#to be fair if i did go to psych ward i’d probably try to kill myself anyway

[szczylpierdolony]

reallllyyyyy need to kms

[tropicsunflower]

Another daily dose of casual conversations between me and Emily @emiijemii

Emily- Y/n

Me- The Darkling

Y/n: Hello world I’m your wild girl-

*The Darkling raises an eyebrow in annoyance*

Y/n: -I’m your ch-ch-ch-ch-cherrybomb

(She slightly shimmies her shoulders with the “ch-ch-ch-“)

Darkling: Y/N sit down and be quiet before I feed you to the Volcra on our next trip across the fold.

Y/n: 👀-

Y/n: Bet

D: Excuse me?

Y/n: At least they’ll appreciate me for the delicious snack that I am

Ivan: *chokes*

D: *smirking* If you truly want to be fed to the Volcra I’m sure I can arrange that on our next trip across the fold. I don’t really care either way.

Y/n: *shrugs* I don’t want anything, but if that’s what you’re gonna do then it is what it is

D: Are you not afraid to die?

Y/n: Have you met my generation?

D: *rolls eyes* Yes I’m training them. They’re stupid.

Y/n: No, we just really don’t care

D: At least it makes you good soldiers

Y/n: *mumbles*...great, good for you 😑

D: *smirks because he knows he won the argument* It is. Now sit down and shut up before I follow through with that plan.

Y/n: You should be careful... You have a bunch of kids with advanced abilities- and I don’t know about them, but me personally? Where I’m from, we were raised on the Hunger Games, Percy Jackson, Harry Potter- Oh, and have gone through school shootings like it’s normal, during school we live with the same amount of stress psych ward patients had about 60-70 years ago, and have dealt with a global pandemic...If you think backwards looking dragon who’s afraid of daylight is going to scare me, you’re hilarious 😁

D: *raises an eyebrow* challenge accepted

Y/n: Oh come on, like you would actually waste an entire trip to the fold just on one little person. Unlike everyone else here, you don’t scare me, Shadow Man. *turns and walks towards the doors*

D: *Shrugs* your right but I could just toss you into the dungeons until the next trip across the fold or I could cut you in two.

Y/n: *can’t help but giggle as she reaches the doors* I love how this started from me absentmindedly singing *shakes her head*

D: I prefer silence when I’m working.

Y/n: I didn’t even realize I was doing it- okay, fine- Yes Bwana, yes *bows twice* *spins around trying to get around the guards at the door*

D: Maybe I was wrong about your generation. You can’t even address me properly *rolls eyes*

Y/n: Ooo, strike one! *turns to face him placing her hands behind her back*

Y/n, adds: Keep trying. You might actually hit the ball this time. *grins*

D: What are you going on about now?

Y/n: *gives a soft chuckle* Nothing...just having a little fun *smiles, glancing at the floor for a moment* There’s your answer, by the way.

D: *rolls eyes* get out before I kill you.

Y/n: *smiles softly* Yes, Bwana. *steps between the guards trying to leave*

D: *to Ivan* I’m going to kill her one of these days I swear

Y/n, walking down the corridor: *smiles, overhearing him* You enjoy it and you know it!

*calls over her shoulder, her voice carrying through the corridor, slightly echoing*

D: Doesn’t mean I won’t kill you

Y/n: *whirls around in the middle of the corridor* So you do like me!

D: *signing a document* I don’t like anybody. Now shoo, you’re being a pest.

*Y/n stays put out in the corridor*

Y/n, in a sing-song voice: You’re lyinggg *grins, thoroughly enjoying this as her words softly echo into his study*

D: I thought I told you to go away? Ivan remove the pest

Y/n: I am removed! I’m out in the corridor *spins around once, her black kefta flowing around her* Last time I checked, the corridor was fair game.

*Y/n takes full notice of how he didn’t deny that he was lying*

D: Pest. Ivan take her to visit Baghra. Maybe the old woman can straighten her out.

Y/n: Baby. I’ve already seen her once today!

D: So go visit her again.

Y/n: No!

*steps backwards as Ivan steps out of the study and into the corridor so Y/n throws out her hands casting ice at Ivan’s feet freezing them to where he stands mid stride outside the doorway*

Y/n: You just had to kill the moment didn't you

D: I gave you an order. Now follow it.

Y/n: Alright...but if I leave, how will you know if I actually went to go see Baghra? I could’ve gone to the kitchens or my room or to hang out with the children in their class out by the lake!

Y/n adds, jokingly, to poke fun: I think it would be so much more fun if you made me.

D: *growls* and I think it would be more fun to let Ivan kill you.

Y/n: Honey, he’s frozen to the floor. *glances over at Ivan with a smile, watching my try to pull himself out of the ice with no avail*

Y/n: I’d love to see how that goes.

D: *rolls eyes* He’s a Heartrender you imbecile. All he needs are use of his hands

Y/n: Oh yes, thank you for reminding me- *she throws out her hands, opening her palm, casting more ice at Ivan, creating a frozen cocoon around him from the waist down, locking his arms in the ice by his sides*

*Y/n smiles, beaming at D, completely ignoring Ivan’s frustrated groaning*

*Y/n giggles scrunching her nose*

D: *Growls storming into the hall* Let’s go. *grabs her by the arm* I’ve had enough of you

Y/n: Bye Ivan!

Ivan: W-What?

Y/n: *bites her lip trying not to giggle anymore as D pulls her down the hall*

D: *over his shoulder to another Oprichniki* Have an Inferni melt the ice and a healer tend to him. I’ll be back in a bit.

D: *to Y/n* you’re turning out to be more trouble than you’re worth.

*Y/n stops, yanking her arm from his grip*

Y/n: I’m only playing and teasing, Shadow Man. When was the last time someone wasn’t utterly terrified of you and cracked a joke around you?- And besides, I never expected you to be one to back down from a challenge.

D: I’m not but you’re grating on my last nerve.

Y/n: So sue me, I enjoy it *she raises her arm for him to grab again*

D: *looks at her arm, then back at her* let’s just go. I have important work to do.

Y/n: Where are we going?

D: I’m bringing you to your room.

Y/n: Are you grounding me? *tries not to smile*

D: Putting you on house arrest.

Y/n: So, you are grounding me. *Y/n feels his grip on her arm tighten as he drags her through the little castle*

Y/n, mumbles to herself with a smile: I’m gonna love the peace and quiet…

D: that makes two of us

*Y/n laughs heartily, almost tripping as she tries to keep up with D*

Y/n: Oh you’ll miss me. I’m the only one in this castle that talks to you like a normal person.

Y/n: I may drive you crazy sometimes, but you like it.

D: If that’s what you think then you’re clearly delusional

Y/n: Am I? *giggles* Not 5 minutes ago, you inadvertently admitted that you enjoy our little arguments and banter and you didn’t deny it when I called you a liar for saying you don’t like anyone!

