#to keep me from going cookoo in my mind <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[peapod20001]

Ooo you wanna send me asks so baaaddd you wanna talk to me so fuckin baaadddd

[crappyfics]

All the Things in Between

College!au / Sehun x Reader

Word count: 5 298

Previous part / Masterlist

Part 3 (final)

CHOICE

My phone beeps for the hundredth time that evening and I am still stuck at the office finishing a paper before due time. My boss asked to work on some files and have them done by Wednesday. It is Tuesday and I am running out of time. The notifications do not stop coming and I without having to open each one of them I already know what Baekhyun is texting me about.

“Give me 20 minutes. I’ll come over soon.” I send not bothering reading the messages.

Another beep and then the phone goes silent. I have to finish typing it before everyone leaves the office and I am alone to turn off the light. I still don’t have the experience of being the last one to go home and I don’t want to stress all night thinking that I might have forgotten something.

Quickly, twenty minutes pass and like magic I see that all the documents are properly finished and saved. I make a bunch of copies and save them in different places before I turn off the computer and finally leave. The office is not really far from Baekhyun’s dorm but I opt to take the bus all the way there. My tired self prefers waiting at the bus stop than having to walk for another twenty minutes.

“I ordered take out. Can you go pick it up?” another text from Baek pops up on my screen.

“Sure.”

“I missed having you over.” Beakhyun says shoving some more food in his mouth.

“I have my reasons. You know it.” I shrug and focus on my food.

We do not touch that matter and move on to eating in peace. We talk about our days and the things he has done when I am not around because of work. Baekhyun likes talking and he doesn’t spare any detail, sometimes he over exaggerates the events which makes the story even funnier. Our conversation amuses me making me relax even more.

“So… are you coming Friday?” my friend asks before taking another bite of his food. He clearly tries to hide his bad intentions while chewing and looking at me. 

“You know I am not. It’s gonna be weird.” 

“I think it’s gonna be weirder if you don’t come.” he cocks his eyebrow almost as if challenging me. 

“He never invited me.”

Baekhyun reacts immediately to what I say. I think it is pretty obvious that after all that time not talking, Sehun would not invite me to his birthday party. It has been more than a month already, not that I am counting. We even had a concert to go and we had bought tickets in advance but he never showed up. After that, I knew it wasn’t worth trying anymore because Sehun went back to hating me again and this time I don’t think there is any solution. So I think that it is very clear that I will not attend his birthday party to which, I repeat, I am not invited. 

“You can come anyways. I’m inviting you.” he smiles trying to comfort me but the more we talk about it, the more it bothers me. I rather leave it alone than open space for more questions in my head. 

“It’s okay, Baek. Don’t worry. I have some homework to do anyway so I might as well just do it on Friday.”

He nods not really knowing what else to say. We’re finishing eating the takeout when the I hear the door of the apartment open and close shut making me freeze on my action. I am avoiding unwanted encounters and I know that here at Baek’s it is not exactly the right place to avoid them but we had calculated perfectly for it not to be awkward tonight…

I don’t move, I wait until something happens or maybe just until I hear the other room door opens. But just like I do not wish, Baek’s door is swang open unexpectedly. 

“Aaah! You almost gave me a heart attack!” my whines causes the boy to laugh loudly and enter the room not really bothering closing the door behind him. 

“Did you save some for me?” Chanyeol asks while walking closer and taking a look at the paper box I have in hands. 

“You are too late.” I answer. 

“Yeah, Chanyeol, you’re never home that late. Mind explaining.” Baek nags like a mom making me chuckle with his tone. 

“I forgot my wallet at home so the girl got mad and ended up leaving.” he lies on the bed behind me and rests his head on the pillow, hugging another one looking so soft almost like he didn’t have just come from a failed date. 

“She could have just paid, no?” I ask and Baek nods agreeing with me. 

“Well, she did but it wasn’t what she wanted.” he sighs and then chuckles as if rewinding in his head the events of the night. 

