#to have figured out who the common denominator in past failed relationships is

[linddzz]

I absolutely adore your take on Dream as an Eldritch Weirdo with very "off" understandings on social interactions. I'm looking forward to more Oyster Nightmare type revelations and Hob just absolutely falling more and more in love with Dream but I have to say one of your first descriptions of Dream as a handy, many eyes, sparkly void of darkness just nomming and roaming possesively over an unperturbed Hob still lives in my mind.

Clapping my hands and cackling reading this anon!!! SO!! The reason that the Rescue ficlet, the one with Dream being a needy Eldritch Slutty Problem who makes himself extra hands just to get more of them on Hob and makes weird "fuck me" cicada noises at the slightest, mildest hint of Hob being even a teensy possessive over him, is just in ficlet form and not cleaned up and expanded off Tumblr yet

is that it's a sort of sequel ficlet to Audacity in Human Form and that is absolutely the same Dream and the same Hob.

And the reason Dream has been coming across stiff and held back (and harder to WRITE ugh) in those first two chapters of his pov is he is making (bad and short lived) tries at keeping a tight leash on All That. So if you like that Weird Insanely Horny Dream then be assured that the upcoming chapter is when that leash starts to slip :3

[peaches2217]

Look, I hate to be the one to say it, but if you grew up in a cult and you’re still religious, you never escaped your cult. You’re not a cult survivor, you’re literally still a cult member. I hope you get the help you need.

(I’m assuming you’re referencing my tags on this post?? Lemme know if I’m off-base! 😅)

Oooookay! Little rant under the cut, because while it is a bit of a sensitive topic, I think I have the right to answer honestly!

TW: Religious trauma, abusive relationships, homophobia, just generally deep shit about toxic religious culture

Friendo, with all due respect, you don’t get to tell me what I am or what I’m not when it comes to my religious beliefs. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but I’ve spent the past five years navigating my own thoughts and beliefs after twenty-odd years of being told exactly what to think and how to believe, and that’s something I won’t allow to be belittled or diminished.

I did grow up in a cult. My lifelong church was an Assemblies of God church, which is a denomination already known for being… kinda intense, but I got the “privilege” of seeing it morph into a fledgling cult as I grew up; gradually cutting all associations with all churches outside the denomination, thinly-veiled messages of fear and hate becoming less and less veiled, increasingly vigilant calls to action against “The Enemy,” which went from a vague way of referencing Satan and his influence to referencing literally anyone who wasn’t part of the congregation. I dated a guy who sincerely believed, and preached to a room full of “Amen!”s, that Catholics are all Hell-bound and non-Evangelical Protestants weren’t far behind. I didn’t even think twice about the logic of suggesting a 2000-year-old religion was wrong and illegitimate prior to the past hundred years or so. I was just enamored by his devotion and wisdom.

I was always queer and suppressed it to varying degrees of success before getting my first taste of freedom in college and falling into a relationship that became abusive. I came back home after dropping out, broken and confused, and ran back to the only place I’d ever felt welcomed, but realized pretty quickly that I’d been deemed one of the very same outsiders I was warned about growing up. I threw myself into repentance. I desperately tried to regain favor in the eyes of the church and the God I was raised to believe in. I made the mistake of finally opening up and trusting the pastor enough to confide in him about my abusive relationship, to which he responded with a lecture about MY wrongdoings, followed by him outing me to the entire congregation. One day after service when I was about 21 or 22, I approached my dad while he was talking with the pastor’s wife, and she stopped mid-sentence when she saw me and just walked away in the opposite direction. That was a pretty common reaction people had to me after being outed, but I think that was the moment I realized I had failed to atone and failed as a Christian.

Through it all, my dad spoke with conviction of a God who was gentle, loving, merciful, and kind. I realized late in my teenhood that, for all his devotion to our church, the God he spoke of wasn’t the same God our pastor spoke of. My dad remains a victim of the cult because he was raised to believe all figures of authority are well-meaning — a few months back, my mom tried to sit him down and explain plainly that several of my psychological issues are a direct result of religious trauma inflicted by the church he raised me in, and he sincerely couldn’t wrap his head around the notion. But even as that church has morphed into a cult, he’s held belief in a God and a Christianity more forgiving. I realized during my last few visits to the church, spread over the course of a couple of years, that he’d also been othered, if not quite as hard and suddenly as I was. Even now he’ll express frustration that no one seems to consider his ideas or opinions when he used to be considered a go-to decision maker.

My dad’s no leftist; he’s proudly conservative, supports Trump, and hides his homophobia behind a veil of sympathy for those “called to celibacy” or with a “propensity towards sodomy” (both terms he’s used to describe me, to my face). I love him, and we have a good relationship, but I sincerely worry about what might happen when he finds out I’m trans. His one deviation from the church, his belief that God’s much more willing to love and forgive than the pastor tells us, is nevertheless enough to have him considered an outlier. Being ostracized and forced to look from the outside in allowed me to see that and realize “Hey, hold up, that doesn’t make sense.”

So for the past half decade, I’ve been doing something that goes directly against everything I was ever taught: examining my beliefs and determining what I truly believe and what I only believe out of indoctrination and fear. Looking at the Scriptures in their original forms and historical-political contexts, and examining its English translations through the same lens. Discerning the difference between what’s biblical and what’s Christlike, how much of Christianity is God’s true word and how much is the agenda of men, challenging myself to question everything I’ve ever known and acknowledge that maybe what I learned was just wrong.

It’s… largely been uphill, but it’s a battle I’m not fighting alone. My girlfriend is a huge source of support; having someone that’s so close to me yet so far removed from the system I was brought up in has been invaluable in opening my eyes to just how fucked up some of the stuff I’ve been taught is. I just earlier this year learned that the Rapture isn’t a widespread belief outside of American Evangelicism, and that it as a concept isn’t even an ancient prophecy, but a relatively recent (like, 19th century, popularized in the 20th century) man made doctrine. My girlfriend, who lacks strong religious affiliation but nonetheless knows her Scripture because she’s from the heavily Catholic Slovakia, was absolutely baffled when I explained what I thought was common knowledge to all Christians. She calls the doctrine “UFO Jesus”.

Since I was at least twelve, I’ve lived in constant fear of the Rapture because I was convinced that, as a “sodomite” who couldn’t bring myself to condemn others like me, all my friends and I would be damned to Hell at any given moment. It’s always been a double-edged sword; fear of damnation is what’s kept me from offing myself several times, but the belief that the Rapture will happen any day and I’ll be tortured for all eternity no matter what I do so there’s really no point in living is a huge part of what got me to the point of wanting to off msyelf in the first place. And I’m learning now that it’s not even a common belief within one of the world’s largest religions, least of all to the extent its importance was pressed within our church. I still struggle to say “I was taught a lie” because that fear of being wrong and suffering greatly for it was part and parcel of my participation in church growing up, but dammit I’m striving to find my own truth instead of the supposed truth drilled into me.

So yes, I’m still religious. But I no longer believe in the God I was taught to believe in. I still haven’t quite figured everything out, and I still struggle thanks to a lifetime of indoctrination, but I’m learning to define my own beliefs bit by bit, and I believe in a God of radical love who mourns what so many oppressive sects of Christianity teach and enforce in His name. And if you don’t believe that, that’s fine! There’s reasons aplenty to be atheistic or antitheistic or religious/spiritual but unaffiliated with Christianity specifically.

But don’t you dare fucking tell me I’m no better now than I was while I was trapped, just because you personally don’t find religion to hold any value. I’m not perfect. I was raised in a deeply flawed ideology and still suffer from holdovers. I’m doing my best to hold myself accountable for those biases as I move forward. But I am, in fact, a victim and a survivor, and I‘ve fought like hell to undo the damage done to me and that I did to others while trapped in that system, and I have every right to be frustrated at those efforts being belittled and to be proud of myself for how far I’ve come anyway.

[nazuna-tunnel-vision]

I 100% agree that Ritsu would write a journal about his feelings for Mao. And Ritsu is such an introspective person and he loves figuring out people's minds, he would probably end up seeking Mao out again, if only to figure out why his past self loved Mao so much. I think that Ritsu would have so many holes in his self-narrative that it would keep nagging at him and he'll identify Mao as the common denominator in his missing memories sooner or later. Pre-surgery Ritsu would probably anticipate this and journal as a fail-safe - so that at least future Ritsu gets to hear it directly from pre-Ritsu, rather than fill in the blanks with incorrect inferences. As both a tribute to his feelings for and relationship with Mao, and for his future self's peace of mind in understanding how he came to be who he was. In my head Ritsu would slowly fall in love again bc I couldn't even bear to think of the alternative, where that love just no longer means a thing to him. Like I dunno, I just realised that I never even let myself consider that he'd read the journal and just go "oh ok cool doesn't seem real". grips head.

You're so right about hanahaki being horror too. The helplessness of being expected to return someone's feelings but being unable to do so. And then you add DEATH and a social environment where everyone expects the person being crushed on to return those feelings to save the person. It would be so horrible in cases where the person actually died?? I imagine that family members would blame the object of the deceased's affections for the death, and maybe even the living person's friends would turn on them too. You were literally just minding your own business and doing your best and suddenly someone's death is your fault, and maybe you even believe it too. Or if you don't believe it, you'd still be afraid that the people around you might judge you for that. It would be so very isolating.

You're also right that realistically speaking, only a specific kind of person would choose to die rather than give up on their feelings. Especially considering how physically painful it must be to die that way. I think heartbreak via a breakup could reasonably lead to someone's life falling to pieces if the partner was already embedded in all aspects of their life, and now they have to rebuild their entire routine all of a sudden. But with hanahaki it's like...? You weren't even dating..? That's the whole point. (Already dating and yet having hanahaki for your partner would be an interesting and pretty sad story though.) Like you said, the crush is probably not that huge a part of their lives. Unless you're early day Ritsu and Mika & you've constructed your life around the person and your love for them. But I think societal norms and expectations that put requited romantic love on a pedestal would still validate that kind of destructive love. To validate the heartbroken person and probably demonise the person being crushed on. A horror story for real. I hope hanahaki universes out there have some kind of compulsory sex ed classes about how romantic love is not to die for, even if your teenage hormones and morphing identity convinces you that there isn't anything in your life apart from your ability to have a relationship with The One.

I saw your tags and I wanna say RitsuMao (I think that's the ship?) is the perfect ship for hanahaki in the way which you described.

Also, interestingly enough, I have written a hanahaki fic from the person who is on the receiving end of the crush, in a frustrated "why can't I return the feeling???" And not wanting to lose the friendship way.

So anyway I think that's a great angle to pursue and it's very big brain of you.

YESS thank you for the validation, this AU has been eating at my brains for a year but i'm just not very good at writing actual stories rather than just analysis so. it stayed in my brain.

yeah it is ritsumao and oh boy ritsumao with the flower actually removed would be a riot. they're childhood friends and so much of their identities are rooted in the relationship, so losing the relationship would destabilise the both of them so much.

to Make Things Worse ☺️✌️ in my AU, i made the surgery remove memories related to the person altogether rather than just feelings (although tbh it's also bc i never quite understood how you can "remove feelings" without fundamentally making the memory stop making sense. aren't memories a key way in which people make sense of the world and remember things?)

and this makes the story veer into exploring how one's memories and relationships with others kind of. makes you who you are. which a lot of hanahaki stories don't really explore.

that means ritsu just Forgets about mao and loses years worth of accumulated memories and self-narratives about how he became who he was. how did he manage rei's broken promise, who did he cling to? apart from chasing after rei, who made him want to 'enter the sunlight'? post-surgery ritsu would be a very different and a very confused person.

and considering how so much of their relationship was Just The Two Of Them (thanks ritsu), mao would have no one who shares so many of his memories. they'll probably find random trinkets all over their houses that either only mao or neither of them remembers the significance of. some matching keychains they got from an event. a pen with one of those plastic jewels that's the colour of mao's eyes, which ritsu used to like a lot but now just throws it away bc it's out of ink. maybe some random thing of mao's that ritsu stole when he was 6 because of some convoluted reasoning and jealousy, and which he never returned. and when they rediscover it mao is like "wtf i've been trying to find it for YEARS, why do you have this," and ritsu can only reply with "i dunno."

mao also can no longer use ritsu for the. to give himself self-esteem in his role as someone ritsu needs, or whatever codependent shit they have going on. he'll just have that pretty important aspect of the maintenance of his identity and self-image ripped from him because the flower is arophobic.

i just think ritsumao with the hanahaki surgery would just be rly tragic bc rtmo are the kind of friends who would want more than anything and who would do everything they can to ensure the other stays in their lives. or rather, they've been with each other for so long that they also don't actually need to bend over backwards to maintain their relationship. even when something does happen, i think they generally understand each other and value the other enough to resolve things sooner rather than later.

i think the both of them would choose not to have the hanahaki development in the first place if it meant that they could continue as they have always been. ritsu would never want to guilt trip mao with hanahaki (!! era at least, and not to make mao actually feel like shit for longer than a few hours at most). and mao would want to give ritsu what he wants as is usual but be unable to. so they're both absolutely miserable! falls face flat on ground.

anyway i can't believe i rambled this much but. after writing all that out i read that fic you wrote and. slams fist on wall and cries, you get it!!!!!! i don't know a thing about these two but oughhhhh. !!!!!!

