#to keep him is to make someone who isnt caleb. a caleb who would stay ISNT caleb

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[problems-turn-fics]

I have a lot of feelings about Caleb and his self worth even before he was captured by Simcoe. Please enjoy Sackett telling Caleb he’s a good man and that loving Ben isnt a bad thing.

Caleb was a practical man. He had hopes and dreams and fantasies just like anyone else, but he’d accepted that that was where they would stay. The reality he lived in would never allow him to have the things he truly wanted so he settled and accepted and moved on. 

He shouldn’t have even wanted the things he did. They weren't good or moral, they weren’t what Good Men wanted. They weren’t the kinds of things men like Ben or Washington wanted. 

Sometimes he wondered if that’s where his trouble with conventional morality had begun or if it was the natural conclusion of being a menace to society. Because he always had been a menace. Every adult who’d spent more than a few minutes with him when he was a kid had told him so. He didn’t remember caring what they thought then and he certainly didn’t care what they thought now. 

Having that loose set of morals came in handy when there was dirty work to be doing. He didn’t have a problem with stealing from those who could spare it even if it broke Washington’s precious rules of war. He didn’t have a problem with roughing up a captured officer just a little. He didn’t see the glory in those rules who had just been made up one day and everyone had agreed to follow them, not when they didn’t make sense. 

So Caleb accepted that when dirty work needed doing it fell to him and he didn’t resent it for even a second.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said with a laugh. “I’ll go. I’m the expendable one with the loose morals.”

Ben laughed a little and rolled his eyes, shaking his head but smiling. Caleb watched him go for just a second before he turned to Sackett who had not laughed. Which wasn’t in itself odd, but usually the man at least cracked a smile at Caleb’s jokes. He was one of the few people in camp who actually appreciated Caleb’s humor. 

Instead he was frowning at Caleb.

“What?” Caleb asked with a shrug. Maybe Sackett was worried about the mission. They seemed to be the only things that Sackett cared about. “I can handle it.”

“I am aware.” Sackett turned away and back to the sheets of paper in front of him. “It is your other assessment that I disagree with.”

Caleb tried to remember what else he might have said that Sackett would have a problem with. 

“Though I find it interesting that you think you have loose morals when you are one of the few men who I would say has a handle of his own moral code,” Sackett said, having obviously sensed the question in the air. 

“Yeah, handle on that they’re barely there,” Caleb said with a laugh. 

Sackett frowned. “Just because you don’t see the reasoning in every facet of what is considered standard morality in our society does not mean you lack for your own. I would daresay that you have a more rigid moral compass than most, because you built it to point towards your own values.”

“That doesn’t make them the right ones, jus’ means I’m stubborn,” Caleb said with a shrug. 

Sackett nodded at him in conceit but the pinched look on his face made it clear that he wasn’t done arguing yet. “I hardly think that loyalty and empathy are bad traits to strive towards.”

Sackett was watching him, waiting for something to crack and Caleb thought he might just be the thing to break. It was a little too much like when his uncle used to ask him if he’d actually started the trouble he was in or if he’d just accepted the blame for one of the other kids again. Too much like acceptance, too much like being known. It made his chest hurt. He missed his uncle. “Careful, Sackett, you almost sounded like you liked me there for a second.” 

With a wink he started towards the door but Sackett’s voice stopped him again. 

“You underestimate yourself, Mr. Brewster, and I am not one prone to making that statement,” Sackett said, taking a moment and leaning back in his chair as he watched for Caleb’s reaction. Though it felt more like he was flexing some invisible power over Caleb to force him to listen. Caleb knew Sackett well enough that he barely had to be in the same room as someone else to be able to feel their reactions. The man was practically psychic. 

“Oh yeah?” Caleb asked, as he turned around to lean up against a table and picked up the drill he’d used to practice on the bust of Georgie’s. Caleb knew it probably made him look nervous to Sackett even if it was the same tactic Caleb had used on Ben for years to distract from tense conversations he didn’t want to have. He just had to pick something up, fiddle with it for a while, and then Ben would get annoyed and grab it from his hands and whatever they’d been talking about would be forgotten.

“You’re far from expendable. Your intelligence comes from something much more important than Yale. Your skills are beyond most of this camp. And as previously stated your moral code is as sound as anyone’s.” Sackett shrugged one shoulder. “You are, in fact, the type of man other men lie to themselves about being. Which is why it is fascinating, though incorrect, for you to think that you are not to the same standard.”

Caleb’s eyes burned and he looked down at the drill as he continued to flip it just so he didn’t have to look at Sackett anymore. “No man wants to be like me and I’m a mother’s nightmare,” Caleb forced himself to say. It was true. There were days he was relieved that his mother had been gone too long to ever see her son as the man he’d grown to be. 

“A mother’s nightmare maybe, but I have seen more than enough to know that you possess one skill and trait that all men pretend to have but few do.”

Caleb didn’t want to hear it anymore. He was tired and it hurt and he kept listening he might trick himself into believing it. “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

“Men like to pretend that they are above it but love makes fools of us all. You keep your head despite it,” Sackett said with a grin. “That is a trait I would say most men would envy; a trait many men pretend to have.”

Caleb laughed and it was almost genuine that time. He was a bigger fool for love than anyone knew. Though no one knew he was in love to start with which he supposed was the key. “I’m not in love so I would say your assessment is a little off there, Sackett.” 

Sackket smirked, cocked his head towards the door that Ben had walked out of not ten minutes before, and said “Aren’t you?”

Caleb forced himself to keep flipping the drill even as his fingers went numb and his blood went cold. “I don’t know what you think you kn-”

“What I know is that you joined this army for the same reason many men did. Love of one’s country, love of freedom, love of another person, they are all love. I see no problem with that.” Sackett took a deep breath and gave a small smile, the one for when he’d said something he thought was particularly clever. “Especially not when, as I said, you seem to keep your head despite it.”

Caleb still couldn’t breath. He trusted Sackett to a certain extent but he’d never trusted anyone he had to look in the face again with his secret. And he’d certainly never let anyone on about why he’d actually joined up. 

“Now, you have a lot of work to do before you ride out, I suggest you get back to it,” Sackett said before he turned back to his own papers. 

Once Sackett turned away it was a little easier and Caleb pulled himself together and decided to ignore it. As long as he didn’t piss Sackett off he would probably be fine. He’d have to trust that. 

[alex-fucking-dempsey]

its 12:47am i plan on finishing two episodes tonight needless to say im in a bad mood and im high this is going to be dramatic as hell.

SPOILER WARNING FOR 13 REASONS WHY SEASON 4 EPISODE 2 or 3 one of them got deleted at some point last night n idk which

This funeral is for someone who commited suicide and now im fearing for clay :(

Clay saying fuck you is my kink

Clay cursing >>>>

I want clay in my guts if you can't tell

ayO???

the calling is making me really nervous

So is SHIT weird or is clay just insane??

this is quickly becoming like a scary movie and i hate scary movies i signed up for the angst

THE SMILING CLAY HAS ME MF SENT IM SENT YALL I CANT BREAAAATHE

is it just me or do you want justin in ur guts ;-;

uR aSlEeP wHeN iM sLeEpInG why did he say it like that wtf

I NEED TO TAKE MY MORNING SHIT

I CANT MF BREATHE

I guess thats high school hey clay i was doing just fine buddy

Clay and justin reminsing abt season 1 ;-;

