#to a character within the cast or ANYONE else but no i got attached to BOOK CHARACTERS within the game

[aria0fgold]

My overanalysis of The Cursing of Château Castle has led me to overanalyze isat's worldbuilding, we've come full circle yall.

[hexxedundead]

Spoiler warning for anyone who hasn’t seen it — This is my person thoughts on the movie and my own Movie Review.

Feel free to comment and give your thoughts too.

Trigger Warning: SA/R, Violence, Blood, Drug Use

Movie Review-ish (more so my thoughts and opinion) :

I just wanna say, this move truly was great.

I’m not sure why but watching the trailer I felt like it wasn’t gonna be great. I had low hopes for it for some reason but obviously my thoughts have changed.

At first, when watching the trailer, I thought that casting choice for the men were so strange. I felt it was weird Channing Tatum was playing such a creepy dude. But while watching the movie… I get it. It was on purpose. They guys were suppose to be a weird choice and now I really liked that they casted them. Men that people were fond of. My personally, I love Channing Tatum. I have watched his movies for a long time. I watched Haley Joel Osment movies when he was a child. Simon Rex from scary movie 3, my favorite out of the franchise. Men who I loved watching. Men who felt “safe”.

Just like the main character, Frida (Naomi Ackie), who was fond of Slater King (Channing Tatum). She was essentially a fan of his who she felt an attachment for. She felt safe enough around to accept his invitation to go to his private island.

It was sad and scary… as much as the movie didn’t really seem like it throughout, once it got to the relieving of what’s actually been going on… it was very sad and scary to know that people seem one way and are totally not how it actually is. I think it truly had a great message.

I also loved the change in Sarah (Adria Arjona) who was very much about herself and trying to get the man and against other women; then coming to the understanding that women can be there for other women and sometimes that’s all you have to help you are the other women. That you need to stand will women to help them.

Another thing I liked that they added were the other characters that weren’t exactly part of the abuse, but sat back and watched. Slater King’s assistant Stacy purposefully chose to forget. Stacy representing women who stand by and let men do bad things to other women. The same thing with the character Lucas. He didn’t do anything to the women but he also didn’t do anything to help the women.

I think this movie was a wonderful representation of abused and power some men have over women. I love the symbolism within the movie and each character. It truly was a great movie.

Questions I still have:

I do wonder what the red symbolized or if it was just a creative touch throughout the movie. There was a lot of white and placements of red in just about every single shot.

What did the raspberry’s symbolize? They were constantly being shown and I felt they were a part of a bigger picture that maybe I just didn’t get.

Maybe I’m just reading into things more than I should 😂

I also am confused how Frida was there on the island before, I believe a year prior. Similar things happened and she obviously got out and didn’t remember the whole trip. Obviously the time she was on the island was lost and when she was back at home… where does she think that time went? I wish they would have explained that. She was there once before, she was brought back… but where does she, or anyone else in her life, think she was? Especially her job.

Im big on movie breakdowns and “let me explain” type videos after watching a movie. Finding things I might of missed or seeing it from another perspective. Here are a few that I enjoyed.

[alienturnip]

Finished FF16 a few days ago and I do have some (long) thoughts about it, so I'm noting them down below. Reactions include the Waloed & Origin arcs.

Tagging @zadien as you requested <3 My thoughts won't be organized but I'll try my best to articulate as I go. Wall of text alert!

I think this is yet another case of "the story didn't satisfy me a lot but the characters bewitched me body and soul" so here I am at the end of the roads... with a lot of grievances toward how the story was structured & written but also impossibly attached to the cast haha, needless to say I have fanart ideas planned and incoming.

Things that I enjoyed a lot:

CliveJill's scene with the snow daisies, where she tells Clive that she wants to spread her wings after all this is over. MY GIRLFRIEND... YOU SHALL HAVE THE WORLD.

Jill being so good with acting dkfjsl <3 <3 she's so cute....

Jill being as much of a ruthless mtfk as Clive, they're soooo in tune when it comes to wrecking havoc

Everything about Joshua he brings SO SO MUCH to the table both with his personalities and the themes he represents. I would ramble if not for fear of this post's length...

Dion's contradictory demeanor hahahahaha - he insisted everyone call him "Dion" but wouldn't shut up about "Ifrit" and "Phoenix", he also refused Harpocrates' gift but then gave another to Clive 2 seconds later, then sauntered off without even checking if Clive likes it or not...

I generally bemoan the lack of discussion on Dion's relationship with his country's imperialism and his hands in that (like, everything about him was perfect to address that topic even in very brief ways?), BUT I highly enjoyed Dion's theme about the loss of personhood and to be reduced to a vessel of power and worship, his multifaceted relationship with the concepts of power & duty & hierarchy. So subtly yet powerfully done with so little screen time... I think Clive's own engagement with the theme (which is supposed to be his central theme) comes short in comparison.

Dion's side quest with Harpocrates also scratched my brain in INCREDIBLY ways, but again I won't ramble too much in this post...

(Hahaha by this point I think everyone knows who my fav is)

Dion & Joshua's dialogues are all so well-written (maybe save for Joshua's last speech...)

Everything about Mid & Gav, they're beautifully done, I love them they have such solid places within the narrative and lovely personalities too. When I watched Mid navigating the Entreprise I was just squealing and cheering for her! Her talking about the dream of flight and the danger it might entail, and her plan of turning such a weighted topic into a lighthearted treasure hunt! My gosh 💗 Gav's drinking scene with Clive is also especially touching, I felt a lot for his burdens.

Lady Isabelle may I have your hand in marriage--

Clive holding Joshua or clutching his body...... breaks me every time I love love LOVE tragic siblings

I can honestly write an essay for each of the characters (especially Jill & Dion my thoughts about them are overflowing) but they will have to be separate posts at this point, let me know @zadien (or anyone else reading this 🫣) if you'd like me to talk some more.

NOW onto the criticisms proper...

Waloed & Origin arcs were pretty underwhelming, mostly because I feel like they haven't offered anything new that wasn't already resolved in the previous arcs...? I enjoyed Barnabas' vibe but his impact on me was a big fat 0, and here comes the conundrum because, well, I'm guessing him being emotionless & devoid of a personality is supposed to be the point with his worship of Ultima, but even that was not done well... All his bedroom scenes kinda ruined all of that, not to mention the out-of-nowhere 'mother' appearances that the story doesn't even bother to explore aside from showing her naked body (Benedikta got the same treatment after her death my god I'm so sorry my beloved)...

Idk what I'm supposed to take away from the character and, in consequence, the Waloed arc? I know nothing of who he was, his dialogues didn't even match Clive's growth at that point - again, why is Clive questioning his humanity NOW of all time, when the story has been going so well? Could they have, idk, shown Clive's fear coming back to him after reuniting with Joshua & discovering Dion's descend to madness, so that they can segue into the Waloed arc more smoothly - that despite Clive's best intention he may lose all his control at the most crucial point and ruin all that he holds dear (like Dion), and that he never let go of his guilt at Phoenix Gate, and having Joshua back unwittingly brought back the nightmares he'd lived with for 13 years? Maybe that would give his identity crisis at the beach some more substance instead of "Barnabas bested me twice and now I'm wet and sat" situation he got going on... I am thankful for Mid & Dion's arc & CliveJill romance & everything about Joshua but the main villain & plot points felt so distant... MY BRAIN WAS NOT SCRATCHED

(I adore Mid & Dion & Joshua hahaha they're so colorful in 3 entirely different directions, my silly children)

I am also not really convinced by Ultima's writing. The plot reveal of him being a God who created humanity but then abandoned us all *could* have been pretty powerful and on point if it wasn't executed in such fragmented ways. If only they dig deeper into one or two specific aspects of that concept to explore...

I am especially fond of the idea of Ultima as symbolic for "the absent parent" and "the narcissistic parent" (both in the intimate familial context and the wider context of head-of-state/leader figures), which could have paralleled SO WELL with Anabella & Sylvestre & EVEN ELWIN had they not cut off Anabella's presence immediately after her death, or had they make Dion reflect deeper upon his relationship with his father beyond "I killed him I am so sad", or had they make Joshua's and Clive's memories of Elwin more complicated - maybe in how they (especially Joshua) worshipped his as their father & leader, but less so as a man, someone human & flawed? And then they can explore how the children gaining autonomy & freedom despite their parents & the circumstances that shaped their childhood as a direct mirror to them breaking away from Ultima? The frustrating thing is, I THINK they did try to do that, what with all the Inner Voice snippets and the initial buildups and all, but the execution keeps coming up short...

Ultima & the Eikons as symbols of "power that binds & enthralls" in contradiction with Clive's fight for a "free world" could've been much more relevant and poignant if maybe they allowed us to get more invested in Ultima's backstory (flashback cutscenes perhaps? more involved murals? a more multifaceted discussion around the concept of will? some attempts at humanizing Ultima's race so that when Clive says "you're just like us" we feel it a bit deeper?) instead of just having the guy monotonously narrating all the plot twists... my god. Not to mention all the on-the-nose dialogues of power of friendship & crude slavery allegories... I don't know! I think Square did NOT do it well in this one.

That's all I can pull from the top of my head at the moment! Ready to hop into replies or asks to talk some more, but yea!