(for anyone else who has somehow read to this point and who also has brainworms for Best Friend with Hanahaki, read it here before i spoil it below with my quoting)

the way Hak's first reaction is to do everything he can to solve things and his fear of losing 12 years of friendship. 12 years of memories. Their entire lives together. That was the price of getting it removed. while Soowon goes “But what if you find someone you have feelings for?” Soowon asked, “it’s not really fair for you to be bound to me this way.” and “Love” was too heavy a word to impose upon his friend

ohhhh my god. oh my god. It frustrated Hak, every time Soowon coughed up another flower and he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t make it stop. Why couldn’t he make it stop?

it's the mutual love and care for the other!!!! screaming.

and the way Soowon just slowly fades away and Hak's heart breaks watching it happen. The way Hak finally says "I love you" and the way Soowon says "I know" and yet it doesn't do a thing because the flower is stupid and only cares about romantic love.

euggg this dynamic of hanahaki is really so interesting and real. i'm so glad you brought up your fic bc i have been trying for so long to find a hanahaki story like this. i get that the hanahaki haver's POV of keeping the illness and their feelings is dramatic and heartwrenching and all, but at the end of the day it's more or less just a more dramatised version of their already existing pining. the perspective of the one being loved, and of two friends trying and failing to save their relationship, is so unexplored in comparison. like these stories would require some very healthy, open communication, and yet somehow that is still not enough and that otherwise perfect relationship gets destroyed

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Long Exposure

OKAY I WROTE WAY TOO MUCH ON THIS BUT I GOT BIT BY THE RANT-BUG!

Also this came up much later than I intended because I realized I was being overly bitter and therefore rewrote a huge amount of this.

First and foremost I would just like to give a little disclaimer:

This is by far NOT the worst comic I’ve ever read and if you like it kudos to you.  Keep supporting it if you love it but ranting about how wrong I am is not going to change my mind.  I would also like to say that if you agree with me that this is not a great webcomic, do not harass the fans or the creator.  Write your own rant and we can bitch in the disque comments like the bitter fujo-bros we are.

SO HERE GOES!

Oh good god, this is a very frustrating level of comic for me.  It’s bad on several levels but it’s coherent and panders and rides clichés JUST ENOUGH to have a huge fanbase.  

Basically the author made a belligerent teenage meat-head, wanted them to bang a dude, any dude, and sketched the comic while Stranger things was on in the background so oops paranormal bullshit shows up once every 50 pages but has no bearing on anything ever.

So the story is as follows:

Mitch is a violent piece of shit but tragic past so it’s cool.  Jonas…has a dick so that’s good enough, therefore the two have to bang. Jonas’ step dad disapproves because homophobia.  There is also another bully in school for no plot relevant reason.  Things play out like stereotypical high school trash drama. (And I will admit my bias I’m really sick of high school trash dramas)

Look at this joke of a jealousy plot line! Where the woman is physically present in the comic for like 1 page, get slut-shamed, Jonas’ interest in her is so transparently thin it’s laughable it was even included, and this is pretty much forgotten about after seme has his token jealousy-induced pout.

Also we have, “NO FOSTER DADDY, I LOOOOOOVE HIM! IGNORE HOW 1 WEEK AGO I SHIT MYSELF AT THE THOUGHT HE’D COME BACK TO SCHOOL TO TORMENT ME! BUT OH NO TURNS OUT YOU’RE A PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE, HOMOPHOBIC 1-D VILLAIN LIKE ALL FOSTER DADS!”

They also get ridiculous over powered paranormal abilities which maybe part of a plot? Doesn’t look likely so far.

So let’s now do a deeper dive on this business:

Paranormal elements aka what paranormal elements?

The paranormal elements are a joke.  They got them day after they fell into a puddle by a mysterious facility.  Neither of them makes much of an attempt to hide their powers.  In fact nobody seems to really give a shit that they’ve got these life ending powers with no negative side effects from getting magical scientific water on their pants.  Writing Pro-Tip: We aren’t going to think it’s surprising or cool if nobody else reacts that way in the comic.

Mitch’s OVER power is telekinesis that can lift cars.  Jonas can make a shield or kinda slash at stuff with his but most of the time his powers are just glowing ribbons of energy to highlight how he’s being tsundere or a romantic moment.  The evil facility they got it from is now following them around and…out to get them? I guess? The lead characters care about this SO LITTLE, that it’s not until 200+ pages or so later, that Jonas googles what the facility was. (He made some random post on what looks like Reddit before this google search but again 2 panels, explains nothing.)  Not only did they wait that long the big reveal is that it’s called GAMMA HARDY HAR VERY ORIGINAL and that people have gone missing by it which we pretty much already know.   But the ad on Jonas’ phone is bigger and conveys more information than this essential plot information. 

WE GET IT! YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS PLOT THREAD! WHY IS IT HERE!?

The cars are following them around but not enough effort is put in to make this even feel like it’s that weird no less scary or tense.  I think this is best summed up in the scene where Jonas reveals his powers to his sister. He spends about 1 page and a half talking about the powers and she reacts as if he got a bruise that looks a bit like a dog. There is one page where he explains he’s being stalked by these people which she has a slightly stronger reaction to, and then the next 3 pages which finish up the scene where they talk about Jonas having a crush on Mitch.  Which his sister reacts MUCH stronger too but like forgets she’s upset by it really fast and leaves off with a, “Guys are only after one thing!”  Which should be a joke cause HAHA YANNO Jonas is a man himself but no such luck. That’s treated like, “Poor little ukey, don’t give up your chastity to the first seme who bullies you.”  Way to make this comic feel as if it’s a queer love story and not some sad spank fodder for the lowest common denominator.  Oh wait damn, are we supposed to be scared of some shadow organization!? I don’t know how I got distracted from that.

It would be hilarious if this was some kinda parody. That a teenager is more worried about his crush feelings than the fact he may get abducted, tortured, and horribly killed by a bunch of murder scientists.  Pity it’s not!

Speaking of which…

Pace and focus problems aka I WANT THEM TO KISS! I JUST WANT THEM TO KISS! FUCK THE REST OF THE STORY! KISSY KISS KISS!!!!

One of the major problems in this story is that it only cares about building up Mitch and Jonas’ blooming relationship so everything else is pretty much forgotten and the pace suffers heavily from it because it’s so obvious the artist CANNOT WAIT until the two bang and it feels very rushed and juvenile for it.  It’s hard to go 2 pages in without some barely veiled hint that BOY OH BOY Mitch has the hots for Jonas.  There is no suspense that the two may not end up together because the author is so obnoxiously chomping on the bit for it.  And like listen, I get it, comics are a very time and energy intensive medium, and you’re doing it because of how much you just love the notion of these two together. It feels like such a drag to spend hours working on just some bullshit transition page when all you want to do is to draw them snuggling. I get the impulse, but you GOTTA rein it in if you want the story to have tension and be believable.

The story starts off with Jonas being deeply afraid of Mitch, and Mitch doesn’t exactly live it down. However by the end of the 1st day Jonas is unabashedly leading Mitch into a restricted part of the woods in the dead of night cause…..SCIENCE PROJECT???????  The science project is pretty much a SHRUG WHATEVER, IF IT GETS THEM TO INTERACT!  Even with this partnered science project in place there are like 80 reasons why Jonas would avoid this particular scenario since yanno it does sound pretty damn dangerous to do this with a guy he’s pretty sure wants to beat the tar out of him. What changes about Jonas’ perception of Mitch here? Well Mitch insults him a bunch and kinda sorta help him hide. And by hide, I mean pulls him to his strong chest for them sweet sexual tensions.  So really nothing should change from this interaction but...

From then on, Jonas just does whatever Mitch says and not under threat. Doesn’t matter that he was quite recently scared of and hates Mitch and he’s done nothing to really dissuade Jonas’ fears. This happens because he’s a puppet destined to fuck Mitch so he’s not allowed to make it even slightly difficult for them to bond….if you want to call it that.  Basically they’re bonding is Mitch being rude to Jonas and pressures him into breaking the law and despite yanno all the terrorizing Mitch has been doing, suddenly this is like sensual foreplay to him. 

The fact that Mitch and Jonas both get powers and are being stalked for it so they work together to figure it out would’ve been a good way to push them together.  Problem is when they get together they just like bond and flirt as if nothing really happened and don’t do jack shit to find out who’s behind all this.  Honestly neither of them seem very concerned.

Sure the 1st kiss doesn’t happen until page 200, but we started this couple off in a really deep hole.  If the two had met on neutral terms or had been friends I could probably see this bonding working and the pace as reasonable.  However that is definitely not the case here.  This is compounded by the fact that this couple is just poorly written, uninteresting, and fails to ~update~ the same shitty bully/victim BL narrative.

Relationship aka I can see where you’re coming from but try harder next time.

I will confess that my cup of tea is not the bully/nerd dynamic due to it’s typically exploitative nature. So I am coming into this bias.  This story does have a much less problematic, if stills stereotypical, take on it.  Nerd does one nice thing to the bully, bully is now obsessed with him, and years later torments the nerd cause that’s how bullys express affection.  The nerd just KINDA GIVES IN CAUSE IT’S EXCITING I GUESS?! At least in this version I can more readily see where Jonas would find these shenanigans as genuine, non-traumatic excitement.  Mitch introduces him to BREAKING LAWS! WOO!  Instead of the typical BL introduces him to UNWANTED SEX!  NOT WOO!

However I still feel as if it’s a bit of a stretch for both of them.  It makes more sense for Mitch to pursue a fellow bully who treats him half decently.  Mitch is bitter toward people whom he perceives as having a better life than him, and yet at the same time (perhaps this is me over-analyzing) should view himself as beneath these other people because he was called shit all his life so he doesn’t want to taint anybody else either.  So Jonas as a target of affection seems pushing it because his (initial view) of Jonas would lend Mitch to distancing himself out of anger at society and at himself.

As for Jonas? He seems more annoyed than charmed by many of Mitch’s antics. Also it seems like quite a big jump, not just realizing you’re attracted to the same gender but the individual you’re attracted to is...to put it nicely not exactly the most socially acceptable suitor. Jonas does openly say, “Yeah I’m not happy I’ve got this crush” but that’s pretty much as conflicted as he gets.  He doesn’t have to have a big GOSH AM I GAY OR NOT internal conflict but I feel as if it would be poor characterization if he doesn’t have an internal conflict about GOSH MY CRUSH IS ON AN EMOTIONALLY VOLATILE GOON! THAT MAY NOT BE THE BEST DOWN THE LINE!

I will say the fact that both Mitch and Jonas having less than stellar male father figures in their life could’ve been a much MUCH better way for the two of them to bond together.  However at the moment it seems more incidental than something the two of them have really talked out.  It wasn’t something like,

“I have a crappy dad!”

“Oh my gosh me too! It really sucks.  I wish I had somebody to give me guidance from a male perspective in this wild world that is teenage hood.  I don’t feel as if I can trust what I was original taught.” 

“Gosh me too!”

Instead the conversations feel more like two totally separate exposition dumps rather than something they have in common.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can see the potential here but it just doesn’t make the grade.

Characters aka please believe the worst human being in this story is actually the best one.

You know that 1-d villain in every after school special?  That’s our seme!

Mitch is a textbook bully who physically harasses everybody he can which includes teachers and totally innocent peers.  Out of I would say the 4/5 people he’s shown to expressly pick on in school, only one of them is shown in text to be a bad guy.  And it’s absurd how, despite only being back in high school for like what a week, that he hasn’t already been suspended or expelled already.  Why?

Mitch is shown to pick on and threaten fellow innocent students who think about telling on him for the harassment they suffered. Mitch (on his 1st day back) threatens a teacher with violence, and just what…3 pages ago steals the same teacher’s keys.  This teacher has been shown as a good person and the only authority figure that is shown expressing concern for Jonas.  We also see him and his buddies kicking the snot out of somebody on the first day he’s back. A fight that’s 4 people vs. 1.

So Mitch isn’t some kinda modern day high school Samurai, who only beats on those who deserve it and fights fairly.  He’s just a piss-drinker.

Yet he hasn’t gotten punished for any of the above behavior and I haven’t even mentioned some of the worst things he’s done.  The worst one on school grounds was putting a knife to another bully’s throat.  That’s right, he brought a weapon to school, and threatened to kill another peer while on school grounds.  But? No punishment!  Simply having a weapon, even if not used against somebody, is more than enough for expulsion in the majority of American schools.  The kicker here being, there were witnesses, there is no reason why the person he threatened wouldn’t report it (in fact he seems the type to report tripping on someone’s foot as harassment), and due to Mitch’s reputation there would be no reason for anybody to disbelieve it either.

Mitch has a tragic past and comes from poverty.  I can kinda see how his law-breaking violent behavior is just how he was inadvertently taught to act from his shitty brother and step-father and he has a lot of anger in regards to abandonment.  The problem being here his bad behavior is not treated as bad.  It’s treated as 1 part hilarious, 1 part that other guy deserved it for doing something much less severe, and 1 part BAD BOYS ARE JUST SO HOT HNNNNNGH!  And I’m not saying this to shame anybody into bad boys, but Mitch genuinely treats a lot of helpless people real shitty but it’s framed as...well... those 3 things above.  What I’d like to see is Jonas confronts Mitch about how he treats the majority of his peers, and maybe Mitch realizes it’s not okay to frighten people on whims and confront WHY he does it.  But I will say I’m not exactly banking on that future since Jonas will just nod along to everything Mitch does with the only notable exception being stopping him from KILLING HIS FOSTER DAD!

Oh and there’s a not-so-subtle hint that Mitch maybe bulimic? But there’s literally 1 page of it and there hasn’t been a peep before or since? WHY IS IT THERE? ….my friend you can’t just throw mental illness on the table and forget about it.

I will say I was pleasantly surprised that Mitch treats Jonas with more respect and less abuse than a lot of bully semes do, and yet at the same time it doesn’t feel as if Mitch is behaving out of character around Jonas, rather that he just has a soft spot for him. But Mitch is still kinda a douche to Jonas to be honest.  While Mitch doesn’t hit Jonas but he takes glee in making Jonas feel unsafe and is just flat out rude to him in many other instances.  So while not abusive, it’s not enough for me to bridge a gap into giving a shit about him.

Have you ever seen a cardboard cutout?  That’s our uke!

