#tiredofbeinganoption

[thelittledemonmesblog-blog]

Dragonboy

It’s hard to explain how I feel.

When we meet, I never thougt that our relationship will turn out to be something like this. But I knew there was something about you. At this point I couldn’t figure out what it was. My first impression of you was, that you where a boy like every other boy. This impression turned out to be so wrong. Nothing about you was normal. I’ve got used to it, talk to people, smile, hold on to the mask Iam wearing everyday, every conversation was smalltalk with no deeper sense. But you? Sometimes, when you were letting down your guard I was paralyzed. Because I’ve never seen such a beautiful creature. At this moments you seemed to be majestic . I remember the day I told you that we should stop. Stop writing each other to have smalltalk. I remember that I said “ Boy…you are way to special for this. YOU are a person I really want to talk to. Well usually I don’t like smalltalk but I’ve got used to it, that the most people I’ve meet really don’t want a deeper conversation. Maybe they aren’t even able to have one. But you are something new. When I talk to you, it feels like I could talk about everything. About how life began to exist. About what would it bee to live on the Mars. About my favourite ice cream flavour, which plan’s I had for my future, what kind of adult I wanted to be as a child. Boy you are the first person I really want to TALK to. I’ve seen your potential. And God knows Iam impressed. It’s hard to impress me. But here you go . Standing there just being you, leaving me here amazed.” In this moment I realized that you maybe, just maybe were waiting for someone to talk to too. Since this moment you seemed to be calmer and believe it or not I even thougt I could feel how your eyes must have lighten up for a second. And since then ….I remember every word you ever wrote. I remember every fact , dumb joke, picture. I remember every story of your childhood. I remember every nickname and pun. I remember you…and maybe I always will. Because nothing impressed me like you. I’ve been to many places. I saw beautiful flowers, amazing landscapes. But nothing was as stunning as you are. Your smile blew me away. Whenever I felt like I couldn’t stand it any longer you where there. I felt like falling and I was so afraid to touch the ground. But since you were there I could reach out to your hand. No other person felt do familiar. And now we are here, you know my favorite ice cream flavors, my plans for the future and so much more. And we torn apart. Because of to much feelings. We quitted writing each other because of a thing that didn’t even happened. My majestic dragon, my friend , my love, my rock, my other half. We lost each other. And now you are here again. Stunning as always. But you replaced me. And when you are telling me she makes you happy. Iam the person you are writing in bad times because I feel familiar. And after months I am still in your mind. That’s because you are a dragon my dear. And the dragon is the only creature that could coexist with the tiger. But the tiger also is the only creature that could coexist with the dragon. So basically we are sitting here trying to replace each other pretending that everything is fine. And you tell me she is good for you ,you felt comfortable and she takes you as you are. And I feel happy for you even though my little heart is breaking. I feel so madly happy for you and so sad at the same time. But if a person truly means something to you…you always want to see her happy. Anyways… Whenever you want to talk. Whenever you need someone familiar. Whenever you want to feel protected. Whenever you need to feel calm in rough times. Whenever you want to feel light when all the bullshit is trying to pull you down. You are writing me. After weeks …months and years. Shouldn’t she be the one making you feel secure ? Shouldn’t she be the one feeling more familiar now? Shouldn’t she be the one that makes you feel calm? I don’t know it. But here Iam . Left out in the dust and then put on a throne, hoping that she will love you ad much as I do. Even when you are pushing her away …will she love you enough to stay? Even when you replace her…will she be the person you feel home? Even if you will leave…will she stay on your mind? Are you two even talking? Not this smalltalk my love. Is she listening the way I did? Will she treat you like the king you are.? Will she call you dragonboy ?

-sincerely your little Tiger.