,” Giselle gives me a thin smile, and I feel like I’ve done something wrong, even though I’m assured by Brian that her public persona “is just like that sometimes”. 

“- and I thought it was a joke! I said ‘yeah, sure, what’s the worst that could happen’.” Mercury laughs, leaning forward elbows on his knees and eyes shinning with amusement. “I did not believe for one second that Giselle, Giselle-” repeating her name for emphasis, his hand comes to quickly rest on hers where she still has them perfectly still on her knee, a moment of solidarity, “wanted anything to do with us. Hand Held Heart had been at the top of the US charts for almost three whole weeks the year before.” Letting out a long, wistful sigh, Mercury sits back, still grinning, though he’s got this far away look on his face now. 

“So we’d been stuck on a farm, recording A Night At The Opera for weeks with no outside communications, ” May fills in where Mercury’s faded into his own memories, and Taylor slings arm around Giselle where she’s actually relaxed somewhat, hands now in her lap. Curiously, she doesn’t shrug him off. “And when we get back, it turns out that she’s put a jazz cover of Jesus, yeah, that song from our first album, on the B-Side of her newest single.”

“Freddie practically had a heart attack.” Deacon adds, patting Mercury’s shoulder fondly.

In her own way, she was continuing the trend that Dinner and a Show had started, and that seven-inch single would bestow upon Giselle the title of Queen of Jazz Rock. It hadn’t been the first time she had acknowledged the band publicly, by the time she had released the single, her public persona had gained enough traction that, a few months prior to her recording of the cover, a reporter had asked if Killer Queen, Queen’s biggest hit at the time, had been written about her. The question had been caught on camera by the reporter after one of her tour stops in the Midwest of America; the footage is a favourite of fans, including myself, of the way she doesn’t even turn, simply calls over her shoulder, ‘they should be so lucky’, and she gets into her waiting car.

“I never took offence,” Mercury tells me, both in 1982, and 1985, as I bring it up both times to consolidate the origins of their musical partnership.

“You wouldn’t, you were all starry-eyed for her back then.” Taylor leans back to address Mercury behind Giselle’s head, but only when he says it the first time, in 1982. 

“It was a bit of a dig at us,” Deacon agrees with the drummer, nodding before shrugging. “A lot of good came out of it, though.” The others seem to agree, but Giselle herself has stayed quiet. For the first time since the interview started, she looks away from me, gaze dipping as she seems inclined to speak, though she takes her time to weigh up her words before she says them, wondering exactly what will and will not be printed.

“It was a bit of s**t thing to say. I was twenty-four and I panicked, I had to keep up my... this persona.” She gestures now to herself, breaking the entire physicality as she lets herself lean back, and I feel like I can breathe, seeing her act so human. Adjusting, she lets herself rest of the slightest of diagonals, shoulder to shoulder with Taylor’s arm still around her, now with Mercury petting her knee in solidarity.

Once in the tour bus, the difference between Giselle Jones, the woman, and Giselle, the singer and personality, becomes almost jarring to see. As soon as we get into the bus, she strips off the gown she was wearing, I turn away, though the others don’t seem to be bothered by it, May takes the dress to a waiting assistant by the door, and when I turn back, she’s in a pair of sweat pants and Taylor is tossing her shirt several sizes too big for her. For the first time since I’ve learned about her, Giselle looks comfortable, looks approachable and, for lack of a better word, non-robotic, taking a hairbrush from a drawer and flopping onto one of the beds as she brushes out the gel, apparently not bothering with a shower just yet.

“I showered this morning.” She seems to have caught my confused look, and explains herself. With her guard lowered in the familiar situation, her natural voice shines through, a rich, yet feminine alto, reminiscent of her singing voice. It adds to the list of things that add character to her beyond what her “persona” could ever convey. Or perhaps that’s the point.

The bus itself is almost too small for the five performers, and I’m certain it won’t fit me, but Giselle and I watch as they cram a blow up bed onto the kitchen table. It looks stable, and for the opportunity to experience living in such close quarters with such big names, I’d take anything.

