#to accept that its going to be me. i'll just pass the exam and be happy. okay this is a very big achievment for me but i've really gotten

[dawei-s]

December

[thatbigbisexual29]

Getting Pushed Off the High Horse (Haikyuu!!)

Soooooooooooo... hi everyone! It's been a while since I've posted a fic, and I deeply apologize! Life has been busy so hoping on the computer and writing is kind of a hard task, I'm sure some of you can relate. And don't worry, I'm still working on that lee!Hobie fic, but after that's posted I might stop with the Spiderverse fics for a while. I still love the movies, but I've ran out of tickle fic content for that certain fandom. So I'll try posting something new! Hence this fic! I've been a fan of Haikyuu for a while and started watching it again *shoves down at least 50 animes I've been putting on the back burner* Okok I've been rambling now, so here you go! Enjoy! :3

“Hell yeah! That spike was even better than my last one! Eat my dust Akaashi! Woo!” was what Bokuto was currently shouting at his teammate.

It was very uncaptain-like, but his friends knew him well to know that this was a common occurrence. Whenever the team practiced together, Bokuto’s gloating personality shone. Akaashi didn’t mind the showboating, he honestly didn't. But today was not the day.

First, he woke up 30 minutes late to school, had to make up an exam in his first period, spilled his lunch all over himself, read a passage wrong in his English class and got laughed at, found out he failed that first period exam, got a C on another exam, got fussed at for sleeping in class, and accidentally packed his dirty uniform rather than a clean one for practice, so he stunk really bad. Out of all the days the gods wanted to test him, this was the day. And Bokuto was no help. In fact, he was the one that caused Akaashi to spill his lunch. He apologized… but not after he cackled like a lunatic! He even threatened to make ‘soup crotch’ his new nickname. A ‘don’t you fucking dare’ look ended that threat quick and Bokuto even offered some clean clothes he had. Which was surprising since… well, since it’s Bokuto. 

And now, after that extra mean spike Bokuto just served, Akaashi’s anger was near its boiling point. He glared at his captain from the other side of the next, wanting so badly to wipe that smug smirk off of his stupid face. Bokuto caught on and had some shit to talk.

“Oooh, is someone mad he can’t block my spikes? You should have gotten used to it by now~ Isn't losing to me your strong point? Since you’ve been losing to me ever since we met, I thought you would have rolled over and accepted your fate already~” Bokuto purred, snickering when Akaashi’s glare grew sour. The ravenette responded with a quick, “Shut up, owl.”

“Don’t let him get in your head!” Konoha shouted. Akaashi shook his head and tried to focus. But today’s events just kept piling up every time he looked at Bokuto’s stupid, annoying face. He took a deep breath in and exhaled in an attempt to calm himself. As soon as these practices were over, he could go home. He just wanted to go home.

Washio served the ball and the game was in motion. After the back and forth tosses, Bokuto took his stand.

“Pass it to me!” he called. Akaashi kept eyes on his friend, watching the ball spin in the air towards him. He watched as the ace readied himself then ran to the net, Akaashi right in front of him. They jumped at the same time, Akaashi ready to block. Bokuto had a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, one his best friend could spot a mile away. Then, there was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Take THIS, soup crotch!!!” Bokuto’s scream echoed across the gym as the sound of the ball slamming on the court followed suit. When they landed, Akaashi struck. He immediately ducked under the net and tackled the older boy to the court. Surprised, Bokuto let out an undignified squeal before bursting into maniacal laughter. He guarded his head as Akaashi attempted to collide his fists to the other’s shitty hair. He wasn’t trying to seriously injure, he would never go that far, but a few bruises wouldn’t kill the ace.

“I! Told! You! To! Shut! Up!” Akaashi growled between blocked hits. Bokuto just laughed and laughed as he grabbed Akaashi’s wrists and held them up.

“Hahaha! Looks like soup crotch can’t take the teeeasiiiing~” Bokuto just had to keep it up. Akaashi’s eyes burned bright with a murderous fire. Without knowing what else to do, Akaashi ripped his arms from Bokuto’s grip and shoved them into his armpits. That probably wasn’t the best idea since his pits were extremely sweaty, and because Bokuto decided to show everyone his best rodeo bull impression.

Bokuto proceeded to shoot his arms to his sides and hug his chest, cackling hysterically as his friend attacked a particularly bad spot. Their teammates watched on with exasperated yet understanding smiles. And plus, they didn’t dare intervene. Not when Akaashi’s face looked like he was happily skinning his prey alive.

“Yeah, yeah! Nothin’ to say now, huh? Huh? You were all big talk not one second ago, where did that talk go? Where did it go Bokuto?! You shut up real quick when someone gets a few tickles in, don’tcha? Come on, tease me again! One more jab, one more mock, one more word I dare you!” Akaashi bellowed with a sadistic smile on his face. Bokuto howled with mirth as he rocked side to side, kicking his feet to try and lessen the tickly feeling somehow.

“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! A-AKAASHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI! NAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! EHEEHEEHEE- GAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” screamed Bokuto. He could never handle tickles well, his friends knew this. Even a squeeze to his side would send him through the roof. But this was plain ol’ mean. Akaashi knew his weak spots better than anyone, and how to tickle just right so Bokuto ends up crying.

“Oh nuh-uh! You deserve this, you bastard! How are you able to read the court, but not your friend?! Why do you have to be so. Damn. Annoying?!” Akaashi growled as he now focused on Bokuto’s ribs, alternating between his massaging technique and his clawing technique. The poor ace finally managed to roll onto his stomach, but somehow, not being able to block out the tickles from behind made him even more ticklish. 

“REEHEEHEEHEEEEE!! AKA-AKAAHAHAHAHAHAHASHI! SAHAHAHAHAHAHAHARRY! I’M SAHAHAHAHAHAHAHARRY!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT'S JUST- BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT’S SOHOHOHOHOHOHO EHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEASYYYYY! REEEEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEEE!” Bokuto cried. He attempted to crawl away, but Akaashi kept him down by laying his shin over the small of his back. The rest of the Fukurodani team, who decided to take a water break since this might take a minute, laughed from the sidelines.

“Oh my god, he sounds like Scooby Doo!” One of them remarked. The others cracked up even louder, joined their voices with Bokuto’s in the echoing gym. Akaashi himself couldn’t stop himself from smiling earnestly either. Bokuto was a dummy, that fact wasn’t to be argued with. But at least he was a loveable dummy. Even when he’s more aggravating than sin. All the teases and jabs he made to Akaashi were all friendly. He didn’t have a sinister bone in his body. He probably thought that he was cheering up the setter, so no harm was truly intended. Such a moron, Akaashi thought to himself.

“Apologize! Or else!” Akaashi demanded, pausing the tickling and placing his hand on the back of Bokuto’s thigh. Bokuto flipped himself on his back with a panicked scream.

“I’M SORRY!!!! I’m sorry for calling you soup crotch! And for making you spill the soup! And for hitting those nasty spikes! Please please please please have mercy Akaashi!” Bokuto begged. Akaashi smirked and stood up, putting his hands on his hips.

“That’s right dumbass. Learn to cheer your friend up in different ways.” Akaashi was about to walk away when he felt Bokuto’s weak hand clasp his shorts. The ace panted heavily and gulped a few times, wanting to say something but unable to get it out just yet. Akaashi rolled his eyes fondly and waited.

“Aka- *gulp* Akaashi… *pant pant pant* Let’s stop by a store… *pant pant* and get… *gulp* meat buns? I’ll *pant* pay…!” Bokuto asked. The setter looked at him surprised, then smiled and nodded.

“That’s fine with me. Now get up and drink something before you pass out.” He pulled the ace to his feet and pushed him towards the bench. After practice, Bokuto kept to his word and bought them each five meat buns from a local convenience store. Akaashi didn’t need that much, but it was the thought that counts. He reflected back on today while walking home with Bokuto, who wouldn’t stop talking, and smiled. Eh, today wasn’t so bad, he thought. 

[falloutjuli]

While not 100% happy with everything I didnt wanna hold it back any longer so here it is, da sequel. This time named after Scary Love by The Neighbourhood. Its a little more focused on Johnnys depression simply because I didnt wanna specify readers issues much so its more inclusive. Well anyway, I hope you sill like it and stay tuned for more content uwu

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Johnny x suicidal!Reader – Scary Love

Wordcount: 7,3k

Short summary: Noticing that Johnny is falling into old unhealthy habits you and Gyro worry. When you finally catch a moment to talk to him, he reveals his issues, and you have a good way of solving them.

Warnings: Mention of suicide, depression, self-hatred, all that Jazz, just like last time uwu. (More on Johnny focused this time to keep Readers issues vague) Also, there’s sex in this one. So yeah, general NSFW warning, Praise Kink, Johnny being possessive, Reader is the CEO of praise for Johnny.

AFAB genitals for reader but no gender mentioned. Spit as lube and bareback sex YEEHAW

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

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"Mornin' Gyro!" You mumbled as you sat down across from your roommate who sat that the kitchen table. His hair was tied in a messy bun and still wet from his shower, and the dark bags under his eyes were as prominent as ever. He sipped on his coffee, barely registering that you were there. "Buon giorno." He finally answered and his head fell almost onto the table.

"You make a prime example of what everyone thinks medical students look like."

"Handsome as fuck?"

"No, tired and done." Gyro shrugged, accepting your thesis as correct. You quickly went for some coffee yourself since Gyro had already been so kind to make a whole pot, probably to keep downing it to keep working. Exam phase had him in a choke hold currently, and you really didn't envy him.

"It'll be over soon. Then you can go back to your normal days."

"I hope so. The falling asleep on my desk thing is starting to kill me."

"Then sleep in the bed." You stated dryly, but you knew he wouldn't. He took studying very seriously. At least most of the time.

"Have ya seen Johnny already?"

"Nope. You know he sleeps in, especially when he worked all night." You nodded and sat back down across from him.

"You look tired yourself..." Gyro stated and made it sound questioning. "Yeah, a bit. Been sleeping bad as of late." Gyro nodded and took a sip before he continued.

"Feeling worse as of late or any idea what the cause could be?" You chuckled. He was truly cut out to be a doctor.

"Just mentally exhausted. It'll pass by soon probably." The longhaired blond gave you a pleasant smile, he by now too knew of your problems but he would never judge. He was already used to Johnny, and you were his friend too.

Speaking of the blond ex jockey, he came rolling, looking in a worse state than Gyro even.

"Mornin' darlin'." He mumbled and gave you a kiss on the cheek and greeted Gyro before taking his usual space at the table. Just so the little grumpy cat didn't have to bother with his coffee you got up to get a mug for him and filled it with the same liquid that you and Gyro were already consuming. He kindly thanked you as he wrapped his lanky fingers around the ceramic mug.

"We're going to the stables later. You wanna come along?" Johnny asked you but you didn't feel up for it today.

"Sorry, I'll come along next time. But greet the girls from me, yeah?" Gyro stared at you with a confused expression before he got it, nodding.

"You seriously need some sleep Gyro. Proper sleep. Otherwise, you're gonna make me worry that you're gonna crash your car." "Yeah yeah." He mumbled, obviously not taking you seriously.

“Julius.” You warned him and he gasped, playing offended but you got your point across. The day you had found out that Gyro wasn’t his actual name had been chaotic.

--

“Hey Julius!” You greeted Gyro who sat with Johnny in the living room, the two formerly busy with a boardgame but at the sound of that name, Gyros head snapped in your direction before he began staring at Johnny.

“YOU FUCKING TOLD THEM?” “No, I didn’t!” Johnny defended himself with Gyro not believing a word. He turned to you and pointed a finger accusingly at Johnny.

