#to get my bearings because for a moment it felt like this was all aa really bad nightmare

[eatyourmaker]

explanation in tags.

i know this is supposed to be my spooky month specific blog but something very scary just happened and I've never felt more stressed in my life

I can barely walk I'm so stressed, it's like I lost all the strength in my body

Please pray for us

Please

[tonkatsubowl]

vampire.

vampire!blade x fem!reader.

hella smut. blade eats u out while it's shark week eheh

"aah... aa—! w-wait, slow... slow down..!"

when you started your menstrual cycle, you were always given the respectable space and distance from blade whenever it was needed. the cramps? the abdominal pain? it was too much to bear, especially knowing that your significant other was literally a vampire as well.

he thrived off of eating and drinking the flesh of blood of his victims, and if he needed nutrients, he would go out and kill to make sure his mara infestation doesn't get too erratic. that was how he lived. sometimes you'd even suggest that he can take nutrients from you, like biting your neck from time to time. but because how protective blade gets with you, he would never oblige to your offers.

...but this time, it was different. he needed you. he needed nutrients — and you.

a moment ago, you were incited for whatever reason. you were already on your menstrual cycle, and one of those annoying days came where you would be in heat for absolutely no reason... and blade knew of this.

and now would be the time he'd replenish himself with nutrients and your needs, too. originally, you didn't like the idea. you felt odd being on your cycle and having your partner just devour you there. would it be... dirty? yeah, you felt dirty from it. you felt filthy.

but blade didn't care. he loved you and wanted to be there for you, as well as wanting to satisfy himself (and you).

right now, he has you over a desk, your legs spread wide open for him. he was careful not to cut you with your fangs, but he was drinking, slurping and licking away at your rosebud as you were a messy, moaning mess. you were already at the moment of climaxing, and you had already came on his face once.

he was cleaning you up good. taking in every nutrient and fiber that left your system while also just practically fucking you with his tongue. he was already pent up, even, and was ready to stain himself with your own blood.

a string of saliva was connected between his mouth and your lower region, giving you a chance to breathe as he lifted himself up. you were breathing heavily after climaxing once again due to his masterful tongue, your eyes dazed. your hair a bit of a mess, and your body was full of hickeys, licks and trails of blade's saliva. you watched as your lover began to grind himself against you; his pent up frustration rubbing against your wet folds, hitting your most sensitive area as he was dry humping you.

"uwaa..." your moans were too adorable. too sweet. intoxicating to listen to. your hot breaths hit his neck as he leaned down to hold you, thrusting his hips into you.

"you sound so fucking cute." blade murmured. "you liked it when i had you with my tongue, huh?"

you turn red, murmuring a quiet, "s-shut up..."

earning a chuckle from blade, he raised himself up, unbuttoning his pants, letting his amazing girth reveal itself.

originally when the both of you began having sex, you were unsure if you could take his size, thinking that blade wouldn't fit. but after nights of pounding you in different locations of the stellaron hunters headquarters, he made sure that his pretty little thing could bear the size of his massive length.

when you felt his tip enter inside, a wave of pleasure hit you, granting you a small moan that escaped your lips. you gasp, your sickly sweet voice entranced by your heated breaths, your pupils shaping themselves to little hearts as blade began to fuck you there and now.

he rolled his hips back, already violently and roughly ramming his massive member into you, sounds of your skins clapping and juices squelching could be heard within the room the both of you were in. you could see there were soft traces of your blood painting all over his length, but he didn't care, he was into it.

he was fucking you rough, and boy he was fucking you hard. he made sure that only his princess would get some goodnight sleep after filling you up with his seed, or breeding you a couple of times at least.

blade began to breathe a bit harder, giving a visual indication that he was nearly at his limit. he leans down, pressing his lips against your neck, rolling his tongue all over your skin as he continued to ram inside of you. you felt the head of his member hit into your cervix points, granting you even more pleasure and..

god, it felt amazing.

you close your eyes as you felt yourself ready to cum as well, feeling the overall building up sensation in your lower regions.

"y/n... i'm—"

"b—blade...!"

he began to speed up, and something hot and sticky began to flood inside of you immediately. his seed began to flood from your cute, puffy little folds as he finished pumping into you, filling you up with his seed.

he slowly rolled his hips into you, feeling your climaxing sensation as you twitched underneath him, your breath hitched as you felt everything in your body release, granting you that satisfaction and exhaustion that finally hit you.

you took a moment to realize what had happened. you were seeing stars, and your legs were so dead. your body was out cold, and you were too incredibly exhausted to move.

blade removed himself from you, leaning down to give you a kiss on your cranium. "you did so well," he whispered to you, "i'm so proud of you."

you couldn't respond as you were breathing too heavily, your eyes dazed and still shaped as hearts as you watched your lover began to take care of you. he picked you up, scooped you into his arms and carried you into the bedroom where he took care of you.

he retrieved a towel, cleaned you up, set aside some cold water and some warm tea if you needed it. it was right there on the nightstand next to your guys' bed if you ever wanted it.

as you both laid down, you cuddled blade, still bare naked as your head remained on his chest. your eyes were heavy, coming to a close as you allowed exhaustion to take you.

[witch-hazels-musings]

because I need that good loving can I request Diluc and Zhongli reaction to seeing there SO dressed up for a formal event even though its not something they really like doing but because they dont want to make Diluc/Zhongli look bad in front of all these other people they put all their effort into looking like the human embodiment of attractiveness.

the way you look tonight 

(okay so truth time - I thought about you the whole time I was writing this and forgot you requested it -- I hope the love of these boys reminds you that you are lovely <3!) 

Warning -> SFW, fluff / comfort (cussing(1))(self-conscience reader)

Character X GN Reader | Anthology

Includes: Zhongli ⚘, Diluc

Zhongli

He finds your normal style of dress unique and interesting, it’s unlike most of the people who make up Liyue’s landscape and it’s independently you

When someone lives their life in the way they want to, that's what Zhongli admires the most about people, about humans 

He doesn’t mind what you wear, he would want anyone to meet you, to see you regardless because through his eyes he sees your attractiveness - it’s in the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you react when something makes you excited or when he gives you a gift you don’t expect - how could he hide you away and not let others see the way you glow? 

You look at yourself for the tenth time in the large circular mirror. An hour had gone by and you still felt unusual, out of place, like a fraud in this attire. For the, you’ve lost count, time you fuss with the fabric that sits against your stomach, tugging on it, wondering if you should leave it open or closed. The most frustrating thing about this is that you had no idea how to wear this damn thing. 

Your head falls onto the vanity and you do your best to hold it all in. With a deep breath, you go back to messing with your hair and face. The ticking clock behind you reminds you that time is not your friend no matter how much you want it to stop. 

This is so hard for you, of course, you want to be there for Zhongli - he was there for everything you ever did, it was beyond time to repay him - but you just couldn’t find the confidence to be proud of what you’d done. So, shaping the image in your brain into a distorted representation of what you wished you looked like, you stood from your small chair and walked toward the door of the bedroom. 

Your shoes click on the hardwood floor which is something you hate, the thought of people hearing you coming only to see what appears from the source of the sound makes your skin crawl. Still, you pressed on, and that’s when your eyes fell onto the immaculate figure that stands near the entrance. His tall, elegant frame is so intense it knocks the wind from your lungs as if someone just punched you in the stomach. How can I stand next to that … you panic and turn to retreat back into the safety of the bedroom when your arms collide with a small table in the hallway.

Objects fall to the ground and, in a ridiculous display of your clumsy nature, you juggle one of the more breakable objects before catching it moments from shattering on the floor below. 

“Whew …” You exclaim, bringing it close to your body. “Sorry, little guy didn’t mean to do that.” You wince, patting its side before place it back onto its home and picking up the other objects from the ground. 

Long fingers enter your field of vision, startled you stand only to see Zhongli reaching down to assist you. 

“Ah, sorry.” You express, crossing your arms after putting the items in your hands half-hazard onto the surface. 

“No need to apologize, are you injured?” He asks, standing himself and reminding you how tall he is. 

“My pride, maybe.” You share, laughing through your embarrassment. 

“Too much of that and we might find ourselves in trouble anyway.” He looks down at you, his eyes scanning, interested and making you shift under their gaze. “You …” 

“I know... I look so strange, and,” you begin, fussing with the top again, “I can’t seem to get this right.” Turning around you show him what you were talking about and how it seems far too loose. 

He laughs softly and you feel his hands run underneath the edge of the fabric and coming to rest at the wrap at your waist. “Let me assist you.” 

“Thank you …” He’s so close to you, his hands move expertly as they work to correct your inadequacies, eyes compassionate, patient as they always are. 

“This outfit suits you.”

“Does it really? I look so … I mean this isn’t something I would normally wear. In fact,”  You think for a minute before continuing, “I can’t remember the last time I dressed up for something other than adventuring. It’s not practical to go running through ruins in this type of getup.” You explain, lifting your arms and watching how the fabric slips down to your elbows before sliding back to your wrists as they collide with your legs. 

“That could turn things into quite the challenge I’d imagine.” 

“Exactly.” 

“Nevertheless, you will turn quite a many heads upon our arrival.” 

“That’s what I'm afraid of …” You mumble, forgetting that he is close enough to hear you. 

“Y/N, need I remind you how spectacular you look.” 

You bite your lip but your insecurities make you speak anyway, “I just don’t see how I have the right to stand next to you, I don’t want you to be … ashamed of me.” The end of your sentence trails off as you look to the ground. Zhongli doesn’t respond until his hands stop fixing your gown. With comforting fingers he presses against the soft underbelly of your chin, lifting your head at the angle it should be. 

“While I am beyond sure you can hear me, I hope that you can trust me as well when I tell you that every day I am honored to stand at your side. There is nothing in this world which compares to your beauty, in fact, you are more radiant than the moon itself.” He leans in to place a kiss against your forehead. 

“You don’t wish I was … more attractive?” 

“I cannot wish for a thing that holds no bearing on reality.” 

“Mmm.” 

“If my words have not reached you, perhaps I can better express my truth through actions …” He pulled you flush against him, his hands now wrapped around your hips and eyes focused on your lips. 

“Aa! Wait … no, I believe you.” Embarrassed, you push away from him and make your way toward the door. “Let’s just go because if I get out of this thing I won’t be putting it back on.” You huff, smoothing out the wrinkles. 

“Shall we?” He reaches for your hand and easily you take it. 

“Let’s do this.” With a lighthearted Zhongli, you exit your home and head toward the lively sounds drifting over the water. 

Diluc

He already thinks you are so incredibly attractive no matter what you wear - he knows you’re one for practicality, from your actions to your clothes, you are ready to go and prepared for whatever will come your way - a trait he admires

There is something adorable about the way you fall out of bed in the morning and, in some cases, take less time than he does to get ready - it can come in handy where there much work to be done 

He never asks for you to be more than what you are - he honestly wouldn’t care what other people thought about you, all that matters is you believe him when he tells you how good you look or how you make his heart clench 

So when he sees you descend the stairs in an outfit, a formal, totally out-of-the-absolute-norm outfit, he’s stunned 

“Crap.” You say, flinging the jewelry you couldn’t decide on anyway back toward the dresser. You’d taken far too long to get ready, even though you started hours ago, it still wasn’t enough to make you feel confident and finished. Glancing at your reflection one last time, you gave up with a heavy sigh and made your way down the hallway. 

You could already see everyone else in their formal attire ready to go, even the attendants looked better than you did. When you caught sight of Diluc your steps slowed and for a solid minute to you debated about turning around and hiding under the comfortable covers of the bed you loathed getting out of this morning. 

“Ah, there you are! Are you ready?” Adaline shouted from below you and like a scene from a nightmare everyone turned to look up at you. You stumbled backward and felt your chest tighten, eyes scanning each face as you debated on your next action. When they fell onto Diluc’s stoic eyes, you felt a little bit of relief and knew all you had to do was make it down to him. 

Slowly, you started again and, with a deathlike grip on the railing, you made your way down the stairs. Diluc met you at the bottom, his hand extended to take yours. 

“I’m so sorry. I couldn’t figure out what would pair well with … this thing.” You gestured at your outfit and looked behind him, thankful that people had already started to leave through the front door. “Do I … look okay?” 

With an awkward smile, you waited for his answer, hopeful that he wouldn’t have to struggle so hard to lie to you. I mean, when you were able to see him in his suit, the way it perfectly fits around his toned body, the fabric tucked in all the right places, the sleeves just long enough to give one a peek of skin underneath - there was no way you compared to him. 

He looked at you for so long your heart started to feel like a thousand knives were stabbing you in all directions. He hates this … he can’t believe that I’m such a disaster. The thoughts circulate in your brain and just as your about to rush back up the stairs and hide he lifts your fingers to his lips and kisses them with so much love. 

“I apologize … I’m just a bit startled is all.” Your stomach drops to your feet at his words. 

“Archons, is it that bad? Did I put something on wrong … or?” 

“Nothing like that,” He kisses your palm and the action makes your spine turn hot, “You look unbelievable, is what I wanted to say.” 

“Oh, really?” 

“Yes.” He looks at you but you shy away from his eyes. “Y/N, do you trust me?” 

“What … of course I trust you.” You reply, flabbergasted. 

“Then trust me now.” He pulls you in for a hug, his arms wrapping around your neck, his hand resting at the back of your head. “I’ve never seen someone as brilliant as you.” 

Fueled by your emotions, you return his hug, squeezing your arms around his waist and doing your best not to let your face be ruined by the tears that want to fall from stinging eyes. “Thank you, I’ll trust you on this … today.” 

“I don’t have any issues reminding you again and again.” Shouting outside tells you that it’s now or never and, as much as you don’t want to, your arms release each other. “Are you ready?” He asks, offering you his arm, and with a deep inhale and sharp nod, you take it and walk through the doors. 

----

taglist: @star-gods @mercurysmaiden @dourpeep @clemmywrites @pepperoncinipizza @handswritteeen @the-mermaid-of-mondstadt @lucifucker @beelsdessert @coolcats09 @ninqat @musekala @sufzku @mooshymello @heavenlyang @plenilunegazes @odafashioned @glazelilyy

[quiet-kunoichi]

[ Moment of Serenity | @suck-my-tomato | verse; post-modern ]

The apartment felt empty. Kimiko had finally earned the privilege of moving out of Maeve’s residence and live on her own again, after much deliberation on her behalf. Officially, she had moved in three weeks ago. But most of her belongings (for which there really wasn’t much) were still stuffed away in their boxes, the only things pulled out were whatever necessary for a quiet living. She wasn’t planning on running at a moment’s notice, not this time around. But if she pulled her things out, got the space situated in a way that felt like it was her home, her safe space.. It felt daunting, and dredged up that familiar sense of suffocating anxiety. If she settled down into this space properly, it would solidify her staying.

Even on her best days, Kimiko still felt.. out of place, back in this town, around the old gang. Shikamaru’s birthday came around just last week and Kimiko attended the laid back get-together with the rest of them, but couldn’t stop that gnawing feeling from eventually eating her alive. I don’t belong here. Perhaps she’d taken one too many glances over at Sasuke, who kept getting pulled from the group by his phone going off. It was as though every time they’d met gazes from across the room, edged closer to one another, toyed with the idea of just striking up conversation.. His phone would ring, and he’d step away into a quieter room. She’d never known him not to put his phone on silent or at least vibrate during a party. Of course, she knew who was on the other end of the line, making sure he didn't forget about her. Shikamaru had given Kimi the subtle warning that he told Sasuke he could bring Cora with him to the party; it was a wonder when the raven showed up without the tumor of a blonde stitched to his side. One of those times he stepped off into the other room to get interrogated for the fourth time over the phone, Kimiko couldn’t take it anymore. The tickle of panic was starting to become too pressing, and she wouldn’t risk breaking down in front of all these old friends that felt more like strangers, now. When Sasuke came back to the main room, she was already gone.