“Sorry, darling, Paul takes the only spare bed.” Mercury informs me as I shimmy up onto the bed to test if it would hold. I had thought that the vehicle was at capacity, though it does make sense that the band’s day-to-day manager, Paul Prenter, would be travelling with them. That being said, I hadn’t realised there was even a spare bed, there was only five, perhaps none of them had wanted to be subjected to the blow up bed and decided to share instead.

When we finally get on the road, I get to finally see their true dynamics emerge. We all know the Queen dynamics by now, brotherly yet volatile, at times. I had worried for Giselle at times, the concept of living with four men (five if you count Prenter, who Giselle does not seem to, when I ask her about it, though I don’t think that’s a subject I should pry about, judging by the look on Taylor’s face where I can see him lounging at the back of the bus). However, I should have not have been worried; first of all, despite the youthfulness of their appearances, performances, and spirit, these are all men in their 30s, Giselle herself being 31 at the time of writing (1982), and they all have experience living with women, and with each other.

“First tour was a nightmare.” Deacon’s joined me on the blowup bed, is sipping tea as we travel along. “We learned real quick how disgusting close quarters can be.” He’s a quiet soul, but observant, and honestly I really enjoy his company. Anyone who can weather over a decade of rock and roll and come out as calm as him deserves some sort of recognition. “It’s much better now. Mostly.” He smiles like it’s an inside joke, but won’t elaborate. Giselle and Taylor refuse to clarify what he means by that, May just laughs when I ask him, directing me back to ask Taylor and Giselle, and Mercury calls them all gossips.

It’s something about the tour lifestyle that must bring out the childishness in them all, which comes out strongly during dinner. They shove my blowup bed into the sleeping quarters when dinner is served, and the five of us manage to cram into the tiny booth the bus allows. May, Deacon and Giselle are in charge of cooking dinner, sausages, potatoes, and peas, since apparently Prenter and Mercury have taken lunch duties, and Roger has put himself in charge of getting coffee and tea for everyone in the morning.

“We should really eat breakfast.” Giselle muses through half a mouthful of food.

“I do!” Deacon, next to me, comes back with, pouring some more peas onto his plate.

“You just eat cereal from the box, Deaky, that’s not breakfast.” Taylor counters him, which just causes the rest of the table to devolve into an argument about what counts as breakfast. Prenter, who has joined us for the meal, looks like he’d rather be napping or still driving, and makes quiet work of his meal.

Roger Taylor goes to sleep after me, and wakes up before I do, and I’m not sure how he does it. Or where he sleeps, the other beds seem taken. He wakes me up on the first morning by shoving my bed, which slides a few centimeters, but isn’t about to fall off it’s perch.

“You want coffee?” I’m barely functioning at this point, and his question baffles me. “Tea? Coffee? Deaky’s cereal? We got some left over sausages.” He lists off, probably due to my clear confusion, he seems exasperated, even though he’s definitely wearing pyjamas too. He’s still scowling a little when I tell him how I like my coffee, but he doesn’t complain, and it tastes exactly like I like it when he hands it over. The bus is stationary, so he can put the cups by the bedsides of those they are for, but interestingly enough he joins me on the table/bed. 

I know the origin story of Queen, I think everyone does at this point, so I ask him instead about the subject of my article; how Queen got involved with Giselle.

“You wanna know how I met Giselle?” It’s not exactly what I asked, but he’s already thinking about it, looking past me to the sleeping quarters with a frown. He plays absent-mindedly with the chain around his neck, and with the ring attached to it. “I thought everyone knew about that, the whole thing where we hated each other from the start?” When I ask if it was true, he actually laughs, though it’s more a snort of derision, if I’m being honest. “Of course not. Mostly.” They all seem to like that word, I hadn’t taken them all to be vague.

“I told him to take a long walk off a short pier.” Giselle will clarify for me later that day, joining me as I take a smoke break at one of our bathroom stops, not that there isn’t a toilet on the bus, they just try to avoid using it as much as possible. She doesn’t smoke, claims she never has, but enjoys the company, while the boys are buying snacks at the gas station. I ask when it was, she gives me another thin smile, but not like it had been in the office. Here it’s the punctuation to an earlier joke rather than a judgement.

