#to be closed tuesday morning whenever the mods wake up

[gospexchange]

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[aroacesafeplaceforall]

I've been debating sending in an anon ask for a while, but it's late at night and technically Tuesday so I figured as long as I keep it vague, I wouldn't bother anyone (hopefully).

I've known I'm aroace for a little while at this point, maybe a year and a half max but it's felt longer. I used to have a friend, who I'm now no longer in contact with, who'd often feel uncomfortable in her own home. We were childhood friends, and had been friends for many years at this point so I supported her and helped her all the way.

Many times after she cut contact with her family did I suggest she go and get therapy, but each time she consistently declined and I decided not to push. Years later, she went through a really bad breakup, and all of a sudden she was really touchy with all of our friends. I don't think she could help it, but multiple times did she clearly end up making people uncomfortable and simply, instead of keeping boundaries in mind, would wait a little while before attempting to get closer again.

After a large hangout at my house with a few other friends, she was a mess. And she came to me, in her desperation, and asked for pleasure. I declined, of course, and immediately and uncomfortably removed myself from the situation. Not long after did I realize how wrong it was of her to do that. To ask those things of me despite her knowing I've never been a sexual person. Ever. At first I thought I was asexual, and she knew that. Like I said, only recently did I realize I've never truly felt romantic attraction either.

She's kissed me and gotten close to me without consent before, and I still decided to help her while she was struggling to move on all the while. She just kept getting worse, though, and eventually started becoming stalkerish- after some other friends had advised it many, many times, I cut contact with her.

I know she has abandonment issues. I know what she's gone through. I just don't know if I did the right thing. I don't want to believe she's a bad person, because I've seen the good in her, but I hate to think that I'm the one who made the wrong choice in leaving her alone. After so many years of sticking near her and hearing her vent to me day after day, I'm not sure if it's bad that I've grown somewhat resentful.

I really don't mean to overshare or completely dump all my baggage in the askbox (which, by the way, if this ask makes any of the mods uncomfortable feel free to delete it immediately bc making anyone uncomfortable is the last thing I wanna do) but I don't know what else to do other then screaming into the void on Tumblr and hoping someone screams back.

It's the middle of the night where I am right now, so I hope the mods have a wonderful Tuesday morning whenever they wake up! :D

Regards, some anon

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