#tl;dr you're just so kind and lovely and helpful and fun and very very cool

[xoxoemynn]

💕

HELLOOOOOOO so I basically owe a huge part of my fandom identity to you, because if you hadn't run Our Flag Means Party I probably wouldn't have ever written my first ever AU, and that particular AU led me to getting much deeper into writing in this fandom than I ever anticipated, which has led to me making so many friends and really shaped my experience here, which is so fucking cool??? So thank you for that!!

And then I also just think you're one of the most interesting people I follow on Tumblr. You've got such an eclectic array of interests, and I learn so much about Aotearoa and kiwi culture from what you share. And I love how open you are whenever I just slide my way into your DMs to ask you random questions, including, but not limited to, what the postal service is like. I think one of the coolest things about fandom is how it allows you to connect with people that you never would have otherwise, and you really exemplify that. I don't know if I'll ever actually be able to make it over to Aotearoa but at least I can experience a sliver of it through your eyes in a way that feels more real than if I were simply reading about it from random sites off the internet.

Plus I think Maisey Rika is going to be on my Spotify Wrapped this year because of you, which is also very cool.

I feel like I'm rambling here but in short I feel like you personify all the best parts of fandom, creating community and sparking creativity and sharing your interests in an authentic way with people all around the world and I am so grateful our paths crossed. 💕

[bambi-kinos]

I just came across your analysis of However Absurd and thought it was lovely. I'm curious, as someone who thinks John and Paul had some kind of romantic or sexual relationship, what is your take on The Lovers That Never Were? Is he using the word "lovers" to mean "partners"? I have always interpreted it to mean that Paul knows there was something there but it never happened. Every time I start to be convinced that they were together in some way I think of this song and the devastating way Paul sings it in the demo and the heartbreaking fact that he still felt it that intensely 13 years after John's death.

Oh wow thank you! The server had a lot of fun discussing that, if it's good it's because I had a little help from my friends heheh (─‿‿─) ♡

I ended up writing a massive novel in response to all this so I hope you enjoy reading it heheh. For server members, I've pulled some quotes from my previous Discord essays on this topic so you'll see some stuff that you've read.

tl;dr - I don't think "The Lovers That Never Were" contradicts the secret relationship theory at all! I think it compliments it very well actually.

In order to get into All That, I will outline how I perceive what their relationship was built on and how they reacted to it. I should note that I don't consider this definitive. It's important to remember that we all have unique interpretations of John and Paul because of our experiences and our personal POVs. There is no single answer until Paul decides to tell us what happened and/or Sean publishes John's diaries (written and audio). Until that happens, we are all forced to look at the same material and draw our own conclusions which will naturally be shaped through our personal perceptions. Some of us are older and are much closer to the original culture that John and Paul were raised in; some of us are younger and grew up in a much more LGBT+ positive environment. This naturally has an impact on how we interpret John and Paul's relationship.

I say this because I know my POV on John and Paul is a bit different from everyone else's. I'm a historian by training but part of being a historian is the understanding that you will never fully understand the events as they happened because your personal viewpoint and inherent bias is simply too strong. But that's okay because this is a part of humanity that we all share, yeah? With that understanding LET'S GO!

Paul My view on Paul is that he's always understood that he's different from other men. I doubt he could put a name to it until very recently. Paul has synesthesia, he's bisexual, he connects to music in a savant-like way, he's neurodivergent which is why he takes criticism so hard, and all of that would still be true even if he didn't have left over emotional issues from his mother dying the way she did + his fraught relationship with his father.

Keep in mind that circumstantial evidence points to the idea that Paul orchestrated the meeting at the fête! He realized he had a mutual friend with John in Ivan (who is to say that he did not meet Ivan at a QM performance and had that mental realization there?) He went through Hot Girl Summer before and after the fête, wanting to be fucking fit so that he wasn't embarrassed to meet John! I did the same thing when I had a crush as a teenager!

So with all that in mind, imagine this: you're Paul McCartney. You met John Lennon barely a year after Mary died. You turned 15 on June 18th, 1957 and met John at the fête on July 6, 1957. At some undetermined point before this garden party you saw a beautiful boy on the bus and began riding it obsessively hoping the Teddie boy would get on it. You followed him to the chippie and stood in line behind him…allegedly because you thought "oh wow he looks so cool." Marky Mark thinks (and I agree) that you may have even followed John to at least one Quarry Man show before the fête. Is this 'normal' behavior? Or is this the unhinged behavior of a teenager with a massive crush? The kind that comes about when you see a cute boy with red hair, and red is the color you associate with happiness, and then you find out that he plays guitar just like you and you follow him around until you see one of his performances and he's so good he knocks you back and then someone says "hi Paul, I didn't know you liked music!" behind you. And you realize that it's your friend and that you can meet the boy you have a crush on through this friend. You just need to lose weight and grow your hair out first.

When did Paul first see John, anyway? Before he turned 15 I'd wager.

I submit the idea that Paul has been in love John Lennon for his entire life. It will be 67 years of love when this July 6th rolls around. John was making a name for himself, he was known around town as "that Lennon." A minor celebrity like we’ve all had in our hometowns. Paul loved music. Before the internet you would go to the town square to hear a band.

Paul did that. Saw John. Pursued him with intent. When John went to Gambier Terrace to be with Stuart, Paul made a nuisance of himself showing up at their parties and playing the proto-version of "Michelle" in front of the girls…and John.

I love you, I love you, I love you That's all I want to say Until I find a way I will say the only words I know that You'll understand

I don't think that a 15 year old Paul McCartney would explicitly label his feelings for John as 'love' or a 'crush' but I do think that's what happened. When you're a teenager, a crush can express itself in many different ways. I used to have a big crush on a girl who was a volleyball player at my junior high school…that expressed itself as intense admiration. I even told one of my friends that I thought she was 'really cool.' It wasn't until later that I realized that I had a crush on her.

But I think that Paul has always known that he's 'different' and that he wasn't like other boys while growing up. Part of his touchiness about his looks comes from being bullied but I also think that he's a lot more self aware than he pretends to be. I think he realized relatively fast how he felt about John (maybe once John picked up with Stuart and Cynthia at art college.) I think he carried that with him for years hence his anguished response to being jilted in Hamburg and how furious he was at John for running off to Spain with Brian. He didn't realize it immediately but once it sticks to you then it fucking sticks. I think that Paul has done a lot internal wrestling with being a bisexual man and what that means for him and that he has been wrestling with it for decades. I think he was fully in the grip of that wrestling as he and John's friendship began growing and Paul realized what was happening to him. He does enjoy women but I also think that he felt it was necessary to pursue them heavily as a young man to camouflage himself.

I don't think a day has gone by since 1957 where Paul has not known what he was. What exactly that means for him…is up for interpretation. That's where the gray area is. But IMO Paul has almost always known that he's sexually attracted to other men and that John woke this in him. The big question for Paul is what he should do about it.

John There's been a lot written about John and his sexuality that I won't rehash here but truthfully I think John was in a similar place to Paul in knowing that he's always had a sexual preference for other men. John was a lot less comfortable about it though. Having unprotected sex with his girlfriends was, IMO, John trying to subconsciously engineer a situation that would "fix" him via an accidental pregnancy necessitating a marriage.

Of course that didn't do anything because it never does. John still felt chemistry with Paul when they met at the fête, with that quote about them "circling each other like cats." IMO John felt something immediately -- it's not entirely clear what -- though I don't think it "love at first sight" like with Paul. IMO their friendship, while still rooted in that chemistry, developed very naturally for John and he got to enjoy a platonic relationship with Paul before he put it all together. I say this because John saw Paul as a kid, not a peer, and that this endured for their lives in Liverpool pre-Hamburg. I struggle to imagine John or Paul deliberately inciting sexual or romantic contact during that time period aside from the group wank sessions (which were really trolling sessions from John.) Like, when Julia died, John went out and sought peers at art college like Cynthia and Stuart, other students his age. John and Paul bonded over losing their mothers and Paul has that quote about pranking people with the "oh yeah…my mum's dead thanks <3" bit but it also seems like John didn't want to be around that all the time. He lost his Uncle George and then his mother, he was starting to think that he was a death-curse on men in his family and that he brought suffering with him. He wanted to be away from that so he took a vacation from music to get a chance of scenery. Which meant putting Paul in a place of competition with Stuart and Cyn but I don't think John was thinking of that initially (though he exploited the situation later.)