Now a week later, she sits on the sofa and has a staring contest with a bottle of whiskey. She’d purchased it on her way home from the AA/NA meeting last night, after silently refusing to speak at the podium when her turn came. Sasuke had been staring over at her, concerned, but she wouldn’t know because she refused to acknowledge him or anybody else. She’d been out the doors before the host could finish dismissing them. She had enough self restraint not to break into the bottle last night; instead pacing the room and digging her palms into her eyes, fisting her hair. It had been a restless night, and it was hard to admit to herself that she was not doing well -- that she needed someone. Not just anyone.. Sasuke’s contact was pulled up on her phone, one click away from calling. But what would he do? Sure, they’d spent some time together since her return from the rehab, he’d walk her to Maeve’s after every other meeting, he’s had dinner and endured Maeve walking them through a painful memory lane with old photobooks from highschool. They shared a moment.. Or so she thought; but maybe she just misinterpreted it. They grew a little more distant after that, things felt a little more awkward, or tense. Her stomach groans in a pitiful act of begging for some sustenance, and it pulls her out of her tangled thoughts. He did say that she could call him, if she ever needed to, back when they exchanged numbers a little over a month ago. That whiskey bottle was calling her name with voracity. She needed him. The phone rang a total of four times before Kimiko couldn’t bear to possibly reach the voicemail, and hung up right as he was about to pick up. The sun was starting to set as she left her phone on the couch and made a dash to the bathroom. He was probably busy; hell, he had a girlfriend and it was a Friday night. Kimiko could’ve just dug him a deeper grave by calling, if Cora saw her name on that phone screen.. Fucking Cora. Sasuke. He had his own life now, it revolved around someone else. Kimiko thought she didn’t care, that she was over him.. But before she knew it, the pill bottle on the sink was ringing like a bell - she didn’t remember taking that out of the vent, last night. Had she already broken her sobriety, then? Does it even really matter if she takes just one, to wash this pain away, to feel better just for the night?  Kimiko draws a bath.

[marshmurmurs]

hey. hey psst. grian & purpled friends au is a banger. you um, you got any more? mayhaps?

Ok so you're gonna have to bear with me for aa few moments since this au is made by someone who hasn't watched Evo in a hot second and someone who I believe hasn't yet finished watching it, so we are mostly working off of fanon and my terrible memory for Watcher stuff

With that said, you've heard of Watcher!Grian, now get ready for Watcher!Purpled too :D

So you’re probably wondering how in the world we got here. It started with Peggy mentioning that Purpled got a clean view of both Tommy’s duel with Dream and Phil taking out Wil. That’s enough for me to start the Watcher propaganda babey!!!

“They watch but cannot be seen”

I'm pretty sure I yoinked this quote from a sign that showed up in some Watcher thing at some point. Purpled sure does watch. I also believe he has done some messing around with replay mod to see inside the prison or something? So yeah, Watcher boy be looking. And the “cannot be seen” part? He’s constantly falling into the background, almost forgotten, and maybe it's in his very nature.

Grian and Purp were both Watchers, though their time as Watchers only briefly overlapped. Purpled was already a Watcher during Evo times, having been picked up by the Watchers while traveling the void in his spaceship. They had promised him he would become something greater than himself, he would be part of something important, he would have a legacy. Purpled went along with them, at first, it wasn’t like he really had anything better to be doing. Besides, the magic and wings he got out of the deal were pretty cool.

It was when the Watchers started looking to recruit Grian that Purpled started to question why he was there. That legacy they promised him, he wasn't sure if they ever delivered on that. If anything, it was the Watchers that were benefiting off of him. The Evolutionists were the only people who were confident in their existence, and even then, they only knew of the group as a whole. They had no idea how many of them there were or of any of the individuals within. He doesn’t think that was ever what he wanted out of joining the Watchers... He wasn’t actually sure what he had wanted out of them.

Purpled noticed the Watchers focusing their attention on Grian, he saw how they worked to break down his will to rebel. Sure, he had joined them, but it wasn't like he had been told all their rules upfront. Naturally the guy who had continuously tested the limits of their patience when they had been some unknown power wouldn’t stop that just because he was one of them now. Grian would push the limits of what he was allowed to do, finding loopholes, dancing around the rules, and even outright breaking them at times. The two interacted a few times and Purpled liked the guy well enough. He liked him enough to break the rules himself and not report Grian when he caught him breaking some rules, he even pointed out a few spots in the rules where the phrasing could be exploited. Still, he recognized the opportunity Grian’s presence provided him. Purpled was no longer the newest Watcher, no longer constantly under their gaze. He could just leave, and if he was smart about it, he could get away and have plenty of time before anyone noticed.

So he did. With a final o7 to Grian, Purpled left. Their final encounter within the Watchers domain went something like this:

Purpled: Hey do you want some advice?

Grian: Sure

Purpled: *walks away never to be seen again within the Watcher’s domain*

It was only later that Grian realized what the advice was, long after he began sneaking out, began testing the limits of what he could do. It was long after he figured out that an eye couldn't really look within itself and he could use the very powers the Watchers had given him to hide himself from them, long after he'd made his own domain, long after he'd slipped away to a land he created specifically to stay out of their sight and reach that he realized what the advice was. Purpled had left. His advice was to leave. Grian had—albeit unknowingly—followed that advice.

Purpled had taken a much different method to getting away. Instead of making himself untraceable, he hid in plain sight. He went to Hypixel and made a name for himself playing Bedwars. With each game he won, with each game he clutched, he amassed supporters. Players, believers and doubters alike, began to bet on the outcome of his matches. Purpled had made himself seen. He knew the Watchers knew he was there, but that was the point. They couldn’t reach him, not without breaking their own rules, at least. Unlike the two Players turned Watchers, the original Watchers cared deeply for and were bound by their rules. Even if they had tried anything, Purpled managed to create his own legacy, making for himself what they never could. Beyond that, he'd found friends, he'd built a community, surrounded himself with people who would look for him and make themselves a problem for the Watchers if they tried to make him go back. They were forced to sit by and do nothing as he continuously broke their most important rule.

Purpled didn't need the Watchers, he never did.

Grian didn't really know how he felt about the Watchers. He didn't think he hated them, not really. The Watchers had given him a taste of true freedom then immediately began to restrain him. They'd given him wings and the power to create worlds in mere seconds, something which would not only take a regular Admin a much longer time, it would require a significant amount of preparation. He was given the world at his fingertips but was limited by the long list of rules the Watchers enforced. He doesn't regret joining them—he wouldn't give up his wings for the world—but they just weren't enough. The more they tried to make him fit their mold of a perfect little Watcher, the more sure of that he became.

It was almost funny, the Watchers had become stricter in order to prevent another Purpled situation. They were trying to ensure Grian wouldn’t leave them too, but in doing so, they had given him reason to. He was a bit curious though, he wondered what Purpled was up to now. Grian hadn’t gotten news about him since he’d left the Watchers.

So Grian went to Hypixel, he wanted to see if he could track down Purpled. He knew the other was there, judging by the leaderboards, but he couldn’t seem to catch him around the hub. He managed to track down gamblers betting on Purpled's victories. Grian followed that lead, tailing the person who was updating them on the results of Purpled's matches. Somehow that person continued to find intel without Grian catching where Purpled was. It made no sense, and if he was being honest with himself, it had long since reached the point of being frustrating. Eventually, after an infuriating amount of dead ends Grian decided he may as well play a few games before calling it a day and heading home. He tried a few solo matches of bedwars and while PvP wasn't really his thing, he had to admit throwing fireballs at people was pretty fun.

Grian finding Purpled wasn't even intentional on his part. At that point he wasn’t even actively looking or playing the game properly. He’d simply started building houses after politely asking people to leave him alone with varying levels of success. After a few games, he received a friend request from the person who had won the last match with a message inviting him to join them for some doubles. Grian accepted after a moment of thought, they seemed polite enough. They had left him for last when it would’ve been way easier and much more convenient to just continue their clockwise sweep.

It didn’t take Grian long to realize that his new companion was nicked, though to be fair, he was too. It’s not that he particularly cared when someone was nicked, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. There was something about this person, the way they held themself, the general energy around them, something that just felt so familiar. Try as he might, though, Grian couldn’t quite figure out what it was.

It was when he noticed the absolute confidence and ease in which his companion threw themself into the void that Grian finally gave in to his curiosity. Players usually avoid the void, and even if they did jump into it for strategic purposes, he's never seen anyone

recover as fast as his companion did. While they ran off to go stab someone who was getting too close to their area for comfort, Grian tried to look past their disguise. He was met with resistance, surprisingly. Usually looking past a Player being nicked was no issue. He pushed harder, it was more than just curiosity at this point, he needed to know who this was, why they were able to resist him. Somehow the results were worse this time. Grian realized with increasing bewilderment that he could no longer even see his companion. His teammate was just gone, there one moment and gone the next.

Grian blinked away the purple in his eyes, focusing on his surroundings. There were no new bridges leading away, his teammate was still in the game, and they hadn't died. Where could they have gone? He continued to scan the island when he was suddenly hit with the overwhelming sense of being watched. There, standing beside him was his teammate, eyes glowing the same purple Grian's had moments before.

"Something wrong, Grian?"

It all clicked for him then. His nicked companion was the guy he had been looking for the entire time, he’d only just now decided to reveal himself. Of course Grian’s Watcher abilities hadn’t helped, Purpled had way more power here than he did. He was just a guest in the other’s domain, he never had a chance of finding him if he hadn’t wanted to be found.

“Y’know, you could have been a lot clearer.”

“Rule 7. Besides, you figured it out, didn’t you?”

Once they reunited, the two realized they still got along well. They agreed to keep in contact, and they did. Grian would sometimes hop onto Hypixel to join Purpled for a few games—always nicked, they didn’t want the Watchers to realize they were in contact— and other times he'd drag him off to a creative world to challenge him to a game of build swap or various flying courses he’d created. The two often swapped tips and tricks for things they were good at. Grian would give Purpled lessons on building, block palettes, and flying (he argued the other only ever really using his wings while voiding didn’t count). In exchange, Purple would try to give him advice on various things he’d picked up from playing bedwars: block clutches, speedbridging, and general PvP.

When Purpled was invited onto the DreamSMP, he was fairly excited. He loved what he had going on with Hypixel and his friends there, but part of him had always wanted this. Ever since he was with the Watchers, overlooking everything on Evo and worlds before that, part of him had wished to be on the other side of things. This desire only grew stronger as he heard the tales of what Grian got up to on Hermitcraft.

The Dream SMP was nothing like he expected it to be. It turned out to be a hardcore world, only 3 “lives” allowed per player. There were also seemingly infinite respawns, though, which made no sense. He wasn’t sure which was more annoying: the unclear respawn rules or the fact that he was never told about them before he agreed to join.

Besides that, there was also some entity with a great amount of power, even more than the admin himself. Purpled had noticed their presence fairly quickly upon joining and he was immediately on edge. He had no information on the being, their power, their motives, nothing. And that felt dangerous. Purpled had unintentionally ended up falling back into old habits from working with the Watchers as he tried to establish himself in this world. He claimed land for his own, carving out his own domain within that of the unknown god while trying to avoid catching their attention. Eventually, once he was comfortable enough within the world, he began trying to reach out, trying to get involved in the things that were happening. He heard there was a war brewing, and if he learned anything from Grian, things were about to get really fun.

They didn’t.

His attempts to involve himself mostly failed, so he went back to doing what he had before. He claimed more and more land and continued watching over events from the sidelines. Things got serious, conflicts got personal, and unless he was directly pulled in by someone he considered a friend, Purpled just watched.

Anyway my excuse for whatever is going on with their designs is that Watchers can control how they are perceived. This is my city and I want them to have cool wings. Also Peggy was supposed to be my impulse control but the memo got lost in the mail and she never got it, so she enabled me instead. Now we have both funky dragon/parrot vibes on Grian and vague alien/phantom/vex vibes on Purpled

[dreamifics]

John Wick x Assassin!Reader!

Two Broken Souls

Chapter 1:

A woman push pass people in the busy and rainy street of New York, she was making her way to The Continental. She was covering her face with the dark hoodie that envelops her whole body..

Entering the hotel, the woman caught everyone's attention, but it didn't faze her. She sashay her way to the counter, taking off her hood in the process.. Small gasps and hush whispers filled the hotel lobby.

The woman was all covered in blood, her eyes were blank and cold but she was carrying a black duffel bag.. This was Y/N L/N or as the underworld calls her 'The Reaper', she's a highly paid assassin and anywhere she goes Death always follow..

They all know that she is the perfect epitome of Death.

Rumors has it that she even surpasses the infamous 'Baba Yaga'..

But the truth is Y/N was hopelessly and completely in love with John Wick, they used to be partners but he left her for Helen, given they were just friends but he left her high and dry.. Y/N had no hard feelings, she just wanted John to be happy and it was nice to see that Helen unconditionally loves the man she also love.. Helen was a sweet and nice person while she is far from that.. She's just a quick-witted, sarcastic evil killer and deep inside her she knew that she didn't deserve John..

Everyone she loves will only die..

Reaching the concierge, she drops her hand to the desk and drop some gold coins.. Charon gave Y/N a small smile, and accepted the coins.

"Charon, give me a room and some medical supply.." Her voice was cold and blank, Y/N is not usually like this to peoole she's acquainted with.. Y/N is just having a rough day, for god's sake she was covered with blood that doesn't even belong to her and to top that up she have a gunshot wound in her abdomen.

"Rough day, Miss L/N?"

"You could say.." She answered while her fingers tapped the concierge desk, Y/N was slowly getting impatient.

"Here you go..Room 12--" He was cut off by the desk phone ringing.

"Please wait a moment, Miss L/N.." Charon answered the phone but he still hasn't given Y/N her keys..

Growing more and more impatient Y/N wanted to grab the keys from his hand and punched him but Charon is her frien--more like acquaintance..

"Okay, i'll move her.." Charon said aa he ended the call..

"Miss L/N, you have been moved to Room 134..Please enjoy your stay.."

He gives Y/N the new key and she grabs it and made her way to the elevator.. She was confused that she has been moved, knowing that Winston is probably the one behind this action, she just shrugged it off.

The elevator opens and it revealed a man with a black suit and a long hair that covered his whole face, Y/N doesn't even need to see the man's face.. She knew that this was the guy she loved, the one who she still loves.

John was stunned at the person that is infront of him.. Y/N L/N, the girl he used to love but didn't do anything because he was afraid to jeopardize their friendship, so he moved on and that's where he met Helen.

He noticed that Y/N was covered in blood, worries shot through his whole body.. Y/N may be a good assassin but she never cared about the state her body is in..

"Are you okay?"

Y/N's breath hitched, she felt a lump got caught in her throat and her heart was beating out of her chest. The way his eyes travel to her face and body, it was making her weak.

"Im-Im alright.."

John forehead creased, he can see when people are lying to him but Y/N was a very good liar.

"Is that your blood?" He asks gesturing to her whole body.

