#to be honest I do kind of the same 'latch onto one character in particular' thing you say you do

[dire-kumori]

I need you to know that I think it's sooo funny that ur fave character is Mike but the first fnaf fic you posted (to my knowledge) has Evan as the main character with ghost(/time travel) Mike as the background, and MY fave character is Evan but my first fnaf fic I posted had Mike as the main character with ghost maybe-but-maybe-not Evan as the background

Equal but opposite energy

Does this make us... narrative foils?

It's kind of funny, when I first started brainstorming for my fic, it was gonna be a more standard time-travel Mike fic. I forget exactly how I got from point A to point GHIJK but I do remember thinking something along the lines of 'what if Mike failed to stop the tragedy?' and 'what would Mike's siblings be like if they grew up?' That and I think I wanted to do something a bit different since the time-travel trope isn't uncommon in this fandom, and I was worried about my fic being compared to other similar ones.

[bestworstcase]

One thing that I've not been keen on in hindsight, is just how much what you call "pop writing advice" is not that helpful to me. Or how they get used by people in critique.

Because most of them tends to be exceptionally vague borderline nothing bits. Like a series having "good dialogue" or "bad dialogue", and unless it's the most incredibly obvious lowest common denominator kind of thing that anyone who listens could tell is bad dialogue, it's never properly elaborated on.

For example, they describe good dialogue as "witty, subtle, etc" or something else. Like okay, can you tell me what that even constitutes as? Any examples you want to provide? Is witty supposed to be two characters bantering with each other with MCU styled dialogue, or is it something else entirely? Is your definition of good dialogue supposed to just be empty snark that you jingle in front of people like keys while being devoid of any actual value? What is bad dialogue then; something you consider boring or you just not caring for that particular style of writing? Give me context dammit!

Like, maybe my mind just latches onto the weird things, but I'm always left with more questions than answers because of these kinds of advice and critiques, because there's never anything concrete to work with. Just a vague nothingburger that I'm expected to dissect without any clear context as to WHAT I'm supposed to get out of it.

mmmmhm. in general pop writing advice tends to approach stories as a product you intend to sell as widely as possible as opposed to, like, art, and when it's about dialogue or plot structure it often presumes a target audience of indifferently distractible readers/viewers who need to be spoonfed witticisms and action to get them to stick with a story. which is frankly insulting to readers and viewers as well as to writers.

anyway. i don't know if you were trying to fish for this but here's some actual advice, or at least how i think about some things:

dialogue -> what characters do not say is often just as important as what they do. if the character in question is lying or an unreliable narrator or otherwise untrustworthy, what they don't say is more important than what they do. it's almost always worth thinking about what a character might hold back in a conversation, and the things they might circumlocute around, and why. even scrupulously honest people can be forgetful, and nobody can say everything that's on their mind all the time.

dialogue -> is characterization. how a character speaks is one of the single most effective ways to make characters feel distinct from one another; if everyone sounds the same it's much harder for the reader to keep track of who is who. rhythm is everything. you can slow a character's speech down by using fewer contractions and using 'longer' syntax (not necessarily longer words, but longer sounds; 'moment' is a longer word than 'minute' because of the vowel sounds) and longer sentences; or speed it up with the reverse. no contractions at all can make a character sound stilted, overly formal, or very careful depending upon rhythm. try reading dialogue out loud to figure out the natural cadence of the words.

characterization -> i swear by this

plot -> is what happens when the circumstances of the world interact with character choices. 'deus ex machina' (and 'diablus ex machina') are not bad per se; the trick is to prepare the audience ahead of time by subtly establishing the possibility of such an intervention. the term deus ex machina derives from a convention of ancient greek theater, wherein divine intervention was a regular an unremarkable feature. to the audience of these plays, the sudden appearance of a god at the end of the story would not have felt abrupt or random because the gods were intricately intertwined with and present in day-to-day life.

thus, when translating this device into a story for modern audiences, it's important to develop a similar sense of immediacy and presence. deus/diablus ex machina is unexpected (so you don't foreshadow it) but should be explicable (so the audience already knows this kind of thing can happen) and ideally thematically cogent. i find that it's helpful to think of the world itself as a sort of 'character' participating in the plot in the same way the actual characters do.

theme -> think about theme the way visual artists think about color palette and cohesion. theme is what binds the story together into a unified whole. what purpose does a character's arc serve to the greater narrative? how does it rhyme with other parts of the story—or if it doesn't, is there a reason for breaking the pattern? do all the pieces fit together in a coherent way? you don't need to have an Idea or a Statement or a Concept necessarily, though it is helpful to be able to say in very broad terms what a story is "about" thematically, e.g. bitter snow is about liberation. because that gives you something concrete that you can use as a reference when thinking about what a character's arc is about and whether it fits or not.

[whoredmode]

If no one's sent it yet, let's see 10 for the Boss ask meme.

⚜ Saints Row Bosses Ask Meme ⚜

10. How has your Boss changed throughout the games/years?

ohhh i feel like this will get. long. i’m assuming this question is more focused on an in-character perspective and less so on how he changed as player character in a game? so i’m gonna be talking about how he changes in his canon.

anteros was someone who felt neglected by society at large; with both of his parents arrested and him stuck being passed around from home to home at a young age, he grew cynical of the world around him. but he latched onto this idea that being rich and famous would be the thing to save him. that becoming Someone in this world was the ultimate goal. and in that way, he was kind of a loner. he’d been on his own for so long, he just assumed he’d reach the top that way too. he loved attention, and he loved using it for his own means.

so fast forward to the summer of 2006. anteros is a very popular stripper, but he’s still largely living out of his car. then one night, he just so happened to be walking by when he has an actual near-death experience, then out of the chaos comes julius and troy. he joins the saints because, despite having dozens of eyes on him every night, when julius looked at him, it was like someone saw him for the first time. whether he wanted to admit it or not (and he would not), anteros at this point was fairly gullible if you said the right things. there was a part of him that considered himself smarter than everyone, even though he really wasn’t. nothing worse than a guy who thinks he’s several steps ahead when he actually hasn’t moved at all.

but it’s during this era that one of the most crucial things about anteros comes out: he’s made genuine connections. these are people in similar situations to him, and he’s so happy to have known them. dex in particular; he’s fallen so, so deeply in love with him. he’s practical and honest and keeps him grounded in a way he’s never had anyone do before. he’s such a perfect complement to him that anteros really does finally feel a sense of purpose.

then. well. it all blows up in face. literally. five years pass while he’s in a coma and everything changes. suddenly stilwater is so different, so unfamiliar that he briefly wonders if he’s even in the same place at all. but despite the physical changes to stilwater (and himself), surely this must mean his friends are still okay, right? RIGHT? which brings forth one of the central internal conflicts he has at this point: he’s can’t accept this drastic of a change. anteros was someone who, at his core, lived for pleasure. and when there’s this large of a shift in that……he doesn’t exactly handle it well. but this is why people like johnny and aisha and troy are really important to him at this point: they symbolize that, in his mind, he can go back to how things were. even better for him, he can get more money and be more showy about it. but again this brings up another issue of, well, you can’t go back to the way things used to be. the past is the past.

i’ll save you the trouble of having to read a play-by-play of my canon, so i’ll just fast-forward and say: dex betrays anteros and escapes while anteros vows to get revenge.

then several years pass and the saints are celebrities. by this point, anteros is in his early-to-mid 30s and, in comparison to his old self, has mellowed out a ton. but regardless, he’s finally made it, right? he’s finally rich and famous, just like he always dreamed of being. everyone knows his name. but why does it feel this way? why are his issues not fixed? did he not just achieve his life goal?

anteros is faced with the possibility that maybe…he was wrong about what he wanted. that no amount of money in the world can bring back the people he cared about. the people that actually gave him a sense of purpose. no amount of cash or clout can heal the wounds of being betrayed by dex. but then, as his story progresses (again sparing you my long rewritten canon), he learns he can finally see dex again and finish things. because that’s what he always wanted, right? (spoilers: no).

there’s a lot to him and i feel like i’ve rambled long enough, but basically anteros was happiest when he’d actually let himself make genuine human connections to the original saints back in 2006, and he clings to the past way more than he’d like to admit. he loves his friends, what can he say? and a large part of his personal journey is just reckoning with and accepting the fact that you cannot change the past, no matter how haunted you are by it, and that sometimes you will just never get closure.

this isn’t even getting into the larger themes of the series itself (which, to be clear, anteros is 100% affected by); this is just a part of his overall character. honestly one day i would love to write a much longer essay/retrospective on the themes of the series and how it affects the cast, as well as the environmental storytelling of the first two games, but all that is for another time.

also by SRTT anteros got pinkish-purple contacts he wears sometimes so. that’s a change right.

[audarcy]

The fundamental miscommunication in this post is about dialogue tags and, to some extent, the overuse of these verbs as dialogue tags.

While OP worded it poorly (and some of their examples aren't viable), I think a lot of amateur writers do latch onto that list of verbs and misuse them as dialogue tags. It's different than just using these verbs on their own. Let's look at how I often see these words used in amateur writing.

1) Choked: many amateur writers use this as the go-to to express shock or surprise. "We're having a baby!" she shrieked*. "What?!" he choked. It's fine in isolation, but this a sort of "stock reaction" that can, if misused, make characters feel cartoonish. It's like one step below a comedy spit-take.

2) Hiss: this one is probably their weakest example. A hiss is in fact widely understood to be a tone of voice. It's a tone of voice people use. My only word of advice is to be mindful of when and why someone would use that tone of voice. To me, a "hiss" is either for Very Intimate (one on one and emotionally charged) scenes and/or in sitiations where the speaker doesn't want to be overheard. Don't escalate a "said" to a "hissed" unless you really mean it.

3) Snarl: gonna be honest I dislike this word but I'll give it a fair shake. Snarl evokes that upper-lip-quirked-up angry face and growly voice people like to see on Bad Boys, so this verb gets its mileage in a, uh, certain kind of writing. This is another case of "write it like you mean it." Using this just because it takes the place of a "said" in the middle of any ole conversation won't do. Yknow, a whole "'You're mine, and I'll never let you forget that,' he snarled" works in the werewolf sex scene, but maybe if the conversation goes, like, "Where did you grow up?" "Kansas," he snarled, that's maybe a sign you're getting a little too preoccupied with the movement of his lips.

4) Shriek: as OP put it, 99% of the time, this is not the word you want. I can only assume this is because their reading catalogue is 99% amateur writing. But as in my example above, maaaaany writers think "shriek" can be substituted for "yell" or "scream" with no consequences. Even phrex's weirdly gendered explanation also acknowledges that shriek's use cases are quite limited. Just because a character is raising their voice, that does not a shriek make. Shrieks are Deeply Unpleasant--as op said, they evoke a banshee and/or screaming baby. A poorly-used shriek can literally make me wince. And if you find yourself using "shriek" a lot for one particular character, maybe check yourself that you aren't turning that character into a screaming hysterical caricature. Especially keeping in mind how this word is effeminately gendered.

5) Sneer: a sneer is a facial expression. "'Do it now,' he sneered" is bad writing. If I was your editor, I would rewrite the dialogue as "He sneered. 'Do it now.'" Listen, I get that language can be used figuratively, but reading the former, all I picture is him saying the dialogue and making that face at the same time. Did he sneer the words? No. If a character is speaking while also performing an action, that action can be a separate sentence paired with the dialogue, NOT a dialogue tag. Dialogue does not always need a tag. Dialogue certainly does not always need a shiny glossy fancy verb tag.

The biggest rookie mistake in writing dialogue, period, is putting a tag on every. Single. Line. Of dialogue. And OP's gripes stem from that problem, though they could only articulate it through the talking point of the "said vs the thesaurus of dialogue tags" discourse. But listen, action and dialogue are separate. Dialogue tags only serve to inform the reader 1) who said the dialogue 2) MAYBE how it was delivered. Dialogue tags do not have to be load-bearing! Sure, you can squeeze your figurative and descriptive language in there, but you have to cut it down so badly for it to fit! Facial expressions can be described outside of dialogue tags. High-intensity moments where you're most justified amplifying tone and action are the moments you want to lavish with the most attention, not squeeze all of it into a dialogue tag! Tags are supposed to be a little landing pad for dialogue, not your hotbeds of creative figurative language use. Amateur writers pull from a common pool of the same familiar verbs (a tendency thats reinforced in spaces like fanfic where a lot of amateur writers are reading other ameteur writing and learning from it), and those verbs can turn into the Wilhelm screams of writing. Exaggerated stock reactions that feel cartoonish. Use your verbs carefully--just because they CAN be used well, that doesn't mean they have the green light for you to use them whenever.

And the piece of advice I give every writer for dialogue tags is this: rewrite the sentence into its basic subject-verb construction to check that it works. Dialogue is, after all, just the subject of the sentence when written with tags.

"[The words]," he said.

He said [the words.] Sounds good!

"[The words]," he grinned.

He grinned [the words]. What?

5 things your character can't do while speaking

Choke. Just think about it, seriously. Think about what choking is and imagine speaking while it’s happening. That would fuckin’ hurt, man.

Hiss. Look, it’s just not possible, okay? No matter how “evil” you want your character to seem.

Snarl. Animals snarls. The Beast from Beauty and the Beast snarls. The Hulk snarls. You know who doesn’t snarl? PEOPLE WHEN THEY’RE SPEAKING.

Shriek. Come on, 99% of the time, “shriek” is not the word you want.Let’s face it: if you put an exclamation point at the end of the sentence, your reader gets the picture. Don’t bring to mind banshees and screaming toddlers.

Sneer. I’m not even going to bother explaining this one. “SNEER” ISN’T EVEN A SOUND.