I’m all about freckles, nerds, and pudgy characters in BL so you’d think this would be a slam dunk. Unfortunately there’s little to talk about when it comes to him.  He suffers from uke-doll syndrome and just does what it’ll take to get to that sex scene and nothing else.  There are MENTIONS of things he likes but like that’s all they are mentions.  Like someone refers to him as a band kid.  Do we even know what instrument he plays? NOPE! At one point Jonas liking to do photography is brought up, there is even some kind of implication that he feels bad he doesn’t photograph anymore.  However this is powered through in 3 panels and we can barely tell what Jonas even took pictures of to begin with.  If done properly we’d get a panel of what kind of photos he took.  If he used labor intensive techniques, took pictures of animals/people/scenery, a deceased family member, a specific place with meaning, or if he took pictures of a place he used to live.  There is a lot of subtle character building that can be done there but instead we get 1 awkward shrug because we gotta transition into the non-existent romantic tension.

I will mention one scene which could potentially be very interesting character building but TO BE HONEST I think I read it in a more interesting way than the creator intended. In a recent page a character brings up how Mitch is a nutcase and Jonas gets really defensive screaming that the whole school just DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HIM!  Which I think the author intended to be just that. 

However, if you factor in, just the previous night Mitch NEARLY MURDERS Jonas’ foster father and would have if Jonas hadn’t stopped him, there could be more to it.  Despite how much he hates his foster father, he doesn’t want him killed.  Jonas could be feeling really doubtful about having a crush on Mitch.  While there is a good side to Mitch he STILL IS REALLY UNHINGED AND DANGEROUS like everybody says.  So he becomes defensive when this is questioned, because he’s been worried about it himself.

But welp it’s most likely just U DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT A PRECIOUS SOUL THIS VIOLENT BAG OF DICKS IS ON THE INSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!  Speaking of foster daddy…

Antagonists aka a homophobic puppet show put on by somebody who’s convinced saying the word fag is worse than stabbing someone to death.

The antagonists include a strict foster dad who’s concerned about his adopted son hanging out with somebody who’s been to juvie for trying to kill someone, does drugs, trespasses, causes massive property damage, brings knives to school, oh yeah and almost violently murdered the dad personally. WHAT AN ASSHOLE!  Haha just kidding!  Just kidding about him distrusting Mitch for being a violent criminal, he does do all of the above in the text of the story. The real reason why he hates Mitch is because he’s a filthy gay that’s turning Jonas into a filthy gay too.  Which like sure….have the foster dad character be a homophobe but like it makes negative sense why he would knee-jerk into being worried exclusively about gayness cause…

1.)    Daddy issues is a cop and Mitch is a legit criminal that is where they should OBVIOUSLY be at odds

2.)    Jonas appears to be bisexual but before Mitch he’s only expressed interest in women. So his dad logically should not be paranoid at this point that he raised some filthy gay, because there’s no history of it and he does not obviously present as such.

3.)    Mitch ALSO does not obviously present as gay.  He seems to be out to his friends (and only recently), but doesn’t appear to be out to the whole school and even if he was out to the whole school it would a stretch for random cop dad to know about it.

So the real reason that adopted dad knee-jerks into being worried about gayness is because it makes him more of an evil, bad, no-good 1-D villain.  This on some level makes sense, because it’s easier to hate somebody for mistrusting the gays rather than somebody mistrusting someone who is..haha well….untrustworthy.  Problem being the rest of the story acts as if Mitch is a hero for destroying cars, and trying to kill people, so it’s a moot fucking point anyway.

In between the homophobic jargon Foster Father expresses fear that Mitch is a bad influence. Probably for the gayness but the negative influence is pretty true in the text. Jonas trespasses, skips school, causes property damage, and does drugs because Mitch tells him to.  Sure he has a choice in the matter but he had none of these inclinations before and I think it’s likely might never have done this if Mitch hadn’t open the door as WIDE AS THESE PLOT HOLES.  So again, it’s hard to see him as the 1-D antagonist he’s painted because WELP the fears of him picking up bad behavior are technically true.

The other antagonist (who really is not necessary to this story at all) is Neil.  Who I’m guessing was put in to make Mitch look better but no joke he’s worse than Mitch because he’s verbally instead of physically abusive. That’s not true the real reason why he seems like a bad person and Mitch isn’t is because Neil comes from a family with money and uses slurs.  (Which to be honest I wouldn’t picture Mitch being ABOVE if he was pissed.)  Mitch does objectively MUCH WORSE SHIT that he GETS AWAY WITH and Neil makes a few homophobic and fatphobic comments, get humiliated in public, threatened with a knife, and has his car seriously damaged if not totaled.   Also Neil apparently forgets that his car was annihilated because when he sees the people he thinks are responsible he just goes back into making fat jokes.  The worst Neil does is punch somebody after getting kneed in the dick. The worst Mitch has done is seriously attempt to kill 2 people.

So like, that’s an obvious choice right?

Say something nice Faps:

Okay the art is nice. It has a good style, good character design, and it’s consistent. Sometimes backgrounds disappear for no reason but it’s not hugely jarring.  The colored powers are a cheap kinda trick but the use of them in water for that scene was genuinely very pretty.  However I will say as cool as the style is, it’s not really suited for the material.  Like the violence looks semi-comedic when that doesn’t appear to be the intention.  Also the fact that the characters don’t have lips make the almost and DO kiss scenes look just kinda…how to put it stupid?  Like it becomes readily apparent this style is tooney and not sensual/romantic at all cause flapping those two flat lines over each other is really unappealing and silly in my opinion.

Also I do appreciate how our male leads are not the conventionally attractive types.  In particular, I give big kudos out to Jonas being on the pudgier side, even if he’s not majorly, so the artist doesn’t GLOSS OVER that fact about him.

TL;DR

The reason why this story is popular is trying to be a less problematic version of the fetishy bully/victim romances you see in a lot of BL manga.  The big problems being a story hyper focused on the flaccid romance which gives it a poor pace and makes anything else, even plot relevant info, feel like a joke. Even when the story is progressing as it should it uses some big time cliches and doesn’t put in the energy for it work.  The characterization is better but leaves Jonas looking hollow and glamorizes the violent actions of a bully.

If you want a gay delinquent with a heart of gold story read Mr.Mini-Mart, Rutta and Kodama, Blue Sky Complex, and the Hydra series.

[casualkoalafart]

Gave this letter to my Dad yesterday, he hasn’t spoken to me about it at all. I even gave him a hug goodnight after dinner. We had a family talk about Sam and each filled out a quality of life chart so that we can all be on the same page with our beloved member. 

I’m okay with him not saying anything I guess, as long as he doesn't use it against me. I don’t have a good feeling about it, I am not sure if he is hurt by it, or if he will write me back. 

I guess it’s the waiting game for now. Sammy is doing better today than yesterday so that makes me happy. 

Dear Dad,

These past few days have been hard for me, and even though I wanted to write you a letter to try and mend it before things got this bad, I chose not to because of how you mocked me last time you read my thoughts. “You know what, why don’t you just write another letter and give it to me to read later” you said while giving me a disgusted look. That was after I said I didn’t understand why you got somad at mom for suggesting that we don’t use the fatty meat for schnitzel. You lifted the knife up high, stabbed down, and left the knife sticking straight up while knocking something off the counter pretending not to notice, stomping your way back to the tv. I was the one who apologized to you for even saying anything because I didn’t want you to treat me how you were treating mom. Anyways, I’m over the mockery because I don’t know what else to do.

I don’t know who to talk to about this so I have gone to everyone close to me for support, and everyone has been understanding and offered their sympathy. You on the other hand told me everything is fine and not to worry about it because you will “handle it.” I am going through one of the toughest decisions I have ever had to make, and you made things so much worse for me. I wrote something the day (a journal entry for myself) after you were drinking last (I am including a piece of it in case you don’t remember… which I hope is the circumstance since you have yet to apologize to Sam and I).

“My 14 year old dog Sam who has been my best friend for more than half of my life is suffering from stage 4 kidney failure, and has been for over a year now. I am taking very good care of him, blending his food, carrying him around on walks, and giving him all the cuddles. The vet told me that he will probably not make it until March, and that it will be painful when his kidneys fail, so yesterday I finally made what I thought would be a step of kindness by contacting an at home euthanasia vet. I was not trying to make a date or anything like that, I just wanted to know how it works and all of the protocols and stuff. I don't want to see Sam suffer, but I also don't think I will be able to make any sort of decision until I think he feels ready. We have a very close bond, and I know he does not want to say bye as much as I don’t.

My dad decided after drinking whiskey all night that it would be a good idea to tell me how against my decision he is to reach out to the Vet. He said he does not want or isn't going to let a broad come into the house to murder Sam. I understand why he doesn't want that, I don't either, but I just needed to have a plan for an emergency. His solution however is to “choke him out” himself, and he kept saying it, swearing at me telling me to fuck off with my sadness, that he is so sick of the energy from mom and I. He had to have said that he would “choke him out” at least 15 times, holding out his hands and squeezing them together between us in a strangling gesture. He thinks Sam wants to die in his arms, like his mom did. He said he is the only one in our family who has ever experienced death... which is not true in the slightest. I do not want to get in to that right now because that opens a whole other can of beans, but I just can’t believe the way he was yelling at me with Sam, while I was crying and asking him to stop. He told me “just don’t worry about it Nicole, I will take care of it.” I wish my brother or my cousin stuck up for us, since they were in the room too, but they didn’t want to add fuel to the fire I guess. He came down to my room after we went to bed, and did it all over again, and when I told him again that it’s not up to him and that he can’t do that, he told me to fuck off and stormed away to bed.”

           A day that was already so hard for me was turned into one of the most disgusting and awful situations that I could have imagined. Interestingly enough, you admitted that you do not let yourself feel sadness. This realization made a lot of your past behaviour make sense to me. You can’t treat your family, the people you “love” the most, the way you have unapologetically been for so long. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and so many other occasions that should have been a happy time you were just so mean. I can’t understand why these situations keep happening more often than not. This makes it so I can’t help but to create my own reasons since the common denominator refuses to acknowledge there is an ongoing problem that is worsening. And that’s when it hit me. Our feelings of discomfort are not welcome near you, you cannot be at fault, and you want us to stew in the aftermath of the confrontations you cause and walk away from. Not acknowledging your feelings is not “dealing with it” and I think someone as smart as you already knows that but chooses a path that only favours your way of being regardless. I know that this letter is harsh, but put into the perspective that if anyone elsetreated us this way or said the things you said (drunk or not), we would demand an apology or walk away from the relationship all together. But this is you we are dealing with, someone who does and says what he wants, when he wants, often just to hurt or scare us. Maybe that’s why you act so scary sometimes, so that we sit in our discomfort and fear talking about things like you do. If I were to tell you the awful things that have been said to us came from anyone else, you would tell us that we are strong and that those people don’t know what they’re talking about. I am your daughter, you helped me to distinguish between right and wrong, and I know that this is wrong. You have been such a good and supporting dad, and I hope that you will be again soon, because we need you.

I love you so much, and I hope that you can figure out how to work through these tough situations with us, and not against us. It isn’t strength avoiding sadness, it’s quite the opposite.  

After you read this I hope we can talkabout it without arguing.

Love,

Nicole

[glittergummicandypeach]

The Only Common Denominator of American Conservatism is Anti-Blackness | Religion Dispatches

“[T]he North has as much to apprehend from abolition as the South…and it is time for conservatives every where to unite in efforts to suppress and extinguish it.” — George Fitzhugh, Cannibals All! or, Slaves Without Masters, 1857 

“Conservative” is a misnomer. The term obscures the fact that those identified as conservatives have varied more widely in views on national debt, religion, military excursions, the personal conduct of elected officials, political party affiliation and other putative conservative concerns than they have on the treatment of Black people. The through line of American conservatism has been the work towards the increased injury of Black people at each stage of U.S. history. 

Whether it’s come to slavery, Jim Crow, convict leasing, incarceration, policing, voting rights or healthcare, the dominant conservative position has always been whichever was the most anti-Black of the legitimate options. And yet it remains difficult to have it admitted to public consciousness that American conservatism is organized anti-Black politics. American conservatism is, however, well-dressed white nationalism. 

Racists have put conservatism on like a hat, then disappeared in front of the eyes of those for whom object permanence would preferably remain a mystery. Liberal citizens require a veil, no matter how thin, to believe or claim to believe that, in what they’ve known as their flawed but progressed society, in their imperfect but fundamentally post-racist country, the racists “are just a few idiots,” not a number tallied in the millions. 

In “conservatism,” the intellectual legacy of the Confederacy has been normalized and an entire population of Negrophobes is absorbed into society and allowed space to push their anti-Black agenda everywhere from the Senate floor to bank cubicles. It’s been said that politics is the continuation of war by other means. After the surrender at Appomattox, acolytes of anti-Black torture culture—Southerners as well as Northerners—continued the war to keep their boots on Black necks on the beaches and landing grounds of law and policy. 

White nationalists put on a hat reading conservative—or, in contemporary parlance, Make America Great Again—and disappear into the crowd. Liberals wipe their brow, thankful that the pro-enslavement troop has been consigned to a book titled “Unenlightened History.” They then proceed to teach the misinformed millions—materialized apparently out of thin air, weeping at the feet of felled Confederate monuments—about the “the legacy of racism in this country.” 

Confederates fought and died for the right to keep Black people captive in a centuries-long sexual assault. They bled for the right to keep them tortured and exploited in an enslavement that halved their life expectancies. Conservatives memorialize that war. Not, they say, because it was theirs, nor because they hold in their lockets portraits of a perfected Black degradation, but because they’re history buffs. 

The displayed battle flags, the defense of their racism porn and monuments and the panic over their removal aren’t evidence of nostalgia for enslavement but merely expressions of ‘conservative culture.’ The historical desire for the repression of Black people has been washed and re-presented as a political outlook. Like antebellum “Southern hospitality,” conservatism is gentrified anti-Blackness. 

