#to need armand to rebuild him

[carveredlunds]

ASSAD ZAMAN as THE VAMPIRE ARMAND in INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE 2.08: AND THAT'S THE END OF IT. THERE'S NOTHING ELSE

[nalyra-dreaming]

Why are we assuming they need to rebuild the Dubai set to show Daniel's turning?

Louis left Dubai for long enough to visit Lestat and then came back to no Armand and no Daniel and Daniel went home to finish editing

The time gap between the reunion and Daniel going on tv seems very intentional, do whe even know how long is it supposed to be? Books don't get published in a matter of weeks, it takes a year minimum and Daniel's book is not only published, it's already a best seller

My guess is Daniel went home and Armand followed him, then about a year after that he made Daniel a vampire in the privacy of his own home (THEIR own home?)

There is definitely the possibility of a gap yes. There very likely is a lot more to it.

[nightcolorz]

Bit of an odd thought but if I were Armand's therapist I would try to encourage him to reconnect with Bianca and spend more time with her, that's literally his oldest friend, that connection is worth rebuilding and I think she can understand some of his struggles (the weight of time and loneliness, the need to reinvent themselves, all the Marius related trauma) better than anyone, relinking a friendship that started when both of them were human would do them both some good and for him specially it would go a long way to heal his inner child in my opinion

ME TOO! I love Bianca and Armand’s dynamic and I think he has got to reconnect with her it would be good for him. I think he’s scared to become close with her again tho, partly bcus she’s such a huge figure from his past and he’d be embracing the person he was as a human if he were to embrace his friendship with her. Bianca is the only living person besides Marius who knew Amadeo and knew the vulnerable child parts of Armand personally, and Bianca knows him possibly better then anyone cuz she was his number one confidant during one of the most vulnerable times in his life. And I think part of Armand wants to avoid opening himself up to that

[effyrosemary]

oh my god unethical priest marius you're a genius!!!!! do you think armand resists the idea that letting his priest fuck him is totally okay in the eyes of god or is he relieved to finally let go and give into his baser desires.... or both! do you think it makes him less guilty or more? god and imagine if marius were to weaponize armand's guilt in order to keep him even more trapped, like yes you are so bad for this and i'm the only one who can absolve you. i'm so invested LOL if you have any hcs of how it would play out i'm aaalll ears

Omg! thank you! To answer your question:

I think it’s both kinda. I think for Armand it would be so liberating to finally give in to these desires, and I think the shame is also kind of what gets him off (it’s the classic “oh no this is so wrong, but it feels so good!”). But I also think that there’s still a small part of him that genuinely feels it’s wrong to do these sexual things. Armand desperately wants to believe in something, I think, and to have that stability so he can have a space for himself to rebuild and to trust again. (don’t get me started, I have this whole fic idea of Daniel trying to provide Armand with a cozy little home and emotional support and stability so Armand has a space to heal, but that’s another story for another day) But I also feel like Armand is very nihilistic in some ways, so maybe he feels guilty but he also goes against the guilt on purpose, to feel that hurt and to feel that shame, I don’t know if you’re following me hahah

And omg, Marius weaponizing the genuine guilt is so wrong and so deliciously GOOD. (idc! it’s fiction! they’re not real people! let us have our dirty thoughts OK!)

When I first saw “unethical therapist Marius” on @monstersinthecosmos I was so immediately hooked. (I then sent this anon bc I needed to talk about it lmao, I was still not familiar with tumblr again after being away for a long time and I thought maybe people will think I’m weird but now I say fuck it bc Anne Rice never shunned away from people thinking her stories/characters were strange/too much.)

Marius is always so seemingly in control, and I love when he’s fooling himself that he’s doing the right thing when he KNOWS he’s not. That’s also why I like Pandora and him together, she kinda sees through his mask. Spoiler: I still remember that one part in Blood Communion after Marius kills Arjun where they’re all sitting around the table and Marius is furiously talking to Pandora and Lestat says: “I had never seen him so angry”, in other words; Lestat has never really seen Marius’ mask break like that, except now that he is upset with/about Pandora. Or when he’s helped out of the ice by Pandora and Santino in QOTD where he childishly snaps at her and says “I can walk unaided, thank you!” when Pandora reaches out to touch him, and she just gives him a shove and is like ‘“Fine girl, walk then lmao”

He wants to be this voice of reason, this stability etc, and he is, but he’s also human. So I love it when those kind of characters secretly give in to their bad side and try to justify it! I also love it when usually reserved people finally snap and can’t control themselves anymore when they finally get what they want, it’s my favorite thing. (There is this beautiful fic by @0junemeatcleaver0 where Marius kinda loses his composure at some points and he gives in to what he really wants and it’s so good. Highly recommend that fic in general.)

I LOVE headcanons, please tell me if you have some! These are some of mine regarding priest!marius:

- Marius has to actively restrain his thoughts from going wild when he sees Armand on his knees, or when the boy is reaching up to clean a shelf and his shirt rises and Marius can see the silky skin of his lower back. He’s practically drooling :)

- Armand secretly kind of knows the relationship between them is wrong, but he tries to test Marius by experimenting. (Sitting next to Marius and accidentally letting their knees touch etc that sort of thing, playing it dirty but also safe you know)

- Armand gets turned on when Marius is preaching in front of the crowd (idk how that shit works I’m not even religious, I never grew up religious lmao! how bad I am!) because Armand loves to see Marius in a position of power, and he loves how the people of the church look up to him.

- Armand has definitely thought about sucking Marius off under his robes when he’s speaking in front of a church full of people.

- At night, when Marius can’t think of nothing but Armand’s shapely legs and his lovely mouth, he turns to his Bible with the stubborn will of A Good Man and tries to ignore the insistent throbbing between his legs. And he can manage it, at least for a while.

- But then one night, he walks in on Armand praying on his knees and he walks up to tell the boy to go on home because it’s late and he should get some sleep, and the boy looks up from where he’s kneeling and says in a small voice, cheeks blushing; “I can’t, father. I’ll have sinful thoughts when I’m trying to sleep, I need to pray first.”

- And Marius offers he can help Armand with these thoughts, if Armand is willing to learn how to be a proper man of God.

- Nothing gets Marius more worked up than the idea of Armand calling him ‘ Father’ when they’re getting dirty together, it drives him feral

Alors… as Armand once told David Talbot; “Look, I’m deranged x”

* English is not my first language so apologies if there are some typos. Edit: I can’t believe I forgot the word “not” in the previous sentence for DAYS I have No Brains

[diredesiretoaspiretodiehard]

Armand and Marius discuss monogamy. Fic by me. Unfinished, unpolished (obviously). If anyone is interested in beta or co-writing let me know !!! I have a bunch of related drabbles written. Idk if I wanna write the explicit bits cuz I've never done that before. :) constructive criticism welcome, I haven't posted on AO3 (yet)

"I have a terrible idea that you're going to hate.”

“Oh?”

“But I think it will be good for us.” Armand fidgeted, hoping his dear Master would at least entertain the idea.

“Tell me, my love.”

Armand bit his lip, slid his hands gently along Marius’s chest. Making himself look irresistibly adorable, as if such a look could make his words more agreeable. “I think we should be exclusive.”

Marius's brows pulled together in confusion. When he didn't speak, Armand clarified quietly, “monogamous.”

Marius had to stifle a laugh. It was, indeed, a terrible idea. Monogamous vampires? And with Armand having a veritable bench of lovers lined up behind him.

“Funny how this idea pops up only when I find myself entangled with another.” Marius thought his child was being transparently jealous.