MY WHOLE LIFE IS CHALLENGES SET BACKS AND FAILURES CLAY IS THE BEST NARRARTOR PLEAAAAASEEEEE

thw writing being winston is too obvious it was obviously fucking the guys who beay the shit out of clay

alex: anxious bi

zach is cute the way he peaks over pls sir lemme hold ur hand

The way i talk abt clay vs the way i talk abt zach dksjsjd

zach literally could give less shits abt the world around him i was to be as carefree as him

also lets talk abt the way alex is STARRING at zach like BRO

Also Jessica screaming WERE FUCKED bitch duh coULD SAY IT ANY LOUDER

estella??? oh snap hang on i didnt think of it

Tyler: taking pictures

Hes so cute i love my boy

I literally hate the sheif hes irritating

Winston looks great in that fit bro

Justin ur wild bro

Winston is me snooping

ani is v protective shes so cute

Red painted clays locker onG THEY FRARMED HIS ASS

im so wtf

What class period is it where they are all just vibing

SHUT UP I LOVE CHARLIE

SHUT THE FUVK UP I LOVE ZACH

she called him sweetheart they are so sweet ;-;

these racists i cannot stand it they keep racially profiling tony :(

im so angry

lowkey tony and that guy kinda look the same age and i cant unsee it

Winstokn looks like the guy who plays pennywise

I WANT WINSTON TO SHUT UP LEAVE TYLER ALONE PLEASE

why do u care bro

im kind of really fucking nervous im nervous of what hes going to do

Oh tyler :(

winston is so aggravating

lEAVE CLAY ALONE

iM hErE fOr yOu eat my ass

zach is so cute hes literally planning a date with alex mr Im FuCkInG hEtErO okay pal

"Everything's fine"

"Everythings fucked"

"Same thing"

I aspire to be as chill as zach

wOULDNT LIFE BE BETTER IF WE JUET CAME OUT

FUCKING WISE CHOICE OF WORDS BUCKAROO

This man just walked onto that bus im-

THIS BITCH "thwre is a line"

"Sorry" keeps walking deeper into the bus

winston is so cute hes smile bro.

is clay gonna fight someone

god bolden is ugly

tHE SPRAY PAINT WHAT THE FUCK

tHROW IT OUT THE WINDOW???

zach arm is literally-

mATT>>>

zach is drunk isnt he??

zACH IN THE COAT

why tf is zach in alex in different groups

alex knows who winston is

Alex is so worried abt his boy

cLAY KEEPS TRYNA THROW IT AWAY AND EVERYONE IS ALL "hEyYyYy"

why would clay even do that bro??

zach looks so damn good fucking WOW

Zach is abt to go party with these ppl

THEY ARE GONNA GO PARTY

I CANT BREATHE I LOVE ZACH SO GODDAMN MUCH

clay n zach are so rare but so great together

winston dont look at alex 🔪

Jeremy looks familiar if u know who he is pls tell me

Jessica 😔😔 jesus im so nervous for her i feel like puking

Amanda: ???

THEYVE PLAYED THREE ROUNDS I LOCE THEMMMM

CLAY STILL DRINKS

cory sisj

the nerves i have for this drunk girl OH FUCK NO

i cant fucking breathe sorry yall i cant cover this lightheartedly so i wont at all

im so nervous

jess n justin :(

jess only liked justin on drugs change my mf mind

alex ;-;

winston is gonna get 🔪

Okay maybe not lowkey soft

why is looking at him like that he touched his hand EVERYONE STOP

IM NOT GAY ALEX MF STANDALL EVERYONE THE MAN WHO JUST MERE DAYS AGO KISSED ZACH

iM SO FUCKING CONFUSED EVERYDAY IM MORE N MORE CONFUSED

I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY ARE IN THE POLICE STATION

THEY ARE SO DRUNK

zach looks so good in this outfit on these chairs like he became a fashion god wtf

MATT

clay: is still drunk

I cant breathe

:( clay feels replaced by justin

zahc doesnt give a fuck abr anything wow

OMG CLAY

everyone is... off

jess and ani :( so sweet

THAT SCARED ME FUCK

why is justin writing with a fine liner

I hate justin and clays fights they always tear me apart :(

oh wow :( clays freckles

Tell him. God clay im going to kill u

TWO CANS AYO? ZACH WTF

iF I WORK HARD IT COULD BE 2.9 if it aint me

yes ani queen

wHY LIE TO ME WHAT GOOD DOES THAT DO HES SO FINE

wHy dIdNt yOu TeXt mE lAsT nIgHt clay shut up ongg

Winston simps for Alex so hard i cant breathe

Why is theprincipal trying so hard ur so creepy bro stg

estella is fucking pretty let me hug her :(

tHE SPRAY PAINT BRO IM-

he looks so fucking good alex thank you sir

caleb and tony :( so cute

alex ur so cute

YO WHY ARE ALEXS CALFS SO RIPPED

clay TELL SOMEONE you need to tell them. :(

i I DONT FUCK KNOW WHY clay is unintentional funny

I needed to hear that ;-;

dont bond over bryce ew

chole looks like alice from alice in wonderland and wow how haveneverr noticed that b4

he keeps standing her up ;-;

zAcHy ZaChY

ew

coffee dates bro

winston is so fucken creepy

Alex n his cane >>>

dIMPLES

omG DONT KISS

thank god

is he just gonna stay in love with zach??

i hatw this mf bro

clays pants pt. 2>>>

im sick and tired of being sick and tired of these kids not fetting happiness

wHY DOES HIS CLOSIBG LINES MAKE ME LAUGH OMG

He isnt gonna send that shit

in conclusion season 2 is still better.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e88

Taliesin is so confused by this ad lol

Where is Laura?

The groans xD

Laura's?? Not here?? I mean I'm glad she's at the game awards but THIS IS SUCH A BIG WEEK STORY WISE

Boy we've just started and I'm already ready to die

[[MORE]]

I only just caught it just now but are the CA saying they recovered the beacon that was stolen? Aka the one the M9 returned to Xhorhas already? Or a different one?

The Bright Queen gave them a house and the best the empire can do is a cozy inn? Lame.

(I was always more pro-Dynasty than Empire but it's pretty much set now.)

Didn't even pay for their dinner?? Rude.

Cad: "I've had to learn new words for what happens to me now."

The Dynasty: "We cannot afford to 100% trust you but you have done us a great service so here is a house and a symbol to show you have the favor of our Queen."

The Empire: "You did us a great service but also fuck you here's a hotel and no meal and also if you don't do this thing for us we'll charge you as traitors even though only two of you are actually from the Empire."

lol the hotel workers are funny tho

Empire people? Cool. Empire rules? Fucking suck.

Nat20 for free stuff xD

F: "who's the grossest?"

Cad: "I was swallowed."

Y: "I haven't had a shower in months."

F: "oh! God! What!?"

Cad: "You've won first place."

Y: "Oh, no, I wasn't trying to like..."

J: "IM GOING FIRST!"

I'm worried about Caleb

Snuggling his cat and thinking over his trauma </3

Laura just left the awards show omg

Also the way that Travis looked at her like heart eyes and Laura being like "hey baby ;)"

She looks hot by the way

Yasha paying Fjord back from MONTHS ago is sweeeeet

The book? What's the book? I don't remember?

"Is there a chair...?"

"There is."

"Kill it with fire!"

Oh boy here we go

"And I think we need to work with him...?" I don't like that and I don't think you do he's a liar and a manipulator and a piece of shit

But I understand his point because they are in the worst potion right now

Cad: "if he even looks at you sideways we will not leave enough of him to be found."

Goddamn Caduceus. I love him so much.

Cad: "Well, what I mean was we will do all we can to keep you safe. Is... what I meant."

They're being very serious about this and I'm so glad

Well okay they WERE being serious...

Lol Beau with this teenager is so funny and adorable

I'm glad they're not all sleeping alone

Jester is all sad that Beau doesn't want to double up :(

The B/J/Y shippers just went wild lol

F to C: "if you want to finish this personally... let me know." Thank you Fjord

My old Widofjord shipping heart is happy

Omg Cad handing over the symbol of the Wildmom and telling Fjord he's doing well on his own IM HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS TONIGHT Y'ALL

Oh boy Yasha dream

I'm emotional

Like crying

Sure this guy does something neat with doors but doES HE FLOAT??

