#to stim safely which means I'm getting overwhelmed way easier and keep scratching myself. grief triggers grief and
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#delete later#its deeply frustrating that bc im so overwhelmed and stressed and sad atm that any little set back feels like the end of the world#i didn't get that flat. i should be fine bc i didnt even like it. i was trying to figure out what tool id need to buy to open the latch#bc my hands arent strong enough and it would cause me a bunch of pain.#the other flat has a cracked window the estate agent waved off and unsanded falling apart banisters. theyre both liveable but p shitty#but im still upset. its so frustrating. so frustrating. i hate not being even vaguely in control of myself. im too exhausted and sad#to stim safely which means I'm getting overwhelmed way easier and keep scratching myself. grief triggers grief and#its almost five years since my grandad died. and my aunt is dying. and my grrat uncle died abd i cant stop thinking about what#id do if my sister died. and bc im overwhelmed im struggling with distraction and logic. so im upset abd scared#even more than usual. and my usual view of the world is that bad luck is balanced by eventual good luck but im just sad enough#to feel like there's no good luck left and its only bad now. which is stupid but again. i am struggling with the energy to logic#im capable and i know that. but im so fucking tired. its fine. itll be fine eventually. life carries on whether i want it to or not#so so will i. fuck#fuck
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