Armand frowned gently, frustrated with being called out so clearly. “I don't like your fling with Yousef,” he admitted, the familiar pang of jealousy twitching to life in his gut. “But it's more than that, Master. We're trying to rebuild. Everything feels so… raw. And I don't know, I think it would help us focus on each other. Without all the other distractions.” Without Yousef, he didn't say.

Marius thought on this. His thumb stroked softly at Armand's hip. Going exclusive could be very helpful in eliminating some very obvious barriers to their slow rekindling. But it would also be a great way to end up getting cheated on. “Would you forsake your other lovers, Amadeo, truely?” Marius leaned down to brush his lips gently against Armand’s neck, lingering with a kiss at his jaw. “Will you be satisfied with just me?”

Armand turned to meet Marius’s lips for a proper kiss, desire clear in his eyes as he pulled back. “I'm always satisfied by you, Master.” Truely. Armand grinned cheekily, “I may be a bit more demanding though.”

Marius could imagine. He chuckled and kissed his young lover again. “You've always been demanding.” Remember the ax. “my insatiable lover.”

Armand returned the kiss passionately now, feeling very much the demanding lover. His hands slid up over Marius's shoulders, tugging gently for him to lay more fully over him. Marius obliged, settling between Armand’s legs. Pressed flush together now, their tongues met. Armand felt the familiar thrill rush through him. Surrounded by his Master, feeling the hard press of his body atop him. Marius had one hand at his hair, playfully tangling to hold Armand in place. His other caressed his boy’s throat, teasing touch where he knew Armand liked to be choked. Armand made a small sound in the back of his throat, and pressed his hips up just an inch. Marius’s hands came down from where they were and quickly pinned his hips down. Fuck, he was so strong. Armand tried to press against his hold, knowing it was futile. He grew harder at the thrill of being overpowered like this. Marius broke off their kiss to look down at his fledgling. Armand’s hands came up to hold around his neck.

“Exclusive.” Marius pondered. “I'm not against it.” He pulled back to lay at Armand's side again. “We should discuss it more though, Amadeo. If we're going to do this we need to work out the details.”

Armand was equal parts elated and frustrated. Elated that Marius had basically just agreed to his stupid, ridiculous idea. Frustrated that it meant they would now be talking instead of fucking.

Armand pulled himself up to sit against the headboard. “Really?” His face lit up that Marius didn't seem to even need more convincing about this. “So, you'll end it with Yousef?”

Marius looked up at his beauty from where he half-lay, propped on the pillows. His lips hardened into a firm line, suspicions confirmed that the root of this idea was truely his fledgling’s jealousy. “What do you envision this monogamy entails? No sex? No kissing? Or am I meant not to interact with him at all? Surely he and I can remain friends even if I'm to break off any physical part of our relationship.”

Armand hated that. “Are you friends? Would you be friends with him if he wasnt your lover?”

“Perhaps.”

“Marius.” Armand chastened him, pissed off at the lack of answer. Armand knew the real answer. Marius didn't make friends with pretty boys like that, not platonically. The idea of Marius keeping up some false pretense of friendship with the boy while playing faithful husband to Armand made his stomach flip.

“Armand.” Marius said firmly, placing a hand over Armand’s knee to soften his words. “I'm not trying to be pandantic, my love. I need to know what you want from me with this arrangement. We have to have clear rules.”

“I want you to break up with him.” Armand said simply. “No sex, no kissing or blood sharing or touching or flirting.”

“No flirting?” Marius raised his brows in surprise. “You realize that whatever rules I have to abide by, you do as well, right?”

Armand huffed. He knew the conversation would come back around to him eventually anyways. But he couldn't help the sinking feeling that Marius simply didn't want to stop flirting with Yousef. “Okay fine, yes. We can flirt.” He rationalized. “In general, with people. Like, just casually. But I don't want you flirting with Yousef.”

���That hardly sounds fair.”

“Well I'm just being honest.”

“And you, my child? You will break up with Louis?”

“Louis and I are lovers yes, but friends and companions first. And he's sorting out his own stuff with Lestat. Louis and I can take a break from the physical aspects of our relationship for a while.”

“For a while?”

“Yes, well. I mean. We're going to live forever. I think, I don't know, that we should be monogamous for now. Until we've figured out our own relationship. I'm sure in the future we can open ourselves up to others again, when the time is right.”

Marius considered this. “Temporary monogamy.” He hummed. “That sounds more reasonable.” He did like the idea of having his Amadeo all to himself. “And what of Lestat?”

Armand had the gall to look surprised. “Lestat is not my lover.”

“No. But you wish him to be.” Marius could tolerate the thing with Louis. He understood the bond Armand and Louis had together, after so many years of companionship and such similar despair in both of them. But Armand's deep infatuation with Lestat made Marius feel dreadfully frustrated. He hated it. “If I'm not allowed to flirt with Yousef then I don't want you flirting with Lestat.”

“I don't flirt with Lestat,” Armand said, affronted.

Marius resisted the urge to scoff at that. Flirting, fighting, mooning over the Prince like a lovesick puppy. He didn't want Armand doing any of it. “I’m just being honest.” He parroted Armand's words back to him.

“Nothing is going to happen between Lestat and me.” Armand said.

True, because Lestat won't allow it. Marius didn't say.

“And what of our dear Daniel?”

Armand perked up. Daniel is family, lover, child, fledgling. And Marius had his own intimacies with Daniel as well. “Daniel is an exception. If you're alright with that? I don't think either of us should sacrifice any part of our intimacy with him.”

That sounded reasonable to Marius. “I agree. He is family. I should like to keep him as a love as much as I'd like you to keep him. We've both built so much with him.”

“Maybe we can have threesomes.” Armand joked, but he meant it. If Marius wanted to.

Marius gave a soft laugh, “we could.” He pulled Armand's hand to his mouth, kissing his wrist where the veins were blue. “If we're going to do this, it's all built on honesty. No keeping secrets. No lying. If I ask you about something, Armand, you have to be truthful about it.”

Armand's eyes narrowed and he pulled his hand back, “we both need to honest, Marius.” If anything, Marius is the one between them who's always keeping secrets.

“Of course,” Marius allowed, not wanting to turn his fledgling's mood for the worst. “That's what I meant, love.” Marius wrapped his arms around Armand, pulling him down and closer to him. “I agree this will be good for us” I would do anything for you.

Armand wrapped his legs around his master's waist, pressing naturally against him. His favorite spot. “You're all mine now.” he hummed, kissing at Marius's throat.

“You want to taste?”

Yes, Armand's body screamed at him. His master's blood, right there for him. Yes. It was the most addicting blood, the most satisfying. YES.

Armand shook his head, ‘no.’

He moved up to Marius lips, kissing him slowly. Marius obliged, didn't push on the matter. Armand was cautious about blood sharing with him still, and it broke Marius heart. His boy didn't trust him, no fully, not yet. Maybe this monogamy would help.

Marius deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue gently past Armand’s lips. His hands held Armand at the hips, guiding him to grind up against Marius’ abdomen. Armand groaned at the pressure against his hard cock. He wanted more.

*Smut*

“Master?”

“Yes, love?”

“Tell me when you break up with Yousef.”

What a terrible thing to say. Armand thought to himself, before falling into the death sleep.

[aranostra]

@corignem // “you’re not a monster.” ( louis @ armand )

Armand is very still, staring at Louis blankly at first, but slowly his brow furrows and there is pain in his eyes.