"Maybe 2 percent of it, the remaining belonged to many assholes who got in my way.." Y/N tried to joke but it came out a little rude..

"I see you haven't change.." John gave her a smile, it has been long since he smiled like this.

"Ye-Yeah..I have to go." She dismissed all the feelings that was once bubbling up again, she entered the elevator and John got out..

"It's nice to see you Y/N, i hope we can get a drink later.." John offered but he only got a blank stare from Y/N..

And she was gone, the elevator has closed it doors..

Y/N doesn't want to see John ever again, she was broken-hearted when he left, the pain she felt can't amount to any gunshot wounds she endured in her life.

Y/N hoped that this was the last time she will see John Wick, the man she loves..

The elevator reached her floor, she walks to her door and unlocked the room.. Entering inside she flops down the couch and grabbed the medical supplies that was laying around in the table infront of the couch.

After she took out the bullet and stitch herself up, she took a shower.. Now she's looking all over her hotel room for any alcohol that will supress the pain she was feeling.. But she found nothing, Charon and Winston know that she always need to have an alcohol in her room but what happend? Did they forgot?

Giving up she went through her clothes and pulled out a black dress, she slowly took of the bathrobes that were covering her body and carefully slid on the dress..

Y/N wore a black leather boots, hiding a dagger knife inside and putting a gun holster in her legs.. She can never be too careful, she let her hair fall on her shoulders as she grabs the door handle and swing it open.

In that exact time the door infront of her room also swing open revealing John..

Y/N mentally curses at herself, she didn't want to see John anymore.. It will only made it harder to move on, she sighs and slammed the door as fast as she could.

John noticed Y/N but his gaze was immediatly broken by the slamming of her door.. Was Y/N avoiding him?

He closed his door and knock on Y/N's.. John heard Y/N curse at herself and the door opened..

"Oh!Hey John!Didn't see you there!" Y/N faked a smile but John saw right through it.

"Drop the act..Are you avoiding me?" John asks with desperation in his tone..

Y/N was frozen, should she tell John her undying love? But she was not like Helen, she wasn't sweet nor nice and she can't givr John the normal life he yearns.. Helen and Y/N are different, John would never love a girl like her..

She was a cold-blooded killer..

A frown escaped her lips as thoughts like that crept unto Y/N's mind.. Shaking off her mind, she focused back on John who was giving her a penetrating gaze..

"N-Nothing, let's get that drink.." She pulled John's arm and lead him to the elevator..

As she touches John's arm it send thousand of sparks to her whole body..

"So what are you up to?" Y/N tried her hardest to change the topic and not look into John's heartmelting eyes..

"You know what i did...How about you?Last i heard you were in Italy?"

Y/N did vacation in Italy--and what she means by vacation was assassinating enemies of the High Table..

"Just a vacation.." She mutters and the elevator opened..

The two got in and pressed the ground floor, an eerie silence filled the elevator..

"Vacation?Did not know that you take those.." John joked making you frown..

"Ha ha!Did not know you make jokes.."

The two just laugh and the ambiance became more comfortable..

"So how are you holding up?" Y/N asks, her tone was dripping with worries..

"I'll be fine.." His face turned into a sad frown, it made Y/N's heart crack, Y/N aches when she sees the love of her life hurting..

"Im sorry.." Y/N comforted the man infront of her and gives him a hug..

And in that action, John couldn't contain the sadness in his heart anymore.. So he closed his eyes and embrace Y/N's hug.. His head falling on the nook of Y/N's neck..

"Im so sorry John.."

She tighten the hug and rubbed his back.. Why can't Y/N seem to let John go? Why can't she move on?

"If you want help, i can help you.. Let's kill those sons of bitches.."

John chucked and Y/N felt the vibrate of his laugh.. Her heart jumped and Y/N's throat getting drier every second that John was in the crook of her neck.

"This is my battle..Besides you are the only thing i have now..I can't bear to lose you too.." John explained, meaning every word of it.. Does he still have feelings for Y/N?

The elevator door reached the floor and the doors opened, standing there was a smirking Winston..

Y/N frowned when she knew what Winston was thinking, he was the only person that knows her undying love for John.. She pulled back from the hug and exits the elevator..

John felt a little disappointed when she pulled away from his embrace, and that's when he sees Winston standing infront of them..

"Hey Winston!" Y/N greeted the father figure she looks up to, and hugs him..

"Ahh!Dear!I see you found our beloved John Wick..." A sly smirk tugged in his lips, John didn't know what that means but he did noticed the way Y/N shifted uncomfortably..

"Im going to the bar.." Y/N announces, leaving John and Winston for the bar..

John watch Y/N walks away from them, the way her hips sway as she move.. He remembered the first time he saw Y/N..

It was another mission for John, kill Alessandro Rossi, the man who planned to overthrown him.. He was in a club waiting for Alessandro to walk in, sitting in the bar and that's when he saw Y/N..

Wearing a tight black dress and sitting across the club, with a drink in her hand.. Y/N was also waiting for Alessandro, she was ordered to get some information from the bastard

He still remember the first sentence Y/N said to him.

"Baba Yaga?You know that names is really weird..Thinking about changing it?" The woman said to him as she pointed a gun to Alessandro's head.

"Wh-what now?" John was mesmerized by Y/N, the way she took down the bodyguards and her sarcastic remarks when Alessandro curses at her..

"You bitch!Im going to kill you and send you to hell!"

"Who said your going to live?" Y/N's voice was blank but it was also dripping with smugness..

"BITCH!!IM SENDING YOU TO HELL!!"

"Well you see--Im the Reaper..Im the one who decides who dies and im also the one who drag people back to hell!"

John was just standing there as Y/N interrogates the man.. He smiles at how sassy she talks to Alessandro and Y/N interrogation skills was top-notch..

"BITCH LET ME OUT OF HERE!YOUR A HEARTLESS BITCH!!I'LL SEE YOU BURNING IN HELL!!IM GOING TO KILL YOU!!YOUR GOING TO DIE WHORE!"

John's jaws clenched at the insults he spit on Y/N, he was always a gentleman.. And that is no way to treat a lady.. He was about to do something when Y/N grabbed a knife and stabbed his knee..

"I know there's a compliment somewhere in there and i'll take it.."

"You bitch!"

"Ah, there it is!"

John stood there with a big smile in his face and when Y/N was done getting information out of him, John thought that she's going to finish the job but instead she turns around and gave John a viscious smirk.

"Im all done!You can kill the motherfuck--"

"You said i'll live!!" Alessandro cried and Y/N just slaps him in the face

''I also said that im 22 so see you in hell.." Y/N gave Alessandro a wicked smile..

"NOOOO!"

"Do it.." She said walking away from the dark warehouse and going outside to get some fresh air..

John just looked at Y/N amazed before turning back to Alessandro who was weeping..

John also remembered the day he realized he was falling inlove with Y/N

Y/N and John began a friendship--more like a partnership, the two was the most highly paid assassins and the most powerful..

It was John's birthday and he doesn't celebrate but when he met Y/N, she keep insisting to celebrate so Y/N throw John some suprise parties but she always fails because he doesn't show up.

Except for one, it was a day before his birthday when Y/N left and said she was going to do a mission in Tokyo but the truth was she threw John a suprise birthday party. The only people who was invited was the two of them..

He entered his apartment and that's where he saw Y/N.. Baking a cake which she was horribly failing at that Y/N didn't even notice John walking in.. The whole place was decorated with birthday banners and balloons..

"Damn!This cake is killing me!" She utters under her breath..

"What are you doing?"

"What the fuck?!" Y/N shouted and she pointed the gun at him..

"Woah!"

"Sorry!Thought you were someone else!"' She pouted and her eyes widen when as she remembered that it was a surpise birthday..

"Oh!SURPRISE!Ugh!I ruined it!I was the one who got suprised!" She shouted making John laugh..

"What are you doing?Are you trying to burn down my kitchen?" He jokes making Y/N frown..

"Ha ha!So funny!Just shut up and help me bake a cake!!Im the infamous Reaper but this cake is killing mee!"

And that was the day he knew he was inlove with you..

"John, you should go for it.."

John snapped back to reality as Winston spoke, he stares at the man and just shake his head..

"I don't know what your talking about.." John push pass Winston..

"You know she feels the same way.."

This made John stop, is it really true?

Is it true that the infamous 'Reaper' likes him back? The memory of Helen suddenly enters him mind.. He felt guilty, like he was cheating..

"Helen would want you to move on.."

John growls at Winston by the mention of Helen's name.. Winston just chuckled and taps his shoulder..

"Kids nowadays.." Winston mumbles and walked towards the elevator.

John sighs and made his way to bar where Y/N was sitting, a whiskey in her hand..

Y/N mind flew to the endless nights she was crying because of John, the way she watch John from a distant on his wedding day because she refused to come.. It took a toll on her emotional and physical state..

The days where Y/N was down, she didn't even do her job right.. It was always messy, her mind was always flying.. She remembers the time she saw John and Helen having fun, that was the day she accepted her faith..

That she and John will always and forever be just friends.

She moved the glass to her lips, taking a sip of the whiskey.. It burned her throat but she was addicted to it, the oh so satisfying burn of the alcohol..

Y/N saw from the corner of her eye a man was approaching her, Y/N's hand traveled to her gun holster, readying it if someone does attack her..

"Am i seeing right?Or Y/N L/N is drinking alone?"

Y/N turned around to see the owner of the voice, a small smirk played in her lips when it dawned to her..

This was Alex Kavelj, a past lover..

Partner.

Friend.

And enemy..

The two of them tried to kill each other, like Mr and Mrs Smith only without the happy ending.. Y/N ended up winning but she couldn't bring herself to kill the man she used to sleep with..

"Well if it isn't Mister Alex Kavelj.." A smirk played in her lips, she turned back her attention on the drink in her hand but her other hand was still on her holster..

"Come to kill me again?" She taunted at the man behind her, she doesn't know Alex intentions..

"You know i wouldn't do that to you.." He purrs sitting next to Y/N, he signaled to the bartender for a drink..

A scoff escaped her lips as she sips her whiskey, and just shakes her head in amusement.

"Lies.."

"Come on Y/N!Believe me!It's like we don't have any history together.."

Y/N wanted to throw her glass at the man beside her but doing that will cause only chaos to the two of them.. Alex just looked at her, his eyes were burning with lust.. And Y/N noticed it, she felt disgusted..

Y/N regrets sleeping with Alex, they used each other.. Y/N used him as a distraction from John while Alex used her for lust..

"Keep dreaming.." Y/N's voice was filled with disgust, she felt a hand on her shoulders.. She was ready to pounce Alex but she sees the man she hates was still sitting besides her..

Turning her head, she sees John with a serious face.. Y/N has got to admit that she was turned on for just a little bit..

"Is there something wrong?" John asks, his voice was stern and filled with authority..

Y/N just give John a small smile and turn to face Alex.. She slowly let go of her gun holster, she felt safe with John with her.

"Just dealing with pests, that's all.." She said gulping the last bit of whiskey in her glass..

"Mind if i sit with you?" John asks, his hand still holding her shoulder..

"Well that is the deal.." Y/N smiles, she hears Alex scoff..

"Is this your new boy toy?"

"No he's just a fri--"

"Yes, i am..Now what does it matter to you?" John cuts Y/N off, her jaw was wide open.. Surprised at what John had say..

"Chill man!Just reuniting with an old friend.." Alex winks at Y/N making her shudder in disgust.

"Okay..Now leave.." John demanded with the coldest stare anyone could ever get.

Alex just laughs grabbing his drink and walked away from but not without giving Y/N a flirtatious wink..

"Call me if that toy boy of yours is broken!" He waved at Y/N but she just growled at him..

Turning back her attention to the bartender while gesturing a refill.. John sits next to her, moving a little closer to Y/N.

"Who was that?" John asks his eyes were filled with anger and jealousy.. But Y/N didn't see it, she was busy melting in his eyes.

"Just an old acquaintance.."

"Doesn't seem like it.." John growls..

Y/N eyebrows were furrowed at her friends weird behaviour.. Ignoring it she takes another sip of her whiskey, John motioned for a drink and points at my whiskey.

"Yeah, im totally lying..We used to have a friends with benifits thing.. Then we tried to kill each other but i made the mistake of letting him go.."

John whole body stiffened when he heard that term 'friends with benefits'.. He doesn't even know what that means but that does sound very nice..

"What that does mean?" He asks..

Y/N laughs at John's confused face.. She forgot that John doesn't know slangs, he only used formal ones..

"Oh, God!I need to teach you slangs.."

John looked at Y/N as she drink all her alcohol, she faces him..

"Friends with benefits is a sexual relationship without the feelings and commitment.."

John felt his blood boil, he never knew that Y/N was capable of doing that.

"You did that?With him?"

"Well--Yeah.."

"Why?" John said glaring at Y/N..

She felt uneasy, this was the usual John.. Always protecting her, treating her like she was a kid.

"Well--I was reall--"

"You shouldn't do that!It--Just don't do that again.."

Y/N was getting angry as soon those words left his mouth.. He was the reason why.. He was the reason she threw herself at Alex.. He was the reason she was a blabbering mess when he retired.. She wanted to scream that in John's face..

All those days she felt alone and small, that's why she formed a relationship with Alex.. He was just a confidence booster for Y/N.

"You don't get to order me like that..It's my life and it's my goddamn decision!" She screams at John, it was full of anger and spite.

People are now staring at them, she stands up and paid the drinks she had..

"See you around, Wick.."

John knew that Y/N was mad at him, she just called him by his last name.. She never does that, again she saw Y/N walk away from him.

A part of him felt guilty, but he shakes it off and exits the hotel to carry out the mission that was given to him..

Y/N walks pass Charon, she toss some coins to him..

"Bottle of vodka.." Those were enough for the man to understand.. Y/N made her way outside, she was going to kill another enemy of the High Table..

Sighing, Y/N made her way to the apartment unit she owns.. It was already dark, she reached the door of her apartment..

Slowly opening it, she enters cautiously.. She wasn't followed but maybe someone was waiting here for her.. She grabs her gun, and scope the place but she found it empty..

Y/N enters her room and went straight to the closet.. There was some few clothes but it was just mostly guns, ammunitions and files.

She grabs a duffel bag and shove guns and grenades there, Y/N was busy packing when she hears her front door rattle it was followed by a knock.

She closed her walk in closet and hide behind a post near the front door.. She was ready to kill this person.

This could be someone after her..

Gripping her gun, she carefully walks to the door.. Taking a look at the peephole she found her neighbor who was an old woman..

She opened the door but not fully open, she hides the hand that was holding her gun in her back.

"Mrs. Kranowski!It's late, what are you doing here?" She fakes a smile and the old woman just pulled out a letter from her pockets..

"Dear, this was addressed to you but delivered to me..I got this today but since you were not here i kept it..And then i saw you entering your apartment so im giving it to you now..."

The woman gave Y/N the letter, and she gladly accepted it.

"Thank you Mrs. Kranowski.." She didn't give a chance for the old woman to talk, Y/N already closed the door, locking it in the process.

She examined the letter, it did belong to her.. Opening it, she saw a letter.. It was from her father, the leader of the Camorra crimial organization and also the member of the High Table.

Y/N is the youngest D'Antonio..

Yes, she was another D'Antonio, the youngest and most ruthless.. Their father treated her like a weapon, ordering her to kill people and doing his dirty works.. Santino was the only one who treated her like she was human..