D: I didn’t say I did either. You still have a lot to learn little girl

Y/n: I’m not trying to say you have feelings for me if that's what you think.

D: I wasn’t thinking that. Where did you even get that idea?

Y/n: I’m only clarifying, just in case.

*Y/n notices the stares of other grishas watching The Darkling personally drag her up the stairs*

Y/n mutters this quietly, thinking it’s in her head: Does raise a question, though…

D: what?

*Y/n snaps her attention to D as they reach the top of the first staircase*

Y/n: Pardon?

D: Nothing. Ignore them. They don’t know how to mind their own business

Y/n: Can’t really blame them. I’d probably stare too, seeing you personally drag somebody around the castle instead of a pair of your Oprichniki dragging them.

D: Considering you froze one of them in the middle of the hallway and refused to listen when I told you to go away. A personal escort was needed

Y/n: You’re just so much fun to mess with. *bites her lip trying to contain herself*

D: *mutters* You’re generation really is stupid. *opens door to room and shove her inside* stay here until your lesson with Baghra tomorrow. Until then this door stays shut.

Y/n: Yes Bwana, yes.

*Y/n interrupts him before he could respond*

Y/n: by the way, it’s not my generation it’s just me. Because I am the only one who behaves like this around you. Everyone else is either too busy being afraid or trying to impress you.

D: *smiling the tiniest bit* Brave choice. Still a stupid one. Good night Y/n

Y/n: *smiles* Goodnight D...enjoy your peace and quiet.

D: I plan too. *closes door*

Y/n calls through the door: I hope the boot-licking, suck-up’s don’t give you too much of a big head!

Y/n, to herself: If they do, I’ll pop him like a balloon when I get out of here…

D: Good luck trying little girl!

Y/n: How did you even hear that last part?! Are you standing right outside my door?- thats creeeepy!

D: *walking away* I hear everything!

Y/n: You WERE!

D: Believe what you want, good night pest!

Y/n: So are you, but you’re such a baby

*Y/n bites her lip, successfully not giggling to herself as she waits for his reaction*

D: *smirking* Funny coming from a child centuries younger than me

*Y/n smiles and pulls the door open more, leaning against the doorframe*

Y/n: 1. You’re a man so it’s a give-in, 2. You can’t handle someone absentmindedly singing, or trying to playing with you, tease you, you tattle on me to Ivan- you’re whiney little baby.

D: *keeps walking over his shoulder* Maybe I do enjoy it but don’t want anyone to know

*Y/n smiles then catches her bottom lip between her teeth to hide it even though he’s not looking*

Y/n: I know...maybe I enjoy making it harder for you

D: I know you do. Doesn’t make it any less annoying

*Y/n giggles*

Y/n, calls after him: Yes, but Saints, you’re so entertaining when you’re all worked up.

D: *smirks and looks back at her* ya know that’s usually what someone says to a person they have feelings for. See you in a few days Y/n. Enjoy the peace and quiet. *disappears around a corner*

*Y/n stares wide eyed at the corner he disappeared around, her face flushed*

Y/n: Oh, bite me. *she grumbled, in case he’s still listening around the corner and goes back into her room*

D: *smirks as he walks back into his office*

[itscasuallycruel]

I don't know why I came into this account again lmao

here goes nothing I guess

i started reading those lasts posts i made before leaving again and couldn't keep going tbh 'cause I remember how shitty that time was. I still feel guilty about lots of things from that time period but the few people that still talked to me back then probably don't care enough to hear my apologies

i don't think anybody from here even remembers this blog but I stopped posting because my ED and suicide attempts were too out control and i got hospitalized for about 4 months

i sort of wish i could tell that story but old acquaintances don't care and I'm too scared to tell new people. I think the only new person that knows is my boyfriend, and even then every time I mention psych ward i feel like I'm crazy and stuck in time, but i wish people knew how being in hospital marked a before and after

i don't know how many 'friends' and people from back then knew I was in hospital, maybe all of them, maybe none. I wouldn't blame them for not caring if they did know though, most of them had their own problems at the time and to be fair i wasn't speaking to anybody anyways, so it's mostly my fault if no one cared to reach out

i feel guilty still for my friend killing herself. She had called me the day before she died, and I couldn't speak to her because at the last facility I was I didn't have a phone. I still wonder if things would be different if I'd had a chance to talk to her. I'm sorry to this day. I don't think anybody knows that story

I don't know why I'm writing this. The people that should read it won't. I have so many regrets from that time, saying sorry til I die won't make it better. I hurt my family, my little cousin who had to see me cry endlessly and go to ER way to much, i hurt my brother, I hurt the few friends I had. And I miss the people I lost because of my behaviour, tho I know I don't deserve them anymore

I'm sorry

Now most times when new people ask me what I did after high school i have to lie, because how do you say I was mental, weighed what I did on 4th grade and tried to kill myself multiple times so I had to get in a fucking psych ward

how do you explain that?

I wonder how many people from 2016 thought I was crazy, or faking it, or just a dumb bitch who needed to get her shit together. i don't know, and i guess i'll never know

I guess I'm writing this because part of me is still trying to figure out what happened in the outside world when I wasn't in it, and my narcissistic self wonders if it went unnoticed or if anything was different with my absense

[horrorhousereview]

Carrie Franchise

Carrie, the heart warming tale of a high school girl who sets the world on fire with her mind. I knew little else about the original film, nor that it had a sequel and been remade twice. While the original movie proved to be better than I'd have imagined, attempts to recapture the essence of the 1976 version have sadly fallen flat.

1. Carrie (1976)

When I sat down to the original Carrie, my expectations were moderate. I knew that the movie was famous, and that the protagonist could set things on fire with her mind, but really nothing else. It sounded interesting but not earth shattering. I had no idea the wild ride the movie was about to take me on.

The opening scene, in classic seventies style, was a soft core porn in a high school girls locker room as they showered. The porn gave me whiplash when Carrie suddenly got her first period, and instead of handling it like a normal person screamed for help and grasped onto her teammates with bloody hands in a panic. The girls teased her in a sequence that can only make sense in movies, not real life, shouting for her to "plug it up" and pelting her with tampons and pads as she screamed and cried in a corner. Apparently, Carrie had literally never heard about how periods work before. This is attributed to her crazy, fundamentalist mother, but I would also like to raise questions about the state of sex ed. in schools in the seventies. I wasn't expecting much, but did they really not even go over reproductive organs for five minutes? Incredible.

The bulk of the movie is a slow burn wherein we follow Carrie, a girl who is relentlessly bullied by her peers. Not only that, but she is actually a little weird, due to her fundamentalist Christian mother who abuses her at home. Her mother says such gems as that Carrie wouldn't have gotten her period if she hadn't had sex, and that it was God's punishment. She then proceeded to lock her in a closet for several hours, telling Carrie to pray. Carrie's mother makes all of their clothes, and doesn't allow electric lights in the household, just to give the very briefest depiction of how weird it is there.