Would Louis say this if he knew that-- But it doesn't matter. It's better that he doesn't know. Armand protects him from knowing. Not only for himself, but for both of them. Louis should not be alone. Louis should have someone who loves him unconditionally, without limit. Armand has made himself into that, rebuilding himself from the Armand Louis met in Paris. That Armand harmed Louis because he believed it was right. This Armand will never harm him, even if it drags him into Hell. This Armand protects while Arun obeys. Everything Louis needs in one person.

But is he not a monster? Is that possible?

He reaches out to touch Louis' face, to brush his thumb against his cheek. "Only with you," he says, in a voice that sounds too gentle for his own--but what does his own voice sound like? It has been molded into so many shapes by languages that are not his own. "I am not a monster because of you."

[rainbowcarousels]

Heyoo^^

Just wanted to let you know I absolutely LOVE your Nicki-finds-Armand-after-his-suicide-attempt AU. Their interactions are hilariously macabre and your Nicki voice is one of the best I have ever red. Yeah, just wanted you to know:)

Thank you so much for saying so!

Nicolas was one of the characters that I very much latched onto when I very first read the books - in fact, Lestat/Nicki was my first ship before I read QOTD and I always found the lack of utilisation of him in fandom really disheartening. I even got my hopes up when Lestat couldn't find him in Memnoch but so sad that he's one of the only constants to remain dead. I understand that's part of the tragedy of him, but I guess I thought if the others from the era get their shot at a life after, he ought to as well.

Trying to balance Nicki's difficulties - Lestat saying joy was hard for him is such a sucker punch because of how frequently in TVL Lestat draws lines between Nicki running his mouth or making a show compared to genuine feeling and how he can see the difference in his face - while showing that I suspect some of the worst of his early vampire mania came from the absolute trauma conga line that preceeded his being made into one is not the easiest, but I hope I'm managing.

I think once he got past his own sense of betrayal and managed to settle himself with the trauma if not deal with it, it wouldn't be all that different to Armand which makes their interactions fascinating to me. They are both dealing with a percieved sense of betrayal and their world view being thrust upside down at the same time and I think Armand did the best he could given the state he was in, but they deserved a chance to rebuild. Especially given Nicki's known for being acerbic and not holding back when I think Armand needs a sense of harshness because the softness, the pity, the compassion of the others is just not something he can deal with at that point. He's too raw.

I do have parts of the next bit written but I want to get it right because Nicki meeting Louis has been something I've wanted to do a for a long time.

This is also a reminder that I really need to give that AU a name now there's a few things in it.

[uncivilcivilservice]

Ship opinion bingo: Daniel/Marius

Thank you anon 🥰 I have feelings about this ship okay

My free space here is that they enable the best of each other imo. Not that they're perfect, far from it, but by vc standards they seem pretty healthy and honestly I love that for them. Daniel deserves to rest and feel safe and cherished and protected, and Marius needs someone to care for while trying not to fall into the same old traps he has before.

But then for angst and drama you have each of their remaining issues that all the love and good intentions in the world aren't going to erase, AND you have their shared history with Armand crashing into the present where they each have to try and rebuild a new relationship with him from the ashes of the old. The tensions between those three alone are enough to make me feral

I just, I love them very much ❤️💜

[academia-spectris]

A Corruption

“How did you do it, Odelia?” 

It was a fairly sudden question out of her mentor, but it certainly wasn’t unexpected. It had been dreaded if anything over the course of their slow and stunted conversatio, when he’d come to visit the library.

Armand Russo had the look of someone who already knew the answer, he’d already received it in little ways from her scent to her microscopic shifts in demeanor. He knew her better than anyone, or at least knew where she came from better than anyone.

And she was far from it.

Odelia looked away, her hands folding over one knee. “Careful rebuilding on James and Josephine’s part. I’m no expert in technology, neither are you. My role was... more...” a bite on her lip, a vague gesture to symbol ‘you know.’

Russo wasn’t buying it. He stared at her with the same intense gaze of a Ventrue, hard as iron. “It wasn’t only technology that brought her back. It goes deeper.”

“...You know I study the occult.”

“I’m aware. This goes beyond studies. This is...”

Another silence fell. He could tell that getting answers out of her would be pulling teeth. But Russo was strong enough to, and he saw the necessity to get them. The chevalier leaned closer, a hand reaching out to rest over hers on her knee-- she’d taught him that connection was the key to understanding. “Odelia... we’ve discussed dabbling in dark arts, and the effects it has on a Kindred. Especially a Kindred of your bloodline.” She didn’t answer. His lips thinned. “Thaumaturgy, was it?” 

Her blue eyes turned back to him, flashing with a reflexive attempt at intimidation that fell fairly flat against him. “Russo, please. Don’t preach to me about magics you don’t understand. They belong to my clan, not yours. I know what I’m doing.”

“I know you do. I don’t think you’re stupid, Odelia, just--”

“Inexperienced?”

“No. You’re wiser than I am.”

“Insane?” 

That made him pause, his hand slowly withdrawing as she shifted her knee beneath it, a universal gesture for ‘don’t touch me.’ Russo hadn’t intended on hitting that nerve, but it was unfortunately where he was going towards. His hazel eyes darted back as Odelia stared at him with an uncomfortable sort of hurt in her eyes-- a hurt meant to scare him off. “...You agreed not to touch the Thaumaturgy of Malkavians, Odelia, do you remember why? ...It is corrupting. Your mind and spirit are both already vulnerable by nature. This is how a Malkavian decays. You didn’t want that.”

“But she’s back-!” Odelia’s tone turned to almost a whimper, pleading. She always told herself she didn’t want Russo’s approval, but that was very different than what was true. “She’s alive, and she’s un-corrupted, and she’s grateful. Russo, I did it. If I had to dabble with something damaging to my mind, then that’s fine. I did it willingly. My mind is already falling apart, what’s a drop of water in a lake-? Why can’t I use this power that’s already mine?”

This time the hard gaze Russo met her with was a good deal sadder. “You sound like your Sire.”

Odelia looked down, her eyelids lowering, her hands finally loosening where they’d clenched into her skirt. She took a breath, and let it out.

And then another. Her eyes closed. “Have I already changed, Armand...?”

Russo moved then, shifting to sit next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to bring her in close. Odelia certainly wasn’t the most touchy person in the world, he knew, but she was in desperate need of support. The Malkavian leaned into his shoulder, a hand lifting to just barely clench into his coat. His voice was a breath into her hair. “We can work on it. Nothing is permanent, Odelia.”

“I won’t do it again.”

I wish I could believe that. Russo kept it to himself. 

[ecofinisher]

TomatoFox - Need for Speed AU

Tobey - Nathaniel Kurtzberg Julia - Lila Rossi Benny - Kim chien Le Pete - Luka Couffaine Finn - Wayhem Joe - Ivan Bruel Anita - Juleka Couffaine

The Monarch - Armand D’Argencourt

Dino - Original character

Nathaniel’s group got convinced by OC to rebuild an unfinished vehicle for his auctions, promising the team to give a quarter of the money they earned by seeling the vehicle successfully.

At the auction a young woman from Italy came to talk about the new car, explaining her father was interested into that vehicle and would buy it, if it would pass over a certain miles per hour. Behind the OC’s back Nathaniel and Luka took Lila out to a racing track to top the speed and OC is enraged about the act of the two, even though the Rossi’s still bought the vehicle. OC challenges Nathaniel and Luka into a race and the winner gets all the score from the sell.

During the race OC is losing towards Nathaniel and Luka. While OC is closer to Luka, who’s trying to avoid OC to pass in front OC hits his car on purpose causing Luka to lose control of the vehicle and fly off the road causing an accident and die as the vehicle had got up in fire. Nathaniel shocked about the accident drove back to help, but he was late and cried the death of his best friend.