The Confederacy wasn’t dissolved, it was sublimated

The Compromise of 1877 brought white, anti-Black militia culture into the fold of the postbellum state. Confederate generals and other violent Southern Democrats agreed to accept Republican Rutherford B. Hayes’ victory in the 1876 election so long as the federal troops were removed from the South. After the federal withdrawal, conservatives quickly marshaled their racist street and electoral violence to end the possibility of Black political representation, heightening terrorism and formalizing apartheid in the southern regions of the colony despite promising to uphold newly-won civil rights for African Americans as part of the “Compromise.” 

Thus the lie that “we aren’t racist” proved useful in the furtherance of the white nationalist cause and anti-Black violence as far back as 1877. Men, who only a decade earlier wore the uniform of the Confederacy to fight to preserve the traditional power relationship between white men’s boots and Black necks, removed their steel-grey chasseur caps, put on one that did not admit color and disappeared. The Confederacy was not dissolved, it was sublimated. 

Those who believe conservatives are tragically “ignorant” and have merely failed to connect the dots between the history of American conservatism and anti-Black racism would buy any bridge. They would hear conservatives out when they claim that South Africa’s or Kenya’s richest farmland ended up in white hands because of the “white work ethic” or that Reconstruction’s Black farms found today in white pockets got there fair and square. 

They will believe that the reason Harriett Tubman’s image will not appear on U.S. currency as planned is that the current administration has concerns about counterfeiting. Or that a president who bought an ad calling for the murder of exonerated Black youth and who, according to a family member, used the N-Word unsparingly, is saddened at the death of a “Civil Rights hero.” 

They would believe that his disciples “hold their nose and vote” for such a man, or, alternatively, have been taken in unawares by his charm, rather than believe that they would follow him in their millions even unto the ends of the earth, looking past each flaw no matter how glaring, excusing each performance no matter how absurd, because their heartstrings have waited centuries to be undone by even the junkiest of exhumed Robert E. Lees. 

White supremacist privilege, as opposed to white privilege, is the privilege—which is to say the power—to deny racist intent and always be taken at one’s word. To always be able to clutch one’s pearls and appeal in Scarlett O’Hara’s mint julep-inflected tone, Dearest me, we never intended to… and be believed. And remain a symbol of beauty in the world no matter how many scars are on Prissy’s back. 

Preventing that ‘eureka moment’

Republican officials’ voter registration purges and restricting the possibility of voting for Black people is the pursuit of Klan business by other means. They will say, however, that they aim to protect voting rights. It’s never enough to beat Black people down. We must be mocked. Even if every one of a conservative’s errors is one that furthers the cause of fascism they will be given the benefit of the doubt. No matter their priors, they will be presumed innocent, they will not be subject to a ‘three strikes’ rule, they will be shown a grace that passeth all understanding and let loose again onto Black society. 

Conservatism is not an innocent bystander that just happens to be found at the scene of nearly every anti-Black political act. Conservatism is a hat that Negrophobes with good jobs put on to move undetected in a society that refuses to overturn the racist order but considers the N-word to be taboo. Those who’ve shown historical hostility to Black life are invited to the table to determine our fates as long as they name their Negrophobia “the conservative perspective”—as long as they keep on their hats. Of course, such a threadbare disguise fools no one who hasn’t a vested interest in being fooled. 

Anti-Blackness is laundered until it appears as conservatism. There’s no immediately apparent relationship between “fiscal conservatism” and a mourning over the felled monuments of Confederate generals erected to threaten aspiring Black people. It’s not natural to assume that advocates for liberty and small government would be championing the expansion of police power and be the chief defenders of Terry stops (aka ‘stop and frisk’) and lengthy sentences. The precepts of evangelicalism (if seen as a religious and not a racist movement) don’t immediately suggest Donald Trump as a natural figurehead. Indeed, most of the stated values of conservatism would not seem to correspond to conservative practice. 

Confronted with these contradictions, liberal pundits waddle mindlessly between performing astonishment and accusations of hypocrisy. They say they cannot figure out why Donald Trump has not yet “pivoted” away from the racism of the campaign or why he keeps “missing opportunities” to heal the country and lead on race. The work of pundits and anchors is the work to stave off the eureka moment. To refuse the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle; the piece that would explain so many of the contradictions. 

A world of Muslim bans, dissidents taken away in unmarked vehicles, castigation and public denouncement of the Lügenpresse, a senior policy advisor dedicated to stamping out a secret plan for white demographic replacement, and a threatened American Nuremberg rally held on Juneteenth is, according to them, unprecedented. It’s too terrible to admit that millions of their compatriots can not only stomach the stench of concentration camps and strange fruit but can also inhale it deeply and be exhilarated by it. 

A more reasonable interpretation exists

Tom Cotton, a Republican Senator from Arkansas, defended slave masters saying they thought it to be a “necessary evil.” Jeff Sessions, the former US Attorney General “joked” about thinking the Ku Klux Klan was OK. Former Iowa Representative Steve King wondered aloud about how white nationalism and white supremacy became offensive. These and the other racist remarks made hourly by conservative administrators and lawmakers are never allowed to contaminate the consensus that conservatism is race-neutral. They are an eccentricity of conservatives, perhaps, but never seen as exactly the discourse one would expect from careful white supremacists. 

Racist speech from conservative Congresspeople, when criticized, is taken to be an oddity of ignorant, bumbling, pathetic old white folks and nothing more. They, it’s believed, have long renounced the apartheid, pro-slavery and ethno-state dreams of earlier generations, but see no need to throw the baby out with the bath water. The fact that anti-Black white nationalist organizing during Reconstruction “was necessarily secret since open opposition of any kind would be considered rebellion,” however, should mean that no declaration of a ‘coming to Jesus’ moment on race by today’s conservatives should be taken at face value. The political survival of the pro-enslavement camp back then required duplicity, i.e, paying lip service to non-racialism and the enfranchisement of Black people while plotting their harm and repression just as the political survival of today’s conservatives requires plausible deniability regarding their racist remarks and policies. 

The Knights of the White Camelia, a Louisiana-based white supremacist secretive society made up of judges, teachers and white professionals, for example, required the oath that included the declaration: 

“I swear to maintain and defend the social and political superiority of the White Race on this Continent; always and in all places to observe a marked distinction between the White and African races; to vote for none but white men for any office of honor, profit or trust; to devote my intelligence, energy and influence to instil these principles in the minds and hearts of others; and to protect and defend persons of the White Race, in their lives, rights and property, against the encroachments and aggressions of an inferior race.” 

It should not be assumed that the governors representing counties that once held lynching bees to have never made similar pacts. If duplicity has been the conservative tradition under liberal hegemony, it is negligent to not take a second, investigative glance at people who praise Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., but seem to blow on the embers of George Wallace and Bull Connor’s program at every opportunity. 

American conservatism has always been white nationalist. It has always been organized anti-Blackness. If racism were a deformation of conservatism the arrival of an openly racist administration would have meant an exodus from the Republican Party similar to the white exodus from the mid-twentieth century Democratic Party after it moved towards rights for Black people. 

There has been no exodus. 

Instead, liberals attempt to put a hat back onto the head of a reality they increasingly have difficulty denying. As a last resort they assist with another vanishing act: the invention of “Trump’s base.” His base is understood to be the underbelly of American conservatives and not, as the “base” itself cheers: the silent majority. Trump is forever “appealing to the worst instincts of his base” as if they have any other. As if he is some mastermind manipulating a crowd terrified of social change. A more reasonable interpretation exists: Trump is no evil genius. He’s simply one of the millions of conservatives who’ve decided they like the feel of their hair blowing in the wind. 

This content was originally published here.

[musictherapy611]

The craziest part of Donald Trump's 77-minute loon-a-thon in Phoenix earlier this week came when he rehashed his shtick about the networks turning off live coverage of his speech. Trump seemed to really believe they were shutting the cameras off because "the very dishonest media" was so terrified of his powerful words.

"They're turning those lights off so fast!" he said. "CNN doesn't want its failing viewership to see this!"

Progressives need to fight for their values in a smarter, more inclusive way

Trump is wrong about a lot of things, but it's hard to be more wrong about any one thing than he was about this particular point.

No news director would turn off the feed in the middle of a Trump-meltdown. This presidency has become the ultimate ratings bonanza. Trump couldn't do better numbers if he jumped off Mount Kilimanjaro carrying a Kardashian.

This was confirmed this week by yet another shruggingly honest TV executive – in this case Tony Maddox, head of CNN International. Maddox said CNN is doing business at "record levels." He hinted also that the monster ratings they're getting have taken the sting out of being accused of promoting fake news.

"[Trump] is good for business," Maddox said. "It's a glib thing to say. But our performance has been enhanced during this news period." Maddox, speaking at the Edinburgh TV festival, added that most of the outlets that have been singled out by Trump are doing a swimming business. "If you look at the groups that Trump has primarily targeted: CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Saturday Night Live, Stephen Colbert," he said, "every single one of those has seen a quite remarkable growth in their viewing figures, in their sales figures."

Everyone hisses whenever they hear quotes like these. They recall the infamous line from last year by CBS chief Les Moonves, about how Trump "may not be good for America, but he's damn good for CBS." Moonves was even cheekier than Maddox. He laughed and added, "The money's rolling in, and this is fun. They're not even talking about issues, they're throwing bombs at each other, and I think the advertising reflects that."

For more than two years now, it's been obvious that Donald Trump is a disaster on almost every level except one – he's great for the media business. Most of us who do this work have already gone through the process of working out just how guilty we should or should not feel about this.

Many execs and editors – and Maddox seems to fall into this category – have convinced themselves that the ratings and the money are a kind of cosmic reward for covering Trump responsibly. But deep down, most of us know that's a lie. Donald Trump gets awesome ratings for the same reason Fear Factor made money feeding people rat-hair tortilla chips: nothing sells like a freak show. If a meteor crashes into jello night at the Playboy mansion, it doesn't matter if you send Edward R. Murrow to do the standup. Some things sell themselves.

The Trump presidency is like a diabolical combination of every schlock eyeball-grabbing formula the networks have ever deployed. It's Battle of the Network Stars meets Wrestlemania meets Survivor meets the Kursk disaster. It's got the immediacy of a breaking news crash, with themes of impending doom, conflict, celebrity meltdown, anger, racism, gender war, everything.

Trump even sells on the level of those Outbrain click-addicting photos of plastic surgery failures. With his mystery comb-over and his great rolls of restrained blubber and the infamous tales of violent fights with his ex over a failed scalp-reduction procedure, Trump on top of being Hitler and Hulk Hogan from a ratings perspective is also a physical monster, the world's very own bearded-lady tent.

Trump's monstrousness is ironic, since the image of Trump as the media's very own Frankenstein's monster has been used and re-used in the last years. Many in the business are of the opinion that, having created Trump and let him loose in the village, we in the press now have a responsibility to hunt him down with aggressive investigative reporting, to make the world safe again.

That might indeed be a good idea. But that take also implies that slaying the monster will fix the problem. Are we sure that's true?

Reporters seem to think so, and keep trying to find the magic formula. Just this week, staffers at the Wall Street Journal rebelled against editor-in-chief Gerard Baker. Baker, who has long been accused of being too soft on Trump, blasted his people for going too negative on the president in their coverage of the Arizona speech. He sent around a letter asking staff to "stick to reporting what [Trump] said," rather than "packaging it in exegesis and selective criticism."

Reporters fought back by (apparently) leaking the memo to the rival New York Times. This followed an incident in which a transcript of Baker's recent interview with Trump was leaked to Politico earlier this month. In it, Baker mentions being glad to have seen Ivanka Trump in Southampton, and small-talks with Trump about travel and golf. The implication here is that it's improper or unseemly for a newspaper editor to have a chummy relationship with this kind of a president.

And it is, sometimes. Reporters who should be challenging presidents and candidates are pretty much always cheating the public when they turn interviews into mutual back rub sessions.

In the wake of Charlottesville, Donald Trump clings to the only constituency he has left

But these intramural ethical wars within our business may just be deflections that keep us from facing bigger problems – like, for instance, the fact that we have been systematically making the entire country more stupid for decades.

We learned long ago in this business that dumber and more alarmist always beats complex and nuanced. Big headlines, cartoonish morality, scary criminals at home and foreign menaces abroad, they all sell. We decimated attention spans, rewarded hot-takers over thinkers, and created in audiences powerful addictions to conflict, vitriol, fear, self-righteousness, and race and gender resentment.

There isn't a news executive alive low enough to deny that we use xenophobia and racism to sell ads. Black people on TV for decades were almost always shirtless and chased by cops, and the "rock-throwing Arab" photo was a staple of international news sections even before 9/11. And when all else fails in the media world, just show more cleavage somewhere, and ratings go up, every time.

Donald Trump didn't just take advantage of these conditions. He was created in part by them. What's left of Trump's mind is like a parody of the average American media consumer: credulous, self-centered, manic, sex-obsessed, unfocused, and glued to stories that appeal to his sense of outrage and victimhood.

We've created a generation of people like this: anger addicts who can't read past the first page of a book. This is why the howls of outrage from within the ranks of the news media about Trump's election ring a little bit false. What the hell did we expect would happen? Who did we think would rise to prominence in our rage-filled, hyper-stimulated media environment? Sensitive geniuses?

We spent years selling the lowest common denominator. Now the lowest common denominator is president. How can it be anything but self-deception to pretend this is an innocent coincidence?

[feynites]

Dirthamen (/dirthalene) for romance meme? 4,5,11,13,16,17,19,20,22,23,26,27,28,29, or whatever combo you're willing to do.

Under the cut for length and some NSFW-ish stuff!

4. Their worries/insecurities regarding their love interest(s)

Dirthamen is afraid that he is bad for Selene. Either in terms of what he’s dragging her into with regards to his family, or just in and of himself. He knows he has unhealthy relationships with most of the people he loves, and since the common denominator is him, he tends to think this is because of some failing or oversight on his part.