I miss Essek

The only mage with a tower I trust is Yussah and it is NOT this guy

Of course Trent is the one who confirmed it had been found

It's definitely trapped somehow

I don't like that they have to go somewhere that Trent decides

WHISPERS

he's a shifty fucker right we all know he is

Double whispers

Lol meeting in the Happy Fun Ball

I was gonna say the Forge

Jester wants to have it at Traveler con xD

Jester is weirding him out and I love it

God sure have this very serious possibly war ending meeting on The Ball Eater sure

They're disasters

I can't decide how I feel about him and I want to hear the results of the whispers

Oh no I'm worried about Yasha

Okay... so he's helping hide Yasha that's good, but is he also gonna hold that over them?

I hope Trent looks at Caleb sideways so the M9 can cut him into pieces

I feel like this guy is meant to be the Empire version of Essek but he's got nothing on Hot Boi

In a dense forest under a bunch of trees and a tower in the middle of nowhere

Oh fuck the sanitorium oh god oh fuck someone immediately check on Caleb

Trent did that on purpose

Hey Cad remember when you said y'all were gonna tear Trent apart if he tried to hurt Caleb? It's time to start ripping.

I haaaaaate this

I'm still trying to decide if Caleb legitimately snapped or if something was done to him

I want to crawl through my screen and strangle Trent myself

Someone please stay between Caleb and Trent at all times

So... nobody in the empire questions why Trent Ick-athon has a laboratory in a sanitorium huh. Like that doesn't ring any bells?

Also fuck it's Edowulf

Astrid's gonna come in to try and throw Caleb off isnt she

Liar liar pants on fire every word out of your mouth is a lie you vile don't of a biiiitch

WHISPERSSSS

he's a liar liar liar

Or he's telling half the truth

So the tripod... prevents it from working?

God he's such a condescending fuck I hate him

I haaaaate him and I hate that he's playing it so cool and calm because that makes Caleb seem like the unreasonable one which is brilliant of him but it just makes me loathe him even more

Oh god Caleb please roll well

Fuck fuck fuck I hate him fuck someone GET BETWEEN THEM

I feel gross and I'm not even in the room with Trent ugh

This tense standoff between Caleb and Trent is physically fucking me up my skin is crawling

Also Nott touched it and nothing happened

Eowulf is one of Trent's "favorite" and and he's looking at Caleb like a creep

Even if I don't trust him I appreciate Ludinus stepping in to cut the tension

Beau trying to trip him upppppp I love her

Alright time to get them out of there Ludinus

Shut the fuck up Trent you state away from both Caleb AND Yasha

C: "Wulf. It's good to see you again."

Eowulf: "it's good to see you too. It's been some time. You look good."

I haaaaaaaaate that they're all being so calm and semi-friendly because again it makes Trent and his ilk look like the reasonable ones

Ludinus: "I can always deal with Trent after the fact."

Y: "Let us know when you do that. We would like to help." Damn fucking straight

Essek scrys because he's worried about them and he pops in just in time to hear Jester insulting his teleporting Lol

I get the feeling Matt is tweaking the time of Traveler Con a bit because he doesn't want Jester to feel pressured to interrupt important things

Is the Wildmom illegal in the Empire?

Ha Fjord impressed Ludinus nice

L: "it's... entirely off-putting how disarmingly charming you are. I don't know how to handle it." That is the funniest thing anyone has ever said about Jester

J: "are you alright Caleb?"

C: "I don't know."

Y: "I don't like him at all."

Everyone else: "same/oh god no."

Okay Wildmom is illegal time to hide your shiny thing

Cad: "I have never seen another person walk so daintily around the truth."

See every time Caleb talks about how Trent gave "private lessons" my skin crawls it just draws too many parallels to creepy creepy shit

Yasha is gonna be good for Caleb here, they both understand what it's like to be used and controlled and manipulated

So like Trent was THERE and if he saw that Caleb knew about the beacons then he's gonna know that somehow they were involved with the beacon disappearing

Oh she's creepy

Cad gonna buy the femur flute lol

The pranksters gonna get that glue oh lord

Yasha gets a bone harp and she and Caduceus start the most unnerving band ever and I for one am THRILLED

Don't they still need to fetch something for the three kobolds in a trench coat? Let alone for Pumat and now this woman lol

Pride silk.... oh dear it's gonna be mutant bugs

Called it

Three silk worms good luck bringing those back

Matt's like WOOO fight tournament hell yeah!

Y'all should go take downtime in Xhorhas in the Xhorhaus and talk to Essek about all this

....I just really miss Essek guys please

Liam O'Brian you will NOT let Caleb sneak off on his own to go see Astrid you CANNOT ajslajkssksk

This episode didn't go as painfully/badly as it could have but it still stressed me out a lot and I'm still worried about Caleb and Trent Ick-athon can choke and if Caleb really goes go off on his own I will scream like baby PLEASE

God now we have to wait a whole week IS IT THURSDAY YET

[dontgofarfromme]

I know I've been posting like a flood of CR meta like all day but I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS. This time--the Fjord<-->Beau and Beau<-->Caleb keeping each other on track promises and how they apply to Beau specifically.

I've seen a loooot of stuff about how people think had Beau been in the room she might have tried to talk some sense into Fjord and Caleb based on the agreement she has with both of them to keep each other from doing...sketchy shit like that. To me, whether or not she wouldve is still a bit up for debate because Beau's definition of 'bad' seems to cover and not cover certain unusual things--such as bowlgate, where allowing an object of immense power to stay in the world and possibly fall into the hands of horrible people isnt her business, but shes totally not down for a lack of transparency within the group or holding someone/invading their privacy against their will.

The thing that I find interesting in all this talk though, is the fact that while yes Fjord and Caleb have asked Beau to look out for them and keep them on track, this is a two-way agreement--Beau has also asked them to do the same for her.

This is incredibly intriguing to me because Beau knows stuff about both of them. The fact that Fjord is in over his head with a powerful, malevolent demi-god patron is common knowlege among the Nein. And Beau is among the few people who knows exactly what kinds of horrible things Caleb is capable of. And yet. In both of these conversations where she made these agreements, the intent is for them to check each other. Which means that even in light of what she knows about them, even understanding the powerful force that Fjord has driving him along and the terrible past that Caleb is trying to undo, Beau still lumps herself in with them as an equal. And this is wild to me because the worst we've seen of Beau so far is basic, low level verbal assholery. We know she has a criminal background but what we know of that seems petty and mainly motivated out of spite against her parents. So what I keep asking myself is--what horrible thing is it that Beau thinks she's capable of, and why.

It could be as simple as her just wanting someone to check her general tendancy to be rude and abrasive, but she already has that to some degree in Fjord even before this deal. And the way she phrased it when she and Caleb made this deal was something along the lines of "make sure we dont turn evil." It could also be her simply thinking of herself as a worse person than she is, but Beau doesnt really seem prone to unsubstantiated self-deprecation. I feel like it's more likely that at some point in the past, something she did--maybe in her criminal background, maybe through carelessness--hurt someone, and maybe that made an impact on her. Or maybe she got so wrapped up in whatever smuggling ring she was a part of that she found herself going farther with the criminal underworld than she would have liked.

Whatever the reason, the thing I want to see most out of this deal isn't Beau reining Caleb or Fjord in from doing something awful--its them having to do that for her. Because despite her appearance of openness, Beau doesn't offer up a lot of information about herself without being asked. And I want to know what could possibly put her in a position where she would be on the edge of compromising her morality or values--and whether Caleb and/or Fjord would be aware enough of her to sense that imminent slip, and take action to pull her back.

[the--blackdahlia]

This Life Chapter 17

Title: This Life Chapter 17

Summary:  Dean Winchester is the Vice President of the motorcycle club The Hunters. After almost 7 years in prison, he's free. But things have changed and Dean has to figure out how to put things back together.

Warnings: Language

AN: Thank you love @sams-serialkiller-fetish . The song for this chapter is Summertime Blues by Joan Jett.

“What are we still doing here?” Ruby asked the morning after the funeral. They were all gathered back at the garage, trying to figure out what to do. “We buried Benny. We should be heading back to California.”

“That requires having to go near Horsemen territory. And we kinda just killed one of their members.” Andy told her. “We’re just gonna stay here for a little bit and figure things out.”