No one even knew she was a D'Antonio, maybe it was a good thing, even John doesn't know her true identity.

She sighs as the horrible memories flooded her mind, the way her Father forced her to take advanced assassination training at a very young age.. The rigorous training that almost took her life.

The killer instinct inside her was awaken at the young age of 12.. She had no mother to protect her from the wrath of her Father.. So she had no choice but to oblied to his father orders

She starts to read the letter, her hands shaking at the crude penmanship that belonged to her father..

Dear Amore Mio,

Im sorry for the things that i put you through, i blamed you for your Mother's death but you were innocent.. I broke you, i failed you and your Mother.. I made you do horrible things, but know that i love you.. You are my little stellina, you are my cuoro mio..

The day you were born is the day of your Mother's death.. I regret not giving you a normal life, not spending time with you.. And im really sorry for making you the worst and evil version of you.. But i do know that you still have the last bit of goodness inside you, and Winston also told me about that pretty boy Wick that you love so much.. You have grown up, you have learned to love someone..

My time is running out, and you, my daughter will live a normal life, that's my last wish for you.. Your siblings will fight over my position in the High Table and i know you will be stuck in the middle of all this.. I have a last gift for you, i gave it to Winston.. I get that you trust him more than you trust me.. So i left it to the guy you trust so much..

Gianna will take over my position, but you know that Santino would not bow down that easy.. Bloods will shed and im thankful that you won't be a part of it.. Don't do anything stupid and live a normal life but i know that living like that is impossible.. I love you my little stellina..

Tears were strolling down her face, she didn't know what to do.. But she hates Winston for telling her father about John Wick.. She hugs the letter, nursing it..

This was the first time her father gave her affection, the first time her father apologized to the horrible things he did.. This was also the first time he ever mentioned Y/N's mother, and the first time he said i love you..

Y/N's phone rang making her snap out of her trance, wiping the tears in her face she stands up and looked over the caller id..

Santino..

She accepted the call and unsurely put it in her ear..

"H-Hello?" Y/N's voice was hoarsed, her brother doesn't even need to tell her, she knew that her father is dead..

"Y/N!Father is dead.."

"I-I'll be there.." Those were the words that left her mouth and immediately ended the call..

That's where she broke down, silent scream erupted from her lips.. Her soul was broken again, she was on her floor balled up like a baby..

She suddenly jolted up when she remembered her task, kill Monuira Guisa, this man was planning to elimanate a member of the High Table..

Taking off her feelings and emotions and shoving them to the pit of her stomach.. She can't mess this shit up, so she stands and wipe away the tears in her face..

She washed her face and changed clothes to a more comfortable and moveable clothes.

Grabbing the duffel bag with the ammunitions, guns and grenades.. She prepared herself, taking a deep breath she exits the apartment but before that she enabled her security system.

Locking the door, she discreetly walks away from the building and made her way to the task that was given to her..

Y/N arrives at the hiding spot her target is in, she first scope the place.. There were dozens of boduguards, which means one thing..

He knew someone was coming for him..

A viscious grin formed in her lips, she was going to blow some steam off.. She grabs gun and daggers, hiding it in her boots and jacket.

"Let's kill some motherfu--Ouch!" Y/N was starting to walk when she tripped over a rock.. Steadying and readying herself once again and started to walk..

Ready to kill..

People hide.. Death is coming..

Y/N stands in the middle of the room, she was surrounded by dead bodies courtesy by her.. Infront of her was Monuira, he was bound to a chair.. Sleeping peacefully, Y/N took a picture as another proof.. Then she bring her gun to his head and pulled the trigger..

The sound of her gun echoes through the whole room, sighing as she felt guilt run through the course of her body.

She grabs her bag from the floor and continues to exit the death scene.. No one survived, nobody was left alive..

She went straight to the street leading to the The Continental..

[elyvorg]

elyvorg’s Great Ace Attorney Liveblog - Case 1-5

This is a transcript of a liveblog that I originally did on Discord, having played a fan translation of the first game years ago and knowing a spoiler for the second game. I do not recommend following along with this on your first playthrough!

[[Please also bear in mind that I’ve long since finished the game by now, so if past-me wildly misinterprets something here (and I often did), no need to correct me, I already know!]]

Interim thoughts

elyvorg

been looking over my Great Deduction theories I posted at the beginning of this thread and had another Thought. If the names on the disc are assassination targets, and Miss Brett is an assassin who was carrying out those orders when she killed Wilson, it stands to reason she might have gone after Kazuma next, right? Apparently she was taken to Shanghai to possibly but also probably not stand trial there... and the SS Burya apparently docked at Shanghai like a day before case 2 happened, which is an interesting coincidence. Could Miss Brett have made her way onto the ship then, with the intent of assassinating Kazuma, except whoops he already ended up definitely-very-dead before she could get around to it?

I also incidentally noticed while re-replaying a bit of case 2 to confirm those details, that apparently the Russian revolutionary guy who never actually showed up was planning to bomb the Crystal Tower... which is that thing in England where the exhibition's happening in a few months that's clearly going to be important because they keep mentioning it. So I guess Russian revolutionary guy isn't such a random red herring actually maybe?

Live reactions: 1-5, beginning

elyvorg

...I guess stepladders don't exist in Ye Olde England yet? Because Ryunosuke and Susato just had a heated spade/shovel debate instead, the tone of which felt very familiar.

Bench

Heh, yeah. That was a nice callback.

elyvorg

"And... whenever I wear [the armband], I feel as though it gives me strength... through Kazuma." FRIEEEEENDS <3

(also love Ryunosuke's animation where he adjusts the armband as he pulls himself up from that defeated pose)

Bench

:3

elyvorg

oh no, I'm examining this very English street, and my brain suddenly went "check the lampposts for hint coins!!!!" ...wrong game. XD

Bench

Heh.

elyvorg

I love how they write Gina's accent and dialect, it feels really authentic.

(The fan translation also did a great job with it, but I actually wasn't expecting the probably-American-based official localisation to necessarily do so well!)

ah. Eggert Benedict is slightly more convincing than the fake name he gave in the fan translation, which was literally just "Eggs Benedict".

(and by "slightly" I mean, actually, that could perfectly plausibly be his name, because this is Ace Attorney)

Bench

Hope you have fun reexperiencing case 5!

elyvorg

feels like there's something fishy about Susato's father falling ill for no apparent reason. I suspect either someone's trying to assassinate him too, or the whole thing's a hoax made up to get Susato away from England.

ghhhh, Gina signing the lawyer papers because it'll make them happy but then still insisting she doesn't need anyone to stick up for her, this poor lonely kid

Ryunosuke and Susato's goodbye-without-saying-goodbye gave me some Feelings... which suddenly made me terrified that what if this was the thing the friendshipping blog was excited about in game 2, that it was just about Ryunosuke and Susato reuniting and has nothing to do with Kazuma at all???? D: man, being "spoiled" for a thing you actively want to be true but in a way that has legitimate plausible deniability to it sure is an Experience. (in a good way, please continue not to confirm or deny anything!)

Bench

Glad you're having a good time!

elyvorg

i sure am having a Time

Live reactions: 1-5, trial

elyvorg

hmmm, vague memories are coming back, possibly these two weirdo thieves are the ones who steal the telegraph disc during the trial or something like you mentioned that one time? I will have to keep a close eye on them and see if I can spot it.

[[context: in an earlier conversation elsewhere, Bench had mentioned to me that TGAA makes great use of character animations during “the transferral of the music box disc” in this trial. I would otherwise have not remotely remembered that anything fishy happens involving the disc, but because of this, I was looking out for it.]]

Bench

Are you at the trial?

elyvorg

Yep! Just on the first testimony.

Bench

Alright! Good luck!

elyvorg

pretty sure I'm starting to recall Mr Egg-Face being the third brother of these two. They have the same silly pose! It's easy to miss, because he has a bunch of other silly poses, but it's there.

starting to see an answer something like: Gina picked up the victim's (empty) gun and locked the door because a guy had just been shot dead in front of her and she was scared, not for any other reason.

(I honestly have zero recollection of how we prove Gina didn't do it; this is all being re-deduced from scratch).

...okay, so we reached that conclusion quite quickly and there's way more to it than that, but.

Gregson's very desperate to not have the disk submitted as evidence. Does he know his name's encoded on it...?

no, probably not. Higher-ups' orders. Makes sense that the bigwigs might know it's something dodgy.

Ah! That isn't Sholmes's blood on the wall! I did notice that the bullet and blood were already there when we rushed into the shop during the incident, but I wasn't sure if that was an error or not. Seemingly not!

(but it's fair that Ryunosuke wouldn't have noticed it at the time, because it's not in a direction he would have looked)

Game, please. "It's impossible" versus "I can prove it!" is a false dichotomy. It can be perfectly possible (that there's a third bullet) without me having the evidence to prove it yet!

"These two statements clearly contradict... the idea that all I do is pit jurors against each other!" Pfft. The writers are having fun poking at the fact that half the time you're not even finding contradictions in these jury parts.

you know things are getting serious when van Zieks just

L E G

I know Eggert Benedict is a false name, but it really doesn't actually sound like one in the Ace Attorney universe. It made more sense for them to be instantly sure of that when it literally was just "Eggs Benedict" in the fan-translation.

I was all ready to assume the victim shot his killer first and that's the green blood on the wall, but if the two gunshots happened at the same time then that doesn't explain how the victim got shot in the back, huh.

AAAAA THE SAD KAZUMA THEME

Ryunosuke cried with happiness when Kazuma said he believed in him, awwww, I love these friends so much

(And I hope you're watching over me too... partner!)

my FEELINGS ;o;

please please please let the spoiler be right they're friends i just want them to be happy

your honour, I would like to present evidence of a connection between this witness and the two thugs, that evidence being, they have the same silly pose! Incontrovertible proof.

Bench

Heh.

elyvorg

...does Gregson really not remember that he walked in on Graydon pointing a gun at Ryunosuke?

awww, Gina admits to her perjury in court and then immediately asserts that Ryunosuke had nothing to do with it when the crowd starts yelling at him too, she's so good

OI i see you two whispering to each other in the background as Gina testifies!!!!

oh whoops I probably should have cross-examined the whole thing before pointing that out lol

I wonder if the music box sound that plays in the game was actually figured out in Japanese morse code and really does say what it's supposed to say

okay so my memory of the purpose of the disk was very fuzzy other than "it encodes something Super Top Secret And Important which was apparently this list of names", but now that we're getting into the juicy stuff about it, I am avidly trying to piece together what's going on so I can see if my assassination targets theory actually holds water in light of the facts

there's a second disk! he did seem to think there should have been "another one" back at the shop, didn't he?

Bench

: >

elyvorg

I think I finally just spotted the disk being, ah, transferred, in the background. Though I doubt that would have occurred to me to be what was going on if I hadn't been looking for it!

Bench

Pretty clever, huh?

elyvorg

That and the negotiating they were doing earlier, yeah! Neat use of the multiple witnesses system; I don't recall PL vs AA ever doing anything that sneaky with it.

sholmes why are you a bailiff

also how was his very distinctive hair not visible under the helmet until the reveal

bro maybe you don't wanna prance around so hammily when you're still seriously injured

okay so Susato galaxy-brained the peephole thing, but I don't entirely understand quite yet why she didn't just... not make a peephole at all so that Graydon couldn't testify to having seen anything through the door in the first place.

Bench

My thoughts are that she initially made the peephole to see what was inside the storeroom, then galaxy-brained things from there.

elyvorg

Yeah, that seems like it'd be a more logical initial reason to use it - of course you'd want to see what was going on in there.

other question, possibly rhetorical, don't answer if it's going to be answered in game because I'm still not quite done - how did Graydon know the peephole was added? He should have left the shop before that.

right, okay, that is going to be a key point. Somehow. Not sure how yet.

OH GREGSON TOLD HIM

THE SCAMP

Bench

>:3

elyvorg

right okay so I wasn't sure which direction the disk was being transferred in in that moment, but if it was a trade for information that could get Graydon off scot-free, then it stands to reason that Gregson received the disk, as in, the second one.

how the hell did Susato guess that Gregson would sell knowledge of the peephole to the real killer in the middle of court

if the Big Secret has actually been leaked overseas... how is that possible when nobody actually had their hands on both disks and the music box this entire time?

or perhaps it's just they're afraid that they might have been because they figured out someone had made them into disks?

oh, wait, no, okay, so he did just get literally given the disk while they were negotiating, and then he planted it on Nash during that one bit to hide it. Sneaky. Not sure how he was planning on getting it back later, but.

...well I guess he could have just got it back off Nash later in prison, since he's a criminal and all, duh.

Big Doubt on the claim that keeping this stuff secret is in the best interests of the country. The best interests of the country continuing to secretly do bad things, perhaps.

ooooh one of these Final Moments where I've got to figure out how to prove an entire-ass thing from scratch, including which thing I can even prove. And I don't remember this at all, happily!

okay so I've had a long Thunk and I'm still not really sure. My logic is I should probably go after Gregson, because if there's evidence that proves Graydon's either the killer or the mole, we'd already have it and have been able to present it a while ago, whereas this Gregson thing only just came out. Not sure what to present to Gregson though, other than... the Hound of the Baskervilles? mostly on the logic that it's still here in my Court Record and hasn't been relevant yet, and ummm, something something secrets that may involve Gregson somehow that shouldn't have been revealed but also one person knew about anyway???

am I right? Are we about to like, blackmail him in the middle of court or something

nnnnnope that's a failure dialogue

but I was right to pick Gregson, it seems!

do we just have to... play the disks???

i guess Gregson can't actually stop us now, can he

okay I think I way overthought this

"I will stop at nothing to protect my client! I don't care who I make an enemy of!" awwww Ryunosuke's so good

maybe I overthought this because I was already aware that the message on the disk was super obscure and the chances of anyone actually learning anything meaningful from it was practically zero, so it didn't really feel like blackmail

althooouuuugh. Gregson cut the playback off after a certain point, so maybe what would have come after would have been the extra-incriminating part, at least to anyone who understands Japanese morse code.

hmm I wonder if Graydon actually knows what's on the disk or not. He's good at ciphers, apparently, but does he know Japanese morse code? or, just Japanese at all?

heh, nice double breakdown!

hmmm yeah the message must have cut off and actually been way longer than we heard, it's really weird for McGilded to go this out of his way to buy a completely context-less list of names.

wait no, he'd sold McGilded lots of disk pairs before, this one was just the latest in a long line

dammit, give me a date! When was the government transmission that these disks in question contain a copy of!!! If it was after Wilson/Kazuma's deaths (and that's beginning to sound likely) then my assassination targets theory falls apart!

oh, I guess the two-gunshots thing wasn't weird, they just weren't as close together as Gina had made them sound

so what gets me is, if this particular secret transmission was from after Wilson and Kazuma's deaths, what's the point in having the names of a pair of dead guys on there? What's it for? Aaaaaghgh.