“I think you would like Y/n’s friend.” Baek says now turning to me and pointing his chopstick in my direction. “The hot brunette?”

“That’s a bad idea. I know she is my friend but she is a bit too cookoo to function.” the boys laugh. Chanyeol shifts on the bed hitting his knee on the back of my head almost in purpose. “Ouch!”

“You’re too mean, Y/n!” he whines and laughs which sounds like a funny mixture. “Do you have any other girlfriends?” he asks after a brief pause.

“Except the crazy girl, I think you already know them all. And either you are way out of their leagues, or they are already taken.”

“What about Sophie?” Baekhyun asks but not directly to me. He kind leaves the question in the air for whoever wants to catch it. I can feel myself react to that way too expressive than I should demonstrate. Sophie is taken…By Sehun. Everyone knows that. Why is Baek being so inconvenient? Chanyeol is a great guy, yes, but he can’t just encourage a friend to go against another. That’s not something I expect from my best friend. 

“Baek…” silence. I call his name very carefully afraid of what the conversation could turn out to be from now on. “This is wrong. You know that.”

“What is wrong? I think Sophie is more than decent and everyone likes her…” he shrugs his shoulder.

“Well, but she is with Sehun now. You can’t just tell Chan to ask her out.” my arms tense up so I cross them in front of my chest trying to control better my body expression. I feel hurt saying those words because hearing them from my mouth sound just so real. Knowing something because you simply know leaves space for doubt in your mind. But seeing it or saying it out loud makes everything you say become true in a matter of seconds. If words had taste, the ones I have just said would be pungent. 

“Of course not, Y/n!” laughs. “They are not together.” 

For the first time, I hate their laughs. They are not together? Stop laughing, tell me more! What do you mean by that? All this time I’ve been thinking they were dating and what are you telling me now!? Stop laughing! 

“But they were kissing. You saw it too!”

“It was just a stupid kiss.” Chanyeol chuckles while speaking. “I’m almost sure it was only because it had been forever since he last kissed someone!”

They mock their friend and their laughs and mean commentaries become louder and faster. They get excited when talking about it. That’s weird, I mean… It’s Sehun we are talking about! We all knew how many girls want to go out with him but never got the chance to. I know how many classmates asked me about him! Of course he had mouths to kiss, he had plenty, so many he could choose from the variety. And he chose Sophie.

Stressed, I tie my hair up already annoyed with it falling on my face every time. The laptop in front of me, if it was a living thing, it would probably ask me to stop typing so much because it wants a break. But the thing is, I can’t give myself a break. Until Saturday comes, I can’t give my brain time to think about anything else but this paper. All I want is for Friday to be over so I can relax in peace, or at least that is what I tell myself. 

It’s Spring and although it had rained all week, the weather is so nice outside. that makes me wanna go for a walk or something, but I know that my legs will tempt to go to a certain destination. Somewhere I was not invited. Ah, how terrible it feels! I tell myself that it is okay to be left out but at the same time my heart sinks just of thinking that… Thinking that he does not care. At all. 

More than finding myself thinking too much, I busy myself many times a day to avoid my destructive thoughts. I have always been so honest with myself, so clean with my problems. I always have solutions to everything and anything, I even help people with their own issues. I am a decided and strong human, ready to fight for what I believe in and to apologize when I know I committed a mistake. I am true to myself and to everything I do. I commit to my passions and to the people around me that need me, that love me, that try to be part of my life just as much as I try to be in theirs. I am a decent creature, I find. But there is this guy that makes me doubt everything I know and makes me feel like I have nothing if I do not have him. And I suddenly am feeling like I want him. I want him so much more than I want to keep my dream job, to have a new car, have perfect skin, eat the best meals in town, to have enough money to travel… I want him so much!

