#tiredna

[the-cinnamon-snail]

Fuck. I don't wanna get out of bed for school.

[corpseaten]

my reply make take a little bit as im ! tirednas also rather flustered now.. i willbe getting back ro you.

[saturdaysolaces]

Heya

I had a horrible day today. The most annoying part is though that idk what caused it. I just wasn’t feeling right. I woke up tirednas always, but i really don’t mind bc i’ve grown used to it. Mom dropped me off to the station where i took a train to school. I was lucky enough to catch up with my friend and we walked together to a small coffee shop to buy some morning treats. We had english, it was pretty ok, as well as religious studies but i just wasn’t feeling math, i have some trouble getting the sense of things even though i shouldn’t be worried bc i’m about a course ahead. Chem was ok too, i normally enjoy it but now i just... didn’t.

I mean i have these kind of bad days not too often and i know they’re normal but every now and then when i actually get one i get scared. I’m scared that the feeling, the badness, will last for more than that day. For a few days. For weeks. For months. I’m basically afraid my depression will return. And that, that is the thing i cannot imagine having again. And i don’t want to.

I try to be positive, but on some days it just doesn’t function like it’s supposed to do. Today i cried because of the dumbest things. And no, i’m not evaluating crying as abnormal (it’s a good thing!), but for me crying because of actual sadness is not usual. I do not tear up every day like i used to. But whenever i tend to cry, i cry tears of joy. But today i was sad.

I feel like the sadness lurks deep inside me. I sense its presence and it scares me. I have no way of guessing when it’ll next attack me, but i’m sure it will. It’s this haunting feeling, and usually it’s all good, but some days it gets to me.

I’m feeling all better now, but this made me realise something. Even though i tend to say my depression is all cured now, i realise it’s a lie. It will never leave me, it’s like scars on my insides that’ll never heal. And i know that it doesn’t have to be gone to feel alright again, just in control. And i do feel like mine is. But perhaps at some point it won’t, and i’m in this curve again. I have to learn to live with my demons, not to lock them in a cage to a dusty attic. But i’m just so fucking afraid, so scared i trust them too much.

Hope you had a better day than me. And remember, it’s a bad day, not a bad life. Everything will turn okay in the end. You just have to be patient.

✊🏻💕

[idaydreamalottt]

After his cbc test and before urinalysis. #buringot #tiredna #stoptakingpicsmom #sicklittleboy 😘