“His real name is Jonathan!” You stared confused at the two, not really grasping what has happening here. “Oh wow, what a secret!” Johnny replied sarcastically.

“Oh, then do they know about your other little secret, mhmm?” The teasing tone in Gyros voice had Johnny mad.

“Don’t you fucking dare!”

“Why are only you allowed to tell them secrets!” The two kept screaming at each other, getting only more railed up. You stood there in shook at the sudden shift in tone between them, not wanting to tell Gyro you knew because you had found his lost ID behind the cupboard in the corridor.

--

Gyro got up to put his mug into the sink, stating a nap would indeed be nice and disappeared into his room.

"What day is it?" You asked Johnny and he immediately knew he fucked up.

"Wednesday." He mumbled.

"And where were you supposed to be two hours ago?"

"I cancelled it this time." You stared at him blankly.

"That’s not the point. You're not supposed to skip physical therapy constantly." Johnny felt annoyed already. He knew you were more than right, he needed to go. For himself. But he couldn't.

"I know you're struggling right now but walking this path of self-destruction isn't good. You only hurt yourself this way." He didn't reply but you didn't mind.

"I really don't know what's gotten into you recently." With that you left the kitchen too, leaving behind a Johnny who hated that you were right.

Johnny's path of self-destruction had begun about two weeks back when he suddenly skipped his physical therapy, stating he had forgotten.

Can happen once yeah, but not four times in a row. He also seemed a lot more in thought, and he distanced himself.

You let him be at first, knowing Firsthand that sometimes you needed time alone, but Johnny was really pushing it. You weren't mad per se, only disappointed that he kept pushing you and Gyro away to wither away in his room all day.  

You sighed as you let yourself fall onto your bed. Just what set him off you wondered. You couldn't remember anything special happening. "Johnny Day" was still a few months away, his studies were going well, everything was going great.

So, what exactly had happened to sour his mood was a mystery to you. And as much as you hated to admit it but seeing him like this involuntarily made you feel a little miserable too. You couldn’t help him much, which angered you even. Feeling helpless while seeing the person you held dear to your heart ripped it apart.

Not wanting to let your mind be dominated by the dark thoughts that crept up, you reached for your nightstand. Its drawer to be more specific, to get your scrapbook out.

You flipped through the pages, reliving the memories you made with the people you adored most. Be it you three in your Halloween “power puff girls” costumes, Christmas together or just recently when you went out to party together again.

---

You shuddered as you downed the alcohol Gyro had brought to the table. “Couldn’t you have gotten something better than this ass-tasting shit?” Johnny complained in your place and Gyro just shrugged.

“Don’t be like that, I can get something else later.” You chuckled along, just feeling beyond happy you went out with the guys.

“Besides you picked this tacky excuse of establishment, so don’t complain now.” Gyro was right. Johnny’s choice of bar wasn’t what either of you had expected. Well, kind of. It was old western/cowboy themed, but you weren’t one to complain.

The wooden interieur was still giving you a comfortable feeling and it certainly was a fun new thing and different from the usual clubs you had visited. The waitresses were running around in cowgirl outfits, completed with hats and everything. Further down the big room was a mechanical bull, where people gathered to cheer on whoever was currently giving it a go. Near it was the music station where a mix of older songs came from.

Johnny followed your gaze down to the open area. “I used to be pretty decent at that!” Johnny commented as he saw you mustering the bull who had just tossed off its rider.

“Really?” You asked astonished and saw the sparkle in his eyes when he told you all about how he was second to the record holder.

“Why not give it a go now Jaw-Knee?” Gyro asked teasingly and the blond shook his head. “Nah, my legs don’t give me enough support just yet. Maybe some other day.” Gyro nodded and held his glass up.

“Then I shall try!” He proclaimed, downed the shot, and began making his way over.

“Come on! Let’s see him make a fool of himself!” Johnny said and tugged on your arm. You laughed wholeheartedly and followed the blond who eagerly went after his friend. Once there Johnny sat comfortably in the front with you behind him, your hands on his shoulders.

You watched two other people before it was Gyros turn finally. He looked his part with his odd hat he always wore while riding and brought along today for the occasion. His flashy golden smile was directed towards you two as he climbed on the bull.

“Do we do time bets?” Johnny asked you and you heard the smirk in his voice. “Oh, hell yeah. Five bucks on 40 seconds.” “Five on more than that.”

You chuckled and watched Gyro confidently flex his arms for fun, making some ladies in the crowd ogle him before he was startled by the sudden movement of the machine. Gyro quickly caught onto the rope part and held it tight, hollering along with the music.

“What a fool.” You laughed and Johnny shook under your fingers from trying to contain his amusement. Around the thirty second mark Gyro wasn’t being so cocky anymore has he was desperately clinging onto the mechanical animal underneath him. One hand still high in the air, the other gripping the rope tight, his legs firmly pressed against it.

“You’re gonna loose.” Johnny sing sang. And he was right. The timer passed forty seconds, Gyros expression now primarily pure concentration, and you knew Johnny had won.

Damn him.

At 53 seconds Gyro was tossed of, landing with an oompf in the cushions not too far away from Johnny and you.

The Italian quickly gathered his hat and exited, striding to his friends quickly.

“Wasn’t that good?” He asked, grin spread wide across his face. The two of you nodded eagerly and you quickly dug around in your pocket to pull out a crumbled five-dollar bill to hand to Johnny.

“Oi, what’s that for?” Gyro questioned. “We bet on your time. Y/N lost.” Johnny explained and happily tugged the bill in his wallet. “Gamblers.” Gyro playfully scoffed and gestured to the bar.

“Then at least be so kind to get us some drinks with the money you earned thanks to me!” Gyro said and Johnny rolled his eyes before making his way over to the bar. You watched after him for a second before Gyro grabbed you and pulled you back to the table.

You two chatted before Johnny came back, a little tray placed in his lap with the drinks on it. “I got us better stuff this time around.” He proclaimed but you watched Gyro snatch one drink and sniff it, his face souring.

“Whiskey? You think that’s better?” He asked and Johnny nodded. “Heck yeah. You just don’t have taste.”

“I’ll get drinks next time if you can’t behave.” You mumbled and grabbed your glass too. In the process of leaning over you kissed Johnny cheek, simply feeling affectionate. Maybe the first round of alcohol already took effect.

“Stahp.” Johnny complained. He was never huge on PDA. Gyro just giggled. “Johnny and Y/N sitting in a tree K-I-S- You’re such a child sometimes.” Johnny interrupted him and took a sip from his glass.

“You both are.” You corrected, now taking a sip too. Man. You were right. They both have no taste.

After you had later introduced them to better tasting alcohol (which they didn’t stick to, since they are stubborn and would rather wallow in their bad tasting stuff), you all just chatted about anything.

How their classes were going, about riding, Gyros funny escapades back when he was still in Italy. It was a great time, everyone having fun, especially Johnny who by now was resting his head on his arm on the table only looking at you with a dreamy expression.

“Ohh, I like this song!” Gyro proclaimed, which you barley registered as you were too busy staring back at Johnny.

You couldn’t help but marvel at his beauty. He looked so pretty in the dimmed lights with the strobe lights occasionally lighting him in blue, green and red.

You were ripped out of you trance and Johnny consequently too when Gyro pulled you with him to dance. Now that your brain didn’t fully focus on Johnny anymore you found your steps and stopped the awkward stumbling after Gyro. You chuckled and danced along with Gyro, who occasionally spun you around. Johnny remained at the stable, seemingly content with just watching you two.

---

You looked at the photo of that evening which served as a reminder in your book. It was you and Gyro dancing, having a great time together. Johnny had been so kind to take that one with his phone and send it to you to print and put in the book.

The book was coming along nicely, as well as all other aspects in your life. Having met Johnny and making your recovery path together with each other’s support has been the best thing in your life. So, it made you even sadder that currently Johnny was stumbling, refusing help from anyone, even you.

“I’m fine.” “Don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Just some minor thing.”

He was playing dumb, hoping the little white lies would satisfy you. But you saw right through him. There was more going on than he wanted you to know. But you were determined to find out, wanting to help him get back on track. Him skipping and cancelling his therapy made you especially warry.

This wasn’t just a bad day, or a bad week as he had claimed.

Frustrated you rolled off your bed, and sat at your desk, booting up your laptop to get some work done. During your time you eventually faintly heard Johnny and Gyro in the living room, probably preparing to go to the stables.

You weren’t sure if you had imagined that, but it sounded almost like Johnny had eventually come over to your door but just stood outside of it before going away. You were unsure if he had wanted to come in and talk or something, but you were almost glad he didn’t.

Because it’d mean the talk would be cut short, probably by an impatient Gyro and therefore barely made any sense. You catch him later and talk to him. Soon enough it was completely quiet, so they probably left.

Snatching your headphones from the corner of the table you kept working away, getting good progress in. A message from a certain Italian had you then take a break. He had sent a photo of Johnny riding happily on the track at the stables.

>He’s in a better mood. Did you talk to him already?< You weren’t the only one who had noticed his change. While Gyro didn’t get him the way you did, he always tries his best to be support for the both of you. And when Gyro caught on that Johnny was skipping therapy, he wished he could help more but his exams had him in a choke hold currently.

>Not yet. Only made my stance clear this morning. I’ll get him later and try to get the answer.<

>Alrighty. Wanna see something beautiful?< >Sure.<

You wondered what Gyro would send now. And of course, it was a selfie with his beloved Valkyrie. >Dork.< You commented dryly.

--

A few hours passed with you later deciding on a break that contained scrolling through various social media sites and getting a drink. Just as you drank the last bit of your iced tea, you heard the front door being closed. You waited for a few minutes, giving the boys time to take off their shoes and relax before you opened your door.

Johnny was already seated at the couch in the living room, looking a little tired. You spotted Gyro hurrying along with a bottle of water into his room, probably going back to studying.

“How’s Slow Dancer?” You asked and got over to the blond, who seemed spooked for a second, obviously not having noticed you. “She’s doing good, just missed you there.” He smiled.

“I’ll come next time yeah?” You plopped down next to him, turning his head with your hand on his cheek to kiss him.

“Stop I smell like horse.” You just shrugged and gave him another, driving home the point that you really didn’t care. “I…I wanted to say sorry.” You raised an eyebrow. Johnny didn’t look at you while he spoke.

“What for?”

“I don’t know. I guess skipping therapy, getting bitchy about the topic. Ya know. All that stuff.” He rubbed his neck and nervously glanced at your face.

“You’re… Not gonna break up with me, right?”

“That’s what you’re worried about, really?” You cocked you head and gave him the most confused look ever.

“Johnny, that’s not what this is about. I wanna know why you suddenly made a one hundred- and eighty-degree turn in behavior. You have been odd recently and I don’t like not knowing what’s going on with you. I can’t help you then.” Johnny kept staring at the floor, kneading his hands nervously.

“Do you remember that time we went out? To the western club?” You made a humming noise, signaling for him to continue.

“Ever since I have been feeling just… Like shit. I don’t know why but… Seeing you dance with Gyro…”

You furrow your brow in confusion, trying to piece together what Johnny is saying. Hesitantly you spoke; “Are you... Jealous?” You questioned carefully, trying to not come to the wrong conclusion.

“I-...I guess. Not of Gyro and you... Rather… I hate not being able to do with you what he can.” Johnny looked away, struggling to explain his feelings.

“I wanted to dance with you so bad. Have you spin around, show off. But I can’t. And it made me realize that… You could always do better.” You heart ached hearing his words.

“Johnny I- No I mean it. There’s a looooot of stuff we can’t do thanks to my lame feet. I’m also often described to have a horrendous personality. And so, I just worry… That someday you’ll find someone better. And leave me like most people in my life did.” You reached for his hand tenderly holding it.