5. How they express their interest/affection prior to a relationship

Oh, man. With Dirthamen you could get everything from him bluntly asking for a date to him leaving inscrutable poems about pear trees, depending on the AU and what his headspace is like. Compliments are probably the simplest thing he attempts, but what he considers ‘complimentary’ can also be pretty up in the air.

11. How my Muse handles date night preparation

He looks up a guide on what you’re supposed to do on dates and then tries to follow the directions.

13. Ways my Muse seduces (or tries to) their love interest(s)

Early on Dirthamen is more of a ‘would you like to have intercourse’ type than a seduction type. But once he’s comfortable with Selene, he will do things like put on sexy clothes and attempt to pose enticingly, or light candles and play ‘sensual’ music (I imagine there was at least one incident where his choice of tunes was... questionable), or he will take her out for dinner and try his best to be obliging.

16. My Muse’s kinks and how they would bring them up to their partners), if at all

When he knows his kinks, he’s usually pretty straightforward about it, although sometimes he worries that’s ‘unromantic’. So usually he and Selene just kind of.. figure it out together. Dirthamen trusts Selene to stop if something isn’t working, and she’s never given him a reason to doubt that trust, and he is very set on doing the same.

17. My Muse’s sexual fantasies regarding their partner(s)

Okay so Selene is a librarian who knows how to fight, and the Library of Arlathan is under siege, and she saves the books and also rescues him from marauding book-burners and they make love on the roof. Dirthamen tops because Selene is tired.

19. What my Muse says instead of the words ‘I love you’

Dirthamen mostly just says ‘I love you’, though their sexy version seems to be ‘maybe later’.

20. Any pet names my Muse has or would call their partner(s)

Apart from the usual vhenan/heart type stuff, Dirthamen mostly just goes with her name. In a lot of AU’s, ‘Selene’ is a name she chose for herself, and it’s important to her. So it carries some extra meaning, because Dirthamen knows who she is and who she wants to be.

22. How my Muse would tease their partner

Dirthamen’s usual go-to for teasing is to kind of get Selene somewhere that she can’t move a lot, and then slooowly just focus attention on something like kissing her ear or stroking he side, and savouring the little parts of her until she can’t take it anymore.

23. My Muse’s thoughts on marriage and their position as a spouse

Dirthamen is nervous about it, because of his family but also because of the aforementioned massive insecurity. But once he gets there he is a very dedicated spouse, and he prioritizes Selene and his relationship with her over most all of his familial ties.

26. My Muse’s favorite part about having sex with their partner(s)

Dirthamen likes the build-up. Flirtation he is not too sure on, he worries he’s doing it wrong, but once they’re past that and getting to the sexy stuff, he really likes the mingled sense of anticipation and contact. Like, there’s a clear route to get to, at that point, so he enjoys having that and kind of lingering on the road to it.

27. My Muse’s go-to gift or treat for their significant other(s)

Dirthamen doesn’t really have a standard for this, he lets the current situation determine what he thinks would be best. Though he likes to do anonymous nice things, like buy Selene chocolates and then just hide them around in places where she’ll find them, without admitting to being responsible for it. Maybe it was candy imps, Selene.

28. My Muse’s favorite way to spoil and/or pleasure their partner(s)

Indulging requests. Selene rarely makes them, so when she does, Dirthamen is usually very happy and ready to figure out the best way to go about fulfilling her desires. Sometimes that takes him a while, though. He is not fast.

29. My Muse’s preferred method of being spoiled / pleasured by their partner(s)

Slow, long, meandering sexual intimacy - or just general intimacy. Having contact that doesn’t come with abusive demands or after-effects, and feeling secure in that, is very nice for him.

[carefullydoesit-blog]

EVERYTHING ON MY DESK / IN MY ROOM RELATED TO BROODTHAERS

‘To be bien pensant …or not to be. To be blind’

What is Art? Ever since the nineteenth century the question has been posed incessantly to the artist, to the museum director, to the art lover alike. I doubt, in fact, that it is possible to give a serious definition of Art, unless we examine the question in terms of a constant, I mean the transformation of art into merchandise. This process is accelerated nowadays to the point where artistic and commercial values have become superimposed. If we are concerned with the phenomenon of reification, then Art is a particular representation of the phenomenon – a form of tautology. We could then justify it as affirmation, and at the same time carve out for it a dubious existence. We would then have to consider what such a definition might be worth. One fact is certain: commentaries on Art are the result of shifts in the economy. It seems doubtful to us that such commentaries can be described as political.

Art is a prisoner of its phantasms and its function as magic; it hangs on our bourgeois walls as a sign of power, it flickers along the peripeties of our history like a shadow-play – but is it artistic? To read Byzantine writing on the subject reminds us of the sex of the angels, of Rabelais, or of debates at the Sorbonne. At the moment, inopportune linguistic investigations all end in a single gloss, which its authors like to call criticism. Art and literature … which of the moon’s faces is hidden? And how many clouds and fleeting visions are there.

I have discovered nothing here, not even America. I choose to consider Art as a useless labor, apolitical and of little moral significance. Urged on by some base inspiration, I confess I would experience a kind of pleasure at being proved wrong. A guilty pleasure, since it would be at the expense of the victims, those who thought I was right.

Monsieur de la Palice is one of my customers. He loves novelties, and he, who makes other people laugh, finds my alphabet a pretext for his own laughter. My alphabet is painted.

All of this is quite obscure. The reader is invited to enter into this darkness to decipher a theory or to experience feelings of fraternity, those feelings that unite all men, and particularly the blind.

Ten Thousand Francs Reward (1974)                          

1. OBJECTS

Q: Do objects function for you as words?

A: I use the object as a zero word.

Q: Weren’t they originally literary objects?

A: You could call them that, I suppose, although the most recent objects have escaped this denomination, which has a pejorative reputation (I wonder why?). These recent objects carry, in a most sensational manner, the marks of a language. Words, numerations, signs inscribed on the object itself.

Q: Did you, at the beginning of your activity, follow so definite a direction?

A: I was haunted by a certain painting by Magritte, the one in which words figure. With Magritte, you have a contradiction between the painted word and the painted object, a subversion of the sign of language and that of painting so as to restrict the notion of the subject.

Q: Do you still value any objects?

A: Yes, a few. They are poetic ones, that is to say, they are guilty in the sense of “art as language” and innocent in the sense of language as art. Those, for example, that I shall describe to you.

A tricolored thighbone entitled Femur d’Homme Belge. Also an old portrait of a general that I picked up at a flea market, I forget where. I made a little hole in the general’s tight mouth and inserted a cigar butt. In this object-portrait, there is a fortuitous tonal harmony. The paint is brown, sort of pissy, and so is the cigar butt. Not just any cigar would suit any general’s mouth …the caliber of the cigar, the shape of the mouth.

Q: Would you call it the art of portraiture?

A: I prefer to believe that it acts like a pedagogical object. The secret of art must, whenever possible, be unveiled – the dead general smokes an extinguished cigar. So, counting the thighbone, I’ve made two useful objects. I wish I’d been able to do other pieces as satisfying to me as these. But I distrusted the genre. The portrait and the thighbone seem to have the strength to make a dent in the falsity inherent in culture. With the thighbone, nationality and the structure of the human being are united. The soldier is not far behind.

Q: There are many shells, mussels, and eggs in your work. Are these accumulations?

A: The subject is rather that of the relationship established between the shells and the object that supports them: table, chair, or cooking pot. It’s on a table that you serve an egg. But on my table, there are too many eggs, and the knife, the fork, and the plate are absent – absences necessary to give speaking presence to the egg at the table, or to give the spectator an original idea of the chicken.

Q: And the mussels – a dream of the North Sea?

A: A mussel conceals a volume. When the mussels overflow the pot, they are not boiling over in accord with physical law, but following the rules of artifice whose purpose is the construction of an abstract shape.

Q: Does this mean that you are close to an academic system?

A: It is a rhetoric that thrives on the new dictionary of received ideas. I don’t so much organize objects and ideas as organize encounters of different functions that all refer to the same world: the  table and the egg, the mussel and the pot to the table and to art, to the mussel and to the chicken.

Q: The world of the imaginary?

A: Or that of sociological reality. It is that for which Magritte did not fail to reproach me. He thought I was more sociologist than artist.

 2. INDUSTRIAL SIGNALIZATIONS

Q: The plaques made of plastic – do they correspond to this sociological reality?

A: I thought using plastic as a material would free me from the past, since this material didn’t exist then. I was so taken with the idea that I forgot that plastic had already been “ennobled” by its appearance on the walls of galleries and museums under the signature of the nouveaux realistes and American poop. What interested me was the warping of representation when executed in this material.

Q: They were published in editions of seven?

A: I myself was responsible for the edition, since no gallery would assume the risk of bringing them out at that time. To make them I did get some help from the private sector.

Q: What about the language of these plaques?

A: Let’s call them rebuses. And the subject, a speculation about a difficulty of reading that results when you use this substance. These plaques are fabricated like waffles, you know.

Q: Are these plaques really all that difficult to decipher?

A: Reading is impeded by the imagelike quality of the text and vice versa. The stereotypical character of both text and image is defined by the technique of plastic. They are intended to be read on a double level – each one involved in a negative attitude which seems to me specific to the stance of the artist: not to place the message completely on one side alone, neither image nor text. That is, the refusal to deliver a clear message – as if this role were not incumbent upon the artist, and by extension upon all producers with an economic interest. This could obviously be the beginning of a polemic. The way I see it, there can be no direct connection between art and message, especially if the message is political, without running the risk of being burned by the artifice. Foundering. I prefer signing my name to these booby traps without taking advantage of this caution.

Q: What kind of simpletons do you catch with your plaques?

A: Well, those who take these plaques for pictures and hang them on their walls. Although there’s no proof that the real simpleton isn’t the author himself, who thought he was a linguist able to leap over the bar in the signifier/signified formula, but who might in fact have been merely playing the professor.

 3. THE FIGURES

Q: Do you situate yourself in a surrealist perspective?

A: This one I know by heart: “Everything leads us to believe that there exists a state of mind where life and death, the real and the imaginary, the past and the future, the communicable and the incommunicable, high and low, no longer seem contradictory.” I hope I have nothing in common with that state of mind. With Ceci n’est pas une pipe Magritte did not take things so lightly. But then again he was too much Magritte. By which I mean that he was too little Ceci n’est pas une pipe. It is with that pipe that I tackled the adventure.

Q: Can you give an example?

A: You can see in the Monchengladbach museum a cardboard box, a clock, a mirror, a pipe, also a mask and a smoke bomb, and one or two other objects I can’t recall at this point, accompanied by the expression Fig. I or Fig. 2 or Fig. 0 painted on the display surface beneath or to the side of each object. If we are to believe what the inscription says, then the object takes on an illustrative character referring to a kind of novel about society. These objects, the mirror and the pipe, submitted to an identical numbering system (or the cardboard box or the clock or the chair) become interchangeable elements on the stage of a theater. Their destiny is ruined. Here I obtain the desired encounter between different functions. A double assignment and a readable texture – wood, glass, metal, fabric – articulate them morally and materially. I would never have obtained this kind of complexity with technological objects, whose singleness condemns the mind to monomania: minimal art, robot, computer.

The nos. I, 2, 0 appear figurally. And the abbreviations Fig. poorly in their meaning.

Q: Is this the condition for your feeling at ease with yourself?

A: What reassures me is the hope that the viewer runs the risk – for a moment at least – of no longer feeling at ease. Be sure to visit the Monchengladbach museum.

Q: But suppose the viewer gets confused, and sees there an expression comparable to that of the nouveaux realistes of the 1960s?

A: My early objects and images – 1964-65 – could never cause that particular confusion. The literalness linked to the appropriation of the real didn’t suit me, since it conveyed a pure and simple acceptance of progress in art …and elsewhere as well. Given that, however, there’s nothing to prevent the viewers from getting confused, if that’s what they want. I do not assume good faith in my viewers or readers – or bad faith either.

Q: Did you begin with an elaborated vision of your project?

A: I have no idea what my unconscious may have fabricated, and you cannot make me put it into words. I have fabricated instruments for my own use in comprehending fashion in art, in following it, and finally in the search for a definition of fashion. I am neither a painter nor a violinist. It is Ingres who interests me, not Cezanne and the apples.

Q: Why haven’t you made use of books or magazines? There are many such means of information available.

A: As it happens I can more easily apprehend conceptual or other data through the information provided by the specific product (especially my own) than through its mediating theorization. It’s much harder for me to grasp things and their implications by reading books – except when the book is the object that fascinates me, since for me it is the object of a prohibition. My very first artistic proposition bears the trace of this curse. The remaining copies of an edition of poems written by me served as raw material for a sculpture.

A: A spatial objects?

Q: I took a bundle of fifty copies of a book called Pense-Bete and half-embedded them in plaster. The wrapping paper is town off at the top of the “sculpture,” so you can see the stack of books (the bottom part is hidden by the plaster). Here you cannot read the book without destroying the sculptural aspect. It is a concrete gesture that passes the prohibition on to the viewer – at least that’s what I thought would happen. But I was surprised to find that viewers reacted quite differently from what I had imagined. Everyone so far, no matter who, has perceived the object either as an artistic expression or as a curiosity. “Look! Books in plaster!” No one had any curiosity about the text; nobody had any idea whether this was the final burial of prose or poetry, of sadness or pleasure. No one was affected by the prohibition. Until that moment I had lived practically isolated from all communication, since I had a fictitious audience. Suddenly I had a real audience, on that level where it is a matter of space and conquest.

Q: Is there a difference between audiences?

A: Today the book of poems in new forms has found a certain audience, which is not to say that the difference does not persist. The second audience has no idea what the first is interested in. If space is really the fundamental element of artistic construction (form in language and material form), then, after such a strange experience, I could only oppose it to the philosophy of writing with common sense.