(and no, I don't think I can accept a theory in which Wilson is also not dead, dude was both poisoned and shot, he is very much a goner)

hm, so, as I'd begun to suspect, seems van Zieks's vague racism isn't just plain old racism but is because of an incident with a specific Japanese person he used to know. (I wonder if it's A. Shin?)

also ooh, is this going to be a Friends thing with van Zieks as well, because I'd be very down for that

seems like van Zieks's story will fit well into this theme of trust, too!

ghhhhh Ryunosuke of course Kazuma would be proud of you right now!!!!!

was it van Zieks's ex-friend who killed all of his not-guilty defendants, I wonder, and that's why he's so mad and quit prosecuting?

aww Gina, look at you trusting that van Zieks trusts you and won't have you murdered now

hhhhh Gina's genuinely never had any cause to thank anybody before in her life

nnnnnn Gina's genuine smile :3

(one thing I distinctly remember from my first time with this case was that I just knew they were going to do that Ace Attorney thing where the character who basically never smiles finally gives a genuine smile at the end of the case when you've saved them, and I was just itching for it to happen for the entire final conversation with her, and awwwww. Happy Gina is good Gina. ^o^)

okay I guess Susato didn't necessarily galaxy-brain the killer buying info about the peephole off of Gregson of all things, she just figured they might have noticed it somehow the next day and assumed it'd always been there

and yeah, definitely seems like she made it just to look in the room at first

hmmmm it occurs to me only now that the secret message could also have come from Japan, rather than being sent from Britain to Japan. not that that makes me any the wiser about what it means, but

(one day we are gonna have to tell Iris her dad was murdered D: )

iris you brought the CAT all the way to Dover to say goodbye that's dedication

yesssss the final objection, exactly like it always is for Phoenix!

SOSEKI BROUGHT KITTIES BACK TO JAPAN

(also I knew Wagahai was a female cat! they kept calling "him" a boy and I was like ???? is a calico tho)

aaa the extra credits with Ryunosuke following Kazuma through all the story's cases and then in case 2 Kazuma stops and goes offscreen and Susato shows up later with his sword, agh, why would you do this to me ;;

well that's game 1 fully replayed! It feels a lot better when I know I'm immediately going to jump into game 2 and see the answers to all these bajillion mysteries right away, rather than, like, literal years from now when I'll have forgotten most everything (which I sure had)

gonna start game 2 tomorrow I am hyyyyyype

Bench

Glad you had fun! Hope you have fun with Resolve, too!

[4ragon]

hm, if you're still accepting these, could you do an analysis of asougi from dgs? i finished the duology recently and. oops! all asougi brainworms. really interested in your opinion of him :0

Attention. This is a JJ PSA. If you have not played the DGS duology, do not read the following post. If you have played DGS but not DGS2, do not read this post. Really. Truly. It is almost entirely going to be spoilers for both games. If you decide to continue to read this post despite my many warnings to the contrary, I will arrive at your house, eat all your food, and then use your now empty fridge to destroy all the load bearing walls in your home, and you will be unable to press charges, since as we have established earlier, I have ✨✨Diplomatic Immunity✨✨.

…

Okay are they gone? Good. Let’s go.

So remember how I mentioned that DGS2 was the only game to keep me up at night because I was so anxious. Well this is it. This is why. That twist, that entire twist with Asougi, holy shit. Holy shit.

Like. Okay. Here’s the deal. I actually really liked him dying in DGS 1. Not in a “Oh I hated him, get him out of here” kind of way but in a “This is some goooooood angst” kind of way. Like it was senseless, it was unsatisfying, but that was part of why it hit so hard. He wasn’t murdered, it was an accident and one little accident destroys so much. It was painful and heartfelt. I still get emotional every time I hear Nocturn, it’s my favorite AA track of all time.

And then we get to Reveal Part 1. Honestly I had suspicions the first time I saw him hanging around. And I was like, “No. No, they wouldn’t do that. They wouldn’t take this deeply impactful moment from the game previous and cheapen it with a gotcha like this, right?”

AND THEY DID

And I was kind of frustrated. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy about Asougi being back. But I was also feeling annoyed. Like the most important part of the previous game was Asougi dying and Ryunosuke deciding to carry on his legacy. And it was heartfelt and painful and this sort of ruined that. And even now, I still feel that to some sort of extent.

And I was like, “Okay. Okay, this is the direction they’re going. And I have to live with that. But there’s no way they’re going to be able to make this twist impactful.”

AND GUESS WHAT. THEY DID IT AGAIN.

Reveal Part 2 hit so hard. It was the last thing I expected. They brought him back not just as a rival, but as a very real potential for being a big bad. There was that entire section where Sherlock was explaining what had happened on the boat and Asougi’s plan I’m sitting there thinking “Oh god. There’s really no way out for this, is there. There’s no way out. They brought him back and we’re already losing him. They brought him back and he was always a monster. They brought him back and he was going to FRAME RYU THE WHOLE TIME??? They brought him back and everything we knew was a lie???” And I was frantic, I was genuinely upset. He was Ryu’s friend! He was Susato’s friend! Had everything we’d been working toward in this game been built on lies?

It shook me! It genuinely shook me. It felt like genuine betrayal.

And they still managed to pull it off. They still brought it back around. The whole time I thought he was too far gone, and we still saved him.

Shit man, I love DGS2.

Characterwise, I just loved Asougi from day one. He was so sweet, this genuinely caring young man. He was like this perfect mix between Mia and Edgeworth. A bit of a rivalry, a bit of banter, genuine friendship, this steadying person who helps Ryu learn and grow and become a better person. Their friendship is wonderful and fun, and they care so much about each other that they were both willing to risk so much on day one. Their relationship just feels so real. They look up to each other and take care of each other and support each other. And they’re equals, working together for the same goal, unlike all the other dynamics like this. They’re just two college students stumbling their ways through life. I love that.

And Ryu looks up to Asougi so much. Asougi is what drives this plot forward, doing Asougi proud, doing what’s right. And I feel like Asougi always felt protective of the people around him, always trying to take care of them.

And then, you see the darkness in Asougi’s heart and not in a kingdom hearts way. Like, this idealization of Asougi is pulled back, and we realize he’s angry, and he’s vengeful, he’s hurting, and most importantly, he’s wrong. He thinks what he’s doing is just and right, but he’s wrong. He’s a good man with a heart of gold, and he lets his anger get the better of him anyway, enough to fester and start hurting not just him, not just the people he hates, but the people who love him too. And suddenly, it’s no longer Asougi having to save and protect the people around him, it’s Ryu having to save him and protect him from himself. Like holy shit. That’s so cool. That’s such a good twist. It’s so good. Shit. Fuck. Man I don’t know if I can even articulate just how much I loved it. 

Hey. Hey you. Person whose house I need to break the loadbearing walls of. Play DGS. Play DGS2. It’s so good.

[sinner-as-saint]

Okay but hc on Cherry!Mob!Seb fucking reader up after catching her on another man in the club- feed me this content, I beg (love you btw)

Cherry p1

Hmm, interesting because someone else also requested a part 2 to Cherry.

Mkay, here we go...

So

The mob boss would often go out of town for a couple of days

But then he always came back to you, for you rather

But this time, it had been 2 whole weeks and there was still no sign of him

You were a little worried at first, given the nature of his job.

But then the worry turned into annoyance and finally anger by the end of the second week.

He was clearly fine and well, probably having the time of his life with other women

So sulking over his departure was a waste of time.

You taught yourself to move on.

Sure, without his huge amounts of money, you earned much less every day

But it was still better than nothing

You had gained new clients, a couple of regulars too

One night, you were doing what you do best; performing for a very loaded man who showered you with money bills

The man even gave you his gold chain at some point; with his initials on it

Good thing you weren't wearing the collar given by Sebastian

And speaking of the devil...

Once you threw a quick glance around the dark room; you saw him immediately

Surrounded by his guards, hands in his pockets, dressed in a dark suit

Sebastian

His blue eyes glared at you

And just to fuel his very visible anger and discomfort, you moved even sinfully across the man's lap

Your scandalous outfit was perfect as well.

It showed just enough of your body to grab anyone's attention

And your actions clearly angered the mob boss even more

He knew you saw him, so all he did was point towards the private rooms and walked into that section of the club

He knew that sooner or later, you'd follow and join him eventually

And you did, after purposely keeping him waiting for quite a while

"Oh look who's here. What happened, you lost your way?" you sassed.

He kept quiet as he sipped on his liquor; sat on the dark red couch like it was his throne.

He studied your appearance

Your white lacy lingerie

Your excuse of a see-through cover up

Your slightly smudged dark lipstick

The golden chain around your neck, replacing the very expensive diamond collar he had given you a while ago; with his last name on it

But the thing he hated the most, was the bundle of cash tucked into the waistband of your thong

And you were disrespectful enough to show it off

He clenched his jaw as his eyes roamed your body

He had missed you

And he even hurried his way back, eager to find you and have you on his lap while he finally touched you and told you about the time he'd been gone

But no

He return to find that his girl defied him.

"Come here" he simply said, authority dripping from his words

You approached him, thinking he would just be a bitch about what he saw earlier but then he would finally give in

But no

Oh no

The mob boss was furious

He pulled you into his lap and gripped your jaw

"Get your hands off me!" you slapped his hand away

But he placed them back, gripping your face harder this time; it hurt just a little

"Why are you being like this? What the fuck were you doing just now, outside?"

You almost laughed

"My fucking job! Now go get fucked somewhere else!" you were mad too, but under your anger was hidden hurt

You could've sworn you heard him growl the moment you tried get off his lap

Ans within a second he had you pinned down on the couch

He held you by the throat gently

"You will not disrespect me like that, babygirl" he dared to move

You chuckled

"Or what huh? I have nothing to lose, Sebastian. I'm just a whore to you anyways." you sounded as though you were questioning his power

And he hated that, amongst others things

"Just a whore huh? Well, let me show you how I treat one," he'd whisper before going absolutely crazy

He'd tear off your lingerie in less than a few seconds

And you'd let him

You had missed him too, truth is you'd take whatever he'd give you

But he did go a little over the limit

I'm thinking Sebastian would just not care

He'd be degrading

To a point where it hurt

"I was stupid to even give you my attention! Should've left you out there, to be used like a whore"

He spoke while he separated your legs and settled in between them

He was quick to push himself in you, not even bothering about your whimpers

"I was stupid to put you on a fucking pedestal and call you mine. But I leave for a couple days and you get back to where you truly belong. Guess whores never learn, huh?"

He wanted to push your limits; physically and mentally.

He knew his words hurt, but he wanted you to feel how he felt when he walked in to find you on someone else's lap

You whimpered as he filled you up, he didn't give you time to adjust to his size; he just started rocking his hips against yours

You moaned at how good he felt, but then he quickened his pace

He was relentless

"You'll do anything for money, huh? Tell me, did he fuck you like this as well? Did you let him?"

He asked as he merciless pounded into you, pinning your wrists above your head

He grabbed the golden you wore and yanked it off your head, throwing it somewhere on the ground.

You moaned out loud, struggling to keep your eyes open as it started to water

You weren't sure if it was out of pleasure or because of his choice of words

At some point, he'd pull out, turn you around, pull your hips up before pushing into you again from the back

You'd whimper at the intensity of his thrust

"Aww, what is it? You can't take my cock? But isn't that what whores do? Fucking shut up and take it then!"

He'd keep going

You'd cry out his name as the pressure would built in between your legs

"You asked for this, well then fucking take it! What else is a whore good for, huh?"

You felt the tears fall, at the same time your body betrayed you and you came all over his cock.

He grunted as he felt your walls clench around him, milking him perfectly as he came right after you did

Sebastian pulled out and pulled your naked body onto his lap

You had missed his warmth so you instantly clinged to him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pushing your face into his neck

You let the tears fall, and sniffled at they did

Sebastian's heart broke

He had been rougher than usual, and rude... He knew that

Sure, he had been angry and rude but he was the only safe place you knew. Or had.

He regretted everything he told you

He was ashamed aa he stroked your bare back gently

"Baby?"

You didn't respond, instead you sniffled again

"Baby, I'm so sorry" he spoke again, his voice a stark contrast to what it was just a minute ago

"You're mean" you finally spoke, voice strained and tired

You sobbed softly, still holding him tightly.

His heart broke a little more. Once he was done, you could've easily left, but you didn't

You stayed because you had no one else, and you needed to be held and taken care of.

"I'm sorry baby, i know i was rude and bad. But it's only because i thought you wouldn't be mine ever again. And I couldn't live with that" he explained.

You sniffled again.

"Still. You were so mean" you spoke, pulling away to look at him with tears in your eyes.

He wiped your tears away and pulled you into him

"I'll make it up to you, I promise. Will you please forgive me, baby"

"No" you simply said, avoiding his blue eyes.

He sighed, knowing you'd come around.

He put his suit jacket around you and carried you out of the club through the back door and into his car.

He sat you down gently and drove as fast as he could.

The silence was heavy, but not unpleasant

"I didn't wanna do it" you said, leaning against the window

He was confused

"Do what?" he asked

You wiped some more tears away and took a deep breath.

"I didn't want to perform for the man. But I'm running out of money, and I have to pay this month's rent or my landlord will kick me out."

You finally confessed

"You could've just told me that, Y/N" he said, sounding more caring than you wanted him to.

You almost chuckled through the pain

"You were gone for a week, Sebastian. Besides, that's my problem, not yours." you made it clear.

But he didn't like that.

He stopped the car abruptly.

"You are mine! All your troubles are mine, okay? You don't have to worry anyways, you're never going back to work in that club"

You knew that possessive tone, and it only entailed surprises.

"What do you mean?" you questioned further

"I'm buying it. You can run it." he spoke as if it were nothing at all.

You were shocked.

"Seb, what-"

He cut you off.

"You heard what i said, baby"

"But why?"

"Because i want you all to myself. I want you to be with me."

You scoffed.

"This is how you ask girls out?"

He looked at you and smiled.

"Not girls, just you." He caressed your tear stained cheek lazily.

After talking about it, after he constantly apologized for his previous behavior and a few playful banters later, he started the car again.

"Where are we going?" you asked

"Home." he replied.

"Your home?"

"Our home." he corrected you. And you almost cried again.

"Why? Haven't you had your fill?" you teased.

"I have. But every king needs his queen by his side. And I need you. I'll keep you safe and happy. Forever."

a/n: *sobs* y'all-

Everything tag list:

@charmed-asylum

@ravenmoore14

@stangirl-fangirl264

@xbuckxnastyx

@qrndevans

@starkerhowlter

@fafulous

@smolandrare-coffee-bean

@alexxcorona113

@heartislubbingdubbing

@buggy-blogs

@livsheph

@tt-nikithakppr

@chowder200

@curlyhairedandconfused

@beckloves

@inez-lannister-stark-martell

@amantedelcalcio

@reniescarlett

@rocknrollsinner

@siriusjohnpotter

@scarygoodgirl

@ladymidnightt

@the-illusion-of-a-kiss

@unlikelycandylove

@fentybucky

@marshyrebelcloud

@talk-geek-to-me

@antisocialvscovibes

@tasteslikeblueberries

@the-jer-bear

@aynaraxas

@dreams-in-blxck

@socksracoon10

@moony-tonks-lupin

@anncutamarica

[mono-dot-jpeg]

hair scenarios w/ t. satori, n. yuu, k. tetsuro, and b. koutarou

a/n: to put it simply: author is simping for these boys especially when their hair is down and is writing scenarios about it because tiktok inspired said author, or author is fully self indulging with their power to write fanfics

tendou satori

It's after practice and you went to Tendou's house to visit the male. You were his s/o after all. Though you weren't the most interested in volleyball, you fully supported him and what he does. You were quite similar to his friend Ushijima while you seemed pretentious and prideful, you were actually just quiet and rather oblivious at times because you couldn't read people (and certain jokes) as well as others could. Tendou finds your obliviousness adorable and messes with you often because of it.