“Don’t even dare to think that. I love you. More than anything else yeah?” You shifted, moving to straddle his lap as you sat on top of him, gently cupping his face with your hands. In his blue eyes you saw the tears that threatened to escape and the sad expression that painted his face.

“I love you.” You repeated, hoping it’d get through his stubborn head.

“You mean it?” Suppressing a sigh, you just leaned down to kiss him slowly. Once you parted you remained just as close to whisper against his lips.

“Of course. You’re perfect Johnny.”

“Now you’re lying.” He retorted and you really wanted to slap him across the face to get him thinking straight. But you knew better, kinder ways.

“I am not. Calling me a liar Johnny? That’s rude. I ain’t lying when I say all these things.” You kissed the corner of his mouth, then moved to pepper his face in kisses.

“I love your hair, it’s so beautiful and soft. Love running my hands through it.” You let your hands do exactly that to put emphasis on your words, pushing his beanie off his head.

“And your eyes are so pretty. I could get lost in them for hours.” You felt Johnny melt in your touch already when you had barley started. Moving your head down to his neck, you continued to kiss him there. His own hands rested comfortably on your waist, holding you steady, as your attack on his neck continued.

“I love being with you Johnny. Be it going riding with you, lay by your side in bed, or just be in the same room as you. You always brighten my day.” From the corner of your eye, you briefly saw a smile on his lips.

“And your smile honey. Its mesmerizing. Also, when you speak with your heavy accent when you wake up. There couldn’t be a cuter thing in the world.” Johnny was not one to handle praise well, he normally pretty dismissive but your words right now went right to his heart, making it flutter with each word you spoke.

“You’re so beautiful.” You whispered and went to suck on his neck, earning a gasp from the man underneath your touch. You bit him, before giving the spot an apologizing lick and went to look at your work.

“You look even prettier like this.” You mumbled, chuckling. “I love you, Johnny Joestar. Only you.” The grasp on your waist grew tighter, you knew he was debating if he should retort or not.

“But I- If you wanna say you’re a selfish asshole, then rest assured that I disagree with that and would rather describe you as thoughtful, humorous and loving.” Johnny’s blond brows furrowed together. You knew him too well.

“Johnny…” You mumbled as you went to put your forehead against his.

“I won’t leave you because you have a difficult day or week. I won’t leave you just because you can’t walk without aid. I won’t leave because you’re snarky sometimes. I will only leave if you ask me to.” The tears in his eyes made their escape as you finished speaking.

“I... I don’t want you to go. Never. I love you Y/N.” You smiled as you reunited your lips again.

“Want me to make you feel better?” You asked in a whisper and immediately you felt the goosebumps on his arms. You removed yourself from him, giving him a moment before you offered him your arm.

“You want help?”

“That’d be nice.” He said and grabbed it, letting you pull him up and use you as support, ditching his crutches that still rested at the end of the couch.

Carefully you moved into your room and let Johnny fall on the bed, who took the initiative and sprawled out, grinning at you from below. He looked pretty and you absolutely couldn’t understand why he’d ever think he wasn’t enough.

Especially the contrast of his still teary eyes and the cocky grin on his lips made him so lovable. And loving him was easy, especially when you two shared a bond so strong, nothing could break it. Johnny pushed himself up with his elbows to grab you hand and pull you on top of him. You adjusted yourself in his lap again, already pushing his hoodie up.

“You’re so impatient.” He commented and you rolled your eyes. How can anyone go from such a bad depressive state to being a cocky asshole. A good-looking asshole even. Well, that was Johnny, the man who masterfully parkoured in-between his emotions ever so often.

Maybe you had that effect on him, lifting his spirits so easily, but you also didn’t want to come off as haughty, accrediting yourself such a power.

So instead, you wrote it off as a Johnny being touch starved thing. When you first noticed how touch starved the blond had been before you felt saddened for a moment before giving him all you got. That’s how your casual cuddles became a thing long before either of you two had serious feelings for the other.

But focusing back on the task at hand you briefly let your fingertips brush over his pale exposed skin, making him shudder and close his eyes. You leaned down, pressing your lips against his skin, feeling his hands grip your hips tightly. You could feel his desire growing with every passing moment and couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement.

You trailed kisses down his chest, taking in the feel of his muscles under your hands as you reached for the hem of his hoodie.

With one swift movement, you pulled it over his head. He let out a gasp as your fingers traced the lines of his abs, a look of pure pleasure in his eyes. He had such a pretty torso and you loved when he let you touch it.

He was more than fit, muscular stomach and arms that you love and adored. Just looking at him like this, in this position and his expression. The reddened cheeks, his hungry eyes, the pale skin that featured freckles on his shoulders and the bridge of his nose to his cheeks, the muscles …

He was perfect.

“And you worry I could find someone better when I have the very best in my bed already.” You mumbled, your hands coming to cup his face. He smiled and closed his eyes, relinquishing the moment.

This was far from the first time you two were intimate, but to Johnny each time was special, simply because he never thought he’d be in such a position.

Sure, he had a promiscuous past, but all those people didn’t mean anything to him, and they quickly turned their back on him once was paralyzed. But you didn’t look at him differently from anyone else.

Your gaze towards him always held love and affection for him, no matter what.

Your hands moved from his face down to his torso, your head coming to level with them and have your lips ghost over his skin.

“You’re so pretty Johnny.” He won’t escape your praise and you would make sure to give him an extra portion today now that you have found out his insecurity made him act like he had the past weeks.

You can feel his muscles tense beneath your touch, but he relaxes into your embrace as you continue to kiss and explore his body. Despite his limitations, he is strong and capable, and you can sense the longing and desire in his eyes as you move lower and lower.

He may not have the use of his legs, but his upper body is just as responsive, and you feel him arching into your touch.

You can tell he's enjoying the moment just as much as you. Your fingers trace over the contours of his chest and abs, eliciting a soft moan from his lips.

“I love how you sound darling.”

“Stop it.” He murmured.

“No.” You softly bit into his skin, earning a gasp.

“I will keep praising you and you will like it, or I will stop.” Johnny groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“Fine.” He muttered through gritted teeth.

“You’re horrible.”

“I know.” You like making him flustered and you knew very well that he was hiding his blush with his arm. Determined to make him come undone and show him your love you continued leaving kisses on his body, occasionally giving him a gentle bit, and licking along his abs.

“I love your body. You’re so fit and well trained.” You complimented him, enjoying the groan that escaped his throat.

Feeling bold you went to went to touch his nipples, pinching one, while licking the other. He responded by arching his back into you, moaning loudly, his free arm coming to grab your wrist.

“You respond so well to me. Let me do more for you.” You quickly got off him and caught him staring at you from under his arm, which he had lifted a little. He was panting, his face flushed.

“You’re gorgeous.” You stated and he groaned. “Stop it already.”

You paid him no mind as you quickly made worked on getting his sweatpants together with his boxers off. “You’re eager.” You heard his comment.

“I’m always eager to make you happy.” You could swear you heard him mumble something, but he was probably just trying to backtalk again. You paid no mind to that. He was always like that, not wanting to accept good things happening to him or compliments.

You gestured for Johnny to move a bit, so his lower legs dangled off the side of your bed with you in-between them. He quickly propped himself on his elbows to watch you. Watching was important to him since the sensation in his legs leaves much to be desired.

You tenderly kiss his soft pale skin on the inside of his thighs and when you looked up to him, he stared intensely at you with his blue eyes. Giving into your playful thoughts you left a hickey there, running your thumb over the dark spot once you were finished.

You noticed the slight pout that began to form on Johnny’s face.

“Getting impatient already?” You asked and wrapped your hand around his dick, much to his delight.

“Yeah. I just really want you.” With a smile you struck your tongue out and began to give him a few teasing licks, watching his brows furrow and him biting his lip.

The blush on his cheeks deepened and it became harder for him to keep his moans from escaping once you took his length into your mouth.

He had lost some sensation in his pelvic area after he became paralyzed but just the visual stimulation of seeing you work on him so dedicatedly made him crazy, so he didn’t mind the slightly numbed feeling when he could look at your head between his legs, with your beautiful eyes occasionally looking up to him. His right hand found its way into your hair, entangling itself in it, as he whispered soft words of praise.

“Ya too kind to me my darlin’.” He spoke with such admiration and warmth to you it had you shudder.

You weren’t on your knees for long, since Johnny soon pulled you up so he could kiss you again while his sneaky hands trailed from your rips down to the waistband of your shorts, playing with the hem just a little before tantalizingly slow pulling them down.

The slowness of his movements was such a contrast to the strong desire you saw in his gaze once he parted from the kiss.

You just rested your arms on his shoulders, smiling down on him was he removed first your shorts and your underwear.

Once that was done his fingertips ghosted over your, his eyes following his fingers as they trailed from your knees to your hips. Then with one swift move he moved his hands back down, hooking them just above your knee to pull you on top of him on the bed.

Johnny couldn’t help but chuckle at your startled expression. His left hand came up to your face to hold you chin. Eager to please you two he dipped two of his fingers into his mouth, not breaking eye contact as he did so.

You felt your face run hot, he was so incredibly hot and lewd once he was in his element, and it wasn’t hard to see why he had so many admires in his past. You were snapped out of your thoughts once you felt his middle finger ghost over your clit, giving you immediate goosebumps and your arms briefly wobbled.

You almost hated how he could have you tremble like that without doing much. He circled your bundle of nerves for a bit before his finger wandered further down and prodded at your entrance.

As he slowly pushed his finger in, he spoke; “Suddenly your compliments stopped.”

You bit back a moan as he moved his finger, curling it, gradually moving it in and out.

“Don’t tell me you suddenly want them without backtalking.” You retorted.

“J’st teasing.” He smiled and kept his eyes fixated on your face, enjoying every single reaction he was able to earn. He added his second finger now and you couldn’t help the moan that escape you.

“Anyone ever told you; you look mesmerizing when you’re confident?” You asked in between the heavy panting, and he immediately deadpanned.

“What? You just complained I stopped.” You smiled at him, only to have your expression falter the next moment when he curled his fingers deep in you again.

“That’s what you get then.” He laughed and you placed your head on his shoulders, panting and moaning against his neck, as his fingers continued their work.

“I should do it more then if this is my reward.” You replied.

Johnny rolled his eyes. He didn’t think that through now. Using your chance to attack his neck, leaving dark red sports behind once you had to let go of his skin.

“Stop marking me.” He growled.

“Shut it.” You just panted and gave him another one. He rolled his eyes, pushing you up and removing his fingers.

“Ready?” He asked, waiting for your go. Instead of replying you reached down between your legs and guided him inside of you.

Once inside you took a moment to adjust and enjoy the feeling of fullness. He lets out a soft moan, his hands coming up to tangle in your hair, pulling you closer to his face again just to reunite your lips in a heated kiss once more. His tongue graciously invaded your mouth, and he angled his head to get better access.

You began moving making him only moan and pant into your mouth, with you quickly doing the same. His hands from your hair moved down to your hips grabbing you, guiding your movement.

You used your arms for better support and positioned them above his shoulders, careful to not accidentally get his hair under your hands and hurt him.

Looking down on him, you studied his face. The way he had his eyes closed, fully focused on the feeling of you on top of him with his dick inside you. The blush on his freckled cheeks, his plush lips he bit into. And you only met this wonderful man who had captured you heart by storm thanks to dumb ideas at a bridge.

Noticing your halt, he opened his darkened, hungry eyes to inspect what had you stop.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, genuinely concerned that he might have hurt you or something which was barely possible but he still worried.