“That’s why I’ve called in some reinforcements.” Meg said.

“Who?” Cas asked. That’s when a yellow AMC Germlin pulled into the lot.

“A friend.” Meg said. “She’s a genius. She can help us keep track of the Horsemen.” A redhead got out of the car with a smile on her face.

“‘Sup bitches.” She laughed.

“Guys, this is Charlie.” Meg introduced her. “She can hack anything.”

“So can Ash.” Cas said, crossing his arms. “You’re just bringing another person into the crossfire.”

“I laugh in the face of danger.” Charlie said, smiling. Cas just rolled his eyes and headed over to where Caleb and Jim were. “Is he always this friendly?”

“Trust me, the Hunters aren’t exactly a warm and loving bunch.” Gabriel sighed.

“One of them was.” Ruby added.

“And Sam’s not too bad.” Lucifer said with a shrug.

“Sam is one of us. Not one of them.” Gabriel pointed out. “So of course he’s awesome.”

“Guys, let’s face it,” Andy said, looking at all of them, even Charlie. “Sam might be one of us, but his true home and family is here in Wolfpine.” He motioned over to where Sam was perched on a stool, watching Dean tune up Baby. “And I have a feeling, he won’t be going back to California with us.”

“So, do I get to meet this mysterious Sam?” Charlie asked.

“Of course sweetheart.” Meg said. “I’ll go introduce you to anyone and then we’ll get you set up.” She led Charlie away from the other Wayward Sons.

“I wonder what she’s supposed to be doing here?” Andy asked, looking at Ruby and the brothers. “I guess we’ll find out.” He said when no one answered him. He made his way over to where Meg was introducing Charlie to some of the Hunters, ready to find out.

****

Charlie was set up in the office by Ellen, typing a mile a minute and looking at reports. Ellen was impressed to say the least. Charlie was a woman on a mission obviously.

“You need a job?” Ellen asked. “I’ve got about fifteen years of files that need typed up and organized right. I’m no computer expert and Jo’s not that fast of a typer.” Charlie laughed some.

“Maybe when I settle down and decide I don’t want to be a grey hat anymore.” Charlie told her. She had a beautiful Blueberry iBook and a Wifi card. So Ellen assumed that she was doing something to make some money. “I heard someone say that they were sending me help?”

“Um, I’m not sure.” Ellen told her. “What do you need help with?”

“Nothing. That’s why I’m confused.” Charlie told her. That’s when a bright orange El Camino pulled into the lot, Lynyrd Skynyrd blaring from it. The engine was cut and music stopped as Ash climbed out of the car.

“Relax everyone, I’m here.” Ash said. Caleb laughed and Cas wenet over to talk to him. A few minutes later, Ash was walking into the office with Ellen and Charlie. “Who’s this?”

“Charlie.” Charlie said to him. “And I don’t need your help.”

“Tracking the Horsemen can be a tough challenge. And I did go to MIT.” Ash said, flipping his hair back.

“MIT? That’s cool. I went to Cornell.” Charlie told him. “And I think I can manage just fine.” Ash flopped down on the dirty old couch that set in the office and got his own laptop out.

“You might be able to handle it just fine, but I want to help anyway.” Ash said. Ellen laughed a little.

“I’m just gonna go find Bobby. It’s getting a little too crowded in here for me.” With that, Ellen left, leaving Ash and Charlie to stare each other down while typing away.

“Watchya lookin’ at over there?” Ash asked, glancing at Charlie.

“Things and stuff.” She said. “You?”

“Updating my stock portfolio.” He said with sarcasm seething.

“Well, if this a competition, may the best woman win.” Charlie said.

“Oh I intend to…” Ash realized what Charlie had said and glared and started in on his search. He was going to win.

****

“Why is Ash here?” Sam asked, looking to where they had set Charlie up. Dean looked over and shrugged, not sure why he was here.

“I called him.” Cas said. “I’d rather have someone from our team working on this. I just don’t trust some of those Wayward Sons.”

“I saw the way you’ve been looking at Meg.” Jim teased. Cas’s face turned red.

“I have not…” Cas said. Bobby laughed.

“Guess Cassie boy isn’t as much as monk as he wants us all to believe.” Caleb announced.

“You guys are all assholes.” Cas said, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, I wanted a backup in case this Charlie isn’t as good as Meg said she is. And I trust Ash more than I trust Charlie.” There was a motorcycle pulling into the lot. Gordon got off his bike and headed to them.

“Hey guys.” He said.

“Hi Gordon.” Bobby said. “What can I do for you?”

“Bike’s making weird noises. Can you check it out for me?” He asked.

“On it.” Dean said, heading over to Gordon’s bike. Gordon looked at Sam and his eyes widened slightly before he plastered a smile on his face.

“Hey Sammy.” Gordon said. Sam frowned more than he already was.

“Hi Gordon.” He grumbled.

“Okay then. Uh, point me in the way of the bathroom?” Gordon asked. Sam motioned to where the bathrooms were and let Gordon on his way. Gordon made his way in and shut the door. He thought Azazel was going to kill the crown prince. Alastair had sent him there to scope out the situation. He noticed Benny wasn’t standing around with them like he used to. So that was one down.

He looked around the small bathroom, wondering what he was supposed to do next. He looked at the sink, ready to splash his face to get his head around everything, when he saw a bracelet laying there. A bracelet he had seen before. It belonged to Sam. An exchange gift when he gave Dean an amulet that was supposed to protect him on runs. Sam had lost it once when Gordon was over and he thought the kid was going to have a panic attack until they found it.

It was perfect.

Gordon pocketed the bracelet. He wasn’t sure why he did, but it seemed right. He gave himself another minute before he headed back out. Dean was wiping grease off his hands talking to Caleb. He looked up at Gordon.

“Just a couple loose wires.” Dean told him. Gordon nodded.

“Don’t have a job for me, do you?” Gordon asked.

“No man. Sorry.” Caleb said. Gordon nodded again and went back to his bike.

“Well, thanks for the fix.” Gordon said, starting up his bike and driving off. Dean looked at the others.

“Something doesn’t sit me right with him.” He said. Sam nodded in agreement. He looked around.

“Anyone seen my bracelet?” He asked.

“Sorry man, I haven’t.” Cas said. “It’ll show up though.”

****

Gordon made it out of Wolfpine and headed to New Mexico. He stopped close to the state line where Alastair was waiting for him. The Horsemen looked like he was ready to fight. Gordon just hoped it wasn’t with him.

“What did you find out?” Alastair asked.

“Everyone was there except for Benny Lafitte.” Gordon reported. “Even Sam.”

“Damn it.” Alastair sighed. “Azazel was a capable leader, but he let his emotions get the best of him.”

“I snagged this.” Gordon said, handing Alastair Sam’s bracelet. “It’s Sam’s. I don’t know if it will do any good or not…”

“I actually think I have a plan.” Alastair said, smirking. “Good job Gordon. You’re definitely a Horsemen.”

