#to set boundaries and not shrink myself and turn off people pleaser npc mode
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Thinking midnight thoughts.
Thinking I want to go back in time and punch both of my sisters in the face for telling me I was going to die alone at the age of 13 because I wasn't the kind of girl that boys liked.
#it was admittedly a few more things than just that#im just thinking tonight about all the jokes made at my expense#through middle and high school#that i know for a fact neither of them remember#and im still pretty mad about it as an adult#so much of my 20s has been unlearning terrible habits but even more than that#its been trying to convince myself that im not completely unlovable as a person#which is a significantly harder prospect#but god if ever try and actually date i know i have to you know? i have to love myself enough#to set boundaries and not shrink myself and turn off people pleaser npc mode#or else i will die alone you know?#i cant be scared of opening up forever#im not going anywhere with this its just midnight and i am retroactively very mad#my best friend who had to put up with me through covid and one of the top 3 depressive episodes of my life#wouldn't ever say that to me#but heaven forbid i was undiagnosed and mentally ill between the ages of 12-16
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