“You’re just so perfect Johnny. Really. I love you.” You saw him tear up a little, nothing new, he was quite emotional especially during sex, and the blush deepen.

“You tell me that now?” He averted his gaze, not being able to stand yours. You shook your head.

“You’re right. Where were we?” You asked and began moving again in a steady rhythm. Johnny gripped his hands harder at your hips again, his nails digging into your skin a little, leaving crescent moon shaped marks.

The noise of skin slapping against skin, both of your heavy breathing and moaning filled the room, with occasional mumbling of an assortment of swearwords. With the steady rhythm, Johnny’s hands all over you skin, the visual stimulation of having the blond being so lewd and gorgeous under you, you felt your climax approaching last.

And when Johnny then began mumbling praise with his heavy accent for you it was over.

“You look so beautiful like that Darlin’. Taking me s’well. You’re all mine.” Giving his words emphasis and knowing by the way your legs trembled and your walls clenching around him that you’d come soon, he pulled you down by your neck, burring his head against it and marking you roughly.

You didn’t mind him being possessive right now one bit. Not when it felt so good.

Your eyes roll back once you finally come, and Johnny enjoyed catching a glimpse of your expression while he was still working on some hickeys.

You clenching his dick through your orgasm only turned him further on, but he kindly let you ride it out on your pace, waiting his turn.

Once you come down from your high a little he whispers in your ear; “Can you keep going for me?”

You nodded lazily, letting him pull you on his chest, one arm wrapping around your back, hand placed at the nape of your neck, the other arm around your waist.

He easily had the strength to move you until you helped him a little. It didn’t take him long to finish after you.

You whispering in his ear dirty praise like “You fucked me so good Johnny.” Really did a number on him.

You laid next to him, lazily cuddling the blond who looked disgusted at the cum on his stomach.

“I feel like the dirties human on earth right now.” He complained and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Want me to distract Gyro so you can quickly get into the shower?” He nodded and went to look for his boxershorts on the floor. You got it for him as well as his crutches once you had quickly thrown your shorts and shirt back on.

“Alrighty, then, Imma go, yes?” You hummed and Johnny, now standing before you awkwardly with only his boxershorts and dried cum on his stomach, nodded.

He was absolutely paranoid of being caught by Gyro in embarrassing situations simply because he accidentally once walked in on you two having sex. He was over excited over his test results and wanted to celebrate, forgetting to knock, and walking into something he never wanted to see again.

Still cringing over the memory, a little you knocked on his door, waiting a moment before he told you to come in.

“Hey, wanted to ask if you got any ideas for dinner?” You asked casually and saw from the corner of your eye Johnny who as quickly as he could disappeared into the bath.

“Not really. Was too busy with getting through this book.” He said and tapped on the thick book underneath him.

“Wanna order something then?” Gyro grinned happily, flashing his grills. “Sounds perfect. No extra stress for anyone.”

“You Sure? You can never choose what you want!” You reminded him.

“No stress in terms of standing in the kitchen then, smartass.” You nodded and went to leave since your distraction mission was done but Gyro spoke up again.

“Judging by your neck you talked with him?”

“Yep.” You replied dryly.

“So, what happened?”

“Nothing to worry much about yeah? Just Johnny being Johnny. You can ask him later.” Gyro agreed to it, and you made your way back to your room to wait until Johnny was finished showering so you could have your turn.

During your wait you simply slumped down in your chair feeling so relaxed. You finally knew what Johnny’s problem was, which meant less worrying sick about that and more focus back on your own betterment, even though you had made good progress since moving and being with Johnny.

But bad days were bad days, they didn’t just go away, and recovery is a long road. Just when you wanted to grab your phone to have something against the boredom Johnny came back, his hair wet and clinging to his face and neck.

“Your turn.” He said and went straight for your bed, falling face forward into it, watching you gather some clothes from your wardrobe.

“Were gonna order something for dinner tonight.” You quickly told him before disappearing to take your shower.

--

Once done with your shower you encountered both Gyro and Johnny in your room.

“You need to pick what you want!” Gyro proclaimed and shoved his phone in your hand. Quickly skimming through the menu, you decided on your favorite, before handing it back to Gyro.

“Alright. I’m gonna finish the rest of my book and then we can play video games or something together later. I really need a break!” The Italian spoke as he stretched for a second and then went to leave.

“Can’t wait ‘til his tests are done. I actually kinda miss having him around.” Johnny said as soon as Gyro was out of earshot.

“Me too. Maybe we can go out together again, have fun.” You agreed and climbed on the bed next to Johnny. The blond happily pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on your head.

“I’m sorry for making you worry.” Johnny was being awfully docile as of now. Admitting he misses having Gyro around, actually apologizing…

“It’s alright. But next time just talk directly about it instead of bottling it all up yeah?” Johnny nodded weakly, pulling you fully down on the mattress with him, so he could have your head rest on his chest, petting your hair lovingly.

“You…” He started, hesitating for a second. “I did make you more depressed though right?”

“No, don’t worry. Im just happy you’re feeling a little better. Have you spoken to your therapist about all of that?”

“I skipped that one too.” You raised your head and stared at him with an annoyed expression. “Seriously?”

“It just was a lot… I wasn’t completely honest to you about why I was so down.” You narrowed your eyes.

“My dad reached out and wanted to talk. There simply was so much on my mind and I wanted to be alone in my room all day. Hide from everything. And once I skipped the first few appointments, I felt bad for lying to you. And then shit just spiraled.” Johnny adverted his eyes, not able to withstand your gaze. You carefully took his hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Yeah, that is a lot, you’re right. But you told me now. And we can work on it together again, like always.”

Together. The word echoed through Johnny’s mind.

“Remember when my toxic ex friend saw us in the city, and I was feeling like shit after that?” The blond nodded.

“You were there for me, even if I hadn’t told you why I was feeling like shit. You simply made me some lunch, brought it here and stayed the whole day by my side, watching old movies with me. And I will always do the same for you. We support each other. And currently its my turn to be there for ya, okay?”

He turned to look at you again, the sincerity in your expression and voice touched his heart and he wondered if you felt the similar when he did the same for you.

“You’re right.”

“I knew you’d see it my way.“  You smiled and gave him a loving kiss.

“About the thing with your dad, have you given it much thought yet?“ Johnny shook his head, tickling you a little with his hair in the process.

“Not really. I haven’t decided what I want to do. I just have the mail that he sent.“

“Talk about it in your next therapy session. Maybe it’ll help you decide what you want. But whatever it is in the end, I’ll be there to support you. I have your back.“

“And I have yours. Even if I didn’t do a good job recently. I’ll make it up to you.“ You chuckled and kissed him once more.

“Good. Because I have a stressful week of work ahead.“

“Then I will make sure to make it a little less stressful. If theres anything you need just let me know.“

“I just need you close. That’s all.“ And to emphasize that, you hugged him even closer.

[aisy15-chan]

Tell me more about your tntduo Danny Phantom au!!

I haven't actually watched it but I'm genuinely curios cause I love your art about it <3

Oh- I'll give you everything about this AU!! I have how many ideas and plots!! But I really remind you all that if you want to watch Danny Phantom, I don't recommend reading discussion about AU is because it will contain spoilers about the series as well as a bit of the latest comic Danny Phantom, which was just released 2 weeks ago!!

If you ask "wait you can make fanfic?!" Well I can but I'm not sure I can execute the story well :( !!! I mostly just conceptualize AU just for fun so if you want to use this idea i allow you- just credit me please.

Plot idea simply:

yo Wilbur is only 16 years old and he is half dead from an accident in the ghost portal. trying to feel alive in a half-ghost state, becoming an impromptu super hero, trying to adjust to the life of ghosts & humans- having internal conflicts with his parents who are hunting for his ghost side as well as conflicts with his younger brother Tommy. Everthing passed then Quackity appeared in his life. Q who is annoyed at her because he & his 'dragon' destroyed his love life & tried to kill Wilbur ghost side, one day they are then forced together in a school project and then learn about each other and start to get close (on the human side only) time passes and Quackity still hunting for Wilbur, a bored Wilbur offers something to Q "How do we become Psycho competitive rivals??? Instead of hunting me how do we fight who can catch and beat more ghosts!" and Q are hesitant at first but he accepts it- they develop more maybe they turn into boyfriend :³???

Fine let me explain. Danny & Wilbur have a lot in common.

Been a sim: ✓ Ever died: ✓ Have a 'twin': ✓ Emotional support sibling: ✓ Have rivals + love interested: ✓ Explode something & lose everything: ✓ Thought to be a bad person but actually depressed: ✓

C!Wilbur & Danny experience the butterfly effect and their lives are inversely proportional because of that, Wilbur loses everything just by losing the election while Danny loses everything by cheating on the C.A.T exam & ends in a bang.

Danny: VLAD! please get rid of the MY ghost side! They must agree too!!

Wilbur: PHIL! kill me! Kill me! They will definitely agree!!

(I kinda forgot how the dialogue was sorry)

Well in the end Wilbur & human side Danny died. Leaving their ghost side… Then they came back to life.

I'm not sure whether to make Dan/Dark Danny in this AU?? It will be a heavy & complex plot, if you don't know Dan is a fusion of ghost Danny & Vlad also the 'evil' & depressed version… In his timeline he destroys the whole world and tries to kill Valerie for getting in his way btw- so in the latest comic he is back and at the end becomes an emo teenager in Danny's clone body that Vlad made.

Let talking about Quackity!!

Quackity plays as Valerie in this AU!!! In the original version, Valerie's life was destroyed by Danny & Cujo (ghost dog) who messed up where Valerie's father worked so that her father was fired and sold their house easily, causing Valerie to hate ghosts, especially Danny & Cujo, got ghost hunting equipment from Vlad Master Valerie became a ghost hunter and exterminated them also tried to kill Danny's ghost side but over time their relationship grew more complex over time especially in the season 2 especially, they even had a date!! It's canon!! But unfortunately they also broke up in the same episode… And since then Valerie was forgotten and only appeared in 3 episodes in the third season…

Quackity's story will be a bit different from Valerie to than the ghost dog what about the ghost dragon?! Well the canon dragon in Danny Phantom with the Amulet of Aragon ghost/human can turn into a ghost dragon when angry or strong emotions— I thought it was great how can include Qsmp, its members & the dragon eggs in this AU ahaha ^^

So the story goes:

Quackity was so happy to be able to ask his boyfriend to go date (I have no idea who) they really love the date but Wilbur & the 'dragon' completely destroy their dating in restaurant, Q has a big fight with his boyfriend and they end up breaking up on the restaurant in middle of all people. Quackity experienced severe stress and started to hate ghosts then someone gave him a gift, a ghost hunting tool. Quackity started his career as a ghost hunter-

Someone: *addresses ElQuckity as Ellie* Me: *remembers what the phandom call Dani as Ellie too, the clone theory oh Dani is a Danny clone too wait…* SHET THIS GENIUS!!! GREAT IDEA EVER!!!

THE IDEA: TECHO AS WILBUR CLONE AND ELQUCKITY AS QUACKITY CLONE!! THAT'S THE COOLEST IDEA SHETT THOUGHT OF EVER!!!

That all i can think- feel free to ask to my ask box hehehe ^^👍

[fieldsofview]

Spider-Man: Homesickness UPDATE

The following text is copied from my AO3

Hey, y'all. This is going to be a long and rambling life update for a moment. TLDR: The epilogue won't be posted until mid/late August, but it is coming. Keep reading if you're so interested in the *why*, otherwise, I'll see you then.

