#to avoid spoiling things LSKDJF

[artnerd1123]

If the crew found out Nub was an alien, how would you rate the crew's response to that, best to worst?

... it depends how/when they find this out

this is really long so uhhh rip to everyone scrolling 

for ease of discerning reactions and avoiding fic spoilers, i’m just gonna say it’s a situation where they’re all vibing and having a good time and nub’s helmet happens to pop off after being improperly fastened. in this case...

Bunbun: very shocked by this, probably a little frightened due to their appearance, but as long as she’s made friends with nub beforehand she’ll calm down/adapt quickly. would be quick to stand by her friend once getting over the initial shock and flash of fear 

Groud: this... complicates matters, so they’re very thrown. but!!! only for paperwork and entirely-new-alien-species-they’ve-never-seen reasons. they’d probably do what they could to get nub some proper accommodations, should they want them

Silk: surprised, certainly, but is more worried about how nub managed to stay hidden under their noses for so long. wants to get them properly registered as a crewmate asap, and probably is unphased other than that. neat alien friend is neat 

Nanner: entirely unphased. probably picked up on smth weird but was waiting on nub to reveal the secret themself, as they don��t want to step on any toes. would immediately ask about diet preferences n get excited to make things for them 

River: Does Not Like That At All, is very vocal about not wanting nub to remain on the ship/dropping them back on their home planet, does what he can to stay as far away from them as often as possible. is gonna be watching them on cams very closely from now on 

Lemon: thinks nub is cool as heck, and views this as the best surprise ever. wants to know why nub didn’t admit it from the start, has tons of questions, is super super happy to have a crewmate from a sector that’s just been reached by space HQ

Junior: also a little scared, as he thought for sure that nub was human, and has learned they’re anything but. does his best to get over it quickly, but is gonna be wary around nub for a little. he doesn’t like getting tricked 

Rose: once again we’re surprised! but hers is mixed with a lot of concern. since nub is a new species, she’s not sure how to care for them medically, what they can/can’t have, and all of that good stuff. she’s probably gonna try and study nub as much as nub is comfy with, and make them as comfy/welcomed on the ship as she can 

Laser: literally shocked. how did nub stay under the radar so long??? how do they FIT in the SUIT??? what is HAPPENING??? she has so many questions and so few answers. is a little skittish around nub, but will get over it and try to buddy up v quick 

cocoa: once again we’re a surprised pikachu. he gets past it quick enough, and is curious as to why/how nub got on the ship in the first place. wants to make sure they’re doing ok, bc a sudden reveal can be rough, and would likely double down on previous befriending efforts to give em some support in the aftermath 

edit: just now remembered u said to rate them. rip to me but i hope this works slkjdf

[foofygoldfish]

Ship meme for Alice if you feel like: all of them maybe?? ^.^

the mythical alice/jess! (aka: my original plan, until i misheard a faith line and went 😲👀)

also: my original plan when i was still thinking alice/jess were that the nuke ending was a bliss hallucination, so i’m going with this being a no-bomb au!

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - For a while, at least - they’re comfortable together.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - very slowly. Very. they’re comfortable together by the time things are over, though they don’t actually say ���I love you” till about a year after joseph’s arrest

How was their first kiss? - Shy, and then eager - it takes a while for them to pull themselves apart

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Alice!

Who is the best man/men?/Who is the bridesmaid(s)? - hmmm. I think alice’s would be mary may and hudson, and jess’s would be grace. 

Who did the most planning? - alice, though jess is consulted quite a bit - they don’t really want anything big, and alice knows jess isn’t exactly fond of big to-dos, so she wants to make sure her partner is comfortable. 

Who stressed the most? - alice, for the reasons mentioned above

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - honestly, most of hope county lol, but the seeds in particular - alice is more than happy to tell jane that jess said okay to her uncle and brother being on the guest list, but not her.

Sex:

Who is on top? - 90% of the time, alice - she likes to spoil jess. she’s absolutely a fan of when jess takes control, though

Who is the one to instigate things? - alice.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - alice can go for a while

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - i think that what we should get from this is that alice really likes treating her partners, though certain ones (...faith, mostly, and chloe in that one au) are a little more eager to meet her level of... whatever the word i’m looking for is

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - none

How many children will they adopt? - maybe one or two, but not nearly as many as faith and alice have lol

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - alice, unfortunately

Who is the stricter parent? - they’re pretty equal? both encourage them to have fun and want the kids to learn from their mistakes, but they still make sure they’re safe. they’re just not going to like, discourage them from doing some of the stupid shit that they both did when they were kids lol

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - .......neither of them..... (unless it’s truly dangerous, and then whoever sees the stunt first will step in)

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - jess sends them with lunch money, alice will send them will stuff from the spread eagle or maizie’s bar lol

Who is the more loved parent? - i... don’t know slkjdf

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - alice, she has more patience for them

Who cried the most at graduation? - alice. jess didn’t cry, nope, not at all.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - alice - jess will teach them how to avoid the cops (which isn’t hard in hope county, honestly)

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - mary may slkdfj

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - jess

Who does the grocery shopping? - same as with faith/alice - they’ll usually both go into the city together.

How often do they bake desserts? - bake? not often. get desserts from maizie? often.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Alice is neutral, though jess leans more towards meat

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - jess - it’s just dinner in butte, or take-out from maizie, but she likes to surprise alice

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - both of them - alice can’t cook, jess hates doing dishes (and fighting with alice’s stove)

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - alice. doesn’t matter what ship, it’s always going to be alice lskdjf

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - alice - jess... isn’t exactly tidy.

Who is really against chores? - jess isn’t against chores, she just thinks there are more exciting things to do with her time

Who cleans up after the pets? - they both will - jess’s nose is more sensitive than alice’s, so she’s more likely to do a quick scoop of the litter box than alice. she leaves hairballs for alice though

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - jess. 

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - alice lol

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - alice!

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - god, alice takes forever - jess doesn’t understand how she takes so much time, even when she’s not doing her hair

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - alice, but she tries to drag jess out with her most days

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - alice goes all out. after a few years, jess starts to help her with halloween, but that’s it

What are their goals for the relationship? - honestly? at first, it’s just to recover from what the cult did in the county, and what they had to do. after that? they’re comfortable together.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - alice, but jess has her moments sometimes

Who plays the most pranks? - .....jess.