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @i-would-die-for-woodland-demars @dekahg @marvel-af @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tags: @luciathewinchestergirl @sheris532 @bobasheebaby @flamencodiva @bella-ca

This Life Tags: @soulslaststand @jamielea81 @caplansteverogers @becs-bunker  @colie87

Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23 @cloudyskylines @supernaturalwincestsblog @sams-serialkiller-fetish

[saintkimora]

ok……..here is the long awaited post of what happened on saturday night! (Last Saturday night btw not yesterday night) ive been too busy to post about it until now but it is juicy

so as i said on saturday, joel and i were texting on and off that day but it was weird as usual. so after i showered i wrote out a text to him saying that even though we havent been communicating much recently i still miss him and think about him all the time and that i appreciate the chances i do get to talk to him. so i sent this message but literally the second it sent i got a message from him. like we sent our texts at the same time. so i started reading his text and it started with “perry……im really sorry but what we have isnt working out” skafjhkajdhfkjads so i felt like a jolt in my legs and had to sit down. so he sent this long ass breakup text and here are the basic points that he used

he isnt ready for a relationship/exclusivity (even though HE was the one who literally deleted all his dating apps the day after we met bc he wanted to focus on pursuing me)

he hasnt been making the effort and i deserve someone who does

he hasnt been opening up and he is aware of that bc he knows he isnt ready

i deserve someone who is in a better place in their life than he is rn/someone who has their stuff together

i dont deserve what hes putting me through

he wants time to be single and make mistakes and regret them (stupid ass reasoning btw)

he knew using texts was the wrong way to end it but he wasnt strong enough to do it in person

he apologized if i feel like i wasted my time on him/if i regret anything ive done w him (since the last time i saw him before this was when i had sex with him)

hes sorry that he isnt treating me better

not my fault at all

so yeah that was the text! i didnt even read it fully until later on like i skimmed it and called him immediately and asked if we could talk in person (ofc i got all choked up trying to ask and almost started crying over the phone) so he said yes he owes me that much so i grabbed my tissue box, tried to put on my shoes (my mom had to help me bc i was shaking too much) and drove to his apartment and then sprinted to his apartment from where i parked a block away. i got there and his roommates werent home so it was just him. he opened the door and i said hi and he let me in and it was v solemn so we went into his room and sat on his bed and this is where the drama really started

so i was like “can i have a hug” and he was like “yes” so we hugged and i started crying. so we hugged for a while and then we separated and i was like “ok so explain why you want to end this” so he started explaining it to me. i was crying and he was crying too but i was crying more obv! i was like bawling. his eyes were red and tears were falling and he was sniffling but he wasnt like crying hard

so he just explained that he was in a bad place when he met me and he still is in that bad place (in reference to his depression) and how its not me its him and how i deserve someone who puts in the effort and doesnt distance themselves from me and actually has the time to see me and i was annoyed bc caleb did the same thing and i am sick of other guys telling me whats best for me like *vicki from rhoc voice* how do you know whats best for me? and like obv just bc you have depression doesnt mean you dont deserve love, like he said he still liked me and wanted to be with me and how it was breaking his heart to have to do this so i did not want him to end something just bc he felt he didnt deserve me or that he wasnt worthy of my love or anything like that 

so he also explained how he wasnt ready to settle down and i was like sis we arent even officially boyfriends yet, its not like im asking you to marry me and have kids lmfao and he said he wasnt ready for exclusivity so i was like “does that mean you wanna fuck other guys?” and he was like “i dont know” so ????? and he was like “im feeling conflicted” so i was like wtf is going on in here on this day

also i asked if his roommates were home and he said no he was home alone tonight and that was part of why he was feeling so bad and its like sis…..if being alone makes you feel worse then making yourself even more alone by breaking up w me doesnt seem like the best way to fix that! and i told him that i was free tonight and he couldve just invited me over if he was feeling lonely and he was like “i thought you would be busy” like sis literally the only times i am ever busy on saturday nights is when im with him!! lmao

he also said he wasnt opening up bc he couldnt/wasnt ready for it yet, but like i wasnt asking him to open up like all i wanted was for him to put a modicum of effort into our conversations just to show that he cared, like we can just keep doing fun things like im not asking him to get all deep and vulnerable with me (although i would love that too)

so we just had a very emotional time, i was crying my eyes out nonstop and he was lightly crying as well, there was lots of hugging and holding and stuff so like i was really really REALLY losing it like i was so MESSSSSSSSSSYYYY like i was just getting all in my feelings and saying all the things im gonna miss about him and like apologizing for anything i did wrong/apologizing for not being enough for him and like it was really really bad. but i was still also cracking jokes like a dumbass throughout the whole thing lmao bc i like to find the humor in things

i decided to mention that i was originally planning to ask him to be my bf officially on our next date (that plan had changed since he became cold and distant the past week or two but originally i was planning on doing it on the next date after i got back from the retreat) just bc i was being emotional

at one point he was laying on the bed and i was sitting on the edge of it crying (and covering my face bc im an ugly crier even though he’d already seen plenty of footage of me crying at this point) and he held out his arms and was like “come here” and i was like “no” and looked away and he was like “please” like that was very satisfying bc it showed that he needed comforting as well at that moment

at one point i was just laying on my side rolled up in a ball scream crying into my hands now THAT was messy. it was nice though bc joel moved in behind me and tried to hold me and calm me down. speaking of calming down! there were some points where i got like………REALLY bad like i was breathing so hard and fast it was troubling but whenever i had a wave of that joel held me and tried to soothe me and help me breathe

i even offered to have an open relationship if he wanted (bc this was during the exclusivity convo) bc i was just trying to grasp at any straws i could at the moment in the hopes of reaching an agreement or just stalling for time so i could move past his walls and get through to him. in reality i would never even consider it bc it is definitely not for me but at the moment i was desperate. he said no though bc he knows i wouldnt want that and he said he didnt want me to compromise myself for him

so then this is when we reached the turning point. so joel was laying down and i was like half sitting on the bed/half laying on him. and i said something along the lines of “you dont have to go through this alone, i wanna be there for you” and like when i said alone he lost IT! like we had a breakthrough he started bawling just like i was this whole time!! obviously it was hard for me to see him in that state but it was also kinda nice to see how much he cared 

but then he started breathing really fast and he was like “i think im having a panic attack” so i was like uh oh so i was like omg do you want me to get off of you or something but he was like no stay here so i kept holding him and tried to help him ride it out. but then he choked out the words “i think im making the wrong decision” like !!!! i have never felt such a strong feeling of hope in my life! but i was just like its fine dont worry about it just breathe and btw during this event he was laying on his side so he was looking to the side while i was kinda on top of him so i was like at him. so then he turned to look me directly in the face and………………………

he said “I love you!” like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hearing that made me SO so happy so i was like “i love you too!” and we hugged and kissed and then he was like “ask me!!” and i was like “ask you what???” and he was like “ask me what you were gonna ask me before!” and i was like “OH! joel……will you be my boyfriend?” and he was like “YES!” and then we hugged again and laughed and made out and it was really really passionate even though we were both gross with tears and runny noses, like it might have even been the most passionate kissing ive ever had! it was a very emotionally intimate moment and i loved it

so then he was like “im sorry” and i was like dont worry about it lmao so then we just continued cuddling and kissing and stuff for a while. he told me that he knew i loved him back bc during my breakdown i said “i really really really really liked you” and he said he knew i wanted to say i loved you lol

he also said hes gonna try to open up more and put more of an effort in so!! that was nice

so it was hot in his room and we were all sweaty on top of being gross from crying so we showered together which is always fun. and during the shower he was very touchy and he would like press his body against mine and give little kisses on like my chest or my back which i really loved. we also did some sexual stuff too

then we got out and dried off and he finally said he would watch flavor of love with me!! so we watched a few eps and it was super fun. then we cuddled until we fell asleep holding each other which is always one of my fave parts of our dates. he was very affectionate and sweet and i really liked it. then we fell asleep and in the morning i had to go home bc i had work or something

so yeah thats it! it made me really happy that he said i love you (and that he said it to me first!!) and i made sure he knew that he could always ask me for anything he needed if he was feeling down again or something. so now fast forward to today he is back to texting me every day and being an active and engaging texter! and i went over to do homework with him on monday night which was fun! and then on friday night he invited me over at like midnight and we got checkers and then we hung out and cuddled and watched more flavor of love. and then we did some more sexual things which was really fun! he was really really into me again and he literally is the hottest guy ive ever met so i enjoyed getting to make him feel good and stuff

on friday the 13th i am taking the gsa eboard + jami w me to go see the addams family musical at his school since he is part of the pit orchestra so that will be fun! i am very happy to have joel back and i am even happier that we are officially boyfriends now! and its so so so nice to get i love you texts again!! overall i am very happy with how things turned out and i am glad i fought to make it work instead of just seeing the text and being like ok bye

[punkscowardschampions]