I know that, until now, I've been very consistent in keeping updates on time. And I know it's likely frustrating for you all to have to wait for the epilogue, and for that I apologize. It's coming, I promise. I just want to make sure I do it justice and do my best, and my life has not allowed for that right now. My personal life has been kind of a wreck these last few weeks. To start, I had a long stretch of time where I was covering extra shifts for my coworker who was in the hospital, which meant a lot of doubles (My usual 4PM-midnight followed by the midnight-8AM shift, with only a few hours after to go home and sleep before doing it all over again.) This is when I was drafting the previous chapter, and I did do my best to keep working on all of this but I was drastically limited in the time I had. During and following all of this, my cat, Aya, got very sick very fast. Within about 2 weeks, she went from being a perfectly healthy 5-year-old cat at her yearly physical exam, to having such extreme symptoms from a mystery illness that she was interned in a specialty Vet clinic's ICU for several days, needing a feeding tube, intravenous medication, and 24-hour care. Ultimately, despite the thousands of dollars I spent, four different veterinarians, and countless tests, no one could figure out what was wrong with her. She has since passed and her ashes should hopefully return to me within the week. Because of the timing of it all, just a few days later I left for a trip out of state to visit my elderly grandparents for their 85th birthday celebration with my extended family (There are nearly 40 of us) that I could not reschedule or miss, and I've been there for the last week. It's a 18-hour journey each way and I've spent most of the trip assisting my father with care of my younger brother or assisting my cousin with her three kids under 5. I've had no time for writing whatsoever. I've barely had time to breathe, let alone grieve the loss of my cat who I have had since she was a tiny kitten and who passed so suddenly and so violently that it has stuck with me in a way that previous pet deaths have never done. Her sister and her were so closely bonded and it's been heartbreaking to see her so confused as to why Aya has never come home. And now I've had to leave her with my roommates while I'm gone and she's been acting skittish and scared around them in a way she never has before. I only hope when I return in a few days she'll forgive me. I haven't started writing the epilogue yet. As many of you pointed out in the comments here and on my Tumblr (that I truly haven't had the capacity to respond to), the last chapter did not quite feel right or sit in the way you wanted. I stand by the events of the chapter, but because it was basically my rough draft with almost no editing, it's lacking the subtlety and nuance it deserves, and it's missing some details it should have had. I love this fic with all my heart and I want it to be a project I can finish and leave in a way that I am proud of. So, I will be spending the next few weeks taking the time I need for myself, and then I will be spending the time to make any edits to the entire story that I feel are necessary for it to be its best. Once that's done, I'll publish the epilogue. A version that is final and that I can be proud of, whether or not anyone else likes it. Because I know the last chapter was not my best work, it's been hard to sit with those comments and accept them, despite knowing the circumstances surrounding them. Thank you to everyone who has supported me through this project, and thank you for your patience as I make sure this is the best it can be. My hope is that I can post the epilogue in about one month, as I approach the year mark from when I first started drafting this fic, but I will take it day by day to ensure it's the best it will be. I will delete this "chapter" once the epilogue is posted. 

[classicslesbianopinions]

how do you even go to grad school, i have two years of undergrad left and i'm already so scared. i have this fear that they will see that i passed all my exams not because i know stuff but because my writing is good enough and they will all laugh at my poor little collection of credits i got from my poor little college lmaoo

well my college closed and a global pandemic hit partway through my degree and my final transcript is from a college that straight-up does not offer latin or greek and i've been recommended for admission at a phd program so. anything's possible really.

anyway first of all if your writing is good enough to pass your exams, 1. that's a sign that you do know stuff, because it's really hard to write well without knowledge to back it up and also 2. writing is a huge part of academia and good writing is something programs will be looking for. like good writing is a selling point in its own right, completely separate from your knowledge.

secondly like... i had a lot of the same worries when i was applying, i graduated in december 2020 and it took until december 2022 for me to actually get any applications in. because i went to a tiny liberal arts college that closed, and because i spent my last semester working almost entirely independently at a school that did not offer anything in my field, i was worried my degree and coursework wouldn't be enough, and that i didn't know enough to get through. i applied to one masters and two phd programs and have been rejected from one phd program and recommended to the dean for admission (but not officially offered admission yet, i'm still waiting to hear) at the other (the masters had a later deadline and i haven't heard officially but i did have an interview). i thought basically if i didn't get into the phd program i could do the masters for a stronger foundation, which is still my plan, but i was also told by my current greek instructor that my language background looked strong enough without it (i have four years of high school and two years of university-level latin, and four-ish years of greek) and i would be a competitive candidate. i still don't necessarily feel like a competitive candidate, but honestly this field just breeds so much impostor syndrome that at a certain point you've just got to assume you're underestimating yourself.

but like... no one has laughed at the poor collection of credits i got from my now-defunct college, both programs i interviewed with took me seriously as a candidate and an academic, and also like... if it doesn't work out for me this year for whatever reason, i'll probably just work on my application and apply again next year 🤷‍♂️ there's no shame in applying multiple times, it can be a bit random where and when you actually get accepted.

also to answer the practical question of "how does this work": you pick out programs you would like to apply to-- i just went through this list of graduate programs in north america from the society for classical studies, although if you don't want programs in north america you will have to look elsewhere (and probably ask someone else. i live in the us and applied solely to schools in the us, and i know it works differently elsewhere). decide if you're applying to masters or phd programs or both. a phd program will include a masters as part of the program. masters programs are shorter and might prepare you to get into a phd program or to do other work in the field, and phd programs of course take a long time and qualify you to be a college professor and also let you put "doctor" in front of your name, which kind of rules. i picked programs by size and location (i do best in small communities), and i also was told to make sure that when applying to phds i could see faculty in the program that i could see myself working with, and to mention a faculty member's work in my statement of purpose for the school. so i actually might've applied to more phd programs if i had found more faculty whose work interested me, but honestly i pretty much knew where i wanted to go from the start and it's very likely that that's where i'll be next year.

check to see if the programs you want require the gre, mine were gre optional but i sent the scores anyway because i'm really good at standardized tests. but also taking the gre was a very dehumanizing experience, so like if it's not required and you don't test well, just skip it. and make sure to ask faculty for letters of recommendation a few months in advance. (they might also want to look at drafts of your application material, so i would recommend having that pretty far in advance.) every program i applied to asked for a statement of purpose to say "this is what i want to do and why i want to go to your school" and a recent writing sample (which was hard for me to find because of the haphazard nature of my last two semesters). i also attached my cv because i've done a lot of stuff outside of school in the last two years, and i held a lot of leadership positions when i was in college. also purdue owl has a page about applying to graduate programs, which was really helpful to me and might be to you!

if you're still in undergrad, also, you probably have faculty you can ask for advice etc-- part of my problem was that i was a year out of college when i tried to apply the first time, and the second time it was two years after i graduated. and i didn't have any way to contact any of my past classics professors. so if you have an advisor or just any professors you like and get along with, you should talk to them about this as you start researching programs and planning out your applications! you'll need their recommendation letters anyway, but also a lot of the time people are really glad to help. anytime i've asked for help i've been met with support. (and remember that it's pretty normal for professors to be asked to help with this sort of thing! it's something you're doing for the first time but they've almost definitely helped tons of people with it, in addition to doing it themselves.)

anyway i don't know how much help this is, but just know that you are almost definitely way more qualified and competent than you think you are, and grad school applications are super intimidating but incredibly possible.

[theophagie-remade]

I wanna go on and on about a thing and 'tis my premise

Now, to the scene that kicked off the Cursed Subplot

First and foremost, one of my grievances with it is that Aoyama's comment is pretty much out of nowhere. Despite having had little to no interaction with Uraraka prior to this, somehow he knows her enough to tell what she's thinking, and the audience is just supposed to accept this. >_>? Ultimately his comment has no purpose other than that of making Uraraka aware that she's got something going on, but it just feels unsatisfactory, cheap, and out of place. I've seen theorises that he wanted to fail the exam on purpose to avoid going to the summer camp (thus, avoiding to aid AFO), but that still doesn't explain how he Just Knew which button to push

Having said that, it's Interesting_Meme.jpeg that this isn't the first time something went bad for Uraraka after she tried to use Midoriya as a reference [see: the Sports Festival arc, "I'll win just like Deku!" -> loses immediately after she has this thought]. And I say "bad" for a reason: in a real fight, this distraction would have killed her. Hell, she still could have gotten injured if Thirteen hadn't reacted in time. It's exactly the same thing that happened during the first mock battle supervised by All Might: the fact that this was an exercise is what allowed her to pass

And there's quite some satisfaction/vindication to knowing that it's not just me, random reader, who says this

"Always be conscious of who you are"... i.e. possibly thee sentence that is most relevant to her character arc in the whole manga

With the added detail that Toga was a character created specifically for her, and that Uraraka was developed to match Toga, it's hard to see how "being just like the person you like" could have anything but negative results. Toga's case is more complex because of the combination of natural urges she feels due to her quirk and the abuse and neglect she suffered at the hands of society, and I don't personally believe that "she's just mistaken" about love and admiration being connected, as some people say, but the core idea of Identity is the same. Becoming (just like) someone else means giving up on everything that makes you you, and Uraraka has been "punished" for having tried to. While she hasn't explicitly said anything about it (yet) ("chat about love" I am so terrified of what could come out of you), it's only with the shift to "I can be inspired by Deku" that she effectively stops stacking losses or half-assed results. And I guess that thinking about it as a shift to something constructive rather than as a full suppression of feelings does solve at least the contradiction of "If Toga suppression = bad, why Uraraka suppression = good?" (I still think "I can teach you, Toga, how love should actually be!" would be a TERRIBLE thing though btw)

This is one of the instances where the japanese text may help a lot, because "bottling feelings up" and "keeping feelings under control" do share a common repression element to them, but at the same time they aren't the same

I do think that on its own this is a good approach to love as a theme, but as things currently stand, (excluding things like Uraraka being sidelined so often and the lack of interaction with other characters) my gripes with Horikoshi are: the interference of other characters (Aoyama, Mina) is annoying; it's ultimately disappointing that, as far as the relationship side of things is concerned, everything is on Uraraka's shoulders alone. Midoriya merely is an unaware external cause, and this lack of reciprocity not only renders the prospect of a possible future relationship between them completely unappealing and bland (if the standards for romance are supposed to be a character thinking "Oh, A Cute Girl I just met is talking to me!"... *side eye*), but personally it also... makes him feel like an intruder. When I think about "the love subplot", it's Uraraka and Toga that immediately come to my mind, with Midoriya just being an annoying afterthought, because he's only indirectly involved and... that's it ("he's just standing there... menacingly!")