[grapesodatozier]

"hey boss sorry I’m late I was zoned out in the shower thinking about what dnd 5e class each of the losers would be" -me this morning

lol anyway here’s what I came up with!! would love to hear others’ thoughts on this!! my personal character interpretations are very book heavy with cherry-picked movie influences and a respectable scoop of fanon interpretations I like lol so I think there’s a lot of options here and I think it would be so fun to hear other people’s interpretations of this!!

bill: oath of vengeance paladin whose god is maturin. his favorite spell is compelled duel. no further elaboration needed.

mike: farm boy mike made me consider druid or ranger, but I think his motivations are very strong around maintaining derry’s history, and he’s incredibly dedicated to that, so I think knowledge domain cleric makes most sense to me (his god is also maturin, bike maturin acolyte boyfriends so real <3 )

ben: book ben is soooo fighter. that man threw back an insane amount of alcohol, went back to derry no question, stomped on some alien eggs, and took decades to confess to a cute, corny little 3 line love poem, then respectfully swept his childhood love off her feet. that’s just so fighter to me. like there is nothing more Fighter than starting your story alone in a tavern venting vaguely about your past heroic exploits to the bartender. fighter for sure with some significant levels in artificer for his architecture career

stan: wizardddddd he literally escapes pennywise with the powers of his bird watching guidebook!!!! literally got magic powers from a book in canon!!!!! also he's very happy being an accountant and i feel like math and desk jobs feel very wizard to me lol. also it would be so interesting to explore his feelings about being able to shape reality when he's so attached to maintaining reality. but. he literally changed reality with his book like!!!! so much to think about here.

bev: i kinda want bev to be a rogue, but i think that's just what she initially tries to be. she wants to fly under the radar so bad but she never can. honestly i think she's a barbarian!! it's what she deserves!!! 2017 babygirl kills her dad by bashing him over the head with a toilet cover!!! that's some barbarian shit she has so much anger and rage that she deserves to let out!!!!! also her premonitions about It coming back? danger sense. decades in advance danger sense lmao

eddie: listen. i considered rogue. killing your childhood bully with a broken perrier bottle is some rogue shit. i also considered monk, bc our boy loves to go fast!! but i think the most fitting class for him is ranger. his "super power" is always knowing where to go and where he is. he uses it in the sewers, he uses it to drive around new york city better than anyone else. knowing your terrain that effortlessly is some ranger shit. also he's happiest just chilling on a grassy hill or hanging out in the barrens!! nature baby boy!! also rangers can be a dex class so it still works for him wanting to run and run and run

richie: okay i spent way too much time thinking about richie's bc he's my favorite <3 lol so this is gonna be long. listen we all have biases okay. anyways he's obviously a bard like hello he can change his voice and convince people he's someone else. basically literally casts silvery barbs in book canon. constantly performing. described as having "exhausting charm." support class 100%, while everyone leans on bill he's the one bill leans on. favorite spell is disguise self bc he wants so badly to be someone else. but i don't think he's just a bard. i think he pretends to be just a bard, but such a big part of richie's character is being afraid of things inside himself that he'd like to ignore but can't control. It shows him a werewolf with his name on it which yeah I'm very pro bisexual interpretation of that but more generally is just about feeling like he's got smth uncontrollable and scary that he doesn't understand within him. all of which screams wild magic sorcerer!! so i think he's a wild magic sorcerer who learns bard stuff so he can pretend he's only a bard bc he's scared of his natural magic

okay ty for reading please feel free to share your thoughts if you have them <3

[frenchfriesoverguys]

that 90′s show review

hello im back

spoilers ahead

I watched That 70′s Show like it was a religion when I was younger so I had quite a few expectations going into this.

Guest appearances from the original cast were funny and very nostalgic. Red and Kitty seem like they never left the roles, love them in this. The show itself had likable characters who looked the ages they were supposed to be (15 to 16 years old). Leia was a great combination of Eric and Donna without feeling repetitive. She’s dorky and awkward like Eric but her actual interests are completely different and tends to lean towards Donna in how she treats her friends and her interests. I think Gwen is the most like Donna; into the feminist movement/women empowerment. She’s raised by one (messy) parent. Her rebellious streak does remind me of Hyde as well as her temperament. It’s a fresh take on older characters. Same with Jay. Similar to Kelso but mostly in his expressions and maturity - he has Jackie’s heart and head. They never clarify whether or not Jackie is his biological mom but in the very least she is helping raise him and it shows. Nikki is smart, driven, confident but cold. She doesn’t really remind me of one particular OG character but that adds to the new elements of this show. Nate and Ozzie also don’t remind me of anyone on the OG show but I know they modelled Ozzie after Fez. The only overlap, in my opinion, is that they are both flamboyant. Ozzie’s secure in his own skin, knowledgeable about current culture and not emotional. 

Jay and Leia remind me so much of Donna and Eric. It’s puppy love and first love for both of them. He calms her down when she’s stressed but doesn’t dismiss her concerns. I really thought this would be my ship on the show. But I think they both have a lot of maturing to do (again they’re 15) and I could actually see them breaking up over the school year. To move the plot forward, it’s probably for the best. Same with Nate and Nikki. I have to admit, Gwen and Nikki have more chemistry. Nate is the most emotionally intelligent one in the group and I think that's why the scenes with Leia actually work. They are both people who feel their emotions and act on them (e.g. both of their jealousy story lines). Its well established that they both have jealous streaks so that will be a fun dynamic to explore in a later season. It was a little rushed but thinking within the season’s timeline: she arrived July 4th and left end of August. That’s about 6 weeks in which she met everyone, started flirting with Jay, dating Jay, and got broken up with (and back together). I like the triangle dynamic, Nate and her have a better foundation as friends. She can go to him for advice and understanding. She’s had more of an emotionally connection with him. Gwen not being as into or interested in boys leads me to believe she is probably going to have a coming out plot later. I like her as Leia’s friend but I think Niki and her are a better match. The 90′s had embraced a lot of wlw energy and I want more of that on the show. 

Underrated duo’s I want to see more of next season: Ozzie and Kitty (I cried when he came out to her), Nate and Gwen (their sibling’s episode was adorable), Red and Nikki (she gets him lol), Leia and Nikki (big sister vibes), and Nikki and Gwen (they may be too powerful together).

I hated almost everything they did with the old characters. Eric and Donna were fine but they didn’t stay in touch with Jackie and Kelso?? Jackie and Kelso stayed in town but lost contact with Red and Kitty?? Both of them stepped in when Jackie’s dad was arrested and her mom was AWOL. Jay and Leia should already know each other!! He could have been her connection to meet everyone else. They could have been childhood friends to lovers like Eric and Donna were. Fez’s story lines were good, it was what I expected from him. He stayed around, stayed in touch with Kitty and, while being successful, still struggles with getting too emotionally attached to women. They didn’t mention Hyde once but I understood that. Saying something like “he’s in jail” or “he’s a deadbeat” would be out of character after his development in the OG. But if he wasn’t either of those things, he had no reason to not be involved with the Forman’s who took him in for a better life. 

All in all: potential is there. I would like this to get renewed to see more character development as there was little to none outside of Leia (again they are 15 and this is 6 weeks). I think it could be great like That 70′s Show. For now though it’s just a good, easy watch.

[petriichvrs]

𝚁𝙴𝙱𝚄𝙸𝙻𝙳𝙴𝙳𝚂  𝙰𝚂𝙺𝙴𝙳  :   5, 7, & 39 !

5. WHAT IS A CHARACTER YOU HAVE NEVER WRITTEN, BUT WANTED TO  :  in terms of nox, george weasley, tonks, madam zabini and xeno ! i don't think i could ever pick up any of them for various reasons, but i do think i'd have had a lot of fun developing them. in terms of anything else i just have a bunch of original character ideas and nowhere to really put them. bummer, but only while i'm thinking of it !

7. WHAT CHARACTERS DO YOU RELATE TO THE MOST  :  i don't know which way i am meant to take this ! like. characters i play or just fictional characters in general. i think i've put a lil bit of myself - sometimes only the teeniest amount but still, enough - into all my played characters, so that's hard to narrow down. probably i related to keira or marietta - who share a lot of core characterisations, honestly - the most, but even then, they're very formed by their pasts in a way that makes them very unique FROM me. fictional character wise, i don't really know. i have really pondered this for the last ten minutes. i don't know ! nobody and everyone. again, i think the issue is that i can usually see something of myself in all my favorite characters which is why they're my favorite, but when it boils down to it, i don't really relate to them much. again. they're too informed by their own lives for me to really be able to.

39. WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS THE BEST FACE CLAIM DECISION YOU'VE EVER MADE  :  oooh, tough ( especially since, not to toot my own horn, i have been kind of a trendsetter within the hp rpc ... most of my general castings have been adopted elsewhere when i was the first person to suggest them so. hehe. ). i think for nox and my own characters within it, i'm most pleased with chase sui wonders as marietta & davika hoorne as pansy - i think both suit the way i read those characters and the way i formed my take on them better than i could've hoped from anyone else, especially davika because. i struggled very much finding someone who DID fit my vision of pansy, when i finally got around to apping to her. including lumos, sandra oh / jung hoyeon as sybill & melis sezen as lily. including aurora, i will NEVER top odessa a'zion as cordelia - i don't think some of you guys know i had her casted for almost two years before i actually created aurora, and i didn't even intend on playing her. i thought i'd go for portia when the time came, to be honest. i'm pondering the entirety of my time in the rpc in gen and i think aside from those guys, the only characters i'm really proud of casting are my key marvel canons - gemma chan for jean grey, boyd holbrook for clint barton, vanessa kirby for emma frost and lindsey morgan for laura kinney. i haven't been that attached to face claim in a long time, so those are the only ones in other canons i've played and other original characters i've played where like. i'm unlikely to ever switch it up because i feel like i hit perfection already.

𝙴𝚇𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙵  »  currently  not  accepting  !

[gildedbarbarian]

I agree with so much of this! I'll put my commentary under the cut too just for the sake of not clogging up anyone's dash or spoiling anything!

Spoilers up to chapter 146 below the cut!

I'm glad that I'm not the only one who feels torn between the dichotomy of how final this feels and also the sheer amount of story left to tell. I haven't really seen anyone else talk about how final some of this (namely, the sheer length of the arc paired with the feeling of "let's get all of our allies together to fight off this very personal affront to our state of being" of it all). It feels to me like Sakura has very rapidly begun to see and understand things that I frankly expected to take longer within the story itself, and I think that adds to the finality (in feeling) of this whole arc.

That said though... we are missing a lot. I would say Suo and Sakura's backstories are the biggest nuggets of information I feel we're lacking as of this moment in the story, and I simply don't see how either of those could be addressed in a satisfying matter within the confines of the remainder of this arc (which I think, likely, we're heading towards the tail end of?). Honestly, it feels like with the exception of Umemiya, Hiragi, Tsubaki, and Kaji, we have a very surface view of who a lot of the cast is at their core. (This is also excluding anyone that the Bofurin cast has fought. Fights being conversations has opened a lot of doors to understanding antagonists.) This isn't a bad thing, necessarily, as we've only had 146 chapters so far to engage with these characters (of which there are many) and some of them (Sakura and Suo in particular) seem to keep things very close to the chest. It just feels like if things were to end here, we'd have more unanswered questions than answered ones. I would be genuinely shocked if there wasn't some sort of context provided to Sakura's current living situation before the story wraps up, I just can't even begin to wrap my mind around where it goes from here.

Kiryu is also of massive interest to me personally, and additionally I'd like to know more about Sugishita and how he got attached to Umemiya as he is now. I don't necessarily think that either of those backstories are integral to the progression of the narrative, but I do think that they'd both help flesh out our understanding of the world they both (and all) live in, similar to how Tsubaki's in particular did.