But he pushed me away. On his birthday. And I have to bear with it because there is no point in trying if the other side is not willing the same. So I settle for what I have, and for an empty Friday night at my place, for a instant ramen I bothered buying at the store. And I think the night is going to be silent except for the now screaming thoughts in my head that don’t let me focus on my homework anymore. But I am wrong because soon enough my phone buzzes on top of the table taking me back to the physical world.

“Are you home?” I read a message sent by Baekhyun. I’m pretty sure the look on my face is of pure confusion, the type of face my best friend would make fun of. He knows I’m home, why asking the obvious?

“Yeah, Baek. What’s up?”

“What is the recipe for that chicken soup again?”

“I didn’t know chicken soup was a party food haha!” awkward. That soup rings a bell; so loud that it bothers me. What about the chicken soup? Why does he want it?

“He’s sick again and I thought of cooking that soup. Can you come over?”

I stare at my phone screen thinking of what I should reply. I could come over, yes, I had nothing better to do anyway. But it was to cook a goddanm soup for Sehun because he was sick again. I ponder; does he only need me when he is sick? Maybe his vulnerability makes him let down his walls and admit to himself that he might need someone? Or is it just Beakhyun? It most probably was my best friend cluelessly of what to do texting me for a simple help. I do not believe that Sehun even knows Baek asked me to give him a hand. I think for a little bit longer.

“Sure.”

REPLAY

“So he is sick again?” That is the first thing Y/n asks her friend when he opens the door to welcome her. Usually, he only yelled for her to just come in but this time he thought of not bothering his sick friend that rests in his own bedroom.

Baekhyn nods and moves to the side allowing her space to enter. She takes off her coat and hangs it on the hook next to the door. She also takes off her shoes that are wet from the rain outside. It makes sense that Sehun got sick, the weather changes every second but the last few days the rain did not stop falling. Y/n thinks that Sehun might have been caught by the rain one of those days and that is why now he is limited to stay in his room on his own birthday. 

“Said he is not well and had that weird expression on his face again.” explains her best friend. Y/n can only nod not really knowing what to say. 

Both move to the kitchen and without talking much she starts cooking the same soup as before. Baekhyun is just really chill, he is happy his friend was there to have his back. On the other hand, Y/n was lost in her thoughts and anxious for possibly encountering Sehun after quite a long time. She cuts every carrot with so much carefulness not to cut off her own finger because quickly her mind drifts off from the vegetable to the thought of the guy in the other room. 

Baekhyun’s phone rings and he leaves the kitchen to answer the call. It is like Y/n is living on a replay. She senses the strangeness of the facts and gets alarmed by her friend who just left her alone cooking the food. Chanyeol wasn’t home either just like that other time when Sehun was sick, and Baek’s phone rings too, and the chicken smells the same as before… It is like a deja vu, she concludes.

She is still stirring the soup when her friend comes back to the kitchen holding his phone in one hand his keys in the other. She looks at both then looks at his face. Seh fears he is going to leave and that is exactly what he is doing right now. She furrows her eyebrows anticipating what he is going to say before passing through the front door.

“Chanyeol’s car stopped on the road. I’m gonna go pick him up before he gets caught in the storm.”

“No!” she speaks with too much stress. “Can’t he take a cab?” 

“I don’t think he will find a cab where he is right now. It’s better if I just pick him up.”

“What about his car? He is going to leave it there?” she asks showing a bit of worry for her other friend.

“He called the tow already but they are taking the car to the garage.” Baekhyun speaks as he looks at the clock on the wall. He checks his phone to see if there was a new message and as if he expected there was one from Chanyeol sending him his exact location. “I have to go now.”

“Are you gonna leave me alone?” she asks.

“You’re not alone. Sehun is there.”

“That is the problem, Baek.”

“You’ll be fine.”