Drew & Carly

Drew: Carly Drew: I need to come over now Drew: On train Carly: k Carly: how long? Drew: idk does it fucking matter Drew: 40 mins ish Carly: i gotta clear out so yea Drew: alright Drew: do it then Carly: i am Carly: whats wrong with you? Drew: got some bad news Drew: need to get fucked up you may as well be there Carly: k Carly: ill make you feel better Drew: ha Carly: trust me boy Drew: no Drew: trust no bitch Carly: everyones out Carly: see im good to trust Carly: keeping my word Drew: tah Drew: don't invite anyone else round Drew: i don't want to fuck Carly: i wont Carly: this about her? Drew: You're jealous of Ro? Lmao, you have NO idea Carly: im not Carly: im asking for you Carly: you dont wanna fuck what else we gonna do cept talk Drew: i said Drew: get wrecked Drew: don't act like that's not what you want too Carly: k Carly: forget i said it Drew: least of my worries Drew: forget about it too Drew: doesn't mean anything Carly: yea Carly: getting that from you Drew: don't be weird Drew: don't need it today Carly: youre gonna get what you need soon Drew: i might need to hide for a bit Drew: cool? Carly: yea Carly: whenever you know Drew: good Drew: can't go back to my flat for a bit Drew: might need to move on Drew: not sure yet Carly: k Carly: for good? Drew: Yeah Drew: bridges burned, nothing here for me now Carly: they gonna come here? Carly: what you want me to say if theyre looking? Drew: Nah, nah Drew: not that Drew: Christ, I'd already be dead, that's where I've been past few days Drew: you're fine, you don't have anything to worry about Carly: Good Carly: can I come there? Carly: ill miss you Drew: I'll come back Drew: My sister will still be here Drew: we can hook up Drew: better get a new dealer for day to day tho Carly: yea Carly: fuck Drew: soz Drew: might not come to that Drew: idk what's going on Carly: what can i do? Drew: Idk, you know a good contract killer? Carly: all my contacts talk and talk Carly: whos fucking with you? Drew: no one Drew: but that's about to change Drew: you want a list? Carly: no Carly: i want you to feel better Drew: why do you care Carly: you make me feel good Carly: who does that for you? Drew: no one Carly: let me Drew: leave off Drew: i'm not in the mood Carly: anything you want Carly: when you are Drew: you're all the same, even the ones of you that front otherwise, makes me laugh Drew: tell you to have some self-respect but doesn't make a difference in the end Carly: im not hurting over this Carly: laugh it up Drew: oh, i am Drew: you're all jokes Carly: if youre trying to fight with me ill go there Carly: idc Drew: go on then 😂 Drew: what could you possibly say to make my day any worse Drew: I'd LOVE to know Carly: why do you want me to? Carly: none of your beef is with me Carly: hit up whoever else Drew: 'cos the last thing i want is that lovey dovey bullshit from you rn Drew: you said I could come to hide Drew: if you've changed your mind say Drew: don't waste my time Carly: its not Carly: you're good to me im trying to do the same Carly: if thats a waste of time its of mine Drew: no, i'm not, Carly Drew: that isn't what this is, or has ever been Drew: we use each other for personal gain, that's it Carly: yea you give me what i need Carly: let me do it for you Carly: stay here Drew: alright Drew: but that's all I need Drew: just the caravan Carly: k Drew: i only need a few days, alright, get my head fucked, then straight again Drew: i'll be out your hair asap Drew: and i'll stay on the sofa, just ignore me best you can Drew: you can keep people away for that long, yeah? Carly: yea Carly: ill put the word out now Carly: itll be sorted when you get here Drew: cheers Drew: i'm sorry okay Drew: know its not ideal Drew: got nowhere else Carly: youre welcome here whenever Drew: i don't get you Drew: none of you Carly: you know whats up Carly: personal gain Carly: i need some bad Carly: the good shit Drew: why not pay for it Drew: you have enough money Drew: what you saving for? new shoes? Carly: i got the sack Carly: whats it matter Drew: 'course Drew: nothing, nothing Drew: i wouldn't want to be anyone's bitch, that's all Carly: k Drew: 'bout 10 mins away Drew: im gonna take some in toilet Drew: can't wait Carly: dont be too greedy Drew: you'll get yours Drew: i'll do what i like Drew: my fucking drugs Carly: dont cry Drew: don't take the fucking piss Drew: you ain't paying Carly: i know Drew: had enough dealing with fucking junkies Carly: dont call me that Drew: what, grown a backbone? Drew: its what you are, darling Carly: if you wanna stay then don't Drew: might take my chances tbh Drew: doing my head in Drew: women Drew: know your bff had her baby? Carly: no Carly: she isnt my bff Drew: now, now, you're not exactly surrounded by offers Drew: though you will be taking back the flowers when you find out Carly: why would I care? Carly: nothing to do with me Drew: is with me Drew: still apathetic? Carly: fuck who you like Carly: youve wanted her for years Drew: well i got her now Drew: 25 to life Carly: thats why youre hiding Carly: she doesnt wanna play happy families Drew: yeah Drew: doubt caleb does either Drew: or her brothers and dad Drew: like i said, list is long Carly: she'll change her mind when she can't do it alone Carly: open arms for you Drew: no she won't Drew: she's not like you Carly: im not like her Carly: never having kids Drew: you shouldn't Drew: state of Drew: the way you go though you won't have choice in the matter Carly: piss off Drew: i'm serious Drew: never make me use protection Drew: doubt you do any other punter Drew: you need to take better care of yourself Carly: its none of your business Carly: im not gonna drop another kid on you Drew: yeah that's what I reckoned with Ali too Drew: like I said, don't trust any of you Drew: especially you Drew: my business when its mine Carly: its not happening Carly: you can go back to not caring Drew: No, I can't Drew: don't you get it? This has changed my entire life Drew: I've gotta leave my home and everyone I've known because Drew: even if I don't step up, she's still my kid Drew: she's not going away Drew: I've not got my head stuck in the sand or up my arse like you Drew: you'll get this rude awakening one day too, mark my words Carly: stay and be a dad Carly: theres no-one in your way Carly: and she's going to uni it'll be a part time thing Drew: Oh yeah, what a dad I'll be Drew: drug dealer with nowt else to offer but gear and a bit of dirty cash Drew: whatever she says, she won't want a kid 'round that, i fucking wouldn't Drew: and Caleb will always be in the way Drew: fuck that Carly: she cant stop you Carly: neither can he Carly: and she will want the kid to have a dad Carly: nobodys is decent Carly: be around Drew: Can if I'm a criminal Drew: they'll just dob me in when they're sick of having me hanging about Drew: it'll have a dad, she knows she's got him Drew: don't need or want me Drew: can't hack it Carly: go straight Drew: now why would you tell me to do a thing like that Drew: no more drugs for you if I'm stuck stacking shelves for a kid that calls him dad and not me Carly: youre not the only dealer, goldie Drew: i repeat, what's in it for you Drew: why you care if i'm around if i'm not funding you Carly: i wanna help you Drew: what about yourself Drew: who helps you Carly: whoever deals in your place Drew: you'll get hurt Drew: shouldn't mess around with people like that Drew: like me Carly: i can handle it Carly: nothing to matter to you Drew: s'not true Drew: you might be stoned enough to pretend you don't give a fuck about anything Drew: but i'm not a monster you know Drew: christ Carly: im not saying you are Carly: but don't pretend you care Drew: shut up Drew: of course i do Drew: i don't want you to get killed or beaten up every day 'and numbed out by the hardest stuff Drew: i only starting dealing to you so you wouldn't go to someone else Carly: its not gonna be that Drew: what's it gonna be? you'll knuckle down, get a job, get some friends, only do a bit for fun on weekends? Drew: that's not what you're doing, not where you're headed Carly: i can stop whenever i want Drew: you can't Drew: if you think you can then you're more gone than i know you are Drew: can't bullshit me on this, i have your tab, remember? Carly: fuck off Carly: im not a junkie Drew: yes you are Drew: and on the off-chance you aren't Drew: you certainly act like one Drew: do you think all girls fuck me for drugs? maybe once for a club drug but this is years now, as often as I'll let it happen Drew: and I shouldn't have but Drew: yeah Carly: don't drew Carly: dont come here either Drew: Carly Drew: I'm sorry Drew: I won't Carly: keep your sorry Carly: i wanted you ok Drew: i know Drew: i've known for a while, longer than i'd ever admit Drew: what else can i say? Carly: nothing Carly: dont talk to me Carly: stay away Drew: but Drew: i want you too Drew: i do Carly: no you dont Drew: i fucking do Drew: i just want to stop Drew: stop helping you kill yourself Carly: im not going anywhere Drew: you will Drew: everyone leaves me Carly: ive got nowhere to go Carly: this caravan is it Carly: and i cant leave you im not with you Drew: but you are Drew: you're constant Drew: you'll either get better and realise you're better than me like Ro and Ali and my own sister Drew: or you'll fuck off to be fucked up somewhere else like my mum Drew: or worse Carly: im not them Carly: im not trying to be better than you i know im not Carly: youre so good, drew Carly: i dont wanna be anywhere you arent with anyone else Drew: i'm not Drew: i'm bad but i can't stop Drew: i don't know how Carly: not to me, you've always been good Carly: looked after me Carly: you said yourself you wanted to protect me Drew: but Drew: i still gave you drugs and i call you horrible things and Drew: only see you when i wanted to, when Ro wasn't around or whatever else dirt I was pulling Carly: i ask ill stop Carly: im not scared Carly: i want you more Drew: its not your fault Drew: do you mean it Drew: will you try Carly: yea Carly: ill be better Carly: treat you better Carly: let me and youll see Drew: how do you want me Drew: i'll do whatever you want Carly: I just want you Carly: I love you Drew: I love you too Carly: be here now Drew: 🏃