Through the movie we see that the gym teacher, and then a few others actually try to do right by Carrie. A boy asks her to the prom. They try to turn Carrie's sad life around.

Meanwhile, the head bitch of the school plots revenge on Carrie, whom she blames for her own teenaged angst. She's a terrible person.

Right in the last stretch of movie, Carrie wins the title of prom queen. Her dreams are coming true. Then the head bitch douses her in pigs blood, and a few people laugh, and Carrie totally snaps and kills everyone with her mind, including those who had tried to do right. She goes home, and her mother who believed she was possessed by the devil tries to kill her, but Carrie in turn kills her mother. The sole survivor of the night continues to have nightmares of Carrie attacking her from the grave, and it isn't clear to me whether that's delusion caused by trauma or whether Carrie continued to haunt even her from the beyond.

What a wild ride. I didn't see the ending coming at all, and the shock and chaos of it very much reminded me of Friday the 13th, and The Birds. To add to that, I'm still not certain who the true villain of the movie is. Carrie? Her mother? Her terrible classmates? All of them? None? And did Carrie's mother create her through the abuse, or was Carrie truly possessed by the devil the entire time? Her retribution, after all, was more than a bit excessive.

I enjoyed Carrie far more than I had expected to.

Final rating? 8/10

2. The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)

When I started Carrie 2, I was curious how they'd go about a sequel. Carrie had died at the end of the first film. Would this be a sort of prequel to her life? Would she be a ghost? Would they find a way to resurrect her, as they did Jason Voorhees so many times? In fact, it was none of these. The story follows Rachel, Carrie's half sister. Apparently their father has a telekinesis gene that was passed on to both of them, because that makes sense.

We start the movie when Rachel is a little girl. She has a religious nutter mother, just like Carrie, who is trying to banish the devil from her, because she can move things with her mind. The mother gets taken away to a psych ward and is diagnosed with schizophrenia. Is she schizophrenic? Or justified? Perhaps both.

Rachel lives with terrible foster parents, and like Carrie is unpopular. Unlike in Carrie, however, the school atmosphere is completely unrealistic. There's absolute chaos, someone running around with a supersoaker, another guy filming girls' boobs. The cheerleaders are practicing on the school lawn before school starts. I'm always astounded by how unrealistic high school is depicted in some movies and shows, considering that the writers probably attended one.

Also unlike Carrie, Rachel isn't the single social pariah of the entire school. She's just one of many unpopular students, and even has an unpopular best friend. The friend sleeps with a jock (the eldest son from Home Improvement, weirdly), and then when he casts her aside she kills herself by jumping off the roof. This, I guess, is the catalyst for Rachel's telekinesis to start spiraling out of control.

One of the teachers at the school is the sole survivor from the Carrie incident twenty years ago. She wants to help Rachel before it's too late, but that never gains any traction. She also wants to sue Home Improvement boy for statutory rape, and while he and his friends are thoroughly disgusting that felt like a bit of a stretch to me. As a result, the jocks rally against Rachel, all except for Good Jock. Rachel and Good Jock start dating, and Good Jock temporarily friend-divorces the other jocks.

The story culminates in Rachel thinking that Good Jock used her due to the influence of his friends, and she has her Carrie moment where she tries to set everyone and everything on fire. Until this point the echoes of Carrie in Carrie 2 were stupid but boring. The carbon copy ending pushed the film into the realm of terrible.

In addition to the same end scene, they even had the original Carrie mother's voice repeating "they're all going to laugh at you" in the background of Rachel's mind, just as from the original Carrie ending. Why? How? What was it supposed to imply? As if that didn't ruin the scene enough, there was a hilariously bad performance of violent acts -- such as mentally flung CDs acting as shurikens. And Rachel's heart tattoo began to beat, and the barbed wire of it spread to mark her entire body. Again, why? How?

I finished this movie wondering why they'd bothered to make it at all, and also wondering how they failed so spectacularly in capturing whatever magic it was that had made Carrie so fantastic, while simultaneously copying as much from the original movie as possible.

Final rating: 3/10

3. Carrie (2002 made for TV film)

Like all good movies, it was perhaps inevitable that someone would do a remake of Carrie. I was skeptical of the 2002 made for TV movie, but I wanted so much for it to offer something unique. Some remakes actually do have artistic vision behind them. Unfortunately, it was as terrible as one might expect.

The main point to the remake, so far as I can tell, was to update Carrie to take place in a more modern setting. But what exactly was unrelatable about the 1976 film? The lack of sex education is the only real flaw so far as I could tell, and to be fair, the 2002 film does address it. Carrie opts out of sex ed. with a religious exemption. But she also lives in the world of the internet, and uses the web to research her secret powers instead of the library. Yet even with apparently websites helping her to learn them, no one else knows about telekinesis or believes what happened in the end. The modern setting, in my opinion, only built more plot holes rather than filling them in.

In Carrie 2002, the method of story telling is also different. We start off at a police station, after the main events of the film, as detectives interview students and teachers and try to piece together what had happened. I'm not sure what the point of the investigative narrative is, and in fact it threw me. In my experience, the point of having such a perspective is so that each time we're actually inside of the movie, the events we see are only told from the limited point of view of whoever is being interviewed. But that isn't so in Carrie 2002, because we frequently have perspectives from Carrie, who isn't interviewed at all, nor is she seen from the perspective of any of the interviewees.  As such, the investigative angle is a weakness, not a strength.

Like Carrie 2, Carrie 2002 features a somewhat unbelievable vision of high school. Every detail, to me at least, is not quite sold. In fact, "not quite" is the theme of the movie, as every key aspect of the original film seems diminished.

Carrie's mother is abusive, but not very. She's religious, but not nearly as much so. The girls at Carrie's school are mean to her, but only to a point. The head orchestrator of Carrie's torments is almost shy in comparison to her original counterpart, and has to be goaded on by the advice of her sociopathic boyfriend. It's quite the departure from the sociopathic girl of the original movie with the whipped boyfriend following in tow.

The gym teacher does care, but she doesn't care nearly as much. The kind boy who takes Carrie to prom seems nice enough, but mostly seems to take Carrie because of his girlfriend's wishes. In the original, there was at least some foreshadowing of his kindness when he spoke up for her slightly in class.

Even the final scene of the movie felt lesser. At points it almost felt goofy, and like Carrie 2, Carrie 2002's final scene felt over the top. She kept going well after the school was destroyed, and proclaimed not to have remembered what happened when she reached home. While Original Carrie seemed to be in shock, Remake Carrie seemed to instead be purely evil, all nuance lost. Rather than the knife battle with the mother, the mother tried to drown her, and Carrie's over-the-top powers manifested again in an ability to visualize and control the mother's heartbeat in her chest.