I very specifically looked for Kotoha while reading Umemiya's childhood chapters (and holy shit, what chapters they were). While there was one child in the background that I think could pass as Kotoha were it addressed more, I do agree that there's a general lack of her presence there. We effectively know nothing about her at this stage outside of the minimal details provided in early chapters, and that seems odd to me with how integral she was to the beginning of this story really... lifting off? She provides a sort of grounding and context that the Bofurin members are simply incapable of as they're wrapped up in all of the wild shenanigans of the plot, and to leave her so fully skeletal as she is right now feels like a strange choice. So I guess to amend my previous statement, if there's three backstories I expect that we'll get a fuller context for by the actual end of the story, it's Sakura, Suo, and Kotoha.

Sakura's goal for himself was to reach the top (which is, by his original definition, not possible with Umemiya there). The goal established for us by Kotoha's narration in the anime (a slightly different spin, sure, but not strictly irrelevant imo) was that this is how Sakura ultimately becomes the town's hero. Neither of these things have been accomplished yet, though it does feel a bit like we're closer to the anime-only goal than the goal Sakura explicitly stated for himself. I'm honestly not sure how relevant the difference between these two things is, if there is any at all, but it is something I've been pondering for a few days now.

The "opening act" title card felt significant for a number of reasons and I can't quite personally make heads or tails of what the intention was. Simply because it falls on chapter 100, there's part of me that wonders whether or not it was a sort of denotation of milestone within the story. But given that we've seen nothing else like it before or since, I'm not sure I quite buy into it. Alternatively, though, I do agree that the choice of "opening act" is quite significant here. To have this arc considered the opening act (with no subsequent bookend to be seen) leads me to think that there's a lot more incoming for this story and that, just as you said, the first 85-90 chapters were a prologue of sorts. We were learning the ropes, exploring the world, finding an understanding the main players. If anything, this is the call to action in a hero's story. What's coming next is... somehow much, much bigger than this.

Admittedly, it's difficult for me to fathom how subsequent arcs could up the anty on what we're seeing now. In terms of relying on/rounding up allies and reflecting on the concepts laid out for the protagonists by the narrative, this arc feels similar to the Thousand Year Blood War arc of Bleach (on a smaller scale, of course). While I do agree that Sakura doesn't feel fully cemented in himself yet, like he's got a long way to go towards truly believing and understanding that his friends, his senpai, his found family will not waver or fault him for his weight in this journey, the way in which both Endo and Takiishi are directly and personally connected to Bofurin as a whole is hard for me to shake. That said, and to your wording at the very top of your message, this feels like an ending. That doesn't necessarily mean the ending.

Between reading your post and responding with my own, I think I've talked myself into believing that we're moving towards a much broader-scale story and threat than the first hundred or so chapters of the story (or even 146, if we're being honest) indicated. This, combined with the plethora of unanswered questions and hints at characters that we've barely even seen yet (Bofurin kid who "saved" Umemiya, anyone?), and the fact that Sakura doesn't seem to have fully grasped what he's being taught about himself definitely paints a picture of more arcs to come. And honestly, there's a massive chance that we just don't really have the context for where things could go from here. If chapter 100 was just the start of the opening act, then who knows how much narrative there is left to tell.

Thank you so much for your response to my original post, it was an absolute delight to read! Apologies if you didn't make it this far in mine, I didn't realize how much I had to say until I started typing it all out.

Also! If you did a full analysis of Suo, I would definitely read it. Just saying.

so I'm reading the Wind Breaker (Satoru Nii) manga... and uh... I'm in the 120's for chapters and this feels.... like a final fight kinda? Do we know if we're already gearing up for the end?

[oumaheroes]

Pushed to The Limit

Day 27 of Whumptober

Muffled screams/ Stumbling/ Magical Exhaustion

Characters: England, America, France

Context: From the FrUK Chosen Consequence/ Cardverse Chronicals AU with the incredibly talented and lovely @thedisappointedidealist12

Day 26

------

'No more drinks thank you, we're fi-'

'Sure! Get me a beer.'

Arthur was completely thrown. Alfred shot him a quick flash of a grin, likely to try and reassure him. It didn't work, Arthur felt the furthest thing from reassured.

'Arthur's right, this conversation should be had privately.’ Alfred turned back to a stony faced Francis, ‘Where can we go to talk?'

'Alfred, what-'

'Like I said,' Alfred spoke over him, raising his voice, 'it's clear you've got something to say and like Artie here I don't believe in letting things sit. I wanna go somewhere where we can have the talk that you seem to have so stuck up your ass.'

He was too angry. Alfred was far, far too angry. Something that Francis had said or done had got to Alfred more than it should have done and this was dangerous. Both Kings had drunk at least one drink, both of them were angry and Arthur trusted neither of them to be rational, including Francis. Especially Francis.

Arthur didn’t know him at all anymore.

Arthur shot a look to Vash, who seemed to have transcended past the point of exhausted to reach a whole new plane of stressed, and Lily, who seemed on the verge of tears.

He thought about his promise to Francis not to practise any more magic whilst in Diamonds and quickly buried it in the back of his mind to think about guiltily later. What Francis didn't know wouldn't hurt him and he'd promised Arthur many, many things that were now untrue. Arthur no longer had a home in Diamonds, Arthur was unlikely to be asked back to the beach house by the sea, and it was painfully clear, growing more so with each passing second, that the Francis who had sworn to be his until they died was not the one stood before him.

Arthur had to let the Francis he had once known go and not let any lingering attachment to his memory affect his life now, or his future.

He took a deep breath. Feeling the magic within him catch at his request, Arthur expanded his awareness out to cover the room, feeling each and every person and thing within it. It swept over the space like a wave, lapping against the walls and resting there thick and icy.

Freeze

A crushing, intense pressure. It felt as though Arthur was lifting the world up in his mind, holding back time with his very soul and he was. Everything in the room was still, everything unmoving and Arthur used one more burst of energy to slam the doors to the foyer shut, preventing anyone else from walking in.

With monumental effort, he reached out with a heavy deadened arm to grab hold of Alfred, closing off his mind to not drain him. He didn't have long.

Alfred came crashing to life in a sharp gasp, blinking about before turning to Arthur in horror as he recognised what was happening, 'Arthur, what the fuc-'

'Are you sure about this?' Arthur cut in quickly, shaking his arm, and Alfred closed his mouth with a small click of teeth, 'You need to calm the fuck down. If you’re going to talk with just your emotions and not your head you need to stop and remember what we're working towards-'

'Yeah dude, okay I get it you can stop this now,' Alfred was looking at him in panic, 'please, Arthur, let it go, you can't hold this! Remember last time-'

'Don't do anything rash!'

'I know, I won't, I'll be calm- Arthur, let go!'

Alfred twisted his arm out of Arthur's grip without breaking their contact to close fast about his shoulders, holding him steady. By Suit this hurt. It felt like he was drowning in sand, the weight of the world and time filling his lungs and pushing against him- a small pebble holding back the tide. What would it feel like, to hold it all still? Was it possible?

'Arthur!'

'I know,' Arthur sluggishly, haltingly, stood up straight and moved to stand as he was before he cast the spell before prodding Alfred, who was still gripping one of his arms, 'turn to him as you were.'

Reluctantly, Alfred stood further away and turned his face to Francis, letting go of Arthur at the last moment. As soon as Arthur felt Alfred still, felt him become another living entity he was holding in place, it hit him as another enormous weight on his chest, another life pressing and protesting against him. He closed his eyes and breathed out, dropping his mental barriers and releasing the foyer back to join the rest of time. It flew from him in a tidal rush, pulling him in every direction and causing him to stagger and grip Alfred's arm to hold him upright.

'Woah there!' Alfred's voice, far too bright and false, came to him through a muffled fog. Arthur felt an arm come to curl around his waist and hold him up, 'The drink finally hit you, huh, Art? Or one of your headaches again?'

Arthur shook his head, trying to clear it. His heart was fluttering far too quickly, too shallow, and his lungs couldn't take in enough air.

'Yes, my head,' He forced himself to speak, 'my apologies, I'm not sure what's come over me all of a sudden.'

'Maybe you should go back to our Chambers for a bit; me and Francis can have our chat alone somewhere, eh Franny?'

Day 28

Full Masterlist

[i-make-fun-of-spn-characters]

I feel like you've given most spn related things some lil spice but I always love the spice on this : hot spicy take on the "Dean is the most horrible character and ruins everyone's life and Sam and Cas are poor little meow meows who only do bad things sometimes because tyran Dean farted in their direction" takes that are not really only said by anti-Dean peeps ? Obsessed with that incredible thesis and would love the added spice ❤

SPICY HOT HOT GHOST PEPPERS CAROLINA REAPERS HELP I'M BURNING

I really try to respect other people’s opinions, and I believe there are a wealth of ways to interpret a story, and I think that’s a deeply beautiful thing. This applies to interpretations I don't agree with and outright dislike as well. That said, some opinions are simply and objectively bad, dishonest, and/or demonstrably false, and I truly do not believe you can sit down and honestly watch through the show with an open mind about all the characters, truly pay attention to what they do, say, and believe, and come to the conclusion that this show is about an evil manipulative abusive man terrorizing his pure and sinless brother and friend. It is an interpretation built from cherry picking facts to suit an ugly, miserable theory, making Mount Everest out of a bunch of the tiny mole hills, making the worst possible presumptions of feelings and intentions, and holding characters to completely different standards in order to neatly divide them into "abused" and "abuser" in a way that, frankly, fetishizes the abused person. I despise this interpretation of the story with every fiber of my being, and I have absolutely no respect for the opinion of anyone who peddles it, regardless of who they cast as villain/victim (because people have also done this with the others—it’s just more “popular” to do it with Dean... I mean... does anyone else remember how people were shitting on Sam after his emotional reaction in 14.12? Calling him an evil abuser? Because I do).

The thing that always gets me about this take isn't just how dishonest, unfair, mean-spirited, and compassionless it is in its treatment of Dean’s feelings, circumstances, and intentions... but how deeply reductive and offensive it is toward Sam and Castiel, sucking away their identities to turn them into effigies to mourn for their sad, Stockholm syndrome-esque attachment to their "abuser". Further, it grips the heart of the show—the relationship between Sam and Dean, and then the relationship among TFW as a whole—in a tight, uncompromising fist and pulverizes it. It literally rips out the heart of the show (the RELATIONSHIPS) and replaces it with something unprepossessing of any merit: A miserable, 15 years long story about a malicious abuser getting away with terrorizing those closest to him for his entire life, while his poor abuse victims suffer through until they die for him/happy to be reunited with him because they “don’t know any better” and never ever learned better, I guess. What a stupid, sad sack of a story.