[shotorozu]

hi bae!!! deku, shoto, denki with an s/o who's like affectionate with all her friends and they get insecure and kinda jealous :( ?? tysm in advance <33

s/o that’s affectionate to friends

character(s) : midoriya izuku, todoroki shouto, kaminari denki (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name, L/N = last name] they/them pronouns used, quirk not specific

headcanon type : fluff, kinda angsty but there’s reassurance (x reader)

note(s) : another one i kinda held off doing because of it getting buried in the inbox sndjwkd i’m sorry for the delay! i didn’t like how denki’s turned out im so sorry

➽───────────────❥

midoriya izuku

man already knows that you’re very touchy with your friends, that’s just who you are

heck, i think before you guys started dating, you were touchy to him too! (but even more because,, you like him)

so he shouldn’t be shocked when you link onto kirishima’s arm, or when you jump to give mina a back hug

and most especially, when you poke at bakugou’s cheeks— and he just LETS YOU for some reason

he’s glad that you feel comfortable around people, considering that it’s why you’re even touchy in the first place.

but he can’t help but wonder,, is he doing enough to you? i mean, you basically do the same to him, but added the cheek, lip kisses

and the wonderful words you get to shower him in daily.

not only that, but he does tend to flush up when you try to initiate some sort of physical affection. maybe,, he’s supposed to let you be?

let you do all of that, since it makes you happy? i mean,, he supposes that he’s willing to do that.

izuku’s not a restrictive person when it comes to things like that, so he supposes that he’ll just have to ignore the weighted feeling on his shoulders despite not carrying a thing at that very moment

on the other hand, you couldn’t help but notice a change in izuku. not anything too concerning, of course

but he’d turn a blind eye— whenever you’d initiate physical affection to your other friends. he’d go silent, until it was over

eventually, you overhear a rather heartbreaking conversation between the dekusquad, and izuku himself

“deku! if you’re so down about it, then maybe you should tell Y/N about it! i don’t think they mean any harm.” you could hear uraraka console him

“correct. L/N-kun does not look like the type to be unfaithful. and even if they were, that would’ve been unacceptable behavior!”

and through out the discussion on how izuku could confront you, his s/o— he speaks abruptly

“i mean.. if Y/N is happy with being physically affectionate with their friends then,, i can’t stop them.” he says sadly, but it breaks your heart knowing that you’ve caused him to sound like this

“plus, i’m sure they have a reason to be acting that way, right?” you didn’t think how your affectionate attitude would have its effects on him

so, the next time you saw your boyfriend, you had a talk with him

“hey, honey!” he’d greet you with the usual demeanor, as if he didn’t just talk about his feelings “how are you? sorry that i was a little late, i was talking with the others!”

you smile, accepting the reason (since it’s true) “izuku, can you be honest with me?”

and this statement shocks him for a bit, “oh uhm,, yeah i can! did i do something wrong?” he scoots next to you, waiting for your reply

“does me being physically affectionate towards my friends make you,, uncomfortable?” you inquire, as straightforward as you could

he’s silent for a bit, which makes you speak again “you can be honest, it’s okay. you’re not in any trouble, zuku.” you ruffle his hair softly for comfort

then, he finally answers. “uhm,, uncomfortable isn’t the word. it’s not that i don’t trust you but,,”

“yeah?”

“i don’t trust,, me.”

this statement takes you by surprise, “oh, why?”

“i don’t trust myself that i could make you happy,” he continues “with physical affection, i mean. i understand if you weren’t, i just feel like i’m not giving you enough.”

“i understand though!” izuku continues, “whenever you initiate physical affection, i can’t help but get all staggery and nervous,” he rambles

he sounds normal, sure— but he’s not looking at you, his emerald eyes set in a downcast state

you make him face you, gently grabbing a hold of his shoulders “i’m sorry, zuku.” you press a kiss on his temples

“in truth, yes. i didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with my physical affection.” you confess, “i’d see that you’d go red whenever i’d initiate something,” you tease, which gives you the exact reaction you’ve wanted

“but then,, i also didn’t think about how you felt about it. i didn’t consider the possibility of you being uncomfortable with it, so i want to apologize for that.” you lean against him, taking his hand and pressing a kiss on his palm

“if you want, i could stop it. there are other ways i could show affection to my friends anyway!” you suggest, but he shakes his head, smiling

“i appreciate it, but you don’t have to.” he reassures, “if it makes you happy then i’ll be happy.”

“is there anything else?”

“just maybe uhm,,” he trails off for a second, before continuing “give me what you give them, but multiply it by 200!” he suggests, his regular self coming back to you

you laugh, leaning forward to kiss him softly, “i love you, izuku. only you. people may receive my affection, yes— but you’re the only one that deserves all of it.”

and with that, the weight on his shoulders is lifted, and he didn’t actually have anything to worry about.

todoroki shouto

despite shouto being sometimes socially ignorant, he is a very observant person when it comes to the person he likes

so the first thing he noticed was your touchy behavior, specifically towards your friends

sure, he’s had some of that physical affection— but it was like you knew him too well. so, he received it less that the others

it doesn’t mean that todoroki disliked your physical affection. during those few times, he did tend to,, not mind it at all, when he’d usually pull them off

and it doesn’t automatically mean that you didn’t like being around todoroki, it was given that he wasn’t very big on being physical

he didn’t care, again— as long as you were happy, but then there would be this tight feeling in his chest whenever you’d run off to do it to bakugou, hugging him leisurely

or even midoriya, sometimes

so, when you guys finally confess to each other— it doesn’t appear that your physical affection towards your peers came to an end

it remained the same, and while he’s the one that received your delightful words, fully devoted love, and time— he can’t help but frown whenever he sees you latch onto kaminari

or when you sit beside midoriya and count all the freckles on his cheeks— the blush on his face being hard to ignore, in your boyfriend’s eyes.

i don’t think shouto’s a jealous person— protective is one thing, and possessive? maybe that one time, he was. but jealous? maybe not.

well, it’s not like he doesn’t trust you to stay loyal and faithful, that’s a different thing. but it’s more like,, he wants for the affection you’re giving to them

needy, that’s the word

early on, (and maybe even before you got together with shouto) it’s been established that shouto wasn’t a biggest fan of physical affection, besides hand holding, and cheek kisses for now

it makes sense to you, especially hearing about his childhood, and his father’s true colors— that are far from anything heroic.

and you definitely respect what he wants— if he wants space, you’ll comply! and if he wanted more, you’ll also be willing to comply!

that’s why you’ve been keeping things just at that— the last thing you want is making shouto uncomfortable, the concept terrifies you

but,, shouto doesn’t exactly know how to tell you that he wants more, more and more— he wants all of your affection

so, what does he do? he tells you in one exact way— he tells you what’s on his mind

and quite bluntly for that matter

the both of you have been sitting in silence for a bit, no words were exchanged. however, glances were sent towards your way

his stare has a different edge to it, as if he had something in particular he wanted to say— mouth gaping open as if he were to speak, but no words come out

“shou,” you call out to him softly, “it looks like you have something to say,” you smile at him, wanting to know what was in that head of his “you can talk to me.”

a minute flies by, and he’s still silent, and you’re about to drop the topic for good— until he finally speaks up “i don’t know what i’m feeling.”

this quirks your interest, “oh, what,, are you feeling?” what he said worries you, since it kinda sounds like he was about to deliver some bad news

“i’m,, not sure myself.” he stares down at his hands “i feel weird, whenever i see you be.. touchy around the others.”

weird, huh? “what kind of weird? could you try to explain? maybe i could pinpoint what you’re feeling.”

“i feel weird, since i haven’t experienced this before,” he breathes in, before he goes on “i feel like i want more, selfishly more. i thought i would’ve been fine with receiving minimal physical affection,”

he turns to you, heterochromatic eyes staring deep into yours “but i’m not fine with it! i want more, like what you give to the others. so that’s why,, it’s weird.”

and it suddenly dawns onto you on what he’s talking about, he’s talking about you being physically affectionate towards your friends and classmates

and how he doesn’t like it.

you frown, scooting next to him “i’m sorry you feel that way, shou.” you fix a stray piece of hair that has been misplaced, hanging near his brow

“i’m glad that you were being honest, and told me,” you cautiously hold his hand, looking at him to detect any discomfort

there’s none

“yes, i’ve been careful. i don’t wish to make you feel weird— in the bad way, and most especially uncomfortable!” he nods in understanding, he adjusts the hold on your hand, choosing to place his hand on top of yours

“and i didn’t.. think about how you would’ve felt about it. i should’ve asked you about it first.” you look at him with meaning, “‘m sorry.”

his gaze softens, and he leans closer— ever than before “it’s alright, love, no need to apologize,”

“that’s just who you are, if you show gratitude and affection with being physical, then that’s okay. i just,, want more— if that’s okay with you.” you nod, laughing softly

“i’ll give you more, if that’s what you wish. i’ll give you everything you want, whatever makes you happy.” shouto presses a kiss on your temple

“so,, does that mean you’re going to.. stop?” he asks— just because he wanted to know

“oh, if you want to, then i will.”

“you don’t have to but.. maybe tone it down?” he suggests, because although the idea of your physical affection towards your friends coming to a halt, is nice he wouldn’t admit that outloud

he doesn’t want you to stop, if that’s how you show gratitude to your friends. so, toning it down’s the best option

“i will,” you smile, “only high fives, pats on the back, and quick hugs, from now on!”

the statement makes him smile, a genuine one— he’s just glad that his concerns have a resolve now. man was just really touch starved, couldn’t blame him

kaminari denki

it took a while for him to actually start being concerned

i mean— dude’s practically the same as you. have you seen him play with ojirou’s tail? he always finds himself touching someone

whether it’d be him poking bakugou’s spiky head of hair (until he’d scream at him) or him resting his elbows on kirishima— he’s always touching someone

so, he understands if you’re going to be touchy feely with others. he actually finds it quite cute when you show your endearing side to your friends with touch (without crossing boundaries of course)

so, it was okay keyword : was

until you slowly started kissing your friends on the cheek— and it erupted,, something from within

it was so casual, that he had to process what just happened— following it up with a smile, to play it off.

he feels bad for feeling iffy about it, honest! he doesn’t have a reason to distrust you, so this feels all,, wrong for him

the gesture was definitely a gradual process. it wasn’t like you just randomly started to kiss people on the cheek— and it wasn’t like you were depriving him

so this made him think harder than he has ever thought before. maybe you were getting tired of being affectionate to him only, so you moved away from that?

or maybe you were tired of HIS affection?

maybe you were giving people affection, because they deserved it, and he didn’t? if this was the case, denki can’t complain.

denki knows he’s not smart like iida, or serious like bakugou.

but even to denki, all of that is a stretch. he’s just laying out all of the possible reasons— rational or not

and before he realized it, you knew that there was something up

denki; utterly afraid of losing you, switches from super affectionate to being isolated in his room— every single day

this is his way of experimenting with your reactions

even the bakusquad didn’t know what was up so,, yeah. there must be something bothering him.

you’re given a few ideas as to why kaminari might be acting this way, and the exact idea popped into your mind

you made him insecure

and you instantly felt bad— yes, you give all of your friends cheek kisses, and you give them to your boyfriend too!

but you didn’t realize that you would’ve potentially harmed him in the process. so, you sought out to talk to him

“hey babe,” it was just in time, your boyfriend enters through your door, “i was looking everywhere for you, you won’t believe it! i would’ve evaporated if i had to endure bakugou’s screaming one more time!”

“i was looking for you too,” you smile, ushering him to sit on your bed, “listen, i want to talk to you.”

“oh,”

“don’t worry, denki. you’re not in any trouble,” you reassure, “i just want to apologize”

it’s his turn to be confused “what? why?”

“let me ask you one thing, how do you feel about me giving people affection?”

he swallows harshly, but answers truthfully “i like it a lot, babe! i do find it cute.” he smiles, but you’re not fully convinced that his statement made it’s end

“i feel like there’s more i should know.”

“i,, yeah.” he admits, and not very gracefully “it’s— ugh! i’m sorry. i know this is really out of character for me, and i’m sorry that you have to see me feeling like,,”

“you can be honest.” you remind him briefly

“—weird. look, it’s not like your love language is weird to me. i think it’s just me being a needy idiot! and it’s not like i think you’re cheating on me!” he holds his hands up in defense

“but in a way,, i didn’t expect you to do that— you’ve only started doing it recently.”

“so it made you uncomfortable?” you’re preparing for the expected answer, ready for what’s about to be said

“,, if the shoe fits.”

seeing denki in this sort of manner gave you the biggest reality check. yes, you knew that you had something to do with his recent personality change

but you didn’t realize how much it made him question himself.

“i’m sorry, once again” you apologize, “it was wrong of me to assume you were fine with it, i just thought you’d be fine with it since well,,”

“hey, it’s okay,” denki smiles, his mood slightly better “i’m touchy too, i mean,, we both show affection physically! i’m not very surprised that you thought i was fine with it.” he brushes his thumb on your cheekbone

“i mean it, denki. i didn’t realize how much it would’ve affected you. you might not realize it, but i do.”

“it’s fineeee,” he whines playfully when you’re still upset, “Y/N, you’re affectionate, which is a trait i absolutely love. if you’re physically affectionate, that fine.”

“just uhm,,” he trails off, almost awkwardly. “maybe,, don’t bless them with your,, cheek kisses? ugh! omg there was definitely a better way to say that.”

to any other person, that would’ve been awkward— like,, really. but you understood, that’s how much you know about him

“got it, they will be exclusively for you.” you kiss him on the cheek, “thanks for being honest, denki.”

at that moment, denki’s shoulders felt lighter, and he suddenly forgot about why he even felt this way. yes, you still gave people physical affection BUT

denki kaminari still wins 😎 your kisses and ultimate tokens of affection are strictly for him

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission :))

[oh-my-moomin]

NGE: You Deserve Love

This is an analysis based solely on the og NGE anime series and not the movie or rebirth series so I won’t be mentioning those.

NGE is a psychological horror/apocalypse story dressed up as a mecha. This farce is only totally dropped in the last 2, even 3 episodes. This can make the ending jarring and seem in cohesive, but ultimately my understanding is that none of the ‘plot’ really matters. Seele doesn’t matter, where the angels come from doesn’t really matter, and the final battle doesn’t matter. This is a story exploring loss, the need for connection, loneliness, and humanity. We see this through not only the interactions of the human characters but also through the angels.

THE HUMANS

The Children

A defining trait of all the characters is that they are lonely. The isolation from human connection is brought on both by the high stress apocalypse they all live in, as well as the personal demons they face. The characters all attempt to create bonds with other people, but are held back by their insecurities, fear of vulnerability, and past traumas.

Let’s start with Shinji, as the main character. Having lost his mother at a young age, and being abandoned by this father, he was never able to feel secure. Therefore he takes on a people pleaser attitude, constantly apologizing. His want for validation (particularly from adults in his life) causes him to continue to take action that he doesn't want to, including piloting the EVA. His self hate and insecurity makes it hard for him to make and trust his own choices. So he relies on others to guide him. When this fails, when he doesn't get the love and validation he craves he tries to quite entirely. But this often leads to the people he cares about being hurt. He's trapped between a rock and hard place.

Asuka was also abandoned, however rather than craving support like Shinji, she chooses to live for herself. She craves independence. She needs to know that she is no longer a child that can be hurt and vulnerable. This is largely shown through both her overt sexuality, and her piloting the EVA. She must be in control of the EVA, she must have power, she must be able to prove herself as the best, the strongest. Because inside she still feels like that hurt desperate child, and that is what she hates most about herself. Unlike Shinji, Asuka is brash and rude, and she expects others to give her the same. She barks and expects you to bark back, but can’t always handle it. 