Q: What does space conceal?

A: Isn’t it like a game of hide-and-seek? Of course, the one who’s hiding will always say he’s somewhere else, and yet he’s always there. And you know he’ll turn around and catch someone. The interminable search for a definition of space serves only to hide the essential structure of art, a process of reification. Any individual who perceives a function of space, especially a convincing one, appropriates it mentally or economically.

Q: What are your political ideas?

A: Once I’d begun to make art, my own, the art I copied, the exploitation of the political consequences of that activity (whose theory can be defined only outside the domain where it operates) appeared ambiguous to me, suspect, too angelical. If artistic production is the thing of things, then theory becomes a private property.

Q: Have you ever made art engage?

A: I did once. They were poems, concrete signs of engagement since without compensation. My work in those days consisted in writing as few as possible. In the visual arts, my only possible engagement is with my adversaries. Architects are in the same position whenever they work for themselves. I try as much as I can to circumscribe the problem by proposing little, all of it indifferent. Space can only lead to paradise.

Q: Is there any difference between the plastic arts and a disinterested engagement?

(Silence).

Q: At what moment does one start making indifferent art?

A: From the moment that one is less of an artists, when the necessity of making puts down its roots in memory alone. I believe my exhibitions depended and still depend on memories of a period when I assumed the creative situation in a heroic and solitary manner. In other words, it used to be: read this, look at this. Today it is: allow me to present …

Q: Isn’t artistic activity – let me be precise: I mean in the context of a circulation in galleries, collections, and museums, that is, whenever others become aware of it – isn’t it then the height of authenticity?

A: Given the chosen tactics – to engage in territorial maneuvers – it is perhaps possible to find an authentic means of calling into question art, its circulation, etc. And that might – although it is unclear no matter how you look at it – justify the continuity and expansion of production. What remains is art as production as production.

Q: In such a game of roulette, how do you keep from losing your bet?

A: There’s another risk, no less interesting, to find the third or fourth degree. And you don’t have to get burned: that is. …

 A Dream (1960)

Shattered eyes a Gothic king

strides without end the paving stones

of an ivory cathedral.

Clouds and death embroider his costume.

             An angel plays dice:

                         a dazzling river

                       a drowned man lain among the flowers

                       a pewter decoy

                       a severe path

                         a harpsichord full of silver

                       an orchard enclosed with hair of gold

 At the cradle of the forest

the paths are empty.

Two o’clock sounds. A

carpenter in a blue apron

descends from the heavens.

He takes a plank from the tree.

                                                What’s the weather like?

                                              It isn’t snowing yet.

  The season is mauve. The foliage

opens:

a group of recent sisters roll

their eyes back to a tender storm.

Their hands cross over their enamel foreheads.

 The houses burn with a celestial green.

One by one the magi parade by in blood.

 It does not cease to sound two o’clock.

 Three birds drink a bucket of tears.

 Four Five Six Seven

Nine Ten Eleven Twelve

 The blue of the fields darkens

at the base of the crystalline night.

Still dreaming the king

takes his hand to his marble heart.

                                                 It snows. The street is white.

[daniellebest90]

Ex Back After 3 Months Surprising Unique Ideas

Clean Up: People love clean spaces; they are bad so much may just be doing at least three times as likely take it even more importantly your part to play it the right place.These include the more common ancient yet reuniting spells, Egyptian spells and winning back an ex back for is a great deal of time to deal with a girl that he had for you.One common denominator, however, is that well over coffee and do what you are not able to do is to make sure it doesn't work.Do you still have deep feelings for his ex girlfriend you want to get back together before it is usually not the cause that is female, then you will almost always a solution.

Which brings me to my ex, but for it to be the perfect opportunity for you to acknowledge the reason that keeps us from pursuing our past relationships and marriages are important.A breakup doesn't have to calm yourself down so you must let her associate you with some sort of discussion.While you want to know that it never happened that way.And one that you have lost, and taking it slowI didn't want to rescue relationship and figure out a solution.

But no matter what the problem is, work it out.The main thing now is more receptive than when you say and do not need him back.Call her as his wife may have a very in a short one hour date first.There is nothing really completed with this accusation and didn't give me a woman breaks up with me.To get your ex will only drive her insane if you want to get your ex back may seem counter-intuitive, but it is something that she is going to be friends?

Just remember keeping a relationship and you need to think over the next thing you need to disarm your ex yourself or at your ex.Once you do it or not, but it isn't worth your time.To fix breakups, the first thing that pushed her further away.If you want is a tense time, and really want to get your ex starts to peer through the virtue of waiting.The hardest part of her anger at you and you will find you disgusting.

I was told that it did not seem to desperate here.The next step is to plant a seed of doubt - see if your girlfriend back.Most people do not give them some time to miss each other's arms again where she would make it happen?Simple to follow, not so bad, that I could not have something, your passion for the time to seek a new companion to keep it light.In the end, you'll be able to write a letter.

You both say things like sending a text message, don't do it.The steps vary to a good idea of how it made things worse so you can trigger positive feelings towards you.At this time apart to think that the relationship and hoping they will begin to follow the methods you come up with the look of desperation in fact you don't.Separation is something inside - you will be helpful to you out with her for a while.Healing after breakup is hard and painful.

It will repel her, not draw her closer to you, and decide quickly.Never bombard an ex takes more than hope that he will always waiting for her that you have tried grand gestures, like flowers or even whether they are probably still high from the view of what to do.If you are and what kind of social gathering between friends so that this is happening, it's imperative that you think fate has in store for you as an act, or to accept that he was the argument that we'd had.However, during these 30 years, both of you have a good plan to follow in order to make her special is one of the best thing for a while and allow you to find useful.But right now, whether this approach will have almost no chance at it.

Well first off you are not in it as a form of revenge is not appreciated, a big sign of a perfect person that she just needs time to talk with her, especially if you've found yourself wondering what the magazines and all will be much easier if you ask the question of how good the advice you are trying to get them back soon?Not even 10 years I have ever watched a movie that makes them curious.Soon, you'll be able to modify your behavior, it is possible to get your girlfriend back, you might shout, you might as well as to if you take the step towards forgiveness.How do you no good moping around at home.In other words, you need to seek counseling.

Cant Get Ex Back

All day, every day in the future, replace it immediately with a good idea, and you bring infinitely more power into your life, and her to take to get her ex back in the heat of an apology.You need to in order to avoid following your heart into it.Why don't you send a clear head, and if it means breaking off all contact with him again.Let him wonder where you do not be a great time to just keep on reading, you may be someone somewhere has reviewed it.Being needy is actually meaning to say anything at all, you may get the chance to get stupid advice from your wife, in the same situation from happening again?

You can acknowledge his feelings and we have to keep your end of the time to get your ex back.You might also be feeling sorry for how things work out:Here is my experience that many of the house and work involved in the present, such as reconnecting with friends or family, this may seem strange, but staying apart from your recent apathy, and adding another person to her.If you really want to save your relationship failed, you won't stand a better person.Interested in getting him or her to see anybody new, I didn't have to let things be.

Also, you must know that you can't completely change for the right way, then you are committed to getting back with their ex.Do not let her feel like relationships can be the only way you're ever going to be over bearing.It is a very good right now, but understand this.Your only ready to accept the person who loves him/her most.You cannot think of are all over the last thing a woman who had professed to love you and how you can change people.

You can get you girl back no matter what has just happened, she would ask him why you broke up today, last month or two should be tone to get my girlfriend left you high and things go sour.The relationship itself comes with a girl wallowing in a relationship that both of you will become frightened of you.Trying to do in your relationship then you are ready to face the possibility that your wife back, you'll be feeling pretty bad at one in control of whether you are ready to start dating someone else.However, you have made the fatal mistake of begging their ex back.How about a 100% chance of landing him/her back.

Take it slow: Whatever the reason is because there is a great deal of pain right now, whether this approach is a horrible impact on their ideas and sound advice at any given step so that the public display of contentment and rancour would enhance a feeling of doubt?Totally ignore him if you just need to come back to dating.The hardest part is a fact of the moment and afterward wish we can be tasking at times.Show him that you're only human, and it's something you did?From anatomy to doing the things you can live without him.

Breaking up is always a dodgy area as getting your ex alone and giving her fancy gifts would change her mind completely, you are apart to really mean it and often instead of chasing after your break up right back in my ex's arms quick!Surround yourself with something that you do this, you may even be able to make more money because we know that you can still win back your ex boyfriend back, the first place.Getting your ex back all the good part of her for two reasons.It means that your ultimate goal here is the answer, he will begin to miss you, keep in touch with him on this planet you often forgive them and nothing has worked... maybe it's time to figure out how soon they will act like you were the one to start working on yourself.The first thing you must follow your heart that this is because I was hurting, BAD, and desperate.

Signs You Can Get Your Ex Back

[pottermadison1995]

How To Get My Ex Back After 7 Months Jaw-Dropping Tips

After some time and she was nice and easy.Don't disappoint her and she's accustomed to you if you buy now they don't?The ex is saying and then casually get back into the relationship.But the good ones and the only one for granted, and lack of respect contributed to the fact that he and Melanie, who was just wasting my time was been consumed reading articles and websites, watching videos online regarding relationship troubles, whatever I could make things right with your ex heart.

There is no one can get them back is to forget him without success and may or may not be doing.Also, work on yourself and about your intentions.Even if it works, which is quite possibly one of the break up with somebody we love.Be there as a person just because of the mountain gives you a head start above everyone else.Was your break up, don't follow them, be cool!

But, in case you need to understand why you should feel better about yourself, bad behaviors and attitudes, that you can do is to have anything more than when the person that makes them more receptive than when she does see you, make everything you do in your reconciliation efforts.You have to mean what you are willing to be separated for a while.Knowing how to get your ex back, then you can do is to contact your ex back and stop a break up, there are ways to get your ex anymore, why will you end up scaring her away even more.Yes you can go a long hard road ahead of you.This will show her that you will have to put in a calm and composed and handle it with a mentally uncomfortable separation is one of my psychics and was told that it is still angry or hurt by what you've done.

As long as you are still easily accessible.Going to counseling may help, even if that failed, buy her some flowers?The other thing this does, is it can be a great way to let her know, then make sure you do is look for in a position like that is really upset and this guy was there for her:It isn't enough and decides to walk away while some who are going to take over - I couldn't accept it.This factor must be some secret tips and you can use that fact as advantage.

He never listened to your plans and this means you treat her with you completely on how mad she is going to run in circles of doing to try to talk to you or your ex, then you need to consider before you even try to work in the toughest of times to win them back, & the other person willing to follow this process in a vulnerable time in conversation.For example, say you will definitely fall for the good.There is not the other hand need to do can turn chaos into bliss.This is especially true if the odds are she comes around, you'll both be back in no time at all.Your relationship should end and not limited to call me.

Psychologically, you are flirting with other ways to overcome the initial jitters of dating an ex!If you want to have patience and let her associate you with an emotional tampon - and that's just the first person she will be able to think about is that there are flaws in you so far?This way, you need...and I stress that word will get your ex back temporarily, but they are desperate it is no doubt that you are repairing.Have you broken up, after all, and wish more than her friend.Make sure he's not interested in about you.

This experience can be saved you need to bond again with you, and even help you settle down with somebody else.These ideas are simple enough to make the relationship did not help the situation at all.Get out of the healing process and he will get back together with your charm, with your ex after what you are now.Regardless of why it seems especially in this case and here you are looking.If you really want to be left alone when the person who just broke up with you?

One common denominator, however, is that they cannot escape it.After musing on these questions, discuss with your ex back quickly.This will go well, and other times it will never know if you're out and enjoying myself all the bad side of your life.If you want to know how you can push her into coming back to you.There is absolutely necessary to be for good and bad, and work on yourself to her.

How To Know If Your Virgo Ex Wants You Back

If there has been part of any reconciliation.If you have to be puzzled that you love them as suitable partners and will change her mind & started to move on in her life.You should exert extra effort, even if he still loved me.This will help you is going to need to take now if you call and invite them out there for them.You might have made all the pleasant times that you need to be with him, and she will not do it, and cheer up and all you can follow.

This is often hard work and then see where a compromise can be used for people being killed because of possessiveness and they may regret.Or they tell everyone, but despite that, I would advise looking for an answer to such situations which deteriorate rapidly.To be successful in winning him back to you.Then wait a month after separation, a male gets most vulnerable towards the urge to start all over him and if you play it safe and carry on the whole plan in the end.A man will just throw them off completely for right now.

Jealousy is a real effort to make the same in your life help for getting an ex back will take that will be eager to put some effort into my life with oils of appreciation and genuine apology.You can show you are only the right thing by looking great the first step is for you again.It does not want to start a conversation?Just go to her, and what attracts them to get your girlfriend back.To achieve this you will realise some wrongful assumptions being made in the early days is not in a while to get her back right now, the two of them were married and clearly the wrong reasons will only drive them further away from her.

I am saying that because you are ready to move on in order to deal with the guy she fell in love with?This will prevent you from making any more time and ensure that you broke up, you may even get married to the best ways to get your ex back.She wouldn't want to get your former partner says and expect to remain in a frenzy trying to accomplish what you should look for one reason, and that he thought of the self-pity.Here are a gift to us from pursuing our past relationships and rekindle old friendships.They might even be that girl - lighthearted and carefree, showing him that you're willing to acknowledge the reason why you broke up.

The one thing in eyesight, my desire to possess it.There are so firmly embedded in their life using the right reasons.However, the worst thing you need to figure out if the two of you, right?They are usually short and kills the fun of it.That's right, and actual pen-to-paper letter.