Castiel is a thousands of years old celestial being who has literally beaten Dean into the pavement under no form of mind control, and has shown over and over again that he will do whatever the hell he wants, regardless of whatever Dean thinks about being sidelined. If he thinks whatever he is doing is in Dean's best interest, he literally does not care how Dean feels about it. He will nod and smile and then fly off and swallow thousands of souls with Dean begging him not to, shove Dean out of the way to attack the big bad, leave Dean alone in Purgatory, refuse to come out of Purgatory so he can self-flagellate, fly off with the angel tablet, help Sam with the Book of the Damned, let Lucifer possess him without anyone's knowledge or agreement, come into Dean's room under the guise of apologizing for ghosting him so that he can steal The Colt out from under his pillow and murder someone, decide not to murder that person and still prevent Sam and Dean from helping by knocking them both unconscious, get himself killed, make a deal to trade his life for Jack's and never tell anyone, hide information and worries and ignore phone calls, ghost Sam and Dean, and bicker and fight with Dean as if they are a married couple. Love sickness and feelings of worthlessness (which Cas has a wealth of reasons to feel—many of which aren’t even related to Dean but to his heavenly family) are reinterpreted as the result of some sort of constant, terrorizing emotional abuse. Power and authority that Dean does not actually have is forced into his hands by these fans. Maybe listen when Cas says, “Hey—not everything is your fault.” Maybe listen when he says “I loved the whole world because of you”, calls Dean a role model, says he enjoys their conversations, offers to die with him and dies for him multiple times. Maybe treat these feelings as genuine and valid and HIS and not as the delusions of some poor manipulated baby. 

Sam is framed this way even more often than Cas, and it's a damn shame, because what I typically see is this: Sam’s development into a mediator and peacemaker is twisted and reinterpreted as coming from a place of weakness and/or fear. Rationality, maturity, wisdom, and compassion are not the traits of a scared, powerless child. They are the traits of a mature adult, who has been beaten down by life, and fought and raged against his circumstances, and somehow come out of it with more kindness and understanding and strength instead of less. He has made his own decisions whenever it was possible, within the set of circumstances doled out to him. From telling his dad to go fuck himself and going to college, to getting back into hunting to avenge Jess (NOT because of Dean—Dean took him home without complaint at the end of the woman in white case), to continuing to hunt after their father died because he wanted to feel close to him (Dean was actually weirded out and sort of disgusted by this), raging and fighting to save Dean from his deal against Dean’s wishes, continuing to hunt and working with Ruby (directly against Dean’s dying wish), drinking demon blood, jumping in the cage, leaving hunting to go be with Amelia, coming back to hunting to save Kevin, fighting with Dean over what he had with Amelia and threatening to leave if Dean didn't shut his mouth, leaving Amelia to go back to hunting (Dean ultimately suggests he go back to her—Sam chooses to stay), trying to kill Benny, demanding to be the one to do The Trials and saying he is going to SURVIVE them—that being the ENTIRE POINT, losing that resolve in a fit of depression but choosing to drop the knife, demanding space from Dean (and being given it), fighting to save Demon Dean who didn’t want to be found or saved, using the Book of the Damned against Dean’s wishes, telling Charlie that this is what he wants—that he used to want normal but now all he wants is to hunt with Dean and that he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he can’t have that, unleashing the Darkness in his desperation to keep Dean with him and even saying, “I would do it again” in the aftermath, saving the town being destroyed by Amara, getting into The Cage with Lucifer, leading a team against the British Men of Letters, nurturing Jack, punching Dean in the face when he was going to sacrifice himself, leading more hunters, wielding a gun against Chuck... and that’s just some highlights. Sam Fucking Winchester does not need your bullshit about him being some sad, scared, helpless baby lorded over by mean old Dean who has never let him do anything he wants. 

Yes, in the text itself, there is jealousy and resentment at times, and there is legitimate and righteous anger on Sam’s part on a few occasions. There is blame cast on Dean by Sam for some of these choices/circumstances. Some of those moments where Dean is blamed are legitimate, and some of them... frankly, are not. Within the framework of the fucked up dynamics of the way they were raised, Sam and some fans bristle when they feel Dean is casting himself as the parent he is not, but Sam also has been guilty in the past of trying to reframe himself as Dean’s child when things got tough. Neither of them is responsible for the origin of that dynamic, but they BOTH have responsibility to change it, and they both, ultimately, succeed in doing so. For Sam, his part comes in recognizing and learning to fully own his own choices. Recognizing that he is not a child, and he is certainly not Dean’s child, and it isn’t just “Mummy—loosen the grip”, but Sam has to too—not claim independence only to blame Dean for his choices when his own decisions have an ultimate outcome he is unhappy with. That is a legitimate arc that Sam goes through imo, but he comes out the other side of it, and he and Dean relate to each other much better as peers from then on—and I’d like to note that throughout the entire series, when they don’t relate as perfect peers and teammates, it isn’t always Dean “bossing Sam around”, but Sam also trying to sideline Dean and yes—boss him around. And when they lied and hurt each other and yes, even manipulated each other, Dean most certainly wasn't always the one doing the lying and hurting and manipulating. Always, always, ALWAYS, they both had an understandable point of view, and it was complex, and you could understand why they made the choices they did, even if you thought of those choices as being wrong ones. 

I also would like to point out (because this is basically what I see all of the time) that Dean being hurt by someone or simply voicing his feelings or opinion is in no way abusive or manipulative. Dean is certainly charismatic and loved and his returning love and respect is often deeply desired, but he is not an actual siren, who bends people to his will simply by speaking or being. People are, in fact, able to tell him “no”, and frequently FREQUENTLY do. Further more, no one is owed his affection, his unwavering loyalty, or his trust. He has a right to his boundaries, regardless of if it makes some poor sad sap feel deprived of the “wellspring of coveted love” while he works through things. He can be hurt and angry, and he can wear his heart on his sleeve at times, and he can be flawed, and broken. [Insert Castiel's speech from 15.18 here]. So can Sam. So can Cas. None of them are manipulating each other by virtue of getting angry, feeling hurt, being traumatized, needing space, or having differing opinions or feelings. Sam didn’t punch Dean in the face in 14.12 because he's a cruel, manipulative abuser trying to force Dean under his thumb. He didn’t work behind Dean’s back with Ruby, insist on doing The Trials, beg Dean to use Doc Benton’s alchemy, use the Book of the Damned to cure Dean, pump him full of blood to cure him of being a demon despite the fact that it might kill him, or scream at him and fight him for wanting to get in the Ma’lak box because he “doesn’t respect his autonomy” and “wants to control him” and “doesn’t respect his right to his own body”. He did it because he loves him desperately, and Dean could stand to fucking hate himself less, and he fiercely wanted Dean to live even when Dean didn’t want to or couldn’t picture what that could be like. He didn’t force Dean to do anything simply by opening his mouth to voice disagreement and swaying Dean when he did so. Now reverse that. 

Cas didn't beat Dean into the ground in season 5 because he wanted to terrorize him into never going against Castiel ever again. He didn’t go behind his back dozens of times, sideline him, go MIA, all because he wanted to manipulate and control Dean and punish him. He didn’t throw sassy remarks at him to shatter his self-esteem. Now reverse that. 

*Breathes*

Anyway, fuck "X is abusive” interpretations. 

[itsclydebitches]

Rewatching RWBY there's this chilling lack of empathy through the volumes that I used to just wave off. Yang has no empathy for Tai, Blake is just entirely about what Blake needs, Weiss almost kills a woman at a party and her takeaway is 'my dad is mean so I'm going to run away'. Qrow sinks hard into depression in vol. 6 and Ruby's reaction is to yell she's never needed him. No one has EVER helped a civilian. It's so prevelant. Knowing how 7&8 go really changes the earlier writing.

I think there was a great deal of well-written empathy in the early volumes — after all, this cast was designed as the kind, well-meaning heroes — but that care was expressed almost solely within the group itself. Ruby sits by Jaune in the hallway and says "Nope!" to his self doubt. Weiss offers Ruby a hand up after she fails to kill the death stalker. Yang seeks out Blake and gets her to open up about what's bothering her. Now, I want to emphasize that there's nothing inherently wrong with this. It actually makes perfect sense. These are our main characters and they're written as peers co-habiting the same space. Of course whatever emotional growth we get, which automatically includes moments of compassion, would be directed towards each other. Similarly, the dynamics originally introduced — that of teachers and parents — likewise (rightly) puts the burden on the adults to provide the comfort, not the other way around. Port snaps Weiss out of her arrogant mindset. Ozpin reassures Ruby about her leadership worries. Tai is there to support his daughter when she's recovering from a lost limb. That's the natural order of things, so to speak.

The problem, to my mind, begins to occur when the group exits those dynamics. They're no longer students, they're licensed huntsmen. They're no longer kids, but equals who never needed adults in the first place. They're no longer doing things for themselves and their friends on personal downtime, they're doing them for the community at large as a profession (to say nothing of the world-altering war they've insisted on shouldering responsibility for). That's what a huntsmen is meant to be, a defender of the people, not someone who uses that power for personal interests alone. All of this is a huge change from where we started out: cutesy kids going off on comparatively low-stakes adventures because one or more of their teammates are invested, only just beginning to realize that they're signing up for a job where their desires come second (that fireside conversation at Mountain Glenn).

This change invites — demands, really — that the audience read them differently too. Qrow's spiral in Volume 6 is a good example of this. If Ruby is demanding to be treated not just as an equal in terms of maturity and experience, but also as the primary leader of this group, then the viewer expects her to treat her uncle as an equal too, not dismiss his hardship. I've seen numerous fans defend that arc with some version of, "He's her uncle. He's supposed to take care of her. He's failing" but that, according to the show, is no longer the dynamic. Qrow is now just a member of Ruby's team, someone she's responsible for as their leader. It's easiest to see the problem if we switch out Qrow for any of the other members. If Blake developed a drinking problem, do we think Ruby would just shout at her until she magically got over it? If Jaune endangered the group, do we think they'd all be angry about it, rather than trying to figure out the source of what caused the mistake? We don't even need to think hypothetically for that one because we saw it on screen. Jaune attacked Oscar and drove him off, not just threatening him, but arguably endangering the whole team by requiring a search party. Fans have long insisted they had to steal that airship right then because being in Argus was too much of a risk, but if we buy that reading (which I personally don't, but), then that means Jaune made things exponentially worse by forcing them out into that super dangerous city, rather than allowing everyone to stay hidden inside. He made a massive mistake which, according to the logic of Qrow's arc, should be met with frustration, disdain, and eventual demands to get over his anger at Ozpin or ship out. But, of course, he received nothing but concern. Yang was worried about him, not Oscar. The search becomes about his grief for Pyrrha and his team's willingness (as well as Pyrrha's family member) to provide more comfort. Suddenly, the tendency to express care solely towards those within the group becomes a flaw the story won't acknowledge.