Nathaniel got sentenced to 2/½ years jail, because he couldn’t prove the police that they were all racing along with OC and with Luka being the only witness to have been there Nathaniel couldn’t prove OC’s sayings towards the cops were a lie.

After being released from jail, Nathaniel and Kim waited for Mr. Rossi, that Nathaniel had convinced him in borrowing him back the tuned vehicle he and his team upgraded a few years ago and in change Mr. Rossi would receive the winner prize of the race Nathaniel is going to participate. Much to Nathaniel’s frustration Mr. Rossi had sent his daughter Lila to accompany the man, cause he didn’t trust fully on Nathaniel and so the “longest drive of his life” had started.

During the drive Nathaniel showed off driving skills and playing with the cops around, trying to get the attention of the Monarch while Kim films Nathaniel from up the sky. During a live talk from the Monarch talking about Nathaniel’s past accident Lila and Nathaniel listened to it during the ride, which made Nathanniel feel sad and Lila phoned the Monarch to explain the situation they were in and why Nathaniel wanted so bad to participate in the race. Interested between the story between him and OC the Monarch welcomes Nathaniel in the race and Nathaniel receives the location to meet up with the other’s including OC.

In the meanwhile OC hears about Nathaniel having been added to the race and sets his most rarest car as bounty for the person that gets rid of Nathaniel and when OC leaves his office Juleka, the girlfriend of OC and Luka’s younger sister who had secretly heard the conversation from the Monarch and OC sneaks into the office to look up in his computer for anything and discovers the missing car, that OC had used in the race a few years ago, where her older brother got killed, shocking Juleka about the story of Nathaniel.

Until Lila and Nathaniel arrive at the meeting point after having to deal with other mysetrious men, that wanted to get rid of the two Nathaniel enters the hotel alone meeting OC on the way and Nathaniel wants to take care of OC, but leaves the place angrily because OC could blame him for crimes without any problems with all the people around them. Lila comforts Nathaniel about the incident and offers him the two should overnight in another hotel and as they’re about to leave a truck purposely crashes towards their car causing it to flip around and leaves the two there. Nathaniel escaping with light injuries calls Wayhem and Ivan to help them out and the three help Lila out of the car to bring her uncoucious to the nearest hospital.

Nathaniel calls Juleka for help and she gives him the key to OC’s garage, where they discover the vehicle that OC had used in the race, where Luka died.

Wayhem who had stood back with Lila showed him, where she was and Nathaniel went to talk with the brunette and realizes that he had fallen in love with the girl during the trip and shares with her a kiss.

The next day Nathaniel appears at the race with the car, that used to belong to OC making OC as he realized that Nathaniel found out about his car and the two along with 4 other competitors started the race which turned into a police pursuit during the time and all got eliminated by the police only leaving Nathaniel and OC racing to the finish line. A few miles before OC tries to do the same to Nathaniel as he did to Luka, but Nathaniel managed to trick him out and OC’s car ends up flipping around landing on the roof starting to burn. Nathaniel kept driving, but ended up stopping and thinking about last time he saw his friend die and drove all the way back to save OC. Before the cops arrived Nathaniel left and raced to the finish line followed by a few cops and was considered champion by the Monarch. OC got arrested by the cops too and the others that arrested Nathaniel found out, that the vehicle Nathaniel took was the missing vehicle of Luka’s accident years ago and additionally added this to OC’s file for the court in the future.

200 days later Nathaniel was freed earlier from jail for good behavior and got picked up by Lila and the two made their way up to pick up Kim Chien Le who was being released from prison for the same motive as Nathaniel.

[philtstone]

The Musketeers Star Wars AU

1. There is a Jedi Order that remains as strict, with Councilmembers as strong-headed.

Master Treville has hard edgesand a barking voice to hide his soft forgiving heart. By forty he’s picked upthree strays, and only one is technically his apprentice, because that is whatthe council allows, but the other two tag along everywhere anyway.

“You’re sitting on my robe,” saysAthos, monotone, and Porthos says, “It’s your own fault for wearing robes allthe time, anyway. What’s wrong with just your tunic?” The firelight is warm anddancing where the group of them sit gathered, on a short mission to Utapau thatis mundane enough that Treville is relaxed; his only stressors are Aramis’scampfire singing and the prospect of returning to Coruscant and dealing withArmand Richeliu’s ridiculous goatie.

“He thinks it makes him look moreJedi-ly,” Aramis informs the group, blessedly pausing in his humming. Porthoslaughs; Athos scowls.

“Nothing is wrong with tunics,”he says. “I’m just cold.”

There is the faint sound ofshuffling amidst the boys’ laughter, as both Aramis and Porthos move to drapetheir cloaks over Athos. Pretending to be asleep, Treville smiles withoutmoving his mouth; he tells the Council that the padawans learn better as a triothan on their own, and this is accepted.

2. There is a farmboy fromTatooine whose parents are dead, but this one is not destined for tragedy.

“The Force,” Aramis has decided,“likes to damn Athos specifically.”

Athos thinks sometimes he must bea terrible Jedi for all that he does not believe in the more mystical side ofthe Force. For Aramis, it comes naturally. Porthos is unbothered by it eitherway, which Athos wishes he could emulate.

But anyway: the Farmboy. AndAthos’s damnation.

Sometimes he thinks it’s becauseMaster Treville never tells him anything. Usually, he blames Aramis and Porthos.

This time, the tow-headed farmboywho’s made it to the Jedi Temple all the way from Tatooine and is determinedlytrying to kill him cannot be blamed on any of the above categories.

He’s still not sure where the blamegoes a whole two days later, after the mess with Chancellor Richelieu’s corruptguards and Athos nearly being kicked out of the Order, standing in front ofMaster Treville. The boy is hovering behind him and putting on a ferventdisplay of his stubborn jaw and determinedly splayed legs.

“He is,” says Athos, taking adeep breath, briefly closing his eyes, and becoming fully cognizant of the factthat his voice is coming out quite agonized, “uncannily strong in the Force,Master.”

Treville says nothing.

“And he saved my life,” Athosadds belated, reluctant.

Treville says nothing.

“I’m ready,” says Athos finally.“For an apprentice of my own.”

Treville’s moustache bristles.

The Council is going to be verydispleased. Richelieu is going to meddle. Aramis and Porthos will probably findit all hilarious.

They take d’Artagnan in anyway.

3. There is a Queen from Naboo,and she needs a girl-guard by her side.

She does not have one quite yet,but the young woman managing the Temple clothing dispensary has all the makingsof one to come. Constance is not guard nor apprentice to anyone, but the boyskeep telling her she’d make a brilliant one.

She swats them, mostly, andwishes she could take their words and make them real. Instead she remainsdutifully married, and visits the dispensary whenever she’s needed, and hopesshe is not too eager in her blossoming friendship with Athos’s newly-mintedpadawan, d’Artagnan. Jedi are not allowed romance, anyway, so that’s the bothof them accounted for. Even if he did kiss her once, when he first showed up inCorusant, and he’s kind and bright and warm and makes her blood thrum with thethought of a nebulous something every time she’s fitting him for new boots.

She wonders if it’s d’Artagnan oradventure she craves more. It bothers her that she can’t figure it out, soConstance hands out robes and tunics and boots as she’s needed, and tries to becontent with the warmth of her friends.

And then there’s a fugitive to besquirreled away, and a baby is kidnapped, and a young girl is killed in theCoruscanti airways, trying to deliver a message to the visiting Queen of Naboo.Constance is involved – because she can’t stand to see people hurt, because hefriends are incorrigible, because she knows it will bother her husband (itdoes).