[mrkis]

cas I think you might be my most favorite person online.you are so cool and cute and talented its really unfair😩so as a bestie I wanted to share this little thing that might be personal but I am too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone irl so it's okay if you don't wanna answer to this<3 I got accepted to one of my dream university and though I am really excited for it, I am scared to step into this new world. I took a drop year for preparation for it's entrance exam which is realllyyy tough so I was stuck in my home for almost a year doing nothing but studying but now I really am scared to interact with anyone😭 I am usually the person who shies away from every and any conversation and my irl friends are telling me that engineering students will literally eat me up because they are generally very rowdy and I am soo fucking scared😭is it really true??have you ever interacted with someone who is shy or an introvert??do we come off as annoying?? I have a week and I really want to work on myself. I don't want to be a loner there:(

as someone who is also shy and introverted irl, i'm not sure if my advice is going to help as i can't take it myself lmfao but i'll try and put your mind at ease. for starters, congrats on getting accepted!! thats really fucking cool and i hope you're proud of yourself.

secondly, people are a lot more chilled than you may think. they're not going to look at someone who is shy/introvert and call them annoying etc. the most they do is just look and think "oh, they're quiet" and literally thats it. they don't really dwell on it that much, it's just a passing thought and then its forgotten.

also. what i do try and encourage is speaking (even if its only a word or two, even a sentence if you're comfortable) whenever someone tries to engage in a conversation with you. even if its to greet someone back if they say hello to you or even if they ask you a question. if you feel shy to give a full answer, that's completely fine. make it short and simple, not only you but the person asking the question will appreciate that too (especially because you spoke to them back)

[zerobaseonefics]

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU FOR THE ADVICES AND FOR YOUR HELP YOU ARE SOSOSOSOSO NICE☹️🫶 IF YOU ACCEPT EMOJI ANONS TO KNOW WHO IS WHO OR SOMETHING THEN I WOULD LOVE TO BE „🤍” IM THE FRIEND FROM GERMANY BTW OH AND YOU AND ME TOMORROW BOTH ANXIOUS BECAUSE BOYS PLANET ELIMINATIONS AND WE BOTH CSNT WATCH BUT YOU LITERALLY HAVE WORSE THAN ME BECAUSE OF YOUR EXAMS AND LIKE I HAVE THERAPY TOMORROW FOR SBOUT THE SAME TIME IT STARTS BUT SINCE MY THERAPY STARTS A BIT LATER THAN THE BEGINNING OF THE LIVESTREAMING AND IT DOESNT EVEN TAKE A WHOLE HOUR SO I HOPE I WILL BE SBLE TO WATCH LIKE THE REST AND BE SBLE TO VOTE FOR MY HUSBAND (sorry im so delulu over him i cant handle it) JUNHYEON 😔😔 AND LIKE IF HE WONT DEBUT I WILL DO A LOVE DIVE FROM MY WINDOW (i live on the33rd floor 😍) and i have so much to tell my therapist but i keep forgetting everything and i cant talk to him in genz way because hes a bit bit bit older and i have to stay serious and he doesnt understand me at all because of my non german accent👲 i mispronounce a lot of words yes but like come on im not that bad roght??? likr everyone literally can understand me talking in german😐😐 BUT YES AGAIN I WISH YOU FOR TOMORROW:

THE GOOD OF THE MOST GOOD GOODEST LUCKS EVER!!!🫶🫶🫶

~🤍 (if its okay i would love to be your this kind of anon because i feel like you help me a lot and im thsnkful to you// btw you can call me „pure” because (imo) thats what represents the 🤍)

hEYYYYYYYY PURE 🩶

bro don't worry i'm glad if i can help you in any way!! i do accept emojis anon! it's better than calling each other german and french friend 😭

WAIT I JUST REALIZED YOURE THE ANON I TALK WITH ABOUT THERAPY :0 I WAS WONDERING HOW THEY WERE DOING DJDJJE

i just hope your appointment is gonna be alright omg don't worry about my exam i'm a bad bitch i will pass it with no problems (i will cry and pray god) ✋🏼

your therapist be pissing me off fr 💀 i absolutly understand what you're saying cuz im kinda experiencing the same,,,, i was born and raised in france but since my dad is vietnamese and my mom is algerian the first languages i learnt are arabic and viet. sometimes, i pronounce french words the wrong way and people would act like they didn't understand at all LIKE GIRL STFU IT WAS VERY MUCH UNDERSTANDABLE 💀💀💀 plus german prononciation is so hard can't he leave you >:(

me and you if junhyeon is not in the top 9 :

i'll probably do the same as you and go to the live once my exam is done... can't wait for tomorrow omg i will be waiting for your opinion on the finale line up

good luck for tomorrow's appointment, have a nice day pure <3

[transmigratedlily]

Godhood

I have always been incredibly immersed in two things: science and religion. They could be seen as contradicting topics, don’t you think? If I’m ever distracted, it’s without a doubt because I’m deeply dwelling within one of those subjects. Just yesterday, I was reading a blog by @luvmanifesting, (edit; actually the blog was by @luckykiwiii101, L.M reblogged it, apologies.) and I was deeply intrigued when I came across this exact line:

"You are GOD, and if you don’t like that term, then you are the CREATOR."

This struck me deeply, even if i have read that exact line more than necessary. It made me realize that when people say, “I am God,” which I definitely am, it simply means just that; I am a god. Have you ever read any religious text, quote, verse, or anything related to religion? You have, right? Well then—what those religions worship, fawn over, and desire so powerfully is you: the god, the creator, the one who so effortlessly makes everything out of nothing.

So, the next time you read a blog with the same premise for the 900th time, please—take one good, lengthy (or short) blog and sit in silence. Read it slowly. Explain each sentence to yourself. Study the blog like you have an exam tomorrow that determines your entire grade in life. (READ. UNDERSTAND. APPLY! THE BIG R.U.A!)

What I mean here is, see your life as the exam which you haven't studied for, you read these blogs you read like a prayer-- but somehow don't believe a speck of what it says AS TRUTH. sweetness, Study for this exam well, So you can get the grade you desire. (sweetness, apply the information of said blogs, so you can get whatever you desire.)

This advice should send a chill down your spine—a strike of “Oh shit! I haven’t studied yet!” is desirable. Because, listen, imagine not studying for an important exam, one worth your entire grade. All your past mistakes, poorly done papers, and skipped classes would be disregarded—this is your only shot left.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I would study my whole soul away. Finally, a chance to prove myself and my intelligence! THAT is how you should read blogs. Let’s not worry anyone here, but in some ways, fear is a good booster for such things.

Reflect on how every moment of life is a chance to demonstrate your inner potential, treating it with the urgency and passion of a make-or-break exam

Because—this COULD be a possibility of a life you will absolutely loathe-- I do not wish such helplessness upon anyone or anything in any of my lives, but let’s all be real here: all your thoughts, even scenarios, are in some way affirmations. These things, if not handled with care and if believed with your whole heart, can either propel you toward immense success or cause you to fade away, like you were never even here. Please, this is your life, your mind, your soul. Don’t let it go to waste because of some measly doubt. You are made of pure stardust; your atoms were once the atoms of a magnificent and beast of a black hole. Who is anyone to tell you these things aren’t possible? You are God.

i'll tell you of a personal story, but it will be short; there was someone whom i cherished so much, sometimes it truly felt like my heart will give out on how much i loved this person, but something in the back of my mind always and consistently repeated that this person will physically or metaphorically leave my life, until one day my love passed away, my inner world (with my knowledge) had for whatever reason accepted this supposedly unharmful passing thought; being

they will leave me. everything always leaves me.

and repeated it until my love had passed on. and i vaguely remember in conversations I would talk to them like they were at a moments notice- gone.

but, through the power of realizing my OWN power, i managed to bring my love "back from the dead". anything and everything is possible, dwell on that.

Contemplate the profound realization of being both the dust of the cosmos and the orchestrator of its endless creation.

Could you ever imagine living out on the streets, so cold that the only music you hear is your teeth chattering? Why? All because you held onto a belief, a knowing that came from nowhere, like: “I’ll be unlucky forever,” or “Nothing goes my way,” or “What is this even good for?”

My sweet, tilt your head up and do what you were meant to do. If there’s anything I’ve learned from all my years of studying topics like these, it’s this:

You. Are. Meant. To. Do. This.

Do you ever stop and think about the sheer magnificence of existence? How, on one hand, you’re nothing more than dust—particles flung across the vast cosmos—yet, on the other hand, you’re everything? You’re the architect, the orchestrator, the creator of this endless unfolding we call life.

Imagine this: every star, every atom, every fleeting moment of beauty in the world—it’s all connected to you. (Quantum Entanglement) Not just in some abstract, distant sense, but in a very real, very profound way. The same energy that explodes in a supernova courses through you when you dream, when you create, when you dare to say, “This is who I am.” 

And isn’t it wild to think that the universe, infinite as it is, had the audacity to condense itself into you? Not just a fragment of the cosmos but the whole thing. You are stardust molded into thought, into feeling, into being. You are both the beginning and the continuation of creation itself.

But let’s not romanticize it to the point of disbelief. Sure, you might think, I’m just a person. And yes, you are. But aren’t the smallest things often the most potent? A spark can ignite a wildfire; a single cell can bloom into a life. You are the microcosm within the macrocosm, the god-self that takes the infinite chaos and breathes meaning into it.

When you look at your life—your struggles, your triumphs, your quiet moments of peace—can you see it? Can you see that you’re both the painter and the canvas, the seed and the tree, the question and the answer? This isn’t about ego; it’s about recognition. Recognition that you are both creation and creator, both the dust of the cosmos and the one who gives it purpose.

So, when the world feels overwhelming, when you feel small, remember this: you’re not just in the universe; the universe is in you. Every thought you think, every dream you dare to chase, is the cosmos expanding, creating, and becoming something it has never been before.

You. Are. It. The dust, the god, the creator of it all.

[tinatribeca]

Life Update 11/10/24

11:42am.

School is kicking my ass right now. I don't even want to talk about this program I'm in. I feel a bit distracted. I'm questioning my decision to enroll. Was it too soon for me to go back to school knowing I'm still grieving? The work, school, social life balance is kicking my ass as well. Often I'm figuring out what I should be doing versus what I want to be doing.

Haha, I wish I was recording.

The program is short I'll delve into that during a time where I feel like really delving into that - it's easier to avoid the thought of my future. Ever feel like you want to talk about everything and nothing at all?

I'll still be thinking about that dream I have.

Of being a musician. Adulting they said. It'll be easy yet complicated.

Is it easy? more so, just complicated.

So why did I enroll? Well, my job will reimburse me. Well, maybe I've been a bit bored with what I'm doing. Maybe the idea of being upper middle class sounds nice. Maybe more money will make things easier.

I cried my first few exams. My thought process was literally what the fuck did I just do.

I passed both exams. I'm just anxious naturally.

What I'm studying I won't discuss cause ugh maybe if I write it down then that leads to acceptance: the acceptance of me being an adult and making adult decisions and adults go back to school? don't they?

Accept it girl, welcome to the big leagues of:

Adulting. Writing it down makes it real? Doesn't it?

Anyway.

I met someone. In person.

I hosted a few events within the last few months. One of them being at a bar in the lower east side. Mixers for people to meet new people. Word of mouth, reddit and boom. 60+ people my first event.

Did it again and changed the date because of food poisoning and second time around it was a lot less people.

I met a guy. He walked in like a comfortable breeze.

You ever meet someone and instantly need to know that person? I felt that gravitational pull instantly. I just want to speak to that guy, I'm not sure why but I need to talk to him- my exact thoughts the moment he left.

Attractive? Yes. My type? Absolutely not. To be the most honest I've ever been, he is the furthest from what I usually go for. He's all brains, like a whole lot smarter than me. White. Hazel eyes. Dark hair. Tan skin and not at all from here.

He's from San Diego and just moved here a year ago.

Has his PHD in neuroscience.

I've always had a thing for smart guys but I never usually go for them. I'm not sure why. I guess with age comes more confidence. Why not?

Somehow I found him online and messaged him. I shot my shot and surprisingly did not get turned down.

My friend hosted an event shortly after. He showed up and we made out the entire night drunkenly.

Before we kissed he said something that really made me think.

He told me I was intimidating and compared talking to me to talking to a celebrity. Then he was all "well not a celebrity because I don't care to meet celebrities..." and staggered along to explain how I was too cool for him. He said it was something about my aura or whatever, how I operate in a room. He stumbled over the words and said something along those lines. Well, it bothered me. May be a compliment to some but not to me. It made me feel like maybe I'm single because I have to be smaller. Less than I am now.

He saw my reaction to what he said and was all "It's a compliment. Its not a bad thing." But I couldn't help but feel otherwise.

