#tired of feeling like Thee only gay person in this town

[cuddleswinchester]

I’m going to be so brave and go to a queer lunch thing on Sunday

[googledocsdyke]

it is SO funny that eric kripke originally envisioned dean as a “han solo” figure to sam’s “luke skywalker” because like. sure dean has the fast car and the scoundrel grin but he actually could not be further from han as soon as you begin to break down his actual values and priorities as a person, as a character. like han’s ENTIRE deal is that he is in the world for himself alone (at least until he meets luke and leia) and is jaded to his bone by Harrison Ford Sexy Cynicism TM and has the kind of loose morality where he sees every interaction as a transaction where he can accumulate money and freewheel out of town and i can hear you all saying ohhhh just like dean winchester but NO! you are wrong! dean’s morality from the very first episode is SO tightly knotted to filial and familial duty and to Fulfilling His Particular Path as a hunter like not to quote this in 2020 but literally saving people hunting things the family business!!!!! 

can you IMAGINE dean winchester being like “if i rescue leia what’s in it for me” lmfao i have to laugh. yes he too cares about very few people but that is because his heart is bound SO TIGHTLY to a miniscule family that there is no room there for anyone else. yes he too seems amoral and obviously like . Kills People but that’s because his morality is ENTIRELY centred around his almost video-game-protagonist questlike duty (he is literally thee Righteous Man) of the limited to-do list he has set out for himself: protect brother, please dad, save world, save cas, etc. han solo doesn’t have a fucking to-do list!!!!! dean winchester would never run away from home!!!!!!!! he’s not even CYNICAL the way han is like this is the man who after thirteen years of onscreen brutalisation and betrayal and disappointment and horror and pain is still fundamentally like YES we’re in my favourite scooby doo story i hope it ends well :) like he is so deeply earnest about the things he cares for and it JUST doesn’t add up as a han equivalency none of it does

and it all just feels so indicative of a fundamentally early 2000s nerdboy approach to building character where dean winchester was first conceptualised not as a Person but as a compulsive repetition of established tropes, established Maleness, rephrased again and again as some kind of fucked-up substitution equation (impala = millennium falcon, seedy kansas bar = cantina, i love you = i know) that fails to recognise that man (protagonist) cannot live on aestheticised References alone . which has all been covered repeatedly by people much smarter than me but it still bears repeating because it’s CRAAAAAAZY and i also CANNOT STOP thinking about how a genuinely good and complex character emerged from these tired repetitions. like eric kripke went “this guy is a collection of Things That Indicate Coolness just like my favourite action hero” which just became an INCREDIBLE case of backfiring because 90% of dean’s action hero masculinity now only reads as sublimated gay desire à la “this man has wanted to fuck harrison ford since the 80s”. and so like somehow dean’s complex personhood not only pushed THROUGH those tired tropes but also made them more legible in a totally new way like i really do believe that dean winchester is a real person pulled to the surface by a text that vehemently hates him all while insisting that it is writing him out of reverence and love. the writers love dean but only in the way that john “loved” him: they love what they engineered him to be and hate not only what he ended up becoming, but what he always was.