#tiny reference to murder ghouls if you hate that kinda thing (no actual harm is ever done)

[cheerycherrycandy-resurrected]

Blondes Have More Fun

Notes app idea: "Dewdrop, Cumulus and Sunshine as the biggest troublemakers at the Abbey, and also the worst drain-cloggers. Swiss calls them the dumb blonde brigade one day, and they cock-block him for week."

Chapter 1/2 wc: 1491/? Rating: M (eventually)

Read below or on AO3!

Without any exaggeration, they were menaces. To everyone in the Abbey, ghoul or otherwise, Dewdrop, Cumulus and Sunshine were the closest things to demons raised from the pits that they were supposed to be. Not evil by any means, but the trio of ghouls still took pleasure in making the lives of everyone around them just a little bit less convenient every day.

Dewdrop was summoned first, a well-mannered water ghoul albeit with an independent streak a mile wide. He hadn’t caused any problems until his elemental transition, but the Dewdrop of before and after was like day to night. Gone was the little ghoul, who gently teased his packmates and ended every conflict with a hug, and here to stay was an infernal fiend with the desire to make the Ministry pay for all the pain they had caused him and his pack. He had started off strong, “testing” his new elemental abilities by melting through the water pipes directly above Imperator’s office, and setting fire to a closet of antique vestments.

Cumulus was summoned next, alongside her Mate, Cirrus. While both ghoulettes had quickly established themselves as sociable and friendly presences amongst their packmates, Cumulus was far less concerned with ensuring order in the den and far more interested in enjoying every second of her time topside. Unlike Dewdrop, Cumulus was well-liked by the Siblings of Sin. This was mostly due to her incredible light-fingeredness, and subsequent generosity, when it came to the Abbey’s liquor supply. She had quicky formed a close bond with Dewdrop, the pair ensuring their packmates stayed on their toes.

Sunshine was also quick to embrace their mischief-making. She arrived in a burning flash of light, and her presence continued to be as dazzling ever since, bringing an unbridled joy for life to the pack not seen since before the banishings. Immediately latching on to Cumulus and Dewdrop, the pair took upon themselves to unlock the full potential of their new protégé.

The little trio of ghouls had made it their goal to sow chaos throughout the Abbey by any means necessary. Much of the time this was as simple as trying to spook new Siblings from dark recesses within the cloisters, eyes glowing menacingly from inside black robes. They had branched out into more elaborate pranks however as their positions became more secure after Copia’s first, hugely successful, tour as Papa Emeritus IV.

Leaping out from dark corners had turned into staging hunts of Siblings through the grounds, causing senior clergy to tear their hair out in frustration as they struggled to identify the culprit behind the latest terrified wreck of a Sibling. Aether had obviously suspected them, and had tried having stern words about filling the infirmary with unnecessarily scared humans, but to no avail.

When it came to their Papa, they could have gotten away with actual murder if they wanted, one of them only had to bat their eyelashes to achieve forgiveness. Dewdrop had delivered a perfect masterclass in this after Copia tried to reprimand him for switching the goats blood and red wine for Black Mass. He had ended up with a larger recreation budget for the pack, and an apology for not better understanding the emotional needs of his ghouls.

But mostly, the three ghouls liked to prank their own packmates. They had started with an easy target: Rain and his quasi-religious beauty routine. The triple-threat of kool-aid in his shower head, switching his lotion with mayonnaise, and putting popping candy in his exfoliant had landed them a stern talking to from Mountain while the irate, pink-tinged water ghoul had glowered at them, his mayonnaise-scented tail lashing angrily behind him.

After they got yelled at by an exasperated Cirrus for once again clogging the plumbing in the ghoul wing (“It’s got to be one of you three, I’ve been scraping blond hairs out of the pipes all morning!”) following a long morning – and afternoon – of plotting in the giant shared bathing pool, they had switched Cirrus’s boots for an old pair of Sunny’s, the size difference just enough to cause her some mild discomfort and ensure she moved at half-speed all day and hampering her usual military efficiency.