We have been texting ever since but guess what:

He's not looking for anything serious. So, here I am once again. Falling but not falling at all. He's a psych professor. He's smart as fuck. I've never been more attracted to someones mind but I've been having the feeling I may need to let him go soon.

Here we go again.

I think not. I learned my lesson the hard way last time. But our lips intertwine like sand and water.

A perfect fit.

Isn't it funny how we text every day but I haven't seen him since.

Isn't it funny how I'm one foot in and one foot out.

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Considering all the horrible shit we've discovered about Hope's Peak thanks to the Tragedy, and how for so long they have been getting away from it, maybe your grandma's desire to keep you away from it was bc she discovered one of Hope's Peak's crimes against humanity and wanted to protect you from becoming another one of its victims.

Maybe so? She never explain why exactly, she just didn't like that place and I assume she was jealous of me and mom but she appear to be really not like it so maybe there's more to it.

But it's not like I can ask her, she's dead already if us killing our family is true so I may not ever know, it was actually the last time I spoke with her too.

I see, so despite what your grandma say, you still went anyway; how did that happen?

Well, I remember this happen when I was with my parents, it was the last day before I went back to Grandma's but then daddy reveal something to me.

...

...

...

Date: March 31st, 2010

Well, seems tomorrow I'm gonna go back to Grandma's now. It's not fair, why can't I go to Hope's Peak...I really wanna go...

That old hag acts like she knows what she's talking about, bullshit - you don't; once I take over the clan, I'm gonna make sure I do whatever I want.

KOHAKU: Hiyoko, it's dad... can I come in?

Sure thing daddy, come in; I was just getting my things packed.

*Hiyoko's dad walk in*

That's good, so how are things going with you? Tomorrow you'll be back to Grandma...

Yeah, that be great; I'm still annoyed on why she won't allow me to attend that school, I mean I heard nothing but great things from it and she's the only one that hates it.

Say, daddy? Do you know why Grandma has a stick up her butt when it comes to Hope's Peak?

I'm not sure either, she hasn't exactly explain but your mother just told me to ignore her so I'm not sure what to think since I never attended and your mother so I have to agree.

But guess what, me and your mom got some good news but we were able to change your grandma's opinion about going to Hope's Peak.

Wa-Wait, are you serious?! Does that mean...!

*pulls out the acceptance letter* Yep, you can go and now; just like you wanted - your mother was able to convince her so that means you can attend.

No way, I get to attend Hope's Peak like I wanted!

Yaaay, I get to goooo! Thanks daddy, your the best!

Oh wait, I should probably wear my kimono if I'm attending, right? Daddy can you help me out...?

Sure thing, I can help put it on for you then we can head off.

*goes to hug her dad* Thanks daddy, your the best - I really wanted to go since I heard about it so much and hearing they broadcast the exams, I want to show the world my dance, especially you.

And Grandma can't do anything if I attend so I'm gonna go and that's final, heheheee!

Yeah well, first off we should get ready for tomorrow, then have breakfast and then I'll get your kimono on and then will head off to Hope's Peak.

Okay daddy, man - tomorrow is gonna be awesome!

...

...

...

Date: April 1st, 2010

*As Hiyoko and her dad walk out, her mom got off the phone* How annoying, geez...

Oh, Hiyoko and honey - so I guess we're ready to go?

Yeah I am, so was that grandma?

Yeah, she was just calling me about some pointless stuff but anyway...

So then, are you ready for Hope's Peak Academy?

Oh yeah yeah, I am - daddy help me with the kimono, so let's go then!

*After that Hiyoko and her parents got into the car and they drove off, heading off to Hope's Peak*

'After we arrive at Tokyo, Japan - we made it to the school and there it was...'

Whoooa, the school looks so big, so this place is the best in the world? I wonder if-if-if-iffffffff-!

'After that, I can't remember much else pass that; it all became a blur and then the next thing I knew I was on Jabberwock Island and then the killing game and then you told me we were Ultimate Despair...'

[cyanoscarlet]

The way back

Writing this on the plane back to MNL. And god, the view outside is lovely.

Life update, in brief:

Finally (formally) graduated from residency in January. Research won second at a national competition for residents, and got accepted for an e-poster presentation in an international conference. (Which I'm going home from right now.) All things I never expected to happen, tbh.

Took some time to decompress for pretty much the entire year, hence my absence from online spaces. Spent most of 2024 so far working to save for the conference, and catching up on all the manga and books I missed. It's really hard, though, since each series presents its own rabbit hole, which results in buying more books!

The biggest rabbit hole I've been into so far is definitely What Did You Eat Yesterday? (Kinou Nani Tabeta?). I actually already started reading this way back in med school but forgot all about it when I was lost to follow-up on manga updates. Only recently bought the entire series in English, and it was definitely such a fun experience. I was so invested I ended up TL-ing a couple of plot-relevant non-tankobon chapters (cough: wedding), watched everything from the live action J-drama (and I have never watched any J-dramas since forever!), and I'm now starting to following anything that features either Nishijima Hidetoshi or Uchino Seiyou. (Uchino's my new bias, ngl. I'm definitely crushing on him lol. His fault I'm now also stuck in the Black Pean rabbit hole, but I'll talk about it maaaybe next time?)

Sadly, I haven't had any inspiration to write anything lately, fanfic or otherwise. The stress from forcing myself to complete my research paper has made me loathe any doc files any blank screens. My mind's been stuck in 'Create Mode' for a long while it just broke, and I'm now just in 'Consume Mode' for so long. It feels really weird since I was still able to write for zines/exchanges during clerkship/internship and even first year of residency, when we were deep into emergency pandemic response mode.

I miss writing for me. I guess I just need a little more time.

Upcoming: Specialty board exams over the next 2 months. Once I pass that, I'll finally become a proper attending. Hopefully. (Whether I end up pursuing my pipe dream plans of fellowship remains to be seen. It's really tempting, but I have to take over as family breadwinner now. Sad.)

Plane's landing soon. Love you all!

[muneebaashiq]

The last time I saw - Part 2

"You should leave now," I said to my youngest daughter as she sat at a table in the corner of the wedding hall. The exhaustion on her face was visible since she had been running around all day to ensure that her sister’s wedding ceremony went smoothly.

We did not have much time for the wedding preparations because my youngest had gotten into a Canadian program and needed to take its exam which only happens annually in-person. We did not know when she would be coming back if she passes so we held the wedding at the last minute so she could attend it. 

"I'll leave in fifteen minutes," she replied looking at the view in front of her, feeling as if she was a part of it but also distant from it. I understood her emotions since she was about to leave her life in Pakistan and start from scratch on the other side of the world.  

I sat down next to her and held her hand to offer some comfort. I could tell she was wondering what was going on in my mind but didn’t ask. We both said nothing to each other. I wondered if she was still mad at me because she wanted to reject the program she had gotten into, but I made her accept it because I knew this opportunity could change her life. I have researched a lot on how going aboard is beneficial for your child. An article that convinced me to make my decision was “4 reasons why you should send your child to study abroad”. 

(Article link: https://www.ef.com/ca/blog/language/4-reasons-why-you-should-send-your-child-to-study-abroad/) 

“How will I live alone? I have never even stayed alone in a nearby city let alone another country! I don’t want to leave dad!”, her words were echoing in my mind. I looked at her and thought if sending her away was the right decision. She was just a 19-year-old kid who now had to leave her family and life, start from the beginning alone in a foreign country and take on the hardships that come with it. 

But then, I saw her sister all grown up and radiant in her red wedding dress (lengha) who became strong enough to overcome life’s challenges after living alone. It reassured me that even though my youngest disagreed with me for making her go, it was the best decision for her to become independent in case something happens to me. While I felt sad about her leaving, I understood that it was my duty as her father to give her every opportunity to succeed and push her to fulfill her potential.  

After a while, my youngest got up and walked up to her sister. She looked exactly like her late mother as she was wearing her old clothes. I followed her until she reached the stage and hugged her sister goodbye.  

(Image credit: https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/771874823622297937/) 

Watching my daughters embrace each other, I couldn't help but feel emotional - it was as if I saw and was saying goodbye to my babies for the last time. Now, they had transformed into strong, independent women - who I was proud of.  

As they let each other go, I hugged them both tightly, feeling bittersweet. I knew they had so much to look forward to in life and was happy for them. But I also felt a sense of loss – my daughters were now grown up and were no longer the kids who were dependent on me. 

[deadangelo]

i completely forgot about my final assignment for my online class (which is worth 100 points) and now i’m going to fail the class which means i either have to take a 3-credit summer class (which is $$$) to maintain my scholarship (which i could lose anyway if my gpa tanks bc of the failed class) or i’ll completely lose my scholarship which reduces my tuition by a significant amount and it’s all because i’m an irresponsible dumbass who can’t keep up with assignments that aren’t for in-person classes :)))))

[charmixpower]

Rewatching season 1 (and actually paying attention to Sky to figure out what the fuck everyone is talking about): Part 5

EP 21:

Bloom will barely react to near death but will shun herself after a break up, nothing about her priorities are normal

✨⭐ Shine bright like a diamond ⭐✨

Stella should be exhausted from melting all this ice

Daphne is suddenly blue now

Who the FUCK is that voice when she grabbed the crown

"the king and queen of Domino, convinced they lost both their daughters chose to go into exile to grive."

.....I forgot that up to the first movie was planned, yeah them bitches were always ment to be alive huh

If Bloom is about 5'6, and Daphne is more than full head taller than her

Daphne is at least 6'0 ok???

Also blue Daphne!!

"I'm off to find you!" Daphne is alive??? And hiding??? Also Bloom referring to Daphne in third person

This episode has one to the best pre transformation scenes!!! They way they all jump up!!!

I guess we all know if Flora would of passed the bringing life to a desolate planet exam now :)

Tecna should turn her hood into a helmet more often

Musa finally using her focus in combat!!!!

(magical tools like Stella's "sword" and Nabu's staff are called focuses now bc they help focus magic, yes I'm bad at names)

"Isn't there a saying that goes the best defence is a good offence!"

Stella takes only offensive magic and basic magic classes confirmed

Tecna cracking so many jokes about Bloom being a princess

Musa's speaker spells are the best, just under her disco ball spells

I love how Bloom just hits shit when she can't transform, love her

Flora doesn't have any true offensive spells (spells that hurt on impact) she creates plants to attack (which is technically categorized as defensive and I need better names)

Stella: Cool ✨💖

Stella: wait I'm supposed to be mad at you, I retract that cool

Holy shit I didn't realize how fucking big that thing was until now

Bloom being a leader and telling Tecna what to do even while she can't do anything herself...it was ment to be

They could use version of convergence in s1, the mixing of magical spells, but cannot use true convergence, the mixing of raw magic

Stella is being so nice to Brandon for how angry she was

Bloom you are accepting Sky's apology wayyy too fucking fast

He doesn't get that apology accepted until at least the season finale, come on! Cheating is like one of the the biggest dick moves you can make in a relationship!!

Sky really really said "you always said I was your friend and nothing more", trying to put this on her omg, are the writers ok???