Both of these characters are constantly looking for connection, with both their peers and adults. While Asuka often pushes herself on to people, out of a need to be seen. Shinji cannot take active moves to make meaningful connections, and will shy away from people trying to connect. Asuka hates herself and needs to prove that others love her. Shinji hates himself and cannot imagine that people love him. 

The Adults

One of the running themes in the show is motherhood. Typically it is the mother that is expected to love and care for the child, to raise them, show unconditional love, give unwavering support. None of the characters have had this, Shinji and Asuka search for validation that they lost in adults in different ways. Unfortunately for them, none of the adults present are suitable to be parents. 

The show makes a point to show that the adult characters are all more complex than the children. They have lived longer and therefore had more time to make mistakes, to get stuck in toxic ideals, to ‘be problematic’. They are not concretely good or bad people (mostly), but rather the result of people who grew up in a post apocalyptic world, trying desperately to stop the salvage it, while also trying to make their own connections. Like the child characters, their past traumas make it harder for them to be more open, vulnerable, and weak, to form that human connection. 

I am going to focus on Misato and Ritsuko, since they act as foils when it comes to human connection.

Misato being left as a lone survivor to a terrible accident has left her scared both physically and mentally. Before this she had issues with her parents, as her father seemed to abandon his family in favour of work, leaving her mother devastated. Misato doesn't want to become like her mother, abandoned by a loved one, and she also doesn't want to be her father, a slave to work. To counter this she looks for easy connections, but she never wants to get too close.

When her relationship with Kaji was beginning to feel too real, she began to find flaws. His resemblance to her father was terrifying, so she broke it off. Similarly, when in scenes with Shinji, talking about his insecurities or his want to give up, she is hidden by shadow. She cannot be seen as weak, she cannot offer comfort, she cannot be a mother figure to Shinji. Other ways her searching for easy connection is her drinking beer, or eating take out. She searches for the most basic ways to fulfill her needs, so that she can focus on her main goal of defeating the angels. 

Ritsuko is also desperate to find human connection without vulnerability. By fully closing off the whole world she can have no weakness, something which she resents in Misato. She views herself as above the need for connection in that way, and would rather follow in her mothers foot footsteps as a scientist and a woman. 

She loved and admired her mother, and hated her. She wants to follow in her footsteps but also would hate to fail in the same ways. She saw how her mother failed to actually mother her, and chose to completely reject that part of herself. Instead she cares for cats, and uses those as a surrogate to having a child. She continues her mothers work as a scientist, constantly striving to improve. And when it comes to the ‘woman’ that her mother was, she knew a stubborn woman who focused solely on one man. So Ritsuko also focused on him, to the point of giving up her cat to her grandmother. Both women tried to create an easy connection with him, both felt that they were his equal, and that they found the one connection that mattered. When it was proven to them that they were a second (third) woman this caused them both to break down. For Ritsuko this meant that even though she closed off the whole world, except for one man, she was still too vulnerable. And her only response was to completely shut down. Because she had no one else.

All of the characters are constantly searching for this connection, trying to show affection without getting hurt. Trying to make sense of the end of the world while also making sense of interpersonal relationships. Their own inner demons getting in the way of honest connection. 

Rei

As a clone Rei is a particular case. She is aware that she is not a ‘person’, she isnt meant for human connection. Her isolation is so ingrained into her, planned before she is even ‘born’ so she feels no need to care for anyone except Ikari. She latches onto him, would do anything for him, and has no value in her life because she is aware that she is not real. 

However, she still has a human source, Shinjis mother. A human person, who also needed human connection. Rei, when given the chance, does care for people. Shinji is the first person to see her as a peer, and to treat her with kindness. With this start of forming connections, she begins to feel more human, to develop a further need to connect. Even if it's hard to fully separate from the man who created her.

THE ANGELS

The angels act as a foil to the human need for connection. While all of the human characters are lonely and searching for connection with each other, the angels are also lonely and trying to learn what that even means. 

There is no scene where the angels are working together, they are solitary, all having the same goal of reaching Adam, but incapable of planning together to achieve it. They instead try to create connection to humans, trying to bond and understand them, without knowing that their methods are harmful. 

I believe this can be first seen with the 12th angel. When Shinji is absorbed into the EVA, it is safe to say that the angel was able to understand the merging of human and EVA. This connection allowed Shinji to control the EVA to break free of the angel's shadow. The following month where Shinji is trapped within his EVA, is our first insight into what the human instrumentality project will be like, as well as the goals of the angels. 

Since angels cannot connect to each other, the 15th angel attempts to create connection by forcing itself into Asukas mind. It wants to understand her, her emotions, her thoughts, her connections, her love. For her this is a painful experience, akin to rape. She feels dirtied after it. But the attack is a beam of light, with holy music playing, what should be a calming experience. I believe it is fair to say that the angel cannot understand that it is putting her through pain, as it cannot understand any human experiences. Angels are incapable of understanding their own feelings/experiences/wants, and try to use humans as a study from which they can learn. 

The following angel confronts Rei about her loneliness. Instead of breaking into her mind through light, it directly entered her body. While talking with her, it questioned what loneliness was, trying to understand its own pain and isolation through understanding hers. Its solution is to merge with Rei, as it believes this would solve both problems. 

However, when she refuses, the angel then tries to find another source of connection. Rei cares about Shinji, as both a clone of his mother, and a friend as her own person. The angel can see that this connection is something that she finds precious and tries to take it for itself, as it cannot understand why Shinji wouldn’t feel the same. It cannot understand how complex human connections are, that it cannot simply take Reis form. However, it has learned what pain is, and how to communicate its own pain. As seen when Shinji attacks it. Whether this pain is physical or emotional doesn't matter, because it is the first pain that the angel could express.

The angels discovering what loneliness is acts as a way for the human pilots to begin to explore their own isolation in more depth. For better or worse.

THE FINAL MESSENGER

Our introduction to the final angel is him singing. He takes a human form, can fully communicate to other humans, and doesn’t immediately attack them. This is such a contrast to all other angels that it isn't immediately clear that he even is an angel. Kaworu's first words are (as per the netflix english subtitles)

“Arent songs great? Songs enrich the heart. They're the crowning achievement of Lilin culture” 

He loves humans, human culture, human lives, and the human world. He is the first angel who is able to show this. His ability to understand humans allows him to form human connections, and he does so with Shinji. 

Kaworu loved Shinji. He would seek out Shinji, take time to bond and communicate with him, and help Shinji open up. He wanted to be close with Shinji, and knew how to be gentle in ways that no other human or angel could. He was patient, because he had time. And Shinji was able to open up to him more than with any other character. Shinji  was able to take the initiative to ask to stay with him, to try and form that connection.

All the human characters are struggling with their own demons, with an apocalyptic world. The whole earth is at war and Shinji is in the front lines, surrounded by adults who may want to help him but ultimately can't. Saving everyone is a higher priority to saving one kid, especially when that kid is your strongest soldier. Throughout the series Shinji is given conditional love. It is only when he pilots the EVA, defeats the angels and saves the day that people give him validation. Then comes this boy, who is gentle and kind, who listens. And it's easy, its comfort, its understanding and unconditional love, and its exactly what Shinji has needed for the whole series. 

But as a messenger he could never stay, he's temporary and by the end of the episode he understands this. He still is driven to ‘Adam’, he has a mission, but instead he is confronted with Lilith. Kaworu understands that humans and angels cannot live together in harmony, only one can survive. Both Adam and Litlith were made in god's image, but only Adam could stay in the garden of Eden. Death and Life hold equal value to Kaworu, so he doesn't mind the sacrifice, he would rather die to protect humans, to protect Shinji. He can  also understand that this is difficult, this is murder, this is killing a friend. So he says “thank you” and he waits.

In other episodes when in a battle, Shinji is constantly being yelled at, told what to do, under constant pressure. But here there is just the same patient understanding that Kaworu has always shown him. No rush for him to take action, just time to process and grieve. Because Kaworu knows Shinji will make the hard choice and he waits, and he smiles, and he continues to love Shinji. 

The final angel came down as a messenger and said

“You are important. 

I want to talk to you, to know you. 

You are in pain, you are fragile and should be protected. 

You are worthy of my affection. 

I like you. I love you. I was born just so that I could meet you. 

Our kind cannot survive together, one of us must die. And you deserve to live. 

I will take this burden of death because you deserve a future. 

I am glad I could meet you, thank you. 

I know this is hard, and I know you need time. I will wait.

Thank you.”

That was the last message to humanity.

And because Shinji is human he says back

“We are the same. I love you too. If only one of us could have lived it should have been you. You are better than me. You should have survived.”

[demonfamilytherapist]

⭐ for MC is a ghost after Lesson 16, or Pact Mark Headcanons

The ghost headcanons were a sequel to MC's permadeath headcanons, so I went back and read through those ones and included a basic sort of continuation of where the brothers were at the end of that fic. I'll go brother by brother, and the ending part to finish off:

Mammon: I think this isn't too controversial, but post-lesson 16 I think Mammon would be one of the worst affected. At least in terms of simple, uncomplicated grief, Mammon would likely get hit with the worst. In that scene in lesson 16, every other character was able to communicate to the others, or even comment on what was going on. Mammon was in a full panic. I think he would want to cling onto any memory of MC, and so would be one to dismiss his sightings of MC has hallucinations at first because of that. But he would also be grateful to have any part of them left and finally have an opportunity to be honest with his feelings. So I tried to portray him as feeling lost and empty and latching onto the possibility of MC still being around.

Levi: In the original fic, I gave Levi a bit of competency. Levi is one of the older bros and that does shine through sometimes, and I think if Mammon wasn't able to step up, he would. Levi is doing his best in the ghost fic to support his family, but that doesn't change that he's heavily introverted and anxious. All his efforts have left him extremely tired and self-conscious, especially since many of his brothers are likely too caught up in their own grief to acknowledge his efforts. Levi sees MC as the same source of reassurance as they were in life, but also as a source of motivation. MC's influence on him has encouraged him to interact more with his family even if it's hard. I wanted to show that positive impact - and how grief doesn't always change family dynamics for the worst, even if it's painful.

Beel: Trauma, trauma, trauma. Beel not only has residual guilt from Lilith, he now has new guilt over MC, and all of that is tied to Belphie. His twin, the one person he should be closest to and understand, stole someone he loves from him. The trauma has kind of overlapped for him and Beel can't reach out for Belphie for it, but he also can't just abandon his twin. Seeing MC again, Beel wants to correct his mistake and take care of whatever form they're in. It's not necessarily the healthiest coping mechanism, but it makes him feel more in control.

Asmo: Asmo is an interesting character for me to write. He's either super difficult or I have a really clear idea of him. For MC's ghost, I wanted to show Solomon's influence on him as well as why MC is important to him. He's using a very human coping mechanism (talking to MC without expecting an answer) both to feel more connected to them and because he felt they listened to him. It's only after he sees MC that it starts to have a more unhealthy bend, but well, I guess it's justified given MC really is there? I think as a character, Asmo has a lot to share in his areas of interest (fashion, trends, parties) but due to their apparent 'shallowness' few people listen to him. So I think MC taking the time to understand what he's talking about would be valuable for him.

Satan: Okay, here's where it gets interesting. I was not planning on necromancy coming into things at first. But I literally couldn't think about what to write for Satan. Satan is not a character who would just sit around and mope, he's someone who would want to try and take action even if it seemed totally helpless. Satan also made his pact literal hours (or even less) before MC's death, so I think the rawness of that bond and the grief over 'what could've been' in particular would've driven him to act. I also wanted him to go to Lucifer when it became clear he needed help to show MC's influence again.

Belphie: He was actually the toughest one to write. I firmly believe Belphie began to develop feelings for MC (not necessarily romantic) while still in the attic. However, he held his trauma, grief, and misplaced rage higher than those feelings which led to his actions. When the justification for his rage was removed, Belphie is left to realise that he killed an innocent person (which, demon, he probably could've recovered from that) and a person that his family dearly, dearly loved, and whose loss completely broke them apart again. That guilt informs his actions for every part of the story, and leaving his shared room with Beel at the end of his section sort of foreshadows what would happen at the end.

Lucifer: Lucifer doesn't have the same close relationship with MC as his brothers do, so while he does grieve their loss and his role in it, his primary concern is his brothers (which just happens to distract him from his grief too!). Lucifer's lack of close relationship with MC is also shown in his poor understanding of them (seen in his insistence that they would be hostile). However, Lucifer has faith in Satan which changes his opinion. I have a lot to say on Lucifer and Satan's relationship, but I think that Lucifer is a lot prouder of Satan than he always shows and has a lot of respect for his learning and ability. So when Satan approaches him with the truth about MC, Lucifer is able to accept it. It also helps that the whole situation has served him quite a bit of humble pie, too.

Ending: once again, necromancy was not my original plan for this fic, but it honestly made sense. Lucifer has already broken the rules of life and death for a loved one once. They're seven of the most powerful beings not only in the Devildom, but across all three realms. And MC is one of them now. Lucifer offering his pact is his way of making it up to his family and MC for hiding the truth. Belphie's offer to leave was written shortly before I played the s3 finale, and let me say I felt so vindicated on that point. Belphie hates being alone, he's scared of being alone, but he offers to isolate himself willingly because he wants his family to heal.

It was a very fun fic to write!

[yourmcu]

102

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Summary:

Songfic based on ‘102′ by the 1975. Moments when Natasha’s really in love with you.

A/n: listen to that song here, it’s good

Word count: 2,442

Warnings: fluff. pining. angst. angst. one sided relationship. r’s an idiot

Well, we’re here We’re at the common again

To put it simply, Natasha’s in love with you. It’s been a while now and she’s positive about her feelings. She’s not even in denial of it.

Natasha loves everything about you especially those little things and how you can make her day a thousand times better just by being around. Only realizing it a few years after you became a full time Avenger, you’re still unaware even though you’ve got this wonderful friendship with her.

Friendship, she sighs. She thought she could do anything, unfortunately admitting her stupid feelings isn’t one of them. She’d be risking the friendship and bond you two have, or, you could admit that you felt the same and everyone’ll be happy.

However, the thing is, you don’t.

“I like the way that your face looks when I’m arguing with you”.

She finds you adorable even if it's just the dumbest thing ever.

"Nat!" You whine, flailing your hands at your sides like a child. "I called shotgun!"

"I got here first, didn't I?"