Then Hamburg happens and they run wild. I have an entire meta about this that you can read here but I genuinely think John did not see Paul as a full fledged adult and potential sexual partner until they were in Hamburg in the red light district. I think that something happened there that we don't know about, that it's tied up in Stuart deciding to be with Astrid, John jilting Paul, Paul saying "fuck you I'm done" and getting a job at the coil winding factory in Liverpool after being deported, John tracking Paul down and spending weeks (probably) groveling and then giving Paul an ultimatum to come back to the Beatles. All of that screams 'I just realized I'm in love with my best friend and I'm freaking the fuck out' to me lmao.

John and Paul Of course something else changed after that too and John and Paul ended up becoming so close that even the Liverpool squares around them noticed. I think that whatever was going in their relationship, it started here. In the place where John and Paul were equally distraught with each other, the future of the band was uncertain, and Paul wanted a sign of commitment from John so that he didn't feel like he wasted years of his life. And of course John always felt compelled to be the man Paul wanted him to be so he treated Paul to a vacation in Paris which was so life affirming for them that it stayed with them for the rest of their lives. IMO the Paris vacation was explicitly romantic for them.

I think a switch flipped in 1961 and they went from "messing around" to "there's something there." It erupted in Paris and they showed each other more understanding and care then they expected from each other. John did sexy pin up poses for Paul in a bed that they shared; John remembers how the French held each other in their arms and just kissed each other, lovingly; Paul felt that he discovered the answer and that all those big name philosophers had nothing on the self realization he came to inside himself. Paul even took a photo of John that high lighted his package! Thanks to @louiselux for pointing this one out:

The thing was all the kissing and the holding that was going on in Paris. And it was so romantic, just to be there and see them, even though I was twenty-one and sort of not romantic. But I really loved it, the way the people would just stand under a tree kissing; and they weren’t mauling at each other, they were just kissing. — John Lennon, Playboy interview 1980

“We were like Paris existentialists. Jean-Paul Sartre had nothing on us. Sod ‘em all - I could write a novel… It was all inside me. I could do anything now.”

Paul McCartney, Anthology

Something happened in Paris and it wasn't just them getting haircuts and John buying Paul milkshakes. There was commitment there. And then the spell comes over them again when they return in January 1964:

The first night, John and Paul stayed in their suite, listening to records and reading fan mail. George, who had been signed for 100 pounds a day by the Daily Express to write of his experiences in Paris, went to a nightclub in the Place Pigalle.

Back in the City of Light, John and Paul slept till three o'clock in the afternoon. That much everybody agreed on.

Quote by Vincent Mulchrone from Daily Mail: George Harrison was astir early, but John Lennon and Paul McCartney slumbered on until frantic photographers forced them at lens point into the Champs-Élysées.

Derek Taylor (a British journalist) wanted to know why the Beatles slept so much. "My office wants to know what they're doing in Paris, so they'd better be doing something."

Love Me Do by Michael Braun

But I know what you're thinking. "What the hell does this all have to do with these two songs?"

And my reply is to keep a few things in mind:

Paul takes criticism and slights incredibly hard, possibly overreacting in some places and letting them overwhelm him mentally.

He never got over Barcelona, he never stopped resenting Stuart and Brian, he never got over John pulling the rug out from under him regarding the order of their names in the song credits. He contemplated committing suicide by smothering himself while he was in Scotland recovering from John leaving him.

John Lennon had a baby with a woman in the middle of all this. Julian Lennon was born April 8, 1963, conceived in July 1962, less than a year after Paris.

However Absurd & The Lovers That Never Were I listened to "However Absurd" and "The Lovers That Never Were" in that order. My immediate reaction is that these are both the same kind of song: they are both expressing sadness and frustration with John. This is a common theme with Paul's post-1980 John songs. What I find interesting is that they depict different though related gripes regarding John. In "However Absurd" Paul is expressing his longing for a cottagecore fantasy romance with John and then expressing frustration at John mocking him for it:

Ears twitch, like a dog Breaking eggs in a dish Do not mock me when I say This is not a lie

But in "The Lovers That Never Were" Paul expresses a different gripe: frustration that John won't commit to him and "anticipating" the break up that he secretly knew was coming ever since 1963 when John abandoned him and his own son to play patty-cake with Brian in Spain:

I hang patiently on every word you send Will we ever be much more than just friends? As for you, you sit there playing this game You keep me waiting

When all of the clocks have run down All over the world We'll be the lovers that never were

For as long as the sun shines in somebody's eyes I believe in you baby, so don't tell me lies For as long as the trees throw down blossoms and leaves I know there will be a parade of unpainted dreams

And I know dear, how much it's going to hurt If you still refuse to get your hands dirty So you, you must tell me something… I love you Say goodbye or anything

All of the clocks have run down Time's at an end If we can't be lovers we'll never be friends

John's penchant for disregarding Paul's feelings and even weaponizing them against Paul; the dashing of Paul's cottagecore dreams that were made and solidified in Paris; the fact that John, no matter what his intentions, could not get his shit together and commit to Paul no matter what he may have felt. These two songs are not contradictory to one another. Paul's idea of "commitment" looks very much like what he had with Linda and John in 1967: sharing a home, sharing a bed, being together every day, preferably somewhere green and remote. Exclusivity. Remember that Paul deliberately sabotaged his relationship with Jane Asher by nailing a woman in their bed when Jane came home, knowing perfectly well that he was breaking their exclusivity agreement.

That IMO, is what makes someone a lover and not just a friend you have sex with and secretly pine for. No cheating, or at least your agreed version of it. No disrespecting the relationship. Continuously being together. What did John do instead of this?

I think that Paul started out his "relationship" with John carrying high hopes and then watched them crumble to dust, over and over, because John simply did not take him seriously. He got Cynthia pregnant, he ran around on Paul with Brian, he had the nerve to flip out on Jane Asher when Paul brought her around when he was the one who couldn't stay faithful to Cynthia.

My hot take is that these songs demonstrate that Paul simply could not imagine John ever truly committing to him and treating him as a true partner. The homophobia and yes ~society~ is in there too but Paul was happy to flout this when it came to just about anyone else, traipsing all over France with Fraser and Mal. The difference is that he flat out didn't trust John. Being jilted for Stuart in Hamburg loomed too big in his head. Cynthia and Julian loomed too big in his head. Brian and Barcelona, realizing that John would happily betray whatever agreements or understandings he had with Paul simply to screw Paul out of a deal, loomed too big in his head. I think in particular its Barcelona that made Paul think John didn't value any of their professed ideals. John broke Paul's heart years before Yoko came along.

He didn't trust John. Fatalism is easier than taking control of your own life sometimes, and in Paul's mind there was no reason to believe John was genuine. Like, Paul knew John very well! He had very good reason to think that John was simply not serious about him. And John, no matter what his intentions were, proved that correct over and over and over and over.

So ultimately, I think that's what these songs are about. The melodies don't necessarily reflect this when I listened to them but I think that "The Lovers That Never Were" in particular is juxtaposing bitter wink-and-nod lyrics with an oddly perky tune. It's Paul laughing at himself for ever thinking John was willing to commit. He's mocking himself because while he allowed himself to get swept up in the dream of a possible genuine relationship with John, he knew deep down that it would go the way it did. That John would find a reason to get tired of him and abandon him. And then when Yoko came along, that's exactly what John did. Paul fatalistically accepted that the time had come and John met Paul's low expectations of him.

The Weight I don't think John and Paul necessarily planned to have a secret relationship. It seems more like they bundled the sexual/romantic stuff into their "thing" where it was just part and parcel of who they were and what they did. "It's only gay if the balls touch" etc. At some point that changed but Paul became convinced early on that it wouldn't work out so he didn't acknowledge his own secret desires and dreams. There was no roadmap between him and John about where they were taking this exactly and how they were going to make it work. He had sex with John and even engaged with romantic actions with John, hoping against hope that something would change and he would be proven wrong, but then John would be careless and Paul would collapse into hurt.