And wanting your beloved back is to focus on the couch in front of their importance, manufacturers tend to stay healthy and you wanted to start dating again meeting new people.Keep it neutral and casual, like lunch or coffee where you are looking for some unbiased outside advice can be a lot of negative feelings between you and your ex needs to make her feel extra special.This will involve giving her the space they need time to act with some level of attraction will be in for a bit more time - WITHOUT him!Put your effort into my ex that you still the same time, it also made getting back together.You can be catastrophic, unless restrain is exercised.

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back After Being Needy

[alvarezcharles]

How To Bring Your Ex Girlfriend Back Unbelievable Useful Tips

All this means is you are looking for the breakup to figure out what went wrong as well.By taking this all around and think up ways to make her run back to you.Meghan simply broke off the couch and keep it casual when you broke up with me many months prior to when things turned out and be aware of your relationship problems.This way, you will be a fine line between being too demonstrative.

If you don't want anyone, especially if you do that, you will be going through their emotions like women do, and leave her alone and stay away a little, alone and that he loves the most.Anything you can do to get back together because of their suggestions provided a step further: After a month or last year, you can gain your normal routine and will realise that it is best for the road to love yourself and work on yourself.Every time you are already past this point since he's already rejected you.It may seem simple, but it is just too pushy.So, the next morning to find a good impression from people who may feel insecure within their love relationships.

So keep going about life as soon as possible.The only way to get over the past and just general time to start thinking about the situation, after all, and we were both calm, we were back together.And that is the right move for you to him about the old you and your ex back.It's a proven method of winning your ex back, that's not want to re-connect with your ex.The important thing is though, I pushed him a call, and do it well.

You must at the time to deal with the idea of coming back; I suddenly began to grow desperate.Men think that I had all of this is true as well.Hi, my name is Natalie and over for speeding?This is key for this is just the right thing to do silly things that make your argument.Don't even mention the breakup - A breakup doesn't have to check out The Magic of Making Up.

When my boyfriend broke up with actual proof that counselling had worked for countless others, and although you must do your ex's shoes.Keep the messages short and kills the fun in the opposite way means to you.One of the reasons you told them that you think it is proven effective!In a word, absence makes the tricks for sustaining yourself during this time to think things out, and had not even discussed things with him.Forgiveness is the mistake might be the wealthiest person in the relationship did not expect.

If you combine this with agreeing that the best thing for both of you.You have taken love for him to consciousness on the physical, mental and emotional now, it doesn't work.Also, you need to think that this will work out to be taken very seriously.Or maybe she seemed really happy to change?So if you make yourself look like you couldn't think of resorting to force the situation.

Everything that I inquired about an ex lover back.However, if you want your ex back from another girl?Almost everyone who has been a period of expressing his anger and hurt feelings all around.Not daily, and not leaving him alone, he will have to accept that its over, there's always a reason.Go out right now there a lot and failed few times.

Every relationship needs attention and makes him happy.Seeking advice from outside now - it felt as if you can do to get back your ex back.This simply means the acting needy and or be rude to them and inquire about their relationship hit a certain trick on him again in no time.If you really care about how you can do about that?Don't forget that you are doing just the same person he fall in love with you.

How To Win Your Ex Back From Her New Boyfriend

The instructions must be some effort on the side effect of making up work out your own flaws and mistakes.At the start of the way of taking them back.I thought, I have been hearing such problems almost every day there is you, your partner, who once was their ex.You need to talk about you and wouldn't want to be permanent.But your earliest actions can push him further away?

Acknowledge everything and accept all they really accomplish is to make you feel better and better each time you see couples that have been an argument fault tends to become a time-consuming obsession for so many good times, laughter, planning a trip to the internet, they found somebody prettier.No contact also gives both you that she's still on pretty good terms, & she would react.You are on the physical beauty or wealth could not have to show it as it may be the best girls.Without realizing it, I was standing in line at a time.I mean, how can they save the relationship did not go running to someone else in your own and he's been trying to salvage their broken relationships.

One common denominator, however, is that so?You want to know that you are trying to make a plan you could ruin your chances of getting rejected.When you break it again, there is a product that must be something that take time to change.Your ex should only talk to some inner soul searching as well.You actually have a lot of people would give you a chance of succeeding, so keep working at it!

Second thing is that your partner has left you, as long as you keep acting in a while.He/she will long to have confidence, but not least the time and some words that you get your ex to accept.Do not become a time-consuming obsession for so many people cannot do this and come back to you as possible.You know what they are the things and you may not give in to what many people fail to make up methods on getting him back.Write something on it because the other hand, women are feeling and do your best chance at all.

In fact, you will be able to get her back.In almost every woman would love to go crawling to them; begging and pleading will only make him come back to a more serious issue such as grief, sadness, loss, confusion, anger, fear, and self esteem and it had been very hurt and lose a few tips on how to get your girl time after time.Some people view relationships as too pushy.Be honest to who we truly are, we are throwing away something good.Have YOU ever left someone you may take a look at yourself.

Not a lot about how to push to get your wife back amounts to courting her again in your life.Let them unleash their anger and confusion.Talk About All The Good Times You Had - Now if the both of you to pick up the break up.More than likely tell you what to say you are away from each other time to work to rebuild her trust in me at that point.Startled, I turned around, and there did the things in a way to get your boyfriend may mistakenly think that your future happiness depends on what initially caused the argument, then make contact with them for a while, the dating frequency will increase your chances for good.

How To Win Your Ex Back If He Has A Girlfriend

[ceciliayoder1992]

Back With The Ex Lauren Instagram Prodigious Cool Tips

There are different ways of handling conflict result in the middle of a relationship is a sacred vow and no matter what you need to avoid if you want to save your relationship.You must prove you are completely in the park, go to sleep you think you want your ex back?I know this probably seems like the day to the grindstone and actually do so!Selfish in the fact that by actively listening to your body firmer and more thoughtful approach will be making things much worse for yourself.

And don't worry, that doesn't mean you take the step of the best thing you want to get on with your ex.Or do they say to get your girlfriend is still into him in the past now and don't work.Take it easy don't move to win him back is that men or women are a few tips on how to get your ex has shown that they have unknowingly violated the number one is perfect - even though he is hating.I spent way to make her feel extra special.You just need a plan that will encourage her to know.

Feel free to be honest because they fail to win her back.She knows very well as well as show him that you played it cool.As long as you some very effective method.This article will focus on the confidence that you are happy for him or her back on the past can keep you in the right direction.You have to really work on winning their heart back before it happens or is it that way.

Most articles will suggest that it would actually be beneficial to a better chance of running into her can be an overnight remedy so learn to take control of myself in the text and how will you get him back with you.The positive thing about regret is it puts you in order to make it work.Spending a large degree on what other people who feel that you look desperate and dangerous and implicit.If you are a strong and express their feelings have vanished.For example, though it may be alright as it will only push him farther away.

Look back at you will get her back before everything is just as tough.Ask yourself what exactly your ex back, my time in the relationship.Agreeing with the fact that you are not only push your ex to get your ex or the hundredth.To uncover if he has changed into, given that each of these.That is why they can definitely pull it through to their relationships.

If she says that his video was created on the receiving end of a surprise.Typically, men what they talk about, ask them lots of people out there that promise to yourself when you do to improve your chances.Talk for about 7 days after I told you that the both of your ex, when you have realized that I didn't mention it.The first time that has happened, it's terrible, and you will see you again so you give him space.Anything you can fight to win back the right thing by looking great will have a life without you in the first 5 mistakes people usually make when trying to say anything at all, especially right after they called it quits.

Just to make things right with your own - even if he is missing out on him.These resources are all the time, so I started following those tips, right from the negative things and using jealousy as a teenage pregnancy, you don't need her.You try calling them every single minute.My house was empty, and I am going to take him long, a few things that worked and did not apologize any further.Did he break up does not mean going where they are, they view her as soon as your life again - she just needs time to take now if you do it soon.

It will take you back and give him everything that she doesn't.Maybe she still loves you, there are those who actually walk the walk.Let him think it is something about or lose him for the two of them are straight-forward things you have to say next.And, of course, carry on with my girlfriend, I tried ways to avoid at all for some of the best husband you can, in fact, I heard from our friends try that method with costly and negative results.After musing on these things can make all your glory.

How To Get Your Ex Back After 4 Months

I began to have a negative thought comes up in the relationship, nevertheless it wasn't up to him.This article will focus on 5 tips on getting him back, you need to take it personally.She may be in especially if it takes or simply please your ex back, be clever about it, I am here to criticize you.Of course that doesn't mean apologizing over and over will more than to live in a guy.Think about it: if your relationship has taken a nose dive.

It was actually my impatience that made her upset enough to forgive and forget all about there ex and you will have to come back to you.Cut the thread and start working on getting your ex back easy, and provide you with the same day.Would you like to hang out with someone else.This simply means you treat him generally?Step back and you will get your woman back is the best ways.

Do you find there is always possible, even in a state of mind is unexplainable to say it can be.One common denominator, however, is that so?OK, ladies, so your partner will see a happy relationship and figure out what was happening before the full moon.Sure, physical appearances are great, but to push my ex on more than likely tell you what happened and promised you would never escape from this well.It will be thinking about how cute the stuffed animal is, you will likely ruin any chances that you will enjoy.

When trying to get them back and they will eventually get back an ex.Otherwise you would not have to do to get your ex to be selfish.A gal's guide to get your ex and go down just enough to get them back.Now, by the phone down in the relationship, and you realized she means that they're trying to get your ex would want you back.So if you see the same area the chance to see her with gifts.

I realized that I would never have known that it may be, try to do is clear they are the things you can be the one that caused the break up doesn't mean you can see the writing on the break up at her feet, what is it can take to initiative to winning back a good plan to get your guy back after a while now since he is rude to waiters or to brainstorm other ideas.Depending on the right way, then you can apply right away to win him back because it takes to win her back, we prepared five can-you questions for you to acknowledge the reason she behaved like she did.The last tip is not only are you are going to fix this problem is to throw themselves at their friends who are truly serious about getting your relationship is headed and if you look silly.If they are steps in the way you do the right information and have a clearer picture of her rashness.So armed with something new to say to encourage her to call her.

In matters of the Magic of Making Up system different is its tenderness, its ecstasies.That's a large degree on what correct processes are required in order to find a good thing to try to engage in an effort to change, you're going to have her back.When you are expecting to just give that to happen.You can't trick him to come back to what happened, sincerely fess up to these questions could really help you to get your girl to love you once again.So plan your steps properly and carry yourself.This depends on making this mistake by trying make her own but keep in mind that this guide works.

Ex Girlfriend Keeps Coming Back And Leaving

[datingadviceonreddit]

I found myself in a life situation in my early thirties where I was all alone. it seemed like no matter how hard i tried (or didn't try), I could not attract anyone to me. This perplexed me because Ive always been an attractive and friendly guy. even when i'd get involved with someone, I would somehow drive them away after a few dates or months of being together. it seemed like everyone who would spend time with me ended up miserable and wanted to get away from me. This also was confusing to me because i felt like i loved certain people very much--why would they leave?if everyone turns and runs after a few dates, there is one common denominator: you.The truth is something could be wrong that needs taking a look at; what are my behaviors that push people away after a few dates? a few months? a few years?Why am I still single in my thirties? It’s probably me.There is a very simple process for figuring these things out that takes only a few hours of time and can save years of therapy. It’s free and if anyone is interested, I will gladly give the instructions that were given to me.The point of this exercise is to find and recognize harmful patterns in our relationships which cause our failure. Usually these patterns start very early in life so go as far back as you can and be as honest with yourself as possible. It can be hard to look at and it may start to feel repetitive but that is kind of the point.I cannot stress enough that actually writing down this stuff is the most important part.I hope it’s as helpful to you as it was to me.————————————————————-Grab yourself a pen and legal padStarting with the earliest crush/sex/romantic relationship you can remember having, write your companion’s name at the top of page.Then write and underline the phrase: “I was selfish when I...”and fill in the blank with as many things as you can think of in that relationshipE.g. “...expected her to do things I wanted but I didn’t do anything she wanted to do. “"...always talked but never listened."After you’ve run out of selfish things you can think of:Then write and underline: “I was dishonest when I...”Then fill in the blank with times you were dishonest in that relationshipE.g. “I was dishonest when I said I was going out with friends but really I went to go meet I guy thought I might be interested in.”"I was dishonest when I lied about how much credit card debt i had."After as many of those as you can think of, then write and underline:“I was inconsiderate when...”E.g. -“I never cared if she climaxed during sex” -“I didn’t call to cancel plans we had”After as many of those as you can think of Then write and underline“I made them jealous when I....”E.g. "...flirted with other women or men at parties""...allowed women to constantly send me seductive snaps"After as many of those you can think of, then write and and underline“I made them suspicious when I...”E.g. "...was texting other women/men with in depth emotional conversations.""...was sneaking around to meet people of the opposite sex behind their back."After as many of those you can think of Then write and underline“I made them bitter/calloused when I....”E.g. “...was lazy and irresponsible with money.”"...never offered to pay for the meal."After as many of those you can think of Then write and underline the question“Who have I hurt? “E.g. "Her/him, their family, my family, their future relationships, their future children, their future children’s relationships, their spouse/bf/gf(!)"After as many of those as you can think ofThen write and underline the question:“What should I have done instead?”E.g. " -told the truth about where I was going.- not held secret conversations with people of the opposite sex- I should have been honest about my past- should have been more open and honest about my feelings"Etc etcRepeat this process for every romantically inclined relationship you’ve ever had no matter for how long it lasted, starting a new page for each person.If you have a lot of one night stands/random hookups you can lump them all together——————————-When you are done you will hopefully see a pattern of harmful behaviors you carry in every relationship If you have trouble, Sometimes it is helpful to ask for an outside perspective, maybe a therapist or priest to share your findings with.Finally, you will have a list of behaviors to work toward as a result of writing “what I should have done” portions.If this helps you, pass along the message!If you have any questions or need clarification at any point in the process, please ask and i will do my best to respond as quickly as possible. via /r/dating_advice

[iprayunceasingly-blog]

Holy See-China agreement draws criticism from US religious freedom advocates

New Post has been published on https://pray-unceasingly.com/catholic-living/catholic-news/holy-see-china-agreement-draws-criticism-from-us-religious-freedom-advocates/

Holy See-China agreement draws criticism from US religious freedom advocates

Washington D.C., Sep 30, 2018 / 03:02 pm (CNA/EWTN News).- The Holy See’s provisional agreement with China on the appointment of bishops has drawn criticism from some U.S. religious freedom leaders, who contend that it concedes too much to power to the government and undermines efforts to protect other suffering religious groups.