At the end of a year, she’spretty damn good with a blaster, and she wants to say she doesn’t feeld’Artagnan’s fingers lingering around her waist.

And then she’s summoned to theSenate chambers, her husband in tow.

“I’ve a need for a confidant,”says the young woman with the painted face, who is smiling at her moregenuinely than Constance knew queens could smile. “And a body-guard. And youcome highly esteemed and recommended, you see.”

Behind the Queen, Constancethinks she sees d’Artagnan flush. Aramis and Porthos are beaming; Athosknowing. Are they assigned to the Queen, Constance wonders? And for what? Herhusband makes a spluttering noise from behind her, something about meddlesomeJedi.

She has barely the time to thankthe Force for just those before her mouth opens and she is breathlesslyaccepting. The Queen’s smile dimples, and Constance nearly grins.

4. There is an attemptedassassination, and a coup, and a Knight and a Queen, and a not-so-secret baby.  

In this universe, these allhappen in swift succession. Athos claims this ages him prematurely.

They do not keep her safe inVarykino, nor Tatooine, but in a small Nubian convent off the side of thebeautiful country lake. Constance, now husband-less, has remained behind,braver (d’Artagnan claims) than all of them put together.

Aramis is not assigned to protectAnne, but the Force appears to have conspired such that he is there to fall inlove with her anyway, to kiss her for her kindness and idealism in the softorange glow of the sparse, earthy room she’s been given. Noobians do not havekings, but he is a Jedi Knight, and she an aspiring senator.

Still – they are to their creditless foolish, more cautious, more selfless in their love than they might havebeen. They promise each other their hearts, but not their futures. They returnto Coruscant. Richelieu’s replacement, a Separatist Spy, is dead, and hisconspirators arrested. The Order is already following leads to other Separatistthreats. Master Treville, reluctant with his affection as always, is relievedthat they are unharmed.

When d’Artagnan leaves the Orderand his saber to marry Constance, Aramis’s heart aches, silent and unforgiving.

He hears the familiar chitter ofPorthos’s droid Dee-Dee at his feet, alerting him, on his way back through thegarden. Aramis looks up to see Anne, there.

“Your Majesty,” he hears himselfcroak. “You shouldn’t be here. It’s dangerous.”

“I promised Constance,” she says,and she is dressed discretely, not as a queen – just as she was just monthsbefore, on the run. There is no paint on her face and ter hair is hangingmostly free, curling at the ends and golden over her blue cloak. She turns herhead and looks sheepish, as though caught. “Or – I promised myself I wouldcome for Constance.”

Aramis says, near a murmur, “itwas a beautiful wedding. They’re very happy.”

Anne is already much closer thanshe was before.

They break their promise.

5. The Order crumbles, and isrebuilt, as is the case for all ancient things.

There is no massacre, nor adecade-long rebellion, but there is a war and there is outcry from the people.

Love, thinks Athos – weary,exhausted, no longer a padawan but not a Knight either – love must never beforbidden. A loveless life does not give strength, but keeps order that hidesrot, and apathy that pretends as calm. A Jedi, Aramis has always argued, mightactually be encouraged to love.

Aramis is quite often a fool,Athos says, but perhaps in this he has always been right.

Porthos laughs; d’Artagnan says,“Well, I figured it all out first, anyway, didn’t I.”

At the end of it all, Anne standstall as elected senator, and puts forth a movement to rebuild a new Order, onethat does not distance itself from the galaxy, but thrives from within it, fromwhat makes all beings shine.

As hisbrothers clap from the public stands and loyal, fierce Constance beams, and asthe small curly-haired child by Anne’s side peers curiously down the podium atthe gathered assembly, smiling gap-toothed at a grinning Aramis – Athos thinksthat the Force must have some sort of say, after all.

[foreverlilaclies]

Softly Creeping

It had been weeks since Lestat had burned down Louis’s house. Weeks since Louis had seen his Maker. The last he had heard was that Lestat had managed to regain his body as well as a new fledgling. Louis tried not to dwell to much on that last part. Lestat had been furious with Louis after he had refused to turn him. No doubt that if Louis had been in his home when Lestat had shown up, he would have been in danger of burning with it. Armand had been firm with keeping an eye on Louis. Lestat had not kept his anger a secret and that put Louis in danger. Lestat’s threat could have been as hollow as he wanted, but it didn’t change the fact that he had threatened Louis.  So Armand and Marius had kept Louis with them, both offering him protection.

Louis had his own room and he tried to keep as quiet as he could. With all his belongings destroyed, he was left to rebuild again. Marius had loaned him several books and Louis tore through them with vigor. Armand came to him that night, asking if he wished to hunt together. Louis knew that Armand didn’t want to leave him alone. Not with Lestat out there, but Louis wasn’t worried. He knew Lestat. So, Louis was left tot his own devices and spent the evening with a book in hand. It was late when he heard a faint rustling noise coming from outside the room. The door had been left open, but Louis could see nothing in the hall. When the noise sounded again, he stood from the chair and set his book down. Louis turned to the source of the noise, stepping forward.

“Armand?” He called out. “Marius?” A figure stepped through the threshold, steps graceful and quiet. Louis recognized them immediately. That blond hair and grey eyes that seemed to pierce through Louis. He stood in the doorway, simply staring at Louis. He was dressed well enough; wearing blue jeans and a dark jacket that contrasted wonderfully with his golden hair.

“Louis.” Lestat greeted coolly and walked forward into the room. He was once again back in his body and seemed to revel in it. Louis had relaxed slightly at the sight of his Maker. Lestat could have been silent if he had wished to. He had wanted Louis to hear him. He had been waiting to catch Louis alone, watching in the shadows as Armand had finally left their shared house to hunt. Louis brushed his hair from his eyes, feeling self conscious under his Maker's intense stare.

“Lestat.” He murmured. “I didn’t know you were in the area.” He watched as Lestat strode across the room, pace slow, taking in the lack of scenery in Louis' room.

“I have only just arrived.” He replied, voice soft. His fingers trailed over the binding of one of the books, not looking at Louis. There was an edge to Lestat’s voice that Louis easily recognized. He was still upset with Louis. Perhaps him coming here could give Louis the opportunity to actually speak to his Maker.

“Lestat I-“ He began and Lestat’s eyes cut into him as his generous mouth suddenly turned into a snarl.

“You refused to help me.” Lestat cut him off, his tone like ice. Louis stared at the blond, eyes narrowed slightly. “I came to you, seeking your aid and you turned me away.”

“I wanted to give you a chance at an actual life.” Louis argued softly, eyes sadder than they had a right to be and the sight of them had Lestat snarling.

“That wasn’t for you to decide!” He spat at his fledgling, flinging a book against the wall with a defining bang. Louis watched as the book was split and pages drifted to the wooden floors.

“Wasn’t it?” Louis replied wearily, rubbing the side of his head in exasperation. “You were given a second chance at life. I was not about to take that away from you.”

“So you condemned me to die instead.” Lestat sneered in reply and Louis scowled, annoyance flaring in his chest. Lestat would never understand. He had been given a chance to live his life. And hadn't Louis warned him before? But Lestat never listened and still expected him to bend over backwards to help him.

“How can you be so dramatic? I wasn’t about-“ Faster than Louis could have blinked, Lestat had moved forward and grabbed him, shoving him against the wall. Louis shoulder connected painfully with the counter, but he showed no physical reaction.

“You don’t get to decide my reaction! I came to you with one request and you couldn’t even do that for me!”