Anyways, you head over to Tendou's house, getting greeted with said male hugging you within seconds. Despite how gross and sweaty he was at the moment, you hug him back before scolding him to go take a shower. After he finishes his shower, you're pretty much waiting in his room as he walks in, hair down and with no shirt on. You're more surprised to see his hair down than to see him without a shirt (you somehow manage to ignore his toned body everytime he takes his shirt off in front of you).

"Your hair looks nice down." You mutter to him, taking the towel around his neck to help dry his hair. He's already basking in the attention you're giving him. His eyes soft as he looks at you with love in his eyes, his hands travel down to your waist and he tugs you closer to him. Your hands mindlessly brush through his damp hair, the smell of his shampoo is still strong but you kind of like it.

"Should I keep it down more often?" He asked, his eyes still focused on every detail of your face as he tilts his head slightly.

"You look good in whatever." You said softly. He was rather content with that answer, moving closer to you to rub his face on your shoulder. Your hands stop threading through his hair while he rests his head against your shoulder.

"Ahhhhh, you're so cute!" He cooed as he quickly moved his head back to squish your face between his hands. "So by whatever...do you really mean whatever?" You blink at him, confused by his question.

"Hm? What else was my compliment supposed to mean?" He wants to answer honestly but god, he loves the innocent look on your face when he confuses you.

"Don't worry about it!" He has a cheeky smile on his face as he continues to squish your face and admire the smile that starts to grow on it.

nishinoya yuu

It was a long practice today, Noya has his fun constantly reciving all the balls that were sent his way and learning more and more techniques but all in all, he misses you. He wanted to take a long nap and cuddle you like a teddy bear. You walked home with him as you usually helped Kiyoko out with managerial duties and was basically an assistant for the 3rd year.

Noya wasted no time in going to shower as he was excited to just have you in his arms. While he was energetic, you almost seemed like his opposite but that was far from the truth. Behind closed doors or around close friends, you were like an excited puppy or a curious bunny. You followed the 3rd years around often as you looked up to them. Suga had realized this and of course, he had a soft spot for you. Noya loved your energy and how you got along so well with everyone. You were quiet and yet your energy showed no bounds when you had a task to do (or when you're around Noya and Hinata).

Anyways, Noya is done with his shower, the smell of his shampoo and body wash already taking over his room as he walks in. His shirt is damp slightly with a towel wrapped around his neck and of course, his hair is down. You immediately latch onto him and talk about it.

"Yuu, you look so cute with your hair down!" Your hands brush through his hair, making the male smile as he chuckled. You're over here gushing over how cute he looked while the male merely watches you fondly. People would definitely see that he was totally in love with you.

"You're really cute when you get so excited, you know that babe?" He comments. You stop gushing over him as you felt your cheeks heat up at the comment. He could feel himself fall for you again.

"A-ah.." You stutter, pressing your hands on your cheeks to cool them off. He laughs while placing his hands over yours. He can feel the warmth of your face seep through your hands.

"Maybe I should keep my hair down if you get this cute everytime I do." He pressed his forehead against yours, his breath tickling your face as you squirm at the slight sensation.

"You look good any way, hair down or not." This time he gushed over you. And also the next day later he had surprised everyone with his un-gelled hair.

kuroo tetsuro

Now funny enough, this scenario did not happen after practice but it happened when you (read: tetsu) decided (read: forced you) to sleep over at his place. You two had yet to really have a proper date aas he was busy with volleyball and you were busy with your own studies and club.

You were rather similar to the male (and also to Kenma's slight discontent). You often came off as flirty and liked to provoke others (when you were allowed to at least). But also you were a nerd like he was. Logical and strategic, he often came to you to ask you about his performance in games. The Nekoma team often referred you as the manager but in reality, you just hang out with them often.

Kuroo had finished his shower as you had just finished changing into your pajamas. He immediately went to you, hugging you from behind and resting his head on top of yours.

"Oya oya...you look hot in my jersey, you should wear it more often." Kuroo hummed. You looked at him through the mirror that stood across from you. He had given you an extra jersey of his for you to wear during games because let's be real, he wants everyone to know you're his.

"You've said that before, don't act slick." You laughed a bit as your hands rest over his. You notice the lack of height in his hair.

"But it's true. You look nice in it."

"The Kuroo Tetsuro stands before me and he has his hair down?" You said over dramatically as you turn around to face the male. Kuroo laughed at how dramatic you were before resting his forehead against yours. His eyes staring into you as he smirks.

"And what about it?"

"You look sexy." You were definitely shameless like he was but he liked that about you.

"Don't I always?"

"Well, yes but don't get a big head over it." He breathed out a laugh as he rubs his nose against your cheek, softly kissing your face. He moved back to look at you.

"Well, should I keep my hair like this? Or try to?" He joked, fully knowing that his bed head hair would come back once he fell asleep.

"I like you for you, dumbass. Bed head or not." You wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling as you look at him.

bokuto koutarou

Anyways. You arrive and of course he greets you loudly with a hug. You almost fall onto the ground if not for Bokuto's reflexes. He's already dragging you to his room. You notice how his hair was still up, asking him if he had taken a shower yet. After realizing that, he went to take a shower leaving you wait for him.

The ever so excitable male had finally finished whatever he had to do and you had went to visit him at the right time. He was always happy to see you and of course you were happy to see him.

While he was excitable, you were pretty much like Akaashi. It did make sense as you were Akaashi's older sibling after all. Your brother never understood what you see in the loud male but he didn't care. As long as you were happy and not in the wrong hands, he was happy.

Usually he would take a much longer time for him to get out of the shower (only because he would be doing his hair), but he had come out with his hair down for once. Your eyes widened in surprise as you looked at him. He looks back at you, tilting his head in confusion at your reaction.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Your hair looks so nice when it's down." You comment bluntly as you brush your fingers through his hair. "I like it." You have a small smile on your face as you feel his soft hair between your fingers.

He already has a large grin on his face as he looks at you with fond eyes. "Does it really look nice when it's down? Maybe I should have it down more often!"

"I like you for you, Koutarou. Do as you please. I'll love you either way." He can feel warmth crawling up his cheeks as you talk.

He hugged you tightly as he rambled about how much he loved you and how lucky he was to have you.

[spaceskam]

a little follow up to this for @skrtl ❤️️

ao3

warning: literally just talking about mental health

Michael watched Alex through the open door of the bathroom.

As mentally drained as he felt, Alex’s bed was his sanctuary and watching him get ready from the safety of it was something too lovely to apply words too. It replaced all the bad thoughts in his mind if only for a moment.

Things between them were slow moving, but he didn’t mind. Alex was still going to therapy and Michael had decided to do the next best thing with joining AA and a queer support group. He had to hide some truths, but talking about things even in a slightly altered way helped. 

Maybe he couldn’t talk about Max dying, but he could talk about the shed. Maybe he couldn’t talk about being an alien, but he could talk about being different and having to hide. He could talk about being exposed to drugs and alcohol at a young age and using them to numb his mind to the abuse, even if he couldn’t be specific by saying acetone. He hadn’t even realized how fucked up he still was over his childhood until he had to talk about it.

Alex was proud of him though. That was nice.

Alex moved towards the bed slowly, leaning heavily on his crutches with the weight of the bullshit on his mind. Today was his first day back to work because apparently even a mental break could be swept under Uncle Sam’s stripes-and-stars rug if he needed you enough. And Alex was needed.

“Show me you can handle it,” his superior had said, “And we’ll talk about a promotion.” Even Michael couldn’t deny that Major Alexander Manes had a nice ring to it.

Michael made space for Alex to fall into bed and felt a smile tug at his lips as Alex fell face forward into the pillow. His eyes dragged over Alex’s bare back and visibly saw his muscles relaxing out of sheer force of will. The dip of his back led to the hem of slightly-tattered Air Force sweats that he hadn’t even bothered to tie off beneath his leg. Cautiously, Michael reached out and tucked his hair behind his ear, revealing Alex’s eye that was peeking out from the pillow.

“Hi,” Michael said, voice hoarse for no reason. He cleared his throat and Alex shifted slightly to face him.

“Hi,” he said back, “How was your day?”

“Long.”

“Same.”

Michael ran his fingers through his hair again, trying to get his fix of feeling it because he knew he would probably be forced to get it all chopped off soon. Alex yawned, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. When his eyes watered in response, Michael wiped those not-quite tears away too.

“How was it?” Michael asked, eager to hear more. The one thing they both were having to work on was not only making sure they themselves talked, but making sure the other person talked. Sometimes it seemed like poking a bear, but it was always worth it. Communication was key or some shit.

“Well, most of it was the Colonel making me follow him around all day. He basically wants to babysit me until he’s sure I can handle it or whatever,” Alex explained. Michael furrowed his eyebrows.

“But didn’t the General say you were good to go?” Michael asked. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, but there’s talk that I only passed the psych eval because he pulled some strings. Which isn’t that much of a stretch, I get it. But I’d rather not be babysat,” he said. Michael understood that more than a little.

“Tell him to fuck off.”

Alex huffed a laugh, “Guerin, he’s my superior, I can’t do that.”

“See, this is why I could never be in the military,” Michael stated. Alex shook his head.

“There’s a lot of reasons why a lot of people couldn’t or shouldn’t join the military. I mean, the whole system is fucked so that’s why we have people that shouldn’t be there, but I’m lucky. I’m in a position where my worst situation is being babysat by some white guy who thinks he’s better than me,” Alex said, shrugging slightly, “Could be worse.”

“I guess,” Michael sighed, “I just still don’t get why they want you to stick around so bad.” Alex gave him a small smile and then tapped his temple.

“Got my dad’s secrets and the General knows that,” he said softly, “There’s a good chance if I try to get out, something bad would happen to make sure I keep my mouth shut.”

Michael’s stomach dropped and his body tensed. Alex had said the words so nonchalantly, but they didn’t feel nonchalant.

“Alex, that’s not funny.”

“It wasn’t a joke,” Alex huffed a laugh despite it not being funny, “Wouldn’t be the first guy to mysteriously go missing because they knew too much.”

Michael kept staring at him and tried to find the best way to explain how much destruction he would cause if that happened. It did, however, successfully distract him from his own personal stress of the day. Alex disappearing was the most terrifying thing in the world. Especially now when they were getting better. 

“Okay, throwing that topic away, I’m not being serious,” Alex said, but Michael could hear that it was nothing more than a comforting lie. Still, he let Alex scoot closer and tap him on the nose to lighten the mood. “Tell me about your day.”

“Um,” Michael said, trying to think about anything but the shitty situation Alex was stuck in, “I was talking to, uh, my sponsor at AA and she asked if I wanted to come to this all boy’s group home and talk.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, when I said that I didn’t really have a success story to tell, she said was like, ‘what the fuck are you talking about, you have a job and a place to live, that’s a success story’ and, I don’t know, made me feel weird,” Michael admitted. Alex smiled.

“I don’t know her, but I like her,” he said. Michael rolled his eyes, but his smile matched Alex’s.

“Yeah, she was saying it would also probably help me because those kids get what I went through specifically,” he said, “I just feel stupid for having so many different issues that need so many specific things.”

“I get that, I felt like that too,” Alex explained, “My therapist back when I was admitted said that they tend to go hand in hand, though, which is just a shitty thing that happens. Like it’s all your life and so things are going to be intertwined and so if one big bad thing happens, there’s probably something else that’s bad that fucks you up that only happened because of the bad thing that happened before. It’s a big cycle that you have to break even if you didn’t start it.”

“So basically I’m fucked.”

“No,” Alex laughed, “We just got dealt shitty hands, but we’re not alone in it. You’re not the only person that has dealt with all of these things. Statistically impossible.”

“I’m probably the only one who dealt with all of those things while also being an alien.”

“You don’t know that either,” Alex said boldly. Michael took a deep breath and nodded.

“So what I’m hearing is you think I should go talk to those kids,” Michael said. Alex nodded with that sweet little smile.

“It’d be good for you.”

“Maybe,” Michael agreed, staring at him for a few seconds longer. He was so pretty. “Positive thing. Go.”

Alex snorted and rolled his eyes, but scooted closer because he could. They were almost nose to nose. For a moment, Michael thought about kissing him. Then he quickly threw that thought in the trash because they still had a long way to go before they did something more than just sharing a bed for comfort.

“Um,” Alex hummed, his fingers reaching out and tapping a little rhythm against Michael’s hip over the blanket, “Oh, you know what, Kyle and Forrest brought me lunch. Did you know they’re, like, weirdly good friends now? Anyway, it was from that new sushi place downtown. It was pretty good, we’ll have to go there sometime.”

“Yeah, we should,” Michael agreed even though he never really had sushi before with the exception of that one time Isobel force fed him sushi and he threw it up in the parking lot of the Wild Pony. But he would eat sushi again if Alex liked it.

“Your turn, positive thing.”

“Uh,” he said, taking a deep breath, “I don’t know. Does that one lady who comes all the time because she drives for Uber and always brings me coffee coming with coffee count?”

“Did it make you happy?”

“Yeah.”

“Then of course it counts.”

“Okay, then her.”

“Was it good coffee?” Alex prodded. Michael offered a little laugh.

“Yeah, it was good,” he said. Alex hummed sweetly, leaning in just a bit to bump their noses together which gave Michael more dopamine than he could actually comprehend. “But I think my main positive thing is right now, being with you.” Alex rolled his eyes. “I’m serious.”

“You keep complimenting me and I might start thinking you like me,” Alex teased. Michael laughed softly and just smiled at this man who he really didn’t feel like he deserved. Which, in itself, was a problem. He did deserve Alex. As long as he was trying to get better and be better for him, he deserved him. Thinking he didn’t would only lead to bad things. “We need to go to sleep, I’ve gotta get up early.”

“Okay,” Michael complied, still feeling much better than he had for most of the day just being with him.

Alex moved up to kiss his forehead and Michael flicked off the lights with his telekinesis.

“Goodnight, Alex.”

“Goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah,” Michael agreed, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

And, still, he pulled him close and held him until he could fall asleep.

[chidoririi]

home is wherever you are

short sasusaku snippet of when sasuke returns to konoha. 

also available at: AO3

—

He’s home, he’s home, he’s home, he’s home. These two words, her mind seemed to repeat like a litany. Her patient back at the hospital, the little girl she intended to visit at the clinic, Naruto and his impending proposal to Hinata, all of these previous thoughts evanesced as she tried to digest the words her mind was keen to repeat.

Home? Was that even the correct word for what Sasuke thought of Konoha? She would not be surprised if it was anything but.

Excitement filled her to the brim at seeing his lithe figure walking towards the Hokage tower. Even from a distance, he never fails to provoke a reaction for her and yet, and yet—is he home for good? With excitement came the familiar sense of dread and heartache. But she can’t help but also hope. Because isn’t that what mattered? After she and Naruto dedicated their adolescent years to bring him back, wasn’t this enough?

Thousands of questions race through Sakura’s mind. Too many, she thought she might get a headache. Should I greet him? Does he need his space still?

Would he have gone to see me?

Then her breath hitches. Sasuke tilted his head towards her direction, and onyx met jade.

It has been two years since she has seen him. His form looked a little more filled up, she noted, as compared to his thin figure before he left. His arms had formed muscles that were somehow evident, even with his get-up.

Oh, but his face, it was as beautiful as ever. Except—his eyes looked different. There was less hate in the pools of black he had. Instead, it was replaced with, dare she say it—at peace? Serene, maybe, was what she would describe him now, but still him. But still her Sasuke-kun. The one she saw tiny glimpses of when they were genin.