The coup de grace as far as terrible decisions in the remake is that Carrie actually lived in the end. Sue, the girl who'd gone out of her way to help Carrie get a date to prom, showed up for some reason at Carrie's house after the massacre, and found her drowned but resuscitated her. She helped Carrie escape to a new life in Florida and didn't tell the truth to the cops. Why? I have no earthly idea. I suppose that she felt sorry for Carrie, but with the luke-warm mother and the brick-to-the-face storytelling, this film failed to manifest any of the conflicting feelings in me as the original. A final shot of Carrie shows that she's still haunted by visions of her mother and of the head mean girl, but they seem to be PTSD with no possibility of a haunting. It's a sad, pale shadow of the Carrie-haunting of Sue at the end of the original.

In the end, I'm not really sure why they felt a need to remake Carrie in 2002. Or if they really felt they must, then I fail to see the artistic vision. In any good remake, there should be some element offered that is uniquely its own. In this case, the writers failed to deliver.

Final rating? 3/10

4. Carrie (2013)

Once again, they decided to remake Carrie. Would it be as creative as the original? Unfortunately not. Instead, they made many of the same mistakes that they had in 2002.

Like the 2002 movie, Carrie 2013 is set in modern times. They give the students the internet and cell phones to make things seem more current, then randomly put Carrie in pool volley ball because somehow that's more relatable than the volleyball of the original movie. Throughout this adventure I've wondered why they've felt the need to change the sport, and am always curious to see which one it will be next. First volley ball, then softball, now the pool.

The first major misstep of this film, right off the bat, is that Carrie is incredibly conventionally attractive. No one can beat the sort of awkward and strange look of the original actress, although the casting in 2002 wasn't too bad. But in 2013, for some reason we get a completely normal, or even above average looking girl who can have no makeover on prom night, as she already looks amazing. Not only is the aesthetic off, but she fails to deliver the awkward mannerisms that go hand in hand with the character of Carrie.

Next, we come to the iconic opening scene, which as in the 2002 remake remained mostly intact. However, in Carrie 2002 the only truly redeemable thing was that Carrie's lack of sexual education had been explained by a religious exemption. For some reason, in 2013, we no longer have any excuse or idea how she has no idea what a period is. In the modern day setting, this is all the more difficult to swallow.

The writers seemed to want to correct a few of the 2002 mistakes: the head bad girl was more cacklingly evil, the good jock was once again good in his own right and had a little foreshadowing. But they kept some of the mistakes as well -- the bad girl's boyfriend being a criminal, and most notably Carrie's overpowered telekinesis. In 2013, it's probably more overt than ever before, as Carrie deliberately practices floating books around her, though perhaps it's not as spectacular as the random meteorites striking inexplicably in either Carrie 2 or 2002, I can't remember which.

Much like in its 2002 predecessor, Carrie 2013's mother has been reduced. She's not nearly so abusive as the original 1976 mother, instead turning much of her abuse inward, as she's seen slapping herself, and banging her head against a wall. She's also not as extreme in her rejection of electricity as in 1976. All of this -- the more pathetic mother, the stronger Carrie, serve to lose all the nuance of the original film. I'm not left thinking that everyone -- the school bullies, Carrie, and her mother -- are terrible. Instead, it read a bit like a '90s slasher film in the end scene, as Carrie spread her arms into the air like a caricature of a witch while she mentally flung things to and fro. Gone was the echo of the mother's voice in her head, and instead it was a rather boring scene, with none of the detached horror that I've come to associate with Carrie.

In fact, when Carrie arrived home after the devastation, she was visibly upset, bursting into tears and calling for her mother. That's a far cry from the original Carrie that had arrived at her home in a kind of stupor, washing herself methodically as if in shock or perhaps still possessed.

One improvement over the 2002 film was that they did kill Carrie as in the original. But one misstep? They still needed Sue Snell to make a final appearance in the final destruction. To what purpose? So that Carrie could tell her with preternatural ability, that she was pregnant. Why add this to Carrie's powers? Why have this scene at all? And instead of Carrie simply haunting Sue's thoughts as in the 1976 original, now she seems to be possibly, somehow, haunting Sue's baby. It's a ridiculous decision and I have no idea why they made it.

Final rating? 2/10

[indeego]

Vent #1

I go to a school where our suites have 2 rooms, 2 people each (usually 3 in one room, but then covid happened). So my roommate, the one I actually share a space with, is sometimes hard to deal with.

We had to take a little personality quiz to be matched with someone, like how messy are you, are you a night owl, etc etc. I think I’m kind of half and half with neatness. I’m not perfect, but I usually leave my messes out of sight/under the bed if I have them. Well, when I met my roommate I thought they would be similar, but no. They flat out told me they lied on the form because they were embarrassed to admit how messy they were or something. Like, bruh. No one is using that to judge you, they’re using it to match you with a good roommate to live with, i.e. someone else who’s messy and won’t mind living in it. It’s all on their side which is good, but there’s so much old food wrappers and cans, and one time a whole ass pizza sat in our room for 3 days. They never do their chores (but to be fair, I’m not so great at keeping up with mine either), never takes out the trash in our bathroom, never replaces the toilet roll, uses a shit ton of said toilet paper as well as q-tips, and I pay to replace all of them. They even told me to my face that they are never gonna take out the garbage from our bathroom, and that if he tried to help with the main room garbage they’d throw up. Me too bitch, I nearly throw up doing it cause we’re all nasty but it has to be done!! Smaller detail but they also use a shit ton of ketchup and most of it gets wasted and thrown away and like fdjklfdsjfskld just make a smaller pile and get more if you need it it’s not that hard. They also planned bringing their dog here at some point this year without consulting me at all, and expects us all to help out with her. They even said “so picking up dog poop makes me wanna puke” and then looked at me all expectantly like I was gonna let out and clean up after THEIR DOG. I straight up had to say I wasn’t gonna pick up their dog’s shit. I can’t take her for walks, I can’t play with her, I’m too busy trying to hold myself together and keep up with school work. I got so stressed out last semester with finals, we all did, and you want to add a dog on top of that??? Another small detail, they are constantly using nasal spray. I get it, you gotta use it to breathe sometimes, but I have never once seen them blow their nose. Not once in the many months of living with them. Just the constant sniffle sniffle sniff sniff sniffle sniffle I’m gonna SCREAM! JUST BLOW YOUR NOSE!!!! Honestly I’m kinda pissed that I could have gotten a different roommate.