He kisses her cheek before leaving the kitchen and then leaving the apartment. She hears the door closing and she finds herself alone with the soup pot in front of her. It is the same day again, except this time Baekhyun was not in the other room but now going to the other side of the city. She hears as the rain pours down and hits the glass windows, the hot steam from the soup creates a light fog on the kitchen window and the silence in the apartment is unfamiliar. She misses Baekhyun already.

Y/n is done cooking and just like before, she takes a tray and places a bowl of soup on it and some juice as well. How is she going to open the door of Sehun’s room if both hands will be holding the tray? Good question. So while she lets the soup chill a bit, she finds the courage to go see the young man that still hasn’t made a noise since she has arrived there. 

Her slow steps in the corridor are silent and careful, she does not want to be a burden but at the same time, she is dying to see him from close again. It had been some time she only saw his face from afar when he was hanging out on the patio or studying in the library. She misses his face and his smile, his small eyes and the hair that insisted in falling on them. She misses talking to him and giving him shy side-hugs sometimes. She does not know why they got so distant, why he decided that not talking was a viable solution for whatever his problems were. Before, she thought that Sophie had something to do with his strange behavior but after the conversation with her friends, nothing made sense anymore. If it isn’t for Sophie, then why isn’t he talking to her anymore? Only he knows.

Kock knock

“Baek?” She hears his voice calling the wrong person.

“It’s Y/n.” silence. She leans on the door one hand already on the knob only waiting for permission to turn it open. “Baekhyun had to leave. He will be back soon.”

Silence.

“He told me you are sick and asked me to make you some soup. I can give it to you if you just let me in.” she still spoke from outside sad that he still hasn’t let her enter his room. 

She doesn’t hear an answer from him. Instead, she heard his bed cracking a bit indicating that he got up from it and she also hears his footsteps that aren’t as delicate as hers. He swings the door open scaring her a bit and causing her to step back a little startled by the surprise.

“I- I put the soup in the bowl already. It’s in the kitchen.” she has some trouble speaking because Sehun looks right into her eyes and she forgot how powerful it is.

“I’m not sick.” he releases the doorknob so he can bring his hand to the back of his neck and scratch it a bit. He was terrible in expressing his emotions but his nervousness was showing a lot through his shaky hands and the random bites on his lower lip.

“Oh no? But-”

“I lied to Baekhyun.”

“Did anything happen for you to lie to him?”

“I didn’t wanna have a party tonight.” he confesses but now he does not dare look at her eyes because this is not a situation he thinks he can handle. Sehun does not think he can keep himself together around Y/n. So he looks around trying to find words wherever his eyes can reach but he knows he can’t find much. 

“But it is your birthday. You invited all your friends and they were all excited for tonight.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“So you rather stay locked in your room on your birthday than spending time with your friends?”

He rather stays in his room than to face the fact that he was so weak that he couldn’t invite Y/n to his birthday party. And he could not bear seeing her with Baekhyun anymore. So he regrets not inviting her but he knows that if he had done so, she would not be all over him as he wished for. She was never his, he tells himself. 

“Why didn’t you go with Baekhyun?” he dodges the question with another one.

“He wanted me to take care of you while he’s not here. We thought you were sick.”

“Well- I’m not. You can leave now.” 

His words are harsh on me. He asks me to leave and waits so I finally go. I can’t seem to be able to move when he is still in front of me and I still have so many things I wanna ask, things I wanna talk about. He bites his lip holding back whatever it is he is hiding and I watch as I still digest his wish for me to get the fuck out of there.

“I thought-” pause. I look up at him looking for his eyes but they never meet mine. “I thought we could talk.”

“I’m tired.” it’s his only response.

“That is all you seem to be lately. Tired.”

Beat

“Tired of what?” I ask. I see his eyebrows come together as a surprised reaction to what I have just said. I’m not used to arguing but I am used to questioning. He should have known by now. 

He looks at me now but not into my eyes. He finds a steady point on my shirt and focuses on it as if thinking hard to come up with an answer. He takes long seconds to find something worth saying but at this point, I’m taking anything he is willing to tell me. I missed hearing his voice and if to do so we had to argue, then I’m ready for it. He looks up from my shirt to my face and there he seems to find an answer.