(It was years before he admitted to her that he looked serene, only because he caught sight of her.)

It felt like forever, but it was only a few seconds before he changed his course, and oh god, he’s walking towards my direction! Sakura momentarily panicked, their eyes never leaving each other. A ghost of a smirk was displayed on Sasuke’s face that anyone who didn’t know him well would miss. And she likes to believe she did know him. (She does. Of course, she does. He’ll always be Sasuke-kun to her. Always.)

With that, she felt her face relax and her mouth quirk upward as he continued his languid stride to where she was at.

“Sakura.”

And oh, the way he says her name. She would never tire of how it rolls of his tongue like it her name existed for the sole purpose of him saying it. A few moments passed before she realized she had not replied. He raised one of his eyebrows inquisitively.

“Sasuke-kun.”

Was it just her, or did that sound a little breathless?

She cleared her throat and tried again, “Sasuke-kun,” Not too formal, not too friendly. Just right. Just perfect. “You’re back.”

She has nothing else to say but this, but of course, Sasuke sees through the hidden meaning of the statement. For how long? was what she could not bring herself to ask. She didn’t know if she could bear seeing his back, seeing the Uchiha crest imprinted on it as he once again leaves the gates of Konoha, leaving her. (But that’s a lie, she knows. She’d wait for him even if it took forever for him to come back.)

No, she thinks. She’s seen enough of that in her lifetime. The next time, she swears, I’ll come with him. She promises that she will not allow him to leave her. Not again. Never again.

“Tadaima, Sakura.”

There it was again. Her name and the way he says it oh so perfectly, paired with the most beautiful words she has ever come to know. Tadaima.

All her previous doubts and questions disappeared from her mind. Nothing but thoughts of the man in front of her. Her shoulders that she did not know were tense, relaxed. She flutters her eyes close and allowed herself to smile.

Hot liquid ran down her face. She was crying, oh god. She couldn’t help it. Of course, she was crying. How could she not?

She laughs shakily, attempting to wipe the tears with the sleeve of her lab coat. Will she ever stop looking weak in front of Sasuke? Will she ever stop shedding tears for this boy, no, this man in front of her?

But Sasuke didn’t comment on the tears that left her eyes. Instead, she feels something warm make contact with her cheek. He was wiping her tears away with his thumb. A feather-light touch that was barely there but was still there. And she could feel it. She feels more tears form.

“Don’t cry,” He whispers, a little hoarsely, she would say. She didn’t want to delude herself, but she wanted to believe she was affecting him in some way also. That it just wasn’t her who was constantly feeling. He could feel, too. She affected him.

She drove the thoughts away. None of that should concern her. Not now, when all she could feel was an overwhelming joy at his return. She would not let her insecurities get the better of her. Right now, Sasuke was here. Sasuke was home. With her.

Watery eyes met with his once more. She smiled, eyes crinkling.

“Okaeri, Sasuke-kun,” She said with all the love and warmth she could muster.

(At this moment, Sasuke swore she was like the sun radiating warmth, thawing the ices on cold winter day.)

“Aa,” he replies.

After two years—no, certainly it was more than that—Sasuke is finally home.

[shayprose]

On Sobriety, my Quiet Place, and the Sliver

It’s difficult to wrap my mind around where I am now. Not the physical — my body is in Somerville, MA. That’s easy. I’m talking about the bits in between where my body is and where my mind drifts; the emotional and the spiritual, the elusive two states that are hardest to describe.

I’m sober, you see, and with that comes the immensity of where I was. You can’t think of one without the other, and the shoe that drops on the other side of sobriety is — well, it’s a topic that sells sad artists a lot of albums. The little golden medallion I carry around with me to signify that I’ve made it through a year of “recovery” is so heavy in my pocket because of its significance. It’s a little metallic tomb full of memories made manifest of a very, very dark time.

But if I’m practicing radical honesty, then it — “it” — is actually the pinnacle of so many other things, so many other memories, all interwoven into one point. The threads of a long life of good things and bad things, all culminating in the reason I carry that medallion around with me, despite its heft.

It all started when the quiet place I used to go to, deep inside myself, the safe place with all of its carefully hewn comforts, where pleasant memories and dreams were the wallpaper and the rosewood floors, was destroyed in a 9-alarm fire called addiction. And I miss it there, so, so much.

This thought dump is rambling already, but bear with me. I suppose the nature of what I’m saying is the rambling point I’m trying to make: so much of my days now are made up of trying to grapple onto the thoughts that started spiraling around me like a hurricane when I let myself black out every night. Rambling is par for the course.

Right before I tipped over the edge, after a night (or an afternoon) of drinking, I remember thinking every so often, “Self, you’re really fucking up, my dude,” and having the actual sensation that my mind was melting. It was a vibration that ran through my face, surged through my brain, and then ricocheted down into my outer extremities. A few times, that shockwave made me panic and I filled up my Google search with things like, “Effects of alcoholism on the brain,” and “Can I lose my mind from alcohol?”

Scary stuff, right? I think the scariest thing, though, is that after a while, I stopped Googling those things. It didn’t really matter anymore, after all — neurodegeneration was, according to my 2 a.m. panic-laden internet searching, impossible to reverse, so fuck it, right? Black out, self. Go for it. Let it all fall away, and if you remember anything from the night before, well, try harder to forget next time. The recipe can always be tweaked, after all! Don’t stop at three shots after your four martinis. Add a fourth, and chase it with a Truly. Add a beer if it’s a work night — they fill you up so you don’t have to eat dinner.

The quiet place was still accessible in those early days of my downward spiral, to some degree, fragmented though it was. And then, it wasn’t.

The most painful part of my shredded humanity, I think, was when I tried one day to make the journey to my quiet place, through meditation and soft music, and I stumbled over the corpses of the things that I sacrificed for him. There was Dignity, her face bruised and slapped around, still beautiful in death. Over there was Desire, who held all of my dreams on his back, now reduced to a crumpled-up heap on the floor, barely recognizable anymore. The hardest body to see was Hope, whose glowing effulgence used to be the light that powered my quiet place, her soft illumination the fuel for all the pretty candles that lit up the darkness. Her light was snuffed out completely in death.

And so, my light was dimmed in life.

When I finally waded through the mistakes and the tragedies, I arrived at a place I called home for so many years, the place inside myself I built through all of my childhood traumas, to find the windows shattered, the garden ransacked, the curtains torn. Every square inch of my safe haven was hollowed out. In November, 2019, the last time I tried to go there before I let it go completely, I remember thinking, “You did your best, and it wasn’t good enough. You’re free.”

I had woken up at 3 a.m. to make sure he was safe, and when I saw that he wasn’t, I drowned the terror in half a handle of gin. The next morning, when I got to work, I started packing my desk because I didn’t want anyone else to have to deal with it. A few cigarettes, a few pills, a few coffees later, I unpacked my desk, went to a few meetings, and then purposefully forgot the way back to my quiet place.

In therapy, I learned that something like my “quiet place” is a very real trauma response folks can develop. My therapist explained that I was wise beyond my years to have taken so much pain in my childhood and translated it into a lighthouse, where I could always go if I needed to escape. “It’s healthy,” he said, “to know that you are safe inside yourself. What changed?”

What indeed. Before I started writing this, I took a trip through the pages of this old tumblr and remembered where I used to be then, emotionally and spiritually, and the difference seems to be that back then, when I thought I was giving myself wholly to whatever mission I was on, I still held back just enough to keep the quiet place alive. A sliver of my mind was always tethering me to safety, and I think I knew that. I took comfort in that. It was me remembering to spare some energy to keep my own lights on. Good job, me.

There’s no sense in trying to rationalize addiction, and that’s not what I was doing when I flipped through these pages — people spend their entire careers trying to decipher the origins of that disease, and I’m not going to crack the code by rereading a young adult’s foibles. However, I do think there’s something important in the work of sifting through the examples I’ve left behind for myself. To maybe see where the path I walked so carefully through life became so twisted.

The sliver I mentioned before, the place in my mind that tethered me to safety, took a risk. He reached out a hand to someone who said they needed me, and in a state of perfect trust, I allowed him to free fall. After all, who’s wouldn’t after hearing these things?

“I will always love you. It’s just you and me now. Don’t worry; I got you.”

A running leap over a cliff, and then

“This terrible thing is part of me. I understand if you want to leave, but I can’t stop crying. Do you want to leave me?”

eyes closed,

“It’s not your turn right now — I love him, too — but someday, I’ll give you what you need. I love you.”

I let myself fall.

“I tried to kill myself — it was all set up, and I was ready. But your face is what stopped me. I didn’t because of you. I need you.”

I knew I shouldn’t have jumped, but

“I promise I’m trying to get better. Therapy just doesn’t work for me; meetings just don’t work for me. But I’ll do it for you.”

if I could help someone, someone who needed me,

“I told you I’m working on it. If you don’t believe me, then you are hurting me, and hurting me will just lead me back to the darkness. Don’t hurt me.”

then who cares if I get hurt.

“They don’t love you like I do. Let’s go get breakfast, and I’ll teach you how to take care of yourself.”

I fell. That sliver, that tether, fell farther and farther, until I couldn’t see him anymore. He was weighed down by all of the affirmations, all the promises of love and safety, all the hollow words. And the cruelest:

“This is a risk for me, too, but that’s why it’s so important that we do this together; no one else understands.”

Without that tether, without the quiet place, I was numb. And I liked being numb. I kept adjusting the recipe to be number longer, and that was how I lived.

So much of AA is about putting yourself into the shoes of your peers who are going through the same thing. Everyone has a story like mine. They might not think about it the way I do, with personification and magic, but their stories all have a similar energy to them, which is accompanied by a familiar far-away look in their eyes. Every story also has something that ties us all together —

— when all of us felt a spark. A tiny mote of light that flickers behind our eyes and tells us that there’s another path, less twisty and less dark, where we can take a deep breath, if we’ll just follow it. A moment when the free fall stops, even for a second.

Mine came when I woke up next to him one morning, the day after I sobbed my way home on a bus from NYC. We had gotten too drunk at a bottomless brunch, and we went to another bar (probably at my pressuring). I spilled a martini, I fell off my stool, we left, and then the memory becomes hazier. We fucked in our hotel room? We ran through Manhattan to the bus terminal? We almost missed it? My memory picks back up with me weeping because I was confused. Where are we? What are we doing? Please don’t be mad at me — I hate me, too. Will you marry me? Please? When is your next trip? Will you please be safe? Will you be safer if we’re married? I’ll protect you. Just think about me. Am I enough?

My spark ignited. The day after that trip, I looked down at him and, as if I were waking up from a nightmare, I thought, “You will never change. But I can. And fuck you.”

As I climbed out of bed that day, my brain fried from my hangover, I grabbed my phone and sent a message to a friend who had gotten sober the year before. He told me we could get coffee so I could ask him questions. I went. That’s when he told me about a meeting he was chairing. “Come,” he said. “It’ll be easier to explain if you just see it for yourself.”

So I did. My nightmare came with me, supported my decision, held my hand, and while I was watching my friend chair the meeting, as I listened to the stories of everyone in that church basement, I realized I wouldn’t be whole, I wouldn’t be safe, unless I didn’t need that hand in mine anymore.

A year has gone by since then. Over time, the spark grew into a candle flame, which exploded into a fire, and I haven’t had a drink or a drug since. The medallion is heavy, and it brings me back to NYC, to the thousandfold traumas of emotional abuse, to the guilt of allowing myself to be caught up in a whirlwind of self-doubt, but I’m learning to find comfort in the weight of it.

This is the first time I’ve written anything like this since I lost my footing. It isn’t anything like my other posts — my therapist says I’ll probably never get that same easygoing talent back, not without a lot of effort, and so I suppose that’s what this is. My therapist inspired this post, actually. He’s sober, too, and knows what I mean when I talk about not being able to wrap my mind around where I am; when I talk about the weight of the medallion, and the two sides of that coin. He says to me, over and over:

“You can trust yourself again now. You never lost your quiet place, it’s all still there. It’s just different now.”

I’m pleased to report that my new quiet place is in bloom. Hope is alive again and her light is as gentle and steadfast as ever. Desire and Dignity are rebuilding my gardens, and the Sliver, the little tether I hold closest of all, is the gatekeeper, the star in the sky, and the only thing that matters to me anymore. His name is Shay, and I love him again. I can’t wait for you to meet him.

[arcadialedger]

Rayllum One- Shot #2: After the Leap

My vision of what happens between when we cut from these two lovebirds flying up through the clouds back to the Storm Spire.

As Callum shot upwards, Rayla’s stomach plummeted from beneath her. 

She didn’t have a particular fear of heights, but this high in the air she kept her grip tight around Callum’s neck. 

Callum.

Her face was so close to his, she couldn’t not look at him. His green eyes were full of determination, a grin planted on his face. 

“I can’t believe it!” Rayla exclaimed with a laugh, “Callum-- it’s remarkable.” 

“Thanks,” Callum laughed, “Though I’ve, umm, never done this before. We should probably focus on getting to the top of the Spire. I don’t know how long the wings will last.”

Rayla nodded, but couldn’t help but tease. 

“I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind staying like this for awhile.”

In response, Callum tucked in the wings and shot upwards.

Rayla chuckled, as the top of the Storm Spire began to become visible through the clouds. There was still quite a ways upward, however, to go. She had fallen far. 

And he had caught her.

Rayla still couldn’t quite process all that had happened. She had jumped-- fully prepared to sacrifice herself to stop Viren. And somehow, Callum had been there. 

It was as though fate had placed him there to save her. 

When she had seen him falling, her heart had fallen right with him. 

No. Not Callum. Not him too. 

Then he caught her, and the most frightening moment of her life become one of the most beautiful.  He loved her back. And she suspected that’s what he had wanted to tell her before Soren had interrupted them at the Storm Spire that. morning before. 

“Almost there...” Callum stated, “Sorry-- it’s very diffcult to fly. I’ll have to get the hang of this--”

The top of the Storm Spire began to approach rapidly, and Rayla’s heart thumped. 

“Umm, Callum, I think we’re coming in a little too fast.” she stated, trying to keep her voice calm. 

Callum bit his lip, and pushed his wings against the air to try and slow their velocity. Instead, the motion spent them shooting upward even faster, and flung them to the side. 

Callum screamed, “Ah-- OH NO!”

Rayla winced as the ground of the Storm Spire approached rapidly. With a loud thud, the pair hit the ground rapidy. Rayla was thrown from Callum’s grasp, and  and sent rolling across the spire. 

When Ralya’s momentum finally stopped, she breathed rapidly, and opened her eyes up to the sky. She could feel bruises on her arms, and the back of her head had definitely hit the stone. But she couldn’t remember being happier.

“Rayla? Oh my gosh Rayla are you okay?”

A worried Callum’s face came into her vision, leaning over her. 

“I’m so sorry, the landing was horrible. Are you hurt? I--”

Rayla simply reached forward, grabbed his scarf, and kissed him. 

Both out of breath, she only planted a quick peck on Callum’s lips, but it was enough to calm Callum’s nerves. She pulled back, and the pair started laughing. Callum hugged her tightly.

“That was amazing Callum,” Rayla exclaimed, “You did mage wings. You’re the first human to ever connect to the arcanum, and you did such an advanced sp--”

Rayla felt a tear drop onto her shoulder, and quickly stopped.

“Callum?” she asked, “Are you crying?”

