#to put it simply. i see them as this lyric from a heat rash in the shape of the show me state by los campesinos:

[infizero]

with my kriselle ideas its like. kris has some weird little romantic queerplatonic whatever the hell crush on noelle and has kind of had said crush since they were little. but they dont rlly feel the need to act on it? or more like after shit Happened and they grew apart they felt like they couldnt/shouldnt.

and so in snowgrave when kris is forced to do all this stuff to noelle they feel terrible not just in general but in a VERY specific way bcuz on some level they do actually like her like that. and they are obviously not enjoying any part of this but there's still that deep guilt about the fact that it's happening at all. esp since noelle is very clearly into susie (in this scenario i think noelle also has similar weird feelings towards kris but she doesnt rlly show it so kris wouldnt know that) so kris feels really gross about this whole thing even tho they're not in control

and then of course this all comes with an asterisk reading "THIS IS AN INTERPRETATION OF THINGS AND I VALUE THE REALITY OF THINGS AND KRIS' TRUE FEELINGS ABOVE ANYTHING ELSE AND AS SOON AS ITS MADE MORE CLEAR WHAT THOSE FEELINGS ARE I WILL RESPECT THEM I WILL NOT FORCE MY WILL ONTO KRIS AND NOELLE"

[echelonlab-blog]

Reigning Madness – Chapter 47

Masterlist

Disclaimer: Fiction.

Warnings: None

Tagging: @hazeleyedleto @msroxyblog @letojokerownsme @miss-shannanigans @snewsome756   @maliciousalishious   @nikkitasevoli @meghan12151977 @mindlessselfindulgence88 @sanellv@ambolton@jayded-reality @bradlea23  @spillinginkwithlove@alexis7215 @dezmarz @pezziecoyote @whoistheprettiest @avaj99@iridescxntsolitude @pheenixpeterson  @guccilowell

Jared's POV

   I watched Caroline with her date as he wrapped her in a big hug. I wanted to storm over there and tear them apart but I was aware that my rash behavior was what had gotten us to this point. She probably wouldn't have given this guy the time of day, let alone a chance to apologize to her and take her to dinner if I hadn't been acting the way I did. So I sat there quietly while they said their goodbyes, my mind racing when she thanked him for the evening. Once Caroline had gone back to her room without even acknowledging me I gave her a few minutes and then went to knock gently on her door. I thought I could try again to apologize but she left my knocks unanswered.

   It took a long time to get to sleep that night, so many things racing through my head. How could I have been so blind to the toxic nightmare that was Cynnamon? It wasn't like absolutely everyone else in my life hadn't tried to warn me. She seemed to have found every weakness in me from the beginning, everything she could exploit and use to her advantage. She was a master manipulator that Caroline had been dealing with since they were seventeen. I wondered what hell Cynnamon had put her through back then. I vowed to get the whole story out of her soon.

   By the time morning rolled around I felt like I hadn't slept much but I had at least, finally, gotten a few things straight in my head. If I was going to get through to Caroline it wasn't going to be with words. I was going to have to show her. I had a few ideas on how to make that happen. I grabbed my phone and quickly calculated the corresponding time in California. It was a little too early for the call I wanted to make so I stumbled into the bathroom and started the shower. While I waited for the water to heat up I looked at myself in the mirror. I was pale and my eyes were bloodshot with dark bags underneath. My lack of sleep was definitely showing. As my gaze turned to the mohawk that now lay sleepily across my head I thought that maybe another change would be good for me as well. I made a quick phone call to ask for provisions and then climbed into the shower.

   Caroline was a little less icy to me at breakfast. After Emma had gone over the daily itinerary I tried to make small talk with her and ask her about her date with Jason the previous evening but I think she took it as more jealousy from me and immediately clammed up. By the time the intern showed up with the bag of supplies I had requested my frustration was at dangerous levels so I excused myself and went back to the room.

   I realized it was late enough for my phone call now, so before getting started on my little self-improvement project I rang up my old friend Jinx back in L.A. who was a tour promoter. He mostly handled smaller stuff, EDM festivals and the like, but that was perfect for Jason and his group. I passed along all the info I had and Jinx promised me he would check them out and be in touch. It felt good to get at least something accomplished.

   I poured the contents of the bag out on the bed. As I was sorting out boxes of bleach powder and applicators I heard something fall over in Caroline's room. She must have come back while I was on the phone with Jinx. Cautiously I knocked on her door.

   “Hey, are you okay in there?” I asked as gently as possible. To my surprise, she opened the adjoining door.

   “Yeah, I'm fine. I was just trying to get organized so I could pack more quickly when it was time to check out and I dropped my makeup case.” She looked down at the bottle of developer I was still holding. “Going to play home beauty parlor?” she asked with a little smirk.

   “Yeah,” I confirmed. “I figured it was a good time for a change.”

   “Would you like some help?”

   I was stunned by her offer, especially considering how cool she had been to me at breakfast but I wasn't about to pass the offer up. I showed her the rest of the supplies and explained what I had planned. She instructed me to go wet my hair and by the time I came back she had everything set up.

   'Go on, sit,” she said, gesturing to the chair she had covered in a towel. I took my spot while she slid on some plastic gloves.

   “Thanks for doing this,” I told her. “You don't have to help me out you know.”

   “I know,” she confirmed. “And I'm still mad at you so don't get any ideas.”

   She barely said another word to me as she covered my head in the bleach solution, and then once she was done she simply gave me instructions on checking the color and then ducked back off to her room. Still, it was a start, it was more than we had interacted since that stupid kiss I had roped her into and it didn't feel like she was silently plotting my death the entire time so I guess it was progress.

   Caroline skipped the sound check but she did come for the M&G, sitting quietly in the background like she had at the beginning of the tour. Once all the fuss over my new blonde look had settled down and the questions started I found myself constantly looking over at her, wondering what on earth I could do to reach her, to somehow make up for the horrible way I had treated her. I know my glances didn't go unnoticed, I caught a couple of the fans elbowing each other and giggling as they stole glimpses in her direction, no doubt imagining a very different reason for my frequent gaze. I knew I was running out of time. Her label wanted to keep up this scenario and had made arrangements for her to meet with bands in different cities while we were on the road but there was no way that could go on indefinitely. Any day now they could demand her back in Los Angeles and then any chance I had of fixing things would evaporate. I needed a big gesture and I needed it now.

   Caroline was carefully neutral through dinner but she took her spot waiting backstage with Emma at the show. When my acoustic set came around I strummed my guitar, waiting patiently as the fans called out requests. I found my fingers returning to the same chords they had been strumming for several days now, a new piece that was barely more than a few verses stuck in my head, but it was clear who they were about. Without thinking I asked Caroline to come out on stage. I could see the trepidation in her eyes as Emma ushered her along but I hoped once she heard the piece she would warm up. I poured everything I had into those eight lines, lyrics about longing and regret, and I wove the chords in and looped them around again, trying to wring as much meaning from them as I could. When I finished I gave Caroline a tender kiss on the cheek and I could hear the fans cooing as if it were the most adorable thing they had ever seen. I searched Caroline's face for some glimmer of forgiveness, of affection, and though she smiled sweetly for the crowd her eyes were dark pools of fury. I had miscalculated. Severely. With a sick feeling in my stomach, I watched her wave to the audience and excuse herself, passing Emma as she stormed away from the stage completely.

   I had done it again. I had trapped her and forced her hand for the sake of keeping up appearances. Why the hell was I only figuring out how terrible my ideas were after I had already done them? I finished the show with a sense of dread, and as I exited the stage I braced myself for the enraged chewing out I knew I had earned.