“Of seeing you-” he stops himself from talking when I gasp and freeze. I’m not gonna lie and say I didn’t expect him to hate me, yeah, but I couldn’t not react to such statement. 

“I’m tired of seeing you” he continues “and know that I will not be as important to you as anyone else can be, as Baekhyun is.”

“What do you mean? Of course, no one is going to be to me as Baek is. He is my best friend, there is no other like him.” I state as if it is pretty obvious. In my mind, everyone knew it. Only Sehun is actually thinking too much about it. “And I hope I am special to him as well.”

“Of course you are,” he says in a mocking way that I hate. He even adds a chuckle to it. “You’re his goddamn girlfriend.”

"What?” It’s my turn to laugh and I do it still surprised with what I’ve heard. I bring one hand to my chest as to calm my heartbeat that suddenly got too fast. “What are you saying?”

“You guys are dating.”

“No, we’re not. That sounds pretty absurd to me, Sehun.”

“Then why- why… I mean, I saw you two the other day and-”

“And?” I encourage him to keep talking. I am finally getting something from him, maybe something close to what I want to hear. 

“You kissed.” he finishes. His confused expression turned into a hard one seeming irritated by his own words. I somehow like his reaction, I like how I start to put some pieces together an realize some things I couldn’t understand before.

“It never happened, I reassure you.” I soften my voice trying to lighten up the mood. I’m still at his door and with his tall body, he is still preventing me from making any move inside his room. “It that why you distanced yourself these past months?”

He does not answer immediately, Sehun hesitates to talk and it reminds me of all the other times when we were together and the only thing he hesitated to about was to let me pay the ice cream whenever we got some. I watch his face and I love taking in every detail as if I had never seen him from so close. He has some freckles on his cheeks and I wish I could touch them with the tips of my fingers, I wanted to caress his cheek that now looked softer than ever. His hair was pushed back and for the first time they were not bothering falling in his eyes but I would not mind stroking them away from his face. Sehun made my affectionate side manifest but I never got the courage to do anything it wanted.

“I- all this time I thought you were together.” he says calmer than before. He nods almost as if supporting his own previous thought.

“And I thought you were with Sophie.” I keep the same tone.

“But I told you I wasn’t.” he sighs. “Why didn’t you hear me?”

“Because you were pushing me away for no apparent reason. What could I have thought? I saw you both making out at the party and it just…” I take two seconds of hesitation before continuing because the conversation is leading exactly where I wanted it to except I didn’t imagine that way. “after that you acted weird and avoided me. I thought it was because of her.”

“It didn’t mean anything to me, the kiss. I was just angry.”

“Angry?”

“Because you were kissing him!” and by him he means Baekhyun. “On the balcony.”

“But I wasn’t!” I exclaim back. “That day I had received the email from my employer saying I got the job and as soon as I knew it I went to tell Baek. He hugged me. It was just a hug!”

He sighs in what I can’t understand if it was relief or distress but things are definitely getting clear from now.

“Kissing Sophie was just a stupid way of getting back at you.” he speaks and by the look on his face, he dislikes how he sounds saying that. It was actually pretty immature, I must say. 

“Are you implying that you like me?”

“I like you.” hearing that from him makes all the stress on my shoulders disappear. “I have liked you since day one.”

“That day when you were actually sick?” I ask remembering our first conversation.

“The day we first met, I mean. When Baekhyun introduced us and you had that smile you always have on. It’s been a long time…”

Chanyeol and I knew each other from a little before starting college, we met through some friends we had in common back in those days. We had just moved in together with one of his friends, Baekhyun, and we were getting along pretty well. Three months sleeping under the same roof made us quite a trio. I quickly became good friends with the guy and easily we went on with our lives sharing an apartment. 