And oh yeah: Paul never, ever discussed any of this with John Lennon. He never told John how hurt he was because he didn't want to put up with John's derision. He felt devalued and lost and in typical Paul fashion he chose to ignore this for years and never bring it up, forcing it to come out in bizarre nonsensical actions when he inevitably boiled over. Why would he choose to confront it? He made sure to set up several safety nets to catch him! Jane and the Ashers, striking out on his own with "The Family Way" score, rubbing John's face in his escapades with other males as a way to go 'see, I don't need you just like you don't need me. How about THAT?'

I don't think John ever intended to hurt Paul as badly as he did. He thought that if Paul was upset about something then he would know via their ~telepathic connection.~ I think that he deliberately overlooked warning signs because he felt intensely guilty about certain actions he took (God only knows which ones) and that he helped himself not see Paul's hurt. I do think if he had the slightest idea of what was going on in Paul's head then he would have changed tactics immediately out of fear of losing Paul forever. But at heart John was a coward and if he didn't want to see something was wrong then he wouldn't see it unless something forced his hand. Like say, having his former best friend/ex-lover look him in the eye and go "I can write new songs" and kill The Beatles in a court of law. (And of course once he realized what he had done, years after the fact, it was too little too late. He couldn't take it back. How do you make up for inflicting that much hurt on someone that you supposedly care for? This paralyzed John for years.)

This was obviously a huge mistake and I think it was one of the landmines that blew their relationship up. Paul allowed his distrust and bitterness to overwhelm him. He should have been honest with John about his feelings; maybe not immediately but when they were able to look back with some perspective. Paul should have realized that their relationship could take heat. He should have trusted John more and if he had then John could have risen to the occasion. Everything could have been different. No more "I believe in you baby, so don't tell me lies." No more "Do not mock me when I say/This is not a lie."

He even expresses this in a third song, one that IMO puts this entire thing into perspective and ties these three songs together with a neat bow. "This One":

Did I ever take you in my arms, look you in the eye Tell you that 'I do?' Did I ever open up my heart And let you look inside?…

Did I ever touch you on the cheek Say that you were mine, thank you for the smile? Did I ever knock upon your door Try to get inside?…

Please take note of the bolded "Tell you that 'I do'!" Paul's deepest regret with regards to John is not trusting him more. He wishes that he had opened up to John about his hurt and how he angry he was that John was devaluing their relationship. That he wanted to commit to John but that he was scared John wouldn't say 'I do' back.

From John's POV he's just being John; he's looking out for the band. God knows he tried to be what Paul needed him to be but he got mixed signals and inconsistent behavior and Paul's ice queen behavior frustrated him to no end. This resulted in an endless circle of "fuck you/no no no, fuck YOU/well fuck you then!/fuck you" that ended up killing what they had.

But John is guilty in this too. He never made himself accountable to Paul. He didn't explain his actions. He acted rashly and selfishly and then was shocked when it blew up in his face. He didn't consistently act like he loved Paul. He took Paul for granted and told himself that he was doing the right thing, because changing your behavior is very very hard. He didn't let Paul in when it mattered.

Did you ever take me in your arms Look me in the eye, tell me that 'you do?'

As Paul grew up and he started to come to grips with the "What happened" of it all, maybe he realized that he had procrastinated. That he put off what mattered most because he couldn't bear to make himself vulnerable as a young man. Maybe he was waiting for a perfect moment to open himself up to John knowing perfectly well it would never arrive, a common delaying tactic for insecure and avoidant people. Not admitting that the perfect moment would never come and that he had to extend trust to receive it in return.

If I never did it, I was only waiting For a better moment that didn't come There never could be a better moment Than this one, this one

I think he's still angry at John for multiple betrayals, slaps to the face, and devaluing the specialness of their relationship and their affection for each other. But I also think that Paul is angry at himself for not trusting John, for not working harder at their relationship. He also delivered multiple betrayals and slaps to the face to John, feeding John's insecurity and fears of abandonment. Making a mockery of their relationship and how special it was. Paul has been doing public penance for this ever since John died, which snapped everything into perspective and he finally realized the full scope of his own screw ups.

Because it took two to destroy a relationship this intense and this special. If Paul did not know that before...

Well. He does now.

[sylvyspritii]

Have you got any new VSTs recently? If so, which of them can you recommend?

tl;dr get the Korg M1 VST, it's 99 USD I started typing all of this and it turned out longer than expected, so that's why i decided to put the tl;dr on top If you'd like to read the full answer, then it will start bellow this line! _______________________________________ Hmmm, this is a hard one I recently got EastWest Hollywoord Pop Brass because i was lacking good trumpet/brass VST's, especially when it came to stabby stuff and higher frequency brass and trumpet sounds (this is especially important for stuff like JRPG battle themes for example) But i wouldn't say i have used it enough to properly reccomend it yet The Korg M1 Legacy collection, now /that/ is something i can reccomend in a heartbeat, it has all those cool Sonic Mania instruments, and far more than that too What i really love about the Korg M1 Legacy is that it compliments my primarily Roland (Touhou + many "classic Nintendo" sounds) and Yamaha (PS1 + Japanese visual novels + more) instrument "vibes" very well I feel like the Korg M1 instruments have a kind of "character" that some of my love for traditional Roland vibes (SC-88pro, SD-90, XV5080) lacks, but it's not like, the kind of lacking where it's emptiness, but more like, the kind of feeling where you feel like you wish it was "slightly different in this specific hard to describe way" Like....how do i put this... You know when you're listening to Titanic Monarch Act 1 from Sonic Mania and you hear those "cool bells"? Well, i feel like bells is something that the Korg M1 just does very differently compared to the Roland stuff i have, and Sonic Mania and Tee Lopes's music in general have really convinced me about the power of Korg stuff Oh, and his trumpets, they're really iconic, like REALLY fucking iconic, once you hear "the Sonic mania trumpet", you can never forget it, it's like how the ZUNpet makes the SD-90 iconic, the Tee Lopes trumpet, or, the "lopespet", is what really helps give that game's music, and the game as a whole, such a recogniseable and memorable idendity There's also of course Castlevania Symphony of the Night!!! Have you ever wondered where those cool organs from the Marble Gallery or those beautiful bells from Lost Painting where from? It's the Korg M1! Oh, and of course there's also Revo from Sound/Linked Horizon, i think he still uses Korg samples, even in modern orchestral productions, like those "anime sparkles" that he uses in almost every song in Bravely Default, well, that one is from the Korg Triton i think...? Or was it Korg Trinity...? Anyways, basically, i feel like Korg instruments are often underestimated in the general video game music world, they really have an interesting and unique vibe that can compliment a lot of existing VST/hardware collections This is why i reccomend the Korg M1, it's a good starting point, and contains many iconic instruments, its layering and editing options are also fun to mess around with, i didn't regret it for a second, even though it may get some time to get used to the interface, and i reccomend keeping a note app or piece of paper with you to write down your favourite presets, because it can be hard to find them again if you lose them

[dacelonovae]

info post

avatar from picrew.me/en/image_maker/1920418

muses (this is a very loose list, i might write other chars & update this list occasionally)

astarion (baldurs gate 3)

karlach (baldurs gate 3)

natanael (baldurs gate 3 Tav oc)

emet-selch (ffxiv)

symphanie (ffxiv wol oc)

muse grab bag (im not that confident in these but hey we're all having fun here)

[dame aylin, tara (the tressym), shadowheart, nym orlith, sorn orlith], [clive rosfield, dion lesage], [urianger, the crystal exarch, venat]

rules/bios under cut

Rules

no gods no masters

happy to rp with OCs

no autoship please but we can see where things go!

some of my muses don't care about your boundaries, but i always do. if you're uncomfortable with where a thread is going please let me know and we can find a way to steer it elsewhere. that being said some of my muses can get nasty so keep that in mind

i will drop threads. often. it's not personal. if this will upset you, you might not want to write with me. but if you are really enjoying a thread and i haven't responded, feel free to poke me about it

you are welcome to interact with me whether i follow you or not

i don't rp smut, i just don't enjoy it. flirting/sexual implications/getting right up to sex and ending a thread or cutting to the next scene are all fine i just don't want to go into detail. if you're not sure where the line is here feel free to push it, i'll cut it off myself if i don't want to continue the scene.

please specify a character if you send me an ask meme or something. even if that specification is a choice of chars or 'pick whoever you want.'

fwiw coming from my own fingers i consider myself to be a patient and considerate person so please don't be afraid of interacting with me either as you or your muses, and please ask me any questions you'd like if you want to clarify a thread or anything like that.