And then it spirals. The thing to remember is that no single act here is bad on its own, especially when we consider that yes, we want flawed characters. Rather, it's about the pattern. Ruby is allowed to get mad at Qrow for his behavior and chuck her scroll in frustration. She's human. I'd be crazy frustrated too. However, if Ruby is meant to be written as a caring, sympathetic character, she should not only respond to the situation with frustration, yelling, a refusal to listen, and demands that he follow her lead, no questions asked. We can, and should, acknowledge that Weiss was the victim during that party. Her father was hurting her, the woman was beyond insensitive, Weiss was triggered in regards to a horrific event, and her power acted on its own. However, if we want to write Weiss as a compassionate, mature huntress to-be, she should acknowledge that she nearly killed someone — even an asshole someone — and vow to work on her control because she's not willing to put someone in danger like that ever again. Both of these moments have a "They could have been handled better" response attached to them — the former more-so than the latter imo — but these moments are made far, far worse due to later events in the show, events where the characters are cruel without any justification attached. Weiss didn't mean to attack that woman, but she did mean to ignore Whitely and threaten him with her weapon. So once we see that, it informs our understanding of what came before it. "Oh. The fact that Weiss never reacted to nearly killing someone isn't just a bit of missed potential, it's an early indicator that she... doesn't seem to care. If she endangers people, threatens people... that's fine with her." The group has a right to be frustrated with Qrow. The group did not have the right to magically steal Ozpin's entire life story, assault him, and blame him for the world's problems until he felt his only course of action was to run from them. So when we see that it becomes, "Oh. The fact that the group treated Qrow so poorly isn't just a one-time mistake born of a stressful situation and young adults being out of their depth in regards to alcoholism. They really will just abandon anyone the moment they start making mistakes." Anyone outside of their group, that is.

To say nothing of how all of these moments interconnect. Yang's recovery isn't just about getting used to not having an arm, it's about getting used to having a new one. Weiss' party isn't just about nearly killing someone, it's about not committing manslaughter because someone else stepped in. The Volume 6 arc isn't just about trying to escape with the Relic, it's about trying to get it somewhere safe. Fans frustrated with Ironwood's treatment don't harp on these details out of some desperate attempt to make him look good post-murder spree, rather, they recognize that he's a character that's been around since nearly the beginning, originally written as a good guy, and thus has accumulated a number of key connections with the cast. So when none of those connections are acknowledged during an arc about trust... that makes the group look very uncaring. Yang doesn't care that he gave her the arm, Weiss doesn't care that he saved her from hurting/potentially killing someone, Qrow doesn't care that he's trusted Ironwood for years (in a rival-bros way) and that they've been heading towards him this whole time. And when Ironwood begins to spiral, they don't do anything to try and help him, let alone acknowledge that their own choices, that lack of trust and empathy, had a hand in getting them here. "But it's not their responsibility to fix him!" Isn't it? Even a little? Just as human beings seeing an ally struggling under horrific decisions and circumstances? Sure, they don't have to try... but that doesn't make them look very heroic to my mind. And we can't even shrug that off by simplifying things with, "Well, Ironwood is evil now so who cares about him." They simultaneously don't care about finding Qrow who is missing, then captured. They don't do anything to try and find their missing teammates, with the exception of sending May to do it instead. They don't help the army fight off the grimm. Don't try to make sure Pietro and Maria had portals to escape through. Barely hesitate when the newly resurrected characters goes, "Kill me. That's the easiest thing for everyone." And these are just a few of the big ticket moments. It doesn't even begin to cover all the details we get that paint a picture of, "Wow okay. They just really don't care about people outside the group, huh? I mean, they say they do, in a life-or-death way, but they're not putting forth effort to show it on a daily basis."

And if you pick up on all that, if you acknowledge how much the group has changed based on where they started out, you might wonder when in the world that started. Surely we didn't just flip a switch around Volume 6. So you re-watch early stuff and, sure enough, there are moments that feel like setup for what's to come later. Not intentional setup (quite obviously), but a lack of care towards details across the series that, once the dynamic changed, became far, far more pronounced. Characters should be at least somewhat recognizable from start to finish, especially characters who have only experienced about two years of in-world time, so if we now get to see Ruby blandly commenting on all the people who are dying, or Weiss using her weapon as a means of coercing her little brother into doing what she wants, or Yang and Jaune dismissing Ren until he gives in to their point of view... we're going to look for the beginnings of that behavior early on. As you say, we were able to wave all those little details off due to a number of important factors. Now though? Now they feel like they hold a lot more weight, simply by virtue of that early material proceeding what we have now.

[cryoftheplanet]

The Unifying Theme of FFVII

So I recently got an ask that was very interesting and which I think I did a piss poor job answering. Republished here:

what is the biggest theme of FF7 that ties every character together to you? life? pro environmentalism? identity? connections?

My answer was, in a nutshell, "existentialism." It's broadly true, and was certainly an influence on the game (see: Martin Heidegger, Existentialist philosopher and known bastard) but it's a reductive and Western take overall.

So, here's the long version, and a disclaimer up-front that I'm a simple Western weeb doing internet research to the best of my ability; apologies to those who know more than me.

Square has always stated that the theme of the game is "life". This is wholly accurate, but comes off as a little twee to a Western ear. This is because "life" is a translation of the Japanese word "inochi" (命). It is a broader, more holistic concept than the English "life," with different nuances and connotations.

For a longer and much more informed read on inochi specifically, see The Concept of Life in Contemporary Japan by Masahiro Morioka. Otherwise, keep reading after the cut!

In addition to meaning life or lifespan, "inochi" also encompasses the idea of a "spirit" or vital force. It extends beyond referring to life in the general sense. Much like any one person's mind, spirit, and lived existence isn't interchangeable with anyone else's, one's "inochi" is unique and individualistic.

This concept extends beyond just human life. Animals, mountains, rivers, and trees all have "inochi" too. An illuminating quote From Aspects of Shinto in Japanese Communication by Kazuya Hara (and his primary source):

From the viewpoint of Shinto, nature itself is seen to have a spirit and life. For example, Japanese people have looked upon even a tree, a rock, or a river in nature as a figure of life. Kamata (2000) argues that the Japanese word inochi connotes the dynamic motion, flow, and circulation of all the universe.

That circulation also includes the idea that "inochi" does not refer to only a single individual life, but a chain of all the lives that have gone before. It encompasses the fleeting and finite life of the individual as well as the ecosystem in which they lived, and the influence and impact which will survive them and create the next link in the chain.

You'll recognize many of these concepts as being expressed through the Lifestream, and extant in the environmentalist elements of the game. Navigating the apparent paradox of a finite and infinite "inochi" also pulls our cast in, all of whom are characters struggling with their individual existence in the context of a greater, deeply interconnected crisis.

"Inochi" is also connected to FFVII's strong themes of navigating identity and uncovering the fundamental self. The word can also be used to refer to the core or fundamental part of something, its "most essential quality." This echoes Cloud's journey to rediscover himself, and it's noteworthy that he find again within the Lifestream, the manifestation of "inochi" itself.

"Inochi" is definitely a very accurate unifying theme. We've touched on how that connects to Shinto themes, but Buddhist philosophies of life and existence are just as culturally prevalent in Japan and influential on the themes of VII in turn. So, let's talk about Buddhism, with another disclaimer that I'm not expert by any means whatsoever.

A foundational concept in Buddhism is the Three Marks of Existence: Impermanence, the non-self, and suffering. We'll mainly focus on the first two.

The first, impermanence, is as it says on the tin. According to Buddhist thought, impermanence is inherent to the natural world, and failing to recognize this will bring suffering. The bad passes along with the good, the big as well as the small. The strain of Buddhist thought through the game is part of why FFVII's original ending is so appropriate, and Aeris' death so integral to the rest of its themes.

The second is the non-self. Related to the concept of impermanence, the idea here is that there is no permanent incarnation of the self, and there is no way to separate the self as an individual from its myriad pieces and its context. From What Are The Three Marks of Existence by Dana Nourie:

When you start to see how you aren’t a solid, unchanging self, but a impermanent, dynamic person, you also loosen your clinging to thoughts, ideas, emotions, and the idea of a “real you”.

The connection to Cloud's personal journey throughout the game is obvious - an abundance of attachment to an artificial self causes him to suffer until he is able to reconcile it and let it go. Sephiroth, meanwhile, faces a similar challenge to his own identity and slips sideways into Nihilism, unable to overcome (or even admit) his own suffering.

There's a connection between Buddhist and Existentialist/Existential Nihilist thought. While Buddhism incorporates the concept of suffering as an inherent and endless facet of life until nirvana can be reached, Existentialists struggle with a post-modern feeling of dread or anxiety fundamental to living in a meaningless and chaotic world. There's also been plenty of cultural exchange between eastern and western concepts here - Heidegger is one notable participant.

Another is Keiji Nishitani from the influential Kyoto University of Philosophy. Engaging with western Existentialist thinkers, he wrote Religion and Nothingness on the connection between the concept of the non-self and the western philosophy of Nihilism. He compared the similarities between the two, while ultimately refuting Nietzche's perspective. This quote (helpfully, from his Wikipedia page) seems particularly instructive, especially in returning back to some of the initial concepts expressed by "inochi":

"All things that are in the world are linked together, one way or the other. Not a single thing comes into being without some relationship to every other thing."

My original answer to this question was Existentialism because there simply isn't a word or a tidy concept in my vocabulary that can convey all of this disparate information. Existentialism seemed to me like the most familiar and broad concept to encompass these themes, always in the form of questions: How do we live? How do we separate subjectivity from objective truth? How do we preserve the sense that our lives are meaningful?

You must decide for yourself; you must remember your connections to other lives; you must let go.

[vkelleyart]

Thoughts on fandom: inclusion and engagement.

(Art credit to the kindhearted @penpanoply​!)

There’s been some stuff floating around on Tumblr about strife in the CO/WS fandom, and though I haven’t been explicitly named-dropped on anything public, my DMs have been... active. lol Rather than rehash what’s been said already, I just want to impart a little wisdom and perspective in the hopes it may soothe frayed feelings and offer a way ahead for cultivating a respectful community. As someone who has been an active participant in online fandoms since the mid-’90s, which was the advent of online fandom content creation (shout out to my fellow X-Philes!), and who has also spent a chunk of her professional life managing social media for the federal government and for activist groups, I can promise you it’s all gonna be okay.