Now, part of the lack of motivation with chores and stuff is because they have a lot of mental health issues. Severe depression, anxiety, ptsd, suicidal tendencies, etc. They mentioned to me that they had been in psych wards before for this it got so bad. Now I myself have definitely had a history with poor mental health. It was bad for a really long time, I even got close to a suicide attempt once. I hated myself in every possible aspect, but now I’m finally starting to love myself. I’ve made definite progress, even if it’s not perfect, and I’m really proud of myself for that. But part of that is I stopped making depressing and self deprecating jokes, and turned to more positive ones. I stopped saying I was stupid or garbage or whatever, now I’m like “I’m cool and sexy and powerful actually” and it’s been great. My roommate however, is still in that headspace of self deprecation and self hate and I think it’s starting to rub off on me. I’ve caught myself saying I was stupid more than a few times, and generally my mood has gotten worse over this school year. And just the other week, my roommates depression meds ran out, and Walgreens wouldn’t give them a refill (Walgreens in general has been so shitty to this whole household lately like fuck you Walgreens). This meant they had to go cold turkey for 5 days, and slowly they got more moody and upset and depressed (also tangent, I know they have phone anxiety but that can’t be a catch all excuse all the time. They never call before their prescription runs out, and that’s why they have to go days without it. Then they go through a whole spiral for like a week and I’m just thinking “what did you expect to happen, that more drugs would just instantly appear?” I have anxiety about phone calls too, that’s why I have to write a script out before I do certain phone calls, maybe try that). They were constantly saying that they wanted to die, and all I could offer was a “please don’t do that” and suggest taking a shower, drinking some water, or eating a proper meal. It got so bad that they woke me up in the afternoon saying I needed to drive with them to the hospital because their therapist said it was that, or he’d call the cops to escort them. I spent my entire afternoon at a hospital with them, feeling very uncomfortable with the situation. I now have the job of locking their pills and sharp objects in my nightstand drawer so they don’t kill themselves. I feel like I’m the only thing keeping them from committing suicide, and I already got a lot of trauma from that with my mom, I don’t want history repeating itself with my roommate. I don’t want to fear that I’ll wake up and find their corpse, or that I’ll hear them overdosing from the room over and have to call an ambulance. I thought things would get better after the hospital gave them a month refill of their meds, but things still aren’t improving. They keep saying “what if I just killed myself,” “what if I just die,” “what if I just jump out the window,” “I wanna kill myself” and it makes me so feel so uncomfortable and bad, like if I say the wrong thing I’ll set them off or be responsible for making their mood worsen. I know they can’t control that their brain doesn’t produce what it needs to, but I don’t want to be responsible for them and their life. But I have to pretend to be ok with all of this because they don’t have any other option.

Related to that, they also mentioned how they’ve never really had any real friends before (in person at least), and that it’s been really nice to have the rest of us with them and not hate them. But I sometimes don’t enjoy living with them at all. They’ve told me how they had a poor childhood with no friends, and they feel like all their friends eventually stop talking to them and leave them, and it makes me feel guilty for wanting to do the same thing. They think it means they’re too annoying to deal with (which I mean they’re annoying sometimes but I can deal for now), but I feel like it’s more because they’re kind of a huge ball of negativity and sudden mood swings. I’d feel bad just totally ditching them, but I honestly don’t think it’s good for my mental health to be dealing with them and living with them.

Something else is that they are really into Critical Role. Like, mega obsessed with it. I understand it’s probably a hyperfixation and a comfort show, but they’re so invested that when something bad happens in the show it really impacts their mood. Like, they got genuinely really angry and slammed the door of our room when a character almost died. They lay on the floor for nearly 20 minutes after an episode when something bad happens. They also scream so goddamn loud. They’re in our room with the door closed but that does nothing to muffle the sound. So many loud yells and screams and shouting it makes me want to punch a wall. And the fact that the show goes until midnight or later so our room is just occupied until then. Sometimes I want to go to sleep at a decent hour, or I’m just tired, but I don’t want to make them go into the main room because then ALL of us will hear them and no one wins. They also have put so much of their mental wellbeing on if Liam O’Brien likes their fanart or not. They have said “if Liam doesn’t like this fanart I’m gonna kill myself” like, he’s a busy real life adult man who doesn’t have time to sift through every piece of fanart that comes his way. Sure it might happen, but if it doesn’t then tough luck, you gotta move on. You can’t hinge your entire mental wellbeing on a stranger giving you a like on twitter.

I know that a good option for me would probably be to request a new roommate or something, but I don’t know how that would work. I really like the other two, even if I also have small things I dislike, it’s nothing like this level. I don’t know, if anyone out there sees this and has some advice I’d appreciate it.

[bluboothalassophile]

Give Me Back My Mind!

A Deal With the Devil(’s Daughter)

"Blackmail? I thought Titans weren't supposed to used underhanded, sneaky, dirty, villainous techniques like that," he chuckled as he pulled a cigarette.

"They don't, demons do," she stated. He then noticed the blood sliding down her leg and dripping onto the ally pavement.

"Ah, so you're a demon, good to have that confirmed; Dr. Light mentioned that," he chuckled and lit his cigarette then. Inhaling the sweet toxin of the nicotine he looked at Raven then and noticed she had four, narrowed, angry, glowing red eyes as her energy swirled about her.

"I Want The Book Back," she growled, he felt like he was being hit by three forces simultaneously when she snarled that.

"I'm getting it back," he dismissed and Raven instantly settled. He watched as her four eyes disappeared then and he found himself looking into dark, lavender eyes which narrowed on him.

"I'm sorry, it's very important that I get the book back," she said flatly which had him sighing.

"I don't work for double crossers, so, even if you weren't blackmailing me, Sunshine, I'd be getting the fucking book back just to piss of the fucking double-crossing bitch," he growled. Jason hated double crossers, set ups, and traps; he'd died because of all that, and he sure as hell wasn't going to Hell again; yet.

"And then what would you do, if I weren't blackmailing you, with my book?" she challenged.

He shrugged then, he hadn't planned that far. More than likely his sorcerer friend would have gotten it, and in time it'd be returned to Raven. Probably. He wasn't too certain that Raven would actually get her book back, not that it really mattered. But now it mattered enough that he was willing to retrieve her book for her.

"I hadn't really planned that far ahead," he admitted.

"You would probably try to sell it to the highest bidder," she monotonously stated. He smirked, not willing to agree or disagree with that assessment; for it was an option. Raven's hand was glowing and he noticed her pressing it to her thigh as she kept her eyes trained on him. Getting up he moved her hand and looked at the wound. "What are you doing?"

"Your pain is distracting," he threw back at her. She frowned and he looked at the wound carefully, it wasn't deep, just a bleeder, and going to be a nasty bruise.

"What's in that fucking book that you're willing to blackmail me to get it?" he asked as he moved her floating form so he could work, Raven didn't swat him away surprisingly.

"I can't tell you," she monotonously stated which had him lifting a brow as he looked up at her eyes. Confliction, distrust, fury, and control all warred in eyes; he knew the look well enough from his own reflection.

"Can't or won't?" he challenged.

"Can't because it's personal; won't because I trust you about as much as I trust Robin not to kill Red Robin," she snapped. He chuckled as he bandaged her thigh.

"Fair enough," he said.