Bios

Me!: over 21, they/them

astarion: (he/him) i mean, he's astarion. but if you'd like: ~250 yr old bitchy vampire who is various levels of selfish depending on what part of his life you meet him in. very pretty and flirty and is incredibly picky about who he lets touch him, though has a habit of crossing his own boundaries. probably wants to bite you.

karlach: (she/her) loud and brash and if anything happens to her friends she will kill everyone in this room and then explode. ~30 yr old tiefling who laughs through trauma. has an engine for a heart that makes her physically very warm--perhaps even too hot to touch! desperately wants to cuddle and will do so if her engine has been tweaked to let her cool down. can probably beat you in an arm wrestling match.

natanael: (he/him) chill cleric of ilmater (tl;dr god of mercy to those who suffer) who grew up in the streets and came to the church who helped him survive his childhood. half human, half drow. probably the equivalent of mid-thirties in human years. just kind of a nice guy who likes to help others.

emet-selch: (he/him) world's oldest tsundere. thinks he's better than you and your entire species. extremely powerful mage. thousands of years old. technically can sort of shapeshift but doesn't. has been sulking since before humans invented the written word

symphanie: (she/her) viera adventurer who may or may not have saved the world/universe depending on timelines. grew up in an isolated hut in the forest with her loving parents. has learned to be friendly with people but can still be a bit awkward at times. human equivalent of mid-20s.

Pics

Astarion ---

Karlach ---

Natanael ---

Emet-Selch ---

Symphanie ---

🐇

[cruorcrave]

25 December 2024

(TL;DR at the end.)

It's Christmas Day! And oh boy it was... pretty okay.

In the morning, no one else was awake and so I had to look after my little cousin. He's great, but I had just woken up and because of my misophonia and his messy eating, I didn't have any breakfast except a cup of tea which I couldn't force myself to finish. I was exhausted after about 30 minutes and ended up looking after him solo for nearly 2 hours. Eventually, though, my mother swooped in and said she'd tell him I was busy eating my breakfast and not to disturb me. Thankful she did that. I didn't end up having breakfast either way unfortunately.

Eventually we got to presents and food and that was pretty fun even if it was loud and messy. When I came to collect my lunch, my mother saw my headphones and said to me, "You can eat in your room, that's okay. No one will think you're being rude, you're alright." which made me feel so understood. She's made fun of me before for my misophonia and eating problems so I was really happy to hear her say that.

For very good news: I got some really cool presents, including posters of Slipknot and MCR which I immediately put up of course, a physical bamboo sudoku set, Dr Pepper cans, cool clothes, sweets, cooking books, money, etc. AND I GOT A NEW CD PLAYER (old one broke) AND HYBRID THEORY ON CD. OMG. IT WAS SICK.

Unfortunately though the rest of the day was just okay. Some of my aunts got into a bit of an... not really an argument but a very heated debate about religion, that started because I was talking about my faith. (They weren't dissing me or my Irish/Celtic Pagan practices, most of the family just despises all forms of Christianity with very little leniency. I once talked to a Jehovah's Witness and school and my mother told me to "stay away from her, don't mess with that lot". I was 12... so.) It was really uncomfortable and the topic wasn't on me anymore so I just left to my room. One of my aunts came in after a while and asked me to finish my story about paganism, and I did, which was nice of her. She probably noticed me awkwardly sneak away. Sometimes I feel kind of afraid to express my faith around my family because of their hatred of religion. I understand them, of course - there is a lot to criticise about organised religion and some churches are just straightup evil/cults - but my family rarely actually have two-sided conversations about it. They always just argue their point louder and louder, saying it's all terrible, completely discounting what it can do for people. I could honestly go as far as to say that my faith in Dagda, Danu, Brigid and other deities like Macha, Morrigan and Lugh, has saved my life. At multiple points where I have been having daily panic attacks, hyperventilating on my floor and bloodied and bruised, I've clung to my triquetra (celtic knot) and told myself that I am meant to be here because I am part of this ecosystem. I'm not some magical creature or a perfect chosen one or a being created in the image of the ethereal, I am just a human. I am an animal that is lucky enough to be sentient and have hands that create and a mind that thinks, because of evolution and the continued balance of our beautiful world. I love the earth, and I am a part of it, and I deserve to be here. I feel like I can go to my gods about anything, and I'm comforted by my belief in them. I don't feel guilty, or ashamed, or like I have to live up to some grand purpose to "earn happiness" or "eternal freedom". I feel okay with just... being alive. I feel glad to be alive, and I want to thank my gods for that, and so I give offerings and I pray and I get advice from them. It helps me a lot but it's hard to really discuss it with my family much - even though they're not openly rude or against it.

Anyway, religious rant aside, I'm doing okay. Not good, but... okay. I'm 5 days clean now and it's getting really hard to keep it that way but I'm trying. I'm meant to be here. Maybe not for some greater reason and definitely not because I'm a perfect being, but instead because I am part of an intricate web of creatures. If I weren't here, the world would be different: even if just in my family, or my town, or my state. That's enough for me. Even if I want to be more than I am, I know I don't have to be, and if I never am, I can still do more in the next life and I won't be punished for not achieving something overly spectacular.

Today I'm happy that I got to see so much family and have so much great food, and I'm thankful for all the amazing and thoughtful presents I recieved.

Song of the Day: Never Too Late - Three Days Grace

TL;DR

Today was okay! Some good some bad. Took care of my little cousin which was fun but overstimulating and I had to miss breakfast. Mother accommodated my eating issues/misophonia which was really sweet. Got some cool ass presents. Religious debate got me down in the dumps - my faith really helps me and it bums me out that I don't think my family, at least not a lot of it, would really understand that. I'M 5 DAYS CLEAN!! I'm trying really hard not to relapse; it's easier because I can't easily do anything with so much family around but also harder because I think the fall might be bad after this. I don't know what I want to happen to be entirely honest.

Clean since 20 December 2024

[anulithots]

I KNOW I'M REBLOGGING THIS 'LATE" BUT I"VE READ THIS A FEW TIMES AND I WAS LIKE 'ohhh miii goshhh this. Just this.'

"It's kind of like a diary at times. I add whatever new thing I discover and look back at it later like "oh yeah I remember what happened when I decided to put that in." Kinda like when you draw something and remember the time and place you did it, if you know what I mean. It's like a time capsule, I really like that part about the arts/language."

I get this too! It's such a wonderous part about storytelling to see everything that went behind it and it is definitely like a time capsule. A 'snapshot of time, a frozen moment small enough to cradle forevermore'.

"because when you're alone writing a story about a character you don't percieve as a direct extension of yourself, you can create more freely and access thoughts you didn't know you had until you looks back in hindsight like "oh damn well I guess that's kinda relatable."

THis this this thish this. IT's in words. It's the thing.

"So I guess I'd say that he, while very flawed in every sense of the word, helped me understand who I am and want to be no matter how lame that sounds. Sometimes it takes writing the same character for years until you finally have a eureka moment."

THat is sooo cool! (not lame whatsoever. I shall advocate for unabashed sappiness til the end of tim- ... well if I wasn't so sensitive I'd do it myself but THAT"S BESIDES THE POIN-) Blair is such a funny little guy /aff and I think his deeper meaning and ~helpful attributes~ are wonderous!

"It's important to me to make sure no dark corner goes unturned or that nothing is glorified when adding it to the mix."

Truth.

" I also just like hiding little shards of "deep" shit among the light-heartedness because I think it's whimsical and clowns on life."

THose are the best. When something profound creeps into your soul and suddenly giggles at how silly something is turn into the softest realization a profound thing can have.

"Everything excites me. I learn all the time & I love it."

Yay! I'm glad.

"Like we all have a place somewhere but we dont have to be stuck doing the same shit forever because we're not npcs"

*puts this on a poster and stares at it*

"I'm more interested in coding now because that's Elijah's hobby (except I'm focusing on web design at the moment; he's more into video games)."

That is so so cool! The character hobbies! They be fun!