“I don’t owe you an explanation, Lestat. If you’re still so worked up about this then perhaps you should just leave.” Louis replied coldly, moving to walk past his Maker.

“You don’t get to walk away from me again.” With a snarl, Lestat took hold of the back of Louis’ neck, hauling him forward and towards the door and dragging him down the hall. Louis stumbled and nearly fell, trying to keep up with Lestat’s quick pace. He had never seen Lestat this livid. He had seen him angry before, but it had never been directed at him. Lestat dragged him through the house and down the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. Louis struggled in the blond's grip, snarling at him to release him. Lestat flung him into the kitchen, and Louis moved to flee his Maker. He nearly made it out the door, but Lestat was faster.

“Lestat! Let go of me!” Louis struggled in Lestat’s grip, but his Maker had always been stronger than him and his grip tightened on his fledgling.

“Shut up.” Lestat snarled, shoving the front door open and dragging Louis down the front steps. Cold dread filled Louis as his Maker continued to drag him down the sidewalk. A fear he was not used to feeling around his Maker and lover soon filled his chest.  He struggled again, arm thrusting out to shove the blond, Lestat grasped his hand and twisted it painfully until an audible snap filled the quiet evening air. The Creole cried out in pain, arm tucking against his chest as Lestat pulled him into the street. Lestat was going to hurt him. His Maker was actually going to hurt him.

“Armand! Armand!” Louis cried out into the night, hoping that the other vampire was close enough to hear.  Lestat struck his fledgling sharply in the mouth, cutting him off.

“You think calling him will help you?” He replied, wrapping an arm around Louis’s torso and hefting him up.  Blood dribbled down Louis' chin and he spat a glob of it onto the floor.

Any other words Louis could have spoken were cut off as Lestat took off into the air, his grip on Louis punishing.  He flew into the sky and Louis clenched his eyes shut, both from the sharp wind and the fear of being in the air. Lestat flew up high above the tree line, up towards the clouds. When Louis chanced a glance down he was greeted with the twinkling lights of the city far below. The sky was clear, and the earth was illuminated in yellow light. Firm fingers took grip of Louis' chin and turned him to stare into his Maker's eyes. Louis stared at him in confusion and fear, not sure what the blond was planning. Lestat suddenly kissed him, teeth biting into his lip and drawing blood. Louis kissed back, hesitantly, tasting his blood. When Lestat pulled away from the kiss, his face was covered in gore and his smile was that of a demon.

Lestat’s hold on Louis loosened and all at once, his Maker released him.  Louis couldn’t even manage a scream as he plummeted through the air, hurtling towards the earth. The air was loud in his ears as he fell, his long hair in a disarray and whipping through the sky. He didn’t know how far he had fallen before he was roughly and suddenly grabbed by his already wounded arm and yanked back up. He reached for Lestat, ignoring the burning sensation in his arm as he tried to cling to his Maker. The angel had quickly been replaced with the devil, and his lover had transformed into his executioner.

“How does it feel, Louis? To be powerless in your own body?” Lestat snarled at his fledgling and wrenched his arm back from Louis’ grip. The air was cold this far up and Louis could barely make out the lights from the city below as Lestat rose higher.

In the times where Lestat had brought Louis flying before, he had always held him close. An arm secure around his back and his other hand remaining firm against Louis’s shoulder. There had been no need to truly fear the flight, as Lestat would never had let him fall. Now he held Louis by his arm, dangling him over the earth and straining the muscle there until Louis was sure it would pop. He fought to gain leverage, practically clinging to Lestat’s arm.

“Lestat, please!” Louis’ voice was strained with terror. He looked away from the lights below to stare up at his Maker, imploringly. Lestat simply gazed down at Louis, eyes colder than the air that whipped at his face.

“I begged for your help. I begged you and you turned me away. I swore I would have my revenge. If I dropped you, do you think you would be powerful enough to survive? Or would you finally die as you always wished to?” Lestat replied. He held Louis over the open air. If he let go again, Louis would plummet to earth. Could he survive such a fall? He didn’t have the strength other vampires possessed. Even if he managed to survive the fall, how wounded would he be? Would he be left to lie, broken in the dirt and unable to run when the sun returned in the morning?

“Lestat…” Louis’s voice was shaking violently. Still in shock from the first fall. Lestat clicked his tongue, gazing towards the half moon that hung in the night sky.

“Pathetic,” He murmured in his fledgling’s ear and once again released Louis.  This time a scream managed to tear from Louis’ throat as he fell, body tumbling through the open air and towards the earth. The sharp air stung his eye, causing them to tear up, and once again Lestat caught him and hauled him back up, his body jerking from the whiplash. Louis sobbed, reaching for his Maker in a desperate attempt to stop him from dropping him again.“Your life is literally in my hands. As is your death. And you had the audacity to deny me? I would have torn the world apart to help you. And you couldn’t be bothered to lift a finger for me.” Lestat mow spoke calmly, voice barely audible above the roar of the wind. Louis sobbed, chest heaving as he clung to Lestat’s hand.

“You always thought the worse of me. Well, here it is, cheri. Perhaps I should let you go again?” He spat out cheri as if it were an insult.

“No! No, don’t!” Louis pleaded, not caring how pathetic he sounded. He couldn’t handle the torment any longer. He couldn’t handle Lestat’s cruelty. Lestat’s free hand dove down and grasped Louis by his neck, lifting him up so Louis was at eye level. His Maker studied him for a long while, Louis knew he looked pathetic. His face was streaked with blood tears and his hair a wreck. Still, he used his uninjured hand to reach imploringly for his Maker and tormentor. His fingertips touched Lestat's cheek, trembling against the cool flesh.

“Lestat-“ He began and Lestat chuckled, shaking his head.

“Talking will not help you, Louis.” The blond mocked, wagging the finger of his free hand with a condescending sneer. This man had been his lover. His protector and guide. Now he was the monster that Louis had always feared. And that fact scared him more than anything. Lestat was really going to kill him. All those years of fighting and reuniting had all led to this. Louis allowed his eyes to fall shut, not wanting to watch Lestat drop him again.

“Lestat, release him.” A new voice suddenly spoke up and Louis jerked in Lestat’s grip, catching Marius in the corner of his eye. Lestat turned his head towards Marius, eyes narrowed in annoyance. Marius could see Louis clinging to his Maker’s arm as his feet dangled helplessly over the darkened sky.

“Bad choice of words Marius. And this is between Maker and fledgling if you don’t mind.” Came the clipped  and sarcastic response.

“You don’t want to hurt him, Lestat.” Marius argued calmly, carefully watching Lestat’s grip on Louis. “You have your body back. You are yourself again. There is no need to harm Louis.”

“He would have left me to die!” Lestat snarled, teeth bared. His grip tightened on Louis’s neck, fingers turning white as he strained. Louis’s eyes clenched shut, clinging to Lestat’s hand.

“This is your fledgling, Lestat.” Marius stated softly, holding out his hands towards the pair. “This is your Beautiful One. You would never hurt him.” Lestat snorted at Marius’s argument, shaking his head. His blond hair blew in the air. He turned sharp eyes to his fledgling.

“He’s proven that he’s nothing more than a rat. Just like the vermin he enjoys feasting on.” Lestat replied, acid dripping from his tongue. Louis clutched at the hand holding him, his eyes far away. Marius knew he was running out of options. He had to get Louis to safety.

“The fall could kill him. Could you live with yourself if you let him die?” Marius argued and Lestat sneered at this.

“Seeing how I’m not exactly living, I think I’ll do just fine.”

“And if he doesn’t die?” Marius prompted sharply, looking to Louis.  “If he is too wounded to move, you would leave him for the sun to finish him off.  Do not make me fight you Lestat. If I have to, I will.”