Bloom should of smacked the shit out of him for that one 💕💞

Winx club acknowledge that you have two of your male leads starting off as huge pieces of shit, and not just one 💗

"I forgive you" NO TF YOU DON'T

Oh wow this is making me angry at the writers. You had a another perfectly good meow meow in need of a redemption arc and a scene where he confronts the bad parts of himself and you throw it away to let Sky be the prince in shining armor

*ripping Sky out of the hands of the writers* I'll give him consequences!!!! And a character arc!!!!! AND ITS GONNA HAVE BLACK JACK AND—

Hmmmm of course the Sky Riven rivalry needs to be less one sided, to make it more obvious that their both bastards. Add a couple parallel scenes of Darcy/Riven, Sky/Diaspro (if I'm smart enough to do that), to set up Diaspro mind controlling Sky in s3. A few moments of each girl commenting on how Sky can be kinda a dick, a jokingly slightly snide comment about how "at least Riven isn't hiding he's a jackass", make a little Brandon glaring a hole though Sky's head all though out s1 on the top for flavor.....tbh I don't know what anyone was expecting. My favorite characters are Riven and Musa, I like it when characters are kinda bad people and have to learn to be better. Thats fucking god tier

If they just leaned into this angle of Sky being raised wrong and trying to unlearn his worst behaviors but still fucking up royally, with maybe a heart to heart about why he makes these horrible decisions sometimes, I'd like him a lot more!!

Idk in arguments with Bloom it's like he's not allowed to be straight up wrong, it's like none of the girls are allowed to be straight up wrong, cringe. I'm going to hit Sky with a stick labeled "character development" and "flavor" I'll be back

I'm actually going to punch Sky 💕💞, who told you your allowed to be happy rn? Your supposed to be as miserable as Riven rn, go to your corner cheater

EP 22:

Bloom should be way more unhappy about the Knut thing after her parents nearly died lol

Red Fountain castle....these schools are castles

Literally all of the Winx are making eye contact with eachother when Fragona says "the boys will stay here for now", Tecna may be aroace but she loves and supports her allos

OMG ITS HERE

Riven does (1) self reflection

Can he hear Stormy and Darcy talking out side of his cell about messing with his head???? Wait, kids show nvm

Why is Riven reacting so strongly, like he knows this is just Darcy right?

What is that thing??? Is that one of the army of decay but recolored or is that Darcy's original monster do not steal

Riven regains his sense of self with free help from Darcy!

Darcy's illusions...can be touched bestie

"There are many things I don't like about myself but I'm far from being a monster"

Would of loved if you expressed any of this BEFORE this moment

"I have a heart!!!!"

OUGH, MY SON

I'm not crying shut up

Ughh I just wanna give him a hug, is that so bad??

Riven bby understanding that becoming a better person isn't about making people forgive you, and no one owes your forgiveness if you become better

Sky definitely would struggle with that *laughs maniacally*

"I have a few friends too"

Hmmm I mean in the context of "hey I was manipulated and also Darcy was literally in my head" yeah

My meow meow is more pathetic than yours

"hey! Kiddo!" Glad you finally decided to speak up Griffin

"it would of been impossible to guess what their planning"

They tried to kill people. Are we forgetting that?

"I've always been good a picking locks [....] The person hasn't been born yet who can keep me locked up."

And then this trait is never shown again

He just walks out

Griffin got a cooler lock than him lmao

Riven with magic is a fun headcanon exclusively if you don't give him enough to over power anyone, then he has to use his ingenuity—which is one of his best traits!!

Like Riven with enough fairy magic but can't transform and vice versa with witch magic

I think witch magic seems more complicated??? Compared to fairy?? Which would make it more fun to give him bc then hed have to really work to do weird shit

All of this to say:

Let👏Riven👏use👏magic👏so👏he👏can👏pick👏magic👏locks👏too

That's the only thing Riven having magic is necessary for, bc then magic locks CAN keep him locked up and thats just not right babes

Background characters that could of been main characters with designs that pretty number 1, the witch Hecate

Goddamn rocking that light blue and red combo

That chick in the background comes from the same planet as Riven, you can tell by the shonen anime hair

Griffin sounds genuinely scared for Riven

He changed into his specialist uniform...but didn't bring any weapons?? Wouldn't that just be on his suit?

"Is this were it ends? No. You'll never get me."

Riven going from "I'm going to die" to "I'm too spiteful to die" to "the only one that kills me is me"

Salidin remembering that Faragona is a lying liar

I need to think more about thoese twins that work at CT

Bloom????? Are you ok????

She doesn't feel fear apparently

Sky agreed too quickly for how upset he seemed

Icy: NO—! Oh well he chose his own fate

All of the Trix have pretty strong on Riven apparently

"it's the same story as always, your stubborn as a mule" SAY IT MUSA

You'd think that Bloom would have a suit or something rather than her nomral clothes

DID NONE OF THE PROFESSORS HELP MIRTA? HELP???

Stella: So. Your not a prince.

Brandon: unfortunately, no. I'm Brandon, Sky's page

(First a squire, now a page, which...his job description is still bodyguard)

Stella: So Sky tricked Bloom and you tricked me

Brandon: and that changes everything

Stella: maybe, maybe not

Brandon, unlike Sky who attempted to push blame off of himself and instantly apologized, seems to have done the emotional equivalent of rolling over and dying

Man's has given up

Stella should not have enough magic to go on this mission. She should of collapsed after unfreezing Domino Palace

Icy wants to torture Alfea

Knut is a fucking dumbass 💕

The fact that Stella hasn't set him on fire yes is astounding, I wouldn't have enough patience for this

You know, CT is alive but I wouldn't assume the tunnels under it would be too

Why does CT have a personal garbage dumb?

Oh that's why, they have bugs that eat them

"No! Wait! If we attack we run the risk of blowing our cover!" "True. If we kill one the witches will sense it and we can kiss our surprise attack goodbye."

What? Are the BUGS apart of the tower??

These bugs are made of metal what the fuck

Bloom is definitely up there with the girls that can get along fine in a fight without magic, she's so unhinged

I love it when Bloom growls

(no seriously why are these bugs made of metal)

Good afternoon blorbo

There has to be like different tracks one can go into at RF. What ever Riven is in he's clearly the best at it bc everyone is freaking the fuck out over him

Is this an excuse to make all the boys "top of their class" by having them in different sections? Yeah, absolutely. Why?

You should of broken so many bones

Sky is so excited to see Riven, did you to not hate eachother the last time you saw— you know what whatever, this is admittedly adorable

Riven tries to apologize and Sky accepts it before he can even finish

Bloom is even jumping on Riven

Y'all are too nice around here

He's so pointy

EP 23:

Riven, babe, when did you have time to change clothes

This show is so poorly made (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

Brandon sassing Sky and Riven in quick succession. What ever Brandon is being paid it's not enough

That eye thing is fucking disgusting

"I still can't get over what's happening! I mean....this should of been a normal school year. Instead, were involved in a major crisis and we've got to safe Alfea! And the magic dimension!"

Musa having some very normal thoughts

"Look at it this way. This experience is teaching us so much more than school books could. We're part of historical events. We've had to come up with spells that can never be reproduced! We've got to fight alongside some of the most powerful people in the dimension!"

Tecna being fucking badshit (affectionate)

"you find all that thrilling do you! Well I don't like it at all! I'd rather be safe!!! At home!! With my parents!!!"

Nomral thoughts from a very interesting looking background character (seriously. Spot the main character is weirdly hard in Winx)

Musa: Flora's right!!!! We're like a big orchestra!!!! And each one of us has a very important part to play!!!!

Shut up I love her

Musa: each one of us is absolutely essential

I could write an essay about this moment, I won't tho. Just understand that Musa is perfect and I love her

Musa, Flora, and Tecna rallying the troops fjsndne

Tecna, talking about love: it can't be that bad

Knut: See! Over there is where they hide all their secrets!!

Riven: are you trying to make me homesick?

I—what the FUCK was your home life like to warrant this comment

How can Bloom not recognize her own power????

When Bloom growls >>>>

"most powerful", get swatted aside by Griffin

When did all these background witches get cloaks

Where are the other two teachers??? :(( Where are the other members of staff that I care about so deeply???? Cruel

And they can't teleport off planet?

Anyways

Sky is really dedicated....to everything but taking responsibility for his own actions ꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖💙

Hi Stormy, I see you've made it out of the cage

EP 24:

Adults stop being upset in front of the kids

Some of these characters look like normal humans and others are so obvious alien. That's never more clear than when Griffin and Faragonda talk

Griffin and Faragonda are divorced

STELLA WHY DID YOU LET BLOOM LEAVE WITH SKY?!

BLOOM WHY WERE YOU SO ADAMANT ABOUT GOING IF YOUR GONNA GET COLD FEET

Sky is a kind guy™ but he's also a weird selfish inconsiderate person, at the same time. Layers

I now hc that Sky is specifically Codatorta's best student (even tho it should really be Brandon)

Where is Alfea's magical barrier???

The only thing the weird s3 call back had on this was the dedication on maintaining the barrier

Separate then incinerate, guys, come on

What the fuck is Salidn's and Codatorta's relationship?? They seem like they should be related or something.... Son in law maybe?

I WANNA SEE GRIFFIN AND FARAGONA TRANSFORM, AND I WANT TO SEE IT NOW

Brandon: don't be scared, I'm right here with you

Stella: well that's exactly what I'm afraid of my darling prince

Brandon: I want to ask you to forgive me for-

(Brandon runs his hands though his hair when nervous)

Stella: making me believe your a prince when in fact your just a simple attendant

Brandon: yeah

Stella: dont worry about that Brandon, I don't care if your a prince or not. My parents are royalty and it hasn't done then any good, has it!

What is with this show and giving characters horrible undercuts?!

I see people, rightfully, mocking Riven for his stupid hair and not enough people dragging Brandon for this tragedy on his head

Musa: Hey love birds~! What are you doing? It seems we can't leave you alone for a second

Flora: oh leave them alone, they're so cute together

Stella: don't you two have something better to do? *Magic's a pillow at Musa's face*

Musa: HEY!! ARE YOU CRAZY!! I COULD OF GOTTEN HURT!!!

Brandon: Ha! You were three feet off the ground

Stella: Please. Be nice to my friends. I'm the only one allowed to torment them

Flora may be the mom friend of all mom friends, but Stella older sister friend reigns supreme

Sky really said as you wish, sir, did your tutor teach you that

There's nothing quite as cool as Stella teleporting mid battle

This music is so depressing

Magixs is going to have a very strong therepy industry soon methinks

EP 25:

How have they not saved Mirta yet?

Omg Musa is so sassy about helping Mirta

Daphne is so pretty 🥰

I feel so bad for what I wanna do with this scene, but tbh Daphne makes no sense in canon (with the way she just disappears after s1) so I think I'm justified

Bloom how are you breathing underwater

Anyways Charmix should of been it's one transformation

Magic Winx gets a cutesy theme, Charmix would get a more metal one (like the RF theme), and Enchantix would keep the hauntingly beautiful one it has

And suddenly BOOM Charmix transformation

Bloom is BACK BABY!!!

I can't believe they fridged Mirta for a whole season, that has got to be a crime

"don't be silly! I think I'll go for a walk."

Musa is so adorable and obvious about her crush. She tries to hard to not be like other girls, but in reality she's a blushing school girl though and though

Mirta being smug about them lmao

Stella: Riven!!! I think she's coming down!!!

Riven: oh god, oh fuck, I'm not ready—

This has got to be in Sky's top ten list for trauma, just the whole city dead

Tecna: must you always be joking Stella?

Stella: what do you want me to do! When I get serious I think of Bloom and I go nuts!

Tecna will always be bothered by Stella's main coping mechanism

"the children are beginning to show effects of battle fatigue" BEGINNING?!

The chairs are fucking dope, ngl, this is sick as fuck

So much time dedicated to Sky fighting this thing, not enough time dedicated to Sky realizing that being a cheater makes him a fucking dick, cringe fail writers—

Hey Bloomy! Your amazing as always

Bloom absolutely carried Sky all the way to Alfea. This is just a fact

Icy's number one weakness is her pride

FARAGONA YOU LYING LIAR WHY DO YOU NEVER TELL ANYONE ANYTHING