"Children, better hurry it up or we'll miss the premiere." Tony gets in the driver's seat.

Natasha sticks her tongue out and crosses her legs to get comfortable, teasing you. The way your eyebrows furrow and your lips turn into a pout, sometimes you'd flail your arms or cross them is so adorable to her.

"Nat," you drag out, crawling in to sit on her lap and attempt to push her out. You don't think of it much because you're frustrated. "Come on, Nat!"

"There's room for both of us here, this is fine." She smirks, wrapping her arms around your waist making you jolt. You're ticklish like that.

Natasha teasing you is the norm for the team so they barely react, so normal that Tony just goes ahead and drives while you're still on the redhead's lap.

"Stop! We're gonna get pulled over!"

"Eh, they owe us an unpayable debt, remember?"

Even if the matter's more serious, she couldn't help but feel soft for you. Every time.

Inside you were freaking out. It was when the Avengers were handed the Sokovia Accords. They were all your friends and to see them split in two sides was - crazy. You remained undecided, but you knew if you didn't sign you'd probably be behind bars.

Both sides made valid points. After Steve abruptly left you were with Natasha most of the time. She tried her best to persuade you that signing was the best option for the team.

"You know I'm not one with politics, I just don't trust them, Nat," you sigh, gently taking her hand to fiddle with. "But - but then again, we've done enough collateral damage through the years."

Natasha nods. "you know I'm with you no matter what happens, right?"

You nod as well and offer a thankful smile. She truly is your bestest friend.

"Just because it's the path of least resistance doesn't mean it's the wrong path," she continues. "Staying together is more important than how we stay together."

Her hand now intertwines with yours. But she gently removes hers, that's way too... weird. You can't just do that, Romanoff.

She mentally sighs in relief since it doesn’t look like you noticed. You remain silent, deep in thought, but you snap out of it when she gets up.

"I'm making a quick stop to London then I'm off to Vienna for the signing of the Accords. You're welcome to join me."

And so when, when we all grow old I hope this song will remind you that I’m not half as bad As what you’ve been told

Here we are, sort of like your origin story on how you met the Avengers.

Steve introduced you to the team when you've settled, healed, and able to control your pyrokinesis. You were thankful for them saving you from the HYDRA base because unlike the others, the experiments they ran on you were forced.

As Natasha first laid her eyes on you, that cliché moment in movies where in the character's surroundings seem to slow down and the only thing you're focused on is that one particular person-

She didn't believe in that shit. She would scoff and roll her eyes whenever she saw a scene like that.

But it happened to her. She hated it and would've accused you for taking her breath away.

"Yeah. Natasha Romanoff." She curtly extends a hand for you to shake and you smile at her, taking it.

And for a while she ignores you while simultaneously looking you up behind your back.

Why would someone like you, a genuine and beautiful ray of sunshine, want anything to do with someone like Natasha?

She's terrified of the thought of what your reaction would be if you realize what she'd done in the past. Ah, her past, something she isn’t proud of.

You finally confront her one day, hating how you seem to get a long with everyone just fine except her.

Your real reaction being, "we've all done something really bad that we regret. I mean, look at me, I was treated like a weapon for a quarter of my life and I can produce fire anytime, which I didn't ask for - sorry, I guess what I'm saying is, I don't think you're a bad person Natasha. You're here, aren't you? Saving people's lives? You're a better version of yourself, you're changing and if you ask me that's what really matters. Now, can we get some coffee?"

Natasha's been in love with you ever since.

And when I knock at a hundred and two, And I see your pajamas I can’t stop smiling at you

Natasha heard soft knocks outside her door one night. To be honest she'd be most likely to ignore the harsh and hard knocks, so she got up and made her way to open the door.

There you stood in your pajamas. You hate the matching ones, just like the pair you had on that night. But you also hate mismatching them. Natasha wouldn't admit to think that you look nice in them though. "Hi," you manage to say, avoiding looking her directly in the eyes since you already doubt she'd let you stay just this once. "I... uh, m'sorry for waking you up, Nat-"

While you find the words to say Natasha just observes - that's creepy - admires - she looks, she looks. You're clearly dying inside, probably regretting you knocked, the way you prefer looking at anything but her as you try and get words out, and how you fiddled with the hem of your shirt.

"God, you know what? Never mind, I... I'm sorry for waking you up."

Before you could walk away Natasha opens her door wider, her face displaying full concern. "Hey, what happened?"

"It's nothing serious, I was just-"

"As your friend, I'm here for you no matter what," she wonders what'd it be like if it’s more than that. "Plus, I won't be able to go back to sleep either if you end up not telling me." She offers you a smile.

You sigh, looking her in the eye for the first time that night. "Had a nightmare. It was one of those kinds where I had no idea if I was gonna wake up from it - it was just - I feel like if I went back to sleep I'd see it again, you know?" You exhale, frowning.

She's glad you chose to show your vulnerable side to her, it just goes to show that you trust her that much, feeling like you could tell her anything.

You bite your lip, looking away. "I'm being such a baby about it, sorry-"

"Y/N," she states. "Stop apologizing and come here,"

Natasha motions you inside her room and almost immediately you latch yourself onto her, hugging her as you near the bed. It must've been bad, you seem shaken up about it.

You sigh in relief when Natasha pulls the covers over both of you, enveloping you into warmness.

Natasha lies beside you with her elbow propped up to look at you. "Do you... want to talk about it? Or I can put on a movie if you'd like."

You shake your head slightly, scooting near her. "I'm all good now."

Natasha's heart skips a beat, knowing that she's the one making you feel at ease, calm. She smiles and nods, turning to turn off the lamp.

Friends can cuddle, right? She wonders. She wants to wrap an arm around you more than anything but she feels that would be some sort of violation. So she hopes that the closeness of your bodies would be enough, for now. Hopefully.

I said “well I, I like the cut of your jib,”, “I like the way that your face looks when you're yapping on about him,”

Even though you were being affectionate with Natasha sometimes, you never returned her feelings.

Only a total asshole would hang around with someone often and do something that would cross that barrier, giving signs and subtle hints that you liked her, at least that’s what it looked like to Natasha but it ended up actually didn’t. Were you really the one to blame though? You have no idea Natasha likes you more than a friend.

Which lead you to making a very poor choice of opening up about someone you liked, to the one who liked you.

Natasha’s heart was racing when you mentioned you liked someone and planned to take them on a date, but you decided to go to her for advice first. 

It was a fifty-fifty chance for her, really.

“I mean, she is very mysterious,” you thought while running your thumb across your bottom lip. “Wanda.”

From there, Natasha just tried to ignore the sudden ache in her chest, pulling herself together in your presence. Of course it wasn’t her, you would never like someone like her. Plus, it was expected. You and Wanda shared a few more things in common than Natasha.

Noticing that the redhead hasn’t spoken a word, you continue. “I’d like to get to know her better but... you’ve known her longer than me, right, Nat? I want her to be comfortable if I ever get to go out with her.”

She tried to swallow the lump on her throat subtly, avoiding your eyes. She wanted nothing more than to walk away, out of anybody’s sight so no one could see her mercilessly destroy anything in her sight.

“You don’t need to,” she finally replies. “You could watch her favorite sitcoms together and you’ll win her over.”

“Sitcoms?”

“She likes them.”

You pout, pondering about the idea further while Natasha sighs to herself.

And after you excuse yourself to talk to the young witch, Natasha wastes no time to head to her floor to have some well deserved alone time to herself and mope, telling herself that she doesn’t and never will deserve someone like you.

But on this shirt I found your smell I just sat there for ages Contemplating what to do with myself

You and Natasha are both lucky to have each other on the team. The both of you are a match made in heaven on the battlefield, you have each other's backs.

"So... that went well," you state, referring to the mission, putting your hands on your hips as Natasha packs her stuff to get ready to leave for the next day. You bite the inside of your cheek, cursing yourself for packing lightly. "Can I borrow a shirt?"

Natasha just finished showering, now in the process of doing her usual routines before going to bed. She grabs a shirt from her closet and pulls it on.

She sighs exhaustedly, running her fingers through her hair. The fact that the shirt she put on was the same one you borrowed from her that day doesn’t click immediately.

But when it does,

"Fuck."

Natasha told herself to slowly move on because a more-than-friends relationship with you is not happening.

Well, not that she's ever told you directly that she's in love with you, but she can take a hint. You clearly aren’t interested.

And now she sits there alone with a shirt that fucking smells like you, her favorite person. At that moment she wants to just march over to your room and confess.

Trying to move on isn’t a good look on her, key word: trying to.

You’re something else. No one's made her feel this way before.

I called you up at a hundred and two, We just sat there for ages Talking about that boy who was getting on to you

You just might be the most oblivious idiot ever.

Because after your first, second date with Wanda you still failed to notice the changes in Natasha’s mood. You should know, you considered her your best friend, but being with Wanda became your priority ever since you pulled off impressing her on the first date.

Instead of letting you be, Natasha had to call you. At the time you were on your break, taking time off out of the compound. She just wanted some sort of closure at least, wasn’t even sure if that’s what to call it considering you both would still be friends, but she needed it.

“Hey, I won’t take up too much of your time,” she starts, but you immediately bombard her with what happened with your day with Wanda.

Natasha bites her lip as you do, every little thing you mentioned that she could only imagine doing with you sends her heart throbbing. But at the same time she’s happy for you. She simply loved seeing you happy. 

“I couldn’t have managed to do any of it let alone talk to Wanda without your help. Thanks, Nat,” she smiles sadly at your words, completely scrapping the thought of confessing her feelings to you. Maybe it didn’t matter anymore. “We should hang out when I get back. I miss you.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t, I... I’m being sent off for a mission soon,” she blinks back the tears and she could’ve sworn the ache she felt just got worse. Before she could utter another word, you sigh.

“Oh. I’ll see you when you get back, then?”

“I guess.”

When the call ends she goes to her messages to type out the things she’s been dying to say. She’ll be gone when you get back, she won’t have to face you once you’ve read it. After everything I still love you. It’s been too long, you deserve to know.

[rocinantescoffeestop]

Ted Lasso has ADHD

He’s just super well-adjusted to it and has had lots of support through his life in this particular area. In all honest, he’s like ADHD goals; someone who’s comfortable and accepting of himself and his neurology.

This is so not a scientific analysis. Just a nerd looking for solace in yet another fictional character. ;)

Five reasons why I firmly see Ted Lasso as an ADHD character:

1.) Pasta Water.

Right off the bat, here’s what started this whole internal discussion: pasta water on the stove. As well-adjusted as he seems in day-to-day appearances, little details slip his mind. Forgetfulness is one of the more obvious traits of ADHD. In 1.09 when Ted and Roy Kent are having a heart to heart about Roy’s future on the team, the scene starts off with Ted trying to offer Kent something to eat/drink like any good host, and he makes a joke about offering the pot of pasta water that’s been sitting on his stove for two days. Kind of odd to have that sitting out, right? Not for a neurodivergent, though. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve baked cookies and then left all the materials scattered about on the stove and counters overnight, and then just didn’t have the energy or mindfulness to clean it up until someone got on my case for leaving a mess.  Our minds are just on a higher plane; we prioritise differently. Ted’s not at all concerned with the material. It’s the heart and soul that gives things meaning and thus gives him muse to pursue something, and frankly, cooking and cleaning up doesn’t give him that joy.

2.) Reminders.

He has little signs that say ‘believe’ tacked up all around his house, and in the same episode that’s mentioned (1.10 if I remember correctly – when he, Nathan, and Beard are discussing tactics for the game against Manchester), there’s also a fleeting mention of having a reminder to floss (that he also states to ignore due to exhaustion). I constantly have to write things down; anything that pops into my head, I put it on a flashcard and pin it to the wall, because even if it’s something I believe in, it might leave in the next few seconds so if I want it done/ingrained in my head, I have to have it somewhere outside my head. It’s because of our absolutely shot executive function – doesn’t really work too well – that leads us around our day in a spiral, constantly finding something different/a new angle or another story off our previous story that leads us astray. We get acquainted with backpedalling, mainly from other people (or ourselves) who keep telling us: hey, you were about to tell me something? I don’t have all day. Or something similar.

3.) Mentality.

It’s obvious that Ted’s thought process is miles away from the people he’s surrounded by, and the more people try to drag him back to his way, the more firm he gets. (The only person who I’ve noticed doesn’t try to sway his mentality is Keeley, they actually vibe really well together, right off the bat, which is funny because I see a little adhd-coding in her as well.) In my experience, the more someone tells me to see a different side/do something else, the more I want to keep doing what I want to do/keep believing in my way. (It’s only recently that I discovered this was a trait shared among many with ADHD; I thought it was just me being a dick to be honest XD.) I work so well with opposition. Losing that feels a bit like losing a purpose. It’s just so lucky that Ted’s way of staying true is optimism, because there’s a lot of rampant pessimism everywhere you go, so he never truly lives without his purpose. Breaking away from this core is painful, too, and we see him refuse to do just that literally every episode.

4.) More Reasons for Optimism.

Here’s another reason for optimism: RSD. We all know that positive thinking is the first line of defense against negative thinking, and you’re thinking duh right now, I can feel it. ;D That just helps me warm up to what I’m really trying to say which is about RSD, or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, a way to describe a symptom of ADHd. Now, at first, I didn’t see much evidence for this. RSD is what makes it very hard for us to bear criticism, and from what I see of Ted, he manages to handle criticism pretty well, he’s pretty civil about it, always taking it with a smile. And typically, people with this dysphoria don’t handle rejection or perceived rejection too well. Then, I realised that Ted’s intense optimism acts as a coping mechanism against this. If something is hard to hear, if criticism pulls him down to the depths, he forces himself to bounce back up because, in all honesty, everything starts with a smile, and after you start that (starting is the hardest thing), picking yourself up becomes slightly easier. He’s clearly had a lot of support in this area, not to mention a lot of his rambles almost sound like he’s searching for support – for validation – too. He latches onto people easily because of this, because external validation is such a powerful force. (The same goes for the lack of that, powerful in the opposite effect.) He knows this well, which is why he tries to be such a strong force of support for others. I can see this as being a contributing factor to why his divorce lead to an alarming/seemingly uncharacteristic bitter outburst and a severe panic attack – although that could also be because he spent so much of his life/devotion loving his wife and raising a family, that anyone forced into the situation wouldn’t have fared much better. In my experience, living with RSD has shaped me into a selfless person, ceaseless supporter, and postive-thinker, because I don’t want the people around me to feel as lonely and rejected as perceived criticism and the like leaves me. It doesn’t even matter whether I like them or not, I always end up feeling nauseated if something I say leads to even slight aggravation. (That’s something I’m working to address, as not everything I say or do will lead to people hating me, but it’s such a big motivator in my life.)