"You think I can't fight you?"

"I don't doubt your abilities, Lestat. But I am not willing to let you kill your fledgling. I have always thought you a vampire with honor. Don't ruin that with your anger." Lestat could match Marius in a fight, but Marius would kill Lestat if necessary.

Lestat stared at Marius for a long moment, his face devoid of any expression. He gave no indication if he was going to give Louis to Marius or drop him. For a moment, Marius feared that he would be forced to fight Lestat. If Lestat released Louis, would Marius be fast enough to catch him? Finally Lestat’s mouth set into a thin line and he looked to the city. Louis chanced a quick glance at his Maker who met his eyes with a long stare. Lestat's eyes traveled over Louis' face, mouth pursed thoughtfully. Marius didn't dare move, not wanting to provoke the blond.

“Take him.” Lestat finally muttered and shoved Louis towards Marius. Louis arms flew around Marius’s neck and he clung to him, body trembling violently. Marius’s hand moved to cup the back of Louis’ neck, the other secure around his waist. His eyes moved to Lestat who did not look at the pair, his sharp eyes now fixed elsewhere. "Keep him away from me. I want nothing more to do with him." Lestat's voice was flat and devoid of any emotion. Marius felt Louis shudder a silent sob against him.

"Lestat-" Marius began, but the other simply shook his head.

"He will turn on you too. Just wait." He snidely muttered, eyebrows narrowing into an almost menacing glare. Quickly, the vampire took off down towards the city, leaving Marius and Louis behind him. Marius closed his eyes with a soft sigh, cupping the back of Louis's head and murmuring an apology in his ear.  Marius slowly lowered back down to the earth, holding Louis close as the Creole clung to him. For a moment they were suspended through the air; alone with their thoughts. As soon as his feet touched the ground, he felt Louis's knees buckle and they both knelt in the grass, Marius holding Louis safely against his chest, resting his chin on Louis' quaking shoulder.

"Shhh, Louis. It's over now." Marius murmured into Louis' ear. The younger continued to weep into Marius's shoulder, trembling and sounding as if his very heart had been taken. Was it the fear from the torture at Lestat's hand or Lestat's parting words that hurt more? Louis did not speak, but his eyes opened and were glossy as he stared over Marius's shoulder. Marius reached forward with a gentle hand and brushed stray blood tears from his cheeks. His face was covered in dried blood and it made Marius' heartache. "Let's get you cleaned up." He finally offered in a soothing tone and Louis looked towards him, expression suddenly closed off as he offered a stiff nod. He allowed Marius to help him stand, the elder wrapping an arm around his waist. He took in the state of Louis' arm and his face broke into a distressed frown. He did not speak, simply allowing Louis to lean against him as they made a slow trek back to Marius's home.

Armand was there to meet them upon their return, his eyes fixing intently on Louis.

"Louis..." He murmured, stepping forward and reaching for Louis who cringed away, green eyes looking towards Marius imploringly.

"I'd like a shower...if that is okay?" Louis nearly pleaded.

"Of course." Marius nodded and Louis all but fled into the house. Armand stared after him, brows furrowed in distress, obviously wanting to help him but unsure on how. He had heard Louis' scream for him, but Marius had refused to allow him to go after Lestat and worsen the situation. Armand hated being left in the dark.

"What happened out there, Marius?" Armand demanded, rounding on his Maker as soon as Louis was out of sight. Marius did not answer, knowing that Armand would surely go after Lestat if he were told. And while Louis might have been spared Lestat's rage tonight, Armand might not walk away as lucky. Instead he reached and gave his fledgling's shoulder a gentle squeeze. He walked by the eternal youth, suddenly feeling his age. He could feel Armand's eyes following him all the way to his room.

In the shower, Louis sat in the tub, allowing the water to beat down on his hunched back. He wept silently, unwilling to allow Marius or Armand to hear him at his lowest. He had not bothered undressing, his clothes soaked through and clinging to his skin. He did not notice when the heated water turned cold or when the water turned off as Armand finally came to bundle him to sleep.

Dawn was nearly approaching when Lestat finally returned to the house he shared with David.

"Lestat?" David called out in relief when he spotted his Maker finally return from his hunt. He had been gone for much longer than normal and David had been worried about him.  Lestat walked into the kitchen, his mouth covered in dry blood. Lestat was not someone who normally made such a mess when hunting, so the sight gave David pause. He stood from the kitchen table as Lestat approached him. Before he could speak, Lestat reached him and gripped him by the back of his neck, dragging him forward and kissing him roughly. David could taste blood on Lestat's lip, but it wasn't human.

"Lestat, what's happened?" He asked finally, voice filled with confusion. Lestat gave no answer and instead strode off towards his bedroom, leaving David standing bewildered behind him. Lestat did not speak to him again and when the sun approached, Lestat was already in his coffin.

Lestat stared at the lid of his coffin, unable to sleep and thoughts muddled. He could hear David shuffling to his own coffin. When the death sleep finally began to approach, Lestat allowed it to take him, Louis' face the final thing on his mind as his body finally shut down.

[junker-town]

Grading the 2017 Winter Meetings

There weren’t a lot of trades and free agent signings, but we’ll grade what we have.

T-shirt idea, free of charge: “Marcell Ozuna was traded at the Winter Meetings, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and four days of crippling, depressing boredom that almost made me watch classic hockey games on YouTube.” Sell that sucker for $29 and have yourself a happy holiday season.

No, these weren’t the most active Winter Meetings. No, I’m not including the Giancarlo Stanton trade in the final accounting. No, I’m not expecting you to be interested in these Winter Meetings grades, considering that these were the most boring meetings since they were invented by Armand J. Winter 87 years ago. But I have a box to check off. Help me check this box off.

Man, this was a boring Winter Meetings. Straight D-. There’s the only grade you need. But on to the grades you don’t need!

St. Louis Cardinals - A

Acquired Marcell Ozuna, traded Stephen Piscotty, signed Luke Gregerson

The Ozuna trade was a splendid centerpiece, and at the risk of being “that guy,” it’s far to ask if he was an even better fit than Giancarlo Stanton. Financially, it’s not a question, and now the Cardinals can do all sorts of things with the money they didn’t spend, like acquire Manny Machado, which they’ll do any second now.

It’s the Piscotty trade that gets me, though. Not because the Cardinals were looking for a way to get him closer to his ailing mother, and this trade was a classy way of doing that. That might be true, but did you see the prospects the Cardinals got back? Yairo Munoz is a versatile infielder/outfielder who hit .316/.348/.532 in Double-A, and I’m sure they’ll figure out a way to make him a contributor, but I’m more focused on Max Schrock, a 5’11” left-handed infielder who hit .321 in Double-A, with nearly as many walks as strikeouts.

Tell me that the Cardinals aren’t going to weaponize this guy. Tell me with a straight face. He’s going to annoy Cubs fans for a decade. And if you think I’m off base when it comes to my Cardinals predictions, behold:

Jose Martinez is going to hit .300 with 15 homers for the Cardinals this year

That was in March. Martinez hit .309 with 14 homers. Don’t fear me. Fear the Cardinals. Because Max Schrock is going to fill in for someone who gets hurt and hit .294 with 20 doubles, and you’ll be focused on Marcell Ozuna like a noob.

Miami Marlins - F

Acquired whatever

The Marlins are Toys R Us, and their new owners are depleting their tangible assets to pay back their own debts. Trash.