She tells me about how she actually met them all, recording her second album, after her 1972 performance on Top of the Pops, you know the one. It had cemented Giselle’s now iconic aesthetic of an off the shoulder, floor length sequinned gown, silk gloves, and bold red lipstick, dark hair falling victory curls, the whole look reminiscent of an old Hollywood star, though there was red glitter trailing from her lips, and on her gloves in a theatrical fabrication of blood. It had been a look inspired by her musical roots, and the theatricality of the then-popular glam rock, a movement which would inspire many of Mercury’s tour looks also.

She was twenty-one at the time, still “developing her persona”, when she found that the in-house recording equipment at EMI was being used by the then-still quite unknown Queen. Or rather, according to Giselle, just Taylor.

“He was packing up the last of his equipment, and he makes a pass at me, thinks I’m an intern.” We can see the boys leaving the gas station, Taylor himself heading the pack. “So yeah, told him to take a long walk off a short pier.” She laughs, seems to hold the memory quite dear. “That b******d has the gall to look me in the eyes and ask who I am.”

“Did he know who you were?” When I look at her, she’s still smiling, tipping her head to the side as the boys draw close. She seems to be paying attention to me, but not a lot.

“Yeah, told me later he was just pissed I didn’t throw myself at him. That’s why I said that, ‘they should be so lucky’ thing, actually, that motherf****r right there.” The way she says it, raising her finger to point at him, makes me think it’s a story she’s told before, one that he knows about.

“You talking about me?” Taylor yells, and Giselle is quick to answer that she is. “Don’t spill all my secrets.” It sounds like an order, but his smile says it’s not, it’s weirdly playful, a dynamic I didn’t expect from them, especially considering their history. I raise the point. She laughs at me.

“You’re kidding, right?” 

Prenter calls for everyone on the bus, and Giselle doesn’t think to clarify once we’re back on board. 

The tour, I should have mentioned earlier, is a double feature; Queen is promoting their album Hot Space, while Giselle is promoting her own, The Bend Before the Break. When I ask her about the album itself, she talks happily about a few of the songs, however when I bring up my personal favourites, Ache and Heaven Sent, she turns very quiet.

I will end up watching most of her performances, and to this day, I have never seen something as raw and spiritual as Giselle performing Ache.

The lights dim as the joyful Meant to Be finishes. On the studio recording, a double bass starts the song, long, grieving and angry notes that pick up in tempo as it’s joined by drums and a piano, and finally, her voice, low, bitter and seductive in equal measure. Here, there’s silence, as she gently croons the open lines, face illuminated by only a single gold light, as swirling red and purple lights move about the stage. 

While saying you were sorry, / you burned me from the outside, in. / Now I’m calloused all over, / And too tired to feel the sting. / But I feel the ache, / feel the ache / feel the ache. / I’ll still let you back in.

She plays the piano herself for this song, a skill, I later learn Mercury had taught her many years ago. It’s a song that tugs at your gut, gets you thinking about how you keep people in your life who aren’t the best for you. She ends the last chorus with a long, mournful wail that you feel in your bones. 

I’ve never heard a crowd so quiet as when she finishes Ache, the penultimate song of her set list, unless you count encores.

The final song of the night is always Heaven Sent, a bright, headbanging anthem with the musical gravitas of a full jazz band. It was her single from the album, it topped most charts. You know the one. The radio won’t stop playing it.

Divinity with a neon glow / it hung above his head, / promoting his next show. / Didn’t even try to find my light, / just the darkness he’d bestow. / Heaven sent me the Morningstar.

“I was cheated on.” Was all she will say about the songs.

The others steer clear of those songs as well, when talking about the album, as well as the titular song, The Bend Before the Break, though Giselle claims she has moved on from the feelings associated in all three songs.

“I wrote them first on the album, I’ve moved on.”

Each of the boys seems very protective of Giselle at times, though Taylor is by far the worst. If I’m being honest, was weird to me, they’d been at each other’s throats publicly and professionally for almost a full decade after Giselle’s initial comment, however the vitriol had died down in the past few years, so I enquire about that about halfway through the six week tour. 

“We set them up.” May is the first to answer, sipping tea with myself, Deacon and Mercury. Since both Giselle and Taylor adjourned to the sleeping quarters. I ask him what he means.

“They tell it better.” Mercury interjects, but May argues that they’re asleep anyways so it’s not like it matters. Deacon agrees with Mercury, but quiet enough that May ignores him.