5.) The peanut butter jar.

This is a clever hack to combat the munchies. My ADHD leaves me hungry all of the time, but it’s a hunger that’s all in the head. Eating gives me stimulation to stay focused on whatever I’m doing, which isn’t always the healthiest (I like eating crunchy and/or salty things especially, as savoury keeps him going for longer). Leaving an open peanut butter jar on the table is honestly a clever hack. Peanut Butter isn’t the worst food to snack on, especially if it’s all natural/doesn’t contain processed sugars (those do not work well for our brains). It’s sweet but a little salty, and it’s a protein, meaning a little goes a long way in making us feel full. I know I don’t like to eat too much peanut butter, because then it starts to make me feel a little stuffed (not sick per se, just uncomfortable). Swinging by every so often to eat a bit of peanut butter is the perfect lil boost of dopamine, doesn’t over stuff, and the movement to get there is also refreshing. (I think I’m actually going to try this out for myself!)

There may be more, but alas, I’ve uncovered all the major signs that have been rattling around in my head since my first rewatch of this incredible show. XD!

tl;dr –

[leviachansbaka]

as much as i'd love for the devs to give us more lore, season 4 has let me down in so many ways :( i've been around when only season 1 was out, and while it's a blessing to see a solmare game get so much love, witnessing everything go downhill has been so disheartening??

i do theorize that they reduced people like satan, simeon, even barbatos, to simple traits because they're unsure of how to go in-depth with them when they want to cater to their 'target audience'. what target audience? in my experiences, you can't please everyone, and if you try to, everyone will end up upset.

all of this made me latch onto solomon a lot harder. the devs seem to be doing an amazing job with mephistopheles in particular, but i'm afraid of what season 5 may hold, so a huge part of me kind of wishes that they just. stop. yk?? out of the original cast solomon is the only one they haven't butchered so i want them to hold it off, procrasinate with the story. produce quality, not quantity.

what do you think?

sameee 😭 I've been playing since the end of 2019 and found season four rather disappointing. I'm in love with the new characters. but I wish solmare would have worked more on the characters they already have before adding new ones (I'm afraid they're going to add a bunch of characters in the future and not develop them properly as they did in their previous games)

solmare is not even doing a good job with the brothers. as you said, they gave some characters simple traits and called them personalities: satan hates lucifer, and loves cats and books. they use levi's anxiety for laughs and paint asmo as a pretty face, etc. the dateables seem so interesting, and they have so much to offer, but solmare doesn't seem to be into giving depth to their stories at the moment :/

I think solmare realized the game attracted a lot of very young players, and they decided to avoid touching on subjects that could make them or their family members uncomfortable. also, funny or cute romantic stories are always selling amongst the public, so they probably decided to go down the easier route. after all, it takes far more time and money to create something deep, complex, and beautiful

I feel the same way, to be honest. I'm also afraid of season five (but hoping they're not going to fuck everything up) and wish they would hold on for a while and focus on what they already have. think about where the story is going, how it's supposed to end, give some of the characters more screentime and develop them all with love and care ;-;

[kalinara]

I really do wish shippers, no matter which pairing, would stop taking other people saying things like “I don’t see it” or “I hope it doesn’t happen” as some kind of personal attack.

It happens in every fandom.  There’ll be a pairing, maybe het or maybe slash, that fans seem to latch onto with a fanatic devotion.  They’ll write page after page of analysis as to why this pairing absolutely HAS to happen.  They’ll act like anyone who doesn’t read the “subtext” in the same way is being intentionally obtuse. 

And god forbid, someone says “I’d rather see them stay friends.”  Then, at best, there’ll be four hundred new blog posts about how these OTHER platonic friends in the show exist, so there’s no reason that THESE characters shouldn’t fuck.

It couldn’t possibly be that this fan likes this particular friendship as it’s portrayed on screen, the way it is.  No way!

The idea of “antis” annoys the shit out of me, to be honest.  And when I say that, I’m not criticizing the people who don’t like a particular character or pairing.  I think everyone has the right to like or dislike what they choose.  I hate the idea that we have to put a label on everyone who disagrees with us. 

And honestly, the idea that we can label someone as an “anti” simply because we disagree about one particular pairing or character is bullshit.  I’ll use Ted Lasso as an example, because it’s my current love.  “TedBecca” is by far the most popular pairing in the fandom, in my experience.  And certainly the relationship between the two characters is a driving force of the show.  But the relationship in the show is not (yet) romantic.  And it’s very possible to like the show and the characters without wanting to see them enter into a romantic relationship.

I may alienate people by saying this but: “TedBecca” is not the be-all and end-all of Ted Lasso, the show.   No individual pairing or character is.  It’s possible to dislike the pairing and still love the show.  It’s possible to dislike Rebecca or Keeley or Roy or Beard or Trent and still love the show.  Theoretically, it’s even possible to dislike TED and still love the show (though admittedly, I have no idea how that would work!).

Now obviously, if someone’s jumping into a shipper’s inbox, or leaping onto a reblog to tell them why they’re wrong-wrong-wrong, that’s not behavior that should be tolerated.  

But most “antis” don’t do that.  Most “antis” post on their own damn blog, maybe using the general fandom tag which they have every right to do.  And that’s perfectly a perfectly valid form of fandom.

In the end, no “anti” can stop us from writing our meta or enjoying our art and fic.  And NONE of us have any say on what becomes canon.  So we don’t need to get worked up about any of it.

[rubix-writings]

Punisher Pt. 4

Fourth part of Punisher. This is a Chicago PD/Fire imagine with an original character. I don’t own any of the plot points or characters from the show. Also, it doesn’t follow any particular season or sequence in the shows.

Series Summary: Josephine (Jo) never expected to find support and pure love when she left Los Angeles. She ran away to Chicago and was content with living an insignificant, hidden life. But everything changes when she walks into Molly’s to get a job.

Josephine (OC) x Jay Halstead

The italicized lines are internal thoughts of the character.

Warnings: language, mentions of drinking, blood, mentions of violence/attack, long (!)

“Jo, can you get that order ready? I have to go do inventory in the back,” Hermann asks. His silver eyeglasses are perched on the bridge of his nose, the reflection of the paperwork on his clipboard plays across his lenses. I nod and start to pour a few glasses of wine to take over to the table in the back corner. A few weeks passed since my first day and Hermann and Stella have started to trust with a lot more responsibility around the bar. It’s been great getting closer with the regulars and I’ve even stopped by the firehouse to have lunch with everyone a few times. I pick up some empties on my way back to the bar and start to wash the used glasses. It was a pretty quiet night and the crowd has only thinned out as the night went on. 

“Hey Jo, how’s loverboy?” Emily insinuated. I met Emily and Silvie during one of my first shifts and they really latched onto Jay’s and my relationship, or lack thereof. We ended up having a few drinks after my shift on the same day Jay dropped me off at Molly’s. The way I feel when I’m with Jay is new, something I’ve never experienced before. When Jay is around I feel….. Safe. It’s like I can fully be myself, there are no eggshells to tiptoe around. 

“He’s at the table near the door, why don’t you go ask him?” I ask. 

“Oh please, you must have noticed how Jay likes to hang around Molly’s, but really only during your shifts,” Emily whispers.

“And how he’ll stay late on the nights you’re closing up,” Silvie lowers her voice to match Emily’s. I pause cleaning and lean onto the bartop in front of them.

“You guys just described yourselves,” I whisper back. 

“That’s not true, we are here… an average amount,” Emily fights back, but not really believing it. Silvie says nothing, but I can tell by the way her eyes are moving that she’s trying to do the math. I smirk and say nothing. They’re not wrong about the amount of time Jay spends at the bar. Sometimes he comes in with a few members of the Intelligence Unit or with Will, but he always spends time at the bar to talk. And then there are the times he’s come in alone and sat on the same stool all night to ensure his spot is saved. But I’ve tried to not think about it if I’m being completely honest. A part of me feels like I’m crossing a line I’ll never be able to step back, I’m supposed to be hidden, flying below the radar. I’ve really tried, people have offered to hang out on my days off or grab drinks and I always turn them down. I could never live with myself if any of these people got hurt because of me. I keep telling myself that I have everything exactly how I want it, but that is a big fat lie and I have no interest in fixing it. 

“Hey Jo, can I close out?” the breath in my lungs immediately dissipates. Jay really is punch you in the gut kind of beautiful. 

“Yeah, course,” I move further down the bar to the register. “How’s Will doing these days?”

“He’s good, the long shifts are killing him, but other than that he’s good.”

“Well maybe you shouldn't keep him out this late,” he smirks and hands me his credit card.

“Yeah, probably shouldn’t. He’s just being a good brother,” I hand Jay his receipts to sign. 

“Will you come around tomorrow?” Really smooth, that didn’t sound too eager at all.

“Can’t sadly, I pulled the short straw of late shift patrol.”

“Wow, how’d you get so lucky?” He hands me back the signed copy. 

“It’s a gift I guess. At least I’ll be with Adam, you remember him right?” Adam Ruzek, probably one of the tallest men I’ve ever seen. It’s hard to forget him since he acts like a teenage boy trapped in a man’s body. I smile and nod at Jay’s question. “Yeah, so at least I’ll have someone to talk to.”

“How are him and Kim doing, still on the outs?”

“Yeah. Hey don’t let me regret spilling that to you,” he taps his knuckles on the wooden bartop. 

“First, I’m offended. I’m an excellent secret keeper. Second, maybe it should be harder than a couple of beers for a detective to start disclosing secrets,” I shrug. 

“It’s called confiding actually.”

“Oh is that right,” I smile.

“Yes. I’m sorry, I have to go. I’ll see you around Jo,” Jay starts backing away towards the front door. 

“Bye Jay.”

Is it too serious to tell him to stay safe? The words were on the tip of my tongue, ready to be dropped, but it never came. I look to the girls at the other end of the bar who give me a look of victory from Jay’s and my interaction. I simply roll my eyes and get back to work. 

****

My eyes are barely staying open as I park my car in front of my apartment building. That’s right, I have a car. A real shitty one to match my apartment. It does provide some comfort knowing that it’ll never get broken into. The frigid air does very little to wake me up, my body is deeply craving sleep. Between the double shift today and the closing shifts the nights before, I haven’t gotten enough sleep to say the least. My feet slowly trudge up the creaking stairs, for some reason someone years ago thought it would be a good idea to paint them white, but never did any touch ups and just left it to chip and fade over time. The ceiling in my apartment was “fixed” a week ago, but by the looks of it I wouldn’t be surprised if it dropped again. 

“Time for sleep,” I smile lazily. I plug my phone in to charge and go to the closet to hang up my coat. My bed has never looked so inviting, hell my water ruined coach looks like a good place to sleep right about now. I start to brush my teeth when I hear a muffled yell. I pause and wait for it to reoccur, but after a few seconds I start to believe it’s my tired mind playing tricks. 

“Help….please,” it’s so faint that if you weren’t looking for it you’d miss the outcry. A loud crash follows which causes the adrenaline to course through my veins and bolt out of my apartment. A woman lays in the hallway, I look to the stairs and the vibrant blood clashes with the white stairs and banister. She groans and tries to move.

“Hey, don’t move,” I say as softly as I can. I take off the hoodie that I always wear under my coat and start to push it under her head as a makeshift pillow. Her eyes flutter closed, but she doesn’t try to move anymore. I start to get up from my knees and her hand quickly snatches my forearm.

“Please don’t leave me,” her voice is hoarse. This is the first time I really look at her face that’s covered in blood and cuts. Her eyes are hollow and tired. I look down to her hand that’s also covered in blood, there’re cuts across her knuckles. She fought back. 

“I’ll be right back, I just need to get my phone. Just relax, you’re safe,” I had no place to tell her how to feel, but once she loosens her grip I take full advantage and run to my phone to call 911. As I’m explaining the events to the dispatcher I take the rolls of gauze and first aid kit from my apartment with me to the hallway. 

“What’s your name?” My voice is calm, I start to try and wrap the injuries bleeding the most. 

“Eve,” her voice faint and weak. 

“Hi Eve, I’m Jo. You’re not alone okay? I’m not leaving you,” she nods slightly keeping her eyes closed. “The police are coming.” Once I finish wrapping the wounds on her face, I start to look over the rest of her body to see if anything needs immediate attention. Her upper arm was slashed and she was stabbed in the leg which is basically gushing. They might’ve nicked the artery. As fast as I can without putting her in too much pain I wrap up her arm and start pilling on copious amounts of gauze to her leg wound. The bright red liquid stains the used gauze and my hands as it can’t be stopped by the gauze alone. I start to undo my belt and wrap it above the wound.

“Eve, this is going to hurt, but I need you to stay still so I can stop the bleeding okay?” she groans in response. Her skin is almost as pale as the white wooden floor. I leave her for one last time to get a wooden spoon from my kitchen. I start the tourniquet and try to push away Eve’s cries of pain. “I know, I’m sorry,” she doesn’t respond. Once the tourniquet is in place I get more gauze to put pressure on the wound. 

“Police! Call Out!” I’ve never felt so relieved to hear those words.

“Up here! Hurry!” I shout back. 

“Holy shit.”

“Jo?” My head snaps up to Jay’s face. 

“Jay, help her,” my exhaustion slowly defeating the adrenaline in my body. 

“I got this Jo,” Adam moves to put pressure on the leg wound. I slide back to lean against the wall.

“Jo, what happened?” Jay’s face directly in front of mine. I’ve never seen his eyes this close up before, there’s so many blues thrown together.

“I heard her yell for help, I think she fell down the stairs,” Jay follows my gaze to the stained stairs behind him. “Her name is Eve,” he nods and pulls away to talk into his radio. 

“Eve, Eve, can you hear my sweetheart?” Adam yells to Eve, she winces in response. “The ambulance should be here in a minute, just hold on okay?” Eve’s eyes flutter open and frantically look for me. 

“Hey, I’m right here. I’m not leaving,” I walk and practically collapse on the other side of her. Her bloody hand finds mine like it’s her only lifeline. 

“Ruzek, I’m going to clear the rest of the building. Jo stay with Adam,” normally I would fight and tell Jay to not go alone, but my body is gradually fading. 

“We’re good man, go,” Adam urges. “Jo, you okay there darling?” his voice sounds morphed in my mind. 

“Yeah I’m fine,” Adam reaches for his radio, I watch him talk but nothing comes out of his mouth. I shake my head to try and get my mind straight. 

“Paramedics!” 