The final straw for Swiss came one day after a whole evening of extra cleaning duty due to someone rubbing soap along one of the corridor floors, causing a five-sibling pileup. He returned to the den to settle down for the night and watch a nature documentary with Phantom, one of their favourite little routines.

“Which one do you want tonight Starburst?” he asked, crawling into the pile of blankets Phantom had arranged on the bed.

“Can we watch one on Eevees?” Phantom asked, gesturing to the cartoon creatures emblazoned on one of the blankets in the heap.

“You mean the Pokémon?” Swiss asked cautiously.

“Yeah, Rain was telling me all about how the different types evolved, how they all have different elements like us!”, Phantom looked up at Swiss, wide violet eyes gleaming with interest.

“Bug, I’m not sure there’s a documentary on them, seeing as they’re not real…”

Phantom sat up straight, turning their whole body to look at Swiss in horror. “What do you mean, not real? The others said…” they trailed off, looking at Swiss like he’d kicked a puppy. Swiss could see the hurt flashing behind their violet eyes, and shook his head gently. Phantom was well known to be the most gullible ghoul in the pack, probably in the Abbey, and Swiss knew how insecure they were about it.

“They did?” Swiss growled. “I’ll be right back Buggy, just going to get us some snacks.”

Swiss stormed off to the den where he was sure he would find the reason(s) for this latest miscommunication. He threw open the door, and found his three main suspects lolling across a sofa, all as high as kites.

“Heey Swissy, come to join us?” slurred Cumulus, almost falling off of the sofa as she waved too enthusiastically at him.

“Yeah, we’ve set Mount’s phone to correct “ok” to “yes Daddy” and he’s trying to text Copia in the group chat!” giggled Dew, his bloodshot eyes full of tears of laughter at their latest escapade.

Swiss was not in the mood.

“Which one of you fuckers told Phantom Pokémon were real?” he snarled, “It sure as hell wasn’t Rain, and you three are all perfectly aware that they’ll still believe anything you tell them, like that time you told them hot dogs were made of real dogs, or that time you said birds weren’t real, or–”

“Ooo who told them they weren’t?” interrupted Sunshine with a slight hiccup, before Swiss rounded his fiery gaze on her.

“I just did. And now they’re upset and embarrassed again, and it’s all you fault!”

He stomped over to the kitchenette, and wrenched open the door of the snack cupboard. At least he could bring Phantom some of their favourite m&m cookies.

And of course, they were gone. There on the coffee table, along with the remains of the rest of the trio’s haul, was the empty packaging.

“Oh for–” Swiss was close to tearing his hair out in frustration. Trying to argue with these three when they were stoned was like debating a brick wall. “Look, I don’t care if you think this funny, the rest of the pack and the whole Abbey is getting pretty fed up with the Dumb Blonde Brigade. You’ll get yourselves shipped off to the pits if you keep acting like this!”

“What did you call us?!” Dew hissed, stumbling blearily to his feet, “The Dumb Blonde Brigade?”

Swiss folded his arms in front of his chest, as Dew lurched towards him, pulling himself up to his full height, eyes just about level with Swiss’s chin.

“Yes, big guy?” Swiss smirked down at him. Dew crossed his arms, matching Swiss’s stance, and puffed out his chest.

“You’re gonna regret calling us that.” Dew informed him, raising his chin defiantly. Swiss watched his bloodshot eyes drift in and out of focus.

“You tell him, baby!” Cumulus hollered from the couch, before falling back against Sunshine in another fit of giggles.

“Sure I’ll regret it. Probably not as much as you’ll regret stealing Mount’s good stash when he catches you though.”

Swiss turned on his heel and stalked out of the den before waiting for a reply, the jeering of the other three ghouls following him down the corridor.

He re-entered his room, plastered a smile onto his face, and focused on taking deep breaths to calm down so the anger rolling off him in waves didn’t upset Phantom’s delicate Quintessence senses.

“Sorry Bug, we’re all out of cookies. I swiped us this though?” Swiss brandished a pre-roll he’d pilfered from under the noses of the others. “What say we find an episode about one of Rain’s fucked-up underwater cousins and smoke this ‘til the walls start breathing?"