He didn’t respond, but Rayla could feel his nod against her shoulder. Quickly, she hugged him tighter. They both kneeled before one another, she they had been Callum had almost been lost to dark magic. 

Then, it had been her terrified of losing him. Now, Rayla realized, Callum was coming to terms with how close he had come to losing her. 

“I almost lost you,” he choked, “Rayla don’t ever, ever do that again. If I hadn’t been there. Rayla, there wouldn’t have even a body. I would have never knownn what happened to you. Don’t ever throw your life away like that.”

Rayla nodded, and tenderly pressed her forehead against his. She lifted a thumb to catch one of the tears rolling down his cheek. Against how red the whites of his eyes were from crying, his eyes looked notably green. 

“I’m sorry,” Rayla answered simply, “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t realize...”

Callum looked up confused, “Didn’t realize what?”

Rayla took a deep breath, and admitted.

“I didn’t realize I meant as much to you aas you meant to me.”

Callum’s eyes widened, and his mouth formed a small o. 

“Rayla,” he said with a laugh, “Of course I do. What do you think I was trying to tell you this morning. Losing you Rayla, I-- I couldn’t bear it.”

“I just thought if I could stop Viren, everything would be okay,” Rayla confessed. 

Callum shook his head, and le tout an amused snort, “Okay? Rayla, do you think I would have been okay? Do you think Ezran would have been okay? Do you think all of the people who love you would have been okay? Your life isn’t worthless, Rayla. Not to any of us.”

Rayla pulled back, and looked Callum right in the eye. 

“I know the feeling,” she proclaimed.

Callum scrnched his brow in confusion, “I-- what?”

Rayla sighed, and swung her legs around so she sat at the edge, with them dangling against the cliff. It seemed a rather rpecarious position to chose after what had happened, but she felt comfortable. Perhaps it was because this was where Callum had told her the truth about her parents. 

Callum came to sit beside her, and Rayla continued. 

“When did dark magic. To save me. You were out for so long, and you began gasping and choking and... Callum, I was terrified I was going to lose you. That’s why when you woke up I was, umm,”

“Kneeling right in front of me?” Callum finished, “I know.”

“You knew.”

“Kind of,” Callum clarified, as he looked out into the sky to contemplate, “It’s--- it’l kind of a haze, but I was drowning, into an endless sea, and I think I heard your voice. Calling my name.”

Rayla’s lips parted in surprise. Oh. 

“I never brought it up because I wasn’t certain,” Callum admitted, “And I didn’t want to get my hopes up that someone as amazing as you could... well... like me.”

Rayla laughed, and slung her arm over his shoulder. As one, they titled their heads to rest against each other. 

“It’s really quite beautiful, you know,” he muttered, “The sky, and the sunset. When you’re not, umm, plummeting through it.”

“Agreed,” Rayla replied, nestling her head comfortably against his shoulder, “But I think the others might be waiting for us. The war is over, after all.”

[curiousview-blog]

Sober moments

Part three of ‘How to stop drinking: A guide for normal people’. A series in which I am sharing my reflections on living, and staying sober, in a fun, honest, down-to-earth way to show that an alcohol-free life is possible. Previous chapters can be found below on www.samwarren.net

I learned the term ‘sober moments’ from my brief spell at AA meetings. They are the flashes of joy that fizz through you when something amazing happens because you are sober - something that just wouldn’t have been possible when you were drunk. Sober moments are truly magical because when you stop drinking, no matter how brave you feel (or act), there is still a small broken person chained to a chair in a dripping dungeon deep down inside you. This person is absolutely positive they will never be released from their life sentence, and will never know true fun again. The idea that extra happiness might be ahead because you’re not drinking never occurs to this sad little figure, so the first time it happens it feels extra magical. Here are two of my earliest sober moments. They still bring me joy, in fact I’m grinning right now, while I tell you about them.

I was sitting with work friends at dinner after a Saturday meeting in Amsterdam. I’m fortunate enough to have a job that means I get to spend time with interesting people in cool places, but this world is also awash with alcohol. This night was no different, and wine was flowing as freely as the conversation. 

We were seated at a circular table, so I could literally see the alcohol taking its effects on my companions, one by one, shoulders leaning, voices louder, gestures wilder, slight slurs, and a few anxious glances to see if the waiter was coming with the next bottle. I doubt anyone would have said they ‘got drunk’ that night, but it’s amazing how you notice these tiny things when you’re a new non-drinker.  I had prepared myself to feel uncomfortable, envious and deprived. I’d been nervous about the evening, about how I would get through it without wine – feeling weird, different, lonely and left out. So imagine how I felt when instead, while chatting with my friend, I felt a rush of pure joy! It was 10:30pm, my head was clear, my tummy was full and I wasn't even pretending to have a good time. I was actually ENJOYING myself! Not just tolerating the situation, not just ‘coping’ with it, but having a lovely, lovely time. What that sober moment showed me was that perhaps it might not have been the alcohol causing the fun times in the past, but the situation and the company. Who knew, eh?

Another time was my first sober Christmas (officially the shittiest time ever for recovering alcoholics). I’m not going to lie to you, I found that whole holiday period downright miserable, but given that I was also about to leave a long-term relationship (for the second time), I was feeling the lack of drink even more acutely because my ‘hiding place’ had gone and it all felt too stark, and raw to have much hope of feeling pleasure. But even in the midst of this, a sober moment sparkled through. After a Christmas night party, around 2am, I was able to offer rides home to very drunk people on a night when taxis were at a premium. They didn't believe me of course.  “What?? You’re gonna drive? But you’ve been drinking! I’ve seen you!” What they’d actually seen was me swigging bottles of no-alcohol lager and sipping fizzy pop from a wine glass all night. 

The gratitude and joy on those faces was wonderful and warmed me through more than mulled wine. A simple act, but one that put me back at the centre of attention as surely as half a bottle of vodka and a karaoke machine would have. They hadn’t even noticed I wasn’t drunk. I was convinced that being a non-drinker would change my whole personality, condemning me to bearing a neon sign “BORING SOBER PERSON” at every social gathering for the rest of my life. But do you know what? Most of the time, people don't even notice – or as happened this Christmas night, they’ll insist they’ve seen you drinking and you’re making it all up. 

Realising that you have the capacity to enjoy yourself, all by yourself, ‘un-enhanced’, so much that nobody can tell if you’re drunk or not is an incredibly liberating feeling. It’s just the best… because you know there’s no hangover tomorrow. Sometimes when I’m with people whose company I really love I even feel like I am getting drunk – kind of by osmosis. I used to think that “getting drunk on the atmosphere” was such crap... er, no, you get drunk on booze, idiot. But just look at kids… They're giddy and high on life (even when they haven’t consumed their whole family’s weight in sugar) and believe it or not, you can be too. If you’re with the right folks, doing something you love, being around drunk people gives you the permission to stop adulting for a while and play, without anyone noticing. 

[narcis-the-monk]

FC5 GFH Tag

tagged by @chyrstis​ thank you soooooooo much!!!!!!!! This was a hell of a lot of fun, and I’m going to eventually do my other deputy as well. I went with Val the first time because I’ve been writing her for a minute now. ^^;; But this honestly helped me figure her out a little more, so thank you again <3

Deputy Valya Vitale

With Fangs for Hire:

     • Boomer: “Hey boy, you’re being a real good dog. I’m sure your folks know that.” / *patting her legs* “Who’s the best boy? Who’s the best dog that rips out peggie throats? That’s right!” *sound of laughter* “It’s you!” / “I fuckin’ love this dog.”      • Peaches: “Never been a cat person, but I’ll make an exception for you.” / “You think catnip works on cougars? I’m looking for some every place we check now.” / “Yes ma’am. You will absolutely get that treat I have for you when we stop next. I know you smell it.”      • Cheeseburger: “This is the best fuckin’ day of my life. I’m fighting with a bear. I think we’ll win.” / “I never knew what I needed in life was to pet a big ol’ grizzly bear. I mean, I’ve been hugged by bears before. Just not this kind. And I love it just as much, if not more.” / “Next time we stop to fish, I’m catching you so much food. Just for being you.”

With other Guns for Hire: Sharky      • “Hey Shark, remember when we got trashed down by the river? Pretty sure this is the spot. Cause I remember you puking there. And there. And me over there. And that’s where I lost my shoe. Hey! There’s my shoe! Small mysteries are solved each day.”      • “Hey buddy, how about if the enemy is say…whatever you’d rank a 3 out of 5 or higher…we don’t set it on fire?”      • “You won’t hear me say this one a lot, so appreciate it. But you were right. Fire was the answer.”      • “You are an absolute mad man and I love the shit out of you, but I need to fight upwind of you from now on. Smoke in my eyes and throat when I’m trying to scream in the face of some asshole that punched me in the tit isn’t what I’d call fantastic. Your aim is so much better now though.”

Grace      • “I’ll give you 20 bucks and my last good beer if you can shoot three peggies in the dick at the next outpost.” *when she’s met with silence* “Guessin’ that’s a no, then.”      • “You have the patience of a saint. I can’t wait even 30 seconds to let my food cool, let alone wait for some asshole to walk out from behind a pole. Fuckin’ amazin’.”

Hurk      • “Watch where you point that thing! And stop laughing, you know I’m not talking about your dick. That’s not an actual threat and we both know it.” *eventually starts laughing with him*      • “I ever tell you how much I love your stories? I never know how they’ll end. I love a good plot twist.”      • “Remember when you, me, and Shark got that moose drunk and we all spent the night in a tree? I’m pretty sure that moose remembers us. He is not a fan.”

Adelaide      • “You keep wonderin’ how they fuck—and that is a point of interest we can revisit later—but I’m wonderin’ how they do every day shit. Like, Jacob’s—does he hunt or does he fish? If he prefers hunting, that tells me big facts about him. They’re both about sittin’ and waiting, right? Schemin’ the right moment to move. One just makes you feel like a big boy, cause you get to hold a gun.  Hey, look at that. This time I left you speechless.”      • “Been considerin’ this for a minute, and if anyone ever asks I’ll deny it up and down and throw you under the bus all in one but…fuck Faith, marry Jacob, and kill Joseph. Last one was hard as fuck.”      • “I need you to just…stop talking for a while. Let’s say 30 minutes. 30 minutes of silence so my brain can finish bleaching itself. Thanks.”

Nick      • “You’re lucky you’ve got guns on that thing, or I’d be giving you a lot more shit about never putting your feet on the ground. I got literally nothin’ else to pick on you with that’s fair.”      • “So how different are planes from cars on a scale of one to ten? I’m just figurin’ out if some shit went wrong and you aren’t near…how fucked are we? Things to think about.”      • “You know, never really liked flyin’. My head’s in the clouds too much for my feet to be too. But I gotta say…you are damn good at it. Almost makes me wanna try. Almost.”

Jess      • “I mean, sure, its satisfying to line up the perfect shot from a mile away and nail it. I’ve been hunting, Jess. I’m just saying, for me personally, I’m a bigger fan of an oar or a baseball bat to the face when I can get it. Makes it personal, and all of this is very fuckin’ personal now.”      • “Look, I don’t like talkin’ about my feelings either, so I’m just gonna hug you.” *stalls after getting the evil eye but hugs quickly* “You are two feet tall and maybe ninety pounds. Like I’m scared of you this close up.”      • “If you were a part of breakfast, you’d be the coffee Jess. Dark and harsh, but great for a wakeup call.”

In Combat      • Seeing an enemy: “I’m on ‘em like flies on shit.” / “You got that one?”      • Sneaking: *mumbled string of ‘fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck’ whenever she moves a long distance* / “Man, fuck this sneaking shit right in the skull.”      • Killing an enemy: “Boo-fuckin-YAH bitch!” / *if you make your shot* “Hellyeah! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”      • Reviving: “Nope. Not today. Gotta keep you on your feet.” / “Get the fuck up, it’s not the time for a lie down!”      • Hurt: “Well fuck me sideways. I’m alright, keep moving.” / “That’s definitely leavin’ a mark!” / “Oh go fuck yourself!”      • Downed: “Just need a minute here.” / “I think I need a hand up here!” / “Keep goin’, don’t waste time if you don’t got it.” Driving      • If asked to drive: “This may be the best decision you’ve made all day. Buckle up tight.” / “Alright, but seatbelts on or we don’t go anywhere at all.”      • Driving recklessly: “See, this is why I insist on seatbelts!” / “Slow the fuck down or you’ll fuck this car up! I ain’t seen another available ride in a minute!”      • Changing radio stations: “Will you settle on something? Oh, sorry, forgot where I was. Thought everything was normal and Shark was fiddlin’ with the radio again.” / “Cult’s fucked…but I’m okay with their music for the most part.”

Idle      • “Used to have a snake. He was a huge boa constrictor. He liked to kinda just wrap around me like I was a tree. It felt like the best hug there ever was.”      • “Did you know I grew up in Vegas? That place really is a constant party, even away from the strip if you know where to look. It’s not a great thing when you’ve got an addictive personality and prone to efforts of escapism. That’s why I moved out here. It’s pretty, its quiet, and the cost of gas to get anywhere is enough to deter the acquisition of drugs. So did working with Whitehorse. Man’s a saint. Reminds me of my Grandpa Conner—don’t tell him I said that. He’ll think I mean old.”      • “I taught myself how to be a mechanic. Books and experience, and it all started when my old truck broke down when I was 16. Couldn’t afford a mechanic, so I got my grandpa and some tools and learned a lesson that day. Then I had to learn the rest. I still have that old truck. Musta rebuilt that motherfucker from the ground up three times. Only a few things left of the original. But I’m a sentimental fool, and it was a gift.”      • “Callie says an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Well, she didn’t say it but she quotes it a lot. But I’m thinking…maybe this time, we all just need to be blind. We need a reason to step back and reassess and neither side is gonna be the first to do it. So I’m skeptically hopeful of our win, but still down with the blind thing.”

Location Specific      • In the Henbane region: “Hey, if we could avoid bliss as often as possible…that would be great. Shit makes me feel like I dropped acid non-consensually.” / “Hmmm…there’s the tinglies in my spine again. Where is that little bitch of a plant? I’m gonna rip it apart.”      • In the Whitetails: “If we get a chance, I'd like to swing by my place. Make sure things are fine. Grab some tools. Get Reggie's ashes, since these fucks don't have respect for dead people, they definitely won’t have respect for dead pets.” / “Man, I miss hiking. Well I mean, technically we’re hiking right now. I mean I miss hiking without the sounds of an actual war. Birds and wind and shit. I miss that. But this is good exercise too.”      • Near any body of water: “Please say maybe this time we’re just out to fish. No? Worth a shot. One of these days.” / “This county has the best fishin’ spots in the world, but the best one’s require a hike and some camping gear to really enjoy.” / “If they hadn’t started dumping bliss in everything, I’d say let’s go for a quick swim. The water here is never as cold as you think it is.”      • Fall’s End: “Mary May runs a tight ship, but she can throw a hell of a party.” / “Pastor Jerome set me up with AA when I first moved to the county. He’s a damn good man, and a great listener.” / “As stupid as it is, I look forward to the Testy Festy every year. Love a good tradition. Sometimes you just need something to look forward to, you know?”

I’m going to tag @deathvalleyqueen​ because I’d like to learn more about your characters, but you may have been tagged before. ^^;;;

Thank you so so much! I don’t think I have many people I can tag that haven’t already been, but consider it an open tag if you see it on your dash. <3