“Up here guys!” Adam yells back. “Eve, the medics are here, you’re gonna be okay.”

“What do we got?” One medic asks, Adam takes it upon himself to explain the prior events as best as he can from the information I gave him earlier. I release Eve’s hand and move so the medics can help her, she seems to understand because Eve doesn’t fight me moving away. It felt like an out of body experience watching them try and save Eve. 

“There’s a blood trail leading a few floors up, went into the apartment it started from but it’s empty. Cars are on their way to secure the scene,” Jay is back, but I don’t look at him. “Hey Jo, why don’t you sit down?” Jay grabs my arms and gently leads me to a clean stair to sit. “What’s the ETA on that second ambulance?”

“Two minutes,” one medic answers while removing my sweatshirt from under Eve’s head to get her on the back board. 

“Second ambulance?” I ask.

“Yeah, just to check you out really quick. You might be going into shock,” Jay responds softly.

“I’m fine, just really tired,” my voice is barely above a whisper.

“Just in case, okay? Here,” Jay takes off his CPD bomber jacket and wraps it around my shoulders. 

“Jay give us a hand,” Adam calls while grabbing hold of one side the back board that holds Eve. 

“Yeah. Stay right here, I’ll be right back,” Jay rubs my back before getting up from the stair and helping get Eve down the stairs to the ambulance. I rest my head against the wall as my body enters full crash mode. I just want to sleep. “Jo, come on let’s go get you checked out,” Jay helps put my arms through the correct holes of his jacket and leads me down the steps to outside.

The steel of the ambulance is cold against my butt. A woman with red hair and bright green eyes starts taking my vitals. The blue and red lights of the cop cars light up the entire street. People are bringing a ton of equipment into my apartment building, whoever was sleeping in the building isn’t anymore. 

“Well everything looks good. Her body is crashing from all the adrenaline, so she’ll need some good rest, but other than that she’s fine,” the medic tells Jay. 

“Thanks Terry,” Jay replies before taking a seat next to me. He hands me a water bottle, I accept it with my blood stained hand. I should be acting more freaked out about the blood, but I’m too tired to lie. 

“You did a great job in there. You a nurse or something?” Terry asks me.

“Um, no,” I leave it at that. Like I said, I’m too tired to lie. A guy that’s mildly balding with a thick beard appears from around the corner of the ambulance. He has a massive camera balanced around his neck. 

“I need to take photos,” he says plainly. 

“Photos?” I ask confused. 

“C’mon man, can’t you give her a second to breathe?” Jay defends.

“You know the protocol Detective,” there’s no life in his words. I place the water bottle on the ambulance steel and take off Jay’s jacket. The man positions my hands to take photos for evidence. After he’s satisfied with the photos of my hands he starts to circle and take pictures of my clothes, the fact he does it silently makes me uncomfortable. I think Jay feels the same way since he wraps me again in his black jacket and tells the rude man that’s enough. Jay leads me back to my apartment. The building is full of officers and lab techs, the whole place is a crime scene. Jay and I don’t talk till we get inside my apartment. A part of me is embarrassed that he has to see my shitty apartment, but it’s quickly pushed away. 

“Do you know her?” Jay asks.

“No, but I don’t know anyone in this building,” I answer honestly. “I try to keep to myself.” 

“You can wash your hands,” I nod and move to the kitchen to start scrubbing the dried blood from my hands. “Maybe, you shouldn’t stay here tonight.”

“If you’re worried about the noise, I’m way too tired to care. Besides, this building has never been safer with all the cops crawling around,” I try to joke. 

“I have an extra bedroom Jo, it would be no trouble,” he pushes. 

“Thank you, but I’m fine. I promise,” the skin on my hands is just about raw once all the blood is off. I let my hands stay under cold water to try and ease the pain. “Um, will you let me know what you find out about Eve? Let me know if she’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah. I’ve heard you’re a good secret keeper.”

“Thanks,” I hand him back his jacket. Jay smiles and hesitantly moves toward the door. 

“Before I go, at least take this,” he hands me his business card. “Call me if you don’t feel comfortable staying here, I’ll come pick you up.”

“Okay, yeah,” my fingers run over the raised lettering across the card. Without another word, Jay leaves. I lock the door and make my way to my room to finally get some long overdue sleep. I don’t look at the time, I know that won’t help me. The muffled talking and walking from outside my apartment gradually lull me to a deep sleep. 

A slight vibration slowly brings me out of my nightly slumber. I never plugged my phone in to charge after the events of last night, it’s settled next to me by my pillow. I have three missed calls from Hermann. It’s almost noon, but I’m still tired. I call back Hermann knowing he’s probably freaking out since I haven’t answered.

“Hey kid!” His immense energy brings a smile to my face.

“Hi Hermann, everything okay?” 

“Yeah, we’re good. I heard about last night, how are you?” Of course he did. 

“Yeah I’m good, still trying to wrap my head around it, I guess.”

“Of course. How about when you’re up for it you stop by Molly’s I want to ask you something.” “I can be there in an hour,” Hermann and I exchange our goodbyes. I groan spills out of my lips as I stretch my arms above my head. Once I finally move from my bed, I immediately go to shower, something I probably should’ve done last night. The boiling water feels euphoric against my skin and the steam cleans out my mind. I need to come up with a story with details to explain last night. There’s no way that people won’t push like they did last night, I was given space because of the tragic event. A dull pain flows down my legs as I clean the new bruises on my knees. I didn’t realize how hard I slammed my knees on the hardwood in the hall last night. Once I pull myself from the warm confides of the shower I have to rush to put on jeans and a sweater before being late to meet with Hermann. I don’t have time to blow dry my hair so I throw it up in a bun before grabbing my keys and running to my car. The hallways and stairs are covered in black dust from fingerprinting, it’s surprising how quickly they cleaned everything up. 

Luckily, there’s a free spot not too far from Molly’s. It’s decently full for a Saturday afternoon. The inside heat is slowly thawing my frozen hair and face from the freezing wind. 

“Jo, you want a cup of coffee?” Hermann is the only one behind the bar and I’m very grateful for that. 

“Yes please,” I sit at one of the stools and welcome the hot cup of coffee. 

“How’re you doing?” Hermann comes around the bartop to take the seat next to me. 

“I’m good, still a bit tired if I’m honest.”

“Yeah, what happened last night must’ve really taken it out of you.”

“I didn’t realize that all first responders are such gossips,” I take a sip of the hot coffee. 

“Oh the worst,” he laughs. “I’m not good about beating around the bush so I’ll just go right into it. I have an apartment above my garage. It was meant for my mother-in-law but she had to move into assisted living.”

“That’s - good for you?” I’m confused. 

“I think you should move in there. It’ll -”

“Oh Hermann I don’t think so, I have a place.”

“I know, but it’s a scene of a crime. They still haven’t found the person who did that to that poor girl. You can pay rent if that makes you feel better, and we don’t even have to see each other. It’s that separate from the main house. Look from what Jay said I don’t think it would be good for you to stay there,” Hermann’s eyes grow wide as we realizes he gave away his source. 

“Jay? Was this his idea?” Hermann stutters trying to find a way out of the hole he dug for Jay. “Great, I’ll see you tomorrow Hermann. Thanks for the offer,” I abandon the rest of the coffee and get up to leave Molly’s.

“Hey kid, it may not have been my idea but we would love to have you,” Hermann expresses sincerely. The anger that was boiling inside of me settles at his kind words for a moment.

“Thanks, I’ll let you know,” he nods and makes no effort to stop me from storming out of the bar this time. Once I enter the cold streets I’m met with a few members of the Intelligence Unit including the perpetrator himself, Jay Halstead. I exchange short greetings with each one before they head inside. 

“Hey how are you doing?” Jay says once everyone is gone. 

“Fine. I would ask you the same thing, but you must be tired since you’ve been so busy,” Jay furrows his brows.

“What? What are you talking about Jo?”

“I just had a really interesting conversation with Hermann. About my living situation. That you instigated,” I start to walk towards my car, ready to leave Jay without another word.

“Jo, please. Let me explain -” I spin around so fast it almost makes me dizzy. 

“No. Do you think that shitty apartment in a horrific neighborhood was my first choice? But I’m doing this on my own for once.”

“You don’t have to do this on your own.”

“Yeah well I also don’t need people making my choices for me. Goodbye Jay,” I turn and walk towards my car. Never in my life did I wish I was getting into a Lexus more than right now.

Tags (hopefully I did this right!) - @whit85-blog​

[cuubism]

Hi! I have a writing question for you, sort of...

Before I discovered the Malec fandom, I was in another fandom and would write fics for a straight ship who I absolutely adore(d?). I still have WIPs there and it makes me feel super bad because the truth is that the thought of writing for them now that I've started writing for Malec is unbearable. I can't even read a fic about them without rolling my eyes. Let's be honest, involving myself in the Malec fandom, writing Malec fics had everything to do with me discovering my queer identity.

Without going too deep into psychological reflexions, I was wondering if you could picture yourself writing for a straight ship? Or do you feel strong reactions of reject like this when you read about a straight ship (even really well written fics/stories)?

I'm really curious to know is that kind of things ever happened to anyone else. The answer is probably yes, but for now, I feel like a big fandom traitor and I need to know ����

On this note, I'm gonna wish you a good morning/day/night!

firstly i think you can absolve yourself of the guilt of not finishing those fics, fandom is a hobby not an obligation so if they don't inspire passion in you anymore then it's totally okay to just drop them :) if you feel bad for the readers that enjoy them you can always leave an endnote like 'hey this fic isn't going to be finished' so they have a heads up

i've struggled a lot with enjoying straight (i.e. cishet, neither character is queer) pairings, especially in mainstream media, because i find that sooo frequently their dynamics are steeped in cis/hetero/allonormativity and misogyny, i think often without the creators even realizing or doing it on purpose. it's just what society normalizes so it's what they write. those "normal" dynamics have been extremely alienating to me most of my life so seeing it reflected in fiction is not appealing at all 😂. misogyny, in particular, is a huge turnoff -- and i find that a lot of mainstream m/f pairings have subtle inequalities or expectations in them based on societal gender inequality that goes unaddressed in the narrative, and i just cannot handle that like at all. same gender pairings avoid that which makes them appealing. i do have m/f pairings that i like, though, and i think getting more comfortable in my own queerness and realizing what exactly it is about certain cishet pairing dynamics that trigger that bad gender inequality feeling has helped with that.

i think the fiction we gravitate to often reflects unmet needs that we're holding onto (@.... every theme i've written in a malec fic 😂), especially when it comes to queerness which is still pretty underrepresented in mainstream media. like, for most of my fic writing 'career' (both before and after i started actually posting stuff) i've gravitated to m/m pairings, probably because, for most of that time, i hadn't yet realized i was queer and didn't know why mainstream het relationship dynamics bothered me so much, and needed fictional relationships to latch onto that didn't implicate my own body or personal experience quite so directly. it was only after realizing i was bi that i was really able to grapple with both what was so alienating about cishet m/f dynamics, and appreciate f/f stories for their deep resonances. i only really write one pairing at a time and i love malec so all my fic is still m/m, but since realizing i'm wlw so much of my original fic has been f/f 😂 funny how that works

tldr, the Queer Experience™ will do a number on ya, and i think it's okay to just go toward what speaks to you, there's probably a reason for it.

(oh shit i didn't answer the question 😬 uhh i can never really predict what my brain will latch onto in fandom, but in my original work i would definitely write a queer m/f pairing, and would probably write a cishet one as well but maybe not as a main couple? after all if it's my story i can get rid of all the icky societal expectations i don't want 😂)

i hope this was helpful!

[furubabes]

Okay. Somebody Asked. @shoujobell and @cryptidaicat, y’all encouraged this. I’m gonna tag this #long post if you wanna filter.

So here. I got the urge to write and so I ranked the Fruits Basket couples from my favorite to least favorite. These aren’t my complete thoughts because I could honestly do multiple full meta posts on each pairing, but I tried to justify and explain all my choices. Standard disclaimer, this is subjective and we can agree to disagree.

Part 1: Just the reasonably popular ones

1. Kyoru: Someone’s gonna call me unoriginal for this but it’s fine. Kyoru is the main romance of Fruits Basket! They bring out the best in each other and build each other up as characters. Kyoru is basically my gold standard take on Sunshine Girl x Grouchy Dude, and I’m not even usually into that trope otherwise. Their romance is one of the few that feels so genuinely necessary to the story. They love each other and like each other. Kyo understands Tohru in a way no one else in the narrative does, and vice versa. They’re in love like soulmates and also like awkward teenagers. Kyoru invented romance. If it’s boring to like healthy romances with realistic development, I’ll be boring.

2. Tohrin: If Tohru didn’t end up with Kyo I would only want her to be with Rin. I guess they have some of the same appeal as Kyoru for me - Rin reads Tohru in a way a lot of people don’t. I also like how honest and raw they are with each other. They yell! They fight! Rin is down to just straight up knock Tohru over to keep her from rushing off. Also, they’re both absolute fashion icons. Goth x Prep rights. I firmly believe Tohru Honda is bisexual.

3. Yukeru: This is my favorite Yuki pairing. I followed @yunsoh way back when the reboot first started and her blog has got me absolutely hooked on Yukeru. I think Yuki’s arc would have just made a ridiculous amount of sense if he was gay. It screams comphet. Kakeru is an excellent complement to Yuki, and their bond feels incredibly natural. Honestly I feel like it’s the most organic romantic development outside of Kyoru. I think realistically they wouldn’t have gotten together until post-canon and frankly Yuki shines in his friendships much more than romances, so I’m not absolutely dying for them to be together, but if Yuki’s going to date anyone Kakeru is my pick.

4. Arisaki: Man... I just like them. They strike me as less of an epic love and more of a comfortable partnership. I also read them both as lesbians anyway lol. Honestly I think they both had feelings for Tohru at one point and bonded over it. The way I picture them happening is honestly just Arisa at 25 frantically googling “is it gay to hold hands with my girl roommate who I spend all my time with and also we never date men“ because Saki bought them rings that look like wedding bands but they could just be super close friendship rings and oh god she’s in too deep. They’re dating for four years before they notice.

5. AyaMine: But Jessie! You literally never post about this pairing! Yeah, you’re right. I never think about them actively. But when ranking the canon ships I realized that I like the two of them together because they’re chill and understated. They’re huge loud personalities on their own but as a couple, they just feel like two people who are happy together and like spending time with one another. No drama, no mess, very understated. No plot contrivances driving their relationship. Good for them.