“So by ‘79, we’ve collaborated together, us and ‘Zelle, I mean,” the nickname is mostly used by May and Taylor, though Deacon uses it on occasion, “a couple of times, and we love her, right boys? We love her-” looking around, both Mercury and Deacon are nodding along, responding to a story they’d both heard before, though it was interesting for my first time hearing it, “but Rog is about ready to stab her with his drumsticks, but that’s just how he is.”

“Threatened to stab me once.” Deacon adds the unnerving information with complete serenity, focused on his cup.

“Me a couple of times.” Mercury shakes his head, as if it were some schoolboy prank rather than a stabbing threat.

“Like I said, just how he is. So we decide to send them to a place where they can bond over complaining about everything else, apart from each other.” I asked how it worked out for them and I watch as their faces fall. This terrible blind date idea must have gone horribly. “They hate the restaurant, which is good, but he goes to leave and bumps the table, spilling beer all over her dress, which is bad,” well, obviously. He pays me no mind, “and she elbows him in the face when she’s putting her jacket on - still don’t know how that one happened - but he still says he’ll take her home because it’s late, except-”

“To preface,” Deacon jumps in here, adding a little more milk to his tea, “she hates I’m In Love With My Car.” The song? Deacon nods. “Rog wrote it.” I can connect the dots, but I’m still confused as to how that lead to them being friends.

“Friends.” Mercury actually laughs into his cup.

“He takes her home anyways, she tells him the song’s s**t bu the sentiment wasn’t far off.” May finishes, shrugging.

“It was a real nice car.” Deacon shrugged, before looking straight at me. “And she still hates the song to this day.” There’s an air of finality to his words that is entirely unwarranted. That isn’t the point of the story; how are they friends now? Did they hook up in his car? Is that what they’re implying, I feel like such a gossip asking these questions.

“Did they ho- ? Yeah, of course.” May laughs, and though it clears some things up, I’m still rather confused. It’s probably reading on my face, because it looks like something else is dawning on him. “You know they’re married, right?”

No. No I did not know. Now I feel like an idiot.

I wonder if The Bend Before the Break is about Taylor? I can sense I’ve touched a nerve when I ask, and Mercury abruptly changes the subject, though the air still doesn’t feel right. When I head back through the sleeping area to get a new pen from my luggage, I catch a glimpse of Giselle napping in her bunk, Taylor too, asleep with his arm around her. She’s even wearing a wedding ring. I’m kicking myself for not noticing sooner. The chain with the ring around Taylor’s neck makes sense now. A lot of things make sense now.

For the next four days I feel like I’m being shunned, I’m the last to be told about dinner and have to eat the leftovers, Giselle barely says two words to me, Taylor just keeps glowering, and someone let the air out of my bed on the second night. It’s childish, but it’s in line with what I expect from them, regarding this sort of issue, I’m just glad Taylor hasn’t poured my coffee on me in my sleep, or spat in it. He just didn’t make it, which I suppose is probably the safest option for me.

The only apology I can think of is to offer to buy them all drinks, but it works well enough, and the next morning I wake to a fresh cup of coffee, and a very hungover Taylor. At least he’s dedicated to his job.

The rest of the tour passes without further incident. I still stand by Ache as one of my favourite musical performances of the decade, though I don’t mention it to Giselle, and now that I know the dynamic between her and Taylor, I can’t stop seeing it. Honestly, readers, they’re all over each other, which is expected from a man of Taylor’s reputation, but it’s still a little jarring to see the two of them so cozy. I must have been blind not to see it before.

When we part ways, Giselle is a little stiff with me.

“You brought up some feelings that I just... hadn’t actually dealt with at the time, which f******d me up.” She tells me in retrospect, sitting in my office with the rest of the boys in 1985. Live Aid was a few weeks ago, and since they all returned to the spotlight, I asked if they wanted to come and reflect on the past few years. The one thing that hasn’t changed is the fact that Giselle still swears like a sailor.

“A lot’s happened in the past few years.” Taylor’s still very protective of her, and after everything that’s conspired, at least from what I know, it’s warranted. We talk about the band splitting, how it had hurt the band as a whole, and even Giselle, who was at the time seeing a counsellor with Taylor. I’m hesitant to broach the topic of their relationship, though they seem like a solid until now, sitting before me, holding hands and leaning against one another.