(I couldn't get myself interested enough in coding to do it on my own, though I tried and did enjoy it, so I wish you well in your ventures!!!!)

"Tl;dr: writing makes you gay" <-- I think this is the moral of the story. /j

*asking to multiple writeblrs*

I'm not sure if this is accurate, but there's a concept in Buddhist artistry where it isn't the art that is celebrated, but how the art helped/changed the artist.

So how did writing Crater City affect you? Do you have a new perspective on the world because of a character? Do you have a new interest because of research? Is there something you learned? Something life-changing? Something overly specific? Something mundane?

/not forced btw <3

Yeehaw get ready for a little ramble (thank you for this ask, I had to sit on it a bit because I'm not great with words hehe)

I like the idea of remembering the process in which something is created, like for physical art (there's some artists out there that focus on the process more than the art piece itself which I find very interesting). But hoo boy I'm not sure what anyone's gonna get out of asking me what I learned in boating school because it is not easy to answer. I had to reedit this like so many times.

So how did writing Crater City affect you?

Currently still writing it, and I have to say it's still poisoning my brain. I think it affects the way I view myself because of the inner work writing does. I discover more about myself and others, like life experiences, hindsight, identity, etc etc. I'm not sure how much Crater City has affected me since I have been going through many changes recently, but this story has stuck with me through many shitty and great times, so it played some part in my life. It's kind of like a diary at times. I add whatever new thing I discover and look back at it later like "oh yeah I remember what happened when I decided to put that in." Kinda like when you draw something and remember the time and place you did it, if you know what I mean. It's like a time capsule, I really like that part about the arts/language.

I think what affected me most was learning about fluidity, whether that means gender expression/identity, sexuality, fashion, ideas, morals, blah blah blah. The way my brain works is that it's very staunch until I have a routine epiphany that's like, "Oh yeah, I just remembered I have free will [to an extent]."

Do you have a new perspective on the world because of a character?

I've become a bit more confident in my identity thanks to really all of my characters (more specifically Blair). When I write them, I can express bits of myself and experiences that I don’t really talk about around people I know in real life. I'm a very reserved person & extremely introspective.

Blair is the polar opposite of me and tends to just be himself in general. His perspective that masculinity (or life in general) is what you make it gives me hope for a better future. I wonder if that's the point of his character, but I'm not sure.

Blair helped me realize there's more than one way to be a man than what mainstream makes it appear. He allowed me to figure out who I am freely and without much limitation because when you're alone writing a story about a character you don't percieve as a direct extension of yourself, you can create more freely and access thoughts you didn't know you had until you looks back in hindsight like "oh damn well I guess that's kinda relatable."

Blair is the first trans character I've created and at first he wasn't until it slowly crept up on me that he definitely was (which is usually the case when I create trans characters for some reason; it's like they just come out on their own). It may not seem remarkable to others, but for me it is a huge deal that he is confident and can embrace femininity without doubting his gender identity. He (and the rest of the male cast) does not shy away from makeup or wearing a dress (partly because I have created a genderless formal dress code norm).

He holds a special place in my heart. His name is Blair Heart, whether intentional or not. So I guess I'd say that he, while very flawed in every sense of the word, helped me understand who I am and want to be no matter how lame that sounds. Sometimes it takes writing the same character for years until you finally have a eureka moment.

Do you have a new interest because of research?

I've grown [more] interested in psychology. It's thanks to really every character I make (in this story, it's mostly due to Darcy, Blair, and Elijah). I love making mentally ill characters. It's what I've always focused on in my writing. It's important to me to make sure no dark corner goes unturned or that nothing is glorified when adding it to the mix. I also just like hiding little shards of "deep" shit among the light-heartedness because I think it's whimsical and clowns on life.

Playing with philosophies of the meaning of life is also kinda fun. Only got into that when I took that one philosophy course in college but of course it spiraled from there. If I were smarter I'd say that Crater City is about some philosophical rant about nihilism or hedonism or free will or whatever but I don't have TIME to talk about that in this post and even if I did, I'm not sure I have the brain power to churn out what I mean. I'm not great explaining things. But for now just accept the explanation that it's about funny little guys running around trying to find a purpose.

I'm sure there's more things, but I learn so many new things all the time that I'm too lazy to explain. Everything excites me. I learn all the time & I love it.

Is there something you learned? Something life-changing? Something overly specific? Something mundane?

Life changing: I guess like my outlook on life? Like my mind tends to be stuck in routines and shit but saying no to rigid things like how something should be has taught me to enjoy writing/hobbies/life and not treat everything like a chore. Like we all have a place somewhere but we dont have to be stuck doing the same shit forever because we're not npcs. I think that would be something writing Darcy teaches me. Not to be like him.

Something overly-specific/mundane: I'm more interested in coding now because that's Elijah's hobby (except I'm focusing on web design at the moment; he's more into video games). I'm currently learning html, css, and Java. I'm still trying to work on creating a personal web page. When I accrue enough money, I'll learn guitar again after 14 years. Thanks Elijah for these new hobbies.

...

I hope that answered most of it because I'm tired and haven't had much free time to spare lately teehee

Tl;dr: writing makes you gay

Tagging for Crater City adjacent content:

@writeouswriter @lyra-brie @digitalsatyr23 @talesfromtheunknowable @joswriting @mysticstarlightduck

[nkhrchuwuya]

✨️ Hello! Congratulations on 500 followers!! 💕

I would love to enter your event, if it's possible ofc 😎

I'm really sorry for my english tho, since it's not my first language 😅

I'm in non-binary spectrum (not really sure yet) but I mostly use she/they pronouns.

Okay so in general I'm really open, confident and competitive. Definitely more of an extrovert than introvert, tho I enjoy staying in and chilling (especially since majority of my friends are introverts). I like being the centre of attention and wearing eccentric outfits that make people look at me.

I feel like I'm really understanding and I don't judge people, so they tend to trust me easily. I really like analyzing people, their minds, emotions, secrets and because of my easygoing and fun personality, I heard that I make everyone comfortable. Also I'm not the one to let others push me around. I fight for what I believe in and I'm not scared of getting in a fight (verbal or physical). (I also tend to get really flirty especially when I like someone but I just like flirting in general)

I really enjoy baking, partying, writing, painting, reading and watching horror movies. I'm also into witchy stuff like tarot, zodiac etc and psychology. And (since I'm into zodiac and psychology I have to add this) I'm leo sun/aquarius moon/libra rising, entp 4w3.

Congratulations once again on your milestone! and thank you in advance for this cool event!

Have a wonderful day/evening 💕

hey hey! of course you're still good at participating, thank you so much for joining our little celebration!

some sweet chuuchuu for your perusal:

definitely one of your louder, more eccentric outfits caught chuuya's eye. not in a bad way, of course! he looked at you and was just awed at the sheer confidence it took to strut something like that, and the way you held yourself up was very daring as well. maybe he was a little intimidated, too. love at first sight potential?

he loves that you are so open and that it's easy to just fall into rhythm with you once he gets to know you. he's definitely going to be the type to hype up your extroverted side more than your introverted side, and you guys get loud together. like getting-noise-complaints loud, and not even in just the kinky manner, you guys just love messing around.

i feel like when you both first acknowledge your romantic attraction toward one another, it's you who will amp up the flirtation at first. and it drives chuuya insane, he cannot handle it for the life of him because you're so good at what you do. of course he's competitive and he will try to one-up you on that but good luck to him because he's all red in the face anyway.

seeing you in a verbal fight over your beliefs? he's cheering on you definitely. but the first time he saw you in a physical fight over something you cared about? jesus was he leaping right at you at once. you didn't take well to him getting in between you and your opponent, and that's when chuuya quickly realized he better take a stand- next to you. tl;dr rip your enemy

you guys get into little competitions for the funsies of it, and it's usually domestic in nature too. it's like a little thing you can bond over while tickling your interests as well. who can cut the best shaped carrot-flowers? who can make the best poached egg? who can fold the fitted sheets the fastest? that kind of thing. it helps that it gets things done in the penthouse, too!

bake him stuff please! he's always got munchies for your stuff, no matter how full he is from a prior appointment or meeting or meal. he's also a fiend while you're baking, dipping his finger in the batter or taking a bite out of the chocolates you're going to use... best to keep him out of the kitchen!

chuuya isn't that knowledgeable about mysticism, really. psychology he has a bit of smarts on (for mafia purposes of course), but tarot stuff? not one bit. he has superstitions of his own but he hasn't considered it that intensely. he'll be really intrigued when you do readings and that sort of stuff though. he doesn't necessarily have an opinion about it, just sees it as a part of you and he's willing to embrace it.

lots of art-based dates with chuuya! probably his favorite one is going to a local sip studio who maybe lets him sip some wine too. he's not a big artist himself but seeing you hum to yourself as you paint next to him is such a nice relaxing way to spend his off-time.

i think you'll be very cute with one another! chuuya definitely needs company that can keep up with his energy while being able to openly face him for all that he is, and you're definitely the kind of person that's equipped to do that. just make sure you communicate with him and don't rely too much on happy moments to build your relationship, because chuuya's got a stubborn side that you need to rein in as well!

[lycheesmods]

So I've seen a couple people doing this ranking thing with Sims 4 packs and I thought I'd make one in terms of witchy gameplay, especially since some of those packs can be so useful for a fun pagan gameplay even if that's not what they're advertised for.

So I'm going to highlight my reasons for ranking the packs as above below the cut.

[Quick breakdown TL/DR, witchy-wise you got:

The litteral Seasons, Meditation Day, Witches, Outdoor Potions, Necromancy Stuff, Ocean Living with Ancestors, MOAR Familiars, Discover The Fae Cult, Eco Candlemaking, Spiritual Forest Escape, Spooky pUmPKIns, The Greek Well Garden, Get a Coven, Backyard Birds and Tumbled Adventure.

+Vampires, Country Kitchen, and Laundry Day. for a e s t h e t i c s.]

Essential:

Seasons : I'm sorry if you're pagan or a witch you need seasons in your name, literally. It adds the 4 seasons, snow, dead leaves, and on top of that it adds fully customizable Holidays, meaning you can make your own sabbaths or esbaths celebrations to put on the calendar. It also features gnomes that spawn and wait for the appropriate offering, give them the right thing and they will gift you seeds, otherwise they will be angry. They are linked to spring and are very much akin to the fae. Oh and of course, this is the best pack for gardening.

Spa Day: With that name it seems weird to put it so high but listen: Meditation, incense, and the wellness skill (developed with meditation and yoga). I use meditation as a way to have "circle" time in game (and there are meditation stool cc for that purpose!). It is for me essentially, the "ritual" interaction.

-

Needed per taste / path:

Realm of Magic: I almost put that one up in essentials but only a fraction can be used in a realistic way, and I'm talking about potions. The main reason this is not in essential is because you could choose either this pack or Outdoor Retreat for the "potion" feature. Anyways: this is the actual witch pack, including spells and potions in cauldron and a bunch of cool plants for gardening (and if you feel fancy you can fly on a broom). It also comes with familiars that can boost your confidence when you summon them.

Outdoor Retreat: This pack is the absolute best for more realistic potion-making but has less interesting options than Realm of Magic. Herbalism remedies they are called, though some are to help with stress and sadness or fertilizer (which can be used as a way to bless your plants). You have to collect a variety of wild herbs and bugs in order to mix your brews or you can keep the bugs as pets! How fun.

Paranormal Stuff: This newer addition to the sims is a blessing for any necromancer out there. Séances, which can be done with a séance table with a crystal ball or with a chalk circle on the ground, allow you to communicate with the dead, to appease the spirits (which can help calming and reducing ghostly activity in haunted houses), and to do a ghostly ritual which will make you a ghost for a few hours (which I like to imagine as astral travel). It features not only special interaction with basegame ghosts but also spectres, a new form of spirit which are more simple in personality and that can be appease with offerings or otherwise talked to.

Island Living: This pack is known to add a beachy world with mermaids and boats, but is also hides a very pagan tradition with the trait "child of the island" which has been called "shaman" by some, it makes your sim care about the island, its pollution state, the community events and feel a connection to the ancestors, which are spirits you can meet for wisdom. There is a drink called 'Kava', which is made in a special bowl and can be a nice thing to use as a special sabbath drink or offering. You can also collect seashells!

-

Got that ONE good feature:

Cats and Dogs: As the name states, it introduces Cats & Dogs and if you have Realm of Magic, your pets can be bound to you as familiars!

Discover University: As a university witch you can join the secret society which have meetings around a mushroom circle just off campus where they hang out in cloacks with the sprites and give them offerings on a stone altar for good luck and positive moods. Basically there are fae witches in University and you can be one.

Eco Lifestyle: Candlemaking! You can make your own candles! They like melt and stuff! Also for anyone interested in environment gameplay this is the pack with pollution and working as a neighbourhood to make the earth greener!

Snowy Escape: Actually this one got a few good pagan things. You can go hiking! Take a meditative walk in the woods, be inspired by nature, or walk up to the mountain shrine to make a wish and/or give an offering. You can also encounter various kinds of forest spirits on your walks and have multiple kind of interactions with them.

Spooky Stuff: Pumpkins! This pack comes with pumpkin carving and I use it every in-game Samhain.

-

Fun extra / could be useful

Romantic Garden Stuff: This one comes with a wishing well, give it various amounts of money (the bigger amount boost your chances of the wish coming true) and make a wish amongst the various options the game give you. Aesthetically this may be interesting for Hellenic witches who like the ancient greek vibes.

Get Together: The club system is useful for everyone and can definitly be used to make a coven.

Backyard Stuff: It comes with birdfeeders! And also windchimes and lemonade.

Jungle Adventure: This one almost went lower, but I do often use polished crystals on my altars. In basegame you have these relatively big crystal chunks but with the archeology table in jungle adventure you can polish them into smaller oval shapes, basically you can make tumbled crystals.

-

Just for Aesthetics

Vampires: For those of you who like the goth side of "witchy" aesthetic the Vampire pack will be good for you. One word: candlebra.

Country Kitchen Kit: My kitchen witches with country farm dreams will love the look of this small kit!

Laundry Day: Another one for some rustic fun. Don't like the washing machines? You can wash your clothes by hand! This is great with the off-the-grid lots that come with Island Living.

-

For the rest of the packs I couldn't think of a single witchy / pagan use to them.

~lolnyny

[zombiiesque]

Nocturne Alchemy Summer Limited Reviews

Originally published on 7/2/2019

Yikes. So I never finished my Vaults, did I? Well, I'll have to come back to it! Right now, I have a few reviews I wanted to get posted from the Nocturne Alchemy Summer Limited Collection release. I'm also including a brief review of the PC Eternal Egypt, for reference purposes! I chose three perfumes, and they sent me one of their choice because I won a giveaway on their business FB page. So what I have here, in the picture, is Eternal Egypt Summer, Eternal Egypt Ambre, Chamomile, Vanilla & Spice Tea, and Apricot Sugar. The sample is Kashmir, which is the free sample while available, that they send along with orders. Any of you who have been following me for a while know that Kashmir is one of my favorites! Let's hop right to it, shall we?

First off, I want to talk about one of my desert island scents - Eternal Egypt. I'll be brief, but I think it's helpful for comparison to the two special versions I picked from the Summer LC. The NA site has this description: Eternal Egypt (Signature Blend): White Amber, Red Egyptian Musk, Egyptian Amber and the sands of Egypt.

I started off with a sample of this many moons ago, and at first I was a little leery - I had ridiculously bad luck wearing ambers. Smelled like baby powder on my skin. I think I wound up putting the sample in my box for about six months, and one day I dug it out and waved it in front of Jody's nose. Win. He was instantly a fan, and he remains one to this day - it's one of his favorites on me and he can name it when I wear it. I think it's the only one he knows, even though he has others he loves, too. It truly is a signature scent. I graduated from the sample, to a 5ml, and now I have a 10ml I'm flying through. The white amber gives this almost a coconut vibe? This is very bright and fresh, and that sandy note, I don't know how they do it, but this is just such a classy scent. It feels like a high end perfume, but at the same time, it's very easy to wear. I must say this is pretty perfect to represent Egypt - when I wear it, I am transported. I feel like the red musk gives this just the slightest bit of sexiness. If you've tried Crimson, I think that's the red musk here, or something similar, as it's not the bold red musk style of Kashmir. It's clean and a little spicy, and very appealing. The combination of the musk and amber is just totally perfect.

I've added a picture of Eternal Egypt Summer and Eternal Egypt Ambre side by side, so you can see the height difference. Ambre isn't as big as my 10ml original EE, but it's definitely larger than the standard 5ml.

One thing I want to mention, about a lot of Nocturne Alchemy perfumes, and particularly Eternal Egypt: these do get travel shocked. So a little caution note, a little imploring: Please do not judge these by what they smell like when you first get them - and please, please try them on your skin before you dismiss them. They change quite a lot with some rest, and what you smell in the bottle can be very different once it melds with your skin and warms up. Eternal Egypt variations in particular seem to do a lot of "filling out" with age; they get richer, more beautiful - the notes seem to meld and really reach their full potential with a little time in your possession. So my initial reviews will stand, but it's like they're amplified TL;DR? Give these some time. It's summer, it's hot, they've traveled a distance to get to you.

Eternal Egypt Summer is part of the sub-collection Eternal Summer. Notes are: White Amber, Labdanum, Crystalline, a little eNVie saphir Amber, Copal, Guaiac wood, Lavender, NA Chypre accord. I opened this fresh out of the mail (not advised, ever, I have to say, but I have no self-restraint) and I swooned a little. This is pretty different than the original. It's got a cool feel to it. I gave it a few days to rest before I tried it on my skin, but I could kind of tell right away I was going to love this. Converse to the cool feel, there's a warmth here from the copal, a sweetness from the guaiac. The lavender isn't a star, but I think rather blends with the chypre, which is absolutely lovely. I usually like chypres, and this is no exception. You can definitely tell that there's an essence of Eternal Egypt to this, but if you're worried you might be getting a dupe, you're definitely not. How does this make me feel? Like I'm at the beach. It's a perfect, sunny day, the water is a sparkling turquoise, and there's a cool sea breeze on my sun-warmed skin. Yes, this feels like summer to me.

Eternal Egypt Ambre is a part of the 13th anniversary collection. NA says this: Eternal Egypt Anniversary Collection – a reinterpretation with exclusive notes, beautiful blue pearl bottles but most importantly celebrating thirteen years of the original perfume blend from Nocturne Alchemy in four new iterations and limited to 75 bottles each. From the elegant label art to the carefully chosen bottle and the exquisite ingredients, the owner & creator of Nocturne Alchemy (Emerson Hart) wanted the create something to honour the first perfume created at Nocturne Alchemy thirteen years ago. Aging these perfume will bring out the resins and natural notes.

The notes for Eternal Egypt Ambre are: Bastet’s Amber Absolute, Labdanum, Cedar essential, Palo Santo essential, Black Patchouli, Benzoin, Heliotrope, Smoked Balsam of Peru, Italian Lavandin, Black Pepper and White Amber Absolute. Oooof. Well, y'all already know how much I adore Bastet Amber, and here we have my two desert island scents? Okay, that was an obvious gimme. This, too, is pretty obviously different from the original Eternal Egypt. The bottle is GORGEOUS, as is the label! When I first got this, it was far more travel shocked than Eternal Egypt Summer. I couldn't really tell what was going on, and there was almost a black licorice note in the bottle sniff. What? Turns out, that's the palo santo note. It can smell like anise, or minty...but I gave this a good bit of rest before I tried it on my skin. Four days. The anise had calmed down, and I could get an idea of what this was going to be like on my skin, I thought - except, it was so much better than I could have imagined! It absolutely transformed once it warmed up and melded with my skin. Wow. This is more complex, and sexier, than Summer. I'm having a hard time picking out individual notes, that's how well blended this one is. If Summer is bright and fun, a day at the beach - Ambre is a sultry summer night, a slinky black dress, and low slung heels. The palo santo gives this a cool feel, as does the white amber.

Honestly just so glad I chose both of these, I have several variations of Eternal Egypt, because I love it that much, and these are two wonderful additions to my collection. Backup worthy, really.

One of my favorite things Nocturne Alchemy does for their Summer Collections are the Summer Tea and Tea Service. You can read my reviews here, although I've added more that I haven't reviewed from previous collections. The Summer Tea Service reviews are separate, you can find them here. Y'all, it's hot in Florida. And it's hot from April right through December these days. I find myself craving the Summer Teas as soon as it warms up, so they get a lot of wear from me. Green Tea Crimson is easily in my top five all time favorites, ever.

Last year I missed out, but my good friend Heather grabbed Apricot Sugar, and absolutely adored it. So I promised myself if it came back in the Resurgence, I would for sure have to nab it - it seemed like everything she wore it with was perfect, and of course, it was wearable alone. So I chose that for my third bottle, and as I mentioned, I won a giveaway (thanks, y'all, SO much!) on the Nocturne Alchemy business page, for a free bottle of their choice from the LCs. They chose Chamomile, Vanilla & Spice Tea for me. I had already eyed it, because it sounded delightful. The notes for this are: Blue German Chamomile, Bastet’s Ice Cream Accord, Vanilla Bean, Vanilla essence, Black Tea, Cardamom Spice and a little sugar. I love chamomile tea. I have one that's chamomile and vanilla, and it's so soothing, puts me right to sleep! And Jody's mom grows chamomile. This is very realistic. I guess this could possibly go a little floral, but they are such masters at blending, that never happens here. It's got a bit of a floral/herbal tinge to it, for sure, but it's reigned in beautifully by the vanillas. The cardamom is more of a supporting note on my skin, just a slightly spiced warmth, honestly, it's perfection. The balance here is superb. The black tea is something I utterly love, and it adds a little strength to this. Unfh. I've mentioned before, I didn't use to like tea notes, they would go bitter on my skin, but that's never happened with NA, and this is no exception. This is just so appealing! I could not be happier with what they chose for me, I adore it. The ice cream accord adds a tiny bit of foodiness, and it's at the perfect amount. Yum. Obviously, you can easily wear this alone, but I love to layer my Summer Teas with the Tea Service, it just is the perfect compliment. The first time I wore this, I added a little dab of Apricot Sugar, because that's what I had on hand, and it was delightful! I wasn't sure if it was going to wear well with this one, but I have to say if you have both of these you really should try this, it was a wonderful surprise. I've since tried Rice Milk and Sugarcube, and those are both easy winners, too. I haven't tried Sweet Santalum Milk or Coconut Milk, but I suspect those will work well, too - or even my original Bastet's Ice Cream Accord, if you want your tea to be a little creamier/more foodie.

Apricot Sugar: Apricot stone essence, Apricot Skin, Egyptian Sugar accord, Papaya skin and Vanilla fleck. Oh, how much do I love NA's sugar note. It's just so dang good! I have a couple of bottles of the original Sugarcube, and I have worn it alone, because I love it so much. There's almost a freshness to it, and of course sweetness - but it's not tooth-achingly sweet, if that makes sense. That base is pretty present here, more so than it is with Lemon Sugar. The apricot is bright, juicy and just a little tangy, and extremely realistic. I think the papaya skin is more of a supporting note, I've had it in other blends and enjoyed it, but I don't really notice it here. It may be adding to that juiciness. This is a simple blend, but it was meant to be layered, and it really shines when you do that. As I mentioned above, I wore it with Chamomile, Vanilla & Spice Tea, and I've also worn it with White Tea Vanilla, and Crystal, so far. I'm going to try it with Santalum White and White Ambre Ombre, because I feel like those will be great pairings, too. I think this is a very versatile layering perfume, and would be lovely with so many perfumes. Anything with vanilla, for sure. Bastet Ice Cream Accord, some Dinos, Eternal Ankh, really I think anything you think might work. I bet it would be pretty with Egyptian Musk, and definitely Diamond. I'm so happy I grabbed this! If you were a fan of, or yearning for, Love of Bastet: Pink Vanille, I think you should definitely get this.

I have Dimetrodon from last year, but I've run out of time, today, so I'll post that separately. It's currently available in the Summer LC Resurgence, in the Prehistoria collection.

What did you choose from this release? What are you looking at? I'm eyeing a Dino or two, and more Teas....always more Teas! I hope y'all enjoyed these reviews, and they helped you to make some decisions. As always, thanks for reading!

[apiratecalledav]

Okay, I'm gonna need you to tell me nice things to make me hopeful about Sansa and Arya. Please. Help me obi-wan, you're my only hope.

Ask and you shall receive, friend.

It’s another long, numbered list and mostly Arya-centered, since she’s the one who seems more concerning. Hope that’s okay.

Finishing under the cut because the answer is dark and full of 7x06 spoilers. ;)

So the end of 7x05 and the first half of 7x06, I was sure that it would turn out that Arya and Sansa (and Bran, too) were playing Littlefinger. All the Stark kids know to some extent that Littlefinger’s a psycho, so I thought it was obvious that they would scheme together to take him down. Especially since Arya confronted Sansa out in the open, where Littlefinger or one of his toadies could have easily been lurking.

Then Sansa went to Littlefinger (doing exactly what he wanted!) and they were talking about how Brienne promised to serve both Arya and Sansa. And again, I was hopeful. Littlefinger seemed to be suggesting that Brienne would help Arya before Sansa (LF and Sansa watched them training together and having fun) but I thought it could also be him implying that Sansa should “get” Brienne on her side first. And Sansa almost immediately sent Brienne away, which I hoped was an effort to spare her from Littlefinger’s potential manipulations.

But Arya and Sansa later had it out alone, so now I don’t think they’ve teamed up (yet??). Unless they knew Littlefinger was hiding under the bed. Holy shit, how fucking hilarious would that have been if the camera had panned to him down there, his mustache all full of dust bunnies?  I’m still hoping Arya has a trick up her sleeve but even if that’s not the case, this “feud” is not going to last long and I’m pretty much positive that the sisters’ relationship will be on the mend by the end of the season finale.  Here’s why:

1) If they don’t work together to take out Littlefinger, one of them will. It will be very soon and the other will be grateful (Sansa) or impressed (Arya) and they will bond.  I really will be shocked if this isn’t Littlefinger’s last season. And if it’s not, it’s only because they’re saving it for the opening of season 8. Or it’s because Aidan Gillen once saved Dan or David from choking to death on an hors d’oeuvre at some fancy event and in their gratitude, told Aidan he could stay on the show til the end. Seriously, there are no other explanations that don’t plummet into M. Night Shyamalan levels of weird insanity.

2) Over the course of this show, especially during season 6 and 7, we’ve seen a lot of characters “going home”/back to the start and temporarily regressing:

  Dany with all of those Dothraki strangers, with no army, no dragons,and no friends. And then boom.

We saw Sam back at his father’s house, his self-esteem splintering. Then he left, not even needing some bs confrontation or validation from his father. Gilly loves him, what else matters? >HEART EYES

Jaime, whose inner decent person really got to shine when he was FAR away from Cersei and with Brienne… Well, we’ve seen how he’s been the last few seasons, barf. But Brienne is headed towards him so I think there’s a lot of hope now! :D

Then there’s Theon. Theon, who has been Theon: hostage of Winterfell/Robb Stark’s friend and ally, then Theon Greyjoy, then Reek, then Theon:captive of Wintefell/friend and ally of Sansa Stark and then Theon Greyjoy again… has now had a Reek relapse. Most likely, he is working up to a grand rescue of Yara and/or defeat of Euron and will finally just get to be Theon, his own man on his own terms.

 Sansa was a bit bratty/entitled and channeling Cersei earlier this season and now we see her being much more thoughtful and mature.

So it seems it’s Arya’s turn now.

One of the most important things Arya has learned is forgiving/understanding those who have done horrible things in order to survive. Such as herself. Such as the Hound. And notice how after she managed to stop hating the Hound and no longer wanted to kill him, Ilyn Payne, Thoros, Beric, and Melisandre suddenly disappeared from her list. While they’ve done a lot of shitty things, they aren’t pure evil and they didn’t do anything with the malicious, sick kind of glee that Walder Frey, Cersei, Joffrey, The Mountain, and Meryn Trant did.

So obviously, Arya’s regression would have to involve forgetting that particular lesson. Especially since this time, it is so much more personal. She loved her parents and Robb. And thinking that her sister had a hand in the events that lead to their deaths, even unintentionally and indirectly, would make her have a temporary meltdown/throw a tantrum.

And then there’s the fact Arya and Sansa were both absolutely terrible to each other when they were little. But I don’t think Arya ever managed to hurt Sansa as deeply as Sansa hurt Arya. After all, Sansa was the pretty one, the one who had praise and approval from all sides: their mother, their septa, Jeyne Pool, etc. Arya mostly just had Jon and occasionally Ned.

So of course, backsliding!Arya would snap up the chance to finally “get even” with Sansa. Since Arya’s mantra is “fear cuts deeper than swords” (at least in the books), her revenge would not be physical harm but rather completely and utterly scaring the shit out of Sansa and effectively saying, “You will never have power over me again. You couldn’t if you tried.”  

But as with Dany, Sansa, Sam, and probably Jaime and Theon, Arya is going to overcome her past weaknesses and show Sansa empathy and forgiveness.

I think her handing Sansa the dagger was kind of the start of that? Possibly “I officially offer you my badass assassin services” or “Hey, want to borrow a face and get rid of somebody on your list? I know you probably have one, even if you don’t acknowledge it or say it out loud every night…”

3) Arya is not nearly as dark as D&D want to trick us into thinking.

In my opinion, D&D use Arya as a red herring for a certain Queen with a boatload of titles and some cool pets. Hear me out. They are probably the two characters who started off the most innocent that have gone down the darkest paths, with Arya’s being the more obvious one.

I think it’s very interesting that whenever Arya does something like bake Freypies, D&D are quick to say in interviews, “Hurr durr, Arya’s getting kinda scary. Maybe we should be worried about what she is becoming?”

And yet, Arya repeatedly proves that there is a line she won’t cross, even if it’s a risk to her own life- She didn’t leave Hot Pie at Harrenhal, despite the fact he would slow them down and had no skills that would be helpful on the run; she managed to feel empathy for the Hound/couldn’t bring herself to kill him; couldn’t kill Lady Crane, even though sparing her was dangerous for Arya; she didn’t let those Frey girls drink poison (she only would have needed to spare one if it was just about delivering a message), was friendly to those Lannister soldiers who were nice to her, and oh yeah, SHE CHOSE JON/WINTERFELL OVER REVENGE/KILLING CERSEI.

Meanwhile, they are almost always curiously quiet about said certain Queen whose line seems to get blurrier all the time…

  Though the show itself doesn’t shy away from dropping hints, ie the very sinister version of her “victory theme”  in 6x04 after she burns shit down. Not to mention that Varys (the most intelligent person in Westeros) and Tyrion (the cleverest person in Westeros) are beginning to be uncomfortable with some of her choices. And I’m betting it won’t be long until Davos (the wisest person in Westeros) raises an eyebrow at her, too….

I sorta compare it to Arya walking down a set of stairs vs. Dany walking down a ramp. The stairs might have you descend quicker but it can be a hell of a lot harder to stop when you’re on a ramp, especially after you’ve gained momentum. And walking upstairs is typically a lot easier than walking uphill. ;)

4) More than once, Arya has been shown to fight with Sansa or bitch about her and then almost immediately defend her from someone else. The thing with Mycah/the direwolves, for example. Arya was pissed at Sansa but Cersei wanted to punish Sansa by killing Lady and Arya immediately shrieked, “Lady wasn’t there! You leave her alone!”

Or she told Ned she hated Sansa for siding with Joffrey but when Ned said Sansa was going to HAVE to take Joffrey’s side Arya is concerned and asks “How can you let her marry someone like that?”

Aka the classic “I can be mean to my sibling, but YOU CAN’T, ASSHOLE.”

5) “I don’t hate her, not really.”

TL;DR:

1) Littlefinger is just about toast, and one or both Stark girls are going to be behind it. Wolves are known to hunt birds, sometimes. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

2) Lots of characters have been temporarily reverting to their old, lesser selves and they have either bounced back or are clearly getting ready to make a comeback and Arya is no different.

3) Arya certainly might enjoy walking around ankle deep in darkness but she’s not going to drown in it.

4&5) Arya might complain about Sansa, but she loves her. And Sansa loves Arya.