#to give to me but relationships are inherently interdependent; even the most shallow ones

[shibe]

Im going to ramble because I don’t know how to put this into words, but when I first started reading bell hooks’s works, I found myself resistant to some of her messages. Her advocation for men, that love is inherently selfless, that being a “giver” isn’t a moral high ground…In all about love in the chapter about honesty, she explains how many women pulled back from the feminist movement once men started to talk about how they also wanted to be seen as fully human as well and when I first read that, I was confused. I knew the patriarchy hurts men, but it always felt like they’re own doing. Why should I have to do more labor for a system you uphold? Im slowly realizing that that isn’t what she meant at all. As I build friendships and relationships with men in my life, I would be doing a disservice to them and myself if I were to categorize them in the traditional “man” role and if I were to put myself into the “woman” role. I cannot love with the expectation that they will do same. I love because I want to. I give because I want to. I take what they are willing to give me. Their emotional needs may differ from mine and what I expect them to need, but to shame them for that is dishonest. There are no “roles” that need to be inherently filled.