#title inspired by subway by chappell roan

[lottiesgrl]

𝗶'𝗺 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 '𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘄𝗮𝘆

summary: it's been nearly two months since you broke up with your girlfriend, shauna, and neither of you are taking it well.

cw: angst, mentions of cheating, very brief nsfw, underage drinking (though all characters are in college), background jackieshauna

two months.

god, has it already been two months? time feels like it hasn’t been moving quite right ever since your breakup. you figured it would take you a week, maybe two, to get over her. after all, you were the one to break up with her after you’d found her two fingers deep in jackie at lottie’s halloween party. you figured you’d ought to be moved on by now, but much to your chagrin, you weren’t.

you still found yourself checking your phone on the train ride, used to how she’d text you asking to let her know when you made it home. she always texted you in the middle of practice, sneaking away for the team for just a moment to make sure that you were safe. you could only imagine the way jackie pouted at her when she snuck away, asking her to come back to practice with that fucking stare you always saw her give shauna when she wanted something. and what’s worse is knowing that she always gave in, unable to say no to those

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fucking eyes.

for a few weeks after you’d pulled her away from practice and told her that you were over, that “if you’re gonna keep acting like jackie’s fucking lap dog, then why don’t you just go date her already?”, she’d been spamming your phone. sometimes it was begging you to hear her out, sometimes it was telling you how much she missed you, sometimes it was her saying she was so sorry and that it didn’t mean anything, they were both drunk, they didn’t know what they were doing.

you didn’t buy any of it for a second, especially when you were so used to seeing her pathetic yearning stares at jackie whenever she didn’t think you were looking. you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t had a suspicion, but you never expected her to do something like this.

it all came to a head the day you woke up to her car in the driveway, her standing outside with a nervous expression, a bouquet of flowers in her hands. your favorite flowers, you noticed - lilies and hydrangeas. leave it to shauna shipman to remember your favorite flowers even after she had cheated on you. it took a lot of passive-aggressive turned angry remarks to get her to finally leave, the flowers lying dejected on your front lawn after she sped away.

(you went back to bring them inside after you were sure she was far away.)

since then, you hadn’t really seen or heard from her. sure, you noticed her around school, but when she saw you, she turned the other way. you thought that it would make it easier to forget about her, but it only made your stomach turn.

you’d also noticed her hanging around jackie less, a noticeable divide forming in their friendship as you’d heard from several of your more gossip-inclined classmates. that did make you feel better, but not by much - it was bittersweet, knowing she was willing to change, but not while she was with you. god, why did she have to wait until after your breakup to become a better person?

sometimes, more often than you’re comfortable admitting, you think about texting her. you’re not sure where you’d start - she must have sent you over a hundred texts - but late at night, you catch yourself opening your messenger, fingers hovering over the place where her contact used to be. now it’s just your parents and your friend, who more often than not, were convincing you not to text shauna. you’d shared your feelings with them, and they chastised you for still wanting her when she treated you like shit.

they’ve got a point, you think. still, you can’t bring yourself to stop loving her. to stop wanting her.

you’re currently spending your free time at a really shitty frat party, one that shauna would’ve wanted you to come to only because “jackie wants me to go and you know how she gets when she wants to go out.” the alcohol hadn’t had its desired effect, and what started as you going out to forget about shauna led to her consuming your drunken thoughts.

not particularly wanting to make a fool of yourself on what passed for the “dance floor”, you stood against the wall, red solo cup in hand. occasionally someone who you knew would pass by and give you a small wave, but for the most part, you didn’t know many people in attendance.

this idle people-watching continued, observing the way couples danced together and subsequently taking another swig from your cup until your eyes caught onto something.

you couldn’t make out her face, but you’d recognize her long, brown hair draped over that fucking red dress (the one that jackie affectionately referred to as the “boob dress”) anywhere. shauna fucking shipman.

as if things couldn’t get any worse, someone to your side called out loudly, drawing her attention right in your direction. seeing those wide brown eyes staring directly at you was comparable to getting hit by a bus - however, you’d reckon getting hit by a bus would be more merciful.

you’d (stupidly) believed that all the times you imagined finally talking to shauna again would have prepared you for this moment, but no. you were a deer and she was a car hurtling at you full-speed. your mouth gaped open, trying to say something, anything, to her, but not a word could leave your lips. unshed tears stung at the corners of your eyes, and the sinking feeling of finally being face-to-face with her for the first time since the breakup made it hard to breathe.

“shauna…”

before you could say another word, before you could even think of another word, someone (presumably a guy from the frat) yelled out that there were cops on the way. the next few minutes were a blur of noise and movement, and by the time you regained some semblance of consciousness, you were out on someone’s front yard, no sign of shauna to be seen.

she got away.