"Who hired you to get that book?" she asked, her expression blank as she unfolded her legs and stood, he was startled then at her actual size. Raven was small; not tiny or fragile or anything weak like that, but her commanding presence had made him miss how small she truly was. She came up to his chest, barely, and was slight of figure rather like a ballerina, it was startling as he stared down at her; Raven was always this imposing, terrifying force, she wasn't small, however she was now. No less imposing or threatening, but now he was kind of enjoying that she wasn't so intimidating; she wasn't larger than life now.

"A League member," he admitted. Her stomach snarled and Raven frowned as her cheeks turned red. "I didn't get lunch either, come on, temporary truce, after I get that fucking book back we'll go back to hating one another."

"Truce," she muttered.

"Yeah, come on Sunshine," he zipped up his pack and shoved it at her, she yanked it on and he knew they had a pact then as he straddled his bike.

"I still don't trust you," she warned.

"I don't expect you too," he admitted as he revved the engine and Raven's arms wrapped around him as he slowly pulled his bike into traffic and rode down the street looking for a place to eat and park.

Jason was trying to figure out who had been sent to kill him as he navigated New York and pulled up to a pizza joint. Parking Raven slid off as she muttered something then pulled off her helmet, she looked human now, midnight hair, ivory skin, dark eyes. She looked odd, but he wasn't going to bring it up.

"We'll discuss a truce over a nice slice of za," he mused as he walked with her.

"I can agree to that," she said.

"None of the weird West Coast shit on the za though," he warned her. God, he was finally back east for an authentic slice; he was nearly in heaven with the notion.

"If you put anchovies on it I will send you to another dimension," she warned.

"Glad we agree on some things," he muttered. Getting their slices they took a corner seat, and he waited for Raven to start the negotiations for their truce. Until she started, he was going to enjoy the slice of pizza he had in hand and just savor the moment of being so close to home.

Yet so far, he bitterly remembered.

If Bruce knew he was still alive; and that was an if; then he wouldn't go home despite what he wanted. No, Bruce would pitch his ass in Arkham; infuriating as that fact was.

"You said a League member hired you; who?" Raven finally asked.