6. YukiKyo: Okay, so I can be convinced to put on my YukiKyo goggles more often than not. It feels iffy because there’s debate about how closely related all the Sohmas are and these two are called “cousins” a lot in school, but since half of the Sohmas are dating each other anyway, I err on the side of them being more of a clan than a proper blood family. Anyway, YukiKyo is my designated angst fuel. I think it would realistically be pretty one-sided from Yuki’s side, since we see him wanting Kyo’s approval from a very young age, but I like exploring the what-ifs of their lives if they’d been friends instead of rivals. In canon, I like to think that after high school they’re not best friends in the traditional sense, but either one could show up with a dead body and the other would help them bury it, no questions asked.

7. Yuchi: Really? Yuki’s wife is my third favorite pairing for him? Look, I adore Machi, and I still like Yuchi. But as I’ve been watching the reboot and reading others’ metas, I think I agree that their relationship could have been very powerful as a platonic one, sort of running parallel to Yuki and Tohru. I like them together but I think there wasn’t quite time for a complete character arc for Machi and her growth sort of begins and ends with Yuki. I don’t object to them being a couple in canon and I think they’re genuinely very sweet, but once again, I think Yuki stands out in his friendships more than anything. I would have liked to see Machi strike out on her own a little more.

8. Haru x Yuki: I don’t have any particular feelings towards them but I love their dynamic already and I think as a couple they’d both be really easygoing and comfortable with each other. I think a childhood crush turned close friendship is honestly the narrative that works best for them so I have no need for the two to date canonically, but every time they interact in the anime it gets a laugh out of me. They’re cool. They’d make a very pretty pair.

9. Mayutori: I’m Mayutori-neutral. I think they suffer from Fruits Basket’s pair the spare syndrome, but out of the side pairings that don’t have too much impact, they’re one I enjoy. Mayu’s fun as a character, and painfully relatable, and I like that Hatori’s eventual romance isn’t with someone who reminds him of Kana or something like that. I also want good things for Hatori. Mayutori has serious heterosexual energy though. I’m not saying this as a pro or con, they’re just very straight.

10. Hatsuzu: Okay, Haru and Rin aren’t this far down because I hate them. I’m perfectly fine with them being together in canon. But I think their romance almost... functions better as individual motivation for their character arcs than it does as an actual relationship, if that makes sense? Rin’s backstory episode is heartbreaking and her motivation to protect Haru is compelling and sympathetic, but their actual scenes together just don’t move me that much. Their romance is the least interesting part of either character for me.

11. Hiro x Kisa: Yeah I never got into it that much. It’s cute, it’s a sweet depiction of childhood crushes, but I’m not a fan of the idea of them ending up together. Kisa’s a cutie and Hiro is entertaining but the two of them together don’t actually do much for me. The dynamic between them is almost like if someone did Kyoru with none of the nuance. Ultimately though, they’re kids. I don’t expect them to have a deep and complex romance.

12. Yukiru: I think it would be a disservice to their characters if they were a couple. People far more eloquent than me have already written plenty of meta on why Yuki and Tohru aren’t what the other needs romantically, so I won’t get into it, but basically I just think their canon friendship is so beautiful and meaningful that I wouldn’t want to change it. Yuki and Tohru support my thesis that not all soulmates are romantic.

13. Tohru x Momiji: Welcome to the subjective dislike corner! This pairing is reasonably popular among people theorizing who Tohru would be with if not Kyo, but for some reason it just sits poorly with me. I can’t rank it any lower because there’s nothing evil or morally wrong about it! I just really don’t like it. I’ve quit a few fics because this pairing came up and I just can’t enjoy it.

14. Kakeru x Komaki: Idk, I just think Kakeru latching onto the one girl who was nice to him and put up with his bullshit and then being with her forever isn’t compelling. Komaki’s also probably his beard. She’s likable as an individual though.

15. Akigure: There’s plenty to say about the age gap, Shigure being in love with Akito since she was a fetus because of The Dream, the implications of a 15-18 year old knowing he’d one day want to be with a then-10-year-old... yeah, you get it. But even if I was able to put all that aside because Soulmate Destiny Logic, I still don’t think I’d like Akigure. I think they’re interesting as bitter, codependent exes, but I don’t like the idea of Akito ending up with anyone who she abused or who abused her. I think she has so much growing to do as a character and staying in a relationship within the Sohma family to do it can’t be healthy for her. I can’t see them living happily ever after, nor do I really want to.

16. Kurisa: I think what frustrates me the most here is that I want to like Kureno and everything about this romance is written to dull his most interesting traits. First of all, the age gap. Yeah, it’s gross, I don’t like it. But even past that, the love at first sight, instant fixation with each other, and lack of actual chemistry just kills me. Arisa’s stated reason to like Kureno is that he reminds her of Tohru, basically piggybacking off the chemistry she and Tohru already have, and his total lack of agency means the plot just sort of carries him along. It frustrates me that Takaya could have done something pretty cool by making them simply friends who have a chance encounter and then build a friendship from there that parallels Kureno’s abusive dynamic with Akito. It would be neat if a stranger’s kindness was the push Kureno needed to get himself out of the Sohmas’ grasp, without all the nonsensical drama about them being in love. It would also be less of a disservice to Arisa, who basically just spends the whole series pining for Kureno after they meet and I hate it. I could write a whole post about this. Maybe I will sometime.

17. Kyoko x Katsuya: I don’t think their story is romantic. I think it’s tragic for Kyoko, and if it were framed that way within the narrative, I wouldn’t object so much to its existence. But... Takaya just really likes age gaps with a younger woman and an older man, so the narrative romanticizes this man marrying his student. Katsuya can be depicted as well-meaning as you want, but he’s still got a ridiculous amount of power over Kyoko. She was also still pretty young when she had Tohru, which doesn’t make things any better because it’s clear that the relationship turned physical when Kyoko was a teen, thus dashing the idea of Katsuya legally marrying her to save her but not actually doing anything creepy. I wish Fruits Basket framed this as a story of Kyoko escaping one dangerous situation by entering a relationship with a huge power imbalance, because that happens to girls all the time and it’s tragic and compelling. The events of the story could stay the exact same and if the framing changed I would be fine with it. But this is not that. This is just a really romanticized teacher/student age gap. I’m not into it.

Part 2: Rarepairs, weird shit, and others (oh my!)

1. Yuki x Kakeru x Kimi: OT3. I’m enamored with the idea of this hot mess polycule.

2. Momiji x Kimi: Chaos meets chaos. This couple would say uwu without any irony and also steal your car keys. They’re both perceptive and smart hidden under a layer of cute and I’d wanna watch them play 4D chess with each other.

3. Kazuma x Kunimitsu: Idk how old Kunimitsu is so if he’s like 20, strike this one from the record. But I saw one post once that was like Kyo slowly realizing Kazuma and Kunimitsu were gay and had been dating for years and it was funny as hell.

4. AyaTori: It’s cute. Opposites attract, black and white hair, and Aya only listens to Hatori anyway. It’s just fun to think about.

5. Megumi x Hiro: They don’t interact in canon I just think Goth x Punk-Ass Bitch is a great concept.

6. Motoko x Nao: They’re both loud as hell and Nao having a gf that towers over him is funny. Maybe Yuki would finally get some peace.

7. Machi x Kimi: I don’t see them actually being compatible in canon but I think they could have a really homoerotic college friendship.

8. Hajime x Mutsuki: This is just YukiKyo, the non angst version.

9. Akito x Hanajima: I’m so wary of shipping Akito with anyone but this is kind of fun. The two are friends in canon and Hana isn’t remotely afraid of Akito. Plus Akito never abused Hana. I can sort of see it.

10. Hiroshi x Yusuke: Makes no sense, wouldn’t be relevant, but if those two just never spent any time apart and continued being a pair for life it would be a really good bit.

11. Akitohru: I don’t think it’s healthy to date anyone who’s previously stabbed you.

12. Kazuma x Hanajima: Stop. Go to jail. Hana’s one-sided crush is funny though.

[demonfox38]

Competed(ish) - Monster Hunter Rise

In life, there are times Where you must slay other beasts To protect your own. 

Haiku time, bitches.

So, "Monster Hunter" games. I've heard good things about them, but I've personally struggled to cut into them. I first experimented with the series back in the early 2010s with a copy of "Monster Hunter Tri" through my GameFly subscription. (It seems like they're still operational, which is quite surprising to me!) Long story short, I didn't have the time or patience to get into it through my rental period, so I bounced out of the series. Given a scratched track record, what helped me stick through "Monster Hunter Rise"? Was it just having the time to explore the games, or did this game latch onto some inner weeaboo hook?

Hey. Sometimes, it's just about making sure I make the most out of $65.00 USD.

"Monster Hunter Rise" is Capcom's 2021 release of its "Monster Hunter" series in which you…well. Hunt monsters. Pretty obvious, right? This game takes place in Kamura Village, an idyllic Japanese town known for its weapon forging and sweet shops. You, the newest village hunter/idiot, are charged with helping to defend the village from being overrun by monsters. That's it. Nothing deep. Just you, your yokels, and your various animals driving other animals away.

Look. I'm gonna be honest. This isn't a game you play for plot or deep characters. You're here to do the "Shadow of the Colossus" thing, but without the artsy veneer. And good luck doing that!

To say this game is abstruse is an understatement. I mean, it tries to teach you about your game loop and your weapon usage, but damned if I didn't have to spend an hour or two on YouTube just to get my bearings. There's a lot you have to manage. Your equipment. Your buddies. Their equipment. The needs of the people. Your stamina. Your health. Your maps. What monster's going where. What's it doing? Why's it doing that? How should I kill it? And that's just going solo!  (No, I didn't do multiplayer. I was feeling cheap. Also, my modem and router were dying a slow death. That's been fun to fix over a holiday weekend…)

I did enjoy the game's attempt at making the game feel like a multiplayer title, even when I was playing alone. The inclusion of Palicoes (cats with human-equivalent intelligence) and Palamutes (knife-wielding dog mounts) is particularly helpful. Palamutes, while not as technical as Palicoes, did give me a break while traversing the terrain and provided some additional speed with item usage in battle. The right kind of Palico can save your ass. Personally, I was fondest of those with Healing and Gathering personality sets. I think Fighting types also have their uses, but I struggled to see the help that Assist or Bombing types provided. But, I'm sure every player has their favored type.

Outside of "Shadow of the Colossus," the other game I kept thinking of while playing was "Devil May Cry." Why? Well, they're produced by the same company, for one. But, for another? I expected a game with such a pedigree like "Monster Hunter" to feel a little more elegant and polished when I started it. Instead, I was lucky to understand battle pacing, never-the-less combos. "Devil May Cry" is a game series where I start feeling like a pro and end feeling like a pro, but with a few more tools under my belt. With "Monster Hunter Rise", I started feeling like a clod and ended without a drop of sweat on my brow. Such development can be frustrating, especially if you don't have the time or any real reason to commit to the game. But, there can be fun in figuring out, "Hey, I can do this!" or "Well, I can abuse this terrain/endemic life to gain an advantage."

Really, really could have used a better targeting system, though. Sometimes, it felt better not to use it at all.

While it did take me some time to feel like I was competent at anything in game, I think my first turning point was fighting Aknosom, a fire-spitting crane. I finally slowed down enough to learn its movements, guard against its attacks, then smack it around when it was done acting up. Additionally, it helped teach me about the importance of stopping to heal status effects, as well as how to kite around it to recover the most health possible while keeping engaged in battle. Groan it up, but it's certainly analogous to a "Dark Souls" experience. Easier, but similar.

Additionally, of the pre-credit matches, I enjoyed fighting Barioth, Khezu (who is still a songless fight, by the way!), Somnacanth, Bishaten, and Magnamalo (the pre-credit final boss.) While they all had their own status effects, I found it easy enough to avoid their more irksome attacks by being aggressive with rolling and keeping close and to their backs/sides. Also, I enjoyed using wirebugs to zip in and smack them on the face when they had finished their attacks. Those little goobers are great! Takes a hot minute to use them smoothly, but man, when you can, it makes punishing so much quicker.

The hunts I tended to avoid the most were those that had creatures with poisoning capabilities. Seriously, poison sucks in this game. Keep antidotes stapled to your ass at all times. I also had some difficulties with heavily plated dragons, but I suspect using a hammer would have mitigated that. Something to test another time, I suppose.

Also, I can't say I got too much into the Rampage side of this game. I mean, it's okay? It's a Tower Defense mode. Nothing too taxing. However, I didn't feel the need to grind for a different reward set. What I saw was just improvement stickers to slap on pre-existing equipment. It seems like the kind of thing that would have unique rewards associated with it, but I didn't see anything that compelled me to stick with it outside of a couple of experimental battles. I'm sure it will eventually offer something unique. Just didn't need it.

I think the best I can do with this evaluation is help you get a step into the game, should you want to play it. And really, it's mostly about the play. If you're looking for a novel story, unique characters, decent voice acting, or the next video game soundtrack to get stuck in your head, this isn't really the game for you. (Although, "Cold Blues and Flaming Reds" is a banger!) It's really just about fighting cool monsters and attempting to be cool while doing it.

So, here! First, take my hunting prep loop:

Gather items earned from quests/subquests from the previous hunt.

The quest maiden in the town (Hinoa; shrine maiden sitting around and eating dango) gives you single player quests. Her sister in the hub (Minoto) gives group assignments.

Manufacture new weapons and/or armor for your character.

You'll be looking for an old, grumpy dude who's hunched over (Hamon).

Most of the stuff you can get for weapon creation will get dropped for you somewhere between 1-5 kills of that monster's set. At least, that was what it felt like for me. Khezu equipment took the longest to get, but I think I just had some bad luck there.

Try to use the tree page as much as possible to determine what you'd like and what you need to make. This helped me visualize when I needed to recreate a weapon to get something new through a unique branch. Icons with arrows over them can be reversed to a previous state. Icons with a treasure box on them indicates that you've got this particular weapon in storage.

You can make upgrades to armor and weapons as well, if you'd like! I didn't find it necessary, but some people may want to beef up their stats.

Manufacture Palico/Palamute weapons and armor from scrap and/or unneeded materials.

This'll be the kitty to Hamon's right (your left, if you're facing Hamon.)

You can trade for scraps in the event that you have some piece of a monster that you don't anticipate on using. But really, really make sure you don't need an item before you scrap it. I learned that the hard way regarding Electro Sac scrapping.

Hire at least 1 new Palico or Palamute until a total of 15 is reached. (It'll help you with a subquest later on.)

You'll do this from the Buddy Plaza, which is in the exit opposite of the hub area. Find the kid in the forest playing with a puppy (Iori).

