#tl;dr: i enjoy academia way too much for my own good and im trying to unconvince myself that these reckless decisions will pay off

[marsupial-tapir]

unnecessarily long list of decision-making factors

the problems boil down to these 2 main things:

1. should i take the insect physiology course, which would make 5 courses

and

2. should i change my language diploma from spanish to german

so for 1, positives are: 

-  insect physiology looks Rad as Hell, and i want to take it at some point anyway

- if i’m going to take it eventually, next semester is the best time to do it because i’ll have a friend doing it (who is really sweet and i really want to get to know better but she’s graduating next year, so now’s really my last chance)

- also now’s a good time because i’ll be taking the course right after 2 other entomology courses, so the content will be fresh in my mind and easier to take in than it will be in later semesters

- to fit in all the electives i want to do and still graduate on time, i need to take 5 courses in some semesters anyway

- this is an ok subject to do as a 5th course because it’s non-contact, so i won’t need to squeeze any classes into my timetable

- i have a weird amount of space free on my timetable rn, which leaves lots of time to study. i might not get that in later semesters

- basically if im going to do this subject, now’s a really really good time

- i took 5 subjects last year and survived

negatives:

- i say “i survived” but a large contributor to that was that i spent 5 of the critical academic months on an enormous unrealistic energy high, which im well and truly off now, and i dont know if it’ll be back at the right time to get me through 5 subjects again

- as well as the 4 other subjects, i need to work 16 hours a week and also eat, sleep,, communicate iwth other people,, be a person,,

- also when i say “i survived” yeah i did but the aftermath wasn’t fun and towards the end (and afterwards, and recently ongoing) i had some pretty nasty lows and its really unfair to make people around me deal with that just so i can get a kick out of learning, even if it pays off for me

- if i take this course, i’ll be doing 3 third-year courses, as well as a language and at least one other second year course, and the 2nd year is marine science so there’s a good chance i’ll be hyperfocussing on that and studying it to the exclusion of the other subjects (although the same case can be made for insect physiology so)

- can i do it?? yes probably but at what cost

- also when i try to enrol in it i get an error message saying Please Do Not Enrol in This Many Courses, You Must Contact the Dean For Permission If You Want to Die and maybe i should take that as a sign from wiser powers

- yeah i’d need to enrol late by the time i get permission so maybe my chance is gone?? idk

aand problem no.2: spanish or german

arguments for spanish:

- i already took 2 courses in it last year

- if i continue this diploma, i know i’ll be able to graduate on time, whereas starting this german diploma later might make it a struggle to fit (i still MIGHT be able to do it but it’ll be a little harder)

- it’s useful??

- i dont know anyone in the course but maybe that means potential to make new friends?? didnt really work this year but there’s always more chances i guess

arguments for german:

- so when i started the language diploma last year i was tossing up between spanish and german, and chose spanish purely because i had a friend doing it and, in the absence of other deciding factors, that won the day

- BUT the friend dropped out after a semester so now im all on my lonesome.... a tragic victim of social awkwardness in a class that requires a Lot of interaction.... yikes

- now im leaning towards changing to german because i have 3 friends doing it, and i know at least two of them are majoring in it so won’t abandon me (i know its probably not a great idea to pick classes based on friends but from experience it makes a Lot of difference especially in a language course)

- there’s a vague possibility i might be doing a postgrad in germany, so it’ll be useful, whereas im unlikely to do a postgrad in a spanish-speaking country (the reason for this is that uni’s free in germany, otherwise i wouldnt even consider leaving home but yknow. ive got 3 more years to potentially develop an adventurous spirit)

- i studied italian in high school and spanish is quite similar, and i feel like i kind of want to try a different language family? i have a good foundational knowledge of latin languages now, i want to get a broader knowledge of other stuff

- german looks really cool and ive always wanted to learn it

- if i do german i’ll be taking a first year course, which will be much easier than taking a 2nd year course like i will be for spanish (and might be a big help if i end up doing 5 subjects)

- i still want to continue spanish but now that i know a bit, it’ll be easier to continue it on a more casual basis (e.g. at the iml at uni), whereas starting german from scratch will be easier if im doing it as an organised part of a degree

- even if i don’t end up finishing the diploma by graduation, i won’t have lost anything by learning another language. the content will be valuable even without a certificate to prove it

- overall german will be easier (at least this semester), its more enticing rn and seems to have a lot more positives going for it

- ??? theres probably more to say but i forgot

current enrolment sits at 4 subjects, plus one because atm im enrolled in both spanish and german but will drop one when i finally decide. if i drop one now i can pick up insect physiology, otherwise i’ll have to email and grovel for late enrolment later if i decide i want to do it. but at this stage, if nothing changes: i’ll be doing 4 subjects, but no verdict on the language as yet