Here’s some context for why strife happens and what we can do to create a more inclusive and communicative fandom environment. 

1) It sounds cliché, but fandoms go through growing pains. 

In the case of the Simon Snow fandom, what was once a small and cozy space untouched by cataclysmic events (such as the release of *gasp* a sequel) has grown exponentially in a relatively short amount of time following the release of Wayward Son. Newcomers are eager to find a home in this space at the same time as folks who’ve been here a while may be consciously or unconsciously wary about widening their circle, and It’s important to remember that this is not necessarily an expression of bad behavior on either side but just human psychology doing its thing. 

The byproduct, however, is that tension and stress builds over time from the lack of meaningful communication across the divide, which subsequently fuels misunderstandings. Ironically, the interfaces we use to communicate don’t help with this because any existing communication about the tension happens in tiny vacuums until a trigger goes off and bad feelings go public. 

Way Ahead: These moments of destabilization are opportunities to see where we can be more self aware about how we engage with fandom and the kind of community we want to be. Can you promote, support, or befriend someone trying to gain a foothold? If yes, please do! Each person must reach their own decision about what they can do within the confines of their available energy, health, and time, but a little self awareness goes a long way as long as you’re honest with yourself and others if applicable about what you can contribute. Anyone who judges you for it isn’t worth the strife.

2) In a fandom comprised of vulnerable/marginalized people, it’s more accurate to say that cliques are “bubbles of trust.”

This one's important. Just by nature of the source material, the CO/WS fandom includes fans with a wide array of backgrounds and experiences, especially when it comes to those who identify with the characters’ queerness, mental illness, and/or trauma. I really believe––based on individual conversations/group chats––that the difficult lived experiences that so many of our fandom peers have endured has produced one of the most open, aware, and accepting fandoms I’ve had the pleasure of participating in. Our vulnerability is, in a real way, our strength.

That said, a community of survivors also has the side effect of cultivating small circles of engagement that I call “bubbles of trust.” When you’re a survivor of abuse, marginalization, mental illness, fill-in-the-blank, it’s often quite hard to risk casting a wide net and expanding your circle to include new faces––which can subsequently be internalized by equally sensitive and vulnerable newcomers as rejection, judgement, or inadequacy.

Way Ahead: First of all, there may indeed be gatekeeping and exclusion going on. But before internalizing someone’s cagey behavior as gatekeeping or purposely exclusionary, ask yourself if you have all the information. Many people are private (I include myself in this assessment) because life has regrettably taught them to be this way, and so they may insulate themselves to a small group of people who have earned their trust. Some people might also triggered by certain content (case in point: smut triggers my anxiety) so they don’t engage with it. Others might have something in their pasts that define how they handle certain subjects (for example, a person of color should not be tone policed for getting angry when confronted with a racialized microagression, however accidental it was). You just don’t know what you don’t know. 

The solution here is to regularly check your privilege and ask questions in a private space if you sense you’re being treated unfairly by someone. If you go public with your grievances in hopes of mobilizing the mob, you may accidentally find yourself stepping into the role of the aggressor instead of the victim.

3) Social Media is not built to help you get engagement. It’s built to help itself make money off of you.

Repeat after me: Hits/likes are not a measurable indicator of talent or worth. There are ridiculously talented folks on Tumblr and elsewhere who, for whatever reason, haven’t had their viral moment, and it’s not their fault. Loads of factors come into play where things like likes, reblogs, and comments are concerned, among them being posting frequency, subject matter, the time of day, the day of the week, the week of the month, the month of the year, the current administration, the stock exchange, the concentration of middle class users, who just won the Superbowl, a madman trying to steal an election and undermine the democratic process, a PANDEMIC, do you get where I’m going with this?? lol

At the end of the day, my humble successes have been helped along by good luck, good timing, high profile signal boosters, and an absurd amount of work. (This is why I try to signal boost new work whenever I get a chance over at @vkelleyshares.) 

So while you cannot control Tumblr’s interface, trends at large, or your fellow users, here’s what you can do to ensure you give your work the best possible chance of exposure.

Have an image ready to go with your post. Tumblr is a visual platform (no matter what it says about being good for text). Not good with images? Set up a Canva.com account and get access to free graphic software with a gazillion templates to create whatever attractive image you want to attach to your post.

Keep the outward facing text brief and easy on the eyes. Too long and eyes will glaze over. Put excess text behind a “read more.”

You may think you’re being cute when you do this, but don’t put yourself down in your posts. (Don’t put yourself down in general, of course.) Doing so acts as engagement repellant. If you don’t believe in your work, no one else will.

Related: Be your best cheerleader. Confidence is a magnet, and if you don’t have it, go ahead and fake it until you start to convince yourself you are worth the buzz. So promote yourself! You have gifts that only you can impart. Use that knowledge to fuel everything you do from your art/fiction writing to your outreach with other content creators, and by golly, if someone’s done it already, acknowledge that contribution and then tell the world that this is YOUR unique take on it.

Treat your fellow fandom creators as human beings, not art/fiction/content boosting machines. I cannot count how many times I’ve had folks slide into my DMs with offers of friendship only to disappear once they realize I’m not available to draw a picture for their fic. It hurts because it’s manipulative and it makes me want to hole up and not signal boost anyone. Creators who truly support each other will not give off a transactional vibe. I want to help you reach more people, but not if that’s all I’m good for in your eyes. 

The long and short of it: Lead with compassion, do your best with the opportunities at  your disposal, and remember that fandom belongs to everyone in it. ❤️

What saves a fandom made of sensitive and vulnerable souls from imploding when it goes through growing pains is radical compassion from those who can offer it. Begin with the assumption that your fellow fandomers are not trying to harm you, and wade into the water knowing that your insight into the lives of your peers is limited by default and you may need to temper your words or actions accordingly. If you’re a content creator, save compassion for yourself as well, as there are indeed challenges to gaining an audience, and lack of engagement does not mean you lack talent or skill. Be your best advocate, and if you have the bandwidth to lift up a fellow creator and make a new friend, please, go ahead do it! 

And finally, fandom belongs to everyone, and no one has a monopoly on characters, tropes, or themes. Create and consume what you love (with respect for your more vulnerable peers), and bask in the variety, my friends!

That’s all I’ve got in my head at the moment, although I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting. Thanks so much to @penpanoply for letting me use her art for this and to everyone else, hang in there and try not to judge each other too harshly. These are unprecedented times, and most of us are doing our best in circumstances that are pushing us to our limits. 

As always, if you have questions or want to sound off on anything, shoot me a message or an ask, or ping me on Discord. It might take me a second to respond (thanks, Covid) but I’ll get to it! Love, love, and more love to all.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

I remember when I was watching season 2 for the first time, I was really upset that we were getting this new main cast that we would only follow for 12 episodes because I thought I wouldnt be able to form an emotional attachment to them. And this was warranted because it took me a weirdly long time to get attached to like, Sebastian and Ciel (I was gonna say 'the main cast' but I didnt really care about anyone else at the time lmao) when I was watching the first season, it took like 13 episodes for me to get emotionally invested at all. I have no idea why because like, Black Butler is well written (and also I had literally no standards at the time so its not like the writing mattered) and I really liked Sebaciel as a ship it was the whole reason I started watching, but i didnt really care about any of the characters. So when I went into season 2 I was like "i cant care about this stupid fucken guy, hes gonna be dead by the time I start forming an emotional attachment whyyyy cant I just watch the guys I know for another 12 episodes :(" and yea. Guess what happened. yea I got attached to Alois and was perfectly fine with the idea of following only the Trancy household within ten minutes of the first episode

But that kinda made me think about what that version of season 2 would look like yknow. Like what if Ciel really did die and he and Sebastian werent there to bother Alois n gang

It seems like Alois has this title of 'the queens spider' but I dont think they ever really explain what that entails and also Alois never does jack shit. I know it has something to do with the underworld like Ciels job, but I get the impression that he did his job so well that Alois literally never had to do anything, he could just kinda chill out being rich and not worry. I think it would be neat if Alois got contacted by some messenger of the queen after Ciels death like "heyyyy. the 13 year old we usually send out to do our dangerous illegal shit just died and youre another 13 year old with a similar job, so go investigate this suspicious string of murders" and he kinda starts freaking out bc he was aware of the job, he just never had to really do anything

Idk I just think it could be neat to have Alois try the queens watchdog thing and be worse at it because hes inexperienced and also because Claude sucks and isnt a great help. For the emotional arc you could keep the conflict where Alois loves Claude and wants to be loved but Claude is just kinda apathetic and Hannah loves Alois but Alois is too focused on trying to gain Claudes affection. You could also maybe explore the mental and physical toll that being the replacement queens watchdog would take on Alois, because honestly, I dont think he has the mental stability required for that kinda job yknow. And since I love manipulative women, maybe Hannah could try to take advantage of his weakness in some way to try and get him away from Claude (she wouldnt be framed as like, evil for doing this because I refuse to write bullshit like that, but Alois would definitely be upset). I dont really know how this version of season 2 would end though. I mean, it would end with Alois being reuinted with Luka within Hannahs body like in the original I think, but idk what could possibly lead up to it because honestly, the original season 2 finale is already pretty convoluted ngl. eh who knows

[engekihaikyuu]

Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu - The View from the Top 2

2.5D Interview Translation with Asuma Kousuke

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Since the show “The Strongest Team,” it’s been about two and a half years since you last played Oikawa. How did you feel when your casting for this show was decided? I really didn’t think the day would come when I’d get to return to Engeki Haikyuu. So when my casting my was set, I was so incredibly happy. This time I will be the only one appearing from Aoba Johsai. So that makes me a little sad, and I also feel some pressure since I’m responsible for representing everyone from Aoba Johsai and I carry the weight of all of their emotions. That’s the main challenge I want to overcome.  

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Full interview and more photos under the Read More! Please do not repost my translations

Asuma-san, your debut was with Engeki Haikyuu. And now this will be your final time portraying Oikawa, so please give us an insight into your state of mind. I’m only here because of Engeki Haikyuu, so I really am very grateful. I’ve never been able to play the same character for this long, so it’s the character I’m most attached to, and I feel like I understand Oikawa better than anyone else. This is going to be the grand culmination of eleven shows, and I want to make it the best production yet, full of all of the emotions of everyone in the cast and crew. That’s the “Summit” that everyone in this company is aiming for, and I will be only one portion of that.  