[lovethefinalseason-blog]

PLL 7B, Ep 6: The Glove that Rocks the Cradle

There’s only a few more episodes left until the “big reveal” finale on June 27th so of course the writers need to stretch out every twist, throw in every red herring and vaguely mention the liars parents just to reassure us they are not all still trapped in a basement somewhere drinking wine. Tonight’s episode featured Lucas’ big reveal and just like my last sexual encounter it was quite anticlimactic.  While it was mildly surprising to find out that Lucas was friends with Charles growing up a few episodes back, that reveal happened too early so it was obvious that he’s not AD. Plus letting Hanna live rent free in his giant apartment isn’t really much torture - even if they found out he only did that so that he could bug the whole thing and listen to their conversations.  Most of their convos seem to happen at Ali’s house or Spencer’s barnyard apartment. As far as I’m concerned there was never a big mystery surrounding Lucas. The biggest mystery on the show right now is why, after years of harassment and at least two kidnappings, do none of the liars own a security system, lock their doors and windows or even close their curtains. Even Neve Campbell moved to a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere after Scream 2. Then again in scream 4. Of course, if you’ve yet to watch tonight’s episode, then everything I’m saying right now makes no sense, so let’s get on with this recap. 

Spencer is in an interrogation room with a cop that is shockingly not Marco. He’s asking her about Archer Dunhill and the night she met Marco in the bar - and the joke about her saying she just finished “burying a body”.  Spencer dodges all his questions then the cop leaves and Marco comes in, sitting down slowly. He tells her she’s standing in quicksand and he’s offering her a rope.  She holds her water, looks at him then drinks it, knowing shes leaving her DNA. Then asks, can I go home now? Anyone who’s ever watched an episode of Law and Order knows that she was free to leave at any time since she wasn’t under arrest.  Marco suggest she gets a lawyer.  I can suggest two right of the top of my head - Mr. Hastings and Mrs. Hastings. 

In happier news, Emily surprises Ali by setting up a nursery in Ali’s old bedroom.  Ali basically asks her to move in then notices the box of stuff and slowly takes out an item from the box.  Emily says she found all the stuff in her attic, Ali’s mom saved everything there, all wrapped in tissue paper. 

Aria opens a face time message from Paria who tells her to “never send her to voicemail again”. She ends the message just as Ezra walks in and makes a remarks about Aria’s nightmares the night before.  She says she was just restless.  He says he has the perfect solution for her and hands her flyers for ballroom dance lessons.  I’d be like..

Aria says shes not sure about her schedule right now so says she can’t commit. Then a message comes in from Spencer telling her to go to Ali’s house right away, so she takes her jacket and leaves Ezra.  Important side note: Aria’s jacket says Aria across the back, in case you are confused. 

Spencer tells the girls that she accidentally used Rollin’s (Archer Dunhill’s) credit card the night they killed him.  At first they are mad that she was drunk but they quickly get over it and Emily suggests she gets the receipts. Hanna quickly interrupts her and says she can get them - lest we forget her mother owns the Radley.  She knows how to get in without the security cameras seeing her and she knows there’s a big Radley staff meeting the next night so no one will be around. 

Ezra meets with his publisher at the Brew to go over his press packet for the new book that he cowrote with Aria. He’s concerned that the entire press packet is about Nicole. His publisher says well that’s what the book is about and the story is still big in the press, people want to know if it works out between them.  Ezra says that Aria wrote half the book and he’s engaged to Aria now and his agent is like, well I didn’t tell you to get engaged.

Hanna’s secret weapon for shutting down the Radley security sytem? Caleb of course because he created it. Unfortunately he created it too well. He tells Hanna the system can only be shut down for 10 minutes at a time otherwise it automatically calls the police.  Suddenly the game lights up, the message on the phone says  “Pick up my homework or go to detention, remember prison food makes you fat”. #HeftyHanna.  At the same time Aria gets a message saying “Hanna thinks its her turn but yours isn’t up yet and you’re playing for me” - AD.   Hanna’s AD mission is to go to a computer repair shop to pick up a flash drive then drop it off at the locker at Rosewood High (the same locker that Aria dropped the comic book in last time). Caleb wants to go with Hanna but she refuses. She doesn’t want him to end up in the ER again. Hanna also reveals that she blames them for Spencer’s mistake. Hanna promised her that she was over Caleb, and let Spencer fall in love with him. Then Caleb broke up with her that night because he kissed Hanna, which led to Spencer drinking too much in a bar and making out with the cop who’s now investigating them for murder. 

Speaking of Spencer, she is now helping Emily assemble some more baby furniture. Spencer thinks she can convince Marco that she’s innocent or to give up on the Archer Dunhill case but Emily warns her not to overestimate someone’s feelings, its risky.  Spencer says arent you doing the same thing with Ali with this baby? How do they know it will work out? It’s not a puppy it’s a baby.  Emily tells her to stop judging her and Ali.  

Ezra tells Aria about his publishers plan to make the press tour all about Ezra and Nicole. She doesn’t even want Aria involved at all.  Ezra says he won’t do it but Aria tells him she wants him too.  Selling the book will help them build a better future and she doesn’t want to be in the spotlight right now (being investigated for murder does have a way of messing things up).  She says she also doesn’t feel comfortable answering questions about Nicole but she’ll be there in the audience at every event. 

Hanna picks up the flash drive from the computer repair shop.  Caleb plugs it into his computer and it brings up one music file. It’s Patsy Cline singing “you belong to me.” Hanna says that A only played Patsy Cline in the dollhouse. 

Marco is going over his notes in his apartment when theres a knock on the door.  Of course it’s Spencer. She asks him to talk to her and tells him she’s the same person she was 3 days ago when they were sleeping together.  He says that might be true but it turns out that he didn’t know that person that much.  Spencer, who once again should consider talking to a lawyer before she speaks, tells him that Dunhill was a monster, he preyed on people, why shouldnt he die in the same way he lived?  Marco says its his job to found out who broke the law not why.  It’s actually kind of also his job to find out why.  Motive I believe is the number one thing police are supposed to find out in interrogation rooms.  Spencer begs him to let this slip through the cracks. He just stares at her, then hands her a tissue and says no.   His phone starts ringing and he asks spencer to leave.  When he’s in the other room talking on his phone she sees a pile of flash drives on his counter. One is labeled Lucas and she slips it into her pocket before she leaves.  

