#to set boundaries and not shrink myself and turn off people pleaser npc mode | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dubioushonour · 4 months

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Thinking midnight thoughts.

Thinking I want to go back in time and punch both of my sisters in the face for telling me I was going to die alone at the age of 13 because I wasn't the kind of girl that boys liked.

#it was admittedly a few more things than just that #im just thinking tonight about all the jokes made at my expense #through middle and high school #that i know for a fact neither of them remember #and im still pretty mad about it as an adult #so much of my 20s has been unlearning terrible habits but even more than that #its been trying to convince myself that im not completely unlovable as a person #which is a significantly harder prospect #but god if ever try and actually date i know i have to you know? i have to love myself enough #to set boundaries and not shrink myself and turn off people pleaser npc mode #or else i will die alone you know?#i cant be scared of opening up forever #im not going anywhere with this its just midnight and i am retroactively very mad #my best friend who had to put up with me through covid and one of the top 3 depressive episodes of my life #wouldn't ever say that to me #but heaven forbid i was undiagnosed and mentally ill between the ages of 12-16

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