Asuma-san, you will be the only one appearing from Aoba Johsai, so is there anything in particular you’re conscientious of?   Even with only Oikawa on the stage, I think the atmosphere changes. And because I will be alone, I want to be even more unrestrained in how I present Oikawa. Even at rehearsals, I want to be calling so much attention to Oikawa that even the director will stop me. (laughs) I haven’t been able to join the others at rehearsals yet, but I’ll be the only one there who’s been a part of this from the very beginning, so I think everyone will come to me with their questions. Like, “Show us how you did this in previous shows” or “Show us an example of how to do that.” Although I’m not sure I even could... (laughs) I’m sure there will be times when people tease me like, “That’s no good!” but if I can make rehearsals lively with that, I’m fine. Also in terms of age, I’m somewhere in the middle of the group, and this is my first time in that situation. Normally I’m always teased by my senpai, but since I’ve been here since the very first show and I’ve been able to see and experience a lot, I hope that I’ll be able to give some advice to others. 

Are there any parts of your personality that you think resemble Oikawa? A lot of people around me say that I'm like him, but I don’t really think so. At first I thought we might be similar, but as I’ve gotten deeper into this role, I’ve become less able to say that. Right now, I can only say that I respect him. Oikawa has this one line that I like, which goes, “Talent is something you make bloom, instinct is something you polish!!!” In this world, there aren’t that many people you can call prodigies. Oikawa rose to the top with hard work, and I think it’s just too cool that I got to say that line! Even when I rewatch that DVD, I often feel like, “Wow I got a really cool line...”   Even Iwa-chan says to him, “Even when you’ve become an old man, you probably won’t be happy. Even if you won some big tournament, you wouldn’t be completely satisfied, because you’re an annoying guy who’s going to chase volleyball for his entire life.” Oikawa loves volleyball, he’s obsessed with it, and I have nothing but respect for that.  

Do you normally rewatch the shows you’ve starred in? It is embarrassing, so I don’t often rewatch things. There are things where if I watched them now, I’d think, “Man I sucked.” But when it comes to “Winners and Losers” or “The Strongest Team,” those are different and I used to rewatch them often even back then. I think to myself, “I haven’t done any other plays that are this rough. So I can do this!” They’re encouraging that way. Also I’m good friends with everyone in those casts. The sense of teamwork and friendship is very strong.  

Speaking of your teammates, you spent a long time together with the Aoba Johsai cast. Please tell us about a time during a past tour when you felt strongly about your connection with them.   There are a lot of things I can only talk about now. Everyone was my senpai, but at the time, we would argue a lot. Because we didn’t want to give in to one another. For the duration of the tour, we agreed that we wouldn’t have that kind of pecking order, and that’s how we were able to create those shows. There’s a scene in “The Strongest Team” when Oikawa says, “Thank you for the past three years!!!”, and when I saw everyone’s faces in that moment, I couldn’t stop myself from bursting into tears. I was just so glad that we really had become such a great team by that point.

Within the entire Engeki Haikyuu series, please tell us what you think is Oikawa’s best scene. The first is the opening sequence for the very first show. Because I was good at the count, I deviated from it to do a little double peace sign. And also that’s my very first scene as an actor. At the time, I was really nervous about even doing that one jump, but I’ll never be able to forget the view while facing the front of that stage. We don’t have any lines there, but it’s a scene that I have a very strong emotional attachment to.   The other one is from “the Strongest Team” when Kyoutani gets over himself and really becomes part of Seijoh. Oikawa has continued to trust in Kyoutani, and he continues to grind that gear into place. The result is a unified Seijoh to oppose Karasuno. When I rewatched that moment on DVD, I have this really great smile on my face. I’d kept such a serious expression up to that point, so I really enjoy that shift in expression.  

Tell us something we should look forward to for this show’s Oikawa. I think fundamentally he’s the same as when he was a high school student, so I think the highlight will be to see the parts of him that have changed with age. There’s a lot that wasn’t portrayed in the manga, so I’m personally looking forward to seeing how I can craft those portions on my own on-stage. I’m going to be fairly conscious of my manner and behavior, not just my lines. It'd be great if I can show his difference in age with how I carry myself. I also want to polish my jump serve more. My jump serve right now is the high school version, so I want people to see the change in form and power.  

Earlier you mentioned the line, “Talent is something you make bloom, instinct is something you polish.” What are the things that you will continue to make bloom or polish from here on? Tell us your vision of yourself as an actor. I honestly don’t know if I have any real talents. But for now I’ve continued to get work in this field, so someday I’d like to be able find my specialties while focusing on the work in front of me. In the future I’d like to go overseas, so right now I’m studying English and Chinese. Haikyuu is very popular all over the world. Every time I’ve gone to some other country, there are many people who tell me, “I’ve seen Engeki Haikyuu!” Because I’ve been able to perform in a production that’s this beloved the world over, I’ve come to think that I need to go out into that world! After this, I would love to become an actor that can work all around the globe.  

And lastly, please give the fans a final, exuberant message   In times like these, I think that entertainment and the arts are absolutely necessary. I know there are many things to be depressed about, but that’s exactly why I want people to watch Engeki Haikyuu and then gain some motivation.  This is a production where you can absolutely feel the passion whether you see it in person or through a screen, so I want people to see it whether through an official stream or on DVD.   At last, we’ve reached the finale. Please support us to the very end!  

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You can read the original Japanese interview here: (x)

Please do not repost my translations!  This includes screenshots of bits and pieces taken out of context, especially if they don’t link back to this full post. If you appreciate the work I do for this blog and want to support my translation efforts please consider donating a ko-fi! (x)

[vexedtonightmares]

hey :) do you mind sharing some more about the skam austin panel today?

yeah for sure!! i’ll put what i remember under the keep reading tab for ppl who wanna hear about it :) i only went to the panel, not the rewatch (bc money lmao) so there are probably some other things they talked about that i missed, but i’m sure there are other ppl on here that can fill you in on any gaps that i miss!

it was valeria (jo), julie (megan), and lakeisha* (shay), and pedro (p jo) on the panel (he was the moderator, the other three did most of the talking), though they did mention other castmates throughout :,) 

*lakeisha was the name they went by on the panel, and in the info before the panel it said they use they/them pronouns, so that’s how i’ll be referring to them throughout this 

all of them started out by talking about what they’re doing currently, julie said she’s dropping out of school because her therapist told her “you as a person matters more than you as a student” which i thought was a great sentiment as well 

lakeisha said they’ve been making a lot of clothes and music (also throughout the whole thing they kept showing us their shoes and they left to pee like halfway through something they were answering one time hfjskaj)

they then talked about their audition processes (val had the most chaotic series of audtions omg i would love to see her audition tapes)

val originally read for either jo or megan, and she had literally just moved there like right before casting and almost didn’t go to her audition

she said that she decided to be the loudest person in the room so that they couldn’t ignore her, and that carried her through most of the rounds of auditioning

she said that at the end she said “if you don’t choose me, which you should choose me, but if you don’t, please choose another latinx actress because you have no idea how much it means to see someone who looks like you on screen”

julie auditioned because she was hoping julie (andem) would bring lisa and tarjei and she basically wanted a free meet and greet djkfshk 

she found out about skam og on tumblr !! she’s one of us 😌 

she thinks julie andem is the coolest person in the world 

they told her that she was pretty much everything they envisioned megan to be, so they cast her fairly early on and then had her partner with the marlon prospects 

giovanni, who eventually played tyler, auditioned for marlon and they kissed during their audition even though they weren’t supposed to

julie went to high school with till who ended up playing marlon and people would always ask her what it was like to get to make out with him and she was just like .... we just working bruh

lakeisha found the ad to audition on instagram and decided why not because it said it was a paid job 

they looked up a bunch of improv games the night before because they had no experience and had no idea what they were doing

in the audition julie asked what the tattoos on their hand meant (and also the one thing lakeisha was excited about being out of contract was that they could get as many tattoos as they wanted without asking for permission)

they all had a lot of love for julie andem and loved working with her

val said that she’d always try to make julie laugh and she said that julie is the reason og and austin are so good, because it’s her story and her vision 

they roasted the shit out of fb too (as they should)

basically fb ghosted them and never renewed the show but also never cancelled it so technically they don’t even know if anyone else could get the rights to reboot the show somewhere else (lakeisha said ‘skam austin onlyfans’ lmao)

i don’t remember which one of them said it but they said fb is like an inconsistent dad lollll

they also think that fb sort of finessed julie/her team because they were under the impression that it would be like og where they had their own website for the show and everything, but then it ended up just being a facebook page

they also filmed promo for season 1 that never ended up being used but they don’t know why 

lakeisha felt super disrespected by the fact that not only did they not get their season, but also the fact that they just dropped the show like it was nothing and none of them even found out that they probably weren’t getting more seasons until they saw that their instagram accounts were gone

everyone was upset about the igs getting deleted too because they put so much work into the content on there for it all to just disappear 

val said “no one tells a story like the one that was about to be told” and everyone agreed

val said that if the show would have continued, jo would have been undocumented and they would have shown her trying to navigate college (not only were we robbed of a jo season, we were robbed of college seasons 😤)

jo x jo were definitely going to be a thing

val said that when they wrapped s2 she was like finally!!! because now they could get into the stories that they really wanted to tell and really knew would make a difference (everyone vehemently agreed)

they were proud of the fact that they’re the most diverse cast and that they don’t just treat the characters of color like sidekicks like the other remakes do

julie talked about how skam france was the only remake to have jonas not accept isak right away when he was coming out and how it was suspicious that he happened to be the only non white jonas and that was the choice they made

val said that druck is the only remake she’s watched but she likes it

they also talked about how, even though it’s great that the cast was so diverse, practically everyone behind the scenes was white

val said that she didn’t really think about it much at the time because she found it hard to speak up since she was very young and inexperienced but looking back she wishes jo’s body wasn’t so fetishized as a latina (she didn’t clarify whether she was talking on a production level or within the fandom, but she talked about costuming so i assumed she meant more on a production level)

they all wished there was more representation off screen as well as on

shay x megan was brought up and julie said that shay was going to have her own love interest (am!even !!!!) come season three, and that it wouldn’t have been megan 

she also said that megan was mostly just confused and like ‘haha i kiss girls when i’m drunk’ but then she also said that megan and shay never had feelings for each other at the same time so 👀 

she was upset that they made megan and marlon get back together at the end of season 2 because she wasn’t a fan of them together, but she said it also makes sense because a lot of teen girls go back to their toxic exes even when they know it’s not good for them