I ask if Giselle’s breakdown was due to the band splitting, though I’m hesitant if I’ll get a response. Her smile is sad, which is mirrored by the rest of the band. I can guess her response before she says it.

“No.”

You all know the moment I’m talking about, the last concert for her last album, as of this publication, Finally, Sunlight where she had receive pleas from the audience for an encore. When she came back out, part of her makeup had been smudged around her eyes, and you can hear her sniffle over the microphone. (”I’m so sorry, I lost someone close to me, I thought I could keep it together for one night.” Dabbing at her eyes, she sits at the piano and laughs, but there’s no heart in it. “But I’ve got five more minutes left in me, let’s go, Atlanta.”) The song she plays is Somebody to Love, a slow, soulful cover, and the audience is almost unanimous in their raised lighters and slow swaying. As she goes on, she just starts crying harder, missing notes, hands shaking; the extended ‘Looooord’ before the chanting becomes a desperate wail, a plea to the heavens, and she collapses onto the piano, sobbing audibly as the instruments all come to uncertain halt and lighters go down in confusion.

From the crowd, a single voice begins to chant ‘Find me somebody to love. / Find me somebody to love.’ and a single voice turns to a theatre, full to the brim, as they sing when she can’t, still crying against the piano. Lighters go up, and together the audience and the band finishes the song where words have failed her. It was televised locally on the night, and still brings me to tears when I watch it now.

“We lost our daughter.” 

For those of you reading this who are shocked, I am too. Sitting there like a fool, not saying anything. 

“I was on tour, and Rog was at home with her,” even now, Giselle is getting a little teary-eyed, not that I blame her. Both Taylor and Mercury have an arm around her, and May has a hand on her shoulder, Deacon sitting on the back of the sofa right behind her. A unit. A family. “I wanted to go home, she was getting really sick, and I know he was doing everything he could, but I just- I wanted to be there... but my label threatened to sue me for... millions.” It sounds like it’s hard to say, and she’s wiping a tear from her eyes. I offer her the tissues on my desk. “But I should have gone home. I should have been there by her side, I should have done more.” Taylor whispers something to her and she leans against him, taking comfort in him.

“I had to call her, tell her that... that she’d passed. The day of the show. She’d been so upset for week, ‘Zelle that is, and everything just-” Taylor manages to get a great handle on his emotions, despite his misty eyes and shaking hands. “We’re alright now though, see? Nothing can tear us apart.” Though his voice does drop, so I think he’s saying it more for Giselle’s benefit. I give them all time to collect themselves, stop to get hot drinks for everyone, and everyone finally seems happy enough to answer when I ask what’s next for them.

“Music, of course.” Mercury says, now holding what was Giselle’s free hand. The rest of the gathered musicians agree. I ask if we’ll be hearing any sort of collaboration between Queen and the Queen of Jazz Rock. Taylor snickers, pulling Giselle close.

“Yeah, but not in the way you mean.” He ignores the rest of the men’s shouts of disgust, as well as his wife’s own gagging noise, which I can see on her face she regrets as she covers her mouth with caution, before giving the okay. 

“No, we’re okay, we’re good.” She assures everyone, before looking at me. “What he meant to say is that I’m pregnant.” She clarifies. Taylor is still grinning. 

“Don’t be gross, Rog.” May calls from the other side of the sofa, and Taylor has the gall to look accosted.

“What’s next for me, after everything that’s happened, is family.” Giselle says over the sounds of her husband’s indignant huffs, though his expression turns soft at her words, and they ignore the ‘boo’s of everyone else as they kiss.

“Could you be less gross around company?” Deacon asks, still mild-mannered as ever. This seems to be the cue for the interview to end, as Taylor of Giselle-

“It’s Giselle Taylor, by the way, I’m sorry I hadn’t corrected you earlier.” She corrects me now, as [Roger] Taylor leads her out of the door. The rest of the band seem mildly exasperated at their antics, but still ready to answer my questions. After everything that’s happened, I’m a little overwhelmed, I’m not sure where to go from here.

Perhaps my next article will be on Live Aid.