"Zatanna Zatara," he answered and he watched as Raven froze then. The shadows danced a bit and the air started to thin or chill. "Raven!"

~~~*~*~*~~~

The name of Zatanna being the one to steal her last relic of home, her last piece of her culture which she could access had her world narrowing. Drastically. Raven could only feel her mind, her psyche, and every emotion she usually kept securely locked away and under control, clawing to be released as her rage boiled.

"Raven!"

Her head snapped to the aquamarine eyes of Jason Todd and she took a steadying breath as her powers were reigned in. the white streak in his hair stubbornly flopped in his eyes and she focused on him for a moment as she found her center again.

"Zatanna Zatara hired you?" she murmured.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Made a big stint about it too, said you were a demon, couldn't be trusted, I had to steal that book, even had a photo of it, said it was important, balance of the world, ectara."

"And it was that book?"

"Yes," he grumbled as he continued eating. Raven suddenly found her appetite to be gone but she forced herself to eat a good slice of pizza. It'd be sacrilege in Cyborg's eyes if she didn't try to eat it.

"W-Who gave you the charm to get around my wards?" Raven murmured.

"You know a guy named John Constantine?" he asked.

"That Bastard! He Gave You The Charm To Get Into My Room!?" she hissed. She was now surprised that they hadn't been blown up or something! Azar! Could this get any worse!? Was Dr. Fate after her? Or worse… Klarion!? Had the magic community just decided that it was time to off her because she was a demon?

"He owes me a few favors, I accidentally saved his ass in England," he shrugged.

"I really hate you right now," Raven warned him.

"Truce."

"I know, but I might kill you when this is all over."

"Titans don't kill."

"You're pissing off my inner demon; which is difficult to do."

"I know an exorcist should it need to be removed," he smirked. "Or do you need a demonologist?"

"Constantine is not coming near me, or I will blast you and him into other dimensions."

"Good to know."

"If you were hired by Zatanna to get the book why is she trying to kill you; that's not the League's style," Raven pointed out as she forced herself to eat. She didn't think Zatanna could actually handle blood on her hands, Zatanna was one of those 'pure' souls. And every time Raven ran into Zatanna she didn't sense much violence or bloodlust from her; a lot of power, but not much in the dark edge department. Whereas Jason here was just oozing the very dark edge it would take to be the monster. Raven didn't mind the darkness, she was a part of it after all, but she knew when people had it and when they didn't. Zatanna didn't. Jason did, and Raven did, which was why Raven was confused.

"I don't know, but it wouldn't be the first time a League member got their hands dirty," Jason bit out bitterly. "Wouldn't be the first time they'd turn a blind eye to one going dark."

"We all have darkness in us," Raven defended. "Some know it, and live with it and try to be better. Others know it and thrive in the darkness. And others have it but they can't utilize it. Having the darkness is a fact of life, live with it, work with it, or ignore it but it's there. The League members are no different, and neither is Batman or the Batkids."

"Whatever you say Sunshine."

"Stop calling me that. Are you certain it was Zatanna who hired you?"

"I have no reason to disbelieve it was her, but I wasn't entirely certain it was her," Jason shrugged as he finished his slice and cleaned his fingers of the grease.

"Great," Raven muttered as she leant back in her seat.

"Look, I'll get the damn book back," he hugged.

"I'm going to be helping," she snapped. He frowned at her. But Raven wasn't going to waver in this. She was going to help him get her mind back, even if it killed her; which while not a pleasant thought was a reality she needed to accept. If somehow Zatanna or whoever opened the Nevermore there was a chance that they could unleash her inner demons and give her father access to this world again. A terrifying thought, but it was one which highly motivated her to just get the Nevermore back, and hide it better.

"Thanks, but no thanks, I work alone, as both Reds," he said firmly.

"I will bring you to Batman," she stated. "And if you escape me now, know I'll just bring Batman to you. I'm sure the entire family is going to love this family reunion."

"Fine! Evil witch," he growled.

"Demon," she corrected. She wasn't really a witch, Jinx was a witch, but Raven was a bit more complicated than simple sorcery. If she did practice just simple sorcery she wouldn't be in this mess, she thought begrudgingly.

"Doesn't matter," he grounded out.

"It does, to me," she clarified. She had been embracing her demon heritage as of late because if she was going to teach the younger kids to accept themselves for themselves, she needed to accept herself. And while she had never rejected her heritage, she hadn't outright embraced it either; and she didn't fully embrace her demon heritage.

"Whatever," Jason dismissed. "Look, with or without your help I'm getting that double crossing bitch and teaching her a lesson she won't ever forget, taking that book back and leaving."

"I'm helping, I need the book back," Raven snapped.

"So we're still a team?" he muttered.

"Not really, we're two individuals working together in the interest of different goals, but a similar outcome. You get your revenge and rep, I get my book back," she clarified.

"Deal," he held out his hand and she tentatively looked between it and him.

"Shake on it or I walk and do this on my own."

"Fine," she grumbled and took his hand as she muttered a binding spell. "Now neither of us can back out of the arrangement until we've completed our goals."

Jason just glared at her as they pulled their hands apart.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Damian had never been so relieved to see another person as he was when Raven walked out of her shadows and everything calmed. For the past two hours the Titans had been deal with a raging Superboy, and even the other Supers had had trouble with them. Now everyone stopped.

"What is going on?" Raven demanded once everyone was calm and Superboy collapsed.

"Raven! Where have you been!?" Dick gasped.

"I was handling something, who is this?" Raven asked.

"The Superboy," Damian filled in, he clutched his ribs; they were singing something fierce from when Starfire had tackled him.

"Alright, everyone will resume training, those in need of medical go to the infirmary, I will handle Superboy," Raven said as she stood and levitated the unconscious teen with her before she left. Damian glance between his teammates who were assessing damage and the Raven before he darted into the elevator with Raven.

"You should go to the infirmary," Raven said after a long moment in silence.

"My ribs are fine, just bruised," Damian snapped.

"You should still go to the infirmary."

"Where were you?" Damian demanded, he wanted to trust Raven; he did trust her, but at times it was difficult to trust anyone who kept everyone in the dark.

"Brokering a deal," Raven answered.

"With who?"

"Damian," her tone was flat but there was an edge in it.

"I will find out!" he persisted.

"If I tell you, you cannot tell Dick or anyone else, I will speak to Victor about it, but only him," Raven said.

"Why?"

"Because you Bats have obsession tendency which border on insanity and I need my deal to remain in place for the time being," she stated as they walked out of the elevator, Raven motioned for the Superboy to follow; his body still encased in her black energy.

"Fine!" he promised; his curiosity truly getting the best of him as he ignored his ribs.

"Then we will discuss this in my room with Victor after I handle Superboy, and you go to the infirmary," Raven stated. He frowned but he knew that he wasn't going to win this fight, but she was willing to let him in on whatever was going on. Which was why he hurried for the infirmary then. He liked Raven, but her secretiveness bugged him and he wanted to know more.

Damian walked into the infirmary to see everyone on beds as Cyborg looked them over.

"What did Raven do to him?" Supergirl; Kara, asked.

"Raven's got abilities, she used them to save our butts," Garfield stated. Damian didn't know why they didn't just state she was an empath.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Raven looked down on the boy when he started stirring, and she stuffed her hands in the jacket Jason had shoved on her in their escape. The young man's eyes groggily settled on her and she softened slightly, even as she felt his conflicting emotions bombard her.

"Hello, my name is Raven," she said calmly as she sat beside him, the boy shifted away from her.

"W-Where am I?" he asked as he stared at her.

"You are Titan's Tower," she stated. "My friends seemed to have rescued you; I don't know all the details, but when you woke you attacked them."

"They… They're your friends?" He asked.

"Yes, you are at the Titan's headquarters, we're smaller than the Justice League, but similar purpose," Raven said as she looked him over. His emotions were everywhere, aggression, fear, anger, rage, and pain; so much pain. "Do you have a name?"

"I am the Superboy, Superman's clone to replace him should he perish, a weapon if he turns from the light," the boy stated.

"I see, Superboy," she nodded. "Superman is an admirable man, you must look up to him."

"I do," he nodded.

"Raven!" A voice on the other side of the locked door called out which had Superboy glaring, she held up her hand as she rose to open the door.

"Nightwing, this is Superboy, Superboy, this is my dear friend, the Titan's leader, Nightwing," Raven gestured to Dick who was wearing his uniform and domino mask. "He's not here to harm or hurt you. You can trust him."

"I helped pull you out of Cadmus," Dick grinned.

"I see," Superboy hesitated.

"We only want to help you, Superboy, if you let us. We can even help you meet Superman," Nightwing started. The boy looked interested in that and Raven softened before she waved to Dick and walked out of the room as they talked.

Raven found her communicator as she sent a message to Damian and Victor to meet her in her room in an hour. She pulled out a duffle bag then and started packing it, she'd put in her notice of undetermined leave in with Barbara before she left and leave her communicator behind.

She was going to simply state to Dick that this was an undercover mission, something in the Magical World, and he'd leave what she was doing alone. Jason didn't know how long or where they'd be going, just that he had to work on tracking people down, and he'd have a lead for them to follow when he picked her up at the park in two hours. Picking up everything she felt she needed but wouldn't be able to get her hands on she shoved it into her bag before she went through her closet.