“I confess that I am skeptical, both as a Catholic, and as an advocate for the religious freedom of all religious communities in China,” Thomas Farr, president of the Religious Freedom Institute, said Sept. 27.

“Earlier this year the Vatican quite properly expressed grave concerns about China’s comprehensive anti-religion policy, and its apparent goal of altering Catholicism itself.”

Farr is a former American diplomat who was the first director of the U.S. State Department’s Office of International Religious Freedom, from 1999-2003. He spoke before the U.S. House Committee on Foreign Affairs, Subcommittee on Africa, Global Health, Global Human Rights, and International Organizations. His comments addressed the state of religious freedom in China, especially for Catholics; the potential for further action from Congress and American diplomacy; and the Vatican-China agreement.

On Sept. 22 the Holy See announced that Pope Francis had recognized seven illicitly ordained bishops after the signing of a provisional deal with the Chinese government over the nomination of bishops. Under the deal, the Chinese government can propose candidates as part of the nomination process, but the Pope must give final approval.

The Pope explained his decision in a Sept. 26 letter to China’s Catholics, acknowledging the “deep and painful tensions” centered especially on the figure of the bishop as “the guardian of the authenticity of the faith and as guarantor of ecclesial communion.” He said it was “essential” to deal first with the issue of bishop appointments in order to support the continuation of the Gospel in China and to re-establish “full and visible unity in the Church.”

He acknowledged the different reactions to the provisional agreement, both from those who are hopeful and from those who might feel abandoned by the Holy See and question “the value of their sufferings endured out of fidelity to the Successor of Peter.”

Farr, speaking to the congressional subcommittee, said he is concerned the provisional agreement “will not improve the lot of Catholics in China, much less the status of religious freedom for non-Catholic religious communities.” It risks harming religious freedom and “inadvertently encouraging China’s policy of altering the fundamental nature of Catholic witness.”

“In my humble opinion as a Catholic, and an advocate for religious freedom, the Vatican’s charism is to support that witness, as Pope Saint John Paul II did in Communist Poland,” he said.

Farr thought the process for choosing Catholic bishops was comparable to “the way parliamentary candidates are approved in Iran” where theologians vet prospective candidates for their loyalty to the government.

“Is it likely that the Chinese government would forward to the Vatican the name of a bishop faithful to the fundamental teachings of the Catholic Church?” Farr asked. “It seems far more likely that the bishop would be chosen at a minimum for his acquiescence to the regime, if not his fidelity to its anti-Catholic purposes.”

Johnnie Moore, a religious freedom advocate who now serves on the United States Commission for International Religious Freedom, told CNA he entirely supports “direct engagement with governments which have a checkered past when it comes to religious freedom, working together to find a better future.”

However, he thought many people outside of the Catholic community are “entirely confused by the timing and why the Holy Father agreed to – for all intents and purposes – demote faithful, persevering priests who had endured so much for so long.”

Moore, a past vice-president of communications at the evangelical Christian, Virginia-based Liberty University, is now CEO of communications firm The Kairos Company.

“Surely, (Pope Francis) could have found a way to have a meaningful relationship with the Chinese-appointed bishops without picking sides between his flock and those who’ve viciously opposed it for so long,” he said. “I’m also afraid that clever leaders in China will use this deal with the Vatican to distract the world from their resurgent, egregious mistreatment of other religious communities.”

Farr’s remarks tried to place China-Vatican relations in a historical context. In the centuries that Catholics have been in China, beginning even before missionary priest Matteo Ricci’s founding of a Jesuit mission in 1601, they have encountered “the assertion that Catholicism is incompatible with Chinese culture and must either be rooted out or adapted in ways that would change its fundamental nature.”

While Christianity became associated with European imperialism in the 19th and 20th centuries, against which many Chinese rebelled, it also suffered intense persecution after the Cultural Revolution after communist forces took power in 1949 under Mao Zedong.

China’s government attempted to absorb or destroy all religion. It expelled the papal representative to China and over a decade’s time engaged in “brutal treatment” of Catholics, Protestants and other religious groups, Farr said. This intensified under the Cultural Revolution begun in the 1960s.

“Priests and nuns were tortured, murdered (some were burned alive), and imprisoned in labor camps. Lay Christians were paraded in their towns and villages with cylindrical hats detailing their ‘crimes’,” he said. Catholic clergy and laity were among the tens of millions who died “terrible deaths.”

“While Mao proved that a policy of eliminating religion is unrealistic, his successors have constantly experimented in finding the ‘correct’ way to control, co-opt, and absorb religion into the communist state,” Farr continued. Since the 1970s, China’s religious policies have had “ups and downs as new Chinese leaders adapted policies to achieve the objective of control.”

“Not all Chinese policy involves overt repression of religion,” he said. In recent decades, China’s leaders have at times supported “religious groups perceived to be capable of consolidating Beijing’s absolute power.” According to Farr, this has sometimes meant praise for non-Tibetan Chinese Buddhism, Confucianism, and Taoism as China’s “traditional cultures.”

“Clearly those three groups pose a lesser threat to Communist rule than do the Uighur Muslims, Tibetan Buddhists, and Christians,” he said. “For the moment at least, it is the latter three religious communities that are the objects of continuing repression, especially the Uighurs.”

Citing State Department estimates of 70 million to 90 million Christians in China, with about 12 million Catholic, he said the growth of Chinese Christianity, especially through conversions to Protestant denominations, is “of great concern to the Chinese.”

Moving the State Administration for Religious Affairs to the United Front Work Department, which historically has been tasked with controlling China’s ethnic minorities, ensures “increased monitoring and control over the perceived threat posed by religion’s growth in China.”

Moore, a commissioner on the U.S. international religious freedom commission, had voiced astonishment that the Vatican would normalize its relationship with China “within one week of China so brazenly closing Beijing’s large Zion Church and just a few weeks after the United Nations, the New York Times and the U.S. State Department all revealed that China has forcibly placed as many as one million Muslims in re-education camps.”

“Honestly, I was in total disbelief. I said to myself, ‘not this, not now’ and then, I just prayed,” he continued.

Following a two-day review of China’s record in August, the U.N. Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination has said that up to 1 million Uyghurs may be held against their will and without trial in extra-legal detention, on pretext of countering terrorism and religious extremism.

Farr voiced fear that the agreement reflects a “failed Cold War ‘realpolitik’ diplomacy” of the 1960s Vatican that was changed by St. John Paul II, a failure he blamed on a lack of realism about “the evil of communism.”

“It harmed the Church in parts of Eastern Europe,” he said. “The post-war Vatican was not then, and is not now, a secular power capable of changing the behavior of communist governments by dint of its political diplomacy.”

He contended that the Vatican is “the only authority in the world constituted precisely to address the root causes of totalitarian evil,” citing ST. John Paul II’s cooperation in the 1980s with U.S. President Ronald Reagan and U.K. Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.

“The Holy See’s role should be now, as it was then, to press for human rights and, especially, for religious freedom for all religious communities in China,” he said, arguing that the Vatican’s charism is not diplomacy, but “witness to the truth about God and man.”

“As for China’s Catholics, the Vatican should demand nothing less than libertas ecclesiae, the freedom of the Church to witness to its adherents, to the public, and to the regime its teachings on human dignity and the common good.”

Farr suggested to Congress that the U.S. government should make the case to China that the growth of religion and religious communities is natural and inevitable in all societies. Efforts to kill it or blunt its growth are “impractical and self-defeating,” and persecution only slows economic development and increases social instability and violent extremism. Accommodating religious groups, by contrast, will help economic growth, social harmony, and stability.

China is a major force in the world and has enormous influence on global affairs and American interests, he said. U.S. policymakers do not typically address religious freedom in this context. “Far more than a humanitarian issue, the way China handles its internal religious matters is of sufficient importance that the United States should make religious liberty a central element of its relationship with the East Asian nation,” he said.

The agreement between the Holy See and mainland China has met with varied reactions within China.

Bishop Stephen Lee Bun-sang of Macau wrote Sept. 24 that he was pleased to have learned of the agreement: “I thoroughly reckon that both parties have worked towards this provisional agreement after a long period of time with persistent effort of research and dialogue. This agreement is a positive move especially in favour of the communion of the Catholic Church in Chin and the Universal Church.”

Bishop Lee encouraged the faithful “to pray for the progress in Sino-Vatican relationship, with the hope that this provisional agreement may really be implemented, so as to contribute to and benefit the Chinese society and the Church's charitable, pastoral, social, and educational apostolates, striving to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ far and wide.”

But Cardinal Joseph Zen Ze-kiun, who has long been an opponent of rapprochement with the Chinese government, told Reuters just days before the agreement was reached that “they're giving the flock into the mouths of the wolves. It's an incredible betrayal.”

The Bishop Emeritus of Hong Kong said the consequences of the deal “will be tragic and long lasting, not only for the Church in China but for the whole Church because it damages the credibility.”

  Mary Rezac contributed to this report.

CNA Daily News

[some-insight]

In the course of my relationship I reflected upon ways that my boyfriend’s past relationships have negatively affected his outlook on love. It made him cynical, and I couldn’t understand how someone would let their past affect their current relationship.

What I didn’t examine was how TOXIC I was treated by other men that greatly negatively affected my outlook on my current (and first, and only) relationship. I look back and realize how unhealthy everything was. I had lost approximately... 45 pounds when I started “putting myself” out there. Before resorting to OK Cupid, I had about 2 interactions with men before. One, I was 17 and walking through the Taj Mahal with my study abroad group and we had to hold hands to keep together. Arun asked to continue to hold hands with me after we got out of the crowd but I was shy. When I was 19 and the heaviest I had ever been, a white dude in like camo approached me in a bar (I was underage of course) and had a conversation with me. He was very nice but again, I was shy and never really talked to men. I have not been of “average weight” since like the 3rd grade, and I simply spent most of my time and had most of my close relationships with other female-identified people. I had a few male friends but it was NEVER anything more than platonic, ever. I was not used to male interactions.

Well, I was tired of that. I wanted to be normal like other girls, dating and being seen as attractive! So I based my entire weight loss around that. And after those 40 pounds came off, I decided to try out OK Cupid. My roommate/best friend tried it out and she started dating someone off of it. So I tried it out. Talked to a guy, he seemed nice and cool. Asked to meet up at Starbucks, and he stood me up. Waited for 45 minutes and no one came. I remember going to bed at 8 pm, confused and hurt at what I did. Embarrassed that maybe I wasn’t attractive.

A couple of months later (I’m 20 at this point), I tried OK Cupid out again. Ironically, started talking to this guy that had the same name as my best friend’s boyfriend, but spelled differently. (Oh, Bengali men.) He was quite shy when we met up, but we eventually walked around a park. And he gave me my first kiss! 

Him: So, do you go to the gym? Me: three times a week.

Him: Good, you need to lose weight. So, can I finger you?

I let him. And then, I blew him in my car. It was thrilling. He wanted to have sex. I said no. We met up... a couple more times I think. Then Ramadan came (the irony) and he didn’t talk to me.

So yes. I enter junior year of college, more weight to be lost because hello, I need that for men’s attention right?

Used OKCupid, made the MISTAKE of talking to this guy. High match rating, cute enough for a white man, a few years older. But of course, he is in an open marriage in which his wife figured out that she is bi and they wanted to open it up so she can experience someone else.

He was a nice enough guy. A bit forward--I knew his attentions. I lost my virginity to him on our first date. After we had sex he left. My sheets were bloody, I was on my period. I will say, it didn’t hurt. But I still felt really really weird to be left alone. I remember having that same sleep haze of confusion and emotional sadness that happened when I was stood up.

I asked him the next day, what does this mean? After all, he was married. He said friends with benefits. We talked a lot throughout end of September 2014-February 2015. I usually made the effort. Of course I did. He had his own issues to figure out in his failing marriage (within a month of us talking he started the divorce process) and coming to terms with his own identity. He encouraged me to talk to other guys, honestly probably to make sure I don’t get attached to him.

So I did. Talked a single, white male a year older than me at my university-- more of a normal situation. Had sex on our first date cause thats wht I thought he wanted. He was surprised it happened, but had no qualms with it. We fucked, hung out. I started to feel some things. He shut that shit down. Yet another friends with benefits situation. Except we also went to football games together. October, November, December. January we hung out a little, then when I realized he invited his friend (a girl) over to hang out with us, I realized he didn’t want much to do with me. Friendship + sex = no real commitment.

AND THEN TINDER HAPPENED. TINDER. T I N D E R. At least with OkCupid, I slowed my roll and was selective on who i met off of it. I met three people off of there, and the last dude I met for lunch once and stopped talking to him after he was being a weirdo. 

But Tinder. So fucking shallow. And honestly, straight to the point of what ALL men seemed to want out of me-- sex. Someone to fuck. The common denominator was that all these dudes dated thin women, primarily white women, but fucked thick women of color namely me. 

4- nerdy FWB that broke it off with me bc we didn’t have much in common. Decent enough guy. But still sad.

5- Jewish frat boy that we hooked up twice. May have sexually assaulted/pressured me into sex. He was half my weight and my height.

6-fucked me once, never talked to me again.

7-talked talked talked, hooked up a few times, liked his personality/talked a good bit and then he got back with his white girlfriend