Baekhyun was a social butterfly but never really had brought home anyone yet. Tonight he decided it was finally time for us to meet his closest friend. What I didn’t know was that she was a girl, and probably the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen. She was pretty ordinary in looks, I admit, but she had a special smile and the uplifting humor that made everyone in the room laughing along with her. She greeted Chanyeol first and seemed to be familiar with his face already, making small talk and touching his arm whenever he made a silly joke. Baekhyun took her to the other side of the couch where Jongdae sat and introduced them in a way that was pretty natural and not awkward at all. Usually, these situations when we meet people are actually pretty embarrassing and uncomfortable, but Y/n wasn’t the type to be socially awkward. She had total control of every human interaction ever, I knew that already just by watching her greeting everyone.

She made small talk to every single person in the living room and I noticed how Baekhyun’s arm never left her shoulder and at times it would hug her holding her body by the waist. They were very intimate, I saw. I was in the doorway to the kitchen observing their every move. After they walked around talking to everyone, it was my turn to be introduced to her. 

She spoke to me, I don’t remember the right words. She smiled so purely I could see why she was so close to Baekhyun. They had similar spirits, they joked around and seemed to have neverending energy power. But they were too close. I still haven’t seen a couple of friends just as close as both were. They touched each other quite often, they liked hugging a lot too. Baekhyun once told me he was a sensitive guy and that his friend was one that understood him pretty well. I now see her in front of me and wonder if she is also sensitive like him. I wonder if they talk about their feelings and if they share the same ones for each other. I wonder what those feelings could be. But by the way he holds her close to his body and his hand habitually rests on her waist, I understand that they belong to each other.

“We barely talked.” I say remembering the day I came to Baekhyun’s place for the first time. 

“But you smiled at me. It was enough.”

“Then why didn’t you talk to me after? I came here multiple times after that day, we met hundreds of times outside too, yet you never talked to me. I made the effort though but I thought you hated my guts.”

“I told you I never hated you. I just thought Baekhyun was in love with you for a long time already and I didn’t want to take the risk of falling for you too. As a good friend, I kept my distance.”

“And you did that again recently…”

“Yeah…” he shrugs. “I’m not good at dealing with these things.”

“What things do you mean? Feelings?” he nods making me chuckle nervously. “Everything would have been much easier if you only had talked to Baekhyun… I can’t believe we needed two chicken soups to finally come to clarification.”

Sehun laughs softly and his arms relax on his sides now. He shifts his weight from a leg to another and waves his head side to side maybe taking in all the absurdity of the facts. So long to have this conversation, so long to face each other, we waited. I’m done talking, I have nothing left to say I guess. So what now? Are we going to stand here and keep going with what we were doing before? Should I leave already? A few minutes ago he told me to leave, should I do this now? I don’t know where to put my hands, I don’t know how to hold my posture, I don’t know what to think an how to act. I was done talking, he was probably done too. So what now? What happens next? He likes, and I like him, is this the end, though? 

“What about you?” he asks taking a step forward. “Do you like me too?”

I don’t recall telling him exactly how I feel, but I am done talking. So I take a step forward too and bring my hands to his face, cupping it and bringing him closer to me at the same time that I get on my tiptoes to kiss him. My eyes already closed don’t wanna anticipate his surprised ones, I just seal our lips together and wait for his next move.

On cue, his arms wrap themselves around me and pull me closer as I didn’t think it was even possible. He moves his own lips against mine corresponding to the kiss and gently he caresses my back with one of his hands. My own arms move up to rest on his shoulder and like that, I am in the right position to feel his heart beating right against mine. We’re sharing a feeling. This is called love.

RESTART

A/N: Hello everyone! Happy to see you here. This is the end of All the Things in Between and I confess I’m in love with my imaginary Sehun. He is a complicated boy but also very loving and caring. I hope you liked my short story and that you come back to read my next ones. 

Have a lovely night and see you soon!

xx, M.