I personally had 2 of each Palico personality type, but you can pick whatever you'd like. Really, really get some healers, though!

Check Palico/Palamute training progress.

It'll be another Palico by Iori (without a hood).

Check Meowcenary progress.

I can't say I really needed the items from this, but it did help me make some unique pet armor!

This will be the Palico in the blue robes and hood by Iori. You won't see him for a bit, though.

If possible, reassign lowest-leveled companions to training duty, then highest to Meowcenary tasks.

Don't interrupt the Meowcenary tasks, at the very least.

If it's been 5+ hunts since you last checked, climb up a tree in the Buddy Plaza to check the Cahoot's nest. If there's two golden eggs, take them.

Create, purchase, and restock items.

Honestly, I only bought trap-making materials from the shop (umbrella dude with a seal taped to his face by the name of Kagero.)

Pet/feed the Cahoot.

Okay, this is optional, and the rewards it triggers can be a pain in the ass to bag. But, pet the owl anyway, idiot.

You can call your owl by dicking around with your D pad.

Accept your quest of choice and subquests from one of the quest maidens.

Cook Motley Mix.

You can do this in the multiplayer hub or in Kamura proper, but I just go to the Kamura proper location. You're looking for a green-clothed gal (Yomogi.) Sit at her counter to her left.

You can cook on the battlefield, but you might as well have the dango lady/Palicoes make your food for you. You can get bonus tickets to improve your Bunny Dango's stats this way!

Eat Bunny Dango.

There are multiple pages of dango you can buy, so don't feel like you need to stick on the first page.

If you see a dango about training your buddies, get that! Might as well help your dudes out, right?

Also—I know the dango lady rants about my character just eating meat and fish, but really. Dango's not healthy. There really should have been some sort of alternative customizable foodstuff for this. Like, I dunno. Sushi?

Depart.

As for control tips:

Don't rush your inputs. Flailing around will leave you open to getting batted across a field.

Try a lance as soon as the game will let you. I recommend this weapon for newbies because its combo system is simple. It's X X X for low attacks, A A A for upper attacks, and R to guard. Learn to target certain body parts using this, and you can handle pretty much any other weapon afterwards. I wouldn't stick to it forever, but it's good for grounding yourself.

Cut off tails; bash in heads. I can especially recommend using great swords for the tail chopping. It'll give you something additional to harvest!

Use items on your Palamute to gain mobility while vulnerable. This is particularly helpful with sharpening your sword or healing up! Press A when you're near your dog to get on it. Press B to dismount.

Rations/steaks heal stamina. Stamina helps you move and attack quickly. It's the yellow bar. Under the green bar. Which is your health. I hope you saw that one, at the very least.

You can auto-craft some items. Absolutely set this up for potions and antidotes. You want that shit ready to go as soon as you touch its base items.

Sheathing your weapon is Y. Using your selected item is also Y. Make sure you know what state you're in when you hit Y (i.e., weapon in or out.)

To select your items: Hold L, then tap Y or A to scroll left or right through the item wheel. Release L on the item you want. Tap Y to use it. This seriously was a pain in the ass for me to learn, so I'm putting it down here. (You can use the L + a control stick to use an item, but I always ended up using stuff accidentally that way.)

Use wirebugs to zip in and hit monsters. It's a bit putzy to do (ZL + ZR while your weapon is sheathed, then X to hit the monster.) But, nailing this will help you lower their defenses against being ridden and get in a good combo starter.

Hold the minus button to warp. There's no penalty for doing this, so get yourself back to your base and restock. You can't do this while you're in active combat, however.

Your time remaining is the clock in the upper-left corner. Try to keep your monster kills in under 15 minutes. You can usually bag three monsters in a go, but it's up to you whether or not the fight is worth it.

Put some time in the Training Arena. It's past the Buddy Plaza, which is the exit past the armor shop. It's a free place to practice comboing, so take your time here to figure out how you'd like to move going forward.

Honestly, you may want to wait a few months for this game's price to drop down and for updates to settle. It's a hot property as of writing this very second (Memorial Day weekend of 2021), but with that heat comes a financial cost. If you've got a buddy who's really biting to play, then go for it. If you're a people person, you might really like the multiplayer! Otherwise, it may be difficult to feel like you're getting the most out of this game.

However, the value of this game really can't be captured in video or audio, as much as I relied on videos to get into it. It's not an Hour One enjoyment, either. It's more about hitting Hour Twenty and finding out that you've become this brutal, beautiful acrobat, despite everything standing in your way. But, "Devil May Cry" takes less work, and "Shadow of the Colossus" scratches that arty itch more, so take the pride I have in my progress with a grain of salt.

Also, I very much hurt myself playing "Devil May Cry 3" and "Shadow of the Colossus." (Don't force yourself to fight bosses for and hour and a half straight, kids.) At least I didn't hurt myself playing "Monster Hunter Rise!" Just battered my dignity for a bit.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 65 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 98 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

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RATE THE EPISODE 94 Responses

Although a bit muted compared to last week, the response to this episode was still overwhelmingly positive, with 96.8% of people giving it a rating of 3 and higher. MAPPA’s on a roll!

Amazing!!!!

i just wanna see more!! 20 minutes is not enough. its too good

Awesome episode! Great pacing and the cgi was not too noticeable.

WAAAAYYYYY TOO HYPE

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 93 Responses

Mikasa and Levi took the spotlight this week! 30.1% of viewers felt most hyped up by Mikasa’s “explosive” reintroduction to the anime, while 22.6% were stoked to see Levi take on Porco to save Eren. 18.3% were most hyped by the Survey Corps taking on the Jaw Titan and the subsequent cliffhanger.

THE CGI CONTINUES TO BE A POINT OF CONTENTION. BE HONEST, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE EXECUTION OF CGI SO FAR THIS SEASON? 93 Responses

Just under 50% of responses seemed to indicate that they thought MAPPA was doing very well with the CGI utilized. A little over 15% stated that although it was not their favorite, they understood that it could be a lot worse. Other responses (in order) were being neutral about the CGI, not liking it, but understanding the need for its usage and folks who adamantly rejected 3D animation. 

I actually prefer CGI titans because of the way their movements looks, it looks almost slower, to me it fits very well with how the big titans are. Im not an anime guy at all so ive never seen cgi in other anime but i really like the way Mappa's CGI looks, it blends in very well. I dont like CGI people though, the shot with Jean throwing the marly soldier off the rooftop i didn't like very much.

I feel horrible saying this believe me... but I really vibed with the CGI up until this episode. I think maybe because it's the first time its been used on humans (OPM) rather then titans. I'm not massively put off though, I really apreciate the efforts this episode must have taken. TY Mappa

The episode is great no doubt, my only concern is the CG personally, as a 3D artist myself, I think I would prefer an all 2D medium like the battle at Stohess. Using 3D is fine as long as it blends seamlessly to the background, like kengan ashura, it's not perfect but bearable.

I honestly think that 2D will always 100% be better than cgi but I can understand why mappa is using cgi

It was fine in the other episodes, but in this episode, it looked overused and bit bad

HOW WAS EREN’S ROOFTOP SWAN DIVE? 94 Responses

When it came down to Eren’s swan rooftop dive (“Like a fallennn angel…”), the majority seemed to be impressed, with 68% giving it a score of 4 or higher. It was not a monolithic opinion however and many seemed also rated it poorly. Do better, Eren!

WHICH RETURNING CHARACTER’S ENTRANCE WAS YOUR FAVORITE IN THIS EPISODE? 94 Responses

The Survey Corps has returned! Of these reappearances, viewers most enjoyed Mikasa’s (48.9%), Levi’s (31.9%) and Sasha’s (14.9%) the most. Jean and Connie got a little less love, though we’re sure people were still happy to see them!

WHICH RETURNING CHARACTERS HAS THE BEST GLOW UP? 93 Responses

It would appear that the slight plurality sees Mikasa as having the best glow up out of the cast, followed by (in order) Eren, Sasha, Connie, Jean, Floch and Levi. The Old Captain doesn’t like to change up his style, we suppose. 

Eren didn't have a glow up- he had a glow down.

Mikasa can stomp on me please god

OF ALL THE ORIGINAL CAST, WE STILL HAVE NOT SEEM ARMIN, HANGE OR HISTORIA YET. WHICH OF THE THREE ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING NEXT? 93 Responses

In relation to the previous question, we still haven’t seen 3 major members of the cast. Armin, Hange and Historia. When we asked which of the three you were most looking forward to seeing next, the slight majority (52.7%) expressed their excitement for seeing Armin again, followed by 11.8% wanting to see Hange most. Some others have also expressed their desire to see Historia again. 17.2% simply could not choose and 10.8% stated that they simply didn’t care about the 3 characters.

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE WARHAMMER TITAN? 90 Responses

The Warhammer received an overwhelmingly positive response, with the majority expressing much excitement over both its design and powers. 15.6% noted that the design was a bit too creepy for their liking, but the powers were awesome. And on the flip side, 10% noted the Titan’s design was rather cool, in contrast to its rather OP ability. A select few did not enjoy either aspect. 

Would probably enjoy it more if it belonged to someone that likely is not going to be just cannon fodder

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE NEW UNIFORMS? 92 Responses

The Survey Corps returned sporting new uniforms to much fanfare. 30.4% of respondents really enjoy the upgrade, finding the suits to be badass. 23.9% couldn’t find the words and just settled for pure hype. 20.7% enjoy the new uniforms just as much as they enjoy the classic uniforms. 12% felt it was a much needed upgrade, though 10.9% don’t care at all about the uniform change.

I like both but I prefer the old design

EREN SAYS TO MIKASA, “YOU GUYS ACTUALLY CAME.” THIS IS FOLLOWED UP BY MIKASA ASKING EREN TO COME HOME. DOES THIS INSINUATE THAT EREN WENT TO THE MAINLAND ON HIS OWN? 90 Responses

The circumstances of the Survey Corps’ presence on the mainland continues to be a mystery. When we asked about whether Eren was there alone or not a few episodes ago, the majority believed that he was either there alongside the Survey Corps or was sent there by them. Overall, the feelings seem to be the same (that Eren came alongside the Survey Corps). 45.6% think that Mikasa’s words may have some other meaning and that things are way too planned out to be coincidence. 18.9% believe that Eren did go rogue, while 15.6% think that Eren didn’t necessarily go rogue, but wasn’t working with them for a while either. The remaining 20% have already been spoiled on this particular plot point.

THE ATTACK ON LIBERIO SEEMS TO PARALLEL THE BREACH OF SHIGANSHINA. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS EVENT IN COMPARISON? 92 Responses

Now that both sides of the conflict have had their rude awakening, we asked how you guys felt about the two events comparatively. 33.7% feel that both attacks were tragic, but still feel more empathy toward the Eldians on Paradis than they do toward those who were raised on Marley. At a tie, 22.8% of respondents felt that the victims of the Liberio attack got what was coming with them, while another 22.8% felt about the same amount of sympathy for the victims on both sides. 10.9% feel this is way worse than what happened in Shiganshina and feel more sympathy for the victims in Liberio. 

I am yet to know the goals behind this attack.

Marley did this countless times so I don’t feel bad for them. I kind of feel for eldians tho bc they are brainwashed from a young age to give up their lives for a country who doesn’t give a shit about them. 

Honestly they deserve what Eren is doing to them. Excluding Falco, no one outside of Paradis has earned my sympathy, even with the additional context.

SADLY, UDO AND ZOFIA DID NOT SURVIVE THE ATTACK ON LIBERIO. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEIR DEATHS? 91 Responses

Udo and Zofia have joined the ranks of characters who tagged along with the main cast for a while only to be killed off for character development. 25.3% anticipated at least one of them to die, but not both. Another tie on this poll, 24.2% stated that they were disappointed and was hoping to see more of them, while another 24.2% didn’t care about them at all. 14.3% are happy to ditch the focus on them in favor of more familiar characters, and 8.8% feel pure and utter devastation. 

Good riddance Warrior scum

Sad but allows for Gabi’s development 

sad but okay. death is common in this anime.

EREN AND FLOCH’S LAST INTERACTION IN S3 WAS A VERY TENSE ARGUMENT. NOW IT SEEMS FLOCH IS DEDICATED TO EREN’S CALL TO ACTION, SHIFTING THE “NECESSARY DEVIL” STATUS FROM ERWIN ONTO HIM. WHAT DO YOU THINK THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE NOW? 91 Responses

Eren and Floch were anything but BFF’s at the closing of season 3. Now Floch seems to be wholly devoted to Eren’s cause… What changed? 28.6% believe that nothing has actually changed in terms of their relationship, but that Floch simply just latched onto Eren’s fight in need of a new devil. 23.1% feel that they still aren’t friends, but are in more comfortable “ally” territory. 15.4% aren’t sure what to make of it. Smaller handfuls feel that they either grew to become friends and/or co-conspired to attack Liberio together. 22% are already spoiled on the details. 

Floch is easily persuaded...and annoying 🤷‍♀️

WE SEE GABI GRAB THE GUARD’S FUN AFTER WITNESSING SASHA KILL HIM. WHAT DO YOU THINK MIGHT HAPPEN? 90 Responses

Gabi moves headstrong into the fight, wanting to play her part in defending her hometown. A large chunk of anime only viewers have been spoiled on future developments for her character. But for those still in the dark - 24.4% feel that she will successfully kill a member of the Survey Corps. 21.1% aren’t sure what to expect, while 10% think she will only manage to injure someone in the Survey Corps. Smaller amounts feel she won’t be successful in any capacity or may even die herself.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

Epic episode, survey corps come back, OH YEAH, but I wished they didn’t use CGI on humans and bettered the CGI on Titans.

It really makes me sad how Eren is continuing the cycle of revenge by killing innocent Marleyan civilians, but it makes sense for his character. 

Real cool ep but w h e r e a r m i n

It sucks that I like the warriors and the Corp bc both of them are victims in different way so seeing them have to go head to head sucks. They all deserve better

SO great I loved it! However, I missed Reiner, Falco, and Zeke. I hope they're okay :-) RIP Udo and Zofia :-(

I think I need more dialogue between the old crew to really settle back in with them. I kinda believe that Mappa's still trying to 'click', they obviously can't just get it right immediately. Other then that I loved the titan scenes, more than ODM scenes 😔

This was a great episode and I was literally vibrating in my seat from excitement! I think MAPPA is doing a great job with the animation and the music works really well with the action. Can’t wait for the rest of the season!

I miss wit studio

Willy seems to have his first daughter really early, he looks like 30 !

I’d say the episode as a whole is a solid 8-9/10, the cgi in some parts really ruins the moment for me

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 88 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated!