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mikenips · 4 years

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Pinheads

“What the fuck are you doing back here? You aren’t even working tonight.” One of the other managers at Bowlero, the new bowling alley and venue, says to me.

“I’m playin’ tonight.” We all wish we had known the Stools were doin’ a live album recording down at OLL tonight before we booked it though. Rae said Chuck told her before I picked her up that they don’t play till midnight. So the goal is to rush the sets so we can get there in time for their set.

“That explains the war paint on the eyes.” Chip, the mechanic that once got fired as a carny, says as he spits dip into a coffee cup. “Ya know ya got some jeans with those holes though Mike?” Damn. That’s pretty clever.

My mom’s side of the family is down at lane one. And my dad’s side is hangin’ in the lounge. Even my uncle from New Mexico is in town for the holidays. Jordan is setting up the kit. Sound checkin’ the violin. Drew walks into the storage room that doubles as a green room for gigs. Me and Greg the bartender are hittin’ a vaporizer before I get on stage. We play first. “You see how Drew walked in here man? He walked up like he owns this bitch!”

And the scene really does own this bitch. I’m the bar manager at twenty one. Drew just started training to bartend. Dom works the front desk here and there. Everyone else askin’ if we can pull some strings to get them hired or booked. Just waitin’ on Sugar Tradition. Gotta make sure they don’t get carded. The kids are still in high school. And we’re eighteen up. Like the owners would really care though. They got history too. One of ‘em owning the Garden Bowl. The other is one of the top lawyers in Oakland County. Used to own the Falcon Club in Hamtramck in the nineties. Actually even was Johnny’s lawyer to get Outer Limits their liquor license.

We open with “Haunted House.” I’m fuckin’ baked. And already forgettin’ the lyrics. That shot of jezy Greg fed me probably didn’t help. Nobody is here yet besides my family. A few members of the Hand. And some Royal Oakies waitin’ on lanes that don’t understand what the fuck is happening. We’re botchin’ even our classics. At least the Oakies are gettin’ a real weird show.

Yelp into a drone cover of “Real Cool Time” as Jordan saws away at his violin behind me. Antonio rollin’ across the stage in front of me. Glad they got in alright.

Fuck it. We got a show to get to tonight. “This is gonna be our last one.” A piece of glitter falls into the corner of my eye. “It’s about when it’s five am. You’re blacked out. Shirtless. Pissin’ on the side of a 7-11. Smokin’ a spliff. Shotgunnin’ a tall boi. If you could all raise your drinks.” Rip through “Miller High Life” before boltin’ for a cig while Sugar Tradition sets up.

“Dude!” Jordan says to me as we load some gear into the car. “I think that was the worst set we ever played.”

Dee comes up behind us. “What are you talkin’ about? That’s the best part about Just Guys Being Dudes. There’s no bad sets. Every set is it’s own experience. I really dug it. The owner was behind me and Rae vibin’ too.”

Take a drag. “Thanks Dee. That means a lot to me.”

Walk back inside. Didn’t even realize how many people had showed up. Sean’s dad, my old high school film teacher, is here. Still doesn’t know he showed my dick at the student film show at the end of the year. Even fuckin’ Ian Ruhala showed his bitch ass. There’s no way that was coincidental. Not when his girlfriend’s sister is performing with Zilched at the Stools show. Joey’s gonna lose his shit when he gets here from the wedding.

“That was sick Michael!” My coworker Reagan says to me. “Wanna celebrate by doin’ a shot of Jager with me? You don’t even gotta give me a drink ticket.” I’m about to be trashed tonight. What am I talkin’ about? I already am.

“Why not? I’m gonna need seven shots of jezy too though.”

“Wakin’ up I got a nothin’ to do!” Sugar T kicks into one of their many rippers.

Cy, my GM, walks over to me. “These guys are really good.” I can barely make out her words over Kevin’s spastic style of jazz drumming. “They’re like a psychedelic Mudhoney.”

“Yeah. They’re also only seventeen too. Don’t tell the managers though I booked some minors.”

She laughs. “Nobody should be that good at that young of an age. Do they have a CD?”

“Nah. We put out their debut album on the cassette label I’m helping run though.”

“What the fuck are you kids doing making cassettes again?”

“Cause they’re fuckin’ sick! You wanna hear this fuzz on something just as fuzzy. We don’t wanna clean this noise up!”

Walk back to center stage. Jake is in the corner with Evan. Owen layin’ on the floor in front of the couch. Crossed the border for this night. On the couch next to Rae is Joey Molloy goin’ hard to Sugar Tradition’s set. Gotta love Joey. Nobody goes as hard at a show as good ol’ Joey Molloy. Bleached tufts of hair whippin’ through the air the same way their brain whips back and forth in the skull. Everyone takes the Polish, purple nectar. Jeżynówka. A Hamtramck staple. A little piece of home all the way out here.

Joey walks in, still in his suit, and helps Drew wheel three cabs into the crammed lounge as I meet Antonio at the merch table. They spent over a mill on this remodel. And the Hand is about to shatter all the windows here when they hit their first note. This will be the first and last time they let a stoner metal band in here. TJ stoned as fuck on the floor testin’ out the Juno. Sean, equally as baked, clicks open the briefcase synth he made.

“Yoo Antonio. Whenever you guys are ready I’ll take you to the office so the manager can cut you a check. You just gotta fill out some tax forms.”

“Shit… This is like a legit gig then?”

We weave through the overfilled lounge. Drunks and stoners attempt to file towards the stage. BO and fuzz forcin’ the yuppies to wait for their lanes elsewhere. Tonight, this bitch is ours.

Paperclips and loose change vibrate their way off the desk in the office as the Hand strikes their first drone. “Wait… Kev,” Antonio spins in the desk chair. “What’s my social security number?”

“How the fuck should I know?”

“You guys don’t know your social security numbers? How?”

“Dude. We’re in high school. We’ve never had to use ‘em before.”

“Honestly,” my coworker cuts in. “We don’t really need the W-9. If you take it with you and bring it back in a couple days it’s probably fine. But I really don’t give a shit if you do.”

Head back to the bar. All the freaks headbang in unison to Joey’s screams before Drew rips into a solo. Greg hands over two shots before I even flag him down. “I knew Drew was gonna shred because he never talks about his band. The quiet ones always shred. Good job putting this together Mike. Not a huge drinking crowd. But I’ll take a chill night. Gettin’ stoned to some chuggin’ bands whenever it comes.”

Or at least I think that’s what he said. I can’t hear over the riff. Hail the fuckin’ riff! Wrappin’ it just before midnight. Nobody says goodbye to each other before we all dip. It’s every man for himself. Drag racin’ down I-75 to get to OLL. Somewhere in the night Caveman Woodman is yellin’ about the Stools. Tellin’ folks to fuck off if they think rock n’ roll is dead.

Walk into Outer Limits greeted by the familiar unbearable humidity of a crowd of familiar faces. Not a single face you don’t recognize. Greeted with a free Stroh’s and shot of Hornito’s courtesy of Johnny. Kid Infinity on the stoop of the stage. Documenting the entire night on camera. 208. The Long Stairs. The rest of the Waterheads. Everyone from the Bowlero show there too. Sweat gluing bodies together as flesh meets flesh. “This one’s about a spooky dream Will had!” KQ shouts into the mic as Chuck uses his already soaked shirt to wipe sweat from his forehead. As Will’s screeching guitar bends, cuing “Black Fly Stew.” Two step tune off their latest seven inch from Third Man Records. Jack White may be a prick. But he sure puts out some good ass music.

This time I’m not gonna concuss myself on Joey Molloy’s eye socket. They speed and slop their way through their discography. Dig into some tracks Will claims are older than some of us. Kirk recording every second through the soundboard to be put out on Chuck’s cassette label Painter’s Tapes. “How does two more sound?” KQ asks after finishing up a version of “Q-Nails” that’s half the length of the studio version. But still has all the original notes. Bodies make their way off the concrete ground to their feet. Stomachs cramp from downin’ Stroh’s. Lungs attempt to catch their breath. Jake yells back to ‘em “Eat shit Mike Duggan!” We don’t need no curfew. Unplug us and we’ll scream louder.

Mikey of the Waterheads discusses Sigmund Freud on the patio while we all pass joints to each other. Never give those lungs a break. Kyle of 208 passes out Remove Records t-shirts. Tells us none of us need to pay for ‘em. But we all force money into his hands. “This is what the scene is about man.” My words come out half coherent.

“Exactly! That’s why I’m so glad me and Shelby came here from Florida. This is what music should be about! Community. Doing it for each other. Fuckin’ being there! Cause without each other, none of what’s goin’ on is possible. We’re like one big, happy, chaotic family!”

Jake punches my shoulder at the bar. Radiating the energy of the Bananas in Pajamas. A loose and excitable toddler ready to play. We each get a shot of jezy. “You here anything yet about HMF Nips?”

“Nah. I saw they ‘leaked’ some of the lineup. But it was all like Hala. Legume. Who Boy. The indie bands ya know.”

“See. And that’s what’s fucked man! They don’t fuckin’ get it like we do. We’re out here every fuckin’ night playin’ these joints. We’re all at every show for each other. They make one appearance a month. Half the time not even in Hamtramck. They don’t support each other. They’re in it for the clout! And fuckin’ Who Boy gets picked before any of us?! That’s fucked up man.”

“It is dude. But don’t worry so much about it. I’m sure it’ll all pan out for us. Cause we get it. And they don’t. You wanna come over to my place after? Make some pancakes or some shit?”

“Oh heeeellll yeah! Pancakes at Belmont. I’ll rally the troops. We gettin’ trashed tonight!”

As if we aren’t already. Rip through a fifty pack of whip-its in twenty minutes. Sittin’ around eatin’ pancakes at three in the morning. Listenin’ to the 13th Floor Elevators as Joey tries persuadin’ everyone into watchin’ Pirates of the Caribbean. “Dead Man’s Aaaaasssss…” his whipped voice whispers to every single one of us individually.

Jake does his first popper as if he’s huffed it before. Panicking in the barstool in my living room. “I’m sweaty. My head hurts. And my face is hot, man. My face is hot!” Before locking himself in the bathroom with a sealed fifth of tequila. We continue to chainsmoke in the house I rent. No mention of not smokin’ in my lease. Dunkin’ chocolate chip pancakes in a bowl of syrup. He re-emerges from the bathroom. Quarter of the bottle now inside him. Or possibly in my toilet. “Rae. You gotta finish this. I can’t do it.”

Owen spits up on Giovanna while tryin’ to rush to the bathroom. Attempts to wipe the bile off her knee before returning to the cool tile floor around the toilet to sleep for the night. Jake arguing with me and Rae about ordering him an Uber home. “You’d fuckin’ love it if I crashed on your futon Nips. You’d fuckin’ love ordering me an Uber home wouldn’t you Rae?”

“Jake dude. I don’t know what you want from me man. Your car is at Evan’s anyways.”

“I just wanna shit on my toilet!”

So eventually he consents. Tells Rae he’ll Venmo me the ten bucks she spent on him cause he’s “Venmoed Michael Nipples before.” Even though I’ve never had one. Yells back to us with the passenger door open “what’s its name?” As he struggles to crawl into the whip.

And as Rae and I go to sleep. My phone buzzes with three texts from the drunk Toehead. “Uh oh…”

“Help…”

“We listenin’ to Dough Boyz!”

Fuckin’ idiot. Pinhead. That’s what we all are though. Or at least what we pretend to be.

#bowlero #hail the riff #just guys being dudes #vague glimpses of beauty #outer limits lounge #the stools #the hand 420 #sugar tradition #remove records #painters tapes #grown up fucked up #detroit garage rock #detroit diy #a vibe

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batboyblog · 6 years

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What’s on my iPod March 4 2019

So I love me some audio books so here’s a run down of what’s on my iPod right now

Non-Fiction:

The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein

Embers of War: The Fall of an Empire and the Making of America's Vietnam by Fredrik Logevall

Gotham: A History of New York City to 1898 by Edwin G. Burrows and Mike Wallace

The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson

1948: Harry Truman’s Improbable Victory and the Year That Transformed America by David Pietrusza

Believer: My Forty Years in Politics by David Axelrod

Black and British: A Forgotten History by David Olusoga

Celtic Mythology: Tales of Gods, Goddesses, and Heroes by Philip Freeman

A Covert Action: Reagan, the CIA, and the Cold War by Seth Jones

A History of British India by Hayden J. Bellenoit

President Carter: The White House Years by Stuart E. Eizenstat

A Queer History of the United States by Michael Bronski

Stranger Things: Worlds Turned Upside Down by Gina McIntyre

Fiction:

Kens by Raziel Reid

Stranger in the Wizard's Tower by Deric McNish

Timekeeper, Chainbreaker, and Firestarter by Tara Sim

The Whispers by Greg Howard

27 Hours by Tristina Wright

All Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages edited by Saundra Mitchell

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon

The Ashes of London by Andrew Taylor

Beasts Made of Night by Tochi Onyebuchi

Blood Moon by MJ O’Shea

Bones Beneath My Skin by TJ Klune

Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman

Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things by Martina McAtee

Tracker Hacker by Jeff Adams

Contagion by Erin Bowman

Cowboys Can Fly by Ken Smith

Crossing Borders by Z. A. Maxfield

Differently Morphous by Yahtzee Croshaw

Echo by Pam Munoz Ryan

Ethan of Athos by Lois McMaster Bujold

Ever After: A Gay Fairy Tale by Christina Lee and Riley Hart

Ex-Heroes by Peter Clines

Faerie Wars by Herbie Brennan

Flaunt by E. Davies

Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick

The Ghost Slept Over by Marshall Thornton

God of War: The Official Novelization by J. M. Barlog

Goodbye Days by Jeff Zentner

The High King's Golden Tongue by Megan Derr

Hold Me Closer, Necromancer by Lish McBride

How Long 'til Black Future Month? by N. K. Jemisin

How to Survive a Summer by Nick White

I'll Get There. It Better Be Worth the Trip by John Donovan

Jefferson Blythe, Esquire by Josh Lanyon

The Language of Thorns: Midnight Tales and Dangerous Magic by Leigh Bardugo

The Last Sun by K. D. Edwards

A List of Cages by Robin Roe

The Long Way Down by Craig Schaefer

Marco Impossible by Hannah Moskwitz

Maurice by EM Forster

Mythos by Stephen Fry

Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman

Night Shift by Stephen King

Nightbooks by JA White

The Persian Boy by Mary Renault

Poet Anderson ...of Nightmares by Tom DeLonge

Powerless by Matthew Cody

Brandon Mills versus the V-Card by Lisa Henry and J.A. Rock

Pretty Monsters by Kelly Link

The Raging Ones by Becca Ritchie and Krista Ritchie

The Solstice Prince by S.J. Himes

Rotherweird by Andrew Caldecott

Schizo by Nic Sheff

See You in the Cosmos by Jack Cheng

The Serpent King by Jeff Zentner

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo

Sidekicked by John David Anderson

Skeleton Crew by Stephen King

Black Wings Beating by Alex London

Slide by Garrett Leigh

Pray the Gay Away by Sara York

Spooning Leads to Forking by BA Smith

Squint by Chad Morris

Still Life Las Vegas by James Sie

The Stone House by AK Benedict

Stranger by Rachel Manija Brown

Summerland by Hannu Rajanemi

Super Human by J.A. Cipriano

Power Powereds by Drew Hayes

This is Where it Ends by Marieke Nijkamp

This is Where the World Ends buy Amy Zhang

The Unintentional Time Traveler by Everett Maroon

Vicious by VE Schwab

What You Own by AM Arthur

When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore

Wolfsong by TJ Klune

#Books #audiobook #reading list #iPod #me #bored

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targetmybalance-blog · 5 years

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24 Surprising Things You Never Knew About Target

Do the trick it to state that these days, it’s practically unthinkable not to shop at Target. The organization’s site alone has more than 1 million guests—every day. What’s more, regardless of whether you incline toward block and-concrete to web based shopping, the organization’s about 2,000 stores offer adequate open door for you to do your shopping face to face.

Yet, while Target is a prevalent goal both basically and truly for clever customers, the vast majority don’t really know the certainties or figures behind this retail goliath. Thus, we’ve gathered together some astounding Target actualities that even the most committed clients likely don’t have the foggiest idea.

Target Corporation wasn’t the organization’s unique name.

Dayton Dry Goods Company

At the point when New York local George D. Dayton opened the business currently know as Target Corporation in 1902, he did as such under the name Goodfellow’s Dry Goods Company. In 1903, Dayton turned into the sole proprietor of the business and changed the name to Dayton Dry Goods Company—and it wasn’t until 2000, after a few more name changes, that the business formally progressed toward becoming Target Corporation.

The principal Target store opened during the 1960s.

In spite of the fact that Dayton framed his business in the mid 1900s, it wasn’t until the 1960s that the principal Target store opened in Roseville, Minnesota. During its excellent opening on May 1, 1962, the new store was touted as “a store you can be pleased to shop in, a store you can believe in, [and] a store that is amusing to shop and energizing to visit.” By the finish of that equivalent year, three different Targets had officially opened.

The organization used to likewise claim retail establishments.

marshall field’s store target

What numerous individuals don’t know is that Target’s parent organization, Target Corporation, didn’t in every case only claim Target stores. Up until 2004, the organization likewise possessed various retail chains, (for example, the Marshall Field’s in Chicago), however it chose to surrender those for concentrating on making the Target brand thrive.

Target made its first $1 billion in deals in 1979.

Most noticeably awful Things to Say to a Cashier

For the Target Corporation, 1979 was a momentous year. It was during this time the organization saw its first $1 billion in yearly deals from its 74 Target stores alone—and to commend, they put on a “Billion Dollar Sale” for all their faithful clients.

The organization got an honor from Ronald Reagan.

ronald reagan achievement cites, offending lawmakers

Target isn’t one of those organizations that is just about profiting. Truth be told, the association has verifiably tried to offer back to the network that in 1983, it was even granted the President’s Committee on the Arts and Humanities Medal of Honor—by President Ronald Reagan—for its empowering endeavors in expressions of the human experience and social welfare.

They once opened 11 stores in a single day—all in a similar city.

Chicago Bean Tourist Traps That Locals Hate

In 1993, Target ventured into the city of Chicago. In any case, when they made their turn into the Windy City, they chose to do as such with a blast—by opening one, however eleven stores all around the same time.

The organization has its very own test kitchen for R&D.

lady with a clipboard taking notes in a kitchen

Have you at any point thought about how Target thinks of the plans for its in-house brand items? A lot of that innovative work happens in the organization’s test kitchen, where sustenance researchers detail and test out potential new things. What’s more, evidently, the organization’s kitchen even has a Cake Week multiple times each year, where in excess of 100 plans are assessed. Yum!

It’s a prevalent goal for school year kickoff shopping.

closures of pencils

Scarcely any organizations can outrank Amazon nowadays in essentially any class. Be that as it may, one 2017 study found that Target was in reality more prominent than Amazon as a class kickoff shopping goal, with 64 percent of respondents saying that they intended to hit up Target for their school supplies contrasted with only 50 percent who wanted to shop at Amazon.

It has its very own Mastercard.

On the off chance that you’re a long standing customer at your neighborhood Target store, at that point you should need to consider putting resources into a Target REDcard. The organization’s card—which comes as a plastic or a charge card—accompanies extraordinary advantages like free delivering, 5 percent off all things considered, and an all-inclusive return window for all things.

Their low costs are deliberate.

target deal segment

It may some of the time feel like you’re getting bargains at Target that are unrealistic, yet don’t stress: that is actually what the organization needs. At the point when the primary Target was established during the 1960s, it was made, as per the organization’s site, as “another sort of mass-showcase markdown store that takes into account esteem situated customers looking for a higher-quality encounter.”

The organization’s author initially needed to turn into a priest.

religious writings profitable things in your storage room

George Dayton didn’t generally imagine himself as the organizer of an organization worth billions. Or maybe, the business person initially moved to Minnesota from New York with the expectation of turning into a priest, yet his arrangements changed when he happened upon business prospects that were too great to even think about passing up.

Target attempted (and fizzled) to venture into Canada.

Canada has been standing out in Movemember

In March 2013, Target opened its first store in Canada and immediately extended to 133 Canadian areas by January 2015. In any case, a blend of forceful challenge and constrained determination kept Target Canada from succeeding—and in April 2015, the organization’s Canadian branch shut down for good, refering to misfortunes of $2.1 billion.

Individuals have been calling it “Tarjay” for a considerable length of time.

Individuals love to tongue in cheek articulate Target as if the store were an extravagant French boutique, yet what they can be sure of is that this convention goes back decades. As Douglas Dayton, the main leader of the Target Corporation, has noted previously, individuals have been making that joke since the chain’s creation in 1962.

The organization helped fix the Washington Monument.

washington landmark DC

In the late 1990s, the Washington Monument experienced some long-late fixes that cost upwards of $5 million. And keeping in mind that you may imagine that these rebuilding efforts would have been settled for by means of regulatory expenses, they were really canvassed in full by Target, both through gathering pledges endeavors and direct commitments.

The chain quit selling cigarettes during the 1990s.

stopping smoking disposes of wrinkles

These days, it’s for all intents and purposes increasingly hard to discover a chainstore offering tobacco items than it is to discover one that puts the strength of their clients over benefit. In any case, harking back to the 1990s when the battle against tobacco wasn’t as solid, Target wound up one of the principal enormous retailers to quit selling cigarettes (clearly on the grounds that, for them, it was too expensive to even consider keeping them out of the hands of minors).

One of the originator’s relatives is the legislative leader of Minnesota.

rochester minnesota damp spots

The impact of the Target realm grows well past business. Despite the fact that a significant part of the establishing family went into the privately-run company, one of George Dayton’s incredible grandsons—Mark Dayton—decided on a somewhat unique way, and he is at present the legislative head of Minnesota and a previous congressperson from the state.

The middle age of a Target client is 40 years of age.

Target draws in clients everything being equal and socioeconomics, however the organization has discovered that their normal customer is around 40 years of age with a family unit salary of roughly $64,000 every year.

They’re a conspicuous power in the design retail showcase.

shirts

Target’s cute and reasonable attire items make them a power to figure with in the design business. Truly: According to one study of in excess of 10,000 individuals directed by Market Force Information, the organization tied with TJ Maxx for individuals’ preferred esteem retailer, and barely beat contenders like Marshall’s and Nordstrom Rack.

They’re the eighth-biggest retailer in America.

Mastercard

In 2016, Target’s yearly offers of $69.495 billion made them the eighth biggest retainer in the United States, soon after Amazon.

The name Target identifies with the organization’s low costs.

Target logo

Ever wonder what the name Target is about? As indicated by the organization, it was picked on the grounds that “as a’s marksman will likely hit the middle bulls-eye, the new store would do much the equivalent as far as retail merchandise, administrations, promise to the network, value, esteem, and in general understanding.”

Vermont was the last state to get a Target store.

vermont church

As of not long ago, Vermont was the main state in America without a darling Target. In any case, that all changed in late 2017, when the organization reported that they would at last be opening one of their stores in South Burlington in 2018.

Bullseye was presented as a mascot in the late ’90s.

A great many people today partner Target with Bullseye, the lovable bull terrier with the Target logo revolving around his eye, however she really wasn’t acquainted with the organization until 1999. It was around then that the organization publicized their first business with the popular pooch—and after she demonstrated to be a triumph among clients, she turned into a staple in future plugs and promotions alike.

Target’s shopping baskets are eco-accommodating.

target bullseye shopping baskets

In addition to the fact that target are red shopping baskets on brand, however they are additionally useful for nature. That is on the grounds that as per the organization, these trucks are made of recyclable material. (What’s more, reward, they weigh as much as 20 pounds not exactly the run of the mill metal ones!)

Target’s drug stores are claimed and worked by CVS.

CVS Pharmacy is one of americas most appreciated organizations

Despite the fact that the two organizations are rivals from multiple points of view, Target and CVS made a $1.6 billion arrangement in 201

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ska1ugsuak-blog · 5 years

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23 Surprising Things You Never Knew About Target

Do the trick it to state that these days, it's practically outlandish not to shop at Target. The organization's site alone has more than 1 million guests—every day. What's more, regardless of whether you lean toward block and-cement to web based shopping, the organization's almost 2,000 stores offer abundant open door for you to do your shopping face to face.

In any case, while Target is a mainstream goal both for all intents and purposes and truly for insightful customers, a great many people don't really know the certainties or figures behind this retail goliath. Thus, we've gathered together some amazing Target certainties that even the most given clients likely don't have the foggiest idea.

1Target Corporation wasn't the organization's unique name.

Dayton Dry Goods Company

At the point when New York local George D. Dayton opened the business currently know as Target Corporation in 1902, he did as such under the name Goodfellow's Dry Goods Company. In 1903, Dayton turned into the sole proprietor of the business and changed the name to Dayton Dry Goods Company—and it wasn't until 2000, after a few more name changes, that the business formally progressed toward becoming Target Corporation.

2The first Target store opened during the 1960s.

Target Cart {Bad Target Bargains} {Best Impulse Buys From Target}

Shutterstock

Despite the fact that Dayton framed his business in the mid 1900s, it wasn't until the 1960s that the primary Target store opened in Roseville, Minnesota. During its amazing opening on May 1, 1962, the new store was touted as "a store you can be pleased to shop in, a store you can believe in, [and] a store that is enjoyable to shop and energizing to visit." By the finish of that equivalent year, three different Targets had officially opened.

3The organization used to likewise possess retail chains.

marshall field's store target

What numerous individuals don't know is that Target's parent organization, Target Corporation, didn't in every case only possess Target stores. Up until 2004, the organization likewise claimed various retail chains, (for example, the Marshall Field's in Chicago), yet it chose to surrender those for concentrating on making the Target brand prosper.

4Target made its first $1 billion in deals in 1979.

Most exceedingly terrible Things to Say to a Cashier

For the Target Corporation, 1979 was an amazing year. It was during this time the organization saw its first $1 billion in yearly deals from its 74 Target stores alone—and to praise, they put on a "Billion Dollar Sale" for all their reliable clients.

5The organization got an honor from Ronald Reagan.

ronald reagan achievement cites, offending government officials

Target isn't one of those organizations that is just about profiting. Truth be told, the association has truly endeavored to offer back to the network that in 1983, it was even granted the President's Committee on the Arts and Humanities Medal of Honor—by President Ronald Reagan—for its empowering endeavors in expressions of the human experience and social welfare.

6They once opened 11 stores in a single day—all in a similar city.

Chicago Bean Tourist Traps That Locals Hate

In 1993, Target ventured into the city of Chicago. Be that as it may, when they made their turn into the Windy City, they chose to do as such with a blast—by opening one, however eleven stores all around the same time.

7The organization has its own test kitchen for R&D.

lady with a clipboard taking notes in a kitchen

Have you at any point thought about how Target thinks of the plans for its in-house brand items? A lot of that innovative work happens in the organization's test kitchen, where nourishment researchers plan and test out potential new things. Furthermore, evidently, the organization's kitchen even has a Cake Week multiple times each year, where in excess of 100 plans are assessed. Yum!

8It's a well known goal for school year kickoff shopping.

finishes of pencils

Barely any organizations can outrank Amazon nowadays in basically any classification. In any case, one 2017 overview found that Target was in reality more well known than Amazon as a class kickoff shopping goal, with 64 percent of respondents saying that they intended to hit up Target for their school supplies contrasted with only 50 percent who wanted to shop at Amazon.

9It has its very own charge card.

Target Visa REDcard

Picture by means of Flickr/Mike Mozart

On the off chance that you're a long standing customer at your nearby Target store, at that point you should need to consider putting resources into a Target REDcard. The organization's card—which comes as a plastic or a Visa—accompanies exceptional advantages like free dispatching, 5 percent off all things considered, and an all-inclusive return window for all things.

10Their low costs are purposeful.

target deal area

It may now and then feel like you're getting bargains at Target that are unrealistic, however don't stress: that is actually what the organization needs. At the point when the primary Target was established during the 1960s, it was made, as indicated by the organization's site, as "another sort of mass-showcase markdown store that takes into account esteem situated customers looking for a higher-quality encounter."

11The organization's organizer initially needed to turn into a priest.

religious writings significant things in your storage room

George Dayton didn't generally imagine himself as the organizer of an organization worth billions. Or maybe, the business visionary initially moved to Minnesota from New York with the expectation of turning into a priest, however his arrangements changed when he happened upon business prospects that were too great to even think about passing up.

12Target attempted (and fizzled) to venture into Canada.

Canada has been standing out in Movemember

In March 2013, Target opened its first store in Canada and immediately extended to 133 Canadian areas by January 2015. Be that as it may, a mix of forceful challenge and restricted choice kept Target Canada from succeeding—and in April 2015, the organization's Canadian branch shut down for good, refering to misfortunes of $2.1 billion.

13People have been calling it "Tarjay" for a considerable length of time.

target shopping basket

Picture by means of Flickr/JJBers

Individuals love to tongue in cheek articulate Target just as the store were an extravagant French boutique, however what they cannot deny is that this custom goes back decades. As Douglas Dayton, the principal leader of the Target Corporation, has noted previously, individuals have been making that joke since the chain's creation in 1962.

14The organization helped fix the Washington Monument.

washington landmark DC

In the late 1990s, the Washington Monument experienced some long-late fixes that cost upwards of $5 million. And keeping in mind that you may feel that these reclamations would have been made good on for by means of regulatory obligations, they were really shrouded in full by Target, both through raising money endeavors and direct commitments.

15The chain quit selling cigarettes during the 1990s.

stopping smoking disposes of wrinkles

These days, it's for all intents and purposes progressively hard to discover a chainstore offering tobacco items than it is to discover one that puts the soundness of their clients over benefit. Be that as it may, thinking back to the 1990s when the battle against tobacco wasn't as solid, Target ended up one of the principal huge retailers to quit selling cigarettes (obviously on the grounds that, for them, it was too expensive to even think about keeping them out of the hands of minors).

16One of the organizer's relatives is the legislative head of Minnesota.

rochester minnesota muggy spots

The impact of the Target domain grows well past business. Despite the fact that a significant part of the establishing family went into the privately-owned company, one of George Dayton's extraordinary grandsons—Mark Dayton—decided on a somewhat unique way, and he is as of now the legislative leader of Minnesota and a previous congressperson from the state.

17The middle age of a Target client is 40 years of age.

Target draws in clients everything being equal and socioeconomics, however the organization has discovered that their normal shopper is around 40 years of age with a family unit salary of roughly $64,000 yearly.

18They're a conspicuous power in the design retail showcase.

shirts

Target's lovable and moderate attire items make them a power to figure with in the design business. Truly: According to one review of in excess of 10,000 individuals led by Market Force Information, the organization tied with TJ Maxx for individuals' preferred esteem retailer, and barely beat contenders like Marshall's and Nordstrom Rack.

19They're the eighth-biggest retailer in America.

Mastercard

In 2016, Target's yearly offers of $69.495 billion made them the eighth biggest retainer in the United States, soon after Amazon.

20The name Target identifies with the organization's low costs.

Target logo

Ever wonder what the name Target is about? As indicated by the organization, it was picked in light of the fact that "as a's marksman will likely hit the inside bulls-eye, the new store would do much the equivalent as far as retail merchandise, administrations, promise to the network, value, esteem, and generally experience."

21Vermont was the last state to get a Target store.

vermont church

Up to this point, Vermont was the main state in America without a darling Target. Nonetheless, that all changed in late 2017, when the organization reported that they would at long last be opening one of their stores in South Burlington in 2018.

22Bullseye was presented as a mascot in the late '90s.

Target bullseye hound promotion

Picture through Target

The vast majority today partner Target with Bullseye, the charming bull terrier with the Target logo revolving around his eye, yet she really wasn't acquainted with the organization until 1999. It was around then that the organization broadcast their first business with the well known pooch—and after she demonstrated to be a triumph among clients, she turned into a staple in future ads and promotions alike.

23Target's shopping baskets are eco-accommodating.

target bullseye shopping baskets

In addition to the fact that target are red shopping baskets on brand, however they are likewise useful for nature. That is on the grounds that as indicated by the organization, these trucks are made of recyclable material. (Also, reward, they weigh as much as 20 pounds not exactly the commonplace metal ones!)

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baianiinha-blog · 5 years

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23 Surprising Things You Never Knew About Target

1Target Corporation wasn't the organization's unique name.

Dayton Dry Goods Company

2The first Target store opened during the 1960s.

Target Cart {Bad Target Bargains} {Best Impulse Buys From Target}

Shutterstock

3The organization used to likewise possess retail chains.

marshall field's store target

4Target made its first $1 billion in deals in 1979.

Most exceedingly terrible Things to Say to a Cashier

5The organization got an honor from Ronald Reagan.

ronald reagan achievement cites, offending government officials

6They once opened 11 stores in a single day—all in a similar city.

Chicago Bean Tourist Traps That Locals Hate

7The organization has its own test kitchen for R&D.

lady with a clipboard taking notes in a kitchen

8It's a well known goal for school year kickoff shopping.

finishes of pencils

9It has its very own charge card.

Target Visa REDcard

Picture by means of Flickr/Mike Mozart

10Their low costs are purposeful.

target deal area

11The organization's organizer initially needed to turn into a priest.

religious writings significant things in your storage room

12Target attempted (and fizzled) to venture into Canada.

Canada has been standing out in Movemember

13People have been calling it "Tarjay" for a considerable length of time.

target shopping basket

Picture by means of Flickr/JJBers

14The organization helped fix the Washington Monument.

washington landmark DC

15The chain quit selling cigarettes during the 1990s.

stopping smoking disposes of wrinkles

16One of the organizer's relatives is the legislative head of Minnesota.

rochester minnesota muggy spots

17The middle age of a Target client is 40 years of age.

18They're a conspicuous power in the design retail showcase.

shirts

19They're the eighth-biggest retailer in America.

Mastercard

In 2016, Target's yearly offers of $69.495 billion made them the eighth biggest retainer in the United States, soon after Amazon.

20The name Target identifies with the organization's low costs.

Target logo

21Vermont was the last state to get a Target store.

vermont church

22Bullseye was presented as a mascot in the late '90s.

Target bullseye hound promotion

Picture through Target

23Target's shopping baskets are eco-accommodating.

target bullseye shopping baskets

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tvguidancecounselor · 1 year

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TV Guidance Counselor Episode 588: Sam Delaney

February 23 - March 1, 1985

This week Ken welcomes UK writer (‘Sort Your Head Out - Mental Health Without All The Bollocks'), podcaster (Top Flight Time Machine, The Reset), broadcaster and all around fascinating guy Sam Delaney to the show.

Ken and Sam discuss living in London, the suburbs, New Cross, violent cities, how 1985 is EVERYTHING, being the editor of Heat Magazine, the editorial decisions behind what goes on the cover, watercolors, Live Aid, pop music, toys, Glen A. Larson, the history of TV Guide, TV/Radio Times, smoking, Christmas Cigarettes for children, the golden age of "Kids Gone Wild" media, Terrorism on TV, Posh Families, the TV Guide Empire, Kirstie Allie as Gloria Steinem as a Playboy Bunny, being completely confused and perplexed by the TV Guide listings, The Young Ones, US vs UK news, visiting NYC with your Dad, how low it took for the UK to get movies from the US, Christmas movie premiers, James Bond, teenage mini bar raids of beer, how everyone in America seemed rich, ET, the mind blowing concept of pizza delivery, The Damned, boredom, recovering from addiction, The A-Team, how prime time action shows in the US were for children in the UK. 70s UK sci-fi shows, Day of the Triffids, Tripods, The Day After vs. Threads, reassessing Reagan, the horrors of Thatcher, TJ Hooker, Starsky and Hutch, Kojak, sleazy cops, grim 70s cinema, the delusional positivity of 1980s pop culture, time investment, how amazing Sesame St is and was, how TV can help kids, Jim Henson, The Atomic Testing Museum, having a near death experience, Rockford Files, Dukes of Hazard, war games, being judged by your parents, low culture vs high culture, 60s movies in the 80s, how class effects how you view commercials, loving Harold Lloyd, and how TV was the center of the family.

Check out this episode!

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strinak · 3 years

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KU: F/F

Boomball by TJ Land - "Boomball. The most dangerous sport in the galaxy. So dangerous only robots are allowed to play it. Firewire is a midfielder for The Circuit Breakers, a boomball team gunning for the championship. If they win, they get access to a world of privileges most robots can only dream of. So it's a real pain in the ass that Firewire's gone and got herself a crush on one of their fiercest rivals." Eternity's Sunrise by TJ Land - "God is dead. The angels wish they were so lucky. Leaderless, they’ve split into two factions; gentle, community-oriented Virtues who care for the land, and passionate, glory-hungry Thrones who slay demons. Joy is a Virtue who, bored with her slow-paced existence, makes a decision: she’s going to become a warrior. The best warrior Heaven has ever seen. So, naturally, she picks a fight with the first (and biggest) Throne she comes across." Second Chances by Eliza Lentzski - "High school can be Hell. Especially when you grow up in a small town where everyone knows your business and you can't avoid the gossip about your past. That's why, as soon as she graduated, Reagan Murphy moved to New York City to start again. Now in her junior year at NYU and with her childhood positioned in the rearview mirror, the future looks limitless. But when she unexpectedly runs into the one person responsible for the misery of her high school years, will she keep running or will she stick around long enough for a second chance? Allison Hoge, statuesque and beautiful, made sure she remained at the top of the social pyramid even if it meant stepping on a few heads to get there. But even she had her own secrets to evade after graduation. College can change a person - it can be a new start - an opportunity for reinvention. So when she unexpectedly runs into the one person for whom she made high school especially miserable, will history repeat itself or has she changed enough to be given a second chance?" Apophis: A Love Story for the End of the World by Eliza Lentzski - "From a very young age, Samantha Poulsen knew she was different from other girls - the unrequited crush on her best friend, Andrea, was just the tip of the iceberg. But when the earth's temperature plummets and you and your family are just looking to survive, things like finding a girlfriend and being in love become trivial fantasies. Scientists first spotted the asteroid in the year 2004. They named it 99942 Apophis after the deification of darkness. When the asteroid struck the planet, it set off a chain of events that few expected – the first Ice Age in nearly 12,500 years. The flowers were the first things to die. Beautiful things of little practical value had no place in the new world that emerged because of the Frost. Now, two years after Apophis’s impact, survival is all that matters. But when Sam's family rescues a man and his daughter - a beautiful woman named Nora who reignites all those previously banished, trivial emotions - Sam might be convinced that there’s still a place for beauty in this new world." Good Enough to Eat by Alison Grey & Jae - "Robin’s New Year’s resolution to change her eating habits is as unusual as she is. Unlike millions of other women, she isn’t tempted by chocolate or junk food. She’s a vampire, determined to fight her craving for a pint of O negative. When she goes to an AA meeting, hoping for advice on fighting her addiction, she meets Alana, a woman who battles her own demons. Despite their determination not to get involved, the attraction is undeniable. Is it just bloodlust that makes Robin think Alana looks good enough to eat, or is it something more? Will it even matter once Alana finds out who Robin really is?" Paper Love by Jae - "Susanne Wolff isn’t thrilled when her mother sends her all the way across the country to Freiburg to save her uncle’s stationery store from bankruptcy. Freiburg is too provincial for her taste, and besides, pen and paper are outdated anyway. Anja Lamm, Paper Love’s only full-time employee, takes an instant dislike to the arrogant, digital-loving snob who’s supposed to be her temporary boss.But thanks to a meddling cat, a business trip to a stationery fair, and an armada of origami boats, Anja soon starts to see beneath Susanne’s aloof exterior, and Susanne discovers how sexy pens and notebooks can be—at least when Anja handles them. As the end of Susanne’s three-month stay approaches, will she stick to her plan to leave, or will she open her heart to more than just paper love?" From the Ashes by Meghan Brunner - "There are many who call Pendragon Renaissance Faire home. There are the patrons who visit once a year, faire-folk who live there for two months before moving on, the Fair Folk who never leave, are rarely seen, but whose presence is undeniable... And - Magick. Magick is just a part of life. It can be as common and comfortable as an armchair, as rare and beautiful as a shooting star, and as powerful and deadly as a black hole. Ryna has lived within this Magick and the world of the faire since childhood. She and her family are modern-day gypsies, traveling across the country from faire to faire, earning a living and making a life. For them, "real life" and faire life blend together. Most faire participants do not live such an integrated existence. For them, faire happens but 15 days of the year, and for those fifteen days, it's a party. For some, the party involves catching up with friends who are as close as family and escaping the world of day jobs, taxes, and house payments. For Liam, it's a chance to exercise a power that is not truly his. As a member of the Village Militia, he portrays the law, and he employs this illusion to prey upon the yearly batch of new entertainers who are dazzled by the brightness of the faire and his apparent gallantry. Within the ranks of these rookies shines Bea, the younger sister of a veteran "rennie" who has pulled her into this enchanting world. Just out of college, she's struggling to find the moon, the stars, and a sense of belonging. Could the answer to her search lie with Ryna, who seems so Magickally familiar?" Tangled Vows by Anna Stone - "Escort Ruby Scott is used to waking up in the bed of a wealthy woman. What she isn't expecting is to wake up with a ring on her finger and married to Yvonne Maxwell, one of the executives behind the Mistress Media empire, a woman as alluring as she is cold. For ten years, Yvonne has been sitting on an inheritance she can't touch until she's married. An encounter with an escort in a red dress presents the perfect solution—a marriage of convenience. In exchange for a year playing the role of her wife, Yvonne offers Ruby a life of glamour, decadence, and more money than Ruby ever dreamed of. Yvonne is adamant that they keep their arrangement strictly business. But as Ruby's submissive side awakens, Yvonne can't resist the temptation to make Ruby hers, and Ruby is intoxicated by the commanding woman and the release Yvonne grants her. As Ruby falls deeper into Yvonne's seductive world of luxury and power games, both women struggle to keep their hearts from getting caught up in the passion between them. As threats to their fake marriage plot loom, Ruby and Yvonne find they have far more to lose than just the inheritance." Star Pirate by Mia Archer - "Travel the galaxies. Meet new and interesting aliens. Seduce them, then rob them blind. Not bad work for an earth girl abducted from a sci-fi con and thrown into a life of piracy in the civilized galaxies! Flynn had it all. A modified freighter to travel the galaxies. A loyal crew who’d die for her, and a plan to rob the most powerful royal family those galaxies have ever known! The one thing she wasn’t counting on? Falling head over heels for the princess she’s trying to rob! Seleya had it all. She was the princess heiress. First in line for the Selevas throne. And she hated living life in a gilded cage where she was forever a slave to her mother’s whims. A one night dalliance with a strange noble from an outlying galaxy seemed like just the thing to infuriate the queen. What she wasn’t counting on was that noble being one of the most notorious pirates in the civilized galaxies on a mission to seduce and steal! The stuck up princess and the smart-mouthed pirate are about to lead each other on a chase across the stars in the biggest heist the civilized galaxies have ever seen. The only question is whether they’ll kill each other or kiss each other when the dust settles! Star Pirate is an 85,000 word lesbian science fiction romance that’s a little Han Solo, a little Spaceballs, and a guaranteed geeky good time!" Wildrose by Max Ellendale - "Homicide Detective, Evelyn Grant, has her life wrapped up in a tidy bundle. As long as you don't look too closely. When a child disappears from an end of summer party, Evelyn and her team set out to solve the case. With little to go on and a heavy need for forensic evidence, Evelyn is forced to rely on the genius medical examiner, Ainsley Monson, for information. As the two grow closer, Ainsley's unusual behavior throws up red flags, confounding their working relationship and growing friendship. Can Eve successfully navigate the case, her social life, and copious amounts of wine or will she trip over her own feet and find herself in a less than tactful pickle?" Tats by Layce Gardner & Saxon Bennett - "Lee Hammond’s girlfriend has moved on to other women. Deciding she’s done the last of her now ex’s laundry, Lee hops on the Harley, ripe for adventure. One thunderstorm, a brief stint as a funeral crasher, two ruined shoes and several cheerleaders later, she’s still planning to run away. Better yet, she’s got one of the cheerleaders along for the ride. Not just any cheerleader, either. Vivian Baxter is that cheerleader, the one that made Lee certain back in high school that she was never going to be like all the other girls. Destination? Someplace not Oklahoma. Possibilities? As many as the wide open road can offer. Problems? None at all. Except perhaps Lee’s ex, a hopping mad stripper who wants her Harley back. Vivian’s feminine wiles prove invaluable in solving their transportation problem just as her own past catches up to them. And Vivian’s past has two legs, a lot of henchman and a very big gun. Lee and Vivian may never get out of Oklahoma, and Oklahoma may never be the same." The One Who Eats Monsters by Casey Matthews - "Long ago, before history broke in half, elder gods exiled the vengeful deity Erynis to a far corner of Earth. When Ryn is found weakened after saving the life of an innocent villager, the U.S. military mistakes the battered immortal for a feral teenager and places her in New Petersburg, a decaying city full of monsters. In her clash with the city’s demons, Ryn is confused by her intense emotional connection with Naomi Bradford, a senator’s daughter she has sworn to protect. But while her claws can kill anything that dies (and a few things that cannot), she must also contend with the human race. They lie, they speak in riddles, and to protect her friend, the immortal must navigate the senseless rules of their flawed civilization. Worse, they are fragile—and giving her heart to one makes Ryn afraid for the first time in her eternal life."

#kindle unlimited #a couple of these are on my tbr and not my have-read list #from the ashes is cringe but i fell in love with it in high school 15 years ago #my pocket summary of boomball: enemies to lovers? incorrect my only enemy is the state

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aftermidcightarchive · 6 years

Text

welp. i decided i needed to change the fcs of a lot of my characters. so many of them are hardly ever use, and maybe this will prompt me to write them more. changes under the cut. tomorrow i’m going to re-do my theme and their pictures and shit, but i need sleep now.

waverly whose fc was eliza taylor is now bridget ‘birdie’ tamsin floyd with the fc of dove cameron. only her age has changed.

november whose fc was maia mitchell is now november ‘nova’ grace kessler with the fc of madison beer. only her age has changed.

emma whose fc was kat mcnamara is now florence ‘flo’ harriet gaffner with the fc of scarlett leithold. her age has changed and her bio was completely redone.

lenore whose fc was adelaide kane is now lenore ‘lenny’ mae campbell with the fc of alexis ren. only her age has changed.

cynthia whose fc was emeraude toubia is now cynthia ‘cyn’ inez moreno with the fc of cindy kimberly. her age has changed and her bio was tweaked.

alaska, whose fc was phoebe tonkin, is now delaney ‘laney’ sage holloway with the fc of kat mcnamara. her age has changed and her bio was tweaked.

augustina, whose fc was lindsey morgan, is now arden ‘arjay’ jennine reynolds with the fc of kendall jenner. only her age has changed.

abrielle, whose fc was alycia debnam-carey, is now juniper ‘juni’ reagan wilkinson with the fc of lily james. only her age has changed.

leighton, whose fc was jennifer morrison, is now leighton ‘lady’ etta bradshaw with the fc of sophie bush. only her age has changed.

ireland, whose fc was kendall jenner, is now asha ‘ash’ rochelle watts with the fc of zendaya. her age has changed and her bio was tweaked.

joplin, whose fc was halsey is now kinsley ‘kins’ roxanne turner with the fc of maggie lindemann. only her age has changed.

asha, whose fc was zendaya, is now joplin ‘jo’ marlowe price with the fc of halsey. only her age has changed.

roxanne, whose fc was lily collins, is now dottie ‘dot’ gillian mfcee with the fc of adelaide kane. only her age has changed.

atlas, whose fc was louis tomlinson, is now ezekiel 'zeke' calvin west with the fc of shawn mendes. his age has changed and his bio was tweaked.

santiago, whose fc was alberto rosende, is now atticus 'atty' waylan wilkerson with the fc of louis tomlinson. his age has changed and his bio was tweaked.

lysander, whose fc was sam claflin, is now lysander 'lee' tate dunlap with the fc of charles melton. only his age has changed.

mateo, whose fc was bob morley, is now topher 'tj' joseph bradley with the fc of chris wood. only his age has changed.

cormac, whose fc was niall horan, is now archer 'archie' graham matthews with the fc of tom holland. only his age has changed.

ezekiel, whose fc was shawn mendes, is now cormac 'mac' eoin o’neill with the fc of niall horan. his age has changed and his bio was tweaked.

byron, whose fc was dylan o’brien, is now byron 'ronnie' paul finch with the fc of luke hemmings. only his age has changed.

colton, whose fc was daniel sharman, is now colton 'colt' sterling byers with the fc of ashton irwin. only his age has changed.

#( & they told you i’m crazy { OOC } :;

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weeklyhumorist · 4 years

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Moments from Post-Presidential Comedy Careers

Theodore Roosevelt: Bullmoose Improv Troupe

THEODORE ROOSEVELT

Hello, I’m Teddy and we are Bullmoose! All we need is a suggestion from the audience to get started!

President Roosevelt is shot in the chest.

THEODORE ROOSEVELT

(coughing up blood)

Ok, I think I heard bang.

Abraham Lincoln: Friars’ Roast Comic

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

I’m just going to say it, Jefferson Davis looks like a dorkified version of me. First this dude tried to look like me, then he tried to be president like me. What’s next, is he going to start courting Mary Todd? Even when the country was literally divided as hell I think we all would’ve come together to agree that Jefferson Davis couldn’t get it. Four-score would be too high for this chin-beard motherfucker.

Rutherford B. Hayes: 90’s Comic

RUTHERFORD B. HAYES

I love getting new clothes. No really I do. Let me put it this way, women and Rutherford B. shoppin’!

Ronald Reagan: Gallagher-type Comic

Ronald Reagan regularly sells out to large crowds where he mostly just places jars of Jellybeans on a stool before smashing them with a hammer emblazoned with the word “Reaganomics.” The crowd always loves it, but feels negative and long lasting effects of Reagan’s actions for decades to come.

Richard Nixon: Andrew Dice Clay-type Comic

Richard Nixon

Nice looking crowd…except for the Democrats. Ohhhh! No, but really, they’re fine people, once you get to know them from listening to your wiretap! Marone! Hickory Dickory Dock. My impeachment trial was a mock…ery!

Donald Trump: Podcast Comedian

Donald Trump briefly hosted a podcast called “Oval Office Trumpies” where each episode was to recap one day of his time as president. It was cancelled after two episodes after he was unable to build a good following on social media.

Jimmy Carter: Compliment Comic

Jimmy Carter

So this guy Ron is president now, what’s this guy’s deal? I mean I completely disagree with his policies, but golly was he good in Bedtime for Bonzo. And his Veep, Bush, gee-whiz he’s got some nice glasses. Stylish. Well, I’m getting the light, I appreciate y’all listening to me.

John F. Kennedy: Seinfeld-type Comic

J.F.K.

Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what’s the deal with the Bay of Pigs?

William Henry Harrison: Dad Comic

William Henry Harrison

Dealing with the other side of the aisle is always tricky. You tell them you’re going to veto their bill and they say “don’t rain on my parade, Will.” And I say to them, buddy, it literally rained on my parade and you don’t hear me complaining! Ooo, sorry, just got the chills there. Feel like I’m coming down with something. Must be turning into an elevator!

Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Weekend Update Anchor

F.D.R.

A reporter in Hyde Park said they saw me having a romantic time with a cousin of mine that wasn’t Eleanor. When Eleanor heard about my affair she relayed, “I want a New deal!”

James Buchanan: Vaudeville Comic

James Buchanan

Give me a wife. Please!

Ulysses S. Grant: Crowd Work Comic

Ulysses S. Grant

It’s great to be back down south, so many characters down here. You there, with the eye-patch and light grays, have trouble finding the place? No, I don’t remember you. Oh, it was me that poked your eye out in battle? Well, all’s fair in love and war buddy. If you don’t like it, why don’t you secede yourself out of here.

William G. Harding and Calvin Coolidge: View Askewniverse Comedy Movie Duo

William G. Harding

Oh, what’s up? I’m “G.” and this is my presidential-running mate Silent Cal.

Thomas Jefferson and John Adams: Morning Zoo DJ’s

Had a show on 177.6 FM called “The Declaration with TJ and Adams.” After many years they split up and Adams was promoted to the afternoon drive time slot, which he held for four years before losing the position to Jefferson who held it for eight years. Both of them then went on to have their own middling midday shows which were cancelled within five hours of each other.

George Washington: Ventriloquist and Blue Comic

General Cornwallis Ventriloquist Dummy

George if I ask you a question will you tell the truth?

George Washington

Of course. I cannot tell a lie.

General Cornwallis Ventriloquist Dummy

When Martha and you are intimate with each other, do you keep those wooden teeth of yours away from her beaver?

George Washington (miming a punch)

Why I oughta!

Moments from Post-Presidential Comedy Careers was originally published on Weekly Humorist

#comedy #funny #humor #presidents day

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the-record-obituaries · 5 years

Text

Feb. 5, 2020: Obituaries

Dorothy Lewis, 100

Dorothy Plonk Lewis, 100, died the morning of Monday, February, 3, 2020, at the Joan & Howard Woltz Hospice Home, surrounded by her family.

Dorothy was born on April 12, 1919 to John Oates and Elvira Foust Plonk in Kings Mountain, NC. She graduated from Kings Mountain High School and Greensboro College. She taught for one year in Franklin, NC before attending the University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill where she graduated with a masters in Bio-Chemistry.

In 1944, she married Dr. Robert E. Lewis of Lumberton, NC. They moved to North Wilkesboro in 1946 where Bob was a surgeon. She was dedicated to serving her church and community as well as being a wife and mother.

In addition to her parents, Dorothy was preceded in death by her husband, Bob Lewis and her daughter, Patricia L. Johnston of North Wilkesboro, three sisters Mary Foust Plonk Weaver of Greensboro, Douglas Regina Plonk McElwee of North Wilkesboro and Maude Plonk Harper Patterson of Kings Mountain and a brother John O. Plonk, Jr. of Kings Mountain.

She is survived by her two daughters: Suzanne Tonski (Ernest) and her son Jacob Tonski (Sharon); Margaret Turner and her son Robert Turner (Poem) and daughter Anna Dooley (Chad); and her son Robert E Lewis, Jr. (Regina); as well as her grandchildren from her late daughter Patricia, Andy Johnston (Brooke), Mary Lewis Johnston, and Blaine Johnston (Melody). Her 9 great-grandchildren, Alex, Emmett, Geneva, Hannah, Reagan, Sebastian, Nick, Maggie, Kenzie have been a source of great joy to Dot.

A memorial service will be held Wednesday, February 5, 2020 at 2 p.m. at North Wilkesboro Presbyterian Church with a celebration of life to follow in the church fellowship hall.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to North Wilkesboro Presbyterian Church, the Joan & Howard Woltz Hospice Home in Dobson, NC or the charity of one's choice. To God be the Glory!

Betty Daniels, 83

Betty Jane Tidline Daniels, 83, passed away on February 1, 2020. She was born and raised in North Wilkesboro, NC to the late Helen Tidline.

The family will receive friends on Sunday, February 9, 2020 from 1-2 at First Baptist Church on 308 Main Street, North Wilkesboro, NC 28659. A Homegoing service will be held to celebrate her life following the receiving on February 9 at 2:00 at First Baptist Church with Rev. Albert Saunders officiating and Rev. James Ferguson Eulogist. Burial will be in Poplar Spring Baptist Church cemetery.

She was a graduate of Lincoln Heights and attended Winston-Salem State University. Betty was a strong, faithful, and caring woman of God. She had a passion for helping others especially children. She was a DayCare Teacher at Skyview Daycare Center for many years. She was a member of First Baptist Church where she served faithfully assisting with secretarial work at the Church, Sunday School Teacher, member of the Choir and Missionary Board.

She is preceded by her mother; Helen Tidline and four brothers; Bill Tidline, Tommy Tidline, Lonnie Tidline and Chester Tidline. She had one deceased sister and brother-in-law Elsie and Douglas Suddith.

Betty is survived by a daughter; Lynn (Roger) Dula of Newton, NC. , three sons; Nathan Daniels,Craig Daniels and Donnie (Pat) Daniels all of North Wilkesboro, NC, two sisters, Barbara (Claudius) Harris of Winston-Salem, NC and Doris (Robert) Anderson of Petersburg, VA, two surviving sisters-in-law; Mildred and Lottie Tidline, four grandchildren; Alex Dula, Aleshia Dula, Linda Ashford and Laura Cole and many nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. Flowers will be accepted.

Terry Dishmon, Sr., 54

Terry Norman Dishmon, Sr., age 54, of North Wilkesboro, passed away Friday, January 31, 2020 at Forsyth Medical Center. He was born September 18, 1965 in Hartford County, Maryland to Perry Norman and Stella Price Dishmon. Terry enjoyed woodworking, golf and coaching. He was preceded in death by his father.

Surviving are his wife, Angela Dishmon; sons, Terry "T.J." Dishmon, Jr., Brandon Dishmon both of Norfolk, Virginia; his mother, Stella Dishmon Trent and spouse Ronnie of Roaring River; brother, Tommy Dishmon of Conover; sisters, Michelle Parsons and spouse David of Millers Creek, Dawn Riddle and spouse David of Utah; and step-mother, Wanda Dishmon of North Wilkesboro.

Funeral service will be held 2:00 p.m. Wednesday, February 5, 2020 at Miller Funeral Chapel with Rev. Claude Rhodes officiating. Burial will follow in Mountain Park Cemetery. The family will receive friends at Miller Funeral Service from 1:00 until 2:00 on Wednesday, prior to the service. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Camp Cole Foundation, PO Box 6377, Columbia, SC 29260. Miller Funeral Service is in charge of the arrangements.

Darrell Yates, 76

Darrell Thomas Yates, age 76, of North Wilkesboro, passed away Friday, January 31, 2020 at Wake Forest Baptist Health-Wilkes Regional. He was born January 15, 1944 in Ashe County to Lloyd Leonard and Josephine Wyatt Yates. Darrell enjoyed motorcycles, Harley Davidson Racing, fishing and hunting. He was preceded in death by his parents; brother, Clayton Yates and four infant siblings.

Surviving are his sister-in-law, Edna Yates of North Wilkesboro; niece, Janice Yates Dale of North Wilkesboro; great niece, Amanda Dale of Ronda; great great niece, Trinity Harris; great great nephew, Riley Harris.

Memorial service will be held 7:00 p.m. Thursday, February 6, 2020 at Miller Funeral Chapel. The family will receive friends at Miller Funeral Service from 6:00 until 7:00 on Thursday, prior to the service. Flowers will be accepted or memorials may be made to the donor's choice in Darrell's name. Miller Funeral Service is in charge of the arrangements.

Sandra Handy

Mrs. Sandra Lorraine Harless Handy, better known as Sandy passed away Friday, January 31, 2020 at Wake Forest Baptist-Wilkes Medical Center.

Funeral services were February 3, at Edgewood Baptist Church with Pastor Eddie Tharpe and Rev. Julius Blevins officiating. Burial was in the church cemetery.

Mrs. Handy was born in Wilkes County on June 15, 1950 to Billye "Bobbye" Faye Shumate Harless. She was retired from Tyson Foods. Mrs. Handy was a member of Edgewood Baptist Church.

She was preceded in death by her mother and a brother; Ronnie Harless.

Sandy is survived by a daughter; Robin Gregory and husband Will of Hamptonville, a grandson; Seth Gregory, a brother; Steve Harless and wife Debbie of Hays, a sister in law; Jan Harless of North Wilkesboro and her special nieces and nephews.

In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to Ebenezer's Christian Children's Home PO Box 2777 North Wilkesboro, NC 28659.

Tracy Ferguson, 49

Ms. Tracy Lynn Ferguson, age 49 of Moravian Falls, passed away Friday, January 31, 2020 at Caldwell Hospice in Lenoir.

Funeral services were February 3, at Zion Hill Baptist Church with Rev. Tim Roten officiating. Burial was in the church cemetery.

Ms. Ferguson was born October 31, 1970 in Wilkes County to Eddie Carol Ferguson and Linda Steele Ferguson. She was an employee of Food Lion and a member of Zion Hill Baptist Church. Tracy was involved with the GA's and Youth Group of Zion Hill and while attending Wilkes Central High School was a member of the Band.

She was preceded in death by a her life partner; William Cutshaw and a son; Billy Ferguson.

Ms. Ferguson is survived by her parents; Eddie Carol Ferguson and Linda Steele Ferguson of Moravian Falls, a daughter; Brandy Mae Cutshaw and fiancée David Mason of Moravian Falls, two sons; Corey Ferguson and fiancée Amber Stinson of Moravian Falls and Travis Lee Cutshaw and friend Tyler Staley of North Wilkesboro and a grandson; William Camden Ferguson.

Flowers will be accepted or memorials may be made to Caldwell Hospice, Inc. 902 Kirkwood Street NW, Lenoir, NC 28645.

Pauline Milam, 77

Mrs. Pauline Miller Milam, age 77 of Millers Creek passed away Friday, January 31, 2020 at Wake Forest Baptist-Wilkes Medical Center.

Funeral services were February 4, v at Reins-Sturdivant Chapel with Rev. Mike Church officiating. Burial was in Mountlawn Memorial Park.

Mrs. Milam was born August 18, 1942 in McDowell County, WV to Paul Edward and Grace Idesa Whitaker Miller. She was a member of Cricket Baptist Church.

In addition to her parents she was preceded in death by her husband; Paul Franklin Milam, Sr.

She is survived by one son; Paul Franklin Milam, Jr. of Millers Creek, grandson; Dalton Milam of Millers Creek, two sisters; Geraldine Bumgarner and husband Roy of Wilkesboro, Rita Adams of Millers Creek and one brother; Gary Miller and wife Linda of Millers Creek.

In lieu of flowers memorials may be made to Wake Forest Baptist Care At-Home Hospice, 126 Executive Drive, Suite 110, Wilkesboro, NC 28697.

Charles Brunett, 66

Mr. Charles Timothy Brunett, 66, of Purlear, passed away on Thursday, January 30, 2020 at Wilkes Medical Center.

Charles was born on July 1, 1953 in Montgomery County Ohio to Edward James Burnett and Mary Margret Garrison Burnett.

Charles is preceded in death by his parents and brother, Jimmy Brunett.

Charles is survived by his wife of 47 years, Joni Brunett; daughter, Michelle Brunett of the home; son, TJ Brunett also of the home; 3 sisters, 1 brother and 2 grandchildrens, Kaleb Frazier and Haliegh Robinson all of Millers Creek.

No services are planned.

In lieu of flowers memorial donations may be given to Adams Funeral Home of Wilkes P.O. Box 396 Moravian Falls, NC 28654 to help with finally expenses.

Adams Funeral Home of Wilkes has the honor of serving the Brunett Family.

Willa Stanley, 76

Mrs. Willa Dean Stanley, 76, of North Wilkesboro, passed away on Wednesday, January 29, 2020 at Wilkes Medical Center.

Willa was born on June 28, 1943 in Wilkes County to Robert Parsons and Venie Webb Parson.

Willa is preceded in death by her parents, husband, Arnold Jean Stanley; daughter, Melissa Stanley Royal; son, Arnold Gene (Junior) Stanley and grandson Roger Wayne (George) Royal and sister, Betty Billings.

Willa is survived by her sons, Monty G Stanley, Robert (RC) Stanley and wife, Mellissa Stanley; daughter, Michelle Stanley; brother, Rex Parsons; significant other Charles Call, 13 grandchildren and 8 great grandchildren.

Willa Dean was a loving wife, mother and sister. She lived a great 76 years and the good Lord has called her home. She will be missed and loved by her Family.

A visitation was held February 1, at Adams Funeral Home of Wilkes Chapel, 2901 Moravian Falls Rd Moravian Falls. Burial will follow at a later date.

Adams Funeral Home of Wilkes has the honor of serving the Stanley Family.

Clayton Holloway, 74

Dr. Clayton Glenn Holloway, age 74, of Wilkesboro, passed away Tuesday, January 28, 2020 at Rose Glen Village. He was born September 2, 1945 in Wilkes County to Ira Glenn and Ethel McCurdy Holloway. He attended Lincoln Heights High School (class of 1963) and graduated from NC A&T State University in Greensboro with Bachelor of Science and Master of Arts degrees. He continued his education at Bowling Green State University in Ohio where he received his PhD in English in 1975. After receiving post-doctoral teaching fellowships via Fulbright (Department of Education) and the Lilly Foundation, Dr. Holloway began his professional teaching career as a counselor and instructor at NC A&T State University in Greensboro (until 1969) and Iowa State University (until 1972). He then obtained an assistant professorship in English at Appalachian State University and joined Hampton University in 1976 as an associate professor. By the time he retired from Hampton University, Dr. Holloway was an Old Dominion Distinguished Professor of Humanity and had served as a university trustee, a reviewer of proposals for the National Endowment for Capital Humanities, and an electoral for the Virginia Foundation for Humanities.

Dr. Holloway was an avid reader and prolific writer and often shared his pieces with friends and family. He was a member of the Modern Language Association, National Council of Teachers of English, College Language Association, Mid-Atlantic Writers Association, and Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Incorporated. His additional interests included walking, reviewing films,

traveling, and refinishing antiques, and he loved spending time with his family and would often leave without notice because he did not like formal goodbyes.

Dr. Holloway was preceded in death by his parents; brothers, Billy and Robert Holloway; sister, Sylvia Holloway; and half-sister, Myrtle Gore.

Surviving are his only daughter, Lynn Holloway of Hampton, Virginia; brothers, Thomas Holloway of Greensboro, Walter "Clyde" Holloway of Winston Salem; sisters, Lois Saner of Boomer, and Betty Carlton and spouse Julius Carlton of Moravian Falls; and a host of nieces, nephews, and greats.

Memorial service will be held at 1:00 pm Sunday, February 9, 2020 at Miller Funeral Chapel. A private burial will follow in Pleasant Hill Baptist Church Cemetery. The family will receive friends at Miller Funeral Service from 12:30-1:00 on Sunday prior to the service. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to The Ira and Ethel Holloway Scholarship Trust fund. Miller Funeral Service is in charge of the arrangements.

Brenda Roope, 75

Brenda Kay Church Roope, age 75, of Hays, passed away Tuesday, January 28, 2020 at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center. Brenda was born December 10, 1944 in Wilkes County to Aries and Lillian Crysel Church. She was retired from Central Telephone Company after 30 years and a member of Union United Methodist Church. Brenda was preceded in death by her parents; brother, A.G. Church, Jr.; and grandson, Logan Tyler Perry.

Surviving are her husband, Walter Dean Roope; daughter, Gilda Nicole "Nikki" Church Holman of Wilkesboro; step-son, William "Will" Roope and spouse Donna of Hays; step-daughter, Deena Roope Wood and spouse Bryon of North Wilkesboro; grandchildren, Emily Nicole Perry of Millers Creek, Amber Leigh Perry of Wilkesboro, Brenda Hailey Holman of Oklahoma, Tim Roope of Hays, Katherine Williams of Charlotte, Taylor Wood and Ethan Wood both of North Wilkesboro; great grandchildren, Alayna Willis, Chloe Perry both of Millers Creek, sisters, Sylvia Church of North Wilkesboro, Libby Davis and spouse James of Wilkesboro, Vickie Johnson and spouse Kemp of Traphill, Fran Amburgey and spouse David of Kernersville; and sister-in-law, Sissie Church of Wilkesboro.

Funeral service was February 2, at Miller Funeral Chapel with Pastor Susan Taylor Pillsbury officiating. Entombment followed in Mountlawn Memorial Park Mausoleum. Flowers will be accepted or memorials may be made to Union United Methodist Church, 2257 Boone Trail, North Wilkesboro, NC 28659. Miller Funeral Service is in charge of the arrangements.

Willie Nelson, 88

Willie Winford Nelson, age 88, of North Wilkesboro, passed away, Tuesday, January 28, 2020 at his home. He was born February 8, 1931 in Ashe County to Millard and Ollie Royal Nelson. Mr. Nelson was a member and deacon of Antioch Baptist Church and US Army Veteran. He was preceded in death by his parents; sister, Lois Perry; half-sister, Grace Perry; brothers, Larry Nelson, Tommy Nelson and Buddy Nelson; half-brother, John Nelson.

Surviving are his wife, Kathryn Sloop Nelson; son, Jay Nelson and spouse Shonna of North Wilkesboro; grandchildren, Billy Nelson of Myrtle Beach, Jessica Prevette and spouse Michael of North Wilkesboro; great grandchildren, Alexis Peacock, Hailey Peacock, Cadence Prevette; great great granddaughter, Delilah Leftwich; brother, Dillard Nelson and spouse Linda of Moravian Falls; sisters, Nannie Perry of Cricket, Nancy Childress and spouse Jim of North Wilkesboro, Jimmy Nelson and spouse Linda of Grover, N.C.; several nieces and nephews.

Funeral service was February 1, at Miller Funeral Chapel with Brother Larry Adams and Rev. Homer Maltba officiating. Burial followed in Mountlawn Memorial Park. Flowers will be accepted. Miller Funeral Service is in charge of the arrangements.

Iva Ellis, 87

Mrs. Iva Lee Blevins Ellis, age 87 of Roaring River passed away Monday, January 27, 2020 at Hugh Chatham Memorial Hospital.

Funeral services were January 30, at Reins-Sturdivant Chapel with Rev. Roger Wagoner officiating. Burial was in Mountlawn Memorial Park.

Mrs. Ellis was born September 16, 1932 in Wilkes County to Lonnie Rufus and Ada Victoria Bell Blevins. She was a member of Christian Fellowship Mission Church.

In addition to her parents, she was preceded in death by her husband; Floyd Wintford Ellis, one sister; Virginia Bauguess and one brother; Rufus Blevins.

She is survived by a daughter; Judy West and husband Duane of Roaring River, four grandchildren; David Miller and wife Shelby of Hays, Derrick Miller and wife Ashley of Summerfield, Jessica Sale and husband Charlie of Ronda and Zach West and McKenzie Stokes of Roaring River, seven great grandchildren; Allison, Dylan and J.J. Miller, Callie Sale, Allen Stewart and wife Kristen, Brandon Stewart and Hailey Brittain and husband Jordon, two sisters; Vea Blevins and husband Ray of North Wilkesboro and Peggy Greene of Purlear.

Flowers will be accepted or memorials may be made to Christian Fellowship Mission, PO Box 127, McGrady, NC 28649.

McKinley Absher, 76

Mr. McKinley Wayne Absher, age 76, of Ferguson, passed away on Monday, January 27, 2020 at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center.

McKinley was born February 12, 1943, the son of the late McKinley William and Myrtle Reeves Absher.

He was a US Army veteran and a member of Boiling Springs Baptist Church in Purlear. He enjoyed music and fishing. He was a hard worker, having had many careers in his lifetime. He had worked in the construction industry before retirement.

Including his parents, he was preceded in death by his daughter, Laura Renee Triplett; sisters, "Jackie" Iva Nell Gainey, Bernice Parsons, Rosalee Church, Viola Campbell; brothers, Claude Absher, Charles Absher, Granville Absher and Martin Absher.

Those left to cherish his memory include: his wife, Ruby Ann Foster Absher, married 34 years, of the home; children, John Triplett (Andrea) of Ferguson, Matthew Triplett of Ferguson, Angie Cheek of Ferguson, Lynett Wooten (Kent) of Wilkesboro, Juanima Minton of Hays, Laytin Absher of the home, Martin Absher (Iris) of Purlear, Anita Swanson of Clayton, NC, Michael Absher of California; siblings, Ann Shephard, Claudeane Burch (Deane), Betty McGuire, Sallie Key , Brenda Williams; 29 grandchildren; as well as, many great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren.

In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to: Adams Funeral Home of Wilkes, P.O. Box 396, Moravian Falls, NC 28654 to help with final expenses.

The family conducted a Celebration of Life Service January 30, at Boiling Springs Baptist Church with full military honors by the Veterans of Foreign Wars Post #1142. Pastor Joey Moore officiated.

The family will receive friends from 12:00-12:45 p.m. prior to the service.

Adams Funeral Home of Wilkes and cremation services is honored to be serving the Absher Family.

Donna Dillard, 60

Mrs. Donna Shumate Dillard, age 60 of Millers Creek passed away Sunday, January 26, 2020 at Wilkes Senior Village after a 3 year battle with cancer.

Memorial services were February 1, at Scenic Memorial Gardens Chapel with Rev. Benny Roten officiating.

Mrs. Dillard was born November 5, 1959 in Wilkes County to Leonard and Virgie Landreth Shumate.

In addition to her parents she was preceded in death by her husband; Roland Lane Dillard, four sisters; Faye Shumate, Sharon Pennington, Annie Dancy and Dreama Mae Shumate and two brothers; Tex Shumate and Roger Shumate.

She is survived by a daughter; Crystal Triplette and husband Lincoln of Millers Creek, a son; Allen Dillard and wife Amanda of Purlear, three grandchildren; Cody Dillard, Tripp Triplette and Eva Triplette, one sister; Kaye Feimster of North Wilkesboro and four brothers; Leonard Shumate, Jr. of North Wilkesboro, Gilbert Shumate of Lafolette, TN, David Shumate of Thurmond and Roy Shumate of North Wilkesboro.

Flowers will be accepted.

Patricia Foster, 79

Patricia (Pat) Clanton Foster, age 79, of Wilkesboro, passed away Sunday, January 26, 2020 at Accordius Health of Wilkesboro. She was born January 13, 1941 in Wilkes County to Henry Kerley and Mary Magalene Broyhill Clanton. Patricia was preceded in death by her parents; and her husband, Jesse (Pete) Foster; sisters, Frances C. Penley, Mary C. Pearson; brothers, David James Clanton and Thomas Richard Clanton.

Surviving are her son, Gene Summerlin; daughter, Lisa Pena Church; grandchildren, Mary P. Mahala and Luis Pena; four great grandchildren; step-daughter, Sarah Foster; step-son, Keith Foster; brothers, Henry Robert Clanton and wife Patsy of Moravian Falls, Jerry Wayne Clanton and wife Sherry of Hickory; sisters, JoAnn C. Broyhill of Lenoir, Nancy C. Clement and husband Kyle of Lenoir, Sonja C. Walker of Granite Falls.

Funeral service was January 30, at Miller Funeral Chapel with Chaplain Ken Boaz officiating. Burial followed in Scenic Memorial Gardens. Flowers will be accepted. Miller Funeral Service is in charge of the arrangements.

Archie Johnson, 80

Mr. Archie Kenneth "Kenny" Johnson, 80, of North Wilkesboro, passed away on Sunday, January 26, 2020.

Kenny was born on February 16, 1939 in Wilkes County to Charles Franklin Johnson and Lula Mae Cothern Johnson.

Kenny is preceded in death by his parents; brother, Burton Johnson; sister, Nelta Ingold.

Kenny is survived by his wife, Shelby H. Johnson; daughters, Teresa Ashlin of Oceanside CA, Tammy Wyatt and husband, David of Roaring River, Kendra Johnson of North Wilkesboro; sons, Kenny Johnson of Hays, Charles "Mousey" Johnson and wife, Kimberly of LasVegas NV, Kenny"Leroy" Johnson Jr. of North Wilkesboro; sisters, Alma Oakley and husband, Delano of Roaring River, Ada Sheet of North Wilkesboro, Glenda Sue Johnson of North Wilkesboro, Ruby Walsh and husband, Wade of North Wilkeboro,8 grandchildren and 8 great grandchildren.

The funeral service was January 31, at Davis Memorial Baptist Church with Rev. Bud Laws and Rev. Robert be officiating. Burial followed at Mountlawn Memorial Park.

Adams Funeral Home of Wilkes has the honor of serving the Johnson Family.

Wayne Lindley, 96

L. Wayne Lindley, age 96, passed away on January 25th at the Hospice Home in Burlington.

Wayne was born on April 5, 1923, in Alamance County to the late Ressa W. Lindley and Annie Thompson Lindley. He was married to Sarah Ferguson Lindley for over 75 years. He was an alumnus of High Point College and served in the United States Navy during WW II. He worked at Blue Cross Blue Shield NC for almost 42 years. He was a member of Mt. Olive Baptist Church, Pittsboro NC where he served in a number of leadership roles including deacon, treasurer and music director.

Wayne was preceded in death by his parents, four brothers and two sisters, son John W. Lindley, granddaughter Amy Lindley Wallace ; foster son Paul (Hank) Smith and foster daughter-in-law Jane Ingle Smith. He is survived by his wife Sarah Lindley of the home, foster son John Willardson and wife Ann of Wilkesboro NC; foster grandson Drew Willardson of Wilkesboro NC; daughter-in-law Trish Lindley of Graham; grandson Mark Lindley and wife Carrie of Mechanicsville VA ; foster daughter-in-law Dianne Cobb Smith of Mebane; foster granddaughter Elizabeth Smith Klutts and husband Gary of Browns Summit; foster grandson Matthew Smith and wife Katherine of Atlanta GA and nine great grandchildren, all of whom he loved dearly.

A graveside memorial service was January 30 at Mt. Olive Baptist Church.

The family requests that in lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to Hospice and Palliative Care Center of Alamance-Caswell at 914 Chapel Hill Rd, Burlington NC 27215 or Mt Olive Baptist Church Memorial Association Endowment Fund at Mt. Olive Baptist Church, 5043 Mt. Olive Church Rd, Pittsboro NC 27312.

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