The liars gather at Spencer’s and watch as she plugs the flash drive into her computer. It’s a video of the police interrogating Lucas after Charlotte (CeCe/Charles) was murdered. He tells the police that he lied about Hanna’s whereabouts that night because she asked him to cover it up.  He says he wouldn’t be surprised if her friends were involved in the murder. The girls are now convinced that Lucas is involved with AD but Hanna still doesn’t believe it because he’s her friend.  Hanna says she knows in her heart her friends will never hurt her - but Aria cuts her off saying that’s not true. Is Aria about to confess to helping AD?  Nope! She just points out that Hanna was once so afraid of Lucas she pushed him out of a rowboat. Aria suggests staking out the locker where Hanna is supposed to drop off the hard drive. Hanna asks her how she knew about the locker, and Aria plays it off saying oh she just thought she mentioned that once.   

 Emily comes into Ali’s house, saying that her mom is away for the weekend (and basically forever) so she ran home and to get a mobile for the crib. What I’m understanding from that is - 1. Emily is not planning to tell her mom that Ali is pregnant with her baby and 2. her mom keeps random baby items in her house.   Emily says she’ll make breakfast but Ali says shes running late. Emily notices that Ali hasnt taken her vitamins yet and gets pissed. She says Ali always says they’ll do things together and then bails on her all the time.  Ali angrily takes the vitamins and then leaves.  When she’s gone Emily gets a text from Hanna that says “got the game instructions.”  Hanna has to drop off the drive at the school at the same time the staff meeting is on at the Radley so she has to be in two places at once. Emily says they will hide out at the high school so they can catch AD picking up the drive from the locker.  Aria innocently says she promised Ezra she would go to a press event tonight with him so she can’t go. After they all leave, Spencer and Caleb stay behind.  Spencer is looking at her phone annoyed and tells Caleb that it’s Rosewood PD wanting to schedule her second interview.  Caleb says he’s sorry.  She says its not his fault but he says isnt it?

As Hanna is leaving Lucas’ she opens the door to Mona.  Mona asks where shes going and Hanna’s about to lie but Mona cuts her off and asks why she’s not letting her in on the game.  Hanna tells her the others can’t know she’s involved.   Mona realizes that Hanna didn’t tell the other liars that she showed her the game.  She can’t believe they still don’t trust her and asks what does she have to do to be part of the group! 

Aria doesn’t show up to Ezra’s press event that night. He texts her a few times where are you but she doesn’t answer. 

At Rosewood High, Hanna drops the flash drive in the locker then looks over at Ali and Emily who are “hiding” behind a door wearing bright colors and talking loudly to each other about their earlier fight.  Unbeknownst to them, back at Ali’s house someone is breaking into the apartment and replacing Emily’s precious mobile with a creepy one made of slashed up Barbie dolls. And that someone is...ARIA.   She watches it spin around, then proceeds to rip up pillows and smear blood on the walls.  Oblivious to it all, Emily apologizes to Ali for earlier saying she’s just scared she wont be able to do this with the baby. Ali says she feels like Emily is testing her.  Before she can respond, they hear a noise and know that they missed AD because they are the worst spies ever. They run after the perp, splitting up in the process but Emily stops when she hears Ali yell in pain.  She finds Ali on the stairs, shaken up but OK. They decide to call it a night and go home.  

Unfortunately, Aria is still not done trashing their baby room when she hears the door open and realize shes about to get caught.  She trips over some boxes, which Ali and Emily hear.  Then she runs into a crib and knocks down some more things. 

Emily takes a candlestick and slowly starts to creep around the house.  Aria hides in a corner hoping not to get caught.  While she’s stuck in the house, Ezra is at the press event by himself, fielding questions from the audience. Someone asks if there’s another book in the works and will he continue his journey with Nicole. He tells her no, he’s moved on and is engaged to his co-author Aria. 

Somehow Aria got out and is now acting innocent as all the liars stand around surveying the AD damage to the nursery.  Ali thinks the hard drive thing was a set up.  Emily says whoever it was had a helper because there’s no way whoever was at the school could’ve beaten them back there in time to do all this damage. As Spencer helps Emily clean up some of the damage, she sees an earring on the floor. She picks it up and looks at Aria asking if it’s hers (knowing that it is).  Aria says ooh I thought I heard that drop when we came in here and takes the earring back from Spencer.  

Hanna is now in the Radley storage room looking through boxes of receipts to find Spencer’s.  Keep in mind she only has 10 minutes to find this one receipt, and her mom apparently keeps every single receipt in giant evidence boxes for no reason. Caleb comes in to remind her they only have a few minutes before the police are called but she’s freaking out. He takes all the boxes and dumps them on the floor, then uses a metal pole to burst a pipe in the room before pulling Hanna out. Caleb then frantically tries to turn the security system back on. He tells Hanna he needs to run downstairs to reboot the security system.  As he leaves she receives a voicemail from Mona who says she’s still at the high school alone.  Emison mistook her for the real AD and chased her which must’ve scared off real AD because no one has come for the drive.  As the security cameras load back up, Hanna sees Lucas at the Radley looking around, waiting. 

Spencer is at her house watching tv under a blanket when Marco calls. He knows she took the drive and tells her to give it back “or else”.  Turning into evil  Spencer, her voices changes and she says “if i did take the drive that would mean i was in your apartment alone. At night. With you. I wonder if people would think that was strange.”  He hangs up, then immediately Spencer gets a call from Hanna. 

Lucas is frantically rifling through all his drawers in his apartment when he realizes people are watching him and looks up to see all of the liars (sans Mona) standing there.  They ask why he’s freaking out and he says he can’t find the book. He then confesses that he didn’t know that Charles was Charlotte.  He only communicated through email. He used to email Charles stories of how Ali tortured him throughout high school and all her friends just stood around doing nothing. He thinks he’s the reason that all of them were tortured by Charlotte. He says the comic they found was sent to him with a note that says if you “want to keep our friendship a secret, meet at the Radley tonight.”  He did but no one showed up.  Then Lucas reveals that there’s another unfinished comic called “end game” and that’s what he was looking for but it’s not longer here. It details torture and secrets that he doesn’t want AD to know about but he doesn’t know how the book ends because it was never finished. I’m literally watching this scene like:

After everyone leaves, Hanna offers Lucas a glass of whiskey. He drinks it, thanks her then goes to leave. Hanna tells him that she believes that he wasn’t part of AD but then asks why her factory is for sale. He looks at her sadly and says he thinks she’s really talented but he had trouble getting other people to believe him. He was the only investor and he didn’t have the money to invest anymore. She is like wait I tortured you in high school and now I lost all your money and you’re still letting me live in your apartment. but why though, what’s worth losing everything.  He looks at her and says “you.” She smiles and says thank you, then he leaves.  

At Spencer’s second interview, Marco tells her that the storage room at the Radley was deliberately flooded and the security cameras went down at the exact same time.  She doesn’t react just says, that must make your life very difficult.  Marco says he won’t stop investigating her then leaves.

As Ali and Emily clean up Aria’s mess they joke about how brave they were facing down AD (who we know was really Mona).   Ali remarks that Emily has always protected her and Emily asks so why do you always push me away.  Ali says she doesn’t know but shes ready to stop.  She wants to do this, together. She wants to be a family.  Ali says she finally realized that the reason she’s been in so many failed relationships is because she loves Emily.  Then she kisses her. 

Aria finally gets back to her apartment, takes out her phone and sees a note from Ezra saying “you didn’t miss much, be home soon”.  She looks down at her arm and sees a giant scratch. Holding the scratch she sits on the couch and starts crying. 

As suspected, in the last scene we see AD holding the second comic “end game”.  They turn to a blank page and begin to drawer a tree, then next to a tree a gravestone.  On it they write “Here Lies...”