lakeisha said that they hated shay’s acrylic nails because it didn’t make sense to them for her to have them (especially since shay was a musician)

they also said that they’ve been pretty confident and open with their sexuality since they were around 12, and that one time in middle school they dated a boy because he had an xbox and then they were like oh no is this toxic am i using him because he actually has feelings for me?? hdskafja 

they also said that the cfgc music happened because they heard that the boys from og also had a song and at first i was like wtf are they talking about but now i think they meant the penetrator song 💀💀 

julie has a cfgc shirt :,) and they all stole a bunch of clothes and stuff from set, val said she took a bunch of outfits that jo never wore which makes her sad to think about now 

val’s favorite scene to film was the car scene in s1 before the party (she said it was one of the best moments of her life) and julie said she liked that one as well (val said there’s a shot of her looking into the camera and flipping it off but they didn’t include it in the show, i feel robbed)

people asked how it felt for lakeisha to be the first lesbian isak and they said that they didn’t feel like they were, because they didn’t really get the chance :(( but they also said that the idea itself was very intimidating and there was a lot of pressure around it

they also said that they and gio were very very close both on screen and off, they said it wasn’t even like they were an extension of one person, that’s how close they got

there were a lot of improvised scenes, particularly with val, and she also said that incorporating spanish into jo’s dialogue was mostly improvised 

julie, val, and pedro also all talked about how they’re all mexican, and how each of their life experiences vary so much from one another, on the show and off and julie said megan’s upbringing was a lot like hers 

they all also said that they liked the music the show used and a lot of them have emotional attachments to a lot of the songs 

val said she wishes they used more frank ocean and i agree 

they also said they’re not sure if there are bloopers or anything, but they’d love to see them if there are 

i’m trying to think of anything i missed ahhh i feel like they talked about so much but i think i’ve got the key points soooo

that’s all !!! hope this was interesting to ppl who still care about austin like i do :,))

[felidaefighter]

Keeping Promises To His Reflection

Sequel to Love You To The Point Of Violence; AKA Sapnap keeps his promise to Quackity and, by proxy, Dream

[cw: angst, character death]

It had been a long time since Sapnap had properly hunted anyone. It was invigorating, in a way, and almost reminded him of the good old days he’d spent sparring with Dream and George. Almost. Now, though, the fire that had initially fueled his passion and love burned with rage and resentment and spread into his sword, which sparked and flickered with heat and Flame. He was burning from the inside out in every way, and he intended to share this feeling with the unlucky person he was hunting via his blade.

Sapnap walked with the heavy, certain footsteps of the soldier he once was-- and in all honesty, still was-- forward, deliberate, and imbued with intent. He had never been known for mercy-- didn’t have any sort of track record for it in any of his wars-- but that didn’t mean he couldn’t love. Just meant he was careful with his love and loyal to his core. That loyalty came with the toll he was here to collect. The flames from his sword cast deep shadows from the spruce around him, and his eyes flickered through the trees, hoping to catch someone moving with the shadows.

“There’s no use in hiding,” Sapnap called in a sing-song voice that did little to mask his feelings, “And you can’t outrun me. If you have a horse I’ll just bow it down. I mean, you know me.” With a steadying exhale that immediately had Sapnap turning towards him, Quackity stepped out of the shadows. “Can we talk about this? I just want to talk. We can just talk, right?” Sapnap sighed, stepping towards his ex-fiance. “I mean... I don’t want to lie to you, Quackity.” Two strong-willed individuals staring eachother down. It would’ve been quite a sight, in any other circumstance. But only one of them was wearing netherite.

Standing less than a hair’s length away from one another, the two men could argue that the tension between them was solely a face-off of powerful people; but it would be a lie if they never acknowledged just how much of it came from their history. They could pretend, if they wanted, that their skin didn’t itch with the memory of embrace that would only burn with bitterness if they acted on nostalgia. Instead, Sapnap’s eyes bored into Quackity’s own, a relentless gaze that wouldn’t yield no matter the silver of Quackity’s tongue.

Sapnap still ached, in no small part, to run his rough and calloused warrior’s hand over the scar on Quackity’s face as he discussed it, but he couldn’t, not anymore. “I talked to Tubbo about the butcher army he ran,” Sapnap explained-- Quackity looked quizzical, having not yet figured out where he was leading. “Or rather, the butcher army you ran. It was your idea, your ‘hitlist’. And Dream was on there too.” Now Quackity knew. Despite the space between them, Sapnap could still feel Quackity’s breath hitch and heart race just a little faster. Creating a defense that both of them knew Sapnap wouldn’t buy.

“Sapnap, Tubbo was the president. He really said that to you? He’s just trying to absolve himself of any guilt so you don’t attack him! That should be obvious to you.” The resentment Sapnap felt that was still burning within him. Mostly, towards himself. “Is it really second nature for you to lie like that now? What happened to you Quackity?” He thought that having his brother be the prime example of where it all went wrong would make it easier to spot in anyone else, but apparently, it just made him less willing to acknowledge it in someone he loved. Fool me once type beat. More than anything, he felt used. He had been a soldier for Quackity and Dream both. He had been loyal to Quackity and Dream both.

Coals still burn white-hot and deadly long after the flames are gone, and that was more akin to what Sapnap was feeling than a heartache. He thought he had known Dream, until it became apparent that they had drifted so much farther apart than he’d realized, and it was no longer the truth. He had thought he’d known Quackity, too. But now, it was safe to say he had never known Quackity at all. That didn’t stop the embers of his love. Didn’t stop his loyalty. Didn’t-- Sapnap’s resolve and gaze hardened-- stop him from intending to keep his promise.

And Quackity, ever so smart, was beginning to realize the situation he had put himself in. Here in front of him stood a renowned warrior, an ex-lover, and someone whom he had betrayed the trust of-- with a fire in his heart, a sword in his hand, and little more than Quackity to lose. The open woods didn’t stop him from feeling cornered. The light coming from Sapnap did not quell his fears, as his ease nowadays came from the silence and lack of witness that was offered by the dark. Sapnap spoke, and Quackity bit his tongue to keep quiet, feeling blood like liquid silver from his mouth and run like poison down his throat.

“Y’know, I was angry at Dream for betraying George and I back when we were trying to get El Rapids up and running. I wanted to kill him. But I thought about it, and I realized something.” Quackity took a step back. Sapnap took a step forward. “You didn’t actually care. You saw George and I as an opportunity for you. Despite it all, Quackity, I still love Dream. And the only thing that hurts more than his betrayal right now is the fact that you used that for your own means.” There was too much irony in it all, and Sapnap was sick of it.

Quackity wanted to ask Sapnap why he still loved Dream. Wanted to blame Dream for everything, call him a monster, tell Sapnap he did it all for him. But they were well past that. They’d had that conversation and Quackity would spare them the indignity of having it again. So instead, he took a good and proper look at Sapnap’s face. He expected Sapnap to look angry. Or disgusted. Hell, he’d even take “contempt”. What he got instead was so much worse, and apprehension rocketed through his core. Something buried in the shards of his heart shook loose, and after running ice through his veins it gave him wide eyes, terror, and the tiny, desperate flame of love that he hadn’t quite managed to snuff out.

‘I love you, I have always loved you, I still love you, I’m sorry I couldn’t save you,’ written all over Sapnap’s face. A man who kept his promises to those he loved. The silver had bled out of Quackity’s words, and instead he was left with a quiet, desperate whisper, reminiscent of the man he used to be. “Sapnap, you’re not gonna kill me,” Quackity begged, and the man known being ruthless gently grabbed Quackity’s arm and stared into his eyes.

“You’ve hurt so many people,” Sapnap said, pained, his grip tightening slightly as Quackity attempted to shift away. “You’ve crossed too many lines. You’re worse than Dream ever was, and that’s saying something.” Quackity could feel the heat from the man’s skin, and it almost rivaled the temperature of the blade that was still radiating flames and forming something of a gate at the opposite side. “Sapnap, you know I’d never want to hurt you.” He tried appealing to the man’s romantic senses, tried pretending there was nothing left of his own. “All of this was only ever about what you wanted. You hurt Karl and I. You betrayed our trust.”

So close now, Quackity could almost forget he was afraid. There was no point in backing up. The silver had been drained from his tongue; his only true claim to power. He had no horses in the race anymore. No more cards to put on the table and no ace up his sleeve. Just the love of the man who was keeping him from running away. “You’re not gonna kill me,” he tried again, and Sapnap looked sorry for him. Not in a way that meant pity, though. That was good. Pity was something Quackity loathed.

“Quackity, you can still trust me. I made you a promise.” And it hurts,  for Quackity, that he shares a promise with Dream. He feels regret stab through his heart, feels the heat of his true emotions and the blood soak into his shirt and the burn of his feelings and the blade that slides through him like he was no more than fragile glass. Quackity is burning. Anger and resentment, love and passion, regret for the things he couldn’t do. Regret for the things he did-- maybe. Not really, if he’s being honest. He coughs up blood as Sapnap holds him, steady as always.

He pulls his sword out of Quackity’s chest and smoke pours out of the wound as freely as blood. It smells terrible, of course, but neither of them have the mind to point that out. Quackity’s lungs feel charred and wet at the same time. He speaks in a broken voice. “I’m pissed about this,” he confesses, “But I’m glad that after everything, I can still trust you. You never let me down when you make a promise.” They crouch down, though for Quackity it’s more like collapsing. Sapnap is still holding onto him, keeping him upright, and Quackity finds himself holding onto Sapnap right back. He tells himself he has no attachments. He’s too good at lying now; he can even do it to himself.

The ashes of their relationship make no phoenix. There is no rebirth in this, no reconciliation. There on the needle bedding of pine there is only a man who went too far and a man who keeps his promises. Neither is free of sin, but neither do they feel regret. Do what has to be done, and love enough to see it through. It’s too hot on the smoldering earth for tears to stay, if there were any at all. Quackity exhales smoke and doesn’t inhale again after that. Sapnap sees two faces in the lifeless eyes, neither of which he could save-- except for this one, only in death.

Karl won’t understand. He doesn’t have to. He only needs to accept and move on. The man he thought he loved-- the man they both thought they loved-- should have been mourned when he truly died, long before their engagement. Sapnap absently touches his ring finger, before letting out a furious scream of anguish and burying his sword in the earth in an act more primal than he would let himself feel earlier. Flames eat at the forest bedding and flicker around him and the body he holds, but Sapnap knows fire and if he’s honest, he doesn’t care about anything else right now. Let the forest burn-- he’s done worse. The man born from fire takes his former lover home.