#to give up that love even if it is conditional but im batshit TERRIFIED to find out if it is or not
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#lab bitches and moans#d/on.t r.eb/log#im so fucking like. i dont know#sad or mad or whatever ends in ad i guess#i just. i hate being read as a girl i really do i hate it so so so much#but i dont know if my parents specifically will still. yknow. love me. if i come out. which obviously im living a lie etc but i dont want#to give up that love even if it is conditional but im batshit TERRIFIED to find out if it is or not#and i cant come out yet anyway because in the event that it IS conditional. theyre (read: my mom) is helping me pay for college#i canNOT do that shit by myself. also i live with them. like i literally cannot come out any sooner than when i graduate#im just so tired i think is what it is#im so tired of just pretending that theres no real reason i hate dresses and shit. acting like it doesnt gross me the hell out to think of#myself as being a woman. hate when my mom says Oh I Have The Best Daughters In The World when my sister and i bring home st/arb.ucks#i want to be DONE but i literally cannot AFFORD to do so#like monetarily? cant afford it. emotionally? cant afford it. mentally? cant afford it.#GOD. i cant even TALK to anyone about it (irl) because i dont KNOW anyone#i want to be DONE with being miserable 80 percent of the time!! LET ME OUT!!!!!!!!!#ANYWAY. if u got this far. i hope u have a nice day or whatever
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