"Hey Rae, got your message," Victor said as he walked into her room. Raven didn't look at him as she thumbed through a book of dark spells. "What's… What are you doing?"

"Now will you speak of what is bothering you?" Damian demanded as he walked in.

"I have made a deal with Red X to retrieve a book he stole from me," Raven stated as she picked up at least nine books she knew she would need, then started looking through her supplies. The ingredients she wouldn't get on the road were the first she collected and started putting in her bag. She didn't know what magic she'd be up against to get her mind back, but she was willing to bet she'd need everything in her arsenal not to fail. If Zatanna was the one who truly had her book then there was no way the sorceress would let it go without a fight.

"What kind of a deal and who is Red X and why must I tell no one about this deal?" Damian fired off.

"Rae! Have you lost your mind!?" Victor shouted and she lifted her brows at him. He rolled his eye before he looked down on Damian. "Red X is the best thief in the world, nearly five years running, he's even been rumored to have broken into the Watch Tower of the JL. He's a contractor, and no one knows his civilian identity."

"I do now," Raven muttered.

"Rae, you need to tell Dick," Victor started.

"No, the last thing I need is Dick getting involved and then I lose the book because he locks X up; X is the only one who knows who has that book and I have brokered a deal with X for the book," Raven stated flatly. It wasn't a perfect deal, but then no deal was ever perfect, and Raven considered this one to be of the utmost importance. She didn't have time to figure out how to explain to Dick that Jason was alive, he was Red X, and Red Hood, and that he was now a world class, feared criminal who had been trained by the League of Assassins. No, there wasn't time to try to explain that.

"You said you know who Red X is? Why not just arrest him?" Damian asked.

"That's actually more complicated, no I cannot tell you who he is, just that he's now helping me," Raven said.

"Why not?" victor demanded.

"One, it's part of our deal, two, it's my leverage over him, and three, I need him to help me get that book back," Raven stated.

"What about after the deal you brokered is up?" Damian asked.

"Then I can only say who he is if he's ever caught," Raven stated.

"Rae, I don't like it."

"I don't either.

"How do you know he won't double cross you?" Cyborg asked. "He's already stolen the book, so why is he so willing to help you steal it back?"

"Because the leverage I hold over him is too big for him to be willing to double cross me, and he's helping me because the buyer double crossed him and he's out for revenge," Raven shrugged and tossed Mumbo's hat out of her closet before she found what she was looking for; another backpack for her clothes and she tossed it onto her bed as she pulled garments from her closet.

"So what's the plan here? Run off with the guy who ranks number two on Dick's shit list and most wanted list? Hope to get the book back?" Cyborg asked.

"I don't have a lot of options at this point, so yes," Raven stated.

"I'm coming then!" Damian spoke up.

"This might be either really easy or stupid dangerous, are you certain you want to leap in without thinking this through?" Raven asked. She knew that Damian didn't know Jason, and even if he had seen photos of Jason it was doubtful that he'd make a connection between Jason and dead Jason. Jason didn't look the same as the boy he had been at his death.

"Yes."

"Take the kid Rae, I don't like you traveling with Red X and no back up and the kid here is great backup," Victor stated.

"I am not a child," Damian hissed.

"Dude, you're ten, you're a kid," Victor argued.

"I don't care," Raven snapped. "I'm not taking anyone with me, I'm telling you," she looked at Victor then, "what I'm doing because I'm leaving my communicator behind so Oracle can't track me around. And I'm telling you," she gave a pointed look to Damian then, "what I'm doing so you don't try to break into my room or do something equally stupid."

"I don't like this Rae," Cyborg stated.

"I agree, you do not have sufficient backup. What if this Red X decides to double cross you or kill you? Will you defend yourself?" Damian snapped.

"You don't have to like it, I've brokered the deal and he can't back out or double cross me," Raven stated to Cyborg before turning her attention onto Damian. "I am a demon, daughter of Trigon, the Gem of Scath, I do not require back up. And if X decides to double cross me, I'm sticking him in Hell, and should he attack I have no doubts I cannot stop him; but I can hurt him more than anyone knows. I am not defenseless, Damian, I am the last line of defense."

"I'm still coming," Damian stated.

"And I'm not letting you leave the Tower without back up and communication," Cyborg stated.

Raven internally groaned but surrendered. At least Damian wouldn't be able to blow Jason's cover, that was a plus in her mind as she finished her packing.

"Fine, but you don't tell Oracle about the communicator you give me, and you will tell Dick and Bruce you're coming training with me so we can calm your anger," Raven snapped. "And the entire trip you will do exactly what you're told or I will send you back here and disappear with X until I have my book back, understood?"

They both nodded before they hurried out of her room.

Raven groaned as she fell onto her bed and then sighed before going to her lock box and pulling out the money she had stored there in case of emergencies. Shoving it into her pack she went to fill out her leave reports for Dick, and Damian.

It was a good cover using Damian's explosive rage to leave.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Jason sat in his shot up safe house; his favorite one in this city and merely sighed. Great, now he was going to have to move, and his other safe houses weren't as nice as this one had been. At least the ones in this city weren't that nice, he had others across the globe far nicer than this place.

In twenty minutes he had the place cleared out as he moved all his gear to the other safe house, and dropped it all on his bed before he started sorting through the gear here and the gear he had brought for what he would need. Once he was sure of what he had and what he'd need he put the other gear away, locked up, set his traps and surveillance before he left. As tempting as it was to take a bike he settled for the car he had bought instead.

Dropping his gear in his trunk he put the tech in the back seat before he got in and started up the engine. There was a stubborn rumble from the car before he had it and they pulled out of the parking garage and started down the street.

He smirked, he stood out, he knew that, but he also knew he was invisible at the same time, just another bad boy with a classic muscle car; worth the admiration not worth the notice. Besides, he liked the car, not as much as his bikes, but he liked his 1967 Charger, and had put a lot of work into reviving her. It was beautiful, but he also wasn't willing to risk wrecking her because of a job. This time was the exception because he'd be traveling with Raven, and he didn't see Raven and him surviving a motorcycle trip. Not with all the gear he had, and all the shit she was no doubt bringing.

Pulling up to the curb of the agreed upon meeting place he got out of his car and picked up his laptop as he got to work on a park table.

It was about an hour and a half later Raven appeared, he looked up at her and smirked.

"Hey Sunshine," he caught her attention as her eyes narrowed on him and she stalked over to him before sitting across the table.

"Stop calling me that," Raven warned him again.

"Aw… but you're so bright and happy to see me," he mused as he continued working.

"I'm shadows, and I do not believe happy is the right emotion to describe how I feel at the moment," Raven warned darkly.

"Relax princess, I've almost got what we need to start," he stated.

"You are Red X I presume," a stern voice asked and Jason looked up from his work as he blinked twice to make sure he wasn't going even more insane than he already was.

Before him stood a boy, about Raven's height, with black hair, blue eyes, and Bruce's face. It was unnerving, but as Jason inspected the boy closer he noticed the minute differences between the boy and Bruce; darker skin, sharper features, and the shape of his eyes were wrong.

"And you are?" he asked blandly.

"Jason, meet Damian, we will not have hero identities on this mission, and I have no doubts you're already aware of who the current Robin is," Raven shrugged. Damian balked, and Jason smirked as he glared at her, Raven gave him a challenging look. "Victor doesn't trust you with me alone, and apparently neither does Damian. Frankly I don't see why they think I need help against you, but you're now stuck with Damian and I."

"I see, you're lucky I thought to bring the car instead of the motor cycle then," he muttered and resumed his work. He knew who Damian Wayne was, had even remembered the kid vaguely being at the compound Talia had kept him at before the Pit, but honestly, he hadn't ever really stopped to study the boy. Now it was unnerving to see a replica of Bruce sitting beside Raven glaring at him.

"I can drive!" Damian squawked.

"You're not driving my car, twerp," he warned and found what he was seeking and smirked. "And Raven has shotgun so you'll be sitting in the back."

"Jason, where are we going?"

"According to the League records she has a place in Gotham County, New Jersey, Shadowcrest, we'll start there, she is not in San Francisco, that I can tell you, no records, and no electronic foot print, and according to my magic friend she isn't here, if you'd like to verify what he's said."

"I already know she isn't," Raven muttered.

"So… road trip or the trick again?" Jason asked. He saw Raven rub her brow.

"Road trip, I'll get us to Pittsburg, but I can't get us closer than that at the moment, the first two were exhausting," she yawned.

"I take over in Pittsburg," he admitted as he shut his laptop and tucked it into his case, his eyes narrowing on Damian who was scowling still. "Sure we should bring the kid?"

"I am not a child!" Damian hissed venomously. Jason snorted.

"And I'm not a contractor," he countered.

"Enough! Damian is coming and you're coming, let's go before she tries to use the damn book." Raven stood, picking up a duffel and her backpack. Jason just stood and looked as the kid hefted up his duffle.

"'67 Charger, black," he said and watched Raven closely as the kid walked ahead of them.

"Break our deal already, Sunshine?" he asked her darkly.

"No. He merely thinks you are Jason, nothing more or less, and unless you give it up he's not going to figure it out," Raven warned him as she walked ahead of him to the kid. He frowned, he didn't like the idea of travelling with a spawn of the Bat, it was just inviting catastrophe for him.