Los Angeles Angels - B+

Acquired Ian Kinsler

When a soon-to-be 36-year-old second baseman loses 100 points off his OPS, that production doesn’t have to come back with a little rest and fresh start. There’s at least a fair chance that Kinsler will get sucked into the same quicksand that Brandon Phillips did with the Angels.

On the other hand, all they had to give up was two prospects who weren’t even in the top 20 of a widely panned system. There isn’t a lot of risk with this one, but there’s a whole lot of reward. The bigger risk was punting on second base, which is what the Angels have done since Howie Kendrick left. This is much better.

Plus, it allows me to reuse this GIF of Kinsler’s slide.

Seattle Mariners - C

Signed Juan Nicasio, did a bunch of random Dipoto trades to get international slot money, unless they were moves to trade away international slot money, look, I don’t even know anymore

Nicasio is a solid reliever, even if two years, $17 million is definitely on the higher side for him. At the very least, it’s worth remembering that the Pirates put him on waivers in August, even though he was having the kind of season that would earn him $17 million, and they just let him go when the Phillies claimed him. Then the Phillies immediately traded him for a prospect. It still makes me laugh.

There were a bunch of moves mixed in that I don’t really understand because Dipoto is the GM equivalent of the Winchester Mystery House, and if he stops making transactions, he will be attacked by vengeful spirits.

Houston Astros - B+

Signed Joe Smith

Yeah, he’s pretty good.

Oakland A’s - B

Acquired Stephen Piscotty

Piscotty is a former first-round pick who struggled for the first time in the majors. He’s locked up for the next five seasons at reasonable rates — six, if he becomes a major contributor. If he repeats his disappointing season, he becomes something like a latter-day Jose Tabata, someone whose salary doesn’t ruin the payroll, but sure doesn’t help. If he repeats the season he had in 2016, he becomes a bargain.

I’d gamble money on the 2016 scenario, too. The A’s gave up some interesting prospects, but there’s a lot of upside to Piscotty.

Washington Nationals - B+

Re-signed Brandon Kintzler

The new Brad Ziegler. Heck, you can almost rearrange Kintzler’s name to be Brad Ziegler. You have to take the “K” and move this piece here and that piece there to get a “Z,” but it’s all possible.

Solid reliever. Someone you wouldn’t want on the mound to protect a one-run lead in Game 7, but a solid reliever.

Minnesota Twins - A-

Signed Fernando Rodney, Michael Pineda

Rodney is 58 years old and still effective, but the A- has more to do with the Pineda signing, which I absolutely love. The Twins won’t see many benefits this year, but they’ll have one fewer box to check off next offseason when it comes to building their rotation. This is almost like a football team trading a second-round pick for a first-round pick the following draft. It’s not exciting, and then that later draft comes around, and it’s like, “OH, RIGHT, this is awesome.”

Assuming the money going to Pineda doesn’t hurt the Twins’ chances of signing Yu Darvish, this is a very prudent, forward-thinking move.

Chicago Cubs - A

Signed Steve Cishek, Drew Smyly, Brandon Morrow

Smyly is like the Pineda deal for the Twins, except there’s a chance for him to help the Cubs in 2018. It seems weird to consider a Tommy John pitcher a “fresh arm” heading into the postseason, but the description will probably fit here. My guess is that Smyly will move into that Mike Montgomery role, except he’ll be a little better equipped for it because of his strikeout stuff.

But the A is for Cishek and Morrow, who are relievers they might be able to trust. Was there anything sadder than Carl Edwards, Jr. being called upon constantly in the postseason and looking like a college kid telling himself “I can do this I can do this I can do this” before explicitly not doing whatever this was? It wasn’t his fault. It was only partially Joe Maddon’s fault. They needed more arms.

Here are two more arms. This is a start.

San Diego Padres - C

Acquired Chase Headley, Bryan Mitchell

I love the idea. The Padres’ payroll is currently around $65,000, depending on if you count holiday bonuses or not, and there really isn’t a way under the new CBA to use their extra cash on international prospects or to convince late-round picks to give up college. Taking on an unwanted salary is the new paying a 35th-rounder millions to ditch his LSU commitment, and I applaud their creativity.

That written, I’m not convinced that Mitchell is the best use of that $13 million? He’s on the older side, and there’s a reason the Yankees were probably willing to lose him off waivers this spring. You’re right to trust the Padres’ scouts more than me, but I’m skeptical.

New York Yankees - INC

Got rid of Chase Headley’s salary

This is probably an A, but we still need to see what they do. If they use the money to get Miguel Gonzalez and six utility infielders, this wasn’t a masterstroke of genius.

They’re probably going to use it on Alex Cobb or something, which will help them, and also, WHAT IN THE HELL, THEY HAVE GIANCARLO STANTON NOW, WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN, cripes. If you include Stanton, this is an A because they have a generational superstar at $100 million less than Manny Machado or Bryce Harper are going to get. (From the Yankees, probably. Nothing matters anymore.)

Philadelphia Phillies - B+

Signed Pat Neshek, Tommy Hunter

The Phillies have the same strategy I would have if I were running a rebuilding team: Spend money on relievers, and deal them for prospects if they’re having great seasons. They did this just a few months ago with Neshek, and apparently it was so fun that he’s willing to do it again? Interesting! But also prudent.

I would like to point out that the Phillies got J.D. Hammer back in the Neshek trade in July, and that is an excellent pitcher name.

Now pitching, number 14 ... J. D. HAMMER

HELL YES, and “Welcome to the Jungle” starts playing as J.D. HAMMER jogs in from the bullpen to humiliate the other team with a steady diet of fastballs and curveballs, which he calls J.D. HAMMERS, and the crowd eats it up, whooping and cheering every strikeout. You don’t have to watch the game to know that J.D. HAMMER is in the game; you’ll be able to hear it. No, you’ll be able to feel it through the vibrations from the ground.

Anyway, here’s what J.D. Hammer looks like:

He seems like a nice kid, but he sure doesn’t look like a J.D. HAMMER needs to look. That’s a Doug Harkey if I’ve ever seen one, and he needs to work on that. First, get a handlebar mustache. Rent one if you have to. Second ... look, we have a lot of work to do. Cancel my appointments for the afternoon.

New York Mets - B+

Signed Anthony Swarzak

Yeah, just giving all the solid relievers a B+, here. It’s better for a team to develop their own Anthony Swarzak, but it’s not like the Mets gave him a six-year deal. He was excellent last year, and if they don’t contend, they can turn this money into deadline prospects, just like the Phillies

Colorado Rockies - B-

Re-signed Jake McGee, signed Bryan Shaw

They’re close to re-signing Greg Holland, too, I believe. On the one hand, I’m fascinated with what the Rockies are trying to do. Building a Colorado pitching staff with expensive relievers is very build-the-airplane-out-of-the-little-black-box, and I’m more than curious to see just how much they can shorten the game.

On the other hand, I know that expensive relievers will break your heart, so while it’s fine if you’re the Mets signing one of them or even the Cubs signing two of them, I really think these signings (and Holland, probably) are going to constitute the Rockies’ entire offseason. I can’t get behind that idea.

If they make more moves, I reserve the right to come back here in a month and edit the grade without telling anyone.

Texas Rangers - INC

Signed Chris Martin

The stats from Japan sure are pretty, and it’s not like the Rangers haven’t had success going with a repatriated pitcher before. I can’t give it an A because I have no idea what Martin is, really, other than a very tall pitcher, but it’s an A in my heart.

I would make Coldplay puns, except I’ve managed to avoid Coldplay very successfully for the last 17 years, and I don’t really know any of their songs other than “Clocks” and that one that got them sued by Joe Satriani. I’m not bragging; I’m just bragging.